Previously on "Holey Moley"...
Joe? Yeah.
Kermit may have just solved all of our problems.
Wow, really?
...after weeks of trying...
I need something big, Kermit.
Oh, uh, kind of like a big finale, or...?
Yes! Exactly.
...Rob has his show-saving idea.
Well, hello, Miss Piggy.
You need a star, you say?
But the one thing he never expected...
By the way, flattery will get you far.
But flowers and diamonds are gonna get your father.
I heard that.
...was to find love.
Miss Piggy. Mm.
You, uh, look divine.
Yeah.
♪♪
Tessitore: They've spent their entire lives training for this.
[ All grunting ]
[ Screams ] Pushing their bodies to the absolute limit...
-Aah! -[ Grunts ]
...moving with scientific precision.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
But it doesn't just take discipline on the course.
It also takes a perfect meal.
Perhaps they should check out
Rob Riggle's All Beef Nacho Pickles,
all part of the simple yet effective
Rob Riggle Mini Golf Diet.
Riggle's All Beef Nacho Pickles.
Did you get this sponsorship talk approved by ABC?
Yes. By who? Specifically by who?
Which department said you could do this right now?
By the People Who Buy My Nacho Pickles Department.
You do your talky talk, alright?
Leave the buckaroos to me, Joey.
Tonight, 8 golfers, 3 rounds of extreme mini golf.
Yes! And the winner here
will take that last spot in the season finale.
Whoo!
Hi, everybody. I'm Joe Tessitore.
And I love Nacho Pickles. And this is...
"Holey Moley." "Holey Moley."
"Fore-ever!"
What a night here at "Holey Moley,"
destined to be another high-stakes evening
of mini golf.
Can I tell you what I want to happen?
I want a Tarantino ending. [ Chuckles ]
I want Stretch to come running in here
and look right down the barrel, and then just pshhhw,
at the camera. Camera 1.
So everybody's like,
"What the hell's going on at 'Holey Moley'?!
This is out of control!"
I'm gonna take this chair and throw it through the glass
and we're gonna burn this sucker down.
[ Screaming ] Pure chaos.
So it's just an inferno behind us. [ Laughs ]
I mean, this gets twisted. This is Tarantino, right?
I'll dig it.
Let's pitch the alternate ending. That's what we're gonna do.
It's the penultimate night
before the season finale.
8 golfers are going to face off,
with the winners moving on to a sudden-death Round 2.
Only the best will survive there and move on to the final round
to play for the Golden Putter, the coveted plaid jacket,
and, most importantly, the last spot in the season finale,
where one of our champions will take home $250,000.
We are ready for Round 1 action.
Let's head to our first matchup.
First of all, is it "Thang" Le?
That's a great name.
Is it "Th-ung" Le? Oh, it's "Th-ung" Le.
It's "Th-ung" Le. Yeah.
That's an even better name.
Well, can somebody go down
and fire some more people, please?
How many people have we fired today?
What are we up to? Six?
It's got to be. Oh, my gosh.
You. What's your name? I haven't seen you before.
You're fired.
We have 33-year-old Mark Smalls
going up against Boston's Thang Le.
Hi, my name is Thang Le.
I'm 30 years old, and I'm known as a dancing pharmacist.
I love to dance, and I love to mini golf.
I've been playing mini golf for 22 years,
and my putting has never been better.
It would be a lie if I told you
that the obstacles are not intimidating,
but I'm going to dance my way through.
What's up, everybody?
I'm Mark Smalls, and I am a children's book reviewer.
It's trash.
And as a critic, I don't want to say I hate everything...
It stinks! It's bad!
...but I think everything could be better.
Miniature golf's perfect for a guy like me.
I mean, I should just
be giving my victory speech right now, okay?
Mark Smalls is originally from Bucks County, Pennsylvania.
What, they call him Smalls 'cause he didn't hit puberty?
They call him Smalls because his father's last name is Smalls
and now it's his last name. Nah, I don't --
I think it's 'cause he went through puberty late. You think it's a stretch? Yeah.
That's a nice line for Mark Smalls.
Slope. Slope!
Alright.
That's a good settle, right there.
I'm worried about Smalls' hair. Around the open flames?
That's a good point. I don't like it.
If he can make it through this blade... Let's go!
...without going in the water, he avoids the stroke penalty.
Uh-oh, what's he doing?
What?! Oh!
[ Laughs ]
Did he just literally run right into a blade?
[ Laughing ] What was that?
