1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,966
‪NETFLIX 原創影集

2
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,428
‪這是班葛羅斯

3
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,223
‪住在加州舍曼奧克斯的15歲男孩

4
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,807
‪我是美國演員、製片和編劇

5
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,523
‪假掰的饒舌歌手安迪山伯格

6
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,113
‪該怎麼說呢？我就是多才多藝

7
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,148
‪你現在可能很納悶

8
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:27,652
‪“為何安迪山伯格
‪要特別替這個男孩旁白？”

9
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:30,446
‪老實說，他的爸爸是我的律師
‪我欠他一個人情

10
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:34,447
‪但班看起來是個好孩子
‪所以我很樂意

11
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,244
‪成功竊取葡萄酒後，他重新出發

12
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,617
‪原本他最大的死對頭
‪如今變成意想不到的盟友

13
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,710
‪班覺得自己站在世界頂端

14
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,630
‪至少是模擬聯合國的頂端

15
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,249
‪再過幾個小時
‪他夢寐以求的金色小木槌

16
00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:48,296
‪就能安全收進他的古怪小公事包

17
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,971
‪所以赤道幾內亞想正式要求

18
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,091
‪對美國使用核武

19
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:53,887
‪很遺憾的

20
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:56,970
‪班最新的盟友決定回頭
‪繼續當他的死對頭

21
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:57,927
‪搞什麼，迪薇？

22
00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:13,447
‪怎樣？

23
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,491
‪沒事，是妳盯著我看

24
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:20,373
‪昨晚的愉快談話
‪是班自己想像的嗎？

25
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:23,035
‪他喝醉的時候
‪說了什麼古怪的話嗎？

26
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,841
‪更糟的是這段車程要六小時

27
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,759
‪班卻發現他的藍芽耳機
‪放在旅館房間了

28
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,172
‪你好

29
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:32,675
‪看來你需要一個同坐的夥伴

30
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,675
‪雞蛋沙拉？我有多帶一根湯匙

31
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:37,973
‪不用了，謝謝

32
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:45,268
{\an8}‪劇名：……成為世界上最寂寞的男生

33
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,244
‪寶貝，我沒空說話

34
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,989
‪我要去聖塔芭芭拉
‪參加自我實現的閉關療程

35
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:56,116
‪妳不是才剛去過？

36
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:59,289
{\an8}‪不，之前是去聖塔克拉拉的正念工坊

37
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,331
{\an8}‪非常不一樣的哲學，但是同樣重要

38
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:04,872
{\an8}‪好，祝妳玩得開心

39
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,918
{\an8}‪這不是為了開心，班，這是工作…

40
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,457
{\an8}‪在我身上的工作…

41
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,795
{\an8}‪這樣我才能成為更好的母親

42
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:11,920
{\an8}‪我該走了

43
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:14,634
{\an8}‪對，我差點忘了

44
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,387
{\an8}‪你去參加重要的辯論賽

45
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:17,469
{\an8}‪你拿到好成績了嗎？

46
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,064
‪事實上是模擬聯合國…

47
00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,635
{\an8}‪對，一切都很棒

48
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:23,935
{\an8}‪做得好

49
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:27,018
{\an8}‪等我回來
‪我們母子來個慶祝的聲波浴

50
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:28,612
{\an8}‪我愛你

51
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:32,992
{\an8}‪我也愛妳

52
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:36,244
{\an8}‪班的爸媽有非常獨特的教養方式…

53
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,992
{\an8}‪就是什麼也不做

54
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,664
{\an8}‪所以和他在學校
‪外放、傲慢的性格相反

55
00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:43,663
{\an8}‪他在家只是一個安靜、寂寞的孩子

56
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,996
‪南瓜大衛和他的骷髏樂團，超爆笑

57
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,395
‪可以停止上傳
‪希望別人按讚的無趣哏圖嗎？

58
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,689
‪回歸真正值得討論的
‪《瑞克和莫蒂》理論？

59
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,942
‪子板搞得太大，就會有這種問題

60
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,647
‪跟瑞克委員會變得一樣肆無忌憚

61
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,094
‪（一個活動：明晚7點30分
‪和爸、席拉看快艇隊球賽）

