1 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:04,360 This programme contains strong language, adult humour, 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,400 This programme contains strong language, adult humour, 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:06,680 This programme contains strong language, adult humour, 4 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:08,720 violent horror, and scenes of injury 5 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:09,480 violent horror, and scenes of injury 6 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:11,240 Have you had something to eat before you came out? 7 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,280 Yeah, I had breakfast this morning. Did you? What did you have? 8 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:13,600 Yeah, I had breakfast this morning. Did you? What did you have? 9 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:14,760 I had... Porridge? No, I had pancakes 10 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,800 with some weird custard jam on it. Oh. Then I had a sausage butty. 11 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:17,080 with some weird custard jam on it. Oh. Then I had a sausage butty. 12 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,320 Then I had croissant and coffee. Oh. 13 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:20,320 I had a lot of pastry and bread and cake. 14 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,360 What sort of bread did you have with your sausage? 15 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,320 What sort of bread did you have with your sausage? 16 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,360 One of them... You know, quite sweet sort of bunny-type things, 17 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,400 One of them... You know, quite sweet sort of bunny-type things, 18 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:28,320 One of them... You know, quite sweet sort of bunny-type things, 19 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:30,360 like a brioche-type bun. Bit crispy. 20 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,320 like a brioche-type bun. Bit crispy. 21 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:33,360 Oh, right. OK. 22 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,000 Oh, right. OK. 23 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,320 Right. 24 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,360 # In a perfect world... # 25 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,480 # In a perfect world... # 26 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:39,920 Oh! 27 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,720 Ooh, fighting talk! 28 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,760 Here we go. High-octane stuff. 29 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:44,000 Here we go. High-octane stuff. 30 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,040 He's done it again! 31 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,200 He's done it again! 32 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:48,680 Keir Starmer, sheer drama. 33 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,320 Oh, he's got the one-liners. 34 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,360 Well, it looks like a dogging area to me. 35 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:53,040 Well, it looks like a dogging area to me. 36 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,080 What?! No! 37 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:55,520 What?! No! 38 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,280 Why am I watching this? 39 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,520 Ah, my eyes. 40 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,560 Oh, my God. That man's got 180 children? 41 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,160 Oh, my God. That man's got 180 children? 42 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,200 When will it end? How to speak without saying anything, 43 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:04,280 When will it end? How to speak without saying anything, 44 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:06,320 volumes one, two and three. 45 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,360 Cover yourself in Bovril and let's get on with it. 46 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,400 Cover yourself in Bovril and let's get on with it. 47 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:10,720 Cover yourself in Bovril and let's get on with it. 48 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,760 In the week we bid a fond farewell to acting legend 49 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:13,800 In the week we bid a fond farewell to acting legend 50 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,280 Dame Penelope Keith, 51 00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:17,320 we enjoyed lots of great telly. 52 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,280 we enjoyed lots of great telly. 53 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,320 Emergency calls were coming through thick and fast on Channel 5. 54 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,360 Emergency calls were coming through thick and fast on Channel 5. 55 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,240 Emergency calls were coming through thick and fast on Channel 5. 56 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,080 I've never been in an ambulance. 57 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,760 I've never, ever been in an ambulance. 58 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,720 Do you know what? I don't think I've ever called 999. 59 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,760 Haven't you? No. 0r 111. No. 60 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:41,560 Haven't you? No. 0r 111. No. 61 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,600 I don't even know what I would do. They go, "Hello? Hello." 62 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,640 I don't even know what I would do. They go, "Hello? Hello." 63 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:45,960 I don't even know what I would do. They go, "Hello? Hello." 64 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,000 They ask you who you want to speak to. Do they? 65 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:48,640 They ask you who you want to speak to. Do they? 66 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,680 Have you ever called... Fire, police or ambulance? 67 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,320 Have you ever called... Fire, police or ambulance? 68 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,360 What would you say? Whichever one you need. 69 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:54,680 What would you say? Whichever one you need. 70 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,360 Rachel was jumbling things up on Channel 4... 71 00:01:58,400 --> 00:01:59,280 Rachel was jumbling things up on Channel 4... 72 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,320 And a final vowel, please. 73 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:01,600 And a final vowel, please. 74 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,640 A final A. 75 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:04,040 A final A. 76 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,080 I'm dyslexic, bruv, so I'm coming out with about four words, you know. 77 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:06,560 I'm dyslexic, bruv, so I'm coming out with about four words, you know. 78 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,600 Your thing is just a... You're in a conundrum. 79 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:09,320 Your thing is just a... You're in a conundrum. 80 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,360 WENT. THEN. 81 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:11,800 WENT. THEN. 82 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,840 NOT. Yeah! 83 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:14,320 NOT. Yeah! 84 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,360 TWO. You know when you watch it and you're like, "I've got five words," 85 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,320 TWO. You know when you watch it and you're like, "I've got five words," 86 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,080 and someone's like, "I've got eight." 87 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,120 Eight?! How have you got eight, bruv? 88 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,160 ..and John Torode was reinventing the sandwich on This morning. 89 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,120 ..and John Torode was reinventing the sandwich on This morning. 90 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,160 You take that with you on your picnic and you know 91 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,160 that you've got something delicious inside. 92 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,200 Yep. And as well, not using lots of plastic. 93 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,040 Yep. And as well, not using lots of plastic. 94 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,280 No. That's it... 95 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,320 Wait, wait, wait. All right. 96 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,360 Don't sigh when she says about saving the planet. 97 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:39,640 Don't sigh when she says about saving the planet. 98 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,680 No, that was so unnecessary. Do you know what I mean? 99 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:42,000 No, that was so unnecessary. Do you know what I mean? 100 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,040 I don't need a moral lecture. I just want a sandwich. 101 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:44,360 I don't need a moral lecture. I just want a sandwich. 102 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,400 Do you know what I mean? "Can I get a sandwich, 103 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:46,720 Do you know what I mean? "Can I get a sandwich, 104 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,320 "using clingfilm, you piece of shit." 105 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,360 I'm like, all right, I just... I just want a sandwich, Josie. 106 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:50,800 I'm like, all right, I just... I just want a sandwich, Josie. 107 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,280 All right? 108 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,480 In North London... 109 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,520 The hot weather is all... Are you comfortable with it? 110 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:03,280 The hot weather is all... Are you comfortable with it? 111 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,240 Yeah, I love it, most of the time. 112 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,280 Me, too. I think it's quite sexy. 113 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:07,800 Me, too. I think it's quite sexy. 114 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,840 Does it get you going, Nigel? It gets me going. 115 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:10,680 Does it get you going, Nigel? It gets me going. 116 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,720 ..Julian and his good friend Nigel. 117 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:13,640 ..Julian and his good friend Nigel. 118 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,680 What do you mean, sexy? Well, you know, sexy. 119 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,560 What do you mean, sexy? Well, you know, sexy. 120 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,600 What, does it...? Does it turn you on? 121 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:20,280 What, does it...? Does it turn you on? 122 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,320 Yeah. The hot weather? Mm. 123 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,520 Yeah. The hot weather? Mm. 124 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,560 And what is the consequence of this? 125 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:25,840 And what is the consequence of this? 126 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,280 You'd have to ask my Mrs. Oh! 127 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,320 Oh, she must dread the morning 128 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:31,600 Oh, she must dread the morning 129 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,640 she opens the curtains, it's a hot day. 130 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:34,320 she opens the curtains, it's a hot day. 131 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,360 On Friday, we were on the edge of our seats 132 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,320 On Friday, we were on the edge of our seats 133 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,360 for the grand final of series 93 of this. 134 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,400 for the grand final of series 93 of this. 135 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,280 for the grand final of series 93 of this. 136 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,320 Can I have a drum roll now? 137 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,360 Drum roll. Faster. Do your feet as well. 138 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:46,920 Drum roll. Faster. Do your feet as well. 139 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,640 Do your feet, do your feet. 140 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:49,840 It's the Countdown final. 141 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,800 It's the Countdown final. Is it going to be Pat? 142 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,840 Patrick's back, by the way. Let's go, Patrick. 143 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,440 Patrick's back, by the way. Let's go, Patrick. 144 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,360 Currently, right, the woman on this, 145 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,320 Currently, right, the woman on this, 146 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,360 not her, Carol Vodafone, but another woman on this, 147 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:03,320 not her, Carol Vodafone, but another woman on this, 148 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,360 my mam knows her mam. Small world, mate. Small world. 149 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,400 my mam knows her mam. Small world, mate. Small world. 150 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:08,200 my mam knows her mam. Small world, mate. Small world. 151 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,240 Thank you so much for tuning in to this big day 152 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:10,560 Thank you so much for tuning in to this big day 153 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,600 in the Countdown calendar. Series 93 final. 154 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:13,320 in the Countdown calendar. Series 93 final. 155 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,360 100 years they've been doing Countdown for? 156 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,280 100 years they've been doing Countdown for? 157 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,320 It's amazing. If it's series 92, 158 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,280 they've been doing it for nearly... Nearly 100 years. 159 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,080 Wow. That's incredible. 160 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,120 There could be an element of chess to this, right? 161 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:24,440 There could be an element of chess to this, right? 162 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,320 Because are you going to play aggressive? 163 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,360 Look, this is Patrick. He's like the Countdown Don. 164 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,040 Look, this is Patrick. He's like the Countdown Don. 165 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:31,320 How do you play aggressively at Countdown? 166 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,360 Yeah, I don't... I don't know what that means. 167 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:33,720 Yeah, I don't... I don't know what that means. 168 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,760 "Give me a consonant!" All right. 169 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:36,840 "Give me a consonant!" All right. 170 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,880 From the bottom of all our hearts the same best of luck 171 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:39,560 From the bottom of all our hearts the same best of luck 172 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,200 to Charlie and Patrick. 173 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,240 Come on, Charlie and Patrick. 174 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:43,520 Come on, Charlie and Patrick. 175 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,320 Now, these guys are really quick, aren't they, 176 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,920 and they're great with numbers. 177 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,960 Why aren't one of them Chancellor of the Exchequer? 178 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:49,320 Why aren't one of them Chancellor of the Exchequer? 179 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,360 Well, he's a finalist on Countdown, which is probably more fun. 180 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,680 Well, he's a finalist on Countdown, which is probably more fun. 181 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,280 Can I have a consonant, please? Good luck to you two. 182 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,320 Start the final with S. 183 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,360 Please spell out TOSSER or something fun. 184 00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,560 Please spell out TOSSER or something fun. 185 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,600 Chlamydia. 186 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:01,840 Chlamydia. 187 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,360 I like Rachel's dress. 188 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,600 N 189 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,800 And another. 190 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,000 D 191 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,320 SLDN. SLND. 192 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,360 Oh, this is where it loses me when all the letters come out. 193 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,040 Oh, this is where it loses me when all the letters come out. 194 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,280 And a vowel. 195 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,640 O 196 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,000 And another. 197 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,040 I 198 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,720 SOD. SLNDOI. 199 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,360 We'll just need an E. We've got a SLIDE. 200 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:20,440 SLOND. SLOND. 201 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,280 LOINS. SLOIND. 202 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,320 LOINS. LOINS. LOINED. 203 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:24,640 LOINS. LOINS. LOINED. 204 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:25,760 And another. 205 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,280 E 206 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,320 SLNDOIE. 207 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:29,680 SLNDOIE. 208 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,720 DOILY. Oh, yeah. 209 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:31,960 DOILY. Oh, yeah. 210 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,000 DOILY. DOILIES, I've got up to now. 211 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,760 DOILY. DOILIES, I've got up to now. 212 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,000 Vowel, please. 213 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,040 Promising start and a final O. 214 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:39,320 Promising start and a final O. 215 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,360 Oh, LOO! OK. 216 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:41,600 Oh, LOO! OK. 217 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,280 Is there a SOLDIER? SOLDIER? 218 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:44,880 No, You're thinking BANDOLERO. 219 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,080 SLIDER. I'm going with that. We're only not using two. 220 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,280 That's quite good. 221 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:51,920 SOLDIER! 222 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,240 SLINDERMAN. Thought we're doing the workings out 223 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:56,560 SLINDERMAN. Thought we're doing the workings out 224 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,600 in our head. SLENDER. OREO. OREO. 225 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,640 SOLERO! SOLERO's not bad! 226 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:00,880 SOLERO! SOLERO's not bad! 227 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,280 How many is that? 228 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,360 Mine's DOILY. However many DOILY is. 229 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,400 Mine's DOILY. However many DOILY is. 230 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:08,560 Patrick? Eight. 