[GUN BLASTS]
- [GUN BLAST] - [STERLING] Ooh!
I got him in the nostril!
Wow, you look just like Mom right now.
With my hair pulled back? I totally thought that this morning.
No, I mean adeptly handling a deadly weapon.
[GUN BLAST]
By the way, who do you think she's going to shoot
with her secret gun from her secret storage unit?
- Blair... - [GUN BLAST]
...I know you saw something that you thought felt weird, but...
Oh, my God! That's extremely condescending.
Mom isn't a criminal mastermind, okay? She hates crime.
Remember when she made you return that MoonPie
that you stole from Piggly Wiggly
when we were driving to Seaside in the fourth grade?
It was a Goo Goo Cluster from Harris Teeter
when we were driving back from Seaside in the third grade.
You're saying you won't even consider the possibility
that she's lying to us at least?
Fine. If you make this bullseye, dead center,
then I will consider the possibility
that Mom is leading some dangerous double life.
- Really? - Really.
[DISTANT MAN CHATTERING]
[GASPS]
- I got him in the nuts! - Doesn't count.
I totally got him in the nuts.
- It doesn't count. - That totally counts.
We didn't say nothing about nuts.
Well, it's a bullseye of some sort.
- [THEME MUSIC] - Bullseye.
[VOCALIZING]
[BLAIR] I've landed on a theory.
She's a part of the Dixie Mafia.
While we're at school, she drives to Biloxi, Mississippi
and then on the weekends,
she serves up premium hardcore drugs to the Atlanta upper-crust
through tennis matches, book club, church...
Come on, don't you think it's even a little bit suspicious?
What? Mom having a gun?
No. Want to know why?
Because we're holding guns right now, Blair.
We're gun owners.
Dad is a gun owner.
Mom says, that guns are a product of the Fall.
[GRUNTS] There's no reason for her to have a gun or a pile of cash,
just like there's no reason for her to have a storage unit.
Maybe that's where she put our Madame Alexander dolls.
And the gun?
To protect the dolls.
[CELL PHONE DINGS]
[CELL PHONE BLEEPS]
You need to take this seriously.
Blair, you are like a dog with a bone, okay?
It's either sex, sex, sex
or some implausible theory about Mom and her criminal second life.
Okay, you're doing it again. You're stirring things up.
No, I'm not.
Stop minimizing my experiences.
Sorry.
Hey.
I'm sorry again that you didn't
get to put the "O" in your column at the debate tournament.
I really thought that one of those guys was going to get you there.
Yeah, that's okay. Uh...
I'm sure I'll have an orgasm one day.
I'll sit on a bicycle seat or something. It's fine.
Of course, you will.
It just takes some women a lot of time to figure it out.
You just have to find out what makes you tick.
Inside your vagina.
[GASPS]
[GASPS ECSTATICALLY]
Mm-hm.
Uh, can we talk about something else, like, um...
Mom and the gun?
- [GASPS] Really? - Yeah.
Okay, so this is what I'm thinking.
We can go to the storage unit, but it's locked.
- So we've gotta crack the lock and... - Anyway...
Anyway, uh...
- Hey, Dad. - Hello!
How are you enjoying this season of The Masked Singer?
I've been meaning to ask you.
Oh, my goodness, that show does not miss. [CHUCKLES]
I never would have thought that cricket was Roberta Flack.
Hey, um, have you seen April?
No. She went AWOL since the debate tournament.
Your ex is looking bereft.
Hi, Luke. How's, um... everything?
Great.
Amazing.
- Mm. - Um, I'm taking time for myself.
That's really good. I'm really glad to hear that.
And I have my music,
and my bandmates take turns reminding me to eat...
which rocks.
Luke! Come sit by me.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Hi!
[SIGHS]
How's your morning been?
Those announcements were so loud, my ears were like...
Yeah. [CLEARS THROAT]
- Hey. - Hey.
Um, I don't know what you're doing,
but I would keep my fingers out of that mousetrap.
Oh.
She's best to be avoided when she's in a biting mood.
She bit you?
What? No.
What's going on with her?
She's... um...
struggling to keep it all together, but it's personal, so...
Yeah, it's her dad. His trial started today.
- It's personal! - Right.
And her dad's a person, Ezequiel.
That must be really hard for her.
Yeah, but we have to look out for ourselves.
In an autocracy, when the despot is down,
it's every person for herself.
- Zirself. - Zirself.
[ELLEN] Okay, guys and gals.
Now listen, I don't want anyone to revolt
'cause I know you're all excited for your long weekend,
but I have an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny little assignment.
I did it myself back in the day
and I had so much fun. Oh!
Okay, it is time for...
Biblical Buildings.
[ALL GROANING]
Yes, I know! You each get to pick an architectural structure from the Bible,
and then build a historically accurate representation
to present to the class.
It's a chance to just dig in
and get your hands dirty in that rich biblical soil, huh?
And who says our school doesn't teach the Arts?
