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[eerie music playing]
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[upbeat music playing]
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The Musk approaching New York.
Dubrovnik originating.
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[electronic beep]
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[announcer] Musk from Dubrovnik
now arriving at Pentaverate HQ.
6
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,520
[brakes hiss]
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[heroic music playing]
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[screeching]
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[screeching]
10
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So Alice Cooper turns to the cop
and says, "You think you've got problems."
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"I just took a shit on a turtle."
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[all chuckling]
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Turtle! He's not happy with that.
14
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- I don't like it. I love it.
- [man yells] Hut!
15
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Oh!
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[hip-hop music playing]
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Ah, there he is!
18
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[all cheering, applauding]
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[speaking Russian]
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There's our man.
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- [all chuckle]
- [Hobart] Yes!
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[Lordington] Welcome,
Professor Clark. Be seated.
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Now, y'all know I'm gonna expect this
every day, right?
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[all laugh]
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- Good morning, men.
- [all together] Good morning, Patty.
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Good morning, Patty.
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- [folder thuds]
- Patty, are you wearing open-toed sandals?
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My eyes are up here, Mr. Baldwin.
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All right, listen up, Pentaverate Five.
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We've got a lot of work to do today.
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The Meadows is in three days.
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- What is it?
- The Meadows.
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- MENTOR!
- [MENTOR] Jesus!
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00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:10,560
Every year, the Pentaverate meets
with world leaders in Switzerland
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00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:13,120
at an event known as The Meadows.
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The Meadows is part celebration
of their achievements,
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part announcing
what impending global catastrophe
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the Pentaverate is going to tackle next.
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Kind of like Davos,
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00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,960
except it's secret and there's an orgy.
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00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,960
Now Professor Clark
is here to help us resume the work
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of our late colleague Jason Eccleston,
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but first...
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- My man.
- ...I have a few announcements.
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The main chamber bathroom
is officially out of order,
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so number ones only.
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00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,040
Yes, I'm looking at you, Mishu.
48
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,800
What? I did only number ones.
49
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,960
That's a lie, Mishu, and you know it.
50
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,920
Someone dropped a deuce in there.
51
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,320
Yes, but in Russia,
52
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number one is poo-poo,
53
00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,960
and number two is pee-pee.
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00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,880
Pee-pee is subordinate to poo-poo.
55
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,880
Look it up! Wikipedia. What?
56
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I did number ones!
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Thanks, Mishu. I'll keep that in mind
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the next time
I take a dump in the Kremlin.
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[scoffs, hisses]
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00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:14,560
Toodles.
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So this is what we do here?
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This is what we do?
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00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,760
Tell you what,
why don't you just try and sit there
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and be stupid new guy for a while?
65
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,480
- Stupid new guy?
- [Bruce] Strewth.
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Oh, I'm sorry. I... I couldn't hear you
over all of my advanced degrees.
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Advanced degrees.
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Here, they do not "cunt."
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- Come again?
- They don't "cunt" here.
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He's saying "count." He's Russian.
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Yes, one, two, three. I'm "cunting."
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- [chuckles]
- [Mishu] What?
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That's just nasty. You nasty.
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I put curse on you.
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[heroic music playing]
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[screeching]
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[door closes]
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- [man grunts]
- I'm sorry. Who... who is this?
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[in Eastern European accent]
I... am the Maester of Dubrovnik.
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You the Maester of Dubrovnik?
Oh, that solves everything.
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00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,080
The Maester?
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00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:13,320
I'm here to investigate
the death of Jason Eccleston.
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Good day, Maester.
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Can we help you with your... bag?
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No!
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My Maenisters...
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[scoffs]
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...will take care of my net of regrets.
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I am Ergo.
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Ergo!
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And I am Anso.
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Anso!
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[speaking Russian]
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Come here, little pumpkin.
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Oh! [kisses]
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Look at you,
mon petit chou chou. Come here.
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[kisses]
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[both together] Ah!
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Mmm!
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[kissing intensifies]
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[chuckling]
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Mwah! [both chuckle]
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- Come! We have so much to discuss.
- [chuckles] Yeah!
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00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,600
[Mishu] Welcome to New York!
I'll take you to Fuddruckers.
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[screeching]
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[scoffs] What is this fucking place?
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- It's the...
