1 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:13,240 I can't believe it. There's a basement under our house? 2 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:17,079 The way we see it, there's a house on top of our basement. 3 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,480 Noah, you were in charge of renovations when we moved in. 4 00:00:20,559 --> 00:00:22,640 How did you not know about this? 5 00:00:22,719 --> 00:00:25,640 When have you ever put me in charge of anything? 6 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,480 "Schlitz Tall Boy." 7 00:00:28,559 --> 00:00:31,199 Can appears to be made of steel. Could be a collector's item. 8 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,439 - Mine! - No! Not yours! 9 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:35,679 Not your basement. Not your beer can. 10 00:00:35,759 --> 00:00:39,399 - Out, I'm kicking you out. - You can't, Harper. 11 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:43,759 Identifiable personal items. Layer of filth three inches thick. 12 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,960 Clearly, they've been here longer than 30 days. 13 00:00:46,039 --> 00:00:47,560 They have squatters' rights. 14 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:48,920 Hey, Friendly Sister. 15 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,799 Can you ask Angry Sister why we need to prove this is our house? 16 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,679 Phineas, my bum itches. Will you look at it? 17 00:00:55,759 --> 00:00:59,520 I'm not going near your ass crack 'til you introduce it to a bar of soap. 18 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,119 Jesus Christ, Gretchen, look at them. They're half a rung above apes. 19 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,079 Freddy, I think the lady just paid you a compliment. 20 00:01:06,159 --> 00:01:07,680 Thank you, lady! 21 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,680 Be careful with my Playboy. I haven't used that one yet. 22 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,799 May 1969. Also a collector's item. 23 00:01:13,879 --> 00:01:15,879 Noah, either support me 24 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:19,920 or make up with your cousin Clarence, so you can sleep on his couch. 25 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,959 Are you gonna let her talk to you like that? 26 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:26,439 I'm sure there's some sort of amicable solution 27 00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:28,599 that doesn't force me to take a side. 28 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,359 Oh, boy, she got your balls in a jar. 29 00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:33,959 Itchy, itchy, itchy. 30 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,480 What am I looking at? 31 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,840 This is crazy. They can't stay here. 32 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,879 Don't use the C word, it's ableist. 33 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:43,599 The "sanity-challenged" need our support, not judgment. 34 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,719 Ladies, no need to fight. 35 00:01:45,799 --> 00:01:48,840 Although I do find your fiery demeanor 36 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:52,760 mucho erectionable, if you get my meaning. 37 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,319 I think he means it gives him a boner. But I don't speak German. 38 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,760 Brother... 39 00:01:59,879 --> 00:02:02,079 Three Brothers puffin 40 00:02:02,159 --> 00:02:05,760 And we just woke up in the year 2020 41 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,360 Roll another j and forget the day 42 00:02:08,439 --> 00:02:11,000 Roll another j and get high 43 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,840 Roll another j and forget the day 44 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:15,759 Me and my brothers getting fried 45 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,439 We're the Freak Brothers 46 00:02:22,479 --> 00:02:24,280 No. Do not fuck with me, Gretchen. 47 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,319 You know how that's turned out for you in the past. 48 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,759 - Not great. - Please. 49 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:33,439 This isn't volleyball at Camp Wozniak. We're on my field now. Game on. 50 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:37,919 - We're in my house! - Our house. I mean, it's jointly owned. 51 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,039 It's just a fact, not an opinion. I don't have one. 52 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,919 I'll file a motion for a temporary stay. 53 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,919 - I'll oppose it. - And I'll see you in court. 54 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,520 - Somebody needs to gimme a ride to... - I'll do it! 55 00:02:47,599 --> 00:02:49,000 To buy my first tampon. 56 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,680 What's gonna happen when the Switzers kick us out? 57 00:02:52,759 --> 00:02:54,840 I don't wanna go back to the orphanage. 58 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:56,639 You don't have to worry about that, Freddy. 59 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,520 As this formula clearly shows, I can get us back to 1969. 