1 00:00:06,043 --> 00:00:08,751 ‎NETFLIX 影集 2 00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:12,084 ‎我會這麼瘦都是因為 3 00:00:12,584 --> 00:00:13,709 ‎我有暴食症 4 00:00:14,793 --> 00:00:16,084 ‎你好勇敢 5 00:00:16,168 --> 00:00:18,001 ‎讓我們花點時間沈靜… 6 00:00:21,043 --> 00:00:23,168 ‎該死,他們又來了 7 00:00:23,251 --> 00:00:25,584 ‎太好了,這下我要作噩夢了 8 00:00:28,168 --> 00:00:30,918 ‎我覺得這個治療很有效 9 00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:33,334 ‎這麼說吧,我覺得我需要更多治療 10 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,043 ‎你們有什麼想跟大家分享的嗎? 11 00:00:36,126 --> 00:00:39,876 ‎喔對,我只是在找我的薄荷糖 ‎我忘在… 12 00:00:39,959 --> 00:00:41,459 ‎她放在我嘴裡 13 00:00:41,543 --> 00:00:43,459 ‎我們的薄荷糖放在彼此的嘴裡 14 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:44,584 ‎-救得好 ‎-應該的 15 00:00:44,668 --> 00:00:47,459 ‎芮根,這就是我們說的“應對機制” 16 00:00:47,543 --> 00:00:50,126 ‎如果妳不小心,可能又會成癮 17 00:00:50,209 --> 00:00:52,084 ‎羅恩才不是癮頭 18 00:00:52,168 --> 00:00:53,959 ‎他是個健康的消遣 19 00:00:54,043 --> 00:00:55,876 ‎我們都有摸索機制 20 00:00:55,959 --> 00:00:59,459 ‎我的意思是…應對機制 ‎我們是在裡面好好地應對一番 21 00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:02,793 ‎摸索機制,你這呆瓜 22 00:01:02,876 --> 00:01:06,793 ‎聽好,如果你們不回來加入我們 ‎我就得請…等一下 23 00:01:07,376 --> 00:01:08,459 ‎下課了 24 00:01:10,834 --> 00:01:12,709 ‎停車費可以折抵嗎? 25 00:01:13,918 --> 00:01:16,918 ‎該死,邁克,我要的是粉晶 26 00:01:17,418 --> 00:01:19,334 ‎葛倫,調整那盞燈的風水 27 00:01:19,418 --> 00:01:20,543 ‎讓它風一點,該死 28 00:01:21,918 --> 00:01:22,876 ‎怎麼回事? 29 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,626 ‎為什麼碎紙機裡面有香氛乾燥花? 30 00:01:25,709 --> 00:01:28,584 ‎民子說她今天要來宣布大新聞 31 00:01:28,668 --> 00:01:31,543 ‎妳看這封簡訊,看這些點點 32 00:01:31,626 --> 00:01:32,751 ‎一個點代表離婚 33 00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:34,043 ‎兩個點代表她在開車 34 00:01:34,126 --> 00:01:35,959 ‎三個點代表有炮可打 35 00:01:36,043 --> 00:01:38,293 ‎我丟掉工作的時候也失去了妳媽 36 00:01:38,376 --> 00:01:42,209 ‎現在我回來了 ‎她就會重新想起我才是她的救世主 37 00:01:42,293 --> 00:01:43,543 ‎(新好男人) 38 00:01:43,626 --> 00:01:46,834 ‎妳媽馬上就會打開那扇門 ‎然後說… 39 00:01:46,918 --> 00:01:49,709 ‎誰想認識我的新男友? 40 00:01:59,834 --> 00:02:00,793 ‎基努李維! 41 00:02:00,876 --> 00:02:03,376 ‎《捍衛任務》第二和第三集的主角? 42 00:02:03,459 --> 00:02:04,918 ‎還有第四集喔 43 00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:08,001 ‎抱歉,我們遲到了 ‎我們剛剛在塞車時做愛 44 00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,709 ‎別那麼低俗,我們是在打炮啦 45 00:02:13,126 --> 00:02:15,876 ‎你說對了,她的確找到了“救世主” 46 00:02:16,418 --> 00:02:19,543 ‎你懂吧,《駭客任務》的救世主 47 00:02:19,626 --> 00:02:20,876 ‎操… 48 00:02:43,668 --> 00:02:44,501 ‎…你媽的 49 00:02:45,459 --> 00:02:48,793 ‎他確實是在操芮根的媽媽 ‎所以操你媽的也沒說錯 50 00:02:48,876 --> 00:02:53,376 ‎我的天啊,妳媽在演 ‎阿比阿弟的性愛冒險? 51 00:02:53,459 --> 00:02:56,834 ‎媽,妳才剛跟自己結婚 ‎現在又要和明星交往嗎? 52 00:02:56,918 --> 00:02:59,126 ‎他又是怎麼通過保全的? 53 00:02:59,751 --> 00:03:01,001 ‎他們人都很好 54 00:03:01,084 --> 00:03:03,918 ‎-請我在他們的機關槍上簽名 ‎-好耶! 55 00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:07,793 ‎我們是在努努簽約主演 ‎我的書改編的電影時認識的 56 00:03:07,876 --> 00:03:10,876 ‎從那時候起我們就是一對A咖情侶了 57 00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:14,709 ‎我只是想來告訴你們 ‎這個週末是首映會 58 00:03:14,793 --> 00:03:15,876 ‎要邀請我們參加嗎? 59 00:03:15,959 --> 00:03:17,376 ‎什麼?沒有,我只是要告訴你們而已 60 00:03:17,459 --> 00:03:18,543 ‎你一定是蘭德了 61 00:03:18,626 --> 00:03:20,626 ‎我聽過很多你的故事 62 00:03:22,418 --> 00:03:23,501 ‎放下憤怒吧 63 00:03:24,084 --> 00:03:25,251 ‎來,給你一朵蓮花 64 00:03:25,334 --> 00:03:28,501 ‎這些不是我放在口袋的 ‎它們是自己長出來的 65 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,126 ‎這不可能長久的,快告訴她,芮根 66 00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:33,584 ‎為什麼我要聽芮根的? 67 00:03:33,668 --> 00:03:36,126 ‎她從來都不支持我的感情 68 00:03:36,209 --> 00:03:38,001 ‎什麼?