62
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:42,135
‪爸，所有的部落格都在討論
‪科懷明晚的表現會很威

63
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,482
‪太棒了，聽起來我們明晚有好戲看了

64
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:00,993
‪班在國中期間

65
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,164
‪有兩個死忠的好朋友

66
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,003
{\an8}‪一個是布萊恩雷史東
‪家人騎摩托車載他上學

67
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,369
{\an8}‪還有蓋瑞凡基諾

68
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,365
{\an8}‪他可以打嗝哼出
‪《權力遊戲》的主題曲

69
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,167
{\an8}‪但是兩個好朋友都上不同的高中

70
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:15,211
{\an8}‪所以班和席拉交往後
‪她的朋友就變成他的朋友

71
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,586
{\an8}‪可惜她的朋友很無趣

72
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,428
{\an8}‪當人們說凹凸有致很美
‪這也是一種身體羞辱

73
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,101
‪因為像我們這種穿XS號的身材
‪要作何感想？

74
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,600
‪對，就連我穿XXS號的人
‪也有那種感覺

75
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,018
‪席拉，期待今晚的球賽嗎？

76
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,982
‪天啊，親愛的，我完全忘記了

77
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:34,232
‪我答應佐伊
‪陪她去一個雕眉的快閃活動

78
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,315
‪但是妳說過要去看快艇隊的籃球賽

79
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,241
‪兩個月前說的

80
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:39,738
‪妳一定要今晚去雕眉嗎？

81
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,913
‪天啊，你沒有看我的快照嗎？

82
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,240
‪這對我的IG有好處

83
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:48,294
‪坐在美國職籃的場邊
‪也很值得上傳IG，所以…

84
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,001
‪如果是湖人隊的比賽，也許是吧

85
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:54,001
‪但我的追蹤者不想看到
‪比利克里斯托吃玉米片之類的

86
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,415
‪快艇隊比湖人隊強好幾年了

87
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,208
‪算了

88
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,628
‪有人要席拉的票嗎？

89
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,006
‪-不要
‪-不要

90
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,012
‪很好

91
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,640
‪-還來？
‪-老兄

92
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,305
‪兩位，你們好嗎？

93
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,483
‪聽著，你們很迷運動，對吧？

94
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,772
‪你們兩個今晚
‪誰想坐在場邊看快艇隊球賽？

95
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,186
‪我多了一張票

96
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,694
‪是和你一起去，還是單獨坐著？

97
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:21,066
‪不，和我還有我爸一起

98
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,704
‪所以只有我們一個人能去？
‪不能兩個都去？

99
00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,201
‪我說了，只有一張票

100
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,703
‪但那樣不是很怪嗎？

101
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,454
‪因為我們又不是你的朋友

102
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,457
‪拜託，我們從幼稚園就認識了

103
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:34,209
‪也許如果我們以前一起混過
‪就可以去看球賽了

104
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,502
‪我以為剛好借此建立友誼

105
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,050
‪好吧，算了

106
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:42,340
‪那樣很怪吧？

107
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,675
‪對，兄弟，他平常不和我們說話的

108
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,431
‪但如果你不去

109
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,972
‪我們可以拿兩張票，和你爸一起去

110
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,307
‪-我怎麼沒想到呢？
‪-我知道

111
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:54,352
‪我想到那個點子的當下真是自豪

112
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,016
‪妳今天好嗎？

113
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:58,856
‪至少是前半天

114
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,281
‪寶貝？

115
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,945
‪-怎麼了？
‪-跟著做，這樣很可愛

116
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,543
‪多笑一點

117
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:14,916
‪好

118
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:19,665
‪你有青春痘

119
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,554
‪要我幫你擠出來嗎？

120
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,383
‪我不想

121
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,257
‪好吧

122
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:28,431
‪我可以順便拍攝吧？

123
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,523
‪-我…
‪-笑一個

124
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,556
‪很遺憾席拉在擠痘痘時
‪接到一則簡訊

