1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,120 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:05,080 [birds chirping] 3 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:16,920 [tense music] 4 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,480 - [Sue] Morning, Jeremy. - [Jeremy] Morning. How are we looking? 5 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:32,920 We're looking like it's a pub. 6 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,840 - [Sue] It's a pub! - It's a pub. 7 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,680 [Sue] It's exciting, isn't it? 8 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:38,000 I've written your menu up. Do you want to see it? 9 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:41,080 Er, yeah. What have we got? 10 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:45,000 Chicken liver pâté or pressed ham piccalilli or garlic mushrooms. 11 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,560 Sausages of the day, mash, Hawkstone gravy, onions. 12 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,680 Lancashire hotpot, apple crumble, cheesecake of the day. 13 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:53,400 Fantastic. 14 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:55,560 Morning, everybody. 15 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,680 Oh! Smelling good. 16 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,040 - [Nick] Morning, Jeremy. How are you? - [Jeremy] Well. How are you? 17 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,440 [Jeremy] After our sprint to the finish line, 18 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,160 the mood on opening morning 19 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:08,120 was reassuringly calm and upbeat. 20 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,080 [all] Good morning. 21 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,720 [Jeremy] Morning, morning. Are we excited? 22 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,040 - Yes, very. - [male worker] Certainly. 23 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,160 - Is that the bubble and squeak? - [worker] Yes, it is. 24 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:15,360 [Jeremy] I fucking love that stuff. 25 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,040 [Jeremy] Well done. That's great. That's fantastic. 26 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,000 Morning, everybody. 27 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,080 Bread's arrived this morning, fresh bread, so. 28 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:23,160 [Jeremy] There it is. 29 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:24,520 [shop employee] Exciting. Eggs have arrived. 30 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,560 Yeah, it's all coming together just in time. 31 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:28,880 [Jeremy] It always is. I mean, this is it. 32 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,320 I could have got in a blind panic and run around going: 33 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:32,400 "Do this and do that," 34 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:36,280 but I've actually learned everybody knows what has to be done, 35 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,000 and everybody's doing a brilliant job, if you think about it. 36 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:39,960 They are. 37 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,120 [Jeremy] After my King Charles' style walkabout, 38 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:50,320 {\an8}Kaleb and I set about a job I'd been very much looking forward to. 39 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,840 Where does that go? 40 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,080 [Jeremy] Oh, I didn't bother yesterday. It was too complicated. 41 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,920 [Jeremy] Christening the pub with its new name. 42 00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,640 [tense rock music] 43 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,520 I've gotta go lower than the sign to start off with 44 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,560 'cause I've gotta slide it between the wood. 45 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,040 [grunting] 46 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,440 [screw-gun whirring] 47 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,720 [Jeremy] So it doesn't fit in the frame. 48 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,640 [Kaleb] It fits inside the frame, but it doesn't fit... 49 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,440 - [Jeremy] At the bottom. - Yeah. 50 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:19,640 [Jeremy] It's not ideal, is it? 51 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,360 [Kaleb] I know. But Rome wasn't built in a day. 52 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,440 - Let's put the other side up. - [Jeremy] Okay. 53 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,240 We had one slight problem with this, 54 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,280 which Lisa spotted the other day, is that. 55 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,880 She says it's a bit suggestive. 56 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,000 I mean... 57 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,160 Only Lisa would spot that, but she did. 58 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,160 [Kaleb] Yep. 59 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:41,880 [screw-gun whirring] 60 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,560 [Jeremy] Job's a good 'un. 61 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:48,400 Well, it's not. Job's kinda half done. But it'll do. 62 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,000 [Kaleb] It looks good, actually, doesn't it? The sign looks awesome. 63 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,720 [Jeremy] The sign is. We went through "The Farmer's" everything, didn't we? 64 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:54,680 [Kaleb] Yeah. 65 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,160 [Jeremy] But there's nothing more loyal than a farmer's dog. 66 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,080 Your dog is the most loyal thing you'll ever know. 67 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,120 - Yours, on the other hand. - Ours aren't fucking loyal! 68 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,680 [tense music] 69 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,480 [Jeremy] We then hung up various other things. 70 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,680 - [Kaleb] I'm on this side. Are you? - No. 71 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:10,840 {\an8}[Jeremy] There we go. 72 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,320 {\an8}[Jeremy] And just as we were finishing that, 73 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:17,280 {\an8}Charlie arrived and made a rather alarming observation. 74 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,520 - [Charlie] Erm... - [Jeremy] What? 75 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:20,960 [Charlie] What about the prices? 76 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,360 [Jeremy] Oh. 77 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:26,520 What are we charging? 78 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,280 - Have we not done that yet? - [Charlie] Nobody's done it. 79 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,400 Oh, for fuck's sake! 80 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,040 [Charlie] What time is it? We open in forty minutes. 81 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:35,160 [tense music] 82 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,840 [Jeremy] While Charlie hurried off to sort that out, 83 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:41,440 my stress levels once again shot up 84 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,760 as I started to notice a host of other problems. 85 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,240 Rachel? Where's the carvery unit going? 86 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,280 [Rachel] Well, I still think this is the problem with wanting a room 87 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,720 to be a private dining room and a carvery room. 88 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,680 [Jeremy] I know, but it can't stay there. 89 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,840 [Rachel] But the problem is, it's very heavy. 90 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:58,800 [Jeremy] But it's on wheels. 91 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,480 These bar stools don't work. 92 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,520 - They don't swivel. - [John] They don't. 93 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,040 They're ugly and they block the bar completely. 94 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,560 So you can't sit in them unless you're actually facing forward. 95 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,760 [tense music] 96 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,200 [overlapping conversations] 97 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,680 [Nick] I've got carrots on the go there for veg of the day. 98 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,040 I'll need some beans 99 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,560 - going through, chef. - [chef] Yeah. 100 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,080 What's all this shit? 101 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:25,760 - Oh, it's a Dojo. - [Sue] Yeah. 102 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:26,760 [Jeremy] For the tent? 103 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,920 - [John] For the tent. - Right, so what are they doing here? 104 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,320 Oh, my giddy aunt. What's all this? 105 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,000 No, we're not doing fucking bins there. 106 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,960 What is the matter with everybody? 107 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,880 - [upbeat music] - Music off! 108 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,640 No music on in here ever. 109 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,440 Come to the Cotswolds and we'll put a plastic bin in the view. 110 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,000 {\an8}Prices. We know what we're charging. 111 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,080 But, er... 112 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,840 [Jeremy] Does it include a profit? 113 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,560 There's a margin over the food. So, you know... 114 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,360 [Jeremy] Urgh... You know I don't understand money. 115 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:03,520 [Charlie stuttering] It's, it's... 116 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:05,960 Really? 117 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,320 Well, I'm just here to spend it, Charlie, that's all. 118 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,600 That's all I've done for a month. 119 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,400 [tense music continues] 120 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,200 [Sue] Rachel, I've got the prices! 121 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,960 [Rachel] Er, well, erm... Oh, God. 122 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:18,440 [Sue] This is what Charlie's just given me. 123 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,760 [Rachel] Oh, all right, okay. 124 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,840 [tense music continues] 125 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,680 So I'm not making the time up. 126 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,560 Quarter to twelve. Damn. 127 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:31,560 Here we go. 128 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,400 [Jeremy] Meanwhile, in Lisa world... 129 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,280 I'm just doing the little finishing-off bits, 130 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,480 all the nice stuff. 