1 00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:10,844 (CROWD SCREAMING AND SHOUTING) 2 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,519 HERMAN JUDD: What the actual fuck? 3 00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:21,146 You need to stop them! 4 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,772 How? With magic beans? 5 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,900 I-- I don't know. Uh, tear gas. Rubber bullets. Bullet bullets! 6 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,152 Do we have any of that? 7 00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:28,194 It's a cruise ship. 8 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,697 We have a scented candle shop and a spa. 9 00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:31,781 We used to. 10 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,576 (LAUGHS) 11 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:37,996 Let it burn, baby. Let it burn. 12 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:41,207 ♪ ("AVENUE 5" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 13 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,382 (SCREAMING AND SHOUTING CONTINUES) 14 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,633 PASSENGER: Everybody to the bridge! 15 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,137 CLINT: Where's Ryan? 16 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,555 Let's smash down the doors! 17 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,390 Let's use her as a battering ram! 18 00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:58,808 No! Hey! Hey! 19 00:00:58,892 --> 00:00:59,726 I just ate. 20 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:01,561 I'm gonna throw up if you don't-- 21 00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:03,980 What are you doing? Oh, my God! 22 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,774 -BILLIE MCEVOY: Wait, wait, wait, wait. -(CROWD SCREAMING) 23 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,525 RYAN CLARK: No, no. No need! 24 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,694 I'm right here. 25 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,821 Oh, come on. P-- put Karen down. 26 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,615 She looks even sadder horizontal. 27 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:16,034 -(KAREN KELLY GRUNTS) -RYAN: I'm sorry, again. 28 00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:19,579 But I know that sorry is... is too small a word. 29 00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:22,707 -Here's a small word. Fuck you! -ALL: Yeah! 30 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:26,002 -Well that's actually two words. -Oh, let's pull his teeth out! 31 00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:29,005 -No, no, no, no! -Wait! Everyone, please stop! 32 00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:30,590 Okay, who's this talking to me? 33 00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:32,300 Can you patch me ship-wide? 34 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,260 It's not allowed, but sure. 35 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:35,762 It's your hearts that p-- 36 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,931 -(ALERT BEEPS) -PASSENGER: Oh, what the... 37 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,557 I hate to be presumptuous... 38 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,683 Who's this prick? 39 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,478 ...but can I suggest a more peaceful solution? 40 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,730 -I like him. -Let's not punish a guy 41 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,482 who should never have been put in charge. 42 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:49,984 I mean, he's just one step up from animatronic. 43 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,027 -(CROWD LAUGHS) -It's true. 44 00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:52,445 -Actually, I hate him. -Hmm. 45 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,989 I say maybe we take charge. 46 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:56,783 -ALL: Yeah! -Okay! 47 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,201 -ISAAC DAVIS: Come on! -MIA: Yeah! 48 00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,661 ISAAC: I can't hear you! 49 00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,538 I smell a shake-up, Iris. 50 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:02,872 This might actually be a good thing. 51 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,541 -Yeah! Let's do it! -(ALL CHEER) 52 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,668 You do realize this is an uprising? 53 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:08,586 You are not seeing the bigger picture. 54 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,923 I am and it's called "Still life of you being strung up." 55 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:16,219 "Passengers" contains the word "ass" 56 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,763 -'cause that's how they see us. -(ALL MUMBLE IN AGREEMENT) 57 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,473 Well, not anymore. 58 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,476 I see people with two eyes. 59 00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:25,979 You know what else has two I's? 60 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,940 "Citizens." 61 00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:30,567 He means the spelling! 62 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:31,860 (CROWD CHEERING) 63 00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:35,155 All right, opaque wordplay! Never a bad time for it. 64 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,990 You know what else has two I's? 65 00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:38,449 Whiskey on the rocks. 66 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:42,662 -Yeah! -We need ideas from everyone. 67 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,038 Yeah! 68 00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:47,375 As citizens, I say we form a citizens' assembly 69 00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:48,918 and run this ship! 70 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,295 ALL: Yeah! 71 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:51,880 Who's with me? 72 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,841 Together there are more of us. 73 00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,050 ALL: Yeah! 74 00:02:56,134 --> 00:03:00,096 The twilight of the moron-tyrant is upon us! 75 00:03:00,179 --> 00:03:04,517 -Sorry, Ryan. It's over. -Oh, thank fuck for that. 76 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,895 I mean, obviously it'll be a loss, 77 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:10,523 but snap my neck and bury me in a shallow bog, what a relief. 78 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,609 Security, take Ryan below decks. 79 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,736 -Mm, smart move, Iris. -Him too. 80 00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:16,112 Fuck you, Iris. 81 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,281 This is treason, that's what this is. 82 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,116 This is for your own good. So they don't chop off 83 00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:21,743 your hands and turn them into soap dishes. 84 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,369 There's a word for people like you. 85 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,787 -Treasoners. -That's... 86 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,456 Oh my God, will they be tortured? 87 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,751 No. They'll just be held in the same room. So, yes. 88 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,836 MATT SPENCER: Isaac Davis, ladies and gentlemen! 