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[theme music playing]
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["Shake That Thing"
by Winfield Parker playing]
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[Jeremy] I was now eager for Alan
the builder to start turning
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the lambing barn into a restaurant.
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But before he could start work,
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I had to get approval
from the local authority.
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[Jeremy] I'm here now to meet
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with the woman who runs
the planning department
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at West Oxfordshire council.
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So I'm going to...
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She doesn't wanna be filmed.
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They're gonna park cameras
and sound recorders and everything
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and go in there, 'cause this...
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this really matters,
this meeting.
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If I get this wrong, she says no,
effectively,
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my plan for the year is in tatters.
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Yeah, here she is.
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Nice to meet you.
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Thank you for coming out.
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[Jeremy] The meeting,
which also included grown-ups
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from other departments,
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lasted for more than an hour.
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And when it was over,
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Charlie and I had to work out
where we now stood.
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[Jeremy] So the man
from the business side,
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the economic development
at the council who we just met,
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he's very much in favour of it,
bringing loads of people to the area.
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-But Joan, planning Joan...
-Yeah.
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She was very clear:
recognise the sensitivity of the site.
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[Jeremy] She's worried about the fact
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this is an area
of outstanding natural beauty,
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doesn't like the car park,
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doesn't like the mess out there.
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I don't blame her, it's awful.
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And doesn't like the lavatories.
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-I get all that.
-[Charlie] Yeah.
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As I understood it,
her chief concern was:
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the locals.
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The locals,
we've gotta do some engagement.
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You have to engage in a positive manner
with them, Jeremy, definitely.
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[chuckles]
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["The Village Green Preservation
Society" by The Kinks playing]
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[Jeremy] This is the village,
a mile or so from the lambing barn,
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where my battle would be fought:
Chadlington.
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[music continues]
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It was the people living here who,
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{\an8}after the first season aired,
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had been most annoyed
by the shop's popularity.
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[indistinct chatter]
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To try and cheer them up,
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I decided to launch
Operation Hearts and Minds,
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which would begin here,
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in my wildflower meadows.
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[Jeremy] Morning.
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So, what have we got here?
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[Jeremy] For the last two years
I've been donating
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half my wildflower seeds
to a horticultural association.
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Now, though, I was going to hold
some back to give to the village.
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This is my favourite bit of the farm,
the grassland down here.
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And also, how much is that seed
if you were to sell it?
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[man] Ninety, a hundred pounds a kilo.
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A hundred pounds a kilo? So, it's by far
the most valuable crop on the farm.
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Probably!
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[Jeremy] Can we put this down
in Chadlington?
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[man] It'd be a good spot for it.
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-[plane]
-Sorry, there's...
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The aeroplanes.
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This is where my surface-to-air
missile battery's going.
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[man] I've rarely seen aeroplanes
up here,
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but they obviously know
you're filming today.
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They're here all the time.
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I think if I shoot one, it won't stop
them, they'll think it was an accident.
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But if I do two or three, word will get
out among the flying community
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and they'll have to spend time
with their wives.
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[upbeat music]
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Wave at the neighbours.
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Operation Hearts and Minds and all that.
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There we are.
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There it is. This is my seed.
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250 pounds worth of seed there.
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[sighs]
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Hello?
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Is Sue around?
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-[woman] Which Sue?
-Kott.
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No, she's not here.
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I've come to give her my seed.
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[woman 2] She's not in.
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Okay.
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Right.
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[Jeremy] Eventually, I did find
someone who would take my seeds.
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Hi.
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Are you the gardener here?
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Well, no. I'm the chairman
of the trustees to the hall.
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Ah.
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[Jeremy] Right, there you go.
Green-winged orchids.
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Lovely.
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-Black orchids.
-Wow!
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Thank you very much, Jeremy.
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[Jeremy] All right. Thank you. Thanks.
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[Jeremy] In truth, though,
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the wildflower seeds
were just a warm-up act.
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If I was going to win over the village,
I'd need a much grander gesture.
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So I thought of one.
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[man] One, two, three.
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Perfect.
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[laughter and applause]
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"Diddly Squat sponsors
Chadlington Football Club."
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[epic music]
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-[Jeremy] It's a good strip.
-A really good strip.
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[Jeremy] The kick-off whistle blew.
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[whistle]
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And my inaugural match
as a club sponsor was underway.
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Chadlington FC
vs Chadlington Reserves.
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-Go on, Chadlington.
-Come on, Chad.
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I used to play
with all these kids when I was in school.
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They used to be the team above us.
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-[Jeremy] Have you got a picture?
-[Kaleb] I do.
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I had long hair then.
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-[Jeremy] Another hairstyle?
-Yeah.
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[Jeremy] You are quite pudgy.
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-What do you mean, pudgy?
-Porky.
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[Kaleb] Oh !
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Come on, Chadlington.
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[Jeremy] Happily, there was a decent
turnout to see the new strip.
