1 00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,009 ‎NETFLIX 影集 2 00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:14,557 ‎(早上5點30分) 3 00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:17,769 ‎歡迎回到班葛羅斯的超級大腦 4 00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,813 ‎他可是雪曼橡樹高中 ‎萬人迷的拼命小三郎 5 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:24,192 ‎我是安迪山伯格,又要帶領各位 6 00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,778 ‎瞭解這個孩子複雜的內心世界 7 00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:31,365 ‎把厚外套掛在門口吧 ‎因為這小子不會講冷笑話 8 00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,034 ‎加油 9 00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:35,244 ‎沒錯,小班,加油 10 00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,291 ‎(哥大提早申請300天後截止) 11 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,001 ‎好,緊要關頭 12 00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:43,544 ‎你可以的 13 00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,379 ‎從小開始 14 00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:48,257 ‎小班就想跟爸爸一樣念哥倫比亞大學 15 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:52,303 ‎但他知道如果要進去,唯一的辦法 16 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,514 ‎就是變成讀書機器 17 00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:59,143 ‎小王子,早餐時間到了 18 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,062 ‎沒空,派蒂,我得上學 19 00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:03,397 ‎沒吃東西就沒辦法思考 20 00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:07,068 ‎你那顆又大、又帥的腦袋需要養分 21 00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:09,195 ‎沒關係,我路上會吃牛肉條 22 00:01:09,278 --> 00:01:11,614 ‎你爸媽在亞利桑那州時 23 00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:15,409 ‎由我全權負責,你太辛苦了 24 00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,620 ‎必須放鬆一點 25 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,872 ‎不行,代價太高了 26 00:01:19,956 --> 00:01:22,250 ‎而且現在沒人挺富二代了 27 00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:25,628 ‎現在是名校弊案齊發的時代,派蒂 28 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,131 ‎我爸不能花錢讓我進長春藤名校 29 00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:29,674 ‎以前都可以 30 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,051 ‎他一定不是真的那個意思 31 00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:35,388 ‎希望他知道花錢走後門進大學是錯的 32 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:40,393 ‎劇名:……崩潰 33 00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:45,189 ‎(愛爾蘭馬鈴薯大飢荒) 34 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,236 ‎走路看路啦,笨蛋 35 00:01:51,571 --> 00:01:52,530 ‎你罵我什麼? 36 00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,867 ‎沒事,我在跟自己講話 37 00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,037 ‎該上課了,笨蛋 38 00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:02,540 ‎好吧 39 00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:04,917 ‎-哥兒們 ‎-你好像很餓 40 00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:06,043 ‎是嗎? 41 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,670 ‎是啊,丟他 42 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:08,588 ‎來啊 43 00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:10,047 ‎看起來一點都不好玩 44 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,884 ‎何必需要成長發展關鍵的男性友誼? 45 00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:16,262 ‎有愛爾蘭大飢荒的滿分模型就夠啦 46 00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,973 ‎哇,講這句話讓我覺得好悲哀 47 00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:24,145 ‎太簡單了 48 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,994 ‎(歐洲歷史先修課) 49 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:44,540 ‎(拉丁文先修課) 50 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:59,388 ‎本來想幫你,但我比較想看書掉下來 51 00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:08,522 ‎班葛羅斯 52 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:10,274 ‎終於找到你了 53 00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:12,568 ‎我們要好好談談 54 00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:15,780 ‎我剛剛發現你選了十堂課 55 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:16,781 ‎實在太扯了 56 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,866 ‎你必須馬上退掉兩門課 57 00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:20,034 ‎什麼?不行 58 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,078 ‎現在是高三下快高四了 59 00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:24,997 ‎不能放鬆,都快打仗了,寶貝 60 00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:26,791 ‎別叫我“寶貝” 61 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,960 ‎抱歉,我只是脫口而出 62 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:32,755 ‎小班,你課排得太緊,連午休都沒有 63 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:35,466 ‎我不需要午休,我自有辦法 64 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,135 ‎對,我看到你都啃肉條乾糧 65 00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:41,222 ‎你明天必須退掉兩門課,不然我來退 66 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,181 ‎妳不行這樣 67 00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:44,517 ‎我偏偏就行,寶貝 68 00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:46,978 ‎霍爾吉田先生 69 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,274 ‎我還在等你的大學申請作文 70 00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:54,026 ‎對,我在寫了,差不多好了 71 00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:55,903 ‎所以你今晚要傳過來? 