89 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,963 Because not all heroes wear hats! 90 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,882 Together there are more of us! 91 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,634 ALL: Yeah! 92 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,678 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 93 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,514 Then what's your least favorite color? 94 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,934 I don't know. Whatever color you are, I suppose. 95 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,770 No, stop that. We're not gonna do this. (SIGHS) 96 00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:50,980 You understand those fuckers want us 97 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,315 to have a horrible time. 98 00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:55,276 Well, I say we prove them wrong and get along out of spite. 99 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,155 I say we sit here in silence and wait for death. 100 00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,115 Pray for death. 101 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:04,118 Some combination of sitting and death, I say. 102 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,286 JUDD: This is you. 103 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,497 I want to show you what you look like to me. 104 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:11,417 (HIGH-PITCHED) "I'm Captain Ryington Misery-ford. 105 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,753 I'm-- I'm a British space-gentleman..." 106 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,421 -(LAUGHS) -JUDD: "...and manic-depressive 107 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,839 without the manic. 108 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,425 All I wanna do is sit naked 109 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,179 and suck up marmalade." 110 00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:24,263 (LAUGHS) 111 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,640 (IN NORMAL VOICE) There's that smile. 112 00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,392 There's that little pretty laugh. 113 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:28,601 See, we can do this. 114 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,520 Oh, God. I have to hand it to you. 115 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:33,231 You are the most positive idiot I have ever met. 116 00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,233 JUDD: That's sweet. A lot of people tell me that. 117 00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:39,529 You know what? I think you're ready to connect. 118 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,406 PASSENGER 1: How about we cover everything in glitter? 119 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:42,824 PASSENGER 2: Skipping ropes in every room! 120 00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,701 Ginger is not an ethnicity. 121 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:49,163 I got three suggestions. Gold, food tokens, or teeth. 122 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,624 The Engineering Committee has unanimously voted 123 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,418 against allowing you to join. 124 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:57,380 But I'm the ship's chief engineer. 125 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,173 And you're an aromatherapist. 126 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,676 Okay. Next up is food shortages. 127 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:03,803 Oh, the cannibal. 128 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,930 Okay, go ahead, say it. We all eat each other. 129 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,224 No. We could use the arboretum to grow vegetables. 130 00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:10,893 That's a... That's actually a really good idea. 131 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,396 It's perfect for when you have a friend for dinner. 132 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:14,772 (ALL LAUGHING) 133 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,441 This fucking guy. (LAUGHS) 134 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,651 When I was five, 135 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:22,030 I stole my father's ride-on lawnmower 136 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,866 and drove it into our compound's electrified fence. 137 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,951 That was the first time I ever saw him cry. 138 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,202 He loved that fence. 139 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:29,996 Okay, your turn. 140 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,539 RYAN: When I was 27, 141 00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:34,042 I had this small vineyard just outside Dundee 142 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,460 with my best friend Phillip. 143 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,462 And in the evening, summer's evening, 144 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,047 I would sit there with a glass of wine 145 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,214 and just look at the vines 146 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,092 and think, "My God, these vines, they just grow. 147 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,261 I don't have to do anything. That's the dream." 148 00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:49,182 (LAUGHING) Amazing. You really are such a lazy fuck. 149 00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:51,476 And then the vineyard went bust 150 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:55,063 and Phillip shot himself in the head. But he missed, 151 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,732 so he spent the next 20 years as a vegetable. 152 00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:59,484 On Sundays, I would take his kids 153 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,195 to see him and they'd say, "When will Daddy wake up?" 154 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:04,280 Really? 155 00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,741 No. I just made it up. 156 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:07,992 Why would you do that? 157 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:10,828 Seemed like fun? 158 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,664 Dude, there's something wrong with your brain. 159 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,416 You belong in the Museum 160 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,544 of Depressed British Fucking Assholes. 161 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:19,962 That is my favorite museum. 162 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,839 Why is that your favorite museum? 163 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,174 Because it's quiet. 164 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:26,636 Uh, welcome to the first meeting of the Education Committee. 165 00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:29,305 We think that the kids should be grouped by ability. 166 00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:31,015 What if your kid isn't academic? 167 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,184 Why would my kid not be academic? 168 00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:34,310 Well... 169 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,312 Excuse me? 170 00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:38,439 -What, you think I'm dumb? -No. 171 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,234 I think mixed ability sets for all subjects. 172 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,653 Well, why should my kid suffer because your kid can't find 173 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,696 -his ass in a sleeping bag? -Thank you. 174 00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:48,157 Hey, don't talk about my kid like that. 175 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,076 Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to go to school right now? 176 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:51,828 -'Cause I'll take you to school. -MIA: Doug, no. 177 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,330 You ready for lunch, buddy? 