1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,640 This programme contains strong language, adult humour 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,440 and graphic scenes of surgery. 3 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,080 It's seen better days. It's beautiful. 4 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:11,520 I don't care if it's out of tune. 5 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,240 TIM PLAYS A MERRY TUNE 6 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,640 Ooh! 7 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,320 # Ooh... # 8 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,960 This is how I feel when I'm on tour. Basically, like... 9 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,120 Bing-bong! 10 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:22,960 Like in theory, it's all nice, but it's actually quite nasty. 11 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,440 HE PLAYS A TUNE 12 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:28,600 Gnarly, gnarly! OK, let's watch telly. 13 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,560 Thanks, old girl. 14 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,440 You did good. She's a beauty. 15 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:35,440 You can go to sleep now. She just needs a little tickle. 16 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:36,800 Go back to bed. 17 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,480 # In a perfect world... # 18 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,280 Oh! This is what we've tuned in for. 19 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:42,960 Munya, look at this! I can't! 20 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,200 Oh! 21 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:45,360 Wow! 22 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,080 It's pretty racy telly, isn't it? 23 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,280 Ooh! 24 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,360 Agh! What?! 25 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,240 Oh, no! Oh, this is awful. 26 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,400 You're crying. 27 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,160 BOTH: Oh! 28 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,680 Oh, I'm happy. Yeah. That makes me happy. 29 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,560 This is a bit of you. My people. 30 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,360 Fist bump me! Whay! 31 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,440 We've all got an undercarriage. No, we...! Grow up! 32 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,920 In the week Hugh Grant nodded off at Wimbledon, 33 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:12,200 we enjoyed lots of great telly. 34 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,640 Singletons were full of hope as they looked for love abroad 35 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:16,960 on Discovery Plus. 36 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,880 People probably say I'm a people pleaser. 37 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,200 I like to say yes, not no. 38 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,760 And I have like a resting happy face. 39 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,360 A resting happy face? I think that would annoy me quite quick 40 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,320 if someone was just always like this. Yeah, you... 41 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,560 You're one of those people that frown upon people's happiness. 42 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,800 No, I don't! You are. 43 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,360 Like, that's such an amazing trait to have. 44 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,240 And you're like, "Oh!" 45 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:43,800 You'd dump someone because they're too happy. Too happy! 46 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,840 ..Netflix was full of singers in boxes... 47 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,960 # Like their mother and their father eventually... # 48 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,520 Yeah, got it! 49 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:55,560 # Someone's gonna hurt their little girl like their daddy hurt me... # 50 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:59,320 The sort of singing style of today is for you and your generation. 51 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,920 Yeah. And to me, it all sounds somewhat the same. 52 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,680 # Way-oh-oh-oh. # 53 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,120 Like that. 54 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,520 But your music's like... 55 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,000 SHE MIMICS PUNK MUSIC 56 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,280 Like that. 57 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,160 # I tried it just for once found it all right for kicks 58 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,080 # Then you discover it's a habit that sticks 59 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,480 # You're an orgasm addict... # 60 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:16,640 Eugh! 61 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:18,240 # You're always at it. # 62 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,480 No! Buzzcocks. It's a classic. 63 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,360 ..and more couples were hoping to hit it off on their first date. 64 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,480 So where is it you actually come from? London. OK. 65 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,320 Where do you come from? I live in Guildford, Surrey. 66 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,200 Oh, I know Guildford. Yeah. So we're fairly close. Yes, we are. 67 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,280 I've had two long distance relationships. Oh, you fool. 68 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,680 Awful. 69 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:39,680 Awful. Because the whole time you're pining. 70 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,160 And pining's quite romantic for a little while. Pining's romantic, 71 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:46,360 and then you get together and you're like... Oh. Hmm... So... 72 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,400 You're very, you're very close to me. 73 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,720 # Your paws are very close to me. # 74 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:54,080 I prefer you to be further away. I mean... Like, a country away. 75 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:55,960 Behind a screen. 76 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,160 In Brighton... I like your socks, Joe. 77 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,920 They're, um... They're tartan. Where are they from? Scotland. 78 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,200 ..friends Roisin and Joe. 79 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,760 They're not from Scotland. 80 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,600 I get all my socks in Scotland. You don't get all your socks...! 81 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,600 I do, I get my socks... Where are your...? 82 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,160 I get my socks from Scotland, my trousers from Wales 83 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,480 and my top and my underwear from England. 84 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,560 And Ireland, I get... I accessorise. 85 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,880 I accessorise from Ireland. OK. 86 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,880 Socks from Scotland, trousers from Wales, 87 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,200 tops and underwear from England. 88 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,200 I don't care about the rest of your clothes. OK. 89 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,120 I only cared about the socks. The rest of your clothes are boring. 90 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,400 The socks add some pizzazz. 91 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,560 Do you want to know where I got my luggage? No. Mainland Europe. 92 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:49,360 This week on Netflix, 50 aspiring singers all turned out 93 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,120 for a once in a lifetime opportunity. 94 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,720 I've got a mouthful of cheese. Me too. 95 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,600 You've been in a in a band. Two bands. 96 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,440 And what were they called? At school. 97 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:00,600 What were they called? 98 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,480 Aragon. Yeah. And Enormous Derek. OK. 99 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:13,120 Did you or did you not write a song called The Wizard's Sleeve? 100 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,880 It was not called the Wizard's Sleeve! 101 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,000 The album was called the Wizard's Dream. Oh! 102 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,880 The Wizard's Sleeve! 103 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,760 It's going to be really, really interesting 104 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,800 to form a band without seeing each other. 105 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:24,920 Ooh! 106 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,800 What?! So the idea is they form the band on the sound alone. 107 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:31,000 I think you'll probably produce a better group 108 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,880 by going off with just talent alone. 109 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,320 Really? You think so? 110 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,880 Oh, my God, it's Love is Blind for bands. Yeah. 111 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,680 I'm kind of scared the other singers 112 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,560 aren't going to really like me or like my voice. 113 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,160 Hold up, what's all these little booths? 114 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,120 They go in pods. How cool is that? Yes! 115 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,680 I'd happily just sit in there and have some time to myself. 116 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,920 I'd hate it. 117 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,800 I'm ready to be around a group of guys 118 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,200 that I can call my brothers and be a great band. 119 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,840 Ah, OK. So he wants to be in a boyband. 120 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,640 My name is Donzell. This song has always spoke to my heart. 121 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,280 It's always spoke to my soul. 122 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:01,320 Oh, she's perked up. 123 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:02,920 And I hope it speaks to yours too. 124 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,120 OK, well, let's see if it speaks to our souls, too. 125 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,840 Our souls? Our souls. Our souls? Our souls. 126 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,000 He's going to sing well, isn't he? Oh, he's going to be good! 127 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,640 # Happy birthday to you. # 128 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,560 # I'm jealous of the rain... # 129 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,360 Oh, I like that. 130 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,840 Oh, great voice. 131 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,960 Oh, God. Oh, it's beautiful. He's actually really good. 132 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,120 He actually is quite good. That's a voice. 133 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:31,320 # All this world could give... # 134 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:32,640 I want him. 135 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,440 Oh, so they hit a button. To see if they like him. 136 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,160 I'd hit the button. Absolutely. 