1
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,430
[man] This is Ben Gross.

2
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,224
He's a 15-year-old boy
from Sherman Oaks, California,

3
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,810
and I am American actor, 
producer, writer,

4
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,854
and fake rapper Andy Samberg.

5
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:24,149
What can I say? I wear a lot of hats.
Now, you may be asking yourself,

6
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:27,610
"Why is Andy Samberg narrating the story
of this particular boy?"

7
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,447
Well, honestly, his dad's my lawyer,
and I owe him a favor,

8
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:34,451
but Ben seems like a good kid,
so, happy to do it.

9
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,244
Fresh off a successful wine heist

10
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,621
where his greatest nemesis
became an unexpected ally,

11
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,707
Ben felt on top of the world,

12
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,625
or at least on top of Model UN

13
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,253
where in just a few hours,
the highly coveted golden gavel

14
00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:48,298
would be safely tucked away
in his weird little briefcase.

15
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,967
Equatorial Guinea would like
to formally request permission

16
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,093
to nuke the United States.

17
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:53,887
[Samberg] Unfortunately, for Ben, however,

18
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:56,973
his new ally decided to go back
to being his old nemesis.

19
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:57,932
What the hell, Devi?

20
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:03,146
♪ If you want to dance
Let it take precedence ♪

21
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:06,649
-[siren wailing]
-♪ 'Cause the floor is watching you ♪

22
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,068
♪ Ooh ♪

23
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:12,363
♪ Ah, ah... ♪

24
00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:13,448
What?

25
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,492
Nothing. You're the one
who's looking at me.

26
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:20,371
[Samberg] Had Ben imagined 
the nice conversation they had last night?

27
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:23,041
Had he said something weird
while he was drunk on grigio?

28
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,835
And to make matters worse,
it was a six-hour drive,

29
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:29,089
and Ben realized he left his AirPods
back in the hotel room.

30
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,173
Hello.

31
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:32,675
Looks like you could use a seat buddy.

32
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,679
Egg salad? I've got extra spoons.

33
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:37,972
No, thank you.

34
00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:43,394
♪ Got my belt on tight 
And the feeling's right ♪

35
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:46,773
♪ Wanna walk right up to you ♪

36
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,236
Hey, sweetie. No time to talk.

37
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:54,239
I'm going to a self-actualization retreat
in Santa Barbara.

38
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:56,116
Didn't you just do that?

39
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:59,285
No, I went to a mindfulness workshop
in Santa Clara.

40
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,330
Very different philosophies,
but equally important.

41
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:04,874
Okay, sure. Uh, have fun.

42
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,918
It's not fun, Ben, it's work...

43
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,461
on me...

44
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,797
so I can be a better mom to you.

45
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:11,923
Gotta run.

46
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,634
Oh! You know what? I almost forgot.

47
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,386
You had a big debate tournament.

48
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:17,470
Did you get an A?

49
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,055
Actually, it was Model U--

50
00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,642
Yeah. Yeah, it was great.

51
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:23,852
Well, good work.

52
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:27,021
When I get back, let's celebrate
with a mother-son sound bath.

53
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:28,606
I love you.

54
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:31,442
[door closes]

55
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:32,986
Love you too.

56
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:36,281
[Samberg] Ben's mom and dad
had a very unique parenting style

57
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:37,991
in that they did none of it.

58
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,660
So, contrary to his loud, 
brash school persona,

59
00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:43,663
at home he was
just another quiet, lonely kid.

60
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:47,000
[Ben] David S. Pumpkins
and his Beat Boy Skeletons. LOL.

61
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,420
♪ Just moving in the dark ♪

62
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:54,591
♪ Cigarettes on the dresser ♪

63
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:58,136
♪ Juliana's sleeping ♪

64
00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:01,764
♪ And it feels like forever... ♪

65
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,225
Ooh! [giggling]

66
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,396
[Ben] Hey, can we please stop posting
lame upvote-thirsty memes

67
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,691
and get back to discussing 
actual worthwhile Rick and Morty theories?

68
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,943
[Rick] That's the problem
when subs get too big.

69
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,654
They become as unruly
as the Council of Ricks.

