spacey music
[Binder] Thanks, you guys, for coming.
I just want to say thanks for going through
that whole viral testing situation
so we could all be together.
It's been kind of a crazy time to be a comedian,
the last few years.
Wanna talk about what it's like now,
'cause there's restrictions on what you can joke about.
Does it stifle you at all,
with all this going on, this--
[Rogan] It's not fun.
It's not fun for people to hate you.
It's not fun for people to take what you say out of context.
If you joke around-- Whitney and I are talking.
She says something completely ridiculous,
I'm like, "Ah,"
and then someone takes that
and puts it in quotes and--
Shows it on the morning news.
Yeah! First of all,
you're taking it out of the realm of jokes,
of satire, of fun, of talking shit...
- Absurdity. - Yeah.
The Internet has become
kind of like the pawn shop for your jokes
because it's so immediate.
You know, you got the...
you can do your act, and by the time you get home,
it's on the air.
Yeah, and you're putting it in quotes.
It's a dishonest way to approach it.
But the more we talk about how dishonest it is,
the more that gets out in the zeitgeist,
the more that has less power.
Is that the power that PC has had
to really obliterate the careers
of some great comics.
Anybody can pull a cord and stop the train.
I mean, Louis C.K. did some shows in New York,
and they sold out,
and one person complained,
and suddenly, that becomes... that's the headline.
[Burr] And then they act like that's
what the whole crowd felt.
What's weird is, like,
when something like that happens,
even if you're not involved in it,
you're only allowed to have one opinion on it.
Yeah.
But if you don't like what he did,
don't go to the show.
I love when you went on The Morning Show,
and the woman asked you
about some new comedian scandal,
and you go, "I don't know. Why don't we go
for your opinion?
Let's ruin your career at 7:00 in the morning.
I'm just doing a show this weekend."
Well, the morning shows are the worst,
and you're going on after, like, you know...
it's International Waffle Day,
and they're, like, making waffles.
And I think, "How long do you punish somebody?"
Picasso. There was nobody worse
than Picasso,
but people are not tearing up his paintings.
He did horrible things to women.
There's this expectation
that every person
is supposed to have lived a perfect life;
their record has to be perfect.
I just go on to never explain, never complain,
and then people go away.
When you get on Twitter,
you now make a one-day story a three-day story.
And when you talk about canceling,
the way Joey Diaz handled it was, like, textbook.
Well, not only that, it's like he...
that's Joey's style of comedy,
is pure exaggeration.
[Binder] Exactly. I saw people going,
"And Rogan just sits there and laugh," and I go,
"When a guy's doing a comedy routine,
his friend usually sits there and laughs.
- That's what he does." - And not only that.
When I say,
"How many girls sucked your dick and gave you coke
for a spot on open mic night,"
he goes, "20."
- [Binder] Yeah. - [Lederman] It's hilarious.
There is not 20 women on the planet
who would give you coke and suck your dick
for three minutes in the Belly Room.
Not only that, I knew for a fact
he never fucking hosted the Belly Room,
not even once!
It was just a crazy Joey Diaz comedy routine.
I would suck Joey Diaz's dick
to not have to follow Joey Diaz.
[laughter]
We got what's called freedom.
I'm at a point in my life
where there's nothing to cancel.
What are you gonna cancel, my phone bill?
'Cause it's not up to them.
I'm the Captain Kirk of my fucking network.
Is it funny, or is it not funny?
And by shitting on someone's comedy
and saying they shouldn't be able to say it,
you shouldn't be laughing at it,
all they're doing is trying to validate
their own failure as a comic.
When I got into comedy, I came here
because this was the community
that accepted me.
I've done despicable shit.
I lied, I cheated,
I did drugs, I did all this shit,
and I came here, and I talked about it on stage,
and people went, "Yeah."
They saw themselves in me.
They went, "Yeah, we've done dumb shit, too.
We've cheated. We've lied."
And it was a way that we all had a catharsis,
and we all were able to sort of release our demons
and find grace and humor in the fact
that we've all made mistakes, we've all done
dumb shit we're not proud of,
and comedians are the people
that advertise our bad decisions.
I think that it's come down to the point
where you're trying to do material
that offends the least amount of people, you know?
I will... you all fucking raped me
if you don't laugh at my jokes.
I am a white woman in Hollywood.
You're one tweet away.
- Oh... - You're all done.
When we decide to do this, we're renegades,
and every year, I play less
and less and less and less by the rules
because there's no rules in an art.
That's why it's called an art,
because there's no set fucking pattern for it.
Something inappropriate might happen
at the comedy club,
but that's the nature of it.
The penalty that you pay for using a word
that you're not supposed to use...
the penalty you pay is that you won't get a laugh.
You should be allowed to say whatever you're going to say,
but you should... you know, you have to own it.
If you're not thoughtful with your jokes
and you just say something for shock value,
or you say something that's not well thought out,
and the people in the crowd are like, "Hey, man,
I didn't appreciate that. I don't think that's funny,"
and they have a visceral reaction
to what you're saying,
we have to take some responsibility
for that, too.
But if the goal is really to make people
closer together and respect each other
or function as humans,
everyone has to has a sense of humor about themselves,
and I think the big problem is, there are some people
that are no longer able to access a sense of humor.
I still hope and pray
that you can say whatever you want
and not go down for it,
and if you say it on a talk show, fine.
If you say it in real life and you get caught, fine.
But when you're doing comedy on stage,
that's the place: try whatever you want,
break the rules, piss people off,
do what everyone used to always do,
and now, even I'm scared.
There's bits I think that would work,
and I go, "I don't want to lose my career."
So let me ask you guys about Louis C.K., okay?
Because in 2014, he did a great special here,
and it was at a time
when the Store was just coming out of a slump,
and I interviewed him for this,
and a lot of people didn't want me to.
I called you. You were very supportive.
To have a conversation about this without Louis C.K.
- is ridiculous. - That's what I think.
I know you've gone through a tough period in your life,
and I don't mean to be Pollyanna about it,
but I think it's just gonna make you
- such a better comic. - Well...
I think that comedy should get better
when things get harder.
I think that should be the case.
Well, when Richard burned up...
- Yeah. - I just want to tell you,
when Richard came back
after all that time,
and he came back to the Store,
he turned that into one of the best hours ever.