137 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,880 I would've done it the second he... 138 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,320 # Er... # 139 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,480 # D... # 140 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,480 # You're happy without me... # 141 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,360 Oh, God, he's so good! 142 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,480 Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Ah. 143 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,880 Oh, it's gorgeous. He doesn't need a band. 144 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,800 My name's Aaliyah. I am 22 years old. 145 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:56,200 Oh, Aaliyah. 146 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,600 Please be good. 147 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,560 # Maybe I should try religion... 148 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,800 Her voice sounds beautiful already, doesn't it? Yeah. 149 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,760 # Now my tummy hurts He's in love with her... # 150 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,400 Oh, she's great. 151 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:11,280 She's got a great voice. It's really good. It's brilliant. 152 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,840 # Eventually... # 153 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,320 Yeah! Got it. 154 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,600 He's pressed it. He's changed his mind now. 155 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,680 What's he doing? He wants a boyband. 156 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,240 Aaliyah, this is Donzell. OK, Donzell! 157 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:24,200 I think these are going to get on him. Mm. 158 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,800 Honestly, I was thinking a all guy group. Oh. 159 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,920 But then after I heard your voice, I changed my mind. 160 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,400 I want a mixed group. 161 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,080 Aw! He's changed his mind. 162 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,600 Ah...fickle. 163 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:38,000 Air pinky promise. Real quick. OK. Air pinky promise. 164 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,800 Oh, look, they're the pinkies. 165 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,200 Oh, that's it now. They're locked in, no matter what. 166 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,320 I 100% want to be in a boyband. 167 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,680 Landon. 168 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,640 Donzell said the same thing, player. Let's see. 169 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:51,760 My name is Landon. I am 20 years old and I'm from St George, Utah. 170 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,200 He's cute. 171 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,000 Can he persuade Donzell to change his mind back again? 172 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,640 Today, I'm going to be singing a classic Britney Spears song. 173 00:06:58,680 --> 00:06:59,800 Oh. 174 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,560 Oh, sick. All right. Please be Toxic. 175 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,320 I like Britney. 176 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,080 Britney's brilliant. Yeah, I really like her. 177 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:10,200 # Baby, can't you see I'm calling?... # 178 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,960 Yes! 179 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,560 # ..should wear a warning... # 180 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,440 I said that. You called it, but I'm not feeling this 181 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,840 even from the first couple things. Look. OK. 182 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:21,760 # It's dangerous, I'm falling... # 183 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,600 He's got a boyband voice. He's got... He's got... 184 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,040 He's not got Bob Dylan's voice, has he? 185 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,640 Anybody who sings like that... 186 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:33,280 THEY SING IN A MUFFLED TONE 187 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,160 Oh! Come on! 188 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,200 Really? 189 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,800 Oh, Donzell's getting involved. 190 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,480 He wants everyone. He's back on the scene. 191 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,920 Landon! Dude, what's up? 192 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,720 I think he's going to betray. Don't do it, Donzell. 193 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,640 I would love to do a mixed band. 194 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:52,760 Uh-oh. 195 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,040 BOTH: Oh. 196 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,000 He wants a boyband. Oh. 197 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,360 I'm picturing, like, me, you, a couple other guys, 198 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:03,120 and I feel like we could have a unit and literally be like NSYNC. 199 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,920 Yeah. That is what I want. 200 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,400 We could all wear dungarees. 201 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,080 Donzell, that's what you wanted initially. 202 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,320 But are you now going to snake Aaliyah? That's the question. 203 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,760 But, like, Aaliyah though. Aaliyah! 204 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,720 Shut up. What's he going to do? 205 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:20,200 Donzell, where's your integrity, sir? Donzell, don't. 206 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,040 Let's do it. 207 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,240 Oh! 208 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:27,600 HE GASPS 209 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,920 No, don't do that. 210 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,360 Fuck you, Donzell! 211 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,320 Donzell! 212 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,280 Hi. 213 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:36,840 He's going to have to tell Aaliyah. 214 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:40,360 I was really excited to talk to you and get to know you. 215 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,880 Oh, no. I don't like this. 216 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,200 Just tell her. 217 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,560 Like, how did you get started and how did how did music come about? 218 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,040 That's not the question to ask. 219 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,560 The question is, are we still an item? 220 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,000 I didn't even know I could sing, but, then, like at church, 221 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,920 people would say like, "You should take this serious." 222 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,920 And I'm like, "What do y'all mean? Take what serious..." 223 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,320 Dude, cut to the chase. 224 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,160 Just tell her you don't want her any more, Donzell! 225 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,640 The last couple of years, I, like, went through some hard trials 226 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:06,160 with my mum and I had to take care of her. 227 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,720 My mum had just been through, like, breast cancer. 228 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,160 Oh, my God. 229 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,840 Oh, God. 230 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,000 Don't. 231 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:17,520 Almost like losing her just, like, made me have this other perspective 232 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:18,680 like on life. 233 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,880 Oh, no! Oh, this is awful. 234 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,280 He can't drop her now. 235 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,560 How have your conversations been going? 236 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,120 Am I still even on your, like, choices? Like... 237 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,360 HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 238 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,560 Funny you should say that... 239 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,280 Erm... 240 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,680 I'm not going to lie, I started talking to Landon, 241 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,600 thinking about a boyband, and I was like, 242 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,720 "I'm going to go a boyband." Oh. 243 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,200 Oh! 244 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:41,960 That's how we did it! 245 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,520 But after just talking again, I was like, 246 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,840 "No, I need to be with Aaliyah." 247 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,360 Oh! 248 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,520 DONZELL MUFFLED: It's going to have to be Aaliyah. 249 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:53,480 He just says what people need to hear. He's a flip flopper. 250 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,480 He's literally a flip flopper. 251 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,840 He could be in two bands. One girl, one boy. 252 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,840 He could be like those people who have a secret family 253 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,760 that the other one doesn't know about. Oh. 254 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,680 I'm just going to get some butter from down the road. 255 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,640 # Oh, my lord. # 256 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:08,240 Guys, I've just got to go and put the rubbish out. 257 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,560 # Oh, man... # 258 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,600 In Essex... What are you chewing on? Huh? 259 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,680 What were you chewing on, then? My lip. Why? 260 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,360 I don't know. I always have weird little habits. 261 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,520 I, like, bite my lip. Obviously, like, I bite my nails. 262 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:23,880 I tap my forehead a lot. 263 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,120 ..best mates Jordan and Perri. 264 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,920 I even do it when we're performing onstage. 265 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,440 Like, if you're about to do a flip... Yeah. I go... 266 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,840 I'm on the stage doing it. 267 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,800 And that whole rhythm comes out there. 268 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,120 # Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. # 269 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,960 It's really hard to keep up with the routine and do that. 270 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,080 Yeah. Skills pay the bills, player. That's me. 271 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,280 And that's your skill? Yeah! 272 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,160 What does Jordan bring to the group? Get a load of this. 273 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:51,320 # Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-duh-duh. # 274 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,960 On Tuesday, there was some transatlantic dating 275 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,600 on Discovery Plus. 276 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:59,160 Eh, Clare, you're single. Would you let me matchmake you? No. 277 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,960 No. What do you mean, "No"? Who would you put me with? 278 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,240 Would you not trust me? I don't know. 279 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:07,640 Oh, I know all about long distance relationships. 