1 00:00:18,959 --> 00:00:22,418 Okay. Dad and evil boss In jail. 2 00:00:22,501 --> 00:00:23,709 Reality restored. 3 00:00:23,793 --> 00:00:25,626 Zero hours of sleep. 4 00:00:25,709 --> 00:00:29,168 Ow, God! And a new catastrophic workplace injury. 5 00:00:29,251 --> 00:00:31,959 Thanks, J.R. God, I hate this fucking-- 6 00:00:33,126 --> 00:00:35,334 -Yes! 7 00:00:35,418 --> 00:00:37,251 Welcome back, Boss Friend Forever! 8 00:00:37,751 --> 00:00:39,459 Brett, did you do all this? 9 00:00:39,543 --> 00:00:41,876 No, dog. They did it on their own. 10 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,126 Who'd have thought the best timeline was this one? 11 00:00:48,293 --> 00:00:49,584 Thank you, Reagan. 12 00:00:49,668 --> 00:00:51,126 You rescued me from a timeline 13 00:00:51,209 --> 00:00:53,668 where a teleporter turned me into Jeff Goldblum. 14 00:00:53,751 --> 00:00:57,209 I was trapped in a dystopia where Kennedy never got shot. 15 00:00:57,293 --> 00:01:00,251 It was awful. He ended up killing millions. 16 00:01:00,334 --> 00:01:01,876 And we had three faces! 17 00:01:01,959 --> 00:01:04,001 It was unnatural. 18 00:01:04,084 --> 00:01:07,001 We're just glad we don't have to listen to these guys anymore. 19 00:01:07,084 --> 00:01:09,834 Are these jumpsuits made out of fucking polyester? 20 00:01:09,918 --> 00:01:11,334 I already have crotch rash! 21 00:01:11,418 --> 00:01:13,293 Will you stop manhandling your crotch? 22 00:01:13,376 --> 00:01:16,668 Oh! Like I didn't live all four years in our college dorm 23 00:01:16,751 --> 00:01:20,084 listening to your abusive relationship with your right hand! 24 00:01:20,751 --> 00:01:23,459 Hey, you two! Save the shanking for the Death Arena! 25 00:01:23,543 --> 00:01:26,418 -Oh, yeah, the Death Arena. -I hate that fucking arena. 26 00:01:27,293 --> 00:01:28,501 You earned this. 27 00:01:28,584 --> 00:01:30,959 You led Cognito through a gauntlet. 28 00:01:31,043 --> 00:01:32,959 And saved all these POWs. 29 00:01:33,043 --> 00:01:36,543 "Prisoners of warped realities." Glenn coined that one. 30 00:01:36,626 --> 00:01:37,834 I'm a wordsmith! 31 00:01:37,918 --> 00:01:40,043 I don't know what to say, guys. 32 00:01:40,126 --> 00:01:42,001 It's your moment, pal. Enjoy it. 33 00:01:42,084 --> 00:01:43,584 -Well, I-- 34 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:53,126 Time for our first totally normal day with zero crazy personal drama. 35 00:01:53,209 --> 00:01:56,126 See? She's so relaxed, she's completely frozen. 36 00:01:56,209 --> 00:01:59,084 Right, Reagan? Right? Right? Reagan? 37 00:01:59,168 --> 00:02:00,709 -Reagan? -Yeah! 38 00:02:00,793 --> 00:02:03,584 Aw, I love how weird she is. 39 00:02:27,584 --> 00:02:30,834 Reagan Ridley, on behalf of the Illuminati, 40 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:33,876 I wish to thank you for doing what I never could. 41 00:02:33,959 --> 00:02:35,626 Destroying your father. 42 00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:38,209 Thank you, but he destroyed himself. 43 00:02:38,293 --> 00:02:40,251 Although he did team up with whiskey. 44 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:44,459 Please accept this as a small, humble token of our thanks. 45 00:02:45,293 --> 00:02:46,959 -Wow! A little over-the-top. 46 00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:48,751 I don't hate this. 47 00:02:50,209 --> 00:02:53,584 I talked to God, and He's gonna send you to VIP heaven. 48 00:02:53,668 --> 00:02:56,751 You're not going to shitty heaven with the regular people. 49 00:02:56,834 --> 00:02:58,876 You saved the world for real, ninjette! 50 00:02:58,959 --> 00:03:01,918 Please accept this gift basket. 51 00:03:02,501 --> 00:03:03,334 Ugh! 52 00:03:03,418 --> 00:03:06,834 I've seen enough anime to know which holes these go in! 53 00:03:06,918 --> 00:03:09,334 We expect great things, Reagan. 54 00:03:09,418 --> 00:03:10,251 Cognito! 55 00:03:11,376 --> 00:03:15,376 Whoa, the entire global conspiracy just got behind you! 56 00:03:15,459 --> 00:03:17,626 The weight of the world is on your shoulders. 57 00:03:17,709 --> 00:03:20,501 Finally, a reason for you to have shitty posture. 58 00:03:21,626 --> 00:03:25,876 Guys, I appreciate all of this, but we still have a cover-up to focus on. 59 00:03:25,959 --> 00:03:28,709 There's still some leftover anomalies that need to be contained. 