1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,480 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:11,160 [birds chirping] 3 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:22,400 [Jeremy sighs] 4 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:23,920 [Kaleb] Go along the top now. 5 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,040 This one will probably go back on itself. 6 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,640 -[Kaleb] Ready? -You don't need to throw it, I'm here. 7 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:31,760 -[Kaleb] Yeah, I have to swing it. -Yeah, I know this, but I'm tall. 8 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,360 [Kaleb] This is a big day, this. 9 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,280 -[Jeremy] How many tractors? -A hundred tractors. 10 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:38,720 -[Jeremy] A hundred tractors? -A hundred tractors, all for charity. 11 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,960 [Jeremy] Do you go under the sunroof, or? 12 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,880 No, not through there. 13 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:43,880 [Jeremy sighs] 14 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,720 [Kaleb] I'd much rather do this with my friends, not you. 15 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,560 Everyone heard that, didn't they? 16 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:55,160 Did everyone hear that Christmas good cheer from Kaleb Cooper? 17 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:56,720 [Kaleb] I need a cable tie. 18 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:01,040 [Jeremy] I've never known how they work. I'd be a useless policeman. 19 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,280 -[Kaleb] There you go. -That's it? 20 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,440 [Kaleb] That's it. 21 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,560 -[Jeremy] I could be a policeman. -Say it. 22 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,280 -Say the thing. -[Jeremy] I did a thing? 23 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,360 [Kaleb laughs] 24 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,440 [Christmas music] 25 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,040 [Christmas music continues] 26 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,800 [tractors honking] 27 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,360 [crowd cheering] 28 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,080 ♪ I wish you a hopeful Christmas ♪ 29 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:41,400 ♪ I wish you a brave new year ♪ 30 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,440 ♪ All anguish, pain and sadness ♪ 31 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,200 ♪ Leave your heart And let your road be clear ♪ 32 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,880 ♪ They said there'd be snow at Christmas ♪ 33 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,520 ♪ They said there'll be peace on earth ♪ 34 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:01,880 ♪ Hallelujah, Noel be it heaven or hell ♪ 35 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,880 ♪ The Christmas we get we deserve ♪ 36 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,120 [Jeremy] The annual Christmas tractor run 37 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,920 heralded the start of the Yuletide festivities. 38 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,600 ["I Believe in Father Christmas" by Greg Lake] 39 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,520 And as everyone settled down 40 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:28,440 in front of the Boxing Day telly in their snazzy new jumpers, 41 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,520 I didn't. 42 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:38,000 [Jeremy] Normally I'd be thinking about: "Which party shall I go to this evening?" 43 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,440 And: "Where shall I go tomorrow lunch time?" 44 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,600 All I'm doing now is thinking: "Have the pigs got water? 45 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,480 "Have the cows got hay?" 46 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:47,920 [door slamming] 47 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,200 [Jeremy] Morning pigs. Ready for some food? 48 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,080 [pig oinking] 49 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,160 Big dogs. 50 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,800 Come on. Out you go. Out you go. 51 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,480 Feeling peckish? 52 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,400 Ready, steady, and over she goes. 53 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:09,720 Oi! Move up. 54 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,000 Come on. 55 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,000 Give you a bit here. 56 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,040 There we go. 57 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:16,720 And then... 58 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,320 Dog get out! 59 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,960 Sansa, heel, heel. 60 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,120 How have you got in here? 61 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,200 How did they get in? 62 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,120 It's Christmas time. 63 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,160 Come on weaners. 64 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,360 Come on weaners. Come on. 65 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:38,320 Food time. 66 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,240 Arya, Sansa, heel, heel! 67 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:43,840 Come out, dogs. 68 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,200 Excellent. 69 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,000 Now then. 70 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,240 [thud] 71 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,080 [panting] 72 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:00,600 Come on. 73 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:03,920 Well done. Come on. 74 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:11,240 I want to know how they can both do that, but they won't jump into the Range Rover. 75 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,160 Come on Sansa, in. 76 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,160 Sansa, get in. 77 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:16,480 In. 78 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:18,440 Come on. 79 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:20,120 Get in. 80 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,680 Sansa, in. 81 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,080 You are such a clown. 82 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,600 [dog moaning and barking] 83 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,240 [instrumental music] 84 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,200 [Jeremy] However, while Christmas was busy, 85 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,760 I did manage to get away for a week in the new year. 86 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:44,920 Hello, piggies. 87 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:46,800 [Jeremy] And when I returned, 88 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,760 pig-sitter Kaleb had some surprising news. 89 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,920 -[Kaleb] How was holiday? -[Jeremy] Brilliant. 90 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,160 How have the pigs been? 91 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,480 Yeah... It's been an interesting experience 92 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,200 looking after them while you've been away. 93 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,920 -[Jeremy] What? -We've got five piglets! 94 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,160 -[Jeremy] What? -We've got five little piglets! 95 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,760 -Piglets? -Yeah, piglets, five. 96 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,320 All doing really well. 97 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,440 -[Jeremy] How's that happened? -I don't know. 98 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,600 [Jeremy] They only got mated... 99 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,680 -[Kaleb] Did they? Well, you-- -A month ago. 100 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,360 -So she was pregnant when I bought her. -[Kaleb] Yeah. 101 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:18,760 They were sold as empty. 102 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,800 Well, you've had a deal and a half then 103 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,320 cos you've got five little piglets that you didn't know about. 104 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:24,920 [Kaleb] Hello. 105 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,640 -[piglets squeaking] -[Jeremy] Oh, look! 106 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,960 Oh, they're adorable! 107 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,480 [Kaleb] They're cute, aren't they? 108 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,400 [Jeremy] Well done, mum! 109 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,640 Oh, look at you! 110 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,680 Look at you! 111 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:40,800 Oh, look. 112 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:42,600 Look. 113 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,240 Aw. 114 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,720 [Kaleb laughing] 115 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,240 [Jeremy laughing] 116 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,160 -[Kaleb] They're better than sheep. -Yes. 117 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:52,040 Yes. 118 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,920 Your mother's really not bothered, is she? 119 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:55,640 Look at... 120 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,560 Hello you. 121 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,320 [Jeremy] As they had sticky up ears, 122 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:05,560 it was quickly obvious the father hadn't been a pedigree Sandy and Black. 123 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:06,960 But whoever he was, 124 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,480 he'd produced some very brilliant offspring. 125 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,200 [Kaleb] Do you want me to put him back down? 126 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,000 [Jeremy] So they live in there for how long? 127 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,520 [Kaleb] They'll be in there for another... 128 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,560 We'll move them into the other place, won't we? 129 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,040 We've got to get them out of your field, and into the woods. 