(Announcer reading text on screen)
(Slow instrumental music)
♪
[bright music]
Why do I always get stuck with the apprentices?
Because you're a good tradesman.
Backwoods: Oh, come on, Golden Arm.
Stop feeding me the horse shit.
Everyone knows those who can't do, teach.
You're the exception of the rule,
a good tradesman who is also a damn fine teacher.
Besides, Homer would just fuck her up.
Fair enough. And yes,
I am an exceptional tradesman.
For the record,
I do not want to be saddled up
with another inbred mouth-breather.
Besides, what's this clown's name again?
Hey!
Hey, why'd you say "her"?
[giggles naughtily]
Because today's inbred newbie mouth-breather is my sister.
What's upppp?
Oh yeah. Shit. That's awkward.
What up, sis?
Get ready, rookie. I'm gonna kill you.
Charles [on video call]: We're not turning anything around.
We're turning it off.
Imperial Valley's production is disappointing
and the return is the worst it's ever been.
This site's been on my shit list forever.
Charles, it's me.
You know my track record.
Let me do what I was sent here to do.
Charles [on video call]: That town is a union stronghold
and unions are a pain in my ass!
Well, I see an operational plant with a lot of morale.
Charles [on video call]: Morale doesn't trade on the Nasdaq.
What's my timeline?
Charles [on video call]: You do two things.
One, you oversee the closure and two,
you don't call and question me
on how I run my goddamn business!
What's the status on Bennett?
Comatose. No changes.
If you wakes up, you let me know.
Understood. Should I-
[phone beeping]
Go walk in traffic? Fuck me!
Not you.
Just... I'll take the handcuffs.
You guys hear about Hernando the Portuguese plumber?
Dude fell asleep in a portajohn
got hauled fifteen clicks to their facility
and now they're calling the outhouses
"Portuguese Rocketships".
Ah, I started that rumour.
I'm glad it did the rounds though [laughs].
[tense music]
Homer: Did they find the person
who's putting water in everyone's boots?
Oh, I fuckin' hate that guy.
Or girl.
Oh, sneaky fucker.
We gotta catch him before, or her before winter.
Okay, how 'bout the Insulator
who tried to tie his dick in a knot on a dare?
[Jimi chuckling]
What? - True.
It's not good guys, we're fucked.
I mean, we're-we're effed.
I wanted to prank you guys.
Out with it, Dewey.
Dewey: I fucked up.
She's back.
Steph: What?!
Oh, fun sponge.
Come on! - Hello, fellas.
Your Sensitivity Trainer is in da house.
Shit!
Oh, nope. No, no, no, no, no.
[Jimi growls]
[soft playful music]
♪
Ten bucks the new chick called in Janet to clean us up.
It's destabilization 101.
Sabotage a population social and cultural systems,
thereby destroying any attempt to resist or retaliate.
Find your seat, please.
It's right in front of you.
Thank you.
For those of you who don't know,
my official title is Sensitivity Trainer.
My name is Janet.
Pronouns: she/her.
You guys know the drill;
I come in here tell you what not to do and say.
No one listens and I call it a day.
[quiet affirmations]
She's fucking saying shit. Pay attention.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Thank you.
You talkin'?
[laughing]
How most of you behave on the job site is unacceptable.
In the first twenty minutes I've been here,
I observed several infractions,
including the use of a disturbing nickname...
Hey, Big Nate! What's up, buddy?
Big Nate! - Big Nate!
Big Nate?
Nate-ive?
That's racist.
It's clever.
My name's Nathaniel.
And I'm fuckin' huge.
[laughing]
Homer: That's what she/her said.
Well what about the comments overheard
about the women in accounting
and the size of their posteriors?
What the fuck you lookin' at me for?
What? What? - Bottoms?
Like a gay dude?
[laughing]
No. No, their butts.
Guys, she's talkin' about "Bum and Bummer".
That is not their names.
That's their names!
Alright, alright, enough of this circle jerk.
You three, go do the valve swap.
You two, back on the MIG weld in A3.
Everybody good?
Not so fast.
Corporate wants a full tool roll back.