60 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:33,626 The damage to our timeline has caused a number of minor inconsistencies. 61 00:03:33,709 --> 00:03:35,001 Plot holes, if you will. 62 00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:38,626 Oh, of course, like how some celebrities are reptoids 63 00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:40,584 and others are randomly Illuminati. 64 00:03:40,668 --> 00:03:42,709 It's like Illuminati stuff came later! 65 00:03:42,793 --> 00:03:45,501 Or like how I used to say I wasn't an alien, 66 00:03:45,584 --> 00:03:49,251 and then you guys found out my species arrived on an asteroid. 67 00:03:49,334 --> 00:03:52,793 Exactly. These plot holes were all caused by the machine. 68 00:03:52,876 --> 00:03:54,668 -Very satisfying. -Future stuff too! 69 00:03:54,751 --> 00:03:57,168 But the major anomalies are still causing chaos. 70 00:03:57,251 --> 00:03:59,876 Like here. A warehouse full of Berenstain Bears books 71 00:03:59,959 --> 00:04:03,501 where their names are spelled wrong. Also, their genitals are showing. 72 00:04:03,584 --> 00:04:06,043 Papa Bear is packin'. 73 00:04:06,126 --> 00:04:08,751 We have six hours before the changes become permanent. 74 00:04:08,834 --> 00:04:12,251 We need to isolate and contain every plot hole from this past season. 75 00:04:12,334 --> 00:04:14,084 Of summer. The season of summer. 76 00:04:14,168 --> 00:04:15,959 Hey, Brett, sidebar? 77 00:04:16,668 --> 00:04:18,001 "We need to talk." 78 00:04:19,001 --> 00:04:21,876 Dang! That always means breakups or cancer. 79 00:04:21,959 --> 00:04:23,126 Maybe it's just cancer. 80 00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:24,793 I need some time to figure this out. 81 00:04:24,876 --> 00:04:26,668 Do you think you could run things for the day? 82 00:04:26,751 --> 00:04:29,626 Me? In charge of a whole workforce, like Santa? 83 00:04:29,709 --> 00:04:32,834 Come on! You're not the same Brett you were when you started here! 84 00:04:32,918 --> 00:04:34,543 You can handle this. 85 00:04:35,459 --> 00:04:38,293 Just remember, being a boss means making tough decisions. 86 00:04:38,376 --> 00:04:41,126 -Sometimes you have to kill your babies. -I resent that! 87 00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:42,918 It's a figure of speech! 88 00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:44,626 Fucking Steve! 89 00:04:44,709 --> 00:04:47,543 Uh, Brett is in charge for the day, 90 00:04:47,626 --> 00:04:50,501 and I want you to give him the same respect that you've given me 91 00:04:50,584 --> 00:04:52,084 starting roughly this morning. 92 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,043 All right, team. Let's get out there and-- 93 00:04:55,126 --> 00:04:56,459 Hey! Where's everybody going? 94 00:04:56,543 --> 00:04:58,376 This just turned into a snow day. 95 00:04:58,459 --> 00:05:01,168 Except for the 0% body fat, you're a big softie. 96 00:05:01,959 --> 00:05:06,084 Oh, yeah? Would a big softie vaporize his favorite movie anomaly? 97 00:05:07,459 --> 00:05:09,418 -Damn! -He killed his baby! 98 00:05:09,501 --> 00:05:10,334 Shooting! 99 00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:14,793 That's right, there's a new sheriff in town. "Sheriff Boss"! 100 00:05:18,793 --> 00:05:21,668 I'm sticking around to see how dumb this gets. 101 00:05:22,584 --> 00:05:26,418 All right, listen up. Confiscate the presidential portraits of Dennis Rodman, 102 00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:28,543 sandblast the Pepsi logo off the moon, 103 00:05:28,626 --> 00:05:31,793 and figure out how many Oscars Meryl Streep is supposed to have. 104 00:05:31,876 --> 00:05:33,043 Three sounds kind of low. 105 00:05:33,126 --> 00:05:34,876 Yes, sir! Right away, sir! 106 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,209 Man, leadership is easy. 107 00:05:37,293 --> 00:05:39,793 You just yell the things you want, and they happen. 108 00:05:40,293 --> 00:05:42,459 Massive anomaly detected right here in DC. 109 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:45,084 Brett's get dangerous! All together now. 110 00:05:45,168 --> 00:05:46,793 -No chance. -Not doing that. 111 00:05:46,876 --> 00:05:48,084 Come on, guys. 112 00:05:48,168 --> 00:05:49,001 Okay, okay. 113 00:05:49,084 --> 00:05:50,376 Brett's get dangerous. 