- [dramatic music plays]
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...Pentaverate.
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[dramatic music continues]
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[narrator] In 1347,
five learned men realized that...
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Don't you dare
hit that "skip intro" button.
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This is important information,
113
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,160
and if you think
you can remember it from episode one,
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well, then say it back to me.
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Go on!
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Yeah, you can't, can you? [chuckles]
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Oh God, now I've run out of time, so...
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Uh, oh, uh, five men realized black plague
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not a punishment
from God but fleas on rats,
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became a secret society.
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The key difference,
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they're nice.
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[music fades out]
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["You Got Freedom" by NineOneOne playing]
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♪ You got freedom!
I'll tell you what to do... ♪
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00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:02,040
Welcome to Truth Battle.
I'm Rex Smith here, sheeple,
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00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,320
here in my studios in Roanoke, Virginia.
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We're discussing the Pentaverate's
annual secret meeting of world leaders
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00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,120
known as The Meadows,
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which takes place
in three days in Zermatt, Switzerland,
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near the Matterhorn.
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[grunts] But first, let me tell you
about Rex Smith Male Enhancement Cola.
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[soda can pops]
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My cola will not only
enhance your performance,
135
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,040
- but will increase your size.
- [slurps]
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00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,480
Rex Smith Male Enhancement Cola.
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You'll be happy,
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and she'll be happy too,
'cause you'll get a boner!
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- [chuckles]
- [Rex] Until tomorrow...
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00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:40,240
- Stay awake and stay vigilant.
- [Rex] ...stay awake and stay vigilant.
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[can crinkles]
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[Reilly] Ah!
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Now Ken, I got a plan
to get you into the Pentaverate.
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00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,520
The only way is to infiltrate
through the Liechtenstein Guard.
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00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,040
The Liechtenstein Guard?
146
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,840
Yeah, it's
the Pentaverate's security force.
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I would infiltrate myself,
but I already tried once.
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You didn't get in?
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00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,480
[Anthony] No, you have to be circumcised.
150
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:04,560
I was gonna get it done, but have you
ever seen an adult circumcision?
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00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,480
I have many times.
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00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,800
Why?
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00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,520
So instead, I rolled up my foreskin
and Krazy Glued it back,
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but that didn't work either,
'cause of the tug test.
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The what now?
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00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,680
The tug test.
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Took away seven layers of dermis.
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Speaking of which, I gotta take a leak,
but the chemical toilet's on the fritz.
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We can stop at Big Dick's other hotel,
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00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,360
The Old Log Inn.
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How far is The Old Log Inn?
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Not far.
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It's in the town of Nuts Deep.
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So The Old Log is in Nuts Deep.
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- Really?
- Do you have to repeat everything I say?
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Anthony, do you mind
if I make a phone call?
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[Anthony] Not at all.
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- [beeps]
- [phone line rings]
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[Mrs. Snee] Hey, Ken.
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Mrs. Snee!
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I'm in Nuts Deep.
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00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:53,200
New York? Hey, my son
played a hockey tournament there.
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What are you doing
in that town that actually exists?
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00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,120
Okay, what I'm about to tell you
175
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,400
is gonna sound
like a lot of balloon juice,
176
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:04,080
but I think I may have found
a story so big I'd get my job back.
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00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,640
Okay. Mrs. Snee,
we need you back on comms.
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00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,240
Oh, uh, no, Ken.
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00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,040
We've already replaced ya.
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00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:12,720
I'm sorry.
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00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,600
I'm Darleen Windelchuck
with Hard-Hit News.
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You've just been hit hard.
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00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,160
[intense music plays]
184
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,520
Well, Reilly,
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00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,000
I'm done like dinner.
186
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,000
Hey, why are you feeling
sorry for yourself?
187
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,600
We're from Canada. We don't give up, eh?
188
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:32,840
There's so much to your story.
189
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:34,880
And I'm gonna help you write it.
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Thank you, Reilly.
191
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,240
I'm gonna get my job back.
192
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,160
Did you know that dolphins can queef?
193
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,080
What are you talking about?!
194
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:55,400
I just hadn't spoken in a while,
and I wanted to feel like I belonged.
195
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,600
Oh. Okey dokey. I'm sorry.
196
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:02,600
[Anthony] Finally. I have to piss so bad
my back teeth are floating.