131 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,480 A bit of sewing, a bit of gingham hanging. 132 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,360 I've gotta hang some more paintings. 133 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,800 But, you know, otherwise... Put some more tea towels up there. 134 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,440 Little bits and pieces. But all in control. 135 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,720 Have we only got one bar stool here? 136 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,360 Things keep getting moved and it's not by our staff. 137 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,320 [Jeremy] We've got a nest of tables. 138 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,560 What's this shit? 139 00:05:58,240 --> 00:05:59,680 [Rachel] Almost Gin labels. 140 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:01,560 - [Jeremy] Okay, well... - Kevin was walking around with those. 141 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,360 - [Jeremy] We've got ten minutes. - Yeah. 142 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,920 Who's... Can we have... I need an army of people. 143 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,240 Where's all the staff? 144 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,160 [Rachel] They're having a quick briefing. 145 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,040 We have to open, we know that, 146 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,240 so they need to know what they're doing quickly. 147 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,160 Where does the vacuum cleaner go? 148 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,520 I'm going to kick him in his fucking bollocks shortly. 149 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,520 [tense music] 150 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:27,440 [Jeremy] Shit. 151 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,000 [panting] 152 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:32,960 I can't do this. 153 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,000 Fuck it. No, I haven't got time. Somebody else can do that. Fuck it. 154 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,200 Crack on with those. We do need them ready for service. 155 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:44,800 [tense music continues] 156 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,160 {\an8}[Sue] Hi, guys. 157 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,240 Here's the bar. Grab a drink. 158 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,320 [overlapping conversations] 159 00:06:58,520 --> 00:06:59,800 [Rachel] Hi. How are you? 160 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,840 Hi. Good to see you. For two? Inside or out? 161 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,640 [John] Hi, there, guys. How are you? 162 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,800 Oh, fuck off, no. 163 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,040 What's up? 164 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,880 The gas has just gone off. 165 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,720 [Nick] Yeah, fans are dead. 166 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,680 That cannot stay in here. 167 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,160 As I've been saying all along. 168 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,920 Er, power cut. Fans are dead. No gas. 169 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,080 - [Jeremy] What? - The fans have just died, 170 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,480 causing the gas cutout to, er... 171 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,000 - You hear that? - [Charlie] Yeah. 172 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,440 - [Charlie] Sorry. - [worker] Sorry. 173 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,520 [Jeremy] It's not like it's a power cut. 174 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,440 Well, the extractor fan-- The gas system is locked into the extractor fan. 175 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:41,800 So when the extractor fan goes off... 176 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,640 - The gas goes off. - [Nick] The gas has an auto cutoff. 177 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,920 [Jeremy] Chris, we've lost power in here, mate. 178 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,240 Are you all together? 179 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,400 [chattering] 180 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,200 [electricity unit restarting] 181 00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,000 [Charlie] Okay, there you go. 182 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,280 [Jeremy] That sounds good. What happened, Chris? 183 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,240 [electricity going off] 184 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,080 [Charlie] It's gone! It's gone. That fan's gone. 185 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,560 - [Jeremy] Gone again? - Yeah. 186 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,520 [mumbling] Oh, dear. 187 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,840 [Rachel] Come with me round here. I'll get you in over here. 188 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:13,480 - How many are you? - [patron] Two and a baby. 189 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,960 [Rachel] Two and a baby? Okay, fantastic. 190 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,200 [Nick] Er, trunking comes from the top. So... 191 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,360 [Chris] You know the switch on the right-hand side? 192 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,600 - [Nick] Yeah. - [Chris] Does that isolate it? 193 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,840 It must be a fault, then. 194 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,080 [Rachel] Hi. Who's next? 195 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,280 [chattering] 196 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,280 Can you not help? 197 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,440 I don't know anything about it... 198 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,720 It's, um... specialist. 199 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,840 [Sue] Do you all know there's no food yet? 200 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,200 There's a little problem in the kitchen! 201 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,000 So I don't know how well you can see that? 202 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,240 So that's the isolator switch. 203 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,960 [electrician] Yeah. Turn one of the fans on. 204 00:08:58,360 --> 00:08:59,160 [Charlie] Okay. 205 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,680 Now go to the key down below, turn it off and turn it back on again. 206 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,840 - [Charlie] Okay. - And you should have gas now. 207 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,720 [Charlie] Yeah, should have gas now. No. There, it's gone. It's just tripped. 208 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,320 [electrician] Right. Okay. 209 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,480 Unfortunately, I've got no chance of getting there. 210 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:12,840 Okay. Cheers. Bye. 211 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,200 He knows what he's talking about. 212 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,720 Erm, he's in Hull. 213 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,480 [beeping] 214 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,360 Jesus. 215 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,120 [Jeremy] I was then told Annie urgently needed me 216 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,160 at the bar in the tent. 217 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,320 [Annie] The coolers have gone down and I can't serve half our range. 218 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,280 [Jeremy] You can't what? 219 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,320 [Annie] We can't serve half of the Hawkstone range 220 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:36,760 because our coolers have gone down. 221 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,920 So I'm limping on one cooler. 222 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,080 - [Jeremy] Where's Mark? - I don't know. 223 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:41,920 - [patron] Hello, Jeremy. - Congratulations on the big tent. 224 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:45,240 [Jeremy] Well, yeah, yeah. We've got teething problems now. 225 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:46,680 [Jeremy] Yeah, go on. 226 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,720 - We've got an issue with the coolers. - So, I know that. Everyone's telling me. 227 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,680 How do we resolve it is the main thing. 228 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,840 Erm, I've already spoken to Brunswick. They're coming out at the moment. 229 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,960 [Jeremy] Yeah, where are they coming from? What time will they be here? 230 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,200 - Two hours' time. - [Jeremy] Fucking hell. 231 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,280 What have we got running? 232 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,920 I can do a cider, a lager. I'm gonna have to drop half the range. 233 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,240 'Cause the wastage, for every pint I'm pouring, I'm losing a pint. 234 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,640 [gas clicking] 235 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,440 [Nick] This lunch service is a bust, basically. 236 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,720 I put it to Sue and Rachel, and this is the realistic situation. 237 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,040 No food now until 5:30. 238 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,160 No food now? 239 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,600 [Nick] No food from now until 5:30. 240 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:40,720 [Jeremy] What, there's definitely no lunch? 241 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,640 - Definitely not. - Definitely no lunch. 242 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,080 Well, we can send them down to the tent. 243 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:47,040 They're all happy anyway. 244 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,960 They've been told on the door there may or may not be some food 245 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,560 but there's loads of food down the garden, 246 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,480 enjoy the whole day and the whole site. So everyone's happy. 247 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:56,320 [Jeremy] No, it's pouring with rain. Absolutely pouring down. 248 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,000 No one can sit in the garden. 249 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,320 [chattering] 250 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,320 The coolers aren't working over here either. 251 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,800 I don't know what's going on. 252 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,960 They're not working over there and they're not working here. 253 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,280 - [Sue] Hi, guys. - [female patron] Hello. 254 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,200 [Sue] The crisps are very good. 255 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,880 - [indistinct] - [Annie] Yeah, I'm on it. 256 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,360 {\an8}[gas clicking] 257 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:39,200 [Jeremy] As I hid in my office imagining the Tripadvisor reviews, 258 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,560 Charlie and Chris the electrician 259 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,840 managed to work out why the extractor fans were tripping. 