1
00:00:17,793 --> 00:00:19,626
Nice.
2
00:00:26,584 --> 00:00:28,709
Why won't Ron text me back?
3
00:00:28,793 --> 00:00:32,626
Reagan, like I said to Bush after 9/11,
you gotta wait this thing out.
4
00:00:32,709 --> 00:00:34,668
Diggity dope morning, bro-workers.
5
00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:38,376
Question, if you guys had one wish,
what would it be?
6
00:00:38,459 --> 00:00:39,668
More Simpsons porn.
7
00:00:39,751 --> 00:00:41,834
That's right. I'm the one person
who likes that.
8
00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:44,959
You're wondering who's that for?
It's me! Guys like me.
9
00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:46,543
Disturbing. And no!
10
00:00:52,626 --> 00:00:55,876
Bruh, I'm not really in the mood
for a big team hang right now.
11
00:00:55,959 --> 00:00:57,834
I may have just lost the love of my life
12
00:01:01,834 --> 00:01:03,459
-Yikes!
Coffee break!
13
00:01:03,543 --> 00:01:06,209
I never thought I'd go from Harvard
to serving coffee,
14
00:01:06,293 --> 00:01:09,418
but what the fuck is that!?
15
00:01:09,501 --> 00:01:11,459
Just an action-packed adventure.
16
00:01:11,543 --> 00:01:13,501
Fun for ages six to six and a half.
17
00:01:13,584 --> 00:01:16,293
Oh no, this is bad. This is very bad!
18
00:01:16,793 --> 00:01:18,918
The movie? Yeah, but it's like good bad.
19
00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:21,626
No, you idiot.
There's no such movie as Shazaam.
20
00:01:21,709 --> 00:01:24,043
It was called Kazaam with a "Kuh,"
21
00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,834
and it starred Shaq,
the Sinbad of basketball.
22
00:01:27,626 --> 00:01:29,918
-That can't be right.
I remember a movie Shazaam.
23
00:01:30,001 --> 00:01:30,834
I know I saw it.
24
00:01:30,918 --> 00:01:32,126
You think you remember it
25
00:01:32,209 --> 00:01:35,084
because the fabric of space-time
has been tampered with!
26
00:01:35,168 --> 00:01:36,793
We've entered a parallel timeline.
27
00:01:36,876 --> 00:01:39,918
Quick! Tattoo everything you know
about yourselves on your bodies!
28
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,251
-Oh my God.
-Shit!
29
00:01:42,334 --> 00:01:46,001
-That's kind of working for you though.
-Here's proof of the prime timeline.
30
00:01:46,084 --> 00:01:47,251
This means one thing.
31
00:01:47,334 --> 00:01:49,668
Rand's unearthed Project Reboot.
32
00:01:49,751 --> 00:01:51,959
The universe is at risk
unless we stop him!
33
00:01:55,793 --> 00:01:57,334
-What's happening?
34
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,251
Tattoo guns?
35
00:01:58,334 --> 00:02:00,168
Oh God, this is an emergency!
36
00:02:02,501 --> 00:02:03,501
Reagan!
37
00:02:26,293 --> 00:02:28,793
J.R., the only way
my dad manipulates reality
38
00:02:28,876 --> 00:02:31,126
is with vodka and Korean boner pills.
39
00:02:31,209 --> 00:02:33,293
You're misremembering
the name of the movie.
40
00:02:33,376 --> 00:02:35,043
No one has seen Rand for days.
41
00:02:35,126 --> 00:02:38,501
He could be passed out in his office,
or it could be much worse.
42
00:02:38,584 --> 00:02:40,043
-Oh, Lord!
43
00:02:43,584 --> 00:02:46,043
He's gone AWOL in the damn head.
44
00:02:46,126 --> 00:02:49,293
Okay, this is more Howard Hughes
than I would have thought.
45
00:02:49,376 --> 00:02:52,626
What's Project Reboot,
and where the hell is my dad?
46
00:02:52,709 --> 00:02:55,459
I feared this day would come.
47
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,376
It all began years ago.
48
00:02:58,459 --> 00:03:01,668
Also, do you want like a T-shirt
or like a… like a large towel?
49
00:03:01,751 --> 00:03:06,626
It all began years ago in college
at Harvard. Tap, tap.
50
00:03:07,626 --> 00:03:09,251
We get it. You went to Harvard.
51
00:03:12,043 --> 00:03:14,293
and your dad arrived
with an attitude problem.
52
00:03:17,584 --> 00:03:19,626
You really need two tuxedos?
