1 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:16,057 [Jenn]. Have you seen Chelsea Nakamura? 2 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:17,100 Chelsea! 3 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,184 [Chelsea groaning] 4 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:19,769 Chels? 5 00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:21,646 [gasps] There she... 6 00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:23,106 Chels? 7 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,107 Hey. 8 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,276 So I think that we should try something new 9 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,069 for the Save the Whales Day. 10 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:30,071 Okay. We usually do the charity golf tournament 11 00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,031 and no one complains. 12 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,198 I know. 13 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,492 That's because everyone finds it too boring for words. 14 00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:35,493 You mean you're too bored? 15 00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:37,078 That's correct. I find it boring. 16 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,789 I don't mind being the whistleblower here. 17 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:40,999 What's your idea? 18 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,834 Ahem. Okay. 19 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,003 Photo calendar, our employees, 20 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,757 but in very flattering lighting, obviously. 21 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,467 We sell it. Boom! 22 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:51,593 Money for whales. 23 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,261 Like a firefighter calendar? 24 00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:55,972 Yeah. Tasteful. Classy. 25 00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:58,516 You haven't organized anything since your dog's quinceanera. 26 00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:00,101 No. But I learned a lot from that. 27 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,102 Fine. 28 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,562 If it keeps you outta my office, 29 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,688 off email, 30 00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:05,106 and away from anything that'll concuss ya, 31 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,316 I call that a win. For me. 32 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,484 Yes! 33 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,277 You won't regret it, Chelsea. Promise. 34 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,820 Oh, bar is so low, Jenn. 35 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,072 [Jenn laughing] 36 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,532 I know! So low! 37 00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:15,825 It's basically in the Earth's core, Jenn. 38 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:18,703 Yeah, but that's where the diamonds are made, baby! 39 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:22,957 [rock music] 40 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,167 [rock music fades] 41 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:27,337 So, for our annual Save the Whales fundraiser this year, 42 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,881 we're doing something a little outside the box. 43 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,175 We are gonna make a photo calendar 44 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:36,388 that is going to showcase twelve of our employees. 45 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,847 I'm calling it 46 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:41,142 'Hard Hat Hotties.' 47 00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:42,727 This is what I came back for? - Okay. 48 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,062 [Dewey]. I like the alliteration. 49 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,398 Why only twelve employees? 50 00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,900 Because there's twelve months in a calendar year, genius. 51 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:49,859 Ohhhh. 52 00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,653 How is this fundraising? 53 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,571 Whales don't care how we raise funds, Janet. 54 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:54,698 They just wanna swim. 55 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:55,824 That's what fish do. 56 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,409 What happened to the golf tournament? 57 00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:59,411 I bought a new glove and a pair of spikes. 58 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,579 We're switching things up this year, Todd. 59 00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,915 But the golf tournament is the only day of the year 60 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:06,209 we can be day drunk and get paid for it. 61 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,836 [in unison] Yeah! - Here here! 62 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:11,214 So we're gonna unveil the cover this weekend 63 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:14,259 at that janky gross bar you people love so much. 64 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,428 Chelsea, can we get that inflatable orca 65 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,346 set up right out front the venue? 66 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:19,848 It's an inflatable whale shark 67 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,599 but who cares about accuracy, right? 68 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:22,600 Nerd. 69 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,394 I've done a bit of catalogue work before. 70 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,812 What kinda looks you going for? 71 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:26,813 [scoffs] Yeah right. 72 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,731 What's your problem? 73 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,441 Editorial, mostly. 74 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:34,112 Um, tradespeople just doing their job, you know, but spicy. 75 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,447 [Homer]. Yeah, 'cause nothing sells calendars 76 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,240 like Roach's sweaty ass crack, right Jenny? 77 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,199 [in unison] Ew! 78 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,200 Good to have you back, Homer. 79 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,286 Are our clothes like on or off? 80 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,620 On! 81 00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,872 This is a work event. 82 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,582 You must wear proper safety gear. 83 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:46,624 Thank you. 84 00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:47,792 I mean, whales don't wear clothes 85 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,253 so I'm thinking like clothing optional? 86 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,213 What kind of backdoor argument is that? 87 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,631 No, no, no, no, no, no. 88 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:56,259 [chatter droning loudly] 89 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,220 Everyone's clothes stay on! 90 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:03,558 Let's just say that I agree to model for this. 91 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,436 What's to stop someone from using my picture 92 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,438 to do nasty stuff? 93 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,148 [Jenn]. No one is jerking off to you, Janet. 94 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,067 Let's make that very clear right here right now. 95 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:16,446 This is about something bigger than ourselves, right? 96 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:17,656 Orcas. - Whale sharks! 97 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:18,615 I don't care. 98 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:21,284 Okay. If anyone actually wants to participate, 99 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,243 sign the sheet. 100 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:23,453 If not, no biggie. 101 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,496 Now back to work. 102 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,664 And remember, this is voluntary. 103 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,125 Strongly encouraged. - Voluntary. 104 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:30,043 See you there. 105 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,127 [Chelsea]. Free will. 106 00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,087 Free your willy. 