Grandma, are you okay?
-I'm okay. -Thank God.
I'll try to find a doctor.
Grandma, you had a stroke.
A stroke? I just tripped.
Grandma, do you recognize that man?
That's Gérard.
-Yeah. -Yeah, that's Gérard.
What about him, know who he is?
That asshole, Olivier.
All right!
Thank God she's all right. Great.
Where's your mother?
Béné, are you there?
Grandma, she's…
Mom's no longer with us. You know that.
Are you trying to pull our leg?
Of course I'm joking.
She's gonna laugh when I tell her.
Where is she?
Go find your mother, please, Joseph.
This is a disaster.
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
Hold on. This is serious.
She's completely out of it.
Hello, Jean Jaurès?
Fuck, Jaurès' phone.
Pastra what?
-What should I do? -Hang up.
No! Do not. If you hang up, she'll go apeshit.
I don't have an answer.
Sorry, I was being an idiot. Excuse me. The signal's pretty bad here.
I see that you're all at the hospital. What are you doing?
Well, it's because…
Gérard had a slight prolapse.
We were pretty scared, but everything's fine now.
I'm not surprised.
You have to go back home now. Vadim will be there soon.
Vadim? What's with that stupid name?
Vadim, the botanist, Lulu.
For the Pastraweed.
I'm counting on you to give him a warm welcome.
Of course, you can count on us. We'll welcome him like a prince.
All right, then. Goodbye.
You nailed it.
Wait. That guy, Vadim, will be here soon
to see Ludmila.
Okay, we're screwed. We have to find a solution.
Fuck.
Remind me to buy macarons for Isidor's birthday.
Forget it. She's completely out of it.
What's the solution?
Look… I know the Pastraweed recipe. I'm always with Grandma. I know it.
But Jaurès was very clear about it. Ludmila must give him the recipe.
Shit.
She believed you with your voice.
Yeah, she did. She kept talking. She didn't hang up.
I think I have an idea.
We're gonna make a little face mold.
That's gonna take about 30 minutes. There.
Relax.
Close your eyes.
Damn. That's impressive.
It's crazy.
I'm blown away.
No, Dad. I don't know. I don't look like her at all.
This is a joke. What is this?
He'll notice this is makeup. He's not stupid.
No, I assure you it's uncanny.
It's so well done. Also, the guy's never seen Grandma.
-It'll do. -Who's that old bitch?
Are you sure it was a good idea to take her out of the hospital? 'Cause…
We had no choice with the electronic bracelets.
Grandma, if there's a secret to making Pastraweed, you have to tell us now.
I don't know what he's talking about.
See? Can't you see she's not okay? Leave her alone. Shit. There's no secret.
I told you I know the recipe.
-I know the ingredients. Lay off. -Okay, I'll stop.
It's the botanist.
Okay, Grandma, you have to hide quick. This man can't see you.
Aure, I have gloves for you.
Come on.
Damn, he's armed.
Hello. Joseph.
-Nice to meet you. -Where's Ludmila?
She's coming.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Vadim. Vadim what, actually?
Vadim.
Very well.
In any case, we're excited to work with you.
No, we're not.
We're here to work. Where's Ludmila?
She's coming.
We set up a room for you…
This is my room.
And it doesn't move until the harvest is done.
The harvest? How long are you gonna stay?
-Three months. -Three months?
Great. Three months is good.
-Here's Grandma! -There she is.
-The star! -Grandma.
What's wrong?
Is there a problem?
Hello, Ludmila.
Hello, Vadim.
Okay.
Let's not stand around scratching our asses all day.
I'll show you the barn.
Thanks.
This way.
Slowly.
It's gonna work.
What?
It's gonna work.
-Yeah. -Damn.
The ingredients are key, obviously.
So lemons, carrots, perfect.
Some potatoes, because we'll need those.
Celery is here.
And coriander, of course.
Very fresh coriander.
-You smell that? -Yeah.
Because the broth is what matters most.
You water with broth, ma'am?
With broth, big boy.
With broth.
You can be less formal with me.
Stop! Don't touch a thing!
I'll handle everything.