53
00:03:19,709 --> 00:03:21,251
It's called class.
54
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:32,084
and I hated him
because he was an abrasive asshole.
55
00:03:33,251 --> 00:03:34,834
Oh!
56
00:03:34,918 --> 00:03:38,043
I told you,
this beer is for the Harvard Lampoon!
57
00:03:38,126 --> 00:03:40,293
They control comedy for some reason.
58
00:03:40,376 --> 00:03:42,293
So buy more
with Daddy's credit card.
59
00:03:42,376 --> 00:03:45,168
I'm trying to build a perv bot
to spy on that sorority.
60
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,543
I'm intrigued,
but isn't that a little creepy?
61
00:03:48,626 --> 00:03:50,459
Oh yeah, majorly.
62
00:03:50,543 --> 00:03:53,751
But in the late '70s,
this is considered lightheartedly comedic.
63
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,543
-I heard the word beer in there.
64
00:03:56,626 --> 00:03:58,459
That makes me think there's beer in there!
65
00:03:58,543 --> 00:04:00,918
Shit, the RA. Stall him.
66
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:06,793
Doug, wow, you're looking fit these days.
You've been pumping iron?
67
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,418
Hm.
68
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:15,376
Although we hated each other,
we realized when two people
69
00:04:15,459 --> 00:04:20,168
with enormous egos
and really weird-shaped dicks join forces,
70
00:04:20,251 --> 00:04:21,459
anything is possible.
71
00:04:21,543 --> 00:04:23,626
We decided to go into business together.
72
00:04:59,668 --> 00:05:02,668
I'm calling this a success.
It buried itself.
73
00:05:02,751 --> 00:05:06,959
Finally, we came up with something
that would put us on the map forever.
74
00:05:11,293 --> 00:05:15,293
You've actually done it. A time machine!
Want to explain how it works?
75
00:05:15,376 --> 00:05:16,209
Nope.
76
00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:19,084
Good enough for me.
Let's fire this bad boy up!
77
00:05:19,168 --> 00:05:21,126
Throw on this tinfoil hat to be safe.
78
00:05:21,209 --> 00:05:22,543
Seriously, tinfoil?
79
00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:24,626
The chrono-resistant properties
of aluminum
80
00:05:24,709 --> 00:05:28,376
allow it to preserve the freshness
of casseroles and space-time.
81
00:05:28,459 --> 00:05:31,959
But sure, keep it off if you want to risk
permanent timeline alterations.
82
00:05:32,043 --> 00:05:32,876
Huh.
83
00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:37,043
All right. Here we go. Three, two, one.
84
00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:46,293
Did we travel back in time?
85
00:05:49,709 --> 00:05:52,334
Ah, shit! Your face is naked.
86
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:53,959
Your horrible mustache is gone!
87
00:05:54,959 --> 00:05:58,293
-What the hell?
-And there's only one moon.
88
00:05:59,209 --> 00:06:01,293
Wait, what the fuck? One moon?
89
00:06:01,376 --> 00:06:04,084
Oh yeah, minor thing.
There used to be two moons.
90
00:06:04,168 --> 00:06:07,334
Surfing was way more fun
in the old timeline.
91
00:06:07,418 --> 00:06:09,709
Menstrual cycles were hell though.
92
00:06:09,793 --> 00:06:11,209
Don't you see what this means?
93
00:06:11,293 --> 00:06:12,584
Project Reboot worked!
94
00:06:12,668 --> 00:06:14,626
Not as a time machine, but it worked!
95
00:06:14,709 --> 00:06:17,459
The machine created
random changes to the present
96
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,376
by altering small events in the past.
97
00:06:19,459 --> 00:06:23,251
Now we're in timeline "B"
where I have no mustache,
98
00:06:23,334 --> 00:06:24,418
there's only one moon,
99
00:06:27,501 --> 00:06:30,668
Look, Christian bears aside,
is this gonna make us any money?
100
00:06:30,751 --> 00:06:32,001
You're worried about money?
101
00:06:32,084 --> 00:06:33,918
This machine alters reality itself.
102
00:06:34,001 --> 00:06:36,501
If we could perfect it,
we could become gods,
103
00:06:36,584 --> 00:06:37,668
and no one could stop--
104
00:06:47,918 --> 00:06:52,709
-Agh! No, I'm too rich to die!
-If you're gonna kill us, do it quick.
105
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:55,626
I want to spend as little of my life
in this building as possible.