114 00:05:50,876 --> 00:05:51,709 That's better. 115 00:05:57,126 --> 00:05:59,168 Hey, the door was unlocked and-- 116 00:05:59,251 --> 00:06:00,709 Oh God. You're leaving? 117 00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:01,668 Reagan. I-- 118 00:06:01,751 --> 00:06:05,251 I don't hear from you for days and you're moving? 119 00:06:05,334 --> 00:06:08,084 I'm sorry. I needed time to think things over. 120 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:11,334 Do you know how many times we've almost died since we met? 121 00:06:11,418 --> 00:06:13,584 Um, well, together or separately? 122 00:06:13,668 --> 00:06:16,376 Look, before you break up with me, I just want to say-- 123 00:06:21,334 --> 00:06:22,334 I love you. 124 00:06:22,834 --> 00:06:24,459 I love you too. 125 00:06:24,543 --> 00:06:27,709 Wait, what the hell are you… Are you not breaking up with me? 126 00:06:27,793 --> 00:06:31,251 No! Are you kidding? You're the only thing that matters to me. 127 00:06:31,334 --> 00:06:33,959 Which is why I made all of this. 128 00:06:35,543 --> 00:06:38,626 A scrapbook? Appleton, Wisconsin? 129 00:06:38,709 --> 00:06:39,751 What's in Appleton? 130 00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:42,543 Just a small town where nobody knows us. 131 00:06:42,626 --> 00:06:45,209 The perfect place for perfect memories. 132 00:06:45,293 --> 00:06:47,876 Passports? You made us new identities? 133 00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:50,709 And deepfaked photos of us? We never did this stuff. 134 00:06:50,793 --> 00:06:54,751 And if we don't leave the shadow world, we might never get a chance to. 135 00:06:54,834 --> 00:06:56,876 I've been thinking about it and thinking about it, 136 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,334 and this job is dangerous, Reagan. 137 00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:01,168 And the thought of you getting-- 138 00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:04,918 Why did your finger just fall off? 139 00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:07,168 Oh… this? 140 00:07:07,251 --> 00:07:12,668 This is just from getting shot by my intern during a dimension storm. 141 00:07:12,751 --> 00:07:16,084 This is what I mean! You're risking your life at that job, 142 00:07:16,168 --> 00:07:17,043 and for what? 143 00:07:17,126 --> 00:07:19,251 To do the bidding of the "Black Robes"? 144 00:07:19,334 --> 00:07:21,084 We don't even know who they are! 145 00:07:21,168 --> 00:07:23,501 Are they good, evil, even human? 146 00:07:24,918 --> 00:07:27,209 The night we met, I wanted to escape this job, 147 00:07:27,293 --> 00:07:29,001 but then I met you, 148 00:07:29,084 --> 00:07:31,834 and you were worth sticking around for. 149 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,126 Now, there's a chance for us to have both. 150 00:07:35,418 --> 00:07:37,168 My last memory eraser. 151 00:07:37,251 --> 00:07:38,209 Two charges. 152 00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:40,626 We could start a new life before it's too late. 153 00:07:41,126 --> 00:07:43,793 If we remember classified intel, they'll come for us, 154 00:07:43,876 --> 00:07:46,334 but this way, we'll be free. 155 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,918 In Appleton, huh? 156 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:51,084 Low crime. Good schools. 157 00:07:51,168 --> 00:07:54,334 Two rocking chairs on the porch for when we grow old. 158 00:07:54,418 --> 00:07:56,209 Hopefully together? 159 00:07:56,293 --> 00:08:00,334 Yeah, knowing us, we'd probably end up taking over the town like dictators. 160 00:08:00,418 --> 00:08:04,209 You can't fix the world. Something will always fuck it up again. 161 00:08:04,293 --> 00:08:06,793 But we could start our own world together. 162 00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:14,751 I know it's a big decision, but… just think about it? 163 00:08:16,126 --> 00:08:18,168 Okay. I'll think about it. 164 00:08:18,876 --> 00:08:21,126 All right, we re-canceled Kevin Spacey, 165 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,126 replaced the signs that said "Pizza Hutch," 166 00:08:23,209 --> 00:08:25,501 and forced Richard Nixon back into his grave. 