'Cause I got a sandwich for you! I got two of them! 178 00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,623 -(GAVEL BANGING) -Order! 179 00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:58,084 Here's the fucking playground. And here's the fucking... 180 00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:01,337 Okay. The safety committee are drunk. 181 00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:04,006 The logistics committee have locked themselves out. 182 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:07,009 And the crimes committee want to outlaw pool shoes. 183 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,512 Oh my God! Shut up! 184 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,013 And that's the welfare committee. 185 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:15,685 People, can't you see yelling diminishes us all! 186 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,687 Can I swap my gavel for a sledgehammer? 187 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:18,938 My group is out of control. 188 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,314 No, there's just too much democracy. 189 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,150 It's like fifth-century Athens. 190 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,901 IRIS KIMURA: We need a strong leader. 191 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,279 -Yeah, true. -We need a tough decision-maker. 192 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:27,780 -Yes. -We need a dictator. 193 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,948 What? 194 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,825 But a benign dictator. 195 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:32,827 Yeah, let's play with matches. 196 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,996 Did the ship just lurch to the right? 197 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,747 You'd think I'd hate bronze, 198 00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,416 but it's actually a kick-ass color. 199 00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:42,545 I mean, it's essentially gold with balls and a machete. 200 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:43,963 -(DOOR THUDDING) -Oh, people are coming! 201 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:47,049 Quick, laugh, so they think we're having a good time. 202 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,302 And I said, "I'm hilarious." 203 00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:50,595 Which is hilarious! 204 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:51,762 (BOTH LAUGHING) 205 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,598 Oh, we didn't know you guys were coming. 206 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,224 Mi amor! I've come to rescue you! 207 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,934 -JUDD: Oh, great. -No, not you. 208 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,477 Well, I don't need to be rescued. 209 00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,062 Wherever I am is the best place to be. 210 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,816 Oh my God, Elena, you are a sight for sore ears. 211 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,068 And Charles, what-- what are you, the muscle? 212 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,069 (CHUCKLES) No, 213 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,071 I'm-- I'm the horse you-- you ride off on. 214 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,573 Giddyap. (NEIGHS) 215 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,200 -(DISTANT BANGING) -Oh Christ, what is this? 216 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,577 It's chaos up there, so you have to do something. 217 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,454 Oh, so you're rescuing me by taking me 218 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,039 out of the panic room and into the panic. 219 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,874 A lot of people still see you as the captain, 220 00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,125 especially when you wear the hat. 221 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,252 I'm not wearing the hat. It's a stripper hat. 222 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,795 All the more reason to wear it. 223 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,881 Come on, just do something. Be brave. 224 00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,175 Be a bit more like TV Ryan. 225 00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,676 Wait a minute, you-- 226 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,262 you don't like me just because I'm the captain, do you? 227 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,597 -ELENA: No. No! -Course she does. 228 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,224 ELENA: It's for the passengers. 229 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,645 People, the system isn't working. 230 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,480 There's too many I's... 231 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:44,065 in the citizens' assembly. 232 00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:48,069 Oh, he means the spelling but also the number of people. 233 00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:49,362 RYAN: I agree. 234 00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:52,990 Hi. 235 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,576 That exceptionally smart passenger is correct. 236 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:59,580 This ship needs a strong singular voice. 237 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:03,042 Yeah, that comes out of a mouth, not from an asshole. 238 00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,794 Right. Yes. 239 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,797 That is why we need an election. 240 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,466 Yes, to elect our dictator. 241 00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:12,927 A benign dictator. Right, Isaac? 242 00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:14,845 -Yeah. -RYAN: No. 243 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:15,805 -Yeah. -No. 244 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,390 IRIS: The nominations are open! 245 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:18,557 -No! -IRIS: Yes. 246 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,935 -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Engage thrusters! 247 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:23,604 -Which thrusters, Captain? -All the thrusters! 248 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,273 -Any thrusters you can find! -(ALERT BEEPS) 249 00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:26,649 PASSENGER 1: Oh, this again? 250 00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,943 PASSENGER 2: God's sake. 251 00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:32,280 Together there are more of us. 252 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:35,574 But as I cannot nominate all of you, 253 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,201 I am nominating myself. 254 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:40,830 I will be that "I" in your benign. 255 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,915 -This guy's a fucking wordsmith. -Right? 256 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,542 Okay, any, uh, any challengers? 257 00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:48,462 I don't want to, but Isaac is the false prophet. 258 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,757 And I will be your Jesus. 259 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,509 But without the abdominal strength. 260 00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:56,971 Well, okay. Well, obviously we can't have a free jazz sociopath 261 00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,097 as the only other... 