1 00:00:10,359 --> 00:00:12,759 I'm for equal rights, equal opportunity, 2 00:00:12,839 --> 00:00:14,039 and affordable housing. 3 00:00:14,119 --> 00:00:18,160 I'm mayoral candidate, George Melendez and I approve 4 00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:21,199 of a better life for all San Franciscans. 5 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:25,120 - That's my line! Pretty great, huh? - Oh, it's poetry, darlin'. 6 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,160 He's got my vote, that's for damn sure. 7 00:00:27,239 --> 00:00:30,199 Well, I should hope so, Franklin. You're working on his campaign. 8 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,560 Only because you're his campaign manager. 9 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,200 And no, I mean I support, what he was sayin' 10 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,000 about free Taco Night or whatever. 11 00:00:39,079 --> 00:00:41,840 I would vote for him if I voted. But I don't, 12 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:44,840 because all politicians are crooks and liars. 13 00:00:45,359 --> 00:00:46,320 George is different. 14 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,960 - That's what they said about Gandhi. - If you don't vote, you can't complain. 15 00:00:51,039 --> 00:00:55,000 Sure, I can! For starters, there's not enough nudity on PBS! 16 00:00:55,079 --> 00:00:56,920 - There, I said it. - Maybe I should vote. 17 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,119 - How old do you have to be? - 18. 18 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,520 Darn, I'm older than 18. Oh, well. 19 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,599 - What color polish do you want? - Clear for me. Kitty? 20 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,599 I'm gonna do that Fuck-Me-Silly-Gutterslut-Pink! 21 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,920 I'm hittin' the alley tonight, gonna get me some thickness! 22 00:01:12,719 --> 00:01:14,280 Phineas, out of respect for Gretchen, 23 00:01:14,359 --> 00:01:18,400 I expect you to vote for Seeor Melendez as many times as you can. 24 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:21,599 Not even if you paid me. I don't mean that literally. 25 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:25,319 Really Phineas? I thought you were a big activist back in the '60s. 26 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,439 Me? Nah. 27 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,840 Fuck the capitalist pigs! Workers should own everything. 28 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,239 Let's burn the fuckin' country to the ground. 29 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:36,760 Yeah! I'm with my brother Phineas! 30 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,879 I came up with a name for our movement. 31 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:41,120 I wrote it down somewhere. 32 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,760 I just gotta find it. 33 00:01:43,359 --> 00:01:44,760 My name's Bernie Sanders. 34 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,640 These rolling papers say "Democratic Socialism". 35 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:52,040 Bernie's a genius! I'm with Bernie! Great original idea. 36 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,599 - I love you! - I feel a burn! 37 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,879 Feel the Bern! Feel the Bern! 38 00:01:59,959 --> 00:02:01,799 Bernie's so much better than Phineas! 39 00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:04,319 Brother... 40 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,799 Three Brothers puffin 41 00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:11,159 And we just woke up in the year 2020 42 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,960 Roll another j and forget the day 43 00:02:14,039 --> 00:02:16,680 Roll another j and get high 44 00:02:16,759 --> 00:02:19,400 Roll another j and forget the day 45 00:02:19,479 --> 00:02:21,240 Me and my brothers getting fried 46 00:02:21,319 --> 00:02:23,439 We're the Freak Brothers 47 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,159 Hello, Freaks and family. 48 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,639 Guess whose billionaire boss is running for mayor 49 00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:37,120 and made me his head of voter outreach? 50 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:40,240 - Can you give us a hint? - Freddy come on. Jesus. 51 00:02:40,319 --> 00:02:43,159 Let's at least try to guess first without a hint. 52 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:47,039 I thought you weren't getting involved in Dennis's "political ego trip". 53 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,800 Especially, since I'm campaign manager for his opponent. 54 00:02:49,879 --> 00:02:52,080 But then we wouldn't have the unbearable tension 55 00:02:52,159 --> 00:02:55,439 and inevitable fight that leads to you two not speaking to each other. 56 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,759 Harper, don't expect any of my votes for your Chinese boss. 57 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,560 Not because he's Chinese because I don't trust him. 58 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,960 And I don't know anything about him. 59 00:03:03,039 --> 00:03:04,759 Why do you look at me when you say Chinese? 60 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,199 Because you're Chinese. 61 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,360 If your mom's boss was fat, I'd look at Freddy. 62 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,479 Now, as you all may or may not know, 63 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,319 buying votes is illegal. 