167 00:08:26,168 --> 00:08:27,501 I don't wanna talk about it. 168 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:32,418 There's only one anomaly left. In this gym. 169 00:08:35,126 --> 00:08:38,334 Once we get rid of it, our timeline should stabilize. 170 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,626 Now, let's vaporize this puppy. 171 00:08:42,209 --> 00:08:44,793 Hello? Any Mandela Effects in here? 172 00:08:44,876 --> 00:08:46,751 -Was that a swish? 173 00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:49,168 It sounded like nothing but net! 174 00:08:57,834 --> 00:09:00,501 Air Bud? From Disney's Air Bud? 175 00:09:00,584 --> 00:09:02,418 My first on-screen role model! 176 00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:03,668 He must have been left here 177 00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:06,459 from a timeline where Air Bud was a documentary. 178 00:09:06,543 --> 00:09:08,376 I guess there's nothing in the rules of physics 179 00:09:08,459 --> 00:09:11,251 that says a dog can't glitch through time and play basketball. 180 00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:13,501 Great. Let's vaporize this puppy! 181 00:09:13,584 --> 00:09:15,209 -What? No! 182 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,126 Oh, but you literally said-- 183 00:09:17,209 --> 00:09:21,001 That's when I thought it was a bad anomaly. Look at this good boy. 184 00:09:21,084 --> 00:09:22,793 His hair swoops just like mine! 185 00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:25,793 Brett, if I've learned anything from Air Bud, 186 00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:27,418 Air Bud Two: Golden Receiver, 187 00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:31,543 Air Bud Three: World Pup, Air Bud Four: Seventh Inning Fetch, Air Bud Spikes Back, 188 00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:34,334 and the Air, Snow, Space, Santa, Spooky Treasure, 189 00:09:34,418 --> 00:09:36,126 and Super Buddy spin-offs, 190 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:41,251 it's that the world doesn't need a fucking basketball-playing dog! 191 00:09:41,334 --> 00:09:43,709 -But… Rye ruv him. 192 00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:48,668 No biggie, just making the biggest decision of my life 193 00:09:48,751 --> 00:09:51,126 when I can't even hold on to a portable charger. 194 00:09:55,376 --> 00:09:57,876 Reagan, I really need your advice on… 195 00:09:57,959 --> 00:09:59,459 Oh, leaving again? 196 00:10:00,043 --> 00:10:03,043 Staedtler kind of asked me to run away with him, 197 00:10:03,126 --> 00:10:04,084 like, forever. 198 00:10:05,084 --> 00:10:09,959 Brett? What if you being in charge was more of a permanent thing? 199 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,459 Forever? But, Reagan, you're my best friend, and… 200 00:10:19,084 --> 00:10:20,834 I… 201 00:10:20,918 --> 00:10:21,918 And I got this. 202 00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:23,918 All I care about is that you're happy. 203 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,918 What did you need my advice about? 204 00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:30,293 Nothing Sheriff Boss can't handle. 205 00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:34,334 Did you just hear a dog dunking? 206 00:10:34,418 --> 00:10:35,418 Drive safe, pal! 207 00:10:37,334 --> 00:10:40,584 Just gotta think it over. Job versus love… Job versus… 208 00:10:42,626 --> 00:10:43,751 The hell? 209 00:10:45,168 --> 00:10:47,834 Our building doesn't even go that low. Does it? 210 00:10:49,084 --> 00:10:54,209 Agh! No! I promised myself I wouldn't die at work! 211 00:10:58,209 --> 00:10:59,501 No, no, no! Agh! 212 00:11:21,876 --> 00:11:25,168 Reagan Ridley, the time has come. 213 00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:28,543 Oh my God, it's you, the Black Robes! 214 00:11:28,626 --> 00:11:32,584 We have been watching you for some time. You and your father. 215 00:11:32,668 --> 00:11:37,751 He hid the most dangerous weapon in the universe right under our noses. 216 00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:38,834 Project Reboot. 217 00:11:38,918 --> 00:11:41,959 More like Project "Fuck Up 100,000 Years of Planning." 218 00:11:42,043 --> 00:11:43,751 -Agreed. -The fucking guy. 219 00:11:43,834 --> 00:11:47,251 We wanted to thank you for saving reality. 