1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX

2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,009
‎NETFLIX 原創喜劇特別節目

3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,094
‎夏威夷

5
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:12,971
‎你們準備好了嗎？

6
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:16,599
‎劇名：喬科伊：氣場 No.1

7
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,601
‎先生女士們

8
00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,311
‎讓我們歡迎

9
00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:24,357
‎喬科伊！

10
00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:42,417
‎就是這樣

11
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:44,127
‎對！

12
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,088
‎一定得來夏威夷一下啊，寶貝

13
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,509
‎阿囉哈真的有用耶

14
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:54,345
‎要是心情不好，就…阿囉哈一下

15
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,850
‎你們跟彩虹熊一樣
‎從心裡發出的好意

16
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,352
‎“有人今天心情不好？”

17
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:09,194
‎夏威夷人會吹噓一些沒人吹噓的事

18
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,821
‎是真的！

19
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,657
‎因為你們珍惜自己有的一切

20
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,410
‎這是你們的
‎我好喜歡這樣：這是我的，老哥

21
00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:21,081
‎有次一個人走向我

22
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:24,000
‎他對我說：“嘿，老哥
‎有沒有看到我這台

23
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,377
‎全新的2003年豐田Tacoma？

24
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:30,507
‎是櫻桃色的耶

25
00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:33,426
‎他媽的櫻桃色

26
00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:37,138
‎挑高底板耶，老哥

27
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,683
‎挑高的，2003年版！

28
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,812
‎全新的2003年版！

29
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,273
‎豐田Tacoma”

30
00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,240
‎你們不在乎什麼，非常放鬆

31
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:56,449
‎你們住在天堂

32
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,660
‎你們沒有時間…你們不緊張

33
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,537
‎你們出去時會說：“好，我們出去吧”

34
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,790
‎穿得好看：“好，穿好看點”

35
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,252
‎穿了很棒的行頭：“我的拖鞋呢？

36
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,466
‎拖鞋呢？”

37
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:16,594
‎你們會穿“拖鞋”

38
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,263
‎“拖鞋！”

39
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:19,806
‎總是要說“拖鞋”

40
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:22,851
‎“拖鞋”搭配全新的行頭

41
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:23,768
‎“拖鞋”

42
00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:28,189
‎夏威夷以外沒人知道“拖鞋”

43
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,984
‎我告訴你“拖鞋”該叫什麼
‎這他媽的是…

44
00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:32,318
‎你看看：“拖鞋”

45
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:36,489
‎“拖鞋”

46
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:41,161
‎“拖鞋”

47
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:46,875
‎我根本不知道你們為什麼要穿這個
‎穿了跟沒穿一樣

48
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,132
‎你們是這樣走路的

49
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:59,053
‎“拖鞋”穿在腳的前面
‎你們根本不…

50
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,973
‎鞋子根本不在腳上
‎你們根本就是踢著拖鞋走

51
00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:03,016
‎踢一踢，踩下去

52
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,018
‎踢一踢“拖鞋”，踩下去

53
00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:05,935
‎踢一踢…

54
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,525
‎你們超喜歡母音的，對吧？

55
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,862
‎你們才不管什麼“A是字母A”

56
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,073
‎一個路名裡面能放多少個A？

57
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,493
‎多少？太多A了

58
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:26,414
‎所以不管誰來到夏威夷…
‎我是在對全世界喊話

59
00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,917
‎…要是來到夏威夷
‎千萬別跟人問路

60
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,211
‎每條街的名字聽起來都一樣

61
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:33,296
‎問了路，他們會說：

62
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,465
‎“喔，很簡單啊，老哥
‎就是這樣去…

63
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,677
‎就沿著卡黎雅卡拉卡卡路走

64
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:45,350
‎在勞卡拉達卡拉考路右轉

65
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:49,854
‎再在納考阿阿卡拉路左轉

66
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:56,903
‎然後走到阿哈阿哈哈哈阿路再右轉

67
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,995
‎超愛夏威夷的

68
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:07,789
‎永遠都不覺得膩

69
00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:10,667
‎我根本不聽夏威夷音樂
‎但也超喜歡的，我住在…

70
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,126
‎我在這裡的時候，隨時都聽

71
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,087
‎不懂歌詞說什麼，我不管

72
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:16,923
‎我一邊開車，一邊唱歌…

73
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:34,691
‎你們鼓掌啊

74
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,276
‎我亂唱的

75
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:39,946
‎你們根本不懂我在說什麼

76
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:42,407
‎我只是亂說一堆母音…

77
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,383
‎草裙舞超厲害！

78
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:02,468
‎草裙舞就是一切

79
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,595
‎是世上最性感的舞蹈

80
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,390
‎他們現在跳的那種，那些性感舞蹈

81
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:08,933
‎他們都是跟草裙舞偷學的

82
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:12,145
‎草裙…超級性感

83
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:15,356
‎女人用這舞蹈對男人訴說情衷

84
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,150
‎超級性感

85
00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:19,360
‎她用舞蹈告訴他她想要什麼

86
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,822
‎“你來看我

87
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,952
‎太陽下山了

88
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,706
‎你帶我去吃晚餐

89
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,001
‎要是我喜歡你

90
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:37,754
‎我就給你雞掰”

91
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:47,305
‎各位，看看這個
‎這裡有所有的文化，所有的種族

92
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:48,973
‎所有的民族都在這裡

93
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,183
‎一起玩，一起笑

94
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:53,311
‎“玩得很高興”他們不在乎
‎“玩得很高興”他們一點也不管

95
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:58,066
‎我們看…我看著這裡的觀眾
‎不能分出彼此，真的！

96
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,527
‎你們知道有多少次我媽走到
‎墨西哥人面前問：“菲律賓人嗎？”

97
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,743
‎“墨西哥人！”

98
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:13,581
‎“不好意思！”

99
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:20,254
‎有種方法可以分辨不同的亞洲人

100
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,967
‎聽他們說話的腔調
‎要是他們有腔調的話

101
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:28,304
‎亞洲人中，最簡單的是韓國人

102
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,390
‎因為韓國人說話的時候

103
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:33,142
‎聽起來像是抽了整天的大麻

104
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,687
‎好像說話前才剛抽完

105
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:52,328
‎韓國人聽起來像是亞洲鬼

106
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,377
‎我小時候最好的朋友是韓國人

107
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:01,379
‎我記得我第一次去他家

108
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:02,880
‎他爸從樓上大叫

109
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,966
‎我以為那間房子鬧鬼

110
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,468
‎我發誓，我才剛走進屋裡

111
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,312
‎我問：“那她媽的是什麼？”

112
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:22,066
‎“喔，是我爸啦，他問你餓不餓”

113
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:26,320
‎這在所有亞洲人身上都適用

114
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:27,530
‎越南人

115
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,950
‎怎樣？我什麼都還沒做

116
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,663
‎我超愛越南人

117
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:39,083
‎你們是…我愛你們
‎你們是亞洲人裡最小隻的

118
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,379
‎你們身材比較小

119
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:44,839
‎但是我告訴你們

120
00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,924
‎不要搞越南人

121
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,510
‎他們會跟任何人打架

122
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,930
‎那些混蛋會跟任何人打…
‎他們才不管

123
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,640
‎不管你有多強壯

124
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,643
‎他們都會跟你打架
‎會跑到你面前，說些幹話

125
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,439
‎那是他們的小腳

126
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,611
‎有一次有一個在表演結束後
‎跑到我面前

127
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,323
‎“嘿，大哥，你說我怎樣？”

128
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,290
‎他們說話的方式真的…
‎他們講話真的那麼快

129
00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:21,042
‎他們講話超級快，就像…

130
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:23,044
‎“大哥，你說我怎樣？”

131
00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:25,796
‎他們講話就是那麼快

132
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,217
‎韓國人講話聽起來像是
‎抽大麻抽了一整天

133
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,929
‎越南人講話聽起來
‎像是他們整輩子都在嗑古柯鹼

134
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,598
‎“嘿，大哥，你說我怎樣？

135
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,391
‎不要這樣跟我說話，大哥

136
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,060
‎你說我怎樣？”

137
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:43,147
‎越南人每個字後面都像有個句號

138
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,900
‎“嘿，大，哥
‎你，說，我，怎，樣？”

139
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,779
‎越南人聲音可以飆很高

140
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,489
‎可以那麼高

141
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:54,534
‎他們可以…降很低，像這樣
‎他們開始說話時聲音這麼低

142
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,744
‎然後就飆得這麼高

143
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,874
‎越南人說起話來聽起來像是

144
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,168
‎坐在一台很遠的車裡
‎從你身邊很快地開過去

145
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,296
‎就像：“嘿，老哥，你說我怎樣？
‎不要那樣說！”

146
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,174
‎再說一次啊，下車再說一次

147
00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:16,305
‎日本人

148
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,182
‎怎麼了？

149
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:27,441
‎日本人要是有腔調，就能分得出來

150
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:28,651
‎日本人

151
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:29,777
‎非常明顯

152
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:32,822
‎日本男人說話

153
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,323
‎是從橫隔膜發聲

154
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:38,578
‎這裡…

155
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,830
‎是日本男人發聲的地方

156
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,208
‎喝！

157
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:46,294
‎嗨！

158
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,296
‎日本人！

159
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:53,801
‎日本女人…

160
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,596
‎不管是12歲

161
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,973
‎或是75歲

162
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,684
‎總是聽起來像是12歲

163
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:03,352
‎好

164
00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:05,146
‎來吧

165
00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:06,230
‎好

166
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,404
‎所以沒人看日本A片

167
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,490
‎沒人看日本A片

168
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,075
‎那實在看起來很煩

169
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:22,955
‎好，來吧！

170
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,211
‎好，繼續！

171
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,591
‎喔，弄到我的眼睛了！

172
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,649
‎自後我上次作了Netflix特別節目後

173
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,234
‎就有很多墨西哥人來看我演出

174
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:55,029
‎現在很多墨西哥人來看我演出

175
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:56,739
‎他們總會在表演之後來找我

176
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,532
‎跟我說一樣的話

177
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,660
‎他們總是會說：“你這個賤人”

178
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:07,249
‎真的好種族歧視喔
‎我也不知道為什麼

179
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:09,543
‎我不知道為什麼…“嘿，賤人”

180
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:13,297
‎為什麼每次我模仿墨西哥人
‎我都會聽起來像是…

181
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:16,092
‎我聽起來像是掉下了懸崖

182
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,219
‎真是太糟糕了

183
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,432
‎模仿得很糟
‎但是他們聽起來就是那樣

