A NETFLIX SERIES
Well,
the family's reunited and we can all play together.
Let's not forget about fun.
Pick a piece of paper.
Pick one.
Léonard…
Pick one.
So,
what's the name?
No, please.
-Give it. -Léonard, please.
Give it to me!
Ibrahim.
Is that one of your kids?
He's a baby.
A baby.
That's outstanding. Babies go for $150,000 at the very least.
Take this, José.
Tell Miguel to send one of our guys to Paris to get him.
Don't take my kids. I'm begging you.
Take William. There you go.
No, not William.
Don't take William. That's really…
William's my Achilles' heel. I love him more than my kids.
Please don't take him. Take him.
I thought about it. Take him.
He'll understand.
I'm not a fool. We're sticking with Ibrahim.
Don't worry. Everything will turn out for the best.
He'll get the royal treatment.
Léonard, we didn't want to escape. I swear. We were tripping.
-Yeah. -We weren't ourselves. We took shrooms.
We don't even know how we got outside.
We wanted to go back to the monastery. We were lost.
Thankfully, the police showed up.
And thank God they were corrupt and could bring us back.
Plus, they knew the way back to the monastery.
-It was like a dream. -Yeah.
-Like in a musical. -The Ten Commandments.
-Yeah. -Hold on. What's that about?
Yeah, it's really well-known.
It's a musical with Moses, the Tablets of the Law…
It was a big hit.
Remember, there was the guy from the band Pow woW.
He didn't have any hair in front. It was all in the back.
Remember what we said when we were drunk?
-Damn, it's all in the back. -Yeah, that's true.
-He was the Egyptian. -There you go.
They were rivals. The Israelites, the other brother.
-The song "My Brother" was a hit. -A hit.
My brother, my brother
-There was plexiglass between their hands. -Exactly.
It represented the sea.
-That's the sea? -Yeah, it's not just plexiglass.
-Dove Attia produced it. -Wait!
I was talking about the shrooms.
What are you going on about with your Israelite crap?
-What are the shrooms? -These are them.
That's exactly what we took.
It's a magic mushroom with exceptional properties.
Hold on. Where did you get that?
It's something we've been developing the last few years with Grandma.
And there you go.
We were just about to start selling it.
We didn't have time. But this stuff is the bomb.
It's really strong.
It's true. That was basically something to do as a family,
but then you kidnapped us. You pulled the rug out from under us.
But if you want, we can do it together.
It'd be great to work as associates.
-That's a big barrel of cash. -Nothing but dough.
Are you trying to pull a fast one on me?
-No. -If you don't believe me, try it.
If you're playing me, I'll lock you in the closet with rats
and you'll all suck my dick and beg me to save you.
-Agreed? -Of course.
Léonard, try it.
Try it if you don't believe us.
It's disgusting though. It's rough and tastes slimy.
But we had the crazy idea
to put it in some balls of falafel.
-And we even wanted to call it FalafeLSD. -Yeah.
FalafeLSD.
A pretty catchy little play on words.
-To boost sales. -Yeah.
No, wait.
You can see Léonard's not ready for this.
You want to put him in a spaceship when he's never been in a plane.
Yeah.
It might be too much for you.
Hold on. What do you mean, a spaceship?
-Come on, old man. -It's kind of strong.
Whoa. Three's a lot.
Yeah, hold on. That's a big trip.
Who's she?
Catherine. Nice to meet you.
She's my…
They thought she was working with us.
-Okay. -Yeah.
-Nice to meet you, Catherine. -You too.
Come here, little one. Get up.
-Youssef, he's talking. -Yeah!
He's said "dobro je" before. It means "good" in Serbian.
But what does "licksh-my-bols" mean?
Fuck, this Bolshevik is not helping. I'm telling you.
Licksh-my-bols…
Damn it. I can't find it.
Damn it.
Licksh-my-bols…
Fuck.
Lick my balls.
It's French.
He asked the puppy to lick his balls.
-What are you talking about? -Yes.
Obviously. I would've done the same.
-So would you. -No.
Good doggie.
Not the willy.
Fuck, you were right.
So?
He's disgusting.
