1
00:00:14,119 --> 00:00:17,280
You see these, Freddy?
They're paws. They ain't thumbs.

2
00:00:17,359 --> 00:00:21,079
When it comes to cans of cat food,
paws don't do shit.

3
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,600
You ain't gettin' it.
Still ain't gettin' it.

4
00:00:24,679 --> 00:00:26,719
You need to feed me!

5
00:00:48,079 --> 00:00:51,719
Easy open lid, my ass!
I'm going to get my own damn food.

6
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,200
Brothers...

7
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,560
Three Brothers puffin

8
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,039
And we just woke up in the year 2020

9
00:01:01,119 --> 00:01:03,719
Roll another j and forget the day

10
00:01:03,799 --> 00:01:06,439
Roll another j and get high

11
00:01:06,519 --> 00:01:09,120
Roll another j and forget the day

12
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,040
Me and my brothers getting fried

13
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,120
We're the Freak Brothers

14
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:22,319
You guys have to check out
this knockout. It's insane!

15
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,239
- Who is it? Conor McGregor?
- Conor Mc-Who?

16
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,079
I'm talking Muhammad Ali
decking Sonny Liston.

17
00:01:28,159 --> 00:01:30,359
The second time,
not the phantom punch.

18
00:01:30,439 --> 00:01:31,480
You're a boxing fan?

19
00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,920
Are you kiddin'?
It's the sweet science!

20
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,879
Angles! Geometry! Brain damage!

21
00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:39,159
So, who are the top fighters of today?

22
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,000
Is there a new Sugar Ray Robinson
mowing down palookas?

23
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,879
Boxing is kind of done.

24
00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:50,840
- It's all about the UFC now.
- The F.U.C. What now?

25
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:55,480
Ultimate fighting!
It's mixed martial arts, and it is lit!

26
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:59,400
- No holds barred. No rules!
- No rules?

27
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,159
How can you watch that stuff?

28
00:02:01,239 --> 00:02:02,879
- It's barbaric.
- Actually...

29
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,199
- That looks pretty far out.
- I know, right?

30
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,599
Can we go to a fight, Dad?
Please!

31
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,400
- Pretty please!
- Oh, come on, Noah.

32
00:02:13,479 --> 00:02:16,199
Sounds like a great way for you
and Camille to bond,

33
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,520
instead of with your phones
for a change.

34
00:02:18,599 --> 00:02:21,000
Okay, sure.
I'll buy tickets right now.

35
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,479
- Thanks, Dad!
- Thanks, Dad!

36
00:02:25,599 --> 00:02:27,719
Beautiful day, huh?

37
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:31,840
What say you and I head down to
the basement for a little R&R?

38
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,599
Reefer and rawdogging.

39
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,360
I have work to do.

40
00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:39,840
You know, I do appreciate
all you do for bums.

41
00:02:40,319 --> 00:02:44,280
But you know, just this morning
I gave a can of beer to a bum.

42
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,599
- A bum?
- No. Sorry. A homeless.

43
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,319
Home is where one is living.

44
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:54,280
- Houseless is the preferred term.
- Houseless. Got it.

45
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,159
Hey, you know,
I saw on one of your internets

46
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:04,840
that there is a lot more emphasis these
days on female sexual satisfaction.

47
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,719
I guess I was a man ahead of my time.

48
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:09,879
You're stupid.

49
00:03:14,719 --> 00:03:18,840
The amount of corporate sponsorship
here is unnerving. But I like the buzz.

50
00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:22,240
- Anybody wanna rustle up some grub?
- Don't be a sucker!

51
00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:24,639
There's plenty of good food
under the seats.

52
00:03:24,719 --> 00:03:26,479
So, there's no rules?

53
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:30,360
We could just sit outside a bar,
and watch frat boys brawl for free.

54
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,840
- Yeah.
- That was amazing!

55
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,759
This is badass.
Them little peckers is tough!

56
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,319
Took a thumb to the bunger,
didn't even squawk.

57
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,479
And fighting in our next match,

58
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,400
the main event,
the middle-weight champ...