Anything that grinds, cuts or welds.
If it's not bolted down
bring it back to the tool crib for inventory.
Fucking bullshit, Todd.
It's gonna slow us the fuck down.
Fuuccckkk!
The f...
Understood.
Pussy! Pussy!
Let's get to work. Come on!
Pussy! Pussy!
Folded like a lawn chair on that one, didn't ya?
Tradesman: All the tools? Every one?
I'll give you another.
One last one of these 'cause I've had enough.
Every tool, Jimi.
Huh. It's a lot bigger when you're close up.
That's what they all say.
Don't get all distracted,
these pressure gauges aren't gonna inspect themselves.
That there's my boy Poopstick.
He and I used to wrestle in high school.
This guy leaning here doing absolutely fuck all
is San Francisco fuckin' Sneakers.
What?
He constantly wears kneepads.
Look at 'em.
This guy over here...
that's Snot.
Fuck you too, Snot!
Used to be a DJ in town
so we started calling him DJ Dickface
and DJ Dicksnot.
And now it's just "Snot". Too many words.
He doesn't mind?
Of course he does. He fuckin' hates it.
These two clowns right here...
Ah-haha. Yes.
This one here is...
"Meat"! Meat!
[Meat chuckling]
There's you goin'.
This one here is "Sticks".
What's up?
Kind of shit to bet on the nickname department,
but gets the fuckin' job done.
You know what I mean?
Anyways, Poopstick! [whistles]
Snot!
Hey, this here is Todd's sister.
Keep her fuckin' classy, gentlemen.
What's up, guys?
I'm Audrey.
Maybe you can call me Auds or OddJob or...
Oh fuck no.
Todd's Sister, are you wearing make-up?
No.
Good enough. Get your shit.
We got work. Let's go!
Please, come in
As a trusted foreman,
I wanna go on the record to say that inventory at this time,
it's a bad call.
And your mints are stale.
Duly noted.
I think we should put our resources
in the guys on the flare stack.
I mean, every day that thing's not upright and online,
we're losing money.
I appreciate you having my back like this.
Look, I'm here to be your second in command,
your eyes and ears, hand of justice.
I've been here a ton of years
and that means I've got their trust.
Okay, look Todd, nothing is happening.
It's standard practise for new management
to get the lay of the land.
Is it also standard practise
to bring in a Sensitivity Trainer on your first week?
Are you insinuating I had something to do with that?
I just think it's a huge waste of time.
If you must know,
Janet is here
because someone on your crew called in a violation.
Not one of my guys.
Dale Edgars?
Dewey.
Is this about his lunch?
I mean, the guys like to hide it and fuck with his food and,
once we put a, a live pigeon in his lunchbox.
Chelsea: It's not that. We should stop that.
He felt there was inappropriate graffiti about his preferences.
In the bathroom?
It's just a bit of fun.
Todd, I know you expected to get this job but you didn't.
Is that gonna be an issue?
Nope. Not on my end.
Fuckin' Dewey.
"Standard practise" my ass.
I keep this place tight as a titty
and then she has the nerve to-
Oh, this is fuuuu...
fudged up.
How the fuck are we supposed to work like this?
Jimi: IR's are no joke.
I mean, everybody on this crew swears,
even the fuckin' retired priests.
It's fucking hard.
Todd: And with Janet here,
this inventory's gonna take a week,
and we're gonna look like a bunch of idiots.
Steph: This Chelsea chick will look like an idiot.
Inventory was her idea, not yours.
You're not the Site Manager.
Stephy, you are a goddamn beauty.
Janet, you wanna come with me for a minute?
I want to show you somethin'.
More than anything.
Todd: You'll love this.
[grunting] Something. Anything. Anything. Come on.
You having a stroke or something, Tase?
Naw, I'm just tryin' to describe my last poo
as a movie title but the bar's pretty high.
Todd: I hear ya.
That's a solid list.
"There Will Be Blood!" Yes!
Todd: That's nasty, man.
You okay if I bring in Janet?
Yeah. Back in your cave.
[zipper zipping] Todd: Come on in.
Hey Janet, you a Trans Am?