Hold on. He's done with the balls. He's moving on to his behind.
Stop.
It seems like the bastard really likes it.
You're weird.
You're--
Clém?
What did you do to Giroud's hand?
Yeah, I got the munchies.
Fuck!
I loved it.
Well, not as much as he is.
That puppy's going all out. Holy cow.
I bet he had some poop in his ass. For sure.
Dogs love that.
They go crazy for little bits in the hair.
Little rascals.
Are you awake, my love? Are you okay?
Yes, I'm okay.
I was just thinking
it's been a while since he took the mushrooms. I hope he's not dead.
Well, I hope that son of a bitch is dead.
I hope he dies.
Yeah, you're right.
I hope he's dead too.
That son of a bitch.
Then again, he's so young. That'd be sad.
You say that because you're too nice.
At the same time, that's why I love you.
You see, Catherine…
I think I could die for you.
When we get out of here, we'll get on my boat
and the two of us will travel around the world. Okay?
-Okay. -Yeah.
Fuck!
That stuff you gave me hit me like a ton of bricks.
I took a shovel to the face. It was astronomical.
I'm gonna tell you about it really quick.
I took a trip…
I was in an enclosed space,
which turned out to be my mother's uterus.
I realized that after.
Hair came out like this. Right out of her pussy.
I was born for the second time during my trip.
That's why I wanted to ask if you could make me a kilo of falafel?
The stuff you told me about.
You have 15 days.
Okay, perfect.
We'll start tomorrow morning.
Okay, then we'll see where this goes.
If this works,
it could lead to bigger orders.
So I'll leave this man's children alone.
All right?
And could we eventually,
if you have a moment, find out how Grandma's doing?
First, you're gonna give me a list of equipment.
-After that, we'll… -Of course.
We'll discuss that in due time.
And I'll get you whatever you need.
Anyway, thank you. The product you gave me was a real treat.
You should know that will work in your favor.
All right?
Say hi to whoever you want for me.
He did take three.
I don't know who this Pénélope is, but poor girl.
She must be really close to him.
To be tattooed just above the ass, she must've given him a lot of rim jobs.
What?
His ass.
What do you mean?
Licking his butthole. Between his cheeks.
-Jo! -What? Sorry.
How can you not understand?
And to think he spread Nutella on his balls.
Poor Gaëtan.
I hope all he gets is bad diarrhea.
Youssef! It's ringing.
-Hello, Mr. Cavillan? -Cavillan!
He said Cavillan! I told you he was our guy! Didn't I?
Shut up! Let me listen.
What's unexpected?
What?
You want to move it out 15 days.
That's complicated, Mr. Cavillan.
I don't know if the surgeon will be available
to harvest the organs in 15 days.
Okay.
So I need to find another surgeon just in case.
Well, I'll let you know.
Those bastards.
They're gonna take their genitals.
You don't get it.
This is organ trafficking, like kidneys, lungs…
So Olivier's dick will stay intact.
A kidney's important though, isn't it?
Yes, of course it is!
Except he said he's looking to hire another surgeon.
And that's good for us.
We have to go see him and get him to hire us.
Olivier's dick…
I miss it.
Every time I talk about it, my heart stops and my pussy opens up.
Please stop, Clémentine.
You know what? I have a headache.
Let's stop talking about it. I don't have a change of panties.
Stop.
All the mushrooms are here behind the pipe. Look.
-Yeah, all right. -See?
-Damn, there are a lot. -Hey. Aure?
You did good.
That'll buy us some time to get organized and find a way to get out of here.
What are you talking about?
-What am I talking about? -Yeah.
I need to leave.
I need to warn Aïda that the kids are in danger.
Yeah. Let me point out that if they're in danger,
it's 'cause you tried to escape.
Idiots.
Did you plan to come back for us?
Obviously. Are you kidding me?
-I'm just asking. -We left specifically to get help.
It's useless. The police are corrupt. Léonard controls everyone here.
Yeah, so we all agree.
We'll stop trying to escape and concentrate on production.
But we don't know how to grow shrooms. What are you saying?
Wait. That's not true?