[MIMICS FLATULENCE] Okay. So, let's just pair off
and then everybody yell out who wants what.
Can I do the manger?
Uh, that's a kind of building, I guess. Yeah.
Moses' door with blood on the frame,
like, dripping down, really violent.
Well, it should really be the whole building, Franklin.
Luke and I want Noah's Ark.
Each animal... matched with a mate...
propagating the species.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah. Yeah, and I bet some animals paired off and...
weren't the exact same person, like an octopus and a Sterl...
A squirrel!
Um...
A squirrel. I think that sounds like a beautiful idea.
I'm very excited.
Okay.
Solomon's Temple.
[STUDENTS GASP]
That's insanity. Why do you always gotta try so hard, April?
[ELLEN] Oh, Franklin!
Do we need to speak privately?
No, Miss Johnson.
[ELLEN] Solomon's Temple. That...
hmm... is ambitious, April,
but I like it and I like you.
We're going to need gold paint, chicken wire and spackle.
Also blood, I think it should be real.
You're gonna have to kill a pigeon.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
Why aren't you writing this down?
Um...
Hannah B and I are actually partners.
- Sorry. - Sorry, it just happened.
But, like, before you asked. S... So...
- Oh-oh, you've got a Dorito in your hair. - It's right here.
Yeah.
It's kind of gross, yeah.
Fine. But you should build a biblical time machine back to now
because partnering with Hannah B is a huge mistake.
She cites Wikipedia in her bibliographies.
She's never even registered her JSTOR and EBSCO Host logins.
We choose the cross.
It's technically a building Jesus lived on until he died.
[ELLEN] Okay, let's think on that.
Um...
I'll do Solomon's Temple with you.
I know all the dimensions from Miss Kline's Sunday school class.
Uh, "Five cubits in height and ten cubits brim to brim."
I know the dimensions, too. I'm not an animal.
Oh, you know, of course you're not an animal,
Oh, my gosh.
Um, but...
Ooh ooh, my dad has this woodworking shop,
and he paints these little wooden ducks.
It's so weird, but he's got
a mi... a miter saw, and a nail gun and drills.
- It will be so fun... - Fine.
Okay... um, tomorrow maybe?
- If you aren't busy, because... - I said fine.
Okay.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
[STERLING, MIMICKING BOWSER] "Get in there! Why is paper so heavy?"
[BLAIR] "Stupid piece of plastic."
[STERLING, IN BRITISH ACCENT] "Oh, hello. I'm a lady dressed like a napkin."
"Are you from the Napkin Department?"
"Hey there, pretty lady."
"Do you have any yogurt?"
[BLAIR] "You know you want it."
Does Bowser have friends?
No. We're it.
[STERLING] They're still hugging.
[BLAIR] This is pornographic.
[STERLING] Why is she rubbing his arms?
Is he backing away? Should we go and save him?
Wait. Yolanda knows her, too?
Is that his ex?
[GASPS]
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- [GAPS] They're looking at us. - They're coming inside. What do we say?
- Hello? - Hello. Yeah, that's good. Hello.
Okay, great. We're saying hello.
- Classic, adult, neutral. - Be normal!
Greetings, earthlings.
Bonjour!
Hola!
You must be Bowser's... boo.
- Ex-boo. - Uh, hey!
Don't be... you.
And you must be the little gringas Yolanda told me about,
bringing in new life and lighting up B's fourth chakra.
[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY] Mmm.
Oh, my God.
Your soul is settled.
I can feel it.
I'm actually a pretty nervous person.
And you... You...
[INHALES DEEPLY]
- Mmm. - Okay, cool.
How about we get to work here?
Yolanda, you got a skip?
That's why I'm here.
Oh, you know, you go.
I'll stop by for dinner.
Oh, I've been dying to make my goulash.
I'm assuming you have pots, pans, homemade beef broth,
noodle... No?
No.
You know what? [CLICKS TEETH] We'll figure it out.
Ciao-ee.
[GASPS]
- Oh, my God. - What is she doing here?
Looking for a potential producer for her new album.
She's a singer? I thought she owned a goat farm.
Exactly.
- Did you know she was coming? - [BOWSER] Yeah.
Are you gonna get back together with her?
No! Not that it's any business of yours.
Nice plants, by the way.
- I give it a day and a half. - Till they're banging?
- Yeah. - No. Nope.
- Why? - She needs Bowser to fund that album.
That is not how it is.
- She was touching you a lot. - Mm-hm.
How do you know how it is?
You haven't talked to her in...
Oh.
Mm. She liked that Instagram post of yours.
[GASPS] The picture I took?
- Yes. - Aww.
And what? She sent you a message?
Well, I saw that she liked it and I sent her one. Okay?
I'm allowed to keep in touch with my ex-wife, you know.
See, this is textbook Michelle.
She sees an opening and she sweeps in
with whatever new project she's got going on.
A yoga studio on a boat,
a marathon across Antarctica, oh,
"Oh, I know, let's clone ourselves."
