Announcer: And now your ceo, judy ken sebben.
When I first took over sebben & sebben,
I vowed to lead us into the 21st century...
[ gasps ]
...To lead through innovation
And revolutionary products.
Yeah, but, uh, those ideas sucked.
Human waste!
Yeah, yeah, they did.
But where are we if we don't try?
Please stop doing that.
Birdgirl: Board members, I give you the fl(I),
Our next product --
That doesn't suck.
[ fl(I) greeting chime sounds ]
Hello. If you've ever doubted you can be happy
Or that sebben & sebben can make a successful product,
We'd like to change your mind -- with fl(I).
Judy?
Loosen up, will ya?
What's fl(I), you ask?
Well, the inspiration's right next to me.
[ snoring ]
To my left.
Meredith is the most high-functioning person I know.
Her brain filters out the negative,
Leaving her in a state of total calm.
Not like this dumpster fire.
[ laughter ]
Guys, I'm using self-deprecation to seem relatable.
[ laughter ]
We built these prototypes to test in-house.
Each fl(I) is powered by a fragment
Of mere's mindtaker powers.
Boy-oop!
Nobody likes me. [ buzzer ]
The negative thought is taken by those powers
And turned into something better.
[ ding! ] I'm unique and special.
As a young mindtaker,
Other people's thoughts were overwhelming.
I was obsessed with them, controlled by them...
Till I learned to take my own mind.
[ relaxing music plays ]
I guess you could say this project is important to me.
To us.
And now you can stop looking at me
And us. [ clears throat ]
[ relaxing music plays ]
[ ding! ] what the [bleep] was that?
♪ hey! ♪
[ rapping ] ♪ who's the girl that saves the world? ♪
♪ hey! ♪
[ rapping ] ♪ oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god ♪
[ imitating fanfare ] birdgirl!
Meredith: They liked it!
They really liked it.
You really know how to handle the board.
All human relations, really.
It's kind of creepy.
Am I saying "really" a lot?
Not really.
Oh, and it's not me.
It's my secret weapon -- my leadership stick!
I got it when I went to new zealand to visit
That remote maori village... On qvc.
God, I love hotel tv.
Anytime I succeed, it's because of the stick.
Anytime I fail, it's my own fault.
Wow. Mm-hmm.
Lot to unpack there.
I'd be a wreck without her.
Her name's "bith," which is "beth" in new zealand.
Hold her. Feel the power of bith.
Would love to,
But we need to divide and conquer to launch this baby.
Then we meet for lunch.
Salad! Salad.
Did I lose you with salad?
I know that's a trigger word.
No, no, that's all great. But I actually have a thing.
Mind your own beeswax, hank.
[ whispering ] a sebbentown thing.
I thought we destroyed it.
We did. But then we rebuilt it,
Which you'll be stumbling across
In next quarter's earnings report.
You've been spending money that's not ours again. Yay.
Something major's going down there,
And I feel kind of responsible
Since they have a statue of me
And we blew some of their limbs off.
They were definitely asking for it.
Think maybe you can launch the fl(I) on your own
In addition to your normal work duties
And also some of mine?
Um, sure.
I mean, you are the half of the team
Who talks to people and drives things
With your limitless energy and terrifying title,
But if this sebbentown thing is really that important...
Gillian: Hank! Beeswax!
Ooh! You stopped talking. Great.
You can borrow bith, guaranteed to make you
An awesome leader or my money back.
Yeah, thanks, but no.
I think I'll fly this one solo.
R-I-I-ight.
You don't need anyone's help, especially mine.
I'll just drag you down.
Totally. Dumpster fire. You. Obviously.
[ chuckles nervously ]
[ breathes deeply, clears throat ]
You sure you don't want me to stay?
It seems like you want me to stay.
If that's what it seems like, it's not what it seems.
So... You want me to stay?
Do you want to stay?
Yes. No.
Yes.
[ grappler clicks, fires ]
Birdgirl! [ glass shatters ]
Hey! I need your john hancock on these sec forms,
And I'm transferring a bunch of judy's appointments
To your mindcal.
[ cellphone beeps ]
And synched.
[ humming ]
Unified field, unified force.
[ chuckles ] judy hates that, too.
I need your ollie wolcott on a b-day card
For sarah from social responsibility.
My what? For whom?
Sarah. She guards the expectant mothers
Parking space.
You know, gets a lot of money on towing fees.
This sounds like a judy problem.
It's not a problem. It's a birthday.
Oh, were your birthdays problems?
Let's get into it.
Oh, good. You're on video.
I scheduled your bathroom break for an hour ago,
And your ceo office hours start in 15 minutes.
You can sign right between the hugging dinosaurs.
Nothing sexual.
1-5, one-fiver.
I left 2 minutes wiggle room.