The mushrooms aren't from Ludmila?
No, they're not, but who gives a shit? I know how to grow them.
Grandma taught me how to multiply strains and get them to take root.
Mycelium is key.
Mycelium is key…
And Catherine studied biology.
You can help, can't you?
Yeah, that's true. I know a thing or two.
Awesome.
A thing or two, yeah. She's really good.
Plus, she's a huge Enrico fan.
-What's that got to do with it? -I'm just saying. That's all.
A big fan.
Great. All right. Catherine, we don't know each other.
I have nothing against you,
but I won't bet my kids' lives on your knowledge of life sciences.
All right? And not on you or your mycelium either.
Listen, Jo. Okay, I messed up the Pastra, all right?
But I know how to make shrooms. Can you trust me?
Okay. Go ahead.
Do it. I trust you. Go ahead.
Thank you, Jo.
I don't trust her at all.
I promise you, those shrooms are sweet madness.
I knew it'd be sweet. You'll see. You're in for a treat.
I don't think we're ready for what's in store.
By the way, you have to stay with them
to really analyze how they really grow them.
You don't get it. There are no mushrooms. They lied.
They never worked on this with Ludmila. They don't know anything.
And don't smoke in my office.
Hold on.
With or without Ludmila, if they sold it to us, that means they can grow it.
-Can we agree on that? -Maybe.
All right. So what do we have to lose?
We risk stirring shit up with the cartel.
So I forbid you.
You actually forbid me?
-Yes, I forbid you. -All right.
Come on. Let's go see Gérard and tell him
you'd rather kill his grandkids than do some botany.
Let's see his expression when he finds out what's behind your mask.
Come on.
Come, Mom. Let's go.
Okay.
Okay, Léonard.
Stop it.
I'll go back.
Smart move.
-That's good. -You don't want them to piss you off.
If I were you, I'd ask Guzman how Ludmila's doing.
Could you pass me the shampoo, please?
Aure? Can you pass me the shampoo?
Aure, are you okay?
Yes, sorry.
-Here. -Thanks.
It's just those two…
They made me doubt myself. Damn, the pressure those idiots put on me.
I'm not sure I can grow the shrooms. I don't know.
Don't listen to them. Of course you'll be able to.
And I'm here.
We'll do it together.
Don't worry.
Thanks.
Thanks. That's nice of you. You're right.
Damn, that's heavy.
-Gérard? -What?
-I saw my father when I was hallucinating. -Yeah?
-Yeah. -That's great.
-How was he? -Apparently, he was in Mesrine's gang.
A real gangster and pretty good-looking.
No, wait! That's too heavy for you, honey.
-I'll help you. -Yeah.
He was a gangster.
So I was thinking that's why it's in my blood.
Yeah. Then again, it was just a hallucination.
Yeah, but still…
All right.
Were you able to start? Are we all set?
-Yeah, all good. -Great.
-Mr. Léonard. -Yes?
-Hello. -Hello.
I have a small request.
That is… Nothing big.
Could we make a little bedroom in this room
so Catherine and I could…
You know what I mean?
Because with the kids around, it's complicated.
There's no…
This room is locked at night. I lock everything.
This is a dorm. Like it or not, you're not at your mother's.
Well, my mother…
What about your mother?
-Nothing. -All right.
I'm warning you now. I'm giving you 15 days
to deliver the mushrooms.
In the event this goes awry, which let's hope doesn't happen,
to my dismay, it might not be good for this man's children.
All right? Is that clear?
Yes, it's clear.
-It's clear, yeah. -Very well.
However,
could we know how our grandmother's doing?
I have a little surprise for you. Come with me.
Come on.
All right, Pablo. I'm not stupid.
I know where to look.
I've seen a camera before.
My bubbelehs,
I miss you.
They treat me well here.
But they made me understand I can't be a smart-ass,
or you'll be the ones who pay.
I imagine it works both ways, so don't be smart-asses either.
The crops are growing well here.
What's wrong? Can't you see I'm talking to my family.
Shut your mouth, asshole.
I'm learning Spanish super fast.
Son of a bitch.
They stuck me with an idiot who's as dumb as a post.