280 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,560 An absolute load of bollocks. 281 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:16,720 I once went on a date, when I lived in Paris, with a French girl. 282 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,240 Woohoo! Oh, la-la! So... 283 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,600 I might be able to bring some expertise to this. 284 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,880 I've got a friend who's married to someone who lives abroad, 285 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,040 and he quite likes it because he's got to come back here for work, 286 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,840 so he gets to be away from her quite a lot. 287 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,920 That sounds like a good relationship! Oh, yeah. Rock solid. 288 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,360 I'm Victoria. 289 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,640 Hi, Victoria. 290 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,000 I like her already. I love her. 291 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:39,120 Three years ago, I moved to the best city in the world, New York. 292 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,800 Can I just say it's chaos dating in New York? 293 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,800 I tried to do it myself. Messy. 294 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,040 In a few hours, I'm headed to the airport, going to Ireland. 295 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,320 Oh, how exciting. 296 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,800 Ireland! You do like Irish accents. I love an Irish accent. 297 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,680 I mean, I do love a ginger. 298 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:55,680 "I love a ginger!" I love a ginger, that's why I'm going to Ireland. 299 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,280 I love some freckles. They drink a lot. 300 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,600 I mean, she has just stereotyped a whole nation there. 301 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,680 She's going to Ireland because she thinks they drink a lot, 302 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,400 they're ginger, and they have freckles. 303 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:06,920 Sorry? 304 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,280 She calls herself an equal opportunity dater. 305 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,200 This is the matchmaker. But what it actually means is 306 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,400 that she is desperate to date anyone. 307 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:16,920 Wow! 308 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,920 Flipping hell! All right, Katarina! She's desperate to date anyone. 309 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,160 I want to see your wishlist. 310 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,200 Oh, a wishlist. Here we go. 311 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,680 Right, let's find out what she wants. 312 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:30,040 So, what have we got here? OK. Full head of hair. 313 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,680 LAUGHS 314 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,400 Full head of hair, good. No bald people. Right. 315 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,400 Cos I feel like I'm, like, spontaneous. And I want someone 316 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,360 with, like, a dark side. 317 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,520 BOTH: A dark side? "Yeah, I'm really into goths." 318 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:44,040 Yeah, "Or evil villains." 319 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:48,200 Yeah, "Preferably stroking a cat on a spinning chair." 320 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:51,280 Tattoos... Do, like, drugs on the spur of the moment. 321 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,320 Did she say drugs? Did she say drugs? 322 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,920 "You know, just someone who could do drugs on the spur of the moment." 323 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,440 I thought she said that. What the fuck? 324 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,000 Someone, like, wild. Like, maybe they've been arrested. 325 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,520 LAUGHS 326 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:06,520 "Been in prison." She wants an absolute rogue. 327 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:09,320 Normally you say, "I quite like bad boys, but I shouldn't." 328 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,400 She got really excited. Like, "I need him to have been arrested. 329 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,120 "I need a few tattoos, preferably on the neck." 330 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,960 "I really love a mug shot." 331 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,880 Today is my first official date. 332 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,680 Katarina has picked an oyster farm for our date spot. 333 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,040 An oyster farm? A bit obvious. An oyster farm with a bad boy. 334 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,560 So, the match I have for Victoria is Dave. 335 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,880 BOTH: Dave. Dave. Dave. 336 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,960 Dave. The dangerous Dave. Dangerous Dave. Oh, watch out! 337 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:42,480 Let's see if an Irish bad boy is the kind of guy Victoria needs. 338 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,920 Irish bad boy. Come on, where's Dave at? 339 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,680 HORN TOOTS 340 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:47,800 LAUGHS 341 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,240 Fricking hell. 342 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,120 LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHAT 343 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,480 Why does he sound like the cross-Channel ferry? 344 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,440 MIMICS HORN 345 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,640 Hey. How are you? Good, how are you? Very good. Nice to meet you. 346 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,080 He looks like a nice boy. 347 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,520 No, he looks quite nice, doesn't he? 348 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:07,560 So, just there. 349 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,080 Ah! There you go. 350 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,440 Oh, God. Don't give Dangerous Dave a hose. 351 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,280 LAUGHS Can I blast myself with it? 352 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,960 "Can I blast myself with it?" 353 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:17,720 Whoa! 354 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,360 THEY LAUGH 355 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:24,200 He's mad! He's mad, he's fucking mad! 356 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,640 That was kind of sore, actually. No shit. 357 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,720 'Course it was. You just jet washed your face, Dave. 358 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,200 LAUGHING: Probably got a black eye! 359 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,520 "Yeah, quite sure actually." 360 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,760 Victoria seems like she's up for good fun 361 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,520 and I really liked that about her, I appreciated that, so, like, 362 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,040 I wouldn't mind, like, sleeping with her. 363 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,560 LAUGHS 364 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,320 Davie is unbelievable! 365 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,360 That is definitely an aphrodisiac. I am getting so excited. 366 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,000 I'm feeling randy now. What about you? 367 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,440 "I'm feeling randy"? 368 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,920 Yeah, let me try some... 369 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,520 You sweet-talking bastard. 370 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,600 Imagine in broad daylight, without a drink, 371 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,080 without even a bit of flirting, someone just goes, 372 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,960 "I've got the horn for you." 373 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,000 "Uh, just to let you know, I have an erection. 374 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:14,760 "Um, I've had four oysters and, uh, I'm as hard as a tank." 375 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,600 Let me try some... Like, the green sauce. 376 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,640 How's that? Oh, that's a good... Is that enough? 377 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,000 He's put too much on there. 378 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,200 This is gonna be another Dave wild moment, isn't it? 379 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,680 Mm! 380 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,120 Oh, wow!Yeah. COUGHS 381 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,000 LAUGHS 382 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:34,600 Well, that's taken the horn out of him. 383 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaking of spice, let's put some in my eye. 384 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,800 Wait. 385 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,920 Please do it. Please do it. Please do it. Please do it! 386 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,680 What are you doing? No! 387 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,480 No! The fuck?! No, no, no! 388 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:48,720 Oh-ho! 389 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,600 Oh! Ah! Ah! 390 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,640 LAUGHS 391 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,640 "Argh!" 392 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:59,040 LAUGHING: Imagine being on a date and someone does that! 393 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,560 Oh, my eye! 394 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,800 Ah! Ah! 395 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,240 He's an absolute fucking lunatic. 396 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,960 For her next date... Uh-huh? ..great icebreaker. 397 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,400 Like, to be able to go, "What's your worst first date?" 398 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,240 No-one would believe her. Yeah, that's true. 399 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,200 "A guy turned up with a train horn 400 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,280 "that told me he was horny and then poured Tabasco in his eyes." 401 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:26,880 Yeah. "And sprayed himself in the face with a high-pressured hose." 402 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,080 In Birmingham... 403 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,520 Can I just say thank you for putting the bins out? I totally forgot. 404 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,120 I woke up this morning, I was like, "Oh, I forgot the bins." 405 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,520 And then I looked outside, the bins are out there. What can I say? 406 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,880 Alison, her son Aidan, and her sister Saunra. 407 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:50,720 You're like the bin angel. The bin angel! 408 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,400 What the hell's a bin angel? I looked outside, I was like, 409 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:57,080 "Oh, my golden child has done it." 410 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,520 Thanks, Aidan. Well done. Yeah, you can put them out for me. 411 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,520 Well done. Thanks. 412 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,320 The only reason you remembered it... Was you out all night? 413 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:10,360 Yeah, cos I was up all night. So I had the whole night to remember it. 414 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,440 Aw! 415 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,720 On Friday, there were more awkward encounters 416 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,720 keeping us entertained on Channel 4. 