260 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,520 - [Charlie] Left-hand side. - [Nick] Yeah. 261 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,600 [Charlie] Up, up, up there. 262 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:51,840 - [Nick] Yeah? - [Charlie] Yeah. 263 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,680 [electricity unit restarting] 264 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:54,840 [Charlie] Okay, there you go. 265 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:57,160 Yeah. 266 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,520 What's happened, Chris? Has it mended? 267 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:04,720 Yes. You had the urn and the industrial toaster off the fan circuit, 268 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,480 and it overloaded it. 269 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:08,560 [Jeremy] You're grinning, he's grinning. 270 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:09,560 [Chris] All good. 271 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,280 [Nick] 209: three sausage, one gammon, one pie. 272 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:16,760 Quickly, yeah, good, well done. 273 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,080 Right then, pie, sausage, no starter. 274 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,160 Garlic mushrooms on the toast. Absolutely spot on. 275 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,520 Service, please. Thank you very much. 276 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,080 [Jeremy] By two o'clock, the first of the lunches 277 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,320 finally made it out of the door. 278 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,680 Help yourselves. Grab yourself a pint, grab yourselves some great food. 279 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,280 And pay attention to this. 280 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,360 Every single thing you're gonna consume in here 281 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,120 was grown or reared by British farmers. 282 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,120 So that's all good news. 283 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,440 [Mark] In there, not in the bottom. 284 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:50,080 [Jeremy] Mark the brewer also got the beer coolers sorted. 285 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,160 [John] Boys, what can I get ya? 286 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:53,600 Lager? 287 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,480 [Jeremy] And outside, Gerald was introducing Kaleb 288 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,000 to an old Oxfordshire pub garden game 289 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,760 called Aunt Sally. 290 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,160 If you get this! 291 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,040 [Gerald laughing] 292 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,360 [Gerald] Go and sit on there. I'll see if I can take your wig off. 293 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,240 We'll sit 'em on the top of there. 294 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,400 [Kaleb laughing] 295 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,600 - Oh, yes! - [crowd applauding] 296 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:16,600 Good one. 297 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:17,960 [soft music] 298 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:22,240 {\an8}[Jeremy] By the evening, 299 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,920 like everyone, I was exhausted from the ups and downs of the day. 300 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,560 I desperately wanted some sleep. 301 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,160 But that was impossible. 302 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:39,120 Because more night harvesting beckoned. 303 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,160 [soft music continues] 304 00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:58,600 We're gonna call it. 305 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,640 All right, my friends. Thank you so much. 306 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,320 [Jeremy yawning] 307 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,520 [rock music] 308 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,800 {\an8}[Jeremy] After a couple of hours kip, 309 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,040 I returned to the pub, which was basking 310 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,240 in some typical Bank Holiday weather. 311 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,840 [music continues] 312 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:25,360 Bloody hell. 313 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:31,760 [Jeremy] However, we were at least hoping for a smoother day in the kitchen, 314 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,760 because instead of the normal menu, 315 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:40,240 we would be unveiling my new weekend carvery. 316 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,520 Yorkshires. 317 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,520 [chef] Yorkies are going, yeah. The beef's done. 318 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,280 [Jeremy] People are gonna love this. 319 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,000 [Jeremy] Having toured the kitchens, 320 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,560 I went up to my office for a catch-up with Charlie. 321 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:55,280 [Charlie] Morning. 322 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,080 Hi, Charlie. How's things? 323 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,960 [chuckling] It's quite damp, isn't it? 324 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,600 [Jeremy] Yeah. I'm looking at the weather forecast. 325 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,240 I'm looking at the figures for yesterday. 326 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,640 - Oh, Christ. - [Jeremy] Yeah, sorry about that. 327 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,560 It's quite a complicated entry procedure to my office. 328 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:07,680 [Charlie laughs] 329 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,480 [Jeremy] Yeah. We've lost two waitresses. 330 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,520 We've lost a pot washer. After one day. 331 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,440 - One day? - [Jeremy] Hmm-hmm. 332 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,320 And the lights are still flickering. And indeed flickered off. 333 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,400 - [Charlie] That's disappointing. - And they've come back on again now. 334 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,160 [Charlie] Given that we've got a generator. 335 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,760 - And it's not working. - [Charlie] Well, it is working. 336 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,000 Well, there is some evidence to suggest it's not working, 337 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,800 in as much as the light has gone off again. 338 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:32,600 And come back on again. 339 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,680 [Charlie] We're still quite short of power, aren't we? 340 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:39,040 - I know. - And the obvious leaks. 341 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,920 What? I don't know about a leak. What leaks? 342 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:47,720 Oh, my giddy aunt. 343 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,200 [Charlie] Oh, it's good news. 344 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,320 - No, that's not good news, Charlie. - [Charlie] Well, it's not on the mural. 345 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,440 [Jeremy] No, it's not on the mural. That is good news. Oh, Jesus. 346 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:56,600 - [Charlie] Yeah. - [Jeremy] That's a big leak. 347 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,440 It's just where the roof joint. 348 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,800 - It's just the joints. Alan's on his way. - [Jeremy] Is Alan coming over? 349 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,120 [country music] 350 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:06,240 [Jeremy] On the plus side, the rain did eventually stop, 351 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,240 the replacement pot washer started work. 352 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,400 [Kaleb] There's no easy way of doing this, is there? 353 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,840 [Nick] Right, then. So, gravies on. Carrots are on. 354 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,720 - [chef] Cool. - [Nick] So that's fucking happy days. 355 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:18,720 [Sue] Sorry about the wait. 356 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,240 [Jeremy] And at noon, we opened for business, 357 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,520 bang on schedule. 358 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,760 Here's the bar. Grab a drink. 359 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,000 [Rachel] It's a carvery today. 360 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,160 Erm, it's twenty pounds. 361 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:33,760 [Jeremy] Ladies and gentlemen, the carvery is now open and ready. 362 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,280 [upbeat rock music] 363 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,320 Cauliflower cheese there. Yorkshire puddings, potatoes 364 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,320 and all the veg and the gravy 365 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,280 and your sauces are over the far side there. 366 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:47,440 [Jeremy] With the electrics holding up and the carvery going down a storm... 367 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,400 [Nick] Er, here we go. 368 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,040 [Jeremy] ...I breathed a sigh of relief 369 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,720 for the first time in two days. 370 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:54,680 [Nick] There we go! 371 00:16:56,480 --> 00:17:00,200 [Jeremy] However, I had forgotten one important thing: 372 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,280 portion control. 373 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,320 [chef] There's no more cabbage, is there? 374 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,680 - [kitchen worker] No, chef. - [chef] No, it's all gone. 375 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,680 [Jeremy] We'd hoped to serve food until 6 PM. 376 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,040 But by four, the kitchen was in trouble. 377 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,720 [Rachel] We're gonna do another 25 to 30 people, 378 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,000 and then after that, there's no food left. 379 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,320 [tense music] 380 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,160 [worker] I'm gonna be brutally honest here. 381 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,560 We are not gonna be able to serve you guys food. 382 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:29,680 It's all gone. 383 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,680 [Jeremy] Happily, we could keep operating as a pub. 384 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,720 But then, an hour later... 385 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,760 [Nick] No, nothing. 386 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,200 - Is there no water? - No. 387 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,720 [Rachel] All the water's just gone off in the building. 