-She doesn't give a shit. It's crazy. -She talks to them like shit.
So…
-They're good. -Same cap as usual.
Well, my little Aure,
I think about you.
Trust yourself
and make good decisions for the family.
Let's fill it to 2.5.
They look tough, but in reality
they need you more than you need them.
Gérard, even though you don't always see things clearly with your camel eyes…
I didn't think I'd be saying this to you, but I miss you.
There you go.
That's not French.
No one complains here, and it's bumming me out.
Olivier,
I know you're also depressed because of Clémentine.
But don't worry.
I'm sure it'll all work out.
As for you, Joseph,
my little prince,
you wanted to sacrifice yourself to save us.
And that was big of you.
But once again, it was stupid.
At my age, it was up to me to go.
So I hope you're not mad at me.
You still have so much to share with your kids.
You have a future to build,
even if it might not be the one you had imagined.
But it's also good to let destiny surprise you.
And if things don't always seem to be stable,
rest assured
and tell yourself life has surprises that we never could've imagined.
Don't you play little games to get things going?
And when we stick together,
listen to each other,
and pool our energy,
we can accomplish amazing things.
Incredible!
When we work as a family…
How did they put them in the trays?
Well, then they put them…
…we're indestructible.
See you later.
Okay, I'm done.
The other idiot is waving at me.
I have to go back to my crops.
My loves, my children, my bubbelehs,
be careful, be strong, and be brave.
I love you. I'm thinking of you.
All right, I'm gonna try the falafel.
Let's dunk these in and see if it works.
-Damn, they're browning really well. -Yeah.
We can't leave them in too long. The outside could burn.
You deal with it. I don't care.
-Shit! -Fuck!
-Shit. -I can't believe it.
-What's with these shitty lamps? -Hold on. Let me see.
-Fuck. Nothing works around here. -You're not bleeding.
What do you mean, nothing works?
It's not a shitty lamp. It's fragile.
You keep touching it, so eventually, boom.
She's stressed. Damn.
I have a bad feeling about her shrooms.
-Bro. -What?
-I saw a computer in the next room. -Okay.
-Behind this wall, there's a computer. -Yeah.
We need to figure out…
I don't know how, but we need to figure out how to get to it. Okay?
Then I can warn Aïda and she can hide the kids.
No, calm down.
The mushrooms seem to be taking root. It'll be all right.
They do? Maybe they're button mushrooms.
They're great in a salad, but if they're not hallucinogenic,
he'll sell my kids.
What was that?
Damn!
That thing's dangerous.
Don't get too close. I'll lower the heat.
Wait, bro.
This could be the bomb.
Obviously! I worked at l'As du Falafel for six months.
I'm not talking about falafel, idiot.
I'm talking about a real bomb.
Look.
We take this propane tank,
throw it against the wall. Boom, it blows up.
We get to the computer.
When Léonard sees a big hole in the wall, he'll lose his shit.
An accident.
Accidents with fryers happen in restaurants every day.
Okay, yeah.
-Maybe. -We're doing it?
Yeah.
But let's not tell the others.
-Okay. -Come on. What's next?
-Let's finish… -We're gonna take them out.
The first ones look good.
-They're fried right. -They look good.
This is the new version with a dash of cumin.
-A dash of cumin. -Yes.
That's Uncle Wolfgang's little secret.
Thanks so much, Joseph.
You know, learning traditions is really important to me.
My pleasure, Catherine. There are no secrets between us.
No. Thanks.
See you later.
Why does she always have her nose in our shit like that?
With her little notebook.
She's a pain in the ass.
She can put her nose in my shit whenever she wants.
She can even put her whole face in my ass. I'd be happy.
You're crazy, bro. She's hot.
You disgust me.
I'm sorry.
Gérard struck it big with that woman.
She looks like she's straight out of a swingers' club.
Look at that.
She brings me back to my childhood.
Like it's Saturday night
with my little Kleenex watching a scrambled cable channel.
That's nice of you. I would've said something free,
soft-core on a Sunday with disgusting girls.
I'd take the Kleenex and wipe my ass with it.
It'd be that shitty.