No. And if I was, it would be totally f-
[gasps] Oh my God.
Yep.
Taser: Mi casa, su casa.
Or however you say shitter in Italian.
As a sensitivity trainer, I thought it'd be best for you
to see the belly of the beast.
[Janet gasps]
Todd: I think all this is worth a few incident reports, no?
You're darn right.
This is defacing company property.
Um, you are to forbid your entire crew
from writing on these walls.
Todd: Well, warm up your pen
'cause there's a lot more where this came from.
Beautiful.
These little beauts are what we call incident reports.
I didn't think those were for real.
Bennett used to shred 'em.
Todd: Well, he's not here anymore.
The new boss wants to change who we are.
So, we're gonna get as many of these fuckers as we can.
[playful music]
You probably don't wanna see this.
I want you to unleash all of your greatest hits,
and I'll be sure Janet is there to enjoy them.
And this is not a personal vehicle,
this is a company vehicle.
Phaser's on Slack, boys.
When you see a dog, ya fuck it!
Fuck dogs! - Yeah!
Do we have to?
And this is our wonderful lunchroom.
Not much really goes on here.
Dewey [over radio]: Hey Toddler, are you there?
Go for Todd.
[loud farting sound]
Can you smell it? Can you smell it?
Todd: I can smell it.
[Janet huffs]
[playful music]
Oh, come on, Janet.
You're giving a ghost an IR.
No one knows who's pulling this shit.
Fuck sakes.
Todd VO: Let's make sure by the end of the day
that woman gets writer's cramp.
[Janet gasps]
Hey guys.
Tase.
[chanting] Cramps, cramps, cramps, cramps, cramps, cramps,
cramps, cramps, cramps!
Special delivery.
We haven't touched a tool all day.
But these...
these are gonna be a ton of work for the boss.
Thank you, Dale.
That'll be all.
I must admit, this has been, um,
quite a rush.
Halfway through the day and already a new record.
So this is not the norm?
Ah, this is abnormal.
It's, um, almost like the boys are co-operating.
Like they're doing it on purpose.
Who authorized these?
Foreman Todd Stool.
My buddy Todd.
How many infractions 'til we can let someone go?
Audrey: So, what's the story behind Backwoods?
Do you live off grid?
Are you like a prepper or somethin'?
Hey man, I get it.
I used to live in my van for a while.
Yeah, I actually kinda liked it.
And then there was this other time
where I had to resort to food stamps.
So, what's your origin story?
You wrestle a bear?
How can I score a cool handle too?
Fine, don't tell me.
For what it's worth, I get it.
Hey, my dad let me join Cubs instead of Girl Guides.
So maybe you guys can call me "Cubby"?
Or like, "Cubber"?
Or "Tommy Boy"?
[chuckles] Word of advice:
Don't rush your nickname game.
It'll backfire on ya.
No make-up, huh?
Come on, let's keep moving.
You're slowing down.
Only halfway through the day.
[soft upbeat music]
♪
There's the flare stack.
That's the project your brother's in charge of.
Once that baby's up and runnin',
this place is gonna be a fifth gear.
What does it do?
All these crazy hazardous chemicals
are produced during the separation process.
That stack burns off the excess vapours
before it goes into the atmosphere.
Sweet TED Talk.
I always saw the flame and thought it was bad.
Oh no, bad if we don't do it.
See that? Get the tools away from the edge!
This high up anything falls out even a bolt
will kill somebody.
Good.
Hold on. Wait. Why-why did we bring the tools?
Backwoods: Better to have them than not.
Let's go. Let's haul ass, Food Stamps.
We got scaffolding to take down.
Come on!
That stack of paperwork was huge!
It should keep her busy for days.
Nice job.
No. Look, we've been full tits causing chaos.
No one's been helping Jimi.
No. I get why these fuck-noodles
don't wanna do real work,
but you're better than this.
Come on. You're fucking around
instead of figuring out why corporate's taking inventory.
Come on.
You're right.
Jimi: No shit I'm right. I'm always fuckin' right.
Hey Tase. - Jimi.
Oh fuck. Ah, come on! - Todd, can you talk to Janet?