Yes.
How old are you again?
Well…
that's not something you ask a woman, big boy.
This is war, Ludmila.
My job…
is to verify that there is a recipe for Pastraweed.
Of course.
And that I can reproduce it without the Hazans. So…
don't touch the ingredients
or I'll kill you.
Fuck. I was so scared.
Honestly, I thought you did great.
It's gonna work.
It's gonna work?
He nearly caught me with the pot. What do you mean?
No big deal. Trust yourself. It'll be fine.
Okay, I'm gonna go get Grandma.
She's been upstairs for ages.
-Fuck, he doesn't know. -No, he doesn't.
And we have three months of this.
-Three months? -Yeah.
I can't keep this up for three months. Are you crazy?
We have no choice. What can we do?
Just long enough to make the Pastraweed.
Whose fault is that?
This is crazy.
It'll never work.
Thanks, Dad. Great. Really encouraging.
-Where's Grandma? -What?
-She's not in her room? -No, she's not in her room.
Damn it!
It can't be.
She's talking to the guy.
-Jo! -What?
-You're in your socks. That's suspicious. -Give me my shoes.
What's going on?
Grandma!
What's going on? Stop bothering this man.
-He fucked up my lawn. -No big deal.
The lawn will grow back.
Sorry, she's a little tired from working today. Really.
-Sure. -Yeah.
-She should go back to bed then. -Of course.
Careful.
Okay, good night.
Did he hurt you?
Grandma. Don't worry.
-Go to bed, Grandma. -I'm not tired.
Come on, Grandma. I told you not to leave your room. That's not good.
Now stay here, Ludmila, okay?
I'm waiting for someone. I'm not going anywhere.
-Olive, are you serious? -What?
You locked her in? Really?
Yeah, it's too risky.
Hold on. You want to put her in a cage too?
-She's not a guinea pig. -Don't get upset.
We'll pamper her. She's better off here than in the hospital.
-Sure, with that psycho in the yard… -So what?
Imagine if he sees you both together.
Yeah, it's still not cool.
Did we ask you?
You guys are depressing me.
I know, but Olivier's right. We don't have a choice.
We don't have a choice. We…
Damn.
Hi, Grandma.
It's lunchtime.
There you go.
Thanks.
Pour me a cup of sausage, please.
With two balls.
Grandma…
a cup of tea.
And this… this isn't balls.
-It's sugar. -Okay.
Don't stay too long.
-I have a date with de Gaulle. -Come on.
And I can tell you he lives up to his name.
Grandma!
What's your deal with the '40s?
-Who's next? Churchill? -No, I don't like Churchill.
Clemenceau.
He's a lion.
What time's de Gaulle coming?
Soon, so scram.
Okay, I'll leave you alone.
Later, Grandma.
Yeah, see you later.
You're right. That's sharp.
Of course it is.
It's a wonderful suit. I fitted it myself.
I left a little surprise in the left inside pocket.
-Really? -Yeah.
Well, yeah.
I had to. If your woman gets turned on--
Youssef sent me a super cute video of my baby girl.
Look.
She's spitting up her food.
He sent it to me too.
-He did? -Yeah.
It's really cute. It sucks I can't see them.
Yeah, it sucks for me too.
Yeah, but that was your choice.
-My choice? -Yes, it was your choice.
They're my only grandkids, okay?
And I didn't ask for this. Period.
And in case you didn't notice, we were talking, so--
How long are you going to give me hell for this?
You don't think you've ever done any shit? Remember the warehouse?
That has nothing to do with this.
Was I the one who killed the crow?
Was I the one who set the car on fire?
Did I make the deal with Jaurès?
So what are you talking about? Go to bed!
It's never your fault.
-You know what? You both stay there. -Go.
-I don't give a shit. -Go. Jackass.
Okay. Let him be mad alone.
No big deal. He's wrong.
Just tell me one thing.
How are you gonna do it with your woman with your electronic bracelet?
Shit.
Yeah.
I didn't think about that.
You'll see. This is where he hangs out.
Good evening.
Enrico, I'm such an admirer.
Thank you. I'm an admirer too.