197
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,400
[dramatic music plays]
198
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:13,280
[Maester] Ergo, Anso, let us begin
the autopsy of Jason Eccleston.
199
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,360
Woman, what made you suspect murder?
200
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,440
First of all, it's not "woman."
201
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,200
It's Patty.
202
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,160
And B, I mean, look at his eyes, Maester.
203
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:28,120
Jason used to have
beautiful brown eyes, you know,
204
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,520
and... and then I noticed...
205
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,680
- [Maester] Ah! Eyes turned blue.
- [Patty] Yeah.
206
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,560
Interesting.
207
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,440
- Ah, woman...
- No, Patty.
208
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:39,720
Be gone with you.
209
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,200
I'm leaving now.
210
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,800
Not because you said, "Be gone with you,"
which is just aggressive.
211
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,440
I'm leaving because it smells like dude,
212
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,120
and y'all need
to wash your balls more often.
213
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,040
[Maester] Anso, document my findings.
214
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:58,400
The victim is of masculine sex.
215
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,000
Height,
216
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,120
four cubits.
217
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,200
Weight,
218
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,200
17 stone.
219
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:10,080
Ergo, vent the gas.
220
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,800
[gas whistling]
221
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:13,960
[gas hissing]
222
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,080
- [Maester sniffs]
- [Ergo coughs, heaves]
223
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,120
Stomach contents...
224
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,080
[sniffs]
225
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,360
...Doritos.
226
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,000
[sniffs] Possibly...
227
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:24,920
[sniffs]
228
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,400
...Cool Ranch.
229
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,280
[sniffs] Pizza bagels.
230
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,840
[sniffs, chuckles]
231
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:33,640
Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies.
232
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,560
[chuckles]
233
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,840
[sniffs, scoffs]
234
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,080
So he was poisoned?
235
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,120
We cannot assume.
236
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:44,920
Assuming makes an ass out of you, Anso.
237
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,120
Just you.
238
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,360
Well, we don't have a lot of time and so...
239
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,880
- Yes, Maester?
- No, not you, Anso. And so...
240
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:58,200
- Yes, Maester?
- No! I just said, "Not you, Anso!"
241
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,880
And... d... d... so,
242
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,880
what can we conclude?
243
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,200
Murder, Maester?
244
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:11,400
[chuckles]
245
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,040
Yes, Ergo!
246
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,440
Murder!
247
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,960
[chuckles]
248
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,080
[Anthony] Oh, wow! New York City, eh?
249
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,840
There's the Empire State Building.
250
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,000
It's a hoax.
251
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,680
Holy jumpin'.
252
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,680
[Anthony] Okay,
Kenny boy, this is Area 52.
253
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,000
Ask for Sammy. He's the chef.
254
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,840
He's got the security fobs
that will get you into the Pentaverate.
255
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,880
Really? A security fob?
256
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,520
That's all you need to get
into a secret society's headquarters?
257
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,360
Well, that and a circumcised penis.
258
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:45,320
But I already saw Kenny's fireman helmet,
and he's good to go.
259
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,280
Anyways,
260
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,040
Sammy's really into billiards.
Do you play?
261
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:54,760
A little when I was in the Canadian Army,
stationed in Garmisch-Partenkirchen.
262
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,120
Perfect. If you can beat him,
he'll give you a security fob.
263
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,160
Tell him Anthony sent you.
264
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:01,280
Will do.
265
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,200
[van door closes]
266
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,240
[Anthony] Ask for Sammy!
267
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,240
[rock music playing]
268
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:16,400
- All right.
- Yes!
269
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:18,600
[indistinct chatter]
270
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,440
[Rex speaking indistinctly]
271
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,760
Hey! Welcome to Area 52,
272
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,880
where today's special
are my famous pork cheeks.
273
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,280
Can I take your new world order?
274
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,040
Yeah, you got the Chem Trail,
275
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,560
and you got the Anal Probe.
276
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,000
I think I'll go with the Chem Trail.
277
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:41,920
And for the little lady?
278
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:43,520
I'll just have a water.
279
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,360
With or without fluoride?
280
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,160
With fluoride?
281
00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,640
Your funeral, kid.
282
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,640
- [Reilly whispers] Ask him.
- Are you Sammy?
283
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,880
[ominous music plays]
284
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:56,840
Who's asking?