70
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:19,240
♪ Now you know ♪

71
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,160
♪ This is the last one ♪

72
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,080
♪ Now you know ♪

73
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,375
♪ This is the last one ♪

74
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,086
♪ For a while ♪

75
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,296
[phone chimes]

76
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:42,263
[Ben] Hey, Dad. All the blogs are saying
that Kawhi's looking strong for tomorrow.

77
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,225
♪ 'Cause this will be the last one... ♪

78
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,520
[Ben's dad] Fantastic. Sounds like 
we're in for a hell of a game, buddy.

79
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,940
♪ ...laugh all the way ♪

80
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:55,193
♪ Now you know ♪

81
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,238
♪ This is the last day... ♪

82
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,990
[Samberg] As friends go,
up through middle school,

83
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,159
Ben had two solid ride-or-dies.

84
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,995
There was Brian Lakestone, who got
dropped off at school on a motorcycle,

85
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,372
and Garret Von Kaenel,

86
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,374
who could burp the theme song
to Game of Thrones.

87
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,167
But both ended up
at different high schools,

88
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:15,213
so as soon as Ben started dating Shira,
her friends became his friends.

89
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,590
Unfortunately, her friends stunk.

90
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,427
It's also body shaming
when people say curvy is beautiful.

91
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,013
Because how's that supposed
to make us size zeros feel?

92
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,599
Yeah. I mean I even feel that way
as a double zero.

93
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:28,935
Hey, Shirs. Excited for the game tonight?

94
00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:30,979
Oh, my God. Sweetie, I totally forgot.

95
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:34,232
I told Zoe I'd go with her
to a brow sculpting pop-up.

96
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,317
But you told me
you'd go to the Clippers game,

97
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,235
like, two months ago.

98
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:39,737
Do you have to get
your brow sculpted tonight?

99
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,906
Oh, my God. Did you not see my Snapchat?

100
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,241
It'll be good for my Insta.

101
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:48,288
Well, sitting courtside at an NBA game
 is also pretty Gram-worthy, so...

102
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:49,998
Maybe if it were a Lakers game,

103
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:54,002
but my followers don't want to see
Billy Crystal eating nachos or whatever.

104
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,838
The Clippers have been better
than the Lakers for years.

105
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,214
Never mind.

106
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,632
Anybody else want Shira's ticket?

107
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,009
-No.
-No.

108
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,010
Awesome.

109
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,053
[girls chuckle]

110
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,014
Oh!

111
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,641
Again? Dude.

112
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,226
Hey, guys. How's it going?

113
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,478
So, uh, listen,
you two are into sports, right?

114
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,856
Either of you wanna sit courtside
at the Clippers game tonight?

115
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,190
I have an extra ticket.

116
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,693
To go with you,
or to just, like, sit alone?

117
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:21,070
No. You'd go with me and my dad.

118
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,698
So, like, only one of us could go?
We couldn't both go?

119
00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,199
Like I said, it's a single ticket.

120
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,701
But wouldn't that be weird?

121
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,454
'Cause, like,
we're not really friends with you.

122
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,456
Come on.
I mean I've known you since kindergarten.

123
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:34,208
Maybe if we'd all hung out before.
Worked up to the game.

124
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,502
I thought maybe this would be that bridge.

125
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:40,048
But... yeah, never mind. Forget about it.

126
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:42,342
[Trent] That was weird, right?

127
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,677
[Marcus] Yeah, bro. He never talks to us.

128
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,429
Oh, but if you don't go,

129
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,973
we'll just take two of the tickets
and go with your dad.

130
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,309
-Why didn't I think of that?
-I know.

131
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:54,354
I was so proud when I thought of that idea
in this moment.

132
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,023
So, uh, how was your day?

133
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:58,858
Or the first half of it at least.

134
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,277
Babe?

135
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,950
-What-- What's happening?
-Just do it. It's cute.

136
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,952
-Mmm.
-[forced chuckle]

137
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,538
Be smilier.

138
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,916
Oh, uh, okay. [chuckles]

139
00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:16,667
-[camera clicks]
-[giggles]

140
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,670
Ew. You have a zit.

141
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,547
Do you want me to pop that for you?

142
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,383
I don't want that.

143
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,634
Mmm.

144
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,260
Okay, fine.

145
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:28,429
It's okay if I film it, right?

146
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:29,931
-Well, I--
-Smile.

147
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,183
-Ooh.
-Aah!