231 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,600 Eight. What?! He got an eight? 232 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:10,840 Eight. What?! He got an eight? 233 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,320 He got an eight. An eight?! 234 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,360 There is SOLDIER there, isn't there? 235 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,040 There is SOLDIER there, isn't there? 236 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,080 S-O-L-D-I-E-R, 7. 237 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:17,960 S-O-L-D-I-E-R, 7. 238 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,840 Patrick. EIDOLONS. 239 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:20,920 Oh, piss off. 240 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,800 What does that mean?! The fuck is an eidolon?! 241 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,840 OK, we're making up words now, are we, lads? 242 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:25,120 OK, we're making up words now, are we, lads? 243 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,200 EIDOLONS? 244 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,400 Charlie. EIDOLONS. 245 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,080 They both got the same one?! 246 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,120 They are in the dictionary and they are idealised people or things. 247 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,280 They are in the dictionary and they are idealised people or things. 248 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:33,840 Oh. Oh, there you go. 249 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,880 That's not how I'd have spelled it either. 250 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:36,320 That's not how I'd have spelled it either. 251 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,360 No. Who thought it would have an E at the front? 252 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,320 No. Who thought it would have an E at the front? 253 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,040 Consonant, please, Rachel. Thank you, Patrick. 254 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,280 P 255 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:43,800 P. Oh, it's tense, innit? 256 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:45,000 And another. 257 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,040 T 258 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,080 A vowel. 259 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:48,360 PRINT. Give me an I. 260 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,400 Prat. Yes! So close. 261 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:50,640 Prat. Yes! So close. 262 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:51,600 An A, an A. 263 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,000 Another promising selection. 264 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,160 A final O. 265 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,840 GRANITE. GRANITE. 266 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,880 We've got EGO. EGO, yeah. 267 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:58,440 We've got EGO. EGO, yeah. 268 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,480 Wherever 'e go, I go. 269 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:00,680 Wherever 'e go, I go. 270 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,320 Have they got the word already? Already? 271 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,000 Have they got the word already? Already? 272 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:10,600 He's put his pen down. 273 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,640 You've got to have a nine letter to just sit there smugly, haven't you? 274 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,040 You've got to have a nine letter to just sit there smugly, haven't you? 275 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:17,600 OPERATING. 276 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:18,960 Patrick. Nine. 277 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,320 Nine! Show off! 278 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,360 Oh, piss off! What'd he say?! Nine, he's got them all. 279 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:22,800 Oh, piss off! What'd he say?! Nine, he's got them all. 280 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,840 Patrick. OPERATING. OPERATING! 281 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:25,640 Patrick. OPERATING. OPERATING! 282 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,160 No way! Yes! 283 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,480 Well, it was as clear as the nose on my face. 284 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,280 Well, it was as clear as the nose on my face. 285 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,160 OPERATING. Two smooth operators. 286 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,200 They've got the same. They've both got the same! 287 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:38,040 They've got the same. They've both got the same! 288 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,320 You didn't get that! 289 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,360 That is single handedly my greatest ever achievement. 290 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,400 That is single handedly my greatest ever achievement. 291 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,200 That is single handedly my greatest ever achievement. 292 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,240 And another. 293 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,280 S 294 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:48,320 And a vowel. 295 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,480 NTD. 296 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,200 We're getting some lovely letters here. 297 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,240 And a final vowel, please. 298 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,520 And a final vowel, please. 299 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,080 Who's going to break the deadlock? 300 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,840 That's the question, Denise van Outen. 301 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,280 I think this is the deciding one, you know. 302 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:00,560 Final E. 303 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,600 Oh, my gosh. What have you got? 304 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:02,920 Oh, my gosh. What have you got? 305 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,960 SECTIONED. This could be another nine, I'm telling you. SECTIONED. 306 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:05,560 SECTIONED. This could be another nine, I'm telling you. SECTIONED. 307 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,600 SECTION, I've got. SECTION. SECTIONED. 308 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:10,560 SECTION, I've got. SECTION. SECTIONED. 309 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,640 SECTIONED. 310 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,680 Mummy, that's all of them! Is it? 311 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:14,280 Mummy, that's all of them! Is it? 312 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,600 Have I got all of them? 313 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,640 You haven't done it again, have you? 314 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:20,800 You have! 315 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:24,640 Patrick's done it already! 316 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,680 What, is he done already? Are they done? Flipping hell! No way. 317 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:27,480 What, is he done already? Are they done? Flipping hell! No way. 318 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,800 They ought to have brought their knitting with them. 319 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,840 Patrick. Nine. Charlie. Nine. 320 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:34,080 Patrick. Nine. Charlie. Nine. 321 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,080 Jennifer, nine. 322 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,680 Patrick. SECTIONED. 323 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,240 SECTIONED! He's done it again! 324 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,320 SECTIONED, and Charlie. SECTIONED. 325 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,360 They've both got the same word again. 326 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:45,680 They've both got the same word again. 327 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,280 Mate, this... it might be going to a conundrum. 328 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:48,840 It has to. 329 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:50,880 We wanted it to be a crucial Countdown conundrum. We are there. 330 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,320 We wanted it to be a crucial Countdown conundrum. We are there. 331 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,320 What? I don't know what a conundrum is. 332 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,360 What's a conundrum? We are conundrums. 333 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,080 What's a conundrum? We are conundrums. 334 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,120 What is a conundrum, though? A chaotic mess. 335 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,320 What is a conundrum, though? A chaotic mess. 336 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,360 And the only thing that could make this final better 337 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,960 And the only thing that could make this final better 338 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,000 would be two crucial Countdown conundrums. 339 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:07,080 would be two crucial Countdown conundrums. 340 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,120 Colin is absolutely buzzing. 341 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,720 Colin is absolutely buzzing. 342 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,760 We are incontinent with excitement. 343 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:13,080 We are incontinent with excitement. 344 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,000 All right, so it's all on the line for Charlie. 345 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,040 If he gets this right, neck and neck. Then they have to go again? 346 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,320 If he gets this right, neck and neck. Then they have to go again? 347 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,360 They have to go... This is basically like sudden death at this point. 348 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:21,320 They have to go... This is basically like sudden death at this point. 349 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,280 Do you know what I mean? Oh, my Lord. Come on, Patrick. 350 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,320 Patrick, Charlie, let's reveal... 351 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:25,640 Patrick, Charlie, let's reveal... 352 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:26,840 Come on, Charlie. 353 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,680 ..this crucial Countdown conundrum. 354 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:29,800 Give us a tie-breaker. 355 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,240 Patrick, for the title. 356 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,360 Oh! 357 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,520 Oh. What? 358 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,560 Go on. Ecuador. Correct! 359 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:37,800 Go on. Ecuador. Correct! 360 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,560 CARTOUCHE. Let's have a look. 361 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,240 Unbelievable! 362 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,280 Oh, well, there's no point, is there? Oh. 363 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:43,560 Oh, well, there's no point, is there? Oh. 364 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,320 What?! How does he get that? 365 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,360 He did it in three seconds. CARTOUCHE in three seconds. 366 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,120 He did it in three seconds. CARTOUCHE in three seconds. 367 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:51,040 CARTOUCHE, well played. 368 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,080 CARTOUCHE. 369 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:53,360 CARTOUCHE. 370 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,400 Honestly, I'd climb over that desk and I'd wring his neck. 371 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,200 Honestly, I'd climb over that desk and I'd wring his neck. 372 00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,800 In Essex... 373 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,840 Whatever I get dressed in in the morning is what I will go 374 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,200 Whatever I get dressed in in the morning is what I will go 375 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,320 until I go to bed. 376 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,320 And then when you go to bed? Oh, nakey. 377 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,360 Nakey times. I knew you'd be a naked sleeper. 378 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,280 Nakey times. I knew you'd be a naked sleeper. 379 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,320 ..Vicky and her good friend Pete. 380 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:11,800 ..Vicky and her good friend Pete. 381 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,840 Yeah, who wears things to bed? Me. Gross. 382 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:14,320 Yeah, who wears things to bed? Me. Gross. 383 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,360 I can't stand my fucking flesh touching other bits of my flesh. 384 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,400 I can't stand my fucking flesh touching other bits of my flesh. 385 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:19,080 I can't stand my fucking flesh touching other bits of my flesh. 386 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,120 What? So you know, when you're asleep, 387 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:21,440 What? So you know, when you're asleep, 388 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,320 I don't know about you, but I sleep like the number four. 389 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,360 So I sleep with one leg straight and one leg like this. 390 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:26,280 So I sleep with one leg straight and one leg like this. 391 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,360 The number four. 392 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,400 Right. Right. And if that part of my leg 393 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:29,720 Right. Right. And if that part of my leg 394 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,760 touched that part, I'd have a mental breakdown. 395 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:32,960 touched that part, I'd have a mental breakdown. 396 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,000 Sweaty skin. You'll hate the way I sleep, then. 397 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:35,480 Sweaty skin. You'll hate the way I sleep, then. 398 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,520 For some reason, I feel like you just sleep like this. 399 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,200 For some reason, I feel like you just sleep like this. 400 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,240 I'm not Count Dracula. Get up, I'll show you how I sleep. 401 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,280 I'm not Count Dracula. Get up, I'll show you how I sleep. 402 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:43,600 I'm not Count Dracula. Get up, I'll show you how I sleep. 403 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,280 This is me asleep. Come on. You ready? 404 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,720 Yeah. 405 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,320 It's not much better than Dracula! 406 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,320 It's not much better than Dracula! 407 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,360 On Friday night, the Queen of Pop turned up on BBC One. 408 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,400 On Friday night, the Queen of Pop turned up on BBC One. 409 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:56,080 On Friday night, the Queen of Pop turned up on BBC One. 410 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,120 Graham Norton and Madonna, two absolute legends. 411 00:10:58,160 --> 00:10:59,280 Graham Norton and Madonna, two absolute legends. 412 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:00,600 British icons. 413 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,640 She's not British. Is she British? 414 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:03,680 She's not British. Is she British? 415 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,720 She's American. She American? 416 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,600 But are her kids British? She American? 417 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,320 Madonna's American. She American? 418 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,280 Didn't you know Madonna was American? I thought she was... 419 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,320 I've always thought she was British. 420 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,320 She's like 67, mate. Looks wicked. 421 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,360 Still smashing her career, shagging a fella half her age. 422 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,320 Still smashing her career, shagging a fella half her age. 423 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,360 Pop off, Queen. We love to see women in male dominated fields. 424 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,280 Pop off, Queen. We love to see women in male dominated fields. 425 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:24,800 Yeah. Clock in. 426 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,840 Clock it. 427 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:27,520 Clock it. 428 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,560 In 1983, Madonna played her first-ever UK gig 429 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:30,040 In 1983, Madonna played her first-ever UK gig 430 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,080 at the Camden Palace. 431 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:32,640 at the Camden Palace. 432 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,680 There's only one man who can tackle Madonna and that's Graham Norton. 433 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,000 There's only one man who can tackle Madonna and that's Graham Norton. 434 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:36,320 I don't want to be rude about Graham Norton, 435 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,280 because I'm always trying to get on his show. 436 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,040 Ah. What are the chances? 437 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,080 He's very A-list, I'm afraid to tell you, Nigel. 438 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,520 He's very A-list, I'm afraid to tell you, Nigel. 439 00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,560 I'm always nervous meeting Madonna, 440 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:46,280 I'm always nervous meeting Madonna, 441 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,320 but I do adore her. 442 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,320 Would you be nervous interviewing Madonna? 443 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,360 Terrified. Would you? Yeah, terrified. 444 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:52,680 Terrified. Would you? Yeah, terrified. 445 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,720 To be honest, sometimes I get nervous just to chat 446 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:55,000 To be honest, sometimes I get nervous just to chat 447 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,320 on the phone to my electrician. 448 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,360 Yeah. Madonna would be more intimidating. 449 00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,000 Yeah. Madonna would be more intimidating. 450 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,720 Yeah, than my electrician. 451 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,760 There are some recording artists who reflect history. 452 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:03,680 There are some recording artists who reflect history. 453 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,720 Then there's Madonna, who defines it. 454 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:06,800 Then there's Madonna, who defines it. 455 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,840 Is that her real name? Actual name, Madonna Louise Ciccone. 