130 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,000 [Kaleb] Yeah. 131 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,440 [Jeremy] I do want to get them out of this field, 132 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,040 because it's bleak for them up here. 133 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,400 Oh, look at the really small one. 134 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,640 [chuckling] She is properly little. 135 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,640 -[Kaleb] You got him? -[piglet squeaking] 136 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,840 Look at the micro pig. 137 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:34,840 [squealing] 138 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,760 He's nice and warm. 139 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,040 -[Kaleb] There's always a runt. -Oh, but she's just... 140 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,600 [Kaleb] Look at the little nose. 141 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,360 [crew] It's like the proud parents. Smiling. 142 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,680 Proud parents! 143 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,160 Proud parents! 144 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,760 [Jeremy] Sadly, this happy moment was short-lived, 145 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,480 because the next day, little runt piggy went missing. 146 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,960 And if you don't want to know what happened, 147 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,080 put your fingers in your ears now. 148 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:05,480 I just find it incredible that a pig won't eat an onion, 149 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,640 -but it will eat its own child. -[Lisa] I know. I know. 150 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,320 The only thing they don't eat is teeth, 151 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,680 -but they won't have had teeth. -There's no teeth in there. 152 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,320 -There's just the bit of an ear. -[Lisa gasping] 153 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,040 That's all there was. 154 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,720 That's how I know it was eaten. 155 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,800 My first thought was it's been taken by a Red Kite, a Buzzard or something, 156 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,760 but there's no way it could have got into the pigloo. 157 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,480 [Lisa] It was poorly anyway. 158 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,080 That's very sad. 159 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,360 I just hope it was dead before she ate it. 160 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:34,960 Stop. 161 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,200 [upbeat music] 162 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,960 [Jeremy] For now, though, we'd have to put the pig cannibalism to one side, 163 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,720 because if Kaleb was right, 164 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,280 and a piglet tsunami was on its way, 165 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:52,520 we'd have to get their new home built in the woods sharpish. 166 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,880 We're gonna have this fence here. It's gonna have 167 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,080 a gate there, gate there, gate there, that's 80 metres. 168 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,080 [Kaleb] Yeah. 169 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,600 [Jeremy] So, this one gate accesses that and that. 170 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,000 That one does that and that. 171 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,600 Put a new fence along there and up, which is easily done, yes? 172 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,880 [Jeremy] Yeah, so we'll measure 80 metres, hang on. 173 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,760 [Kaleb] That's perfect, isn't it? 174 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,400 And Gerald can keep an eye on them. 175 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,600 -Gerald, your lovely woodland view. -Nice south-westerly blowing. 176 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:21,600 [both chuckling] 177 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:26,720 Because Gerald's house is not very far away through there. 178 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,640 He's going to have some pig honks. 179 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,040 Oh bless him. Hey actually, talking of Gerald. 180 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,400 -He had his op, didn't he? -Yeah, he had his op three days ago. 181 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,080 -Yeah, I rang... -You talked to him? 182 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:39,520 Yes. I spoke to him two days ago. 183 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,240 -I'm going to take him some pork. -Oh good. 184 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,040 He wants some belly pork, so he must be feeling a little better. 185 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,600 -And apparently... -He seems happier now actually as well. 186 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,120 Yeah, the word is he's on the mend. 187 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:50,640 [Kaleb] That's what we like to hear. 188 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,760 There's a few walls fell down, so we need him to be back at it. 189 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,760 I know, we do want him back. 190 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,320 [upbeat music] 191 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:57,640 [Jeremy] With the plans agreed, 192 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,880 we had to start by trimming the overhead branches 193 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,440 so they wouldn't get in our way. 194 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,000 And because this is a TV show, 195 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:09,480 that meant plenty of fuss from Health and Safety. 196 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:12,280 [sighing] 197 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,520 All right, Jesus, got him manhandling me. 198 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:20,360 [Jeremy] And then to make sure you can't escape... 199 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,600 I can't do this. Take it off. 200 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,160 -[Jeremy] What? -I can't have it on. 201 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,600 You can't not have it on because we're being filmed. 202 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,160 Are we ready? Looking good. 203 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,160 [chainsaw] 204 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,600 -[Jeremy] Can you manage, Lisa? -Yeah. 205 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,440 [Kaleb on walkie-talkie] I think we're done. 206 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:47,880 We're done. 207 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:52,960 [Lisa] There you go, princess. 208 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:54,480 [Kaleb] Hey. 209 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,600 -[thud] -[Kaleb screaming] 210 00:09:58,760 --> 00:09:59,880 Shit! You all right? 211 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,000 -[Kaleb grunting] -[Lisa] It's okay, I'll get you out. 212 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,040 -[Jeremy] You all right? -[Lisa] No, he forgot he was attached. 213 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,760 -[Jeremy] You forgot you were tethered. -[Lisa] Just come back a little bit, K. 214 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,160 -[Jeremy] Did you hit your head? -[Lisa] Just come back a little bit. 215 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:11,960 I need you down a little bit further. 216 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,840 -[Jeremy] No, it's alright, I'll do it. -[Lisa] Just step up a little bit. 217 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,760 [Jeremy] So let's be brutally honest. 218 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,480 The Health and Safety equipment has injured him. 219 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,080 [man] You've got a bruise coming up already. 220 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,200 [Lisa] I did exactly the same thing, remember? 221 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,520 -[Jeremy] Yeah, you did it. -[Lisa] Yeah. 222 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,480 [Jeremy] We've got to get rid of all Health and Safety equipment off the farm. 223 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,600 It's really injuring people. 224 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:35,320 [Jeremy] Luckily, Kaleb's skull was thicker than the cage it had hit, 225 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,720 so work continued. 226 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,200 [rock music] 227 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,440 [Kaleb] Keep going, keep going, keep going. 228 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:47,720 [Kaleb] Come up to me a little bit. 229 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,880 [back-up beeper] 230 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,880 [Jeremy] However, while building the new pig houses, 231 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,480 I was reminded that the woods were in urgent need 232 00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,680 of some maintenance. 233 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:04,400 And the main job, as I'd discovered back in the autumn, 234 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:07,960 was repairing a rapidly collapsing dam. 235 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,120 This is supposed to all be filled with gravel. 236 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,080 And the gravel has all been washed away. 237 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,200 There should be five railway sleepers there, 238 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,920 and then the water goes into the pipe and comes out there. 239 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,080 If I don't mend this, 240 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,800 when the rains start again, 241 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,200 this will all be washed away, and the pond will go. 242 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,520 There'll be nowhere for the trout or the kingfishers that live here, 243 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,200 the ducks that live here. 244 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,800 I've got to mend it. 245 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,120 [soft music] 246 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,840 [Jeremy] However, I was now wise enough to know 247 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,800 that before doing anything like this 248 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:59,320 in a wooded environment full of mice and voles, 249 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:04,000 I'd need to consult with mister "No No No" himself. 