184
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,852
‎他們總是聽起來像是正掉下懸崖

185
00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:29,897
‎句子越長，掉得越遠

186
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,949
‎墨西哥人總會在表演後來找我

187
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,660
‎對我說一樣的話，每次都是

188
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,079
‎他們會說：“嘿，你媽跟我媽一樣

189
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,290
‎你媽做的每件事，我媽都做過”

190
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,209
‎我說了什麼？

191
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:53,003
‎“每件事…”
‎我發誓，你看起來就是個黑幫老墨

192
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,381
‎你嚇死我了

193
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,178
‎我只是想說個笑話，但是這個人就…

194
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:02,430
‎“給我好好說，混蛋

195
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,850
‎“給我好好說，混蛋，不要…”

196
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,522
‎你知道有個黑幫老墨這樣看著我時
‎還要搞笑，有多難嗎？

197
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:17,069
‎你叫什麼名字？

198
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,571
‎-傑森
‎-傑森？

199
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,865
‎-你是菲律賓人還是墨西哥人？
‎-菲律賓人

200
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,366
‎他是個他媽的菲律賓人

201
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,534
‎去他媽的

202
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,370
‎明白我在說什麼了吧？

203
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,209
‎你跟我哥很像

204
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:33,919
‎傑森

205
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,673
‎這就是我希望大家明白的

206
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,968
‎墨西哥人跟菲律賓人長得像
‎背後有個原因

207
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,763
‎墨西哥人跟菲律賓人能互相理解
‎背後有個原因

208
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,890
‎不只是因為他們都愛用薄荷膏

209
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,728
‎那不是我們之間唯一的聯繫

210
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,605
‎我不希望你們在表演之後來找我說

211
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,149
‎“嘿，我媽也用那種薄荷膏
‎太瘋狂了！”

212
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:56,150
‎才沒有

213
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,319
‎背後是有原因的

214
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:01,071
‎我們在很多其他地方能互相理解
‎背後有個原因

215
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:05,201
‎西班牙人在350年前征服了菲律賓

216
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,702
‎那是玩真的

217
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,537
‎你們跟我們配了種

218
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:11,874
‎我們是第一個混種的種族

219
00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:13,501
‎那就是菲律賓人

220
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:14,710
‎一半西班牙人，一半亞洲人

221
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:15,669
‎菲律賓人

222
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,008
‎我們就是這樣的人

223
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,345
‎過去發生的不算是好事
‎但是也不算是壞事

224
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:26,430
‎我們獲得了很多他們的特色和文化

225
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:27,848
‎你懂我的意思嗎？我們長得像他們

226
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,392
‎看看我們，從日本坐兩小時的飛機

227
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,395
‎菲律賓處在亞洲中心

228
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,313
‎但看看我們

229
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:37,191
‎我們連像亞洲人的姓氏都沒有

230
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,611
‎因為他們還留了他們的名字

231
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,114
‎我們沒有亞洲姓氏
‎倒是有拉丁裔姓氏

232
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,783
‎看看我們的姓就好了

233
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:46,909
‎光是我家來說

234
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,619
‎德拉福恩特山多斯岡札勒斯

235
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,538
‎我們是他媽的墨西哥人！

236
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,961
‎我們是亞洲的墨西哥人

237
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,798
‎我說真的

238
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,342
‎墨西哥人會做的事，菲律賓人都會做

239
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:04,468
‎每一件事！

240
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,762
‎你們有什麼？15歲成年禮

241
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,682
‎我們是從他們那學來的，對吧？

242
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:12,518
‎我們慶祝女兒15歲的生日，對吧？

243
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,061
‎她15歲了？都是一樣的！

244
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,271
‎開場大派對

245
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:18,023
‎墨西哥人一天到晚都搞這個，對吧？

246
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,735
‎“妳15歲了，準備好當個女人了
‎女兒，該是辦成年禮的時候了”

247
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,572
‎“你確定嗎，爸爸？我才15歲”

248
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:27,533
‎“對，我確定

249
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:30,077
‎你媽才30歲”

250
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:33,706
‎好

251
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:34,999
‎那真是太糟糕了！

252
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:36,709
‎但很好笑吧

253
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,967
‎很糟糕嗎？這只是個笑話

254
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,469
‎可惡！不要這麼敏感

255
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:48,846
‎去死吧你們！

256
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:53,142
‎刻板印象好笑是有原因的
‎因為它們包含了真實的部分

257
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:56,645
‎我們都有刻板印象，擁抱它吧
‎去他的，一笑而過

258
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,731
‎誰管它啊？
‎不是所有的菲律賓人都是看護佣人

259
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,608
‎但是你們這些混蛋很多都是

260
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,073
‎我不認識這裡的菲律賓人
‎但我知道一點：

261
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,366
‎我們都有同樣的舅舅

262
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,662
‎每個節日，他都會跟每個人說話

263
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,999
‎我們都很怕他
‎因為跟他說話就沒有結束的時候

264
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,418
‎因為他根本不知道自己想說什麼

265
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,796
‎他每段對話都是這樣開始的：

266
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:25,424
‎“你知道吧…

267
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:26,675
‎喬瑟夫…

268
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,803
‎記得…

269
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:32,306
‎那個…

270
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,683
‎那個…可惡…”

271
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:40,314
‎總是這樣：

272
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:42,608
‎我…

273
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,904
‎我帶我舅舅去逛商場，到了美食街

274
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:48,739
‎我們坐在那裡，他想聊天

275
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,741
‎他說話很大聲，所以大家都在看

276
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,242
‎那是最讓我覺得尷尬的部分

277
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,746
‎因為他講話很大聲，大家都在看
‎他說：

278
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,625
‎“喬瑟夫，你記不記得…

279
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:01,710
‎那個…

280
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,295
‎有一次你…

281
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,005
‎給我…

282
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:07,466
‎那個…”
‎我心想：“什麼？你想說什麼？”

283
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:09,301
‎“我是想告訴你…等等！

284
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,597
‎不要催我，我正在試著思考
‎你還一直催我…

285
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:14,807
‎不要催我！

286
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,645
‎那個…有一次你給我…”

287
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:22,648
‎美食街的每個人都在看

288
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:23,732
‎“啊…

289
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,068
‎那次你買了飲料給我？

290
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,153
‎你買飲料給我那次？”

291
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,072
‎“記得，怎麼了？
‎我買了飲料給你，那又怎樣？”

292
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,533
‎“你回來的時候，那上面有…

293
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:33,659
‎那種很大的吸管？

294
00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,203
‎記得嗎？上面有大吸管
‎我看著它

295
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:37,955
‎他媽的，真是根大吸管！

296
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:42,251
‎記得嗎？你看著吸管
‎然後就對我生起氣來？”

297
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,421
‎“對，那又怎樣？”
‎“你告訴我，喝就好了？

298
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,048
‎記得嗎？你叫我快喝？”

299
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:49,258
‎“對，那又怎樣？”

300
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,635
‎大家都在看

301
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,179
‎“對，所以我就開始那樣喝

302
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,681
‎然後…

303
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:57,474
‎我…

304
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,812
‎我就那樣喝，開始吸吸管

305
00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:05,524
‎然後那些黑色丸子就跑進我的嘴裡

306
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,068
‎我繼續吸

307
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,279
‎我繼續那樣吸，然後我…

308
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,281
‎嘴裡有很多黑色小丸子，我就…

309
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,742
‎吸一吸，被那些小丸子噎到了

310
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,328
‎滿嘴都是黑色丸子，我噎到了
‎還繼續吸…”

311
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:19,455
‎“你他媽閉上嘴！

312
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,293
‎那是波霸，那是他媽的波霸珍珠！”

313
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,757
‎“喔，對，波霸，我超討厭的”

314
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:35,679
‎所以菲律賓人

315
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,097
‎應該只當照護佣人

316
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,601
‎只能照護病人，不要當醫生

317
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,103
‎想像我舅舅當醫生的樣子

318
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,314
‎要是他去開刀…

319
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,943
‎“護士，給我…

320
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:52,571
‎那個…可惡…

321
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:54,406
‎那個…你知道吧，那個…

322
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:55,824
‎那個用來切…

323
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:57,409
‎用來切…

324
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:58,869
‎你知道那個…”

325
00:17:58,952 --> 00:18:01,371
‎護士心想：“媽的，什麼？
‎每把刀都可以切，是要切什麼

326
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:02,539
‎你要什麼，醫生？”

327
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:03,582
‎“那個…那個…

328
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:05,876
‎那個…”

329
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,795
‎“他快死了，你他媽的到底要什麼？

330
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,421
‎什麼？

331
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:10,380
‎快說”

332
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,341
‎“就是那個…

333
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:13,759
‎那個…”

334
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:19,681
‎我們都是刻板印象

335
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:22,726
‎菲律賓人變成一種他媽的刻板印象

336
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,144
‎我不知道是什麼

337
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,438
‎他們就變成一種他媽的刻板印象

338
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,565
‎我在上次特別節目有談到過
‎但是，看看你們四周

339
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:29,525
‎他們在這裡

340
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,946
‎我媽今晚不在這裡
‎但我看出去，媽的，她其實在！

341
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,200
‎短髮，戴眼鏡

342
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:42,079
‎皮包放在膝上，看，就在那裡
‎她就在那裡

343
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:43,747
‎她就在那裡

344
00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:45,749
‎還有手帕

345
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:48,669
‎LV皮包

346
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:51,004
‎看起來有點困惑
‎“我們在哪？

347
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,135
‎我們在哪？

348
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:57,219
‎這是什麼？”

349
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:01,974
‎我超愛我們

350
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:05,144
‎她們一定要拿LV包包
‎那是她們的包包

351
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:08,730
‎你知道我買給我媽多少LV包包嗎？
‎實在太多了

352
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,316
‎你知道她在裡面放什麼嗎？零食

353
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:15,195
‎那是你看過最貴的午餐盒

354
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,948
‎還不是什麼高級零食

355
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:22,119
‎我小時候，所有的朋友都會去找媽媽

356
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,203
‎“媽，可以給我零食嗎？”

357
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,581
‎她會從皮包裡拿出好吃的零食

358
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,623
‎多力多滋

359
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,208
‎小包多力多滋

360
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,585
‎我跑去找我媽…

361
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:30,627
‎可惡！

362
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:34,131
‎她帶的零食是從餐廳帶來的

363
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:40,762
‎跑去找我媽：

364
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,097
‎“媽，給我零食吃”

365
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,099
‎“我有配湯吃的小蘇打餅”

366
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,898
‎小蘇打餅是設計成能吸收湯汁的

367
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,193
‎她要我上課前吃這個

368
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,694
‎“放進你的肚子裡”