456 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:09,800 Is that her real name? Actual name, Madonna Louise Ciccone. 457 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,320 Gay. 458 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,360 Her music, her face, her name have been part of my life and yours 459 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,400 Her music, her face, her name have been part of my life and yours 460 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:16,680 Her music, her face, her name have been part of my life and yours 461 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,720 for over four decades. 462 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:19,000 for over four decades. 463 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,040 Do you know Madonna is exactly the same height as me? 464 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:21,800 Do you know Madonna is exactly the same height as me? 465 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,840 Yeah. BOTH:And the same age. 466 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:24,200 Yeah. BOTH:And the same age. 467 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,200 I did know that cos you know what? 468 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,240 Have I told you that every single birthday? You HAVE told me that! OK. 469 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,040 Have I told you that every single birthday? You HAVE told me that! OK. 470 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,080 She's sold 450 million records and counting. 471 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,440 She's sold 450 million records and counting. 472 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,480 One or two more than us, eh, B? Yeah! 473 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:34,720 One or two more than us, eh, B? Yeah! 474 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,560 I'm so ready for this interview. Yeah. Come on. 475 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:38,880 I'm so ready for this interview. Yeah. Come on. 476 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,920 How come you keep coming back to dance music? 477 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:41,800 How come you keep coming back to dance music? 478 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,840 What's so important about dance music and dance floors? 479 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:44,400 What's so important about dance music and dance floors? 480 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,360 Well, that's how I started. I was a dancer. 481 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,400 I've only just owned up to being a dancer. 482 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:48,800 I've only just owned up to being a dancer. 483 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,840 Well, cos you just didn't know what it was. Yeah. 484 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:51,760 Well, cos you just didn't know what it was. Yeah. 485 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,000 Well... Yeah. 486 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,040 And it's just, like, really hard thing to own up to being. 487 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,120 And it's just, like, really hard thing to own up to being. 488 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,560 It just creates community. 489 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,600 And sometimes relationships. 490 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:01,880 And sometimes relationships. 491 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,920 Dance... Oh, yeah, the dance of... The dance of love. 492 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:04,480 Dance... Oh, yeah, the dance of... The dance of love. 493 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:05,480 Sure. 494 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,200 This feels weirdly awkward. 495 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:09,440 This feels weirdly awkward. 496 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,800 It's like they've had a row... 497 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,840 Yeah. ..but they're having to work through it. Yeah. 498 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:13,240 Yeah. ..but they're having to work through it. Yeah. 499 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,200 Thinking back to the first Confessions album 500 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,240 and the huge success of Hung Up, 501 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:17,800 and the huge success of Hung Up, 502 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,840 I mean, that must have been an amazing moment. 503 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:20,800 I mean, that must have been an amazing moment. 504 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,840 It was cos we didn't have any idea how brilliant it was. 505 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,760 It was cos we didn't have any idea how brilliant it was. 506 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,080 It's giving small talk when you first arrive at a party, isn't it? 507 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,160 It's giving small talk when you first arrive at a party, isn't it? 508 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,200 Yeah! Or if it's a dinner party and they're gonna sit you down, 509 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,400 Yeah! Or if it's a dinner party and they're gonna sit you down, 510 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,320 and you're just thinking, "When are we gonna sit down and eat?" 511 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,280 Yeah. Like, "I need a drink." You're stood waiting for something. 512 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:37,360 Yeah, "I need a bread roll." 513 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,800 I've actually got something to show you. 514 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,840 It's a little visual reminder of 2005 515 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:41,600 It's a little visual reminder of 2005 516 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,640 when you were here and lots of other moments...2005? 517 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:44,440 when you were here and lots of other moments...2005? 518 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:45,760 She's like, "Was I here?" 519 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,840 # Waiting for your call, baby, night and day 520 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:49,880 # Waiting for your call, baby, night and day 521 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,920 # I'm fed up I'm tired of waiting... # 522 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:52,920 # I'm fed up I'm tired of waiting... # 523 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,960 Yeah, I'm wearing the same boots in honour of that. 524 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:55,920 Yeah, I'm wearing the same boots in honour of that. 525 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,880 No. Love. 526 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,920 She's the same shoe size as she was back then? 527 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:00,440 She's the same shoe size as she was back then? 528 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,480 Well, yeah. Well, Perri, that tends to be what happens. 529 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:02,760 Well, yeah. Well, Perri, that tends to be what happens. 530 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,200 She's an adult woman. 531 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,600 You use things again, so... 532 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,320 I do, I do. Yeah. 533 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,360 I like to prove to myself that I can still fit into my clothes. 534 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,200 I like to prove to myself that I can still fit into my clothes. 535 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,760 I reckon I'd get in mine. 536 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:12,800 Think so? 537 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:13,920 Yeah, easy. 538 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,960 I can get the legs in and I can get the arms in. 539 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:16,680 I can get the legs in and I can get the arms in. 540 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:18,800 So I'm halfway there. 541 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,600 I am so looking forward to a drink. 542 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:21,920 Wait, what? 543 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,480 We haven't even had a chat. 544 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,440 Oh, she's sitting down now. Oh, nice. 545 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,600 This is awkward. 546 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,160 I'd like a drink and then we can chat. 547 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,520 So I'm boring...? 548 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,240 No, no. I just feel... 549 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,280 We kind of pre-organised this, but still no drinks. 550 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:33,560 We kind of pre-organised this, but still no drinks. 551 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,000 Imagine making Madonna a drink. 552 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,040 You'd be so nervous. You would. This barmaid now must be shaking. 553 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,880 You'd be so nervous. You would. This barmaid now must be shaking. 554 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,920 HE GASPS No! Kylie Minogue! 555 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:41,400 HE GASPS No! Kylie Minogue! 556 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,440 Hello, darling.Well, fancy that. 557 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:43,720 Hello, darling.Well, fancy that. 558 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,760 Kylie! Kylie! Kylie!What? 559 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,200 Kylie! Kylie! Kylie!What? 560 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,240 Did you know Kylie was going to be here?N... Shut up. 561 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:49,800 Did you know Kylie was going to be here?N... Shut up. 562 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,840 I knew what you both wanted. Needed. Thank you. Well, I pre-ordered. 563 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:52,440 I knew what you both wanted. Needed. Thank you. Well, I pre-ordered. 564 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,480 I mean, this is a gay man's dream. 565 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,520 Graham is gonna faint in a minute. He's gonna love it. 566 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,160 Graham is gonna faint in a minute. He's gonna love it. 567 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,200 If Jane McDonald walks in as well, that'll finish him off. 568 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,120 If Jane McDonald walks in as well, that'll finish him off. 569 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,160 It's a moment, it's a moment. 570 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,200 It's a moment, it's a moment. 571 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,480 It's a moment. 572 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,520 Oh, the claw. The claw. The claw. 573 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:07,640 Bit weird. 574 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,000 I don't know what's going on. 575 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,040 Why is Kylie there? They've just doing a big thing, haven't they? 576 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:11,320 Why is Kylie there? They've just doing a big thing, haven't they? 577 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,360 Why is Kylie serving Madonna drinks? 578 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,040 Why is Kylie serving Madonna drinks? 579 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,720 Look, Kylie, I don't like this drink. 580 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,760 The drink? What can I get you? Don't send it back! 581 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,360 The drink? What can I get you? Don't send it back! 582 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,400 I'm not gonna send it back. OK. 583 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:20,680 I'm not gonna send it back. OK. 584 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,720 She's complaining about her drinks from Kylie. 585 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:23,160 She's complaining about her drinks from Kylie. 586 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,800 You don't complain to Kylie. 587 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,840 OK, I've got to ask, there are these rumours that Kylie 588 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,320 OK, I've got to ask, there are these rumours that Kylie 589 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,120 is on Confessions II. 590 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:31,120 Oh! 591 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,800 So you ARE on Confessions II? 592 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,280 Why do you have to know everything? 593 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,720 She's being very secretive. 594 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,760 It's like she's under police caution, isn't it? 595 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:39,840 It's like she's under police caution, isn't it? 596 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,880 It's kind of like, "Yes..." "No. No comment." "No comment." 597 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,920 It's kind of like, "Yes..." "No. No comment." "No comment." 598 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:44,200 It's kind of like, "Yes..." "No. No comment." "No comment." 599 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,240 Cos you've been a long-time fan. 600 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:47,400 Cos you've been a long-time fan. 601 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,440 And I've been a long-time fan. 602 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:49,680 And I've been a long-time fan. 603 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:50,640 Thank you. 604 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,360 Maybe we're all gay. 605 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,040 "Maybe we're all gay"? 606 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,760 Well, they're gay icons, aren't they? 607 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:57,920 I... Oh... 608 00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:59,360 You're gay. You don't get it. 609 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:03,760 What? KYLIE GASPS 610 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,080 Your debut album. 611 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,520 Ooh! 612 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,560 My sister and I hammered that album. 613 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,080 My sister and I hammered that album. 614 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,120 Love was born and it was everlasting. Wow. 615 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:13,080 Love was born and it was everlasting. Wow. 616 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,120 She just looks unimpressed at everything. 617 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:15,800 She just looks unimpressed at everything. 618 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,840 Well, I don't think her face can move very much. Exactly. 619 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:18,480 Well, I don't think her face can move very much. Exactly. 620 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:19,520 It might be that. 621 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,560 I'm gonna have to google her later. 622 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:22,040 I'm gonna have to google her later. 623 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,080 Who, Madonna?! Yeah! What you need to know?! 624 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:24,800 Who, Madonna?! Yeah! What you need to know?! 625 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,840 I can't actually remember what my first album I bought was. 626 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,800 I can't actually remember what my first album I bought was. 627 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,840 Well, I didn't buy mine. I stole 'em. 628 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:31,160 Well, I didn't buy mine. I stole 'em. 629 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,200 Pin Ups by David Bowie, Hunky Dory and Rod Stewart. 630 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,840 Pin Ups by David Bowie, Hunky Dory and Rod Stewart. 631 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,880 Er... Rod Stewart... Fuckin'... 632 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:37,440 Er... Rod Stewart... Fuckin'... 633 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,480 No, Rod Stewart with Maggie May on it. 634 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:39,800 No, Rod Stewart with Maggie May on it. 635 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,720 Fuck me, what was it called, that one? 636 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,760 Er... So I robbed them three from Scan in 1973. 637 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,360 Er... So I robbed them three from Scan in 1973. 638 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,720 In the New Forest... 639 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,760 Do you know what I did last night? Go on. 640 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:57,080 Do you know what I did last night? Go on. 641 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,120 Watched three consecutive documentaries about stone axes. 642 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,160 Watched three consecutive documentaries about stone axes. 643 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:01,480 Watched three consecutive documentaries about stone axes. 644 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,520 ..Chris and his stepdaughter, Megan. 645 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,040 ..Chris and his stepdaughter, Megan. 646 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,080 I went to see four the other day in a museum. Where? 647 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:07,120 I went to see four the other day in a museum. Where? 648 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,160 I went deliberately to a museum to look at four of them. 649 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:09,760 I went deliberately to a museum to look at four of them. 650 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,400 Where did you go? Dublin Museum. 651 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,440 You went to Dublin? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 652 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:14,320 You went to Dublin? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 653 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:15,400 Were they good? 654 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,040 Oh, so good. 655 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,240 I went back three times. 656 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:19,800 I went back the following morning 657 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,480 and went back and looked at them again. 658 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,760 Could you not have just taken a picture? 659 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,400 I did take photos on my phone. 660 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,440 You could have just had a lie-in and looked at it on your phone. 661 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:26,720 You could have just had a lie-in and looked at it on your phone. 662 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:27,880 I was looking at them on my phone, 663 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,920 but then I decided I'd go back and see them again. 664 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:30,200 but then I decided I'd go back and see them again. 665 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,440 But what did you get out of 666 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,480 the second visit? So, I went in the museum, I went straight to see 667 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:33,920 the second visit? So, I went in the museum, I went straight to see 668 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,680 the axes, and then I tried to distract myself 669 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,720 by looking at other archaeological relics, 670 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:38,040 by looking at other archaeological relics, 671 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,080 and then I went back to the axes, then I went back to the hotel. 