417 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:22,160 Yay! Oh, I'm so good at these. I love First Dates! 418 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,960 I never dated, it wasn't really a thing when we were younger, was it? 419 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,880 You kind of ended up... Like, you snogged somebody, 420 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,000 and then you were going out with them, was it? Or not? 421 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,360 That was exactly it. As the case may be. Yeah. 422 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,400 Come on, let's find some love. 423 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,400 Me and Ben do date night sometimes. Do you? 424 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,720 We once went to the emergency vet in the middle of the night, 425 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,200 and we sort of treated it like a date. 426 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,560 We're in the car park going, "Oh, this is nice, just me and you." 427 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,880 The dog had eaten a chocolate orange. Oh. 428 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:52,640 We had to go and get her stomach pumped. It was really romantic. 429 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,640 29-year-old business owner Sophie 430 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,360 is hoping to add romance to her agenda. 431 00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,800 BOTH: Oh, Sophie. 432 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,040 Absolutely...nailing it. 433 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,040 Sophie's got the shop window open for business. 434 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,400 Nice to meet you, Sophie. Look, there's Fred. Hot. 435 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,120 What an incredible look you have 436 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,040 here with all your tattoos. Thank you. 437 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,680 "What incredible luck you have with all your...tattoos." 438 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,360 I'm a bisexual woman 439 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,960 so I'm looking for a romantic relationship with a woman. 440 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,360 Oh, she's looking for a woman. 441 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,880 We love the bi girlies. 442 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,640 I have female friends but, you know, I think I'm looking for something 443 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,960 that's a bit of a stronger connection than that. 444 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,160 She's kind, she's nice. She's looking for a nice relationship. 445 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,000 This is... This is great. This is what we want to hear. 446 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,880 Sophie's date is Emily, 447 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,880 a massage therapist who's a pro at releasing stress. 448 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,720 Do you know what? They're going to go well together. 449 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,760 She's got the tats as well. I can see. Look at these two. 450 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,600 Hello. Hi. Wow! I love your tattoos. 451 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:50,560 I'm freezing. I'm so sorry. Nice to meet you, I'm Soph. 452 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,280 Nice to meet you. 453 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,040 How can they not hit it off? They seem happy. But also... 454 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,880 Well, hang on a minute, they've only had one hug. 455 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:00,760 What do you mean they seem happy? No, they don't look horrified. 456 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,720 You look stunning. I love this. So do you. So do you. Thank you. 457 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,800 I wasn't sure if this was a bit OTT. 458 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,040 What, having your boobs out at dinner? No, it's fine. 459 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,400 Well, they just look like twins, if you turned the lights off. 460 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,880 How does the wait feel? Who's this fella? 461 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,600 Bit of nerves. Right. But, yeah. it's, um... 462 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:19,960 Rag'n'Bone man. 463 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,320 It's different. Why has the dude popped out of nowhere? 464 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,680 Definitely different. Isn't his date coming? 465 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,400 Well, I hope so. 466 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:27,720 I'll see you later. 467 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:32,080 Oh, has he been stood up? Oh... Oh... Oh... Poor fella. 468 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,880 I'm really confused. Yeah, who is this guy? Who's the guy? 469 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,960 What's your dating, like, history? 470 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,520 "What's your dating history?" Good question. 471 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:44,480 So I'm actually really not practised in dating at all. OK. 472 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,040 Is that what you ask right at the start? What's your dating history? 473 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,120 People do not have time to mess around. OK. All right. 474 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,640 It's a fast world. 475 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,080 This is my first date with a woman. 476 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,880 Whoa! Ooh! 477 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:59,280 Really? Yeah, so... Well, you're doing great. 478 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,600 She's way more confident than her, isn't she? 479 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,920 Good review. Jeez, that's scary. Yeah, man. 480 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,120 But you're stunning. So are you. Thank you. 481 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,240 Yeah, you are very my type, for sure. Thank you. You very much are. 482 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,040 Boom! Girls are so much kinder, aren't they? I know, 483 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:15,280 it's really nice. It's genuine. Yeah, it's like, "No, you are." 484 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,520 So, um... 485 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,600 Big reveal. So what? Who's the dude? 486 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,760 I'm married. 487 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:24,760 Really? 488 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,400 She's married! She's married! She's married. 489 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,240 See, this is why I don't like First Dates. Like, what? 490 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,200 She's on a dating show. 491 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,640 It's the guy at the bar. And he's here right now. Pan over. 492 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,320 My husband is at the bar. 493 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,840 Oh! Boom! That's the bloke at the bar! 494 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,040 Oh, my God, are they going to be a throuple? 495 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:50,080 I mean, yeah, but surely you ask if somebody's interested 496 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:53,600 in being a throuple. It's got to be by prior agreement. 497 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,840 Yeah. Surely. You don't just throuple someone. No, you can't. 498 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,120 You can't throuple someone as a surprise. Or can you? 499 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,080 Hello. How are you? You OK? 500 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:06,280 I'm good. Going good? Going good. This is Ricky. 501 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,200 Maybe I'm too practical for this kind of thing, but all I can... 502 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:13,040 Where's he going to sit? See, it's not for me, this. 503 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,080 I don't even like sharing my sweets. 504 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:16,960 Let me give you a hug. I'm Emily. 505 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,160 Oh! 506 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,520 Emily's not mucking around. 507 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,240 How are you? I'm good. How are you? How are you feeling? 508 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,320 A bit more nerv... Well, actually, no. 509 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:30,280 Not as much... Not as nervous as I was. Yeah. 510 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:34,680 STUTTERING: "Not as nerv... I'm not nervous." 511 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:38,440 Very good. I think I was very nervous. 512 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,480 I think I might get another drink in a minute. 513 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,840 LAUGHING: He says with three-quarters of a glass 514 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,360 still full! 515 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,640 "I might get another." 516 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,920 You were very nervous to tell me about your situation. 517 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,600 Yeah, so I said, "So I have a husband." 518 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,160 And I was just like, "Slay." 519 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,760 Slay. Wow. Wow. 520 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,600 Slay, baby. Wow. You got a husband. 521 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:07,640 So you two are, like, proper, like, couple goals energy, you two. 522 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,600 Is it... Is that couple goals? This is how you know Emily's confident 523 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,600 cos she's handling two first dates at the same time like it's nothing. 524 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,480 Yeah, and no-one prepped her either. Yeah, exactly. She was like, "OK." 525 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,920 When I was in my late 20s, I discovered this thing, 526 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,520 polyamory, non-monogamy. 527 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,320 She's into it. She's into it. 528 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:25,960 So is that a throuple, a poly...? MUMBLES 529 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,480 Yeah, exactly that. 530 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,560 Part of it for me is, like, witnessing that love 531 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:34,040 and that connection between the primary couple. 532 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,200 It's a funny old world, isn't it? 533 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,560 So, would you like to see each other again? 534 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,200 "Of course." Here we go. 535 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,400 Absolutely. Love to see you again. 536 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,520 I think you're lovely. And I think kind of... 537 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,960 We had a really good connection, I thought, so. 538 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,040 They did. 539 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,520 There's a guy to your left, by the way, just to let you know. 540 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,160 There's a fella there as well. 541 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,600 I agree. I would love to see you guys again. 542 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,800 Oh, wow! 543 00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,720 Look how relieved he is! Look, he's buzzing! 544 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,480 No time like the present, guys. 545 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,200 What the...? That is quite complicated. 