(Announcer reading text on screen)
(Slow instrumental music)
♪
♪ I get up at seven, yeah
♪ And I go to work at nine
♪ I got no time for livin'
♪ Yes, I'm workin' all the time
♪ It seems to me
♪ I could live my life
♪ A lot better than I think I am
♪ I guess that's why they call me
♪ They call me the workin' man ♪
[music stops abruptly]
You're a fuckin' joke.
What did you say?
You're a fuckin' joke.
I've been pullin' all-nighters
to get this thing up and running.
Bennett: More like pulling your dick.
All these hours don't count as O.T.
so don't try loggin' 'em.
Looks like watery dog shit.
You throw this weld in with a slingshot?
Todd: I think it looks pretty fuckin' good
considering I haven't been on the tools in years.
Yeah, it's been years since you almost killed somebody.
That was a long time ago.
I was an apprentice.
Nobody got hurt.
You need to come up with new material.
And you need to build a flare stack.
Corporate's up my ass.
We're behind.
I'm embarrassed.
And you're givin' a million dollar machine a Redneck revamp.
Are you insane?
You approved the order.
You know we need this thing.
I approved it 'cause I wanted to see you look like a dickwad
trying to convince your crew that that's a good idea.
Well, that is fucked up!
[Bennett chuckling]
Look, I know I'm hard on you, man.
You got promise.
But don't think I don't know that you're gunning for my job.
I am not.
This machine is the future.
It'll help me and my boys in the long run.
It'll save our bodies.
It'll catch us up in all those insane deadlines.
Fuckin' better.
Fuckin' will.
Fuckin' better!
It fuckin' will!
Fucking better!
What's up Teabag?
♪ In the tiny town where I come from
♪ You grew up doing what your daddy does
Todd: Hi, boys!
♪ And you don't ask questions you do it just because ♪
Mornin'
♪ This little bitty town
♪ it ain't nothing new
♪ We all stick around
♪ 'cause they all tell us to
♪ Swallow your pride just to make your family proud
♪ If I didn't think that it would shut the whole place down
♪ I'd saddle that one horse and ride it right out of this town ♪
You know, jeans are marketed as this like,
super comfy go everywhere garment,
but they're fuckin' not!
Comfort first, dude.
Yeah, you know what?
I'm goin' to work in sweats.
I'm not trying to sabotage myself.
But they can't fire me.
[raccoon chittering]
Audrey: Snax, it's not a pattern, dude.
No. So I've left a few jobs.
Like, so what?
[Snax chittering]
Twelve?
[Snax chittering]
No fucking way it's twelve.
I don't believe you.
Raccoona matata, Snax.
You staying the fuck outta my bins?
[Snax chittering]
Hey. Oh, what the hell, Auds?
Did you shave in my hot tub?
Bro, just chill.
Just my pits.
Have you even slept?
Have you?
I've been busy.
Yeah.
Is he cute?
The Metallsicherung 1200 is not cute,
it's a sexy, futuristic German welding machine.
Whoa.
Low impurities, minimal slag,
transition between auto and welder operated.
What do your guys think about that?
Well, they should be pumped.
This town needs to get with the times.
Yeah, makes sense.
You break your back at work every day
and I sling jeans for a living.
We've turned into our parents.
Billy: Ding ding ding,
who's ready for round two? [laughs]
Do that thing with my pinky.
Oh fuck.
Had no idea you were here, ah...
Todd: Right.
This is yours.
Yep.
I don't touch your stuff.
Generally. Just, um...
[Snax chittering]
Oh, whole family's here, huh?
It's your shorts too.
Ah, I didn't have any so I just, you know, I'll wash 'em.
My dick's barely touched the mesh.
No, no. You keep those actually.
Really? Like a gift?
Thanks. Cool, ah, yeah.
Lemme track down a beer.
Seriously? That dude?
Audrey: What? When there's no Mr. Right,
at least there's Mr. Right Now.
More like Mr. Steal Your Catalytic Converter
While You Sleep.
Here. PH levels are all outta whack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chlorine, de-scaler and stay out of it for 24 hours
or it'll melt my tits off.
I know the fuckin' drill.
Todd: Unbelievable.
[Snax chittering]
Shut up.
[Snax chittering]
Every goddamn morning.
[Billy coughing]
Billy: Nothing beats a refry.
Fuckin' hell.
Hey man. [chuckling]
Wanna gimme a ride?
Did you bang in my hot tub, again?
Ahhh, it was half in half out mostly but, ah,
whaddaya say? You wanna hook me up?
Just goin' as far as my place.
[quirky upbeat music]
So what's going on with you and my sister?
What?
Do you like my sister?
Hobby horse have a wooden dick?
[brakes screeching]
Oh. [groaning]
Ah dude. Come on.
Sorry. Brakes. I don't know.
Geez. Started a fire.