59
00:03:52,479 --> 00:03:57,319
PJ Always Barkin' Larkin!

60
00:03:59,719 --> 00:04:02,039
Oh, my God! He's here?

61
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:11,319
- So, we like PJ Always Barkin' Larkin?
- He's a god.

62
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,319
He's like
this mellow surfer dude,

63
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,439
but then he gets in the ring,
and he totally kicks ass.

64
00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:18,040
Language, Camille.

65
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,240
Bite his face off like a chimpanzee!

66
00:04:25,639 --> 00:04:27,120
I can hear the ocean!

67
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,879
- Yeah.
- Wait!

68
00:04:33,959 --> 00:04:36,199
There's nacho cheese
on the seat.

69
00:04:38,759 --> 00:04:41,519
PJ had a super rough childhood.

70
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,079
He never even knew his dad,
but he dated Ariana Grande

71
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,519
and he shut down
his Instagram site

72
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,519
after getting in a fight
with every woman from The View.

73
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:53,279
Your winner is PJ Larkin!

74
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:57,480
Strategically speaking,
he should probably cut his hair,

75
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,959
but he refuses.

76
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,680
That's a good man.
Letting his freak flag fly.

77
00:05:06,519 --> 00:05:08,920
Hey, Phineas,
he kind of looks like you.

78
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:11,639
Sure does. "Got kids?"

79
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,920
See, I just did a little riff
on the Got Milk ads.

80
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,839
Like maybe he's your son.

81
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,839
Did you ever have unprotected
intercourse in the past?

82
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,079
"Got kids."

83
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,480
I don't know, man.

84
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,279
I'd probably have to see
his mother to know for sure.

85
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,199
I was joking.
This kid is in his early 20s.

86
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:42,480
The timing is all wrong.

87
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,800
Unless you donated
some sperm that was frozen.

88
00:05:59,439 --> 00:06:01,240
I did donate my sperm!

89
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:06,680
Oh, my God.
My son is PJ Barkin' Larkin!

90
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,160
You rat bastard!

91
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:24,360
Excuse me. Do I know you?
Do you know me?

92
00:06:24,439 --> 00:06:26,800
And the preferred term
is "rodent", madam.

93
00:06:26,879 --> 00:06:29,160
I gotta get to back to 1969.

94
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,439
Back then,
a rat would never walk up

95
00:06:31,519 --> 00:06:34,959
to a full grown kitty cat,
talking preferred terms.

96
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,920
You bring that shit again,
and I'll gobble your ass up.

97
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,639
Oh! That's good.

98
00:06:56,639 --> 00:06:58,920
Who's ready for some
poached salmon?

99
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,800
Me! This girl, right here! Hello!

100
00:07:04,519 --> 00:07:08,319
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
Herself!

101
00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:11,600
Which is appropriate because animals
deserve their own dignity.

102
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,720
Are you hungry?

103
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:24,759
If he is your boy, you should be proud.
He is one hell of a shit kicker.

104
00:07:24,839 --> 00:07:27,160
- PJ! PJ!
- PJ! I love you!

105
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,839
- Sign my face!
- Sign my hot dog!

106
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:36,600
PJ! Over here! I'm your father!
I spunked you in a jar!

107
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,000
Selfie!

108
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,279
Daddy!

109
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,079
Ribs. Ribcage.
You're crackin' my ribs, Son.

110
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:50,519
I can't believe PJ Larkin
is coming to my house!

111
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:55,800
Now, remember, my son is just
a regular person like anyone else.

112
00:07:55,879 --> 00:07:57,600
Only he's a really great fighter

113
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,560
who can kick anyone else's son's ass,
any time.

114
00:08:00,639 --> 00:08:02,800
You know, if you really want
to be sure he's your son,

115
00:08:02,879 --> 00:08:05,439
there's DNA tests.
You can do it through the mail.

116
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:08,480
Nah, when you're a father,
you know.

117
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,199
If anybody needs to take
a DNA test, it's you.

118
00:08:11,279 --> 00:08:15,160
Looks like Mrs. Switzer
ordered Chines e takeout.