107 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,046 [Chelsea]. No means no! 108 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,256 Not really. You're my employee. 109 00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:36,800 I'm ready. 110 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,679 Well, people are constantly staring at my fart blaster 111 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:41,680 all day anyways, 112 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,264 someone oughta make some money out of it. 113 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,141 Ooh, yeah! 114 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,894 For the whales! 115 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,814 What do you think, Audrey? 116 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:51,856 You gonna sign up? 117 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:54,442 You have such a interesting look. 118 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:57,487 Like a, like a gal who cleans her own wounds with vodka. 119 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,950 Well, I think I'm here to be a carpenter, 120 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,201 not a calendar model. 121 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,285 Well, it's for charity. 122 00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,913 Well, if we were doing a raffle or a blood drive 123 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,498 like every other refinery? 124 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,749 I'd show up for that. 125 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,042 Like a blood drive for whales? 126 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,043 What? 127 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,211 No, for people. 128 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,296 I didn't think that whale-to-human transfusions 129 00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:16,297 were even possible. 130 00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:17,882 Like, what are you picturing a whale 131 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:19,884 hooked up to, like, a giant IV? 132 00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:21,678 I mean, so much blood. 133 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,054 Audrey, if you're looking to get out of this, 134 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,889 and I fully support that, 135 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,891 we need someone who can blow up the inflatable whale. 136 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,518 Done. - Oh, thanks. 137 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:31,479 She'd rather blow Shamu than get her picture taken. 138 00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:32,897 Mmmhmm. [Tanner chuckling] 139 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,941 You like that? You can help her. 140 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,445 Fuck. 141 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:43,908 You will not pressure, coerce or guilt anyone to participate. 142 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,368 Fine. 143 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,995 Totally. Done. 144 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:50,749 [mellow lighthearted music] 145 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,792 Whales will die, Todd! 146 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,586 Look, you're the GF. 147 00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,921 If you don't do it, nobody will! 148 00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:58,089 Nope. 149 00:04:58,089 --> 00:04:59,591 I've worked here long enough to know how these things go. 150 00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:01,259 I'm not dropping my pants. 151 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,552 Nobody needs to see that. 152 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,554 What, you're worried about that whole thing there? 153 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,097 Because we can crop it. 154 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:07,849 Or, you know, we can frame you elbows up. 155 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:10,143 AI does amazing things now. 156 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,357 What do you want? 157 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:16,983 What? - To do it. 158 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,361 'Cause I'm not above bribery. 159 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,363 I'm not above being bribed. 160 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,782 Double-time. OT meal. 161 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:24,783 [Jenn sighing] 162 00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:25,784 Fine. Pizza? 163 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,744 Chicken Parmesan. - Chicken Parmesan? Oh! 164 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,829 Who the fuck do we think we are, Mariah Carey? 165 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:31,998 And dessert. 166 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,500 Lava cake. 167 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,086 You greedy little bitch. 168 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:39,631 [mellow lighthearted music] 169 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,632 Fine! 170 00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:43,218 Just get them to sign up. 171 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,844 You got it, boss. 172 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,014 [chatter droning] 173 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:48,932 Listen up! 174 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:49,974 [chatter droning] 175 00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:51,976 Can everybody shut up for a minute? 176 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,770 Who wants Friday afternoon off, 177 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,063 double-time pay, 178 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:58,233 Chicken Parmesan OT meal to do this dumbass calendar? 179 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,234 Yeah, fucking right. 180 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,194 Chicken Parmesan for everyone? 181 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,320 Jesus. 182 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,406 Come on, if I'm doing this, you guys fucking are. 183 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:05,782 Chicken Parm, people! 184 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,409 Throw in some garlic balls. 185 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,203 So this isn't the Olive Garden, Steph. 186 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,955 Fine. Garlic balls. Jeez. 187 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,582 Yo, what's up? - Cheese and garlic balls. 188 00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:17,252 Oh, that was my nickname in high school 189 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,294 'cause of how it smelt. 190 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,462 Wow. - [Roach] My balls. 191 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:22,424 We have that full facial coupon and the free arm wax. 192 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,009 We're in. - We'll do it. 193 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,093 Anyone else? - Nice. 194 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,262 All right, you want an ass that can move product? 195 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,305 Taser's your man. I see myself as Mr. April. 196 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,265 Okay, I'm out. 197 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,850 That's what I'm talking about! 198 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,268 Maybe even a Mr. May. 199 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,437 I'll do it! - Sign me up twice, man. 200 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:36,479 [whispers] Hey, this is good. 201 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,397 This is good. 202 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,815 Oh, ah, ah. Screw it. Screw it. 203 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:39,858 Hey. - Oh yes! 204 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:40,859 What are you guys doing? 205 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,319 Hey. - That's quite the noises. 206 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:43,236 [Backwoods]. Uhhhh... 207 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,739 Apparently, I gotta do this calendar crap. 208 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,115 Be a leader, set an example, 209 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:48,324 blah, blah, blah. 210 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,909 Right. Right. 211 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,037 You want tips on training or something? 212 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,955 From you? What a joke. 213 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,665 Look at this. It's fucking steel. 