(intense music)
Downloaded from YTS.MX
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(mysterious music)
(ominous whispers)
(yelling)
(ominous whispers)
(whimsical music)
(relaxing elevator music)
(whimsical music)
- Hey, buddy.
What you doing down there?
- [Man] There's a ghost in my room.
- A ghost.
Great.
You sure it's not your heater?
- [Man] No.
- [Clerk] Sure.
(catchy country rock music)
♪ Listen ♪
♪ When you're all alone ♪
♪ And you're far from home ♪
♪ If something don't work ♪
♪ Ya'll call the desk clerk ♪
♪ If you lost your comb ♪
♪ Or you're out of cologne ♪
♪ There's a special perk ♪
♪ And if something don't work ♪
♪ Go and pick up the phone ♪
♪ And you call the desk clerk ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ She's there to serve you ♪
♪ And take good care of you ♪
♪ Your own desk clerk ♪
♪ Get down ♪
♪ She's at your beck and call ♪
♪ No matter when you call ♪
♪ Your own desk clerk ♪
♪ Oh, bring us back again ♪
♪ When you're on your own ♪
♪ And something goes wrong ♪
- Are you warm enough?
- Yep.
Yeah, I'm fine.
- Good.
So, it sounds like you're having some work trouble.
- No, no I quit.
No more trouble for me.
- So tell me, what drove you to quit?
- Oh, you know, just being expected
to do the impossible all the time.
They expect me to take care of
every aspect of that hotel by myself,
at night, when all the really crazy people come in.
- So tell me, when did you first start to think
that you might be headed to the ice cream freezer
at the Tasty Mart that the police found you in, hm?
- Well, there was this one night
that I really thought I was gonna lose it.
There was a man who thought that the creaking noise
his heater was making was a ghost,
and he ran around the hotel screaming about it.
And then my computer froze,
I couldn't get it to do anything,
and then this other guy came in and...
(whimsical music)
- [Man] Aw, geez.
- Hello, sir.
- Hi. My computer and I need a room for the night please.
- Okay.
And do you have a payment?
It's $99 plus tax, is that all right?
- That's wonderful.
My wife threatened to hit Sally with a hammer
if I didn't bring her with me.
(seductive rock music)
- Okay, we have breakfast in the lobby
from six to 10, complimentary.
Checkout time is 11, and we have free HBO
and free WiFi.
- Oh.
Free WiFi.
My wife just doesn't understand
our complicated relationship.
You ever have that happen?
- [Clerk] Uh huh.
- You know--
- [Clerk] So--
- Huh? Oh, okay.
Thank you, ma'am.
Do I need to sign anything?
- No, no, you can do it in the morning.
You just take Sally and go.
- Oh, that's very kind of you, ma'am.
See you later.
(whimsical music)
- Hey, I'm Mr. Rowe at 219.
I need some coinage for your guest laundry room please.
- Of course.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- So, did you bother to call tech support?
- Oh, yeah.
They were real helpful.
Gonna have to call tech support.
(phone ringing)
- After House's IT support, this is Jameson.
- Okay, I got a black screen with an hourglass,
and it won't do anything else.
- Uh huh.
Yeah, there's been a lot of outages with our servers.
- Uh huh.
- Now, let me ask you a couple of questions here.
Do you have the hourglass,
or do you have that like flapping bat thing
that's all new?
- No, no flapping bat.
- No?
All right.
Is the screen blue?
- It's black screen, black.
- Green?
- No, I already told you, it's a black screen.
- Black?
'Cause if it's black, that might mean
it's just turned off.
- I already told you, it's an hourglass.
- I'm afraid I can't have you do anything
on your end, I'm gonna have to reboot it over here on this end.
That's gonna take probably about 45 minutes
to an hour.
Well, you got time.
Have you found Jesus?
Hello?
I guess you're going to Hell.
(whimsical music)
- Aw, man!
Come on!
- Reservation for Mr. Riesling.
- Yes.
Here you are, sir.
Just fill this out.
We have complimentary breakfast here in the lobby
from six to 10, checkout time is 11.
We have free HBO and WiFi.
- Now, it's after midnight.
How can I be sure you're not gonna be charging me
for another day?
- You made a reservation for one night.
As long as you check out by checkout time,
which is 11, you'll be fine.
- My reservation is for the 8th.
It is now technically the 9th.
I want to be sure that you aren't gonna try
to charge me for both the 8th and the 9th.
- It doesn't work like that.
As long as you check out by 11 on the 9th,
11 AM, it'll be fine.
It'll only be charged for one night, I promise.
- What is this?
- That's your license plate.
In case you leave your lights on
or somebody dings your car in the parking lot
and wants to make it right, we can contact you.
- You don't need my plate number for that.
Cars these days have automatic lights,
and people simply leave their insurance information
on the windshield if they cause any damage
and are brave enough to make it right.
No, this is some type of scam
trying to get my background information
and use it against me, I am sure of it.
- You can leave that blank.
- You're damn right I'm gonna leave it blank.
- Your room is 328, third floor, end of the hall.
Have a nice night.
(classical violin music)
- It sounds like he has control issues.
(laughs)
- Yeah.
He had just given me his name, his address,
his telephone number, his credit card information,
but he's worried that I am gonna scam him
with the license plate.
(phone ringing)
(whimsical music)
Front desk.
- Yeah, listen.
I'm trying to do my laundry in your guest laundry room,
and put my dough in the soap machine,
but it didn't cough up any soap.
- I'm sorry sir.
If you come to the desk, I will refund your money.
(whimsical music)
(seductive rock music)
(phone ringing)
Front desk.
- Hi.
- What can I do for you, Mr. Smith?
- [Mr. Smith] Have you ever heard of furries?
- I'm sorry, I don't have time,
I'm checking in guests right now, I can't talk.
Right, right, goodnight, Mr. Smith.
- Goodnight.
(seductive rock music)
(classical violin music)
(phone ringing)
- Front desk.
- Miss, this room is not adequate.
I request, nay, I demand another room immediately.
- I'm sorry sir, what is the problem with the room?
- It's too close to the interstate.
I will never be able to sleep with all this traffic.
- I have another room on the opposite side
of the hotel for you.
Just come down and exchange your key.
(whimsical music)
- All right.
Oh, come on, man!
What the...
(whimsical music)
(groaning)
(classical violin music)
- I am a very important man!
I require proper sleep!
- Don't we all?
And do you know that I, I had to leave the desk
and go clean those rooms?
Because oh no, we can't have a dirty room
that we can't rent.
Can't lose money on that,
and certainly can't pay housekeeping to stay at night, no!