64 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,639 I wouldn't know, I'm too old to vote. 65 00:03:18,719 --> 00:03:21,280 Which is why, unrelated to the election, 66 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:26,520 Dennis Chang is giving every San Franciscan a free phone! 67 00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:29,360 - Gimme, gimme! - I got the purple one! 68 00:03:29,439 --> 00:03:34,120 And they're pre-loaded with spending money at participating merchants. 69 00:03:34,199 --> 00:03:36,960 - Whose idea? - Your idea, dear. 70 00:03:37,039 --> 00:03:39,479 That is such bullshit, Harper. You know what? 71 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,159 I'm not even speaking to you right now. 72 00:03:42,319 --> 00:03:44,400 I would've given it another couple days. 73 00:03:44,479 --> 00:03:48,039 Check it out! Mine's pre-loaded with a movie about some cat. 74 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,759 Freaks in the hizz-ouse! 75 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:57,159 - Java or ganja, my good dudes? - Chuck and Charlie. 76 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,840 Seems like you guys have a new job every week. 77 00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:03,159 Seems like you guys don't have any job every week. 78 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,240 It's a living. 79 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:09,680 Let me have a THC-infused espresso and a blueberry muffin. 80 00:04:09,759 --> 00:04:12,000 Okay, that'll be 12.50. 81 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,479 Cash, or another IOU signed Jack MeHoff? 82 00:04:15,879 --> 00:04:19,360 Neither, my friend. I'll be paying with my fancy new phone. 83 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:23,199 No. You know what, sorry, we're gonna have to take back that muffin. 84 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:26,279 Yeah. It could've come in contact with sesame seeds, 85 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:27,720 and with your sesame allergy... 86 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,600 What? How do you know about that? 87 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,920 You blabbin' about my business, Chatty Cathy? 88 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,000 - Nope. - It tells me all about you here. 89 00:04:34,079 --> 00:04:37,759 What the fuck? How does it know about all my personal shit? 90 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,480 Your phone, dude. It's gathering data on you 24/7. 91 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,399 Everywhere you go. Everything you buy. 92 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,399 Everything you say. 93 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,319 Everything you say. 94 00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:51,040 Oh, my God, what was that. 95 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:54,160 Fuck this free phone! It ain't worth it, I'm giving it back! 96 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,199 My God. Don't you have any self-respect? 97 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:01,120 - You're disgusting. - You'll die early and alone. 98 00:05:01,199 --> 00:05:05,079 Even your mangy cat will be ashamed to be seen with you. 99 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:09,959 Mangy? Bitch, the only thing mangy in here is your uptight coochie! 100 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:14,040 And fuck both y'all, I'm already ashamed to be seen with him. 101 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,360 Yeah! 102 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,040 People been calling you fat your whole life. 103 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,360 For fuck's sake, your mama named you Fat Freddy. 104 00:05:22,439 --> 00:05:24,000 This was different, Kitty. 105 00:05:24,079 --> 00:05:26,040 It used to be they were laughing with me. 106 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,120 Today they were laughing at me. 107 00:05:28,199 --> 00:05:32,040 - Boy, what movie you been watching? - The truth is, I like being big. 108 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:35,839 - I like eating lots and lots of food. - It's the only thing you're good at! 109 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,560 I know! I like who I am. I wouldn't want to be anyone else. 110 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:42,480 He's back! Fat ass Freddy! That's right! 111 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,040 I like Tubby Time with you, Kitty. You're a good friend. 112 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,120 Wanna stay friends? Do not stand up. 113 00:05:49,199 --> 00:05:52,000 I don't wanna see your little thang thang under them fat folds. 114 00:05:52,079 --> 00:05:54,360 The joke's on you, I'm wearing blue jeans. 115 00:06:03,199 --> 00:06:04,519 I've got a chubby guy in a bubble bath 116 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,399 espousing a positive body image to a cute cat who's meowing back. 117 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:11,279 - Request approval to go viral. - Approved. 118 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,279 Win or lose the election, 119 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,680 we'll still have the data from our phone giveaway. 120 00:06:16,759 --> 00:06:18,720 I recognized the word "win" 121 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,040 but that "L" word it's not in my vocabulary. 