72 00:03:55,987 --> 00:03:56,988 ‎沒錯 73 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,031 ‎你昨天也這麼說,結果沒有 74 00:03:59,115 --> 00:04:00,783 ‎可能送到垃圾信箱了 75 00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:02,994 ‎少睜眼說瞎話,小子 76 00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:04,912 ‎把作文給我 77 00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:06,789 ‎沒問題 78 00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:11,961 ‎你怎麼還沒走?不是有課要上? 79 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:20,469 ‎這個禮拜又有好玩的分組作業 80 00:04:20,553 --> 00:04:25,182 ‎你們要根據課綱裡 ‎接下來幾個單元製作簡報 81 00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,601 ‎然後把課程內容教給同學 82 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:32,064 ‎慢著,你要我們做教案然後上台教? 83 00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:33,107 ‎這不是你的工作? 84 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,443 ‎妳很吹毛求疵耶,迪薇 85 00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:37,611 ‎妳以為妳誰啊?我老婆? 86 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,530 ‎抱歉,是前妻 87 00:04:40,031 --> 00:04:41,365 ‎如果你還不懂 88 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,743 ‎布萊頓老師正在經歷痛苦的離婚過程 89 00:04:43,826 --> 00:04:45,661 ‎心裡很難接受 90 00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,956 ‎三人一組 91 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,708 ‎應該不難選 92 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,419 ‎就像我的兩個兒子秒選媽媽 93 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,129 ‎那你要跟我一組嗎? 94 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,507 ‎只有你跟我一樣討厭分組作業 95 00:04:58,591 --> 00:05:01,052 ‎對啊,上次分組的組員轉班 96 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:04,096 ‎因為他說我的電子郵件“太過囂張” 97 00:05:04,764 --> 00:05:07,058 ‎喔,這兩位是誰啊? 98 00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,851 ‎是我在學校最好的兩個朋友 99 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,604 ‎瘋女迪薇和…這個男的 100 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:14,065 ‎川特,你為了拿A才想加入這組嗎? 101 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,525 ‎妳竟然敢說這種話? 102 00:05:16,609 --> 00:05:19,653 ‎我只是過來打招呼,問問你們好不好 103 00:05:19,737 --> 00:05:23,199 ‎你可以加入,但必須 ‎隨時用你的假證件幫我們買啤酒 104 00:05:23,282 --> 00:05:24,116 ‎沒問題 105 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:25,659 ‎好吧 106 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:30,748 ‎我今晚1點15分 ‎到2點之間有空討論功課 107 00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:32,416 ‎你們行嗎? 108 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,628 ‎你瘋啦?我們才不照你的神經時間咧 109 00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:37,505 ‎你們兩個下課後到我家 110 00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:40,132 ‎我不行,我要上網路中文課程 111 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:43,844 ‎好吧,川特負責你的部分 ‎我直接把你的名字放上去 112 00:05:43,928 --> 00:05:44,762 ‎不行 113 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,138 ‎我會去的 114 00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:50,309 ‎頭一次差一點要做功課 115 00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:52,561 ‎好,小班原本就太滿的下午行程 116 00:05:52,645 --> 00:05:54,313 ‎現在又更滿了 117 00:05:54,814 --> 00:05:56,357 ‎可是如果要問誰能辦到 118 00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:58,359 ‎那就只有小班了 119 00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,113 ‎你還好吧,小帥哥? 120 00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:06,575 ‎(圓周運動與重力) 121 00:06:06,659 --> 00:06:10,538 ‎好,我們要講第6章 ‎“圓周運動與重力” 122 00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:11,622 ‎請別見怪 123 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,083 ‎我不能做那一章,因為宗教問題 124 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,587 ‎我的信仰體系不涵蓋地球是“圓”的 125 00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:22,049 ‎川特,你怎麼會選物理先修課? 126 00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:23,092 ‎我就選啦 127 00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:25,386 ‎我想說反正會拿D 128 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:29,265 ‎乾脆拿先修課的D,等於普通班的C 129 00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:30,975 ‎這樣做其實挺聰明的 130 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,436 ‎當然比你現在的做法聰明 131 00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:35,479 ‎其實沒有,因為我只拿到F 132 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:36,772 ‎我的做法怎麼了? 133 00:06:36,856 --> 00:06:38,065 ‎根本就瘋了 134 00:06:38,149 --> 00:06:39,400 ‎因為我修十堂課? 