546 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,920 Come on, let's have a three-way kiss! No. No. Come on! 547 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,320 No! We love each other! No! 548 00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:19,000 Just sat at their feet like that, "Can I get a kiss? 549 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,160 "Oh, please! 550 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,920 "Please!" "Can I get a kiss!" 551 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,680 "I can hear you kissing behind me!" 552 00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:32,720 In London... 553 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,720 I was ready to show you how I can actually look like a Grinch. 554 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,520 Oh, OK. LAUGHS: Hold on! 555 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,560 ..Hannah and her friend Tim. 556 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,520 No! 557 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,000 Yeah. It's perfect. 558 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,280 Now...Now just cross about Christmas. 559 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,880 That is amazing! 560 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,720 OK, I've never been attracted to you before. 561 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:03,520 But now...now... 562 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,360 I've always... 563 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,280 I've always wanted to snog the Grinch. 564 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,840 On Saturday, it was a rock and roll reunion 565 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,760 that was making headlines on the BBC. 566 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,680 The news. 567 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,000 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 568 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:20,240 Let me have a go. Oh. 569 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,720 Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Hello. 570 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,720 Good afternoon. I like her, you know, that blonde woman. 571 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:29,880 Do you like her? 572 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,600 Oasis have thanked their fans for putting up with them 573 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,040 over the years after performing their first gig since 2009. 574 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:37,320 Yes! 575 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:39,760 Are you excited? Uh, yeah. 576 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,360 Are you going to see 'em? 577 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,160 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 578 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,920 I love Oasis. 579 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,720 # Do you have the time? # 580 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,160 That's Green... Sorry! 581 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,720 That was Green Day. Yeah, bro, that's... 582 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,080 ..that's not how you lead with praise for a band you love. 583 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,640 The Gallagher brothers took to the stage 584 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,160 at Cardiff's Principality Stadium last night for the first show 585 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:00,400 in their world tour. 586 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:01,760 Welcome back, boys. 587 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,720 Stories have been circulating that what broke up the band 588 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,720 in the first place was 589 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,720 that Liam threw a plum at Noel's head... No! 590 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,640 ..and that was the straw that broke the Oasis donkey back. Yeah. 591 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,720 REPORTER: And here they are, Liam and Noel, 592 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:19,200 their hands clasped together and raised to the sky 593 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,120 in an image that's already gone around the world. 594 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,240 I noticed that Liam was like this. 595 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:26,760 It's like... 596 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,680 TO DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGER: # We love each other 597 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:29,760 # But we don't really... # 598 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:33,720 62,000 fans in Cardiff's Principality Stadium, 599 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,160 and they were all mad for it. 600 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,760 I wanted to get some tickets, but I couldn't get...I couldn't get any. 601 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:39,880 Sold out? Literally sold out. Wow. 602 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,000 Should have like tried texting one of them. 603 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,680 I don't know 'em. Oh. 604 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,720 Do you want me to text, like, Noel...? I don't know him. 605 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,960 Yeah, go on. Just drop him a text. Are they not in your phone? 606 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,440 See if you can, go on. Don't be stupid. 607 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,720 He does love an anorak. He's a snappy dresser. 608 00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:58,480 He's a snappy dresser. But hottest day 609 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,400 of the year, in a black anorak... He couldn't go out in a T-shirt, 610 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,480 though. What, a T-shirt and a bucket hat? 611 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,720 Significantly, one of the first songs they played was Acquiesce, 612 00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,440 one of the few Oasis tracks 613 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,120 to feature both Liam and Noel on vocals. 614 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,200 They wrote some amazing... Yeah, amazing songs. 615 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,640 And made some amazing music. Yeah, working-class fucking heroes. 616 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,040 And that's what they are and that's what I love about 'em. 617 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,720 I'm absolutely emotional. I had tears 618 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,720 running down my face, I'll be honest with you. 619 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,120 Because, to me, I grew up with them bands. 620 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,520 How many bucket hats do you think were in Cardiff last night? 621 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,440 I think Cardiff was full, it was awash with bucket hats. 622 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,080 Teeming with the bucket hat. 623 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:37,720 They ended with a brief hug. 624 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,600 Now there's just 40 more shows to go. 625 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,280 Do you think they're going to fall out again? Yeah. 626 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,840 Do you think, if we didn't speak to each other for 20 years, 627 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:46,960 we'd sell more books? 628 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,200 Don't think anyone would care. 629 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:54,040 But would we go in with our arms held up high or we'd be like...? 630 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,600 All right, Leamington Spa, make some noise. 631 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,640 You've got you've got high hopes for us, haven't you? 632 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:04,280 All right, Merthyr Tydfil Library. Don't make too much noise - 633 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,760 it's a library. 634 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,360 Imagine if Ant and Dec had a massive falling out like Oasis. 635 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,720 Oh, it would never happen, babes. It would never happen. No. No. No. 636 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,560 You might win an NTA, if that happened. 637 00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:16,920 I think that's your...that's your only chance. 638 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,240 I hope it does! 639 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,000 In north London... 640 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,680 What are you doing? I'm cutting up me wrap. LAUGHS: With scissors?! 641 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,800 Yeah, do you not use...? Do you not use scissors? 642 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,440 No. Do you not? Really? No! 643 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:35,720 For sandwiches? 644 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,160 ..best friends, Sara and Clare. 645 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,720 Look, watch. All right. Ready? Yeah. 646 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:46,120 Look how perfect that is. Oh! Look! 647 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,240 Scissors, babe. This is clever. Have a go. All right. 648 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,560 Honestly, much better than a knife - all the fillings don't fall out. 649 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,200 My husband thinks I'm absolutely crackers. He hates it. 650 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:55,680 Look, see, you've done it. 651 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,680 You've done it. Isn't that good? Yeah. Look how nice that is. 652 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,680 Yeah. Use scissors on everything, babe. 653 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,320 Can we do a cheers? Cheers. 654 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:03,720 Cheers, babe. Cheers. 655 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,680 On Thursday night, Olivia Attwood 656 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,920 was chasing perfection again on ITV2. 657 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,920 I need a skincare routine. My skin's awful. 658 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,560 Mm-hm. It's... 659 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,440 OK, that's when you're meant to not agree. 660 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,400 Sorry! What the hell was that? 661 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,440 Let's see how much we can not look away. 662 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,640 Yeah, OK. Great idea, yeah. You know like laugh out loud 663 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,080 but like just can't look away. 664 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:27,760 I'm Olivia Attwood. 665 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,080 Oh, my God. 666 00:28:29,120 --> 00:28:30,680 OK, I've got to look away. 667 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,160 What is this? 668 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,200 And I'm no stranger to a tweakment or two. 669 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,840 Is this going to put me off me wrap? 670 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,680 With us Brits spending billions of pounds a year on cosmetic... 671 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,440 Ugh! What was that?! 672 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,800 This is the one where I start off 673 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:43,680 going, "You should grow old gracefully." 674 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:44,760 And then, at the end, 675 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,520 I'm trying to write down the surgeon's name and number. 676 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,240 So you want more projection...? Yeah. 677 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:50,760 So I'm back... 678 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,560 Look. Now what's the matter with her arse? Wants it bigger. 679 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,200 ..to discover the real price we're willing to pay... 680 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:57,440 I can't believe it. 681 00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:58,800 ..for perfection. 