Audrey's great, man.
She's good. She's good, you know.
Got a lot goin' on for her.
No kids. No husband.
Got a good job.
Are you back at work yet?
Nah. Still on disability.
Keep pullin' my back out.
[Billy laughing] [tires squealing]
Billy: Whoa!
[brakes screeching]
Hot rod, man.
End of the line.
What?
Sorry, the brakes are fucked.
But [sighs]...
What the hell, man!
You know I don't live around here!
[Billy groaning]
[quirky upbeat music]
Jimi: Have a good day.
Got a newbie.
Huh.
What do we got here?
What the fuck is that? How old is that?
Did you, your grandfather give you that?
What is that?
What are you gonna hang some pictures? Huh?
You gonna take photos? Huh?
What are you gonna do with that?
Oh. - Nothin'.
Tools are like condoms.
The cheap ones will break and they will fuck you up.
All right?
Will fuck you up, right?
Now sign here. - Yep.
Hey, talkin' to you.
Jimi! - Hey Todd.
Hey. I don't wanna see your ass. Don't show me your ass.
What's up Tuna?
Scooter!
Hey, you guys ever seen a virgin before?
Wave to the virgin.
Fuckin' nerds.
We willingly carry around the surveillance devices.
They know where we go and what we say.
I mean, a fuckin' welding machine?
Really?
Head-to-head I can out-do that thing.
Backwoods: My ass!
Fifty bucks says the robot mops the floor with ya.
What do ya think Big Nate?
I will take that heat.
Beautiful!
Taser: You know what else is weird?
I was ordering weed online last night
and they asked me to verify that I'm not a robot.
Are they worried that the robots are buying the weed?
Buying weed. Taking jobs?
It's only a matter of time 'til we're all down on all fours
sucking protein pellets out of a robot's dick.
[soft banging]
Yeah, you fuckers got me good!
Well, ya reap what you sow, don'tcha?
Yep.
Backwoods: I kinda like it.
I thought it was classy.
Steph: Oh, thank you.
I also got the rookie pretty good.
Hmm?
[laughing]
You suck rookie!
[Steph chuckling]
Shit.
Here comes the robot overlord.
Keep it down.
[whispers] He doesn't know that we know.
Guys!? Really?
Just testin' the gear in sub-zero temperatures.
Safety first!
[laughing]
Yes! - That's good.
You boys wanna see somethin'?
You can't tell anyone. Not a soul.
My word is my bond.
Todd: This thing is amazing!
It can root, fill, cap and even picks up on a shitty fit-up!
With this thing we're guaranteed to hit our targets.
This thing is a flying piece of horse shit!
Taser: Looks like it's gonna rip my cheque in half
is what it looks like.
Guys, we use tools. This is just a tool.
It's a piece of equipment,
Homer: Bag-licking, moron!
This is how we all turn into automatons!
You did not think this through.
[crackling]
[machine winds down]
Karen: I got the receipt. They're perfectly good.
I still got time to return 'em.
I just don't like the way they look.
But ya did once.
So some kind of personality change since then or?
If there's no damage
we'd be glad to take them back.
I think she crapped them.
I did not!
Audrey, I've warned you!
I'm being serious.
Look inside, that's shit!
Steph: Ah, ladies?
Do you mind? My lunch is over in twenty.
Are you insinuating that I took a shit in these jeans?
No I am straight up accusing you.
Lady, you've got a tummy problem, okay?
Your bowels are probably destroyed by every fad diet
that's aimed at the Karen demographic.
You had, what, a couple of kids?
Pelvic flooring ain't what it used to be,
I feel for you,
but it's not this company's fault, okay.
Blame nature.
I just don't see how this is any of your business.
Well, you're holding up the line
and she's not allowed to say anything.
She won't say anything.
So why don't you go buy some vinegar and peroxide
and call it a day, okay?
Here's your diaper.
I'm not leaving this store until these are refunded.
End of story.
Good luck with mud slide.
[muted bright music]
Audrey. - What?
Don't you have anything to say to our valued customer?
Yes.
Yeah, I certainly do. Yeah.
Ah...
fuck you both.
I quit.
[bright music]
Yeah. Huh! I quit!
[bright music]
Hey, hold on!
Wait up, wait up!
Hey, who are you?
What do you do?
I'm Steph. I'm in safety.
Cool.
Um, I'm Audrey.
I'm currently unemployed.
Ah, are you at Conch?
Yeah, isn't everyone?
Yeah. [chuckles]
Do you know Todd? Todd Stool?
Yeah, of course.
That's my bro.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
I love Tater-Todd.
Yeah. Oh, me too.
Homer: That's how it ends for all of us.
I mean, first they bring the robots in
to prove we're inefficient, that's fuckin' obvious.
I mean, billion dollar company like this
and you don't think they have motion detection
and facial recognition cameras out there?