135 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,777 ‎不,我修了11堂課 136 00:06:41,861 --> 00:06:43,487 ‎但其中三堂是營養學分 137 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:46,157 ‎兩堂藝術課 ‎一堂是每週去一次自然步道 138 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,450 ‎功課是撿一顆橡樹子 139 00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:49,452 ‎這樣能讓妳上普林斯頓大學? 140 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,412 ‎妳去自然步道時嗑多少藥? 141 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:54,457 ‎雖然會讓履歷看來有幾個混學分的A 142 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:57,751 ‎但總比你拿一堆B來得好 143 00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,962 ‎大膽!我絕對不會拿到B 144 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,756 ‎你再用這種課表猛操自己就會了 145 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:06,927 ‎我很有可能會成為畢業生代表 146 00:07:07,011 --> 00:07:10,890 ‎看著你按照字母順序 ‎跟其他廢物畢業生坐在一起 147 00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,349 ‎殺了我吧… 148 00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,686 ‎你剛才說“殺了我爸”嗎? 149 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,563 ‎我喜歡這句,可以借我用嗎? 150 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:18,481 ‎迪薇,怎… 151 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:23,068 ‎迪薇,我不是說過 ‎男生在房間時不准關門? 152 00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:25,237 ‎妳不用擔心這兩個 153 00:07:25,321 --> 00:07:26,989 ‎我根本就不把他們當男生 154 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,241 ‎天啊,好吧 155 00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:31,702 ‎萊雅來作客,要跟我們一起吃飯嗎? 156 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,038 ‎心領了,我等一下吃垃圾冷凍食物 157 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,553 ‎好了,我把討論結果整理一下 158 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:50,888 ‎然後傳給小班 159 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,974 ‎因為你的印表機狀況比較好 160 00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:56,685 ‎等青色用完時,我會多買黑色墨水 161 00:07:56,769 --> 00:08:00,105 ‎川特和小班,歡迎你們留下來吃飯 162 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:02,900 ‎我也很想,但我還有六小時功課要做 163 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,402 ‎哇,六小時的功課? 164 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,197 ‎你念醫學院嗎? 165 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,074 ‎是你 166 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,867 ‎嗨,迪薇 167 00:08:11,951 --> 00:08:13,577 ‎這個混蛋是誰? 168 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,579 ‎她幹嘛看著他傻笑? 169 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,165 ‎嗨,安迪,我約翰馬克安諾來了 170 00:08:18,249 --> 00:08:19,416 ‎我解釋一下 171 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,586 ‎這位是大森,小班之所以不記得他 172 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:26,340 ‎是因為迪薇和大森 ‎在川特的慶生會上這樣時 173 00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,343 ‎你這傢伙在幹這種事 174 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:35,182 ‎對喔,那個表哥不是真的表哥 175 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:39,228 ‎對喔,我們那天晚上有點醉 176 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,772 ‎媽,可以借一步說話嗎? 177 00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:46,819 ‎妳怎麼不說有客人? 178 00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:48,571 ‎我30分鐘前才講的 179 00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:51,407 ‎可是妳沒說她兒子也會來啊,天啊 180 00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:54,994 ‎小班這時忘了自己還有成堆功課要做 181 00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:58,998 ‎現在的重點只有觀察 ‎這兩人之間的狀況怎麼樣 182 00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:01,917 ‎其實我很想留下來吃飯 183 00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:03,586 ‎味道好香啊 184 00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:08,340 ‎廢話,豆蔻香味也超濃的,兄弟 185 00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:13,554 ‎大森,真沒想到會見到你 186 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:14,471 ‎你在忙啥? 187 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:16,432 ‎也許在森林露營沒手機訊號? 188 00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:18,183 ‎還是在國家公園不想用手機? 189 00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,519 ‎真希望他能不想用手機 190 00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:23,022 ‎這小子整天都在拼命傳訊息 191 00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:25,649 ‎哇,拼命傳訊息喔? 192 00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:27,943 ‎-有意思 ‎-是嗎? 193 00:09:28,027 --> 00:09:32,489 ‎有時訊息傳不出去,因為訊號不穩定 194 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,950 ‎唉呀 195 00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:36,744 ‎現在小班看出眉目了 196 00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:39,163 ‎他的嫉妒感變成憐憫 197 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:43,208 ‎因為他知道迪薇又被無腦帥哥甩了 198 00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:45,169 ‎今天有個大新聞 199 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,129 ‎-大森,告訴娜莉妮阿姨 ‎-我不用… 200 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:50,341 ‎好,你不想自賣自誇的話由我來 201 00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,093 ‎大森提早錄取史丹佛大學了 202 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,554 ‎現在又開始嫉妒了 203 00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:56,722 ‎小班,你還好吧? 204 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,266 ‎應該不會太辣,你這盤有加牛奶 205 00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:01,226 ‎不是,我很好 206 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:10,569 ‎昨天晚餐怎麼回事?