Announcer: Come on down to Li'l Judy's.
Young Woman: Order up! Chick chunks!
Raw, juicy, and ready for the greaser!
Li'l Judy: [ Laughing]
You buy it, you fry it!
Boy: C-C-Crispy!
Breakfast all day long, even after the bars close.
So many memories.
You know, I wasn't just the mascot.
After school, I'd hitch a ride over there and play for hours.
Sometimes I'd even pull a shift,
flipping burgers, rousting hobos.
And cue nostalgia spiral.
[ Sighs ] Remember when you could roust a hobo?
It wa-- It was never okay to do that.
Shame we shut 'em all down long ago.
We didn't. That's why I called you here.
- Oh, boy. - In the past week,
12 Li'l J franchises have been vandalized.
Oh, my God. It's beyond repair.
Uh, this one was actually remodeled recently.
Here we go. Our South Assburg store.
A masked delinquent has been defacing Li'l Judy's face
and leaving this tag, "KK."
We think that stands for Kaptain Khaos.
Problem isn't the vandalism.
It's the spelling. 'Cause K for C is a '90s trope.
It's the news coverage.
It's drawing unwanted attention to the fact that Li'l Judy's
are more rundown than a shitter on shitty Tuesday.
I was thinking this might be a job for your friend.
Oh, Mackenzie from pilates.
No.
Ah, right -- Birdgirl.
Let me Mackenzie know anyway. We may need backup.
♪ Hey!
[ Rapping ] ♪ Who's the girl that saves the world? ♪
♪ Hey!
[ Rapping ] ♪ Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God ♪
[ Imitating fanfare ] Birdgirl!
♪
Oh! A Wanky Jr. Fun.
I got the official mini leadership stick.
You wanna trade?
Over your dead 10-year-old body.
He's hit every Li'l Judy's within a 12-mile radius
except this one.
Any action? Over.
Nothing here.
Unit 3.
I assume I'm unit 3?
No, Paul, you're unit 5.
Nobody had the courtesy to tell --
Donner, Prancer, Vixen -- go!
Aah! [ Bell clatters ]
[ Grunts ]
What kind of monster defaces an American institution
where our children come to get their fry on?
♪ Oh
Whoa.
♪ Oh, yeah
Whoa!
I'm Kaptain Khaos -- with K's.
The most virile of velar plosives.
Uh, what's that mean?
I don't know.
Which is why you'll remember it.
♪ Not mommy's little girl
♪ Oh
♪ Oh, yeah
♪ Mommy's little girl
[ Sighs ]
♪ Va, va-da-va-voom
[ Wolf-whistles ]
Mm. I'll deal with that later.
[ Imitates fanfare ]
We're live in East Assburg,
where the masked delinquent has struck
yet another Li'l Judy's.
How would you describe the assailant?
Uh, there was quite a bit of grease smoke,
but if I had to put a name to it,
he was half Zorro,
half that slurring Disney pirate, and, uh --
100% hunk.
Mackenzie.
We do a pilates class together.
Is it true you sketched an image of the perpetrator
who calls himself Kaptain Khaos?
I dabble.
I have a message for you, Kaptain Khaos.
When I catch you, oh, the things I will do to you.
And I am prepared -- nay, lying fully prone in wait --
for whatever you may have planned for me.
Ohh.
And back to you, Sandra.
I pulled a print. Size 12, Pronater.
Probably ran cross-country.
Luckily, I got a littermate
works security at 23 and Me, owes me one.
We should have results in three to six months.
This job's all about relationships, kids.
Or I just rant the footage through FaceMatch
and found all his socials and his WikiFeet page.
There's one for men now? Huh.
Ew! They're all barefoot.
Enhance.
This isn't voice-activated.
I know. Enhance.
"Kaptain Khaos fancies himself as an anti-corporate vigilante.
His goal is to take down capitalist America
and to 'kill the rich.'"
Ooh, that must harsh your buzz a bit.
Dook one for the people!
Ugh! what's the opposite of "enhance"?
Take that, Li'l Shitty.
Just another "brocialist."
Only know what they're against, no clue what they're for.
Give it a week, and he'll jump to
the next trendy cause, like canine intactiveism.
Oh. [ Clears throat ] Sorry.
I don't know, guys.
Something about him feels true.
[ Sighs ] Watch out.
"True" is Birdgirl's kink.
And, apparently, dirty feet?
It's not like that.
Sure, he's not a great speller,
and he's rough around the edges and clearly all man.
But you don't don a mask and commit third-degree vandalism
unless you've got something loud to say.
I mean, he is all-in.
[ Cup breaks ]
We've gotta stop him from trending.
He trends, Li'l Judy's trends.