60 00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:07,919 I see. Carry the one. Divide by two. 61 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,960 What the fuck does any of this mean? 62 00:03:11,039 --> 00:03:14,960 It says, if I reverse the chemical composition of the potion, 63 00:03:15,039 --> 00:03:16,639 I can return us to the past. 64 00:03:16,719 --> 00:03:22,919 I'll need benzene, tar, cadmium and looks like the tears of a Holy Man! 65 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,639 This itch is turning into a tickle. 66 00:03:25,719 --> 00:03:28,360 Now it's back to an itch. Tickle, itch, tickle, itch... 67 00:03:28,439 --> 00:03:31,680 Any way to turn it into a can of salmon? 'Cause I'm hungry! 68 00:03:31,759 --> 00:03:34,919 Hey, aren't we also gonna need some mari-jay-wanna? 69 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,599 Yes! But not just any strain of Sweet Mary Jane, boys. 70 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:42,199 It's gotta be exactly the same as we smoked 50 years ago. 71 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,719 That strain don't exist anymore. 72 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,360 Which makes all this about as useful as tits on a nun. 73 00:03:48,439 --> 00:03:51,400 - Itchy butt, itchy butt... - God, dammit, Freddy! I'm computin'! 74 00:03:51,479 --> 00:03:54,639 Will somebody please look at my bunger? 75 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,240 It's green and leafy. 76 00:04:00,319 --> 00:04:03,080 Holy shit! That's a ganja bud! 77 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,560 What have you been doin' up there, boy? 78 00:04:05,639 --> 00:04:08,199 It's a bung-hole, not a bong-hole. 79 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,759 I don't know, I do a lotta stuff up there. 80 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,280 A lot of stuff does go up there, I've seen it. 81 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:14,919 But I think the pertinent point here 82 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,439 is that bag of weed you shoved up your fat ass fifty years ago. 83 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:21,120 What's that in your hand? 84 00:04:21,199 --> 00:04:23,399 - Nothin'. - I need a cop over here! 85 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,000 Let's book! 86 00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:27,319 Gross. 87 00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:30,600 Get that weed in your butt! 88 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:34,800 So the exact strain of weed we need is takin' root right here, 89 00:04:34,879 --> 00:04:36,480 in Freddy's fertile fanny! 90 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,160 Get it out, get it out! 91 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,600 Why are we doing this? I mean... I'm in, but... 92 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,160 Hold still! The plant hasn't matured yet! 93 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,480 That there weed is our ticket back to '69! 94 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,600 We need to grow it just right. 95 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,800 But we don't know nothing about weed farming. 96 00:04:53,879 --> 00:04:58,199 What about those guys we met in jail? Chuck and Charlie? 97 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:02,079 Yeah, yeah. They did say they was weed experts. 98 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,360 And they seemed very smart! 99 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,279 We've grown a lot of weed in our day. 100 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,439 But never out of an ass. 101 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,040 Smoked it from plenty though. 102 00:05:13,639 --> 00:05:16,120 Hell yeah, we have. We've done a lot of butt bongs. 103 00:05:16,199 --> 00:05:18,879 Gets you super high, but bad breath. 104 00:05:18,959 --> 00:05:22,120 Yeah, not the best taste. You gotta have a mint afterwards. 105 00:05:22,199 --> 00:05:25,199 - Pound me on that one. - Mint pound! Boom! 106 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,879 Y'all heard of the blind leading the blind? 107 00:05:27,959 --> 00:05:31,519 This here's the dumb leading the dumber. Shit! 108 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,199 Chuck or Charlie, can I get a hot dog with onion and relish? 109 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:37,439 They ain't selling dogs, man. They're selling weed. 110 00:05:37,519 --> 00:05:39,720 No, we sell hot dogs too. 111 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,120 Freddy, hook a Kitty up with two everything dogs. 112 00:05:42,199 --> 00:05:45,959 Hold the onions. They repeat on me like a motherfucker. 113 00:05:46,319 --> 00:05:48,720 You know who might know how to grow ass weed? 114 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,000 - Mothafuckin' Doc Green. - Did you say Doc Green? 115 00:05:52,079 --> 00:05:56,439 - As in Doctor Arlo Ignatius Green? - Can't be. 116 00:05:56,519 --> 00:05:59,959 The one we knew in '69 should be dead ten times over! 117 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,319 He might be dead, but he's also alive. 118 00:06:03,399 --> 00:06:05,160 He's got a farm up in Humboldt County. 