Pshtt.
Next, it's the microchips
and when we refuse,
they bring in even more robots.
And then beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
All of a sudden it's an all-robot plant, baby.
None of this shit leaves this truck
or else I'll know it's you.
[laughing] Hey, FYI Homer,
your radio's hot.
Did you hear all of that?
Who else is there?
Don't worry, bro.
It's Taser.
I'll keep a lid on it.
Thanks, buddy.
[laughing]
Robots are never good.
Search engines, typing emails,
now it's welding.
I tried to hand write my name the other day,
it looked like a fuckin' tree wrote it.
They're gonna take away our means to live.
All our toys. Gone.
I'll have to sell my water bed.
He'll-he'll have to sell his two ATVs.
And this fuckin' dude'll have to downsize his truck.
I ain't selling my truck.
So answer to this robot bullshit.
Okay. Yes, it's true.
The company bought a welding robot.
With a purpose!
Not just to catch us up on speed,
but it'll help us avoid injuries, accidents, all of it!
You didn't mean to fuck us,
but it's gonna hurt.
Catch all that, Homer?
Homer [over radio]: According to a corporate email thread started by Bennett,
Todd is responsible,
knew I couldn't trust him.
[angry chattering]
Okay, every, everybody calm down!
[angry yelling]
What the fuck?!
That's nice!
[soft playful music]
Todd: Wow, that was fast.
Employee [on phone]: Hey, boss man.
Look, I hate to do this to you Bennett,
but my mom's cat's been vomiting for two weeks now.
Both ends.
I just can't leave the thing alone, man.
It just wants to be held.
Anyway, you can imagine how much a diabetic cat weighs,
you know?
You know, plus I got that hernia and stuff, you know.
Real sorry about this.
I'll be talking to you tomorrow maybe.
[voicemail beeping]
Does this look like someone with a diabetic cat?
I think you mean, does it look like someone with a hernia?
Total lack of goddamn commitment.
That's why your robots are gonna replace us.
The robot is here to help.
Like, why can't you people understand this?
What do you mean "you people"?
You bus-chucked me with that email you sent.
I never told you to order that machine.
You approved the fuckin' payment!
That's your problem, Todd,
you think my job is easy.
It's not all sippin' coffee and checkin' emails.
Todd: Clearly.
I mean, you're not even trying to hide it anymore.
That's for my keyboards.
Unlike you, I like to keep my workplace tidy.
And what are these? These are vitamins, I guess?
Bennett: Yeah, they are vitamins.
This one's for sleepy time.
This one's for makin' love.
This one...
is for when I'm sad.
You need to fuckin' chill, man.
Your brain, your dick, your eyeballs,
they're all gonna explode.
Ah fuck.
A little coke will help.
Why would you think this is cocaine?
I don't know, white powder in a little baggie?
It's too early in the morning for cocaine.
You fuckin' idiot
[Bennett sniffing]
Into some, ah, arts and crafts now are ya?
You know, I finally figured out what's wrong with you, Toddler.
Todd: What's that?
You don't know if you want to be like me,
or if you want to be like them.
[huffing]
Todd: Fuck you, Bennett.
I'll take the blame for the robot.
I don't give a shit.
Wrong. You give too many shits.
As long as I'm here at this desk,
you'll be down there with the grunts eatin' shit.
Is that right?
You know how hard I have to work to get you to do my job?
[huffing]
Don't you think you've had enough?
You ain't nothing...
Look at ya, you're a goddamn mess.
You ain't nothing but a...
Todd: You okay?
Fuck. Come on, get up.
Stop messing around.
Jesus Christ. Bennett? Hello?
What are you doing?
Get up.
Oh shit!
Are you okay?
Bennett, talk to me.
Oh fuck.
Bennett. Bennett.
Fuck!
Come on. Come on.
Where's the fucking phone?
I got a fuckin' emergency!
[Medhi sighing]
Surprised it took this long.
That dude had some demons.
Do I need to talk to the cops?
No cops. We don't like cops.
Wait, so does this mean I'm Site Manager now?
Well, you've always been the "unofficial" Site Manager.
You know, Bennett's out. You're in.
Light the fire in your gut.
Let your balls drop.
Is everyone still pissed at me about the robot?
Medhi: Probably.
Good luck with that.
Yeah, if you wanna stay local,
you basically have three choices.
You could do more retail...
Mmm.
The trades or sell your body.
The original trade.
Yeah, it's respectable.
Audrey: Okay, so what should I be?
Should I be an electrician,
a pipe fitter or a painter?
Well, I'd say lose the tinsel and try the carpenters.
They're taking in anyone off the street.
That's what my daddy did actually. Yeah.
And he always said "stay away from hammers and heartbreakers,"
so I never thought I stood a chance.
Yeah, well, your daddy had a point once,
but the workforce is 3.9% chicks now.