我一直都… 69 00:03:38,959 --> 00:03:42,126 ‎媽,妳不可以和泳池清潔工交往 ‎妳會受傷的 70 00:03:42,209 --> 00:03:45,626 ‎媽,妳不可以和理查布蘭森交往 ‎妳會受傷的 71 00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:49,501 ‎媽,妳不可以跟整個太陽馬戲團交往 72 00:03:49,584 --> 00:03:52,418 ‎有人會受傷的 ‎那傢伙在用火球玩雜耍耶! 73 00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:56,834 ‎媽,其實我最近也有交往對象 74 00:03:56,918 --> 00:04:00,001 ‎所以我覺得妳有新男友也很棒 75 00:04:00,084 --> 00:04:03,043 ‎噢,芮根,這真不像妳 ‎是好的那種不像 76 00:04:03,126 --> 00:04:07,168 ‎我想讓妳知道 ‎我永遠不會想要取代妳爸爸 77 00:04:07,251 --> 00:04:09,626 ‎你還是可以考慮一下,對吧? 78 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,876 ‎小民民,我們可以回洛杉磯嗎? 79 00:04:12,959 --> 00:04:16,209 ‎煞有其事地對著遠方瞇眼 ‎讓我覺得很累 80 00:04:16,293 --> 00:04:19,543 ‎當然可以 ‎他現在在執行好萊塢的全液體節食 81 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:22,501 ‎很榮幸今天能見到各位 ‎我希望你們不介意 82 00:04:22,584 --> 00:04:25,626 ‎我擅自把停車場所有的車 83 00:04:25,709 --> 00:04:27,043 ‎都換成全新的特斯拉了 84 00:04:28,126 --> 00:04:28,959 ‎-真假? ‎-好耶! 85 00:04:29,043 --> 00:04:30,668 ‎我愛基努李維 86 00:04:33,418 --> 00:04:34,251 ‎新任務 87 00:04:34,334 --> 00:04:38,626 ‎芮根,我是妳爸,也是妳上司 ‎我命令妳毀掉這段關係 88 00:04:38,709 --> 00:04:39,918 ‎什麼?去你的 89 00:04:40,001 --> 00:04:41,334 ‎這是為了她好 90 00:04:41,418 --> 00:04:45,459 ‎相信我,好萊塢的每個人 ‎都是有暗黑秘密的恐怖怪胎 91 00:04:45,543 --> 00:04:48,293 ‎妳有看到他是怎麼催眠我的嗎? ‎他有可能不是人類 92 00:04:48,376 --> 00:04:50,376 ‎放棄吧,媽只想要新血 93 00:04:50,459 --> 00:04:52,126 ‎我的血很新鮮啊 94 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:57,584 ‎上禮拜醫生才說你的血液 ‎有4%是菸灰、9%是性病 95 00:04:57,668 --> 00:05:01,709 ‎我不會因為你被更性感的人取代 ‎就去破壞媽的幸福 96 00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:04,793 ‎-妳要去哪裡? ‎-我有個…應對機制 97 00:05:05,834 --> 00:05:08,084 ‎就是這樣!去吧寶貝! 98 00:05:08,584 --> 00:05:10,293 ‎她終於有在上床了,對吧? 99 00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:11,209 ‎-對 ‎-絕對是 100 00:05:11,293 --> 00:05:12,793 ‎-謝天謝地 ‎-對大家都好 101 00:05:12,876 --> 00:05:15,084 ‎好了,新的新任務 102 00:05:15,168 --> 00:05:17,084 ‎我也要拍一部他媽的電影 103 00:05:17,168 --> 00:05:20,043 ‎我要讓民子看看 ‎我是超狂的男主角 104 00:05:20,126 --> 00:05:21,126 ‎男主角? 105 00:05:21,209 --> 00:05:24,251 ‎無意冒犯,但你看起來活像威廉達佛 ‎和冰毒打砲的結果 106 00:05:24,334 --> 00:05:27,626 ‎確實,當年花天酒地的生活 ‎讓我付出了代價 107 00:05:27,709 --> 00:05:30,126 ‎安德烈,給你一小時的時間 ‎做出回春藥 108 00:05:30,209 --> 00:05:32,626 ‎我要讓我的臉年輕到 ‎你想在上面吃飯 109 00:05:32,709 --> 00:05:35,834 ‎邁克,寫個強調我性感魅力的 ‎超屌動作片劇本 110 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,251 ‎我已經想好劇名了 111 00:05:37,334 --> 00:05:40,459 ‎《超世紀蘭德》 112 00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:42,376 ‎在我腦子裡聽起來比較讚 113 00:05:42,459 --> 00:05:44,626 ‎葛倫,教我一些武打動作 114 00:05:44,709 --> 00:05:46,709 ‎我就是海豚人朗格 115 00:05:46,793 --> 00:05:50,209 ‎蘭德,拍電影不能光靠外表和雙節棍 116 00:05:50,293 --> 00:05:51,251 ‎你需要大牌影星 117 00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,376 ‎妳說得對,我需要明星 118 00:05:53,459 --> 00:05:56,418 ‎奧斯卡金像獎影星,像是… 119 00:05:56,501 --> 00:05:59,126 ‎李奧納多狄卡皮歐,他真是個偶像 120 00:05:59,209 --> 00:06:02,751 ‎他讓我知道有腹肌的男人 ‎也可以做資源回收 121 00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:06,334 ‎就決定是他了!布萊特 ‎用你天生的渾球雷達去找到李奧 122 00:06:06,418 --> 00:06:07,709 ‎讓他加入我們 123 00:06:07,793 --> 00:06:11,793 ‎好了,大家,就像譚雅哈丁 ‎找我做職涯諮詢時我說的話一樣 124 00:06:11,876 --> 00:06:13,209 ‎我們來打斷一些腿吧 125 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,626 ‎我來拿 126 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:20,918 ‎你的手應該只用來拍槍戰場面 ‎還有擁抱我媽 127 00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:24,001 ‎芮根,妳來拜訪我們真是太好了 128 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,959 ‎妳之前都不想和我的男朋友相處 129 00:06:27,043 --> 00:06:28,668 ‎他們都不是基努李維 130 00:06:28,751 --> 00:06:32,376 ‎我在八歲時做了自己的母體以後 ‎就一直是他的粉絲了 131 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,376 ‎我們可能都還在那個母體裡 132 00:06:34,459 --> 00:06:36,876 ‎可惡,我忘記拿米餅了 133 00:06:36,959 --> 00:06:38,209 ‎我馬上回來,小民民 134 00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:43,459 ‎品味絕佳的極簡主義裝潢 ‎停滿庭院的重機 135 00:06:43,543 --> 00:06:46,043 ‎愛達荷州形狀的私人泳池 136 00:06:46,126 --> 00:06:48,584 ‎跟這麼多億萬富翁交往過後 137 00:06:48,668 --> 00:06:51,168 ‎他百萬富翁的生活方式讓我更謙卑 138 00:06:51,251 --> 00:06:52,709 ‎我以妳為榮,媽 139 00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:58,459 ‎這是什麼意思? ‎我們要一起殺蜘蛛嗎? 140 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:02,418 ‎我想邀請妳當特別嘉賓 ‎跟我們一起出席首映會 141 00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:03,626 ‎等等,真的嗎? 142 00:07:03,709 --> 00:07:06,459 ‎妳總是覺得我的男友有缺點 143 00:07:06,543 --> 00:07:08,668 ‎但這次妳很支持我 144 00:07:08,751 --> 00:07:10,209 ‎所以我也想支持妳 145 00:07:10,293 --> 00:07:12,126 ‎我不知道該說什麼 146 00:07:12,209 --> 00:07:15,334 ‎說妳要去再幫我拿一杯奇亞籽雞尾酒 147 00:07:15,418 --> 00:07:16,334 ‎馬上來 148 00:07:17,543 --> 00:07:19,293 ‎蘭德大錯特錯 149 00:07:19,376 --> 00:07:21,459 ‎好萊塢的人才不是怪胎 150 00:07:21,543 --> 00:07:23,251 ‎到頭來,他們不過是… 151 00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:25,459 ‎基努? 152 00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:39,293 ‎那是什麼? 153 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,459 ‎基努李維是吸血鬼? 154 00:07:41,543 --> 00:07:42,834 ‎吸血鬼是真的嗎? 155 00:07:42,918 --> 00:07:45,376 ‎是我想太多嗎?我全都說出來了嗎? 156 00:07:45,459 --> 00:07:47,418 ‎芮根,妳還好嗎? 157 00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:50,751 ‎妳一臉看到鬼的樣子 ‎或是類似鬼的不死生物 158 00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:54,793 ‎不好意思,我剛剛喝了一盒果汁 159 00:07:54,876 --> 00:07:57,918 ‎基努,我剛剛邀請了芮根 ‎出席我們的首映會 160 00:07:58,001 --> 00:07:59,793 ‎她激動得都流汗了 161 00:07:59,876 --> 00:08:02,001 ‎對,這真的很有吸… 162 00:08:02,084 --> 00:08:04,668 ‎我是說,讓我血… ‎我是說,我等不及了 163 00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:08,918 ‎等妳看到電影之後,芮根 ‎妳一定會開心死的 164 00:08:11,626 --> 00:08:13,168 ‎糟糕!下來,基努 165 00:08:13,251 --> 00:08:18,334 ‎我用《搶救基努貓》裡面用我的名字 ‎取名的貓來給我的貓取名字 166 00:08:18,918 --> 00:08:20,376 ‎大家不准說話 167 00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,751 ‎也不准思考 168 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,084 ‎我可是會讀心的,你們這些白痴 169 00:08:24,168 --> 00:08:25,543 ‎琪琪,我隨便問問 170 00:08:25,626 --> 00:08:29,709 ‎明星從棺材裡給自己輸血 ‎是正常的嗎? 171 00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:31,043 ‎我有更好的問題 172 00:08:31,126 --> 00:08:34,376 ‎妳最近是不是有在上床? ‎因為妹子,妳真是光采動人 173 00:08:34,459 --> 00:08:37,084 ‎我有些衣服跟妳性致勃勃的氣質很搭 174 00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:40,168 ‎什麼?沒有 ‎妳為什麼老是想對我大改造? 175 00:08:40,251 --> 00:08:42,793 ‎班克斯為什麼要在乏味的牆上作畫? 176 00:08:42,876 --> 00:08:44,418 ‎因為有挑戰性啊 177 00:08:44,501 --> 00:08:46,126 ‎聽我說,我媽麻煩大了 178 00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:48,584 ‎妳可以幫我找找基努李維的醜聞嗎? 179 00:08:48,668 --> 00:08:52,751 ‎我可以試試看 ‎但暗黑好萊塢是光明會的地盤 180 00:08:52,834 --> 00:08:55,543 ‎那些混帳不讓我接近他們的總部 181 00:08:55,626 --> 00:08:57,209 ‎光明會是吧? 182 00:08:57,876 --> 00:08:59,751 ‎(勾搭時間) 183 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,959 ‎好了,布萊特,別忘了計畫 184 00:09:06,043 --> 00:09:07,418 ‎找到李奧納多 185 00:09:07,501 --> 00:09:10,834 ‎把他引誘到蘭德的片場 ‎成為他的好朋友 186 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,793 ‎誰想像刺青大師埃德哈迪一樣狂歡? 187 00:09:16,834 --> 00:09:21,251 ‎不好意思,我的好兄弟李奧 ‎還有在這裡混嗎? 188 00:09:21,334 --> 00:09:25,126 ‎他贏了奧斯卡獎後就沒來了 ‎但他在那留了一坨垃圾 189 00:09:25,209 --> 00:09:26,376 ‎那些人? 190 00:09:26,459 --> 00:09:30,126 ‎陶比麥奎爾、大衛布萊恩 ‎盧卡斯哈斯和Q堤 191 00:09:30,209 --> 00:09:33,376 ‎他以前的跟班,又稱泡妞夥伴 192 00:09:33,459 --> 00:09:36,543 ‎千禧年前期的傳奇把妹大師? 