Watch his body. Freeze it.
When you're parallel with the water, that's impressive.
Look at that face right there --
shocked at what he just saw, knowing he's next.
Being a pharmacist, he's already calculated
what pain pills he's gonna need after he goes through this.
[ Laughs ]
Let's go, Mark!
Second windmill for Mark Smalls.
I hope he changes up his tactics.
Makes it through. Yes.
Thank you!
Is this guy weird, Joe?
Yeah, he's very weird. Yeah. Okay.
Thang Le.
Whoa. We have a dancing pharmacist.
I don't know if he was doing that
to honor the En Fuego gods,
or if he was taunting.
We'll find out a minute.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, terrible putt.
You do all that dancing and that's the tee shot you hit?
That's what you get.
Alright, Thang. What you got, Thang?
[ Crowd shouting ]
Whoa!
Fleet of foot. Timed that well. Well done!
This is the last time we're gonna see
Dutch Courage until Season 5.
Hey, we're gonna rebuild it for next year --
Triple Dutch Courage with a manure gun.
[ Scoffs ] Write that down.
They're gonna call it "The [Bleep] Hit the Fan."
[Bleep] Hit the Fan on "Holey Moley." [ Laughs ]
Season 5 -- [bleep] got real.
Ohh.
Look at this stance. What?
He's sitting against the windmill wall
and he's gonna putt from underneath his legs.
Have you ever seen it?
I have not.
♪♪
Not bad.
If he can make it through this blade
without going in the water, he avoids the stroke penalty.
They're both sitting 2.
There's the dance again.
I know, he's trying to find the groove.
Can he do it? He does it.
Mark Smalls and Thang Le. This is a new cop show.
Yes, I agree with that.
Detective Le, grab Smalls and get in here!
I'll be the cranky captain.
Alright, you two knuckleheads. Sit down.
I don't even want to hear it. You're both suspended.
Badges and guns, right now.
On the way out, Thang turns around, looks at me and goes,
"Say hi to your sister."
[ Laughs ]
"You get out of here, Thang!"
[ Laughs ]
I'm screaming. I'm fired up!
I'm trying to stay dry here.
This is a very angry man.
Just make a putt!
Sit down. Make a putt.
I want the pharmacist to win so bad.
Can I just say it? [ Chuckles ]
♪♪
And he sinks it! There it is!
Mark Smalls. Let's go!
Thang Le must make to force a putt-off.
♪♪
What is Mark Smalls doing with his fingers?
[ Hisses ] He's putting the mojo --
He's putting the evil mojo on him, Joe!
[ Hisses ] This is weird.
This guy's freaking me out a little bit.
Focus, Thang.
This is a must-make for Thang Le to force a putt-off
to keep alive his dream of scoring that last spot
in the season finale and a chance at $250,000.
Ohh. The annoying Mark Smalls advances to the next round.
[ Evil laughter ] Well, there it is. Wow.
Mark Smalls is now off to Round 2.
He'll have a chance to get that last spot
in the season finale.
Mark. Yeah.
The windmill knocked you out,
but you won the hole, bro! Yeah, I did. Yes, I did.
I mean, I'm still gonna send it.
Come on, Jeannie. You know what it is.
He's into the second round.
So you get more of him, America.
I know you can't wait.
[ Sighs ]
[ Crowd cheering ]
Curry: Hear ye, hear ye.
Tis time for the next hole,
and that hole doth be
King Parthur's Court.
Golfers start by putting across the long checkered path.
Then they face off against a guy we found at a ren fair
who works sheep and calls himself a jousting knight.
If the knight knocks the golfer off the horse,
the golfer gets a penalty stroke.
If the knight does not knock them off the horse,
then the knight should be fired.
It's his one job.
But somebody is gonna have to give him a ride
back to the ren fair.
He doesn't have a car.
-Oh, yeah! -Whoo!
Game time, baby! Here they come, Joe!
Tessitore: Kate Pasterkiewicz from San Diego,
and Joe Larkin is from Florida.
Hey, my name is Joe Larkin.
I'm from Boca Raton, Florida, and they call me "Boca Joe."
I'm a full-time content creator,
and I work with some of the biggest names in music.
I'm known on my social media
for making really fun golf videos.
I've even gone viral.
I know that I'm the best putter
to ever compete on "Holey Moley."
You're looking at me -- the next "Holey Moley" winner.
Yes! Whoo!
My name's Kate Pasterkiewicz.