Yeah. I remember I was
in a chess store.
I like playing chess. I'm terrible at it,
but I like going to chess stores
'cause there's all these, like, Czechoslovakian guys
playing Russian guys, and anyway,
the guy that ran the chess store said,
"I know who you are."
He was from Greece or something,
and he said, "You are a great martyr for history,
and like the martyr, you will be crucified
and destroyed, and then you will live on,"
and I was like, "Jesus, man.
I'd really rather fucking live my life."
Yeah, right.
I don't want to fucking die.
But my philosophy with comedy has always been,
when somebody says, "That's too terrible to joke about,"
that's like saying that that disease
is too terrible to cure.
reflective music
[Binder] Did any of you work the door?
One of the beautiful things about The Comedy Store is,
the door staff, the people that work here
that are all comics, are all treated like comics.
- That's right. - Everybody's friendly to them.
We all know that that person
could be with you on a lineup one day.
You know, it is a very special kind of way
that you can work up here.
You know, you can't apply for this door guy job.
You have to audition and get picked.
When you decided you were gonna do it,
you were gonna do it no matter what.
- Is that what it was? - [door guy] Yeah.
This is the only place that has, like,
a door guy system
where you could come off the street,
show them that you can do it,
and then they'll give you a system to work through
to become a paid regular.
[comedian] This is my favorite job
I've ever had being a stand-up comedian,
and it's not a bad gig, either.
You make about 200 bucks an hour.
I worked about eight hours last year,
so it's a give and take. I'm not gonna lie.
Lot of ups and downs.
Hi, folks. You have tickets already?
I was a door guy, so I did what these guys did.
You just check IDs, seat the room.
[door guy] I've probably answered the question
where the bathroom is
at least 10,000 times.
Bar's right there. Bathroom's around back.
Just take a seat.
People also think that, like, door guys
are just door guys. They're all comics.
I remember, you got the job,
and I got fucking super jealous.
- I deserved it more. - I mean, yeah.
Lot of great comics start off as door guys:
Robin Williams, Sam Kinison,
some other people who are still alive...
- You were a doorman? - I worked everywhere.
I worked the booth. I sat people.
I was a phones guy and a door guy
and a cover booth guy.
Everybody was a doorman.
It was a rite of passage.
It was Mitzi's system.
She made me head doorman,
which I thought was an honor. I didn't know anything.
I really kind of looked at this place like college.
You want to be here for as little time as possible,
learn as much as you can, and get the fuck out.
When you get the job, you have to, like,
kind of go in with a goal. Like, what's the thing
that's gonna be what takes you out of here?
It's weird, 'cause guys are still gross online.
I got a message from this guy.
He said, "I wanna eat oatmeal out of your ass."
I was like, "Don't ruin two good things."
A lot of people came up through the ranks.
You were a door guy here?
I came out here when I was 18.
I worked The Comedy Store at the door.
[Kinison] She said, "I think you're kind of nervous,
but you have something. I'd like you to develop it,
so I'm gonna give you a job as a doorman
so you can watch the other comics."
And I was just going...
you know, it wasn't the worst thing you could hear,
but it was like, "Oh, man, this isn't the tune
I had picked out."
We got $16 a night.
How much did you guys get paid?
In my time, $25 a whole shift.
I don't remember getting paid.
You didn't get paid to be a doorman?
Well, I don't know. I was living
up in Cresthill,
and I just always owed her money.
Maron was all the door guys' favorite comic
'cause he was very real
and very angry,
and it reflected all our attitudes.
They don't do it for the money.
They're doing it for the stage time.
[door guy] Hi, folks. Check in on the top
and the right.
I'm gonna go back. You got this?
Appreciate.
upbeat piano rag
Hi. Wow.
I'm terrified of everything. Is anyone else Jewish?
Okay, anyone else Jewish?
Oh. All right.
I'm from LA. I've been speaking Spanish
most of my life. I love the language.
I love to learn new words.
The other day, I learned
how to say "vagina" in Spanish.
It's actually pronounced... [whistles]
So that's pretty cool to learn.
Thank you guys. I'm Luke Schwartz.
[Lockwood] For us, the benefit of working here
is all the networking and the face time we get
with people who can help us.
My mom and my teachers and everybody
told me that it's a choice to be gay,
and that's how I grew up. I always thought that.
And I moved to Los Angeles,
and I quickly found out that's not actually the case.
You're actually born gay,
which for me kind of sucks, because I was born straight,
but good God, do I want to fuck a man.
[Schwartz] Everyone's jealous of the job
until you hear, like, "Yeah, you shake hands
with Joe Rogan." It's like,
"Yeah, I also clean up puke."
It is hard when you, like, see a comedian
when you're working who you respect so much,
and then you're just, like, holding the trash
and taking it out to the dumpster,
and you're like, "Hey, man."
[Schwartz] Walking by, saying,
"Don't remember me like this, please."
Oh, it's painful.
It's like having the shirt on
is a good thing and a bad thing,
'cause people associate it with a funny person,
but they also associate it with, like, a...
- "Give me a fucking water." - Janitor.
You know?
The biggest benefit, to me,
of becoming a paid regular
would just be the validation.
You end up in development. You get development spots,
which are shorter spots on random shows.
This is my first time
ever on stage in front of a crowd
performing, ever.
Thank you.
I don't want you guys to feel bad,
but you know, a lot of times,
crowds are way more supportive when I tell them that.
A development spot is basically
showcasing you on a real show.
They're such, such hard spots.
The crowd is still getting sat.
Waitresses are still taking drinks.
It's just like...
it's chaos, and you're trying to get maybe
ten percent laughs, and if you do, it's good.
Blake does The Tonight Show,
and he's still working the door,
and I think it was, like, his fifth Tonight Show.
Guy comes to the door, and I said,
"How many in your party?" The guy goes,
"I saw you on The Tonight Show,"
and I went,
"Right, right. Okay.
How many in your party?"
[laughter]
Wound up in a looney bin once. That was quite an experience.
I know.
'Cause when you go to a looney bin,
they strip you naked
to see if you've done any self-harm.
I'm like, "Damn, if I didn't want to kill myself before,
I definitely do now."
It's always interesting when you have something good
happen here.
It's very easy to spot the people
who are excited for you and fake excited for you.