214 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,417 Well, maybe. 215 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,460 Really? 216 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,003 Oh shit. Well, I don't know. 217 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,338 You've probably talked to Marcus about it 218 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,048 but first thing's first, 219 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,674 is you gotta lose the foreman fifteen. 220 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:05,800 And then you gotta want it, brother, 221 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,885 and you gotta want it bad. 222 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:07,886 You gotta want it more than bread. 223 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:08,887 Nope. 224 00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:09,888 You gotta want it more than beer. 225 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:10,889 Nope. 226 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:11,973 You gotta want it more than joy itself. 227 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,516 This is gonna fucking suck. 228 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,810 Yep. - It will fucking suck. 229 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,562 It's gonna suck worse than the biggest, greasiest, 230 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,356 dirtiest dick you've ever seen in your life. 231 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,066 And you're gonna suck it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 232 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,442 Oh yeah? - Yes. 233 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,485 And you're gonna enjoy it. 234 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,486 I'll do what it takes. 235 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,112 The training begins now. 236 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,197 Let's go. - Aw. 237 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,282 When he pukes, you clean it. 238 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,702 [upbeat rock music] 239 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,870 [Backwoods]. Run up them fucking stairs 240 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,246 like you'll never run again! 241 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,373 You're not a fucking electrician! 242 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,500 You're a fucking pipe fitter running up! 243 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,335 6:00 AM wasn't part of the deal, man. 244 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,295 Neither was greatness. Now get moving! 245 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,714 Go slow or you'll blow your colon right outta your anus! 246 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:45,715 I think I just did. 247 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,384 Good! Shit yourself! 248 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,929 Dang it! You lift. 249 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,347 You dig like you're digging in the couch 250 00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,556 for your last two bucks. 251 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,517 There ain't no quitting you, Todd Stool. 252 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,935 What the fuck are you doing? 253 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,520 Get whippin'! 254 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,232 ♪ It was the suit that got me the gig 255 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:03,775 ♪ It was the tears that got me the girl ♪ 256 00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,527 Sucker. 257 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,404 Discipline and focus at all times. 258 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,532 Do not eat that! 259 00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,283 Be one with hunger. 260 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,576 Punch the fuck out of him! 261 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:16,413 Punch his fat old fucking guts out! 262 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,248 ["Someone Who's Cool" by Odds] 263 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,083 ♪ Soul like a thimble 264 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,252 ♪ Swallowed up in symbols 265 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:25,964 ♪ Wanting what I don't need 266 00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:27,549 ♪ If sympathy's the answer ♪ 267 00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:28,550 [Backwoods]. What the fuck? 268 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,593 You're cheating, you fuck. 269 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,429 What the fuck? 270 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,973 Ahhhhhhhhhhh! 271 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,516 Train! 272 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:38,977 Igne, igne, igneous. 273 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,395 Roach, what are you talking about? 274 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,564 [Roach]. Rocks, man, rocks. 275 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,565 That's it. - Hello talent. 276 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,108 What the hell is this? 277 00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,151 [Jenn]. I hired him. 278 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,485 He's our photographer. 279 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,611 You hired Dewey? 280 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,530 Uh-huh. - What are his qualifications? 281 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,991 Well, number one, he owns a camera. 282 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,994 And yep, that is 90% of the job. 283 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,288 Honestly, I can't even think of what the other 10% would be, 284 00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,581 so I guess that might be the whole job. 285 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:00,790 Yeah, this is gonna be a train wreck. 286 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:01,833 [Jenn]. What are you thinking? 287 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:02,834 I'm gonna scout the plant, 288 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,502 look for some shadows that hit the cement 289 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,296 in a way that, uh, you know, speaks to me. 290 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,590 Ooh. [giggles] - Yeah. 291 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:10,008 Oh, we are gonna make some magic. 292 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,551 Yes. 293 00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,804 He's an artiste. Muah! 294 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,473 More like fartiste. 295 00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:21,019 She said she'd be here. 296 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,605 Um, she did throw a piece of bologna at me at the same time 297 00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:24,606 so it could be... 298 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,607 All right. 299 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,733 Good garlic balls, Jenn. 300 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,026 Okay. You know what? 301 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,611 How are you with props? 302 00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,029 I'm a fucking pro, Dewey. 303 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:34,282 Because I have a friend for you. 304 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,992 And you know what? 305 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,453 I think he's hungry, Steph. 306 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,080 I think he's a hungry little fella. 307 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,874 Why don't we, why don't we give him a little nibble, huh? 308 00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:43,833 There we go. 309 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,044 Yeah, he's got an appetite. 310 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,462 Oh he likes it. 311 00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,546 Yes. - [Jenn] Nice. 312 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,007 Oh yes. Very nice, Steph, yeah. 313 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,467 Oh he's a hungry little boy. 314 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:53,843 He appreciates it, Steph. 315 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:54,844 Okay, this is fucking stupid. 316 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,388 I'm done. 317 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,183 Chicken parm. 318 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:01,768 Mmm. 319 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,854 You didn't want to eat that after the shoot, Roach? 