682 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,160 Whoa! That's all right. 683 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,960 You'll never be perfect, will you? Not... I don't mean you. I am. 684 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,680 Price Of Perfection. Let's go. Come on. 685 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:10,920 BOTH: Men! 686 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,320 How can we be more perfect? 687 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,120 A tail. A tail. 688 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:16,320 You should get a tail. 689 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,240 In the next couple of weeks, 690 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,840 I'm getting, uh, my eyebrows tattooed on. 691 00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,680 I've come to a clinic in Birmingham to meet a guy 692 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:28,680 who is one of an increasing number of men turning to liposuction 693 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,800 for a quick fix on the torso. 694 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,760 Oh! So get rid of the little old potbelly. 695 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,000 Yeah, I'd have a bit of that, liposuction. 696 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,080 There's nothing wrong with that. Suck the fucking fat out of you. 697 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,680 I'm meeting Michael and his wife in there. 698 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,280 Let me have a little look at his Instagram. 699 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:46,800 I'm not ashamed to say, over the years, 700 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,600 I've gained a bit of a dad bod. I mean, who hasn't? 701 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,200 What? HE'S getting lipo? 702 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,160 He looks better than me now. I was going to say. 703 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:53,360 He looks fine. 704 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,680 What we're trying to do now is get the abs back, wherever 705 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:56,960 they are - in there somewhere. 706 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,680 Oh, so he USED to have abs. 707 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,320 Doesn't bother me enough. You like a man boob? 708 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,960 No, I'm not saying I LIKE that... What size cup do you like? 709 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,440 Nothing bigger than me, 710 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,680 which is basically anything! 711 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:08,680 I heard more people like dad bods than don't. 712 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:10,160 Yeah, I think everyone says that. 713 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,520 I think every partner says they like 714 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,480 your dad bod until you get into an argument. No, I think... 715 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,600 Then, suddenly, they tell you you look like a melted ice cream. 716 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,480 Then everyone's feelings get hurt. It's just what I've heard. 717 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,640 He's about to have 360 lipo. 718 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,560 All the way around? 719 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,360 Unless it costs £3.60. 720 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:26,840 And then he's having 721 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:30,560 this fat transferred to his shoulders, 722 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,000 traps, biceps. It's like, how does that even work, 723 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:34,800 because would it not be like all doughy? 724 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:36,480 You can't get fat and put it up there. 725 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,000 It's just going to dribble down again. 726 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,720 This is a superb idea. It's a great idea. 727 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,120 There are no downsides to this. No. 728 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:45,920 Nice, big, wobbly shoulders. 729 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:47,840 BOTH: Yes. Please. I mean... 730 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:49,640 What is the price? Do you mind me asking? 731 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,880 Because there's quite a lot of stuff. 12,995. 732 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,640 13 grand?! I was going to say 12, but, yeah, 13 grand. 733 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:57,720 Oh, that's a lot of money, bub. 734 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,520 He's ready. Wow. This is... Welcome back. So... 735 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,680 Oh! 736 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,960 What the hell? Oh, no. 737 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,080 No, hold on. They didn't have to give him those... 738 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,840 With the socks? I know, socks a little bit higher. 739 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:13,680 His socks... Come on! 740 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:15,000 What are we watching here? 741 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,480 Dr Fasano uses an ultrasound cannula... 742 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,160 Ugh! They really go in there, don't they? 743 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:21,560 That's horrible. 744 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,320 That's just sucking the fat out. Yeah. 745 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:24,720 All right. Ready, steady... 746 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,880 Oh! Oh! Gosh. 747 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,280 Oh, my God. 748 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,080 What's that, fat coming out or going in? Coming out. 749 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,440 Do not waste it. No-one throw this tub away. 750 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,640 This is going in his shoulders. 751 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:42,560 So now I'm doing the front of the sides. 752 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,640 I feel like I've got to know him better than I thought. 753 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,760 You're going to be so sore. You're going to be so sore, bro. 754 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,680 Can you please turn that light off? 755 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:51,800 Oh, yeah. Turn the lights off. 756 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,440 It's unbearable to watch! 757 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:56,320 This is a really good time I'm having with you. 758 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,200 Why'd you change the lighting? 759 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,000 o I'm just double checking the definition that 760 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:02,760 I was able to sculpt so far. 761 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,960 Oh, my goodness! Look at that! Shut up. No way. 762 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,840 Do you know what? I'm sold. Are you sold? I might go and get it. 763 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:14,600 By working with the shadows. OK. 764 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,880 Imagine going to sleep fat. 765 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:20,680 Yeah. Waking up slim with a six pack. 766 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,680 Yeah. That's true. That'd be pretty cool. 767 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,440 In total, five litres of fat have been removed 768 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:26,960 and just over half a litre 769 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,680 is being injected back into Michael's upper body. 770 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,360 I'm fascinated. 771 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:32,680 Is that a half a litre? 772 00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,320 What your drink is, your pint?Well, now you've compared it to that, 773 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,440 I'm not going to be drinking any more of it... 774 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,800 That's probably about just short of 500, isn't it? 775 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,480 Michael had a rough two weeks recovering. 776 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,000 I'll bet he did. That was quite a lot 777 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,280 they had done. 778 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:49,320 Right, let's see it. 779 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:50,520 # What a man, what a man, what a man 780 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,280 # What a mighty good man... # 781 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:53,400 ALISON GASPS 782 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,040 Wow. 783 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,800 That's annoyed me, that has. Why? 784 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:02,080 Cos I've had to work at mine, my hunkiness. 785 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,680 I wasn't given it for under 13 grand. 786 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,480 No. Would you get...? Would you ever go in and do this? 787 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,120 Now I know they do it like that, yeah. 788 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,640 I've had me eyelids... Oh, you've had the eyelids cut off. 789 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,680 Oh, my God. You were awake, weren't you? Yeah. 790 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,520 Did it smell like chicken when they were sizzling it away? Yeah. 791 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,880 You could smell it. I have a facial. Does that count? No. 792 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,160 No? What if I put in a tight ponytail 793 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,000 and it lifts up me face a bit? 794 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,240 It's fine. That could work. 795 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,720 Get me another bobble. I need another bobble. 796 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:33,680 In Manchester... 797 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,960 I don't keep snacks often in the house. 798 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,480 Don't you? I have no control. I'm really bad. 799 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:40,960 I eat so many nuts. 800 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,000 ..friends Mark and Kelly. 801 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,040 I love nuts... 802 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,680 You love nuts. 803 00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:48,200 For God's sake. 804 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:49,720 For God's sake! 805 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,040 Oh, for crying out loud! 806 00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:56,960 How old are you? 807 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,600 How old are you?! 808 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,720 Too old to love nuts. I know! 809 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:07,880 Don't give me any more wine. 810 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:11,200 On Friday, it was a British institution 811 00:34:11,240 --> 00:34:13,680 making the headlines on the BBC. 812 00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:15,680 Let's see what's happening in the world, Clare. 813 00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:19,280 No news is good news. No, but your opinion matters these days. 814 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,640 If you give the wrong opinion on the news, you're fucked. 815 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:24,640 Quick! You've got to sit down before the music finishes. 816 00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,920 Mum! It's bad luck! 817 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,080 I've lost me glasses. They're there! 