122 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,839 If Steve Jobs had eaten anything other than fruit, 123 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,519 he'd be standing here in awe of you. 124 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,439 All right. Here's the deal, Chang. 125 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:32,319 You're gonna erase all my personal shit off this gizmo 126 00:06:32,399 --> 00:06:34,839 and never so much as utter my name again. 127 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:38,120 I ain't afraid of you, I don't care how much karate you know! 128 00:06:38,199 --> 00:06:39,600 Actually, I'm a black belt. 129 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,480 It's African American belt, you racist. 130 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:45,199 Hey, Harper! What's for dinner? 131 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,519 Who are these men and why do they smell like that? 132 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:49,959 They're nobodies. 133 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,680 What the fuck are you guys doing here? Go away, right now. 134 00:06:53,759 --> 00:06:58,319 I will not be silenced! I'm filming you both to show the world! 135 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:01,240 What the... 136 00:07:01,319 --> 00:07:04,800 ChangCo's electronic jamming device patent pending. 137 00:07:04,879 --> 00:07:07,160 - Two-Ton! - Yes, Mr. Chang? 138 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,759 Show these men the sidewalk. 139 00:07:10,759 --> 00:07:15,399 You see that? That's the sidewalk! 140 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:16,959 I meant escort them out. 141 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:20,439 We thought you drowned when we sank the Lucky Motherfucker. 142 00:07:20,519 --> 00:07:22,439 Hey, did you lose weight? 143 00:07:22,519 --> 00:07:27,399 I'm on the keto. Can eat all the hard boiled eggs I want. 144 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,199 I beg y'all's pardon. 145 00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:31,560 You keep questionable company, Two-Ton. 146 00:07:31,639 --> 00:07:34,160 This man is a danger to life as we know it! 147 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,040 - Are these complimentary? - Go nuts. 148 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,240 Go nuts! Oh, my God! So witty. 149 00:07:42,319 --> 00:07:44,480 You gonna delete my data or not? 150 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,879 I could wipe the data from your Changphone, 151 00:07:46,959 --> 00:07:50,600 but it's also in the Cloud and on our proprietary gel drive. 152 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:51,959 - You mind? - Back off, piggy. 153 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,439 Could someone make all your info go away? 154 00:07:54,519 --> 00:07:57,600 Well, I probably could. But I won't. 155 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,199 - Anything else? - Yes. 156 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:02,439 I vowed to never participate in politics again. 157 00:08:02,519 --> 00:08:04,160 But as sure as my tongue is swelling up 158 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,439 from the sesame sticks in this delicious potpourri, 159 00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,120 I vow to defeat you! 160 00:08:08,199 --> 00:08:12,560 I will volunteer all of my time for your opponent, Geowg Mewendeth. 161 00:08:12,639 --> 00:08:16,720 Damn, D.C., his tongue's the size of a porcupine. 162 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,560 It's the keto. 163 00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:28,759 And your secret ingredient is fennel. 164 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:31,040 Freddy, oh, my God, you're blowing up! 165 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,799 This is only my second bag. I gained a few pounds. So what? 166 00:08:34,879 --> 00:08:36,720 You think she knows we got the munchies? 167 00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:39,720 I mean, you're trending. People love Tubby Time. 168 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,200 I love Tubby Time. 169 00:08:41,279 --> 00:08:43,600 When did you decide to do an internet show? 170 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:45,759 Tubby Time is such a cool name, by the way. 171 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,120 Do what now? 172 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:50,720 I like Tubby Time with you, Kitty. You're a good friend. 173 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:56,840 Hell no. That lighting makes me look like a damn meth head. 174 00:08:56,919 --> 00:08:59,759 I think it's awesome how comfortable you are with your body. 175 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,399 And so do your 800,000 followers. 176 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,559 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! I don't get it. 177 00:09:07,639 --> 00:09:09,600 Your fans want another episode. 178 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,120 And you'll be like his little sidekick. 179 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,879 Girl, I don't do sidekick. Co-star, equal billing, 180 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,240 and I want an Executive Producer credit. 181 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,519 Sounds like Phineas really gave Chang a tongue lashing, 182 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,200 before it swelled up and almost suffocating him to death. 183 00:09:24,279 --> 00:09:26,039 It was a thing of beauty. 184 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:30,480 What he said to him, not his gasps for air before the paramedics arrived. 185 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:31,960 That was a little embarrassing. 