I'm the goody-two-shoes of cannabis.
I'm a paralegal at a cannabis company
in Southern California, and I love my job.
I've been playing miniature golf since I was five years old.
I played competitively,
and I played collegiately, as well.
I'm ready to put the contracts and the pen down,
because I'm going to smoke the competition.
First to putt will be Kate Pasterkiewicz.
She needs to putt this ball across that tiny,
narrow land bridge over to the green.
♪♪
Over the ramp --
Oh, takes a very awkward bounce.
That may be the worst position on this green I have ever seen.
Hole's on the other side, just so you know.
And Joe Larkin pouncing on this opportunity to talk trash.
Let's see how you do.
Tough lie for Pasterkiewicz. She's a 6 handicap.
That wasn't a 6 handicap putt that we just saw.
Pbht. Wow.
[ Fanfare playing ]
Okay, Kate Pasterkiewicz.
She's been referred to
as the goody-two-shoes of cannabis. Huh.
Here she is to joust Sir Putts-A-Lot.
Takes the hit and goes in right away.
Oh, wow.
I mean, that was Humpty Dumpty.
[ Laughs ]
Is she high right now? She may be.
Let's take a look at Kate Pasterkiewicz
as she came off the backside of the steed.
Boca Joe, content creator from Boca Raton.
Did he just kiss his ball?
He did just kiss his ball.
I think we have rules about players kissing their balls.
I, um -- ball.
Boca Joe.
Oh, off the ramp. Oh!
That's a nice putt. It's not bad.
That's a nice tee shot. It's not bad.
[ Fanfare plays ]
Is that Beethoven?
[ Laughs ]
I love it.
Don't go anywhere.
More "Holey Moley" to come your way.
Tessitore: Welcome back to "Holey Moley."
Round 1 action continues on King Parthur's Court.
Before the break, Boca Joe's putt joined Kate's on the green.
Now he faces off against Sir Putts-A-Lot.
For Boca Raton!
Did he literally just scream "For Boca Raton"?
"For Boca Raton," which, you know,
people are "Philly tough" like Joe Frazier.
People are like, "Brooklyn tough,"
but nobody screams -- "Boca Raton!"
Not the same. Not the same. Not the same.
Rob, this one's for you, baby.
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
Ohhh! Oh!
And Sir Putts-A-Lot defeats Boca Joe.
♪♪
How you feeling? Feeling alright. Feeling alright.
I'm feeling great. Good for you.
Riggle: I don't think she asked. Tessitore: She didn't ask.
"Good for you" basically means
"you go jump off the bridge." Yeah. Absolutely.
So they both lie 2.
A very, very difficult putt lies ahead for Kate.
Pasterkiewicz over the sword.
Ohh!
That was a pretty good look at it from there.
See ya later, Kate.
This is for the win right here, from Boca Joe.
Oh, no!
[ Laughs ] I can't believe it!
Well, you better believe it, Joe.
Oh, that's what you get for talking so much smack.
[ Laughs ]
It's a nice little left to right, as you can see there.
Mm-hmm.
Got the "mm-hmm." Mm-hmm.
She doesn't like this guy. No, not at all.
This is for a 4.
And she will put it in!
Pressure's on Boca Joe.
Don't miss this. I won't.
Has this to force a putt-off.
♪♪
It's a putt-oooooff!
Alright, Kate.
It's a nice little downhill lie,
left to right on a 45-degree incline.
Alright, enough from the peanut gallery.
[ Laughs ] Wow, she hates his guts.
That ultimate outdoor screen is seeing incredible competition
as it goes to a putt-off now.
Oh, and she missed it!
Rode the outside of the lip.
Maybe she should keep off the grass.
[ Laughing ] See what I said there?
For the win.
Alright, let's bet right now. Please.
If he makes this putt, does he yell "Boca Raton"?
I do think he yells "Boca."
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
♪♪
This for the win, Boca Joe.
Yes! Wins in a putt-off
on King Parthur's Court.
For Bocaaaaa!
Wow, he did yell it.
You owe me 5 bucks.
Boca Joe, he is off to Round 2.
There you are. Thank you.
I think Course Marshal Joe really likes this guy.
No, I think he hates him. You think so?
Yeah, I don't think he wants to share his name, either.
Yeah, see? Oh, I guess he doesn't like him.
They don't like him.
[ Squeaking ]
Hey, the next hole is pretty sweet --
it's Donut Hole!
I love donuts, Joe.