Li'l Judy's trends, people realize they're still open.
Let's neutralize the kook.
When you say "neutralize"...
There's some things it's better you not know.
Like queening.
He's got that "it" factor.
Like a young Chevy Chase.
We have to engage with him.
Connect -- inches from his face and body.
That's not a touchscreen.
How do we get to him?
He always codes in geocoordinates for his next hit
on his page for his followers.
Looks like he'll be downtown tonight.
And our friend will be waiting.
And this time, she'll nail him.
Mackenzie? Yeah, she'll totally nail him.
Calm down.[ Camera shutter clicking ]
Mm. [ Chuckles]
You sure sending Birdgirl after that clod is a good idea?
He's so her type.
Ew! Gross!
Birdgirl might be into that cootie bag,
but Judy isn't.
Judy isn't into anyone. We've established that.
But Birdgirl, however, is seemingly into everyone.
Let's see. There was the masked guy with the metal suit.
Or the other guy with the other metal suit.
Then the other masked guy, then the masked guy from Chicago.
He ate deepdish? That he did.
And every one of them,
Birdgirl was duty-bound to bring down.
[ Sighs ] Literally.
Okay, okay. So Birdgirl has a bad picker.
But don't forget -- Birdgirl works for me,
not the other way around.
Judy's der bosserschnitzel,
and she'll command Birdgirl to keep it in her suit.
R-i-i-i-ight.
You know who would never
condescend to Birdgirl like that?
Both: Mackenzie.
♪ Va-va-voom
[ Wolf-whistles ]
Uh, hello?
[ Zipper opens, urinating ]
Devil Judy: Va-va-va-voom.
Judy?
Va-va-va-voom!
Aaah!
Aah! Aah!
[ Muffled screams ]
Judy, no!
Bad!
[ Toilet flushes ][ Gurgling ] Va-va-va-voom!
It's an abomination to man. And I hope you never see it.
Oh, I've seen it.
That's Devil Judy,
the manifestation of her abandoned libido.
It pops out anytime Birdgirl gets a crush.
There's not enough room in there for both Devil Judy
and Judy's ability to deny herself pleasure, so...
The way it was looking at me and -- and licking
its thin little lips. [ Shudders ]
It becomes obsessed with the first dick it sees,
and I really do mean dick.
And the only way to get it to stop tormenting you
is to kill it.
But you flushed it, right?
Problem solved.
Hold me.
I'm pretty shaken up.
By Judy's libido?
Oh, you're so weak.
Oh, my God! It's right behind you!
[ Laughs ]
♪
♪ Oh
♪ Oh, yeah
♪
♪ Sugar and spice and everything nice ♪
♪ Are the kind of things a girl like me doesn't like ♪
How is this helping the mission, exactly?
[ Sighs ] Ask me when you're 12.
I know what you're all thinking,
and I would never sleep with a target.
I forswore humanly temptations
when I took the sacred superhero oath.
That is absolutely not a thing.
You're right. It's not.
A-boom.
Grow up, Birdteam.
Sex is a weapon, even when you're not having it.
Which I won't.
Just be careful.
Birdgirl can be a little rash.
Just ask yourself, "WWJD?"
Jesus? Judy.
Ugh. Birdteam -- go!
[ Imitates fanfare ]
♪
Where am I going?
What's my next move? Feed me.
You're gonna turn right. He's taking the tunnel.
Oh, my God. Seriously?
Tunnels are both dangerous and sexy.
♪ Think about the things we do, the things we said ♪
♪ So who's lying now?
Ooh.
♪ Who comes crying now?
I was hoping I'd see you again.
That makes one of us.
Why don't we drop the game of cat and mouse?
Says the mouse.
Or am I the cat?
[ Sighs ] This really is the worst Y.A.
♪ But you'll be back again
Oh! Oh, I like it rough.
Which is why I don't.
♪
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh
♪ 'Cause you'll be begging --
Aaah!
[ Crashing ]
Ohh![ Cat screeches ]
Charlie: Birdgirl, can you hear us?
Oh, why, thank you.
[ Grunts ]
Upsy-daisy.
Is that your doggy? Aww.
No, that dog is his own owner.
I don't own things.
O-kay.
Is that your hibachi?
That hibachi is free to go at any time.
Charcuterie?
Charcuter-please.
[ Explosion ]
Wanna see some real chaos?
Kaptain Khaos: Only if it's with a K.
Birdgirl: Ooh!
Oh!
How do you spell "Is it in"?
Oh, never mind -- that's three words.
[ Moaning]
♪
Devil Judy: Va-va-va-voom.
It's dead.
You flushed it.
Va-va-va-voom.
Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
[ Sighs ]
[ Radio plays ]
[ Music slows ]
♪ Va-va-va-voom
Oh! Aah!
♪
[ Tires screeching ]
It could be the wine talking, could be the gouda,
but whatever it is, it's fate.
It's not fate. You, me, him, her are all part of my grand plan.
I've been watching you, Birdgirl.
When I saw you working to destroy the company
from the inside, I knew we'd make the perfect team.
Get away.
If you really wanna make a difference in this world,
you have to cut the beast off at the foot.
Enhance. You and me, Birdgirl,
taking down the worst offender of them all --
capitalism's handmaiden -- Judy Ken Sebben.
Her? Really?
I mean...yeah, she has horrible taste in pillows,
she doesn't shave above the knee,
but is she really the worst offender?
Huh. You seem to really know a lot about her.
Oh. [ Chuckles nervously ]
The devil, when she comes,
won't shave above the knee.
Ugh. That was taken out of context.
Ugh. Just look at her.
But she's trying to change the company.
Can I trust you?
'Cause I've procured a high-level job
at Sebben & Sebben under my alter-ego,
corporate slave Ed Todd.
When the time is right...
Aah![ Boing!, cash register bell dings]
Ugh! Same guy who, uh, runs my social.
Don't move.[ Camera shutter clicks ]
I just can't take a bad picture.
No, really.
Scientists are mystified.
- Aah! - So, this is what the flight of shame looks like.
I assume you paired it with a trip to Denny's.
- Aah! - So, how'd the mission go?
We heard everything.
[ Claps ] Everything.
Uh... And it turns out you do know what queening means.
You let Birdgirl's carpet run Judy's drapes.
And now he's in the building.
We gotta eliminate him.
You're right.
I destroyed Judy's apartment,
carpet, drapes, and crown molding.
- Crown molding? - Bazooms.
Birdgirl got us into this mess,
so now Judy's gotta get us out of it.
Her way.
Hey, Denise!
Jessica, eczema's looking sharp.
Hugh, tell Cheryl happy birthday.
The big 5-0!
Cheryl's 8.
Judy, I'd like you to meet my new executive intern.
Not now, Paul. I'm looking for --
[ Gasps ] No, no, no, no, no.
Oh. Hi, there. I'm Ed Todd.
What happened to you?
I'm sorry?
Do not blow this for me.
He is a genius at stacking those cards.
Nice to meet you for the first time ever.
How about a tour?
I always give new hires some one-on-one.
It's just who we are.
As the CEO, we put the people first.
We! Me!
I'm gonna need him back for inventory!
God, that man has a great ass.
Two halves of the same hairy peach.
Since I took the reins,
I've really revolutionized the company.
We put out not one but two products for mental health
that backfired miserably,
and I redesigned the Popple can
for the differently handed.
Pissed a lot of big-hand types off.
Ahh, the price of being a capitalist activist do-goodnik.
Hi, boss.
We just wanted to thank you
for letting us work here another year.
You're the best boss, and we know you really care.
- Was that...a child? - It was.
As you can see,
we are leading the way on sustainable corporate culture.
We made the executive decision to switch
from single-use cups to not...
single-use.
Um...what's in there?
Nothing exciting.
Hey! It's nearly 10:00 am.
Hibachi for lunch?
Is it okay if I use my own utensils?
I know they're clean.
Irasshaimase.
How many other corporations offer
on-campus cuisines of the world?
One reason Sebben & Sebben is number 3,428
on the list of best places to work.
- Get away. - Okay.
Oh.
You've hardly touched your onion volcano.
Not enough steam?
Did you read the piece in EcoWar about factory fishing?
What happened to you?
Uh, I thought you loved hibachi?
Why would you... think that?
Itadakimasu.
I think it was mentioned on your --
mention of yourself t-o-o-o me.
♪
Mmm.
We eat the floor shrimp.
We are zero waste here.
- Get away. - Okay.
Arigatougozaimasu.
How do you stand this guy?!
He's so judgy and self-righteous.
You're trying way too hard.
It's embarrassing.
Why can't you just be cool?
Your boyfriend wants us dead.
He wants you dead.
He's pretty happy where we are as a couple.
He told me so. After sex.
I am you, and you are me!
Judy, I'm starting to think
that the only thing we have in common
is that we're the same person.
You got us into this mess with your own untamable libido.
I won't apologize for my carnality.
Maybe he's right.
Maybe the only way to change the system is to destroy it.
That's it!
O-w-w-w.
You, come with me.
Don't you dare make me call
my nonexistent H.R. department!
You think Sebben & Sebben is evil
and I'm a blight on humanity?
Well, bub, you don't know the half of it.
You want to know what's behind that door?
All the horrific things this company has done.
