- * Ooh... *
[singer vocalizing]
[gentle acoustic guitar music]
* *
- [sighs]
Ah!
Ooh!
I'll just sleep down here.
- Shh!
- I'm trying to sleep, lady.
- * Hey! *
[upbeat music]
* Hey! Hey! *
- * Every time I turn around *
- * Hey! Hey! *
* Hey! Hey! *
- [sighs]
I'm making pancakes!
Not making pancakes!
- I just think you'd feel better
if you made your bed in the morning.
- I feel better if you'd stop telling me how to feel better.
- You know I can't do that.
- Did your voice change?
- [voice cracks] No, and my pit hair count
is still only three.
- Uh, Izzy, you're in my chair.
- Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know we had assigned seats.
- We don't, sweetie.
They're all the same, Daniel.
[Daniel sighs]
- My butt says otherwise.
- I didn't know your butt could talk.
- So can yours.
It was really chatty at 3:00 a.m.
- Izzy, can you pass the Choco Wheats?
You ate all the Chocos.
These are nothing but wheats!
It's anarchy!
- Dude, relax. It's just cereal.
You don't have to freak--
where's the bacon?
- Dude, relax.
It's just bacon.
- Both of you dudes, relax.
We're still working out the kinks.
- You guys, please.
If you use all the TP, put out a new one.
- My bad, I'm kind of out of it this morning
'cause somebody...
is a snorer.
- I slept long enough to snore?
- Let me fix your hair. You've got bedhead.
Not as bad as Mom's.
- Technically, I've got floor head.
- I don't hate this. Thanks, Hannah.
- You're my boo. - What?
It took me three years to get to boo status.
She's only been here three weeks!
- You guys okay?
Diego texted me 911.
- Yeah. We're out of bacon.
- Dude!
You send an emergency text, you better be bleeding
or trapped in the trunk of a car.
- You got here really fast.
You must've been at Emoji's house.
- Her name is Emily,
and she would give that nickname a frowny cat.
- Oh, you know what, now that you're here,
can you actually take Izzy to school?
- Or theme park, your call.
- I know it's not your day,
and I know she's not your kid,
but I'm desperate, and you have a car.
I've got three school drop-offs now.
- It's no problem.
I'm off the road for a while,
so I can do the whole "dad thing."
- Good, 'cause you're a dad.
You don't need "air quotes."
- Let's roll, Izzy.
- Have a good day, Iz.
- Punky lets me get doughnuts on my way to school.
- This ain't my first rodeo, kid.
- Okay, family meeting.
Izzy can't sleep in my bed anymore,
so whose room is she gonna--
both: Not it!
- This conversation isn't over!
both: Yeah, it is!
- They are so immature.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Is this a lag bolt, a flange bolt,
or just a screw with a weird neck thingy?
- These instructions should've came with Xanax.
- I want to finish before Izzy gets home.
Poor kid doesn't have a room or her own bed yet.
I want her to have something to make her feel at home.
- I knew placing Izzy with you was the right choice.
She needs a good hugger in her life.
- I see so much of myself in that kid.
But I gotta be honest, it's been a little bumpy.
Not just for Izzy, but for the other kids too.
- Well, you need to remember to take care of you.
There is a reason why they tell you
to put on your oxygen mask first.
- I know she's just one kid, and she's pretty small,
but there's more cooking, more cleaning,
my mom called, there's more homework.
There's-- - Your mama called?
- Yeah.
It was actually a few weeks ago.
Ouch! Use your words.
- Sorry.
I just can't believe you've been sitting on this news.
- Now every time the phone rings, I think it's her.
I always wondered what deep,
philosophical thing I would say.
Turns out it was, "Where the hell have you been
for the last 36 years?"
- You said that? - Yeah.
There was so many questions I wanted to ask.
Were you in a coma, kidnapped, in a cult?
Did you forget where you parked the car?
- The only excuse I'll accept is a alien abduction.
- But I heard her voice and couldn't ask any of them.
I just told her I'd call her back and hung up.
Still haven't called her back.
Am I a bad person? - No.