193 00:09:36,626 --> 00:09:38,543 ‎我以為他們是我哥捏造的 194 00:09:38,626 --> 00:09:40,084 ‎嘿,妳要去哪? 195 00:09:40,168 --> 00:09:42,709 ‎別讓我憋氣等到妳回來 196 00:09:42,793 --> 00:09:45,043 ‎我做過比這更蠢的事! 197 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,751 ‎你們好啊 198 00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:49,709 ‎看來你們這夥人還有個白人的名額 199 00:09:49,793 --> 00:09:52,834 ‎大衛變魔術時出意外 ‎把康納利變不見了 200 00:09:52,918 --> 00:09:54,084 ‎願他安息 201 00:09:54,168 --> 00:09:55,626 ‎嘿,少惹我喔,陶比 202 00:09:55,709 --> 00:09:57,501 ‎否則我就把你變回貓頭鷹 203 00:09:57,584 --> 00:10:00,876 ‎我也有一些拿手把戲 204 00:10:00,959 --> 00:10:02,584 ‎看我這招 205 00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:05,459 ‎這才是人生,對吧? 206 00:10:08,751 --> 00:10:10,626 ‎這才叫男子漢 207 00:10:11,584 --> 00:10:13,959 ‎我欣賞你的無恥 208 00:10:14,043 --> 00:10:15,626 ‎你剛說你叫什麼名字? 209 00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:20,043 ‎是布萊夫…布萊特…福特…史坦恩 210 00:10:20,126 --> 00:10:21,459 ‎布萊夫布萊特福特史坦恩 211 00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:23,876 ‎我們有過不好的經驗,布萊夫 212 00:10:23,959 --> 00:10:27,126 ‎有些人覺得可以利用我們接近李奧 213 00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,168 ‎什麼?我絕對不會這麼做 214 00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:31,668 ‎但跟你們混,我就能見到他,對吧? 215 00:10:31,751 --> 00:10:34,459 ‎首先,你得證明自己有本事 ‎成為我們的夥伴 216 00:10:34,543 --> 00:10:37,251 ‎泡妞夥伴派對協議 217 00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:44,001 ‎他的肌肉,很大 218 00:10:44,084 --> 00:10:47,001 ‎他的酒癮,魅力十足 219 00:10:47,584 --> 00:10:49,626 ‎他準備好要破鏡重圓 220 00:10:49,709 --> 00:10:51,709 ‎如果妳能扛得住的話 221 00:10:51,793 --> 00:10:57,293 ‎今年夏天,雷德雷德利主演 ‎《前夫:再婚任務》 222 00:10:58,376 --> 00:11:00,834 ‎好樣的,孩子的媽 223 00:11:00,918 --> 00:11:02,043 ‎卡 224 00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:05,834 ‎他的肥肉太晃了 ‎電風扇可以調小一點嗎? 225 00:11:05,918 --> 00:11:09,834 ‎要命!我們有辦法把羅傑斯先生 ‎在越戰的殺人紀錄蓋掉 226 00:11:09,918 --> 00:11:12,126 ‎難道就沒辦法把我的男乳蓋掉嗎? 227 00:11:12,209 --> 00:11:13,959 ‎安德烈!我需要回春藥 228 00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:15,084 ‎你確定嗎? 229 00:11:15,168 --> 00:11:17,626 ‎我沒有檢查幹細胞的保存期限喔 230 00:11:17,709 --> 00:11:20,501 ‎我跟我的蛋蛋都不能再等了 231 00:11:22,626 --> 00:11:24,376 ‎如果他死了,陸軍就歸我管了 232 00:11:24,459 --> 00:11:26,168 ‎不公平,陸軍是我的 233 00:11:31,834 --> 00:11:35,834 ‎老天爺,我看起來只有25到30歲 ‎看看我的翹臀 234 00:11:35,918 --> 00:11:37,876 ‎我不想看,但我忍不住一直看 235 00:11:37,959 --> 00:11:41,209 ‎編劇,我要多20場…不,多30場床戲 236 00:11:41,293 --> 00:11:44,168 ‎已經很多場了,救人喔 237 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:49,459 ‎妳認識光明會內部的人? 238 00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,251 ‎聽起來跟深喉嚨案一樣神秘 239 00:11:51,334 --> 00:11:53,709 ‎我們沒有很熟啦 240 00:11:53,793 --> 00:11:54,626 ‎芮根 241 00:11:54,709 --> 00:11:56,876 ‎琪琪,這位是我的線人,史戴勒 242 00:11:58,001 --> 00:12:00,126 ‎你們兩個在打炮,對吧? 243 00:12:00,209 --> 00:12:01,418 ‎-什麼? ‎-什麼?沒有 244 00:12:01,501 --> 00:12:03,626 ‎-我們才沒有 ‎-不好意思,太噁了吧 245 00:12:03,709 --> 00:12:05,543 ‎-無意冒犯 ‎-還有誰這麼說? 246 00:12:05,626 --> 00:12:07,043 ‎妳怎麼會這麼想? 247 00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:10,918 ‎這真的跟深喉嚨案一樣 ‎我愛死了,親愛的 248 00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:14,876 ‎琪琪,他是敵對公司的人 ‎妳不能跟別人說 249 00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:15,834 ‎說你們在打炮? 250 00:12:15,918 --> 00:12:17,626 ‎絕對不能說打炮的事 251 00:12:17,709 --> 00:12:19,834 ‎能不能別再說“打炮”這個詞了? 252 00:12:21,043 --> 00:12:23,793 ‎我帶了光明會檔案室裡 ‎所有基努李維的檔案 253 00:12:25,584 --> 00:12:27,168 ‎好,這是現在的基努李維 254 00:12:27,251 --> 00:12:31,001 ‎而這是1992年的電影 ‎《吸血鬼:真愛不死》裡的基努李維 255 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,584 ‎他根本沒老多少嘛 256 00:12:34,168 --> 00:12:35,834 ‎這些照片是多久以前的? 