Ja
Jay:
Ar
Jay: Are
Jay: Are yo
Jay: Are you
Jay: Are you af
Jay: Are you afra
Jay: Are you afraid
Jay: Are you afraid o
Jay: Are you afraid of
Jay: Are you afraid of dy
Jay: Are you afraid of dyin
Jay: Are you afraid of dying?
Are you not afraid of dying?
It is something I am obsessed with
and I can't help but think about how I'm going to die,
which is why I'm making season two
of a TV show called We're All Gonna Die.
(Gasp)
(Scream)
Things haven't gotten a hell of a lot better
since the first season of our show.
The collapse is so near.
Holy Moses.
I'm going to ask some of the smartest people I can find
to help me face my fear... again.
It could bring about the end of life as we know it.
What?!
(Dynamic electronic music)
right music]
Dewey: You strike me as a visual learner
so let me walk you through this.
Or we could just watch the real thing happening beside us.
Dewey: That is the stack.
This is the flare tip.
This is the crane.
Your brother is on the ground "attempting" hand signals.
Not sure why,
the dudes 150 feet in the air
need to be talking to the dudes in the crane so that, you know,
the flare tip doesn't fall and they fall and it comes down
and hits Backwoods and he plummets to his death
and they land on top of him and everybody dies.
Jesus Christ.
Swirling toilet.
That's how I remember those hand signals.
Backwoods is probably like, uh...
[in unison] [Dewey mockingly] Yeehaw!
Tip is goin' up,
time to bolt this sucker down.
In the clear,
time for a beer
and I might be...
And then, you know,
Operator Phil is like...
[in unison] [Dewey mocks] Good work people.
We just put a dome on that dick.
And Todd's over there.
I should set my sister up with that down-to-earth,
lean journeyman pipefitter
named Dewey.
That's basically it.
If they listened to my ideas,
this would be seamless,
but there's politics.
Alright, good work, fellas.
This sucker goes online after two hundred welds.
Whatever he says is wrong.
It's more like 208 welds.
It's not, it's 200!
[upbeat rhythmic music]
♪
Mr. Conch, pleasure to have you.
Morning.
Welcome. - Marcus.
Nice to see you again, sir.
"Sir" is my dad.
Apologies, Jamar.
We've been looking all over for ya.
I know, I know.
Backwoods: Want you to check this thing over here.
Taser: Cheers to Todd's Sister.
Huh?
Aw, that's nice.
What?
Taser: Come on.
You fuckers!
Aw, you got me!
You're one of us!
You're one of us, sister.
Jamar: The accounting errors under Mr. Bennett
were extensive.
Jesus. Shit.
Jamar: We're still waiting for an official dollar amount.
Motherfucker.
From what I've been told it is significant.
I'd like to recognize Chelsea's efforts
in bringing them to light.
It must have been no easy task.
AHHHHHHH!!!
Give us the fucking numbers!
Oh, it was nothing at all.
So the question remains:
where's the money?
Precisely.
Bennett.
When was he last seen?
At the company golf tournament.
He has my money,
which makes him the most valuable thing here!
Actually, this whole refinery is valuable.
The misappropriation of funds is proof of that.
Why do you wanna close this facility?
It's like sending a horse to the glue factory
that's still winning races.
Charles: That's a good one.
You come up with that yourself?
Come on, Charles.
Charles: Okay, fuck accounting.
We have smarter people than us taking care of that.
My focus here is to shut this town down.
Oop, that's a slip.
I meant shut this refinery down.
And why do I personally have to watch 300 cocks
to get a conclusive piss test?
I-I don't understand. What happened?
Every single worker passed their urine analysis.
Well, of course they did.
Jamar: Don't celebrate just yet
because everyone tested positive for chlamydia.
Charles: All 300 men and eight women.
What are the odds?
I've been trying to get out of this place for a decade now.
You donkeys have made it possible.
This is on you!
You're outta here!