And then she sweeps away just as easily
and Bowser here is left holding the bill
or his own genetic matter, depending on the year.
On, off, off, on.
I figured it'd end after the divorce,
but old habits die hard, I guess.
Huh. So, you're, like, addicted to her.
And she uses him like an old rag.
Well if he's the addict, then he uses her.
But she's using him clearly,
so he can't be the addict. He's the drug.
And she's the addict?
Well, she's addicted to him being addicted to her.
- So they're both addicts then? - It's called codependence.
I'm not addicted!
Jesus, somebody shoot me.
Do you have a skip or not?
Thank you.
How hard was that?
His name's Gary Durbin.
Gary skipped bail three weeks ago. He's currently MIA.
- What was he booked for? - Dealing amphetamines.
- His old lady drives a 18-wheeler, hm? - Mm-hm.
Travels with her sometimes.
Probably hiding out in the back of her semi right now.
You call the truck company?
- Get her route? - Not yet.
[SIGHS]
I'll do it.
You sure? Because I can call Pedro,
- Rory, or Perry D... - Yolanda.
I said I got it, hm?
Here, take this.
Track her credit card statements like I taught you.
See if you can find out if she's sticking to her route.
Okay.
I'm out sixty grand here, Bowser.
Yolanda? Trust me.
Maybe Mom's dealing amphetamines.
What are amphetamines?
Drugs that can go on land and water.
Oh.
Oh, I have to be honest, y'all,
I was running around so much today doing my errands,
I had to go get a pre-made casserole.
So, y'all be honest. [CHUCKLES]
Well, it tastes a little mealy,
and there's something in there I can't quite put my finger on,
but beige would be the flavor I'd give it.
Oh, well, maybe a little too honest.
[CHUCKLES]
So, girls, are you all packed up
and ready for your big hunting trip with Uncle Deacon and Big Daddy?
Why do you ask?
Are you planning something?
I'm not sure, maybe mimosas, a little foot mask?
Ooh, interesting.
Where do you store those?
Um, I actually have to stay behind.
- What? Why? - Well, that's a shame, Sterl.
I've got this big project for Bible class
and it's going to take all weekend.
And we need to use your tools, too, Dad,
- if that's okay. - That's okay.
- We? - Yeah, they partnered me up with April.
[GROANS] It's awful. I hate it.
You can't bail. We have to wring Dad for information.
- Since when? - Since I realized just now
that this man cannot lie.
[SCOFFS] Did you hear what he said about the casserole?
If he knows anything about Mom and the gun,
he will crack in five seconds flat.
Let Mom be. It's okay to have a secret.
- We don't have secrets. - No, but we could if we wanted to, right?
Right. Wait. No.
I don't like secrets.
Secrets imply boundaries. Do you have a secret?
No, it was a hypothetical.
And Dad isn't that bad of a liar. He can keep things in.
By the way, Daddy, what did you get up to this afternoon?
Well, I was lacquering up my wooden ducks in the garage and...
next thing I knew was high as a kite on fumes.
[SNIFFS] I woke up on my hammock, holding a bowl of pimento cheese.
I do not know how I got there.
[CHUCKLES]
Sterl, I'm disappointed you're not going to be joining us,
but school work does come first.
Yes, sir.
I hope this doesn't mean that you're bailing on your old Dad, too, Blair.
Even if you're doing your peaceful protest,
I'd still like a little daddy-daughter time.
No way. I'm totally, totally psyched.
I'm gonna, you know...
shoot a bunch of innocent animals.
I thought you were opposed to hunting on moral grounds, honey.
Actually, a lot of hunters don't support the NRA.
Also, we only shoot older bucks, right, Daddy?
And not any of the young does.
No does.
And we eat everything we shoot.
Also...
I miss you.
Aww.
I miss you, too.
[CHUCKLES]
Now, can we talk?
Shhh.
[WHISPERING] We want to get into the right frame of mind,
really feel the deer.
Well, we felt the entire history of Gettysburg on tape on the way up here,
so I was kind of hoping that we could talk about life,
and love, and Mom.
You know I love talking about love, baby,
but deer are quiet souls.
Can we not call them souls?
And huntin' is a chance for a man
to really just breathe in and breathe out,
sink into that silence.
[MAN] Whoo!
Hey oh! [CHUCKLES]
[GROANS]
Deek.
Lookin' good, ace.
It's good to see you, Big Daddy.
Good to see you, Son.
Hey, no hard feelings about me leaving the company, right?
I just needed a change.
This isn't Maury Povich, Son.
Let's just have a nice hunt.
[ANDERSON] Okay, Big Daddy.
- Blair. - Uncle Deacon.
- Give me a hug. - A hug?
- Oh, yep. All right. - Yep.
[CHUCKLES] How've you been, bud?
Oh!
- [CACKLES] - Deacon. [GROANS]
Come on. Would you please keep your voice down?
Sure.
[SHOUTING] Are you cracking away at those ducks?
That's a hobby, is what that is. That's all.