369
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,154
‎我會把它放在…

370
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:00,991
‎“吞下去！”

371
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,707
‎我媽催人就是那樣

372
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,960
‎我發誓，我媽催人就是那樣

373
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,339
‎但問題是，不管她們賺多少錢

374
00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:17,424
‎都無所謂，她們都愛拿免費的

375
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,052
‎要是有，“快拿”

376
00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:22,721
‎我媽整天對我那樣說：
‎“快拿

377
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:24,890
‎快點回去拿”

378
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:26,767
‎“拿什麼？”

379
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,061
‎“就那個…那個…不管是什麼

380
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,900
‎總之多拿一點

381
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,237
‎放進包包裡

382
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,154
‎快走！

383
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,159
‎快拿，多拿一點”
‎她總是這樣說：“多拿一點

384
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,620
‎喬瑟夫，回去多拿一點

385
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:47,704
‎多拿一點”

386
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,082
‎你知道“多拿一點”是什麼意思嗎？
‎是要你偷的意思！

387
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:52,417
‎偷！

388
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,503
‎她叫小孩去偷東西

389
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:56,880
‎“多拿一點”

390
00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:59,675
‎我以前很討厭去麥當勞

391
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:05,305
‎因為她總是叫我回去
‎“回去多拿一點餐巾紙”

392
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,104
‎“為什麼？”

393
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:15,607
‎因為我們家需要多一點

394
00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:19,778
‎去多拿一點，回去”

395
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,613
‎“天啊，妳要多少？”

396
00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:26,285
‎“你生日快到了，快回去拿”

397
00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:36,586
‎把我的口袋裝滿餐巾紙

398
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,880
‎我好生氣，看著我媽

399
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,341
‎她在外面的停車場

400
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:42,968
‎我哭了

401
00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:45,554
‎她才不管

402
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,014
‎“另一個口袋也要裝！”

403
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,190
‎我兒子根本不知道那是什麼感覺

404
00:21:57,899 --> 00:21:58,900
‎他不懂

405
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,319
‎我會買餐巾紙

406
00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:04,197
‎我會買很貴的餐巾紙
‎因為我內心有創傷

407
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,742
‎偷了一輩子的餐巾紙

408
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,493
‎我不想要我兒子也經歷這個

409
00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:11,621
‎我兒子不知道，過生日有多丟臉

410
00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:13,373
‎我的生日超爛的

411
00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:17,711
‎我媽會把蛋糕分給所有的孩子
‎然後拿出餐巾紙

412
00:22:17,794 --> 00:22:18,754
‎全部都不一樣！

413
00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:21,340
‎肯德基、麥當勞、塔可鐘

414
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:23,258
‎漢堡王、肯德基

415
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,469
‎起司蛋糕工廠…喔，這個不錯

416
00:22:25,552 --> 00:22:28,388
‎這比其他的厚

417
00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:34,019
‎我的孩子過得可爽了

418
00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:36,897
‎15歲，我兒子完全不懂

419
00:22:37,230 --> 00:22:39,107
‎他完全不懂自己過得多爽

420
00:22:39,649 --> 00:22:41,651
‎他媽的千禧世代！

421
00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:45,322
‎今年他們叫這個吧？千禧世代？
‎X世代？千禧世代？

422
00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:47,157
‎軟腳蝦！

423
00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:52,454
‎他們現在叫做軟腳蝦？
‎他們全都是軟腳蝦

424
00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:55,874
‎要是這裡有15歲的孩子
‎你們他媽的就是個軟腳蝦

425
00:22:57,834 --> 00:22:59,169
‎他媽的軟…對吧？

426
00:22:59,252 --> 00:23:01,171
‎我他媽說得對吧？他們就會抱怨

427
00:23:01,254 --> 00:23:02,631
‎不能對他們大叫

428
00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:04,966
‎他們會抱怨，然後你就有麻煩了

429
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:08,178
‎他們會說：“天啊，我媽對我大叫

430
00:23:08,261 --> 00:23:11,306
‎我好怕，不敢回家

431
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,058
‎因為我媽對我大叫”

432
00:23:13,141 --> 00:23:15,435
‎去死一死吧，你是開玩笑吧？

433
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,605
‎你怕回家，因為你媽對你大叫？

434
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:20,816
‎我媽整天都對我大叫

435
00:23:21,149 --> 00:23:23,944
‎她只會那樣說話，就是大叫

436
00:23:24,027 --> 00:23:24,945
‎“啊？

437
00:23:25,529 --> 00:23:26,446
‎什麼？

438
00:23:27,364 --> 00:23:28,198
‎再說一次！

439
00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:29,908
‎再說一次！

440
00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:30,909
‎快說！

441
00:23:30,992 --> 00:23:32,244
‎你說什麼，喬瑟夫？

442
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:34,496
‎你說什麼？轉過來

443
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:35,497
‎轉過來，喬瑟夫

444
00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:42,421
‎我媽只會這樣說話

445
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:43,755
‎大叫！“啊？

446
00:23:44,047 --> 00:23:45,882
‎什麼時候？你什麼時候做的？

447
00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:47,592
‎哪裡？你去了哪裡？

448
00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:49,261
‎啊？什麼？

449
00:23:50,887 --> 00:23:52,556
‎你弄丟了午餐盒？”

450
00:23:52,639 --> 00:23:55,392
‎我記得，有一次我弄丟了午餐盒
‎我的媽呀！

451
00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:57,853
‎我媽就是這樣處罰人的

452
00:23:58,061 --> 00:24:00,605
‎是用…她從沒有碰過我的身體

453
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:03,150
‎她會用言語攻擊，就是這樣處罰你

454
00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:04,776
‎她會用言語讓你不成人形

455
00:24:05,527 --> 00:24:06,570
‎審問你

456
00:24:06,653 --> 00:24:08,280
‎兩個半小時的大吼大叫

457
00:24:09,030 --> 00:24:09,865
‎“什麼？

458
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:11,783
‎你的午餐盒哪去了，喬瑟夫？

459
00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:13,118
‎你把它放哪裡了？”

460
00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:14,995
‎“我不知道！”

461
00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:19,249
‎“什麼叫做你不知道？
‎哪裡？你去了哪裡？

462
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:22,711
‎你從家裡去學校，再從學校回家

463
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:24,713
‎你他媽會在哪裡弄丟它？

464
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:30,635
‎什麼？你光會把午餐盒拿來拿去
‎光會說“我不知道去哪了”

465
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,345
‎我什麼都不知道放在哪裡

466
00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:33,597
‎我不知道在哪裡

467
00:24:35,515 --> 00:24:37,100
‎你的午餐盒呢，喬瑟夫？

468
00:24:37,434 --> 00:24:38,268
‎哪裡？

469
00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:39,644
‎你放到哪裡去了？”

470
00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:42,147
‎“我不知道！”

471
00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:45,567
‎然後她就用那種笨聲音
‎一直重複我說過的話

472
00:24:45,859 --> 00:24:47,486
‎“我不知道！

473
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:56,161
‎你怎麼會不知道，喬瑟夫？”

474
00:24:56,244 --> 00:24:59,372
‎“我不知道，媽，妳要我說什麼？”

475
00:24:59,456 --> 00:25:00,415
‎“告訴我它在哪裡？”

476
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:01,833
‎“我不…”

477
00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:03,502
‎兩小時這樣

478
00:25:03,585 --> 00:25:05,045
‎“哪裡？”“我不知道”

479
00:25:05,837 --> 00:25:07,714
‎“啊？”“我不…”

480
00:25:09,424 --> 00:25:12,260
‎她想要我的口水鼻涕從嘴裡流出來

481
00:25:12,385 --> 00:25:15,514
‎然後再吸回去

482
00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:16,806
‎這樣她才高興

483
00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:19,059
‎這樣她才知道她弄到我了

484
00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:27,984
‎然後她會走到我面前

485
00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:29,778
‎“好，慢慢呼吸，喬瑟夫

486
00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:31,238
‎呼吸，我的天啊”

487
00:25:33,281 --> 00:25:36,785
‎“呼吸，喬瑟夫，呼吸”

488
00:25:38,620 --> 00:25:40,455
‎“只是個午餐盒而已”

489
00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:48,755
‎然後她就要讓我丟臉

490
00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:52,509
‎然後她就要用保鮮盒裝我的午餐

491
00:25:53,009 --> 00:25:54,719
‎她就是這樣讓我丟臉的
‎她總是說

492
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:57,305
‎“我要用保鮮盒裝你的午餐”

493
00:25:57,806 --> 00:25:59,349
‎然後我會繼續哭：“為什麼？

494
00:26:00,475 --> 00:26:01,977
‎我不要去上學了”

495
00:26:02,727 --> 00:26:03,645
‎“為什麼？”

496
00:26:04,062 --> 00:26:08,483
‎“因為我不想
‎用妳的保鮮盒裝午餐去上學”

497
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,028
‎因為那超丟臉的

498
00:26:12,654 --> 00:26:14,906
‎要是我讓兒子帶保鮮盒去上學

499
00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:18,034
‎他帶著那個透明碗，上面有藍色蓋子

500
00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:19,869
‎蓋子上還寫著保鮮盒

501
00:26:20,161 --> 00:26:22,414
‎我兒子這樣上學會很驕傲

502
00:26:23,039 --> 00:26:24,374
‎我媽的保鮮盒…

503
00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:28,753
‎通常是個鮮奶油的空盒子

504
00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:37,345
‎或是裝過食物的舊盒子

505
00:26:39,806 --> 00:26:43,727
‎有一次她把午餐裝在
‎拿玻里冰淇淋的盒子裡

506
00:26:43,810 --> 00:26:46,104
‎上面還有紅色把手
‎他把我的功課跟午餐放在一起

507
00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:48,815
‎看起來像是個他媽的公事包
‎我只覺得搞什麼…？

508
00:26:55,655 --> 00:26:59,075
‎把午餐裝在鮮奶油盒子裡
‎真是超級丟臉

509
00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:03,580
‎然後還說：“幫我拿一下簽字筆
‎我在蓋子上寫你的名字”

510
00:27:03,663 --> 00:27:04,539
‎真的是…

511
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:07,375
‎好像別人會用鮮奶油盒子裝午餐

512
00:27:08,835 --> 00:27:12,047
‎“我確定我是唯一用鮮奶油盒子
‎裝午餐的人”

513
00:27:12,672 --> 00:27:13,715
‎“只怕萬一，喬瑟夫”

514
00:27:13,798 --> 00:27:14,716
‎“不用怕”