148
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,560
[Samberg] Unfortunately,
Shira had gotten a text mid pop

149
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,355
and had left Ben Gross's face
looking pretty gross.

150
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,273
[teacher] Guess what, guys?
You're in luck.

151
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,693
Today we're doing a real live
chemistry experiment.

152
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,612
We're gonna be breaking good.

153
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:45,696
[chuckles]

154
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:46,948
What is it, Eric?

155
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,158
Can I go to the nurse's office?

156
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,743
I think I drank some bad milk.

157
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,537
How do you know it was bad milk, Eric?

158
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,123
Well, when I smelled it, it smelled bad,

159
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:58,334
and then when I was drinking it,
it got way worse.

160
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,503
I could barely finish my second glass.

161
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:03,965
David, guess whose dad is taking them
to the Clippers game tonight?

162
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:05,258
Courtside seats.

163
00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:08,511
You know, I have an extra ticket, but only
for someone who apologizes for nuking--

164
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,680
Stop talking to me.
Don't you get that I'm mad at you?

165
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,598
No. Okay, I don't get it.

166
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,267
What did I even do that was so terrible? 

167
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,309
Let's see.

168
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,271
I don't know. Maybe you running your mouth
about me sleeping with Paxton.

169
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,480
Now he's pissed at me.

170
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,525
-What? Why would that make him pissed?
-It doesn't matter.

171
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,360
Just keep your nose out of my business

172
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,320
and up the teacher's butt
where it usually is.

173
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:29,115
[teacher] Quiet please.
No one should be boiling over

174
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,784
except this beaker
of potassium permanganate.

175
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,333
Mrs. Paloma, that's gonna be me

176
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,003
if I can't go to the nurse's office.
Please!

177
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,088
[Samberg] Why wouldn't Devi
want everyone to know

178
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:46,132
she was hooking up with someone
out of her league?

179
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:49,343
Paxton Hall-Yoshida made every other dude 
in school feel bad about himself.

180
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,179
He'd gotten pit hair in fourth grade!

181
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,681
Had Paxton said or done something
to hurt Devi?

182
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,600
And why did Ben even care?

183
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:56,726
You need something, bro?

184
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,269
What?

185
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,438
Why are you looking at me?

186
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:03,900
-Well-- [scoffs] I wasn't.
-Yeah, you were. You were staring at me.

187
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,486
It's okay. Happens to me a lot.

188
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,655
-What-- I wasn't stirring... staring.
-Then what were you doing?

189
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,115
Um...

190
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,742
Do you like the Clippers?

191
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,076
What?

192
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:15,495
Nothing.

193
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,371
Forget about it. [chuckles]

194
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:19,957
[Samberg] Yikes!

195
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,835
The usually slick-talking Ben Gross 
was for real off his game.

196
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,629
But no worries,
the only game that mattered

197
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,839
was the one he was seeing
with his dad in a few hours,

198
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,966
and that was gonna be awesome.

199
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:36,307
[phone chimes]

200
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:40,269
[Ben's dad] Hey, buddy. I'm so sorry.
I don't think I'm gonna make it tonight.

201
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,855
This Kanye deal is really complicated.

202
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,107
You and Shannon should go
to the game without me.

203
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,860
[Samberg] In his dad's defense, 
Kanye's deal was complicated.

204
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,029
He wanted to trademark the word "music."

205
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,447
But that didn't matter to Ben,

206
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,242
who was surprisingly sad for someone
who should have seen this coming.

207
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,452
[Ben] That sucks. Can you reschedule?

208
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:02,625
Typical. And her name is Shira.

209
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,340
We will. Good luck with work.

210
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:10,925
[phone chimes]

211
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:19,100
-Hey, Patty.
-Oh! Yes, my sweet prince.

212
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:21,310
Oh! I just ironed your socks
for the big game.

213
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,562
Nice and warm.

214
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,981
Actually, I just realized
that I got a lot of homework to do,

215
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,774
so I don't think I'm gonna go to the game.

216
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,317
And on an unrelated note,

217
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,944
my dad also has too much work to do.

218
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:32,780
So I guess being a workaholic
runs in the family.

219
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:37,451
-[laughs] Anyway, do you want the tickets?
-Why don't we go together?

220
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,580
I can bring a Ziploc bag
with frozen grapes in it, huh?