Yeah, I've been, I've been, you know, keeping busy.
I've got my hands in this and that and so things are good. I'm good.
- That's good to hear, man. - Thanks.
- Oh! - Come on!
Come on, Deacon.
You know what keeps me up at night?
[CHUCKLES] How in the hell a guy like your dad bags a girl like your mom.
I mean, it... it baffles the mind, truly.
[CHUCKLES] I love hearing about that.
- Yes. Keep going. - [BIG DADDY] Blair!
You here to ruin our time yammering on about gun laws?
No, I... I actually support the right to bear arms.
But if you need an assault rifle to take down a whitetail,
you're a lousy shot and you should get a new hobby.
Finally, something we agree on.
Also the NRA is in with Big Oil
and they are eatin' up the American wilderness.
Soon, there won't be anywhere to hunt anyway.
I'm just...
- Oh! - Jesus!
[DEACON] Easy there.
[SNORING]
Okay. Now, let's just relax into the quiet.
It's too bad about Sterly Pearly.
That girl loves a gun.
Daggum.
You know who doesn't love a gun, though?
Mom, right?
She would never, like, have one, or shoot one, or... store one?
That's right. Shh.
Deb's a hell of a shot.
She is?
She took us to a gun range on a double date when y'all first met.
Taught us how to grunt like a buck to a doe in heat.
[MIMICS ANIMAL GRUNTING]
- Mom taught you how to sex grunt? - Oh.
- Language, please! - She won an award, too.
Yeah, the Peaky Rounding Falls Sharpshooter Award.
I believe, for taking down a coyote in Stewart County.
Shh.
Anderson can't even take down his own damn name.
Man, how the hell did you land a girl like Debbie?
- They love each other, Uncle Deacon. - We fell in love, Deacon.
- [SPITS] - [BLAIR] Eww.
Hey, Dad, when did Mom stop shooting?
I don't know, sometime before y'all came along.
Why didn't she tell us that she was a good shot?
Oh...
She probably forgot.
Forgot that she won the Peaky... Sneaky Blinder Sharpshooting Award?
For taking down a coyote?
Yeah, she must've.
How?
I don't know, Blair.
People change.
Life is long and deer are quiet.
[GUN BLAST]
- [GASPS] We got him! - [GROANS]
[SPITS]
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
You are so good at using that saw.
Thanks.
Luke tried to use this once to make me a pair of wooden flip-flops
and... and he almost took his finger off.
And then, he cried and threw the flip-flop
and didn't calm down until I gave him a bowl of mac and cheese.
Never send a man to do a woman's job.
Yeah.
I never really got what you saw in Luke.
He always seemed a little...
amorphous... for you.
He was really sweet and... and kind and loving but...
yeah, after a while, I did want someone with a little more...
[STAMMERING] more this than this.
Remember when Luke ate his own ChapStick?
Yeah.
You were reading Mere Christianity in the fifth grade. [CHUCKLES]
- How do you remember that? - Well, he ate the ChapStick,
choked, gagged, threw up and then you quoted C.S. Lewis to him.
"God will not love you any less
if you happen to be born with a second-rate brain."
That's it!
My gosh, you were so smart.
You read it, too.
I didn't remember it, though.
Not like The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
[SCOFFS]
Well, yeah, that book is seared into my brain
because it's so sad.
The saddest!
Aslan tied up on that slab of rock, dead with no mane?
And Tumnus the Fawn, turned to stone.
And Mr. Beaver!
Wait, what was sad about him?
Well, you know, they destroyed his little beaver house, right?
Oh, yeah, they did.
Yeah, whatever. He had it comin'.
[CHUCKLES]
My dad used to read me those books.
Mine, too.
[TURNS ON ELECTRIC SAW]
[NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHUCKLING] I'm open to love.
[BOWSER] I'm open to love.
I forgive myself and others.
Mm. I...
[CLEARS THROAT] ...I forgive myself. And others.
I'm connected to others and myself.
I'm one with nature.
[BOWSER] I am...
I'm one... Yolanda?
What's... uh...? Hey.
Why are you here?
I was trying to return your call and I got worried.
I thought you might have been tied up, naked and afraid.
[MOANING]
I guess that comes later.
Look, uh...
- I'm sorry, I didn't hear my phone ring. - [MOANING]
I... I just called you with an update, that's all.
Oh, what's the update?
- Uh, I got Jocelyn's route. - Ah.
She's on her way from Chattanooga to Tallahassee.
[MICHELLE MOANS]
Her supervisor says sometimes she stops at the LaGrange Motel,
down the 85 South.
- All right. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
So, later, me and the girls, we'll head out there
and, um... you know...
Hey, you still got that CB radio in your RV?
I do.
- Yeah? - Mm-hm.
No!
- [MICHELLE MOANS] - [BOWSER] Uh...
- Should I get it? - I guess it could crawl up here.
[MICHELLE CONTINUES MOANING]
I had a nightmare that started like this once.
What are you doing here, Michelle?
What are any of us doing here...
if you really think about it?