262 00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,307 Okay, is there anybody else? 263 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,184 I'd prefer a warlord to either of these two. 264 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,686 -KAREN: I am honored... -Hey! 265 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:07,940 ...to announce the candidacy of Mr. Frank Kelly. 266 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,443 RYAN: Kentucky Fried Bollocks. 267 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,403 It's Mr. Fondue In A Pedal Bin. 268 00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,280 Who's next? The ship's cat? 269 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,283 Isaac is weak. I am strong. 270 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,577 I will lead, you will follow. 271 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,454 Iris! 272 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,622 I can protect you from a position of power. 273 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:26,000 Oh, good. Okay. Got it. Got it. 274 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,878 This woman supports child labor! 275 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,963 I'm just pretending I don't want you to be in charge. 276 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,716 Um, Iris is an inflexible power monger. 277 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,885 I have a friendly, human interface. 278 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,220 Um, and I like tennis. Vote Rav! 279 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,972 (CLEARS THROAT) I'm-- I'm Rav. 280 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:41,974 Okay, anybody else? 281 00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:45,227 Yes, s-- um, so, I-- I'd like to put myself forwards. 282 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:48,898 -(CROWD GROANING) -Literally anybody else? 283 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,107 (BILLIE CLEARS THROAT) 284 00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,611 Yes. Me. 285 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:55,863 I will stand. 286 00:10:55,946 --> 00:11:00,076 Billie, I like you. But you are not universally loved. 287 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,661 Yeah, but it's not like it's a popularity contest. 288 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,330 That is exactly what it is. 289 00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,706 So, I guess I'm the winner. 290 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,375 Should I just declare me the winner? 291 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,418 Iris cannot be in charge of me. 292 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:14,423 I'm six-foot-two, good-looking, great complexion, 293 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,510 and I've heard I'm about to become a proud father. 294 00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,095 Thus, I will stand. 295 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:22,431 Well, I am almost alarmed 296 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,934 by the quality of the candidates. 297 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,227 All right, well, if that's it, 298 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,771 then, uh, I declare the polling is open. 299 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:32,692 And may God have mercy upon our souls. 300 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:37,113 When God judges us for what we've done here tonight, 301 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,864 and he will, 302 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,034 what will you say to him? 303 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,829 Hmm? 304 00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:48,416 Will you bow down and grovel like a child? 305 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:53,587 Or will you stand up and fight like a dog? 306 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,340 Sometimes dogs grovel. 307 00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,677 And sometimes children fight. 308 00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:02,012 You know... 309 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,722 (ALERT BEEPS) 310 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,224 PASSENGER: Ugh, I was enjoying that. 311 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:06,809 If you elect me, 312 00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:09,603 I will tell you the truth about everything, okay. 313 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,856 World War II never happened. 314 00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:13,482 Mass media conspiracy. 315 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,775 I have pamphlets. 316 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,152 So why vote for me? 317 00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:19,071 Well, I'm newish here, so, you know, fresh pair of eyes. 318 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,698 -Yum, actually. (LAUGHS) -(CROWD LAUGHS) 319 00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:23,117 Hi, everybody. I'm Karen Kelly, not standing. 320 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,620 But my husband is "Frank Kelly, nobody's puppet." (CHUCKLES) 321 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,122 What's your headline policy? 322 00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,082 -(WHISPERS) Oh, tell them about the... -Hey. (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY) 323 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:33,002 I'm just gonna take the good we have 324 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,546 and make it gooder. 325 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,173 Engooden everyone! 326 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,966 VAL: You have sad eyes. 327 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,844 I'm intensely competent. 328 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:45,014 So vote for me unless you're incompetent. 329 00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,141 Swans breaking a human's arm? 330 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:50,853 It's lies. They break your will, not your arm. 331 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,980 I've seen the videos, okay. 332 00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:55,566 How's it going? 333 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:58,319 It's frankly a tsunami of the subpar. 334 00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,321 We've scraped the bottom of the barrel so hard 335 00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,865 we've clawed our way through it into the first circle of hell. 336 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,326 CHARLES: Wait, TV Ryan is a candidate now? 337 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:06,994 Surely that's a protest vote. 338 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,163 Well, if we can vote for fictional characters, 339 00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,664 I mean, that just throws it wide open. 340 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,292 I'm torn between Dumbledore and Anna Karenina. 341 00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,878 There's not one good option. 342 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,379 Basically I run the ship... 343 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:21,800 Well, there is one person who is smart, sane, 344 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,719 unlikely to die in office. 345 00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:25,804 Yeah. Packing a lot of sinews. 346 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:26,972 Platelets too. 347 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:30,309 You-- Oh, Billie. 348 00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:32,853 Why don't you go and build Billie better? 