672 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:40,800 and then I went back to the axes, then I went back to the hotel. 673 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,840 Following morning, got up, went back to the axes and had another look. 674 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:43,520 Following morning, got up, went back to the axes and had another look. 675 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,560 But what did you achieve out of that second visit? Joy! Joy! Joy! 676 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,400 But what did you achieve out of that second visit? Joy! Joy! Joy! 677 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,440 This week, it was an Oscar-winning horror 678 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:50,760 This week, it was an Oscar-winning horror 679 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,800 giving us the creeps on Sky. 680 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:53,080 giving us the creeps on Sky. 681 00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:55,120 I've been waiting for this day! Let's go! 682 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:55,440 I've been waiting for this day! Let's go! 683 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,320 How long have I told you to watch this for? 684 00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:58,680 Long time. Ohhh! 685 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,720 I'm gonna watch it how I watch every horror film. What? 686 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:00,960 I'm gonna watch it how I watch every horror film. What? 687 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,040 I've heard of this film, Weapons. Have you? 688 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:08,800 I've heard of this film, Weapons. Have you? 689 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,840 I purposely didn't watch it because it's about kids disappearing. 690 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:11,800 I purposely didn't watch it because it's about kids disappearing. 691 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,840 WHISPERS:Fucking hell. Ugh... 692 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,880 In one scene, we saw a concerned teacher trying to figure out 693 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,920 In one scene, we saw a concerned teacher trying to figure out 694 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:18,680 In one scene, we saw a concerned teacher trying to figure out 695 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,720 what had happened to all the missing kids. 696 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:21,520 what had happened to all the missing kids. 697 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,040 I bet she's our amateur sleuth. 698 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:26,360 I bet she's our amateur sleuth. 699 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,640 She just wants to get to the bottom of it 700 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,680 because every single person thinks it's her. 701 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:30,040 because every single person thinks it's her. 702 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,080 Oh, everyone's blaming her. Everyone's blaming her. 703 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:32,320 Oh, everyone's blaming her. Everyone's blaming her. 704 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:35,360 Hello? 705 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,560 No-one there. Why is no-one answering the door? 706 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:41,920 No-one there. Why is no-one answering the door? 707 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,960 He definitely went in there...didn't he? 708 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:44,920 He definitely went in there...didn't he? 709 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,480 Ooh... Newspaper. 710 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,520 Why is all the windows papered up? 711 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:53,720 Why is all the windows papered up? 712 00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,040 Oh, don't go around the back. 713 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,520 Do you like going round the back, Nigel? 714 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,360 No, no. Not as much as you. 715 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,280 But there's a gap. She's gonna have a look. 716 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:11,920 Oh, God. What's she gonna see? 717 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:16,960 What's in there? 718 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,000 All the lights are off. It's so weird in that house. I know. 719 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:19,560 All the lights are off. It's so weird in that house. I know. 720 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:20,680 Do you know what? I'm getting nervous. 721 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,040 I can feel my heart rate going up. 722 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,720 SHE GASPS 723 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,760 Argh! Argh! My goodness me! Oh! 724 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,280 Argh! Argh! My goodness me! Oh! 725 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,360 What was it? What was it? 726 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,160 They're just sat on the sofa, just like this. 727 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,840 They're not moving, bro. They're not moving. 728 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:42,960 They're not moving, bro. They're not moving. 729 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,000 After hearing about the strange goings-on at Alex's house, 730 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,600 After hearing about the strange goings-on at Alex's house, 731 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,640 the head teacher scheduled a meeting. 732 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:49,280 the head teacher scheduled a meeting. 733 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,160 Ooh... 734 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,600 BOTH:Who's this? 735 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,640 Who are you? Oh, you're not strange. 736 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:57,920 Who are you? Oh, you're not strange. 737 00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,960 Principal Miller, I'm Gladys. 738 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:00,240 Principal Miller, I'm Gladys. 739 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,000 You wouldn't fuck with her, would you? No. 740 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,040 You wouldn't mess about with her. She looks evil. 741 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:04,680 You wouldn't mess about with her. She looks evil. 742 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,720 I know I've met Alice's father before... 743 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:07,320 I know I've met Alice's father before... 744 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,600 I'm Alex's aunt. 745 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,800 Why are you there, then? 746 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,840 So where's his parents? Yeah. They're sitting still on the sofa. 747 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,120 So where's his parents? Yeah. They're sitting still on the sofa. 748 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,160 A concerned individual has lodged welfare complaint 749 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,480 A concerned individual has lodged welfare complaint 750 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,400 and, unfortunately, I need to make contact 751 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,120 with the child's legal guardian... 752 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,920 What the hell did she just look at then? 753 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,960 What are they? Ribbons? What are they for? 754 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,000 ..but, frankly, I'm not convinced that anything is wrong. 755 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,360 ..but, frankly, I'm not convinced that anything is wrong. 756 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,720 Who made the complaint? 757 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,240 See? That's too.. 758 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,560 "Who made the complaint?" 759 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,600 Yeah... She is ready for war! 760 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:34,480 Yeah... She is ready for war! 761 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,520 People like that mostly live in Kent. 762 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:37,600 People like that mostly live in Kent. 763 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,600 In Chatham? Yeah, my brother lives in Kent. 764 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:43,000 In Chatham? Yeah, my brother lives in Kent. 765 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,360 Well, there you are. See? 766 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,360 TV:More ants. 767 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:47,440 Ew... 768 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,520 Oh, no. Oh, no. 769 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,360 Thank God you're home.Who is it? 770 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,600 Oh, she's a bit out of breath. 771 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,200 Why has she turned up at his house? 772 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,040 Could I please have some water? 773 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,080 No. No. Sorry. Just let her in. 774 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,120 No. Dehydrate for all I care. Go away. 775 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:04,760 No. Dehydrate for all I care. Go away. 776 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,800 I'm afraid that's really... Of course, you can have some water. 777 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,000 I'm afraid that's really... Of course, you can have some water. 778 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,040 Oh, thank you so much. I'm afraid that's really not... 779 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:10,320 Oh, thank you so much. I'm afraid that's really not... 780 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,360 No! What are you talking about?! 781 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,200 This woman is not to be trusted. 782 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,240 She is up to no good, my guy. 783 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:16,720 She is up to no good, my guy. 784 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,760 Oh! I absolutely love this house! 785 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,520 Oh! I absolutely love this house! 786 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,560 Look, a giraffe and a green Chinese la... 787 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:23,080 Look, a giraffe and a green Chinese la... 788 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,040 That's original in there, I bet it is. 789 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,760 She's recovered quickly, hasn't she? 790 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:27,800 She's now all perky. 791 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,240 Yeah, moment she perked up, 792 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,280 I'm grabbing her by the fringe and dragging her straight back out. 793 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:31,720 I'm grabbing her by the fringe and dragging her straight back out. 794 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,760 SHE COUGHS Oh... 795 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:34,080 SHE COUGHS Oh... 796 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,920 Marcus, get her a glass. 797 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,960 Why is he buying that as a real cough? 798 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:38,560 Why is he buying that as a real cough? 799 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,600 HE MIMICS COUGHING AND GROANING 800 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:41,200 HE MIMICS COUGHING AND GROANING 801 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,160 "Marcus, get her a glass." What?! 802 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,200 A bowl, please. 803 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:45,440 A bowl, please. 804 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:46,800 Uh? A bowl? 805 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,840 There's not a single thing she does that's normal. No. 806 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:49,120 There's not a single thing she does that's normal. No. 807 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,640 It's a peculiarity of mine. 808 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,680 I don't even try to rationalise it any more. 809 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:52,920 I don't even try to rationalise it any more. 810 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,160 Fair enough. That's fine. 811 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:58,440 You've got a few of those. 812 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,480 Gladys, I'm really gonna have to insist that you are... 813 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:00,960 Gladys, I'm really gonna have to insist that you are... 814 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,720 What's that? What is she doing? 815 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:04,960 What's that? What is she doing? 816 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,680 Is... Is that my ribbon? 817 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:07,760 HE GASPS 818 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,800 The ribbons from the office that she was looking at! 819 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:10,200 The ribbons from the office that she was looking at! 820 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,520 Why's she got those? 821 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,080 She's gonna do... She's like a witch. 822 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:15,120 She's gonna do some spell of some kind. Oh... 823 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:15,400 She's gonna do some spell of some kind. Oh... 824 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,280 What is this? 825 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:19,720 Oh, my God! 826 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,760 Argh! Oh, my...! What is she doing?! 827 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:22,560 Argh! Oh, my...! What is she doing?! 828 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,600 Could you get me a rag, sweetie? 829 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:25,120 Could you get me a rag, sweetie? 830 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:26,480 HE STUTTERS 831 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:28,720 Scissors. Big scissors. 832 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,760 Here we go, Nigel. I know, I'm ready. Buckle up. 833 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:31,280 Here we go, Nigel. I know, I'm ready. Buckle up. 834 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,600 Argh! She cut his hair! She cut his hair? 835 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:34,880 Argh! She cut his hair! She cut his hair? 836 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,200 Call 999! 837 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,960 911. 911! 838 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,240 Marcus? And that's his hair, that's his hair. 839 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:43,560 Watch what's about to happen to him. 840 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,800 She'll snap the twig. No. 841 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,120 Don't snap the stick. Don't snap... 842 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,320 I mean, I don't know what's gonna happen, 843 00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:51,440 but please don't snap the stick. 844 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,480 Oh, no. Oh! He's possessed. 845 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:56,240 Oh, no. Oh! He's possessed. 846 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:57,640 Aah! 847 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,000 This is weird. Oh, his poor partner! 848 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:01,280 This is weird. Oh, his poor partner! 849 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,320 Well, that's gay marriage for you. 850 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:03,840 Well, that's gay marriage for you. 851 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,640 Oh, Jesus! Fucking hell! 852 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,640 No! What is that? 853 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,480 Oh, I don't fucking know! 854 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,520 Oh, he just nutted him. He's gonna headbutt him to death. 855 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:18,200 Oh, he just nutted him. He's gonna headbutt him to death. 856 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:22,920 Whose hair is this now? 857 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,960 Someone else's hair. Whose hair is that? The teacher! 858 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:25,560 Someone else's hair. Whose hair is that? The teacher! 859 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,160 He's going to get the teacher. No! No! 860 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,360 He's going to get the teacher. No! No! 861 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,400 Oh, is the weapon the headbutt...? That's why it's called Weapons. 862 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,080 Oh, is the weapon the headbutt...? That's why it's called Weapons. 863 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:38,120 She makes them weapons. That's why it's called Weapons. 864 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:38,440 She makes them weapons. That's why it's called Weapons. 865 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,480 That's why they're called weapon... That's...that's it. 866 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:41,280 That's why they're called weapon... That's...that's it. 867 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,680 I need a break. Best film of the year. 868 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,400 I need a break. No! I'm getting a drink. 869 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,440 Oh! Do you want anything? 870 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:46,720 Oh! Do you want anything? 871 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,760 Er, just a water, please. OK. 872 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:49,240 Er, just a water, please. OK. 873 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,160 In a bowl. Shut up! 874 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,480 AAAH! What? There's a bowl of water on the side. 875 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:56,160 AAAH! What? There's a bowl of water on the side. 876 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:57,880 There's a bowl of water on the side! 877 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,760 No, no, no. 878 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:02,200 No, no, no. 879 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:10,320 In North London... 880 00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,360 What's a nightmare at this time of year is picnics, 881 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:13,160 What's a nightmare at this time of year is picnics, 882 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,080 because the dogs... 883 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,120 So they don't get, like, "Oh, that's a picnic for somebody else." 884 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,440 So they don't get, like, "Oh, that's a picnic for somebody else." 885 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,480 They think, "Oh, someone's put some coleslaw..." 886 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:20,800 They think, "Oh, someone's put some coleslaw..." 887 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,840 "Someone's put a lovely spread on." "..at my level." 888 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:23,280 "Someone's put a lovely spread on." "..at my level." 889 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,320 ..Nick and his niece, Liv. 890 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:25,600 ..Nick and his niece, Liv. 891 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,640 I also, in this weather, got air conditioning, 892 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:28,720 I also, in this weather, got air conditioning, 893 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,760 bought an air conditioning unit, like, basically for the dogs. 894 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,760 bought an air conditioning unit, like, basically for the dogs. 895 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,800 So it's, like, quite cool for them. 896 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:35,080 So it's, like, quite cool for them. 897 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,120 Keep finding them sat outside on sun loungers. Sunbathing! 