250 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,400 Morning, Tom. 251 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,600 -[Tom] Morning, Jeremy. -How are you? 252 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,840 -[Tom] I'm all right. Good to see you. -You as well. 253 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,240 What er... Dogs, come here. 254 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,200 Heel. 255 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,960 I'm training them. Hang on, sorry. 256 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,920 [Tom] Well, I understand that you have some plans 257 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,720 -to do some works around... -[Jeremy] Heel. 258 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,560 |Tom] ...this rather fetching little pond down here. 259 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,040 [Jeremy] Sansa, Arya, heel. 260 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:30,640 [Tom] Are you planning to come down here... 261 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,160 [Jeremy] My plan is... Okay, here's what I want to do. 262 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,520 I just want to be able to get along here cos I've got to be able to mend that dam. 263 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,360 -[Tom] Okay. All right. -Which, as you can see, is broken. 264 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,880 [Jeremy] Predictably, Tom's red flags 265 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,280 were already out in force. 266 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,920 [Tom] So you've got some previous kind of evidence here 267 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,000 of having some crayfish. 268 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,160 I think there's loads in here. 269 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,280 -[Tom] Hmm. -American ones. 270 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,720 Yeah, yeah. North American signal, yeah. 271 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,440 [Jeremy] And they're the bad ones. 272 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:02,040 -[Tom] They are the bad ones, yeah. -That have killed all our English ones? 273 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,320 -They're the grey squirrels of crayfish. -Yeah effectively. Yeah. 274 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,000 -Is that right? -But they're nastier. 275 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,600 [Jeremy] How big are they? I've never seen one. 276 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:12,080 16 to 18 centimetres, like the bigger males. 277 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,440 -What's that in English? -Er... 278 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,280 -[Jeremy] Six inches? -Basically about this big. 279 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,120 -[Jeremy] What, they're like lobsters? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 280 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,320 You're going to see the aggressive males first. 281 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,000 -How aggressive are they? -They eat their own young. 282 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,920 [Jeremy] Yeah, lot of that going on at the moment... 283 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,520 Because I've been told there are crayfish in here, 284 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,680 and I was going to catch them and then sell them in the shop. 285 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,720 Yeah, you can't do that, yeah. 286 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,120 Prison sentences? 287 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,120 Yeah, there's prison sentences to that, and a fine. 288 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,920 -[Jeremy] Yeah. -I think it's about £2,500. 289 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,080 [Jeremy] £2,000? So if I were to catch one of these crayfish 290 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,840 -then I could be fined £2,500. -Yeah. 291 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,160 Potentially a prison term as well. 292 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,560 [Jeremy] And possible prison. 293 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,560 -Possible, possible prison, of course. -Depending on the scale of the situation. 294 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,080 [Tom] Another problem you have 295 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:59,320 is I can see some evidence that some of the banks have eroded. 296 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,160 -That's the biggest kind of issue. -Ooh... 297 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,240 -[Jeremy] Are they eating the banks? -Yeah. 298 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,040 With these crayfish burrowing into these banks, 299 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,480 cos they can burrow about 2 metres at water level back in, right? 300 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,560 And then it can be quite a complex set of burrows that they've got. 301 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,760 If you're going to bring machinery down, 302 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,880 you need to be really careful how close you get to some of these banks, 303 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,240 -because they might just give way. -In case I squash an invasive crayfish? 304 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,200 No cos you might end up with your machinery in the lake, 305 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,720 -which we don't want, so... -Oh. 306 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,520 I'd be highly cautious about doing anything around these banks. 307 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,760 [Jeremy] How would you recommend I did this work? 308 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,360 My preference would be that a lot of this would be more manual 309 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:35,800 than heavy machinery. 310 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,600 -That's the safest way of doing it. -All right. 311 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,360 [country music] 312 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:45,120 [Jeremy] With Tom's advice about not using heavy machinery taken onboard, 313 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,280 I set to work. 314 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:48,920 [loud rumbling] 315 00:14:58,760 --> 00:14:59,640 [Jeremy] Ahooya. 316 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,960 Let me talk you through it. 317 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,960 Italian made, low centre of gravity. 318 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,480 Top speed: 4 km/h. 319 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,960 That's twice as fast as a snail. 320 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,000 [epic music] 321 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,360 [Jeremy] Speed, though, was not its party trick. 322 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:22,400 No, what Wally the radio-controlled robo-mulcher does best 323 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:28,000 is clear away absolutely everything in its path. 324 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,160 [Jeremy] Holy Moly! 325 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,360 What manner of thing is this? 326 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,320 Bloody hellfire! 327 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:46,960 [laughing] 328 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,360 This is a destroyer of worlds. 329 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,480 They could have had HS2 built in about 20 minutes 330 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,240 if they'd had one of these. 331 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,360 Forward! 332 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:07,920 [Jeremy laughing] 333 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,560 I can't even see what it's doing in there. 334 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:18,600 It's a whole new game, this is. 335 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,840 When you can't see where it's gone, you just only use sound 336 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,480 to hear what it's doing. 337 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,320 [wood creaking] 338 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:29,840 Oh shitting hell! 339 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:37,920 Fuck! 340 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,480 So I've broken the one bit of dam that remained. 341 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:44,920 Shit! 342 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,440 However, 343 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,720 despite the terrible damage I've caused over there, 344 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,080 I have-- Ow! 345 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,240 [panting and chuckling] 346 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,520 Blinded myself. 347 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,320 But apart from the light blinding and the damaged dam, 348 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,560 I have finally, after two or three years, 349 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,840 opened up this dam again, 350 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,000 so we can effect a repair. 351 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,200 [upbeat music] 352 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,440 [Jeremy] Kaleb then joined me to get the ball rolling. 353 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,240 And, to begin with, 354 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,080 everything went swimmingly. 355 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,000 [Jeremy] Yes! 356 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,440 [Jeremy] We dug through the subsoil 357 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:29,480 to get to the farm's seemingly limitless supply of waterproof clay. 358 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,000 [Jeremy] Juicy clay. 359 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,160 [Jeremy] Which we'd use to create the dam. 360 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,400 [Kaleb] Go on, keep going. 361 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,720 [Jeremy] We then took the old pipe out. 362 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,080 [Kaleb] Stop! 363 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,200 [Jeremy] Gravity, easy transportation. 364 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,040 [Jeremy] And manoeuvred the new pipe into place. 