515
00:27:19,888 --> 00:27:21,640
‎我會在學校食堂走來走去

516
00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:23,516
‎要找個地方坐

517
00:27:24,517 --> 00:27:26,561
‎帶著我的鮮奶油午餐盒

518
00:27:27,896 --> 00:27:29,773
‎其他的小孩都看著我

519
00:27:33,693 --> 00:27:35,820
‎“你媽讓你吃鮮奶油當午餐？”

520
00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:44,579
‎“我不知道裡面是什麼”

521
00:27:47,290 --> 00:27:49,167
‎我坐在桌子前

522
00:27:50,126 --> 00:27:52,170
‎帶著我的鮮奶油盒子

523
00:27:52,545 --> 00:27:55,382
‎其他的小孩都在我面前交換東西吃

524
00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:58,134
‎但是沒有人想跟我換我的神秘午餐

525
00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:02,514
‎我都流口水了

526
00:28:02,722 --> 00:28:05,392
‎看到那些好吃的食物換來換去

527
00:28:06,643 --> 00:28:09,270
‎“我給你我的火雞切達起司三明治

528
00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:11,773
‎換你的花生果醬三明治”

529
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:14,943
‎“我用巧克力餅乾

530
00:28:15,026 --> 00:28:16,486
‎換那些品客洋芋片”

531
00:28:17,862 --> 00:28:19,572
‎“我用我的巧克力牛奶

532
00:28:19,656 --> 00:28:20,865
‎換你的佳得樂運動飲料”

533
00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:23,535
‎我看著他們

534
00:28:25,453 --> 00:28:26,996
‎“有人想吃綠豆飯嗎？

535
00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:35,130
‎綠豆飯？

536
00:28:36,297 --> 00:28:37,132
‎綠豆飯？

537
00:28:38,341 --> 00:28:40,176
‎沒有人要綠豆飯？很好吃喔

538
00:28:41,344 --> 00:28:42,929
‎你還可以帶走盒子”

539
00:28:47,016 --> 00:28:49,894
‎有的小孩會說：
‎“綠豆飯是什麼？”

540
00:28:52,439 --> 00:28:53,982
‎我還得跟他解釋

541
00:28:55,024 --> 00:28:57,193
‎“就是用一種小小綠綠的豆子煮的

542
00:28:58,153 --> 00:29:00,572
‎放在米飯上面

543
00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:04,242
‎要是挖深一點，下面可能還有蝦子”

544
00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:09,122
‎有的小孩會說：

545
00:29:09,205 --> 00:29:12,292
‎“旁邊那袋醬是什麼？”

546
00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:15,253
‎“魚露”

547
00:29:17,380 --> 00:29:18,965
‎菲律賓魚露

548
00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:23,094
‎讓綠豆飯更有風味

549
00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:27,140
‎不要沾到衣服
‎不然整天聞起來都像雞掰

550
00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:35,231
‎告訴你我兒子的事吧

551
00:29:35,815 --> 00:29:37,692
‎他不知道午餐盒是什麼意思

552
00:29:37,984 --> 00:29:39,527
‎他自己有銀行卡

553
00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:41,863
‎說出這話真讓我覺得丟臉

554
00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:44,699
‎他們學校可以用信用卡
‎但是他只有銀行卡

555
00:29:44,783 --> 00:29:45,742
‎真的很爛

556
00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:48,495
‎不懂得午餐盒的重大責任

557
00:29:48,578 --> 00:29:50,330
‎去上學，刷卡

558
00:29:50,538 --> 00:29:52,040
‎我還是會處罰他

559
00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:53,374
‎我會對他生氣

560
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:56,419
‎有一次，他週三打給我說：
‎“嘿，老爸

561
00:29:56,503 --> 00:29:59,172
‎我銀行卡只剩40分了”

562
00:30:00,548 --> 00:30:02,008
‎我說：“天啊

563
00:30:03,635 --> 00:30:04,761
‎你去死吧！

564
00:30:09,390 --> 00:30:12,227
‎你禮拜一吃了什麼，死小鬼？
‎菲力牛排嗎？

565
00:30:13,353 --> 00:30:15,438
‎你把食堂當作舞廳在逛啊？

566
00:30:15,522 --> 00:30:18,066
‎“這個人請大家喝巧克力牛奶
‎大家來吧！”

567
00:30:21,110 --> 00:30:24,864
‎我知道我說這話有點奇怪
‎但是我兒子心目中的米…

568
00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:25,990
‎跟我心目中的米不太一樣…

569
00:30:26,074 --> 00:30:28,159
‎米對我來說就是一切

570
00:30:28,576 --> 00:30:32,247
‎米是我的早餐、午餐跟晚餐

571
00:30:32,705 --> 00:30:33,957
‎我知道有很多人會說

572
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,251
‎“喔，原來菲律賓人會吃早餐？”
‎沒錯，我們會

573
00:30:36,543 --> 00:30:39,003
‎基本上就是前一天晚餐再加顆蛋

574
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:40,421
‎就是這樣

575
00:30:44,926 --> 00:30:46,386
‎超好吃

576
00:30:47,262 --> 00:30:48,930
‎我們基本上就吃米

577
00:30:49,973 --> 00:30:53,309
‎米是亞洲人家的中心

578
00:30:53,810 --> 00:30:55,228
‎家裏總是煮著米

579
00:30:55,311 --> 00:30:57,480
‎家裡總是煮著一鍋米

580
00:30:57,730 --> 00:30:59,399
‎飯鍋總是開著

581
00:30:59,858 --> 00:31:01,901
‎要是被鎖在亞洲人的家裡

582
00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:04,195
‎所有的燈都熄了，還是可以找到廚房

583
00:31:05,113 --> 00:31:07,323
‎只要找到那小小方形的紅燈

584
00:31:08,825 --> 00:31:10,743
‎米飯就在那裡

585
00:31:13,913 --> 00:31:16,165
‎有一天，我叫我兒子去拿飯
‎我說：

586
00:31:16,249 --> 00:31:18,209
‎“喬，去拿一包米”

587
00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:20,253
‎他跑到幾條走道之外
‎回來的時候

588
00:31:20,336 --> 00:31:21,880
‎拿了一包超小包的米

589
00:31:22,463 --> 00:31:23,840
‎在他手上，那麼大

590
00:31:24,340 --> 00:31:27,135
‎雖然我知道
‎我本來就是要他拿那包

591
00:31:27,218 --> 00:31:29,637
‎我開始回想
‎我在他那個年紀的時候

592
00:31:30,138 --> 00:31:31,764
‎我得拿的米…

593
00:31:32,599 --> 00:31:34,475
‎跟這把椅子一樣大

594
00:31:36,644 --> 00:31:38,396
‎那有我體重的兩倍

595
00:31:38,479 --> 00:31:40,440
‎我得把那包米拖回去給我媽

596
00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:45,612
‎那米裝在一個大尼龍袋子裡

597
00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:47,989
‎前面寫了些中文字

598
00:31:48,656 --> 00:31:50,575
‎下面寫了50磅重

599
00:31:51,451 --> 00:31:54,829
‎我媽會把它放在廚房後面
‎垃圾桶旁邊

600
00:31:55,455 --> 00:31:56,915
‎撕開上面

601
00:31:57,749 --> 00:32:00,627
‎袋子裡會有個把手斷了的咖啡杯

602
00:32:01,628 --> 00:32:03,463
‎她說那是量杯

603
00:32:08,551 --> 00:32:10,136
‎她教了我怎麼煮飯

604
00:32:10,553 --> 00:32:11,721
‎我還記得那一天

605
00:32:11,804 --> 00:32:14,349
‎“我要教你怎麼煮飯

606
00:32:14,432 --> 00:32:15,600
‎我只教你一次”

607
00:32:16,601 --> 00:32:17,435
‎“好吧

608
00:32:18,144 --> 00:32:19,187
‎怎麼做？”

609
00:32:19,854 --> 00:32:22,857
‎“拿幾杯米，喬瑟夫，放進鍋裡

610
00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:25,735
‎放水進鍋裡，用手淘一淘

611
00:32:25,985 --> 00:32:27,236
‎這樣洗米

612
00:32:27,403 --> 00:32:30,573
‎要是水還濁濁的，米就還是髒的
‎就把水倒掉

613
00:32:31,157 --> 00:32:33,117
‎再放更多水進去，用手淘一淘

614
00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:34,494
‎用手淘一淘

615
00:32:34,911 --> 00:32:38,164
‎要是水還濁濁的，米就還是髒的
‎把水倒掉

616
00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:41,417
‎重複這個過程，直到水變清澈

617
00:32:41,709 --> 00:32:44,462
‎當水變清澈了，再加水
‎就可以開始煮了”

618
00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:47,006
‎“那時要加多少水？”

619
00:32:48,049 --> 00:32:50,385
‎“加到這條線這裡，喬瑟夫”

620
00:32:57,433 --> 00:32:59,978
‎這就是煮出完美米飯的方法

621
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,772
‎我希望全世界都知道

622
00:33:03,690 --> 00:33:06,359
‎這就是古老的秘密

623
00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:10,655
‎每個亞洲人都知道怎麼煮飯
‎就是這樣

624
00:33:10,738 --> 00:33:14,367
‎不用量杯，不用飯鍋

625
00:33:14,450 --> 00:33:16,536
‎只需要米跟鍋子

626
00:33:16,619 --> 00:33:18,413
‎還有這條線

627
00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:29,757
‎我知道有些在看的人會說：
‎“你是怎麼做到的？

628
00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:30,717
‎那一點道理也沒有”

629
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:31,926
‎讓我解釋給你聽

630
00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:34,429
‎看你想放多少米在鍋子裡，就放多少

631
00:33:34,512 --> 00:33:36,097
‎裝滿水

632
00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:37,140
‎“要裝多少水，喬？”

633
00:33:37,223 --> 00:33:40,393
‎把手指放在米上面

634
00:33:40,518 --> 00:33:43,938
‎裝水裝到它碰到這條線

635
00:33:48,276 --> 00:33:49,277
‎完美的米飯

636
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:53,990
‎現在的小孩過得超爽

637
00:33:54,657 --> 00:33:55,575
‎超爽

638
00:33:56,242 --> 00:33:58,828
‎我得說，要處罰他也很容易

639
00:33:58,911 --> 00:34:01,122
‎要處罰我兒子簡單多了

640
00:34:01,289 --> 00:34:02,623
‎我媽得要很有創意

641
00:34:03,291 --> 00:34:04,625
‎對我來說，超級簡單

642
00:34:04,709 --> 00:34:07,462
‎要是我兒子幹了什麼蠢事
‎這適用所有家有青少年的人

643
00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:10,256
‎他們幹了蠢事，要怎麼辦？
‎沒收他們的手機