285
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,240
I'm friends with Anthony.
286
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:05,480
He told me that, uh, you had security fobs
to get into the Pentaverate.
287
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,280
For that goofy fuckface?
288
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:08,200
No.
289
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,680
I'm not risking my fucking fob connection
for that lump of shit.
290
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,640
Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do.
You kiss your mom with that mouth?
291
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,040
[Reilly chuckles]
292
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,560
I'll tell you what.
If you can beat me at pool,
293
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,640
I'll give you a fucking fob.
294
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,720
[Ken] Okey dokey.
295
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,680
You're on.
296
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:27,960
[rock music plays]
297
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,920
There's the fucking fob.
298
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:31,640
Mind if I...
299
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,320
Mind if you fucking what?
300
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,880
Hey, Sammy, you cocksucker!
301
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,120
- Kick his fucking ass!
- The fuck you just say to me?
302
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,040
Are you hard of fucking hearing?
303
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,480
I said, "Kick his fucking ass."
304
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,640
Don't you think it's weird
they're swearing so much?
305
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,560
[whispers] They're Americans.
306
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,400
[Sammy] Hey, jagoff!
307
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,120
You any fucking good?
308
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,600
I certainly am.
309
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,200
Me fucking too.
310
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,520
[intense music playing]
311
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,160
- [Ken grunts]
- [Sammy] Holy fuck!
312
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:08,520
Oh, yeah. Do it, old-timer.
313
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:09,960
Ah, shit.
314
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,400
These pork cheeks are fucking good.
315
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,800
Yeah. My cheeks are fucking delicious.
316
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,640
Hey, this fuck-stick
broke the fucking balls wide open.
317
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,280
Going for the brown.
318
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,640
- [grunts]
- [Sammy] Oh shit!
319
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,080
[yells]
320
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,680
Straight in!
321
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:29,480
That's gotta hurt.
322
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,880
Fuck you! Fuck.
323
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:32,960
[Sammy] Holy fuck!
324
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,520
- [woman] Holy shit!
- [Sammy] You old fuck.
325
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,200
- [Ken grunts]
- [woman] Fucking cocksucker!
326
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:41,600
Seriously, why all the swearing?
Like, it's a lot, right?
327
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,880
Does anyone else notice how weird that is?
328
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,920
You know the one fucking thing these need?
329
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,920
Mayo. But the fucking bottle's
all jammed up.
330
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,720
You're putting that shit
on my fucking cuisine?
331
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,240
- [Ken grunts]
- [Sammy] Fuck!
332
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,440
[yells]
333
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:58,440
[chuckles]
334
00:14:58,520 --> 00:14:59,520
Shit.
335
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,560
I'm fucking sorry, man.
336
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,480
How can Netflix be okay with this?
337
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,200
[Netflix theme music plays]
338
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,040
[chuckles, inhales]
339
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:10,400
The language in that last scene
was a little strong.
340
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,920
Not quite the "fun for all ages" style
341
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,640
we've come to expect
from a Mike Myers project.
342
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,000
So let's see that scene again,
but this time,
343
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,320
we've removed all the bad language.
344
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,520
Enjoy.
345
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,640
- Mind if I?
- Are you hard?
346
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,840
I certainly am.
347
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,080
Me too.
348
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:30,680
- Oh, yeah.
- [Ken grunts]
349
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,480
Do it, old-timer.
350
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,680
Yeah. My cheeks are wide open.
351
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,440
Going for the brown.
352
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,640
[grunts]
353
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,360
[all grunt]
354
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,120
Straight in!
355
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:45,880
That's gotta hurt.
356
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,200
[groans]
357
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,040
[groans]
358
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:51,920
[Sammy] Ooh!
359
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,040
I'm just gonna go clean myself up.
360
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,320
Then I'm gonna come back
and take care of those balls. Yeah.
361
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:00,920
[Netflix theme music plays]
362
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,680
[dramatic music plays]
363
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,720
Off the record, is the Illuminati real?
364
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:07,800
Yes.
365
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,200
Both Beyoncé and Jay-Zed
are part of it, sadly.
366
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,680
But don't worry,
367
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,280
they're double agents.
368
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,440
- [gasps]
- [Lordington chuckles]
369
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,840
That's what Lemonade is about!
