1
00:00:06,980 --> 00:00:09,980
-Welcome.
-I can't tell you how excited I am

2
00:00:10,070 --> 00:00:13,910
that you're going to be able to enjoy
some authentic New Woodstream vino.

3
00:00:13,990 --> 00:00:17,080
-Hi, Abigail. Hi, Heidi.
-Hello, Gilbert.

4
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,040
-Are you working the party?
-Yes.

5
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,000
I'm actually working security.

6
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:23,500
Last year, Martha Tweenis,
the church organist, came in here,

7
00:00:23,580 --> 00:00:26,040
got real drunk,
and started singing church hymns

8
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-but adding dirty words.
-Oh, dear.

9
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,300
I had to escort her out of here,
but she did a toddler drop--

10
00:00:30,380 --> 00:00:31,380
Get to the point, Gilbert.

11
00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:34,180
-Enjoy the party, my queen.
-Thank you, Gilbert.

12
00:00:38,180 --> 00:00:39,470
Oh, stop it!

13
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,480
Yeah, no, it's this new new cellphone,
I loaded all up.

14
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,560
I don't know why you made me get
such a stupid device.

15
00:00:45,650 --> 00:00:48,570
Would you be a dear
and change the ring sound for me

16
00:00:48,650 --> 00:00:50,190
to something more appropriate?

17
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,780
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you.

18
00:00:51,860 --> 00:00:54,570
Mapleworth on the cellular phone.
Who is it?

19
00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:56,450
Hey, it's Jerry, your agent.

20
00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:57,740
How is the book coming?

21
00:00:57,820 --> 00:01:00,330
Oh, it's going wonderfully.

22
00:01:00,410 --> 00:01:02,000
Can't you hear me typing?

23
00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:07,710
Sounds like you are cranking it out.

24
00:01:07,790 --> 00:01:10,670
Oh, yes, I'll have pages for you
by the end of the week.

25
00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:15,680
-Well, you are the best in the business.
-And you're the best of the Jerrys.

26
00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:20,010
It's okay if need to go home
and work on your book, Aunt Abigail.

27
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:22,430
Pigeon paste! You just moved here.

28
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,180
Let's have a little fun.

29
00:01:24,270 --> 00:01:26,770
Oh, you're always a good time,
Aunt Abigail.

30
00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:30,230
But I'm pretty sure
this party's not gonna be fun.

31
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:35,240
-Why?
-Just a little bit of juicy jazz.

32
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:36,740
Yes.

33
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:44,450
What a snooze fest. It's like
the '80s had sex with the bible.

34
00:01:44,540 --> 00:01:48,750
Well, New Woodstream has its share
of interesting characters.

35
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Oh, chimp shit.

36
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:54,170
Paige Wellington is here. She's the editor
of the town paper, The Biweekly Monthly,

37
00:01:54,260 --> 00:01:56,590
and she's a real know-it-all
pain in the pucker hole.

38
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-Paige!
-Mapleworth!

39
00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:01,760
What a beautiful polyester getup.

40
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What lovely colorless neck balls.

41
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Nice wig.

42
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I'm Heidi. I'm her niece.

43
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Cute.

44
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,440
I'd leave this dumb party,

45
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,520
but I'm doing a story
on Julia Squift's rollout of her new rosé.

46
00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:15,900
Oh, I'm sure it will be interesting.
She writes nonfiction.

47
00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,780
Oh, well...

48
00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:21,200
it's better than a book full of snotty,
made-up word garbage.

49
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,870
My God, what is that smell?

50
00:02:22,950 --> 00:02:24,950
It's horri-- Just-- Just accrid.

51
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,290
It's making my eyes water.

52
00:02:26,370 --> 00:02:27,830
Paige...

53
00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:31,920
-Who raised you?
-I didn't do it.

54
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I didn't do it!

55
00:02:34,130 --> 00:02:35,170
Ripe.

56
00:02:35,260 --> 00:02:37,720
It was me and it was intentional.

57
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,220
You might not be well.

58
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:41,760
Oh, it's just a party trick.

59
00:02:45,470 --> 00:02:50,810
What a friend we have in penis

60
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All the tip and shaft to share

61
00:02:56,730 --> 00:02:59,450
Martha, you know you're not supposed
to be in here.

62
00:02:59,530 --> 00:03:00,950
Come on, let's go outside.

63
00:03:01,030 --> 00:03:04,450
No! We are-- Well-- I'm not going.
We're all having a good time.

64
00:03:04,530 --> 00:03:08,370
Nearer my butt to thee

65
00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:10,290
-Martha...
-Oh, no.

66
00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:14,500
Gilbert, you are just mad because we went
on that G-damned date

67
00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:16,340
and you weren't feeling it.

68
00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:21,050
Well, get over it, Gilbert,
because all of this is not for you

69
00:03:21,130 --> 00:03:23,180
-according to you.
-Gilbert!

70
00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:25,510
I didn't know you were seeing someone.

71
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:29,350
Why don't you introduce us
to your lovely, spirited gal?

72
00:03:29,430 --> 00:03:31,100
I am not his "gal."

73
00:03:31,190 --> 00:03:33,520
I asked him out about 10 times,

74
00:03:33,610 --> 00:03:38,860
and finally I had to surprise-join him
at his booth at the Waffle Closet.

75
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And we were having a wonderful time,
until he noticed I was there.

76
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,530
And I was like,
"Get off my jock, Gilbert."

77
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Sounds like she wants to
really funk your junk.