644
00:34:11,007 --> 00:34:12,175
‎超有用

645
00:34:12,675 --> 00:34:15,970
‎不用言語羞辱，不用肢體處罰

646
00:34:16,429 --> 00:34:18,181
‎只要沒收他們的手機

647
00:34:18,347 --> 00:34:20,808
‎我兒子手機一被我沒收
‎就不知道該做什麼事

648
00:34:20,975 --> 00:34:23,603
‎只要我沒收他的手機，他就會崩潰

649
00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:26,606
‎我會說：“給我你的手機”
‎他會回答：“啊，爸

650
00:34:34,530 --> 00:34:36,032
‎我現在要怎麼辦？”

651
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,870
‎他從沒有看過自己的手
‎“這是什麼？…喂？”

652
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:48,044
‎我媽媽處罰人的時候可可怕了！

653
00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:51,631
‎像我說的，她從不打我
‎但是我的老天爺啊

654
00:34:51,714 --> 00:34:53,382
‎我記得有一次，我躲在櫃子裡

655
00:34:53,466 --> 00:34:55,051
‎她走過時我嚇了她

656
00:34:55,468 --> 00:34:56,594
‎跳出來說：“哇！”

657
00:34:57,637 --> 00:34:58,596
‎我媽超…

658
00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:01,015
‎“你覺得那樣很好玩嗎？

659
00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:04,227
‎那樣跳出來嚇我？

660
00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:06,312
‎給我回去櫃子裡

661
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:08,689
‎回去裡面，坐在那裡

662
00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:11,234
‎你給我坐在那裡
‎我沒叫你出來，就不准出來”

663
00:35:17,740 --> 00:35:19,283
‎我就坐在櫃子裡

664
00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:23,037
‎然後她就忘了我人在櫃子裡

665
00:35:23,955 --> 00:35:26,207
‎她後來拿著髒衣服回來：
‎“你在這裡面做什麼？”

666
00:35:26,290 --> 00:35:27,542
‎“是妳叫我坐在這的

667
00:35:30,837 --> 00:35:32,630
‎我整天都待在這”

668
00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:39,303
‎她連道歉都沒有
‎“回去房間吧，現在很晚了”

669
00:35:41,722 --> 00:35:43,975
‎我回到房間裡哭，她根本不管我

670
00:35:45,059 --> 00:35:47,395
‎還打電話給她姊姊吹噓自己做的事

671
00:35:48,229 --> 00:35:50,731
‎“妳可不會相信我對喬瑟夫做了什麼

672
00:35:54,068 --> 00:35:56,070
‎我把他關在櫃子裡

673
00:35:58,406 --> 00:35:59,615
‎一整天！

674
00:36:00,116 --> 00:36:01,325
‎我發誓，一整天

675
00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:04,162
‎我還到處走來走去，心想：
‎“喬瑟夫人呢？”

676
00:36:06,247 --> 00:36:07,665
‎我兒子啊，天啊

677
00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:10,626
‎他15歲，說到15歲的男孩

678
00:36:11,127 --> 00:36:13,129
‎他覺得他超厲害，但其實不是

679
00:36:14,630 --> 00:36:16,174
‎我也一直告訴他

680
00:36:16,507 --> 00:36:18,801
‎就是這樣
‎要是你家有個男孩

681
00:36:18,885 --> 00:36:21,304
‎要對他說實話
‎說話時把他們當作大人

682
00:36:21,387 --> 00:36:24,182
‎我不能為女孩們說話
‎我的意思是，要是家裡有青少年男孩

683
00:36:24,265 --> 00:36:26,559
‎說話時把他們當作大人
‎他們會比較尊敬你

684
00:36:27,143 --> 00:36:29,187
‎我不會隱藏什麼或是說好聽的話

685
00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:30,271
‎我會讓我兒子知道事實

686
00:36:30,730 --> 00:36:32,565
‎“喬，我知道你在裡面做什麼”

687
00:36:37,904 --> 00:36:40,573
‎“你在說什麼，爸？”
‎“我只是說…

688
00:36:40,656 --> 00:36:41,782
‎我也15歲過

689
00:36:42,742 --> 00:36:44,493
‎我知道你在裡面做什麼

690
00:36:45,453 --> 00:36:47,914
‎你正在做的所有奇怪的事
‎我都做過

691
00:36:49,081 --> 00:36:50,374
‎只是我做得更好”

692
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:54,503
‎“你在說什麼，爸？”
‎“喬，拜託，我知道你在…

693
00:36:54,587 --> 00:36:57,256
‎你在浴室裡半小時了
‎我知道你做了什麼”

694
00:36:58,257 --> 00:36:59,759
‎“我沒有…我只是洗了個澡”

695
00:36:59,842 --> 00:37:00,927
‎我說：“喬，你沒洗澡”

696
00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:05,014
‎“你怎麼知道我沒洗澡？”
‎“喬，你在裡面半個小時…

697
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:06,682
‎頭髮還是乾的”

698
00:37:14,357 --> 00:37:17,526
‎我買了一瓶大瓶的海倫仙度絲
‎都已經空了

699
00:37:19,820 --> 00:37:21,197
‎但是你還是有頭皮屑

700
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:22,573
‎我不知道怎麼…

701
00:37:24,450 --> 00:37:27,245
‎你的老二總是有薄荷味
‎薄荷味

702
00:37:27,578 --> 00:37:29,330
‎薄荷跟鋅是那裡來的

703
00:37:33,834 --> 00:37:36,671
‎海倫仙度絲不是用在老二上的

704
00:37:40,341 --> 00:37:41,759
‎上面有寫是洗髮精！

705
00:37:42,677 --> 00:37:45,763
‎不是用在老二上的
‎有寫是洗頭用的

706
00:37:48,766 --> 00:37:50,768
‎這可不酷，拜託

707
00:37:51,018 --> 00:37:52,478
‎“好啦，老爸”

708
00:37:52,979 --> 00:37:55,398
‎我兒子現在是這樣
‎現在他覺得沒事了：“好啦

709
00:37:56,065 --> 00:37:56,899
‎好啦

710
00:37:57,900 --> 00:37:58,776
‎我答應

711
00:37:59,443 --> 00:38:02,154
‎我會…我不會…
‎我會想辦法不讓你知道”

712
00:38:04,615 --> 00:38:06,409
‎然後他來跟我擊掌
‎“我答應你”，我心想…

713
00:38:06,492 --> 00:38:08,202
‎“我他媽才不要跟你握手呢”

714
00:38:09,662 --> 00:38:11,539
‎我可不要碰到殺人武器

715
00:38:14,375 --> 00:38:15,584
‎他長得很好看

716
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,547
‎滿頭好看的頭髮，有好大的阿福羅頭

717
00:38:20,131 --> 00:38:21,299
‎皮膚黑

718
00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:23,676
‎好啦，比較黑一點

719
00:38:23,926 --> 00:38:25,928
‎他去了很多別的學校的
‎“另一種足球”比賽

720
00:38:26,012 --> 00:38:28,723
‎所有的孩子都問他
‎是不是有一半黑人血統

721
00:38:28,806 --> 00:38:32,143
‎他還來找我問過：
‎“有很多人覺得我有一半黑人血統”

722
00:38:32,351 --> 00:38:34,103
‎我說：“好吧，那你怎麼說？”

723
00:38:34,603 --> 00:38:36,188
‎他說：“我都説沒錯”

724
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,863
‎“你為什麼那樣說？”
‎“我也不知道，他們又不懂”

725
00:38:43,946 --> 00:38:46,198
‎“那我去接你的時候

726
00:38:46,282 --> 00:38:48,075
‎他們不就會注意到
‎你沒有一半黑人血統？”

727
00:38:48,409 --> 00:38:50,411
‎他回答：“那你不要來接我”

728
00:38:55,791 --> 00:38:57,835
‎然後他問我能不能接受DNA測試

729
00:38:58,336 --> 00:39:00,629
‎因為他看到了一個廣告，就跟我說：

730
00:39:00,713 --> 00:39:02,965
‎“爸，我們來做一下DNA測試”

731
00:39:03,549 --> 00:39:05,092
‎“你為什麼想做DNA測試？”

732
00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:07,678
‎“就試看看嘛
‎說不定我們有黑人血統？

733
00:39:08,304 --> 00:39:11,057
‎也許很久以前…

734
00:39:12,224 --> 00:39:15,186
‎也許很久以前
‎我們家族裡有個黑人

735
00:39:15,269 --> 00:39:18,147
‎在我身上才顯現出來
‎我們試試看嘛，會很好玩”

736
00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:20,107
‎我說：“喬，我們家族裡沒有黑人”

737
00:39:20,441 --> 00:39:21,650
‎“你又不知道，爸，我們試試看”

738
00:39:21,734 --> 00:39:23,235
‎我說：“喬，我們家族裡沒有黑人

739
00:39:23,319 --> 00:39:26,781
‎你阿姨嫁給一個黑人
‎但是那跟你沒關係”

740
00:39:30,034 --> 00:39:31,786
‎“拜託，爸

741
00:39:32,453 --> 00:39:33,746
‎就做一下嘛

742
00:39:34,455 --> 00:39:36,832
‎就做一下，會很酷耶，就做一下”

743
00:39:38,959 --> 00:39:39,794
‎所以我做了

744
00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:42,922
‎我們真的要做

745
00:39:44,382 --> 00:39:45,800
‎我希望，我不知道…

746
00:39:46,967 --> 00:39:48,844
‎我希望家族裡真的有黑人
‎我也不懂

747
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:52,807
‎要是測試結果出來，家族裡有黑人
‎我會說：

748
00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:55,017
‎“給我滾出我的房子

749
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,521
‎去找你真的爸爸，你他媽是誰…？”

750
00:39:59,438 --> 00:40:00,689
‎這孩子到底他媽的是誰？

751
00:40:01,107 --> 00:40:03,067
‎把銀行卡還給我，混蛋

752
00:40:08,197 --> 00:40:09,824
‎他一直都在戲弄我

753
00:40:10,074 --> 00:40:11,367
‎一直都在戲弄我

754
00:40:11,450 --> 00:40:12,868
‎喔，對不起，有點…

755
00:40:13,619 --> 00:40:15,329
‎這裡有個黑人，對不起

756
00:40:17,415 --> 00:40:19,375
‎-你叫什麼名字，先生？
‎-瑪爾肯

757
00:40:19,458 --> 00:40:22,336
‎瑪爾肯，媽的
‎沒有比這更黑的名字了

758
00:40:22,670 --> 00:40:23,587
‎混蛋！

759
00:40:26,215 --> 00:40:27,675
‎可惡，瑪爾肯

760
00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:32,304
‎當然叫做這個名字

761
00:40:35,516 --> 00:40:37,810
‎-這是你的女伴嗎？
‎-她是我太太

762
00:40:37,893 --> 00:40:40,020
‎-妳呢？妳的種族是什麼？
‎-我是菲律賓人

763
00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:41,981
‎妳是菲律賓人
‎你看，這就是我…