Okay, Gaston. That's enough.
What do you mean?
Come on.
Tell me, young lady.
You're not of the same generation as Gérard, are you?
No.
Maybe you can help me.
My phone has been vibrating all day.
And it keeps sending me little birds, little birds non-stop.
I'm gonna send it back.
-Hold on. Let me see it. -Little birds?
It's Twitter. You're getting notifications.
It means you're creating buzz, Enrico.
What's this buzz? I never asked for that.
No, it's good. You're number one on the charts.
-What? -Yeah.
-No way. -Number one on the charts.
That's extraordinary, Gaston.
I always said that was the best album of my career.
That's true. He did say that.
We're making an intergenerational hit.
Intergenerational. My beloved hit.
In fact, I'm gonna book five concerts at the Olympia next year.
No, wait.
Wait. Don't get carried away, Gaston.
Take it easy. Go slow.
Allow me. I'll handle this.
I'm gonna get you a manager.
What manager?
A young manager…
Actually, his name is…
Ali.
And he's…
awesome. Terrific.
Well, listen, Gérard. We need to celebrate this good news.
-Let's do it. -Is the bill on you tonight?
Sure.
Sure, yes? Or sure…
Sure. Yes.
Okay.
-Noura, please. -Yes, sir?
I'd like the whole sole,
spaghetti, merguez,
rib eye, red mullet,
whole sea bream, whole bass,
lamb, veal,
couscous, paella,
loubia couscous,
sea bream, and boukha for everyone.
Boukha for everyone. It's…
Thanks.
It's…
expensive. Very expensive.
-Who's that? -I don't know.
Who is it?
It's Élodie.
-Fuck. -Go on…
Hide.
Élodie?
Yeah. Can I come in?
Élodie!
-Good evening. -How's it going?
-Okay. -Long time, no see.
Yeah. You got a new van?
What? Yeah.
It's my dad's. He's a big fan of '80s vans.
"Girls Just Want To Have Vans."
Cyndi Lauper.
Yeah, I'd like to see Ludmila, please.
Why?
I think she's sleeping. Is there a problem?
She called the police and said she was locked in her room.
That's great.
What a joker. That's crazy.
She did that?
She's 90 and still cracking jokes.
She never stops.
Pranks! The other day, she picked up the phone.
She was like, "Hello? Hi, Louis!
How are you?
Well?
How are you?"
Okay. Can I see her, please?
And then she just hung up.
They're just little pranks.
She's 90, after all.
Can I see her now?
Of course.
I'll go get her, sir.
Wait… Sorry, I mean I'll go get her, ma'am. Stay here.
She wants to see Ludmila.
-You have to go in there. -No.
-You're insane! -We have to!
-No! -Stop it!
-Hold on. -I won't do it.
Shit!
Olive! You and your damn curling iron!
You just blew the fuse.
Sorry, Élodie. The fuse just blew.
We're in total darkness.
-That's okay. -Grandma!
Grandma, where are you?
Grandma.
-What were you doing? -I was in the bathroom.
You don't say! It really smells like shit.
You didn't just eat white rice, did you?
What?
Come on.
She's here.
-Grandma, someone came to see you. -Who is it?
-It's Élodie. Remember her? -Sweetie, is there a problem?
I should be asking you.
Is this about the phone call?
I know.
Gérard and I got hammered yesterday.
We were out of control.
I was as drunk as a skunk.
-Grandma. You're unbelievable. -Okay.
So you're feeling better after your stroke?
Yes.
That's funny. You know about the stroke?
Yeah, Aure told me.
You two still speak often… you and Aure?
Yeah, we're together.
So yeah, we talk. That's…
Oh, okay.
-I thought… -You idiot.
We knew that.
Of course we knew that.
I knew that. Everyone knows.
-It's not like I'm just hearing… -Okay, Joseph.
Shut up.
Well, good night.
-Take care of yourself, Ludmila. -Yeah.
And… take it easy on the pranks.
You hear that, Grandma? No more pranks.
Well done.
You too.
Don't worry. I won't tell the others.
Thanks.