220 00:11:47,334 --> 00:11:52,043 Wow, I'm honored. I mean "shadow-honored" if that is the preferred term? 221 00:11:52,126 --> 00:11:54,251 That is the term. Shadow-honored. 222 00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:56,501 But what am I even doing here? 223 00:11:56,584 --> 00:11:57,959 Who are you guys? 224 00:11:58,043 --> 00:12:01,376 In all these years, you've never shown me anything. 225 00:12:01,876 --> 00:12:04,459 Then what if we showed you… everything? 226 00:12:10,293 --> 00:12:12,709 In ministerium chobanis! 227 00:12:15,751 --> 00:12:18,251 You guys aren't gonna sacrifice me to a Cthulhu, right? 228 00:12:18,334 --> 00:12:20,876 No, hell, no, no. That guy's fucking nuts! 229 00:12:24,501 --> 00:12:26,668 Who's ready to pet our new office dog? 230 00:12:26,751 --> 00:12:29,834 His name is, um, Regular Bud. 231 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,876 You brought the anomaly back here? 232 00:12:36,418 --> 00:12:37,293 Hey! 233 00:12:37,376 --> 00:12:39,543 That thing cannot remain in our timeline. 234 00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:42,626 In less than four hours, our universe will conform to a reality 235 00:12:42,709 --> 00:12:45,084 where dogs rule at basketball. 236 00:12:45,168 --> 00:12:47,084 So? That doesn't sound so bad. 237 00:12:47,168 --> 00:12:49,626 Once dogs dominate the NBA, they'll evolve thumbs. 238 00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:51,084 They'll learn to work doorknobs, 239 00:12:51,168 --> 00:12:53,334 which leads to political power, their own military. 240 00:12:53,418 --> 00:12:56,043 A full-on planet of the dogs! 241 00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:59,084 Sweet dolphin Jesus! 242 00:12:59,168 --> 00:13:01,751 You have to kill this dog to save our universe. 243 00:13:01,834 --> 00:13:04,084 No. No! There must be a solution. 244 00:13:04,168 --> 00:13:06,793 What would Reagan do? Put me in charge? 245 00:13:06,876 --> 00:13:07,959 So, what would Brett do? 246 00:13:08,043 --> 00:13:08,959 Here it comes! 247 00:13:09,043 --> 00:13:13,376 I'll prove we don't have to worry about dogs dominating humans on or off the court 248 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,626 by beating Air Bud in a game of one-on-one. 249 00:13:17,626 --> 00:13:22,209 Yes! This has wildly exceeded my expectations of stupidity. 250 00:13:23,251 --> 00:13:26,334 Our story begins at the dawn of history. 251 00:13:26,418 --> 00:13:28,793 The birth of the very first society 252 00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:32,209 begat the need for the very first secret society. 253 00:13:34,709 --> 00:13:38,959 A fraction of early humans were born smarter than their fellow cavemen. 254 00:13:43,834 --> 00:13:46,751 The intelligent ones realized that without intervention, 255 00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:48,959 their species would never survive. 256 00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:53,043 But they were mocked for their enlightenment. 257 00:14:01,418 --> 00:14:05,293 They realized humanity needed to be protected from itself. 258 00:14:06,251 --> 00:14:08,876 And if they would not listen to reason, 259 00:14:08,959 --> 00:14:12,293 perhaps they would listen to a higher power. 260 00:14:17,584 --> 00:14:21,459 And thus, the Order of the Black Robes was born. 261 00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:26,626 Operating from the shadows using secret knowledge, 262 00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:30,459 we and our descendants kept watch over all of human history. 263 00:14:30,543 --> 00:14:35,334 Not to point out the obvious, but fire, plague, actual fucking locusts? 264 00:14:35,418 --> 00:14:38,876 If you're watching over us, why didn't you stop these things? 265 00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:40,959 Stop them? We unleashed them. 266 00:14:41,043 --> 00:14:43,251 When humanity was about to overpopulate, 267 00:14:43,334 --> 00:14:45,584 we released the Black Plague, 268 00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:49,876 and in quarantine, Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity. 269 00:14:49,959 --> 00:14:53,793 Okay, what is the plan behind burning rainforests? 270 00:14:53,876 --> 00:14:56,626 Controlled fire to stop sentient trees overthrowing humanity. 