The woman abandoned you in a grocery store parking lot.
It is okay not to have her number on speed dial.
But you know what, why don't you give me that number?
'Cause I got a few choice words for her.
But first, come here.
- Be careful.
That's where my best friend whacked me.
- [laughs] I'm sorry.
[mellow guitar music]
- [groans] Slow down.
My feet are hurting.
- Why aren't you wearing sneakers?
- Um, because I haven't given up on life.
[sighs]
Why didn't Mom pick us up like she usually does?
- She said something came up.
- It's not like Mom to make us trek
the mean streets of Chicago with no warning.
- Dude, it's three blocks alongside a park.
- Not only that, usually, she puts a note
on my lunch bag and signs it with a heart.
Today, it was just a smudge.
Talk about phoning it in.
- Ah, get used to it.
You're not the baby anymore. You're a middle child now.
- I'm not a middle.
Oh, my gosh! Izzy made me a middle child.
- Oh, don't sweat it.
It's not all bad being a mid kid.
Nobody pays attention to you,
so it's easier to get away with stuff.
- I don't wanna get away with stuff.
- It's awesome!
I haven't brushed my teeth in three whole weeks,
and nobody noticed.
- I brush your teeth while you sleep.
You're welcome.
* *
- This is for me?
- Yep. And these four extra screws.
- I've never had my own dresser before.
Look at all these drawers!
Who am I, a Kardashian?
I'ma go grab my clothes in the microwave
where I've been keeping them.
- Ahem.
- See? Invisible.
- We're home.
We walked the whole way...
with our feet.
- Oh, hey. I didn't hear you come in.
Look what I built!
- Cool dresser.
- It's for Izzy.
- [sighs]
- Always for the baby.
- I had a good day at school today.
I got an A on my math quiz. - Fantastic.
- See? Not invisible.
- I'm gonna go, uh, grab a beer
and go shoot off some bottle rockets.
- Knock yourself out.
- You heard her.
Mama said knock you out.
- No!
[upbeat music]
- Welcome to your guided meditation.
Let's start by bringing awareness to your heart space.
Breathe in for four. - [inhaling]
- Three. Two.
- [slurping]
What the heck are you doing?
- Can't talk, meditating.
- Got it.
What's meditating?
- Tuning out distractions.
- How's that working out for you?
[slurping] - Not so good.
Can you give me 10 minutes?
[inhales]
I'm focusing on my breathing.
- How hard is that?
I've been doing it since I was a baby.
[relaxing Zen music]
* *
- Oh, would you look at that?
Plaid and stripes together?
What is going on with me?
Have I lost my mind?
Look at that, untucked.
Wow!
What's next?
[belches]
Yup, taking a walk on the wild side.
- Are you kidding me? - No!
- This goes in your room! - It goes in your room.
[both grunt] - Mom! Tell Diego to stop!
- Tell Hannah to stop!
- Everybody, stop!
We need to have a talk.
Except Izzy.
You can go watch TV in my room.
- I get it. You're all gonna talk about me.
- No.
Okay, we need to talk about Izzy.
She needs more than just a dresser.
She needs a room.
- I agree, but we already share a room,
and Hannah doesn't,
So Izzy should share with her.
It's just math.
- I can't share a room because I don't want to.
- Well, we need privacy to do boy stuff.
- What kind of boy stuff?
No, I don't want to know.
- I have girl stuff.
How am I ever supposed to make out with a boy?
- Thank you for flagging that.
New rule: boys are not allowed
in your room with the door closed.
- What? Uh--
I'm sorry, I love Izzy,
but she's only seven, and I'm an adult teenager.
She goes to bed when I'm texting my friends
and practicing TikTok dances.
I mean, doing my homework.
- You don't need to make space for Izzy in the apartment.
You need to make space for her in your hearts.
[kids groan]
- Sorry, but my heart belongs to Timothée Chalamet.
- What about Jordan?
- We're not a thing anymore.
- Why?
- 'Cause he was jealous of my relationship
with Timothée Chalamet.
The real problem is this apartment.
It's too small. We need to get a bigger place.