119
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,120
From the Dong Shack,
if you know what I mean.

120
00:08:18,199 --> 00:08:22,439
So, are you excited about this big time
fighter coming to visit?

121
00:08:22,519 --> 00:08:24,879
I'm not much of a sports fan.

122
00:08:24,959 --> 00:08:26,480
Or a fan of jocks for that matter.

123
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,560
Don't worry.
She only goes for intellectuals.

124
00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:30,879
Unemployed ones.

125
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:35,600
I'm unemployed!
And I got no prospects.

126
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,200
Kitty's missing!

127
00:08:38,279 --> 00:08:40,240
We all have to split up,
and look for her!

128
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:45,000
Sorry, Freddy, my son, the famous
ultimate fighter is coming over.

129
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,559
Guess I'll go look alone.

130
00:08:48,639 --> 00:08:51,600
- He's here!
- Come in, Son, come in.

131
00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,360
You remember Camille?
She's your biggest fan.

132
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,519
What's up, Little Wahine?
Here's the mouth guard I swallowed,

133
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:01,200
then barfed up at UFC 198.
I signed it for you.

134
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:05,480
Oh, my God! Thank you!
Is that blood?

135
00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:07,759
- It is blood!
- And puke.

136
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,320
Over here, Son,
is my brother Franklin.

137
00:09:10,399 --> 00:09:12,960
He's not my real brother,
so he's not your real uncle

138
00:09:13,039 --> 00:09:15,799
meaning, he's made no genetic
contribution to your success.

139
00:09:15,879 --> 00:09:19,320
A real pleasure. Loved you
bitin' off that fellow's ear.

140
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,399
I'm Noah! I'm Team PJ for life!

141
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,320
Oh, God! Noah, go wash your face.
You look like you've been notarized.

142
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,679
And this is Gretchen.
She's our lady lawyer.

143
00:09:28,759 --> 00:09:33,480
- Aloha, pretty lady.
- Nothing.

144
00:09:33,879 --> 00:09:35,480
Is this guy botherin' you?

145
00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:39,440
- I got something for you too.
- That's a big cup.

146
00:09:39,519 --> 00:09:41,879
My boy has a giant schvantz!

147
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,240
- Where should I keep this?
- How about next to your bed?

148
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,320
My bed?
Maybe you should take a look.

149
00:09:48,399 --> 00:09:49,720
Groovy.

150
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:55,039
- That's my boy!
- Damn pretty boy meat monkey.

151
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,080
Fuck this world.

152
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,759
I've been wasting away
living with those freaks,

153
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,320
and paradise was just
around the corner.

154
00:10:11,399 --> 00:10:15,039
Hello.
Who's this gorgeous lady?

155
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,679
Name's Kitty. Don't touch my throne,
you'll get your grease on it.

156
00:10:18,759 --> 00:10:21,919
I may not have a lot of money
or my own tent,

157
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:27,279
but I have so much love to give.
We could be best friends.

158
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,279
You want a best friend?

159
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,360
Take your broke ass
down to the dog shelter.

160
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:40,080
What is this? Looks like pudding
but tastes like salmon.

161
00:10:40,159 --> 00:10:42,919
I could eat this all day.

162
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,600
Kitty! Thank goodness.

163
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,919
I've been searching alleys,
and dumpsters all over the city.

164
00:10:50,759 --> 00:10:52,480
Come on, let's get you home.

165
00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:56,080
Enlighten me, fat man.
What is it you got to offer?

166
00:10:56,159 --> 00:11:00,320
Because here, they got fish pudding!
Probably got all kinds of pudding.

167
00:11:00,399 --> 00:11:03,440
Chicken pudding, steak pudding,
potato pudding.

168
00:11:03,519 --> 00:11:05,639
What kind of pudding
you all got?

169
00:11:08,519 --> 00:11:10,759
Oh, my God,
this is delicious!

170
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:23,679
- Ground and pound!
- Yes! Yes!

171
00:11:24,399 --> 00:11:27,200
I'm no expert,
but ain't it bad thing

172
00:11:27,279 --> 00:11:30,000
for athletes to have sex
before a match in a ring?