106
00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,459
Your machine is tampering
107
00:06:57,543 --> 00:07:01,126
with unholy godlike forces
not meant for man.
108
00:07:01,626 --> 00:07:03,084
That's our job.
109
00:07:03,168 --> 00:07:05,584
Who the hell are you
Dorito-headed dipshits?
110
00:07:05,668 --> 00:07:08,543
We are the power
behind all things.
111
00:07:08,626 --> 00:07:10,626
The true rulers of the world,
112
00:07:10,709 --> 00:07:12,793
but our ancient ways have gotten…
113
00:07:14,418 --> 00:07:15,876
…a bit out of date.
114
00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:17,834
We need help modernizing.
115
00:07:17,918 --> 00:07:19,918
Wait, you want to give us a job?
116
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:22,209
Your innovation and daring
have impressed us.
117
00:07:22,293 --> 00:07:25,334
We ask only
that you dismantle Project Reboot.
118
00:07:25,418 --> 00:07:28,709
In exchange, we will hire you
to create a shadow company
119
00:07:28,793 --> 00:07:30,918
using your technological wizardry.
120
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:36,084
We will grant you the power
to control the world on our behalf.
121
00:07:44,668 --> 00:07:47,168
Ah, my old evidence-burying shovel.
122
00:07:47,251 --> 00:07:49,168
Tonight, we dance again.
123
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:52,626
Rand, we don't know who these guys are
or the true extent of their powers.
124
00:07:52,709 --> 00:07:55,209
We should not go behind their backs
and fuck with them.
125
00:07:55,293 --> 00:07:58,334
That's why we need this machine
as an insurance policy.
126
00:07:58,418 --> 00:08:00,418
Trust me. You'll thank me one day.
127
00:08:10,418 --> 00:08:12,126
An inspirational story.
128
00:08:17,668 --> 00:08:18,709
Until now.
129
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:22,626
Rand must have started up the machine
and reality itself is in danger.
130
00:08:22,709 --> 00:08:24,168
Very Christopher Nolan,
131
00:08:24,251 --> 00:08:25,876
in that I don't understand it
132
00:08:25,959 --> 00:08:27,793
and it gets worse
the more questions you ask.
133
00:08:27,876 --> 00:08:32,418
Jesus, there is nothing my dad can't ruin.
This is what you guys wanted, right?
134
00:08:32,501 --> 00:08:35,376
Vodka water coolers
and cosmic annihilation.
135
00:08:35,459 --> 00:08:37,418
I told you guys he'd be the end of us all.
136
00:08:37,501 --> 00:08:39,668
But Rand is finally
in charge of the company.
137
00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:41,876
Why would he choose now to go postal-er?
138
00:08:41,959 --> 00:08:42,959
The Robes.
139
00:08:43,043 --> 00:08:46,543
He must be in danger of losing his job
and he's trying to get it back.
140
00:08:47,251 --> 00:08:48,334
What are you doing?
141
00:08:48,418 --> 00:08:50,876
Scanning our brains
to preserve our current memories.
142
00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:54,626
I have a feeling
things are about to get pretty convoluted.
143
00:08:58,626 --> 00:09:03,043
We got to find Project Reboot
and stop Rand from destroying reality.
144
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:06,709
Hey, Alpha-Beta. I got a job for you.
145
00:09:06,793 --> 00:09:08,584
Really? Am I part of the group now?
146
00:09:08,668 --> 00:09:10,834
We're gonna need
a better way to track timeline changes
147
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,584
than giving each other face tattoos.
148
00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:24,376
What the shit happened to Andre?
149
00:09:24,459 --> 00:09:26,209
Rand must have used the machine again.
150
00:09:26,293 --> 00:09:29,543
We're now in Timeline 1D,
where Andre may or may not exist,
151
00:09:29,626 --> 00:09:31,209
footballs are cube-shaped,
152
00:09:31,293 --> 00:09:33,626
and Brett's movie starred a whale,
apparently.
153
00:09:37,584 --> 00:09:39,376
J.R., fire up the van.
154
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,876
Oh, sorry. I haven't driven myself
since the Carter Administration.
155
00:09:48,959 --> 00:09:50,959
-Uh, are you gonna put on a shirt?
-Yeah.
156
00:09:51,043 --> 00:09:52,793
-It's very distracting.
-Put it away!
157
00:09:52,876 --> 00:09:54,834
No.
158
00:09:54,918 --> 00:09:55,918
Shotgun!
159
00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:58,668
Also, we're listening to my podcast
on the way.