She's not hot?
Stop breaking my balls.
Where were we?
Show me the bomb, damn it.
Careful.
I got it. All right.
-Are you sure that's how it works? -Yeah, don't worry.
It's in my blood.
Let me remind you my father's a real gangster.
Bro, it's not just your biological father.
Your upbringing matters most.
Go on. Put it away.
Come on.
That's bold of you to say.
Honestly, with what you're going through with the triplets, that's very brave.
What do you mean?
If ever we don't get out of this…
I'm not saying we won't.
But if we don't, William will be the one raising your kids.
I think that's big of you to accept.
-That has nothing to do with it. -Yeah, it does actually.
No, it doesn't,
'cause at the end of the day, I say upbringing is important…
Yeah, it's nice, but it's not fundamental.
What matters is their biological father.
That's what's passed down to a child.
DNA, vision, stuff, personality, good looks, all that…
That's what matters.
Upbringing is like wax on a car.
But the car is the biological father.
It's not the wax.
So then I'm a real gangster.
Yeah, bro, you're a real gangster.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Thanks, bro.
So, Mr. Finanouk, allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Muriel Prévot,
a former surgeon who specialized in organ transplants of all sorts.
Bladder, liver, eye…
And this is my assistant,
Mohammed Ben Affleck.
No.
Ben Aflahak.
Lahak, righteousness.
Anyway, as we were saying, we're completely changing careers
in order to have less stress in our lives.
That's why…
That's why we'd like to open a hookah bar.
A hookah cat bar.
-A bar with cats and hookahs. -No.
Yes.
Hookah bars are a hit and so are cat bars, so why not do both together?
Whiskas-flavored hookahs. Sheba, Friskies, Gourmet.
The restrooms would be a big litter box.
It's great for the planet.
Customers could cover their droppings themselves with litter.
There'd be piles full of surprises. "What's that? A turd!"
I see a four-year gap here.
There's nothing on your resume.
Yeah, well done.
He has a good eye.
Mohammed,
you can say it.
Go on.
There's nothing to be ashamed of. You've paid your debt to society.
Be brave. Come on.
I went down for robbery.
-Robbery. -Robbery.
And since Mr. Ben Aflahak…
It's hard.
Since Mohammed is a man of principle,
he didn't want to "rat out" his accomplices.
He got, as they say on the streets,
"four years of prison."
Back to the project,
that's why, nevertheless, we'd like a loan for 150,000 euros.
150…
And we're willing to do anything
to get this money.
Really anything.
-You know what I mean? -He got it.
-Anything. -Come on.
Damn, the falafel looks good.
You can't even tell there are mushrooms inside.
How are things going for you?
I need another hour or two.
I gotta finish the hole, dump the bomb in…
Yeah.
And here's the oil for Olive!
-Thanks. -Olive's oil!
Olive oil! Damn!
I never made the connection.
-That's crazy. -Olive oil.
Great. So are you guys ready?
Yeah.
It'll be ready in about two hours.
-Two hours? -Yeah, at least.
I don't understand. There's a plate of falafel ready right there.
It's hot. Let's go.
Yeah, but we have to cook them all.
Let them sit. That takes time.
Plus, the ones we're making are gourmet.
This isn't fine dining. What are you talking about?
-Léonard is waiting. I'll go get him. -No!
-Aure! -What?
Don't get him. We don't even know if the shrooms work.
All right.
You still don't trust me.
Aure, this isn't about trust.
I think we need to try them first and then go get him.
He's right.
-You're right. That's smart. You try them. -We're trying them?
Yeah, we'll try them. You go do what you gotta do.
No, I'm staying here. You know the effects. It'll be funny.
-I'm staying with you. Come on. -Let's try it.
-No problem. -We have nothing to hide.
-Here, Jo. -Here we go.
-Taste it. -L'Chaim.
-Let's go. L'Chaim. -Here we go.
There you go.
-Holy cow. -Damn, it's good.
-What a treat. -Why are you eating it like squirrels?
-What? -Are you scared of tripping or what?
No, it's just heavy.
You know, I already ate. I don't wanna be farting all day.