I'll give you 'til end of the day
to pack up your stuff.
Firing me is one thing,
but closing this plant now is fucking moronic.
We're on the verge
of revolutionizing the oil and gas industry
and you're too fucked in the head to know it!
Our very own chief engineer Medhi Chowdry,
has designed the new-
Charles: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jamar told me all about it.
Mr. Chowdry the one that's locked up in a tiny white room,
sweatin' out the booze.
He has challenges that he needs to overcome,
but his brilliance is undeniable.
Leonard, would you educate this idiot?
It's a 25% improvement in clean air burn.
As far as I know,
it's the first time it's been done.
Every refinery in the world will want access to this.
So what you're telling me,
I'm leaving money on the table?
A fortune.
And you know, the Earth.
Okay. Ideas don't make me money.
Operational tech does.
If you can show me that this works,
maybe my ears will work better too.
Prove it!
I fucking will prove it.
[indistinct chatter]
Chelsea: Your time's up, old man.
Come on, Leonard. Go, go, go.
I'm not finished.
Find this rat ass Bennett.
I always expect some kind of bullshit,
but this was not on my bingo card.
That makes two of us.
This is the first time I've been fired.
No one will hire me
once Charles drags my name through shit.
I know it seems really bad right now,
that's because it just happened.
Would you believe that I was once fired by Conch too?
Yes. Easily.
I was coming down a ladder, thirty feet up,
and my tie-off broke loose, knocked me unconscious.
My tool bag went flying.
I mean, it was a fucking yard sale.
And all the shit fell to the ground.
I almost killed three guys...
who are now my friends.
Wow. I'm-I'm sorry.
And the guys gave me a really fuckin' hard time
and corporate wrote me off
and basically shit-canned my ass.
It fucked me up for a long time.
But at the end of the day, the guys stood by me
and I got rehired.
Is that why you pursued management?
Well, in a one horse town like Imperial Valley,
this desk is the top of the ladder.
Well, in my absence,
I guess that now makes you Site Manager.
"Acting" Site Manager.
Yeah, by default.
You know, Charles acknowledged that money was missing
and he showed interest in Medhi's innovation.
We're onto something.
I'm gonna complete the flare stack,
get that cocksucker operational.
And I'm gonna spend my last day looking for Bennett
to show Charles where the fucking money went.
[background chattering]
Hey.
What? You can't just leave.
They can't just fire you.
They can, and we're lucky it's only me.
I burned a lot of bridges in retail,
but they are always hiring.
And actually, my uncle owns a few farms.
Maybe he has something?
That's super thoughtful.
I mean, this industry's transient.
We go where the work is.
There's opportunities out west.
What?!
No! That's so far!
I don't want you to leave.
I mean, I...I don't have to go alone.
I was not expecting that.
But I-I actually do travel light
'cause besides a toiletry bag and, you know, some clothes,
I'm-I'm actually pretty poor.
Oh, would you guys just make out already get it over with.
[everyone laughing]
It's a red dot for you.
I don't get it.
Can you at least tell me why you were shit-canned?
Yeah. So every piss sample tested positive for chlamydia.
Whoa. So that means that one of you-
No, no, but not me.
Um, not me, but I should talk to Bum and Bummer,
and Jimi.
But hold on, it's a-it's a drug test. Narcotics.
Why would they be testing for STDs?
I mean, that's gotta be illegal, right?
It is most definitely illegal.
A blatant disregard of our freedoms and democratic rights.
Just the man I was looking for.
To be continued.
Sorry to cooch block.
Thanks for listening.
Taser: Yeah, I've worked on the pipelines.
Money's primo but the food blows.
But they do have direct flights to Vegas.
Jimi: Fuck you, you little fuckin' prick!
Alright, I can still throw you in a drainage ditch
and never find your fuckin' body,
you little fuckin' shit.
Motherfucker said I was too old.
He's not wrong, Jimi.