173
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,559
Come on! Do something!

174
00:11:31,639 --> 00:11:33,919
I can't live his life for him, Franklin.

175
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,840
A father gives his son a toolbox

176
00:11:35,919 --> 00:11:38,120
and spends a lifetime
filling it with tools.

177
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,679
Can't he find some other box
to put his tool in?

178
00:11:40,759 --> 00:11:45,440
That particular peace of advice came
from Fatherhood by Dr. Bill Cosby.

179
00:11:45,519 --> 00:11:49,399
He had some great dating advice too.
I wonder what he's up to these days.

180
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,759
Probably crushing it.

181
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,000
- You ready to tap out?
- Fuck that bra.

182
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,039
That was the best ever.

183
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:03,360
- That's it, PJ!
- Best seats ever!

184
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,960
My son, PJ Larkin,
got them for us.

185
00:12:07,039 --> 00:12:09,440
We're gonna get splattered
by something for sure!

186
00:12:11,279 --> 00:12:14,559
I guess sex isn't bad
before a match after all.

187
00:12:14,639 --> 00:12:17,960
Maybe if he bumped it up a little more,
he could be world champion.

188
00:12:18,039 --> 00:12:19,240
I'm willing to try.

189
00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:23,039
Dumb apes in a cage.
Stupid sport.

190
00:12:23,919 --> 00:12:25,200
Lucky!

191
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:30,799
PJ is the ultimate fighter!
You're not even the penultimate fighter!

192
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,559
Hey, Larkin, you suck!

193
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:40,519
You got something to say to my kid,
you say it to me!

194
00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:49,960
Brad! You didn't even close
the pen on this new cat!

195
00:12:50,039 --> 00:12:51,960
The fat one!

196
00:12:55,159 --> 00:12:57,679
Is kitty hungry?

197
00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:03,240
You can call it ultimate, if you want.

198
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,759
But it all goes back
to the fundamentals, boy.

199
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,039
Footwork, footwork, footwork!

200
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,279
Okay, Son, you just poked the bear!

201
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,840
Hey, I mean, hey! I don't get it.
What the hell do you see in this rube?

202
00:13:18,919 --> 00:13:23,159
I guess it's just easy.
No head games. Just sex.

203
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:26,639
But the man has
no social conscience, huh?

204
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,519
I mean he's making
all that money,

205
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:32,879
but what's he ever done for the hobo,
homo, the houseless?

206
00:13:33,639 --> 00:13:36,240
Hey, Peej? When's the last time
you gave to charity?

207
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,919
Have you ever done
anything to help the houseless?

208
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,000
Nope.

209
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:44,080
But maybe, I could donate
a few million dollars to the shelter,

210
00:13:44,159 --> 00:13:45,639
and tickets to my next fight.

211
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,000
What a great idea!

212
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,679
Everyone is always trying
to give them food,

213
00:13:48,759 --> 00:13:51,200
but what they really need
is a little diversion.

214
00:13:51,279 --> 00:13:53,519
Cool. Let's fuck.

215
00:13:55,519 --> 00:13:58,840
Now, don't overheat while
you're fucking her. It's summer time!

216
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,120
Why do we kick
like this after we poop?

217
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,960
Freddy, you're a cat now.
You don't ask questions.

218
00:14:06,039 --> 00:14:09,360
You start pullin' threads,
and whole sweater comes undone.

219
00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:13,480
I see her!
I know which one we are getting!

220
00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:17,559
Back that shit off.
I'm living like a king here.

221
00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:20,240
I got a queen joke,
but I'm not gonna say it.

222
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,240
I'm not gettin' my ass canceled.

223
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:27,159
Is that salmon farm-raised?
We only serve wild-caught to our cats.

224
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:31,159
And no catnip on the side?
This is barbaric.

225
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:37,000
Y'all got catnip and wild fish?
Sounds like a Jackpot!

226
00:14:37,679 --> 00:14:41,639
Let's get you out of here.
Does Ms. Mittens like feather beds?

227
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:47,000
Feather beds, feather boas,
show tunes, whatever y'all want. Hey.