(relaxing elevator music)
(beeping)
Come on, come on.
I don't have all night.
(whimsical music)
Come on!
(relaxing elevator music)
(phone ringing)
Front desk.
- Miss, this room will not do either!
- What is the issue with this room?
- I can hear the ice machines in my room!
And I see there are vending machines here.
They will certainly keep me awake.
Now I am a very important man,
not some lowly desk clerk like you.
I need my rest.
I demand another room!
- Come to the desk sir, and I will exchange your key
for a different room on the first floor
away from the vending machines.
(phone ringing)
Front desk.
- The soap machine took my money again.
- I'm sorry about that sir,
I will of course refund your money.
- That's not good enough.
- Well, I'm sorry sir, but that's all I can do.
- Listen.
I need soap.
I have to get my clothes washed.
- [Clerk] I'm sorry sir, but that machine is owned
and serviced by an outside vending company.
I have no access to the contents or the replacements.
- That's all you can do?
- Yes.
And I'm taking your word for it
that the machine actually stole your money.
By the time anybody from the vending company
gets here to verify it, you'll be long gone.
Keep that up and I'll introduce you to Mr. Riesling.
- I am very tired of hauling my personal effects
around this establishment.
- Do you want your key?
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
(phone ringing)
Front desk.
(seductive rock music)
- Hey!
- Hello, Mr. Smith.
Look, I'm sorry, Mr. Smith,
I don't have time to chat.
Did you need something in particular?
- No, no.
- Goodnight, Mr. Smith.
- Goodnight.
(seductive rock music)
- Listen.
I need to do my wash, and I need soap to do that.
Now if you can't provide soap
in your guest laundry room,
then I want you to let me wash them
in your regular laundry room.
- Oh no, I can't do that.
- Yes, you can!
- No, I can't.
Only housekeeping has access to the laundry room,
and nobody from housekeeping is here at this hour.
- Then what am I supposed to do?
- I can give you directions to a grocery store
and you can buy some soap.
- I don't want to go out and buy soap.
- I can give you directions to a laundromat.
- I don't want to go to a laundromat,
I want to do my wash here!
- Well, I'm sorry sir, but you can't.
- Fine, I won't.
- Fine.
Here's your money.
- Aaah!
God!
You gave me two dollar bills!
The soap machine only takes quarters.
- Well, I'm sorry sir, I thought you'd
given up on laundry for the night.
- I need to do my wash.
(phone ringing)
- Front desk.
- Miss, this room--
- Will have to do, because there aren't any others.
Unless you'd like to go back to the ones
you've already been in.
- But it's too close to the parking lot!
I don't like being close to the parking lot!
- I'm sorry sir, but this is all we have.
(relaxing elevator music)
(beeping)
(whimsical music)
- I don't have time for this.
(whimsical music)
Good enough.
(whimsical music)
(relaxing elevator music)
(catchy music)
(bell ringing)
- Hello.
Hello?
Excuse me.
- Sorry, sir.
- Oh, finally.
I've been standing here for an hour.
- Right, sorry, I was on the other floor
dealing with a matter. Now, what can I do for--
- Yeah right, probably back there doing crack.
- What can I do for you, sir?
- Hm, let's see.
Well, since I'm in a hotel,
maybe you could tell me how much it costs to stay here.
- $99 plus tax.
- 99 bucks.
- [Clerk] Yes.
- For this dump? - [Clerk] Yes.
- You gotta be kidding me.
How do you get off charging that much for a room?
- That's the price management set, sir.
- Mhm.
Typical.
Typical millennial trash,
blaming everyone else for your incompetency.
- [Clerk] I'm 43.
- Bimbo!
- And then after dealing with that ass,
I still had a broken computer to deal with.
- Oh, sometimes people have trouble separating
their work life from their personal life.
(catchy music)
- I'm gonna call tech support back.
I'll call that network guy.
Yeah, yeah, I got that number in my cell phone.
They know better.
- Oh, man!
Oh, dude!
(phone ringing)
Right at the good part.
Network Operation Center, this is Theo,
how can I help you?
- Yes, this is Michelle at the Sleepytime Inn.
- Uh huh.
- I have a black screen with an hourglass.
- Yeah, you got a black screen not a blue screen?
Okay.
Is there a cursor on it or anything?
Okay, an hourglass, okay.
- Yes, an hourglass, no flapping bat.
Yeah, hourglass.
- Hold on just a second,
I'm gonna put you on speaker.
Why don't you look at the back of you computer there,
check it out.
Everything's plugged in, you see a little light there?
- [Clerk] No.
- No little light?
And let me see what kind of cable you've got there.
Well, that all should be ethernet cat 5 cable,
so just look on the back of the computer,
there's probably a blue wire
that's about the size of a pencil,
maybe a little smaller than the pencil
coming out of the back,
make sure that that's plugged in
and there's a little light blinking
where it's plugged in,
and we'll want to find that router
and see where your computer plugs in there.
It should be very nice and neat.
I believe I set that up when we first
put this network together,
I set it up so it should be pristine,
it should have all the wires tied,
everything should be nice.
So go ahead and go in there.
- [Clerk] Still no light.
- Okay, all right.
Well that means our connection
on the other end's bad,
we're gonna have to go into the server room.
Yeah, it's probably just a little closet,
it's probably not big.
- Oh, good lord.
- There's 40 some odd cables down there,
but just go through them, one at a time,
you'll find it.
- Uh, I don't know, this makes sense to you?
- Yeah, I know it's all tangled in there and everything,
but you're gonna have to just trace that wire,
and follow it around the room.
- Over, okay.
Less, uh huh, uh huh.
I can do that.
- And it comes in the wall,
there's a conduit that comes in there,
should all be nice and neat.
- Oh, come on!
It's just a big pile of crap.
- What do you mean it's a big bundle of crap?
- Yes, yes, a bundle of crap.
Full of dirt.
Ugh, God!
- Hey, John!
John, who set this network up?
- [John] I think Zane.
- Ah damn Zane.
Excuse my French.
I'm gonna kill Zane, I swear to God.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, my back.
- What we're gonna have to do
is we're gonna have to go from underneath
where all the cables come in,
so you're gonna have to get underneath that desk
where that comes in.
- In the manager's office now.
Can't everything be in one place?
(whimsical music)
- [Theo] I think that should do it for you.
(whimsical music)
(door creaks)
(bell rings)
(seductive rock music)
(bell rings)
- Oh, God!
(bell rings)
God, not my makeup!
Everything...
(bell rings)
Oh, yes, yes, I'm coming.
(bell rings)
Mr. Smith.