320 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,940 No, I'm good, man. 321 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,941 Okay, I can do this. 322 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:08,900 I can do this, yeah. 323 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,568 [Roach] It's okay. - Okay. 324 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,404 Okay, I need you to focus though, Roach. 325 00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,030 I need you to focus, okay? 326 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,074 Not on the parm! On me! 327 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:21,079 Okay, this is how they do in the magazines, probably. 328 00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,747 I think. I read it once. 329 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:23,873 [Barb]. I gotta show off my new nails. 330 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:24,874 So these are new. 331 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:25,875 Oh. - Catch those. 332 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,293 Mine are cute, too. - Okay. 333 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,420 They're something. - I'm zooming in. 334 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,088 I'm zooming in, ladies. That's it. 335 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,089 Okay. - Get Momma. Big Momma. 336 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,173 [in unison] Big Momma. 337 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,925 Oh my god! Yeah. I want ya to, 338 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,927 I want you to open that Big Momma booty. 339 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:36,928 Come on. - Surprise! 340 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,055 Big Momma booty! Big Momma booty! 341 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,014 Big Momma booty! 342 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,183 That's it. That's the shot. 343 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,436 Yes. Oh, Darth welder in the house. 344 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:47,731 Oh, I'm feeling some sparks down south of this weld band. 345 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:51,901 Are you sure that you have never done this before because... 346 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,111 I got more gas in the tank. 347 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,696 I wanna give you guys some options. 348 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,072 We like options. - Oh, I like options. 349 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,532 Okay, what if I, uh, 350 00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:59,909 wear my welding helmet on my junk like this, 351 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,286 to imply danger? 352 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,413 Ooh, someone's got some skin in the game. 353 00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,707 Ooh, if we're gonna go that route, Tase, 354 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,917 I think we need to pop a button. 355 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,085 Ooh. - Ooh. 356 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,087 Okay, I'm just gonna just do a little... 357 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,714 just a little zhuzhing. 358 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,257 Tase with the blaze. - There we go. 359 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,592 [Dewey]. Oh but Tase, 360 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:17,594 I think we're gotta have to see the hair flowing. 361 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:18,762 Show me that mane. 362 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,972 Oh yeah! You're a warrior. 363 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,640 Time to do art. 364 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,309 [Jenn]. Let's do it. 365 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:26,102 [Dewey]. Yep, here we go. 366 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,145 Grinders! 367 00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,146 Oh! 368 00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,273 [thrilling rock music] 369 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,983 [Jenn] Turn up the heat! - More! 370 00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,610 [thrilling rock music] 371 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:34,694 Beautiful, Tase. Beautiful. 372 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,779 Game on. 373 00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:38,740 [thrilling rock music] [camera clicking] 374 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:39,741 [Jenn]. Okay. 375 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,284 Nice. 376 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:42,994 Yeah. 377 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,329 Okay. Nice. 378 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,456 Now if you could just pop that belt open, 379 00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:47,957 give us a little summer tease. 380 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,251 What? You mean my pants? Why? 381 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,753 Crack it open a little bit, you know? 382 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:54,381 You're Mr. July, it's supposed to be hot outside, right? 383 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,591 Give us a little humidex, you know? 384 00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:58,968 I didn't know this was gonna be those kind of pictures. 385 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,095 [Chelsea]. Hey! 386 00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:02,764 Oh fuck! Here comes the pants patrol. 387 00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:05,308 You cannot under any circumstance 388 00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,018 pressure an employee to take off his clothes. 389 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,687 Look, you trusted me to run this fundraiser, 390 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,814 so just let me. 391 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,817 We are not making anyone uncomfortable. 392 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,568 Right, Marcus? 393 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,570 You're fine, right? 394 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,780 Tell Chelsea that you're fine. 395 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,490 He's not gonna tell you the truth. 396 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:21,449 You're the boss. 397 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,702 You don't get the power dynamic at play here? 398 00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:26,162 Marcus, has Ms. Conch or Dewey 399 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,622 done anything at this company event 400 00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:30,000 to make you feel uncomfortable? 401 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,334 Well, my knees hurt 402 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:35,338 and I don't love that my aunt's definitely gonna see this 403 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,674 but it's been... fine? 404 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,676 See, you can't fake that kind of praise. 405 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:40,760 Up to you, Marcus. 406 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,637 Yeah. 407 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:44,222 Up to you, Marcus. 408 00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,224 Is a bit chilly. 409 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,517 I'm gonna head in for a snack. 410 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:48,727 Is that okay? 411 00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,603 Come on down. 412 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,814 You know, Taser didn't mind the breeze. 413 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,816 He said it makes his nipples pop. 414 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,026 That's a professional. 415 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,027 Watch it, Dewey. 416 00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,987 I can't fire her but I can fire you. 417 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,905 I'd just rehire you. 418 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:03,158 [Chelsea] I heard that! - Finally! 419 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,035 A safe space again! 420 00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:07,871 You know, just walk and judge. That's helpful. 421 00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:08,872 Beep. Beep. Beep, 422 00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:11,916 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 423 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,418 Perfect. 