388 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,800 So if you go through the trees, there's some Portaloos. 389 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,240 [Jeremy] I was hoping the problem was something trivial, 390 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,120 but the plumber quickly realised 391 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,080 it was being caused by the village down the hill. 392 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:05,480 [plumber] As far as I know, 393 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,920 the water pipe comes all the way up from Asthall village. 394 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,480 - [Jeremy] It does, yeah. - Or it's from Worsham, is it? 395 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,520 - [Jeremy] Yeah. - So, if it is what's happening there, 396 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,240 everyone in the village is turning their water supply on, 397 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,200 showers, filling up the pots and pans, kettles, 398 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,200 and it hasn't got the oomph to push it up the hill. 399 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:21,960 [Jeremy] So... 400 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,240 this isn't gonna get any better, is it? 401 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,680 Potentially, not at the moment. 402 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:31,000 But how would you ever resolve it on a permanent basis? 403 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:32,600 [plumber sighing] 404 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:37,280 I don't think there is another supply. 405 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,360 Fucking hell. All right. Thanks, mate. Thanks. 406 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,760 Sorry, everybody. 407 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,720 A thousand apologies for the disasters of today. 408 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,880 We will resolve it. I will resolve it. 409 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,960 I don't know how, but I will resolve these things. 410 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,840 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 411 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:56,960 [kitchen worker] That's all right. 412 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,480 [Jeremy] Then, Sue and Rachel said they wanted a word in the upstairs bar. 413 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,960 And they didn't hold back. 414 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,160 We are pubs, and we know how to run pubs. We've done pubs forever. 415 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,400 This building is not really fit for purpose. 416 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:17,960 There are too many issues for us to run a successful business from this site, 417 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,440 with failing water, no toilets, no gas, 418 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,520 leaking roofs, struggling staff. 419 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:25,800 Everyone is exhausted. 420 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,160 Even when we say "Go for a break", there's no staffroom. 421 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,200 They're weeing in a portaloo. It's not lovely conditions. 422 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:33,640 They love you and they love working here because of that, 423 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,160 and they're excited about the British food 424 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,040 and everything that this pub is, and they wanna get behind it, 425 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,120 - but they're working fourteen-hour days. - [Rachel] It's gonna wear off quickly. 426 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,480 No, no, shoo. I have no problem with the staff, 427 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,720 not one single problem with the staff. 428 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,160 They're all brilliant. They're smiley and they're nice. 429 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:52,600 The kitchen is about to go pop. Those chefs have had it. 430 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:53,920 [Jeremy sighs] 431 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,840 It might be worth popping into the kitchen. 432 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,320 - I've just popped in. - Go back. 433 00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,760 [Jeremy] I said: "Well done, thank you." 434 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:00,720 Go back. 435 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,360 - [Jereym] What? - Go back, would be my advice. 436 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,160 Do you want me to find a new manager or to go back into the kitchen? 437 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,240 - [Sue] The former, I'd say. - Or you want me to get the leak mended? 438 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,000 Or do you want me to deal with the car parking issues? 439 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,720 Or do you want me to deal with the neighbours? 440 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,400 Do you want me to deal with the council? 441 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,280 I've got plenty to be doing and I'll get on with it. Thank you. 442 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,560 [Sue] No probs. Come on, let's get on with it. 443 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:19,680 Right. 444 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:22,840 [melancholic music] 445 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,920 [Jeremy] With no water for the indoor lavatories 446 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,960 or for washing glasses, 447 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,440 we couldn't continue to operate. 448 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,120 So at 6 PM, we had to make the announcement. 449 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,240 [Annie] Ladies and gents, the pub's shut. Thank you. 450 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,240 [melancholic music continues] 451 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,920 [Sue] So sorry to let you down. 452 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,880 Goodbye. Thanks for coming. 453 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,480 [Jeremy] As the pub was emptying, 454 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,440 Nick was ringing round 455 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:55,360 desperately trying to find more British meat for tomorrow. 456 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,560 Forty kilos of beef joint and thirty kilos of pork joint. 457 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,680 Call it forty of each. 458 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,600 Does that work? Is that possible? Is that possible? 459 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,400 [Jeremy] And in his professional view, 460 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,040 today's carvery catastrophe had uncovered 461 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,480 deep flaws in my cooperative scheme. 462 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,200 We're starting to see at this point where Jeremy's plan, 463 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,680 albeit very, very well meaning, 464 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,840 his lack of knowledge to do with pubs. 465 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:26,440 We can see where the supply chain for food is starting to crack, 466 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,600 and crack quite severely. 467 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,840 What Jeremy doesn't understand 468 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,960 is that there's a reason that food wholesalers exist. 469 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:36,080 They pick up that slack in the supply chain 470 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,520 between the grower and the end user. 471 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,240 If we're dealing direct with a producer, 472 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,720 there's a lag in terms of when they can dig the produce. 473 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,840 They might not have it ready to harvest that week. 474 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,120 Like, their beans might be two weeks off. 475 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,280 A wholesaler would just go to somebody else. 476 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,400 [rock music] 477 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:56,200 [Jeremy] I was determined to prove Nick wrong on this point, 478 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:57,920 but that would take time. 479 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,000 In the here and now, I had to harvest water overnight 480 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,640 when the village didn't need it, 481 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,800 so that we could open on what we hoped 482 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,400 would be a very busy Bank Holiday Sunday. 483 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:21,360 {\an8}[Jeremy] Er... 484 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,240 {\an8}Right. Sit rep. 485 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,520 Erm, we're hanging on just. 486 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,200 We've worked out if we shut the lavatories 487 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:36,840 and use plastic glasses in the bar rather than glass glasses that need washing up, 488 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,440 we'll have enough water to serve food for six hours, twelve till six. 489 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,680 So, we can do that. 490 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:44,720 Erm... 491 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:49,320 Next problem is, Sue and Rachel, who brilliantly set the pub up, 492 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,320 have now left. 493 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,880 Er, so it's a Sunday morning. 494 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:55,560 [scoffs] 495 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:57,840 And I've managed to get, erm... 496 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,680 a new front-of-house person 497 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:03,640 who is the head of the sixth form at the local village school. 498 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,400 So that's good. 499 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,320 [Nick] Good news here. It's loin of pork. 500 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,320 [Jeremy] Nick had also managed to find more meat. 501 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:17,200 But instead of opening the carvery at twelve as advertised, 502 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:22,200 he was now saying he wouldn't be ready to go until three. 503 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,720 {\an8}[Nick] She's very well presented. Morning, Jeremy. How are you? 504 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:30,160 - Well... - [Mark] I'm not anymore. I'm not anymore. 505 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,800 But yeah, let's do that. If Squeezy stays in here with me 506 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,040 and then you work that with Katherine outside. 507 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:38,640 [Jeremy] Three o'clock? 508 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,760 Could you help me to understand why? 509 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:46,400 'Cause you've got people who've driven literally hundreds of miles. 