228
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,759
Kitty?

229
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:52,720
Sorry, they didn't want you, Big Guy.
But that's all right.

230
00:14:52,799 --> 00:14:55,960
Well, not really. Your time's up.
We're going to have to put you down.

231
00:14:56,039 --> 00:15:01,200
I'm getting put down!
A nap sounds nice.

232
00:15:02,519 --> 00:15:06,720
Anticipation is building for what is
being hailed as the "Fray in the Bay".

233
00:15:06,799 --> 00:15:08,240
The just-announced title fight

234
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,639
between challenger
PJ Always Barkin' Larkin,

235
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,759
and the champ, Conor McGregor.

236
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,879
Work the body!

237
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,879
That is, assuming McGregor's
out of jail by then.

238
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,799
The Notorious Irishman was arrested
today for attacking an opponent's bus.

239
00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:32,799
By attacking it,
I mean fucking it.

240
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:36,799
Conor McGregor?
We'd better start training now, Son.

241
00:15:37,879 --> 00:15:39,360
Ready, Son?

242
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,759
Ready.
Let me just get high first.

243
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:47,919
Wait just a minute there, Son.

244
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:51,279
PJ, this is what I, and several
books I haven't read,

245
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,320
call "a teaching moment".

246
00:15:53,399 --> 00:15:57,960
I myself have tried cannabis,
but there's even better drugs out there!

247
00:15:58,039 --> 00:16:02,200
I know. Hash, cocaine,
a little meth, shrooms.

248
00:16:02,279 --> 00:16:05,960
Shrooms?
As in psychedelic mushrooms?

249
00:16:06,039 --> 00:16:07,840
- Yeah.
- You got some on you right now?

250
00:16:07,919 --> 00:16:09,759
- Oh, yeah!
- Damn, Son.

251
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,679
The hell with training,
let's party all day.

252
00:17:02,399 --> 00:17:06,359
<i>So you met someone
Who set you back on your heels</i>

253
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:07,480
Kitty, Kitty

254
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:11,279
<i>So you met someone,
And now, you know how...</i>

255
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:15,519
- You have to put on your dinner outfit.
- Oh, hell no.

256
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:18,559
You start your ballet
lessons tomorrow.

257
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,440
Ballet?
I thought we agreed on jazz tap.

258
00:17:21,519 --> 00:17:25,160
Fellas, I'll make this easy on you.
I ain't doing any of that shit.

259
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,119
Wait. She can do both!

260
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:31,079
We do want her to get her
on the best YouTube cat channels.

261
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:35,359
No! Ain't none of those YouTube
felines have a happy ending.

262
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,960
Grumpy Cat? Lil Bub?
Keyboard Cat? Same sad-ass story.

263
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,319
Hey, Dad, after we do
some more bong rips,

264
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,920
can you drive me to the stadium?

265
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,559
I gotta drop this off
for my drug test.

266
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,079
Whoa, whoa. Lemme see that.

267
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,039
Tell you what.

268
00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:59,400
Let me take care of this.
You stay here and fuck Gretchen.

269
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,079
That's a good boy.

270
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,720
I can't go with you standing there.

271
00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:11,400
If you want to help PJ,
gimme some space.

272
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,440
- Are you kidding me?
- My boy has the urine of a champion.

273
00:18:18,519 --> 00:18:22,640
A champion! I want to make sure
your dweeb pee measures up.

274
00:18:23,799 --> 00:18:25,720
I'll make it work.

275
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,960
Welcome to the Fray in the Bay!

276
00:18:37,039 --> 00:18:42,680
Where courtesy of PJ Larkin,
it's Houseless Day!

277
00:18:42,759 --> 00:18:45,279
And now,
for the championship match!

278
00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:48,319
PJ Always Barkin' Larkin

279
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:53,319
versus Conor
"The Bus Fucker" McGregor.

280
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:58,880
Kill him PJ! Maim! Maul him!
Bite his nuts off!

281
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,759
- Spare any change?
- Of course, sir.

282
00:19:01,839 --> 00:19:04,160
This enough to get inside
your pussy?