898 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:37,560 Keep finding them sat outside on sun loungers. Sunbathing! 899 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,600 I'm like, "Get inside! You're gonna die!" 900 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:40,920 I'm like, "Get inside! You're gonna die!" 901 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,960 On Sunday night, there were more misbehaving mutts on Channel 5. 902 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,000 On Sunday night, there were more misbehaving mutts on Channel 5. 903 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:45,720 On Sunday night, there were more misbehaving mutts on Channel 5. 904 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:47,760 I watch it just to see how good my dog is, 905 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,600 I watch it just to see how good my dog is, 906 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,640 because I think, "Actually, she doesn't do that." 907 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:52,040 because I think, "Actually, she doesn't do that." 908 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,520 "y dog's pretty great." 909 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,440 That's actually quite nice in the heatwave. 910 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,480 Oh, yeah. This is nice, with these two dogs on me! 911 00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:58,120 Oh, yeah. This is nice, with these two dogs on me! 912 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,160 Do you know what? I can't even have this on sometimes 913 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:00,520 Do you know what? I can't even have this on sometimes 914 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,560 because it sets my dogs off as soon as they hear the dogs on this. 915 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:03,280 because it sets my dogs off as soon as they hear the dogs on this. 916 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:04,440 So your dogs behave badly... 917 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,480 Because they're watching Dogs Behaving Badly. 918 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:06,720 Because they're watching Dogs Behaving Badly. 919 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,440 I don't think there is such a thing as a bad dog. 920 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,480 I just think it's a bad owner. 100%. 921 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:14,320 I just think it's a bad owner. 100%. 922 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,400 I love this. 923 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,440 Yeah. Dogs Behaving Badly. 924 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:17,680 Yeah. Dogs Behaving Badly. 925 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,200 That's like me and you. 926 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:20,440 Yeah, well! 927 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,400 Yeah. We're dogs and we behave badly! 928 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,760 Graeme's next case takes him to the Garden of England, Kent, 929 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,800 Graeme's next case takes him to the Garden of England, Kent, 930 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:28,400 Graeme's next case takes him to the Garden of England, Kent, 931 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,440 famous for its oysters and iconic wines. 932 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,240 famous for its oysters and iconic wines. 933 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,440 And criminals. 934 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,480 It's home to some seriously discerning diners. 935 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:36,120 It's home to some seriously discerning diners. 936 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:37,640 Come on, eat some din-dins. 937 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,080 Oh, look! 938 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,360 Oh, we've got a fussy eater. 939 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,400 Is it nice? Do you want a bit? 940 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:42,640 Is it nice? Do you want a bit? 941 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,080 This is Nancy! 942 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,120 Cockapoo Roman lives with his head chef... 943 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:46,880 Cockapoo Roman lives with his head chef... 944 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,920 No? It's nice! ..social worker Stephanie. 945 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,520 No? It's nice! ..social worker Stephanie. 946 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:51,840 This is ridiculous. 947 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,440 I've never seen my dogs 948 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,480 not eat their dinner in under five seconds. 949 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:56,480 not eat their dinner in under five seconds. 950 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,520 When I put Roman's food down on the floor, he will look at it, 951 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,320 When I put Roman's food down on the floor, he will look at it, 952 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:02,360 he will smell it, but he will refuse to eat it. 953 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:03,160 he will smell it, but he will refuse to eat it. 954 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,200 I was always told eventually when the dog's hungry, it will eat. 955 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:06,560 I was always told eventually when the dog's hungry, it will eat. 956 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,400 Yeah, but they say that about kids as well, 957 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,440 and it's not true, is it? 958 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:10,720 and it's not true, is it? 959 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,760 Because Roman knows... Come here, you! 960 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:13,280 Because Roman knows... Come here, you! 961 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,680 ..something is missing. 962 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,280 He likes his cheese. 963 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:17,440 Cheese! 964 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,480 Oh, my God. It's basically my husband. 965 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,000 Oh, my God. It's basically my husband. 966 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,040 He would put... He'd put cheese on his cornflakes if he could. 967 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:24,040 He would put... He'd put cheese on his cornflakes if he could. 968 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,080 Really? Cheese on everything. 969 00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:26,440 Really? Cheese on everything. 970 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,120 I'll warm it up. 971 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,160 Oh, my God. She warms it as well. I'm sorry... 972 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:30,440 Oh, my God. She warms it as well. I'm sorry... 973 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,400 He likes it very melty. 974 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,880 Does he? Does he now? Me too, Roman. 975 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:36,360 Does he? Does he now? Me too, Roman. 976 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,400 Would he turn his nose up if he's not melted enough? 977 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:38,680 Would he turn his nose up if he's not melted enough? 978 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,720 Yes... Well, come on. What's that? 979 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:41,000 Yes... Well, come on. What's that? 980 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:43,040 I wouldn't feed my dog that, literally. 981 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,240 I wouldn't feed my dog that, literally. 982 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,280 And of course, no fine dining experience would be complete... 983 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,160 And of course, no fine dining experience would be complete... 984 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,200 Ready, steady, go! 985 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:50,760 Ready, steady, go! 986 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,800 ..without exemplary service. 987 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:53,080 ..without exemplary service. 988 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:54,640 What? What? 989 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,440 Well, you know what? What she's done, 990 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,480 she's turned it into a game with him. 991 00:26:58,520 --> 00:26:58,800 she's turned it into a game with him. 992 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:00,840 Just to get him to eat, I'll take it out in my hand like this... 993 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:01,800 Just to get him to eat, I'll take it out in my hand like this... 994 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,680 Oh, my God. What's she doing? 995 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,600 ..and just roll it into a ball. 996 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,640 She has to disguise the food as a ball. 997 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:07,960 She has to disguise the food as a ball. 998 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,600 Making sure he eats a whole pack of food 999 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,360 can take up to six hours of my time. 1000 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,400 Six hours?! Oh, my goodness. 1001 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:13,840 Six hours?! Oh, my goodness. 1002 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,880 I wish I took six hours and a lot of exercise to eat food. 1003 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:16,920 I wish I took six hours and a lot of exercise to eat food. 1004 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,480 Hey, this, this could be... 1005 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,400 Is this the new diet? This could be the solution for me. 1006 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,200 I need to have... A new fad diet. Fad diet. 1007 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:27,240 I need to have... A new fad diet. Fad diet. 1008 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,280 Then I need to run after a ball. You have to get a social worker 1009 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:29,720 Then I need to run after a ball. You have to get a social worker 1010 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,560 to roll it into a little ball for you 1011 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,600 and chase you around the garden. 1012 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:33,840 and chase you around the garden. 1013 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,400 Yeah, I do. 1014 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,440 Steph's been performing this food theatre... 1015 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:37,960 Steph's been performing this food theatre... 1016 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,000 Blimey. ..for the last three years. 1017 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:40,920 Blimey. ..for the last three years. 1018 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,840 Three years she's been doing this! 1019 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:44,880 I actually saw him eating out of a bowl at his day-care centre. 1020 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,920 I actually saw him eating out of a bowl at his day-care centre. 1021 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,600 I actually saw him eating out of a bowl at his day-care centre. 1022 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,640 There's no nonsense happening at day-care. 1023 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:50,920 There's no nonsense happening at day-care. 1024 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,920 Roman's taking the piss. Yeah. 1025 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,960 Look at that. He's eating out of a bowl. 1026 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:55,280 Look at that. He's eating out of a bowl. 1027 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,320 Oh, Roman! Roman, you little naughty boy. 1028 00:27:57,360 --> 00:27:59,240 Oh, Roman! Roman, you little naughty boy. 1029 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,280 So the dog is a liar. 1030 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:01,480 So the dog is a liar. 1031 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,840 Graham wants to introduce a set meal time. 1032 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:06,760 Graham wants to introduce a set meal time. 1033 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,160 Done. That's it. 1034 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,200 Yeah. Five o'clock is when the dogs get fed, and they know. 1035 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:11,440 Yeah. Five o'clock is when the dogs get fed, and they know. 1036 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,480 If he chooses not to tuck in during his allocated sitting, 1037 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,040 If he chooses not to tuck in during his allocated sitting, 1038 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,080 his dish will be returned to the kitchen. 1039 00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:17,440 his dish will be returned to the kitchen. 1040 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,480 And it'll stay there till it's ate, 1041 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:19,760 And it'll stay there till it's ate, 1042 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,800 even if it's there a month later. 1043 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:22,120 even if it's there a month later. 1044 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,160 What we're gonna do is give him anything - 1045 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:24,480 What we're gonna do is give him anything - 1046 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,120 if he doesn't have it, we'll take it out. 1047 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,160 So it's not going to stay there forever, 1048 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:29,760 but it's the, "I might take it away," 1049 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,800 that makes him think, "There's urgency here." 1050 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:32,120 that makes him think, "There's urgency here." 1051 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,160 He might be thinking, "Oh, thank fuck I haven't got 1052 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:34,440 He might be thinking, "Oh, thank fuck I haven't got 1053 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,480 "to play that game for six hours!" 1054 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:36,880 "to play that game for six hours!" 1055 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,920 Look, he's going towards the bowl. 1056 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:39,560 Look, he's going towards the bowl. 1057 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,600 Oh, my God. He's eating. 1058 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:41,880 Oh, my God. He's eating. 1059 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,560 SHE GASPS Is he gonna do it? 1060 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,600 Could the tables have turned? 1061 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:45,840 Could the tables have turned? 1062 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:47,160 OK, he's gone away. 1063 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,200 He's not having it. "There's no cheese on me tea!" 1064 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:49,960 He's not having it. "There's no cheese on me tea!" 1065 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000 They make countless attempts... 1066 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:52,440 They make countless attempts... 1067 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,480 Are you going to have some din-dins? 1068 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:54,720 Are you going to have some din-dins? 1069 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:56,200 Come on, Ro. 1070 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,240 ..but Roman refuses to take a single bite. 1071 00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,200 ..but Roman refuses to take a single bite. 1072 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,120 It's probably quite hard to break the habit 1073 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,160 of the weird lasagne ball game. 1074 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:03,960 of the weird lasagne ball game. 1075 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,000 Well, I'm a bit disappointed, because I was hoping at one stage 1076 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:06,440 Well, I'm a bit disappointed, because I was hoping at one stage 1077 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,480 that we were going to see a minor miracle, but not today. 1078 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,360 that we were going to see a minor miracle, but not today. 1079 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,400 Roman beat Graeme! He's not the dog man he says he is. 1080 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,120 Roman beat Graeme! He's not the dog man he says he is. 1081 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:15,520 Well! 1082 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,560 It's amazing what you can make TV out of, isn't it? It is. 1083 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:18,360 It's amazing what you can make TV out of, isn't it? It is. 1084 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:19,920 A dog eating its dinner. 1085 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:21,960 Oh, sorry. I was eating this without running around the garden. 1086 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,680 Oh, sorry. I was eating this without running around the garden. 1087 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,120 Shall I throw it for you? 1088 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,160 Come on, come on. Come on, Mummy, come on! 1089 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,400 Come on, come on. Come on, Mummy, come on! 1090 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:35,720 In Manchester... 1091 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,760 You've crossed your legs like Princess Diana. 1092 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:38,080 You've crossed your legs like Princess Diana. 1093 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,120 No, they don't cross their legs like that. 1094 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:40,440 No, they don't cross their legs like that. 1095 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:42,480 You have to... They? Yeah. The royals. The royals? Yeah. 1096 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:43,840 You have to... They? Yeah. The royals. The royals? Yeah. 1097 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,880 ..friends Mark and Kelly. 1098 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:46,160 ..friends Mark and Kelly. 1099 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,200 {\an8}What, like that? Yeah. That's what you have to do. 1100 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:48,840 {\an8}What, like that? Yeah. That's what you have to do. 1101 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:50,880 {\an8}But then your upper body has to be... 1102 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:51,160 {\an8}But then your upper body has to be... 1103 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:52,600 {\an8}But you can do that. 1104 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,640 {\an8}They can do that. I can't, I can't with my back. 1105 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:54,920 {\an8}They can do that. I can't, I can't with my back. 1106 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:56,920 {\an8}Bend your knees a bit more. 1107 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,960 {\an8}Which way have you gone? Hang on, let me go the same way as you. 1108 00:29:59,000 --> 00:29:59,400 {\an8}Which way have you gone? Hang on, let me go the same way as you. 1109 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,440 {\an8}Right. Right? And then like that. 1110 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:01,920 {\an8}Right. Right? And then like that. 1111 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:03,960 {\an8}But raise your knees a bit. I can't. My body doesn't do that. 1112 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:05,960 {\an8}But raise your knees a bit. I can't. My body doesn't do that. 1113 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,400 {\an8}But your legs are the wrong way. 1114 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,160 {\an8}Put your bottom leg over there. 