257 00:12:35,918 --> 00:12:37,418 ‎這些女人又是誰? 258 00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:39,293 ‎好萊塢不死族? 259 00:12:39,376 --> 00:12:43,084 ‎光明會利用演員來散播訊息 ‎已經有好幾百年了 260 00:12:43,168 --> 00:12:45,959 ‎他們找到方法讓這些演員活下去 261 00:12:46,043 --> 00:12:47,959 ‎好讓他們的明星魅力長生不死 262 00:12:48,043 --> 00:12:51,168 ‎好萊塢的大咖男星 263 00:12:51,251 --> 00:12:52,834 ‎用年輕女子的血讓自己長生不老 264 00:12:52,918 --> 00:12:54,709 ‎他們全都好幾百歲了 265 00:12:54,793 --> 00:12:57,043 ‎每一個凍齡的男主演都是他們的一員 266 00:12:57,126 --> 00:12:59,918 ‎尼可拉斯凱吉 ‎布萊德彼特、拉里大衛 267 00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:04,376 ‎他們之中最嗜血的 ‎就是李奧納多狄卡皮歐 268 00:13:04,459 --> 00:13:06,876 ‎難怪他們都要跟19歲的名模交往 269 00:13:06,959 --> 00:13:08,251 ‎分手後她們就消失了! 270 00:13:08,334 --> 00:13:09,418 ‎就是為了她們的血! 271 00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:11,626 ‎該死,我要去下一個清理工作了 272 00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:14,709 ‎有鄉民發現瑪格羅比是特效合成的了 273 00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:15,668 ‎再打給我? 274 00:13:16,168 --> 00:13:18,959 ‎芮根,妳得趕快告訴民子 ‎基努李維的秘密 275 00:13:19,043 --> 00:13:21,043 ‎以免他用吸管把她吸個精光 276 00:13:21,126 --> 00:13:22,001 ‎我不能說 277 00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:25,959 ‎如果我跟她說了,她會以為我又變回 ‎以前那個不支持她的芮根 278 00:13:26,043 --> 00:13:28,334 ‎這只會讓他們的感情更濃烈 279 00:13:28,418 --> 00:13:31,251 ‎得讓某個媽信任的人告訴她 280 00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:34,959 ‎該死的,雷德雷德利 ‎你把總統打死了 281 00:13:35,043 --> 00:13:38,418 ‎你現在最好不是在上床 282 00:13:40,084 --> 00:13:43,418 ‎我身上也有地方升旗致敬了 283 00:13:45,126 --> 00:13:47,168 ‎等等,發生什麼事了? 284 00:13:52,459 --> 00:13:54,376 ‎靠,他媽的去死,幹 285 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,834 ‎好了,卡 286 00:13:56,918 --> 00:13:58,459 ‎可惡!安德烈! 287 00:13:58,543 --> 00:14:00,626 ‎你只給我一小時做回春藥 288 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,668 ‎這下沒有辦法連戲了 289 00:14:02,751 --> 00:14:05,293 ‎你有那麼在意連不連戲嗎? 290 00:14:05,376 --> 00:14:06,876 ‎那是唯一的重點 291 00:14:06,959 --> 00:14:08,626 ‎你害我變成班傑明了 292 00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:12,334 ‎我原本正要讓票房一飛沖天 ‎沖到我老婆床上去 293 00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:16,459 ‎現在我只剩下 ‎讓彩色積木一飛沖天的欲望了 294 00:14:16,543 --> 00:14:18,459 ‎我要贏奧斯卡獎! 295 00:14:18,543 --> 00:14:21,584 ‎怎麼贏?照這樣下去 ‎我們只能拍《寶貝老闆》了 296 00:14:21,668 --> 00:14:24,376 ‎這個寶貝依然是你的老闆 297 00:14:24,459 --> 00:14:27,918 ‎我們不把電影拍完 ‎我就把你的雞雞踢到你的後腦勺 298 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,126 ‎別忘了我有核彈密碼 299 00:14:30,209 --> 00:14:31,043 ‎再說… 300 00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:34,584 ‎布萊特到底什麼時候 ‎才要帶李奧納多來? 301 00:14:34,668 --> 00:14:37,584 ‎好了,布萊夫 ‎為了證明你能跟李奧一起混 302 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:40,709 ‎去吧台搭訕那幾個9.7分的 303 00:14:41,418 --> 00:14:43,543 ‎嗨,我是布萊夫 304 00:14:43,626 --> 00:14:44,668 ‎我喜歡妳的柏金包 305 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,626 ‎我媽有個一樣的包,拿來裝她的藥 306 00:14:46,709 --> 00:14:48,084 ‎天啊 307 00:14:48,168 --> 00:14:50,584 ‎你真是又貼心又性感 308 00:14:50,668 --> 00:14:53,084 ‎不過是沒有威脅性的那種 ‎就像表哥一樣 309 00:14:53,168 --> 00:14:54,626 ‎但還是很性感 310 00:14:54,709 --> 00:14:58,251 ‎他在等輪到他說話的時候 ‎是在做什麼? 311 00:14:58,334 --> 00:15:01,209 ‎我覺得他是在傾聽 312 00:15:01,293 --> 00:15:02,209 ‎什麼巫術 313 00:15:02,293 --> 00:15:04,959 ‎布萊夫,你有什麼祕訣嗎? 314 00:15:05,043 --> 00:15:08,918 ‎首先,給你們一個有用的小技巧 ‎把女人當人看 315 00:15:09,001 --> 00:15:10,834 ‎-他剛剛說什麼? ‎-我的世界觀爆炸了 316 00:15:10,918 --> 00:15:13,209 ‎我知道的每件事都是錯的! 317 00:15:13,293 --> 00:15:15,668 ‎情場浪子就是我們的自我認同 318 00:15:15,751 --> 00:15:18,626 ‎我們這樣還能自稱泡妞夥伴嗎? 