Yeah, well, you know,
two blown ACLs,
a hip replacement and a slipped disc.
I get it. Fuckin' old.
Dewey: Hey Todd.
Taser: What's the word?
Chelsea was just fired.
Ma' man, you did it!
No, this is a very bad thing.
She was good for this place.
She had our backs
and because of that, she got shit-canned.
You were the one that started the hate-train for her.
Yeah. - Remember?
Yeah, I was fuckin' there.
Boys, here's the plan.
We do the work,
and we get it done before Conch leaves
to demonstrate our value.
I need a list of every capable-
actually, fuck it,
anyone that's held a welding torch,
Even if it was welding class in high school.
Will you boys lift my probation for this?
I promise no more cowboy shit.
Shut the fuck up.
Let's finish the stack.
The board members don't live in this town.
And who cares if that old milk bag gets richer?
We get to stay the same.
And what we got is pretty fuckin' special.
Yeah.
You get to watch your grandkids play baseball,
get that other hip done.
You get to buy that crotch-rocket
you've been lookin' at.
And probably write it off.
Yeah.
Let's do it for Medhi.
[upbeat music]
♪
Huh?
Fuck!
Backwoods: Fuckin' rookie!
Ten names is all my guys can come up with
and I'm one of them fer fuck's sakes.
There's no fucking way we complete 200 plus welds
by the end of the day.
We've got the material but we need the manpower.
Never seen a more expensive pile of bolts in my life.
There ain't enough welders in town to get this done.
Well, there aren't enough active welders.
Fuck it. I could go to the Leaky Pipe and grab some guys.
Huh?
I mean, they might be half-cut, but who gives a fuck?
Do it. Throw a line out, Jimi.
See who bites. Good idea.
Steph [over radio]: Hey Todd, we need you down at the flare stack.
There's been an incident, but everybody's okay.
Copy that. I'll be right there.
Backwoods: It coulda happened to anyone.
Now let's just leave it off the books.
Literally one foot to the left and I'd be rehearsing a eulogy.
Yeah, but you're not.
Why were you rushing?
What were you trying to prove?
Audrey: Nothing.
Guys, what am I doing here?
Write her up.
Whoa.
There's no special treatment.
She needs to learn this place is dangerous.
I mean, it's only thirty feet but he could have been killed.
Alright.
I don't know, man. Fuck. I got shit to do.
Wait.
Believe it or not,
this is a good thing.
You learn, you get better.
We only have each other when we're out here, Auds.
Just tryin' to look out for ya, okay?
We're good?
Yeah.
I love you.
I love you too.
What room is he in?
Number one.
How do you know this?
I have a file on everyone.
Including me...
Just a small one for you.
You're squeaky clean.
Except for that one time in Regina.
That's a conversation for later.
I'm gonna stand over here.
The last encounter he and I had was specific.
No. Get that crazy bitch away from me, Homer.
She's a dick mangler.
Bennett, Charles is a very powerful man.
He has "make people disappear" money.
And right now there is a very big angry man coming for you
that I guarantee has ripped out fingernails with pliers
and hooked nutsacks up to car batteries.
He's fucking huge.
Okay. - Okay.
We can break in. - Okay. Yeah.
We can break in. - There's a-
Is it safe?
I apologize for everything regarding the catheter
that was offside and out of character.
No shit.
Well, if there-there's anything I can do to make it up to you,
you just let me know.
Touch it.
What?!
What?
Oh, hey hey, there he is.
[Homer chuckling]
Bennett: Oh, he is fuckin' huge.
And do you know why Charles sent him?
I think he wants me dead
because we embezzled a bunch of money
and I know more than I should.
Don't fuck with us.
I'm not.
Well, where is it?
Complicated.
Classic one pocket to the next.
Not much else.
I fuckin' knew it!
Okay, you need Witness Protection,
you need surgery. Fuck.
We need acid to burn off your fingerprints.
Could you send me to Thailand?
For the weather.