What did you need?
- Do you have a few moments to talk?
- I'm gonna do paperwork.
- Well, we were wondering...
You know Sally, you met her earlier?
- [Clerk] Uh huh. - She's my computer.
- Uh huh.
- We have a lovely kitten costume
we think you would be beautiful for.
It's striped, it's orange,
it has big, fluffy ears,
and this beautiful tail.
- Uh huh. - If you would be interested, that would be great.
Maybe we could do something this evening?
- Uh huh.
- You would, great.
I'll go tell Sally, she's gonna be so excited.
- So, tell me more about Mr. Smith.
- Eh, he's a typical weirdo.
But I did have a great time in the morning
getting back at that Mr. Riesling.
(hard rock music)
(speaking in foreign language)
- Ma'am, the key's not working.
- I'm sorry.
- Why doesn't it work?
It never works.
- I don't know, sometimes it's not programmed.
I don't know, I'm sorry, it's fixed now.
- Oh, by the way, your makeup looks terrible.
- Thanks.
Oh God, it does!
And it looks like I'm having an allergic reaction
to that dust under the desk!
And after that, I started having an allergic reaction
every time I went into work.
- Oh, that sounds like your emotional intolerance
was manifesting in physical symptoms.
Hm?
(scratching)
(classical violin music)
(phone ringing)
- Front desk. - There is a truck idling outside my window
and I want it turned off now!
- I'm sorry sir, but I can't do anything about that.
- What kind of hotel is this?
It's one of those railroad company trucks,
and I want somebody to come down here
and turn it off now!
- I'm sorry sir, but there's lots of
railroad company trucks.
And I have no way of knowing
whose particular truck that is.
You see, we had so many complaints last night
from guests about not giving their license plate numbers
that we suspended the practice.
Of course, then it all went to hell during breakfast.
(lighthearted music)
- Hey look, I scored us some donuts.
- I'm sick of this crap, I'm changing to Fox News.
- Oh no, what are you doing?
Now leave it alone.
- Hey.
- Leave it alone, Fox News?
- Hey, come on!
- Oh, come on.
- Ma'am, the water's not hot enough for tea.
- Oh, well I'm sorry about that,
let's see what's going on.
(lighthearted music)
- Now just sit down and watch a little bit,
you'll learn something.
- I'll get dumber every second I watch those
liberal bubble heads on TV.
- Liberal bubble heads?
(lighthearted music)
- The water's boiling, you can make your tea now.
- This is intolerable.
I demand hot tea.
I've been to England.
I've had tea at Chartwell.
This is ridiculous.
- Well, the water is boiling,
and it doesn't get any hotter than boiling.
- Outrageous.
I'm out of here.
- Chartwell, probably a nice vending machine at Chartwell.
- [Man] There's other people watching this program.
- Yeah, solve everything with violence, that's what you Fox News watchers do.
- Aw, Jesus!
Come on, give it up!
- Quit!
(yelling)
Were you dropped on your head?
- Excuse me, ma'am.
Could you help us?
- Yeah?
- I wanted to watch Fox News on this TV over here,
and he's been watching CNN for the past three hours.
- Well, CNN was the one beforehand,
and it's gonna stay there.
- [Man] It's time to change the channel.
- Not only that, he used violence against me
trying to take this remote away from me.
- [Man] Only after I exhausted all other options.
You left me no--
- Yeah, you always go to violence,
it's what you guys do. - Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.
We've had a special request from the kids,
we're watching cartoons.
- [Men] Cartoons?
- Yay! - Yay!
(whimsical music)
- Thanks! - Thanks!
- [Narrator] Oh, there's the paper now!
(dog barking)
- Ugh!
What the hell is wrong with you?
You can't have cartoons on in here.
If I catch cartoons on here again,
you're gonna be out of a job.
- [Character] See what happened to Dick Tracy!
- So, tell me more about your boss.
- Well, she's completely self absorbed.
We couldn't rely on her at all to be a boss.
All she did was cause more chaos,
create more work for everybody,
but at least I only had to put up with her
for a few minutes each morning.
Ugh, day shift.
I wouldn't want to be them.
They had to put up with her for however long
she wanted to "work" on any given day.
- Sarah!
What the hell happened with Jill this morning?
- Uh, she wasn't sure how to do a search
on the computer, so I showed her.
- Well, I didn't hear you yelling at her.
- Why would I yell at her?
- It is your job to yell at underlings.
If you cannot do your job,
I will find someone else to be the desk manager.
(dramatic music)
- That bitch actually thinks it's a manager's job
to yell at employees.
That explains a lot.
- Like what?
- Like why, she can't actually run this hotel smoothly,
and is such a bitch all the damn time.
(chuckling)
- I thought it's 'cause she always gives discounts
to those boss guys, spends a night in the room with them,
and then they up and leave.
- The next night wasn't any better though.
- Why not?
- It was college football season,
and everybody loses their mind in football season.
Fans and non fans alike
- [Commentator] Running-back Troy Jones does it again,
in front of record crowds tonight
as he scores the game winning touchdown.
- And you're in luck, it's our last room.
- You know what, I have been lucky all day.
- Very good, sir. - Thanks.
- You have a good night.
- I want a single room.
- I'm sorry, we don't have any rooms left,
we're all full.
- What do you mean, it's a hotel,
of course you got rooms.
- Well, yes, but they're all rented,
I don't have any left available.
- How do you not have rooms?
People pay with credit cards,
they come in, you charge them,
they don't show up, give me a damn room!
- Well, there's a human in every room.
There's a football game going on,
and everything is full, I'm sorry.
You'll have to--
- What do I care about a football game? I'm not a player, I want a room.
- Look, I can see that you're not gonna go anywhere
until I produce some lumber and a tool belt
and build you a room on the back of the office,
but that's not gonna happen.
So you are going to have to leave, good night.
- Well bitch.
I'm gonna go to the next town and get a room,
I'll call your boss, get you fired.
- Have a good night, sir.
I can't be lucky enough to be fired.
- [Man] Hey, you stayin' here?
- Yeah.
- Give me that!
(yelling)
- I got the room now.
- Serves you right, you filthy liberal.
- He took my key!
- Mr. Snuggles, thanks for reminding me,
we have to call the Sleepytime Inn.
(phone ringing)
- Front desk.
- Yeah, my sink is clogged.
- I'll be right there.
(lighthearted music)
(knocking)
Front desk.
(lighthearted music)
But the real crazies were yet to come that night,
I mean, you have no idea about these crazies.
- Oh, no!
Believe me, I know crazies.