365 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,280 [Kaleb] Keep going that way. 366 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,440 -[Jeremy] Yeah! Look at that! -That's bang on. 367 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,480 [Jeremy] But from that moment on, the arguing started, 368 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,400 because when it came to dam building, 369 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,320 we both knew best. 370 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:09,080 You see how it's sat in the channel. We've just got to fill clay in there. 371 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,080 No, you're going to have to lift this up, 372 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,400 but it isn't just a little bit. It's a precise measurement. 373 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,680 You've got to lift this up with the clay. We can do that by hand, though. 374 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,240 -[Jeremy] No. -And then bed it with clay. 375 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,720 Yes, but you say a little bit, but not like a little bit. 376 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,800 I'm talking about that much higher. 377 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,880 -I won't be that much. -It will. 378 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,800 -[Kaleb] I reckon that much. -No, that's wrong. 379 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:31,960 [Kaleb] You're wrong. 380 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:33,520 When we get the right height, Kaleb... 381 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,440 -Honestly, take that out. -Shush. Please, listen. Please. 382 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:42,280 The bottom of this has to be an inch below the level of the overflow pipe. 383 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,160 Yes! 384 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,280 I know how to do it, but you just keep shutting me down. 385 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,240 [Jeremy] To settle the dispute, 386 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,320 we installed a laser measuring device. 387 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,280 And after that, 388 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,280 we started building a temporary dam 389 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,160 to create a dry working area for the proper dam, 390 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,800 which is when the squabbling got worse. 391 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,640 [Jeremy] Leave those. We're going to need them to build on top of. 392 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,200 [Kaleb] Yeah, but we're going to do it there, look. 393 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,800 [Jeremy] No. Please, stop interfering. 394 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,240 [Kaleb] So sensitive all the time. 395 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,200 [Jeremy] Thank you. 396 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:21,520 [Kaleb] How many more do you need? 397 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,240 [back-up beeper] 398 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,920 [Jeremy] Don't touch the laser... Don't touch the laser thing! 399 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,560 God strewth. 400 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,320 Oh no! He's done it. Don't hit the laser! 401 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,320 Oh for fuck's sake! 402 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,200 [back-up beeper] 403 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,440 [Jeremy] I've never seen incompetence like it. 404 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,800 [tree creaking] 405 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,400 Why didn't I do... Oh! 406 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,400 [Kaleb] Oh, God. 407 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:02,480 [sighing] 408 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,160 [Jeremy] Right. Can you put it on crab steer? 409 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,160 [Kaleb] Yeah, yeah, yeah. 410 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,560 At the minute, you've got the wheels doing that. 411 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,520 You want to get them all turning the same way. 412 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:12,920 [Kaleb] Yeah. 413 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:16,720 That's not crab steer. 414 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,200 [Jeremy on walkie-talkie] You're not in crab steer. 415 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,720 No, Kaleb, stop it! You've got to get it in crab steer. 416 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,280 [Jeremy on walkie-talkie] Don't move it until you get it in crab steer. 417 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,240 It's in crab steer, 418 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,960 but I cannot turn the steering wheel. 419 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,160 Watch. 420 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,640 [Jeremy on walkie-talkie] Please put it in crab steer. 421 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,520 It's in crab steer! I just cannot move! 422 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,720 No, you have to turn the steering wheel to lock it into crab steer! 423 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,520 [engine roaring] 424 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,720 [Jeremy] Jesus Christ! 425 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,320 [Kaleb] You're going to have to get a chainsaw and lop that branch off. 426 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:00,640 [chainsaw] 427 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,760 Don't worry, Kaleb, I'm on my way to rescue you 428 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,080 from your own incompetence. 429 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,480 Where would you go? Here? 430 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,680 The knuckle. 431 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,560 -[Jeremy] No. -At the knuckle. 432 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:15,800 [Jeremy] Here? 433 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,080 [chainsaw] 434 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,560 -You idiot! -[Jeremy] What? 435 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,080 You're meant to cut from the bottom. 436 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,800 [chainsaw] 437 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,080 [Jeremy] Oh! Fuck you! 438 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:42,560 You knew that was going to happen! 439 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,240 [chuckling] 440 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,680 -That wasn't funny. -[Kaleb] I told you... 441 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,440 I told you to go around that side and cut. 442 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,240 I didn't do fuck all! 443 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,960 You spent all morning throwing fucking rocks at me. 444 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,360 And now... 445 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:55,680 [Charlie] Hello? 446 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,040 The tree landed on my bloody head. 447 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,080 [Charlie] Hi, what's going on? 448 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,480 [Jeremy] Oh, he's being a fucking foetus is what's going on. 449 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,720 You're just incompetent with a chainsaw. 450 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,280 You cut from the bottom cos it was pinching. 451 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,040 [Jeremy] It pinched onto my head. 452 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,560 No, it pinched the chainsaw blade. It's fucking bullshit! 453 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,000 [Charlie] What are we doing anyway? 454 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,640 Ah well, now I can explain that, and you'll be pleased. 455 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:26,720 Behold! 456 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,720 You're repairing the dam? 457 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:29,920 [Jeremy] Yes! 458 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,560 The pipe that was in there was all broken. 459 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,760 So we've got that out, we've got some clay 460 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:37,920 to create a temporary dam 461 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,720 while we build the proper dam. 462 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,240 -[Charlie] Okay. -But then the foetus, 463 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,480 whose only been driving for a few minutes, 464 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,240 has managed to drop the telehandler off the track. 465 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:48,560 [Charlie] Yeah, that's what happened. 466 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,560 [Jeremy] And then he went against a tree branch, which I had to cut off, 467 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,960 and he thought it would be humorous if I was cutting near the knuckle, 468 00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:56,680 'cause he could see from the cab 469 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,840 that it would push it round and knock me over 470 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,320 with a running chainsaw... 471 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,080 -[Kaleb] That's untrue. -Yes, it's true. 472 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,320 -[Kaleb] No, it's not. -It is. 473 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,080 -[Charlie] You were using a chainsaw? -[Jeremy] Yes. 474 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:06,880 -[Charlie] Like that? -[Jeremy] Well, I had a hat on. 475 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,520 Fucking bullshit! 476 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,920 [Charlie] Safety trousers? 477 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:11,760 My jeans. 478 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:12,760 You could have cut your leg off. 479 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,720 Exactly, but I wouldn't have done if it weren't for Kaleb. 480 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,040 You're gonna have to seriously reprimand him. 481 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,520 Well, no, I'm reprimanding you for not wearing any... 482 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,840 I was wearing, I had a visor. 483 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,760 Yeah, and then you slip. 484 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,400 -I didn't slip. -What's the weather? 485 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,520 All right, but anyway, luckily, that didn't happen. 