160
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:04,626
Okay, no response yet,
161
00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:08,543
but at least in this version
of the apocalypse we're still dating.
162
00:10:09,084 --> 00:10:12,376
Today, we have on friend of the pod,
Elon Musk,
163
00:10:12,459 --> 00:10:14,668
who I kidnapped and tied to a chair.
164
00:10:14,751 --> 00:10:15,584
Say hi, Elon.
165
00:10:17,793 --> 00:10:19,251
God, our banter's electric.
166
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:23,584
Okay, according to J.R.'s body, that I'm
still having confusing feelings about,
167
00:10:23,668 --> 00:10:26,584
this is where the machine is hidden
with your dad.
168
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,543
What are you doing?
169
00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:29,626
Turning you into a reality scanner.
170
00:10:29,709 --> 00:10:32,293
This is insulting, Reagan.
I look like a Teletubby!
171
00:10:32,376 --> 00:10:33,834
No, you don't.
172
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,668
Now we can use
the power of your tummy screen…
173
00:10:36,751 --> 00:10:37,709
Don't call it that.
174
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:39,543
…and find out what happened to Andre.
175
00:10:39,626 --> 00:10:42,001
Look away. This might be gruesome.
176
00:10:44,751 --> 00:10:48,751
Ah, I've freshly dropped out of college
and stolen this robe.
177
00:10:52,543 --> 00:10:54,043
Hello there, whippersnapper.
178
00:10:54,126 --> 00:10:57,751
Would you be interested in joining
a covert shadow organization?
179
00:10:57,834 --> 00:10:59,126
Well, sure, I…
180
00:10:59,918 --> 00:11:03,418
Whoa, a dollar!
I'm gonna buy a lotto ticket.
181
00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:08,751
Lemon, lemon. Y-Y-Yes!
Fuck, yes! I'm a millionaire.
182
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,418
Okay, so good. He won the lottery.
183
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:15,043
Now he's America's favorite TV doctor!
184
00:11:15,126 --> 00:11:18,751
In my medical opinion,
this guy's a freak!
185
00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:20,084
Let's party, bro!
186
00:11:20,168 --> 00:11:23,084
Uh, I thought
I was gonna get medical advice.
187
00:11:23,793 --> 00:11:26,709
My life could not be
any better right now!
188
00:11:26,793 --> 00:11:28,751
I would change nothing.
189
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:32,043
Wow, universe 1D is treating Andre right.
190
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:33,334
The team will be relieved.
191
00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:36,251
Wait, maybe we should
keep this to ourselves.
192
00:11:36,334 --> 00:11:38,501
These guys tend to get easily distracted.
193
00:11:38,584 --> 00:11:40,084
If they knew Andre was okay,
194
00:11:40,168 --> 00:11:43,668
they might flake out on the mission
and start pursuing their own side plots.
195
00:11:43,751 --> 00:11:46,918
They wouldn't
when the fate of the world is at… Huh.
196
00:11:47,001 --> 00:11:49,043
The fate of the world is at stake!
197
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,751
-I have a thing.
-We're out of time.
198
00:11:50,834 --> 00:11:52,001
-Rain check.
-So dramatic.
199
00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:55,751
You want me to do what about what?
200
00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:57,959
-Overreaction alert.
-Can you hold on?
201
00:12:08,293 --> 00:12:09,334
What's going on?
202
00:12:09,418 --> 00:12:13,126
How bad is it on a scale from Inception
to Interstellar to…
203
00:12:13,209 --> 00:12:14,668
…Tenet?
204
00:12:14,751 --> 00:12:15,876
Well, actually, he's…
205
00:12:17,334 --> 00:12:19,584
Oh my God. No!
206
00:12:19,668 --> 00:12:21,459
Andre is dickless!
207
00:12:21,543 --> 00:12:22,501
What?
208
00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:26,793
Yeah, in this reality he got his dick
stuck in a pretzel maker.
209
00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:30,043
Just wetzeled the thing into a… a knot.
210
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:31,751
And he became a Scientologist.
211
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,168
That's disgusting!
212
00:12:33,251 --> 00:12:34,626
The thing about his dick too.
213
00:12:34,709 --> 00:12:37,043
Are you sure? Let me see that thing.
214
00:12:37,126 --> 00:12:39,334
Guys, we have to focus on the mission.
215
00:12:39,918 --> 00:12:41,251
For Andre's dick.
216
00:12:41,334 --> 00:12:42,501
For Andre's dick.
217
00:12:42,584 --> 00:12:45,126
-Anomaly incoming! Brace yourselves!