221
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,957
Nah. I gotta write a thing,

222
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,752
and, uh, do some, uh...
some-- some science and other stuff.

223
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,879
Then I will stay here with you.

224
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,550
Why don't we build a pillow fort,
and watch a scary movie like Shrek?

225
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:53,759
It's okay, Patty.

226
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,637
You should just go to the game.
Take your sons.

227
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:57,805
Oh.

228
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,516
You're a sweet boy.

229
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,019
I will place my body
in front of t-shirt cannon

230
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,520
to bring you home souvenir.

231
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:05,896
Thanks.

232
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,064
[exhales heavily]

233
00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,734
Do you think Billy Crystal will be there?

234
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,861
I better go put on makeup.

235
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,952
[Shira] #eyebrows #selfcare

236
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,454
#thefutureisfemale

237
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:22,705
[phone dings]

238
00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,793
[announcer] Billy Crystal sharing nachos
with his neighbor,

239
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,420
and she seems to be reciprocating

240
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,714
with a bag of frozen grapes
from her purse.

241
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:35,718
Wow. Even a city slicker can't resist
a healthy game-time treat.

242
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,887
[Ben] I know her. That's my housekeeper.

243
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,263
When Billy met Patty.

244
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,850
[Rick] Hey, aren't you
on the Rick and Morty subreddit?

245
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,560
You live in LA?

246
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,021
[Ben] Born and raised. LOL.

247
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:48,689
[Rick] LMAO. Same.

248
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,567
Yo, I'm hitting up North End Pizza
in Burbank to watch the game

249
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,902
if you want to come through.

250
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,322
[Ben] I'm there, dude. Let's get schwifty.

251
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,168
[Samberg] Ben entered North End Pizza
excited at the prospect

252
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,712
of hanging with another
teenage comedy fan.

253
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,215
AreolaGrande007?

254
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,342
Areola. Hey.

255
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,553
It's me, TheRealPickleRick69...
from Reddit...

256
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,681
you know, the link aggregator.

257
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,225
[Ben] Okay. That is not a teenager.

258
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,060
Uh... Hi.

259
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:29,021
Hey, man. It is so great to meet ya.
[chuckles]

260
00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:30,981
Oh, my name actually is Rick.

261
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,526
Sit down. Get your slice on.

262
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:38,114
Uh... Yeah, I'm gonna withhold my name
for a moment. [chuckles]

263
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:41,117
Really thought you were gonna be younger.
Your username has a 69 in it.

264
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,452
Oh, that's because I was born in 1969.

265
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,037
But I'm young at heart, fam.

266
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,248
I watch mad cartoons. Just like you.

267
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:49,417
Oh, I wonder what else we have in common.

268
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,584
Probably a lot.

269
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,671
I gotta be honest,
this setup feels sort of sketchy to me,

270
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:54,839
so I'm gonna go.

271
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:58,634
Look, I get it. I'm a 50-year-old
insurance adjuster from Tarzana.

272
00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:00,886
But I'm also a Rick and Morty fan,

273
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,472
and I don't have anyone
to talk to about it.

274
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,142
I joked about getting a Mr. Meeseeks
for the office,

275
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,644
and my co-workers looked at me
like I was a total Jerry.

276
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,107
It'd just be nice to talk
to someone who gets me,

277
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,068
but I understand if you want to go.

278
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,487
[Samberg] Ben found himself
strangely moved.

279
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,281
I mean, who was he to judge this guy?

280
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:21,782
He was just as lonely,

281
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,368
and honestly, Rick and Morty themselves
have a huge age gap,

282
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,454
-and look at the fun they have.
-[sighs]

283
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:28,622
You know what? You're right.

284
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,666
I'm sorry if I was being rude.

285
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,753
We're just two fans eating pizza
and talking about cartoons.

286
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,963
-It's totally normal.
-I know, right?

287
00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,923
Oh, careful, buddy. That pizza is hot.

288
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,425
You might want to blow on it first.

289
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:42,720
Slower.

290
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,097
Slower.

291
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,349
Yeah, that's it.

292
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,393
[Samberg] Yeah, that's not normal.

293
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,604
He doesn't want to just talk toons.
Get out of there!

294
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,981
-Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go.
-Oh, come on, man.

295
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,066
It's not weird unless you make it weird.