486 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:30,960 [Charlie] And why we do it, I mean, 487 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,480 I am... 488 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,280 flabbergasted at this. 489 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,320 How long has this taken to create this mess? [stammers] 490 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:44,240 -You are mending, fixing, repairing... -[Jeremy] Yes. 491 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:45,760 -...a dam... -Yes. 492 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,400 That is protecting, holding back water, 493 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,440 and if this goes wrong, 494 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,320 which there is a likelihood that it will... 495 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:54,720 -[Jeremy] It didn't. -No offence. 496 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:55,840 Straight down there, 497 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,880 down at Eastend, the only part of Chadlington 498 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,920 -that actually quite likes you... -Brookend. Yeah. 499 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:02,680 ...you're gonna flood. 500 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,440 And you haven't notified anybody. 501 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,720 It's a statutory requirement to notify the local authority. 502 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,000 You've got to notify the West Oxfordshire District Council. 503 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,280 -How do you get on with them? -They're gonna say no. 504 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,960 Well, they are gonna say no, because they're gonna say: 505 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,840 "What precautions have you taken to stop a flood risk?" 506 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:20,960 None! 507 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,480 Whatsoever! 508 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,000 [Jeremy] I've still got a chainsaw. 509 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,680 If you knew how to use it right, you'd be fine. 510 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,720 [Charlie] It's a good job I've come. 511 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,040 -I'm not speaking to him again. -[Kaleb] Stupid man! 512 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:39,600 -Oh, and the other thing. -[Kaleb] Go on, then. 513 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,080 No, no, no, no. How are we going to rectify this mess? 514 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,760 -What mess? -This! 515 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,360 Look, you've chucked all the... I mean how are you going to get that out? 516 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,400 You've just dumped rubbish in a water course. 517 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,640 -What is that? Any asbestos in there? -No. 518 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,160 -Well, that's brick rubble. -That was already in there. 519 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,040 [Charlie] You're blocking the... [sighing] 520 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,200 -[Kaleb] Don't shout at me. -[Charlie] No, it's both of you. 521 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,160 -No, it's not me! -[Charlie] Well, you're here. 522 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:04,720 -[Jeremy] You got the digger in. -[Kaleb] I get employed by him to do it. 523 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,000 [Charlie] You're aiding and abetting him. 524 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,120 -[Kaleb] I didn't do anything. -He's farm manager. 525 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,000 [Kaleb] Here it goes, the blame goes to me. 526 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,240 [Jeremy] Hold on, who was driving it? You were. 527 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,440 [Kaleb] But Charlie, I said: "I don't think this is a good idea 528 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,080 -to bring this down here." -[Charlie] It wasn't a good idea. 529 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,440 [soft music] 530 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,960 [Jeremy] We decided, after all this, 531 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,600 to stop dam work until the ground was less muddy, 532 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:39,280 and went back to installing the new fully insulated pigloos. 533 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,160 And when that was done, 534 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,320 it was time to move in the new residents. 535 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:47,720 Right, let's get them back. 536 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:48,720 [squealing] 537 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:49,800 [Lisa] Is that--? 538 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,880 [squealing loudly] 539 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:54,920 [Jeremy] That's quite loud! 540 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,440 [Kaleb] Come on pigs. Come on piggies. 541 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:00,200 Yeah. 542 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:01,680 [soft music continues] 543 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,760 -[Lisa] Go, go, go. -[Jeremy] Come on! 544 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:08,920 There you go. 545 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,480 Piggies! 546 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,800 Look at this, a whole pig city. 547 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,360 Woodland pigs. 548 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,480 Hey boys, look they're snuffling around. 549 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,200 -[Jeremy] Have they started truffling? -[Lisa] Yes, look. Look. 550 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,400 [Jeremy] Oh, look at their little faces! 551 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,320 They look happier here than they did in their... 552 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,640 -I feel here happier looking at them. -I do. 553 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,920 [pigs grunting] 554 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,520 [Jeremy] With the pigs settling into their new woodland home, 555 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,080 Kaleb could have their old field back, 556 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:45,320 so he could use it to make money for his side of the operation. 557 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,840 I'm gonna clear this up, and then, I'm gonna plant grass. 558 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,720 -[Jeremy] What? -I'm gonna plant grass, make hay. 559 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,040 -[Jeremy] Oh, hay. -Sell the hay. Yeah. 560 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,840 [Jeremy] Is hay really a good idea? 561 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:57,920 [Kaleb] I think so. 562 00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,320 Three cuts, get £200 a ton. 563 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,680 So I'm going to small bale it, then I'm gonna sell them for £7 a bale. 564 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,720 [Jeremy] To all the people moving out of London 565 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,360 -who then get horses. -Exactly. 566 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,840 So who's moved up? Joe Wicks has moved up here apparently. 567 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,040 I don't know who that is. 568 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,360 You could introduce me to them all. 569 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,400 Look at that for a business plan. Made me happier already. 570 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,640 Yeah, but what the ladies and gentlemen are doing now 571 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,200 is shitting themselves laughing 572 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:25,240 -at the notion that I know Joe Wicks. -I don't know who that is. 573 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,880 He's that fitness man in Covid, and he did those exercises online, 574 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:30,840 and everybody started watching him. 575 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,320 Anyway, he's moved up here. 576 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,280 We've got Cowell, we've got Beckham, 577 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,160 Natalie Imbruglia... 578 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,800 We've got Amanda Holden. 579 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,600 -[Kaleb] We can sell hay to their horses. -Yeah. 580 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,360 [upbeat country music] 581 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,320 [Jeremy] Leaving Kaleb to prep his field, 582 00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:50,320 I turned my attention back to the enforcement notice. 583 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,080 Charlie had now submitted our appeal, 584 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,000 and I had my fingers crossed 585 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,960 that the farm shop at least could stay open, 586 00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:02,480 as it was the only way that my "farming the unfarmed" projects 587 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,080 could ever make money. 588 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:09,400 [Jeremy] So I'm actually £8,230 up. 589 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,240 [Jeremy] To make sure we had a case, 590 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:15,240 the shop had to be squeaky clean. 591 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,440 Which meant everything for sale in there 592 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:23,200 had to have come from inside a council-imposed 16-mile radius. 593 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,520 We all understood that. 594 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:27,800 Except Lisa. 595 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:32,320 Lisa has a rather Irish attitude 596 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,040 -to rules and regulations. -Yeah. 597 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,320 [Charlie] I went in there the other day whilst it was closed, after hours. 598 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:38,680 Under the counter... 599 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:40,400 everything, 600 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:42,320 red-handed. 601 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,920 If you want any of the products you and I have put a moratorium on selling-- 602 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,320 No because we keep saying to her: "You can't sell this." 603 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,600 And she literally can't see why. 604 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,120 So here is a planning enforcement notice. 