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NARRATOR [on TV]:
...longtime friend, Patty Palm,
22-year-old...

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Diana is missing.

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[phone vibrating]

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WOMAN [on TV]:
She was supposed to go to our house

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on Tuesday morning to help my
son with the air conditioner,

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and she didn't show up.
- Hello?

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FEMALE ASSISTANT:
Hi, Cody,

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I have Phil Goldman for you.
- Who?

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- Phil Goldman, bitch!
What's up? I'm your new agent.

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Hey! I'm sorry.
I don't know if you've heard,

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but Jason Levy

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was recently #MeToo'd, so
he's no longer with the company.

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- Oh. Oh, my God.
- Yeah, so it's me and you.

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I'm your agent, you're my client.
What's up?

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- Okay, that's a little weird
'cause I never even met Jason,

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so... [chuckles]
- No, I know.

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Nobody's really met him.
Who cares?

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Yeah, anyway, listen, sorry it's so late.

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I've taken over his whole
roster, so I'm making my way

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through the list,
and you're the last one on it.

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- Oh, okay.

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- Yeah, uh, I'm sure it's alphabetical.

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Yeah, or-or by talent.

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[laughs] I'm kidding.

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Who knows? Anyway...
- Okay.

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- Listen, we got a lot of shows
staffing right now,

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and they're looking
for lady writers, yeah.

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The problem is I don't have
a current sample from you,

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so if you could shoot something
over to me ASAP Rocky,

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that'd be great.
- Um... yeah.

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Um, I'm just working on this,
uh, thing about the tooth fairy.

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- Oh, the tooth fairy!
- Yeah...

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- I fucking love that shit.

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- Like, she's the tooth fairy,
but then she's also a stripper

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because, you know, like,

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dollar bills. [chuckles]
- Yeah!

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Yeah, dollar bills,
I fucking love that shit.

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I love that. It's so good.
That's such originality. I mean,

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it's probably 'cause you're
Dan Harmon's girlfriend.

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That guy's such a fucking genius.

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- Yeah, he-he's super great.
- Yeah, he's super great.

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Listen, if he's ever unhappy
with his current representation,

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it would be my honor-- honor--

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to take him on as a client,
you know what I mean?

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- I will definitely let him know.

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- Uh, yeah, please, let him know. Oh.

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[line beeping]
Fuck me in the dickhole.

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I got to take this right away, okay?
It's Jason Levy.

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We're still kind of friends,
and I don't know,

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I think he might hurt himself tonight,

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if you know what I mean, kill himself.

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I think he might commit suicide.
I'm gonna take this.

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Just send me some of your writing shit,

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and then I'm gonna check it out,

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and, uh, we'll go from there,
all right, babe?

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Buh-bye!
- Okay, bye.

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♪

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BARBARA:
Cody!

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What you doing up there?

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Are you working on your pilot?

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So exciting!

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Is it the one about the stripper
who's also the tooth fairy?

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That's such a fun idea.

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It's so broad, but, like, honestly,

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Middle America loves
shitty broad stuff, but, like,

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I love it.
- [clears throat]

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- Are you stuck?
Maybe I can help.

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- Hey. I don't want your help.
You're a fucking dick.

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- Is this about the whole
"trying to sabotage

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your relationship with Dan" thing?

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Because, Cody, I'm so sorry.

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That was my bad.

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I had so much internalized misogyny.

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- Are you kidding?
You're obviously just trying

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to get me to take you
out of the dumpster.

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- What? No. No, seriously,
I love it down here.

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I really do.
- Really?

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- Yeah. Cody, actually,
I met someone.

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His name's Harold.
He's a piece of wood.

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What, babe?

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[gasps] Okay, yeah,
he wants me to tell you

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he identifies as lumber.

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He's so hot, Cody.

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He has this, like, knot
that's-that's so sexy in, like,

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a Joaquin Phoenix sort of like...

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- Barbara.
- What?

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- I'm so happy for both of you.
Congratulations.

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I have to work.
- Wait!

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I know why you're stuck!

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It's because you have
a passive protagonist.

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You know what I would do?