125
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,364
‪結果把班的臉弄得很噁心

126
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,268
‪各位同學？你們走運了

127
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,687
‪今天我們要實際來做化學實驗

128
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,607
‪我們將是絕命“好”師

129
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:46,950
‪艾瑞克，什麼事？

130
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,162
‪我可以去保健室嗎？

131
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,742
‪我好像喝了壞掉的牛奶

132
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,537
‪艾瑞克，你怎麼知道牛奶壞了？

133
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,120
‪我聞過了，味道怪怪的

134
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:58,333
‪然後我喝下去，感覺又更糟了

135
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,498
‪我幾乎喝不完第二杯

136
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:03,876
‪阿迪，猜猜誰的爸爸
‪今晚要帶他們去看快艇隊球賽

137
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:04,915
‪場邊座位

138
00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:08,511
‪妳知道，我有多一張票
‪但某人必須為核武的事先道歉

139
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,684
‪別和我說話
‪你不知道我在生你的氣嗎？

140
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,603
‪不，我不知道

141
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,272
‪我做了什麼事那麼糟糕嗎？

142
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,310
‪我看看

143
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,313
‪也許你不該大嘴巴
‪說我和派克斯頓上床

144
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,476
‪現在他在生我的氣

145
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,274
‪什麼？為什麼他要生氣？

146
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:22,527
‪這不重要

147
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,358
‪反正你別來煩我

148
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,324
‪繼續去討好老師就行了

149
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:29,124
‪請安靜，誰都不該在課堂上發火…

150
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,778
‪除了這個燒杯中的過錳酸鉀

151
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,325
‪帕洛馬老師，如果我不能去保健室

152
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,997
‪噴火的肯定是我，拜託了！

153
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,962
‪為什麼迪薇不讓任何人知道

154
00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,126
‪她和那麼優質的男神上床了？

155
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:49,335
‪派克斯頓霍爾吉田
‪把學校的每一個男孩都比下去了

156
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,177
‪他四年級就長腋毛了

157
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,682
‪派克斯頓說了或做了什麼
‪傷害了迪薇嗎？

158
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,604
‪班又幹嘛要在意？

159
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:56,733
‪兄弟，你有事嗎？

160
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,265
‪什麼？

161
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,440
‪你幹嘛盯著我看？

162
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,899
‪-我沒有
‪-你就有，你剛剛就盯著我

163
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,489
‪沒關係，我常遇到這種事

164
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,659
‪-我沒有聽…盯著你
‪-不然你在做什麼？

165
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:12,737
‪你喜歡快艇隊嗎？

166
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,082
‪什麼？

167
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:15,499
‪沒什麼

168
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,369
‪算了

169
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:19,958
‪唉呀！

170
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,841
‪一向能言善道的班葛羅斯
‪這次真的很失常

171
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,629
‪但是別擔心，只有一件事才重要

172
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,842
‪那就是幾個小時後
‪他要和爸爸去看球賽

173
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,673
‪那一定棒極了

174
00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:40,271
‪兒子，我真抱歉
‪我今晚應該沒辦法去了

175
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,863
‪肯伊的案子實在太複雜了

176
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,109
‪你和夏儂自己去看球賽，不用等我了

177
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,861
‪替他爸爸說句話
‪肯伊的案子真的很複雜

178
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,034
‪他想拿“音樂”這個詞去註冊商標

179
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,452
‪但班不在乎這些

180
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,241
‪他出奇的難過
‪他早該料到會發生這種事的

181
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,445
‪那太掃興了，你能改期嗎？

182
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:02,625
‪不出所料，還有我女友叫席拉

183
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,343
‪我們自己去，祝你工作順利

184
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:19,097
‪-派蒂
‪-親愛的小王子

185
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:21,313
‪我剛剛燙好襪子
‪讓你穿去今晚的重要比賽

186
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,564
‪暖呼呼的呢

187
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,975
‪事實上我剛剛發現
‪我有好多功課要做

188
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,774
‪所以我大概沒辦法去了

189
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,315
‪還有一件不相關的事

190
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,941
‪我爸也有太多的工作要忙

191
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:32,777
‪看來我們全家都是工作狂

192
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:35,698
‪總之，妳要這些票嗎？

193
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,453
‪我們一起去如何？

194
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,575
‪我可以準備封口袋，裝些冷凍葡萄

195
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,963
‪不，我有作業要寫

196
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,750
‪做一些…科學的功課

197
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,876
‪那麼我待在這裡陪你

198
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,550
‪我們可以堆枕頭山看恐怖片
‪例如《史瑞克》如何？