And as comedians, you're looking for a home.
- [Binder] Yeah. - You're by yourself.
You work alone. You write alone.
You want community. We really crave it.
Out for ourselves but in it together.
You're touring 'round the country every weekend,
and you're on your own,
and then suddenly, you get back here,
and there's a camaraderie, and you're with your peers.
You walk in. It's the door guy.
It's the guy in the parking lot.
It's the waitress. That is our...
- That's right. - ...world.
[Binder] The Comedy Store lost Mitzi
a couple years ago,
and we had a beautiful memorial for her.
It was an amazing night.
This last year has been tough,
obviously, but before that,
the last few years have been packed
just about every night, three rooms a night.
Coming to the stage right now: Steve Rannazzisi,
ladies and gentlemen. Bring him out.
[Binder] So I want to talk about present life here:
how people use the Store,
some of the amazing shows
that the Store has developed,
and also about the future of the Store.
It's interesting to watch comics use
this club in different ways.
In The Comedy Store, there's three different rooms.
You have three... you can try the same set
three times in one night with different audiences.
Great audiences.
A different feel in every room.
You've got the Original Room, where people have said
it's the hardest comedy room in the world.
Belly Room is small. It's intimate.
It's gonna teach you how to interact
with your audience
'cause it's gonna force you to do that.
They're right there.
This main room now has become a place
where, like, if any of those big-name guys
want to do an hour,
they do it in here.
At what point did you decide,
"Hey, I want to do a special at The Comedy Store?"
I fell in love with it
the first time I laid eyes on it
'cause that's what I pictured
when I started as a...
When I wanted to be a comedian as a kid,
I pictured a nightclub
with black vinyl seats and a red Formica table
and a little red candle.
That's exactly what I saw in my head,
with kind of, like, mobsters and hookers in the audience,
and I used to listen to Lenny Bruce records.
Yeah, like, when you listen to Lenny Bruce albums,
and even some of Woody's albums,
you can hear that audience, but when you go
to most comedy clubs, it's in a mall,
and it's next to a Foot Locker...
- Right. - And I never...
when I got to The Comedy Store, I'm like,
"This is what I've been looking for."
And that main room with that horseshoe stage...
I saw footage of Pryor doing stand-up there,
and he's searching for bits,
and he's trying to figure something out,
and that really spoke to me,
and I saw Carlin there.
I saw Carlin on that same stage,
working out an hour.
That set felt like a real Comedy Store set.
You're on a flight, 30,000 feet in the air
in the middle of the flight.
If you just decide to do this...
you're sitting in your seat,
and you just start going like this.
You go, [nasally] "Ma!
Ma!
Ma!"
If you do that and don't stop doing it,
they will land the plane.
You can will a plane to the ground
without a weapon or a threat.
You don't even have to do that much.
You can just sit there and just start going,
"Down!
Down!"
Seriously, if you were on a plane
and you just didn't stop saying "down"...
Down! Down!
"Sir, is there a problem?" "Down!
Down!"
Fighter jets will appear.
I mean, you are going to the nearest airport.
And then I guess you're in trouble, but...
what, they can't put you, like, in prison
'cause you said "down" several times.
They'd, like, bother you. "Why'd you do that?
Are you a terrorist? Why'd you do it?"
"I just didn't want to be up anymore.
Just didn't like it.
I mean, I just said the word of where I wanted to be.
You didn't have to do it.
It's just a suggestion. Jesus Christ."
What I love about your comedy is that
it's all memoir comedy,
but there are so many great jokes
in that special.
Some of them are jokes
that used to be a whole bit
that stood on its own,
but any time you can take a bit that used to be
something you use to introduce and talk about,
get a big laugh, and dismount,
if you can take that and crush it down to nothing
and put it inside of another story
and have it be a "by the way,"
like something that feels like you're throwing it away,
it feels like it's just on the way to the point
of the story you're telling...
I was on a plane,
and there was these two babies,
and they were crying the whole time,
crying the whole flight, and that happens a lot.
I don't think they knew each other.
They were just crying.
I've seen this on so many flights,
I'm starting to wonder, is there a reason for this?
Is there, like, an actual reason why babies...
so I looked it up. Turns out there's
an actual reason why babies cry on airplanes,
and it's because they're upset
that gay people are getting married.
Yeah.
They're...
like, really upset,
like, inconsolably upset.
Were you guys here when Steve Martin
and Chris Rock came in last year?
Yeah, I was here. I was here.
He said that he brought Steve...
they were at the Chateau Marmont.
And I was like, "Mm,
it's just not right yet.
We just don't have these jokes yet."
And I was able to talk him
into going to The Comedy Store
and trying it.
You're lying!
At the same time?
[messenger] Yes, at the same time.
- You're lying. - [messenger] No.
These people ain't paying enough for this.
[laughter]
You motherfuckers ready?
[watchers] Yeah! Yeah.
I need some energy. Are you ready?
[cheers and applause]
Whoever's in the bathroom is gonna be pissed,
'cause ladies and gentlemen, coming to the stage
is Chris Rock...
and Steve Martin!
[Rock] Steve had not been in a comedy club...
he hadn't been there in 40 years,
and we get on stage,
and people lose their motherfucking minds.
And then they do the bit,
and the next night, at the Oscars, it kills,
You know, I was thinking today, Chris,
that we both have hosted the Oscars before,
and this is such an incredible demotion.
And we were just holding pieces of paper,
reading jokes back and forth,
and we perfected the act that night.
Me and Steve Martin on stage at The Comedy Store
was way more exciting
and way more cool
than opening the Oscars.
Back in 1929, there were no black acting nominees.
No. And now, in 2020,
we got one.
Yeah. Amazing growth.
Here's another example:
Jeff Ross and Brian Moses.
They started this roast battle
right out of the Belly Room.
It started with a fight in a parking lot.
Two comics were going at it,
yelling at each other, I believe,
and Moses was just like, "No, we should do this.
You guys should battle this out on stage."
And they invented roast battling,
and not that long ago,
and now it's a global phenomenon.
The beautiful thing about roast battle
is that there's no holds barred.
It's wild.
It's a wild joke-writing contest.
[audience] Battle! Battle!
This'll be so much fun.
All right, let's get into this first battle.
You sneaky spaghetti belly motherfucker.