186 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:35,399 Vote Melendez! And don't vote Chang! 187 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:39,000 - You guys ready to bury this fucker? - Fuck yeah! 188 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,720 Good seein' you pumped up about politics again, buddy. 189 00:09:41,799 --> 00:09:44,360 Yeah, it is. I really like this side of you, Phineas. 190 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,960 Meaning what? You didn't like any of my sides before? 191 00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:49,120 - You hated me? - What? No. 192 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,559 - I... - I'm joking! 193 00:09:50,639 --> 00:09:54,240 Now that my life has purpose, I'm jovial and fun to be around! 194 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,879 I wouldn't go that far. Barely tolerable... 195 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,919 Noah, tell my sister, who I'm not speaking to, to turn on the TV! 196 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,480 Gretchen, turn on... What am I doing? 197 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:07,320 Translating from spiteful English to English? 198 00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:11,679 Blockbuster photos have surfaced of mayoral candidate George Melendez. 199 00:10:11,759 --> 00:10:14,799 Photos being called shocking, appalling, and sexist. 200 00:10:14,879 --> 00:10:17,559 Let's go to Channel 7's Stephanie Olsen in the Tenderloin. 201 00:10:17,639 --> 00:10:21,639 I'm here with Cheyenne, pronouns they/them, 202 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,799 who brought the photos to our attention. 203 00:10:23,879 --> 00:10:27,840 He was Annie in drag! It's gender appropriation. 204 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:31,200 It robbed an essential role from a female actor. 205 00:10:31,279 --> 00:10:33,799 George Melendez should be held accountable! 206 00:10:33,879 --> 00:10:36,720 Well, it is an all-boys school. 207 00:10:36,799 --> 00:10:39,840 He should be held accountable for that too! 208 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,519 Cancelled. 209 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:50,080 Channel 7 News can confirm George Melendez has dropped out of the race. 210 00:10:50,159 --> 00:10:51,600 He has been cancelled. 211 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:54,799 Cancelled? What's that mean, cancelled? 212 00:10:54,879 --> 00:10:57,399 Well, it means he's done. Finished. 213 00:10:58,519 --> 00:11:02,720 Persona non grata in politics, online, and at any decent restaurant. 214 00:11:02,799 --> 00:11:04,559 Well, that's just crazy. 215 00:11:04,639 --> 00:11:06,759 Gretchen, we're gonna fight for George right? 216 00:11:07,399 --> 00:11:11,080 It's over. I'd be lucky to book him on The Lauer Hour. 217 00:11:11,399 --> 00:11:12,960 Matt Lauer's new podcast. 218 00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:15,960 So that's it? Chang is running unopposed? 219 00:11:16,039 --> 00:11:19,519 Except for Libertarian candidate Bob Pimko, 220 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,960 running at two percent in the polls. 221 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:26,600 Well then, it looks like it's winner winner Kung Pao dinner! 222 00:11:28,399 --> 00:11:30,279 What do you think you're me? 223 00:11:31,159 --> 00:11:33,080 No, no. Dennis says that. He made it up. 224 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,120 Money. 225 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,320 We're so down with the body positive message, bro. 226 00:11:42,399 --> 00:11:43,559 It's enlightened. 227 00:11:43,639 --> 00:11:47,559 - To Chuck, from your pal, Freddy. - I'm Charlie. 228 00:11:47,639 --> 00:11:49,679 I don't know how to spell that, Chuck. 229 00:11:49,759 --> 00:11:52,639 Sitting in bubbles all the time is making my feet turn yellow. 230 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:55,519 Man, if you don't put those gnarly, nasty-ass, 231 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,960 lemon toes away, you'll scare off all the fans! 232 00:11:58,039 --> 00:12:00,320 This is what the world has come to. 233 00:12:00,399 --> 00:12:03,039 A good man like George gets nailed to the cross. 234 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,559 A fat man like Freddy is a national hero. 235 00:12:05,639 --> 00:12:07,480 Be happy for old Freddy. 236 00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:11,080 It's good to see life give him the long end of the stick for once. 237 00:12:11,159 --> 00:12:14,960 Life gave me the long end of the stick, right up my fucking ass! 238 00:12:16,159 --> 00:12:17,879 I was standing here first! 239 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,679 That was State Senator Moffit. 240 00:12:19,759 --> 00:12:21,679 He can't replace George as our candidate. 241 00:12:21,759 --> 00:12:27,080 - He's not gonna be out of jail in time. - Shit, shit, shit! 242 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:32,799 We gotta find somebody who voters like morethan Dennis the Menace. 243 00:12:39,519 --> 00:12:42,679 Freddy, Freddy, Freddy! 244 00:12:42,759 --> 00:12:45,559 This may sound crazy, but hear me out... 245 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,279 - Freddy? That's crazy! - But is it? 246 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,480 Freddy polls ahead of Chang in the head-to-head, 247 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:53,240 and has a higher Q rating. 248 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:57,120 He once ate an entire bag of potatoes without taking them out of the bag. 249 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,559 And could you do that? 250 00:12:58,639 --> 00:13:00,399 What happens when Freddy has to speak? 