424 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,253 Take it off. 425 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:16,504 Are we waiting for anybody else or- 426 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,089 Nope. Just you and me. 427 00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:20,175 Team Blowhole. - Yeah. 428 00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:21,551 Yeah, we've been entrusted with the great honour 429 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:22,927 of blowing this bad boy up. 430 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,512 Yeah. In here? 431 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,097 You wanna haul this outside and blow it? 432 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:28,350 No Audrey, I don't wanna fucking do this anywhere. 433 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,853 It's stupid. It's a lame-ass, giant-ass pool toy. 434 00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:35,523 I've got so much other shit I'd rather and can be doing. 435 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,941 Oh yeah? Like what? 436 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,360 Doom scrolling? 437 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,486 Ghosting people? 438 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,528 Calling your mom? 439 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:41,613 I love my mom. 440 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,323 This is what's wrong with your generation. 441 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,866 Loving my mom? - Yeah. 442 00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,951 Yeah, no, 'cause you think you're above this task. 443 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,703 Fuck. Who isn't? 444 00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:49,913 Get blowin'. 445 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,581 Clock hits four, I hit the door. 446 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:53,917 You're just gonna stand there? 447 00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:55,627 Blow it or suck it. Whatever your preference. 448 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,754 Yeah, get your hair dryer. 449 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,547 I miss Jimi already. 450 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,550 Appreciate you, bro. I feel good. 451 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,677 Good. I mean, you still look like a piece of shit 452 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:05,929 but you did everything you could. 453 00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:07,305 What? [Backwoods chuckling] 454 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,890 Pssst! 455 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,811 You boys ever heard of smizing? 456 00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:13,770 No one has heard of smizing, Homer. 457 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:14,813 What the fuck is it? 458 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,272 Do I got to apprentice for it? 459 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,774 [Todd]. Smizing? 460 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,359 It's when you smile with your eyes 461 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,902 but not your mouth. 462 00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,404 Smile with your whole face, 463 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:24,072 that's amateur clown shit. 464 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,825 Behold. 465 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:27,993 [whispers] There's no fucking, 466 00:14:27,993 --> 00:14:29,953 what is this fucking shit? 467 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:34,207 [gentle lighthearted music] 468 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,000 Are you fucking with us Homer, or...? 469 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,335 No. 470 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,795 I did some modelling as a child. 471 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:39,838 Bullshit. 472 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:42,132 I was the face of a major soda pop brand. 473 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,926 You guys remember the, uh, "Chuggg It!" kid? 474 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,010 [Todd] Shut up! - No fucking way! 475 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:46,970 That's you? No way! - No way. 476 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,138 Show us! Oh my god! Do it right now! 477 00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,556 I'm not doing do that. - Do it! Do it, Homer. 478 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,015 I did years of therapy to get over that, okay? 479 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,142 Do it. - I can't do it. 480 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,144 Do it or you're fired again. 481 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,604 Ch-ch-ch-chuggg it! 482 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:57,605 [both laughing] 483 00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:58,606 That is awesome! 484 00:14:58,606 --> 00:14:59,816 That was you! - Holy shit! 485 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,985 I did billboards, bus stops, 486 00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:03,820 even did a short run of urinal cakes 487 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,364 but parents didn't think it was appropriate to be 488 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,158 pissing on a child's face. 489 00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,367 Teach me, Homer. - Teach him. 490 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,870 It was a different life! 491 00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,413 Different times. 492 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,957 Fucking don't turn your back on us now, Homer. 493 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:20,045 I gave it all up for the glitz and glamour of welding, boys. 494 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,296 [whispers] Chuggg it kid. 495 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:22,464 All right. I'll help. 496 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,507 Listen up! - Yes! 497 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,051 You gotta seduce the camera. 498 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,260 How? 499 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,636 Always be moving. 500 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,055 Get the legs in. - Loosen them. 501 00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,473 Yes, Todd. Come on! Get moving! 502 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:32,682 Get moving, eh? - [Backwoods] Yes. Yes. 503 00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:34,059 You wanna give the camera different facial expressions. 504 00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,018 Okay? - Okay. 505 00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,644 Start with a smile. 506 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:37,729 With your teeth. 507 00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,189 Smile, Todd! Show off those pearly whites! 508 00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,524 Come on! Yes! You're happy! 509 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,610 But then, wait a minute. 510 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,071 Who died? - [Homer] Everyone. 511 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,030 Oh. Sad face. 512 00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,073 Everyone died, Todd. 513 00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,407 You look high. - [Homer] But wait. 514 00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,408 What do you see out there? 515 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:53,828 Is that your best friend fucking your sis... 516 00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:54,829 Cousin? 517 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,082 No, no, it's your, yeah, your-your cousin Greg! 518 00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:58,375 Your best friend, look at him 519 00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:00,085 fucking your cousin G-Greg! 520 00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:01,169 You're mad at him, Todd! 521 00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,129 Not me. Greg. - [Homer] But wait. 522 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,547 What's that in the distance? - Huh? 523 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,757 [Homer] Over here, Todd. - Huh? 524 00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:07,425 [Backwoods] What is it? - No. Like towards me! 525 00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:08,510 Right there! There it is! - There. 526 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:11,554 It's a 12-point elk. - [Backwoods] Ooh. 527 00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:12,555 You reach back... 528 00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:13,515 Clobber it. 529 00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:14,557 No, you're not gonna clobber it. 530 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:15,517 No, you gotta... - Quiver? 531 00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:16,935 You've got a quiver of arrows. 