605 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:57,800 "If you don't comply, you get prosecuted." 606 00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,400 It's not like a civil thing. 607 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:01,000 And I keep saying to Lisa: 608 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:05,920 "If you carry on selling stuff that is in breach of this enforcement notice, 609 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,400 "we--" Well, it'll be me in The Daily Mail. 610 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,160 But "we will be fined." 611 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:14,200 And I-- So, if you could have a st-- I mean, I talked to her. 612 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:15,800 [Irish accent] "Oh, it'll be all right." 613 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,480 Which is lovely. I mean I'd love to live in Ireland 614 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:20,120 'cause I think a country functions better 615 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,800 -if you have that attitude. -So, you'd like me to say... 616 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,800 You know sometimes you're quite firm with me. 617 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,680 Could you be that firm with Lisa and say: 618 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:33,320 "Lisa, you have got to take out all this illegal stuff"? 619 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:35,320 Hmm. 620 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:37,400 [tense country music] 621 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:44,280 [Lisa] Hi, Charlie. 622 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,600 We're under the spotlight. Properly. 623 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:47,600 [Lisa] Yeah. 624 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:51,200 Quite a lot of it is directed at the farm shop as well. 625 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:54,800 And I know we've had discussions over the past few months 626 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,160 about what you can and can't sell, 627 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,000 and we've done the potato thing, which has gone brilliantly. 628 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,280 Yes, it has. Everyone loves it. 629 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,320 So, but you've got prices now on the... 630 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:06,320 [Lisa] I have, yeah. 631 00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,400 [Charlie] You can't do that. Really you can't sell them. 632 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:10,520 Yes. 633 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,880 -You cannot sell them. -[Lisa] Yeah. 634 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,200 [Charlie] We can't give them any more ammunition. 635 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,440 So anything, 636 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:22,080 -anything that is 16 miles away must go. -Yeah. 637 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:26,000 [Lisa] I mean as much as I want to respect 638 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:27,880 government, councils and everything else, 639 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,400 at what stage 640 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,240 do you just really struggle 641 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:35,360 with trying to respect what they're doing? 642 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:39,240 Because there could be-- I'm not trading arms here. 643 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:40,280 It's just a farm shop. 644 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,560 I'll come back to that. Where's the Monopoly from? 645 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,160 [Lisa] Cotswolds Monopoly. Look, Diddly Squat. 646 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,560 [Charlie] Yeah I know, but it's made in... 647 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:49,520 -China... -[Lisa] It's like the book Jeremy wrote. 648 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:50,720 We can't sell the book. 649 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,760 We can't sell the book here. I mean, we have to follow the rules. 650 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,000 If we don't follow the rules, you could actually end up 651 00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,360 with a criminal conviction, which is ridiculous. 652 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,080 I understand that. 653 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,280 Because all we're doing is selling some amazing farm produce, 654 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:06,840 you know, oils, chutneys, 655 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,800 marm... marmala... 656 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:16,320 We don't even grow oranges. 657 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,320 That's old stock from last year. 658 00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,280 [Charlie] Yeah, but it doesn't matter whether it's old stock. 659 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,760 -They would prefer that I waste it. -Where is it made? 660 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,200 South Somerset. 661 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,720 -It's not within our 16 miles. -No. 662 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,600 The longer I look, the worse it becomes, doesn't it? 663 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:33,840 Handkerchiefs. 664 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:35,920 They look quite Italian to me. 665 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:37,880 Were they embroidered locally? 666 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:39,320 No... 667 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,120 -Lisa, we've really... -Charlie, I understand. I understand. 668 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:46,080 It's just I find it really difficult that everything we do, 669 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,320 it doesn't make any difference. It's still no. 670 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,440 But we are fighting, you know, 671 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:54,400 people who are not being rational about the objective, you know, 672 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:55,600 position of this farm. 673 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:59,360 All we're wanting to do is sell some local produce, 674 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:01,000 which is what we're allowed to do, 675 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,040 from a shop that we have permission in. 676 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:06,680 When we challenge them, which we are doing on the planning, 677 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,320 we can then say: "This is ridiculous. Let's get a carpark in." 678 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:12,520 I know it's frustrating. 679 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,600 Lots of rules in life are frustrating, 680 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,560 but these we must follow just for now. 681 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,800 So, in no particular order: 682 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,000 marmalade, book, 683 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:25,800 presumably socks-- 684 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,600 [Lisa] No, yes... 685 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,120 [Charlie] Monopoly, handkerchiefs. 686 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,080 [country music] 687 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,200 [Jeremy] Did you manage to get across to her 688 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,520 -the importance of not selling... -I did see produce 689 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:40,640 coming out of the shop before I left. 690 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,040 Books particularly, Monopoly. 691 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:46,440 So there's the, I, ye-- Yes, I think actually she-- 692 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,720 I think we've got the message through. 693 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:50,880 Right, she's not here. 694 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:52,480 I'll bet you any money 695 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,360 she's loading her car up with all the stuff she took out this morning 696 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:56,960 and is putting it back. 697 00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,080 Hmm. 698 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:01,160 [upbeat music] 699 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,440 [Jeremy] Praying that Charlie had got through to Lisa, 700 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,000 I got back to my winter jobs, 701 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,200 which alternated between tedious... 702 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:11,760 [panting] 703 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,520 [upbeat music continues] 704 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:19,520 Oh Christ! 705 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,080 Delicious snack for you "sheeps". 706 00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:24,840 [bleating] 707 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,320 Oh for fuck sake! 708 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:31,760 [Jeremy] And unbelievably rewarding. 709 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,240 Oh yes! 710 00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:34,840 [engine roaring] 711 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,040 Mincing. 712 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:38,840 Minced. 713 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:41,920 [Jeremy] In addition, 714 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:46,400 there was another winter task that I'd decided was worth doing. 715 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:53,960 My job today is to try and save the life of this willow tree, 716 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,760 which amazingly, 717 00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:57,480 even though it's fallen over, 718 00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:59,000 isn't dead. 719 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:01,200 [soft music] 720 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,360 [Jeremy] Obviously, to do this, I needed some help. 721 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:09,200 So I called Rupert, the local tree expert. 722 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,960 [Jeremy] What's the plan then, to make it come back up again? 