Oh, they're great. Who doesn't love donuts?
Woo-hoo! Let's go!
Here they come!
Next up, Erika Shavers is a 55-year-old from Chicago.
Nathan Joy, he goes by Nate Dogg.
Nathan: Hello, friends. I'm Nathan Joy.
I'm 30 years old. Some of my friends call me Nate Dogg.
I am a coffee quality assurance inspector.
Bit of a coffee snob.
Playing golf for about 15 years now.
Started in high school.
Just really love to get out there and give it a whack.
I love '90s hip-hop -- the beats, the rhymes.
I can bust a move.
[ Upbeat music plays ]
Let's go, baby! Whoo!
What's up, Chi-Town?
It's your girl Erika Birdie in the house!
They call me Birdie
because I was the littlest kid on the block,
and they're still calling me Birdie.
My first experience playing golf was a video game.
Whoo-hoo! It's true.
So I've made it my full-time job.
It's my favorite hobby.
A little, skinny kid like me
can come to "Holey Moley" and win it.
55 years young.
Yeah!
Round 1 action to see who can advance to the second round.
What kind of donuts you like? Chocolate or...?
Chocolate cake with sprinkles.
I like glazed donuts. Glazed donuts?
Tessitore: Erika Shavers, she's the assistant program director
for a national nonprofit,
helps kids with life skills through golf lessons.
Let's see what happens here with this putt.
Slow roller around the ramp, through the donut,
onto the ramp with the sprinkles.
That really took its time getting there, didn't it?
It really did, didn't it?
Catches a little piece of the side ramp.
Four swinging donuts,
and if you fall into the sprinkles,
it's a stroke penalty. Let's go, Birdie!
I got this. I got this!
Erika Shavers up first.
Oh! And she slides back down into the sprinkles.
Crap.
Here's a replay of Erika.
That first donut, it's gonna get ya.
You know, they do say you should stop after one donut.
Of course. Alright, Joe.
Can't go wrong with a handle like Nathan Joy.
He's a 30-year-old self-proclaimed hipster
who works in the coffee industry.
♪♪
30-year-old Nathan. The Nate Dogg. Nate Dogg.
Nate Joy.
Here it comes down the ramp, onto the slope.
Gets around all the sprinkles
then onto the green.
Not bad. It's a good roll.
Did he learn anything from watching
all the competitors last season?
We can only hope, Joe.
Otherwise he's going sprinkle-diving.
He's onto the first donut. That was amazing.
Now he has to launch himself to that second donut.
Can he keep his balance?
He's onto the second donut. Oh, oh!
Fight it, fight it, fight it. Nathan Joy!
Got to get himself up there! Fight it! Fight it, Nate Dogg!
And he pushes off.
Fight it! Let's go, baby.
Now, can get to the third donut here
without falling into the sprinkles?
Come on, Nate. Nate Dogg.
[ Crowd groans ]
He almost got the second one! Oh, he slipped!
It's okay, Nate.
Rob, explain to the good people what goes wrong here.
He could technically make it.
But what happened? He slipped.
Nailed it.
Both took the stroke penalty, both lie 2,
and it's Nate Dogg now to close it out.
♪♪
Uh-oh! Pushed it. Goes to the right.
Oh, man.
And he'll have that to clean up for a 4.
♪♪
And now Birdie, Erika Shavers has a chance
to win the Donut Hole and make it to Round 2.
You ready for this?
Works on her putting daily.
Her goal is to be an LPGA teaching pro.
Just the most gentle stroke. Ohh!
Did you see that? It looked like it was in slow motion!
It dropped! It dropped! It dropped!
It sat there!
It waited! It thought about it!
And then it dropped! [ Cheers and applause ]
With the ultimate cliffhanger, slow-roller delayed drop,
Erika Shavers is off to the second round.
Let's go back and show you Erika's putt.
Folks, we're gonna play this in real time
to show you just how extreme it was.
[ Crowd groans ]
And kerplunk.
Erika Shavers wins Donut Hole and is into Round 2.
Yep.
We're back after this very short break.
Don't go anywhere.
Tessitore: We welcome you back to "Holey Moley."
It's time for our final hole in Round 1.
It is the hole we call Hole Number Two,
one of the signature holes in "Holey Moley" history.
Riggle: This mud pit, sludge pit,
toxic waste dump resembles a pond by my house.
[ Cheering ] Oh, here they come!
Yeah!