Just be careful she doesn't see the electronic bracelet.
Yeah.
You got it.
What's this?
A rodeo?
You don't like it?
I like… wearing boots while making love.
That's why I wasn't great last time.
It has nothing to do with your electronic bracelet?
My…
Or with the weed you secretly smoke?
Okay.
I thought I was being discreet, but…
I'm not judging you. I don't care.
You'll quit when you feel better.
And you're not gonna ask about the bracelet?
I like you.
That's all I need to know.
No, keep them on.
I think I like them.
No, she's coming.
It's just that she's not used to working so much.
That's why she's so tired.
-I don't care. -Of course.
You don't give a shit. That's normal.
Of course. I'll go see what she's doing.
Okay. Be right back.
Fuck!
-What were you doing? -What a mess. I set an alarm.
I don't think I plugged my phone in right before going to bed.
She's here. There.
Vadim, you okay? Did you sleep well?
My darling grandma! Oh, how I love you.
-What are you doing? -Putting your cheek back. It came off.
My Bubbeleh.
Enough. You can hug later.
Look at me one last time. Perfect. There.
What a rascal.
This is the last time.
Yes. Sorry, Vadim. I didn't wake up. It won't happen again.
Yes.
-Have a good day, Grandma. -See you later, Bubbeleh.
Let's do this. Shall we get straight to work?
Don't you want to get under the covers?
I'm kind of hot.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Okay, Aure, you're acting weird.
I never get to see you. We haven't fucked in three weeks. What's wrong?
No, I know. I'm sorry. I'm just exhausted.
Honestly, I am.
My dad's been killing us with work.
Listen. Stop it. What is it? Is there someone else?
Stop being so dramatic. There's no one else.
Then tell me what's going on.
Well…
Okay.
It's true that I'm having doubts.
I wonder if we should take a break for two or three months.
Take a little break and breathe.
Are you serious?
Taking a break is what you came up with? Come on.
Aure, tell me if there's someone else. Who is it?
Stop saying that. Damn it.
You know what? I'll make it easy.
It's over. I didn't handcuff you. If you're not happy, you can leave.
Okay.
Great.
If there is someone else, I'll find out.
Fuck.
I can't believe he fooled us like that.
What Jo did really hurt me. I can't pretend like nothing--
I always said he only had bad ideas.
I know.
Anyway, honey, you're scaring away all the animals.
Those noises are too loud.
Let's get out of here.
Let's go far from the Hazans. Just you and me.
We'll finish giving this recipe to Jaurès
and go…
and eat tacos in Miami.
Yeah, well, first--
Fuck! What are you doing?
Was that a boar? What did you see?
Nothing. I just felt like shooting. This is getting boring.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay.
-Should we go? -Yeah.
-Are you toking, Grandma? -No, it's me, idiot.
Who's that?
Grandma, it's me, Jo. Your grandson. You don't remember?
Everyone forgets me in this family.
I haven't seen my kids in two months.
I want to die.
Here.
Vadim's been busting my balls all day.
I'm starting to lose it.
I'm scared they won't recognize me.
Are you crazy? Of course they will.
But they'll be pissed off.
That's cool though.
It'll be a change from being here, where everyone is so loving towards me.
It's true.
-Last night, I jacked off Jean Moulin. -Wow.
Grandma, what are you saying?
He mounted me like a donkey and came all in my hair.
-Grandma. -Grandma, stop. You have to.
I'm gonna take her upstairs…
-She's started opening… -Not good.
There's no way.
Before we go to sleep, I have a little gift.
-Is it your dick? -No.
What is it?
At the end of the month, three concerts at Olympia.
And next week, a daytime talk show.
A TV interview?
What is it?
We're going?
Why not late night?
I didn't have the contacts.
Gaëtan to Élodie, are you at your station?
No, I'm coming.
When can I come out?
Calm down, Ludmila. Be quiet.
It's not time yet.
When will it be time?
Not quite yet.
Enrico's comeback has begun,
selling out in stores within days.
The press heard about this phenomenon,
and that's how the buzz started.
Are you still spying on your ex? Leave her alone--
Enough. Shut up.