199
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:53,763
‪沒關係的，派蒂

200
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:56,643
‪妳應該去看球賽，帶妳的兒子去

201
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,643
‪你真是好孩子

202
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,015
‪我會用身體擋住T恤發射砲

203
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,522
‪接住紀念品帶回來給你

204
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:05,902
‪謝謝

205
00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,731
‪你覺得比利克里斯托會在那裡嗎？

206
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,863
‪我最好去化個妝

207
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,947
‪#眉毛#照顧自己

208
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,446
‪#女力就是未來

209
00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,789
‪比利克里斯托和鄰座觀眾
‪分享墨西哥玉米片

210
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,417
‪她似乎在和他交換食物

211
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,713
‪她從皮包拿出一袋冷凍葡萄

212
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:35,717
‪哇，城市鄉巴佬也無法抗拒
‪健康的球賽零食

213
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,891
‪我認識她，那是我的管家

214
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,260
‪當比利遇上派蒂

215
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,851
‪你常去《瑞克和莫蒂》的子板吧？

216
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,559
‪你住在洛杉磯？

217
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,017
‪從出生到現在，哈哈哈

218
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:48,691
‪超爆笑，我也是

219
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,573
‪我要去柏本克的北區披薩看球賽

220
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,901
‪看你要不要一起來

221
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,315
‪我馬上去，老兄，我們來狂歡一下

222
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,241
‪（居家保全系統開啟中）

223
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,169
‪班進入北區披薩，滿心期待

224
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,711
‪要和另一個青少年的喜劇迷碰面

225
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,215
‪阿雷奧拉葛蘭007？

226
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,335
‪阿雷奧拉，你好

227
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,545
‪是我，紅迪網的正港醃黃瓜瑞克69

228
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,677
‪你知道的，網路聚合的傢伙？

229
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,226
‪好，他不是青少年

230
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,064
‪嗨

231
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:28,603
‪老弟，真高興見到你

232
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,977
‪我的真名是瑞克

233
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,525
‪坐下，自己拿一片吃

234
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:38,106
‪對，我先保留我的真實姓名

235
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:41,117
‪我真的以為你更年輕一點
‪你的網路名稱用了69

236
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,450
‪那是因為我是1969年出生的

237
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:46,081
‪但我有年輕的心，兄弟
‪我喜歡瘋狂的卡通

238
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,749
‪就像你一樣

239
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,422
‪不知道我們還有什麼共同點

240
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,580
‪可能很多哦

241
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:53,668
‪我要老實說
‪這樣的碰面讓我覺得有點可疑

242
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:54,844
‪所以我要走了

243
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:58,632
‪我明白，我是50歲老頭
‪在塔扎納擔任保險理算師

244
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:00,891
‪但我也是《瑞克和莫蒂》迷

245
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,307
‪我沒有朋友可以一起聊這個

246
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,136
‪我在辦公室開過玩笑
‪說要找個米西先生

247
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,635
‪但我的同事看著我，好像我是呆傑瑞

248
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,856
‪能和一個了解我的人聊天
‪那就太好了

249
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,071
‪但如果你想離開，我可以理解

250
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,490
‪班竟然發現自己深深動容

251
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,281
‪他憑什麼評斷這個傢伙？

252
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:21,784
‪他只是一樣寂寞

253
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,366
‪老實說，瑞克和莫蒂自己
‪也有很大的年齡差距

254
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,122
‪看看他們的互動多有趣

255
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,576
‪你說得對

256
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:30,674
‪抱歉，我剛剛很沒禮貌

257
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,750
‪我們只是兩個粉絲在吃披薩聊卡通

258
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:34,746
‪再正常不過了

259
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:35,957
‪我知道，對吧？

260
00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,916
‪小心，朋友，披薩很燙的

261
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,427
‪你可能要先吹一吹

262
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,298
‪慢一點

263
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,098
‪慢一點

264
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,354
‪對，就是那樣

265
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,270
‪對，那才不正常，班

266
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:51,731
‪他不是只要聊卡通，快閃人！

267
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:53,982
‪-對，我肯定要離開了
‪-拜託，老弟