349 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:36,106 And so that's why the four pillars 350 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:41,695 of my campaign are en-gin-eer-ing. 351 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,073 -Engineering. -I'll take the gin. 352 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,033 Hmm? You'll what? Take the what? 353 00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:48,327 Yeah, I-- can I have this? Hey. 354 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,913 I-- I'm actually talking to my base right now. So I... 355 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,541 SPIKE MARTIN: Fuck those virgins. We need to broaden your appeal 356 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,459 to include literally anyone else. 357 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:58,879 -What? -So you drink coconut water now. 358 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,840 (CLEARS THROAT) Vote for me and I promise you 359 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,593 I will use proportionate force when necessary. 360 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:08,764 And by no means am I ruling out disproportionate or unnecessary. 361 00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:11,100 She should use proportionate force on herself, 362 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,435 am I right? (WHISPERS) This is fun. 363 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,770 She should kill herself! 364 00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:16,939 I'm just running with it. I'm running with it. 365 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,899 Hello. (GIGGLES) Hello. 366 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,234 Uh, I'm Rav. 367 00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:22,194 Wow, this is exciting, isn't it? 368 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,487 -(GIGGLES) -Not really. 369 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,739 Well-- well, not exciting, but obligatory. 370 00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,741 (LAUGHS) Ooh, that can be my campaign slogan. 371 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,577 "Not exciting, but obligatory." 372 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,078 Only half of us 373 00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:34,790 will survive Ryan's litany of terrible choices. 374 00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:38,669 This will be a series of rolling tragedies 375 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,922 in which each false glimmer of hope is succeeded 376 00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:45,676 by a much more real and crushing despair. 377 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,511 I am Matt Spencer. 378 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,055 I'm running on a ticket of radical honesty. 379 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,891 I think I preferred being violently deposed. 380 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,268 It was less stressful. 381 00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:55,769 -Hi. -KRIS: Hi. 382 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:59,023 So, uh, I want to talk to you guys about engineering. 383 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:00,399 I'll be honest, 384 00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:02,693 I am not interested in engineering. 385 00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,153 Keep it-- keep it nice. 386 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:08,198 Oh, what I wanted to say was, do you have a child? 387 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,783 Or more than one child? 388 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,036 A daughter, yes. She's nine. 389 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,579 And how much does it weigh? 390 00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,290 SPIKE: "I love what you're wearing." 391 00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:21,170 And I love what you have put your bodies in today. 392 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,963 -Thank you. -(CHUCKLES) 393 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,673 -You've got my vote. Yeah. -(CHUCKLES) Okay. 394 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,091 -Great, thank you. -KRIS: Thank you. 395 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,092 Oh my God, is that it? 396 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,552 You just say what they want to hear 397 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,179 and try and hide your contempt, that's it? 398 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,848 Yeah, that's politics. And also dating. 399 00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:34,391 Together there are more of us. 400 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,018 Well, together we want less of you. 401 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,478 RICH: Yeah, you-- you started this here. 402 00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:39,188 You-- you opened some bitch's box! 403 00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,940 Pandora's box. She has a name. 404 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,442 It's a shame about Isaac. 405 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,945 But I gotta tell you, I'm kind of into Nathan. 406 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:50,824 Nathan, the man who ate other men? 407 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,868 That-- Hey, we all got baggage. 408 00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,328 You ate ostrich that time. 409 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,537 He eats people. 410 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,706 Okay, but if you didn't know that about him, 411 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:58,666 he'd be quite impressive. 412 00:15:58,749 --> 00:15:59,875 But I do know that about him. 413 00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,919 And I find it to be his defining characteristic. 414 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,046 -(SCOFFS) -NATHAN: We need change. 415 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,631 RIZ: I love you, Nathan! Eat me! 416 00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,341 -(CROWD LAUGHS) -PASSENGER 2: Eat me too! 417 00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,385 Oh, no, no, I'm watching my figure. 418 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,303 And yours. I mean, it's lovely. 419 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,597 But seriously, there is an important issue 420 00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,599 I would like to raise. Mental health. 421 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:17,559 -(CROWD MURMURS APPROVINGLY) -NATHAN: Yeah. 422 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:21,897 ♪ (INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 423 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,065 ELENA: Who's left? 424 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,984 Well, Rav's still hanging about like an inert gas. 425 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,486 Anybody else like tennis? 426 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:28,862 No? 427 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,739 RYAN: TV Me is forging ahead. 428 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,867 Pity he's fictional. God, I envy him. 429 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:35,828 But it looks like we're going to end up with someone 430 00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:37,413 who think that fingers are finger food. 431 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,039 Who we talking about? Nathan? 432 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,333 God, he's good. Reminds me of my dad. 433 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,502 Have you lost your fucking mind? 434 00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:44,753 Or has he eaten it? 435 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,088 No, he has some good ideas. 436 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,048 He thinks we should adopt a corporate model, 437 00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,592 run the ship as an employee-owned partnership. 