I've got bronchitis.
[fake coughing]
Beggars can't be choosers.
Fuckin' right, Jimi.
Let's kit 'em up.
We'll see. This way, boys.
Awesome - Great job.
Right on, Dad. - Yeah.
Two of them are sober.
Not that guy. - Not him. Not even close.
[upbeat music]
♪
[deep sigh]
Your face doesn't look happy.
There are issues in the flare line
and I've pinpointed the problem to a weld at the connector box.
Todd: Isn't that off the fuckin' ground?
It's forty feet up and it's a confined, awkward-ass spot.
Now your face doesn't look happy.
Todd: It's truly fucked.
Someone can make this weld, no?
Come on. Anybody? Anybody?
Alright, fine. Okay. Okay, fine, fine, fine.
I mean, some of these old dogs did this shit thirty years ago,
barefoot and without a harness,
but I don't know, the confidence level is down.
And fuck, insurance. Holy shit.
If somebody takes a dive, man.
Taser: Don't fuckin' look at me.
I'm not built for height, skis or sedans.
Backwoods: I've seen the weld.
It's like masturbatin' on a city bus.
It's doable, but it's difficult.
Either way, one of us has to try.
Well, what's it gonna be Goldenarm?
I get the fuckin' hint, alright.
Backwoods: Oh, thatta boy! [laughs]
Jimi: It's so easy.
Yes!
[laughing]
Come on.
Todd: Oh, man.
This piece of junk again?
Stop wastin' our time.
You ready, Goldenarm?
Got everything we need.
Let's do this, brother.
Come on. - Dewey: Alright, let's go.
Let's see your right hand, right paw slips it in there.
How does this work?
What the fuck is this, Dewey, a video game?
Oh, it's-it's an impossible weld.
If you fail,
we have to rebuild this section.
And by that time we're all unemployed
and this stack is a-a glorified art installation
that we all get to stare at for years to come.
How in the fuck do they let you coach little league?
I remember when you wanted to quit the trades.
Look at you now, huh? Foreman.
Finally, Site Manager.
Acting Site Manager.
Jimi: Shut the fuck up, Dewey.
Yeah, what he said.
This is a layup. You got this.
Thanks, Auds.
You know, I'd say some words of encouragement to ya,
but you don't need 'em.
You got your-your Red Seal, your fancy set up here.
Uh? You, you just, you gotta remember though
that you're only as good as your last weld,
so get up there and burn some rod.
And for God's sake, don't be a pussy.
[Todd chuckling]
Thanks, Dad. - Okay.
Thanks, Dad.
How high up is this?
Hope you brought your diaper.
Oh fuck.
Think they got this?
Oh fuck, no.
Well, she's a tight squeeze,
so it's a good thing you got narrow hips.
And shoulders.
[Backwoods sighs]
The fuck?
Put some coal on the fire good sir.
We got work.
Weed doesn't fuck your cardio my ass.
I'm just not good at stairs.
Well, I guess we better suit up.
[upbeat music]
♪
So it looks like you're gonna be horizontal
and tied up like a knot.
That elbow there, it's right fucky.
And I don't know who fucked it up.
It's gotta be an engineer.
Well, let's fix it.
Hold that. - Yeah mon.
Okay. - Alright. Shield.
Backwoods: Shield. - Yessir.
What else?
Let's get Dewey's robot arm on.
Backwoods: Alright.
Hope he knows what the fuck he's doing.
If this works.
Tell me when it's on.
Wait, one more thing...
Do not fuck this up.
You wanna do it?
No I do not!
That's what I thought.
Stupid fuckin' spot.
Backwoods: That's it, brother.
Squeeze in there like a dirty fuckin' old sock.
Todd: Shit! Fuckin' metal grating.
Fuck.
You gettin' it? - Nope.
Rod: Shouldn't we do something?
Get 'em some tools or somethin'?
No, Rod. Nobody moves. Nobody gets hurt.