510 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,640 I'll ring you from start to finish: 511 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,280 at 7 PM yesterday, the water ran out in this kitchen. 512 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,360 I'm well aware of that and we mended it. 513 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:54,800 And we've closed the lavatories. 514 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,080 And we're using plastic glasses behind the bar, so we don't have to wash up. 515 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,960 This food is not prepared on the day. 516 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:05,040 - Vegetables are pre-blanched - [Jeremy] Yeah. 517 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,640 - The previous night. - [Jeremy] Yeah. 518 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,880 - They are blanched using steamers. - [Jeremy] Yeah. 519 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,720 And also, the cauliflower cheese is roasted off. 520 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,120 Some Yorkshire puddings are made. They're done before. 521 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,600 - [Jeremy] But they're made? - We have some food. 522 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,920 We don't have enough food for 450 covers. 523 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,600 So you're just saying a three-hour service today, that's all you can manage? 524 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,080 - No. - [Jeremy] 3 to 6? 525 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:28,880 It's not all "I" can manage. 526 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,840 It's all the kitchen, as it stands, can manage. That's... 527 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,120 - Okay. - That's how this works. 528 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:35,160 Okay. 529 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:37,640 [melancholic music] 530 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:45,480 [Jeremy] Mercifully, Nick quickly worked out we could open at one, 531 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:50,040 providing we ditched the time-consuming puddings. 532 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,280 Where are we? Basically, we need to cook veg. 533 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,720 We need to cook these courgettes. We need to heat up these potatoes. 534 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,000 [kitchen worker] Yeah. 535 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:00,480 {\an8}There. We are open. 536 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,360 {\an8}[crowd] Yeah! 537 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,320 [Jeremy] And, this is Clare. 538 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,680 She's the head of the sixth form at the local school. 539 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,120 She's helping us out this morning with crowd control. 540 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,560 And if you misbehave, she'll smack the back of your legs with a ruler, so. 541 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,760 - Detention for everybody. - [Jeremy] Yeah. 542 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,040 [tense music] 543 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,520 [Jeremy] With portion control now in place... 544 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,640 [Mark] We've got rib of beef, pork. 545 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,680 You can have one of each or two beef, two pork. 546 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:28,640 [Jeremy] And with Mrs Brown wrangling the crowds... 547 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,760 Where are my twos that were happy to buddy up? 548 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,200 Give me one second and then I'll be with you. 549 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:33,840 - [waitress] Nice to see you, Mrs Brown. - [Clare] Hello. 550 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,080 Where's my family of five? 551 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,440 [Jeremy] We did manage to achieve our first trouble-free service. 552 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:40,840 [Mark] There we go. 553 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,160 [Jeremy] But there was no getting away from the fact 554 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:48,160 that the opening weekend had been a disaster... 555 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:53,160 As his cheerfulness was at pains to remind me. 556 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,320 You know, just stepping back, there might have been some things. 557 00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,520 You know, do you, erm... 558 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:01,480 Let's get through this next couple of days 559 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,000 and then have a proper sit-down on Tuesday. 560 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,480 You know, the... Er, but do you, you know... There... 561 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,320 I mean, there's no point going over the hindsight now, 562 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,200 but you know, fundamentally, 563 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,240 some people might say... 564 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,560 it could have been a week or two too soon. 565 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:21,960 [sighs] 566 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:27,960 Sorry. Erm, I'm not... 567 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:30,720 I was gonna say I'm multitasking, but I'm simply not listening to you. 568 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,640 You... No, no. And I didn't even think 569 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,320 I would say you're not listening to me, are you, 570 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:35,400 because... 571 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,960 - the answer was clear. - [Jeremy] Yeah. 572 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:38,960 Erm... 573 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:40,920 [Charlie] But I always said 574 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,680 that when we open, 575 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:47,560 you know, it's gonna start moving and then, some bits will shake loose. 576 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,560 But I hadn't kind of envisaged 577 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,880 quite as many bits shaking loose quite as quickly. 578 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,240 - No, everything fell apart. - [Charlie] Yes. Which... 579 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,240 First day and yesterday, absolute disasters. 580 00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,160 I never want to relive them. 581 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:01,960 Oh, fuck. 582 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:03,920 [melancholic music] 583 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,720 [Jeremy] The pub, hanging on by the skin of its teeth, wasn't my only problem. 584 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:17,560 Because a serious issue was also developing over at the farm. 585 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:19,720 By now, at the tail end of August, 586 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,120 we should have harvested the durum pasta wheat, 587 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,560 our most valuable crop. 588 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,040 But because of the erratic weather, 589 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:33,320 it was still sitting in the ground losing its quality. 590 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:37,000 {\an8}[Alan] It's up here, Mark, look. There's a tile missing there. 591 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,800 {\an8}[Jeremy] So, we continued to attend to the needs of the pub... 592 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,680 If you could get that in, that would be fantastic. 593 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,680 {\an8}[Jeremy] ...while waiting for a dry-enough day to harvest. 594 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,560 {\an8}[Kaleb] 27.4 high. 595 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,920 {\an8}[Jeremy] But a full two weeks later, 596 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,640 {\an8}when that day still hadn't arrived, 597 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,760 I asked Charlie to come over for a crisis summit. 598 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:02,920 [Charlie] I've told you again and again 599 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:08,040 you've got three qualities in the wheat which are paramount to make it milling, 600 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,440 and particularly for pasta. 601 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:11,920 You've got the protein level. 602 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:13,960 You've got the bushel weight. 603 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,360 But the critical one is the Hagberg. 604 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,640 And as that number... It's the Hagberg falling number. 605 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,320 If we leave it there too long and that starts to drop, 606 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,920 - it's using up the seeds' resources. - [Jeremy] So it won't make pasta? 607 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:26,080 It won't make pasta. 608 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,120 - Eighty acres of that. - [Charlie] Yeah. 609 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,080 [Jeremy] And our most valuable crop. 610 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,640 [Charlie] And has been the most valuable crop for the last few years, yeah. 611 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,160 [Jeremy] So, this is looking bleak. 612 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,680 Yeah. I'm, for the first time... You know how optimistic I am generally? 613 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,600 No, I don't know that. 614 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,600 [stuttering] I, I... Yeah, I'm not convinced. 615 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:46,880 [Jeremy] If we can get it out of the ground. 616 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:47,960 [Charlie] Yeah. 617 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:52,160 - Get it over to the mill. - [Charlie] Yeah, get it analysed. 618 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:55,400 Then we will know. But we've got to get it up now. 619 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:56,400 Correct. 620 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,600 Oh, Kaleb's back with his Moisture-O-Meter. 621 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:01,840 - All right, mate? - [Charlie] Hello. 622 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,320 - [Kaleb] Afternoon. - How are you? 623 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,400 - Have a seat. - [Kaleb] I'll grab this chair. 624 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:07,960 - What's the news? - Oh, it's shit, isn't it? 625 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,000 Just done a moisture test on the durum wheat. 27.2. 626 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:11,960 [Charlie] 27.2? 627 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,760 You bite it, yeah? It's like you're biting a Jelly Baby. 628 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:16,760 27.2. It's read high. 629 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,760 - Basically, me going to the river. - Why don't you just run it under a tap? 630 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,840 Yeah, just fill it up and then establish that water's wet. 631 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:26,600 When was the last time anyone can remember a harvest being this late? 632 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,000 Never. It's my latest. 