438 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:54,388 That is... That is-- Yeah, that's quite a good idea. 439 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:57,266 No that's communism, which is illegal. 440 00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,935 Okay, we need to discredit him and start a rumor. 441 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,145 Saying what? 442 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,604 He's an alcoholic? 443 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,148 He's already a fucking cannibal. 444 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:05,899 Yes, sorry. I forget that sometimes. 445 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,901 -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -ANNOUNCER: (OVER TV) Formed in the wake 446 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,486 of the third attack on Congress, 447 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,988 the Office of the Other President 448 00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,991 is a constellation of America's brightest legacy CEOs. 449 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,410 Beth Bezos, Amazon. 450 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,495 Mike Zuckerberg, Reality Whack, 451 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,706 formerly Meta, formerly Facebook. 452 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,708 And Dusty Musk, SpaceX. 453 00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:25,669 Together they ratify all the President's key decisions 454 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,296 along with this quantum computer. 455 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,131 QUANTUM COMPUTER: My decision has been ratified. 456 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,467 ANNOUNCER: The Office of the Other President. 457 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,302 -STAFFER: Mr. Sato? -Yeah? 458 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,472 We're here to make challenging decisions. 459 00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:39,183 Like when we dropped the word "book" from "Facebook" 460 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,351 because people feel like books look down on them. 461 00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,145 Yeah, you're really making the tough calls. 462 00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,313 BETH BEZOS: Avenue 5. 463 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,941 The lithium disinformation has become problematic. 464 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:51,987 We think it's time to sunset the Avenue 5 project. 465 00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:54,907 Sure. Cut comms. Don't prioritize them. 466 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,117 Avenue 5 currently exists. 467 00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:00,662 We say let's 180 that reality. 468 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,832 ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 469 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,335 What, you mean you want to destroy Avenue 5? 470 00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:08,712 Okay, so this is where you say, 471 00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,255 "That's absolutely not what we're saying." 472 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,967 That is absolutely not what we're saying. 473 00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:17,304 (QUANTUM COMPUTER BEEPING) 474 00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:19,515 I am gonna work my socks off 475 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:22,684 to protect this little guy's future. Yeah. 476 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,770 Yeah. 'Cause I'm not a quitter. 477 00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:27,648 And there is no problem that I won't sink my teeth into. 478 00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:28,774 (ALL LAUGHING) 479 00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,234 Don't eat the baby. 480 00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:32,194 Oh, no, I'm not going to eat the baby. 481 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,320 That would be a red line. 482 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,280 -Now remember, keep it short. -Short. 483 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,282 Smile. And don't threaten them with death. 484 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,867 -Go. Go, go, go. -Okay, I'm going. 485 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:40,327 Ha! 486 00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,621 Hi, guys. So... 487 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,082 -Why you? -Why me? Well. (CHUCKLES) 488 00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,000 Training, uh, intelligence, and-- 489 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:48,502 Okay, but if you're so good, 490 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,337 then why haven't we gotten home yet? 491 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,047 Why haven't you used warp speed? 492 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,884 (CHUCKLES) Because it doesn't exist, babe. 493 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,886 Then why can't you invent it? 494 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,763 -CROWD: Yeah. -Because even if it did, 495 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,807 it would probably smear everybody 496 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:03,559 into a molecular paste. 497 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:04,852 -(CROWD MUTTERING) -Wow, are you-- 498 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,353 Are you threatening to kill us? 499 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:09,273 This is the one thing I told her not to do. 500 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,233 -(CROWD BOOING) -BILLIE: Guys, you are booing... 501 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,527 You are booing physics. So that's stupid. 502 00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:15,445 Am I the only one here with half a brain? 503 00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:16,905 -Oh! -(CROWD CONTINUES BOOING) 504 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,949 Okay, now you're booing competence? 505 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,284 Okay, you know what? 506 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,160 All of you morons deserve everything 507 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,328 that is coming to you. 508 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:27,124 When death visits upon you, may you see my face. 509 00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:28,709 -Okay. -(CROWD CLAMORS) 510 00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,794 Okay, listen. I almost had it. 511 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,004 SPIKE: Down she goes! 512 00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,882 Oh, Christ, we're gonna get the cannibal, aren't we? 513 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,425 "Here lies Ryan Clark. 514 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,385 Freed a cannibal, captured a cannibal, 515 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:41,263 elected a cannibal, was eaten by a cannibal. 516 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,265 May he rest in a cannibal." 517 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,434 -Who else have we got? -Frank? 518 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,562 Could we have Frank? 519 00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,105 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 520 00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:51,523 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 521 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,942 -No, it can't be Frank. -No, he's a human donkey sanctuary. 