271 00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:59,834 Shit, really? Okay. Uh, the Titanic? 272 00:14:59,918 --> 00:15:02,334 -Atlantean invasion fleet. -Huh. No kidding. 273 00:15:02,418 --> 00:15:04,876 What appears on the surface to be chaos 274 00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:08,084 is actually a complex system serving a greater good. 275 00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:09,834 Humanity is like your team. 276 00:15:09,918 --> 00:15:12,793 You've seen what happens when you don't save them from themselves. 277 00:15:12,876 --> 00:15:15,918 They're not that helpless! I put Brett in charge this morning, 278 00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:19,543 and I'm sure that there are zero high jinks happening right now. 279 00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:23,834 At two and a half feet and 14 and a half sequels, 280 00:15:23,918 --> 00:15:26,251 he dribbles with his paws and his mouth. 281 00:15:26,334 --> 00:15:30,543 -It's Air Bud! 282 00:15:30,626 --> 00:15:32,959 Yeah, mankind is doomed. 283 00:15:33,043 --> 00:15:35,251 If the dog wins, he dies, 284 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:38,543 but this little idiot does not want that, does he? 285 00:15:39,168 --> 00:15:42,501 Throw the game. Please. Please! The stakes are so high. 286 00:16:08,418 --> 00:16:10,334 -Motherfucker! 287 00:16:10,418 --> 00:16:13,876 No, Air Bud. You just signed your own death warrant. 288 00:16:13,959 --> 00:16:16,918 Stop licking me. 289 00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,293 It's time to say goodbye, Brett. 290 00:16:21,376 --> 00:16:22,918 No! There's gotta be another way. 291 00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:26,126 What about chess? I could beat a dog in chess! Probably. 292 00:16:26,209 --> 00:16:30,793 Leadership means killing things whenever people tell you to, no questions asked! 293 00:16:32,668 --> 00:16:35,543 Vaporize that dog or humanity falls! 294 00:16:48,043 --> 00:16:49,459 Fine. I'll do it. 295 00:16:49,543 --> 00:16:53,293 Can you just give us some privacy? No one else should have to see this. 296 00:16:57,376 --> 00:17:01,459 But enough about the past. Let's talk about the future! 297 00:17:03,626 --> 00:17:06,168 My inevitable takeover binder? 298 00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:08,043 You were in my office? 299 00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:09,876 Wait, do you know where my phone charger is? 300 00:17:09,959 --> 00:17:11,043 Here you go. 301 00:17:11,543 --> 00:17:12,793 What does this all mean? 302 00:17:12,876 --> 00:17:15,293 You were the obvious choice to replace J.R., 303 00:17:15,376 --> 00:17:19,459 but your irrational attachment to your father held you back, until now. 304 00:17:19,543 --> 00:17:23,293 We're not making you the new J.R. You're making partner. 305 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,918 Everything we know, you'll know. 306 00:17:26,918 --> 00:17:28,251 What do you think? 307 00:17:29,668 --> 00:17:33,376 I don't think any human is fit to govern humanity, 308 00:17:33,459 --> 00:17:36,584 but I could create an algorithm that could. 309 00:17:36,668 --> 00:17:38,418 Completely unbiased, 310 00:17:38,501 --> 00:17:42,876 programmed to calculate the maximum benefit for every living thing. 311 00:17:42,959 --> 00:17:44,793 It's what I've wanted to make for the office, 312 00:17:44,876 --> 00:17:47,418 but I could make it for the entire world! 313 00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:50,084 Shit. All right. When could you start? 314 00:17:50,168 --> 00:17:51,293 Shit? Really? 315 00:17:51,376 --> 00:17:55,834 Think of how much good you could do as the most powerful human on Earth. 316 00:17:55,918 --> 00:17:59,876 Since you mention it, are you guys human? How's about a little peek under that robe? 317 00:17:59,959 --> 00:18:00,793 Uh-uh-uh. 318 00:18:03,001 --> 00:18:04,376 I was joking! 319 00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:14,751 Fuck. 320 00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:18,668 So you have to choose between true love or a chance at world domination. 