You wanna push us over four?
I don't know. Can I do safety?
Oh fuck no, no. No. Fuck that.
You don't wanna do my job.
I basically babysit all the trades
and make sure they don't kill themselves.
Yeah, but your-your lunch break was over an hour ago.
Mm-hmm.
And someone will clock me out.
Wow.
Steph: Right?
You got a sweet gig, Steph.
Yeah, I mean, pay is decent too.
I mean, it ain't "fuck you" money but...
it'll cover the round.
Actually sounds like a fuckin' good time.
Cheers to that.
[alarm beeping]
Ooh.
[gentle music]
Today is a good day.
[gentle music continues]
You taking my Women's Under 30's?
Maybe.
Dude, read the bottle.
You might have to go bra shopping.
Which one screams management?
I dunno, the blue one.
Guy, your life is sweet, okay.
You got your shit together.
You have four identical blue shirts.
You have two families.
Me and Dad and your guys.
I feel like the more I try to please everyone,
I end up pleasing no one.
Well, the robot isn't the problem.
It's the change that comes with it.
What does Dad always say?
Don't be a pussy?
No, the other one.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Hey Audrey! - Fuck.
Auds! Hey, whaddaya say, girly?
A little poke and a smoke?
I have plans. You're not in 'em.
Okay, that's-that's cool.
Thanks.
Todd: When you went down,
I totally froze.
Then I started thinking about all the times
you fucked with me.
And a part of me wanted you to kick the bucket.
Tryin' to finish the job?
What are you doing here?
That didn't sound like much of a denial.
Bennett's still a slimy piece of filthy shit
but we still got him covered.
Todd: That's what that was.
I saw you all talking in the yard earlier
and I just, I thought,
I don't know.
You thought it was about you?
Holy fuck, man.
Oh come on. Pay up.
Cheap!
Still fuckin' cheap!
Todd: Here.
Fuck.
Thing is, there's no next of kin that we know of.
Could just pocket it all.
Todd: Gimme that.
Fer fuck sakes.
Damn you and your fine morals.
I fucked up, didn't I?
Bringin' in the Metalschlong,
chasing the promotion.
Backwoods: Dude, corporate don't give a shit about me, you or him.
Not understanding that is the biggest mistake you're making.
That's it.
You're totally fuckin' right.
Thanks, brother.
I love you, brother.
You'll be fine.
You know what? Here's what you should do.
Put your dick in his hand,
take a picture.
When he wakes up, you got somethin' on him.
You're welcome.
[quirky playful music]
♪
[gentle music]
♪
Huh.
A Metallsicherung 1200.
Todd: You got it, Medhi!
[laughs] Yeah.
This machine is not here to replace us.
This machine is a tool,
no different than an angle grinder,
a broom.
You're a tool, Stool!
Okay, enough talk.
[machine humming]
Todd: Oh, this can't be good.
Oh my God! What's goin' on?
That was not supposed to happen!
[machine sputtering] [background chattering]
Homer: Backwoods, you owe me fifty bucks!
Yep. And that, folks,
is what German precision engineering looks like.
[laughing]
Homer: Now let's get a brewsks.
I can't believe I stayed late for this shit.
I don't know what happened.
So weird.
Well that's that.
You think they bought it?
One hell of an acting performance.
[reflective music]
[urine tinkling] [electricity crackling]
Yes!
Huh?
[chuckling]
Good to have you back, brother.
Happy Friday, my friend!
Let's get drinkin'.
[chuckling]
I'm not sure Snax understands work politics.
I don't know, man.
But it's not like they build shit.
I mean, they move into attics, under decks.
They're scavengers.
[Snax chittering]
I joined the Carpenters today.
Fuck off!
Yep. I'm done resisting.
I'm sick of working eight hours a day
and earning minimum wage
dealing with other people's shit.
Literally.
This way I can start paying you some rent.
Hell, maybe I can even get my own place.
Like what happens if you have a kid or get a girlfriend?
Why did you say it in that order?
[chuckling]
I'm not gonna be a burden anymore.
How'd it go with your robot today?
Oh that. Ha.
What did you do?
Ah, nothin'.
I actually might have pissed away my future.
Chelsea [on phone]: I'm just pulling in now.
I'll contact you once I know more.
[soft bright music]
♪
♪ This little bitty town it ain't nothing new
♪ We all stick around 'cause they all tell us to
♪ Swallow your pride just to make your family proud
♪ If I didn't think that it would shut the whole place down
♪ I'd ride my pony right out of this one horse town
♪ Yeah this one horse town ♪
♪ This little bitty town, oh yeah it ain't nothing new
♪ We all stick around
♪ Swallow your pride
♪ Just to keep your family proud
♪ If I didn't think that it would shut the whole thing down
♪ I'd saddle that one horse and ride it right out of this town ♪