Folks, we've got 29-year-old Nicole Jones from Arizona
and Michelle Na, a 25-year-old process engineer.
I'm Michelle Na.
I'm from Seattle, Washington, and I'm The Elbow Gnawer.
I bit the elbow of one of my competitors
during this water polo game.
[ Growls ]
Thank goodness golf
is a no-contact sport.
Whoo! Yeah!
I'm super competitive.
That's why I love golf, because I can practice patience.
But tonight, it's business.
Hey, I'm Nicole Jones.
I'm 29, and I'm a designer and founder
of a golf clothing company.
I'm an ambitious blend of sweet, sexy, and savage,
and I'm trying to bring sexy back to women's golf.
I started playing golf because my grandma
bet me $200 that I couldn't beat her.
It took two years.
Whoo!
Heck yeah, I'm gonna win
the Golden Putter and plaid jacket.
I'm unbeatable.
Nicole Jones, she played at Arizona State.
That's one of the more prestigious
golf schools in the country.
No doubt about it.
She must have quite a game.
♪♪
Oh, wow.
There's that first ramp.
Watch the second ramp.
Ohh!
That's a good putt!
Absolutely beautiful pace.
She is a boss lady, for sure.
[ Buzzer ]
And she's off!
[ Crowd groans ]
Very bad start. [ Screams ]
She had no chance. Oh.
I mean, she still had numerous doors to conquer
and she hits that door that Sir Goph was behind.
She is soggy and soaked,
and she incurs the stroke penalty.
Michelle Na -- she was a collegiate water polo player,
so she's obviously a very good athlete.
That's a tough sport. About as tough as it gets.
Yeah.
♪♪
Michelle's tee shot -- Ohh!
Just at the end, it turns right
and she will be in the drop zone.
Now let's see if Michelle can get off to a good sprint here
and avoid going into the hazard.
Filth.
Has to get a good start.
[ Buzzer ]
Here she goes. Gotta go, gotta go!
May have a chance...
Ohh! Last door.
Gosh, I thought she had it.
What a mess.
Here's the replay. Look at this.
Right... Did you see
how airborne she was for a moment there?
But the distance from where she was hit
to where she entered the water?
That has to be a record.
She's got a lot of mud on her forehead.
Do you see that? Yep. That's a clump of it.
And we're sure it's mud?
Well, we -- we don't know w-what it is,
but it's -- We don't.
We don't know what it is.
Michelle Na from the drop zone.
♪♪
Nice shot.
Comes right back to it.
Oh, that's a good putt.
Double ramp for Michelle Na. Nicole: That was great!
Nicole Jones will be putting for the win.
♪♪
She glides it past with too much on it.
Ooh.
Nicole Jones trying to card a 4.
She misses!
And Michelle Na could upset the former college golfer.
This is for the win. It's just a spa day.
You can also see her on the Xtreme LED behind her.
That's a double whammy. Massive.
♪♪
And it's there!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Michelle Na pulls the upset
and survives Hole Number Two.
Wow. Good job.
Covered in filth, soaked, and soggy,
but on her way to Round Number 2
after winning Hole Number Two.
And now...
Rob Riggle's continuing efforts to save "Holey Moley."
♪♪
Riggle: Oh, there we go.
Miss Piggy? Hm?
Hello, hello, hello. Oh, Rob.
Ooh, chocolates. This is for you.
Miss Piggy, there's something I need to tell you.
Me too.
I know what's wrong with your show.
You do? What's wrong?
Not nearly enough moi.
Now, let's see what we got here.
Speaking of moi --
I mean you -- listen... [ Munching ]
...I think I'm falling in love with you.
There, I said it. [ Romantic music plays ]
I think about you all day.
You're in my dreams all night. [ Muffled ] That's nice.
Let's just run away together. Let's just do it.
Let's just leave it all behind.
Ooh, is that a -- is that a raspberry ganache?
I love -- Aah! Yaa!
Don't ever touch my chocolates!
Just one! Hey, hey! Don't!
Okay, alright, alright, alright. Out! Out!
[ Thudding ] Door seems to be stuck.
There we go. And thank you for the chocolates!
That was very kind of you!
[ Sighs ]
[ Munching ]
♪♪
Tessitore: Welcome back to "Holey Moley."
This is Round 2 sudden-death playoff action.
Let's get fired up!
The winners here will head to the final round,
and that's where they'll be playing for
that last spot in the season finale.
And it comes down to Mark Smalls and Erika Shavers.
Birdie's in the house! "Birdie's in the house."