522 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,194 Frank couldn't lead himself down a one-way corridor. 523 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,072 -CHARLES: Rav? -People say that I'm cold. 524 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,075 But does a body need a heart to function? 525 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,536 I mean, yes. But does-- does it really? 526 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:05,954 Um, okay, okay, still yes. 527 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,165 But cold? Do you know who else was cold? 528 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,168 No, sorry, I started that without anyone in mind 529 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:12,669 and I just thought it would come to me. 530 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,463 -That was-- that was silly. -No. 531 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:18,133 Okay, it's time to reach for the nuclear football 532 00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:20,636 and turn the... the twisty keys. 533 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,054 Oh, please, God, no. Not Karen. 534 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:23,388 -Please. -No, don't feed the beast. 535 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:24,765 That is a very complicated issue and-- 536 00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:26,183 and I don't have an answer for you. 537 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,309 Sorry, excuse me, Frank. 538 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:30,646 Uh, Karen, we need you to run. 539 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,314 -Oh, God. (SIGHS) -(EXHALES) 540 00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:35,484 I knew it. You want me. 541 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,069 Uh, well, we need you. 542 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,071 Come on. 543 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:42,074 It's okay to say you want me. Say it. Say you want me. 544 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:47,245 I... (HESITATES) ...want you. 545 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:52,125 And, um, what exactly is it that you want me to do, Captain? 546 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,169 -Okay, is this really necessary? -KAREN: Yes, it's necessary. 547 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:55,504 I need clarity. 548 00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:04,096 Karen, I... want you to rule me. 549 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,848 I want to be ruled by you. 550 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,101 Governed by you. All of us do. 551 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:11,645 We all want to be governed by Karen. 552 00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,939 Not just today, but for all time. 553 00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,273 I know. 554 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,151 I guess I've always known. 555 00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,362 I just wanted to hear you say it. 556 00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:22,280 Frank? 557 00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:24,700 Excuse me, people. 558 00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:26,243 -Excuse me. Excuse me. -FRANK KELLY: Make a hole, people. 559 00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:32,874 ♪ (EPIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 560 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:39,798 Ladies and gentlemen, I am humbled... 561 00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:42,217 -♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪ -(CROWD BOOS) 562 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:45,095 You know what, just eff off, you effing eff-heads! 563 00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:49,266 No, we can't just be stuck with Edward Eat-my-hands. 564 00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,351 Actually, I... 565 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:52,894 Isaac. Yes. 566 00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:54,896 He's been right in front of us all this time. 567 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,857 I was the fifth Canadian on Mars! 568 00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:58,317 What's that got to do with anything? 569 00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,778 Isaac, bad news. 570 00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,905 -We need you to save us. -No, I-- I can't. 571 00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,615 I'm not cut out for this. 572 00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:07,075 I'm just a patent attorney. 573 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,577 RYAN: Oh, come now. 574 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:11,955 There's no such thing as "just" a patent attorney. 575 00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:13,665 Look at me, I-- I can't handle this. 576 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,375 These people scare the shit out of me. 577 00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,044 It's like a nest of vipers developed 578 00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:18,170 a sense of entitlement. 579 00:22:18,253 --> 00:22:20,172 Okay, take off your diapers 580 00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:23,592 and put on your big-boy panties 'cause Daddy's home! 581 00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:24,551 Vote me! 582 00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:25,969 -(CROWD BOOING) -PASSENGER: No! 583 00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,388 Why are you booing? Because I didn't stand earlier? 584 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:30,432 No, 'cause we don't want you to stand at all. 585 00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:33,018 Okay, I won't stand. I'll just campaign manage Mads. 586 00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:34,311 (CROWD BOOING) 587 00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:36,021 I'll just tell you to vote for Mads. 588 00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:37,981 -CROWD: No! -I'll recommend Mads. 589 00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:39,024 CROWD: No! 590 00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:40,442 -I'll just say the word "Mads." -CROWD: No! 591 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:41,943 -I'll stay out of this. -Thank you. 592 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:43,570 (CROWD CHEERS) 593 00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:45,322 Wow. Wow, bud. 594 00:22:45,405 --> 00:22:47,824 They hate you so much they took it out on me. 595 00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:49,409 Listen, I'm-- I-- I know, I'm sorry. 596 00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:51,119 Look, uh, you're a loser. 597 00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,913 And, um, I hate losers. 598 00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:55,248 So I'm gonna end this here. 599 00:22:55,332 --> 00:22:57,834 -Yeah. -Uh... and, uh, yeah. 600 00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,961 I delete you. Boop! 601 00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,713 Look at it this way. If you win, 602 00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,673 you get a lovely apartment to cry in. 603 00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:05,509 And you'll probably be deposed in a year. 604 00:23:05,592 --> 00:23:07,302 Come on, let's go. Come on, Isaac. 605 00:23:07,385 --> 00:23:08,887 -No, I really don't-- -No, no, no, come on. 606 00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:10,180 -Please don't make me... -It'll be fun. 607 00:23:10,263 --> 00:23:11,389 In four years' time, 608 00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:14,559 we will all be at each other's throats, okay? 609 00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,144 That's just facts. 