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[Kaleb] Come on, Chad.
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[Jeremy] Including Gerald
and his brother.
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I mean, the nice thing about these,
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this lot, they get this many up here
on a bloody Saturday.
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-Of course.
-No, of course they don't.
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One man and his dog.
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-[whistle]
-That's our ball!
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Do you know the way you know
all the names
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of the Chelsea football players?
-Yeah?
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[Lisa] Do you know all the names
of this team that you sponsor?
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-Chadlington? Of course I do.
-No, you don't.
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I do. It's easy here, right?
Supporters, right?
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Cooper, Cooper and Cooper.
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[laughter]
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[Lisa] Name me one.
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Cooper, Cooper,
Cooper, Cooper, Cooper,
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and there's Cooper.
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It just makes life so much
simpler in the village.
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Coopers take over.
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[crowd cheering]
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Oh! Great save.
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[Jeremy] Kaleb, however,
was very harsh with his commentary.
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[Kaleb sighs]
That's bullshit.
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[whistle]
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[Kaleb] You are fucking joking me!
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Get up.
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Josh! Get up, Josh!
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If you ran Emirates,
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is it like this, do you think,
when you go to watch Arsenal?
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'Cause I'm the sponsor of this team,
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and I know how he feels.
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-I think it's a little bit different!
-No, it's exactly the same.
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[Kaleb] No, just a little bit.
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[Jeremy] At half-time, the players
cracked into the energy drinks.
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And Gerald took us on a tour
of the clubhouse...
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[Gerald speaking indistinctly]
...went off the road on the way home.
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[Jeremy] ...where we discovered
he was a bit of a local legend.
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[Jeremy] It's not you
'cause it's in colour.
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[laughs]
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Hey, look! There's a K. Cooper in here.
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[Jeremy] Of course there is.
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[Jeremy] Wait a minute.
I'm in the 80s here.
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Gerald Cooper.
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-[Jeremy] Where are you?
-[Gerald] Here.
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[Jeremy] Is that you?
Still with the same moustache?
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[Gerald] Yeah.
I'll tell you what, up there...
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[Gerald speaking indistinctly]
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They were all 22 in there,
you know what I mean?
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-[Jeremy] God, that's you!
-[Gerald] Yeah.
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You look like, "I just did "Tiger Feet"
on Top of the Pops
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and then I played football."
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[laughs]
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See about Dennis,
round the corner.
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Look, yeah, that's you.
Looking like someone out of Slade there.
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[Gerald laughs]
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[whistle]
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[Jeremy] In the second half,
the action came thick and fast.
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[whistle]
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[whistle]
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Oh.
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-[whistle]
-[Jeremy] Jesus.
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[Kaleb] Yeah!
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[Kaleb] Aw, wonderful.
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[Jeremy] And soon I began to realise
that my next purchase as a team sponsor
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needed to be a scoreboard.
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-So, you think it's what?
-[man] Three-one.
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Three-one.
And you think it's four-one?
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-I think it's three-nil.
-[woman] It's two-all.
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-[Jeremy] Two-all?
-No.
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It's five-one.
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[whistle]
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[Jeremy] The final whistle blew
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on what had been a good game
for Chadlington FC.
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Six... Six-one.
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But then Chadlington
was playing with itself.
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[Jeremy] And I just hoped
my investment would now bring a return.
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Do you think this will win
hearts and minds in the village?
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[Kaleb] I do.
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[upbeat music]
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[Jeremy] Whilst I was buttering up
the locals,
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Charlie was in his office,
with its walls dripping in fine art,
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working hard on the restaurant
planning application.
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Jeremy must essentially win over
the parish council
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because they will have quite
a lot of sway,
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in sort of supporting the application.
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But it's actually
West Oxfordshire District Council
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that will decide whether
the restaurant will go ahead or not.
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And the planning process,
we have to please a lot of people.
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So we've got the police.
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We've got the highways.
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You know, and highways
are really on the farm shop.
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The police stop every other day
to monitor traffic.
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So we've gotta get the access
in and out just right.
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We've got archaeological surveys.
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We've got ecological surveys
we've gotta get right.
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Oxfordshire county council will,
you know,
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want to know that it has
an economic benefit.
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We have to convince the Area
of Outstanding Natural Beauty
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that it won't be a blot
on the landscape.
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So we've gotta let them know
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where we're planting
each hedge and each bush
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so there's not light
pollution coming across the valley.
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It's a huge amount of work and red tape
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and we've gotta get it absolutely right.
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It's not just something that's plonked,
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you know, in the middle
of the countryside.
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[soft music]
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[Jeremy] Meanwhile, back on the farm,
Dilwyn the vet paid a visit.
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Though, for once,
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not because he had to put his arm up
an animal's bottom.
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No fighting. Come on.
Good dog.
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Good dog.
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[Dilwyn] Look at that!