764
00:40:42,314 --> 00:40:45,067
‎我兒子的爸媽看起來應該是這樣

765
00:40:48,028 --> 00:40:49,447
‎我兒子的爸媽就在這裡！

766
00:40:54,368 --> 00:40:56,412
‎你們覺得我在開玩笑？
‎等我帶他出來給你們看看

767
00:40:56,495 --> 00:40:58,914
‎你們就會說：
‎“媽的，那是我兒子，可惡！”

768
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,918
‎有一次我兒子來找我

769
00:41:03,002 --> 00:41:04,044
‎這是真實故事

770
00:41:04,253 --> 00:41:05,087
‎我們當時…

771
00:41:05,171 --> 00:41:06,255
‎我當時…

772
00:41:06,338 --> 00:41:09,091
‎在我房間，他跑來找我
‎他總是很愛鬧我

773
00:41:09,175 --> 00:41:11,802
‎但是他…因為他頭髮實在太美了

774
00:41:11,886 --> 00:41:14,054
‎真的他媽的超美

775
00:41:14,138 --> 00:41:14,972
‎然後…

776
00:41:15,055 --> 00:41:17,641
‎他看起來像是
‎《傑克遜五人組》的一員

777
00:41:22,521 --> 00:41:23,355
‎但是…

778
00:41:24,523 --> 00:41:26,775
‎他跑來找我，瑪爾肯，跟我說：

779
00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:29,403
‎“爸，我長大以後

780
00:41:30,237 --> 00:41:31,780
‎我會跟你一樣禿頭嗎？”

781
00:41:34,033 --> 00:41:35,993
‎那真的好傷我的心

782
00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:39,205
‎他不懂那有多傷我的心

783
00:41:39,288 --> 00:41:40,164
‎我就…

784
00:41:40,247 --> 00:41:42,791
‎我想讓他知道那多傷我
‎但不用語言傳達

785
00:41:42,875 --> 00:41:44,210
‎我要用聲調表現

786
00:41:44,293 --> 00:41:48,172
‎我就說：“喬，你知道嗎？
‎你的頭髮是遺傳你媽

787
00:41:49,298 --> 00:41:51,759
‎你媽那邊大家都有很多頭髮

788
00:41:51,842 --> 00:41:54,220
‎那大概是你有這麼多頭髮的原因
‎所以你不用擔心

789
00:41:54,303 --> 00:41:56,388
‎會跟你爸一樣禿頭”

790
00:41:58,474 --> 00:42:00,476
‎他說：“太好了！

791
00:42:02,728 --> 00:42:03,729
‎太好了！”

792
00:42:04,605 --> 00:42:07,691
‎然後就像個混蛋一樣回了房間

793
00:42:09,318 --> 00:42:10,569
‎我真的心碎了

794
00:42:10,653 --> 00:42:13,197
‎我心想：“媽的，去他的死小鬼”

795
00:42:16,242 --> 00:42:19,537
‎所以只要他問我問題
‎我有機會讓他受傷

796
00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:21,580
‎我就會讓他受傷，瑪爾肯
‎去他媽的

797
00:42:25,459 --> 00:42:27,336
‎大概兩個禮拜之後，他跑來找我

798
00:42:27,419 --> 00:42:29,547
‎他一副…“爸…”他很難過的樣子

799
00:42:29,630 --> 00:42:31,674
‎”爸，我能不能跟你聊聊

800
00:42:31,757 --> 00:42:32,633
‎拜託

801
00:42:32,716 --> 00:42:34,718
‎答應我，你不會笑我？”

802
00:42:38,597 --> 00:42:39,473
‎“好啦”

803
00:42:40,057 --> 00:42:41,267
‎我答應你

804
00:42:42,476 --> 00:42:44,937
‎“我是認真的，爸
‎這已經讓我困擾很久了

805
00:42:45,020 --> 00:42:47,940
‎我得跟你談談這個
‎拜託你，不要笑我”

806
00:42:48,023 --> 00:42:50,025
‎“好啦，喬，跟我說吧，怎麼了？

807
00:42:50,359 --> 00:42:51,860
‎你為什麼在哭？怎麼了？”

808
00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:53,070
‎“好吧，呃…

809
00:42:53,988 --> 00:42:55,823
‎我不知道怎麼說…

810
00:42:58,742 --> 00:43:01,787
‎我長陰毛已經好幾年了…”

811
00:43:08,419 --> 00:43:10,504
‎“喬，你得先跟我說是要談這個

812
00:43:12,965 --> 00:43:15,843
‎不能直接跳進主題，你應該要…

813
00:43:16,010 --> 00:43:17,052
‎警告我一聲吧？要告訴我

814
00:43:17,136 --> 00:43:18,846
‎我正要吃午餐耶

815
00:43:19,513 --> 00:43:21,181
‎現在我滿腦子想的都是陰毛”

816
00:43:21,807 --> 00:43:23,892
‎”好啦，拜託，爸
‎你說你不會開玩笑的

817
00:43:23,976 --> 00:43:26,395
‎我是認真的，聽我說

818
00:43:26,478 --> 00:43:29,690
‎我長陰毛已經好一陣子，好幾年了“

819
00:43:29,773 --> 00:43:32,067
‎”好，你在青春期啊，喬
‎本來就會這樣

820
00:43:32,151 --> 00:43:34,278
‎本來就會長陰毛
‎所以你為什麼不開心？

821
00:43:34,361 --> 00:43:36,071
‎你為什麼不高興？”

822
00:43:36,155 --> 00:43:37,072
‎”不，聽我說”

823
00:43:37,156 --> 00:43:39,450
‎“好，我在聽，怎麼了？
‎你為什麼不開心？”

824
00:43:39,533 --> 00:43:41,118
‎“好啦，呃，我一直以為

825
00:43:41,201 --> 00:43:43,996
‎爸，只要開始長陰毛

826
00:43:44,079 --> 00:43:46,540
‎老二也會開始長大？”

827
00:43:50,544 --> 00:43:51,587
‎“對啊，所以呢？”

828
00:43:53,714 --> 00:43:55,382
‎“我的老二沒有長大，爸！

829
00:43:57,426 --> 00:43:58,761
‎只有陰毛在長

830
00:43:59,928 --> 00:44:02,181
‎我的老二跟兩年前一樣大

831
00:44:02,264 --> 00:44:04,058
‎但是我的陰毛很長，老爸

832
00:44:04,266 --> 00:44:06,477
‎它一直長，我真的不懂，老爸

833
00:44:07,394 --> 00:44:08,228
‎爸！

834
00:44:09,563 --> 00:44:10,397
‎爸！

835
00:44:12,149 --> 00:44:12,983
‎爸！”

836
00:44:14,026 --> 00:44:15,903
‎我不知道怎麼辦，只能拿起手機

837
00:44:15,986 --> 00:44:17,071
‎“搞什麼鬼？”

838
00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:21,075
‎他說：“你在幹嘛，爸？”

839
00:44:22,576 --> 00:44:23,702
‎我就…

840
00:44:26,121 --> 00:44:27,873
‎“我要取消那個DNA測試”

841
00:44:38,717 --> 00:44:40,761
‎”我的天啊，爸

842
00:44:41,345 --> 00:44:43,597
‎你非得什麼事都開玩笑不可嗎？

843
00:44:44,098 --> 00:44:45,849
‎每件事都要搞笑嗎？”

844
00:44:48,352 --> 00:44:50,229
‎我說：“你笑我頭上沒毛

845
00:44:51,730 --> 00:44:53,148
‎我現在要笑你的毛”

846
00:44:56,068 --> 00:44:57,569
‎“天啊，老爸

847
00:44:57,653 --> 00:44:58,862
‎拜託

848
00:44:59,363 --> 00:45:00,531
‎說真的

849
00:45:00,864 --> 00:45:02,700
‎我不懂是怎麼回事

850
00:45:03,075 --> 00:45:05,369
‎爸，到底是怎麼一回事？

851
00:45:05,619 --> 00:45:06,954
‎應該是怎麼樣才對？

852
00:45:07,037 --> 00:45:09,415
‎我一直等，但是什麼也沒發生

853
00:45:09,790 --> 00:45:10,708
‎爸！”

854
00:45:11,417 --> 00:45:12,710
‎我抓住他

855
00:45:13,752 --> 00:45:16,255
‎我抓住他，跟他說：
‎“小子，不要哭了

856
00:45:17,214 --> 00:45:19,299
‎停下來！”
‎“那你告訴我要怎麼辦

857
00:45:19,508 --> 00:45:20,592
‎我不懂，爸”

858
00:45:20,676 --> 00:45:23,345
‎“先不要哭了”
‎“那告訴我啊，是怎麼樣？”

859
00:45:24,138 --> 00:45:24,972
‎“聽我說

860
00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:27,391
‎看著我，聽我說”

861
00:45:28,142 --> 00:45:29,560
‎“天啊，怎樣了？爸？”

862
00:45:32,479 --> 00:45:33,731
‎“可惜啊，喬…

863
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:38,652
‎那也是遺傳你媽那邊的”

864
00:45:51,081 --> 00:45:52,040
‎好吧，現在…

865
00:45:53,125 --> 00:45:55,294
‎現在才是這個故事糟糕之處

866
00:45:57,463 --> 00:45:58,797
‎我對我兒子說謊了

867
00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:03,135
‎那不是遺傳他媽那邊的

868
00:46:04,928 --> 00:46:07,598
‎那絕對是我的老二，絕對

869
00:46:08,766 --> 00:46:10,476
‎他描述的時候，我就知道是我了

870
00:46:10,559 --> 00:46:12,770
‎我心想：“糟糕，那是我的
‎我也有一樣的…

871
00:46:13,187 --> 00:46:14,646
‎我也有一樣的問題”

872
00:46:17,733 --> 00:46:19,485
‎但是我可不會這樣跟他說

873
00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:21,737
‎我不會告訴他：
‎“對啦，那就是我們家傳的老二