- In this neighborhood?
You know how lucky we are
that Henry left us this apartment?
- If we got a new place, we could all get our own rooms.
- I call the biggest room since I make the biggest mess.
- No way, I'm the oldest so I get the biggest room.
- Come on! - That makes no sense!
- I would like to have a rational conversation
about this, but obviously, we can't.
Everybody, go to your rooms.
- Please don't fight over me.
I don't want to be any trouble.
I can just sleep in my dresser.
This is totally going to work.
Can somebody push me in?
- Don't you dare.
I'm going to fix this.
- It's actually pretty cozy in here.
I can't wait to have a sleepover.
[melancholy music]
* *
- Kids, can you come out here?
I heard what you said about this place being too small,
so I reached out to my realtor friend,
and she found us an amazing new place to live.
- Oh, my God, yes.
I better be getting my own room.
- I would love my own bathroom.
I'm tired of stepping in mystery puddles.
- It's pee.
- I just want what all kids want:
heated floors and a steam shower.
- Well, let's go see.
- Oh, yes! - Let's go!
- I'm so excited!
- Yeah!
- Get in the car.
- I call third row.
[car beeps]
- I can't wait to see this new place.
- Whoo!
[engine starts] - All right, buckle up.
Here we go!
[brakes screech]
All right, here we are. [gear cranks]
- We--we didn't go anywhere.
- Yeah, where's our new swag pad?
- You're sitting in it.
Our awesome new place is this car.
- So, no steam shower? - Nope.
You kids have no idea how good you have it,
so we'll be sleeping in here tonight.
- Hmm.
You know what I think?
- What?
- [shrieking]
[upbeat music]
- I am not staying in here.
I'm going to miss "The Voice."
You know, if I can't talk about what Gwen Stefani is wearing,
I'll look like an idiot.
- Did you really think
I'd forget to put the child locks on?
- I'm not a child!
- And by the way, escaping is punishable
by revoking your phone privileges.
- You know what? I don't need a phone.
I need freedom. I'm out of here.
- Nope.
- [grunting]
I give up.
Can I have my phone back now?
- Nope.
- We can't sleep in the car.
You know I get carsick.
- If you're gonna blow chunks, aim it that way.
- Nobody is blowing chunks.
- Don't worry, I'm Googling "how to escape a car."
- Nope. Hand over your phones.
Most people don't have a fraction of what we have.
So we're staying here for the night.
Get used to it.
Now, who wants to join me for some karaoke?
[upbeat music plays]
[singing along] - * She's a maniac *
* Maniac on the floor *
* *
* And she's dancing like *
* She's never danced before *
Come on, sing with me!
- * Maniac on the floor *
- [sighs] Is it morning yet?
- It's got to be.
- How long have we been in here?
- 12 minutes.
- That's impossible!
You've been singing for hours.
[tapping on window] [all shout]
- What are you doing here?
- I just got a 911 text from Hannah.
- Seriously?
- This is a real emergency.
Mom's making us sleep in the car,
and she's forcing us to listen to oldies.
- They're not oldies. They're from the '80s.
Oh.
- So you guys are all good? - Yes.
kids: No!
- I'm good.
It's really comfy back here.
These seats are leather.
- I'm stepping outside,
and if you're still complaining when I get back,
we are line dancing
to "Material Girl," so help me God.
- Please, no! - [sobs] No.
- What is the deal with all these 911 texts?
- What's your deal?
- Why do you have the kids sleeping in the car?
- I'm trying to teach them a lesson.
- An extremely strange lesson. [laughs]
- Well, they're being extremely spoiled.
They're not even thinking about how hard this is for Izzy.
I want them to know what it's like to struggle.
- You're sure this is the right way?
- No, not at all.
I don't know what I'm doing. It's called parenting.
- What do you think they're saying?
- Dad's saying...
[imitating Travis] "I see your point, Punky,
"but we may need to get you some psychiatric help.
And a singing teacher."
- And Mom's like,
[imitating Punky] "Let's take the kids out
"for some deep dish pizza
and forget this whole thing."