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You can't have a farm
and not have dogs.
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[Dilwyn] Oh, look at them.
Aren't they gorgeous!
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[Jeremy] Aren't they? They're sisters.
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[Dilwyn] All right.
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[Jeremy] And they're fox-coloured
Labradors.
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-Not many around.
-No.
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[Dilwyn] No.
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Hey then, pups.
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-But they're gonna need worming.
-Yeah.
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-Microchipping.
-Yes.
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-[Jeremy] And...
-Vaccinating.
249
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:00,400
-[Jeremy] Vaccinating.
-Yeah.
250
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:02,240
[Jeremy] They are simply
the most adorable things.
251
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:03,240
[Dilwyn] Come here!
252
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,680
[Jeremy] I'm gonna roll you over
and I'll tickle your tummy. There.
253
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,800
I mean, this is it now,
as far as I'm concerned.
254
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,760
Farming's sort of over.
255
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,640
Oh. Good dog. Good dog.
256
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,120
[Jeremy] But, much as I wanted
257
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,680
to spend all day throwing balls
for these two,
258
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,920
there was obviously a farm to run.
259
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:25,400
And, with autumn upon us,
260
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,600
that meant getting next year's crops
into the ground.
261
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,520
[soft music]
262
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,240
After the first series
of Clarkson's Farm was aired,
263
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,720
I was mocked cruelly
by many farmers,
264
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:41,760
who said that my three-metre cultivator
was too small
265
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,560
for my tractor.
266
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,360
Well, they won't be mocking
this time around,
267
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,480
because I've got a new one.
268
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,200
[dramatic music]
269
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:51,920
[Jeremy] This is it.
270
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,440
A huge and complex
271
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:58,160
six-metre-wide slab
of science
272
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,400
and heavy engineering.
273
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,320
Good job I have such a big tractor.
274
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:04,960
Right.
275
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,480
Job one: lifting.
276
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,640
Up we go.
277
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,280
[engine revving]
278
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,720
Oh! Shit, shit, shit!
279
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,040
Whoa!
280
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,920
Down.
281
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,800
What if I don't lift it up so much?
That's the answer, isn't it? Yeah.
282
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,680
All right, let's just try again. Up.
283
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,760
Oh!
284
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,240
Jesus Christ!
285
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,400
What the...
286
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,600
No, this is not good. What the hell?
287
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:40,640
Christ.
288
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,680
[Jeremy] Predictably, the rural Yoda
289
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,880
chose that moment to turn up.
290
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,920
It won't move!
291
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,880
'Cause you've got 4 tons
of machine on the back!
292
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,040
Well, it's...
[stuttering]
293
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,280
How does anybody else manage?
294
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:58,160
You need a front weight, you muppet!
295
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,880
[upbeat music]
296
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,560
[Jeremy] Once Kaleb
had attached the weight...
297
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,720
Right, is that gonna stop the problem?
298
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,520
Should be fine.
299
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,000
[upbeat music continues]
300
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,800
[Jeremy] ...I set off to the field.
301
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,240
I've got one and a half tons
on the front,
302
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,160
four tons on the back
and nine tons in the middle.
303
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,120
This is a heavy rig this morning.
304
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,240
Here we are, at the field.
305
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:33,440
So what this machine does,
306
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,440
it's not a cultivator
like we used to use.
307
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,960
It's certainly not a plough,
which is really bad for the environment.
308
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,440
As it...
309
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:44,080
As it goes along,
it encourages all the stuff
310
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:48,120
like this that wasn't properly
harvested last year,
311
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,640
to mix with the soil
and start growing again.
312
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,120
Then when it starts to grow,
we come along, kill everything,
313
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,040
and then we have a blank canvas
314
00:14:56,200 --> 00:15:00,320
on which to grow next year's crop.
315
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,360
I don't understand it either.
But anyway, I know how to do it.
316
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,360
[engine revving]
317
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,560
Lowering.
318
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,480
Here we go.
319
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,240
[upbeat music]
320
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:17,680
I'm farming!
321
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:26,320
I just realised, I actually began
my farming career in this very field.
322
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:31,800
And now it's the first field
I'm cultivating for 2022.
323
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,640
[music continues]
324
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,280
[Jeremy] And it was all going well.
325
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,720
Until, several runs later,
326
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,360
the tractor started misbehaving again.
327
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:44,440
[metallic thud]
328
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:45,680
[engine revving]
329
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,320
Oh!
330
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:49,440
I can't make it...
331
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,600
How do you make it turn when
the wheels aren't on the ground?
332
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,400
What the hell?
333
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,640
[Jeremy] The problem was that
as my Lambo gulped through fuel,
334
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,200
the fuel tank was getting lighter.
335
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,800
Which meant that once again
there wasn't enough weight up front
336
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,080
to keep the wheels down.
337
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,120
It's just hopeless.