(catchy piano music)
(phone ringing)
- Thank you for calling our silver and gold
award winning, Anytown's Sleepytime Inn,
this is Michelle, how may I help you?
- Hello, my name is Grace,
and I need to book a room in your hotel this spring.
(catchy piano music)
(grunting)
- That's wonderful, ma'am.
And when would you like to stay with us?
- I stayed there last spring,
and it was the most amazing experience.
(catchy piano music)
- Great, now what kind of room would you...
(catchy piano music)
- I consulted my spirit guides,
and they said that Mr. Snuggles and I
have to stay in your hotel.
- Right, Mr. Snuggles, got it.
(relaxing elevator music)
- All because it sits on a positive field of energy.
I woke feeling refreshed like my life was beginning anew.
- Yes, that's wonderful.
Now would you like two double beds or a king?
(catchy piano music)
- My dog stayed with me,
and he had a spiritual awakening as well.
- Uh huh.
- Honey?
Oh no, not again.
Honey!
- And then the rainbow appeared above the TV,
and that's when Mr. Snuggles finally saw the angel
petting his tail.
- That's lovely.
Now do you just want one bed for your upcoming stay?
- Well, Mr. Snuggles takes up a lot of room,
and he needs to sleep with me in the corner of the bed.
Now when Mr. Snuggles was a puppy
he used to sleep on the pillow next to my head,
and he was so cute with his legs up in the air.
And then sometimes he would also sleep on my head,
and it would look just like a little Russian hat.
But then there was that time he wet the bed,
so we had to stop that.
(catchy piano music)
- There you are.
- So, you'll be wanting a room
with just one king sized bed then.
- But you see, the spirit guides need
Mr. Snuggles and I to sleep together and--
- That's wonderful, ma'am.
And exactly how many nights will you
and Mr. Snuggles be staying with us?
- Hey.
(catchy piano music)
- Well, you see, we have to be in Phoenix by the 1st,
but Mr. Snuggles really likes that rainbow.
- Wake up, wake up, wake up.
- And if the spirit guides still want me
to stop in Chicago, well then--
- Ma'am, I really need to get this
reservation taken care of.
(dog whimpers)
I'm sorry, spring is coming, and it's so busy,
and I keep seeing internet reservations filling up,
and I'd hate for you to miss your room
because of the internet.
- Oh, well yes, then we must hurry.
The spirit guides were right to guide me to you,
they always know who I must be calling.
- Okay, so what dates?
- Oh, I can't wait to meet you in person,
and introduce you to Mr. Snuggles,
and that field of positive energy
makes every guest a spiritual pilgrim
by filling them up with white lights.
(catchy piano music)
(dog barks)
- I hope you enjoy your stay with us,
thank you so much, goodbye.
So much for the field of positive energy.
- Forget the coffee, forget the coffee.
I'm sorry.
Herbert sleepwalks when he's in strange places.
I'm taking him back now.
(catchy music)
(laughing)
- Of course!
You didn't really think that there was
a zombie in the hotel, did you?
- Well, I mean, not a real zombie,
but like, that Herbert dude and his wife, they were weird.
So I'm starting to think about this time
that there was a moldy room,
and he's been breathing too much of that mold,
'cause that might explain what was wrong with him.
And I'm starting to think too
that that crazy positive, white light,
rainbow, reservation spirit dog lady,
that she stayed in that same room last spring,
'cause there was definitely something wrong with her.
- Speaking of spring, I'm certain that the hotel
was very busy at that time,
however, November should be much calmer,
so why do you think that you were feeling
so agitated in November?
(laughing)
- Do you know what happens in November?
November is hunting season.
Did you know that hunters like to stay in the hotel
so they can be closer to the woods?
Yeah. And not the serious hunters,
just those idiots who watch too much
of the Outdoor Channel,
and now they all think they're Davy Crockett,
and they're gonna go tromping off
to the woods in the morning,
after having a big party in the hotel the night before.
(catchy rock music)
♪ We're the honeysuck ♪
(animal calling)
- [Woman] Jesus, honey!
It's so freakin' noisy around here,
nobody can sleep around here.
What's going on with all this noise?
- All right, I'll see what I can do!
Aye!
Aye, you people over there,
we're trying to sleep!
You're making my wife angry, would you shut up?
(animal calling)
(guitar picking)
(phone rings)
- Hello.
- Oh good, you're still up.
You're staying home this hunting season, right?
- No, I'm not going hunting this year.
Too many drunken idiots out.
- Yeah, well, I've got a whole building full of them.
- I can imagine.
- Yeah, there's no way they're gonna sober up
before they go into the woods.
- No, I think this year I'm just gonna
hunt a dead cow in aisle 12.
Call it a day.
- Look, I'll call the front desk.
- I gotta go, I got another call.
- Okay, yep, love you too.
Bye.
(guitar picking)
- Front desk.
- Yes, ma'am.
This is room 204.
There are drunk people making noise
on the other side of our room,
and my wife can't sleep.
(animal calling)
- Is the noise coming from the side with your bed
or the side with your TV?
- Huh?
- Which side is the noise coming from,
the side with your bed,
or the side that has your TV on it?
- Huh?
It's the right side!
- Are you facing the window or the doorway?
- What's it matter which way I'm facing?
The noise is coming from the right!
Now don't tell me you're so dumb
that you can't tell the difference
between your left and your right!
- No sir, but I can't tell the difference
between your left and right
unless I know which way you're facing.
- The right side.
- Uh huh, the right side, got it.
(animal calling)
- Front desk.
- There's a lot of noise in my room.
- Is the noise coming from the side with your bed
or the side with your TV?
- The side with the TV.
- Thank you, sir.
I'll get right on that.
(animal calling)
(phone ringing)
(laughing)
(animal calling)
You're making so much noise
you can't even hear the phone.
(sighs)
(knocking)
Front desk.
(laughing)
(knocking)
Everybody's having more fun than me.
Look, I can give you another room on another floor,
to get you away from the noise.
- Why the hell should I have to change rooms?
You throw them out!
- Well, I can hardly throw them out
if they don't answer the door.
- Get a security guard up here to do it.
- We don't have a security guard. (laughs)
- Well, then you better get someone else
up here to do it.
(laughs)
- I'm the only one here.
What do you want me to do?
- Then what the hell am I paying so much money for?
- I don't know, I get minimum wage.
Sounds like maybe they passed out.
You'll probably be good now, have a good night.
- Have a good ni...
What?
- Breakfast was a complete nightmare that day.
(microwave beeping)
(animal calling)
(catchy rock music)
- Oh!
- Oh, hey girl, hey girl!