296
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:00,529
[mumbles] Let's go, Clippers.

297
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,407
Oof! Ooh!

298
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:04,992
[upbeat music]

299
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,411
[Samberg] Ben was a resilient kid.

300
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:11,081
Whenever he experienced a setback,
and last night was a real doozy,

301
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,334
he always bounced back
stronger than before.

302
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,753
Whoops! He pulled his drawer out.

303
00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:17,505
-[growls]
-Yeah, he's sad.

304
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:22,426
♪ We break hearts like bones
And take the Tyrone ♪

305
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:25,179
-♪ We want everything... ♪
-[girls giggling]

306
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:30,643
♪ Are made of the same stuff
The fire we're made of ♪

307
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,688
♪ We're never in love ♪

308
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:38,984
♪ Enough as the cows
Come drink me all out ♪

309
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:42,154
♪ Get drunk on my wine ♪

310
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,616
♪ For kicks and for pleasure... ♪

311
00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:46,700
Whoa!

312
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,285
Oh! What the hell?

313
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:49,703
Oh, no. My bad.

314
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,747
I thought there was like a roach
on your face, man.

315
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,541
'Cause there's mad roaches in this school.

316
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:56,877
But it's just like a huge zit.

317
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,087
Yeah, it's cool.

318
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,588
You should get that looked at.

319
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,423
I heard that if a zit gets too big,

320
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,260
it can, like, leak into your brain
and kill you.

321
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,011
Yeah, sure. I'll do that.

322
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,972
All right.
I guess it's good that I slapped you

323
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,473
so I can give you this helpful info.

324
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,141
Sure. Thank you.

325
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,184
You're welcome.

326
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,145
Oh, wait.
That Clippers game was valid, brah.

327
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,231
It must've been tight to sit courtside.

328
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:22,862
[door opens]

329
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,489
Benjamin, so good to see you.

330
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,200
I heard we had an uninvited guest
on your chin.

331
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,869
Yeah, I don't normally get zits.

332
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,454
I guess this one's probably just
an ingrown hair from my beard.

333
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:35,040
No. It looks like a normal pimple.

334
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,625
I actually don't see much of a beard.

335
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,836
Well, I'm pretty good shaving.
So that's probably why.

336
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:40,337
Yes, I'm sure.

337
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:44,383
I am going to prepare
a cortisone shot for you.

338
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:47,094
You know, Benjamin,
I really have to thank you.

339
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:49,305
You keep my Devi on her toes.

340
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,557
-Well, she keeps me on my toes too.
-[chuckles]

341
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,894
Every night at dinner, I have to hear
about this rivalry of yours.

342
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,855
"Ben Gross aced a math test.
Ben Gross aced a history test.

343
00:14:57,938 --> 00:15:00,065
Prescribe me Adderall
so I can beat Ben Gross."

344
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,400
She's obsessed with me.

345
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,945
Wait. You guys have dinner together
every night?

346
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,447
Of course. We're family.

347
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,781
All that to say,

348
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,492
you're a very smart boy
with a very bright future.

349
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,161
Your parents must be so proud.

350
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,996
[Samberg] After a pretty bleak 24 hours,

351
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:16,373
this small platitude
was more than Ben could handle.

352
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,875
Here comes a little pinch.

353
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,171
There we go.

354
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,090
Dammit.

355
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,426
I knew we shouldn't have bought
generic numbing cream.

356
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:29,470
From now on, name brand only.

357
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,388
Are you okay, sweetie?

358
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:32,973
[voice breaks] I'm fine. Uh...

359
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,104
I just... I haven't eaten dinner
with anyone in a long time.

360
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,106
Oh, you poor thing.

361
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,026
I'm fine. You know,
my life is totally awesome.

362
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,197
[stammers] I don't even know why I cried.
Uh...

363
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,326
Oh, maybe I was allergic to the shot.

364
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:56,288
Or, uh... Or something.
Was there bee pollen in it?

365
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,873
There was not.

366
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,751
[chuckles, whimpers]

367
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,170
[upbeat music]

368
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:08,384
I like to put just one chili. Otherwise,
it kind of overpowers the taste.

369
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,136
Everybody, we have a very special guest
for dinner tonight.

370
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,640
Kamala, please lower
the spice level accordingly.

371
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,476
Oh, hell no.