218
00:12:57,751 --> 00:13:00,626
Oh God, President Reagan is dead!
219
00:13:01,543 --> 00:13:05,334
Well, I guess if no one's gonna tell me
to tear this thing down,
220
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,834
uh, let's… extend it?
221
00:13:21,751 --> 00:13:23,043
What the hell was that?
222
00:13:27,001 --> 00:13:29,959
In this timeline, Russia won the Cold War.
223
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:33,126
Also, Paul Giamatti is a sex symbol
for some reason.
224
00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:34,293
This is an outrage!
225
00:13:34,376 --> 00:13:37,834
Those Russkies will never take me alive.
Suicide pact! Who's in?
226
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,668
It's not worth it! No!
227
00:13:39,751 --> 00:13:41,876
So, we're owned by Russia now.
228
00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:44,168
How dystopian could
these timeline glitches get?
229
00:13:50,334 --> 00:13:52,709
Also, dinosaurs never went extinct.
230
00:13:52,793 --> 00:13:54,168
Goddamn it, Rand!
231
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:59,418
"Shamuzaamskisaurus:
Dinosaur Stalin Whale Genie."
232
00:13:59,501 --> 00:14:05,668
Ridiculous! The gang's favorite movie
is Shazaam starring Sinbad.
233
00:14:05,751 --> 00:14:08,168
"Kuh, kuh!" Kazaam, fuck!
234
00:14:08,251 --> 00:14:10,251
There, there, you're safe now.
235
00:14:10,334 --> 00:14:13,251
I'm starting to hit my limit
on wacky, sci-fi bullshit.
236
00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:15,626
This mission better be worth it.
237
00:14:19,043 --> 00:14:21,793
Fellas, I'm sensing
a classic Reagan screw job.
238
00:14:21,876 --> 00:14:26,084
I just saw Andre's face on a billboard
and his dick looked fine.
239
00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:30,126
What?! If anybody's gonna be famous
in this timeline, it better be me.
240
00:14:40,501 --> 00:14:43,001
Oh, damn it! I knew we should have
taken the UFO.
241
00:14:43,084 --> 00:14:44,334
We have a UFO?
242
00:14:44,418 --> 00:14:47,793
Yeah, but it's always crashing.
Cheap-ass Roswell labor.
243
00:14:47,876 --> 00:14:50,709
Brett, when this is all over,
you can fly the UFO.
244
00:14:50,793 --> 00:14:51,793
-Okay?
245
00:14:51,876 --> 00:14:52,876
I'll fix the flat.
246
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:14,959
Hold on, Ron. I'll fix this reality.
Just… Just don't go anywhere.
247
00:15:16,293 --> 00:15:18,043
He's a fucking millionaire?
248
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,876
-Oh, shit.
-No, no, no!
249
00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:21,459
I didn't want to show them, Reagan.
250
00:15:21,543 --> 00:15:23,543
Glenn keeps fiddling
with my tummy antenna.
251
00:15:23,626 --> 00:15:26,334
You weren't gonna tell us
that Andre is a millionaire?
252
00:15:26,418 --> 00:15:29,709
And he got a horse penis transplant
and his dick is better than ever?
253
00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:32,709
Maybe Rand's changes
are actually good for the world.
254
00:15:32,793 --> 00:15:35,584
I want to know what Universe 1G
has in store for Gigi!
255
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:39,168
Guys, guys, let's all calm down.
It's what Shazaam would want.
256
00:15:39,251 --> 00:15:42,334
I lied because I knew you would
get distracted by your own interests
257
00:15:42,418 --> 00:15:44,001
and bail on me again.
258
00:15:44,084 --> 00:15:46,376
You think I forgot what happened
when my dad took over?
259
00:15:47,834 --> 00:15:49,001
What's going on?
260
00:15:49,084 --> 00:15:51,251
I want to see my alternate timeline.
261
00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:53,418
Come here, you glorified Etch A Sketch!
262
00:15:55,376 --> 00:15:58,459
Myc, I never thought
it would happen, but you did it.
263
00:15:58,543 --> 00:15:59,501
You're pregnant!
264
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:04,876
Sweet shiitake, I have spores!
I'm gonna be a mother!
265
00:16:04,959 --> 00:16:06,043
Give me that!
266
00:16:12,084 --> 00:16:13,334
Glenn Dolphman!
267
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,501
Gimme some sugar, Dolores.