- Momma, look, no pants!
- Good heavens!
(whimsical music)
(animal calling)
- Already?
(whimsical music)
(squawking)
- You ready to catch us a big buck today?
- I hope so.
- Oh yeah.
- I want a big ol' trophy.
- Aw yeah.
Hey, she's bringing out some waffles.
- Oh, that sounds good.
That's not right.
(squawking)
- Excuse me, ma'am.
Can I get some waffles out here?
- I just put waffles out there.
- There's none out there.
- Ugh.
What the heck did they do with the tray?
(animal calling)
- Go, go, go, go, go, go!
- What the hell is that?
(animal calling)
(laughing)
(animal calling)
- Go, go, go!
(animal calling)
(western music)
- I think there's gonna be a fight.
- Ah hell no, that's my Caticorn.
- Stop!
There's one for each of you.
- Huh?
- Let go, let go!
There you go, there you go.
Enjoy.
(animal calling)
- They need to send you in here earlier
if they're gonna let those hunters
eat breakfast so early.
They tore this place apart, and it's a wreck now.
- I told Mrs. Hedwig not to let those hunters
have breakfast early.
Send them to the woods hungry,
they'll get more deer that way.
- Exactly, exactly.
- I ain't no rock scientist,
but I can tell you when something don't look right,
and her letting those hunters eat breakfast early,
that don't look right at all.
- No geology for you, huh?
- Huh? - Huh?
- I think there is something going on
with her and one of those hunters though.
- [Michelle] Yeah?
- And the maintenance man too.
- Al?
- Mhm.
- What?
- Yeah, and you know that big meeting we have today?
- Yeah, 'cause I gotta clock out at seven,
and then stay here until eight,
'cause by the time I drive home,
I'll have to turn around and come right back again.
- Well, that sucks.
- Yeah.
- I'll tell you what though,
I'll tell you what she ain't gonna say,
she ain't gonna say what she's doing at that meeting.
- What?
- She has one of those shopping addictions.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And she got kicked out of her house
because she couldn't pay her rent or nothing,
and then she's living up on here on the second floor
in one of those one room suites
with the whirlypool tub and stuff.
- That's why it's been down for maintenance,
that's been like a month now.
- That's what I heard.
You know what I also heard?
- What?
- You know that Candi girl that works
on the weekends sometimes and stuff?
Yeah, I guess she's real sick,
and she has to have her gallbladder out.
- Gross.
Please don't tell me about it.
- Well, you know, it's really bad
about having your gallbladder out.
My momma had her gallbladder out,
and I'm telling you what,
anything she eats, she just poops all over the place.
It's all the time, diarrhea everywhere.
- I gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.
- Hey, Michelle.
You can go ahead and go home if you want.
- No, I already clocked out,
but I gotta go to that meeting.
- Ah.
- Ugh.
(water running)
- Oh!
Michelle?
(whimsical music)
- [Michelle] Yeah?
- Did you do the laundry last night?
- No, it was down when I got here.
- Have you seen this?
- No.
(wires sparking)
That's gotta be coming from room 206.
(whimsical music)
It's gotta be in the bathroom.
- It's stuck.
Michelle, can you give me...
A hand!
- Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Hey, where are you going?
Where are you going?
(whimsical music)
Go to Hedwig's office!
- I need an ambulance at the Sleepytime Inn,
there's a dead body.
Okay, thank you.
The ambulance is on its way.
You stay here, and keep everyone calm.
- It must just be a rumor.
- Yeah, right.
(siren blaring)
- Mary called and told me what happened.
I'll talk over down here off the clock.
(siren blaring)
- Stop!
Stop right there!
(eventful music)
- The naked guy was all wet when he knocked into me.
Got my shirt all gross.
Then I had to go find Mary and find out
how she was faring after her public meltdown
over the body that wasn't.
- Michelle!
(laughing)
- [Michelle] What happened?
- So, he wasn't dead, he had passed out,
he was drunk, and his washcloth clogged the drain.
When the police got here, he woke up,
and ran outside naked, and right into you.
(laughing)
- Hey, Mary.
- Yeah?
- So, where do you think he was hiding the truck keys?
(laughing)
And because of that fiasco,
I had to stay up again the next day
because the meeting got postponed again.
- That must've been very frustrating for you,
but do you consider yourself a team player?
- It's hard to be a team player
when you're on a team with Marcy.
- Oh, please.
She can't be that bad.
(laughing)
- Okay, we need to clean up after ourselves more,
we need to be nicer to the guests,
and we need to not call off work for any reason ever.
We all need to be on time,
and not cause employees overtime,
because paying anyone time and a half
is gonna make the owner's colon spontaneously combust.
Upper management has decided to suspend
the practice of giving commissions to desk personnel
for upselling rooms.
- [Employee] What?
Aw, come on!
- [Employee] Damn!
- [Hedwig] I know, I know, I understand.
I don't think it's fair either,
but they had just said that they had come to that decision.
- Well, they're gonna lose a lot of money
if nobody upsells the rooms.
- Oh no, no, you're still required to upsell the rooms.
- Nowhere in my job description does it say
I have to upsell rooms.
I'm not gonna upsell rooms.
Come on, they can't do this to us,
they can't make us do this,
it's not in the job descriptions.
If we all stick together,
they'll have to give us the commission back
because they'll lose so much money if nobody upsells.
- Now wait a minute, it is your job
to make as much money for this hotel as possible.
This hotel is providing you with employment,
friendship, a place to go every day.
You're part of a community.
- No, no.
If I get paid the same to charge $50 a night
as I do $100 a night, why the hell should I waste my time
and the guest's patience by haggling with them.
No, there's nothing in it for me,
and I don't have to do it, I'm not doing it.
- I will upsell the rooms!
It is my duty to make this company
as much money as possible.
I'm very appreciative of this opportunity,
and I will not bite the hand that feeds me.
I take my responsibility very serious--
- You just want to keep your crack income coming in.
- Take a light and enjoy the flight, huh?
I appreciate the opportunity
that has been given to me at this hotel.
Without it, I probably wouldn't even have a job
in this little town.
Without it, I'd be homeless and destitute.
But because of these wonderful people
at the Sleepytime Inn,
they've been so good to all of us employees
and the entire community.
- By doing what?
- By putting this town on the map!
Bringing in tourism.
- Tourism?
Nobody comes here to tour.
They just stop off the interstate,
stay in the building for the night,
and move on to the next place.
- Well, not only do you not appreciate this job,
you don't like this town.
- Are you people actually falling for this crap?
Seriously?
I am never gonna upsell a room again.