532 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,561 You're a sexy-ass hunter. - Good work. 533 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:21,106 So you're gonna draw the arrow, 534 00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:24,192 and then load the bow. 535 00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:26,778 And then, fire it. 536 00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,739 Oh! What just fell? 537 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:31,783 The elk? - Nah, you dropped a peach. 538 00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:32,742 Get down. Grab the peach, Todd! 539 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:33,743 Lift your ass up. 540 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:34,828 [Backwoods] Ass up. - And flex the back. 541 00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:35,870 And jiggle the ass. 542 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:36,871 This is fucking dumb. - Jiggle the ass. 543 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,581 And look at me, Todd. I want eye contact. 544 00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:40,041 [Homer] Flex it! Downward dog! - Ass up! 545 00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,042 I can't do this! 546 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,043 I should never have agreed to this shit! 547 00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,586 What? - [Backwoods] Just calm down. 548 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,671 Listen, the man is hangry. 549 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,131 He hasn't eaten anything in goddam three days. 550 00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:47,590 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey! - Hey! 551 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,967 Are you fucking high? 552 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,051 You can't eat before a shoot! 553 00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,469 You're gonna bloat like a blowfish! 554 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,846 It's showtime, dew-dog. - For Christ sakes. 555 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,681 My lights are hot. 556 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,015 Are you boys ready? - No! 557 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,017 You're ready. - That was perfect. 558 00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:57,976 Greatest first lesson I've ever had. 559 00:16:57,976 --> 00:16:58,977 You are ready. - Get out there! 560 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,186 Get out there! [Todd mumbling] 561 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,063 You will never be more ready! 562 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,773 How much money did you make doing those commercials? 563 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,276 None. My mom owns an island in Belize. 564 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,450 Yeah, uh, this is gonna take fucking forever. 565 00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:16,327 Yes, it is, 566 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:19,372 which is why we have mandatory breaks. 567 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,665 What the hell happened to all that, 568 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,168 "Oh, this is what's wrong with your generation," bullshit? 569 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,170 I'm only like two years younger than you, right? 570 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:26,337 [Audrey]. Really? 571 00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:28,006 I thought you just had your 13th birthday last month. 572 00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,424 [Tanner laughs mockingly] 573 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:33,595 [laughs] Seniority means I nap first. 574 00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:34,721 Goodnight. 575 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,974 [gentle lighthearted music] 576 00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:39,642 [whispers] Fucking shit! 577 00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,187 [gentle lighthearted music] 578 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,730 Oh yeah. 579 00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,648 You're in a safe space, Toddler. 580 00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,775 Your lighting's garbage! 581 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,777 Everyone's gonna look like they got fucking jaundice! 582 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,113 Are you telling me how to do my job? 583 00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,656 No, Dewey. 584 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,117 I'm telling you how to not ruin a good photo. 585 00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,119 Hey, chop-chop, boys! Time is money! 586 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,663 [Dewey]. I have just the inspiration for this. 587 00:17:59,663 --> 00:18:00,622 [upbeat music] 588 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,207 Bend the joints. Bend the joints, Todd. 589 00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:03,208 There you go. - [Backwoods] Bendy. 590 00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,209 Yeah, all right. - Bend 'er down. 591 00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:05,669 Over the shoulder, Todd. 592 00:18:05,669 --> 00:18:07,295 No, no. Towards the camera! 593 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:08,338 [Dewey]. Smile, boy. 594 00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:09,589 [Homer]. Yeah. There you go. 595 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,007 Chin up. Use the straps. - [Dewey] Bad boy! 596 00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:13,093 Slap the, you like that pain! 597 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,303 Now look, on the ground in front of you, 598 00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:16,680 there's that same old peach. 599 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,889 You remember that peach, Todd. 600 00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:19,224 Grab that peach. Grab the peach. 601 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,642 [Dewey] Chow down on that peach! - [Homer] Grab the peach. 602 00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:21,726 Yeah. Take a bite! 603 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:26,481 [upbeat music] 604 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,691 [Homer]. But wait. Oh gross. 605 00:18:27,691 --> 00:18:28,858 [Backwoods]. There you go. 606 00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,443 What's that white substance? 607 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,486 Oh no. 608 00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:33,071 A deer was using it as a cum rag. 609 00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,155 [Backwoods] Ew! - Throw that peach away. 610 00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,281 Throw it away! - Gross! 611 00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:36,991 Wait. There's something wrong. 612 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,868 Your body, it's shaking. 613 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,996 That was cursed cum! 614 00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:42,539 Ugh. 615 00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,666 All of a sudden your hands are hooves. 616 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:45,875 Glorious hooves. 617 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,293 You're a majestic steed. 618 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,253 I wanna hear you neigh, Todd. 619 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,337 Neigh! 620 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,256 [Todd neighing] 621 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,340 Louder! 622 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,550 [upbeat music] 623 00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:54,551 Whoa. Whoa! 624 00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,219 The wind is blowing in your hair! 625 00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:57,345 And then you see it ahead of you, 626 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:58,513 there's the elk. 627 00:18:58,513 --> 00:18:59,514 You remember the elk, Todd? - [Backwoods] Oh yeah! 628 00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:01,016 You missed it last time, didn't ya? 629 00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:03,518 Now reach back, flex, 630 00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:04,728 pull out the arrow. - [Backwoods] Good. 631 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,105 And load the bow. 632 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,231 Yeah! Chin up! 633 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,274 [camera clicks] 634 00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:10,734 Fuck! 635 00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:13,319 Ah! Hey! 636 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,738 Fuck! 637 00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:16,031 What the fuck? 638 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:17,824 Cricket, are you there? 