有人好像很飢渴 207 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,154 ‎對啊,就是你 208 00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:16,492 ‎你一發現我們的大森 ‎要進史丹佛大學,就死命想比過他 209 00:10:16,575 --> 00:10:17,660 ‎我才沒有 210 00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,871 ‎你有,你突然開始跟他講中文 211 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,039 ‎我不記得了 212 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,710 ‎我有拍下來,以後就能笑你 213 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:31,674 ‎你不會講普通話?真讓人意外 214 00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:34,259 ‎因為世界變得越來越… 215 00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:35,594 ‎隨便啦 216 00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:39,056 ‎妳跟他是怎樣?妳是喜歡他還幹嘛? 217 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,601 ‎不知道,我們現在會聊 ‎彼此現在喜歡誰嗎? 218 00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:43,977 ‎為什麼不行? 219 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:47,272 ‎妳都看到我上遍全校一半女生了 220 00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:50,609 ‎好吧,其實狀況很怪 221 00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:54,071 ‎他跟我要電話,結果就沒聽到他消息 222 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,824 ‎但他昨晚真的有點勾引的意思吧? 223 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,659 ‎-勾引他媽媽?對啊 ‎-小班 224 00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,369 ‎對啦,也許有點那個意思 225 00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,371 ‎很難看出來,因為妳太遜了 226 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,289 ‎“我不確定會不會申請史丹佛 227 00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:05,833 ‎先看看適不適合吧” 228 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,128 ‎說真的,如果能上史丹佛 ‎叫妳幫人打一千次手槍都行 229 00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:12,965 ‎要我搶下你手上的肉條 ‎拿來扁你一頓嗎? 230 00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:16,468 ‎好啦,要聽我的勸嗎?不要太刻意 231 00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:19,513 ‎-自然一點,邀他出去 ‎-真的? 232 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,683 ‎對啊,有什麼損失?妳又沒有尊嚴 233 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,066 ‎好,各位同學,時間到了 234 00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:34,445 ‎把微積分的實際用途作文交上來 235 00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:39,032 ‎等等,什麼? 236 00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:41,910 ‎數學課要寫作文?太奇怪了吧? 237 00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:44,246 ‎如果你在公立學校教書快30年 238 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,540 ‎都沒尊嚴的話就一點也不奇怪 239 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,417 ‎小班沒有寫這個作業 240 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,003 ‎因為他昨天課上到一半就開始 241 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,547 ‎偷聽《李爾王》的有聲書 242 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,799 ‎沒意義?好,我受夠了 243 00:11:55,883 --> 00:12:00,012 ‎全班都給我寫一篇作文 ‎解釋微積分在現實生活的用途 244 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,682 ‎我沒聽到,可以明天交嗎? 245 00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:06,143 ‎微積分不是你的重點科目嗎,小班? 246 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,021 ‎也許你想把時間花在更實用的科目 247 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,482 ‎像個人理財還是健康教育? 248 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:12,566 ‎沒有,我只是… 249 00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:15,444 ‎這樣吧,小班,你這個作業零分 250 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:18,238 ‎零分?不行,可是如果這篇作文零分 251 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:20,491 ‎-就會把我的分數拉到… ‎-B 252 00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:24,703 ‎好,莎瓦娜,我引用妳說過的話 253 00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:28,123 ‎“學這種數學沒鳥用 ‎反正我永遠用不到” 254 00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:30,793 ‎那妳要不要先唸出妳寫的作文? 255 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:32,878 ‎最慘的情形發生了 256 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,630 ‎小班拿了個B 257 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:38,425 ‎他的學業成績會被拉低到噁心的四分 258 00:12:38,509 --> 00:12:39,968 ‎但他現在沒辦法想這個 259 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:43,514 ‎因為他的內臟痛到不可思議 260 00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,436 ‎喂,你還好吧? 261 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,773 ‎我的盲腸應該破了,我得去醫院 262 00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,525 ‎哇,靠 263 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:59,279 ‎可以不要用這麼帥的姿勢抱我嗎? 264 00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:08,997 ‎葛羅斯先生,不是闌尾炎 265 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:10,040 ‎不是?