338
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,240
[Jeremy] I decided therefore
to get back to the yard
339
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:19,400
and refuel before things
got any worse.
340
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,400
Oh, come on.
341
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,320
[engine revving]
342
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,360
I've got too many revs.
343
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:34,680
Let's try four-wheel-drive.
Yeah, that might help. Let's try this.
344
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,400
[engine revving]
345
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,720
No, no, no! Shit!
346
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,080
It's not better.
347
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,680
How the fuck
am I going to get out of here?
348
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,200
Whoopsie-daisy!
349
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,240
Come on, come on, come on...
350
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,920
-[car horn]
-[Jeremy] Jesus Christ!
351
00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,040
[Jeremy] Clearly, I needed to find
a bit of extra weight.
352
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,400
And luckily, some turned up.
353
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,200
No! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ah!
354
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,040
[Jeremy] Right, are you ready?
355
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,880
Handbrake! Turn the handbrake!
356
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,800
[Jeremy] It's working.
357
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,280
[Kaleb] Oh fuck.
358
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:38,000
[Jeremy] The next day I should have
been doing some more soil titivation,
359
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,520
but there was now a more pressing issue.
360
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,800
Despite my attempts
to win over the locals,
361
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,720
I was still receiving
a steady stream of complaints.
362
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,160
[Jeremy sighs]
363
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,320
You look stressed.
364
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,880
"With an official snap check estimating
over 400 visitors
365
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,760
and known three-hour queues
to the Diddly Squat Farm Shop,
366
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:03,920
the originally small-scale setup has
turned into a hand-to-mouth operation
367
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,000
struggling to cope.
368
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,200
This is creating untold social traffic
and environmental problems
369
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,520
affecting the local quality..."
370
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,480
That would have took me all day
to write that.
371
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:17,440
[Jeremy] And then they've sent
a photograph of that bus.
372
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,920
And they've objected to the bus.
373
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:21,760
They're objecting
there's too many cars.
374
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,560
A load of people come on a bus
to the farm shop...
375
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,560
-And they moan about that as well.
-They moan about the bus.
376
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,960
I would love to meet these people
377
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,720
who have literally got nothing else
to do apart from writing them letters.
378
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,760
I'm that busy, you're that busy.
379
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,880
I haven't got two minutes
to sit down at a computer
380
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,480
and write a letter to you.
381
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:39,960
[Jeremy] Look.
382
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,720
"I'm fed up of everything
Jeremy Clarkson."
383
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,320
Honestly, you just go through this...
384
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:46,680
One man in the village
385
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:51,320
has started a "Stop Diddly Squat"
crowdfunding thing.
386
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,400
I mean, they just...
387
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:55,920
[Jeremy sighs]
388
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,240
[Jeremy] Since word had now got out
389
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,480
that I was going to apply
for permission to open a restaurant,
390
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,240
I decided to get on the front foot
391
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,560
and call a village meeting.
392
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,000
There we go.
393
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,200
What I've written here
is a little sign that says:
394
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,400
"As there seems to be some debate
about what's going on at Diddly Squat,
395
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:20,520
Jeremy Clarkson
will be at the Memorial Hall
396
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,480
to explain his plans
and to take any questions you may have.
397
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,800
Everybody from the area
is welcome to attend.
398
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,760
Cheese and wine will be provided."
399
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:30,480
There was a good complaint
400
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,080
on the official council website
the other day saying,
401
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,800
"That so-called farmer
at Diddly Squat..."
402
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,160
Fair enough.
403
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,800
"...doesn't actually
produce anything on his farm."
404
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,560
Well, I do.
405
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:43,800
And then someone said,
406
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,200
"That lambing barn
has never been used for lambing."
407
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,400
But there's literally documentary
evidence that says it has.
408
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,880
You know, this is the level
of complaint that just...
409
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,560
That's why I thought I'd do a Q&A,
so people could say...
410
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,040
"What are you doing?
What are your plans?"
411
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,040
[man] Have you got any anxiety about it?
412
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,520
Well, yeah, I have. 'Cause the lady
from the parish council says
413
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:12,160
that those that are angry
are really angry.
414
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,400
I mean, like really angry.
415
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,800
But yeah, it is nerve-wracking.
416
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,560
'Cause I've seen Straw Dogs.
417
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,440
I've seen Local Hero.
418
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,880
You know what a village can get like
when it all whips itself up.
419
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,720
Come up the drive with pitchforks.
420
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,320
But I'm trying to...
I'll hopefully calm it down.
421
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,760
[birds chirping]
422
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,280
[cockerel crowing]
423
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,640
[soft music]
424
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,560
[Jeremy] The next day,
word of the meeting had spread.
425
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,800
And not in a good way.
426
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,080
Um, right, so anyway, the village...
427
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,520
The Chadlington community
notice board just in essence
428
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,240
says that I'm the devil,
429
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,800
that the farming show
is just the devil's work,
430
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,560
the farm is the devil's house.