268
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:20,293
You mean there's a timeline
where I didn't get the dolphin surgery
269
00:16:20,376 --> 00:16:21,876
and Dolores never left me?
270
00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:24,084
Goddamn, I miss my fingers!
271
00:16:24,168 --> 00:16:26,668
You know how hard it is to jack off
with fish webs?
272
00:16:26,751 --> 00:16:27,709
Gigi, please!
273
00:16:28,668 --> 00:16:34,251
Just a normal day
as queen of the fucking Illuminati!
274
00:16:34,334 --> 00:16:37,293
Lin-Manuel, start rapping
about how much you suck.
275
00:16:37,376 --> 00:16:39,001
Yes, Queen.
276
00:16:46,959 --> 00:16:49,668
My God, in this timeline,
none of us work for Cognito
277
00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:52,334
and every one of us
lived our goddamn dream lives.
278
00:16:52,418 --> 00:16:53,834
Don't you understand?
279
00:16:53,918 --> 00:16:57,793
Those are just temporary false realities.
We have to get back to the real one!
280
00:16:57,876 --> 00:16:58,709
I get it.
281
00:16:58,793 --> 00:17:00,709
You want to keep the timeline
from changing
282
00:17:00,793 --> 00:17:03,751
because you finally found a boyfriend.
283
00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:05,126
What? No!
284
00:17:05,209 --> 00:17:07,626
Well, maybe some of us
are sick of our realities
285
00:17:07,709 --> 00:17:09,001
and we'd like better ones.
286
00:17:09,084 --> 00:17:12,959
All I know is, I'm ready
for the joys of motherhood! Myc out!
287
00:17:13,793 --> 00:17:17,209
I hereby honorably discharge myself.
288
00:17:19,043 --> 00:17:20,126
Wait, Gigi--
289
00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:23,209
Look, this is something
I've wanted my whole life, Reagan.
290
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,126
I… I have to take this chance.
291
00:17:25,626 --> 00:17:28,459
Gigi's Louboutin has a home
in Lin-Manuel's ass.
292
00:17:32,168 --> 00:17:33,751
Now wait a goddamn second.
293
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:37,626
You're telling me everyone on the team
got positive timelines except us?
294
00:17:37,709 --> 00:17:40,293
What in the reverse
white privilege shit is that?
295
00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:42,709
J.R., in front of you! Look out!
296
00:17:55,418 --> 00:17:58,751
Reagan, I'll tend to J.R.
You complete the mission.
297
00:17:58,834 --> 00:18:01,543
Thanks, AB.
You've been a real team player today.
298
00:18:01,626 --> 00:18:04,084
It was nice to finally have a team.
299
00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:09,376
Wait, you had those the whole time?
I'm literally missing an arm.
300
00:18:09,459 --> 00:18:11,543
Again, such a good job today.
301
00:18:12,918 --> 00:18:16,459
Leave it to my dad
to destroy reality
302
00:18:16,543 --> 00:18:18,959
just to keep his fucking job!
303
00:18:28,084 --> 00:18:31,168
This is crazy. It's like we're walking
through some kind of blizzard.
304
00:18:31,251 --> 00:18:32,751
A reality blizzard.
305
00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:36,043
Note to self, pitch show
called Reality Blizzard to Amazon.
306
00:18:36,126 --> 00:18:38,918
Nolan can co-EP, but not show run.
He'll be too controlling.
307
00:18:39,001 --> 00:18:42,584
Brett, focus. Now is not the time
to coin new sci-fi shit.
308
00:18:42,668 --> 00:18:45,793
The time anomalies are reaching
maximum impossibility limit factor.
309
00:18:45,876 --> 00:18:46,709
You have to hurry!
310
00:18:51,668 --> 00:18:54,459
The final showdown, us versus your dad.
311
00:18:54,543 --> 00:18:56,876
You think he's got it booby-trapped?
What's wrong?
312
00:19:01,709 --> 00:19:03,959
Thanks for sticking by me
when no one else did.
313
00:19:05,543 --> 00:19:07,626
A good leader wouldn't drag
their best friend
314
00:19:07,709 --> 00:19:09,293
into their dad's bullshit.
315
00:19:09,376 --> 00:19:12,001
I don't know if we'll ever get back
to our realities,
316
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:14,668
but I've seen yours and it looks good.
317
00:19:14,751 --> 00:19:16,418
If I succeed, I'll see you again.
318
00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:19,001
But if not, good luck, Brett.
319
00:19:20,418 --> 00:19:21,251
But…
320
00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:33,043
All right, asshole!
You've messed with my life long enough!