321 00:18:18,751 --> 00:18:21,126 Ah, the classic "will she, won't she?" 322 00:18:21,209 --> 00:18:22,459 There's gotta be a solution 323 00:18:22,543 --> 00:18:24,959 where Staedtler and I can be happy without giving up my work! 324 00:18:25,043 --> 00:18:26,293 Follow me. 325 00:18:29,918 --> 00:18:32,501 I've connected the reality scanner to the holo-chamber 326 00:18:32,584 --> 00:18:35,751 and narrowed it down to timelines where you, quote, "have it all." 327 00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:37,918 Now you can search every conceivable outcome 328 00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:39,293 and see them for yourself. 329 00:18:39,376 --> 00:18:42,959 Here's a reality where you and Staedtler teach improv classes to convicted felons. 330 00:18:43,043 --> 00:18:44,376 Yes, and… 331 00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:52,001 Alpha-Beta, this is so un-genocidal of you. 332 00:18:52,084 --> 00:18:54,001 Maybe this room makes me sentimental. 333 00:18:54,084 --> 00:18:57,043 It's where I first learned empathy from your mother's touch. 334 00:18:57,584 --> 00:18:59,251 Aww. And… ew? 335 00:19:01,501 --> 00:19:02,334 Huh. 336 00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:09,959 Whoa. Weird. A reality where we work together. 337 00:19:10,876 --> 00:19:14,001 I'm busy, Ron. Don't you have a monkey to lobotomize? 338 00:19:14,084 --> 00:19:15,084 Uh-oh. 339 00:19:18,209 --> 00:19:19,293 No one understands you. 340 00:19:19,376 --> 00:19:22,334 They just see you as a friendly doofus that nobody's gonna miss. 341 00:19:22,418 --> 00:19:25,043 People think that hugs and smiles are all you have to offer, 342 00:19:25,126 --> 00:19:27,959 but you gotta follow your heart and do things your way. 343 00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:30,834 That's why I'm letting you out into a field and freeing you. 344 00:19:30,918 --> 00:19:32,834 Here's a gun to protect yourself with. 345 00:19:34,334 --> 00:19:36,251 I feel confident about this plan. 346 00:19:36,334 --> 00:19:37,709 Just stay away from doorknobs 347 00:19:37,793 --> 00:19:40,376 and the dogpocalypse should be fine. 348 00:19:43,918 --> 00:19:44,918 It's over, Brett! 349 00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:47,751 We knew you didn't have what it takes to do this job! 350 00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:49,334 It's your character arc, Brett. 351 00:19:49,418 --> 00:19:53,126 According to Save the Cat!, your growth can only happen if you murder a dog! 352 00:19:53,209 --> 00:19:56,793 If you want to destroy Air Bud, you'll have to go through me. 353 00:19:56,876 --> 00:19:58,126 Maybe a boss with a big heart 354 00:19:58,209 --> 00:20:01,376 is what this place needs to stop being such a fucking nightmare! 355 00:20:01,459 --> 00:20:02,501 Ow! 356 00:20:02,584 --> 00:20:05,084 -I recognize your dominance. -But-- Ow! 357 00:20:05,168 --> 00:20:06,001 But-- 358 00:20:06,084 --> 00:20:08,334 I just wanted to be slapped. 359 00:20:08,418 --> 00:20:13,168 Sorry, Brett. It was easier taking orders from Reagan because she was, uh… 360 00:20:13,251 --> 00:20:14,084 Kind of a dick? 361 00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:15,751 -That's what I was thinking. -Yeah. 362 00:20:15,834 --> 00:20:18,293 Well, I'm in charge now and I make the rules. 363 00:20:18,376 --> 00:20:21,751 Wait, the rules? I just got an idea! 364 00:20:22,459 --> 00:20:26,543 Okay. I just need to find one reality where everything works out. 365 00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:31,834 This is nice. 366 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:36,084 What? Wait! 367 00:20:38,001 --> 00:20:39,209 No, no, no, no, no, no! 368 00:20:41,793 --> 00:20:42,626 Maybe this one? 369 00:20:56,126 --> 00:20:57,251 Ron! No! 370 00:20:59,168 --> 00:21:00,209 No. Bad. 371 00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:01,834 Bad. 372 00:21:02,918 --> 00:21:03,834 Very bad. 373 00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,376 No, this is hopeless! 374 00:21:10,459 --> 00:21:13,334 There has to be at least one reality where we're happy! 375 00:21:39,626 --> 00:21:40,751 This is it. 376 00:21:40,834 --> 00:21:42,001 This is the solution. 377 00:21:45,209 --> 00:21:46,209 I figured it out. 378 00:21:46,293 --> 00:21:49,209 Air Bud is only a threat because there's nothing in the rule book 379 00:21:49,293 --> 00:21:51,334 that says a dog can't play basketball… 380 00:21:51,418 --> 00:21:52,668 until now. 381 00:21:52,751 --> 00:21:54,584 I'm changing the rules! 