874
00:46:21,820 --> 00:46:24,239
‎是我把它傳給你的”
‎我他媽才不要呢！

875
00:46:26,366 --> 00:46:29,119
‎那是我一代傳一代的老二

876
00:46:31,163 --> 00:46:32,581
‎我可不會告訴他

877
00:46:32,956 --> 00:46:34,333
‎他拿到的就是這樣的一手牌

878
00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:36,293
‎他就要這樣玩

879
00:46:36,627 --> 00:46:38,670
‎我有個小老二，但很好用

880
00:46:39,963 --> 00:46:42,132
‎對我來說很好用啦，可惡
‎對他來說也會很好用

881
00:46:42,257 --> 00:46:43,592
‎他不會難過的

882
00:46:43,675 --> 00:46:44,885
‎他得想辦法適應

883
00:46:45,093 --> 00:46:47,179
‎適應…要是他來找我，跟我說：

884
00:46:47,262 --> 00:46:49,515
‎“爸，我沒有老二”
‎那我會說：“糟糕！

885
00:46:50,557 --> 00:46:51,767
‎對不起

886
00:46:53,143 --> 00:46:54,061
‎糟糕！

887
00:46:56,230 --> 00:46:57,856
‎瑪爾肯可能不是你爸吧”

888
00:47:05,656 --> 00:47:08,367
‎去你的，瑪爾肯
‎你笑得太開心了

889
00:47:08,659 --> 00:47:10,410
‎去你的，你看？

890
00:47:12,955 --> 00:47:15,499
‎被一個黑人大老二的笑話逗得這麼樂

891
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:20,128
‎然後還因為瑪爾肯的笑話生氣
‎“喔，都是因為我是黑人

892
00:47:20,212 --> 00:47:21,797
‎就一定要叫做瑪爾肯這種名字”

893
00:47:23,423 --> 00:47:26,927
‎刻板印象好笑是有原因的
‎而且就只是因為那個原因

894
00:47:27,219 --> 00:47:29,805
‎那是個好的刻板印象，瑪爾肯
‎你自己也知道

895
00:47:30,430 --> 00:47:33,183
‎你的一生都因為那個刻板印象受惠

896
00:47:34,226 --> 00:47:36,895
‎大老二刻板印象
‎我們不知道你的老二大不大

897
00:47:36,979 --> 00:47:39,147
‎但是我們這裡沒有人想跟你賭

898
00:47:46,196 --> 00:47:50,075
‎我們只會認定瑪爾肯有個大老二
‎因為那是你的刻板印象

899
00:47:50,617 --> 00:47:52,536
‎就像你會認定我數學很好

900
00:47:52,619 --> 00:47:53,704
‎去你的，瑪爾肯

901
00:47:59,459 --> 00:48:02,045
‎但是那就是糟糕的部分，瑪爾肯

902
00:48:02,129 --> 00:48:05,465
‎你不能因為
‎別人用刻板印象笑你而生氣

903
00:48:05,549 --> 00:48:06,592
‎因為那真的好笑

904
00:48:06,675 --> 00:48:08,051
‎我們只是想樂一樂

905
00:48:08,135 --> 00:48:09,011
‎所以不要生氣

906
00:48:09,094 --> 00:48:12,139
‎如果你要接受某一種刻板印象
‎就要接受其他所有的，瑪爾肯

907
00:48:12,222 --> 00:48:15,475
‎你得全盤接受
‎不要對你自己的刻板印象有所偏見

908
00:48:15,726 --> 00:48:18,312
‎要是有人問你：“你愛吃炸雞嗎？”
‎不要因為這樣生氣

909
00:48:18,395 --> 00:48:20,230
‎“幹嘛？因為我是黑人嗎？混蛋！

910
00:48:20,981 --> 00:48:23,901
‎黑人就一定要愛吃炸雞？”

911
00:48:24,943 --> 00:48:26,737
‎“你老二大嗎？”
‎“這是當然”

912
00:48:40,375 --> 00:48:43,086
‎可惜的是…

913
00:48:44,296 --> 00:48:45,547
‎我老二不大

914
00:48:46,632 --> 00:48:47,716
‎我兒子的也不大

915
00:48:51,303 --> 00:48:54,139
‎喔，等到這上了Netflix
‎我兒子可就慘了

916
00:48:55,807 --> 00:48:56,850
‎可惡！

917
00:48:58,727 --> 00:48:59,603
‎可惡！

918
00:49:05,734 --> 00:49:07,611
‎他在高中走過走廊

919
00:49:07,694 --> 00:49:08,612
‎每個人都會…

920
00:49:08,695 --> 00:49:09,529
‎“哇！”

921
00:49:12,532 --> 00:49:14,201
‎“那只是搞笑而已”

922
00:49:14,618 --> 00:49:15,953
‎不是！

923
00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:19,081
‎那是真的

924
00:49:21,124 --> 00:49:22,084
‎所以呢？

925
00:49:22,584 --> 00:49:25,504
‎他有個小老二，所以呢？
‎沒有關係

926
00:49:26,296 --> 00:49:27,422
‎小老二…去他的

927
00:49:27,506 --> 00:49:30,509
‎會很好用的，他媽真的很好用

928
00:49:31,843 --> 00:49:35,097
‎想…你知道嗎？事情是這樣
‎他會度過青春期

929
00:49:35,180 --> 00:49:36,473
‎他會因為小老二而覺得沒有安全感

930
00:49:36,556 --> 00:49:39,518
‎他會長到20幾歲
‎大概已經建立起一點自信

931
00:49:39,601 --> 00:49:41,144
‎我想要是…然後等到他30幾歲

932
00:49:41,228 --> 00:49:43,772
‎要是他還對自己的小老二沒有自信

933
00:49:43,855 --> 00:49:45,440
‎我就會介入，跟他聊聊

934
00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:49,403
‎我會去找他說：

935
00:49:50,195 --> 00:49:51,113
‎嘿！

936
00:49:51,947 --> 00:49:53,865
‎還在氣小老二的事嗎？”

937
00:49:56,284 --> 00:49:57,494
‎”對，老爸，爛死了“

938
00:49:58,537 --> 00:50:00,497
‎那是我兒子30歲的聲音

939
00:50:01,331 --> 00:50:02,499
‎”對，老爸，爛死了“

940
00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:05,544
‎30歲的人，只有15歲的老二

941
00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:14,928
‎我要來對這邊說
‎”對，我30歲了

942
00:50:15,012 --> 00:50:16,847
‎只有15歲的老二，爸

943
00:50:17,347 --> 00:50:18,306
‎是怎樣？”

944
00:50:20,142 --> 00:50:21,476
‎然後我會抓住他説：

945
00:50:21,601 --> 00:50:22,436
‎“你聽好了

946
00:50:23,020 --> 00:50:25,439
‎聽好了”
‎“怎樣？什麼事，老爸？

947
00:50:26,231 --> 00:50:27,899
‎你還能告訴我什麼？”

948
00:50:29,943 --> 00:50:32,612
‎我會告訴他：
‎“喬” 我打從心底説…

949
00:50:33,697 --> 00:50:35,073
‎“你有個小老二，而且…

950
00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:37,367
‎你只要這樣做就好

951
00:50:39,619 --> 00:50:40,579
‎搞好你的信用卡”

952
00:50:45,876 --> 00:50:47,377
‎那可是實話，瑪爾肯

953
00:50:50,422 --> 00:50:51,548
‎要是你想過…

954
00:50:51,923 --> 00:50:54,760
‎要是你想過大老二的生活
‎像瑪爾肯一樣

955
00:50:55,802 --> 00:50:57,012
‎就得搞好你的信用卡

956
00:50:58,013 --> 00:51:00,098
‎你有個小老二，搞好你的信用卡

957
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:02,309
‎那可是實話
‎你有個小老二？

958
00:51:02,392 --> 00:51:04,561
‎搞好你的信用卡，老二就多了十吋

959
00:51:06,563 --> 00:51:07,689
‎那可是實話

960
00:51:09,024 --> 00:51:11,985
‎這裡有很多人有小老二，跟我一樣

961
00:51:12,069 --> 00:51:13,737
‎你們笑得不夠樂

962
00:51:15,530 --> 00:51:16,740
‎試試看

963
00:51:17,949 --> 00:51:20,077
‎不覺得這裡好笑

964
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:22,496
‎因為跟你沒關係
‎你們只是這樣看著我

965
00:51:27,334 --> 00:51:29,252
‎但是跟你一起來的女生快笑死了

966
00:51:33,632 --> 00:51:35,008
‎“妳在笑什麼？”

967
00:51:35,967 --> 00:51:37,344
‎“搞好你的信用卡”

968
00:51:43,642 --> 00:51:45,018
‎那可是實話

969
00:51:45,102 --> 00:51:46,228
‎搞好你的信用卡

970
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:47,854
‎事情總會有出路

971
00:51:48,647 --> 00:51:51,441
‎對我來說很好用
‎我很有信心，我才不在意

972
00:51:52,150 --> 00:51:55,529
‎我單身，還有好信用卡
‎我會跟這裡每個女人說

973
00:51:55,612 --> 00:51:57,739
‎我有個小老二！

974
00:51:59,199 --> 00:52:00,700
‎但是我的信用很好

975
00:52:02,035 --> 00:52:03,745
‎大老二能買房子給妳嗎？

976
00:52:04,955 --> 00:52:06,456
‎這個小壞蛋可以！

977
00:52:15,298 --> 00:52:17,134
‎我說的是真話

978
00:52:17,717 --> 00:52:19,719
‎你聽得到的話，瑪爾肯，我都聽得到

979
00:52:21,054 --> 00:52:23,140
‎你愛聽什麼大老二的鬼話？我也是

980
00:52:24,224 --> 00:52:25,767
‎女人跟男人不一樣

981
00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:29,396
‎女人是不同的生物
‎她們愛上你就是愛上你