119 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,759 A real field of dreams, man. 120 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:11,759 Imagine a farm. But instead of corn, or potatoes, 121 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:16,759 or wheat or cotton, or flour, it's weed, dude. 122 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:19,600 Doc Green grows the best weed in the whole country of California! 123 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,639 Gentlemen, to Humboldt County! 124 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:29,120 Fascinating. 125 00:06:29,199 --> 00:06:31,959 I haven't seen this strain in 50 years. 126 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,839 You're a man of science, Doc, always were. 127 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,560 You boys look terrific. You haven't aged a day. 128 00:06:37,639 --> 00:06:40,279 You look your own great-grandfather. 129 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:41,920 You can go fuck yourself! 130 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,240 Now, listen, the weed is too risky to transplant. 131 00:06:45,319 --> 00:06:47,319 It must be grown in anus. 132 00:06:47,399 --> 00:06:51,720 Doc Green, you ever grown a marijuana plant out of a man's asshole before? 133 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,360 I've grown it vaginally. 134 00:06:53,439 --> 00:06:58,120 Heard tell of urethral hydroponics, but this, I could publish with this. 135 00:06:58,199 --> 00:07:00,240 I want co-author credit on the back cover. 136 00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:02,439 I'll give you the dust jacket, ya rotten prick. 137 00:07:02,519 --> 00:07:06,360 Now, listen, when you guys get back to '69, I want you to do me a favor. 138 00:07:06,439 --> 00:07:07,439 Anything, Doc. 139 00:07:07,519 --> 00:07:10,639 Tell my younger self to buy Microsoft, buy Apple, 140 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,079 and don't sell Mother's house in Cupertino. 141 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,600 How is Ma Green? 142 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:18,040 Took a shank to the spleen while doing a dime stretch in the federal pen. 143 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,079 But never ratted me out. 144 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,000 Bitch ratted me out. Called Animal Control. 145 00:07:23,079 --> 00:07:24,680 Snitches get stitches! 146 00:07:26,519 --> 00:07:28,959 Looks like we got some new players in town. 147 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,160 Scary looking too. 148 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:35,560 These guys could start a drug war the likes of which this town has never seen. 149 00:07:35,639 --> 00:07:39,879 Oh, God! Fuckin' A, my glasses broke in the middle of my... 150 00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:42,199 Let me try it again. 151 00:07:42,279 --> 00:07:45,920 The likes of which this town has never seen! 152 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,360 - How was that? - Amazing. 153 00:07:51,199 --> 00:07:54,040 Oh, God. Why is it so hot in here? 154 00:07:59,839 --> 00:08:01,199 What the... 155 00:08:01,279 --> 00:08:03,519 - Evening! - What is all this crap? 156 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,040 We're butt farming! 157 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,959 Do you guys have any nitrogen-based liquid fertilizer? 158 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,000 Harper, we are using sophisticated scientific principles 159 00:08:11,079 --> 00:08:12,759 to travel back to 1969. 160 00:08:12,839 --> 00:08:15,759 Once we acquire the tears of a Holy Man, of course. 161 00:08:15,839 --> 00:08:18,800 And harvest weed outta this gentleman's rump womb. 162 00:08:18,879 --> 00:08:21,920 1969? Savage. 163 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,360 First moon landing, Beatles' "Abbey Road" 164 00:08:24,439 --> 00:08:25,480 and Woodstock. 165 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,360 - Right on. We were at Woodstock. - You were? 166 00:08:28,439 --> 00:08:31,639 No. Of course they weren't, Camille. Woodstock was 50 years ago. 167 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:36,000 You know nothing. You've done nothing. You are nothing! 168 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,759 With all due respect... 169 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:40,200 You should be thanking us! 170 00:08:40,279 --> 00:08:43,240 We're doing all this so we can time travel back to the past. 171 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,919 Where you are not! 172 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,480 Oh, I forgot, you've completely lost touch with reality. 173 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,039 Enjoy it while you can. 174 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,360 We're going to court tomorrow, then you are bye-bye! 175 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,720 Don't listen to my sister. 176 00:08:54,799 --> 00:08:58,639 I'll beat her in court like I beat her in everything else. 177 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,559 If you discount income, marriage and last night's game of Scrabble! 178 00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:05,919 "Quixotic," bitch! Seventy-eight points! What? 179 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:11,360 Don't need a PhD in Psychology to tell which of them was Daddy's favorite, eh? 180 00:09:17,919 --> 00:09:19,200 Is this a trowel? 181 00:09:19,279 --> 00:09:21,919 That is a William Sonoma Frittata spatula. 