268
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,074
‪你覺得奇怪，才會讓情況更奇怪

269
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:00,533
‪加油，快艇隊

270
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,413
‪班的恢復力很強

271
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:11,075
‪不論他遇到什麼挫折都一樣
‪昨晚的情況就很糟

272
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,325
‪他總是能恢復精神
‪變得比以往更堅強

273
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,995
‪他把抽屜拉出來了

274
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,086
‪對，他很難過

275
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,142
‪（化學考試100分）

276
00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:36,766
‪（化學考試80分）

277
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:40,816
‪（胸部）

278
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,293
‪搞什麼？

279
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:49,699
‪是我不好

280
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,747
‪我以為你的臉上有蟑螂

281
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,541
‪因為學校的蟑螂太多了

282
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:56,884
‪結果只是巨大的青春痘

283
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,091
‪好，沒關係

284
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,590
‪你應該去看醫生

285
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,422
‪我聽說如果青春痘長得太大

286
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,257
‪可能會滲透到腦部，最後害死你

287
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,010
‪好，我會去

288
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,965
‪好，看來打你一巴掌是好事

289
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,465
‪我才能給你這些有用的資訊

290
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,137
‪當然，謝謝你

291
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,175
‪不客氣

292
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,232
‪等等，那場快艇隊的比賽真精彩

293
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,232
‪能坐在場邊肯定很棒

294
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,485
‪班哲明，真高興看到你

295
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,196
‪聽說你的下巴有不速之客

296
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,874
‪對，我通常不長痘痘的

297
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,452
‪可能是我的鬍子毛髮倒生

298
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:35,043
‪不，看起來就是普通的青春痘

299
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,634
‪我好像沒看到鬍子

300
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,839
‪我很會刮鬍子，大概是這個原因

301
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:40,341
‪對，我相信是

302
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:44,381
‪我準備幫你打一針可體松

303
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:47,086
‪班哲明，我真的很感謝你

304
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:49,307
‪你激勵我家迪薇努力用功

305
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,558
‪她也激勵我努力用功

306
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,890
‪每天吃晚餐
‪我都要聽到你們兩個的競爭

307
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,857
‪“班葛羅斯數學考第一
‪班葛羅斯歷史考第一

308
00:14:57,938 --> 00:15:00,068
‪開聰明藥給我
‪這樣我才能打敗班葛羅斯”

309
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,399
‪她沉迷於和我較勁

310
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,952
‪等等，妳們每天晚上一起吃飯？

311
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,449
‪當然，我們是一家人

312
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,784
‪這樣說吧

313
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,485
‪你是非常聰明的孩子
‪你有大好的未來

314
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,156
‪你的爸媽肯定以你為榮

315
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,004
‪經過相當淒慘的24小時

316
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:16,369
‪短短一句老生常談
‪卻讓班再也承受不住了

317
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,877
‪會有一點刺痛

318
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,168
‪好了

319
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,094
‪可惡

320
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,434
‪我就知道不該用普通麻醉膏

321
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:29,469
‪以後只買知名品牌的藥

322
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,390
‪你還好嗎，孩子？

323
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:32,602
‪我沒事

324
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,095
‪我只是…很久沒有和任何人
‪一起吃晚餐了

325
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,110
‪你這可憐的小東西

326
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,030
‪我沒事，我的人生太棒了

327
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,396
‪我甚至不知道為什麼會哭

328
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,334
‪也許我對針劑過敏

329
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:56,293
‪或者…別的東西，裡面有蜂花粉嗎？

330
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,872
‪並沒有

331
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:08,378
‪我放一根辣椒就好
‪否則辣味會蓋過味道

332
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,137
‪各位，今晚我們有位特別的客人

333
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,640
‪卡梅拉，請妳降低香料的使用量

334
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,481
‪不要吧

335
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:22,563
‪班站在死敵家的廚房
‪等待這頓同情的晚餐