[SIGHS] I'm meeting producers for my new record.
Mm.
It's a concept album about the path to radical self-care,
refilling the soul with self-love and self-acceptance.
It sounds very selfish.
Oh.
Well, I wouldn't expect you to understand my process.
Also, something called out to me,
made me feel drawn here to Bowser.
Was it your pathological need
to never let me have anything for myself?
Just spitballing.
Bowser told me you saw the post.
You two look... good together.
I mean, your energies are completely incompatible.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, I suppose we'd have to have an ugly divorce
to be as close as y'all two.
Oh, sweetie, are you catching feelings for him... again?
I know what you're up to, Michelle,
and you can't ask him for a loan,
- or a down payment on a car... - I'm not.
...or a place to stay.
He is just getting back on his feet.
Don't worry so much.
I pulled the Four of Wands for Bowser's next year.
Success, victory, joy, love.
Maybe a romantic reunion.
Oh, his aura is very bright...
Por favor, Michèlle!
His aura is shit!
He is still hung up on you
living paycheck-to-paycheck, barely hangin' on.
You run him around again, and he will be knocked flat.
[BOWSER] Wow.
I didn't realize I was so delicate.
- Bowser. - No, no, no.
"Barely hanging on, huh?"
Good to know that's how you see me.
B, clearly Yolanda doesn't believe in your growth potential.
But I do.
[YOLANDA] That's right.
You believed in him so hard
that you up and left as soon as shit got the tiniest bit tough, right?
Great. This is just great.
I'm tired of seeing history repeat itself.
I am not going to pick up the pieces with you again.
Noted.
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
[ANDERSON] Father, we commit this animal to you.
We thank you for its life,
for its sustenance.
And for time with family.
Amen.
- Amen. - Amen.
Did Dee-daw teach mom to shoot?
You know, I don't recall to be honest.
Well, he must've.
Where do you hunt in Savannah?
[CHUCKLING] I don't know, honey.
You never went hunting with her or Dee-daw?
I did not.
No, she'd... she'd given that up by the time we met.
No, she hadn't.
You guys went shooting with Deacon.
Man, you're like a dog with a bone.
Wait.
Of course, you never went hunting with Dee-daw.
He died before you guys met.
- Right. - Right.
I guess it makes sense
that she doesn't like talking about Mee-maw or Dee-daw much.
I wouldn't want to talk about it either
if my parents died in a jet crash in the Rockies.
That's exactly right.
It was the Appalachian Mountains, Dad.
They crashed into the Appalachian Mountains.
I don't know where the plane crashed, Blair.
The point is that it crashed!
And they are dead and they are gone and that is sad, so be quiet!
Please, just be quiet!
Daggum, Deacon, get her going.
[FLESH RIPPING]
[STERLING] He yelled at you?
Yeah. And got sweaty.
And his face turned red like a guava.
Guava's are pink.
Fine, then his face got all pink.
But, like, a fiery, angry pink.
What did he say?
"Be quiet."
[GASPS]
Oh, that is awful.
I know.
He is definitely hiding something.
Something about Mom and Mee-maw and Dee-daw.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Hey, babe. I can't talk right now.
[MILES] Well, then why'd you answer?
Because it would be rude not to.
I miss you. You've been MIA all week.
Yeah. I know. I'm sorry.
I miss you, too. I've just been...
Well, I've been super, super busy
just, like, with school, and Chloe,
and polishing my lacrosse stick.
Okay. All right. Well, um...
I gotta go. I promise I'll call you tonight.
Are you okay?
Yeah, no vacancies.
You know what I hate about Yolanda?
She's smug.
Which is a real feat,
especially when everything is apparently going to shit. You know?
People change, things work out,
the sun rises and it's a new day.
Wow.
You are getting back together with old, dirty rag Michelle, aren't you?
No!
I don't know. Maybe?
[GROANS] Bowser!
Sterling, let's play top five reasons.
Bowser is going to end up dead in a ditch somewhere
with a Michelle sticking out of his arm.
I am not addicted, all right?
Um, do... do you really think that people change?
Like, if someone likes you like a friend,
maybe tomorrow they'll change their mind?
Sure. You gotta trust that good things are coming.
Surrender to the universe.
Excuse me, who are you talking about?
Chase Colton? Huh?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No one in particular, just a hypothetical.
Advice.
- From Bowser? - Yeah.
- Really? - He's right here.
- Okay, thanks. - You should totally go for Chase.
I used to think that he was really boring and bad at math,
but he changed his hair part really deep left
- and he looks so, so good. - Hm.
Is that them? Is that the Durbins?
Hey hey...
Wow, see?
If you choose Michelle,
this is who you'll end up like,
just a couple of junkies jonesing for their next fix.
Thank you, Dr. fucking Freud.
Is this a drug deal?
Is this, like... with drugs and stuff?
- Is that what's happening right now? - Yeah.
- Come on. Let's go. - [STERLING SIGHS]
[COCKS GUN]
- [GROANS] - Last resort.