431
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,320
So let's see if I can
go down there and, um...
432
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,080
[groaning]
433
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,560
Ooh...
434
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,320
[soft music]
435
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:35,200
I've gone for the 70s wedding look,
which I happen to like.
436
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,800
[sighs]
437
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,520
[Jeremy] As the villagers
started to arrive,
438
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,840
the cameras had to leave the hall,
439
00:21:56,000 --> 00:22:00,640
because the locals had insisted
on no filming inside.
440
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,360
Then, with Charlie and Kaleb's ears
pressed firmly against the window
441
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,880
and my personal microphone
still switched on,
442
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,600
I waited for everyone to take
their seats
443
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,920
and got down to business.
444
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,560
[Jeremy] We were overwhelmed
by what happened
445
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,360
when the show first aired,
446
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,480
traffic and mud
and chaos and speeding.
447
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,120
Absolute nightmare. I agree.
448
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,320
So how can we make this look great,
449
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,800
bring people to the area
so they can spend
450
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,600
but not spoil
anybody's life in the village?
451
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:38,200
[Jeremy] I was hoping my opening
words would soothe the waters.
452
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:39,960
And they didn't.
453
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,000
[man] You have shown
no sympathy or empathy
454
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,840
with the people
who live in the village.
455
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,640
You described us as morons.
456
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,400
You said, "Every village has one moron,
I have six."
457
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,360
[laughter]
458
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:51,720
I don't want to be called a moron.
459
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,120
I don't think you should do that,
I think you should apologise for that.
460
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,240
[Jeremy] I apologise to you immediately.
461
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,480
You don't sound moronic at all.
And your points are valid.
462
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,120
Some of the points raised
463
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,360
on the West Oxfordshire
district council website,
464
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,120
however, were moronic.
465
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,360
"That lambing barn has never been
used for lambing."
466
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,120
"Nothing is produced on that farm."
467
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,720
These things are silly things to say,
'cause we do produce things on the farm.
468
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:13,440
That's fair enough, innit?
469
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,880
[man 2] But the fact is,
ultimately you're not a farmer.
470
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:17,760
You're a media personality.
471
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,840
But we're not Love Island.
472
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,080
What?
473
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:23,840
[Jeremy] You're right. I host
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
474
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,520
And I do The Grand Tour.
But the farm is my passion.
475
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,240
[man 2] You don't need an income
from the shop.
476
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,200
[Jeremy] No, the farm needs an income.
477
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:34,600
[man 2] You personally
do not need an income.
478
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,880
His pants are definitely down tonight.
479
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,400
[Jeremy] We're not gonna close the shop.
480
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,680
We have to have
an income stream for the farm.
481
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,800
-Jeremy's answering 'em, though.
-Yeah, he is.
482
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,800
[Jeremy] After the angry locals
had vented,
483
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,200
there then came the important question.
484
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,600
[woman] So, you're planning
on turning the lambing shed
485
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,880
into a cafe/restaurant/whatever.
486
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,360
[Jeremy] Yes. We now have the cows.
Some calves are ready, some heifers.
487
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,640
They'll produce the beef.
We have our eggs, our chickens.
488
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,240
So, we're starting to get
all the things we need
489
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,600
to be able to have this restaurant.
490
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:11,560
[man 3] I think what we would like to
hear now is your very immediate plans
491
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,400
for tidying up, traffic control
and everything.
492
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,720
[Jeremy] We need to talk to highways
about getting rid of the cones.
493
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,440
This will be first thing in the morning.
It's a hideous eye-sore at the moment.
494
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,120
We've got to put a little car-wash thing
so people have their wheels washed
495
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,200
before going back on the roads
so we don't have that mud.
496
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,120
Neat wooden signs saying
"Please do not park on the verges."
497
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,680
There are a number of things we could do
498
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,280
which would make it
a useful and pleasant amenity
499
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,680
that you drive by and go,
"That looks pretty."
500
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,480
And I want to get it
so it's a great little farm shop
501
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,440
with a great little cafe restaurant.
502
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:46,240
[man 4] Can we have a V.I.P. pass then?
503
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,720
[Jeremy] Yes. We'll do a V.I.P. pass
with a discount.
504
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:50,920
How's that sound?
505
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:51,880
[woman] Great!
506
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,240
[applause]
507
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,560
[Jeremy] And on that cheery note,
I bid you goodbye.
508
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,320
Right, I'm off. Take care.
509
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,760
Wow!
510
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:12,920
That was much, much, much better
than I thought it was going to be.
511
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,840
He got a little bit of a roasting
at the beginning.
512
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,920
There were certain people
that obviously went in with an agenda.
513
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,240
Um, but that always happens, doesn't it?
514
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,720
What can I say?
515
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,920
But everyone's entitled
to their own opinion, you know.