370
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,360
Yes. Yes.
371
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:22,280
Oh.
372
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:23,480
Do you know,
373
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:27,440
I don't think we were
prepared for her jelly, ultimately.
374
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,880
Oh no. Hell, no.
375
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,880
- Wasn't nobody ready for that.
- Really?
376
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,160
- No. [chuckles]
- I didn't think so.
377
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,840
[Patty] Okay, gentlemen,
next item on the agenda.
378
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:39,160
- Meadows decor and party favors.
- [Hobart] Close enough, brother.
379
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,320
As you see here,
I've made a model of The Meadows,
380
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:46,160
and I was thinking it could be
kind of like a Game of Thrones thing.
381
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,840
I've even put in a moon door.
382
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,360
Look at this.
383
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:52,480
Bye-bye.
384
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,200
Ah!
385
00:16:55,320 --> 00:17:00,480
And Gwyneth Paltrow has agreed
to have Goop do the gift bags.
386
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,720
She's even throwing in some of her...
387
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,640
- [eggs vibrating]
- ...vibrating eggs.
388
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:05,720
You know,
389
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:07,920
for shits and Kegels.
390
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,480
[chuckles]
391
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,680
[vibrating]
392
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:12,840
All right, gentlemen,
393
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,760
you know what you have to do.
394
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,560
[romantic music playing]
395
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,920
[door opens, closes]
396
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,480
Are we seriously
talking about party favors?
397
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:33,040
The Pentaverate is
a secret global organization
398
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,880
dedicated to solving the world's problems.
399
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,400
Things like food insecurity,
microplastic pollution,
400
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,800
clean water, sex trafficking.
401
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:43,040
[Mishu] Yes.
402
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,720
Too many women
in my country involved in this.
403
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,680
Agreed. Prostitution
is modern-day slavery.
404
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,400
And when they show up at hotel,
they don't look like picture on website.
405
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:53,600
Wait, hold on now. What now?
406
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,400
And when you order twins,
they just send over two girls
407
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:57,600
with same colored wig.
408
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,720
- Oh!
- [Mishu] This is not twins.
409
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,400
I want real twins!
410
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,400
Conjoined at hip like God intended!
411
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,840
- Uh, thank you, Mishu. Thank you.
- [Mishu hisses]
412
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,080
I thought you all brought me here
to solve climate change
413
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:11,400
in time for The Meadows?
414
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,080
Professor, don't think of us
as the Almighty.
415
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,040
Think of us as the alternative.
416
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:19,680
[Hobart] Well, while y'all continue
to waste your time,
417
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,400
I'm gonna work on cracking cold fusion.
418
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,920
- [heroic music playing]
- [footsteps departing]
419
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,120
[Hobart] Something you need me to do.
420
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,560
Something the world needs me to do.
421
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,880
Rather dramatic, don't you think?
422
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,920
You're the best. Give Apple a kiss.
423
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,560
- Okay, great.
- [phone beeps off]
424
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,960
Just got off the phone with Gwyneth.
She's gonna throw in the vagina candle.
425
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,120
Oh.
426
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,520
[tires screech]
427
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,200
[Anthony] Okay, swipe the fob,
428
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,080
get in the elevator, boom,
you're in the Pentaverate.
429
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,840
These glasses are
an exact replica of yours.
430
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,360
There's a miniature camera
with a microSD card in the bridge.
431
00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,680
It's constantly recording.
432
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,440
There's a built-in microphone.
Hold the button, and we can hear you.
433
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,520
Okay.
434
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,400
[Ken sighs]
435
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,480
Testing. Testing. [echoes] How's your mom?
436
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,776
- [speaker howls]
- [Reilly] Oof.
437
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:12,800
Crikey.
438
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:14,120
Sorry about that.
439
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,920
Ken, this is important.
440
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,080
When you get in there,
441
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,800
you gotta get footage
of the Pentaverate members.
442
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:22,720
Right.
443
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,520
Bonus points if you can get
the vials of adrenochrome.
444
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,000
Adrenochrome? I can't with this.
445
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,440
[Anthony] Do your research!
446
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,560
That's how those pedos
get their rocks off.
447
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:33,640
[Ken] Got it.
448
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:35,640
- Bye-bye now.
- Bye.
449
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,160
Bye, Ken.