There's a drug deal happening!
Last resort! Put it away now!
All right. Stay behind me.
This could get hairy.
Don't you trust us?
Yeah. Trust us like you trust the universe.
We're professionals and adults.
There is nothing behind that door that we cannot handle.
- What the fuck? - Nobody move!
- Eww. - They're naked!
Get the fuck out of here!
Yeah, we've got the room for the next 45 minutes.
Gary Durbin?
- No. Why is it purple? - Oh, god.
[BOWSER] You're under arrest.
I'm a bail enforcement officer.
- Move away from the human pyramid here. - [BLAIR] Sorry, guys.
Okay. Don't everybody move!
- [BOTH SCREAM] - Cold!
What the fuck? Get down!
- [BLAIR] Are you okay? - [STERLING] Yeah!
Stupid bitches!
- [SCREAMS] - Sterl! Watch out, Bowser!
- [GROANS] - Get out of here, Gary!
Go! Go! Go!
- He's naked! - And fast!
Watch out!
Whoa!
- Ow! - Are you okay?
[BOWSER] He's getting away! Sterl! Last resort!
- Shoot him? - No! Shoot the lights!
[GASPS]
[GROANS]
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah, that's my girl.
[STERLING] Don't roll!
Sir, your front stuff!
[GROANS]
Um, sir? I'm going to cuff you now.
Put your hands where we can...
[SCREAMS] Okay, I'm gonna... I'm gonna cuff... I'm gonna cuff your feet.
Are you kiddin' me, Gary? Amphetamines?
What did I tell you about what we share?
Share if there's blood in your poop.
And share if you've committed a crime!
Did you ever sell to Edwards?
Because he is six months sober and I swear to God, Gary...
I didn't sell to Edwards.
And I don't have blood in my poop.
- It's black. - Your poop is black?
Shit, Gary! That's blood!
Okay, he could have eaten an Oreo.
- We have to get him to a doctor. - Not on my watch, friends.
Can you open the door for me?
- Okay. - Come on, black poop, let's go.
[JOCELYN] He never listened to me. Anything I said.
So... y'all three are in a relationship?
How can you tell?
How did that happen?
Did she approach you or...?
I met Tina at a bar.
We talked about it and then we took it for a spin.
But what did you say?
How did y'all broach the subject?
- [SCOFFS] Well... - I've got this friend
and she doesn't know that I like her,
and we're religious so I don't know what to say
or if she's going to tell my parents,
or my teachers,
or the pastor, who loves married people having sex
but not non-married women having sex with other women.
Not that I'm a lesbian. I like penises, too, right?
That's your call, honey.
Right.
Listen, either way, I have to tell her soon
because if keep it inside any longer, I'm gonna die.
Well, look.
I think you should just start slow.
Throw out the bait, see if she bites, and go from there.
You really think that'll work?
My husband's going to jail with glass in his feet.
I don't fucking know.
Language.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Thank you!
[BOWSER] Sterling! Let's go!
Yep.
Well, I think we'll get points for style and accuracy.
Your lamb looks like it's bleeding out.
- Is it too much? - No.
We make a really good team.
I guess so.
You're less...
blinky in your own home.
And you did what I told you to, which felt good.
I aim to please.
Noted.
You know who's also a really good team?
Naomi and Ruth from the Bible.
I really like that story.
Yeah, me too, actually.
Really?
Yeah.
Two women left on their own who make the best of a bad situation,
securing their fortune without the help of a man?
I read that they were together.
Yeah, of course they were together.
Women couldn't travel alone back then.
No, um... like, "together-together,"
like, they cleaved or whatever.
[CHUCKLES]
What do you mean, "cleaved"? Like... "sex"?
Yeah. It's the same Hebrew word,
like Naomi cleaved to Ruth
like how Adam cleaved to Eve.
[SCOFFS] That's a loose interpretation.
Well, what about Jonathan and David?
Jonathan grew "full" thinking about David.
"Full," like, erect.
Okay. What about the Apostle Paul?
Romans 1:26: "For this reason, God gave them up to degrading passions."
Their women exchanged natural intercourse
- "for unnatural..." - I hate Paul.
The Apostle Paul?
He's so annoying.
He also said that women should learn in silence.
Like, "You smile and shush, Paul."
Why should the Bible be a rule book for sex, anyway?
It's 2000 years old.
It contradicts itself in, like, a bajillion different places.
Its big points are "love thy neighbor" and "protect the poor,"
but all anybody can ever talk about is sex and purity,
and one man and one woman, r... right?
I'm sorry... what are you saying?
Um... Just that Naomi and Ruth kick butt, that's all.
Okay.
All right.
Get you some drink there, greenie.
- Yeah. - [KNOCKING]
Hey.
Here's your check.
Oh.
Thank you.
Hey, look, um...
I know you think you know what me and Michelle got.
And I'll admit, there is a pattern.
But you're not in it.
So you don't know what it could be.
And I have changed. I don't care what you think.