336
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,978
‪他的尷尬達到最高點

337
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,487
‪妳對那個男孩不能這樣粗魯

338
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,359
‪因為他很遜

339
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,405
‪我在學校天天看到他就夠慘了

340
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,239
‪現在還要讓他到我們家？

341
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,034
‪所以，班…

342
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,615
‪你的嗜好和興趣是什麼？

343
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,206
‪我真正感興趣的是…

344
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,789
‪那個年輕人也是人，他非常悲傷

345
00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:43,625
‪妳知道他今天在我的診所哭了嗎？

346
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,551
‪哭到涕淚縱橫，他離開後
‪我還必須把椅子擦乾淨

347
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:47,760
‪那不是我的問題！

348
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,680
‪我們剛剛清過通風口

349
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,088
‪傳聲的效果真是太強了

350
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,887
‪他因為家人和女友的事很難過

351
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:58,142
‪還長了一顆我當醫生以來
‪從沒見過的嚴重痘痘

352
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,100
‪我的鍋子掉了

353
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,355
‪我以為可以製造更久的噪音

354
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,729
‪妳總是抱怨
‪妳希望朋友更常來家裡玩

355
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:06,976
‪班葛羅斯不是我的朋友

356
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,567
‪為什麼不是？

357
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:11,322
‪他人很好，又聰明
‪他絕對不會去買毒品

358
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,565
‪因為他就像告密的

359
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:15,076
‪就一個晚上，妳不能有點禮貌嗎？

360
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:18,291
‪至少她說了“人好”和“聰明”

361
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,079
‪這些是很好的形容詞

362
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,915
‪她也說我是告密的

363
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,380
‪你應該感到自豪

364
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,210
‪警方可不會隨便與人合作的

365
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:30,047
‪班，很高興你來我們家

366
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:33,592
‪我原本以為這裡是
‪可以避開死對頭的安全港

367
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,007
‪迪薇，妳答應要有禮貌的

368
00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:37,806
‪我都歡迎他來我們家了

369
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,980
‪如果妳還想保留手機的家庭優惠方案

370
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,809
‪就必須更有禮貌一點

371
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,308
‪現在，妳何不聊聊
‪今天在學校學到了什麼

372
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:46,357
‪好

373
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,570
‪我學到正切函數

374
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,610
‪等於正弦函數除以餘弦函數
‪滿意了嗎？

375
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:52,565
‪非常好

376
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,664
‪今天我學到如果去超市忘了帶錢包

377
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,741
‪收銀員會自己幫我買單

378
00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:00,496
‪甚至把他的電話給我
‪確保我平安回家了

379
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:05,000
‪班哲明，我聽說你在最後一刻
‪被派去參加模擬聯合國

380
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,964
‪並不是每一個人都在最後一刻才參加

381
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,247
‪有些人花了好幾個月準備那個活動

382
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:13,428
‪但迪薇臨時參加，完全沒有準備
‪卻還是成為週末的熱門話題

383
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,636
‪-真的嗎？為什麼？
‪-不為什麼

384
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,430
‪如果有什麼好機會
‪可以反擊迪薇的核武攻勢

385
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:20,425
‪那就是這個了

386
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:23,476
‪妳知道迪薇的，她真是脾氣火爆

387
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,400
‪不妙，她又做了什麼？

388
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,357
‪不過…他決定保持沉默

389
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,282
‪沒什麼壞事

390
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:35,155
‪她只是非常熱情
‪投注在赤道幾內亞代表的角色

391
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:38,829
‪以初次參加者來說
‪沒有人帶來這麼大的影響

392
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:42,543
‪她真的橫掃這次比賽

393
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:46,495
‪迪薇，看來妳還頗有外交手腕

394
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:47,713
‪做得好

395
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,553
‪我當學生時，唯一的課外活動

396
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,509
‪就是替蒼老的祖母洗澡

397
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:54,169
‪她每次都奮力抵抗

398
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:55,798
‪-真的嗎？
‪-不

399
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,644
‪班不記得上次和家人吃飯
‪是什麼時候了

400
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,140
‪可能是2018年5月，因為他爸爸

401
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,933
‪要去告示牌音樂獎的班機取消了

402
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:06,396
‪雖然這頓家庭晚餐
‪穿插著羞辱、爭吵、威脅