In fact, I am going to give a discount for everything,
every little thing I can think of
to give a discount for, I will.
Go ahead, fire me, please!
- Bitch.
- She's probably just cranky from being up all night.
- Why do you think they didn't fire you?
- Because I actually do my job.
I actually show up every night on time
and do what I'm supposed to, unlike Marcy.
- Your job must've been very stressful
for your family as well.
- Yeah, as a matter of fact,
Thanksgiving was right after that meeting.
(wondrous music)
Ugh, thank you so much for cooking
Thanksgiving dinner this year,
I'm so happy to spend it with the family.
- Thank you for coming over and helping me,
and helping me clean up,
especially since you worked last night.
- Yeah, I get to go in tonight too.
- Are you kidding?
I thought you would finally get some sleep tonight.
(laughing)
- I never get sleep, that doesn't happen,
you can't sleep when you work the night shift.
- Girl, I really wish you could get a new job.
- I don't have time, I'm too tired to look for one.
(laughing)
- I hear you.
I can relate to tired.
I'm tired of doing these dishes,
and my hands are starting to prune up.
- Are they chapped?
- Yeah, they're not feeling too good.
- [Michelle] Check this out.
- Uncle John's Zombie Lube?
- [Michelle] Yeah.
(laughing)
- You sure this is for the hands?
And where did this come from?
- Some nut from the hotel gave it to me.
- Oh, I might just go ahead and...
(laughing)
Finish dishes.
(laughing)
- I need a new job.
- Oh, honey.
- So, you having a good Thanksgiving, Rick?
- Yeah, it looks like the girls are too,
they're already out there drinking the wine.
- Yeah, that figures.
- So, how's everything else going?
- Ugh, it's not.
Do you remember Hedwig, my boss?
- Oh, how could I forgot.
- Yeah, and Al the maintenance man.
- Ew, yes.
- They're having an affair.
- Oh, I was hoping that was not
what you were gonna say.
- Michelle got work tonight?
- I gotta go to work tonight,
I don't want to go to work.
- She's always gotta work.
- That sucks.
- This job sucks so bad, I should write a book.
I could make a movie, nobody would believe it.
I could, I could make a whole movie out of this.
- Tell me about it, I have to sleep alone at night.
- And probably, if I could get some sleep,
I wouldn't hate it so much,
but you cannot believe how many things
that you have to do between, like,
nine and five during daylight hours during the week,
until you aren't available to do them,
so that's when you're supposed to sleep.
(catchy rock music)
Any time that they are needed to do something,
they don't get it done
because they're always off in a room together somewhere,
and bleh, doing, you know--
- Oh, it's getting done, I'm sure.
- Yeah.
- Do we always have to have Thanksgiving at Crystal's house?
This place is always fancy.
- No, I know you what you mean.
Yeah, it's a little too fancy for me.
- I would be calling human resources.
(laughing)
- I don't think that exists.
I don't think that exists in our hotel.
- Yeah, if working at the hotel paid Michelle
what Crystal makes, we'd be having the parties at my place.
- I'll drink to that.
- One of the day people said that they were gonna talk
to Mr. Pickens, the owner, but...
- Yeah, I was gonna say, where is he in all of this?
- Well, he's always off visiting ashrams and doing yoga,
and healing crystals.
I mean, he's a nice guy, but he's too nice.
You know what I mean?
He's used to everything is, you know,
one love, and we're all great, blah, blah, blah.
I bet if he thought he was losing money,
I bet he'd pay attention then.
- Right, because I always say,
the way to a man's heart isn't through his stomach,
it's through his wallet.
Sis, don't worry, it'll get better.
I mean, it's Black Friday, it won't be that busy,
everybody's shopping, right?
- Yeah, who's gonna stay at the hotel on Black Friday?
They'll all be at the stores,
or wherever they are visiting family or whatever already.
There's nothing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll be good, it'll be a quiet night.
- It'll be an easy night.
- Boy, was I wrong.
(catchy music)
- God, those people are dumb.
They're not even getting deals.
(catchy music)
You people are idiots!
It's last year's crap, you're not getting deals!
God, who falls for that?
Only idiots that get up that early.
(catchy music)
Oh my God, and they want me to leave breakfast
out for them early?
Somebody stayed at a hotel
to be with their family at Thanksgiving,
why would they want to get up and go shopping?
I mean, they already spent money on a hotel
to be in town with their family,
they'll probably spend it with their family.
Ridiculous.
(catchy music)
- We gotta hurry up and check out.
It's Black Friday, we are going shopping.
- Oh, okay.
This is you.
(catchy music)
- What time do you get off?
Are you stuck here all night?
- Just 'til seven.
- Oh my gosh, you're gonna miss all the best deals.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
- Thank you.
- [Michelle] Have fun.
- Hi, we're checking out from room 313.
We're checking out to find a deal, sorry.
- Oh, okay.
- Oh my God, do you see them?
(catchy music)
- Oh my goodness, what idiots.
- I know, they look so stupid.
- Here you go, just sign here.
- Okay.
- Did you at least have a good Thanksgiving
with your families?
- Oh no, we don't do Thanksgiving,
we're just here for the shopping.
- Thank you!
Have a great night!
- You too!
- Nobody does Thanksgiving anymore?
Shopping.
(catchy music)
Let me guess.
You guys are going Black Friday shopping?
- You guessed it.
- What room?
- Room 327.
- All right. May I ask why you're staying in the hotel for shopping?
- You're right next door, to the store.
(catchy music)
- Okay.
So you spent money on a hotel room
to save money at the store?
- Essentially.
- Okay, have a good day.
- Thanks, you too.
- They spent money on a hotel room
to save money at the store.
They spent money to save...
Ow, my brain hurts.
Ow, ow, ugh.
And it went on like that all night.
One unthankful, stupid ass group after another,
parading through the lobby,
pointing at the idiots on TV,
not realizing that they are in fact, those idiots.
- Well, people often don't see themselves
as they really are.
But, you must have been so happy
when your relief showed up.
- She was late.
(catchy music)
- Hey Michelle, look what I got.
I'm so excited, I got so many good deals today.
I'm just really mad that I have to be here
so that you can go shopping now.
- Oh no!
Our time is almost up.
So, what was the final straw?
- The final straw began in the day
while I was still sleeping.
(catchy music)
- Yeah, I'm checking the gym now,
he said he'd be here.
Do you know who Kevin Black is?
- Yeah, I know who he is.
I think he's been sleeping with my wife.
- Hey, Sarah.
Not being able to flush is kind of inconvenient.
- I'm sorry, sir. I'll have maintenance go up there right away.