283
00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,880
Look how happy they all are!
And it's all because of PJ.

284
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,279
Yay, hooray for PJ.

285
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:16,599
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's make preparations to...

286
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,920
Wait a minute. I've just received
some shocking information

287
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,440
regarding PJ Larkin's
urine sample!

288
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:30,240
You may want to pay attention to this,
Phineas. I mean, as father and all.

289
00:19:30,319 --> 00:19:33,519
Relax, fight fans. This isn't about
performance enhancing drugs.

290
00:19:33,599 --> 00:19:35,400
We say we test for those,
but we don't.

291
00:19:36,279 --> 00:19:39,160
However,
another test was performed.

292
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,559
And through a series of DNA shit
that I don't understand,

293
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,559
our friends at 24andMe,
"We do you one better",

294
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:52,440
have confirmed the identity
of PJ Larkin's father.

295
00:19:52,519 --> 00:19:55,680
Well, it's about time
I get some damn recognition.

296
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:59,799
Thank you. Proud father over here.
That's my spunk.

297
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:06,519
And that person's name
is Harrison Milligan Ludwig the Third!

298
00:20:07,799 --> 00:20:10,000
Hey! That's me!

299
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,759
What the hell's going on?

300
00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:15,960
It's a strange future we're livin' in.

301
00:20:16,039 --> 00:20:20,039
Sometimes discarded urine
makes its way into a padded envelope,

302
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:24,000
and gets mailed off
to a DNA testing facility.

303
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,920
- Dad?
- Son!

304
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,400
No! No! Okay.

305
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,039
So, this guy might be
your real father,

306
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,079
but who's the one
who raised you since the day

307
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,400
you were two
and half weeks ago...

308
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,240
Sorry, big guy, it's time.

309
00:20:51,319 --> 00:20:55,319
- Dead cat walking!
- I'm going for a special nap!

310
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,119
Brave.

311
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,720
Disgusting slob, but brave.

312
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,920
They grow up so fast.

313
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,960
Before you know it,
they find their real dad, and move on.

314
00:21:08,039 --> 00:21:09,039
Yup.

315
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:12,200
But we'll always have
the memories. Hey, Franklin!

316
00:21:12,279 --> 00:21:15,519
Remember when he was puttin'
the wood to Gretchen nonstop?

317
00:21:15,599 --> 00:21:16,720
That's all done now.

318
00:21:16,799 --> 00:21:20,240
He's got no reason to come
hangin' round here no more.

319
00:21:21,319 --> 00:21:23,240
Apparently he does.

320
00:21:23,839 --> 00:21:25,279
Hot spittin' monkey shit.

321
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:28,240
Hell, that is not the way
I saw things playing out.

322
00:21:28,319 --> 00:21:30,359
Hey, Franklin. Hey, guy.

323
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,359
I'm an empty nester.

324
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,599
I don't know how I'll fill
my days now.

325
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,480
You'll probably do
a lot of drugs,

326
00:21:36,559 --> 00:21:39,039
remain unemployed,
and rant about corn syrup.

327
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:43,640
Yeah, thanks, Noah. See, Phineas?
You still got a lot on your plate.

328
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:47,319
- Freddy, where the hell you've been?
- And why are you buck naked?

329
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:48,799
I was living at the cat shelter.

330
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,240
They were really nice to me,
and fed me, and everything.

331
00:21:52,319 --> 00:21:55,319
Then they thought
I was a cat that nobody wanted,

332
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,640
and they tried to kill me.

333
00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:00,880
But I think cat gas only works on cats.
Kitty! You're home!

334
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,079
Where you been?

335
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,400
I went home
with a Jack & Jack couple.

336
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,160
They wanted me to sing,
and dance

337
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,640
and take diet pills
like I was Liza Minelli.

338
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,799
Man, am I glad to be back.

339
00:22:12,759 --> 00:22:16,039
Get this fat fucker off of me.
Franklin! Phineas!

340
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:21,119
Oh, Lord! This is not how I wanted
my life to go.

341
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,400
I only got eight more left.
He done took one!

342
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,279
He done took one of my nine.