Before my tenure and...during.
The mother lode. Why are you showing me this?
How do you think I felt when I inherited this?
Pretty gutted.
But then, I realized something.
I could give up and give in
and just say the company sucks, so let's burn it all down,
or I could work to clean up the mess we've made,
ever day, a little bit at a time.
It's easy to judge from the outside,
so I'm showing you our insides.
Your sanitizer, it's coming loose.
Let it fall.
[ Sanitizer bottle clatters ]
I wasn't exactly planning on this,
which may serve as an explanation
for my somewhat retro grooming situation down there.
Don't transcribe that.
Come and get me, hell girl.
I dare you.
Devil Judy: Va-va-va-voom.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Va-va-va-voom.
♪
Dear God, the grotesquerie.
Good God, it's been six minutes and it's still not in.
Oh, they're done.
Does anybody have eyes on him?
He's still upstairs.
I put a tracker in his hand sanitizer.
The other half of the hairy peach.
Captured -- with a K.
Oh, God!
You don't own me, you tiny pervert!
Unh! Unh!
No, no, no!
[ Screams ]
[ Police radio chatter ]
It's over.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
I guess it's a cheat day for ol' B-O-B.
Excuse me, sir.
Aren't you gonna file a report?
No. I no longer file reports.
I'm moving on with my life.
Va-va-va-voom.
[ Sign buzzing ]
Been dying to see you all day.
I was wrong about Judy Ken Sebben.
See? I told you she's trying.
No. Actually, it's worse than we could've possibly even imagined.
She's nothing. A powerless figurehead.
Spends her days touring interns around
while her team does all the work.
These are the real masterminds behind the operation.
Oh, boy.
If we eradicate them, it's just a matter of time
before Judy drives Sebben & Sebben
into the ground on her own
while we stand by and watch it burn.
[ Muffled grunting ]
What's wrong, Birdgirl?
[ Sniffs ] Ahh.
Judy, in the name of all that doesn't reek
of sensitively cured meats, stop him!
If only you could smell his musk,
you would understand.
Boy-oop!
Okay, I guess my reckless dating decisions
have put my friends in mortal danger.
Multiple times.
Oh, the deepdish guy.
Thank you for not making me say it.
And today's the day I grow up and say,
"I choose my friendships over my crazy-ass libido."
How about 80% friends, 20% booty?
I'll do it! We both will.
The one thing that makes us unstoppable is...
Both: ...we are the same person.
Hi, Judy.
You knew? When?
I knew the whole time.
Oh, and by the way, you smell like shrimp.
Damn floor shrimp.
Fine.
Maybe it's time to say what we're all thinking.
"Kaptain Khaos" is a ridiculous name.
"Chaos" is spelled with a C-H.
And despite what you may think,
I'm damn proud of what I've accomplished
with these fine bound and gagged people.
Paul: Will you shut up? We're about to be flash-fried!
This corporation you love so much,
do you know the damage it causes?
Can you show us in a flashback?
Do love a flashback. Boy-oop!
Kaptain Khaos: It was my 8th birthday.
Welcome to Li'l Judy's!
Before we welcome you to Li'l Judy's,
please sign this contract for 16 monthly payments
and these waivers indemnifying Sebben & Sebben
from any responsibility.
Now have some fun!
I deep-fried everything --
nuggets, burgers, the car keys.
I must have overloaded the system
because the entire place exploded into flames.
And it killed my parents.
It's all my fault!
It's not your fault, Eddie.
Li'l Judy? Is it really you?
No, it's not.
It's our fault,
and it's time for us to come clean.
What are you doing?
A very special quiet meal for the birthday boy!
She's not admitting culpability!
He signed a waiver!
Plus, he had some fun!
Take it and do good with it.
And now you give me the button.
Are you insane?!
You'll ruin us!
[ Crashing ]
[ Grunting ]
She's gonna blow!
Don't worry.
I'll be okay.
It's with a K.
Sometimes other letters.
Making that pirate clown think you were giving him
all our secrets, and then turning the tables on him?
Genius!
All that incriminating evidence up in smoke.
[ Cellphone chimes ] I had my doubts about you,
but you're not afraid to get bloody.
- Judy: Enhance. - You might turn out to be
the best CEO this company's ever had.
Uh...not including Phil, of course.
[ Rapping ] ♪ Who is the girl that saves the world? ♪
Hey! Birdgirl!
♪ Wings of fire, unique like pearls ♪
Hey! Birdgirl!
♪ Who's the one they can't defeat? ♪
Hey! Birdgirl!
♪ Ultra fierce, and so unique ♪
Hey! Birdgirl!
Hey![ Imitating fanfare ]
Birdgirl!