633 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:29,400 [Jeremy] Yeah, but you're only four. 634 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,440 Somebody told me it's seventy years since it was this late round here. 635 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,240 So this is late, on everybody's scale. 636 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,200 Well, what are we going to do? 637 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,160 So, should we combine it early to try and... 638 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,120 [Jeremy] Get that Hagberg. 639 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,840 - Stop the loss of Hagberg. - [Jeremy] Yeah. 640 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:46,760 - And then we pay the drying charges. - [Charlie] We pay. 641 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,920 But why are we paying drying charges if it turns out to be animal food? 642 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,000 Because you don't know where you are on that. 643 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:54,760 - Where you stand now. - [Charlie] Yeah. 644 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,200 [tense music] 645 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:03,120 [Jeremy] In the end, we decided to harvest as soon as we could. 646 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,760 But if we didn't want to break the combine, 647 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,680 we'd still have to wait for the wheat to go from sodden 648 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,840 to merely damp. 649 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:14,240 [Kaleb] That's it, like that. 650 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,880 [Jeremy] I wanted to pass the time in my bed, sleeping. 651 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:19,560 Woah. 652 00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,640 [Jeremy] But there were other farm jobs to be done, 653 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:26,560 like sending the next batch of pigs off to the abattoir. 654 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,560 Come on, girls, on the lorry. 655 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,080 [Lisa] Thank you for being pigs at Diddly Squat. 656 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:34,960 [Kaleb] Go on then! 657 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,640 [Jeremy] Then it was time to make a decision 658 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:41,120 I'd been dreading: 659 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,080 the fate of Richard Ham. 660 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:45,120 [oinking] 661 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:47,400 What are we going to do with you? 662 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:49,560 Hm? 663 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,840 The problem is, if he goes on the lorry, 664 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:55,560 he's killed 665 00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:58,120 and all we get in return 666 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:01,440 is a chipolata and a pork chop the size of a walnut. 667 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:02,720 If he stays here, 668 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:04,600 we've gotta feed him 669 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:06,120 for no reason. 670 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:08,120 And that's not farming. 671 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:10,920 [sighs] 672 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,360 [Jeremy] But then, I had an idea. 673 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,080 Wait a minute. 674 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:23,600 The next lot of sows 675 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,480 we're going to use artificial insemination on them 676 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:27,880 to make them pregnant. 677 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,600 But we can't do that until they get in heat. 678 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:37,080 And they won't get in heat unless there's a man pig nearby. 679 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,240 So why don't we keep him 680 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,040 as the farm's man pig 681 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,800 to get the ladies in the mood? 682 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,720 He could be a fluffer. 683 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,640 - Richard Ham the fluffer pig. - [Kaleb] Having fun over there? 684 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:57,960 - [Jeremy] What? - Working hard? 685 00:31:58,120 --> 00:31:58,920 [Jeremy] No, I... 686 00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,360 I've just made a good decision. 687 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,840 - Yeah? - [Jeremy] Lisa, you'll like this. 688 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:05,760 - [Lisa sighs] - We're gonna keep him. 689 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,000 And he's gonna be a fluffer. 690 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:09,920 [sighs] Okay. 691 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,240 - [Kaleb] What's this farm coming to? - [Lisa] I don't know. 692 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,600 [Jeremy] Yes, good old Richard Ham. 693 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,240 You can be Hugh Hefner. 694 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:20,080 [tense music] 695 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,880 [Jeremy] Finally, it was D-Day. 696 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,120 Durum Wheat Day. 697 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:29,480 [Jeremy on radio] Here we go. 698 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,040 [Simon on radio] Jeremy, I'm ready to unload. 699 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,240 [Jeremy on radio] Steady, steady. 700 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,240 [Kaleb on radio] Yeah, go for it. 701 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,520 [Jeremy on radio] Right, I'm full. I'm going back to the farm. 702 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,280 [Jeremy] Despite our anxieties 703 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,320 about whether the pasta wheat would make the grade, 704 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:03,280 we all cheered up when Diddly Squat's reserve combine driver 705 00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,160 turned up for his traditional shift. 706 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:11,800 [Gerald on radio] Simon? 707 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,080 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 708 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,280 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 709 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:24,360 [Kaleb on radio] Turn it off, mate, and I'll come and have a look. 710 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:29,040 There are certain annual events we all look forward to, I think. 711 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:32,880 There's Christmas, obviously, and there's Easter, 712 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,680 and then there's the harvest. 713 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,600 When we all get to hear Gerald talking on the radio 714 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:40,720 from inside a combine! 715 00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:45,480 I actually prefer that to Christmas. I prefer it to almost anything. 716 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:47,720 [tense music] 717 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,640 [Gerald speaking indistinctly on radio] 718 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,680 [Jeremy] The harvest continued into the next day. 719 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,800 But the suspense was killing me. 720 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,320 So I had to break off, scoop up Charlie, 721 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,920 and go to the mill with a sample of what we were harvesting 722 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,960 to see if it was good enough to make pasta. 723 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,120 So we've got a bag of ergot. 724 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:26,480 [Charlie] Durum with some ergot in it, yeah. 725 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,320 [Jeremy] So that'll kill everyone who eats it. 726 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,360 [Charlie] We keep quiet when we get to the mill. 727 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,440 - [Jeremy] But it's the Hagberg, isn't it? - Hagberg falling number, yeah. 728 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,960 [Jeremy] That's all we're interested in is the Hagberg. 729 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:37,600 And what does it need to be? 730 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,960 It needs to be over two 250. 731 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,200 [Jeremy] And we needed our durum wheat to make the grade more than ever 732 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:48,080 because Charlie had got the results in from all the other crops 733 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,880 and the news was not good. 734 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:52,320 [Charlie] Yield-wise, 735 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:54,160 below par. 736 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,360 [Jeremy] So we haven't got as much as we wanted. 737 00:34:57,520 --> 00:35:00,640 But it's actually-- So far, the barley and the milling wheat... 738 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,320 - [Jeremy] Have made quality. - All quality. 739 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:06,080 - [Jeremy] All two ounces of them. - [Charlie laughing] Actually, I did-- 740 00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:09,120 [Jeremy] We got two ounces of very high quality wheat, 741 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:12,200 and an ounce of very high quality barley is what we've got. 742 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,320 [Charlie] Yeah, you're right. 743 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,800 [Jeremy] Imagine if you were a heart surgeon 744 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:20,640 and every operation you did was dependent upon the weather... 745 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,800 - [Charlie] Yeah, I mean-- - For its outcome. Or anything. 746 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,440 - Anything. - [Charlie] I mean, you wouldn't mind-- 747 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,120 Because we didn't do anything wrong. 748 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:28,480 - Nothing. - [Charlie] Yeah. 749 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:38,080 Oh, there's Bertie. 750 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:40,000 [Bertie] Hi, Jeremy. 751 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:41,280 - Nice to see you. Are you okay? - [Charlie] How are you? 752 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,720 - [Jeremy] How are you? - Very good, yeah. Really good. 753 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:46,280 Pasta wheat. 754 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:47,240 Yeah. 755 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,480 Has it got any Hagberg in it at all? 756 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,120 When did you finish harvesting it? 757 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:53,720 - [Jeremy] Er... - [Charlie] Er... tomorrow. 