723 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:14,640 [Rupert] We're going to pollard it right low. 724 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:18,120 We're going to take off all the weight at the top of the willow. 725 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:19,160 [Jeremy] And that's pollarding. 726 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:22,400 [Rupert] It's pollarding. It's going to maintain the tree, make it last longer, 727 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:24,920 -18 years or so. -But there's no roots. 728 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,360 How's it going to put roots down? 729 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:27,400 [Rupert] They'll come back. 730 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:28,680 -[Jeremy] Will they? -Yeah, yeah. 731 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:30,480 [soft music continues] 732 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,560 [Jeremy] After Rupert had used his hydraulic secateurs 733 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,280 to prune the tree of excess weight... 734 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:49,160 [back-up beeper] 735 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,520 [chuckling] 736 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,800 Bloody glad I'm not in there! 737 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:59,520 [Jeremy] We joined forces, like the Cotswold Thunderbirds, 738 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:01,920 with me in a rented Bobcat 739 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,880 pulling a cable attached to the tree, 740 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,800 and Rupert using his JCB 741 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,480 to provide extra leverage. 742 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,160 If we can get this tree upright, it'll be a miracle. 743 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,760 If we get it upright, and it survives... 744 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:20,960 I was gonna say I'll go to church. 745 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:22,920 I won't do that. 746 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,080 [Rupert on walkie-talkie] Okay Jeremy, if you can drive forward. 747 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,480 [Jeremy] Full power. 748 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:30,600 [loader clanging] 749 00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,320 [clanging continues] 750 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:47,880 [engine rumbling] 751 00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,160 [Jeremy] I'm guessing from the wheelspin 752 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,160 we're not making the tree become vertical. 753 00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:12,640 Just waiting for the cable to snap and scythe through the cab, 754 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:14,600 severing my abdomen. 755 00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,920 [Jeremy] With the willow still stubbornly horizontal, 756 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,000 I decided to deploy my chainsaw skills 757 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:24,640 on its remaining branches. 758 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:27,080 [chainsaw] 759 00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:32,560 Then Rupert tried to pull the tree up on his lonesome. 760 00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:33,960 [tense music] 761 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,040 Here he comes! Here he comes! 762 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:39,640 [tree creaking] 763 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:43,800 Here he is! 764 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:45,480 [tense music continues] 765 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:51,640 Is it going to fall straight over again? Is it going to go upright, or? 766 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,040 Tree is up! 767 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:00,800 That's just brilliant. 768 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,760 -Really well thanks for that. -[Rupert] It's good. 769 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:06,760 And honestly you'd never know we'd had a digger in here, 770 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,080 or any machinery at all. 771 00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:14,480 Please, God, don't let Charlie Ireland down here 772 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:16,520 for at least 6 months. 773 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:20,680 [soft music] 774 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,120 [Jeremy] February was now upon us. 775 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,480 And with the pigs enjoying their new woodland home, 776 00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,120 and my winter jobs mainly done, 777 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:48,000 I went off to do some filming for The Grand Tour. 778 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:51,200 And while I was gone, 779 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:55,680 one of the pointy-eared mongrel piglets fell ill. 780 00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,640 So Lisa called in Dilwyn the vet. 781 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,520 So, he's got blue ears. 782 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,200 -He's been shivering a bit. -[Lisa] Oh... 783 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,120 He's a bit unsteady on his legs. 784 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,360 -You can see his belly's quite empty. -[Lisa] Why-- 785 00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:12,760 I don't think he's been suckling his mother. 786 00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:14,480 [Lisa] What's the blue ears? 787 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,600 The blue ears is he's probably got a bit of septicaemia, 788 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,360 which is basically, he's in shock a little bit, 789 00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,160 because he's probably 790 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:25,520 got a bug floating around in his blood. 791 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,120 I'll take him back. I'll put the heater on in the car. 792 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:29,800 -[Lisa] Yeah. -And I'll take him back, 793 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,480 and I'll keep you posted. 794 00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,040 [Lisa] Poor little one. 795 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,920 [Jeremy] Lisa then insisted that Dilwyn give the piglet 796 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:40,080 the full 5-star platinum plus treatment. 797 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,560 [beeping] 798 00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:50,000 So that's the pump, and that warms up the fluids going into him. 799 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:53,560 So basically, we're trying to warm up his blood. 800 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,280 We're warming up his body 801 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,760 and this is trying to correct his dehydration really. 802 00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:01,440 Yeah, we'll see how we get on. 803 00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:02,640 [beeping] 804 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:08,560 [upbeat music] 805 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:11,600 [Jeremy] I returned a week later 806 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,640 and got straight back into more pig jobs. 807 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:16,160 [Jeremy] Right. 808 00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:17,360 [Kaleb] Home time. 809 00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,200 [Jeremy] The first of which was to return Ajax, 810 00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:25,680 the boar I'd rented to impregnate the lady pigs. 811 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,520 [Lisa] Aw, he must be so looking forward to going back to some friends. 812 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,200 Do you know how much it cost, how much we had to pay? 813 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:37,680 For each successful shag he had is 50 quid. 814 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,120 We have to pay his pimp at Avis, 815 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,400 -from whom we rented him, 50 quid. -Yeah. 816 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,280 And so he's done... five? 817 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:45,640 -Four. -[Jeremy] Four. 818 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:47,440 [Lisa] That's 80 quid. 819 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:48,800 No, it's 200. 820 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,680 While we're on the subject of money, Lisa, 821 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,280 -you know when I was away... -[Lisa] Hmm-hmm. 822 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,520 -...and that piglet was ill. -[Lisa] Yes. 823 00:39:57,640 --> 00:39:59,560 -And you sent it to the vet. -I did. 824 00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:04,800 That's the vet bill. 825 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,960 God almighty! And it died. 826 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,440 Feeder tube. Aw colostomy! They put a feeding tube down his-- 827 00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,640 No, no, no. Never mind what they did. 828 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:16,200 What's that say? £673. 829 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,760 -[Lisa stuttering] I just let them die? -Gone. 830 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,280 I don't know what you do actually. 831 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,280 Put that one down when it was like that. 832 00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,200 -Say goodbye. -[Lisa] I didn't know, everyone was away. 833 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:30,080 -£673.40. -[Lisa] They tried to keep it alive. 834 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:31,040 [Jeremy] Yes, they did! 835 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,440 -A post-mortem? That's a bit flash. -Yes! 836 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,320 -Who asked for a post-mortem? -Have you got that picture of it? 837 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,000 So here's one picture look. 838 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,160 That's at the vet nurse's house, 839 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,680 'cause they had to take it home for the night. 840 00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:41,640 [Jeremy] Oh! 841 00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,640 But she was getting paid all night to look after that pig. 842 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,600 [Jeremy] Look at the little thing on his ear like a... 843 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:48,200 -[Jeremy] We're farmers! -[Lisa] I know. 844 00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:53,200 -I mean I like the piglets, but £673! -I'll eat it myself in future. 