That is her nickname. Great nickname, if you're a golfer.
Birdie.
Come on! Mark Smalls.
He did the evil mojo on people.
I was not a fan of that.
I feel like witchcraft has no place at Holey Moley.
It should be on a sign when you enter the course.
"No bare feet. Must wear a shirt. No witchcraft."
Hey, what is the distraction here, Rob?
You know, it looks like an archer
is gonna shoot arrows at someone.
I don't see that.
♪♪
Ah. Bagpipe and...fly? [ Buzzing ]
Oh, God.
[ Bagpipes playing ]
I'm just curious -- maybe I'm missing something,
as the fly is walking on his hands.
Hand-walking fly.
Wait a minute. What am I missing, Joe?
I'm just -- the connectivity,
the mesh point between the bagpipe and the fly.
[ Buzzing ]
This makes no sense at all.
Did Course Marshal Colin just grab two people
over by Crafty and throw 'em behind the wall?
Now, the fly usually hangs out over in that sludge pit
over at Hole Number Two.
But the gentleman with the kilt and bagpipe,
I have not seen around the grounds ever before
in all our years being on "Holey Moley." Seriously?
He's here all the time.
Have you seen him? Oh, yeah.
You think you'd hear him coming.
[ Bagpipes playing ]
First to putt, Birdie,
trying to concentrate.
Oh, no, he's back at it, Joe.
That voodoo.
This is where we need Course Marshal Colin
to sneak up behind him
and smack him in the back of the legs
with the handle of his putter.
Look at the focus that she's exhibiting.
♪♪
And she can't deliver. Oh, no!
[ Laughs ]
Mark, I think the hole is moving.
She thinks the hole's moving?
Hole's not moving, Erika.
You know, it's might be that witchcraft --
the spell put on you by Mr. Smalls.
[ Buzzing ]
Make the putt, Mark!
Mark Smalls.
I'm not sure really what the fly's channeling,
but it's not a fly. This fly is so --
He's not channeling a fly.
It's very sensual. Very sensual for a fly.
Whatever he's doing, it's very slow, dramatic, sexy moves.
Ooh.
The fly's doing a split over the hole.
Looks like his fly is open. Nailed it.
Oh, that's good. Nailed it.
I like that. I'm out of here. Thanks, everybody.
Have a good night. Wow. I think this fly is Stretch.
Did you hear that? What, I got to stay? For real?
You got to stay. [ Sighs ]
Apparently, they're paying me. Did you know that?
No. I didn't, either.
I thought this was charity work.
Mark Smalls.
This putt to make it to the final round,
if he can overcome The Distractor.
♪♪
[ Crowd groans ]
That was so close.
[ Buzzing ]
Erika Shavers has to have this.
[ Crowd shouting ]
Oh, there it is!
That was a nice putt by Erika.
She read it properly.
Birdie! Birdie!
And now, Mark Smalls, one chance.
Keep your eye on the piper.
Pipers go down all the time if they go for too long.
They run out of air? Out of oxygen?
[ Scottish accent ] We've got to piper down.
Is that your Scottish accent?
Aye.
Aye, blossom.
♪♪
Mark Smalls to try to continue here on The Distractor.
He can't. [ Crowd groans ]
Whoo!
Erika Shavers, aka Birdie.
She'll be flying off to the final round,
a chance to grab that last spot in the season finale.
[ Crowd groans ]
[ Normal voice ] He just broke his putter.
Kids, don't watch that.
On "Holey Moley" hallowed ground, The Distractor.
Disrespect for The Distractor.
Oh, Mr. Smalls.
We don't break our clubs around here.
Oh, good.
I hope Course Marshal goes up there to chastise him.
Ohh, is there a fine coming?
[ Laughs ] He's admonishing him.
Castigating Mark Smalls.
Mark Smalls is learning a valuable lesson today, Joe.
As he walks off in shame.
He's right now walking straight out to the parking lot
to slash Course Marshal Joe's tires. Key his car.
Yeah, key his car. Something terrible.
[ Buzzing ]
[ Tires squeal ]
And now, Rob Riggle's plan to save "Holey Moley."
♪♪
[ Clattering ]
Miss Piggy!
Oh, hey. [ Laughs ]
Oh, hi, Rob.
Why aren't you returning my calls?
I love you!
What? Wait a second.
Just wait.
[ Music plays ]
Huh?
I don't even like that song.
Oh, well...
Hold on.