982
00:52:29,813 --> 00:52:33,191
‎好好照顧一個女人
‎供她食衣住行，保護她

983
00:52:33,316 --> 00:52:34,151
‎愛惜她

984
00:52:34,234 --> 00:52:35,610
‎尊敬她，愛她

985
00:52:35,902 --> 00:52:38,155
‎所有的…做到所有這些事
‎讓她覺得自己是女王

986
00:52:38,238 --> 00:52:39,906
‎看看她為你的自尊做了什麼

987
00:52:40,532 --> 00:52:42,659
‎看看女人會為你的自尊做些什麼

988
00:52:42,742 --> 00:52:44,828
‎因為她明白，那對男人來說很重要

989
00:52:44,911 --> 00:52:46,663
‎他的自尊

990
00:52:47,247 --> 00:52:48,540
‎男人最愛這種了

991
00:52:49,249 --> 00:52:51,376
‎她會跟你說些你早就知道…

992
00:52:51,459 --> 00:52:52,961
‎她不該對你說的事

993
00:52:55,130 --> 00:52:56,506
‎她會在床上對你說謊

994
00:52:56,590 --> 00:52:57,924
‎你還聽了那謊話

995
00:52:58,550 --> 00:52:59,926
‎你愛死了那謊話

996
00:53:00,010 --> 00:53:03,430
‎因為那讓你覺得很高興
‎你從沒懷疑過那個謊話

997
00:53:03,513 --> 00:53:05,348
‎你他媽是在跟誰說話？

998
00:53:06,016 --> 00:53:08,768
‎她說的時候你愛死了
‎你還叫她重複

999
00:53:09,811 --> 00:53:12,147
‎“哈，喔我的…噢！”

1000
00:53:12,230 --> 00:53:14,566
‎“對，賤貨，噢，會痛？”

1001
00:53:15,150 --> 00:53:17,360
‎“對，我的天啊！”

1002
00:53:25,118 --> 00:53:27,996
‎尺寸不重要…看看這個

1003
00:53:28,079 --> 00:53:30,832
‎看看它多小，但是她不在乎
‎她愛你

1004
00:53:31,166 --> 00:53:32,209
‎她愛你

1005
00:53:32,334 --> 00:53:35,086
‎你在做的動作…是做愛
‎她喜歡的是做愛

1006
00:53:35,170 --> 00:53:36,838
‎她不在乎尺寸
‎”是我的…

1007
00:53:38,757 --> 00:53:39,591
‎我的…

1008
00:53:39,674 --> 00:53:40,759
‎我的…

1009
00:53:41,426 --> 00:53:42,302
‎我的

1010
00:53:42,677 --> 00:53:43,845
‎我要睡在上面”

1011
00:53:50,936 --> 00:53:53,563
‎不要再試著做大老二的事了

1012
00:53:54,105 --> 00:53:55,440
‎為什麼我們要那樣？

1013
00:53:55,523 --> 00:53:57,234
‎不要再試著做大老二的事

1014
00:53:57,317 --> 00:53:59,903
‎不要再試著做
‎那些瑪爾肯可以自然做到的事

1015
00:54:00,779 --> 00:54:01,655
‎不要再做了！

1016
00:54:01,738 --> 00:54:03,281
‎做你自己！

1017
00:54:03,615 --> 00:54:05,450
‎做你自己！我一天到晚這樣做

1018
00:54:05,533 --> 00:54:07,452
‎我就只有那麼長，但我會做什麼呢？

1019
00:54:07,535 --> 00:54:09,829
‎我會拱起我的背
‎好像這樣我的老二會伸長

1020
00:54:09,913 --> 00:54:10,997
‎我到底在幹什麼？

1021
00:54:11,081 --> 00:54:12,916
‎好像我屁股裡還有剩下的老二

1022
00:54:12,999 --> 00:54:15,961
‎只要弄出來就能用
‎“出來了，寶貝，妳感覺到了嗎？”

1023
00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:20,465
‎你的睪丸就是老二盡頭的標誌

1024
00:54:20,966 --> 00:54:22,634
‎你的睪丸就是在告訴你
‎“老二就到這裡喔”

1025
00:54:22,717 --> 00:54:24,177
‎你的睪丸整天都在説
‎“老二就到這裡喔”

1026
00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:26,721
‎你的睪丸在說：
‎”你就只有這些老二

1027
00:54:27,305 --> 00:54:29,641
‎剩下的只有睪丸了，喬”

1028
00:54:33,061 --> 00:54:36,189
‎不要再試著做大老二做的事了

1029
00:54:36,856 --> 00:54:39,985
‎不要再試著拉出來再放進去

1030
00:54:40,068 --> 00:54:41,194
‎你到底在幹嘛？

1031
00:54:41,444 --> 00:54:44,906
‎你得有雷射的準度才回得去

1032
00:54:45,156 --> 00:54:45,991
‎不要再做了！

1033
00:54:46,658 --> 00:54:47,492
‎不要再做了！

1034
00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:48,910
‎放在裡面就好

1035
00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:50,120
‎放在裡面就好

1036
00:54:50,203 --> 00:54:51,538
‎好好擠擠那個雞掰

1037
00:54:51,621 --> 00:54:52,747
‎擠擠那個雞掰

1038
00:54:52,956 --> 00:54:54,749
‎擠擠，好好搞她

1039
00:54:54,833 --> 00:54:55,917
‎好好擠一擠

1040
00:54:56,042 --> 00:54:57,085
‎好好擠

1041
00:54:57,168 --> 00:54:58,336
‎用力擠，推一下她

1042
00:54:58,420 --> 00:54:59,254
‎好好擠

1043
00:54:59,337 --> 00:55:00,839
‎“我們到底要去哪裡？”

1044
00:55:00,922 --> 00:55:02,048
‎去他媽的好好擠

1045
00:55:02,132 --> 00:55:03,758
‎“我們都到廚房了”

1046
00:55:10,807 --> 00:55:13,685
‎被邀請去豪宅派對你就該高興了

1047
00:55:15,061 --> 00:55:17,689
‎被邀請去豪宅配對你就該高興了

1048
00:55:17,772 --> 00:55:19,107
‎那就是她的豪宅

1049
00:55:19,190 --> 00:55:21,401
‎她的四千萬豪宅

1050
00:55:21,693 --> 00:55:23,153
‎她要開個派對

1051
00:55:23,236 --> 00:55:26,114
‎賓客名單上只有一個人
‎就是你！

1052
00:55:26,906 --> 00:55:29,075
‎我光是用想的，就想哭了

1053
00:55:30,827 --> 00:55:33,288
‎四千萬豪宅派對

1054
00:55:33,371 --> 00:55:35,540
‎她的賓客名單上只有一個人

1055
00:55:35,623 --> 00:55:36,458
‎就是你

1056
00:55:37,167 --> 00:55:38,626
‎超他媽棒的

1057
00:55:41,421 --> 00:55:44,341
‎可惜你不能走到豪宅最裡面

1058
00:55:48,261 --> 00:55:50,263
‎“妳家好大喔”

1059
00:55:52,265 --> 00:55:54,184
‎但是你可以稱讚門框

1060
00:55:56,728 --> 00:55:57,687
‎扭一扭門把

1061
00:55:58,480 --> 00:55:59,564
‎扭一扭門把

1062
00:55:59,647 --> 00:56:03,026
‎找找備份鑰匙
‎就在裡面，在上面，就在那裡

1063
00:56:03,109 --> 00:56:05,445
‎我發誓，備份鑰匙就在那裡

1064
00:56:05,570 --> 00:56:06,488
‎給我找到

1065
00:56:08,698 --> 00:56:11,910
‎瑪爾肯在樓上說：
‎“上面還有按摩浴池”

1066
00:56:13,036 --> 00:56:14,120
‎去你媽的，瑪爾肯

1067
00:56:24,631 --> 00:56:26,633
‎我要告訴我兒子真相

1068
00:56:27,217 --> 00:56:29,344
‎“喬，聽著，尺寸不重要

1069
00:56:30,804 --> 00:56:32,180
‎尺寸不重要”

1070
00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:34,599
‎這裡變得有點安靜

1071
00:56:36,226 --> 00:56:37,310
‎尺寸重要嗎？

1072
00:56:37,394 --> 00:56:38,728
‎-重要
‎-真的？

1073
00:56:40,230 --> 00:56:41,314
‎尺寸重要嗎？

1074
00:56:41,398 --> 00:56:42,607
‎當然！

1075
00:56:43,691 --> 00:56:44,609
‎真的？

1076
00:56:45,151 --> 00:56:45,985
‎真的？

1077
00:56:47,153 --> 00:56:48,154
‎來個人說不重要吧！

1078
00:56:54,035 --> 00:56:54,953
‎我說得沒錯

1079
00:56:57,247 --> 00:56:58,957
‎我要再問一次：尺寸重要嗎？

1080
00:56:59,040 --> 00:56:59,916
‎重要！

1081
00:57:00,542 --> 00:57:01,376
‎重要

1082
00:57:02,919 --> 00:57:04,170
‎樓下覺得不重要

1083
00:57:04,254 --> 00:57:05,171
‎樓上覺得重要

1084
00:57:09,342 --> 00:57:11,052
‎看吧，好的信用卡有用

1085
00:57:20,770 --> 00:57:22,439
‎好的信用卡讓你坐樓下

1086
00:57:26,526 --> 00:57:27,694
‎糟糕

1087
00:57:29,654 --> 00:57:32,657
‎瑪爾肯坐在第一排
‎他有大老二，信用卡又好用

1088
00:57:32,740 --> 00:57:35,660
‎混蛋！

1089
00:57:38,163 --> 00:57:39,998
‎你確定你沒有大雞掰嗎？

1090
00:57:43,835 --> 00:57:45,879
‎什麼？那太糟糕了嗎？

1091
00:57:46,671 --> 00:57:49,340
‎停下，我說了我有個小老二

1092
00:57:49,716 --> 00:57:52,719
‎也許不是她在大叫
‎也許她們的大機掰特別喜歡這樣

1093
00:57:52,802 --> 00:57:53,678
‎“好棒！”

1094
00:57:54,345 --> 00:57:56,598
‎“閉嘴，大雞掰”
‎“不，他是個騙子”

1095
00:57:56,723 --> 00:57:58,725
‎“閉嘴，大機掰”
‎“不要！”

1096
00:58:03,938 --> 00:58:04,814
‎要是…

1097
00:58:04,898 --> 00:58:06,191
‎要是尺寸真的重要

1098
00:58:06,274 --> 00:58:08,109
‎那為什麼最受歡迎的性愛玩具

1099
00:58:08,193 --> 00:58:11,112
‎玩具店每次都完售的那個小…

1100
00:58:13,865 --> 00:58:15,283
‎看看每個女人

1101
00:58:19,954 --> 00:58:21,664
‎那就是我的老二的大小

1102
00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:27,754
‎每個女人都買那個

1103
00:58:28,463 --> 00:58:31,674
‎沒有任何女人走進性愛玩具店說：
‎“給我這個

1104
00:58:34,219 --> 00:58:37,263
‎我想要一邊做愛，一邊搔喉嚨”

1105
00:58:41,142 --> 00:58:41,976
‎每個女人…

1106
00:58:51,986 --> 00:58:52,946
‎妳們用它的時候…

1107
00:58:58,993 --> 00:59:01,120
‎我愛你們，夏威夷
‎謝謝你們！