372
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,105
[Samberg] As he stood
in his sworn enemy's kitchen

373
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,564
awaiting the pity dinner to come,

374
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,984
Ben's embarrassment
had reached a fever pitch.

375
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,069
[Nalini] How can you be so rude
to that boy?

376
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,362
[Devi] Because he sucks.

377
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,406
It's bad enough
I have see him every day at school.

378
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,241
Now we're just letting him into our home?

379
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,034
So, Ben...

380
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,620
what are you hobbies and interests?

381
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,831
[stammers] Oh, well, I really am into--

382
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:41,875
[Nalini] That young man is a human being,
and he's very sad.

383
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,544
Do you know he cried in my office today?

384
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,547
So many tears, I had to wipe down
the chair after he left.

385
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:47,756
[Devi] That's not my problem!

386
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,675
We just had the vents cleaned.

387
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,094
It's crazy how well the sound carries.

388
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:55,014
[Nalini] He's going through a hard time
with his family and girlfriend,

389
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:58,142
and he had one of the nastiest pimples
I've ever seen in my career.

390
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,103
-[pan clatters]
-Oops! Dropped my pan.

391
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,355
I thought that would be loud for longer.

392
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,816
[Nalini] You complain you want
your friends to come over more.

393
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:08,569
-[Devi] Ben Gross is not my friend.
-[Nalini] Why not?

394
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:11,321
He is nice, and smart,
and he could never buy drugs

395
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,573
because he looks like a narc.

396
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:15,075
Can't you be polite for just one evening?

397
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:18,287
At least she said "nice" and "smart."

398
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,081
Those are some of the best adjectives
there are.

399
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,916
She also called me a narc.

400
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,418
You should be proud of that.

401
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,211
The police won't work with just anyone.

402
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:30,049
Ben, it's so good to have you in my home,

403
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:33,594
a place I usually consider a safe haven
from my nemeses.

404
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,013
Devi, you promised you'd be polite.

405
00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:37,806
I said it was good
to have him in our home.

406
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,808
If you want to stay
on the family cell phone plan,

407
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,810
you're going to have to be better behaved
than that.

408
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,314
Now, why don't you tell us
one thing you learned today at school.

409
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:46,356
Fine.

410
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,567
I learned that the tangent of theta

411
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,612
is equal to the sine of theta
divided by the cosine of theta. Happy?

412
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:52,571
Extremely.

413
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,657
Today I learned that if you forget
your wallet at the grocery store,

414
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,743
the cashier will pay
for your items personally,

415
00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:00,496
and even give you his phone number
to make sure you get home okay.

416
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:05,000
Benjamin, I hear you were on 
that last-minute Model UN trip to Davis.

417
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,960
Oh, it wasn't so last-minute for everyone.

418
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,254
Some of us spent months preparing
for that trip.

419
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:13,425
But Devi came in with no preparation
and still became the talk of the weekend.

420
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,719
Oh. Really? Why was that?

421
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:16,637
No reason.

422
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,515
[Samberg] If there had ever been
a perfect opportunity to nuke Devi back,

423
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:20,432
this was it.

424
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:23,477
Well, you know Devi.
She's a real firecracker.

425
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,396
Oh, no. What did she do?

426
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,358
[Samberg]
Instead, he decided to stand down.

427
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,276
Nothing bad.

428
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:35,155
She just brought a lot of passion
to her role as Equatorial Guinea.

429
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:38,826
I mean, as a first timer, I don't think
anyone's ever made such a big impact.

430
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:42,538
She, uh, truly obliterated
the competition.

431
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:46,500
Mmm, Devi, sounds like
you are quite the little diplomat.

432
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:47,709
Good for you.

433
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,546
You know, when I was in school,
my only extracurricular activity

434
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,506
was bathing my senile grandmother.

435
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:54,174
She fought me every time.

436
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:55,801
-[laughing] Really?
-What? No.

437
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,637
[Samberg] Ben couldn't remember
the last family dinner he'd had.

438
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,140
Probably May 2018, when his dad's flight

439
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,933
to the Billboard Music Awards
got canceled.

440
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:06,395
And even though this family dinner
featured humiliation, bickering, threats,

441
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,522
and food that was far too spicy,

442
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:10,274
it was still a family dinner.

443
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,276
And that was pretty cool.