She says I'm fired. - What the f-
He has exceeded the infraction amount required
for proper termination.
So yes, he's fired.
Whoa. Is-is that even a thing?
It is now.
Shit, balls, fuck, piss on your own dick.
How many does he have?
Oh shit.
Oh wow. No, that's a lot.
Janet, can you not take it to this extreme?
Sit down, let Taser buy you lunch.
Not my call.
Talk to the Site Manager.
Sorry Big Nate, you're canned.
Should I call security?
Taser: Nice plan, dude.
Todd: First, they give the site manager job to Chelsea?
Are you kidding me?
That job should have went to one of us.
Oh, by "us" you mean "you".
Splittin' hairs.
Next, they forbid us from entertaining ourselves
while we poop?
And now, they're using Janet to fire our sorry asses.
We're sitting ducks.
But the way I see it,
we've got one move.
Reading your mail, boss-man,
We gotta take out Janet.
What? No!
I got a guy who'll do it for 2K.
Mine'll do it for a loose meat sandwich and a six pack.
You guys remember the Newfie with one eye?
I feel like that guy do it for free.
Oh yeah. - Nobody's taking anybody out!
And Janet's not even the problem here.
And Dewey?
She's here because of you, dumbass.
There is no way you've "got a guy."
You talk too much shit to gain that level of trust.
It's true.
So let's keep our focus on the corporate overlords,
specifically Chelsea.
Weaponizing Janet was our idea!
Like how dare she!
We're gonna weaponize her right back.
Those dots on your back...
there is a way to get rid of them.
Wait, you're not talking about-
We're going where no crew has gone before,
to partake in a little something called...
Scavenger hunt?
Yeah. Fucking scavenger hunt, genius.
Yeah. Yeah. - No, Dewey. Come on.
Homer: Okay, look, that's not a real whiteboard.
And this is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard!
And he stormed Area 51.
Successfully infiltrated.
Sensitivity training will take weeks.
So I say let them sanitize us!
From this point on,
no more fucktards, baglickers, ratfucks,
or cock-puppets will come out of our mouths!
And we will willingly undergo Janet's program.
Taser: Good afternoon, Madame Sensitivity Trainer.
What a lovely day!
Has your buddy been hitting the gummies?
No, he has not.
We would like to participate
in your "Sensitivity Training" process.
[Janet laughing]
Wait, you're-you're not joking?
Taser: We are not.
My name is Taser,
pronouns he/him.
Janet, please educate us
so we may rid ourselves of these gosh darn red dots of shame.
Homer: And step into the 21st century,
and recognize the power of our words.
I, um, I thought this day would never come.
Who wants to go first?
[quietly] Oh.
And this marvellous dump,
is the lunchroom where the magic does not happen.
What up, Petey?
New batch?
Hm.
Tastes like shit. - Jesus Christ.
Oh look, another chick in her natural habitat.
What up, blood?
What the fuck is that?
Oh sorry, sometimes it sticks.
What're ya doing?
Oh, there it is. - Audrey: Nice.
Oh yeah. No, we've met.
Steph's awesome.
She is.
Did you know that we call her "Solid Nine"?
Which narrowly edged out "Yoga Pants" and "Slingshot".
Slingshot?
Oh God. Good thing Janet isn't here.
Okay, so why "Solid Nine"?
I'm known as "Work Hot".
In the refinery, I'm a nine.
Real world... seven?
Give or take.
It's those low-cut shirts and tatts
that pad those stats, baby.
Hit it. I got it.
Are you guys allowed to talk like that?
Me and the girls rate 'em right back.
Like Backwoods is a... eight in here,
I would say out there is a 5.5.
One. [laughs]
What?
This mullet is a 10!
God, truth hurts.
Anyways, that's "Food Stamps".
No fuckin' way that sticks.
Unlike your mascara, which is like...
Um, shit.
Steph: You still live with Tater-Todd, right?
He give you an allowance?
Okay, it's not like that.
I'm not like a mooch.
What's little Moochie blabbing on about now?
No idea.
Okay. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Laugh it up fuckers.
Your moustache sucks.