403
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,518
‪而且食物實在太辣了

404
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:10,265
‪但還是一頓家庭晚餐

405
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,278
‪那真的很酷

406
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:22,792
‪嘿

407
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,416
‪謝謝你沒有打小報告
‪我在模擬聯合國的事

408
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,167
‪我最近對你很差勁，所以…

409
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,383
‪就算你告狀，我也是活該

410
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:35,091
‪有時讓別人的日子和我一樣慘
‪還蠻有趣的

411
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,884
‪但今天我剛好沒這個心情

412
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,764
‪你是怎麼了？

413
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,804
‪你為什麼在我媽的診所大哭？

414
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,268
‪就因為你臉上有顆巨大的青春痘？

415
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,848
‪沒什麼重要的，我只是…
‪覺得有點沮喪

416
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,595
‪為什麼？你的男僕辭職了？

417
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:51,984
‪我正在示弱耶
‪還有，我們沒有男僕了

418
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:54,475
‪-我們現在叫他們管家
‪-好，抱歉

419
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,196
‪為什麼你覺得沮喪？

420
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:00,780
‪我不知道

421
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:05,157
‪有時候我感覺
‪自己像美國職籃球員，但是…

422
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:08,833
‪不管我得了幾分，我爸爸總是忽略我

423
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,286
‪我的女朋友只愛我的錢

424
00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:15,047
‪我原本希望你的比喻
‪可以更接近我擅長的領域

425
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,882
‪例如名人八卦
‪或是舞會邀約的網路視頻

426
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,757
‪但我大概理解你的意思

427
00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:23,814
‪如果我搞砸了妳和派克斯頓的事
‪我很抱歉

428
00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:25,354
‪你沒有

429
00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:28,392
‪也許我不要多嘴，你們可能還有機會

430
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,685
‪我和派克斯頓沒有上過床

431
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:33,321
‪什麼？

432
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:35,232
‪我和派克斯頓沒有上過床

433
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,526
‪我只是讓大家這樣相信了

434
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,777
‪所以他是在生氣，妳說謊和他上過床

435
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:44,945
‪這樣比較說得通了

436
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,159
‪我是說，我們差點就上床了

437
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,616
‪幾乎就可以做了，只是沒接吻

438
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,085
‪他脫掉上衣，我嚇跑了

439
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,666
‪-我知道，我超遜的
‪-妳以為妳很遜？

440
00:20:57,422 --> 00:21:00,632
‪我太寂寞了
‪昨天還被中年網友騙出去見面

441
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:03,677
‪班，你不必編出更悲哀的故事
‪來讓我覺得好過些

442
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:04,602
‪是真的

443
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,310
‪他住在塔扎納，是50歲的保險理算師

444
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:09,061
‪他還要我朝披薩吹氣

445
00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:11,272
‪-不會吧
‪-對，超慘的

446
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:14,483
‪班以前守護他的悲傷
‪就像我守護我的艾美獎座

447
00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:15,734
‪就是埋入深處

448
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,776
‪我所有的獎座和垃圾小子收藏

449
00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:18,899
‪都放在一處地堡

450
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,946
‪但是把這些通通說出來
‪班覺得輕鬆了點

451
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,700
‪他準備面對新的一天了

452
00:21:25,909 --> 00:21:27,369
‪給我你的自動鉛筆

453
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,452
‪我需要更多漂亮的自拍

454
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,419
‪當然

455
00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:37,669
‪（迪薇付給你5元）

456
00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:40,424
‪這樣你就不用再接受變態的食物了

457
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,967
‪雖然表面上沒有什麼改變

458
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:49,064
‪今天是長久以來
‪班覺得最不寂寞的一天

459
00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:51,561
‪總之，我的旁白到此結束

460
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,273
‪僅代表班、迪薇

461
00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:55,443
‪還有舍曼奧克斯高中的所有人

462
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:56,692
‪我是安迪山伯格

463
00:21:56,773 --> 00:21:58,483
‪馬克安諾，旁白交還給你

464
00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:49,907
‪字幕翻譯：陳彬彬