If they need anything they'll radio or yell at us.
No news is good news.
Todd: This arm is fucked!
Backwoods: Quit bitching!
fuck there Backwoods.
I have to do it by hand.
Backwoods: Shit.
This thing is fuckin' clunky, man.
We've wasted enough time with Dewey's piece of shit science.
Fuck the robot arm then.
You don't need it anyways.
Just like riding a bike.
No shield?
What are you gonna do, the old "safety squint"?
I can't get my head in there.
I'm going blind and I'm going left-handed.
I'm sorry, lemme just clear the shit outta my fuckin' ears.
You're going south-paw?
That or we tear the platform apart.
Backwoods: Holy fuck, brother.
What's the plan?
Pass me the fuckin' stinger.
Not that stinger, jackass.
[Backwoods laughing]
It's right in front of ya.
Some helper you are.
You could have at least passed me the fuckin' rod.
What kind of crazy twisted wizard dick are you makin'?
Todd: It's the only way to get at it.
Backwoods: I guess I should have lubed ya up and shoved you in there.
Todd: What are you sayin'?
Backwoods: Nothing. I farted.
[Todd exhales sharply]
What the fuck is going on?
Here we go.
Backwoods: Give her shit.
[crackling]
Todd: Oh yeah, it sounds good.
May the welding gods be with us!
Taser: Did Todd order OT meals?
Nom.
Todd: Ow. Shit. This shit is hot.
Is it workin'?
Did you do it?
I don't wanna brag,
but that bead is tighter than a squirrel's ass.
[Backwoods laughing]
Hey Phil, ya lazy fuck.
You wanna peel yourself off that chair and check the weld?
Make sure she holds. Come on.
Todd's a pro, but we still gotta see if it lights.
What's he sayin'?
Will you shh? Were you gonna kiss me?
What? I'm askin'.
Goldenarm is back, baby!
[cheering]
[happy music]
Okay everyone,
the flare stack is ready to go.
You still gotta light it.
Yeah. No shit.
I'm glad I cancelled my dinner plans for this gathering.
Bennett: Thank you, sir.
We're happy to have you here, ah, Chuck.
Shut up.
What is goin' on?
I told them everything.
These two have been embezzling from the company.
That's why there are discrepancies.
Bennett: And that's why I had the heart attack.
It comes with the territory of being a leader.
Charles: Look at who you're relying on for this information,
a lunatic, a junkie.
His fuckin' brain's like a kicked in pumpkin.
Alright, tap the brakes, Chuck.
Do I constantly crave the sweet release
that stimulants provide?
Yes.
Do I act on that craving?
Yes I do.
But am I a junkie?!
No sir, I am not a junkie.
You're accusing your boss
and the owner of this company of embezzling?
Coercion, attempted murder.
Jesus.
It's Mr. Huge!
Mr. Protein Pig.
Has anyone ever told you you have a very unhappy face?
You should get that looked at.
I'm not going anywhere, man!
He's a fuckin' idiot!
Accusations have ramifications.
I'm 73 years old and I got highly paid lawyers
that'll keep this in the courts till I'm fuckin' dust.
And go fuck yourself!
We just busted our asses off to get this thing rockin'
and he just waddles away like a fucked up penguin?
I don't have a law degree, but he is guilty.
Allegations are one thing,
proof is another.
Charles has been cagey since you two flagged accounting.
I need to speak to some people but this is far from over.
Okay, good.
Todd, your work on this project is impressive.
Very quick turnaround.
Thank you, Jamar.
And now if Medhi's innovation works,
it could make the company millions.
Leave Charles to me and the Board.
We'll do a full investigation.
Don't you worry.
Okay, good.
Jimi [over radio]: Todd, come in.
Wipe your ass and pull up your pants.
It's time.
Copy that.
Backwoods: Don't look down the barrel.
Jimi: Hey, numbnuts.
What are you doin'?
Hey, what the fuck are you doin'?