610 00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,605 And I will help you to survive. 611 00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:20,690 -I've made a crossbow... -(CROWD GASPS) 612 00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:22,818 ...um, out of, uh, 613 00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:24,236 -steam-pressed ply... -(CROWD EXCLAIMS) 614 00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:26,113 MATT: ...and-- and eel gut. 615 00:23:26,196 --> 00:23:27,572 I'm gonna teach you to survive. 616 00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:29,282 I'm gonna teach you how to make your own. 617 00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:31,868 And you'll be safe. You'll all be safe with me. 618 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,411 Except for Ryan Clark. 619 00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:36,456 He will suffer immensely and be shown no mercy. 620 00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:39,251 The only question is, how will we kill him? 621 00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:42,087 Will he be fried or eaten or sexed? 622 00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,339 Well, yeah. Right now it's unstable up there. 623 00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:45,674 But once they elect a president, 624 00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:47,676 then we'll have a clear line of communication. 625 00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:50,720 Well, it looks like they're about to elect a cannibal. 626 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:56,059 Hello again, everyone. Uh... 627 00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:57,477 Um, look, I-- I realize 628 00:23:57,561 --> 00:23:59,354 that he's not as exciting as someone 629 00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:01,731 who might kill you, but we need someone 630 00:24:01,815 --> 00:24:04,651 with natural authority and charisma. 631 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:06,486 We need someone like TV Ryan. 632 00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:08,238 -ELENA: Yes! -Absolutely! 633 00:24:08,321 --> 00:24:10,407 -(CROWD CHEERS) -How is TV Ryan gonna work out? 634 00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:14,286 He's fictional, and he's not on the ship. 635 00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:16,496 -Because he's fictional! -This man. 636 00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:20,500 He can be our TV Ryan. 637 00:24:21,459 --> 00:24:23,170 He picked me up when I was down, 638 00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:26,006 and he can do the same thing for this ship. 639 00:24:26,089 --> 00:24:27,757 -(CROWD APPLAUDS) -No-- no, I can't. 640 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:30,218 I've tried that and I was shit at it. 641 00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,387 -That's why you deposed me. -ISAAC: He was shit! 642 00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,347 So, so shit. 643 00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:36,766 And that's why he'll be so great this time! 644 00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:37,893 (CROWD CHEERS) 645 00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:39,895 That is literally meaningless. 646 00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:41,980 He could be the best of both worlds! 647 00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:45,192 Together there are more of him! 648 00:24:45,275 --> 00:24:46,526 -(CROWD CHEERS) -No! 649 00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:47,777 This is insane! 650 00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:50,947 He brought a pedophile on board, followed by a cannibal. 651 00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:52,240 ELENA: Vote for Ryan! 652 00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:55,368 He doesn't eat people and he looks hot in a hat! 653 00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:57,871 -And without the hat! Whoo! -(CROWD CHEERING) 654 00:24:57,954 --> 00:24:59,664 Okay, let's put it to a vote. 655 00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:02,000 No, Spike, let's not put it to a vote. 656 00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:03,251 No, no, no, no. We are... 657 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:07,005 Do not put it to a vote. We are not voting on-- on this. 658 00:25:07,088 --> 00:25:09,382 -Don't-- -Eighty-six percent. 659 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:11,218 That's more than the Jonas Brothers got 660 00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:12,594 for their second term. 661 00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:14,179 -Oh... -ELENA: Let's make Ryan 662 00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:16,056 president for life! 663 00:25:16,139 --> 00:25:19,059 -(CROWD CHEERING) -No, no, no, no, no! 664 00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:21,186 Jesus Christ. 665 00:25:21,269 --> 00:25:24,105 -Ryan! TV Ryan! -No! No! 666 00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:26,358 Let's make him look more like TV Ryan! 667 00:25:26,441 --> 00:25:28,610 (CROWD CONTINUES CHEERING) 668 00:25:29,736 --> 00:25:30,737 RYAN: No! 669 00:25:33,323 --> 00:25:35,909 This makes zero sense constitutionally. 670 00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:37,827 We literally just deposed him. 671 00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:39,621 My fucking chair. 672 00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:41,414 CROWD: TV Ryan! TV Ryan! 673 00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:45,961 -Guys, that's not me! That's not me! -TV Ryan! TV Ryan! TV Ryan! 674 00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:48,296 -That's not me! -(CROWD CHEERS) 675 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,006 RYAN: Oh, for fuck's sake. 676 00:25:50,507 --> 00:25:51,466 I lied. 677 00:25:51,549 --> 00:25:53,677 -I liked you being the captain. -Oh, me too. 678 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,136 MIA: We voted for you! 679 00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:56,721 Oh-- oh, actually I voted for Nathan. 680 00:25:56,805 --> 00:25:57,931 I didn't vote. 681 00:25:58,014 --> 00:26:00,558 If you need a first lady, you know where to find me. 682 00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:02,185 He already has a first lady. 683 00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:04,062 Well, I could be the second first lady, 684 00:26:04,145 --> 00:26:06,898 -in case you get shot. -Well, I would take a bullet. 685 00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:08,358 If it helps. 686 00:26:08,441 --> 00:26:10,318 I'm offering you my guidance and support. 687 00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,904 And you'll need my advice to, uh, counterbalance her advice. 688 00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:14,823 I like winners. And you're a winner. 689 00:26:14,906 --> 00:26:17,117 I'm really sorry about this whole... 690 00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:20,161 I will make your reign a reign of blood. 691 00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:21,621 RYAN: Billie! Help me! 692 00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:23,331 Uh, for the first time in my life, 693 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:24,749 I have no idea what to do. 694 00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:26,710 KAREN: Okay, people, step away. Step away. 695 00:26:29,212 --> 00:26:31,631 Our supreme leader. 696 00:26:31,715 --> 00:26:34,509 ♪ (EPIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 697 00:26:34,592 --> 00:26:40,307 (CROWD CHEERING) 698 00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:51,860 And so it begins again. 699 00:26:53,737 --> 00:26:59,200 ♪ (EPIC MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ 700 00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:07,292 (INHALES) Right. What's first up? 701 00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:15,425 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 702 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:11,981 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