639 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,326 Hold on, buddy! We'e good. 640 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,535 And... - Fire it. 641 00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:21,911 Release! 642 00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:22,912 There! You got it! 643 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:23,913 [knocking on window] 644 00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,582 [Tanner]. Todd! Todd, man! 645 00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:26,750 [camera clicking] 646 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,335 [Dewey]. Oh, there's my December! 647 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,419 What the fuck? - [Homer] Cricket! 648 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,463 Oh. Good work, Tanner. 649 00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:34,049 [mellow music] 650 00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:35,091 [drumsticks tapping] 651 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,594 Woo! Ha-ha! 652 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:40,722 Okay guys, it is time to reveal our calendar. 653 00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,348 [unenthusiastic cheering] 654 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:45,352 Some people said that my idea was unprofessional 655 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:48,396 and that it, uh, blurred ethical lines. 656 00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:49,981 Chelsea. - I'm not wrong. 657 00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:51,107 'Cause it wasn't, it did. 658 00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:54,819 To me, this has always just been about hope, 659 00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:58,073 you know, for us and for our animal friends, 660 00:19:58,073 --> 00:19:59,741 from the mammals to the whales. So- 661 00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:00,742 [Homer]. Genius over here. 662 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,661 Let's raise a glass, 663 00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:04,245 open our wallets 664 00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:08,249 and remember that for every calendar that you buy, 665 00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,418 an orca is so thankful, 666 00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:15,256 and probably releases one of those cloudy white squirts. 667 00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,508 It's whale cum? 668 00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:18,593 I mean, we're not gonna see it because it happens underwater 669 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,178 but it's, uh, it's happening. - A load? 670 00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:21,680 {\an8}[rim-shot thumps and pings] Okay, stop. 671 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,391 Sorry. - Okay. 672 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,600 All right, let's go. 673 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,601 [wolf howling] 674 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:27,602 Nice. - Oh! 675 00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:29,604 Oh, nice work! - Oh! 676 00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:32,816 Oh, Stephy! You look so hot! 677 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:35,110 Garlic balls. Remember? 678 00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,987 I don't remember posing with a dire wolf. 679 00:20:36,987 --> 00:20:40,115 [Jenn]. Okay, moving on to February. 680 00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:41,366 [Backwoods]. Titty city! 681 00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:42,617 Hey, that's us! - We look hot! 682 00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:44,411 I'd date me. - We are such snacks. 683 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:45,829 Remember Big Momma? 684 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,205 It's payday, Team Conch. 685 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,581 Let's open up Big Momma. 686 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,834 I'm gonna catfish somebody with that bad boy. 687 00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:51,960 [Todd]. Looking good, Barb. 688 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,002 Oh Janet! 689 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:54,838 Nice duckface, Janet. 690 00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:56,297 Nice fuckface, Homer. 691 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,841 [rim-shot thumps and pings] [Steph laughing] 692 00:20:57,841 --> 00:20:59,634 You are my Victorian duckling, Janet. 693 00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:00,802 [Jenn]. That's weird. 694 00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,303 [Dewey] Moving on. - [Taser] Nice one, Janet. 695 00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:04,389 Ooh, Marcus! 696 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,682 That ain't Photoshop! 697 00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,100 That's right it ain't! 698 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,435 I got you, brother. Thank you. Appreciate it. 699 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:10,145 [Dewey]. And... 700 00:21:10,145 --> 00:21:11,438 Hey, that looks like me, man. 701 00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:12,397 That is you, Roach. 702 00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:13,815 [in unison] That is you! 703 00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:16,026 I had to paint out all the tomato sauce on your face. 704 00:21:16,026 --> 00:21:17,402 Kinda looks like my uncle too. 705 00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:18,611 [Taser]. No Malone. 706 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:19,654 [Backwoods]. Oh. Yeah! 707 00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:20,697 [Homer]. Looks like cousin Greg. 708 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,698 Hold the fucking. 709 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,325 Dewey, I was supposed to be a werewolf. 710 00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:25,035 I need way more fucking hair than that. 711 00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:26,870 No, this is the amount of hair we agreed on. 712 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:27,912 Not at all. 713 00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:29,914 I got more hair on my right ball. 714 00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:31,333 And moving on. 715 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:32,292 [horse neighing] 716 00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,251 [everyone cheering] 717 00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,252 [Dewey]. It's Mr. June! 718 00:21:34,252 --> 00:21:35,253 Come on! What the hell is that? 719 00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:36,379 [Backwoods]. What the fuck? 720 00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,506 Stooly's got a horse body and a giant horse cock? 721 00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:40,884 Centaur. Get it right. 722 00:21:40,884 --> 00:21:42,260 And I gave Todd actual abs. 723 00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:43,303 [Audrey]. I don't need to see that. 724 00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:44,429 [Dewey]. My work speaks for itself. 725 00:21:44,429 --> 00:21:46,347 {\an8}[drumroll] [Todd]. It's fucking weird, Dewey. 726 00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:49,434 Little early again, Janet! 727 00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:50,685 [Janet] Oh. - All right. 728 00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:55,190 So our cover model for the first annual Conch calendar is... 729 00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:56,358 Janet? 730 00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:57,400 What?! 731 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,485 [laughs] Okay! 732 00:21:58,485 --> 00:21:59,486 No! - Yes! Yes! 733 00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,029 No, Janet. 734 00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:03,365 Now is the time to do the drumroll. 735 00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:04,699 Oh. 736 00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:06,242 Right. 737 00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:11,373 [drumroll music] 738 00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:13,541 Whoa! That's me! 739 00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:14,542 Oh, yes! [crowd cheering] 740 00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:15,669 [Todd]. This is total bullshit! 741 00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:16,795 Fuck this! 742 00:22:16,795 --> 00:22:18,338 We skipped wing night for this? 743 00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:19,881 I gotta get another fucking drink. 744 00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:21,466 [drums thumping] 745 00:22:21,466 --> 00:22:23,968 You can go get it! Go get it! 746 00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:25,929 Fernie, beer me, now. 747 00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:27,847 Oh my god, Stool. 