818 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:30,200 Oh. Too late. 819 00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:33,640 Now, bingo halls may traditionally attract a slightly older crowd. 820 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,080 Really? Love a game of bingo. 821 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:41,400 Last time I went to bingo was...1977. 822 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:46,080 But the industry says more than 40% of new customers are under 35. 823 00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,480 It's true, it's true. The last time I went to bingo, 824 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,880 I'm telling you, everyone was like, you know, teenagers. 825 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,720 It's a Monday night in Luton. 826 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:54,600 Oh, Monday night in Luton. Ooh! 827 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,320 You had me at Luton, babe. 828 00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,440 And although the bingo hall isn't full, 829 00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,520 the mix of people is interesting. 830 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:01,640 Popping off in there. 831 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,960 To be fair, it looks as bleak as it always did. Bingo is good fun. 832 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,800 What, so everybody gets out their pens and puts their splodges 833 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,400 on a piece of paper? Don't call them pens! They're dabbers. 834 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,360 Look closely and you'll see younger groups. 835 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,800 I don't want the young involved in my bingo. 836 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,120 No... I want old people. 837 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:19,680 Charlie, who's 25, 838 00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:23,040 has been dabbing his bingo card for about a year. 839 00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,240 Oh, this is fun. I'd like a family group. 840 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:27,320 That'd be sick. You know what I mean? Little day out. 841 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,280 My mum and my brother come for about three months. 842 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:31,840 I was reluctant at first. 843 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,200 'Course you were, Charlie. Then you saw the light. 844 00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:37,240 Chance to see your mum, I suppose something we can do together. 845 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,480 I can't exactly take her down to the football court 846 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,320 and have a kickabout. So we'll come here. 847 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,040 I just don't understand why he can't take his mum to play football. 848 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,440 That's true. Put her in goal. 849 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:48,560 I want my grandchildren to take me. 850 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:50,440 Yeah. Be nice, wouldn't it? Yeah. 851 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:53,880 Bingo has been on quite a journey from the slightly stuffy days... 852 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,360 Look, it's from back when you guys were in bingo. 853 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,320 What, the black and white days? ..of the '50s and '60s. 854 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,960 They all look like my granny used to look. Yeah, exactly that. 855 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,720 Absolute skirt there. Look at that. 856 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,600 SHE LAUGHS Phwoar! 857 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,480 I used to go with me Granny Ryder. 858 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,000 Yeah. No, I... Honestly... 859 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,960 Do you remember the Buckingham next to unit four? Yeah, yeah. 860 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:13,320 Bingo used to be a thing. 861 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:17,240 Back in Luton, Sophia is dabbing multiple sheets at the same time. 862 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,000 That's mad, because you're meant to focus on one sheet. 863 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:21,800 Oh, she... She's hardcore. She's a double dabber. 864 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:23,080 That's not new. 865 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,760 My, my Granny Ryder had about... 866 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,440 I'm not bullshitting here... 867 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,280 Six sheets. ..she had about ten sheets like that. Yeah, yeah, no. 868 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,000 Boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom. 869 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,960 In an increasingly atomised and fractured world, 870 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,160 bingo is seeing a renaissance. 871 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,640 Mm-hm. It's a bit of a deep line, that. 872 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,760 5-8. 58. House! 873 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,840 She's done it! "House!" 874 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,240 I dream about going, "House!" 875 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:50,920 Or some of them, they don't... Don't dream. Just do it. 876 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,880 Go on, shout it now. Well, they don't even say house any more. 877 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,400 Shout bingo, innit? Sometimes they just go, "Aah!" 878 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,800 Just say it now. It's your dream to shout house. 879 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,640 Do it! Go! House! 880 00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:01,960 What do I get? 881 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:03,480 Nothing. Nothing. 882 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:12,160 In Essex... 883 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,480 I want to have a word with you. Yeah? My gardener... 884 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,600 Yeah. ..is here... Yeah. ..to do my gardens. 885 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:19,920 And he does. What he's not here to do 886 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,160 is at half two in the afternoon... Yeah. ..you come round, 887 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:27,280 kidnap him to get him to take you to Chelmsford to change your dress. 888 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,320 ..Rylan and his mum Linda. 889 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,960 I never went... How many times have you gone to Chelmsford with Tom? 890 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,440 Tom took me to change the size. How many times have you gone...? 891 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:38,040 There you go! Twice. So not only did you steal him yesterday 892 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,640 from my garden to take... No, no. Let me finish. 893 00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,560 No, but at five o'clock... Let me finish. 894 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:43,840 On his way home, he done that. 895 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,960 ..to take you to Chelmsford to change the same dress. 896 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:50,280 Two weeks ago, you got him to go and change the dress again. 897 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,600 And he didn't leave here at five o'clock. Yeah, he did. 898 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:54,800 He left here like... Well, half four, 899 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:56,120 what time he normally leaves. 900 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,040 Don't tell me, cos I know what time he leaves. 901 00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,680 Stop robbing my gardener to go and do your personal shopping, please. 902 00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:02,600 Well, I needed him. It's important. 903 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:04,400 So's my garden! Well. 904 00:38:06,240 --> 00:38:07,840 In west London... 905 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:09,480 Do you know what I got given today? 906 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,160 Look at this. This is amazing. 907 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:12,880 I got given this 908 00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:16,320 from our amazing pawnbroker on the show, Dan Hatfield. 909 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,840 ..good friends Ben and Cat. 910 00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:20,880 So Dan was going through some stuff 911 00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:24,000 and he found some antique silver spoons from the 1870s, 912 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,120 and he thought, do you know, Ben would love these 913 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,120 because these teaspoons are golf clubs. 914 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,160 And he knows how much I love golf. Look at those. 915 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,120 Aren't they beautiful? They actually are beautiful. 916 00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:39,160 And they'd be great for a dippy egg, for dipping, 917 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:41,240 like scooping out a dippy egg. Yeah. And then... 918 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:42,840 I thought, first of all, they were like... 919 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:48,640 ..nose pickers. Victorian nasal removers. 920 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,880 Oh, they could be used as tweezers or something, couldn't they? 921 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:53,600 What? You are actually putting 922 00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,160 my new silver spoons up your nose, Cat Deeley. 923 00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,840 It's OK. There's no remnants. 924 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,840 No... 925 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:04,400 No, you can keep them. 926 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:08,000 This week, the life or death childhood game 927 00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:10,920 came to a dramatic conclusion on Netflix. 928 00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:13,840 I know you're only on series two, but I've got to watch the final now 929 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,200 because everyone will be talking to me about it. 930 00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:18,040 But you'll forget by next week anyway, 931 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:19,240 so you won't ruin it for yourself. 932 00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:20,720 I'll probably forget by tonight. True. 933 00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:22,600 This is it. This is what it's all been building to. 934 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,640 I just want to make sure I'm set. Yeah. You know? Same, yeah. Come on. 935 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,480 This is like, it. We're done. 936 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,600 I can't get... I can't get in the right zone for it. 937 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:33,160 Lean on me. No. 938 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,360 Ain't based on a true story, is it? 939 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,080 It's all true. You know this. No, it ain't. 940 00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:46,040 Can't be. This was all over the news like 20 years ago. 941 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,920 No, it wasn't. They found that island in South Korea. 942 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,400 No. Did you not know that? No, you're winding me up. 943 00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,720 Yes, I'm winding you up. Shh. Yeah, all right. 944 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,200 Oh. This isn't looking good. A new game. 945 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:07,120 Players, congratulations and welcome to the final game. 946 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:08,800 There's the baby. 947 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,720 Is the baby exempt, or...? 948 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,480 No, the baby's playing too. The baby is 222. 