- Please.
(phone ringing)
- Oh no, it's the front desk.
- Oh, don't worry about that,
you don't have to answer it.
She can handle it, and I'm the boss.
- Okay.
- Excuse me, I'm from room 310.
My bed collapsed.
- No, hang on, let me get a hold of maintenance.
(phone ringing)
And no answer.
I'll just give you a new room.
Try 308.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Let me try Al again.
Where the heck is he?
Has anyone seen Al?
I can't find him.
- [Woman] Check the maintenance office.
- Yeah.
Al?
Geez, that's still there?
Al?
(whimsical music)
Al?
Al, are you in here?
Ugh!
(whimsical music)
(phone ringing)
- How dare you disturb me.
- I have a maintenance emergency
and I can't find Al.
- Well, that is not my problem.
- Yeah, it is, you're the manager.
If we get a complaint, it reflects on you.
- If we get a complaint, I will have your head.
I don't know how you knew I was up here,
but if you tell anyone, I'll have your head with that too.
Now take care of it, and don't disturb me again.
- [Narrator] Oh, there's the paper now.
(dog barking)
- They're probably shacked up at some hotel.
- They probably are, let's get in my truck.
We'll catch their cheatin' asses.
- Oh, hello, Mr. Pickens.
- Hello!
I had the day off today, and had some time to kill,
so I thought I'd stop in
and see how my favorite investment's doing.
Hedwig always gives me glowing reports
and said there's no need to stop by,
but you know, I like to be hands on
whenever time allows.
- Yes, sir.
- Anything going on?
- You know, there is something strange with room 218.
- Room 218?
- Yes, it's our most expensive room,
our only suite with a whirlpool tub.
And it's been out of order for maintenance reasons
for over a month now.
- Over a month?
Our most expensive room is out of order
for over a month,
it hasn't been able to be rented?
Why?
- I don't know.
I've been trying to get a hold of Ms. Hedwig
or the maintenance man to find out why but,
I guess they took the day off.
- Give me a key to that room.
I want to see what kind of maintenance
needs done in there.
- Certainly, sir.
- Thank you.
(tense music)
(water running)
(tense music)
(gasps)
Oh, I see.
The tub is clogged.
- Sarah called and told me what happened.
I thought it would be nice
not to have a boss like Ms. Hedwig.
- Why didn't you stick around long enough
to find out?
(laughing)
- They're not at this one.
- Aw, come on.
We're gonna check all the other ones, let's go.
- I'm so glad you're here early!
Will you clock in now and count the drawer
so I can go?
I'm going to a midnight movie premier with my boyfriend.
- Okay!
Okay, okay.
I just need the drawer.
(catchy rock music)
- We good, we good?
- We're good. - Sweet.
Oh, hey, almost forgot.
There's a new phone greeting,
it's right by the files.
- [Michelle] Oh, all right.
- All right, see ya!
- Have fun!
Oh, finally.
Someone must've noticed that,
"Thank you for calling Anytown's Sleepytime Inn,
"gold silver award winning hotel, this is Michelle,
"how many I help you?", is too long.
Let's see what we got.
"To all desk personnel.
"Management has decided that since we now
"have won the platinum award,
"as well as the silver and gold,
"that this news needs to be incorporated
"into the phone greeting.
"Also, we want to convey the impression
"that all nights are great nights
"for sleeping at Sleepytime Inn."
Really?
"So our new phone greeting is,
"Thank you for calling our silver, gold,
"and platinum award winning,
"Anytown's Sleepytime Inn Hotel, seven years running.
"It's a great night to sleep here
"at the best hotel in the Tri-State area.
"My name is Michelle, how may I help you?"
Seriously, do the people who write this stuff
ever have to talk on the phone?
Does anybody who actually does any work
ever write this stuff?
Nobody is gonna want to sit through all that,
I don't want to sit through all that.
This is the worst night ever.
I've been here five minutes,
and this crap is already starting.
Oh, what else is gonna happen?
(woman complaining)
- In the middle of the road,
and people run into the ambulances,
and then they get citations.
- Yeah!
I want to go to the pool!
- Watch my suitcases there, buddy.
- Yeah, watch the suitcases, pig!
Oink, oink!
- Good evening, ma'am.
This woman and her grandchild were involved in an accident.
They ran into the back of an ambulance
that was attending to another accident.
- Well, it wasn't my fault!
He was parked in the middle of the road.
- Yeah, it wasn't her fault, pig!
Oink, oink!
- She was cited.
Now her insurance doesn't cover a rental,
so she's decided to stay in our town
until the local body shop fixes her car.
She needs a room.
Tell me you have a room.
- I have a room.
- Wonderful, thank you so much.
Goodbye.
- How much is the room?
- $99 plus tax.
- That's a rip off.
- Yeah, rip off!
What are you trying to pull, lady?
- Do you at least have a pool?
- No.
- Rip off!
- Yeah, what a rip off!
- We have free breakfast and free HBO.
- Eggs and bacon?
- No, continental.
- Rip off!
I know how this works, you know I'm stuck here,
so you're trying to rip me off.
- Yeah, rip off!
- I'm gonna read the fine print,
make sure you're not trying to rip me off some more!
- [Kid] Yeah, rip off!
- Can you get someone to take my bags?
- We don't offer that service here.
- Rip off!
- Yeah, rip off!
- Come on, get the bags.
- Why do I have to carry all this crap by myself?
This place sucks!
Yeah, rip off!
(phone ringing)
- Thank you for calling our silver, gold,
and platinum award winning,
Anytown's Sleepytime Hotel, seven years running.
It's a great night to sleep here
at the best hotel in the Tri-State area,
my name is Michelle, how can I help you?
- What room is Kevin Black in?
- I'm sorry ma'am, I can't give out that information.
- I'm his wife, why can't you give me that information?
- I'm sorry ma'am, I can't give out that information.
- You bitch!
Tell me what room he's in!
Bingo, we found those cheating bastards.
(whimsical music)
- This stupid machine!
(whimsical music)
This stupid machine!
- Hey, hey, quit busting up the machines!
- It took my money!
- If you do that again, I'll have you arrested
for vandalism.
Now here's your money back.
- I'd like to see you try, rip off lady.
- Hi ma'am, I just saw a little girl
pooping in the hallway.
You might want to clean that up.
(catchy rock music)
(phone ringing)
- Front desk.
- Hey, why are you harassing my grandchild?
- Yeah, that desk clerk is a loser.
- Your grandchild tried to destroy
one of the vending machines,
and I told her if she did it again,
I'd have her arrested for vandalism, and I will.