516
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,760
You have to listen to people,
you have to be genuine,
517
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,480
you have to show that you care.
And I think he does.
518
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,400
It was a good start.
519
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,400
We enjoyed the opportunity
of talking to him.
520
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:42,760
And that's the most important thing.
To engage rather than confront.
521
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,280
[soft music]
522
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,720
[Jeremy] The next morning,
as I'd promised,
523
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:57,320
I set about getting the area
around the farm shop tidied up.
524
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,120
Which meant a meeting with Lisa.
525
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,760
We've got to start now.
526
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,280
Get these cones up and gone.
527
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,160
Get that wire netting gone.
528
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,120
All that plastic over there
and those crates.
529
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,160
Get those bins hidden.
530
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:18,120
The litter, which I can see
all over everywhere.
531
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,640
It's all got to go.
532
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,080
Look at that manky hay bale.
That's just awful.
533
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,320
[Lisa] You say how much hay costs
and you want to buy another one!
534
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,360
Look at these cones.
"Come to a nice farm--"
535
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,120
They are from the police!
536
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:30,400
They put them out there.
537
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,480
We've nicked them and brought them
in here. Well, I haven't.
538
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,000
Somebody's brought them in here,
and is using them,
539
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,640
'cause they're convenient.
We can't have convenient.
540
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:41,400
It's got...
Whose idea are those blue signs?
541
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,200
They were just temporary
for a day or two.
542
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,840
[Jeremy] But they've been there
for three months.
543
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,800
We've got the new signs now
to go on the grass verge.
544
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,560
I know. I know, I know.
545
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:52,840
I know. Do you know what?
546
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,440
I can do this and then we'll have
no stock in the shop.
547
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:59,400
[Jeremy] Listen, it's all very well
designing pretty little labels
548
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:00,640
for things in the shop,
549
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:04,320
but when you arrive at the shop
and it looks like this, it's just awful.
550
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,800
-[Lisa] What are you gonna do about it?
-I haven't got time.
551
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,160
You have no idea how much is...
I've gotta go...
552
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,600
Today I've gotta go
and find out if one of the...
553
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,400
I don't even know what it's called,
bullocks or steers,
554
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,040
has got an accidental testicle.
555
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:21,720
I've got Charlie coming to talk about
the new government regulations on...
556
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,320
I'm just swamped.
557
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,840
[Lisa] I can spend my day doing this,
but then we will have nothing to sell.
558
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,600
Sorry. You said you'll look after
the farm shop, I'll do the farm.
559
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,120
So the farm shop is--
560
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,080
I do breakfast, lunch and dinner as well.
561
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,000
When? What breakfast?
What lunch? What dinner?
562
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,600
I cooked my dinner last night.
I made sausages and mashed potatoes.
563
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,760
-You did not!
-Well, I so did.
564
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,120
I burnt them
'cause the dog shat on the carpet
565
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:46,640
and I had to clear up the dog shit
while cooking.
566
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,400
Your dogs, your shit.
567
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:49,360
My dogs?
568
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,120
If you wanted dogs,
I said "You clean up the shit."
569
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,160
-I did, while I was cooking my supper...
-"I'm allergic to dog shit!"
570
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:56,680
Guess what? So am I.
571
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,240
Honestly.
572
00:27:58,840 --> 00:27:59,880
[sighs]
573
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,200
What a twat.
574
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,600
I mean, it is disgusting.
575
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,480
It was fine during the summer,
wasn't it?
576
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,280
And then the rain came.
And when it rained, it's fucked.
577
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,800
[upbeat music]
578
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,120
[she groans]
579
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:20,600
Yeah!
580
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,360
[Jeremy] While Lisa was busy
with Operation Tidy-Up...
581
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:32,880
I ploughed through
the endless list of jobs
582
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,800
that farming throws at you.
583
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,000
No, no, wait, wait,
'cause if you're in there...
584
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,600
I'll just climb out. I got stuck
in one of these once with a bull.
585
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,400
Why don't you just pull it out?
586
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,680
-It's easier to do this.
-It wasn't a very big bull.
587
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,360
[upbeat music continues]
588
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:58,160
Now, what we've got here
is a scrotum and nothing else.
589
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,320
Uh-oh! Shit!
590
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,480
[Jeremy] Oh, it's free.
Thank God for that.
591
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,200
[upbeat music]
592
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,080
[he groans]
593
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,920
[Kaleb] Do you want me to do it?
594
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:17,080
No.
595
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:18,880
Watch this now.
596
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:25,680
[Kaleb] Fuck's sake.
597
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,920
[Jeremy] When I did get
a spare moment...
598
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:31,640
This is a period of high volatility...
599
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:35,280
Charlie always made sure
he was there to fill it.
600
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,680
[Charlie] There's some key figures
in there, specifics.
601
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:39,200
That's all down to yield.
602
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,280
So that's the net margin,
the whole farm.