Gillian, I missed the bathroom break,
And tell the employees I'm running late,
And, paul, we're pushing the b.D. To next Tuesday.
Ooh! Tuesday's when judy -- now you --
Runs urine tests.
She's very hands-on.
How's Wednesday?
Push a birthday?
You are a monster!
Thursday it is.
She was more beautiful than thy first love
But now lies under boards.
[ geiger counter crackling ]
That's it -- the last bit of baltimo on earth.
Except for what's still in the mines, right?
God damn it!
Forgot about that.
You better get up there and blow up what's left
Before some erin brockotits sniffs it out.
Brockotits... She in marketing?
Take the white festiva in spot for 422.
Festiva? Wait.
I-is this a birdteam mission?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Nor, alas, do I care.
I'm on the birdteam.
[ chuckles ] new personal record.
[ keys rattle, thud ]
[ fl(I)'s chiming on ]
[ thinking ] oh, my god, I can't believe I gained 2 pounds this week.
I hope that no one notices.
[ buzzer ] why did I get my mom's body?!
[ relaxing music plays ]
Millions of years of evolution
Shaped my body for optimal fecundity.
I am perfect.
Oh, god, is that a gray? [ buzzer ]
♪♪
[ fl(I) buzzing ]
Are people creeped out by me?
♪♪
No, paul, you're a necessary discomfort
For the sake of growth.
That's right. Breathe.
[ keys clacking ] [ buzzer ]
Oh, my god.
I'll never have a vaginal orgasm.
♪♪
Even lady diana needed clitoral stimulation.
But at least she was a [bleep]
[ cassette tape clicks ]
Dog with bucket hat: Hello, brian.
Welcome to the 1993 ford festiva
With a gl sport package.
You'll notice a bomb in the rear compartment.
Rear compartment...
Back seat.
Press the red button to activate it.
Before you press the button,
I've allowed you 2 minutes
Since that's the time it took me
To exit the car, pop the back seat,
And locate the adjuster bar. [ engine revs, metal crunches ]
As long as you follow my timing,
The bomb's set to perfectly explode.
What if I have to go number one and a half?
So that's how the birdteam does it -- in a canister.
Nobody but you does it in a canister.
[ fl(I)s dinging and buzzing ]
Meredith: Huh. It's working!
Evie: Yeah, yeah, it is,
But I'm keeping my eye on a few hotspots.
[ loud buzzing ]
I hate humanity.
Charlie: Wait till you hit your 20s.
[ mindcall chimes ]
Board meeting in less than a minute.
But --[ clears throat ] -- I don't talk in front of people.
That's judy's jam. You do now.
My jam is to make fun of them in my head while she's talking.
And you're presenting this quarter's projections.
You better get-a-typin' there.
You gonna eat that?
Sorry I'm a tad late.
Uh, just pulling up the old presentation,
Which, of course, I finished already.
Can we, uh, get to the actuals and year-to-date projections?
Actuals, huh?
Says here some thoughts aren't getting --
[ burps ] -- fixed.
Your system's at or near capacity.
We dealing with that?
Uh...Yes, we are...
Addressing those concerns with...
Our new...Concierge service... [ marker scratching ]
...Is what it's called, and, uh --
W-where we -- I -- will personally filter
The users' thoughts for them...S-so easily.
Boy-oop!
System: Mindtake override.
Evie: [singsong] hey!
Are you bypassing the system
So all the red-liners go directly through your mind?
Yeah. Is that a bad idea?
Nope!
Ha! An upcharge.
This is bullshit! [ glass shatters ]
That's him as the consumer.
Oh, gross! I'm sweating?!
[ intercom clicks ]
Meredith?
Meredith, this is paul -- not r.
You're needed at the card-signing station.
[ dramatic music plays ]
♪♪
[ crashing ]
♪♪
Oof!
[ crashing ]
Birdgirl -- thank god!
Oh. Where have you been?
If it's an emergency,
There are faster ways of communicating.
Maybe try texting next time.
[ text messages beeps ]
♪♪
Oh, good. She didn't do the sudoku.
[ electricity crackles ]
Brian: Brockotits, brockotits... I know that name.
Dog with bucket hat: Now, brian, I'm imagining right about now
You're feeling a little peckish.
But whatever you do, don't stop for the pastrami.
[ tires screech ]
[ rock music plays ]
[ people cheering ]
Welcome, my road-weary friend!
Allow us to make your visit...Magical.
[ people "ooh," applaud ]
That shit is pretty magical.
One pastrami, two sweet teas -- to go.
Excellent choice.
Well, are you sure we can't tempt you to...
Dine in?
And, brian, if you do stop,
Don't dine in.
Sure. Something near the stage.
Paul: $15 reward for information
Leading to the location of meredith.