妳確定? 266 00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:13,168 ‎妳在哪裡當住院醫師?現在還是嗎? 267 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:17,339 ‎我會假裝沒聽到你的問題,我直說吧 268 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,883 ‎你之所以會這麼痛,應該是 269 00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:23,136 ‎大腸裡的糞便阻塞造成 270 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:26,890 ‎最有可能的原因是壓力和飲食失調 271 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:27,933 ‎妳說什麼? 272 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:31,728 ‎慢著,所以他滿肚子大便? 273 00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:34,523 ‎對,可以這麼說 274 00:13:35,107 --> 00:13:37,609 ‎對,你竟然讓全校的當紅炸子雞 275 00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:39,611 ‎聽到這種診斷結果 276 00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:42,990 ‎你上次排便是什麼時候? 277 00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:46,410 ‎應該沒那麼久啊,如果今天禮拜四… 278 00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:48,787 ‎16天吧? 279 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,414 ‎-天啊 ‎-天啊 280 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:54,334 ‎好,因為你的排泄物實在太多 281 00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:56,628 ‎所以必須以外科手術 282 00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:57,880 ‎立刻取出 283 00:13:57,963 --> 00:14:00,424 ‎我該怎麼辦?我爸媽在鳳凰城 284 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,969 ‎我爸要幫籃球明星 ‎推出“職籃春不老”的新護膚產品 285 00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:07,931 ‎我知道,我打給你爸媽 ‎他們要我找你的“保母” 286 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:10,893 ‎派蒂雪夫欽科,但我們聯絡不上她 287 00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:12,895 ‎有其他成年人可以陪你嗎? 288 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:15,939 ‎我滿18了 289 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:20,027 ‎我可以等妳清掉他肚子裡的大便 290 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,696 ‎哪個公正廉明、慈悲為懷的神明 291 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,323 ‎趕快殺了小班吧 292 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:25,490 ‎馬上殺了他 293 00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:29,953 ‎葛羅斯先生 294 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:34,166 ‎葛羅斯先生,手術成功 295 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,250 ‎你覺得怎麼樣? 296 00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:39,338 ‎應該…很好吧 297 00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:41,673 ‎現在你和你的成年朋友 298 00:14:41,757 --> 00:14:43,592 ‎必須在這裡等到你排氣 299 00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:46,553 ‎這些恥辱一波未平,一波又起 300 00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:48,764 ‎標準程序,用來確定你的胃腸道 301 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,599 ‎在手術後恢復正常 302 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,435 ‎醫生,這個屁會有多猛? 303 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,896 ‎會讓毯子飛起來嗎? 304 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,523 ‎每次跟小屁孩相處都讓人身心愉快 305 00:15:00,651 --> 00:15:02,319 ‎真是丟臉到家了 306 00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,988 ‎我以為被迪薇戴綠帽後 307 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,199 ‎就不必跟你扯在一起了 308 00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:09,242 ‎對啊,結果還是來了 309 00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,036 ‎等你放屁 310 00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:16,541 ‎迪薇現在怎麼樣? 311 00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:18,877 ‎大概不錯吧 312 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,797 ‎其實她現在喜歡另一個男的 313 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,174 ‎怪的是他很像我倆的綜合體 314 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,717 ‎如果我們也是印度人的話 315 00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,722 ‎我一直很好奇她怎麼會同時喜歡我們 316 00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:33,308 ‎因為我們實在差太多了 317 00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:35,978 ‎對,你是大帥哥 ‎我是沒朋友的阿宅,我懂 318 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,980 ‎不,我不是那個意思 319 00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:42,025 ‎我以前真的有點嫉妒你 320 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,527 ‎啊?為什麼? 321 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,737 ‎因為你跟她一樣很聰明 322 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,241 ‎這是我沒辦法建立的共通點 323 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:50,784 ‎是啦 324 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,453 ‎可是聰明也沒有多好 325 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,956 ‎你可能不會因為壓力導致便秘 326 00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,958 ‎結果得經常跑醫院 327 00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,043 ‎對啊,我絕對不會 328 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,091 ‎那你為什麼壓力這麼大? 