450
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:40,960
[tires screech]
451
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,120
[suspenseful music playing]
452
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,040
[dramatic music plays]
453
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,000
[elevator dings]
454
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,040
[man] Next!
455
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:05,960
Come on in, son.
456
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,760
Hold on a sec, it's Percodan o'clock.
457
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,360
I'm Exalted Pikeman Higgins
of the Liechtenstein Guard.
458
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,440
What's your name?
459
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:17,520
Ken.
460
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:18,760
[Higgins] Last name?
461
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:20,520
Doll.
462
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:21,920
Ken Doll?
463
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,600
- [Ken] Yeah.
- Your name is Ken Doll?
464
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,040
Yeah.
465
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:27,760
Are you married to Barbie?
466
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,280
No, but I, uh... I do get that a lot.
467
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,240
Tell me, why do you want to join
the Liechtenstein Guard?
468
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,280
Wh... why? I, uh...
469
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:40,680
Well, I wanted to change my story
and to change my life.
470
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,760
Well, you've come to the right place.
471
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:43,680
Oh, okay.
472
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,320
Before this,
I was a stuntman in Hollywood.
473
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,040
Westerns, mostly.
474
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,680
Then Hollywood changed.
Heroes became ambiguous.
475
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,720
Who's the good guy? Who's the bad guy?
476
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,920
- Is that why you stopped being a stuntman?
- No, I broke my taint on a pommel horse.
477
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,960
You got any military experience?
478
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,400
Yes. I was in the Canadian Army.
479
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,000
They have an army? Just kidding.
480
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,240
- Hilarious.
- Just one more question.
481
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:10,480
Midge.
482
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,640
Midge?
483
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,320
Barbie's best friend.
484
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,120
Have you met her?
485
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:20,000
I think I have to be a little honest
with you. I made up the name Ken Doll.
486
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:21,800
Ah, shit.
487
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,000
All right, raise your right hand
and repeat after me.
488
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,000
The Pentaverate must never be exposed.
489
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,440
The Pentaverate must never be exposed.
490
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,560
Now make your way over to Katie in HR.
491
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,360
- That's it?
- That's it.
492
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:34,480
No tug test?
493
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,200
Oh yeah, I plumb forgot.
494
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:37,920
Drop 'em, soldier.
495
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,320
- [knuckles crack]
- Now, this is gonna hurt you
496
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,960
a lot more than it's gonna hurt me.
497
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,440
Do you need a bite belt?
498
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,080
Do I? I mean, I've never...
499
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,760
[yelling]
500
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,080
[yell echoing]
501
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:01,840
Oh f...
502
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,160
[Anthony] That'll be Ken's tug test.
503
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,320
We can only pray to God
his foreskin holds.
504
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,200
Dear Lord, please let Ken's...
505
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,080
No, I can't say that to God.
506
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:13,000
No.
507
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,440
[Ken's yell echoing]
508
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:15,960
[dramatic music playing]
509
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:20,040
[Maria] It is officially nighttime.
Good night, Pentaverate HQ.
510
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,080
[Hobart] That makes the coefficient 4.9 E.
511
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:28,440
Then, that makes E equal
to 0.2 to C squared. Is that correct?
512
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,280
- [MENTOR] That's actually correct.
- Good.
513
00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:32,976
[MENTOR] The Gaussian concept
of the elective affinity of molecules
514
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,360
is inert in plasma state.
515
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,360
That's right.
We get the isotope to be stable then.
516
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,640
[MENTOR] We're dealing
in fractals now, baby.
517
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,240
[dramatic music playing]
518
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,200
[Maester] Ah.
519
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,480
Eyes so blue.
520
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,480
[MENTOR] No,
use the protein molecule, fucknuts.
521
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:55,680
Thank you. I forgot.
522
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,200
[marker squeaking]
523
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:03,160
[Maester] One of them is the murderer.
524
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:04,720
- [spits]
- [liquid boiling]
525
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,360
[suspenseful music playing]
526
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,760
- [Maester chuckles]
- [marker squeaking]
527
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,840
[music intensifying]
528
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:17,960
MENTOR...
529
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,000
can you give me the figures
530
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,520
for the separation of hydrogen isotopes?
531
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,960
[MENTOR] 25.78 kilojoules
equals cold fusion.
532
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,120
Confirmed.