- Jesus, lady, first you rip us off,
then you try to harass a poor, innocent child?
What kind of monster are you?
I'm gonna report you to the manager.
- The manager will be here at seven AM.
(whimsical music)
(phone ringing)
- [Michelle] Thank you for calling our silver,
gold, platinum award winning,
Anytown's Sleepytime Hotel, seven years running,
it's a great night to sleep here at the best hotel in the Tri-State area.
My name is Michelle, how can I help you?
- Yeah, this is Kathy over at Econo Sleep.
Nice phone greeting.
- Yeah, thanks.
- So anyway, there are these crazy people running outside,
it's like real life redneck rampage,
I mean they're coming in here yelling about
something about people cheating,
they said something was in here, I don't know.
Came in here flipping stuff, throwing jugs.
They wanted my jug, they went off with it,
I don't know what they're gonna do with that,
but anyway, I think they're coming for your hotel next.
- Oh, great.
Yeah, a lady called here earlier
having a crying fit.
Yeah, I hope they don't actually bother coming here.
- Yeah, trust me, you do not want to deal with them.
- Yeah, right.
Thanks for the warning.
I'll call you and let you know if they show up.
- You do that.
- I hope they don't come here,
but I'm gonna call you back anyway.
I want to hear what your phone greeting sounds like.
(whimsical music)
- You know what room Kevin Black is in?
- [Michelle] I can't give out that information, sir.
- Why not?
What about Jenna Smith?
You know what room she's in?
- I can't give you that information.
- I need this information.
- [Michelle] Well, I can't give it out, it's private.
- This is my card, I need this.
- You're going to have to leave,
or I'm gonna call the police.
- I'm gonna start knocking on doors
until I find what I'm looking for.
- Well, I'm gonna call the police
if you start knocking on doors.
- [Man] Well, they're gonna have to make me leave. - Well, I'm calling the police.
- All right, fine.
- Hey, thanks for letting me stay with you guys,
it worked out pretty well.
- Yeah, it did.
- No it didn't!
(whimsical music)
- Come and play with me?
- Hey!
Who's all in there?
Hey Jenna, I know you're in there.
Jenna, open up!
Come on, I know you're in there.
(serious rock music)
(whimsical music)
- Ugh.
Why won't anybody play with me?
This place is a rip off!
- The crazy guy?
- [Man] What's going here?
- Okay, look, look, I know--
- [Woman] Yeah, what's going on, like,
I've got work in the morning.
- I have called the police,
and they're on their way,
I know there's a crazy man in the hotel,
they're on the way to get him.
I'm gonna call again and check and see.
- What should we do?
We're trying to...
(loud commotion)
- Crazies, again.
- I don't get paid enough for this.
- I'm telling you, this place is the biggest rip off
I've ever seen, I mean they have rip off cops,
they have a rip off desk lady,
everything about this place is just a rip off.
I'm telling you what, this is just crazy.
- [Woman] Right?
- What is going on?
There's a man walking around,
he's banging on doors, he's waking me up,
it's a rip off.
- [Woman] And we got a manager in the office doing nothing.
- And look, there's a rip off cop right now,
he's a rip off.
(phone ringing)
- Where is he?
(phones ringing)
- Third floor.
(loud commotion)
- Oh, yeah. - Some guy knocking on doors,
and the desk clerk
is the worst desk clerk I've ever seen,
isn't that right baby, baby?
(phone ringing)
- Econo Sleep, Kathy speaking.
- Nice phone greeting.
Remember those crazies you called me about?
Yeah, they're here.
Oh yeah, woke up the whole hotel.
Uh huh, uh huh.
Yeah, I called the cops.
Oh yeah, they're here.
Oh, it's a mess.
This is my last night.
Oh, I'm not doing this anymore.
This is my last night.
Yeah, I'll talk to you later.
(loud commotion)
- What the fu...
- This is fun!
(loud crash) Yeehaw!
Yay!
- Kid, are you okay?
- Aw, I wasn't done driving yet,
what a rip off!
(rock country music)
♪ Listen ♪
♪ When you're all alone ♪
♪ And you're far from home ♪
♪ And something don't work ♪
♪ Ya'll call the desk clerk ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Give me some more ♪
♪ And if you lost your comb ♪
♪ Or you're outta cologne ♪
♪ There's a special perk ♪
♪ And if something don't work ♪
♪ Go and pick up the phone ♪
♪ And you call the desk clerk ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ She's there to serve you ♪
♪ And take good care of you ♪
♪ Your own desk clerk ♪
♪ Get down ♪
♪ She's at your beck and call ♪
♪ No matter when you call ♪
♪ Your own desk clerk ♪
♪ Bring us back again ♪
♪ When you're on your own ♪
♪ And something goes wrong ♪
♪ You can still be a jerk ♪
♪ Just wipe that smirk ♪
♪ And you pick up the phone ♪
♪ Go on and tell them now ♪
♪ Call your own desk clerk ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ She's there to serve you ♪
♪ And take good care of you ♪
♪ Your own desk clerk ♪
♪ She's at your beck and call ♪
♪ No matter when you call ♪
♪ Your own desk clerk ♪
♪ She's there to serve you ♪
♪ And take good care of you ♪
♪ Your own desk clerk ♪
♪ Get down ♪
♪ She's at your beck and call ♪
♪ No matter when you call ♪
♪ Your own desk clerk ♪
♪ Call your own desk clerk ♪
- Hey.
Well, I was wondering.
How do you feel about feet?
Well, without socks or with socks,
or in nylons, or in jelly.
Sometimes I think about feet in shoes, and boots,
and in my mouth.
Toes.
But see, Sally, Sally's feet,
they don't have toes.
They're stumps, if you know what I mean.
Stumpy.
But anyway, did I tell you that I liked your shoes
that you had on?
Yeah, I really do.
Sometimes I wear my wife's shoes
when she's not home.
Yeah, yeah.
And sometimes, sometimes when the kids are away,
I'll put on her dresses,
and I pretend to be Mrs. Smith,
but I'm Mrs. Smith with a beard.
I'm the bearded Mrs. Smith.
Sometimes.
Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not.
Sometimes I'm Mr. Smith, and I go to work.
And then sometimes I come home,
and I'm Mr. Smith with Sally.
You remember Sally.
Sally.
(sighs)
She makes my heart flutter.
I know what you're thinking,
how's it gonna work?
Because love conquers all, oh, it does, it does.
If you can find love,
you can find anything.
If you want it bad enough.
Michelle.
But anyway, what I was calling for was,
wondering is there a turndown service?
Hello?
I'll go downstairs and talk to her.