758 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:55,720 - We're out there now. - Have you got it all in or not? 759 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:57,680 - No. So just-- - No, they're getting it in now. 760 00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:58,640 Oh, right, okay. 761 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:02,320 [Jeremy] Everything else is going wrong so I'm assuming this will as well. 762 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:06,280 That's negative. I think, be positive, be positive. Yeah. 763 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:07,680 - Okay. - [Charlie] How long are you gonna be? 764 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:09,480 [Bertie] I think we'll be five minutes? 765 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:11,680 - Right. - Okay, we'll get them tested. 766 00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:13,360 - We'll cross our fingers, all right? - All right. 767 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:15,080 - Thanks, Bertie. See you in a minute. - [Bertie] Okay. 768 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:18,560 [Charlie sighing] 769 00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:21,400 This has not been a fun end to the farming year, 770 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:22,960 I've gotta be honest with you, Charlie. 771 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,680 [Charlie] Well, this is quite a big swing on our bottom line in the year-end. 772 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,280 It's £25,000 is riding on this test. 773 00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:30,000 - [Charlie] Yes. - Let's not forget, 774 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,360 if it passes, £25,000. 775 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:34,800 Correct. 776 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:38,040 I mean, I don't get it. You get it and spend it immediately. 777 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:39,920 But, 778 00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:42,880 - if it fails... - Then... 779 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,480 I've gotta give you 25,000 of my own money. 780 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:47,520 [Charlie] Yeah. 781 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,640 And it is mine. I know everyone goes: "Oh, it's Amazon." 782 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:52,880 It isn't. It's mine. 783 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:54,960 - It's yours. - I know! 784 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,360 It's the... Yeah, Diddly Squat farm will have to... 785 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,800 - [Jeremy] Stump up. - Fund the shortfall, 786 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:03,760 to fund next year's farming cycle. 787 00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:16,440 [Jeremy] The "five minutes" turned into ten. 788 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:19,600 But eventually, Bertie was back. 789 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:22,440 Okay. 790 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,000 So, erm... 791 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,200 The reason I took so long is because 792 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,640 we had to test it twice to get the Hagberg. 793 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,880 And it's actually failed twice. 794 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:33,880 - Which means it's so low-- - What number was it? 795 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,480 It doesn't even get a number 'cause it failed the test. 796 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,200 Which is pretty rare. 797 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,600 As it stands, it's not going to be able to be milled. 798 00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:46,560 Erm, which is a bit of a disaster. But we will... 799 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:48,120 Yeah. 800 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:50,720 [mumbling] Oh, fucking hell. 801 00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:54,520 I'm really sorry. 'Cause we need it as well. 802 00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:57,560 Bugger. 803 00:37:57,720 --> 00:37:59,200 - I'm just really disappointed. - [Jeremy] Yeah. 804 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:02,600 - I'm sorry. - [Jeremy mumbling indistinctly] 805 00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:04,360 - [Charlie] Thank you. - Thank you anyway. 806 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:05,320 [Bertie] Yeah. 807 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,400 Hiya. J-Hound inbound. 808 00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:26,160 [Jeremy] All right. Shall I tell him or shall you? 809 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:31,040 [Kaleb] All right, my friend. What? 810 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,280 [Jeremy] On the Hagberg reading on the durum. 811 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,280 - [Kaleb] What was it? - [Jeremy] Didn't even read. 812 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:38,840 - [Kaleb] What? - Didn't even read. 813 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,640 [Kaleb] At all? Was it zero? 814 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:43,680 - Yeah. - [Charlie] Just didn't even register. 815 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:45,080 Fucking hell. 816 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:49,840 [Kaleb] Argh. 817 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:51,320 Fuck. 818 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,560 I mean, that's a twenty-five-grand hit. 819 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,720 [Kaleb] If it's not one thing it's another. 820 00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:00,040 I mean, he is just... I know, he's just harvesting shit now, look. 821 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:12,920 At least we're harvesting. 822 00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:14,560 At least the sun's shining. 823 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:20,080 Oh, fuck. 824 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,520 [soft music] 825 00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:29,480 [Jeremy] Tragically, we were not the only ones to be kicked in the teeth like this. 826 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:35,640 Just about every farmer in the country was reeling 827 00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:41,200 because 2024 had been an absolute monster. 828 00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:42,880 [soft music continues] 829 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,080 I've never known anything like it. This is biblical. 830 00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:53,880 The winter crops, they're turning yellow and they're drowning in the field. 831 00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,600 So, if this rain doesn't stop in the next two weeks, 832 00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:00,680 we'll have two thousand acres of bare fields. 833 00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:04,440 {\an8}[news anchor] This year, the yield has been one of the worst in living memory. 834 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:05,840 {\an8}[male new anchor] This September was the wettest, 835 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,440 and those records go back to 1836. 836 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,400 [news anchor] A new report says it's set to see one of the worst harvests 837 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:13,400 since records began. 838 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:15,520 People are selling their combines 839 00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:17,240 because they're not gonna have anything to cut. 840 00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:22,720 [Jeremy] As I'm always at pains to point out, 841 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,680 I don't rely on my farm for an income. 842 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:27,360 But even so, 843 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:31,600 it's pretty soul-destroying to work so hard 844 00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,080 and simply, because of the weather, make a loss. 845 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:38,640 [soft music continues] 846 00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:44,040 However, I then remembered something Simon had said 847 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:47,920 during one of our woeful harvesting days. 848 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:52,080 The thing you have to learn about being a farmer, Jeremy, is that, erm, 849 00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:55,120 if you want to preserve a modicum of sanity, 850 00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,960 you don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answers to. 851 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,960 Just concentrate on next year's potential. 852 00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,280 [Jeremy] This mantra of stoic optimism 853 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,560 is what keeps the farmers going, 854 00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:09,680 fighting the odds, 855 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:11,840 rolling with the blows, 856 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,520 doing what they do 857 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:15,800 to make food. 858 00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:18,440 Beef, lamb, geese, turkeys. 859 00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:20,000 - [Jeremy] Pigs. - [woman farmer] Pigs. 860 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:21,880 - Potatoes, soft fruit... - [voices fading out] 861 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:26,320 [Jeremy] And it's a mantra I realised I'd have to adopt. 862 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:29,240 You keep going 863 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:34,360 because you believe next year couldn't possibly be any worse. 864 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,040 For now, though, 865 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,520 the Diddly Squat family had earned its right 866 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,040 for an end-of-season lunch. 867 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,640 And this year, we had our own pub for that. 868 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:52,520 - [John] Are you waiting, boys? - [patron] Yeah. 869 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:53,960 What can I get you? 870 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:55,440 [Jeremy] Sadly, however, 871 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:56,720 we couldn't relax there 872 00:41:56,880 --> 00:42:00,640 because although it was now working reasonably well, 873 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:02,520 there was always something to do. 874 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:05,840 Oh, dear God, that doesn't sound good. 875 00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:07,120 [Jeremy] Something to mend. 876 00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:11,440 No, I know, I know, but the heat dump's not working over there either. 877 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,480 [Jeremy] Something to worry about. 878 00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,800 - The valley meaning where two roofs meet? - [Alan] Yes. 879 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:16,800 How much will it be? 880 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:19,080 It's gonna cost three grand at least. 881 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:22,200 [Charlie] You know the guy who fell over yesterday? 882 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,200 Yeah? Please tell me he's not suing. 