182 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,840 - What are you going to use it for? - Aerating Freddy's poop soil. 183 00:09:24,919 --> 00:09:28,200 I am sorry I asked. Now, if you'll excuse me, 184 00:09:28,279 --> 00:09:31,559 you're cutting into my testicle-burnishing time. 185 00:09:32,399 --> 00:09:34,799 Whoa, man, what is that? 186 00:09:34,879 --> 00:09:36,879 A Philips Sonicare Diamond Clean, 187 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:42,000 rechargeable with 4,000 rpms of dual head vibrating action. 188 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:45,200 - It's heavenly. - Vibrating heads? 189 00:09:45,279 --> 00:09:47,559 You can take care of business on the mailman's leg. 190 00:09:47,639 --> 00:09:51,519 - Gimme that! A lady got needs. - Get your own. 191 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,159 Oh, my! 192 00:09:56,919 --> 00:09:59,240 My clients are entitled to squatters' rights. 193 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,080 Do you have evidence of their occupancy? 194 00:10:01,159 --> 00:10:03,720 Yes, Your Honor. Plaintiff Exhibit A. 195 00:10:03,799 --> 00:10:07,600 Petrified fecal matter. Carbon-dated to the late 1960s. 196 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:11,639 - Hey! That's mine! - And that's a poop drop. 197 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,039 Hey, Judge. Can you open the blinds on that window? 198 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:20,559 My friend's ass needs direct sunlight. - Okay, I'll bite. Why? 199 00:10:20,639 --> 00:10:24,000 I'm growing a rare stain of mary-ju-ana in me buttocks. 200 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,600 Do you men have any idea how inappropriate this is? 201 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:31,960 Those buds are scorched. They need indirect light. 202 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,879 Oh, so you're an expert now? I object! 203 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,320 Put that in the record, lady typer! 204 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,240 I wish I had my damn pastels. 205 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,120 This is like Michael Angelo workin' with finger paints. 206 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,360 Oh, Your Honor, please! 207 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,519 The defendants are making a mockery of our judicial system. 208 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,639 All right. Everybody, just chill. 209 00:10:52,639 --> 00:10:53,960 You mind? 210 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,120 Cold! Cold! More, please? 211 00:10:59,879 --> 00:11:01,679 Hey, is that my frittata spatula? 212 00:11:01,759 --> 00:11:03,960 You're beginning to annoy me, Mister... 213 00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:07,519 Bond. James Bond. Like I'm gonna tell him my real name. 214 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,440 Hard to capture this degree of stupid in black and white. 215 00:11:10,519 --> 00:11:14,440 Excuse me! Hi. My husband, Noah Switzer, PhD., 216 00:11:14,519 --> 00:11:16,840 has a statement in support of me. 217 00:11:16,919 --> 00:11:18,360 I'll read it into the record. 218 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,879 I assume your husband can speak for himself. 219 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,840 - You assume wrong, Judge. - Excuse me, Your Honor. 220 00:11:24,919 --> 00:11:28,000 But it appears a crime is being committed. 221 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,840 Oh, shit. Narcs! 222 00:11:29,919 --> 00:11:32,279 - Who are you? - Agents Larson and Jones. 223 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,440 Bureau of California Cannabis Control. 224 00:11:35,519 --> 00:11:38,000 The BCCC, see? 225 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,879 Although cannabis is now legal, it is highly regulated. 226 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,720 By us. And those gentlemen don't have the proper permits. 227 00:11:45,799 --> 00:11:49,320 - Permits? What do you mean permits? - Like Permit the Frog! 228 00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:52,799 - He's a pig fucker, right, Phineas? - Sustained. 229 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:56,080 This situation is goin' down the shitter fast. 230 00:11:56,159 --> 00:11:58,399 I better finish up my masterpiece. 231 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,799 Your Honor, may I approach to remove the unlicensed plant? 232 00:12:03,879 --> 00:12:04,919 Hell no, you can't! 233 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,000 We need this dope to get back to 1969! 234 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,559 Hey, look! Isn't that Raquel Welch? Run, Phineas! 235 00:12:16,159 --> 00:12:17,399 Hi, Chuck! Hi, Charlie! 236 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,639 - Hey, it's the Freak dudes! - Those guys have great hair. 237 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,440 - Kitty, what's happening? - Two narcs with guns on our six. 238 00:12:23,519 --> 00:12:25,360 We need a distraction. Do your thing. 239 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:28,879 Copy that. I got a very sophisticated plan. 240 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,039 Oh, fudge! My eyes! 241 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,720 Bureau of Cannabis Control, Agent Larson! 