321
00:19:40,126 --> 00:19:41,876
No, that's not it.
322
00:19:42,918 --> 00:19:43,876
I want to just…
323
00:19:48,334 --> 00:19:49,168
What?
324
00:19:53,251 --> 00:19:57,293
Dad, are all these bottles
half full of whiskey or… pee?
325
00:19:57,376 --> 00:19:59,501
Oh, I lost track days ago.
326
00:19:59,584 --> 00:20:04,084
I thought that you were trying to get
revenge on the Robes for firing you.
327
00:20:04,584 --> 00:20:05,918
Why are you doing this?
328
00:20:06,668 --> 00:20:08,334
That's how many times.
329
00:20:08,418 --> 00:20:11,126
That's how many times
I tried to get you both back.
330
00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:14,168
You and your mother.
Into the same timeline.
331
00:20:14,251 --> 00:20:15,793
But it never works, Reagan.
332
00:20:15,876 --> 00:20:19,501
No matter how many times I try,
you both hate me.
333
00:20:20,209 --> 00:20:22,668
You did all this just to get us back?
334
00:20:22,751 --> 00:20:23,959
I had everything.
335
00:20:24,626 --> 00:20:27,501
I had my job, I had power.
336
00:20:27,584 --> 00:20:30,001
I know it's a fucking cliché,
but it's true.
337
00:20:30,084 --> 00:20:32,793
You don't know what matters most
until you lose it.
338
00:20:33,959 --> 00:20:37,293
Please, help me fix it.
Help me get her here.
339
00:20:37,376 --> 00:20:39,501
Dad, this was never gonna work.
340
00:20:39,584 --> 00:20:41,668
You can't just hit a button over and over
341
00:20:41,751 --> 00:20:44,918
and expect a relationship
to go back to the way it was.
342
00:20:47,918 --> 00:20:50,751
And I know that it is scary
to give up control.
343
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,751
You don't have to do it alone.
344
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,793
Let's shut this thing down together.
345
00:20:56,459 --> 00:20:58,709
Guess our shit timeline's
better than nothing.
346
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:00,751
Let's pack it in, kiddo.
347
00:21:06,459 --> 00:21:07,418
-Agh!
348
00:21:07,501 --> 00:21:10,543
-Reagan!
349
00:21:10,626 --> 00:21:13,209
So there you are, partner.
350
00:21:13,876 --> 00:21:16,543
Look at you.
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
351
00:21:16,626 --> 00:21:19,376
What? How do I look
like I'm enjoying anything?
352
00:21:19,459 --> 00:21:20,959
You see these pee jars?
353
00:21:21,043 --> 00:21:23,543
All year, you've put me through hell,
354
00:21:23,626 --> 00:21:27,834
and then you went and gave everyone else
on the team their dream timeline
355
00:21:27,918 --> 00:21:31,001
after I propped your drunk ass up
your whole career?
356
00:21:31,084 --> 00:21:31,918
Oh, please.
357
00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:35,751
Without me, you'd be another rich brat
working in the non-shadow government.
358
00:21:35,834 --> 00:21:39,751
I've been taking your advice my whole life
and look what I have to show for it.
359
00:21:39,834 --> 00:21:43,334
I'm gonna get what's coming to me.
The money, the house, the car!
360
00:21:43,418 --> 00:21:46,626
And I'm finally gonna get
my humorous essays published
361
00:21:46,709 --> 00:21:48,584
in the goddamn Harvard Lampoon!
362
00:21:48,668 --> 00:21:51,543
J.R.! The machine,
it's totally unpredictable.
363
00:21:51,626 --> 00:21:53,876
Press that button,
you could end up in hell.
364
00:21:53,959 --> 00:21:56,334
I'm willing to take that chance.
365
00:21:59,293 --> 00:22:01,543
J.R., you are going
to destroy the universe!
366
00:22:10,251 --> 00:22:11,626
No!
367
00:22:11,709 --> 00:22:14,543
I was finally gonna get an infinity pool!
368
00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:17,168
Wait, is that…?
369
00:22:24,001 --> 00:22:25,834
Brett! You came back!
370
00:22:25,918 --> 00:22:28,376
But how did you remember this reality?
371
00:22:28,459 --> 00:22:30,209
I made notes on my poster,
372
00:22:30,293 --> 00:22:32,584
and then that helped me remember
that we had this!
373
00:22:32,668 --> 00:22:34,626
Oh, a poster.
374
00:22:34,709 --> 00:22:38,209
I tattooed my whole body
with liquid tinfoil for nothing.