You never take him hunting?
This guy? No, he wouldn't shoot a bird.
Here. I'll get the next one.
Dewey: I never get to shoot.
Jimi: Fuck off, Dewey.
Easy, easy.
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up!
You gotta be able to hold this back.
Jimi: And cock it back.
Cock that thing back and don't fuck it up.
It's bad luck if you miss on the first try.
Dewey: Double rainbow.
Backwoods: Not bad, Rook.
Did you shoot?
Shit, sorry Jimi, the valve wasn't open.
Try again.
Doesn't count.
Thanks. We're good. Okay, here we go.
How's it going?
Just wait, just wait.
All right. Giddy up.
[cheering]
[Chelsea chuckling]
Actually fuckin' did it!
Yeah, they did.
Yeah!
You gettin' this, Medhi?
Medhi: Yes! Yes, we did it! [laughs]
Patient: Fuck off!
Fuck you!
Phil, how we lookin'?
Remember how you were gloating
about that 25% clean air/burn increase?
I'm seeing 29.
[chuckling] Oh.
Is that good?
Yes. - That's good, right?
Yeah, that's good.
[happy music]
[indistinct chattering]
What's up? - Hey.
Hey Todder. - Hey TaterTodd.
Fellas. - Todder.
What up, Todd? - How's it goin'?
Good.
Same thing. On his tab.
The fuck you are!
Guy makes ten bucks an hour more than me.
You can pay you cheap prick.
Actually, Site Manager makes 15.85 more than you.
Holy shit!
But that hasn't been confirmed.
And I'll believe it when it happens.
Thanks for having my back, brother.
Hey, I can't think of anybody who deserves it more than you.
Straight up.
Thank you, bro.
And I mean, honestly,
the amount of cocks that you had to suck
to get to the top is-is remarkable.
News Reporter [on TV]: In breaking news...
Taser: Yo, turn that TV up!
News Reporter [on Tv]: Former Site Manager at the Conch Industries' refinery
has entered a voluntary plea agreement with the government
on embezzlement and other charges relating to his time.
Oh wow. They used the mugshot
when he got caught with the hooker.
They forgot to charge him for being a fuckhead.
Alright, you clearly don't know how the judicial system works.
Good talking to you, fucker.
Backwoods: Shh! Everyone shut the fuck up for a minute!
CEO and owner, Charles Conch, was taken into custody.
I'm innocent!
I didn't do nothing.
News Reporter [on TV]: He is facing a long list of charges including embezzlement,
tax fraud.
Now we here at the news team reached out to Conch Industries
for a statement and what this might mean
for the refinery in the near future.
Their only comment was to say
that no decisions have yet been made
about management and operations.
Todd: Sounds to me like we could still be fucked.
Backwoods: I hear that, brother.
Maybe Chelsea will keep her job.
Todd: Who fuckin' knows?
Oh, you think Miss Nakamura is gonna stick around?
Best not to think in these parts.
Mm-hmm.
Dewey: One more game?
Taser: Pony up. Come on.
Dewey: That's my rent money.
Taser: Dewey needs a roommate!
Steph: Shut the fuck up, Dewey!
["Too Bad" by Doug and the Slugs]
♪ Too bad that you had to get caught
♪ That's not like you to lose face
♪ So sad that you're not as smart
♪ As you thought you were in the first place ♪
[upbeat guitar riff]
♪ All the money, no more than insulation
♪ (Too bad, insulation, too bad, insulation)
♪ Ah, the 45! Goodbye!
♪ I used it with no hesitation
♪ (Too bad, hesitation, too bad, hesitation)
♪ It's too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad, too bad
♪ Too bad that you had to get caught
♪ That's not like you to lose face ♪
♪ So sad, so sad, so sad, so sad, so sad, it's so sad
♪ It's too bad, too bad, too bad
♪ Oh baby, won't ya listen to me
♪ It's so sad, so sad, so sad ♪