319 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,334 ‎當然可以,只要有了這個 320 00:15:21,418 --> 00:15:23,209 ‎(女性就是未來) 321 00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:25,168 ‎-想要 ‎-我現在就上網買 322 00:15:25,251 --> 00:15:28,293 ‎不如我們現在就一起 ‎去向李奧炫耀我們的新智慧? 323 00:15:28,918 --> 00:15:33,376 ‎對不起,其實李奧得了奧斯卡以後 ‎就把我們踢到一邊了 324 00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:35,668 ‎“永不放棄”個屁啦 325 00:15:35,751 --> 00:15:37,418 ‎他現在有新朋友了 326 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:40,459 ‎好吧,你們知道 ‎他們通常都在哪裡嗎? 327 00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,834 ‎這就是〈鯊魚寶寶〉嗎? 328 00:15:44,918 --> 00:15:48,459 ‎你知道寫出〈鯊魚寶寶〉的人 ‎在1998年把他老婆殺了嗎? 329 00:15:48,543 --> 00:15:51,459 ‎這首歌全都是鬼扯,但再播一遍 330 00:15:51,543 --> 00:15:53,251 ‎我們有李奧納多的座標了 331 00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:55,418 ‎那我們來拍那場打戲吧 332 00:15:55,501 --> 00:15:58,293 ‎好,不過我們要坐安全座椅喔 333 00:15:58,376 --> 00:16:00,043 ‎不要安全座椅! 334 00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:04,834 ‎基努李維出發了 ‎去和妳媽分手吧 335 00:16:08,584 --> 00:16:09,418 ‎我看起來如何? 336 00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:12,418 ‎有點像亞洲人,但沒有像到 ‎會威脅美國小鎮價值的程度 337 00:16:12,501 --> 00:16:15,876 ‎完美,哇喔 338 00:16:15,959 --> 00:16:17,501 ‎不對,那是歐文威爾森的聲音 339 00:16:17,584 --> 00:16:20,126 ‎哇喔,好了,我會了 340 00:16:21,376 --> 00:16:25,834 ‎努努?你不是才剛走嗎? ‎你為什麼要按自己家的門鈴? 341 00:16:26,793 --> 00:16:29,209 ‎因為我想要正式一點 342 00:16:29,293 --> 00:16:31,668 ‎民子,我要跟妳分手 343 00:16:31,751 --> 00:16:35,501 ‎什麼?但我們才剛 ‎在愛達荷泳池裡激情做愛耶 344 00:16:36,043 --> 00:16:36,959 ‎好吧,聽著 345 00:16:37,043 --> 00:16:41,001 ‎妳得走人 ‎因為我其實是個400歲的不死族 346 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,626 ‎而且我想喝妳的血 347 00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:45,084 ‎老天,我懂了 348 00:16:45,876 --> 00:16:48,876 ‎這是性愛角色扮演 349 00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:51,834 ‎把我吸乾吧,你這性感的不死惡魔! 350 00:16:51,918 --> 00:16:53,293 ‎媽,住手 351 00:16:54,168 --> 00:16:55,293 ‎靠 352 00:16:55,376 --> 00:16:56,793 ‎等一下,媽? 353 00:16:59,709 --> 00:17:01,293 ‎芮根,我就知道 354 00:17:01,376 --> 00:17:04,376 ‎妳這次又是從頭到尾都在批評我 355 00:17:04,459 --> 00:17:05,709 ‎沒有,這次不一樣 356 00:17:05,793 --> 00:17:08,918 ‎基努李維是科學吸血鬼 ‎我可以證明 357 00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:11,959 ‎妳怎麼可以這樣? ‎我終於找到可以定下來的人 358 00:17:12,043 --> 00:17:13,709 ‎對,在墓穴裡定下來 359 00:17:13,793 --> 00:17:15,334 ‎妳就跟妳爸一樣 360 00:17:15,418 --> 00:17:17,043 ‎妳不願意為我們的感情付出 361 00:17:17,126 --> 00:17:20,501 ‎卻願意不計代價讓我不好過 362 00:17:20,584 --> 00:17:21,876 ‎-我才不是… ‎-妳走吧 363 00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:24,418 ‎今晚的首映會我不想看到妳的臉 364 00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:27,043 ‎或是基努李維的臉 365 00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:28,543 ‎首映會! 366 00:17:28,626 --> 00:17:32,043 ‎她會直接走進一群A咖吸血鬼的巢穴 367 00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:34,043 ‎我沒別的辦法了 368 00:17:34,126 --> 00:17:37,543 ‎如果我想拯救我媽,我得做出 ‎《跳越時空的情書》裡面沒做到的事 369 00:17:38,043 --> 00:17:39,959 ‎那就是殺了基努李維 370 00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:41,834 ‎(熱情騎士) 371 00:17:41,918 --> 00:17:45,251 ‎我們得在無可挽回前 ‎潛入首映會,接近基努李維 372 00:17:45,334 --> 00:17:46,168 ‎要怎麼做? 373 00:17:46,251 --> 00:17:48,584 ‎紅毯是唯一的入口 374 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,501 ‎他們一看到這麼火辣的我 375 00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:52,918 ‎所有的鎂光燈都會聚集在我身上 376 00:17:53,001 --> 00:17:55,668 ‎我又不像妳那麼過時,芮根 377 00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:58,293 ‎對耶,我要給妳來個反向改造 378 00:17:58,376 --> 00:18:00,418 ‎等我改造完,妳看起來會非常平凡 379 00:18:00,501 --> 00:18:03,751 ‎男人看妳的眼神就會跟看我一樣 ‎視若無睹 380 00:18:08,459 --> 00:18:09,959 ‎完成了 381 00:18:10,043 --> 00:18:11,834 ‎哇,我好討厭這個樣子 382 00:18:11,918 --> 00:18:14,251 ‎我都想網路霸凌我自己了 383 00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:16,501 ‎-妳真的覺得這招行得通? ‎-當然 384 00:18:16,584 --> 00:18:18,793 ‎在好萊塢,30歲以上的邋遢女人 385 00:18:18,876 --> 00:18:20,834 ‎基本上跟穿了隱形斗篷沒兩樣 386 00:18:20,918 --> 00:18:22,459 ‎-嘿,艾瑪史東! ‎-看這裡! 387 00:18:22,543 --> 00:18:24,584 ‎-看這裡 ‎-跟我們談談《樂來越愛你》 388 00:18:26,501 --> 00:18:28,709 ‎你有看到誰嗎? 