748 00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:29,724 I'd say your abs went on vacation. 749 00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:30,934 Didn't leave a note. 750 00:22:30,934 --> 00:22:31,976 Fuck off, Fern. 751 00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:33,353 When was the last time you did a sit-up? 752 00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:35,939 Accepting you're past your prime is half the battle. 753 00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,607 Yeah? You sure you've accepted it? 754 00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:41,319 Yeah. Yeah, I fucking accepted it. 755 00:22:41,319 --> 00:22:42,904 And you can accept this. 756 00:22:42,904 --> 00:22:44,531 Happy to sign it for you too. - I'm good. 757 00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:46,574 "Dear Dickhead, go fuck you." 758 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,326 Guess I can use it to wipe my ass. 759 00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:49,369 Hey. - Hey. 760 00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,954 I think you look great by the way. 761 00:22:50,954 --> 00:22:51,913 [sighs] Thanks. 762 00:22:51,913 --> 00:22:53,206 I thought you look good too. 763 00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:54,499 What did you think of the horse cock? 764 00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:56,126 Oh yeah, not a fan but my friend might be. 765 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,377 Get over here you. - [Todd] Really? 766 00:22:57,377 --> 00:22:58,753 Yeah. - Hi. 767 00:22:58,753 --> 00:22:59,796 Hello to you. 768 00:22:59,796 --> 00:23:01,172 She knows you're a dipshit but she's into that. 769 00:23:01,172 --> 00:23:02,549 Thanks for that. - Yeah. No sweat. 770 00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:03,967 I guess I kinda am. 771 00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:05,176 What up, horse cock? 772 00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:06,261 What's up, werewolf man. 773 00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:07,387 Hey, show me this calendar. 774 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,346 I don't have enough hair, 775 00:23:08,346 --> 00:23:09,556 but I actually think I look pretty good. 776 00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:11,933 [Barb]. Me too. It's smooth and sexy. 777 00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:13,810 You look great. - Oh. 778 00:23:14,853 --> 00:23:15,937 [Backwoods howling] 779 00:23:15,937 --> 00:23:17,147 Real funny. 780 00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:18,481 Two Slagg, please. 781 00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:19,983 Thank you. 782 00:23:20,525 --> 00:23:21,985 There we go. Wow. 783 00:23:21,985 --> 00:23:23,570 You're gonna have to tell Todd eventually 784 00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,071 that you're hooking up with the werewolf. 785 00:23:25,071 --> 00:23:27,574 [Backwoods howling] 786 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:28,533 [Backwoods laughing] 787 00:23:28,533 --> 00:23:29,701 I mean, do I? 788 00:23:29,701 --> 00:23:31,453 It's just sex. 789 00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:36,791 [indistinct chattering] 790 00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:38,960 We've only sold 15 of these. 791 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,379 And Fernie, the bartender, bought three of them. 792 00:23:41,379 --> 00:23:44,758 [Jenn]. Yeah, I know, but you're not factoring in word of mouth, 793 00:23:44,758 --> 00:23:47,344 uh, friends and family, bribes. 794 00:23:47,344 --> 00:23:49,596 No one's gonna buy this thing, Jenn. 795 00:23:49,596 --> 00:23:50,764 Fine. 796 00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:52,474 What are you doing? 797 00:23:54,684 --> 00:23:57,937 How many orcas does twenty grand save? 798 00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,440 Okay, you can't just make this out to whales. 799 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,358 Why not? 800 00:24:01,358 --> 00:24:02,484 Plus, you spelled it wrong. 801 00:24:02,484 --> 00:24:03,526 That's the country. 802 00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:05,236 Fun night, ladies. 803 00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:06,946 Anyone gonna eat this? 804 00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,198 It's gonna spoil if not. I'm taking it. 805 00:24:08,198 --> 00:24:09,574 That would be a shame. - It's all you, Barb. 806 00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:10,825 But you have to pay for the calendar. 807 00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:12,535 It's our fee! 808 00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:15,163 See? They had a great night. 809 00:24:16,498 --> 00:24:17,832 All right, Chelsea. 810 00:24:17,832 --> 00:24:21,628 Let's not forget that Conch is my company, okay? 811 00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:23,296 Get your own shell. 812 00:24:25,423 --> 00:24:26,883 Wails again. 813 00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:30,553 [Chelsea sighing] 814 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:34,557 [Homer]. You should've seen that- 815 00:24:34,557 --> 00:24:36,643 Working hard, boys? - There he is. 816 00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:37,644 Last week was a write-off. 817 00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:39,396 We gotta double time it. - Oh, check it out. 818 00:24:39,396 --> 00:24:41,022 It's cock o'clock. 819 00:24:41,022 --> 00:24:42,857 Check out Roach with the penis pipe. 820 00:24:42,857 --> 00:24:44,609 [in English accent] Hello little forest animals. 821 00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:46,569 Would you like to smoke some cock? 822 00:24:46,569 --> 00:24:48,029 [Taser]. Backwoods with the hammer cocks. 823 00:24:48,029 --> 00:24:50,323 You're getting rained on by a couple whale cocks. 824 00:24:50,323 --> 00:24:51,658 [Todd]. Anyone know who drew these? 825 00:24:51,658 --> 00:24:52,659 Janet. 826 00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:54,828 I think she's only ever seen one dick. [laughs] 827 00:24:54,828 --> 00:24:56,579 What a waste of time this was. 828 00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:57,831 What are you talking about? 829 00:24:57,831 --> 00:24:59,749 Dewey gave you a stellar AI horse cock 830 00:24:59,749 --> 00:25:01,042 and Janet gave you another. 831 00:25:01,042 --> 00:25:02,877 Yeah. Double dicker! - Dos coculos. 832 00:25:02,877 --> 00:25:03,837 [Homer]. Multi-cock. 833 00:25:03,837 --> 00:25:05,213 One for pleasure, one for pissing. 834 00:25:05,213 --> 00:25:07,173 All right, back to work, you fucks. 835 00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:09,092 Cockasaurus Rex. [snarls] 836 00:25:09,092 --> 00:25:10,260 Need this. 837 00:25:10,260 --> 00:25:13,680 [mellow music] 838 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:14,723 Thank you. 839 00:25:14,723 --> 00:25:23,606 [midtempo rock music] 840 00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:26,526 ["It's Called Life" by Matthew Runaway] 841 00:25:26,526 --> 00:25:27,777 ♪ Turnin' these wrenches 842 00:25:27,777 --> 00:25:29,154 ♪ Bustin' my knuckles 843 00:25:29,154 --> 00:25:31,781 ♪ Bangin 'em into steel 844 00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:34,284 ♪ Workin' overtime, tryin' to save a dime 845 00:25:34,284 --> 00:25:37,203 ♪ But the tax man's on my heels 846 00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:39,664 ♪ I can't get ahead, but I don't fall behind ♪ 847 00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:41,541 What the fuck, Dewey? 848 00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:42,876 This is me. It's me! 849 00:25:42,876 --> 00:25:45,295 You do not have a flute that big! 850 00:25:45,295 --> 00:25:47,464 The artiste can be the subject too, you know? 851 00:25:47,464 --> 00:25:48,548 [Taser]. You think you're the GOAT? 852 00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:50,717 There's a dormant beast within me for years. 853 00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:51,885 A beautiful, beautiful goat boy. 854 00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:53,178 [Homer]. It should've stayed dormant! 855 00:25:53,178 --> 00:25:57,098 Really, this is almost your last chance to get one of these. 856 00:25:57,098 --> 00:25:58,975 Uh, well what about this? 857 00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:01,311 What about this? I have these amazing calendars. 858 00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:03,521 As you can see, it's me and I have a huge penis, 859 00:26:03,521 --> 00:26:05,940 which is very much like the real thing. 860 00:26:05,940 --> 00:26:07,150 Just saying, okay? 861 00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:09,486 So, you interested? 862 00:26:09,486 --> 00:26:11,488 ♪ It's called life, you get up and grind 863 00:26:11,488 --> 00:26:12,822 ♪ A dollar ain't worth it 864 00:26:20,705 --> 00:26:22,290 ♪ Drive too fast 865 00:26:27,962 --> 00:26:31,257 ♪ And work, work, work to do it all again 866 00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:33,968 ♪ It's called life, it's gone in a minute 867 00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:35,637 ♪ Don't close your eyes 868 00:26:39,391 --> 00:26:40,433 ♪ Helluva ride ♪ 869 00:26:40,433 --> 00:26:42,143 [screaming] [air whooshing] 870 00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:45,855 [dramatic music]