603
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:42,560
What do you mean, "margin"?
604
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,560
Your return is point seven-five
of a percent.
605
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,800
Because your costs have
changed very little. So why...
606
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:53,360
Basically, the dark blue line is 2021.
So this shows...
607
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:54,320
Yes.
608
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,760
So this is this harvest,
the dark line.
609
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,640
The mainstay of the rotation
610
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:02,200
obviously is we've got
wheat and oilseed rape...
611
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:04,000
The costs are about the same,
612
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,720
but that extra production has gone
straight to the bottom line.
613
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,120
We need to look at the detail.
614
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,840
Sorry. Oh, God. Fuck it.
615
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:13,680
I have that effect on all my clients.
616
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,200
No, you don't. I'm just knackered.
Farming is wearing me out.
617
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:18,680
[sighs]
618
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,080
[Jeremy] On top of the work pressure,
619
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:26,640
our little Diddly Squat world was now
under the glare of public scrutiny,
620
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:31,240
with my activities the subject
of national debate.
621
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,800
[radio host] Karla in the North Cotswolds
isn't far away.
622
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:35,640
And she says:
"This is not the first time
623
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:39,320
Clarkson has had to placate the locals,
especially when he blew up his house.
624
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,000
People are blocking
what was once a quiet village
625
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,680
that is not designed for so much traffic.
626
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,720
People wait for hours to get in.
627
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:48,400
They do not respect the area."
628
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,280
-That is the case against.
- [Jeremy] Jesus!
629
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,400
Let's hear from Julie,
who's in Scarborough.
630
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,200
[Julie] Good afternoon, Jeremy.
631
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,840
We've been on holiday
this week in the Cotswolds.
632
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,040
We drove past and saw all the cars...
633
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:01,760
[soft music]
634
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:12,640
[Jeremy] With all this going on,
635
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:16,920
all I wanted to do was hide myself away
in the fields.
636
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:19,560
So I did.
637
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,680
[Jeremy] I love this part of the day.
Heading out in the tractor.
638
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,720
It's just so peaceful.
639
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:33,880
You know at the end of Forrest Gump,
640
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:38,440
when Forrest is on his little ride-on
mower doing the village green
641
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,360
[with a Southern American accent]
in Greenbow, Alabama?
642
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,960
That's how I feel here.
643
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,440
All those adventures I've had in my life,
and yet...
644
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,200
I've ended up doing this!
645
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,600
And I love it. I just love it!
646
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,000
Kaleb needs to give this
a damned good soaking
647
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,880
with the weed killer,
he really does.
648
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:06,640
'Cause I think spring barley's
going in this field this year,
649
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,000
which is important,
650
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,360
because that's gonna be used
to make our...
651
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,640
-[crash]
-Fucking hell.
652
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,560
I hit the telegraph pole.
Shit, shit, shit.
653
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,200
Okay.
654
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:25,560
Shit.
655
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:31,240
[sighs]
656
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,080
I've broken it.
657
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:36,320
That whole...
658
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:37,680
that's all been bent back.
659
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,480
You can see those are now pointing...
They should be...
660
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:41,520
And I've broken that one.
661
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:44,440
Shit.
662
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,640
I mean, why have they put
a telegraph pole there?
663
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:55,000
[Jeremy] There was only one way
this situation could get any worse.
664
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,000
[Kaleb] Fuck!
665
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:09,720
-Were you on your phone?
-No.
666
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,320
You fucked up big time now.
667
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,440
-Fucking hell!
-I did that one as well.
668
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:25,360
You're such a muppet!
669
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:26,880
Every time!
670
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,760
I know, I know, I know.
671
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,640
If we straighten that out
it's just gonna come off, isn't it?
672
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:34,760
It will just snap off. You need
to straighten the whole thing out.
673
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:36,760
It'll probably be better to cut it off
and re-weld it back on.
674
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,960
-[Jeremy] How good are you at welding?
-[Kaleb] You're sorting it out.
675
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,400
-What?
-You're sorting that out.
676
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:42,360
I can't weld!
677
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:43,760
But you're sorting that out.
678
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:47,080
Jesus! Look how well...
I've done all this this morning.
679
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:48,840
I've already done half the field!
680
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:50,440
-You haven't!
-I have!
681
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,440
You have not done this field.
682
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,040
I have! I've done half the field.
683
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:56,680
Why didn't you tell me you had?
684
00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,400
It's obvious. You come out here
and look: half the field's done!
685
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:01,560
- You can see...
- I couldn't see that.
686
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:03,840
-You couldn't see the difference?
-No.
687
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:09,920
[Jeremy] We then discussed
the electricity board's damaged pole.
688
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:11,400
You betta ring 'em up and tell 'em.
689
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,120
-They just renewed all these.
-I know they have.
690
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,480
Why don't we just ignore it?
691
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,280
It's only superficial.
It's done more damage...