329 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,677 ‎我不知道,大概因為我以後的人生 330 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,762 ‎都取決於未來半年的結果 331 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,933 ‎你在說大學嗎?你一定能上大學 332 00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:17,185 ‎我可不要隨便上一間大學 333 00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:18,937 ‎我要上哥倫比亞大學 334 00:16:19,855 --> 00:16:21,023 ‎但又沒有十足把握 335 00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:23,233 ‎就算沒上又怎樣? 336 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,317 ‎什麼“又怎樣”? 337 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,737 ‎-我非進去不可 ‎-不然呢? 338 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,239 ‎不然我就白用功,未來都毀了 339 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,743 ‎我會讓自己、家人 ‎還有我爸失望透頂 340 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,953 ‎所以這都是為了你爸? 341 00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,622 ‎你叫他去撞牆啦 342 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:41,126 ‎你這麼用功,整整半個月都沒空拉屎 343 00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,462 ‎如果我是你爸,一定超級得意的 344 00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:47,257 ‎不是因為沒大便 345 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,801 ‎而是因為你很用功 346 00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:52,012 ‎謝謝 347 00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:54,056 ‎換個話題吧,你在幹嘛? 348 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,266 ‎無聊的大學申請作文 349 00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:58,143 ‎問題好爛 350 00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:01,021 ‎“請說出什麼事件造就了今日的你” 351 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,482 ‎我不知道該怎麼答 352 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,692 ‎你不知道“事件”的意思? 353 00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,778 ‎你講屁啊? 354 00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,821 ‎我當然知道事件的意思 355 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,157 ‎我只是… 356 00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:16,078 ‎我真的不知道今日的我是誰 357 00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,830 ‎拜託,你不知道自己是誰是啥意思? 358 00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:21,416 ‎你是全校唯一不是無名小卒的人 359 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,418 ‎餐廳阿姨還用你的名字幫甜點取名 360 00:17:23,502 --> 00:17:25,212 ‎對,但這都是表面 361 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,005 ‎回答不了我是誰的問題 362 00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:29,966 ‎好吧,那你是誰? 363 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,093 ‎我不知道 364 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,512 ‎我覺得我是… 365 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,100 ‎算了,超丟臉的 366 00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,977 ‎你不可能比我今晚還丟臉 367 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,229 ‎別往臉上貼金了 368 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,022 ‎你自認是怎麼樣的人? 369 00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,734 ‎我是一個很好的哥哥 370 00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:51,863 ‎也許我能提到爸媽領養我妹時,我… 371 00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:53,615 ‎等一下,你妹是領養的? 372 00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:55,242 ‎這是千金難買的素材 373 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,285 ‎你要不要列出 374 00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:59,621 ‎她以哪些方式幫助你瞭解自己? 375 00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:01,456 ‎來嘛,我可以… 376 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,708 ‎幫你 377 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,257 ‎所以經過顏面盡失的下午後 378 00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,967 ‎狀況終於有所轉圜 379 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:15,011 ‎小班不只總算有非常需要的男性友誼 380 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:18,181 ‎而且他的屁也在晚上靜靜到來 381 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:21,101 ‎既沒吹起棉被,也沒讓人聞到 382 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:29,776 ‎喂,第一名 383 00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:36,408 ‎老爸?你怎麼不在亞利桑那州? 384 00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,160 ‎因為我兒子進醫院啊 385 00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,161 ‎你還好吧? 386 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,997 ‎對,我還好 387 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,583 ‎醫生說是壓力造成的 388 00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:47,711 ‎看來你可能跟老子一樣是工作狂 389 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:48,628 ‎對啊 390 00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,215 ‎不過其實 391 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,384 ‎我並不想當工作狂 392 00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,263 ‎爸,我不想排這麼多課了 393 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,017 ‎不過這也可能降低 ‎我上哥倫比亞大學的機會 394 00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,895 ‎我知道這件事對你很重要 395 