[onlooker] Oh, snap!
Antonio's marriage
is kind of like his comedy career.
They're both gonna be over in a year and a half.
[laughter]
That's pretty good from someone who looks like a woman
transitioning into being a Muppet.
I was just impressed that Etunda
sounds the way he does
and had the balls to say she's like a Muppet.
You know, I think...
The winner!
[indistinct shouting]
The first one... Alice [indistinct]
You've got to be patient to do these things.
Well, how about the patience of Don Barris?
Don Barris has been doing those late-night spots forever,
and he goes up there with enthusiasm
- [Cummings] Every night. - ...every single time.
[upbeat music playing]
I didn't get Don Barris. I actually thought...
I was like, "What the fuck is this?"
And then later, I realized, like,
what a master that guy is
of psychological comedy.
As I look out here, I see nothing but fucking hatred.
This guy... you want a piece of me,
don't you? You're not gonna get it.
The security here loves me too much.
They'd take a bullet for me in a second.
I did a thing,
and it was called "Balloon Art,"
but everybody here
hated me for that.
[Binder] Why?
Because they'd say,
"You can't follow that,"
because I use music, and I did dance.
[pop music playing]
That was the closest thing that I had
to a normal bit.
There's not a lot of planning in my act.
I go to Jimmy Kimmel in the afternoon.
I do the show.
[Binder] You're warming up the crowd
- before Jimmy comes out? - [Barris] Yeah.
[Kimmel] What's going on with Don's pants right now?
Oh, and now there's a split in your pants.
Yeah, there's a split in the back.
Oh, that's a joke. Oh, that's funny, Jimmy.
That's funny.
Don Barris has this thing called The Ding Dong Show
that I don't even understand.
That show should be illegal.
And Mitzi named it that.
It's the longest-running show
in the history of The Comedy Store.
From what I'm gathering,
there's a problem amongst the cast.
Is there any problems that Mitzi has with the show?
Who do you feel is screwing up the show?
Do you want me to talk?
Yeah, it's your floor right now.
Well, you are.
You're the cancer of the show.
You ruined the show.
[Barris] Maybe if my second banana
would be a little nicer to me...
[comic] Well, I had...
Nicer to you? You're not nice.
[Barris] Would you let him talk?
[comic] I have a solution to this whole problem.
- [Barris] What's that? - I would be the host.
And sometimes it goes off base.
But that's the kind of stuff that's going on here now,
these shows being developed
and Argus has a comedy show tonight.
Thank you for coming.
Nice to have you here. Welcome.
[Binder] Nobody has a work ethic
like Argus.
He works very hard, always writing.
I use my newspaper column
as a vehicle to compose the monologue for the show.
I'll wind up with about a hundred jokes
to hone down to 24 for the monologue.
Meanwhile, Burger King, in Los Angeles,
just announced they're gonna issue
gold cards to celebrities
so the celebrities will eat at Burger King for free.
At last, a plan to kill off celebrities.
[Binder] The potential to me between your talk show
and all the podcasts
and other shows to come... it's limitless.
[Hamilton] Just sitting here downstairs in the basement,
to me, fulfills a dream of Mitzi's:
to have her own comedy network.
Another guy that was a doorman was Tony Hinchcliffe.
I had to create my own show.
Come on, make some noise.
You're at the number one live podcast in the world.
And they watch all these open mic-ers
do their minute of stand-up,
and then give them notes after.
So I hate when people come over to my apartment
and put their coffee down on my cocaine table.
[Rogan] One minute of stand-up,
and then you get mocked by Dom Irrera.
[Binder] Yes.
Bob Saget!
[Binder] Yes, exactly, exactly.
[Rogan] All these great comedians,
and it's a brilliant idea.
And I think something that's special
about this club
is that, like, big comics will always show up
for the next generation of comics,
so Tony says, "Hey, can you come judge?"
You go. Joe Rogan is there.
- Jay Leno's there. - Tiffany Haddish.
Tiffany Haddish, everybody!
It started a little mean. When I look at the old ones...
- But-- - That's just Tony.
As his career did better, he got less bitter.
I think it's coming from a funny place,
but also more of an endearing place.
I got really drunk,
I ate some mushrooms, I got in my car,
and I slammed into a bunch of people
and hurt my neck really bad.
You look like an angry single father
that has custody of the kids for the weekend,
and he doesn't really want the kids, but he's taking them.
[comic] These are my kids!
Yeah, hold on. Where in the fuck is Larry?
[Hinchcliffe] Who's Larry?
- My child. - [Hinchcliffe] Oh.
Just if you were to go in the house...
"Hold on. Where the fuck is Larry?
He's my kid!"
- Come on, get your kid. - I been looking for him
for two weeks!
The band is always different characters
every episode, and so every episode
is a different DNA,
which was important for me to figure out
how to make it refillable.
Kill Tony is already a giant thing.
It packs the main room every Monday night,
plays all around the world.
We have 25 cities on our schedule right now,
and it all started in the Belly Room
with eight people.
But he never tried to conform for a network.
He never tried to get a special.
He just did his thing,
and I'm sure offended people,
and just went for it and found his audience
instead of changing himself
for some vague, amorphous mainstream audience.
You know? That's what...
The Comedy Store allows for that.
And that's the future of the Store.
We love you! Good night, everybody!
- Thank you. - See you later!
[Binder] Let me ask you about a comic
that Mitzi was very, very close to,
a big part of The Comedy Store, Eleanor Kerrigan.
Did you come see this when it was put in?
Of course. Are you kidding?
- I was, like, sobbing. - When was it?
It was Mitzi's 80th birthday.
- Wow. - July 25th, 2010,
and we came from a big party,
and they put all the names on the wall.
They hadn't put the names up for,
I think, over 12 years at that point.
So I was on the list. I came here, and I was like...
I couldn't believe where they put it
'cause we don't have any say of where it goes,
and I was like, "What?"
So after the show, I'll always be like,
"Yeah, yeah, right? Yeah."
I had an interview with Mitzi.
They told me to wear heels,
and I was like, "Okay," so I wore heels.
She doesn't like tall people.
They were goofing on me.
And then she even said to me,
"All right, you can start tomorrow,
but lose those shoes."
I was like, "All right."
Every comic here while I was a waitress
would be like, "Why aren't you doing stand-up?