[ Laughs ]
Stop trying to make this into a rom-com.
Uh...
Show me the money?
These aren't even current references.
And what about my big number?
Go home, Rob.
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Ahh.
Oh.
Piggy! Piggy!
[ Sighs ]
♪♪
Tessitore: Welcome back to "Holey Moley."
Oh, my God. What?
Tessitore: We are at a fever pitch here at "Holey Moley."
Only one more spot left in tonight's final round.
One of these two players could be battling it out next time
in the season finale for a quarter million dollars.
And it comes down to Boca Joe and Michelle Na
going head-to-head on The Pecker.
You want to hear a joke before we start?
No. Just really quick?
Mnh-mnh. I'm gonna tell you anyway.
It's your golf game. Ladies first. Ooh!
Michelle: Alright, we'll see.
Joe Larkin back to his trash-talking ways early.
He's already pushing buttons.
You sure you want to put it there?
Tessitore: You sure you want to do this?
You sure you want to do that? How about this?
Shut the yapper.
How about that, Joe?
Michelle Na is up first,
and she wants that channel to the left
for the best chance at a hole in one.
Joe: Oh.
Michelle's got the channel here, Rob.
What do you think?
Michelle: Let's see it.
It's about a 60/40 it's gonna go the right way.
Oh, no!
She got the 40 end of that stick. Wow.
Ugh!
Okay. Whew.
She's in a pickle.
That's it. She's in a pickle. A pickle.
She looks like she's been brined.
Don't use those 50 cent words on me.
I know what "brined" means.
Michelle now has to try to
pluck the plume on the Pecker's head.
Otherwise, it's a stroke penalty.
Wait. Here we go. She's going for it!
Oh, what a great effort, but then she falls off.
Michelle Na.
Gave it a great running start,
but then fell off the side of The Pecker.
For all the lefties!
Boca Joe now stepping to the tee,
a left-handed golfer.
♪♪
Larkin catches the channel.
Do I smell a hole in one?
[ Chuckles ] Boca Joe.
I smell it.
Will he get a taste of luck here?
Boca Joe looking for a bounce. He gets it. Uh-oh.
He gets the break he was looking for. This could be good!
And that's gonna settle in
just about 18 inches away from there.
Victory.
He's already claiming victory, Joe.
That's not... Listen, he does not lack for confidence.
And now Boca Joe is gonna have to make that launch
and try to grab that red feather.
Why is he -- Why are you looking at me like that?
♪♪
Oh, God. Oh, yeah.
"Oh, God" is right.
[ Laughs ]
Key moment right there.
His face may be feeling that tomorrow.
Yeah, that is what's known as a face-plant.
That's a face-plant, right there.
Not a high level of athleticism out of Boca Joe.
I'm wondering if we could put bird poop
instead of the foam. Bird bath!
White. Some kind of giant yogurt substance.
You know, you imply that it's bird poop.
And they just splash down in it.
Or we let in a gallery of people to throw produce at you.
I like that.
Both players lie 2, but Michelle Na is away
and has that ridge in play.
What are we thinking here?
I don't know. It looks like you're gonna miss this.
[ Crowd "Ohhs" ]
We'll see. We'll see.
Tessitore: Talking just enough smack.
Just a little, wee bit of smack. Riggle: Just a touch.
Yeah, just to get in his head just a little bit.
Got to plant the seed of doubt. Yeah.
Joe: Oh.
[ Crowd groans ]
Wow, that is as well-played as you can get it.
That was a very high degree of difficulty
to control that putt.
Boca Joe up next.
And now, if he makes this putt,
he's fast-tracked right into the final pairing.
And now for the win.
A trip to the final pairing!
For Boca!
As once again, he gives a battle cry for Boca Raton.
Whoo!
Boca Joe joins Erika Shavers in the final round,
where they'll be playing for
that last spot in the season finale.
So, your strategy with Miss Piggy
was to throw the whole rom-com kitchen sink at her?
Well, yeah. Why not?
I mean, it works for those guys in all those movies.
I don't know, Joe.
I mean, why does love have to be so hard, right?
I think you're just a guy with a really big heart.
I mean, you love mini golf. You love this show.
You love Miss Piggy, and you love yourself.
Okay, well, that's enough of the examples.
My point is, even if you don't have "Holey Moley" anymore,
you're still gonna be the same Rob Riggle
with that same big heart.
And the same exotic sports car. [ Chuckles ]
You can just say "sports car."