- "Did you notice how good Daniel's hair looks?"
"No, he's invisible to me."
- Oh, here they come.
- Yay! Dad's gonna rescue us.
- Hannah, my dear, would you please move to the back?
I'm going to be joining you guys.
- What did you do to him?
You're in a band.
You're supposed to be the cool parent.
- [mouths quietly]
[groans]
There's an important lesson to learn here.
Granted it's an unusual way to teach it,
but your mother is unusual.
So, I guess you could say it's unusually usual...
I just confused myself.
[stammers] The point is,
this isn't so bad.
I mean, I spend a lot of nights like this out on tour,
crammed into a van with a bunch of dudes
who haven't showered in days.
You brought snacks right?
- Nope.
- This is going to be a long night.
- Jeez, when I left Fenster Hall,
I never thought I'd be sleeping in a car again.
- You slept in a car?
- Yeah. Lots of times.
Sometimes, the car's the safest place.
Me and my mom called it city camping.
- That's pretty rough.
- I've done my share of city camping.
- You have?
boys: You have?
- Yeah.
After my mom left, I had nowhere to go,
so I would sneak into cars and sleep there.
It was scary and lonely.
That was before I found the empty apartment
and Henry found me.
- I didn't know you slept in cars.
Did you?
- I just wanted a safe place where I felt loved.
That's what I want for Izzy.
- I'm a terrible person.
- You sure are.
But I guess I am too.
- We all are.
- My work here is done.
- Yo. That was some ninja parenting.
- Why did we make such a big deal
about sharing our rooms?
- I know, right?
At least we have rooms.
- I guess I can make out with a boy in the treehouse.
- I'm sorry, what?
- I can't believe I'm saying this, but...
maybe Izzy can share my room.
- Or she could share ours.
- What do you say, Izzy?
- She's out.
Sleeping like a baby.
- Remember when I was your baby?
- You're still my baby.
You're all my babies.
And I see you. I see all of you.
- Uh-oh.
- I know most of my attention's been on Izzy lately,
but it's just because I wanted her to feel welcome.
- It's okay.
I'm getting used to being a middle child.
- You know what else you are?
Izzy's big brother.
- Oh, yeah!
I didn't even think about that.
I'm going to be a way better big bro than you.
- Not that hard.
- A big brother.
Man, that's a lot of responsibility.
But I bet you can handle it.
- And one more thing.
Plaid and stripes-- so not your thing.
And Diego, if I ever catch you with fireworks or beer,
you're so busted.
- You did this.
- Ready to go back upstairs?
- Nah, don't want to wake Izzy.
- Let's open the moonroof.
It's a clear night. We can check out the stars.
[moonroof whirring]
- Hey, Mom, could you put on some music?
And not sing?
- No promises, honey.
[gentle acoustic guitar]
* *
- * Oh, here we go *
singers: * Dancing in the stars *
* *
- * Oh, here we go *
singers: * Dancing in the stars *
* *
- [sighs] Pillows.
[groans]
- [grunts]
- Mm, blanket.
Do you want to stay out here
or sleep in our room?
- Our room?
- Sorry I didn't offer sooner.
I'm still getting used to this "sister" thing.
I've never had one before.
- Me neither. I kinda like it.
I can't wait to use our makeup and wear our clothes.
- Okay, we're going to need to lay down some ground rules.
- I got it.
This is big brother stuff.
- You're a really good mom.
- I'm just winging it.
The only mom I had for a role model was Henry.
So she called.
- She who? - My mom.
- No, that's--wow.
How are you feeling about it?
Did you get any answers?
- I didn't talk to her.
I'm still deciding if I will.
Right now, I want to focus on this family.
- Well, I'm here for it.
I mean, we may not be together-together,
but I'll always have your back, Punky Brewster.
You do whatever feels right for you.
- Jumping into that pile of kids feels right.
I love this family we built.
- You built.
I just hammered in a few nails.
- [chuckles]
[singer vocalizing]
[gentle acoustic guitar music]
* *
[mellow rock music]
* *
- * We're all the same *
* We belong *
* *
* All together now *