78
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,830
Gilbert, I'm thrilled for you.

79
00:03:49,910 --> 00:03:52,460
You deserve to be physically reciprocated.

80
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:54,580
No. I-- We-- I-- We--

81
00:03:54,670 --> 00:03:58,420
-We didn't do anything.
-I mean, I did something later.

82
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,420
I put my Spanx in his mailbox.

83
00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:03,260
-Oh, dear.
-Oh, Martha, Martha, Martha...

84
00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:07,680
If you care about me at all,
let's talk about this outside.

85
00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:13,690
Oh, Martha, you know tongues
are for honeymoons.

86
00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:16,110
-Let's go.
-Goodbye!

87
00:04:17,110 --> 00:04:19,570
I don't wanna go.
I tricked you, I'm not gonna go.

88
00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,570
Toddler drop.

89
00:04:21,650 --> 00:04:24,990
This little crotch of mine
I'm gonna let it shine

90
00:04:25,070 --> 00:04:26,490
No. Close it.

91
00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:27,660
Oh, this...

92
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:31,870
Hello, gals.

93
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,790
Would you two like to try our best cab?

94
00:04:34,870 --> 00:04:37,790
No, thank you. I drove my own car here.

95
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,510
-That is delicious.
-Oh, my turn.

96
00:04:46,340 --> 00:04:48,930
-There's a spit bucket right here.
-No, thank you. We're good.

97
00:04:50,270 --> 00:04:52,230
Oh, here's the rosé

98
00:04:52,310 --> 00:04:53,520
-Thanks for that.
-Thank you.

99
00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:01,110
I just want to thank you all
for coming to taste my new rosé.

100
00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:04,950
I so enjoyed making it.

101
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:11,120
Oh, it starts with a hint
of peach skin on the lips

102
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,370
that turns into an explosion
of mouth feels,

103
00:05:14,460 --> 00:05:18,290
and then it chokes you into a deeply...

104
00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:20,750
satisfying finish.

105
00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:37,190
I also wanna thank my best friend,
Lanie Delabouche,

106
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,440
who catered this whole event.

107
00:05:40,650 --> 00:05:44,280
But I would stay away
from the mini crab cakes.

108
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,280
I bit into one, I bit a little crab dick.

109
00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:50,240
I'm kidding!

110
00:05:50,330 --> 00:05:53,910
I assure you there aren't any penises
in any of the food.

111
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,160
Not yet anyway.

112
00:05:58,830 --> 00:06:02,050
Well, have fun everyone.

113
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,260
-Julia. What was that?
-What?

114
00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:10,470
This wine's been a really bad boy.

115
00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:12,560
I'm going to spank it until it turns red.

116
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:19,850
All this wine is really going through me
like a frat boy down a Slip 'N Slide.

117
00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:21,810
I probably won't make it to the bathroom.

118
00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:24,940
We'll see. I wouldn't put money on it.

119
00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:27,150
Pretty bad.

120
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,200
-Should you just go?
-Yes, I should.

121
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,620
-I urge you...
-What?!

122
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:36,000
-...to use caution with me, Julia. Yes.
-Oh, to use caution, Richard?

123
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,870
You're not gonna get away with this.
You're not gonna get away with this.

124
00:06:46,420 --> 00:06:48,970
-The food is, like, really good.
-Oh, yeah?

125
00:06:49,050 --> 00:06:51,890
Julia clearly doesn't like it.

126
00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:55,180
She didn't have to shame me like that
in front of everyone.

127
00:06:55,270 --> 00:06:57,730
You know, sometimes she can be such a...

128
00:06:59,060 --> 00:07:02,060
A giant red butthole!

129
00:07:02,150 --> 00:07:04,570
Glad that you're the one
handling all the food.

130
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:05,610
Thank you.

131
00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:09,900
Oh, God. The cheese is sweating.

132
00:07:09,990 --> 00:07:13,370
I better go blot it
or I'll hear it from Julia.

133
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:15,790
No!

134
00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:19,660
Heidi, have you seen Julia anywhere?

135
00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:21,580
No, I haven't.

136
00:07:21,670 --> 00:07:24,460
I wanted to congratulate her
on her new wine.

137
00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:27,090
I usually hate rosé,
but this one is awful.

138
00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:28,840
It is making me tipsy though.

139
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:32,430
I might even want to deep-throat
some of those crab dicks.

140
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,930
Stop complaining. You think I care?

141
00:07:39,020 --> 00:07:42,150
You're pathetic.
I'm gonna go back to my party.

142
00:07:56,450 --> 00:07:58,330
Does somebody need help?

143
00:07:58,410 --> 00:08:00,210
I'm trying to figure that out.

144
00:08:03,290 --> 00:08:06,090
Sounds like me on the crapper.

145
00:08:07,630 --> 00:08:09,800
Oh, not funny now?

146
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,760
I'm gonna go find my wife and kids.

147
00:08:23,350 --> 00:08:24,310
That sucks.

148
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,860
Looks like Julia ordered
a white wine squisher.

149
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:29,030
Aunt Abigail.

150
00:08:29,110 --> 00:08:32,320
Sometimes, humor is the perfect poultice
for pain.

151
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,700
Well, it's not a very...

152
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:36,950
"flattering" way to die.

153
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,950
She used to be a barrel of fun.

154
00:08:42,410 --> 00:08:44,710
-It is sad, though.
-So sad.

155
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:46,460
Sorry, got to do this.