You hold court in the kitchen.
You outshine half the comics."
I got engaged to Dice in 2005.
Eventually, we just kind of grew apart,
but we stayed really close friends.
I started doing a one-woman show.
Mitzi said I could do the Belly Room.
So then I called Andrew, and I go,
"Look, I'm gonna come to the Store.
I'm not stalking you. I'm just...
This is what I'm working on," and he's like, "Really?
All right, I gotta see that."
So he came to watch me in the Belly Room,
and he was like, "You're doing stand-up, stupid,"
and I'm like, "No, this isn't stand-up."
Stupid is a term of endearment for him, so...
[Binder] Yeah, yeah, I get that.
Okay, good. [laughs]
When people say, "Why do you have to wear blue?
Why do you have to do... Why do you have to do..."
And here's the thing. I curse,
right, when I talk a lot.
I'm not filthy. Like, I'm not giving you
a tour of my vagina or whatever.
You are staring at my camel toe,
like, weird, like you're Middle Eastern
and homesick.
That's uncomfortable.
I speak how I feel.
If I say "fuck," I say "fuck."
If you can't handle it, then get the fuck out.
And The Comedy Store was always like,
"You can say whatever."
That's why we breed certain comics here
that no one'll maybe ever hear of,
or every single person in the world
can't wait to hear enough of.
Are you old enough to be in here?
Are you fucking kidding me? How old are you?
Oh, sorry. We just broke up.
What's up, buddy? He's freaked out.
He's like, "What the fuck is Caitlyn Jenner
hitting on me for?"
Whenever I hear about diversity,
I just always think, "Mitzi was into diversity
30 years ago." You know?
Right.
If you were at all different,
her eyes lit up.
She just... she loved different.
People have said to me,
"Oh, The Comedy Store's racist."
I'm like, "It is? How?"
If you look at the lineups back then,
it was Jimmie Walker, Richard Pryor,
Danny Moore, Darrel Igas,
Willie Tyler and Lester,
Lotus Weinstock,
Sandra Bernhard,
Lois Bromfield,
Whoopi Goldberg,
Marsha Warfield,
and Shirley Hemphill.
The Comedy Store is a place that...
Funny is funny, 'cause that's what...
That's all Mitzi wanted.
She just was all, "Who's funny?"
An alarming amount of pro-lifers
are for the death penalty.
Did I miss a fucking meeting?
If some of you are still on the fence,
let me break it down for you.
A woman gets pregnant, right?
Or as we call it in my neighborhood,
a woman gets caught. Now...
I'm just saying, right?
Woman gets caught, she goes to a clinic
'cause she's thinking, "Fuck, I don't know who the father is,
and I don't wanna go on Maury Povich, "
so she goes to the clinic, right,
and they're out there with their signs,
they're yelling Biblical quotes,
they make her feel guilty,
she goes home, she has the child,
neglects the child,
that child grows up, hates everybody,
all of a sudden one day, wakes up for no reason,
takes out a whole city.
Right there, the pro-lifers put their sign down,
and they're like,
"Fry that little fucker."
I'm like, "Whoa, hold on a second.
We could've nipped this in the bud 24 years ago."
New jokes are the most intoxicating thing.
If you have a new joke that crushes,
it is the best feeling on Earth.
[Binder] When you were a young guy, Jay,
'cause I drove with you every night
and hung with you
when you were working on material,
I remember, you tried six, seven, eight bits every night.
He'd spend all day going, "Is this funny?
Is this bit...
I got a... here's a new bit.
Am I right?"
Is this one funny?
You know how they say everything tastes like chicken?
You ever had rattlesnake? Tastes like chicken.
You ever have rabbit? Tastes like chicken.
You know the only thing
that doesn't taste like chicken?
Eggs. Why is...
but it doesn't quite work.
There's probably no better feeling
than doing new material.
The best feeling in the world is when a new joke works.
That is an orgasm of comedy.
That's all you're trying to achieve.
That's all you're trying to chase,
is that first laugh
of the first time you've said it,
and then after that, it diminishes.
Every comic is an observationalist.
You know, you're always watching and absorbing.
I'm an older dad.
Here I am, having a kid at my age,
and all my friends...
they're already sending their kids off to...
to rehab, actually. Rehab.
And I was writing jokes for Borsch Belt comics,
but they would give me back
every joke that I thought was killer
'cause the jokes were about me,
so I went, you know, "Enough of this.
Go on stage and talk about yourself,"
and I've been doing that for almost 49 years now.
My ex-shrink called me.
She said that she had some theoretical mistakes
and she's recalling her patients from 1965.
My mother, she drive...
she wanted to come here tonight,
but I wouldn't let her come.
She has gossip dyslexia.
She talks in front of people's backs.
It's really a nightmare.
The second you stop writing,
they're not gonna come back.
They're give you a one-time back through...
second time through, it's like,
"Ah, you did kind of the same stuff."
Third time, it's less,
and by... past that, no one's coming.
You're using the room for its purpose
if you try to throw more new stuff out there.
I throw my jokes that aren't gonna work
in the middle, and then I...
so I try to get them going,
try the new stuff, and then try to end,
so they're at least getting a show.
When Rogan is up and he's destroying,
and you're after him,
it's hard to put yourself out there
and take a risk.
I saw something disgraceful yesterday.
I saw my first Asian homeless guy.
What the fuck?
What a disgrace!
It was at Starbucks. He was working there.
To us, that's homeless.
The audience doesn't know I'm trying stuff out.
I don't tell them, "Hey, guys..."
I don't bring out my piece of paper.
I've got notes here.
It's not that I haven't memorized my act.
I just...
don't respect you as an audience.
[Letterman] I can't write jokes,
but if you can make a story funny,
then that opens up an infinite inventory.
Are those the kind of jokes
that you can't really try to write?
You just have to wait till they're revealed to you.
That's how I see all of them.
And I'd go to a museum not to write a joke...
I went to a museum where they had
all the heads and arms from the statues
that are in all the other museums.
Jokes are reassembling information from the world.
After you think of it, it's... that's obvious.
Why didn't that... why wasn't that said before?
With social media, you feel constant pressure
to be performing.
You're like, "Man, I just...
I thought of something funny today,
or two funny things."
I put them both on social media.