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Okay, so hear me out,

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we start with, like,
a cross-cutty montage,

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the music kicks in, we're seeing stuff,

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images, but none of it really
matters, because guess what?

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Boom! We're in.

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We're fucking watching this show.
- [chuckles] Yeah.

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BARBARA:
Intense close-ups,

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just, like, for no reason,
but you're just watching it,

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and you're in it.

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- What if the guy has
that disease where, like...

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- Overlapping dialogue. They're
just talking over each other.

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- She's not passive, she's reactive.

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BARBARA:
Making the audience think

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something is happening, but really,

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nothing is happening,
but everything is happening.

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- "You know I only take
baby teeth," but he's like,

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"These are baby teeth,"
you know, so it's like,

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he has the disease,
but it's also a metaphor

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for his immaturity kind of, you know?

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I mean, if you think
that's dumb, or, like,

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if it feels forced...

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Barbara?
- BARBARA: Cody!

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["Headbanger"
by King Tuff playing]

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- Barbara!

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♪

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- [snoring]
- Dan.

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Um...

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I think I'm getting a UTI
and I just feel gross,

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so I'm just gonna sleep
at my house. I love you. Bye.

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♪

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BARBARA:
Cody!

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- Barbara!
- Cody...!

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- Stop!

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I'm sorry. Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop. Oh, my gosh.

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There's-there's been a mistake.
I didn't mean to throw her away.

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- Oh, my God, Cody,
he was totally gonna rape me.
- What's up?

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- [out of breath]:
This sex doll, she's-she's mine.

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She got thrown away accidentally.

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I just, I just need her back.

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- Why are you so out of breath?

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- How do you accidentally
throw away a sex doll?

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- It-it was a mistake, sir.
People make mistakes, okay?

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You were the one about to fuck
a used sex doll. Are you okay?

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- Excuse me?
I was gonna recycle her.

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I'm not some pervert.

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- Okay, okay, well, I mean,

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I-I don't think we necessarily
need to, like, cast judgments

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on other people's sexuality, like...

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BARBARA:
Okay, Cody, you're making it worse.

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- Can I just, um,
give you some cash for her?

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- I don't do this work for the money.

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I do it because I give a fuck
about the environment, man.

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BARBARA [laughs]: Yeah, right.
- Oh, um, I'm sorry.

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That's fair.
- Do you know how many dolphins

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die each year from choking
on used sex dolls?

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- No.

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- Me, neither.
It's gonna be zero if I have

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anything to say about it.
BARBARA: No, no, no, no!

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Don't let him take me!
- Okay, sir. No, hey, hey. I...

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Please, I appreciate your position,

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and I think what you're doing
is very noble, and, you know,

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it's like a service to the community.

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- Who cares?

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- Barbara, can you let me handle this?

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I really need her back.

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She's my writing partner.

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["Prank Calls"
by Kelley Stoltz playing]

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- What even are all these water bottles?

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- I don't know, man,
they're just, like, accumulated

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from-from hikes and stuff.
- [scoffs]

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From hikes? You don't hike.

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GENE:
Oh, this is plenty.

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Here.

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- Thank you.
- Bye.

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Have such a great night,

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and thank you so much
for not raping me.

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Cody, thank you for saving me.

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You're truly such a great friend.

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Okay, but just so we're clear,
we're just writing,

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that's the whole thing.
- Yeah, no, totally. 100%.

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But, like, we're not starting now, right?

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Like, I don't know if you
noticed, I just went through

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a very traumatic experience,

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and, like, I need a second
to decompress.

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- Okay. That's fine.

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- So where are we going?
Are we gonna go stay at your place?

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♪ Oh, no, no, no... ♪

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- Yeah, I guess, I mean,
I can't take you back in there.

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- Oh, yeah.

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Fuck Dan. He can eat my ass,
not in a hot way-- I hate him.

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- Okay.

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Let's go.
- Hey, so I told Harold

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he could crash with us for a few
nights. I hope that's okay.

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He's fighting with him mom.
He just needs a place to go

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where he can, like, get his shit together

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and get through this family stuff.

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♪ Some old lover who ♪

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♪ Ain't getting none... ♪

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[snoring]

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♪ Some old lover who ♪

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♪ Ain't getting none. ♪