242 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:41,480 Oh, my God! 243 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:44,960 Those BCC Agents beat up that poor little cat! 244 00:12:45,279 --> 00:12:46,840 You monsters! 245 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,559 That's called "pussy power". 246 00:12:57,919 --> 00:12:59,759 I'm gonna get those Freaks. 247 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,320 We're gonna get them, Cannabis Control Agent Larson. Together. 248 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,559 Judge said we can stay here until he makes his ruling in a week. 249 00:13:08,279 --> 00:13:09,919 My tummy's making doody noises. 250 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,399 You gotta hold it in! Our futures in the past depend on it! 251 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,080 Well, nothin' binds Fat Freddy like cheese. 252 00:13:16,159 --> 00:13:17,639 Fat Freddy like cheese! 253 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,519 We'll take you out for some cheese. 254 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,200 But first, Camille found us our Holy Man. 255 00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:24,320 - We gotta get his tears. - How'd she find him? 256 00:13:24,399 --> 00:13:26,720 Through a friend of hers named Google. 257 00:13:26,799 --> 00:13:28,720 Probably another Chinese. 258 00:13:28,799 --> 00:13:32,080 Can you be a good boy? Hold it in till we get back? 259 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:35,519 I'll pack his ass with topsoil. Pack it real good. 260 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,519 Ain't nothin' gettin' in or out of this booty hole. 261 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,919 Hello! Welcome to Walmart. 262 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,080 Swami Bhajan! Gimme some skin, man! 263 00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:53,279 - I am called Benjamin now. - You remember us? From Woodstock. 264 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,480 Oh, let me think. Shit, no, I don't remember you. 265 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:58,600 You gave us some freaky shit, man. 266 00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:01,759 You look like every other filthy hippie who went to work for IBM. 267 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,919 Not us, man. We haven't worked a day in our life. 268 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,759 What the hell happened to you? 269 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,440 I'll tell you what happened to me. 270 00:14:08,519 --> 00:14:11,039 I opened a hot yoga studio in Pacific Heights. 271 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:15,039 And was peddling my schtick for 19.99 on VHS and Betamax. 272 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,720 Then one day, I cranked the heat up to 115 273 00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:21,240 and some soccer mom overheated. 274 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:25,240 And exploded like a chili filled baked potato in a microwave. 275 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,120 Dead? 276 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:33,000 Yes. Like my third ex-wife, when the toaster fell into the bathtub. 277 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,799 I got sued. They took everything. 278 00:14:35,879 --> 00:14:39,200 House, car, robes, hair extensions. 279 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:43,039 That's a sad story. You look like you're about to cry. 280 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:47,080 - No, I'm all right. - Well, you shouldn't be. 281 00:14:47,159 --> 00:14:49,799 You're a failure. Your life is a waste. 282 00:14:49,879 --> 00:14:53,120 Just think of the lost potential and broken dreams. 283 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,559 Yeah, and now it's your final days, 284 00:14:55,639 --> 00:14:58,600 and you're all shriveled and hard to look at. 285 00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:01,480 Your corpse soon to be discovered by a hungry hobo, 286 00:15:01,559 --> 00:15:05,159 who thought he smelled rotting possum! 287 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:14,240 And we're good. Remember, pal, a trip is not a fall. 288 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,960 Thank you for shopping at Walmart! 289 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,360 You're taking it too personally, Harp. 290 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,080 They're my clients, it's my duty to defend them. 291 00:15:25,159 --> 00:15:29,039 Really? Even if it means Larry, Moe and Scratchy Ass 292 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,480 are living in my basement? 293 00:15:30,559 --> 00:15:32,039 The law says it's their basement. 294 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,120 Not yet, the law hasn't. Noah, back me up. 295 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,240 I just remembered! 296 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:41,879 Today's the Annual Lotus Festival and I haven't picked up any Peking duck. 297 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:45,000 - What? - If you need me, I'll be in Chinatown. 298 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,080 Where they have very poor cell reception. Okay, goodbye! 299 00:15:50,879 --> 00:15:52,960 That's the closet. 300 00:15:55,559 --> 00:15:59,639 Anybody within 20 feet had better get an umbrella. 