375
00:22:38,293 --> 00:22:40,668
Plus, we got to take the flying saucer.
376
00:22:40,751 --> 00:22:42,459
Wait, what do you mean "we"?
377
00:22:46,459 --> 00:22:48,293
Guys, but why?
378
00:22:48,376 --> 00:22:49,918
We got to our alternate timelines,
379
00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:52,084
but the more your dad
kept pressing that button,
380
00:22:52,168 --> 00:22:53,668
the more they all went to shit.
381
00:22:53,751 --> 00:22:57,168
Turns out I wasn't pregnant.
I just had way too much Del Taco.
382
00:22:57,251 --> 00:22:58,376
I've been there.
383
00:22:58,459 --> 00:23:01,834
And I almost bent the knee
to the goddamn Russkies.
384
00:23:02,376 --> 00:23:04,793
I serve only you, President Putin.
385
00:23:05,293 --> 00:23:08,001
Wait a second. What the heck am I saying?
386
00:23:08,084 --> 00:23:09,293
Better dead than red!
387
00:23:13,501 --> 00:23:16,001
Thank you, convenient alien spaceship.
388
00:23:16,793 --> 00:23:18,793
And I got tired of having a horse penis.
389
00:23:19,668 --> 00:23:22,793
Okay, hear me out, what if I surgically
gave you a horse vagina?
390
00:23:22,876 --> 00:23:26,418
Where are you going,
my wife Scarlett Johansson?
391
00:23:28,001 --> 00:23:32,001
I had to run the Illuminati's
Disney Channel division, Reagan.
392
00:23:32,084 --> 00:23:33,584
Doc McStuffins?
393
00:23:33,668 --> 00:23:36,626
More like Doc McStuffed
with satanic messages!
394
00:23:41,918 --> 00:23:44,543
And I was the world's
preeminent puppeteer.
395
00:23:44,626 --> 00:23:46,209
But that world is so catty.
396
00:23:46,918 --> 00:23:48,709
Your stitching is…
397
00:23:48,793 --> 00:23:50,543
…fine.
398
00:23:51,209 --> 00:23:53,751
You said something nice, but it felt mean.
399
00:23:54,793 --> 00:23:57,459
So we rebooted our memories
and now we're here.
400
00:23:57,543 --> 00:23:59,001
Glad to have you back, guys.
401
00:23:59,084 --> 00:23:59,918
Glad to be back.
402
00:24:00,001 --> 00:24:00,834
-Me too!
-Amen.
403
00:24:00,918 --> 00:24:03,959
I'll admit,
I'm finally starting to like you guys.
404
00:24:09,959 --> 00:24:12,918
Alpha-Beta's memory drive should let us
restore the timeline
405
00:24:19,334 --> 00:24:20,459
Okay. Now.
406
00:24:23,459 --> 00:24:25,043
-Yes!
407
00:24:25,126 --> 00:24:28,751
Wait, to when you reprogrammed him?
So that means…
408
00:24:28,834 --> 00:24:29,668
SHAZAAM - SINBAD
409
00:24:29,751 --> 00:24:33,001
Great. Well, now my back tattoo
makes no sense.
410
00:24:34,626 --> 00:24:36,334
Hey! Where are you taking us?
411
00:24:36,418 --> 00:24:38,418
And what does this mean for my internship?
412
00:24:38,501 --> 00:24:41,084
You're both going
in front of the Robes for sentencing.
413
00:24:41,168 --> 00:24:44,251
I better not wind up sharing a cell
with that asshole again.
414
00:24:44,334 --> 00:24:45,751
College was enough.
415
00:24:45,834 --> 00:24:51,293
Dad, maybe going to Shadow Prison X is
the best way to protect you from yourself.
416
00:24:52,043 --> 00:24:54,418
I spent my whole life
thinking you were a hero or a villain,
417
00:24:54,501 --> 00:24:57,126
but you're not. You're just… my dad.
418
00:24:57,209 --> 00:24:58,209
A screw-up.
419
00:24:58,751 --> 00:25:01,209
Well, I think interventions are bullshit.
420
00:25:01,293 --> 00:25:04,751
But in this case, you might be right.
421
00:25:04,834 --> 00:25:05,876
I might be what now?
422
00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:08,209
You're right, okay?
423
00:25:08,293 --> 00:25:10,584
I'm sorry for everything, kiddo.
424
00:25:10,668 --> 00:25:14,334
When you run Cognito,
just do things better than I did.