What?!
And what are you fuckin' looking at?
Backwoods: Snap! [laughs]
Classic Moochie.
Classic fuckin' Moochie.
Janet: Alrighty then.
Now that we've completed questions one through 235,
will you accept that scatologically-themed films
are neither amusing nor appropriate?
I would if I knew what scatological meant.
The bathroom wall.
"Describe your poop in a movie title"?
Yes. Completely inappropriate.
Janet: And any further offences will be reported to me
by your foreman Todd Stool.
[Taser chuckling]
You said "stool".
[quietly] Shut the frick up.
This isn't funny.
We're going to be here all day.
I'm just messin' with ya.
From this point forward,
I'm gonna focus so we can all get outta here.
It's not you I'm worried about.
A word?
I thought I fired that guy.
You shouldn't assume anyone's gender.
Also, employees have the right to fight dismissal,
provided they go through training.
Productivity has ground to a stop.
How much longer will this take?
Ah, based on my calculations
it shouldn't take any longer than seven weeks.
[Chelsea chuckling]
Son-of-a-bitch is doing this on purpose.
Janet: I've never felt more important!
I have a role! I feel valued!
Chelsea: Turned you into a weapon against me.
Well, two can play that game.
I'd like to talk about feelings.
Oh, am I allowed to have those?
[tense dramatic music]
[tinkling echoing]
[tense music continues]
[Taser screams echoing]
Like this.
[Taser screams echoing]
That sounds like Taser.
[Taser screams echoing]
Well played.
Were we playing a game?
Do you know how hard this fucking job is?
What me and my crew go through?
Like humour's how we survive,
and insults it's how we communicate.
I hear you, but I answer to corporate.
It doesn't matter if you like it,
it doesn't matter if I like it.
I'll close an eye on the graffiti,
if you corral your guys and get back to inventory
like I asked.
I'm not your enemy, Todd Stool.
You could've fooled me.
Chelsea: Let's start fresh.
Todd: Weapons hot, boys.
The bathroom gallery is open for business.
We have a blank slate for bone art
and shitty life advice.
Alright.
Wait, even the "Name Your Last Poo As A Movie" wall?
Especially that.
I got word from up top
there'll be no further interference.
Good, 'cause I'm gonna add "True Grit".
Homer: Woo. Good.
"Anaconda".
That's a big log.
I was gonna put, ah, "Sleepless In Seattle".
No, like your first poo is the standing Empire State Building
and you got the two people on top holding hands.
Okay, well I think we can do better than that one.
Tom Hanks. Michael Clark Duncan.
A depression-era prison.
Depression, depression...
Chelsea: A movie based on a Stephen King novel.
You'll get there.
"The Green Mile".
Awesome. Yes!
Well done!
Dewey: The boss-lady.
She's taken some shits.
She knows what's up.
Backwoods: That a girl.
Hmm. Woo!
Oh [chuckles].
You know, when I was four years old,
my dad took me on a camping trip.
I got lost in the bush for three days.
The press thought I was dead,
but I was just fine.
Hence, Backwoods.
Jesus!
Backwoods: Mm-hmm.
The point is... - Fuck!
pain is comedy around these parts.
You did just fine today, Moochie.
Moochie? Seriously?
I told you that in confidence,
and now you're using it against me.
There, you're a real piece of work.
Mm-hmm.
How'd my sister do?
Ah. Good enough to earn herself a nickname.
That was fast. What is it?
We're going with, ah...
We're going with "Todd's Sister" for the time being.
Todd: That's original.
Mm-hmm. - Hmm.
See you tomorrow, Backwoods.
[Backwoods chuckles]
See you tomorrow, Todd's Sister.
Later, Todd's Sister.
Guess we're back on inventory.
Oh fuck!
You ever think of why?
I try not to think in these parts.
You are a wise man.
Of course...
if I was taking inventory,
I'd be thinking about sealing this bitch up.
Think she's closing us down?
Like you said...
wise not to think around these parts.
[soft knocking]
Anyone in here?
Pisstine Crappel.
Whoa!
It's actually pretty good.
What the f-
What the?
Cock suckers!