And if I've changed, change is possible.
Actually...
I should apologize.
It really is none of my business
and I shouldn't have said any of that,
not to the girls and not to you.
I'm sorry.
I don't know that many people here in Atlanta.
Truth is...
you're one of my best friends.
I don't want to see you get hurt...
or say you're one with nature.
[SNICKERS]
But it's your life, Bowser.
You know what's best for you.
Congrats on the skip.
[BLAIR] Are we here at the wrong time?
No, I'm re-reading it.
It says, "8:00 p.m. family meeting," in her text,
and it's 7:59.
She's always two minutes early.
[GROANS]
I feel sick.
Dad knew I was so suspicious.
There's no way he didn't tell her.
Well, maybe it's not about the gun or the storage unit or anything, you know?
Maybe... Maybe Chloe's got a new walk schedule or something.
No, I want it to be about that stuff.
If they don't talk about it, I'm going to confront them.
Confront who?
Um, Ezekiel and Hannah B. They mimicked me.
Oh.
We have some questions for the two of you, actually.
That's what we'd like to talk to you about.
[ANDERSON] Blair seemed curious on the trip.
And...
I sometimes forget...
parts of your mother's life.
And then we realized that we haven't really shared...
- Mm. - ...much with you.
No, and that is mostly my fault.
Y'all know that I've had a difficult time talking about Mee-maw and Dee-daw,
but I never really explained why.
Well, um... before they left for the airport,
the three of us got into a big fight.
I'd snuck out of the house to go to a party
and, um... well, they found out and confronted me
and... I disrespected them.
I said some awful things.
What things?
Well...
girls, I, uh...
I told them that... I hated them.
You should've seen Dee-daw's face.
I told him they were... pathetic
and old and out of touch, you know.
Anyway, they left to go fly to New York.
I refused to say goodbye and that was that,
I never saw them again.
So, I don't talk much...
about Savannah or my life there.
Or huntin' with Dee-daw...
because I just can't.
But...
[SIGHS]
Girls, I need you to know that I love you.
Oh, I love you so much and...
I do want you to know me.
So, um...
Here. [CHUCKLES]
- [EXHALES DEEPLY] - Oh!
Oh, Mom, your little baby rollers!
That was mama's first perm.
[CHUCKLES]
[DEBBIE] That was by our house.
We used to walk down to the candy store
and make ourselves just sick on Lemonheads.
Something wrong, honey?
No, I... I...
I thought that maybe...
I don't know what I thought, actually.
Can I keep this?
Yeah. It's yours. This is all yours now.
I'm gonna go to bed now.
Oh.
Hey, Blairsy.
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
I... I know you might have been expecting something more exciting, but...
I wasn't.
It's okay.
Questioning stuff is important.
I don't want you to lose that.
Never.
You hear me?
Sure.
Look...
You know, I had a really good time hunting with you.
We should do that again sometime.
Yeah.
Goodnight.
[MOUTHING]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SLOW, JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey. What's this?
Ooh, a celebration. [CHUCKLES]
Oh?
So I met with that producer.
Oh, yeah?
Baby, I didn't realize how expensive it is to produce an album.
- Oh. - Mm-hm.
He asked if we can go digital on the trumpets.
[FLUTTERS LIPS] I was, like, "No, of course not.
I don't want to be laughed off the radio."
So that'll be another 2,000, 3,000.
- Is that right? - Mm-hm.
But then he played my demo over the phone for this financier
and he wants to finance the whole album!
All 23 tracks!
- Really? - Mm-hm.
We start laying them down on Monday.
[CHUCKLES]
- Mmm. - Wow.
Hey. What happened to all your stuff?
Oh, well...
I found a place.
It's just a little apartment over a hookah bar,
but... I was thinking that if we're gonna have a real shot,
we should start slow and switch things up a bit.
- [EXHALES DEEPLY] - What do you say?
Does that sound good?
- Mm. - Wait, wait.
Um...
You've changed, right?
I mean, we were fiending for each other pretty... pretty bad back then, and...
we're different now.
- Change? - Yeah.
You're telling me to change?
[CHUCKLES] I don't need to change.
You're the one that stopped trying.
[SETS GLASS DOWN]
- Okay. - Mm.
Well, I think now it's time for me to try something new.
[CHUCKLES]
- Something new? - Yeah.
Or something gently used?
Come on, B. She doesn't get you like I get you.
She doesn't see the whole man,
with all your good parts, your faults,
your nooks and crannies.
Well, you know what? I'm older now.
My nooks? They shifted.
[CHUCKLES]
You will regret this.
Well, as the old saying goes,
"Bye."
[CLICKING]
[CLICKING PEN]
Luke and Lorna...
Noah's Ark.
B plus.
[SIGHS]
Those animals were very, uh...
[CLEARS THROAT]... specific.
Ezequiel and Hannah B...
C minus.
- What, why? - Because it's cardboard, you slackers.
Thick cardboard.
Sterling and April...
Solomon's Temple.