Especially comedians that tweet...
I think they're killing themselves,
because you're sending jokes out
in the same exact format
as your opinions, so you write a joke,
and then you write an opinion,
and you send them both in the same frequency,
and of course people start to conflate the two,
and they start to believe that your jokes are meant
as sincere opinions
and that your opinions
are meant to be funny,
and it just makes a mess.
Whenever I say something funny to somebody,
I'm gonna write it down,
like, maybe not right in front of them,
but afterwards, and start building an act.
So I'd have, like, a lot of short conversations,
'cause after somebody would laugh,
I'd just say, "Hey, I gotta go,"
and I'd just go write that shit down.
The notes section of my phone,
I have a fucking billion little key words
that set me off.
I have a very white disease.
I have anxiety. Very white.
Does anybody else have that? Real white.
Real white disease.
That's only us. I don't think black people
even know that that is.
I can imagine explaining that to a black friend
who's like, "What the fuck... what is anxiety?"
It's like, "It's my fear of the unknown."
So my black friends would be like,
"Yeah, no, I have a fear of the known, so I think...
I think you're good."
My greatest fear is that I would go up there and go,
"Oh, man, my girlfriend just dumped me yesterday,"
and someone would go,
"You said that six months ago."
If there's one person in the room who would say that,
then I wouldn't want to do it.
People listen to comedy albums over and over.
Like, I remember growing up
listening to Adam Sandler's albums over and over and over.
I'm not that dope. You know, I'm not...
I finished a big book the other day.
421 pages.
That's a lot of coloring, you know,
when you think about it there. I...
I had crayon cramp for a while, a little crayon cramp,
but I went through with it. I did it.
Yeah. I'm away from home.
I am away from home. It's horrible,
being away from home.
I talk to my father a lot on the phone.
He's always like, "Marry a girl
with the same belief as the family."
That's a big thing.
Marry a girl with the same beliefs.
I'm like, "Dad, why should I marry a girl
who thinks I'm a schmuck?" You know?
A guy brought in a 45 of Sister Mary Elephant,
by Cheech and Chong.
Oh, yeah. Wow, that was great.
We played that in class,
and I can, like, vividly remember
crying laughing at that age,
at 10, 11 years old.
When I was growing up, George Carlin
was the only guy who put out, like, 14 specials.
A Reverend Donald Wildman in Mississippi
heard something on the radio that he didn't like.
Well, Reverend, did anyone ever tell you
there are two knobs on the radio?
Two knobs on the radio!
I'm not the type of guy where I'm retiring
that material, 'cause you don't even know
who's seen it, who hasn't.
Sometimes you think, oh,
there's people in the audience
that brought other people because they...
"Oh, he does this bit about company.
You gotta see it," and then I don't do the company bit,
and I'm like, "Oh, maybe those people were let down,"
or then maybe I do the company bit,
and they're, "Eh, we just saw this
on the YouTube. What's he doing?"
It's a different feeling when your doorbell rings today
opposed to 20 years ago, right?
20 years ago, your doorbell rang,
that was a happy moment in your house.
It was called company.
Now, your doorbell rings...
It's like, "What the fuck?"
Being successful at this
is so much more than just being funny.
Like, you're just starting out doing comedy
and you come to LA,
and you think you're gonna get your chance
like this is a deli.
You get a number, and they're like, "Okay.
Number 48, it's time for you to be famous."
It just doesn't work like that.
There's like... you have to, like, be undeniable.
The person who writes the most jokes
is the most successful.
Put your fucking head down, write your fucking jokes,
and go to fuck up.
Don't get me started, son.
I'm 51. I've been doing this since '87.
[Binder] How much do you work on your act,
- your material? - Okay, all right.
[Binder] 'Cause it doesn't seem like you work very hard
on your material.
Eddie Murphy was the hardest-working guy I saw.
When I first met Seinfeld,
he was working all day on his act.
It was Carlin. Then it was Rock.
Then it was Louis, Burr, Chapelle,
Aziz, Stanhope,
Mulaney, Sebastian.
These guys all are prolific writers,
and they happen to be the biggest touring acts.
Do your act, go home, and work on your act.
It's a job.
You know, I grew up in New England,
where I was the laziest person anybody knew.
Here, I was the hardest-working person
anybody knew.
You're only as good
as the last joke you told.
My brother called me up,
and I just started doing stand-up, and he's like,
"Did you have a good set last night?"
I said, "Yeah, I killed it.
I did a seven-minute set. I killed 'em."
"All right. You got a spot tomorrow?"
"Yeah." He calls me the next night.
"How was your set?" "Killed 'em again."
"Let me ask you a question. Are you doing
the same seven-minute set every night?"
"Yeah."
"Call me when you bomb."
And I said, "Why is that?" and he said,
"Because unless you're taking chances on stage
and willing to bomb, you're not gonna be great."
There are pluses to being a fat woman.
There are pluses.
Okay? You wanna know what it is?
Fat women never get kidnapped.
Kidnapping is a skinny girl crime.
You pull up in a van, slide the van door open,
grab a skinny bitch, "Go, go, go, go, go."
You got her.
Can't do that with no fat bitch.
You pull up, err! Slide the van door.
"Go, go, go! Whoa, whoa, hold up.
Put it in park. Come around.
Help me.
You push, I'll pull, motherfucker.
On three! On three!"
Fat chick like, "Oh, what are you all doing?
Get off me!
I don't know you motherfuckers."
Comedy has a way of humbling you,
especially that audience. If they ain't feeling you
one night, you will be humbled real quick.
I've seen so many great comics go up and eat it.
This is an ego check, this room.
What can happen sometimes when you get too popular is,
it's hard to bomb.
They stop being funny as soon as somebody says,
"Ooh, you're funny."
If you're a big celebrity,
like, they're just pumped to see you,
and they're along for the ride.
If you're not as well known
and you're up there and you're trying stuff out,
then you're just eating shit.
I appreciate this deafening silence
in between jokes
because this is where the jokes are forged, right?
This is helping me to become better,
because I'm giving you my punchlines,
and you are giving me
a much-needed lesson
in, apparently, humility.
I'd go to Largo, where it's like
an alt, cool audience,
and I'd try, like, 20 minutes of new jokes,
and they all work.
Just applause for every joke.