444
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:22,786
Hey.

445
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:23,912
Um...

446
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,415
Thanks for not ratting me out
about Model UN.

447
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,168
I've kinda been a dick
to you lately, so...

448
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,378
I honestly would've deserved it.

449
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:35,090
Yeah, well, sometimes it's fun to make
other people's days as shitty as yours,

450
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,884
but today I didn't have it in me.

451
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,760
What happened to you?

452
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,804
And why did you cry at my mom's office?

453
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,265
Was it just about the giant herpe
on your face?

454
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,852
It wasn't a big deal.
I was... kinda feeling bummed.

455
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,604
Why? Did you butler quit?

456
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:51,982
Hey, I'm trying to be vulnerable here.
Also, we don't have butlers anymore.

457
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:54,484
-We call them house managers now.
-Okay, okay. Sorry.

458
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,197
Why are you feeling bummed?

459
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:00,782
I don't know.

460
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:05,162
I guess sometimes I feel like
I'm an NBA player, but...

461
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:08,832
no matter how many points I score,
my dad always ignores me,

462
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,293
and my girlfriend only likes me
for my money.

463
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:15,088
I wish your metaphor had been
something more in my wheelhouse,

464
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,883
like celebrity gossip
or YouTube promposals,

465
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,761
but I think I understand 
what you're getting at.

466
00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:23,805
Also, I'm sorry if I messed things up
for you and Paxton.

467
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,349
Oh, you didn't.

468
00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:28,644
Well, maybe if I kept my mouth shut,
then you guys would've had a chance.

469
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,688
I never had sex with Paxton.

470
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:33,315
What?

471
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:35,234
I never had sex with Paxton.

472
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,653
I just let everyone believe that I did.

473
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:42,783
Oh! So he's mad at you for lying
about having sex with him.

474
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:44,952
That makes way more sense.

475
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,162
I mean, we got close to hooking up.

476
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,623
Well, as close as you can get
without kissing.

477
00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:53,085
He took off his shirt, and I freaked out.

478
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,672
-I know. I'm a loser.
-Oh, you think you're a loser?

479
00:20:57,422 --> 00:21:00,634
I was so lonely, I got catfished
by a middle-aged man yesterday.

480
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:03,679
Ben, you don't have to make up 
something sadder to make me feel better.

481
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:04,596
For real.

482
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,307
He was a 50-year-old insurance adjuster
from Tarzana,

483
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:09,059
and he asked me to blow on some pizza.

484
00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:11,270
-No.
-Yes. It was messed up.

485
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:14,481
[Samberg] Ben guarded his sadness
the same way I guard my Emmy award,

486
00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:15,732
by burying it deep.

487
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,776
I put all of my awards
in an underground bunker

488
00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:18,902
with my Garbage Pail Kids,

489
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,947
but letting it all hang out there
left Ben feeling a little lighter

490
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,115
and ready to face a new day.

491
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,369
Give me your mechanical pencil.

492
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,454
I need more photos of me looking smart.

493
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:31,415
Oh. Sure. Yeah.

494
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:35,002
[phone dings]

495
00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:40,632
[Devi] So you never have to accept food
from a pedo again.

496
00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:45,971
[Samberg] Although on the surface
it didn't seem like much had changed,

497
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:49,057
today was the least lonely Ben had felt 
in a long time.

498
00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:51,643
Anyways, that about does it for me.

499
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,270
On behalf of Ben, Devi,

500
00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:55,439
and the whole gang
at Sherman Oaks High School,

501
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:56,690
I'm Andy Samberg.

502
00:21:56,773 --> 00:21:58,483
McEnroe, back to you.

503
00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:00,027
♪ Baby ♪

504
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:06,700
♪ Who you wanna be? ♪

505
00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:10,829
♪ Who you wanna be? ♪

506
00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:14,374
♪ I'm the one that holds you ♪

507
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:18,295
♪ In the middle of the night ♪

508
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,257
♪ I'm the one that holds you ♪

509
00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:26,636
♪ Forever till we die ♪

510
00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:29,723
♪ So it's time we take ♪

511
00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:33,643
♪ All the memories away ♪

512
00:22:34,853 --> 00:22:37,272
♪ I'm the one that holds you ♪

513
00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:40,817
♪ In the middle night ♪