Contact paul -- not r -- in the lobby.
Concierge service. Nice one, mere.
Nun-unh! [ buzzer ]
Only judy crosses that threshold.
Shut up. I need something in her office.
What? I need the leadership stick,
And I need it now, gillian.
Greg: Where is she?
[ people murmuring ]
Ooh, ooh! I may have some idea.
She's getting her legs reshaven.
That's a sexist first guess.
She's eating wings even though she told us
She was vegan this week.
We really doing this?
She's with psychic susan. Nope.
She's shorting stock. No.
She's cracking a cold case. Not.
She's putting in time on the speed bag. What?
She's getting both her lazy eyes fixed. You're a pervert.
She's getting her captain's license. Mnh-mnh.
She's getting her third mole removed. Half a mole.
She's taking modeling classes at john robert powers
So she can be on "america's top model."
[ people talking over each other ]
Everyone, meredith -- acting ceo in name only --
Will be able to answer all your questions.
[ people talking over each other ]
This isn't over, pinky. [ buzzer ]
Evie: I warned them.
And now it's come to pass.
4:30? [ buzzer ]
Goddamn. I should be home by now.
[singsong voice] ms. Concierge?
Yes? One of the vips
Took her fl(I) home and is now having night terrors.
Wild guess. Denise from finance?
She wasn't supposed to bring her fl(I) home.
Switch the feed. Try "cuddling with cat on futon."
I did. Now I'm running
"folksy antique store."
Nothing's working. Connecting you.
[ buzzer ] what'll get me first --
The melanoma or that son of a bitch david?
I'm sure he gave me cancer!
He's secretly trying to kill me!
Whoa! Denise 651, chill.
[ buzzer ]
Maybe david will get the melanoma.
Ever think of that?
[ ding! ]
I need stick!
♪♪
Not to be that guy, but I'm a little concerned
About your reliance on single-use plastics.
I'm gonna be that guy. Imagine a fork in a dolphin.
I always recycle. It's part of my weltanschauung.
Paul: But it isn't recycled.
It's put on a cargo ship
That endlessly sails around the world
Because no one wants our garbage anymore!
But it's not garbage. It's recycling, paul.
Well, tell that to an exaltation of turtles, single use!
Meredith: Just need another 6 inches.
And we have launch.
[ pens clicking ]
I'm not attacking you.
That's just my walnutschlong.
I didn't say you were attacking me.
I said I felt attacked.
Clearly, you've never been to family therapy.
It's you and me, bith.
[ mindcall chimes ]
You're late for conflict mediation
With mandy and lyle in 4-a, apple.
Every day there's a storm, worse than the one before.
Snow in July. Huh.
This isn't snow. It's --
It's a variant of baltimo.
Highly addictive. You can't eat it.
I think we've established that.
But who'd want to
Once you find out how fun it is to snort it?
Really harsh comedown,
Which is why to never stop doing it.
[ snorts ] whoo!
We've got to trace the source of this.
Genius scientist: The emf's spiking.
Baltimo readings through the roof.
The sewers. [ sniffs ]
Oh, we don't have sewers. Just shit ponds.
Those are access shafts to the old baltimo mine.
We could follow those,
And they might lead to something approaching a solution.
Why'd you wink?
I'm flirting.
We did equal work rewriting the user manual,
But mandy's taking 100% of the credit like she always does.
I hate you so very deeply. Screw you! Screw you! Screw you!
I think we're getting somewhere!
How do you work this g.D. Thing?
I haven't peed in 24 hours,
And I've been holding in a fart since this morning,
Which is really impressive because I had oatmeal.
Oops! [ chuckles ] sorry.
I thought I was calling paul r.
♪♪
Well, unfortunately, we are cash-only.
And, brian, if you do dine in,
Make sure you have cash.
[ flames whooshing ]
[ cheers and applause ]
I don't usually do this, but I'm, well...
[ chuckles ]
...I'm part of the birdteam.
Naturally, you've heard of us, but you'll deny it, of course.
I'm on a vip secret mission.
The champagne room of missions, if you will.
So what say you forgive my small debt
In exchange for a selfie and a shout-out on my insta?
I wish you hadn't said that. Now I have no choice.
You will have to dance it off like the rest of them!
[ dramatic music plays ]
♪♪
Meredith: Boy-oop! Boy-oop!
Come on, judy, pick up.
Mere! How's tricks?
Super. Just out of curiosity --
No big deal --
When were you planning to come back?
What? Reception's so bad up here.
Quick follow-up. How do you use bith?
[ mindcall chimes ] one sec.
Nothing fits!
[ mindcall chimes ] denise, hold.
Judy --
You're needed at reception.
Excuse me? Miss?
Can you mix patterns?
I wouldn't. Sorry. Who's this?