You have to realize it's the best-selling album of the year.
He just went Diamond!
-That's never happened to Enrico Macias. -That's crazy.
-Incredible. -It's crazy.
And very slowly…
you bring it up to 3,000 degrees Kelvin.
Three thousand degrees Kelvin.
There. Look. It lights up everywhere.
What are you doing here?
I need to see the kids.
-Don't be a jerk. I told you no. -I know, but I'm not doing well, Aïda.
Really. I'm really depressed. I need to see them.
Five minutes. Then I'll leave you alone.
Please. Really.
Come in.
Thanks.
I can't hear you!
Ready to go crazy?
Darling.
Are you tired of DJing?
All right.
Did you drop acid? You can tell Dad.
You know, I missed you so much, my loves.
My sweethearts, Dad is almost done with his mess.
And soon he'll be able to come back and see you every week.
Maybe even every day if he can get Mommy back.
That's another story.
Here we go again with another DJ set.
Exactly, tear them off like that.
Cut it.
Great.
There. That's good.
There. Hang it upside down.
It'll feel strange not seeing you anymore, Vadim.
Very weird.
What the fuck is that shit?
Fuck!
What have they done to Ludmila?
Okay. He went to bed.
Okay, well…
I think it's time to see how good my Pastraweed is.
Damn it. Who unplugged the tester?
-The battery is dead. -Not me.
Sorry, it was me, Bernard. My iPhone is charging.
No big deal. It doesn't matter. We'll test it the old way.
-Come on. -Yeah.
-Here. -No, son, I can't.
No, stupid me. Sorry. I shouldn't ask.
What about me?
Grandma, I don't think that's advisable with your condition.
You bastards.
Little bastards.
It really hits you in five seconds. It's crazy.
Your Pastraweed is crazy good, Aure. I swear.
You nailed it. You know you saved us.
-Honestly, bravo. -Well done, Aure.
Bravo, Aure.
Bravo.
-It's unexpected. -Yeah, bravo, Aure.
You're a gem. Bravo.
-Thanks, bro. -Bravo, Aure.
Bravo, Aure.
Son, you're on repeat.
-No, I'm gonna give a speech. -What?
I should've stayed seated.
No, I just wanted to say a few words.
Well, now that we're… thanks to you, Aure…
Now that we're out of dang-"Aure,"
and we can give this to that crazy lady…
I wanted to take this opportunity to apologize…
to all of you…
for betraying you.
There. And…
And because, actually,
I wanted to protect you guys.
Plain and simple.
I thought what I was doing was good, but actually, as usual,
it wasn't. It was shitty.
So I'm asking you to forgive me.
No, don't cry like that, Jo.
I'm not crying. It's the Pastraweed.
Yes, you are.
Come on, son.
You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe we're not cut out for this.
Yes.
-So sad. -Bro, I'm sorry.
I don't want us to fight. I'm sorry about your car.
-It was an accident. -I don't care about the car.
Sorry, I farted.
I'm gassy. Get out of here. It's bad.
-I'm sorry. It's the emotions. -Fuck!
-You're gassy too? -I let one rip. Sorry.
You're letting out pressure. What's going on?
Fuck!
-I'm not well. -Me neither.
-Hold on! -Aure, two seconds.
Don't do that! No!
It's coming out!
I'm gonna shit myself!
Clém, open up, please!
-Me first! -I was before you!
Fuck!
No, Jo. Not the ficus. Damn it!
Sorry, Dad.
What's wrong with them?
It must be something they ate.
What? We all had the same thing.
They all…
-They all… -I'm gonna shit myself!
Something's wrong with the weed.
-Give me the bowl! -Shit in this.
The ficus is scratching up my ass! Damn it!
What a disaster. I took a shit on the dishes.
The THC's at 19. Normal.
Neurotoxins are at 90?
-Ninety instead of 33? -Yeah.
That's not Pastraweed.
No, Ali. No, that is not Pastraweed.
I filled up the ficus pot.
It's Laxaweed.
Fuck.
When does Jaurès get here?
Tomorrow.
Ludmila?
Holy fucking shit.