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:06,855 ‎其實啊 396 00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:11,151 ‎我這輩子之所以這麼拼命 397 00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:12,444 ‎有一半是因為 398 00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:15,530 ‎想讓我爸覺得很光榮 399 00:19:16,907 --> 00:19:19,618 ‎他都死30年了 400 00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,495 ‎我還想表現給那個混蛋看看 401 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,416 ‎小班,你讓我這個爸爸很驕傲 402 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,752 ‎不管你上哪間大學 403 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,254 ‎不管你這輩子要做什麼 404 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:32,923 ‎你都會讓我很得意 405 00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:34,591 ‎少來了,爸 406 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,634 ‎我是說真的 407 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:37,969 ‎而且我要親口對你說 408 00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:42,182 ‎我知道我有時不是最好的爸爸 409 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,603 ‎但我可以做得比我老子好 410 00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:50,398 ‎你是個了不起的孩子 411 00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:53,401 ‎我也真的很愛你 412 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,112 ‎我也愛你,爸爸 413 00:19:57,155 --> 00:20:00,450 ‎小班總算聽到自己想聽的話 414 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,203 ‎這大概是自從幼稚園以來 415 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,538 ‎他第一次能放下壓力 416 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:12,254 ‎第二天,小班在很多方面都輕鬆多了 417 00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:13,880 ‎格拉伯校長,早安 418 00:20:13,964 --> 00:20:17,300 ‎我要退掉微積分先修課進階班和統計 419 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,510 ‎很好 420 00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:20,804 ‎我好高興你總算清醒了 421 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:25,558 ‎小班終於知道哥倫比亞大學 ‎不是人生中最重要的事 422 00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:29,396 ‎但我可以加一門選修嗎?像是美術? 423 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,481 ‎不過他還是會去申請 424 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:32,649 ‎可以啊 425 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,359 ‎派克斯頓 426 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,613 ‎你的作文寫得真好 427 00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:39,656 ‎非常感人 428 00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:42,033 ‎我不知道你可以這麼有深度 429 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:43,743 ‎我都哭了 430 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,578 ‎真的? 431 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:58,550 ‎告訴你喔,大森要跟我約會了 432 00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:00,302 ‎哇,妳是勒索他還怎樣? 433 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,512 ‎更慘,我聽你的建議 434 00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:06,725 ‎我傳訊息給他 ‎約他哪天出來吃霜凍優格,他說好 435 00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,686 ‎所以,雖然我很不想說這句 436 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,021 ‎不過謝了 437 00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:14,190 ‎雖然這種情形通常會讓小班非常嫉妒 438 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,318 ‎但昨晚讓他學到 439 00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:19,154 ‎必須放掉讓他痛苦的事情 440 00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:20,447 ‎你要坐下嗎? 441 00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:23,700 ‎不用了,我要在上課前買罐汽水 442 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:26,953 ‎希望妳跟那傢伙別又搞砸了,阿迪 443 00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:28,413 ‎他可能是妳的長期飯票 444 00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:31,833 ‎他作夢,我要學蕾哈娜 ‎當第一個講品德的億萬富翁 445 00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:33,293 ‎才沒有這種人呢 446 00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:39,007 ‎搞什麼? 447 00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:41,718 ‎喂,聽說你昨晚幫我最好的朋友 448 00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:49,934 ‎朋友的朋友就是我的朋友 449 00:21:50,018 --> 00:21:51,478 ‎沒什麼啦,川特 450 00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,730 ‎讚,要跟我們一起混嗎? 451 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,315 ‎跟你和“帥哥區”的人嗎? 452 00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:57,025 ‎我不知道這什麼意思 453 00:21:57,108 --> 00:21:58,109 ‎就是… 454 00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:00,195 ‎當我沒說過 455 00:22:00,278 --> 00:22:01,112 ‎好啊 456 00:22:01,196 --> 00:22:02,489 ‎好,來吧 457 00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,992 ‎雖然小班的將來還在未定之天 458 00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:09,412 ‎但他現在總算能享受青春年華 459 00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:12,123 ‎好了,馬克安諾,給我回來 460 00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:15,251 ‎假期結束了,你這個混蛋老帥哥 461 00:23:06,511 --> 00:23:07,720 ‎字幕翻譯:溫鳳祺