1115 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:10,760 {\an8}My legs aren't the wrong way. 1116 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,800 {\an8}Put your bottom leg this way. 1117 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:14,600 {\an8}Right. And that one over. 1118 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,640 {\an8}And then sit... What's wrong with you?! 1119 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:17,400 {\an8}And then sit... What's wrong with you?! 1120 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,440 This week, we were back at Clarkson's gaff on Prime Video. 1121 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:21,360 This week, we were back at Clarkson's gaff on Prime Video. 1122 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,400 Who'd have thunk it after all these years? Hmm. 1123 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:24,680 Who'd have thunk it after all these years? Hmm. 1124 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,720 Never thought I'd be a Jeremy Clarkson fan. 1125 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:27,000 Never thought I'd be a Jeremy Clarkson fan. 1126 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:28,120 You love a farm. 1127 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,160 I love a farm. I love a farmer. 1128 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:30,400 I love a farm. I love a farmer. 1129 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:31,840 I'm farming stock. 1130 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,760 Already, right, that's not what a farm looks like. 1131 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:38,520 Already, right, that's not what a farm looks like. 1132 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:40,520 Most farms are horrible monocultures, 1133 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:42,560 which have been sprayed with deadly chemicals 1134 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:42,880 which have been sprayed with deadly chemicals 1135 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:44,920 time and time again, the ground pumped full of fertiliser 1136 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:46,040 time and time again, the ground pumped full of fertiliser 1137 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,080 and loads of the animals are indoors in crates, 1138 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,080 and loads of the animals are indoors in crates, 1139 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:50,880 being crushed and kept in the dark. 1140 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,920 That's an idealistic view of a farm, 1141 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:53,200 That's an idealistic view of a farm, 1142 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,240 and it puts the wrong idea in people's minds. 1143 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:56,560 and it puts the wrong idea in people's minds. 1144 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,600 And that's only the titles. Oh, God. What's my blood pressure? 1145 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:00,160 And that's only the titles. Oh, God. What's my blood pressure? 1146 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,200 In the programme, Jeremy was up at the crack of dawn 1147 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:03,360 In the programme, Jeremy was up at the crack of dawn 1148 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,440 to meet bird enthusiast Hannah. 1149 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,480 I know loads of people across the country come to diddly squat, 1150 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,440 I know loads of people across the country come to diddly squat, 1151 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,480 but this guy has travelled 8,000 miles. 1152 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:12,320 but this guy has travelled 8,000 miles. 1153 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:13,480 How does she know this? 1154 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:14,960 She doesn't look like a bird watcher. 1155 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:16,640 What does a bird watcher look like? 1156 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:18,680 I don't know. Someone with glasses? 1157 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:18,880 I don't know. Someone with glasses? 1158 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:23,720 What is he? A garden warbler. 1159 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:23,920 What is he? A garden warbler. 1160 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:27,720 Aah! Oh! I love enthusiastic people. 1161 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,360 Aah! Oh! I love enthusiastic people. 1162 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,040 Getting excited over a bird, yeah? 1163 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,080 Yeah. Yeah. Just double checking. 1164 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:33,400 Yeah. Yeah. Just double checking. 1165 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,400 What's this? Is this your list of things you've heard? 1166 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,120 Yes. Oh, that's a wren. 1167 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,160 She's got a bird spreadsheet. Yeah, exactly, I love that. Me too. 1168 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:40,840 She's got a bird spreadsheet. Yeah, exactly, I love that. Me too. 1169 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,880 You know you can get an app, don't you? What? 1170 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:43,200 You know you can get an app, don't you? What? 1171 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,240 You can get an app, which you just start going, 1172 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:46,080 You can get an app, which you just start going, 1173 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,120 it listens... And it tells you what the bird is? 1174 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:48,440 it listens... And it tells you what the bird is? 1175 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,480 It tells you all the birds that are currently singing. 1176 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:51,160 It tells you all the birds that are currently singing. 1177 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,200 I know them. Hah! My Merlin Bird app. 1178 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:54,040 I know them. Hah! My Merlin Bird app. 1179 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,080 There it is! There it is! Merlin Birder. That's the one. 1180 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:56,360 There it is! There it is! Merlin Birder. That's the one. 1181 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:57,520 I mean, I was quite lucky, 1182 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,280 because I did have my own Merlin Bird app growing up. 1183 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,320 Yes, yes... In you. 1184 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:02,280 Yes, yes... In you. 1185 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,320 Listen, listen, listen. Can you hear the lorry reversing? 1186 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:05,160 Listen, listen, listen. Can you hear the lorry reversing? 1187 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,440 It's a bird, but it sounds like a lorry reversing. 1188 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:09,520 It's a bird, but it sounds like a lorry reversing. 1189 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,560 BIRD CALLS That? 1190 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:11,840 BIRD CALLS That? 1191 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:13,480 Yeah, that's a greater whitethroat. 1192 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,520 {\an8}PHONE BUZZES Oh! Greater whitethroat. 1193 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:15,800 {\an8}PHONE BUZZES Oh! Greater whitethroat. 1194 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:17,400 She's quicker than the app. 1195 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,080 Oh, my God, she's incredible. 1196 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,120 She's like a sommelier, but of birds. 1197 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:22,080 She's like a sommelier, but of birds. 1198 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,120 Well, yes. She's a bird sommelier. 1199 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:25,840 Well, yes. She's a bird sommelier. 1200 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,680 Do you do it when you're just walking along, 1201 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,720 and you're constantly tuned into... 1202 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:30,760 Oh, wait... Skylarks. 1203 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,160 {\an8}Well, I can't see any. 1204 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,200 Yeah. "I got skylarks." She's like, "Shut up!" 1205 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:36,760 Yeah. "I got skylarks." She's like, "Shut up!" 1206 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,280 Yeah. God, bet you'd love to say that to Jeremy Clarkson. 1207 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:40,880 Yeah. God, bet you'd love to say that to Jeremy Clarkson. 1208 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,920 Yes! Shut up! Shut up! Skylark. Skylark. 1209 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:43,560 Yes! Shut up! Shut up! Skylark. Skylark. 1210 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:46,920 So this is rye-grass. This was part of the scheme. 1211 00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:47,440 So this is rye-grass. This was part of the scheme. 1212 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,480 Caleb's, look, he's been along and he's making silage. Oh, fuck. 1213 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,520 Caleb's, look, he's been along and he's making silage. Oh, fuck. 1214 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:51,840 Caleb's, look, he's been along and he's making silage. Oh, fuck. 1215 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:53,880 What's happened? Oh, that's bloody awful. 1216 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,000 What's happened? Oh, that's bloody awful. 1217 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:56,320 Sorry, I might vomit in your car. 1218 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:58,160 Oh, no. He's killed birds. 1219 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,200 There's a very good chance, if you silage too soon, 1220 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:00,640 There's a very good chance, if you silage too soon, 1221 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,360 you kill all their chicks. 1222 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:03,920 SHE GASPS Fuck! 1223 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:05,600 No! No! 1224 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,640 All the chicks! He's killed all the chicks! 1225 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:08,760 All the chicks! He's killed all the chicks! 1226 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:10,800 Imagine if you were a baby skylark with that coming towards you. 1227 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:12,400 Imagine if you were a baby skylark with that coming towards you. 1228 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:14,000 What, Caleb? 1229 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,040 Yeah. Fucking Caleb. 1230 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:16,360 Yeah. Fucking Caleb. 1231 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,400 Oh, Caleb's gonna get it now. He doesn't know what he's in for. 1232 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:19,840 Oh, Caleb's gonna get it now. He doesn't know what he's in for. 1233 00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:20,920 Hannah, this is Caleb. 1234 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,960 Hannah, lovely to meet you. Hello. 1235 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:23,440 Hannah, lovely to meet you. Hello. 1236 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:24,960 Oh! Tense. Yeah. 1237 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,000 "Lovely to meet you. You're about to spoil my harvest." 1238 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:27,760 "Lovely to meet you. You're about to spoil my harvest." 1239 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:29,560 You want to go out there, literally now... 1240 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,200 Yeah. ..and cut it. 1241 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,240 And you say if he goes out there now... Mullering. 1242 00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:34,040 And you say if he goes out there now... Mullering. 1243 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,080 ..he is going to decapitate... 24 chicks. 1244 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:36,520 ..he is going to decapitate... 24 chicks. 1245 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,560 We're going to be short on cow food. We're already short now. 1246 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:39,120 We're going to be short on cow food. We're already short now. 1247 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,160 We might have to start feeding our winter resources now. 1248 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:42,240 We might have to start feeding our winter resources now. 1249 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,280 This is quite brutal. It's the cows versus the chicks. 1250 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:45,080 This is quite brutal. It's the cows versus the chicks. 1251 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,320 Yeah, it's hard, isn't it? 1252 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,360 It's the balance between profit and wildlife. 1253 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,960 It's the balance between profit and wildlife. 1254 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,000 Well, it's got to be wildlife, surely. 1255 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:52,280 Well, it's got to be wildlife, surely. 1256 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,320 So I've got to make a decision. 1257 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:54,880 So I've got to make a decision. 1258 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,920 Jeremy is in a bit of a pickle, isn't he, here? 1259 00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:57,240 Jeremy is in a bit of a pickle, isn't he, here? 1260 00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,280 He's got to make the right decision here. Come on, Jeremy. 1261 00:33:59,320 --> 00:33:59,600 He's got to make the right decision here. Come on, Jeremy. 1262 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:01,640 Otherwise, I'm driving to wherever that place is... 1263 00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:03,400 Otherwise, I'm driving to wherever that place is... 1264 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,440 You know. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there, 1265 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:06,440 You know. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there, 1266 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:08,480 but I will be arriving in an electric vehicle. 1267 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:09,600 but I will be arriving in an electric vehicle. 1268 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:18,280 In Manchester... 1269 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:19,800 BEZ:Well, you know what? SHAUN:What? 1270 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:21,720 I've never had hayfever in me life before, 1271 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,760 and thankfully you've given me some tablets there. 1272 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:24,320 and thankfully you've given me some tablets there. 1273 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,360 I thought I was going to die with hayfever. 1274 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:26,680 I thought I was going to die with hayfever. 1275 00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:28,720 High pollen, then, innit? Yeah. High pollen. I've never had it before. 1276 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,440 High pollen, then, innit? Yeah. High pollen. I've never had it before. 1277 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,120 ..Shaun and Bez. 1278 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,160 It's amazing what a placebo effect does, innit? Well, you know what? 1279 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,200 It's amazing what a placebo effect does, innit? Well, you know what? 1280 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:36,680 It's amazing what a placebo effect does, innit? Well, you know what? 1281 00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:38,720 I've already better placebo-y. Placebo. 1282 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:39,160 I've already better placebo-y. Placebo. 1283 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,200 I've ate one of your tablets 1284 00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:43,240 and I'm placeboing away. I already feel better. 1285 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:44,480 and I'm placeboing away. I already feel better. 1286 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,520 But they do, they're like antibiotics. 1287 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:46,840 But they do, they're like antibiotics. 1288 00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:48,880 I nearly said anti-psychotics. Antibiotics. They take about... 1289 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:49,960 I nearly said anti-psychotics. Antibiotics. They take about... 1290 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,000 Oh, we could do with some anti-psychotics as well. 1291 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:52,320 Oh, we could do with some anti-psychotics as well. 1292 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,040 I've got some of them if you want some of them. 1293 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,080 Yeah, I want some of them as well, then, mate. Yeah. 1294 00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:56,360 Yeah, I want some of them as well, then, mate. Yeah. 1295 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,400 Anti-psychotics and antibiotics. 1296 00:34:58,440 --> 00:34:59,160 Anti-psychotics and antibiotics. 1297 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,200 They've got a pill for everything these days. 1298 00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:01,520 They've got a pill for everything these days. 1299 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,560 I've got a pill. I've got a pill for everything. 1300 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:03,840 I've got a pill. I've got a pill for everything. 1301 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:05,560 THEY LAUGH 1302 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,600 This week we got a dose of blue-light action on Channel 5. 1303 00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:09,640 This week we got a dose of blue-light action on Channel 5. 1304 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:10,800 This week we got a dose of blue-light action on Channel 5. 1305 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,840 I thought I was having a heart attack once. Did you? 1306 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:13,360 I thought I was having a heart attack once. Did you? 1307 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,400 And my husband called an ambulance. 1308 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:15,760 And my husband called an ambulance. 1309 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:17,520 How did you feel? How did you know? 1310 00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:18,920 Oh, I was in terrible pain. 1311 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:20,960 And tight... You know, they speak to you on the phone. 1312 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:21,480 And tight... You know, they speak to you on the phone. 1313 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:22,920 I had all the symptoms. 1314 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:24,960 And then the ambulance came round. Do you know what it was? What? 1315 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:26,480 And then the ambulance came round. Do you know what it was? What? 1316 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,480 Trapped wind. Was it really? 