I'm like, "I'm the king. I'm the best."
Then I go to the Improv.
It's a little more realistic,
and they cut it down to ten minutes.
But I know that I'm not being honest
unless I go to the Store.
It's always possible at The Comedy...
especially at the OR,
that you might really bomb really bad.
I can quit now and go home and go to bed with a good set.
That's right. That's the same
as a gambler's problem,
because you fight and fight as a gambler to win,
and then you get a big win,
and then you keep hanging around
and playing and playing until you lose everything.
- Yeah. - So I think that the...
what most psychologists or whatever would tell you
is that whatever you ended up with
is what you were after the whole time.
So for me, with stand-up, it was always like,
"I'm gonna keep going on stage until I bomb,
until something bad happens."
Luckily,
stand-up doesn't deplete your life
the way that heroin or gambling does,
so on that trip,
on that ill-advised and unhealthy mental trip
of the addiction, of needing
to go on stage over and over again,
you come away with a bunch of good work
It makes you better as a stand-up.
And the great thing about The Comedy Store:
it makes it very easy to bomb,
and it's convenient.
You can come here, you can bomb,
you can be home in 20 minutes.
When a room goes real quiet
'cause of something you said,
there's so much mystery
and tension in that.
You know how hard it is to get your luggage back
if you're in a plane crash and survive?
I like to wait till the silence bothers you
more than it bothers me.
[Binder] And do you write on stage, or do you write--
[Shaffir] Always write on stage.
I was just never able to actually
write ahead of time.
I mean, a little bit, like, just an idea.
It's only in the performing of it
that bit is able to find its voice.
People always think, "I'll stay at home and write,
or I'll practice in the mirror."
You have to experience
the failure, the laughter,
where they laugh, why they laugh,
they're not laughing in the same way this time,
and you have to do it enough
that the nuances become undeniable.
'Cause you'll fall for anything.
When you're, like, 24,
anything dudes will...
"What's your name?" "Lisa."
"That's exotic."
"Thank you."
I find the energy and the power from the audience
makes me ad-lib and say things
I wouldn't have said sitting in a room by myself.
I'm quite an old-fashioned kind of comedian, in a weird way,
because I tell one-liners,
and it's so clear when one doesn't work.
Throwing acid is wrong...
in some people's eyes.
Swimming is good for you...
especially if you're drowning.
So you go up, and you try a joke,
and it doesn't work. You throw it out?
No, I have a three-time rule.
If it doesn't work three times, then I throw it away.
And if it works three times, you keep it?
Yes.
I have a joke right now
that's killed twice
and done okay twice,
and I'm still, like, sort of tinkering
with some of the rivets.
You ever try to talk about something serious
in public as, like, a liberal person?
It's fucking petrifying.
You ever try to talk about, like, transgender issues?
It's like fucking playing Jenga,
where you're like... [quavering]
Pronouns...
he...
she... and the Republicans are like,
"So trannies? We'll call 'em trannies?"
And then once I take it to the stage and I come back,
and I start chipping away, chipping away, chipping away...
The economy of words. You just throw out
everything that's not funny.
I don't write it down.
I just believe, if you're funny--this is my way--
go up there, take an idea,
and make it fucking funny.
Me and the other comics,
we do a Jesus circle,
and we pray to the comedy gods,
"Please make white women over 40 laugh,"
because they're the number one demographic
for wanting to talk to the management, right?
They always love talk...
I don't know what it is about white women.
They love talking to the manager.
If they don't laugh, their husbands get angry,
because they just want a moment of peace, right?
Love of it and love of the audience.
Like, you'll watch Marc Maron,
and you'll go, "Boy, this guy seems disgruntled,"
but he loves every moment of it.
- Yeah. - And he loves...
and his people... and the audience loves him.
No, but I don't know how to have fun.
Like, I wouldn't have come to this show.
You know? Like, I...
if it doesn't involve eating or having an orgasm,
there's a big drop-off. Do you know what I mean?
Like, those two things, 99 percent of the time,
that's fun. It's gonna nail it.
After that, you know, it was okay, it was okay.
"Went on a hike." "Did you have fun?"
"I didn't come or eat cake, you know, but..."
Is that weird, you coming back now
to do this documentary?
Is that weird for you?
No, it hasn't been weird. It's strange anyway,
because I was never an interviewer.
I never made a documentary.
In 2 1/2 years, you put your foot in your mouth a lot.
You do a lot of stupid th-- you know?
Like, Iliza Schlesinger. One night, I say,
"Okay, look, I wanna come behind you with a camera,
and I wanna get right on stage behind you,
so don't let it scare you," you know?
"Whatever I do, 'cause I have this shot,
that I love, I wanna get."
Yeah.
[gruffly] "I wanna win that money
so me and my girlfriend..." [grunts]
"Open up our own bakery and bake everything from--"
Jesus Christ.
[laughter]
You said you were gonna be... I didn't realize it was...
during the punchline. Okay.
I bet you'll still laugh at it.
"Me and my girlfriend Steph, move upstate,
open up our own bakery,
and bake everything from snatch,"
and then there's always... Yes!
So a lot of these guys still, to this day,
Tim Allen and Dave Coulier
and Damon Wayans...
These guys are my best friends,
you know, so it's hard to take it
really serious and sit there and interview them.
How many of the rogue guys like myself
have done this out here?
Who are the rogue guys?
All of them, Tim. You're the only one
that couldn't compact it, okay?
Okay, fella?
[laughs] "Fella?"
It comes down to you.
"Oh, so it's just you fucked up."
You're the guy with a problem.
Oh, to get my Bentley. Pull my Bentley around.
You're the...
Pull the loser's Bentley around!
Yeah, Uber, I think it's a comedy store.
Get me...
[both] ...the fuck out of here.
I remember one time, you were like,
"Hey, I wanna come running with you."
So we started running,
and you made it about 100 feet,
and then you ended up on the curb.
[wheezing] Dave...
One more.
You go, Mike.
[both laugh]
How could you be serious with them, though?
Like, as a comic, it never leaves you.
It's like going back to high school,
and everyone immediately goes back to their old things.
Within a half an hour, I was already
under Letterman's skin.
You never seemed like a guy
that was steeped in the history of stand-up comedy,
and there were some of us that, like, knew every album
- by heart, and... - Yeah.