301 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:04,399 You're in the splash zone. This Kitty like Shamu. Splish-splash. 302 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,200 Six orders of cheese fries, hold the fries, 303 00:16:08,279 --> 00:16:11,039 and maybe some extra cheese? 304 00:16:13,159 --> 00:16:16,279 I got eyes on the eagle. Bird is in the nest. 305 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,000 What? The scratches? 306 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:21,240 - I'm hideous, aren't I? - I don't see scratches. 307 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,399 To me they look like dueling scars from 18th century Prussia. 308 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,080 I think you're more handsome than ever. 309 00:16:28,799 --> 00:16:31,799 They're getting away. Let's go. Go, go, go! 310 00:16:37,759 --> 00:16:40,559 Bureau of Cannabis Control! Move your vehicle! 311 00:16:40,639 --> 00:16:44,240 - Hey, wait your turn, weed pig! - We have feelings too, sir. 312 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,399 Damn! It's those narcs from the courthouse. 313 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,120 Let's book it! 314 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,639 Suspects fleeing. Pursue on foot! 315 00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:03,519 Oh, no. Not these guys again. Shift to second gear. 316 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,480 Hey, that looks like Bob Pimko! Hi, Bob! 317 00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:10,359 Oh, no! Apply brake, apply brake! 318 00:17:12,519 --> 00:17:14,079 Come on. This way. 319 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,079 You're using a Yaxell Ran carbon cleaver to behead these ducks? 320 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,880 Excellent choice, Mr. Fong. 321 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,799 Bureau of Cannabis Control, Agent Larson! 322 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:36,319 - No. You have to download the app! - Do they have it for Android? 323 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:45,400 Hey, Freddy, can we hitch a ride? 324 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,079 Apply brake! Apply brake! 325 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,680 Brake applied. 326 00:18:05,279 --> 00:18:08,359 Oh, no. Engage shield. 327 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,799 No, no, no! 328 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,799 You don't fuck with Bob Pimko. 329 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,480 Success! 330 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,279 You can go to the bathroom now, Freddy. 331 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:31,079 I can't! The cheese binded me up bad. 332 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,640 You think you're the only one here that gets constipated? 333 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,279 Just one piece of fruit, Freddy, your whole life would change! 334 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,160 A perfectly rolled doobie. Phin, you got the magic sauce? 335 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,160 Uno pimento, por fa-fork. 336 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:48,599 I'm gonna miss Gretchen. Ain't many gals like her back in our time. 337 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,119 What are you saying, you wanna bring her with us? 338 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,240 We can bring a friend? I call Noah. 339 00:18:53,319 --> 00:18:56,480 Come on, man, open your eyes. Modern gal like Gretchen 340 00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:59,559 don't want nothing to do with a shit-kickin' idiot like you. 341 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,920 Yeah, I guess you're right. 342 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,440 Well, let's spark up that doobie. 343 00:19:07,519 --> 00:19:10,519 Wait! We never have any food in our old house. 344 00:19:10,599 --> 00:19:14,359 - We're gonna have major munchies. - I do believe Fat Freddy has a point. 345 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,000 Gentlemen, to the kitchen! 346 00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:19,720 I feel woozy! 347 00:19:19,799 --> 00:19:22,720 That's mother time. She's calling us home. 348 00:19:22,799 --> 00:19:25,160 See you on the other side, brothers. 349 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,599 Sweet tits and hairy pits. 350 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:39,200 We're back in the Summer of Love, fellas! 351 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:41,799 Feed me. 352 00:19:42,839 --> 00:19:45,519 What? Wait a minute. What the hell? 353 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:49,240 Dang it, we're still in 2020! 354 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,240 Don't tell the boys I like my ass eaten! 355 00:19:52,319 --> 00:19:55,279 - Look! - Hey, man, why you flipping out? 356 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:58,319 The date! It's three weeks from when we toked. 357 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:02,000 Well, well. Our Rip Van Winkles have Rip Van woken. 358 00:20:02,079 --> 00:20:04,640 Noah's here! I did get to bring a friend. 359 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,039 Harper thought you might be dead. 360 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:07,599 But I convinced her the incessant burping 361 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,160 and farting indicated neural control of homeostasis. 