1317 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,280 Do you remember when we went to hospital 1318 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,120 because you were putting beads in my hair 1319 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:33,960 and I put one of the beads up my nose? Yeah. 1320 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,240 Didn't you go to the hospital 1321 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:37,080 when I put a bucket on your head as well? 1322 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,120 I think we managed to get that off with the garden shears. 1323 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:39,480 I think we managed to get that off with the garden shears. 1324 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:40,600 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1325 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:44,400 Ambulance: Code Red. I'm already cringing. 1326 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:44,680 Ambulance: Code Red. I'm already cringing. 1327 00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:46,040 I love it. I'm not good with blood. 1328 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:47,560 You like those sort of things? 1329 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:48,920 Sometimes, but... 1330 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:50,880 I don't really like seeing people ill, 1331 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,920 so this isn't going to be... I don't like watching... 1332 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:53,640 so this isn't going to be... I don't like watching... 1333 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,680 ..right up my crack, is it? No. 1334 00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:55,880 ..right up my crack, is it? No. 1335 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,160 Chazam! No! Chesham. OK. 1336 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:01,040 Chazam! No! Chesham. OK. 1337 00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:02,680 Where's Chesham? Don't know. 1338 00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:04,240 Dahn sahf. Dahn sahf. 1339 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,520 The patient's breathing? 1340 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,000 Well, that's a good sign. 1341 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:14,440 Oucharoonie. 1342 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,600 It's a bit low-key, that, isn't it? I mean, it's... 1343 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:19,040 It's a bit low-key, that, isn't it? I mean, it's... 1344 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:20,640 Are you not happy with the... 1345 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,680 Are you not happy with the level of drama? 1346 00:36:22,720 --> 00:36:23,280 Are you not happy with the level of drama? 1347 00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,000 Do you know how I broke my arm? No. 1348 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,040 Getting a wasp out the window. No! 1349 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:27,360 Getting a wasp out the window. No! 1350 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,400 I fell over the... Fell off the chair. Oh, God. 1351 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:30,040 I fell over the... Fell off the chair. Oh, God. 1352 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,480 Bleugh! No. 1353 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,520 It's always funny... I'm imagining it, and it's already bad. Yeah. 1354 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:38,960 It's always funny... I'm imagining it, and it's already bad. Yeah. 1355 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:45,600 Up where?! Knee's up at right angle? 1356 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:45,880 Up where?! Knee's up at right angle? 1357 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,800 Oh, like that? Oh! 1358 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:48,960 Wait. So if he's like that, 1359 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,000 it's like facing outwards. It's like that. Bleugh. 1360 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:51,240 it's like facing outwards. It's like that. Bleugh. 1361 00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,880 Oh, here we go. "What happened? How did you fall?" 1362 00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:55,120 Oh, here we go. "What happened? How did you fall?" 1363 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:01,840 Oh! Oh! Here we go. 1364 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:02,240 Oh! Oh! Here we go. 1365 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,280 Free bar. No-one's paying for a drink at that wedding. Oh, dear. 1366 00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:05,280 Free bar. No-one's paying for a drink at that wedding. Oh, dear. 1367 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:06,920 Bring the blizzard blanket. 1368 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:08,960 Tim and Matt are the first to arrive at the hotel, 1369 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:09,320 Tim and Matt are the first to arrive at the hotel, 1370 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:11,360 where the patient is still in the garden where he fell. 1371 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:11,640 where the patient is still in the garden where he fell. 1372 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,520 Oh, man. Let's see this. 1373 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,560 I'm Matt, this is Tim. 1374 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:16,080 I'm Matt, this is Tim. 1375 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,120 {\an8}What can we call you, sir? 1376 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:18,360 {\an8}What can we call you, sir? 1377 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,400 Oh, no. Robin. Oh, Robin. 1378 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:20,640 Oh, no. Robin. Oh, Robin. 1379 00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:21,880 Do you remember falling, Robin? 1380 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:24,560 "I don't remember." 1381 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,520 That's his judgy wife. "Too many beers again. 1382 00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:28,800 That's his judgy wife. "Too many beers again. 1383 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:30,600 "I've told him about this." 1384 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,120 Oh, I can't watch this. 1385 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,160 I don't want to see the ankle. I'm desperate to see the ankle. 1386 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:34,920 I don't want to see the ankle. I'm desperate to see the ankle. 1387 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:36,960 Do you remember falling? 1388 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,000 Aiee! Aaah! I don't want to see. 1389 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:39,240 Aiee! Aaah! I don't want to see. 1390 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,280 No, no. 1391 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:41,560 No, no. 1392 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,600 Tell me when it's gone. Hold on. Tell me when it's gone. No, no, 1393 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:43,920 Tell me when it's gone. Hold on. Tell me when it's gone. No, no, 1394 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:44,960 it's still there, but there's a bone... 1395 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:46,000 OK, I'm going to describe it. 1396 00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:47,760 {\an8}He's got a loafer on... 1397 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:50,600 Don't need to know what shoes he's wearing! 1398 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:52,320 Hold on, I've got to tell you. He's got a loafer on 1399 00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:53,840 and the loafer's pointing downwards. 1400 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:55,880 We've not got any significant critical skin, 1401 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:56,200 We've not got any significant critical skin, 1402 00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:57,560 but it definitely is... 1403 00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,600 Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. That's badly broken, that, isn't it? 1404 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:00,400 Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. That's badly broken, that, isn't it? 1405 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:01,920 It's definitely broken, Richie. 1406 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:03,960 Oh! It's not how an ankle should be. 1407 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:04,760 Oh! It's not how an ankle should be. 1408 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:05,920 You need to be careful 1409 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:07,960 when you're stumbling around gardens late at night. 1410 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:08,680 when you're stumbling around gardens late at night. 1411 00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:10,720 That could happen to you, Nigel, with your brittle bones. 1412 00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:12,200 That could happen to you, Nigel, with your brittle bones. 1413 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,680 Tim will be giving Robin ketamine. 1414 00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:17,720 We know this drug. It's all right, this one. He's going to be happy. 1415 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,120 We know this drug. It's all right, this one. He's going to be happy. 1416 00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,160 It's not all right! It's not all right. It's not all right! 1417 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,400 It's not all right! It's not all right. It's not all right! 1418 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,440 What, you're giving him ketamine? Are you fucking mad? 1419 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:24,680 What, you're giving him ketamine? Are you fucking mad? 1420 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,080 I don't like ketamine. He's gonna be off his head. 1421 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:29,040 I don't like ketamine. He's gonna be off his head. 1422 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,080 So you're just nice, deep breaths. 1423 00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:31,360 So you're just nice, deep breaths. 1424 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,400 We're with you. You're safe. 1425 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:33,680 We're with you. You're safe. 1426 00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:35,720 This is all happening outside, on the floor. I know! 1427 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:36,760 This is all happening outside, on the floor. I know! 1428 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,800 He's going to think that head torch is a glow stick. He'll be like... 1429 00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:39,320 He's going to think that head torch is a glow stick. He'll be like... 1430 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,280 HE LAUGHS 1431 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,320 "Where... Where am I? Am I...? Am I in Ibiza?" 1432 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:44,520 "Where... Where am I? Am I...? Am I in Ibiza?" 1433 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,240 "No, Robin, you're in Chesham." 1434 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,280 If you're having sort of hallucinationy-type feelings, 1435 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:49,280 If you're having sort of hallucinationy-type feelings, 1436 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:51,040 all of that's normal with this medicine. 1437 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,320 "If I've got three heads and I'm purple, don't panic. 1438 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:54,840 "If I've got three heads and I'm purple, don't panic. 1439 00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:56,880 "All right? You're just hallucinating, Robin, OK?" 1440 00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:57,400 "All right? You're just hallucinating, Robin, OK?" 1441 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:58,840 "Just enjoy it." 1442 00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:00,480 "Just enjoy it, Robin. 1443 00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:02,520 "I'm now going to take your snapped in half leg, OK, Robin? 1444 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:03,600 "I'm now going to take your snapped in half leg, OK, Robin? 1445 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,640 "Is that all right, Robin? Lovely, Robin. Enjoy, Robin." 1446 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:06,760 "Is that all right, Robin? Lovely, Robin. Enjoy, Robin." 1447 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:08,680 Are you happy if I start getting this straight? 1448 00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:10,200 Oh, you don't want to look now. 1449 00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:11,680 Lots of verbal contact. 1450 00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:13,720 {\an8}OK, so I'm going to lift the whole leg up. 1451 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:14,040 {\an8}OK, so I'm going to lift the whole leg up. 1452 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,080 Jesus Christ, I can't watch. I can't watch them do this. 1453 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:16,720 Jesus Christ, I can't watch. I can't watch them do this. 1454 00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,400 No, don't. No, no. Don't! No, no! 1455 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:21,200 HE GROANS 1456 00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:23,240 THEY SCREECH 1457 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,200 THEY SCREECH 1458 00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:25,760 Ow! 1459 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,520 With Robin fully sedated, 1460 00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,560 Matt can begin the process of realigning the bones in his leg, 1461 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,120 Matt can begin the process of realigning the bones in his leg, 1462 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:32,960 helped by one of the hotel staff. 1463 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,400 Hotel staff?! Yeah, get anyone... 1464 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,440 "Anyone else want to have a go?" What?! 1465 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:36,760 "Anyone else want to have a go?" What?! 1466 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:38,800 She's obviously done the first-aid course, the hotel staff. 1467 00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:39,080 She's obviously done the first-aid course, the hotel staff. 1468 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:40,520 Yeah, yeah, she's a first-aider. 1469 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:42,080 {\an8}You're doing well there, Robin. 1470 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,120 {\an8}So they're just straightening out that broken leg for you now, mate. 1471 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:45,120 {\an8}So they're just straightening out that broken leg for you now, mate. 1472 00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,160 Right, so they've taken his socks off. He's got nice feet. 1473 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:47,480 Right, so they've taken his socks off. He's got nice feet. 1474 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:49,520 {\an8}It looks like it's all going beautifully down there. 1475 00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:49,920 {\an8}It looks like it's all going beautifully down there. 1476 00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:51,480 Look at that. It's straight now. 1477 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,520 "Beautifully." Ha has got nice legs, hasn't he? 1478 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:54,240 "Beautifully." Ha has got nice legs, hasn't he? 1479 00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:56,280 And with this hand, I want you to hold here. 1480 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:56,560 And with this hand, I want you to hold here. 1481 00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:58,000 Be careful not to flex it. 1482 00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:00,040 Why is she doing it?! Yeah. Where's his mate gone? 1483 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:01,720 Why is she doing it?! Yeah. Where's his mate gone? 1484 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,760 Robin's leg is straight, the skin is intact, 1485 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:05,120 Robin's leg is straight, the skin is intact, 1486 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,160 and it's been successfully splinted for the trip to hospital. 1487 00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:08,560 and it's been successfully splinted for the trip to hospital. 1488 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,600 Smashed it, lads. That's a job well done, that. 1489 00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:11,600 Smashed it, lads. That's a job well done, that. 1490 00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:13,640 Oh, I cannot believe that they just did that in a car park. 1491 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:14,960 Oh, I cannot believe that they just did that in a car park. 1492 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,000 I'm not sure how much you remember of the last hour or so, 1493 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:18,760 I'm not sure how much you remember of the last hour or so, 1494 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,800 but ankle's in a splint, looks good. 1495 00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,000 but ankle's in a splint, looks good. 1496 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:23,560 "You're fixed, Robin." 1497 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,600 Main thing now is to get you as comfortable as we can 1498 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:25,920 Main thing now is to get you as comfortable as we can 1499 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,240 and get you off to hospital. 1500 00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,680 THEY LAUGH 1501 00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:32,040 THEY LAUGH 1502 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,080 "I'll have a vodka and coke, please, and let's get on with it." 1503 00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:35,000 "I'll have a vodka and coke, please, and let's get on with it." 1504 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,040 "Whatever." They've just done like life-saving... Yeah, exactly. 1505 00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:37,520 "Whatever." They've just done like life-saving... Yeah, exactly. 1506 00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,000 ..amendments to his leg. 1507 00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:41,040 "Whatever." "Whatever." "Have you got Robin S, Show Me Love?" 1508 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:42,280 "Whatever." "Whatever." "Have you got Robin S, Show Me Love?" 1509 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:44,320 "Thanks." Great. 1510 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:44,520 "Thanks." Great. 1511 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:47,920 In north London... 1512 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,960 SARA:Are you all right? What's happened with your voice? 1513 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:50,320 SARA:Are you all right? What's happened with your voice? 1514 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:51,920 CLARE:Do you think I sound a bit sexy? 1515 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:53,920 You've got a touch of the Mariella Frostrups. 1516 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,960 She's a very attractive, intelligent woman. 1517 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:56,240 She's a very attractive, intelligent woman. 1518 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:57,480 That's what it is. 1519 00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,520 ..best mates Sara and Clare. 1520 00:40:59,560 --> 00:40:59,960 ..best mates Sara and Clare. 1521 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,000 What have you been doing, though? Have you been out and shouting? 1522 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:02,640 What have you been doing, though? Have you been out and shouting? 1523 00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:04,680 No. I stuck a fan in my face when it was dead hot... 1524 00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:05,840 No. I stuck a fan in my face when it was dead hot... 1525 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,880 You stuck a what in your face? A fan. A fan. 1526 00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:08,240 You stuck a what in your face? A fan. A fan. 1527 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:09,600 Fan! 1528 00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:13,240 Well, I'm very open-minded. You're very modern. 1529 00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:13,920 Well, I'm very open-minded. You're very modern. 