Who cares if you fart? Léonard is gonna eat the whole thing.
So eat it in a normal way. What are you doing?
Okay, let's do it. Here we go, bro.
-Let's go. One, two, three. -Come on.
Four, five, six.
-Whenever you want. -Are you kidding me?
-On seven? Okay, six, seven… -No.
All right, eight! Seven, eight, nine…
-Damn it! -Stop it.
Come on, damn it!
I can't believe this.
-Damn. -There you go.
How does it taste?
It's excellent.
Honestly, it's really good.
All right, see you later. We'll let you know when it's done.
No, that's all right. I'll stay here. I'll wait for you to finish. Swallow it.
Do you think we're pretending?
It looks kind of dry.
Open your mouth.
All right, I ate it.
Perfect. Now we wait. I'll be back in 30 minutes.
-That's it. -Later.
Fucking pain in the ass.
Forget the falafel, bro. Come dig.
-We only have 30 minutes. -Why?
Why?
If the shrooms work, we won't need the bomb.
What if they don't?
Okay. Come on.
Come and help me. Get a knife.
We need to move our asses.
La Boule Rouge. Hello?
What?
The Hazans?
Hold on. Don't hang up.
Wait, please.
-Mr. Gaston, it's for you. -Give that to me.
Hello?
Yes, who's this?
I don't understand.
Little bottle of shampoo?
With a letter?
Well then, all right.
Please, take a picture.
And send it to me by mail,
email
at
enrico
at @
enrico dot
enrico dot fr.
Enrico, like Enrico Macias, you idiot.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Are you okay?
A little bottle of shampoo
with a letter.
I didn't understand a thing.
That's good.
It's bueno.
We just need to put the hole in the propane tank.
And we're all set.
Where are you at with the timer?
I set it to ten seconds.
But, Jo, you gotta be extra careful
not to touch it when you move the propane tank, okay?
Okay.
Timer.
-Timer. -Yeah.
Timer.
What's wrong?
-I think it's kicking in. -What?
I think the shrooms are working.
-Damn, that's a relief. -Yeah.
My head's starting to buzz.
That's good news.
-We don't need the bomb anymore. -Yeah, you're right.
Let's forget about the bomb.
A bombshell.
Aïda…
You're so beautiful.
I'm so happy to see you.
Good you're here. I have something important to tell you.
-What? -I'm not gonna lie to you.
I'm not really happy you ousted me from the council with Denis.
But that's okay. I love you.
Well, it's been 30 minutes.
-Yeah, at least. -Yeah. Okay.
All right, let's go.
I know what I want to say.
You and the kids are in danger.
You should hide.
Jo, it doesn't matter. I'm not really here.
-Really? -No, I'm a hallucination.
So?
Damn, it works. They're totally tripping.
-So if you want to save us-- -Yeah?
-Warn me for real. -Okay. Got it.
No, wait. Look what they're doing, Dad.
How do I warn you?
-You see that bomb? -Yeah.
You have to blow it up.
-Blow it up? -If you want to send me an email.
Okay.
Don't move. I'll talk to Olive.
-Olive? -Yeah?
Aïda's asking me to blow up the bomb.
Bomb!
Bomb, right.
Okay.
-They're kissing. -How come?
They're totally…
Look at the face he's making.
Okay, I clicked the timer.
It's gonna blow up in ten seconds.
What is?
-The bomb! -The bomb!
-Blow up! -It's gonna blow up!
Damn. Olive?
We made a hole.
-It worked. -Yes!
Yes!
-No, Jo! -What?
It's the wrong wall.
We forgot to move the bomb.
Fuck.
-Oh no, what a disaster. -Fuck.
What the hell is this?
Are you insane?
Fuck…
You burned all the shrooms!
Look.
That's Léonard's cat.
Well, come here, kitty.
Come here.
Don't you recognize your owner?
Don't you want to give me a kiss on the wiener?
Butt cheeks.
That stuff you gave me hit me like a ton of bricks.
Jo, back away.
-Are you guys scared of the cat? -That's not a cat, Jo.
That's not a cat.
Subtitle translation by: Leanne Bordelais