362 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,039 Meaning you were in a deep sleep. 363 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,480 I have video from the security cam. 364 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,200 Well, you get the idea. 365 00:20:34,279 --> 00:20:35,720 Son of a bitch! 366 00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:38,519 We didn't time travel to 2020! 367 00:20:38,599 --> 00:20:42,200 We just fell asleep in the basement for 50 years! 368 00:20:42,279 --> 00:20:47,559 You crackpot beaker boilin' buffoon! You owe me 50 years of my life! 369 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,480 And your breath smells like dog balls. 370 00:20:50,559 --> 00:20:53,240 Way I see it, I discovered the fountain of youth. 371 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:54,960 I should win the Nobel Prize! 372 00:20:55,039 --> 00:20:57,000 I like prizes, what do I win? 373 00:20:57,079 --> 00:21:00,680 You came in second place for the dumbass of the year award. 374 00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,160 Well, it was an honor to be nominated. 375 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,960 You're awake? Great, get out. Judge ruled against you. 376 00:21:06,039 --> 00:21:09,039 Harper, can you at least pretend to be human? 377 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,680 - Where are they supposed to go? - It's okay, Gretchen. 378 00:21:11,759 --> 00:21:15,240 We've overstayed our welcome by half a century. 379 00:21:15,319 --> 00:21:17,440 We can file an appeal. Or... 380 00:21:17,519 --> 00:21:20,599 It's all right. We've got our health, we've got each other, 381 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,279 and we've got our freedom. 382 00:21:24,319 --> 00:21:26,279 Hands where we can see 'em! 383 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:30,359 - Cuff that cat! - Sure, cuff the sister first, huh? 384 00:21:30,799 --> 00:21:33,440 Not so tight. I've got circulation issues. 385 00:21:33,519 --> 00:21:35,920 The fat one was feces-farming. Check him! 386 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:39,720 He's clean. Well... 387 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,960 Not clean. The opposite of clean. 388 00:21:44,039 --> 00:21:46,359 The farthest away from clean on any scale. 389 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:47,599 But there's no cannabis. 390 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:51,200 Check all their asses! Every single ass! 391 00:21:51,279 --> 00:21:52,720 Do you even have a warrant? 392 00:21:52,799 --> 00:21:55,119 My wounds are my warrant, counselor. 393 00:21:55,519 --> 00:21:56,519 Get off me! 394 00:21:56,599 --> 00:22:00,000 Hey, get your hands off her! She's not just a nice piece of ass. 395 00:22:00,079 --> 00:22:01,640 There's a brain in that ass. 396 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,759 She defends people. She cares about people. 397 00:22:04,839 --> 00:22:08,200 And Noah puts food in my dish and changes my water. 398 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,640 Sure Harper was trying to kick us out. 399 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,519 But she's just trying to protect what's hers. 400 00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:17,200 If I was her, I'd probably kick us out too. 401 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,119 Thank you. That's actually a really nice thing to say. 402 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:27,160 It shows a level of understanding and maturity of my position. 403 00:22:29,039 --> 00:22:31,680 It's in my nose! Oh, God! 404 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,319 Oh, God. Oh, this is horrible! 405 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,119 You were saying? 406 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,039 I think what she was saying is you guys can stay in the basement 407 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:43,319 until you get on your feet. 408 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,680 No, I was not saying that! 409 00:22:45,759 --> 00:22:49,960 But that is what we are going to do! It's my house too and I have a say. 410 00:22:50,039 --> 00:22:52,559 If that's okay with you, honey. 411 00:22:53,559 --> 00:22:56,240 Fine. The important thing is I beat my sister. 412 00:22:56,319 --> 00:22:59,039 So you can stay, for now. 413 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:00,359 Yay! 414 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:04,079 It's just until I invent an actual time machine to take us back. 415 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,359 - It shouldn't take me too long. - Give or take half a century. 416 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,920 I don't know what all the noise was about, but check this out! 417 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,359 I found this picture of Joe Cocker at Woodstock. 418 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,519 Look who's in the front row. They were there! 419 00:23:17,599 --> 00:23:21,519 Cocker was spazzing out like that because he had a case of the old crabs. 420 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,599 We all did. 421 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,000 Some of us still do! 422 00:23:26,079 --> 00:23:28,680 Well, let us know when dinner's ready.