A-plus-plus-double-plus.
One hundred and ten percent.
- [SQUEALS] - We get extra points?
No. Those are figures of speech,
but you do have ten more ticks of my love, if that matters.
I hope it does.
Oh, April.
[WHISPERING] You did it.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Okay, okay, now the rest of the presentations will be tomorrow
- and the bar has been set. - [GIGGLES]
"It is as high as the heavens are from the earth."
Name that verse. Name that verse.
- [BOY] It's in the Bible. - In the Bible. Yes.
I forgive you.
For what? I'm not sorry.
Great temple.
- Great ark. - Uh...
The giraffes were her idea.
I would never do that to their necks.
You can go out with her if you want.
No.
I only love you, Sterling.
[ELLEN] Y'all. Y'all.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Sterling? Sterling?
Could y'all just move this masterpiece in here for me?
I don't want to hurt anybody else's feelings,
but the rest is kind of garbage.
This is like the Ark of the Covenant.
I'm going to use it as the centerpiece
for my mid-semester open house.
[WHISPERING] Okay, put it right there.
[GROANS] I gotta tee-tee something fierce.
- [GIGGLES] - Here, will you lock up for me?
Okay.
Good job today.
Good job. See, you did it.
What a team, right? I love you girls. Ooh.
[GIGGLES]
An A-plus.
Well, it was all you. You're a really good leader.
[SCOFFS] No, you were right.
As is Ellen, shockingly.
We make a pretty good team.
Yes, we do.
You know, my dad used to call my family a team.
And I worked so hard to be the very best version of myself
because Team Stevens wins.
No matter what.
Team Stevens is perfect.
Except that it's not
because the team captain...
beats women...
and breaks the law,
and makes my mom mortgage the lake house
for stupid...
fucking legal fees.
Well, that's bullshit.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I think the worst part of it is I thought we were close.
But he...
lied to me.
And if he can lie, anyone can.
Why can't people just tell the truth?
Is that so hard?
[OBJECT CLATTERS]
[STERLING SHUDDERS]
I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
I'm sorry.
I'm sor...
[SHUDDERING]
["HIT IT HARD" PLAYING]
♪ Uh ♪
♪ Like this ♪
♪ Wanna get you home, wanna make ya moan ♪
♪ Wanna get you in my pleasure dome ♪
♪ Wanna make you hot Get your pistol cocked ♪
♪ Gonna get ya if you're ready or not ♪
- ♪Let's hit it hard ♪ - ♪Let's hit it hard ♪
- ♪ Now you're in charge ♪ - ♪ Now you're in charge ♪
- ♪ You wanna roll, then take control ♪ - ♪ You wanna roll, then take control ♪
- ♪ You wanna go, then let me know ♪ - ♪ Let's go, let me know ♪
- ♪ You want it bad ♪ - ♪ How bad? ♪
- ♪ You never had it so ♪ - ♪ You never had it so ♪
- ♪ Get up on the floor ♪ - ♪ Uh ♪
- ♪ Show me what it's for ♪ - ♪ Uh ♪
♪ Wanna score, por favor ♪
♪ Come on rock it hardcore ♪
- ♪ Get up on the floor ♪ - ♪ Uh ♪
- ♪ Show me what it's for ♪ - ♪ Uh ♪
♪ Wanna score, por favor ♪
♪ Come on rock it hardcore ♪
♪ Wanna hear ya hum my ding a ling ♪
♪ Gonna help ya stick but not cling ♪
♪ Lets break on out of this Sing Sing ♪
♪ Do me a favor and hold that thing ♪
♪ Some people think I'm conduit ♪
♪ Wondering if I'm getting it ♪
♪ Well now ya know I don't have to prove it ♪
♪ Stay a while and I'll get to move it ♪
♪ I wanna feel your lust ♪
♪ I know I'm gonna bust ♪
♪ It's a must must must ♪
♪ Tell the others, eat your dust ♪
- ♪ Let's hit it hard ♪ - ♪ Let's hit it hard ♪
- ♪ Now you're in charge, you wanna roll ♪ - ♪ Now you're in charge, you wanna roll ♪
- ♪ Then take control, you wanna go ♪ - ♪ Then take control, let's go ♪
- ♪ Then let me know ♪ - ♪ Let's me know ♪
- ♪ You want it bad ♪ - ♪ How bad? ♪
- ♪ You never had it so ♪ - ♪You never had it so ♪
- ♪ Get up on the floor ♪ - ♪Uh ♪
- ♪ Show me what it's for ♪ - ♪ Uh ♪
♪ Wanna score, por favor ♪
♪ Come on rock it hardcore ♪
♪ Come on come on come on ♪
♪ Rock it hardcore ♪
♪ Come on come on come on ♪
♪ Rock it hardcore ♪
♪ Come on come on come on ♪
♪ Rock it hardcore ♪
♪ Come on come on come on ♪
♪ Rock it hardcore ♪
♪ Come on come on come on ♪
♪ Rock it hardcore ♪