949 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,000 You will start on the square pillar, 950 00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,720 move on to the triangle pillar, 951 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,000 and finally end on the circle pillar. 952 00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,000 OK. So far, so good. 953 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,840 On each shape you will play a pushing game. 954 00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:25,920 Oh, I don't like this. 955 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,200 A pushing game? 956 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,400 So basically you've just got to push everybody off. 957 00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,960 If you as a group manage to push one or more players off 958 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,880 while they are still alive, the round will end 959 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:39,280 and all remaining players will move on to the triangle pillar. 960 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:40,880 Oh, this is horrible. It's awful. 961 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,520 It's like sumo wrestling, but with your life. 962 00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:45,200 To begin the first round, 963 00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:47,640 please press the button on the ground. 964 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:48,800 They've got to find the button. 965 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,240 Where's the button? Is there a button? 966 00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,560 KLAXON The game has now begun. 967 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:53,840 This is hectic. Here we go. 968 00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:55,600 They should have discussed tactics first. 969 00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:57,960 If no-one objects, I say let's vote to see 970 00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:00,200 if player 222 is our final pick. 971 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:02,960 Wait, what? The baby. The baby. Throw the kid? 972 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:07,000 No, don't get rid of the baby. You can't get rid of the baby. No. 973 00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:08,720 Wait. 974 00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:10,880 I object. 975 00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:13,640 333 can't do that. No. That's his baby. Yeah. 976 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,760 He is actually the baby's dad. 977 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:19,200 Oh, does he know? He knows, but no-one else does. Right. 978 00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:20,760 I think for this round, 979 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,280 we should choose someone easier to eliminate. 980 00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,000 Oh, no. Leave him alone. 981 00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:30,760 BREATHES RAGGEDLY 982 00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:32,160 I mean, he's made himself look 983 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,280 quite vulnerable there, that one, hasn't he? 984 00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:35,960 125 is toast. Yeah. 985 00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:40,920 Oh, hello. Ooh. "I've got a weapon all of a sudden." 986 00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,240 "I've got a big pole." 987 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:43,880 That's like a javelin now. Yes! 988 00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:45,800 You can push people off with it. Yes! 989 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,040 What did I do that was so wrong? 990 00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:50,160 What was it? 991 00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:51,520 Oh, my gosh. Oh, no! 992 00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:53,560 I thought it was like a hand push. 993 00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,720 I didn't know it was jousting. Yeah! 994 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,000 Bye-bye. Oh, he's gone. Gone. Pushed him. 995 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:05,560 And he's taken the pole with him. 996 00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:08,560 I bet you only have to chuck one off at a time. 997 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,480 "And he's taken the pole with him"? 998 00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,400 He's fallen to his death! 999 00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:13,720 "The pole!" 1000 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:20,760 "Can you bring the pole back?" 1001 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,280 Good news is, baby's still alive for now. OK. Baby's still safe. 1002 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:30,680 A bit later, there are only three players left for the final round, 1003 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:35,280 including 333, who managed to get hold of another pole. 1004 00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:38,280 Hand the baby over. 1005 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:39,800 What? No. 1006 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:43,120 So hold on a minute. The dad wants to get the baby 1007 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,440 so he can get rid of the baby and win the game? Yeah. 1008 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:48,720 And it's his child? That's his own child. Oh, this is awful. 1009 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,160 BABY GRIZZLES 1010 00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:56,480 Oh, he's done it. Oh, my God. No! 1011 00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:01,320 HE STRAINS 1012 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:02,840 Oh, that's precarious. 1013 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,080 Oh, no, he ain't going to chuck the baby off. 1014 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,680 Well, he's got to get onto the platform first and start the game. 1015 00:43:07,720 --> 00:43:09,280 I think winning the Squid Game by... 1016 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:10,920 Hurling an infant. It's not my thing. 1017 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:12,320 "Hurling an infant"? 1018 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,560 Are you... So just to clarify, 1019 00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:16,480 are you anti hurling infants into voids? 1020 00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:17,800 I think so. OK. 1021 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,840 BABY GRIZZLES 1022 00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,320 What's he doing? He's gonna get the knife. 1023 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,480 Ugh! 456, come on, mate. To the rescue. 1024 00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,240 Oh! Run, 456. Look at that bridge. 1025 00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,000 Run! Run and jump! 1026 00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:36,120 Right, bro. Run, run! 1027 00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:39,840 Go on! Go on! Oh, my goodness! Go on! 1028 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:42,560 Oh! 1029 00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,880 Wow! Yes, 456. Yes! 1030 00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,200 Good parkour! What a jump! 1031 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:54,160 Oh, my Lord! This is intense. 1032 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:55,400 Now what's he gonna do? 1033 00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:57,600 He's got the pole. Oh, pole vs knife. 1034 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,360 Oh! He's lost his knife! 1035 00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,800 Please press the button at the centre of the pillar 1036 00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:05,400 to begin the final round. 1037 00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,840 Why are they not pressing the button? Oh, my gosh. 1038 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,160 They haven't pressed the button yet. 1039 00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:11,360 If they don't press the button then the round hasn't started. 1040 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,000 So if one of them dies now, it doesn't count. No! 1041 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:19,720 Oh, that's the bar's gone. Yeah, that's gone. The bar's gone. 1042 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,760 Now what? Now it's a wrestle. 1043 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:25,040 Uh-oh. 1044 00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:27,120 HE YELLS Oh!Oh! 1045 00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:28,640 Oh... Fucking hell. I don't know. 1046 00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:31,160 He survives everything, this other bloke, doesn't he? 1047 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,040 Oh! They're both gone. 1048 00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:40,640 Oh! 1049 00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,440 How strong's 456? 1050 00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,480 HE SHRIEKS If he falls now... 1051 00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:51,280 He wants him alive cos he's not pressed the fucking button. 1052 00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:52,400 It's not going to count. 1053 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:55,560 HE SCREAMS 1054 00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:56,960 Oh, no! 1055 00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:58,520 He's gone. Oh, no! 1056 00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,320 STEPS ON BUTTON KLAXON 1057 00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:03,080 The final round has begun. 1058 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,080 No! Oh, fucking hell! 1059 00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,040 We all know what's going to happen now. 1060 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:15,080 He's got no choice. It's him or the baby, isn't it? 1061 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:20,080 456 values his humanity more than he values his life. 1062 00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:21,280 Yeah. 1063 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:27,720 Are you crying? 1064 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:30,880 Baby! 1065 00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:40,040 That's him going. 1066 00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:43,080 No, he ain't going to fall. He is, he's falling backwards, Mum. 1067 00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:50,240 No! 1068 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:53,760 Oh, man. Oh, he was a good guy. 1069 00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,440 Fair play, 456. Oh, dear. 1070 00:45:56,480 --> 00:46:00,800 Player 456 eliminated. 1071 00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,200 The baby's the winner. That's it. 1072 00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:05,760 So what will happen with the baby now? 1073 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,480 What's he going to do with money? He can't even fucking walk. 1074 00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,160 Oh, my God, we're done, though. 1075 00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:14,520 What do you do now? This is what I hate about a series. 1076 00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,560 Like what? Now what do I do? Yeah. 1077 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,520 Take a sip of water and go home? 1078 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:22,000 Guess so. I am home. 1079 00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:23,440 Shall we go to bed? 1080 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:26,640 Should we go up? 1081 00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:31,400 # In a perfect world 1082 00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:35,240 # In a perfect world 1083 00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:43,120 # In a perfect world, singing out 1084 00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:47,080 # In a perfect world 1085 00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:51,040 # In a perfect world 1086 00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:54,240 # In a perfect 1087 00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:56,640 # Perfect world. # 1088 00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:58,720 Subtitles by Red Bee Media