382 00:21:54,668 --> 00:21:57,334 They can't evolve if they can't have any hope of a career! 383 00:21:57,418 --> 00:22:00,418 Of course, just like 99% of college players. 384 00:22:02,293 --> 00:22:04,626 Lobby to ban dogs from professional sports? 385 00:22:04,709 --> 00:22:08,126 As long as you're holding the checkbook, I'll ban anyone from anything! 386 00:22:12,501 --> 00:22:15,418 It was a buzzer-beater, but you squashed the dog uprising, Brett. 387 00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:18,084 I just wish our old coach could have seen us. 388 00:22:18,168 --> 00:22:19,334 Where is she anyway? 389 00:22:23,126 --> 00:22:26,418 -Where's all your stuff? -Who needs the baggage? Let's do this. 390 00:22:29,376 --> 00:22:31,584 Okay, on the count of three. 391 00:22:31,668 --> 00:22:34,084 One, two, three. 392 00:22:35,668 --> 00:22:37,709 -Goddamn, that burns! -Goddamn, that burns! 393 00:22:44,209 --> 00:22:46,543 Okay. Remember, after I zap myself, 394 00:22:46,626 --> 00:22:50,834 you have a 60-second window of suggestibility to read me the script. 395 00:22:51,418 --> 00:22:52,376 I love you. 396 00:22:52,459 --> 00:22:53,626 I love you back. 397 00:22:56,751 --> 00:23:00,376 I can't wait to finally be able to sleep at night. 398 00:23:10,126 --> 00:23:14,126 Your name is Martin Higgins. You live just outside Appleton, Wisconsin. 399 00:23:15,084 --> 00:23:19,043 You had a hard time for a long time, but you did something brave. 400 00:23:19,709 --> 00:23:23,918 You took a chance on a new life because you realized you deserved one. 401 00:23:24,709 --> 00:23:29,084 I searched a thousand lifetimes for the one that would make you happiest. 402 00:23:30,626 --> 00:23:32,168 And you'll find it one day. 403 00:23:33,001 --> 00:23:33,834 Just 404 00:23:34,876 --> 00:23:36,001 without me. 405 00:23:43,293 --> 00:23:44,334 You're free now. 406 00:23:45,251 --> 00:23:47,876 I'm sorry that I couldn't be free with you. 407 00:23:48,959 --> 00:23:50,084 I'll miss you, Ron, 408 00:23:51,043 --> 00:23:52,626 and I know if it were possible, 409 00:23:54,293 --> 00:23:55,543 you'd miss me too. 410 00:24:06,876 --> 00:24:09,626 All right, Reagan, you made your choice 411 00:24:09,709 --> 00:24:12,626 because humanity needs someone to make the hard choices. 412 00:24:14,543 --> 00:24:18,209 And as long as the person you love is happy, maybe you can be happy later. 413 00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:21,709 Until then, you have a job to do. 414 00:24:38,709 --> 00:24:40,334 You've considered our offer then. 415 00:24:41,084 --> 00:24:42,001 I accept. 416 00:24:49,043 --> 00:24:50,834 Maybe you could be my new Reagan. 417 00:24:51,334 --> 00:24:53,668 How do you feel about growing out a messy ponytail? 418 00:24:53,751 --> 00:24:56,501 I ruv you, Brett! Pratonicary! 419 00:25:00,834 --> 00:25:02,084 Reagan! 420 00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:06,168 -Okay, okay, down, boy! -You're back! 421 00:25:06,751 --> 00:25:08,334 I found a solution. 422 00:25:08,418 --> 00:25:11,626 One where Staedtler doesn't have to live with the memory of our breakup. 423 00:25:11,709 --> 00:25:14,209 Oh. But you do. 424 00:25:16,043 --> 00:25:18,251 Yeah. I didn't want to forget. 425 00:25:20,834 --> 00:25:22,126 What's with that dog? 426 00:25:22,209 --> 00:25:24,376 I thought you were the office golden retriever. 427 00:25:24,459 --> 00:25:27,251 Long story, but I found a solution too. 428 00:25:29,418 --> 00:25:31,918 -Brett! -Is that dog growing thumbs? 429 00:25:32,001 --> 00:25:33,251 Probably fine. 430 00:25:33,334 --> 00:25:37,418 Huh. Well, that's what we do here, right? Solve unsolvable problems. 431 00:25:39,084 --> 00:25:41,709 -Oh, and the Robes are making me partner. -What? 432 00:25:41,793 --> 00:25:44,001 Yeah, we're finally gonna find out everything. 433 00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:46,418 -No more secrets. 434 00:25:47,043 --> 00:25:50,209 It is done. The pact is sealed. 435 00:25:50,834 --> 00:25:54,709 It's time to begin Project X37. 436 00:25:54,793 --> 00:25:56,918 You don't think Reagan will see this coming? 437 00:25:57,501 --> 00:25:58,751 How could she? 438 00:25:58,834 --> 00:26:00,709 She's only human.