692
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,440
I might ring them up and tell them
they owe me for a new disc.
693
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,760
"You put a telegraph pole
in the middle of my field
694
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:28,880
and I'm that stupid, I can't go round it,
so therefore now you owe--"
695
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:30,480
It was really foggy.
I couldn't see it.
696
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,200
[Jeremy] Shit.
697
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,960
[Jeremy] I thought at this point
my humiliation was complete.
698
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,120
But apparently not.
699
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:39,880
Hi.
700
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,760
-[Charlie] What's the problem?
-[Kaleb] Tell him the problem, Jeremy.
701
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,120
[sighs] I've had an accident.
702
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:47,920
[Charlie] Bloody hell.
703
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,880
-I mean, you've ripped it off!
-[Jeremy] Yeah.
704
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,840
[Kaleb] You wrote the machine off!
705
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:55,600
[Charlie] The problem is,
706
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:57,480
this isn't ours.
707
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,400
It's only on...
This is a demonstrator.
708
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:04,800
So...
709
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:06,160
OK.
710
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:07,920
How much is this thing?
711
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,000
-[Charlie] Twenty thousand quid.
-[Jeremy] Oh for fuck's sake.
712
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,760
[cockerel crowing]
713
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:22,480
["Can't You See" by
The Marshall Tucker Band playing]
714
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:30,760
[Jeremy] With the old cultivator
brought out of retirement,
715
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,640
we eventually got the job done.
716
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:35,440
[music continues]
717
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,120
Then we fired up the drill...
718
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:43,600
Right, here we go.
719
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:47,680
[Jeremy] And set about getting
the seeds in the ground.
720
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,560
[music continues]
721
00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:02,200
Accompanied, as ever,
by the traditional radio exchanges.
722
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:03,640
[Jeremy] Now it's changed.
723
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,640
The tractor
zero-kilometre-an-hour thing
724
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,360
is flashing at me.
725
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:10,680
You've knocked your fan out, haven't you?
726
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:12,640
How the fuck can I have done that?
727
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:14,160
I haven't touched any buttons.
728
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,640
-Where's the fan button?
-[Kaleb grunts]
729
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,920
[music continues]
730
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:27,400
[Jeremy] The weather held,
and a few busy days later
731
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,880
all the crops were in the ground.
732
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:35,040
Well done.
733
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,480
Only one telegraph pole
mildly damaged and...
734
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,960
-Yeah, that wasn't me.
-I know. That was me.
735
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,080
[Jeremy] Then it was time
for a Sunday lunch meeting with Charlie,
736
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:51,800
who had finally finished
the restaurant application.
737
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:56,280
Think about this.
738
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,760
Everything on that plate
was grown at Diddly Squat.
739
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:03,160
The lamb, the carrots, the potatoes,
740
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:07,000
the beetroot, the flour for the gravy.
741
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:08,680
That's spring water.
742
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,000
So that's what the restaurant
is all about.
743
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:15,520
And that's what makes it so exciting.
Because, genuinely, it can be done.
744
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,160
-Is this the business plan?
-This is the business plan.
745
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,160
And you've done it on two sides
of the paper, which is eco-friendly.
746
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,600
-And it's recycled paper.
-Of course it is.
747
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,960
[Jeremy] They must be getting loads of
these from farmers saying
748
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:27,280
"We've got to do some changes."
749
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,440
There's a lot of requirement
for diversification going in.
750
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:31,880
But that's the need.
751
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,600
You are going to lose
£82,000 worth of subsidy.
752
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:37,840
We've gotta try and fill the gap.
753
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:40,360
This is why we're doing it.
754
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:41,920
-And that's going today?
-Today.
755
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:45,680
I mean, if we don't...
If we don't get planning permission,
756
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,320
I'm left up a gum tree,
757
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,880
-a proper sticky gum tree.
-I know.
758
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,880
'Cause I'm left with a load of stuff
and nowhere that I can sell it
759
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,440
at anything approximating to a profit.
760
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,480
-Correct.
-Everything's ready to go,
761
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:04,640
I just need West Oxfordshire District
Council to say
762
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,360
"Good idea."
763
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,200
[upbeat music]
764
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,160
[Jeremy] While the fate of the farm
was being discussed here,
765
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,160
in the local red-tape factory...
766
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,160
Come on.
767
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:21,960
[Jeremy] ...I had to turn my attention
back to the cows,
768
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,880
which every night
were facing a deadly threat.
769
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:28,760
[intriguing music]
770
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:40,880
[ominous music]
771
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,760
-[engine revving]
-Fucking hell!
772
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:47,640
-You can't shoot them.
-No.
773
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:48,680
-Or gas them.
-No.
774
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,040
-Or fill in their holes.
-No.
775
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:51,880
[woman] If you get TB
776
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,560
your farm
is virtually shut down.
777
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:57,800
Shit.
778
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:01,640
[theme music playing]