389 00:18:28,793 --> 00:18:31,126 ‎我的眼睛沒辦法對焦 390 00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:35,418 ‎-這有照到東西嗎? ‎-看起來就像沒人的紅毯,好奇怪 391 00:18:35,501 --> 00:18:38,793 ‎哇靠,我開始喜歡平凡無奇的感覺了 392 00:18:38,876 --> 00:18:40,709 ‎是啊,我真是幸運 393 00:18:41,918 --> 00:18:42,793 ‎快看 394 00:18:42,876 --> 00:18:45,251 ‎我需要一些時間放鬆一下我的腹肌 395 00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:46,626 ‎馬上回來,小民民 396 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,793 ‎基努李維去洗手間了 397 00:18:48,876 --> 00:18:51,043 ‎幫我把風,我去跟著基努李維 398 00:18:51,126 --> 00:18:53,668 ‎討厭,殺人都沒琪琪的份 399 00:18:53,751 --> 00:18:57,584 ‎生日快樂,基努,生日… 400 00:18:57,668 --> 00:19:00,209 ‎現在不方便嗎,基努? 401 00:19:00,293 --> 00:19:03,543 ‎我要引用我說過的話,哇喔 ‎妳在這裡做什麼? 402 00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:04,793 ‎拯救我媽 403 00:19:08,668 --> 00:19:12,584 ‎妳發現我的秘密了 ‎但我要警告妳,我懂功夫 404 00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:13,834 ‎我知道 405 00:19:13,918 --> 00:19:16,043 ‎這是你最聞名的兩件事之一 406 00:19:16,126 --> 00:19:18,293 ‎大家還知道我的打戲都是自己來 407 00:19:33,459 --> 00:19:37,543 ‎我才不怕十字架 ‎我是全教派佛教徒 408 00:19:37,626 --> 00:19:39,501 ‎佛教徒還是會流血 409 00:19:44,626 --> 00:19:48,209 ‎沒錯,有時候我甚至覺得 ‎是我的書在寫我 410 00:19:48,834 --> 00:19:52,793 ‎我的、下一個問題 ‎妳認為自己是天才嗎? 411 00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:55,001 ‎才沒有,不過我就是 412 00:19:56,751 --> 00:20:00,293 ‎-基努?芮根?我跟她說過不准來的 ‎-糟糕 413 00:20:04,418 --> 00:20:06,626 ‎假雨?看起來好像很貴 414 00:20:06,709 --> 00:20:09,209 ‎還用在沙漠中,好浪費 415 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,918 ‎吃點大蒜吧,基努 416 00:20:12,001 --> 00:20:13,918 ‎不,妳從哪弄來的? 417 00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:17,543 ‎橄欖園義大利餐廳 ‎“在這裡,你們就是一家人” 418 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:29,209 ‎好了,基努,吃我這記木樁 419 00:20:31,293 --> 00:20:33,376 ‎白橡木,妳做過功課喔 420 00:20:33,459 --> 00:20:36,084 ‎我他媽超愛做功課,還有我媽 421 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,751 ‎我也愛她,芮根 422 00:20:38,418 --> 00:20:40,168 ‎芮根,妳在做什麼? 423 00:20:40,251 --> 00:20:43,043 ‎沒事的,民子,她只是在保護妳 424 00:20:43,126 --> 00:20:45,334 ‎芮根說的都是真的 425 00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:48,543 ‎幾百年以來,我都是個吸血不死族 426 00:20:48,626 --> 00:20:50,001 ‎直到現在 427 00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,709 ‎你不會吸我媽的血嗎? 428 00:20:53,793 --> 00:20:58,209 ‎吸血鬼的事是我說謊了 ‎但我是真的愛民子 429 00:20:58,293 --> 00:20:59,793 ‎我受夠長生不老了 430 00:20:59,876 --> 00:21:02,959 ‎我終於找到想要一起老去的女人 431 00:21:03,043 --> 00:21:04,543 ‎喔,努努 432 00:21:06,209 --> 00:21:07,626 ‎我們聽夠了 433 00:21:13,751 --> 00:21:18,293 ‎李奧納多狄卡皮歐、尼可拉斯凱吉 ‎布萊德利庫柏、強尼戴普 434 00:21:18,376 --> 00:21:20,626 ‎老天,我們跑到他們的大本營了 435 00:21:20,709 --> 00:21:22,751 ‎我就知道你越來越軟弱了,基努 436 00:21:22,834 --> 00:21:25,626 ‎已經好幾年了 ‎你都跟適合自己年齡的女人交往 437 00:21:25,709 --> 00:21:28,543 ‎那就跟只圍一條圍巾一樣噁心 438 00:21:28,626 --> 00:21:31,418 ‎如果觀眾看到你變老 439 00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:34,126 ‎他們就會開始懷疑我們其他人 440 00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:35,418 ‎除了湯姆克魯斯以外 441 00:21:35,501 --> 00:21:37,709 ‎沒錯,那傢伙真是無懈可擊 442 00:21:37,793 --> 00:21:39,876 ‎你們真是太虛偽了 443 00:21:39,959 --> 00:21:41,834 ‎民子可是國家寶藏 444 00:21:41,918 --> 00:21:44,918 ‎幸好我很懂怎麼偷走國家寶藏 445 00:21:45,709 --> 00:21:46,834 ‎媽! 446 00:21:47,876 --> 00:21:49,168 ‎在我們殺了基努李維以前 447 00:21:49,251 --> 00:21:53,459 ‎我們要用他40幾歲的女朋友 ‎執行最後一次放血儀式 448 00:21:55,918 --> 00:21:57,293 ‎還有,噢! 449 00:21:57,876 --> 00:22:00,543 ‎準備成為李奧納多的一部分吧 450 00:22:00,626 --> 00:22:03,543 ‎嘿,羅密歐,放開我老婆 451 00:22:04,043 --> 00:22:08,251 ‎這不是我以前的小弟嗎 ‎還有一個超醜的大寶寶 452 00:22:08,334 --> 00:22:09,168 ‎爸? 453 00:22:09,251 --> 00:22:11,876 ‎他真的把自己 ‎變成一個長不大的孩子了 454 00:22:11,959 --> 00:22:14,168 ‎真是表裡如一,蘭德 455 00:22:14,251 --> 00:22:16,001 ‎我的治療師聽到會樂歪的 456 00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:17,751 ‎我只是想讓妳喜歡我 457 00:22:17,834 --> 00:22:21,543 ‎我想讓妳看到我更年輕、更火辣 ‎而且比基努李維有更多座奧斯卡 458 00:22:23,001 --> 00:22:25,834 ‎看來有小咖來砸場了 459 00:22:25,918 --> 00:22:27,168 ‎我們成長了,李奧 460 00:22:27,251 --> 00:22:31,043 ‎你不能霸凌我們 ‎或這個單親爸爸和他的畸形寶寶 461 00:22:31,126 --> 00:22:32,668 ‎安德烈,放我下去 462 00:22:32,751 --> 00:22:34,418 ‎邁克,拿攝影機 463 00:22:34,501 --> 00:22:35,334 ‎開拍! 464 00:22:35,418 --> 00:22:38,293 ‎我要好好修理你 ‎準備好面對一場血戰吧 465 00:22:39,209 --> 00:22:40,959 ‎對耶,血 466 00:22:43,584 --> 00:22:44,834 ‎芮根,妳要做什麼? 467 00:22:44,918 --> 00:22:48,709 ‎我一直夢想要做的事 ‎終於可以刺我老爸了 468 00:22:49,209 --> 00:22:50,043 ‎好痛! 469 00:22:50,751 --> 00:22:52,168 ‎妳這傻瓜 470 00:22:52,251 --> 00:22:54,876 ‎嬰兒血只會讓我更強大 471 00:22:54,959 --> 00:22:56,209 ‎這個嬰兒不會 472 00:22:56,293 --> 00:23:00,709 ‎這管血可是充滿 ‎足以讓你老一千年的壞東西 473 00:23:00,793 --> 00:23:03,709 ‎-我的血型是O型垃圾性 ‎-什麼? 474 00:23:12,501 --> 00:23:15,918 ‎喝吧,漂亮小子 ‎那可是純正雷德利牌鮮血 475 00:23:17,209 --> 00:23:20,834 ‎你們不可以這樣對我! ‎我是世界之王! 476 00:23:22,543 --> 00:23:25,043 ‎至少他死前在做喜歡的事:做堆肥 477 00:23:25,126 --> 00:23:26,876 ‎我全拍到了! 478 00:23:26,959 --> 00:23:30,668 ‎我給這部電影三顆星 ‎很讓人困惑 479 00:23:30,751 --> 00:23:32,084 ‎對不起我說謊了,民子 480 00:23:32,168 --> 00:23:33,876 ‎但我是真心的 481 00:23:33,959 --> 00:23:36,334 ‎我真的願意為妳放棄永生 482 00:23:36,418 --> 00:23:41,334 ‎噢,那真是…你人很好 ‎但是…掰掰 483 00:23:42,293 --> 00:23:45,251 ‎嘿,抱歉我把事情搞得… 484 00:23:46,293 --> 00:23:47,293 ‎啊,管他的 485 00:23:49,043 --> 00:23:51,418 ‎看來我該開始照我的年紀打扮了 486 00:23:51,501 --> 00:23:53,001 ‎我們同病相憐,兄弟 487 00:23:53,543 --> 00:23:56,001 ‎我不敢相信整組A咖影星都死了 488 00:23:56,084 --> 00:23:58,293 ‎我很驕傲李奧最後看到的 489 00:23:58,376 --> 00:24:01,043 ‎是他的朋友都成為成熟體面的男人了 490 00:24:01,126 --> 00:24:03,626 ‎沒關係,我們有新的頭頭了 491 00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:07,918 ‎抱歉,各位,我的名字其實是布萊特 ‎而且我已經有夥伴了 492 00:24:08,001 --> 00:24:09,001 ‎就是深層政府 493 00:24:09,084 --> 00:24:10,043 ‎怎麼可能 494 00:24:10,126 --> 00:24:11,459 ‎真是大師級騙術 495 00:24:11,543 --> 00:24:15,376 ‎可惡,老兄 ‎原來你從頭到尾都在騙我們 496 00:24:15,459 --> 00:24:18,168 ‎那你們也學到了最後一課,兄弟 497 00:24:18,251 --> 00:24:20,459 ‎布萊特,請別忘記我們 498 00:24:20,543 --> 00:24:21,876 ‎叫我布萊夫 499 00:24:30,918 --> 00:24:35,543 ‎抱歉我毀了妳的首映會 ‎還有想要殺了妳的男友 500 00:24:35,626 --> 00:24:39,043 ‎我想基努李維終究還是個好人 501 00:24:39,126 --> 00:24:40,584 ‎不,該說對不起的是我 502 00:24:40,668 --> 00:24:43,543 ‎看到我的獨生女像那樣冒生命危險 503 00:24:43,626 --> 00:24:48,418 ‎讓我發現妳一直都在 ‎透過保護我來支持我 504 00:24:48,501 --> 00:24:51,584 ‎沒錯,我不是不希望妳幸福 505 00:24:51,668 --> 00:24:57,876 ‎只是妳挑男人的品味很差 ‎爸爸、伯茲艾德林、貨真價實的怪物 506 00:24:57,959 --> 00:24:59,334 ‎我知道啦! 507 00:24:59,418 --> 00:25:03,626 ‎妳殺了好萊塢所有男主演 ‎是因為妳愛我 508 00:25:03,709 --> 00:25:05,043 ‎我會永遠愛妳 509 00:25:06,209 --> 00:25:08,959 ‎等等,妳是因為基努李維 ‎是吸血鬼才跟他分手 510 00:25:09,043 --> 00:25:12,209 ‎還是因為妳發現 ‎他比妳想得還要老很多? 511 00:25:12,293 --> 00:25:15,084 ‎芮根,不能兩者皆是嗎? 512 00:25:16,668 --> 00:25:18,959 ‎他比你記憶中還強 513 00:25:19,043 --> 00:25:21,918 ‎他會讓你說出“基努你誰”? 514 00:25:22,001 --> 00:25:24,084 ‎告訴總統我在路上了 515 00:25:30,084 --> 00:25:30,918 ‎(片尾) 516 00:25:33,709 --> 00:25:36,209 ‎這部片我才不要掛名,我不幹了 517 00:25:57,209 --> 00:26:02,209 ‎字幕翻譯:齊姵雲