Oh, no, no. Exotic. Like my underwear.
Hey, don't go anywhere.
We've got final-round action coming up next.
Tessitore: Welcome back to "Holey Moley."
It is the final round.
The winner takes home the Golden Putter,
the plaid jacket, and that all-important
final spot in the season finale
where you get a shot at a quarter million dollars.
[ Cheering ] Riggle: Uh-oh. Here we go, Joe.
Holey Moley!
Very loud, very proud competitors.
Whoo!
Boca Joe on one side
and Erika Shavers, aka Birdie,
on the other side.
Good luck. Good luck.
You know you're gonna need it.
You're gonna need it, too, my man.
With these dance moves?
Riggle: Boca Joe. Here we go.
On in one.
Tessitore: His tee shot on The Trap Tee-Ze hole.
Foooore!
Get there!
Boca No.
Boca Joe's gonna be from the drop zone.
It is what it is.
I love your tutu. Thank you.
Tessitore: Birdie -- she has a tattoo on her ankle
of a golf ball on a tee
and the word "Birdie" written above it.
Loves the game. Golf-obsessed.
This looks good for Birdie.
Bounces!
Oh! Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, Birdie!
Birdie almost had it!
Oh, she almost aced Trap Tee-Ze.
And Boca Joe is breathing again.
I thought he almost passed out right there.
The best tee shot we have ever seen on The Trap Tee-Ze hole.
She is so exciting to watch.
Dead on, off the ramp.
It lipped out. It lips.
It lips!
Oh, my gosh, Joe. That was exciting.
If she would have made that shot,
I would have lit that lake on fire
and destroyed this entire set. Oh!
Joe: Insanity.
Boca Joe in the green tutu.
Trying to go from one trapeze to the Riggle dummy
and land safely on the other side.
I got a big cup of Boca No on this one, Joe.
Ready...
Hup!
Aah!
Boca No indeed.
He had no chance.
Aah! Boom.
That was a big splash, wasn't it?
Look at the entry right here.
Splish-splash. Almost like a cannonball.
So, stroke penalty and from the drop zone.
Meanwhile, Erika Shavers is close to the pin
and she faces the obstacle.
Here's Erika.
Now the concentration on Erika Shavers.
Ready...
Hup!
Erika...
Oh, and she goes in back-first.
Erika -- look, she's wide awake now, isn't she?
Wow.
How do you land on your back on a forward swing?
It's tricky. It is.
Right there. Look at that.
[ Both laugh ]
The look on her face there.
This is when it dawned on her. Yeah.
I'm sorry -- 250 what? Yeah.
Yeah, it's not worth it at this point.
Holey Moley. Holey Moley. Oh, she's feeling the flow. She's feeling it, Joe.
Whoo!
Erika Shavers is close to the pin.
Boca Joe from the drop zone.
He needs something magical here.
And then he has to hope that Birdie struggles.
♪♪
Joe: Too much, man.
Far too much.
To the other side of the other ridge.
[ Sighs ]
Erika Shavers, aka Birdie,
the assistant program director for the nonprofit
that teaches young people life skills through golf.
[ Cheers and applause ]
55-year-old Birdie has this putt for the win.
[ Sighs ] This is it.
Will a plaid jacket soon be hers?
♪♪
Got it!
Birdie Shavers is our final champion.
How about that? Proud moment, Joe.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Golden Putter! Whoo-hoo!
Birdie is coming for that quarter million dollars.
Put that jacket on tonight's winner.
Thank you!
Holey Moley! Holey Moley!
Birdie in the house! Birdie in the house!
Birdie Shavers, our last golfer through to the finale,
and that's where she'll join
the rest of this season's champions.
Nate Kennelly, aka Rob Riggle.
I like Nate. I've decided.
Wow! Around the world and back again!
Young at Heart, Kathy Valyo.
Oof!
Couldn't hit that any worse, really.
Will Keys, The Chill Will.
Oh, and he does it!
Hit a Birdie, Jaime Jacob.
Wow!
The Mini Golf Tycoon, Dylan Bolhke.
The comeback kid!
Katie Kearney, The Nerdy Cowgirl.
[ Screams ]
Ooh. Ooh.
Slip Rick, Rick Anderson.
Can you feel that?
Oh, God.
And Sax Man, Tyler Kairey.
Tyler -- oh, he overshot it!
And they will all be together the next time we see you
for the season finale of "Holey Moley,"
where one player will win a quarter million dollars.
Don't miss it.