Everyone, shut up. I can't think.
Get down here! They're tonguing each other!
This is a sight to witness!
Hey, paws off, guys.
Last I checked, birdgirl was on sebbentown time.
Mere? Mere!
Meredith: I...Can't do this.
[ beeping ]
[ fl(I)s buzzing ]
Ow! Find somebody else to touch your back fat!
And now a treat that's sure to delight and arouse.
Ladies, make noise with your hands
And those mouths for brian, the handsy boss!
[ women cheering ]
I hope the stripper isn't grossed out by me.
Did I powder today? [ buzzer ]
Meredith: They're all so weak, so spiteful, so pitiful.
A little smelly.
I can't handle this.
[ buzzer ] jessica: Did I powder today?
Aah!
I can't turn off this much!
[ baltimo firing ]
100% pure baltimo.
Pure poison.
It's so beautiful.
Please don't snort that.
[ snorts ]
[ explosion ]
He's gone.
[ rumbling ] the blob -- it's highly unstable.
That's no blob. It's an egg,
And it's about to crack.
We don't have much time.
But we do have...This.
[ gasps ]
Okay, that's cool.
It's a late birthday present.
You really are hard to shop for.
[ discordant music plays ]
Evie: The whole system's melting down!
It's what we always feared.
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but we need birdgirl.
I'm part of the problem. I use recyclable straw!
Ugh! Where are the bird-suits again?
People think I smell like I wear a corset!
♪♪
Stop!
[ music stops ]
It's him. He's back.
[ keys rattle, thud ]
Wait for me in the festiva.
[ door opens, closes ]
Ronnie, you know what to do.
[ spotlight clicks ]
[ latin dance music plays ]
Hello, old friend.
♪♪
[ crowd cheering ]
♪♪
Never ask what happened in there.
Let's just say your debt is paid.
[ cheering ]
I am born again.
Something that wants to destroy our very way of life
Is about to come out of that mine.
We must fight to survive.
Who's with me?
8-balt to the first 10 volunteers.
♪♪
[ roars ]
What the actual [bleep]
[ screaming ]
Um, birdgirl, for your to-do list,
How about you teach one of us how to fly this thing?
What...Is that?
Whatever that is can wait.
Judy, mere needs you.
Oh, my god, mere.
♪♪
Should've used the leadership stick.
I do feel awful about what the company has done to your town.
Again. But I must go now
And leave you in the capable hands of the birdteam
Who will protect you until I return.
[ crab roars ]
Get behind us, people!
Yes, people. Do that.
I shall return!
♪♪
Cut.
Birdgirl's left sebbentown air space.
We're clear. Cut.
Mayor: No wonder she left.
Your act two break was horrible.
You went to all this trouble
To create a fake birdgirl adventure?
[ laughs ] hilarious.
Oh, I'm sorry. You're amused?
We blew the town pension on maldon
And coc-a-ine balls.
She'd come up here for a bag of bagels.
Guess we could've used prop drugs.
You had one job.
To create a world where birdgirl was forever our savior
And us her loyal followers as god and nature intended,
But you blew it.
Yeah, I'm not sure birdgirl will see the charm in this.
Maybe we don't mention it to her if and when we see her again.
[ pop music plays on radio ]
♪♪
[ music stops ]
[ screaming ]
Paul: Hey, meredith, sarah's birthday's in 10 minutes,
And I just wanted to let you know we have everything we need
Except your [bleep] john hancock!
Okay, I'm out the door.
[ overlapping voices ]
Meredith: Make it stop.
Make it stop.
I got you, mere.
I got you.
Password "salad" approved.
Fl(I) system shutting down.
What's going on?
Oh, mere, honey, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea you needed me, like, really needed me,
And I wasn't here for you.
I did ask, in a non-asking way.
Guess I expected you to notice,
But you didn't because you're a dumpster fire
And so am I, I guess.
I hate your job, jude.
And you're the only one who can do it.
It's just a stick.
Your real leadership stick is in here.
[ both blow raspberries ]
Oh, god.
You just snapped her in...
It's okay, it's okay.
Wait, what happened with the sebbentown thing?
That wasn't important.
Well, it kinda was.
A lot of people died, I think.
Way to make me feel bad.
I'll make it up to them, and you.
Always do.
[ sighs ] there's one thing I have to do first.
♪♪
[ chuckles ]
And that's why women shouldn't be ceos.
[ chuckles ]
Hey! Birdgirl!
♪ wings of fire, unique like pearls ♪
Hey! Birdgirl!
♪ who's the one they can't defeat? ♪
Hey! Birdgirl!
♪ ultra fierce, and it's all you need ♪
Hey! Birdgirl!
Hey! [ imitating fanfare ]
Birdgirl!
Made in georgia.