1530 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,600 So you put a fan in your face? Yeah. How long for? 1531 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:18,360 So you put a fan in your face? Yeah. How long for? 1532 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,400 All night. I think I slept with me mouth open. 1533 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:20,800 All night. I think I slept with me mouth open. 1534 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,640 Just drying off your innards. 1535 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:24,880 Just drying off your innards. 1536 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,080 On Friday, ITV filled our morning 1537 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:29,120 On Friday, ITV filled our morning 1538 00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:31,160 with another cheery mix of this and that. 1539 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:32,320 with another cheery mix of this and that. 1540 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:33,760 But do you know what I am? What are you? 1541 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,720 What someone called me the other day? Skinny-fat. 1542 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,720 Oh, I hope you fucking gave them a clip. 1543 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:39,680 No, I've got a muffin top and tits. 1544 00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:41,720 I've actually been going to bed with a cold flannel. 1545 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:42,040 I've actually been going to bed with a cold flannel. 1546 00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:43,720 Yeah, I've been doing cold flannel. Mm. 1547 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,520 I've also been doing a sheet, 1548 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:47,560 but like, how I imagine Jesus Christ might have gone to bed. 1549 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:49,200 but like, how I imagine Jesus Christ might have gone to bed. 1550 00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:51,240 Like just like a loincloth. 1551 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:51,440 Like just like a loincloth. 1552 00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:57,640 Love you, love you, love you, love you. 1553 00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,200 Dermot, it's too early, mate. Relax. 1554 00:41:59,240 --> 00:42:01,240 Horizontal stripes, Dermot? 1555 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:01,480 Horizontal stripes, Dermot? 1556 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:02,640 Not for everyone. 1557 00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:04,680 To complete the week, John Torode's in the kitchen today 1558 00:42:04,720 --> 00:42:05,320 To complete the week, John Torode's in the kitchen today 1559 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,120 with the perfect picnic sandwich. 1560 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,160 Now, you know, I don't... Do you like a picnic? Can't be bothered. 1561 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:09,920 Now, you know, I don't... Do you like a picnic? Can't be bothered. 1562 00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:11,960 Yes, it looks like a Christmas pudding. But inside there is 1563 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:12,280 Yes, it looks like a Christmas pudding. But inside there is 1564 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:13,840 going to be a sandwich and I'll show you how to make it. 1565 00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:14,960 Picnic sandwich? 1566 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,000 That looks like something you could put through someone's window 1567 00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:17,360 That looks like something you could put through someone's window 1568 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,400 if you threw it at it. Dunno about a sandwich. 1569 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:19,720 if you threw it at it. Dunno about a sandwich. 1570 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:21,440 You take that with you on your picnic and you know 1571 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,200 that you've got something delicious inside. 1572 00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:24,920 I haven't got room for anything else, John. 1573 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,080 What you're going to do is take 1574 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,120 a round loaf of bread. Look at this. This is called a muffuletta. 1575 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:28,400 a round loaf of bread. Look at this. This is called a muffuletta. 1576 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:29,760 A muffa what? 1577 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:31,360 A muffin letter. A muffin who? 1578 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,400 You go round the outside, and you get a nice little round top. 1579 00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:33,800 You go round the outside, and you get a nice little round top. 1580 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,840 So that's your, your top comes off. 1581 00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:37,880 Look at that. That's scalping. 1582 00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:38,360 Look at that. That's scalping. 1583 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:40,400 If he takes all the bread out of this, I'm going to... 1584 00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:40,720 If he takes all the bread out of this, I'm going to... 1585 00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,440 I think that's what he does do. ..turn this off. 1586 00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:44,480 So you're gonna take out quite a lot of your bread. 1587 00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:44,760 So you're gonna take out quite a lot of your bread. 1588 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:45,840 That's the best bit! 1589 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:47,880 I'm going to take some of that bread that's in here... 1590 00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:49,320 I'm going to take some of that bread that's in here... 1591 00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,360 I can't watch him dig it out and then expect me to eat it. 1592 00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:52,400 I can't watch him dig it out and then expect me to eat it. 1593 00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:55,600 "Oh, do you want a sandwich?" "No, I'm all right, thank you." 1594 00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:55,880 "Oh, do you want a sandwich?" "No, I'm all right, thank you." 1595 00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,120 So I've got some green olives here, which have been filled, 1596 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,160 because we want it to be nice and colourful inside our sandwich. 1597 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:01,440 because we want it to be nice and colourful inside our sandwich. 1598 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,160 What is this man doing? 1599 00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,200 This is a very olive-y sandwich. Yeah. 1600 00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:06,080 This is a very olive-y sandwich. Yeah. 1601 00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:08,160 Some vinegar... 1602 00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,040 ..parsley... Parsley! 1603 00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:11,840 ..and olive oil. Oh, my gosh. 1604 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:13,880 I think of the, you know, 1605 00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:15,600 six ingredients so far, 1606 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:17,680 the only one I like is bread. 1607 00:43:17,720 --> 00:43:19,720 And we've got olives and parsley and bread. 1608 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:20,000 And we've got olives and parsley and bread. 1609 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,480 I cannot stand olives. 1610 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:23,520 It's going to be interesting to see how that is actually a sandwich 1611 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:24,800 It's going to be interesting to see how that is actually a sandwich 1612 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,400 rather than a bowl full of olives. 1613 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,440 Some prosciutto. OK. 1614 00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:28,760 Some prosciutto. OK. 1615 00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:30,800 Salami, some artichokes, some olives. 1616 00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:32,000 Salami, some artichokes, some olives. 1617 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,040 Did he say olives again? Yeah, black olives. 1618 00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:34,360 Did he say olives again? Yeah, black olives. 1619 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:35,840 Oh, for...sake. 1620 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:37,880 Some peppers, and then some mozzarella as well. 1621 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:38,560 Some peppers, and then some mozzarella as well. 1622 00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:40,280 So all this stuff goes together like a big pizza. 1623 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:42,320 This isn't my perfect picnic sandwich. Is it yours? 1624 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:43,040 This isn't my perfect picnic sandwich. Is it yours? 1625 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,080 No, it really isn't my perfect picnic sandwich. 1626 00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:45,560 No, it really isn't my perfect picnic sandwich. 1627 00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:47,600 In fact, I'm going to put it out there - this is pissing me off. 1628 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:48,320 In fact, I'm going to put it out there - this is pissing me off. 1629 00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,000 You make these overnight, so the next day, 1630 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,040 when you go on a picnic, you've got no preparation to do. 1631 00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:52,480 when you go on a picnic, you've got no preparation to do. 1632 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,520 My God, I've got to make it the day BEFORE I'm going on a picnic. 1633 00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:55,440 My God, I've got to make it the day BEFORE I'm going on a picnic. 1634 00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:57,480 I don't have time for all this of an evening. 1635 00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:58,240 I don't have time for all this of an evening. 1636 00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:00,280 I'm busy watching Love Island. 1637 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:00,520 I'm busy watching Love Island. 1638 00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:01,760 Sliced cheese. 1639 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,680 So sliced cheese in there... 1640 00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:05,720 But it's not a sandwich. It's a bucket of bread. 1641 00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,360 But it's not a sandwich. It's a bucket of bread. 1642 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:09,400 It does look a bit like when you look into the bin 1643 00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:09,720 It does look a bit like when you look into the bin 1644 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,760 and it's all your leftovers crammed in. 1645 00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:12,120 and it's all your leftovers crammed in. 1646 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,160 Add to that now some black olives. 1647 00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:14,480 Add to that now some black olives. 1648 00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:16,040 He's got more olives in there! 1649 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:17,440 When will it end? 1650 00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,480 When will it end? I know. So many layers. 1651 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:19,880 When will it end? I know. So many layers. 1652 00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:21,920 Put the lid back on. On to there. 1653 00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:22,240 Put the lid back on. On to there. 1654 00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,280 And now what do I do with it? You weight it. 1655 00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:24,600 And now what do I do with it? You weight it. 1656 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,640 Just before you put it in the fridge, if you just want to... 1657 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:26,920 Just before you put it in the fridge, if you just want to... 1658 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:28,880 ..get it all in! 1659 00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:30,240 John. 1660 00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:32,280 Push it all down and wrap the whole thing in a tea towel 1661 00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:32,840 Push it all down and wrap the whole thing in a tea towel 1662 00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:34,800 and then put that in your fridge overnight. 1663 00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:36,840 Oh...go fuck yourself. 1664 00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:37,720 Oh...go fuck yourself. 1665 00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:39,600 I don't think so, do you? 1666 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,640 Instead of having all your picky bits on plastic containers 1667 00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:42,200 Instead of having all your picky bits on plastic containers 1668 00:44:42,240 --> 00:44:44,240 and trays and all that sort of stuff within your picnic basket... 1669 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:44,960 and trays and all that sort of stuff within your picnic basket... 1670 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,840 You know, the way it's nice. 1671 00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:48,760 ..you've got this, and it's really impressive 1672 00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:50,800 because you open it up and you go, "Oh, look what I've brought, 1673 00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:51,160 because you open it up and you go, "Oh, look what I've brought, 1674 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,200 "guys, to my...our perfect picnic." 1675 00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:53,560 "guys, to my...our perfect picnic." 1676 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,600 "Who invited John?" is what they'll say. 1677 00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:56,120 "Who invited John?" is what they'll say. 1678 00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,160 Amazing sandwich. Oh, that's nice. 1679 00:44:58,200 --> 00:44:58,760 Amazing sandwich. Oh, that's nice. 1680 00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,680 Oh! Oh! 1681 00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:02,720 Do you know what? I'm convinced. Fair play. 1682 00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:03,400 Do you know what? I'm convinced. Fair play. 1683 00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:04,800 Fair play. 1684 00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,840 Well, I'm gonna say I'm back in the room. 1685 00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:07,120 Well, I'm gonna say I'm back in the room. 1686 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,960 I am back in the room. 1687 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,000 I'm intrigued how you get your mouth around that, though. 1688 00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:11,520 I'm intrigued how you get your mouth around that, though. 1689 00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,520 Well, you're not supposed to get your mouth... 1690 00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:15,320 How are you meant to eat it if you're not supposed to 1691 00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:17,360 get your mouth around it? She's just asked the most important question. 1692 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:17,680 get your mouth around it? She's just asked the most important question. 1693 00:45:17,720 --> 00:45:19,200 Like, go on, I want to see it happen. 1694 00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:21,240 So do you slice it and then eat knife and fork? 1695 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:21,520 So do you slice it and then eat knife and fork? 1696 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:22,800 What I do is I do like that. 1697 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:24,720 Don't say you take it apart, John. 1698 00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:26,760 And then you can actually just choose the bits you want. 1699 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:27,640 And then you can actually just choose the bits you want. 1700 00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:29,680 Oh!.. Oh, it's falling over. ..no. 1701 00:45:29,720 --> 00:45:30,960 Oh!.. Oh, it's falling over. ..no. 1702 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,000 That's not a sandwich. Oh, look at that. It's not, is it? 1703 00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:33,680 That's not a sandwich. Oh, look at that. It's not, is it? 1704 00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:35,400 It's a shambles. It's a... 1705 00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:37,440 You've put it all together and then you get to the picnic 1706 00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:39,040 You've put it all together and then you get to the picnic 1707 00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:40,520 and then you take it all apart again. 1708 00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:42,080 You know what? If I was John Torode, 1709 00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:43,960 I'd come off that section and I'd be throwing it. 1710 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,000 I'd be going, "Do you know what? You don't deserve my muffuletta." 1711 00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:46,320 I'd be going, "Do you know what? You don't deserve my muffuletta." 1712 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,360 That's what I would say. And I'd say, "Do you know what, Kelly? 1713 00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:48,680 That's what I would say. And I'd say, "Do you know what, Kelly? 1714 00:45:48,720 --> 00:45:50,720 "I don't want your muffuletta." What a waste of time. 1715 00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:51,040 "I don't want your muffuletta." What a waste of time. 1716 00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:53,080 I'd say, "Mark, you're never getting anywhere near my muffuletta!" 1717 00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:53,960 I'd say, "Mark, you're never getting anywhere near my muffuletta!" 1718 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,280 I don't want to be anywhere near your muffuletta! 1719 00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:58,200 I don't want to be anywhere near your muffuletta! 1720 00:45:58,240 --> 00:46:00,240 Stupid idea. Especially if it's got an olive in it. 1721 00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:01,000 Stupid idea. Especially if it's got an olive in it. 1722 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:04,960 # In a perfect world 1723 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:06,160 # In a perfect world 1724 00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:08,200 # In a perfect world 1725 00:46:08,240 --> 00:46:10,240 # In a perfect world 1726 00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:10,560 # In a perfect world 1727 00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:12,600 # In a perfect world Singing out 1728 00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:14,640 # In a perfect world Singing out 1729 00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:16,680 # In a perfect world Singing out 1730 00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:17,960 # In a perfect world Singing out 1731 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,000 # In a perfect world 1732 00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,040 # In a perfect world 1733 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:22,520 # In a perfect world 1734 00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:24,560 # In a perfect world 1735 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,600 # In a perfect world 1736 00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,640 # In a perfect, perfect world. # 1737 00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:30,680 # In a perfect, perfect world. # 1738 00:46:30,720 --> 00:46:31,680 # In a perfect, perfect world. # 1739 00:46:31,720 --> 00:46:33,720 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 1740 00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:34,160 Subtitles by Red Bee Media