883 00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:27,640 No, no, no, no. He came out of surgery at 8:30 last night. 884 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,280 - [Jeremy sighs] - But we've put his ankle back together. 885 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:35,280 [Jeremy] So we went to someone else's pub instead. 886 00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:41,160 There's probably chaos in the kitchen. I don't care. 887 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:43,680 They're probably running out of water. I don't care. 888 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:44,840 Thank you. 889 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,280 - [Lisa] When did you realise this? - Oh, God. 890 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:48,800 [all laughing] 891 00:42:49,240 --> 00:42:51,680 [Jeremy] Okay, it hasn't been the smoothest of openings, 892 00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:52,680 we can all agree on that. 893 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,280 Well, you've been a genius at getting the tent working well 894 00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:56,680 but the pub's been tricky. 895 00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,120 - But it's there now. - Yeah. 896 00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,720 - So, well done, everybody. We did it. - [Alan] Yeah. 897 00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:04,680 To The Farmer's Dog. 898 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:06,360 - [all] To The Farmer's Dog. - [Jeremy] Farmer's Dog. 899 00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:07,680 - [Alan] Brilliant. - [Charlie] And the farmers. 900 00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,080 - And the farmers who support it. - [Lisa] Long may she float. 901 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:12,760 Well, I'm tucking in. I'm starving. 902 00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:15,320 Oh, Christ, it's not British, is it there? 903 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:16,960 Look, prawns. They'll be from India. 904 00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:18,400 [Kaleb] Just for one day, let's just-- 905 00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:20,640 - Okay, one day we'll eat foreign food. - [Kaleb] Just one day, please. 906 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:22,120 [Charlie] The whitebait might be. 907 00:43:22,720 --> 00:43:23,960 Do you have to eat the guts of the whitebait? 908 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:25,160 [Charlie] Yeah, you just eat everything. 909 00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:26,960 And the guts? 910 00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,720 - What's the matter? - [Kaleb] Fishy, isn't it? 911 00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:34,880 - Well! - [all laughing] 912 00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:36,600 [Charlie] The whitebait is fishy? 913 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,600 [Gerald] Did you see what I won Sunday evening, guys? 914 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:39,640 [Jeremy] What? 915 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:41,840 Did you see what I won Sunday evening? 916 00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:43,880 [Lisa] What does it say? "Walling C--" Oh! 917 00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,640 - [Jeremy] No way! - [Lisa] Well done. 918 00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,600 - First prize. - [Jeremy] A walling competition? 919 00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:48,560 [Gerald] Yeah. 920 00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:53,080 Never mind UEFA. Never mind the Six Nations. 921 00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:54,720 Gerald Cooper! 922 00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,800 [cheering] 923 00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,200 [Gerald] Thank you. Thank you very much. 924 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:00,480 [all laughing] 925 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,640 [Jeremy] We then moved on to a more sobering topic, 926 00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:08,440 because the whole time Alan had been working flat-out on the pub, 927 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,720 he'd been waiting for some major heart surgery. 928 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:13,680 - [Lisa] The doctor's next Tuesday. - [Jeremy] Oh, you're in next Tuesday? 929 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,440 Yeah, we're in next Tuesday at the hospital. 930 00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,320 Quadruple bypass coming. 931 00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:20,640 And they've gotta test 932 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:23,200 - for stroke likelihood as well. - [Alan] Yeah, 'cause I had that stroke. 933 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,680 - You know last year... - [Alan] Yes? 934 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:27,120 It was him, wasn't it? 935 00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:29,400 - Yeah. - [Jeremy] You'd got yourself better. 936 00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:30,360 Yeah, he has. 937 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,040 - [Jeremy] So we're ending this year... - I know. 938 00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:35,080 With our fingers crossed that your operation... 939 00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:38,240 Yeah, well, it should... It's pretty routine these days, isn't it? 940 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,160 [Jeremy] It is routine. But you must be scared to death. 941 00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:41,240 Oh, frightened to death. 942 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:42,640 I don't even like thinking about it. 943 00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,320 That's why I keep going to work, keep out the way. 944 00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,840 They told me to really just take it easy and stay at home. 945 00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:48,400 But if you stay, you'll be worrying to death about it. 946 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:50,600 [Lisa] Of course, it's all you think about, yeah. 947 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:52,360 Well, listen, Alan. 948 00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:54,520 [Alan] Yeah, I know. Yeah. 949 00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:56,360 - We'll be all right, won't we? - Best of luck. 950 00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:57,640 - [Alan] Yeah. - Best of luck to Alan. 951 00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,240 [Lisa] I'll kill you if you don't get better. 952 00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:00,720 We'll come through. They do it every day. 953 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,520 [Jeremy] 'Cause we couldn't have got that pub open without you. 954 00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:03,480 No, well. 955 00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,280 [Jeremy] And we'll name a wing after you. 956 00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,240 Oh! [laughing] 957 00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,160 I'm not saying if it goes wrong we'll name a wing after you. 958 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:11,640 [Alan] No, no, no, don't. Oh, no, please. 959 00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:14,200 [Jeremy] We'll name a wing after you anyway. The Alan Townsend Wing. 960 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:15,840 How about that then, Gerald? 961 00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,520 - [Jeremy] We've got Gerald's Wood. - [Alan] Yeah. 962 00:45:18,720 --> 00:45:20,520 But we'll have the Alan Townsend Wing. 963 00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:22,920 - [Gerald] Yeah! - Yeah, brilliant. 964 00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:25,680 [Gerald] We've got a foot pump. I'll bring him round, don't worry! 965 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:27,080 [all laughing] 966 00:45:27,240 --> 00:45:28,120 A foot pump? 967 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:29,440 [Alan] A foot pump! 968 00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,960 Get the old foot pump on him. I'll put some air back into him! 969 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,480 [Alan] That'll be nice, that'll be nice! 970 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:35,840 Thanks, Gerald. That'll be very nice for your old mate. 971 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,560 If he starts deflating, I'll pump him back up, don't worry! 972 00:45:38,720 --> 00:45:39,520 [laughter] 973 00:45:39,720 --> 00:45:41,680 - [Jeremy] Stop it, Gerald. - What is up with him? 974 00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,120 [laughter] 975 00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:46,720 ["Downtown" by Petula Clark playing] 976 00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:51,760 ♪ When you're alone And life is making you lonely ♪ 977 00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,200 ♪ You can always go ♪ 978 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:56,400 {\an8}♪ Downtown ♪ 979 00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:58,080 {\an8}♪ When you've got worries ♪ 980 00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:01,160 ♪ All the noise and the hurry Seem to help I know ♪ 981 00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:04,400 ♪ Downtown ♪ 982 00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,520 ♪ Just listen to the music ♪ 983 00:46:06,720 --> 00:46:08,280 {\an8}♪ Of the traffic in the city ♪ 984 00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:11,920 ♪ Linger on the sidewalk Where the neon signs are pretty ♪ 985 00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,080 {\an8}♪ How can you lose? ♪ 986 00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:18,080 ♪ The light's so much brighter there ♪ 987 00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:20,640 ♪ You can forget all your troubles ♪ 988 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:22,040 {\an8}♪ Forget all your cares ♪ 989 00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:24,920 {\an8}♪ So go downtown ♪ 990 00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:28,360 ♪ Things will be great when you're downtown ♪ 991 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,840 {\an8}♪ No finer place for sure ♪ 992 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:32,840 {\an8}♪ Downtown ♪ 993 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:38,840 {\an8}♪ Everything's waiting for you ♪ 994 00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,800 ♪ Downtown, downtown ♪ 995 00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:48,680 ["Downtown" by Petula Clark keeps playing] 996 00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:50,560 ♪ Downtown ♪ 997 00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:52,400 ♪ And you may find somebody kind ♪ 998 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:54,680 {\an8}♪ To help and understand you ♪ 999 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:58,080 ♪ Someone who is just like you And needs a gentle hand ♪ 1000 00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:01,360 ♪ To guide them along ♪ 1001 00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:04,160 {\an8}♪ So maybe I'll see you there ♪ 1002 00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:08,040 {\an8}♪ We can forget all our troubles Forget all our cares ♪ 1003 00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,840 {\an8}♪ So go downtown ♪ 1004 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:14,800 {\an8}♪ Things will be great When you're downtown ♪ 1005 00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:18,640 {\an8}♪ Don't wait a minute more Downtown ♪ 1006 00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:22,520 {\an8}♪ Everything's waiting for you ♪ 1007 00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:26,280 ["Downtown" by Petula Clark keeps playing]