845 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,600 -[Kaleb laughing] -That's bad. That's a lot. 846 00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:58,800 Well, now they've done a post-mortem, why did it die? 847 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,040 [Kaleb] Gonna bring that gate around. 848 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:01,680 [Jeremy] It had a heart defect. 849 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,120 Well, who was to know? 850 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:04,320 [Jeremy] Well, we do now, 851 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:08,280 -because we've spent £673. -[Kaleb] Go on then. 852 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:10,400 [Lisa] Cock! 853 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:11,920 You go that side. 854 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:15,000 [Jeremy] The extravagance was all the more annoying, 855 00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:18,640 because it was now time to see how Kaleb and I were doing 856 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,520 in our competition. 857 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:22,960 So we've got to add another 1,800 quid to that. 858 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:26,120 [Jeremy] Kaleb was still massively in the red, 859 00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:29,080 but now the pigs were here, 860 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,200 my outgoings were also on the rise. 861 00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,640 [Jeremy] So you're at £98,500 862 00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,520 you've spent so far 863 00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:40,760 and made nothing. 864 00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:43,520 Don't you worry about me. Let's worry about you. 865 00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:45,400 -That pig. -[Jeremy] Oh, we've got the pig bill. 866 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:48,040 -[Kaleb] £673.40. -Yeah. 867 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,880 Lisa has screwed me on this one, I'll grant you. 868 00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,080 -Another one coming. -Another one what? 869 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,160 I've got loads more. I've got loads of bills here for you. 870 00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:58,160 -[Jeremy] What? -That machine that you're obsessed with. 871 00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,800 It is my emotional support machine, 872 00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:02,600 like an emotional support dog. 873 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,800 I'm going to take it on planes with me on holiday. 874 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:06,120 -[Kaleb laughs] -It can have its own seat. 875 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:07,360 Well, how much was it? 876 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,160 [Kaleb] £1,050. 877 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,840 But I think that can be cancelled out by how happy it makes me. 878 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:13,200 No, it definitely cannot. 879 00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,160 Well, does it-- Does it keep me out of your hair? 880 00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,320 Yeah, it did, I like the machine, don't get me wrong. 881 00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:21,360 -'Cause you're nowhere near me. -[Jeremy] Yeah. 882 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,600 [Kaleb] Did you have someone come down with a digger, 883 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:24,960 and remove a tree? 884 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:26,560 No, no, no, we put a tree back up. 885 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:30,000 [Kaleb] Okey dokey. Well, that is a total of £3,090. 886 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:32,960 [snapping fingers] 887 00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:34,800 Just there if I was you. 888 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,800 -Put it there. -£3,090? 889 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,160 -What else have you got? -[Kaleb] There's the pig food. 890 00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,320 [Kaleb chuckling] 891 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,200 £2,952. 892 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:47,640 Have they been going to the Savoy? 893 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:51,160 -And then you had the hire of the boar. -Oh, stop saying things. What? 894 00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,640 -The hire of the boar. £200. -[Jeremy] Boar hire. 895 00:42:54,960 --> 00:43:00,760 [Jeremy] This mountain of bills meant that my profits of £413 896 00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:05,560 had been turned into a loss of nearly £8,000. 897 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:07,800 [Jeremy] Shit! 898 00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:10,680 [upbeat music] 899 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:12,320 [Jeremy] Go on, pigs. 900 00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:14,320 [Jeremy] However, in a bittersweet way, 901 00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,680 I was about to start seeing a return on my investment. 902 00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:18,640 [Jeremy] Come on. 903 00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:21,920 [Jeremy] As it was time to take the first batch of pigs 904 00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:23,800 to the slaughterhouse. 905 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,560 [Jeremy] You're in for an exciting car ride. Come on. 906 00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:30,800 [Jeremy] However, since the abattoir was more than 40 miles away 907 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,960 and I didn't have a licence to transport them that far, 908 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:38,160 the government's pig police said I must be accompanied by Michaela, 909 00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:39,520 a local breeder. 910 00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,360 [Jeremy] Oh no, I've got guilt. 911 00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:52,720 [Michaela] You should feel sad when they go to the abattoir. 912 00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:54,240 It means you've cared about your animals. 913 00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:55,280 [Jeremy] I do care about them. 914 00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,120 [Michaela] You've got to eat them to save them. 915 00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:00,880 That enables the survival of the breed. 916 00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:05,920 You can't keep them all alive. 917 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,320 [Jeremy] Well, that's what I've always said about pandas. 918 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,880 If you want to save the giant panda, start eating it. 919 00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,920 [Michaela] Do you know for every middle white pig in the world, 920 00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,080 there are 3 giant pandas. 921 00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:21,880 Middle white pork, you can't beat it. 922 00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:23,240 It's better than sex. 923 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:24,680 [both laughing] 924 00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:26,440 [Jeremy] Right. 925 00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,920 With anyone, even Ewan McGregor, yeah. 926 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:33,320 I'm not sure Ewan's going to be very pleased to hear that. 927 00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,200 [both chuckling] 928 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,160 [rock music] 929 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:46,640 [meatpacker] Right, okey dokey. 930 00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:48,120 Seven, all seven there? 931 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:49,840 -Yeah. -[meatpacker] Righty-oh. 932 00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:53,560 [Jeremy] Come on, out you go. 933 00:44:54,720 --> 00:44:57,520 I've really enjoyed keeping pigs. They've not escaped once. 934 00:44:57,680 --> 00:44:59,640 -[meatpacker] Do you like pigs? -[Jeremy] I love them. 935 00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:02,080 [meatpacker] Come on then, pigs. There we go. 936 00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:06,400 [meatpacker] They're nice pigs actually. 937 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:10,160 These stronger ones you'll be having for bacon and sausages I'd have thought. 938 00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:12,520 I'm assuming you want everything-- 939 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,120 The butcher will want everything back, 940 00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:16,560 bar the squeal. 941 00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:18,880 -Oh, don't. -[meatpacker] Sorry. 942 00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,160 [Jeremy] Every time I go to an abattoir... 943 00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,080 your cruel abattoir humour. 944 00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,400 [pigs grunting] 945 00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:27,360 [grunting] 946 00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:28,920 Bye, pigs. 947 00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,360 [meatpacker] Right, thank you very much. 948 00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,200 [Jeremy] As usual, I was sad as I drove away. 949 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:38,480 But this time, at least, I'd behaved more like a farmer 950 00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:42,360 and not had any unmanly moments. 951 00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:43,960 [country music] 952 00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,040 However, that was all about to change, 953 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:51,320 because an avalanche of heartache 954 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,600 was heading my way. 955 00:45:57,240 --> 00:45:58,240 [dramatic music] 956 00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:00,640 -Oh my God, they're so far up. -[pigs grunting] 957 00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:02,440 One of them is as weak as hell. 958 00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:05,200 [Kaleb] This is why you're losing so many piglets. 959 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,080 [tense music] 960 00:46:07,240 --> 00:46:09,360 [Lisa sobbing] 961 00:46:10,720 --> 00:46:14,040 [moody music]