Well, I...
you know, this is getting
very close to insulting. You're aware of that, right?
I am. I haven't even started.
I'll let you know
when we cross the line.
The doors are locked.
[laughs]
You think of anything else I missed
from the early days of comedy?
[Leno] I don't know.
You know, it's 40 years ago.
I haven't really thought about it.
It's nothing I discuss with anybody.
You don't discuss this with anybody?
You're the only one.
Everybody else lives in the present.
Yeah, I live in the past.
It's really sad, isn't it?
We were talking at the first...
- [loud banging] - Hey, shut up!
You literally told the guy telling the people to shut up
to shut up.
That is running a set.
[Binder] That is one sad set.
That is running a set, man.
I interviewed Bert Kreischer, who I love, for two hours,
and then he goes on Joe Rogan,
and I realize I made no impact on him.
It is crazy to know
of people's past, like, lives.
I tell you what I would love a fucking documentary about,
is the Store, like, 'cause--
[Rogan] There's one coming out.
They're doing the Show--
Mike Binder's doing it.
[Kreischer] By the way, I'm in that documentary.
I wish I hadn't said that out loud.
[Rogan] You're not even drunk.
What's going on with you?
- He said, "I wish--" - [Rogan] Did you have a stroke?
[Segura] "I wish there was a documentary that I'm in."
[host] ...knowing full well that they're--
I'm in the fucking documentary.
Did you have a stroke?
Did you have a stroke five minutes ago?
Let's make another cocktail.
What's the favorite story you've heard
in all these interviews?
Damon Wayans comes to The Comedy Store
as an unknown comedian.
I wasn't...
coming as a performer.
I came with my brother Keenen.
I was visiting,
and Richard Pryor
just walked out of The Comedy Store with...
it felt like 1,000 people.
Like, the whole crowd came out behind him,
and he was in a tux,
and he was with Pam Grier,
and I was just like...
I'm standing there, watching Richard Pryor sign autographs,
and I'm just like...
and he looked beautiful.
He looked like...
you know, he had on a tux,
and just like this...
and I remember staring at him so hard,
he looked up from signing an autograph and went,
"What, motherfucker, what?"
[Binder laughs]
Coming back here doesn't make you,
you know, wanna do stand-up again?
No, I'd never do stand-up.
The last time I did stand-up
was for Mitzi's memorial.
Oh, this is a flashback.
I haven't been on this stage in years.
This is great.
Wow. Now I know why I left.
Mitzi was so ahead of her time.
She was... there was no female executives.
There was no women in charge back then.
And I remember, we went to...
we all flew to New York.
She wanted to produce this thing.
And we missed the plane,
and we weren't gonna be able to get another plane
till, like, 5:00 that night,
and she looks out the window and sees another plane
behind the ticket counter. She goes,
"Where's that going? We'll take that one."
He says, "No, ma'am, you can't have that plane."
And she was just so used to just telling people,
"No, we'll take that."
You know, this building right here behind here...
Harvey Weinstein...
he came in... he was the first guy...
there was an empty building for years,
and they were gonna...
didn't Scott--
weren't you guys gonna buy it
for about a second?
Yeah, you did good back, telling her what to buy
and not to buy.
Scott said, "That's a bad deal, Mom.
We don't want that one."
No, I'm kidding.
Scotty's sensitive about all the big real estate deals
he turned down.
Mom, Sunset Boulevard's going nowhere, trust me.
Don't buy it.
So Harvey Weinstein buys it,
or Miramax. They're in there.
And he comes over here one night.
Mitzi took him upstairs, showed him around,
and she actually made Harvey watch her take a shower.
That's how tough Mitzi was.
Mitzi sent me to rehab so many times,
the Betty Ford cafeteria named a sandwich after me.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mitzi's gift
to The Comedy Store, Paul Montgomery Shore!
Argus used to fuck my mom.
And... right, Mom?
Dice, Dice? Where's Dice, man?
Dice used to fuck my sister. That was cool.
I think that's why my mom
and my sister didn't get along:
'cause they were always trying to fuck the same comics
or some shit. I don't know.
What a crowd came out for Mitzi today.
This isn't a who's who. This is a "What happened?"
'Cause you know, here's the thing about Mitzi.
She either liked you or she didn't,
and sometimes, she forgot she didn't like you
and she could like you again,
and that was a blessing. That was a blessing.
Mitzi said, "You've lost it. You're not funny anymore."
So I dug myself out, and I figured out,
"Oh, that's how you not fuck up.
That's how you not bomb."
I will forever be indebted to her.
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Mitzi.
I'd be at the Improv.
[Binder] It was a crazy night, too,
seeing all these faces,
and everyone was back,
and I saw all those characters
and all these people that I love
I hadn't seen in so many years,
and I was talking to Maron, and he goes,
"You know, I think nowadays, you know,
Peter Shore runs the place from up in Oregon,
and what's really cool about The Comedy Store now is
that the comedians... we kind of run it,
but really, the inmates run the asylum,"
and I said to myself,
"The inmates have always been running this asylum."
Gavin James' "Only Ticket Home" playing
Little Damon.
Would you do your daddy a favor?
I'm Jim Carrey. I'm a singing comic.
Look at my hair.
Can we
Take the long way home
It's moments like this
Are hard to hold on to
I know
It's not easy on your own
When the pieces don't fit
That's all we've ever known
It's all
I'll be holding on to you
If it's the last thing that I ever do
Oh
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
You'll be my only ticket home
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
I need to feel a heart I know
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
Soon we will never be alone
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
You'll be my only ticket home
That's all we've ever known
It's all
I'll be holding on to you
If it's the last thing
That I ever do
Oh
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
You'll be my only ticket home
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
I need to feel a heart I know
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
Soon we will never be alone
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
You'll be my only ticket home
Oh, I've been away for so long
It's like I'm the ghost in your bedroom
But that never keeps you warm
I'm so sick of happy sad songs
They don't work like they used to
And they don't mean a thing without you
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
You'll be my only ticket home
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
I need to feel a heart I know
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
Soon we will never be alone
[animated noises]
You'll be my only ticket home
My only ticket home
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
Soon we will never be alone
Hey, la, la, la, la, la
Can we take the long way home
'Cause moments like this
I had to let them go
gentle music