533
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,400
I've cracked cold fusion.
534
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,360
[Hobart chuckles]
535
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,760
[Bruce chuckles]
536
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,280
- There you are.
- [Hobart chuckles]
537
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:44,440
See? This place still has
a little magic left in it.
538
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:45,560
- Here you go.
- Hey.
539
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,320
- [Bruce chuckles]
- And in time for The Meadows, man!
540
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,280
To being dead!
541
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,280
[both chuckle]
542
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,360
- Mmm!
- [Bruce] Ooh!
543
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:54,440
- Mmm.
- Mmm!
544
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:56,600
- Mmm! You know what?
- Ah!
545
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,680
I feel more alive
546
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,200
than when I was
547
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:02,240
alive.
548
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,320
[both chuckle]
549
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,640
- [Hobart sighs]
- [Bruce] Yeah.
550
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,160
Hey, um, let me ask you something.
551
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,240
- Yeah.
- Be honest.
552
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:10,400
Sure.
553
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,200
Did y'all bring me into the Pentaverate
because I was a brother?
554
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:15,960
[Bruce] No.
555
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,720
You're here
because you're a brilliant scientist.
556
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,600
They accept everyone, be they a Christian,
be they a gay, be they a cripple,
557
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,760
be they a spinster, be they a fatty,
558
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,800
be they a simpleton, be they an ugger...
559
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,280
- Got it.
- [Bruce] Yeah.
560
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,840
- I got it.
- [Bruce] Yeah.
561
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,360
If you wanna stick it to the man,
562
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:34,960
stick around.
563
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:36,640
Here's to being dead.
564
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,400
[both chuckle]
565
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:43,920
[yawns]
566
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,160
Well, this old Aussie's gonna hit the hay.
567
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,240
Oh. All right. [chuckles]
568
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,320
Professor,
569
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:51,440
congratulations.
570
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:52,840
Well, thank you, mate.
571
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,360
[both chuckle]
572
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,040
Lovely, lovely. All right. Okay.
573
00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:59,080
[inhales, sighs]
574
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,160
Yeah.
575
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:01,520
[Hobart] Hey, Bruce.
576
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,800
The Pentaverate must never be exposed.
577
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,120
Welcome aboard.
578
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,400
Oh my God, I thought he'd never leave!
579
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,320
- Patty!
- What? What?
580
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:19,840
- I... I've done it.
- What?
581
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,680
- This is the greatest moment of my life.
- What?
582
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:23,960
I cracked cold fusion.
583
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,480
Yes! All right!
584
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:28,000
- Oh!
- [Hobart chuckles]
585
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,400
I knew you had the right stuff
the moment you walked through that door.
586
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:32,720
I mean, I did it, right?
587
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,416
- [Patty] Yes, you did!
- I did! [chuckles]
588
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,160
[Patty] It's the funniest thing.
I was almost asleep.
589
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,680
But, you know,
I was just laying there. [gasps]
590
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,160
I just couldn't sleep.
591
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,960
- Maybe you don't need to sleep.
- [exhales] Oh?
592
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,040
Maybe, um,
593
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:47,400
you need to join me.
594
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,240
- Oh?
- And we take a walk on the moon.
595
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,440
- Oh yeah.
- And we look at the stars.
596
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,000
- [gasps] Oh!
- Hmm?
597
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,240
[Patty] They're so, so beautiful.
598
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,256
[Hobart] You know, this crater right here
is called the Sea of Tranquility.
599
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,480
Is that so?
600
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,760
Mm-hmm.
601
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:03,840
Well, then,
602
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:06,520
let's make some waves.
603
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,280
- Oh yeah.
- Okay.
604
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,560
[romantic music playing]
605
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,520
[music fades out]
606
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,640
[Maria] Good morning, Pentaverate.
607
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,040
[news theme music plays]
608
00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:27,200
A reminder,
609
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,600
The Meadows is in just two days.
610
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,400
I'm Maria Menounos.
611
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,560
[feet shuffling]
612
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,600
[necklace jingling]
613
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,920
Doesn't anyone knock anymore?
614
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,280
[wind whirring]
615
00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:47,360
Oh my God!
616
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:49,960
He's dead!
617
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,560
[Patty screams]
618
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,280
[upbeat music playing]
619
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:49,800
[music fades out]