251 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,440 When people ask him questions, besides, "What's your name?" 252 00:13:03,519 --> 00:13:04,720 Well, I got a thought on that. 253 00:13:04,799 --> 00:13:08,279 What if we got one of those ear piece hickamajigs for Freddy 254 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,360 and you told him what to say? 255 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:13,200 - It's not a bad idea. - You've got a mind for politics. 256 00:13:13,279 --> 00:13:15,080 You could be the man behind the man. 257 00:13:15,159 --> 00:13:18,600 - Why don't I just be the man? - Because people don't like you. 258 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:20,519 He's right, they don't. 259 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,519 Welcome to another edition of Tubby Time. 260 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:31,320 I'm Freddy Freekowtski, she's Kitty, and we have a big announcement! 261 00:13:31,399 --> 00:13:33,480 I'm running for Mayo! 262 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:35,440 Which is great because I love mayonnaise! 263 00:13:35,519 --> 00:13:38,039 - "Mayor", dumb-dumb. - Mayor dumb-dumb. 264 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:39,759 Man behind the man! 265 00:13:40,399 --> 00:13:41,720 This is your new candidate? 266 00:13:41,799 --> 00:13:47,080 Gretchen, if I were speaking to you I'd say, it's sad. Just sad. 267 00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:50,039 We just hit two million views! 268 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,559 Oh, that's nice honey. Dennis is gonna crush him. 269 00:13:52,639 --> 00:13:54,360 - Get out. - No. 270 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,919 No? Close your eyes, please. 271 00:13:58,159 --> 00:14:02,039 - Get out, or I'll drop a deuce. - You wouldn't. 272 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,440 - I got one in the chamber! - Don't you dare. 273 00:14:04,519 --> 00:14:06,519 I'm dumping, baby! 274 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,960 I'll just use the one downstairs. 275 00:14:15,759 --> 00:14:18,399 As your mayor, I promise... 276 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,360 I promise that Dennis Chang and big business... 277 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,639 Dennis Chang and big business... 278 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,519 Will stay out of your business! 279 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,039 Will stay out of your business! 280 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,279 Why aren't they going nuts? That was my big line! 281 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,519 Do something, fat man! 282 00:14:54,799 --> 00:14:59,000 The skies above me open wide 283 00:15:02,559 --> 00:15:05,639 Trying to be right as hero 284 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,840 You need to be real and not a fraud 285 00:15:08,919 --> 00:15:11,240 'Cause I'm wanted for peace 286 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,159 In a world of war 287 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,480 As your mayor, I promise... 288 00:15:22,559 --> 00:15:24,679 That Dennis Chang and big business... 289 00:15:24,759 --> 00:15:27,480 Will stay out of your business. 290 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,440 Finally a crowd with some sense! 291 00:15:31,519 --> 00:15:34,840 - Great original idea, Freddy! - Freddy's a God! 292 00:15:34,919 --> 00:15:38,039 Feel the Freddy! 293 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:41,879 And I will not rest until every business in Silicon Valley 294 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,240 gets burned to the fucking ground like a straw hut in North Vietnam! 295 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,679 But you simple-minded sheep would rather see this fat fuck 296 00:15:49,759 --> 00:15:51,360 fart the Star-Spangled Banner! 297 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:52,960 Don't say any of that, Freddy. 298 00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,679 Don't say any of that, Freddy. 299 00:15:55,759 --> 00:15:56,679 What the hell? 300 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:58,919 Hey, Phineas. From now on, 301 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,120 why don't you just tell me what you want Freddy to say, 302 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,279 then I'll tell him. 303 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,039 Why the fuck would I do that? 304 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,679 Because Franklin can help soften the edges. 305 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,440 So we can appeal to the broadest audience. 306 00:16:10,519 --> 00:16:13,120 No. My words are my words! 307 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,480 We ain't askin'. You are off the mic! 308 00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:18,600 - But I'm the man behind the man. - Well, not anymore. 309 00:16:18,679 --> 00:16:21,159 You're more like the man behind the man's behind... 310 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,080 You know what I'm saying, right? Anyway, you're fired. 311 00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:28,480 Ladies and gentlemen, please stand for our national anthem. 312 00:16:37,879 --> 00:16:41,840 10:00 PM. Study. If you wanna fuck. 313 00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:45,919 Well, here I am, Noah. Wearing crotchless panties... 314 00:16:46,879 --> 00:16:49,679 You need to turn the note over. Read the back. 315 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,840 Oh, God! "Up Freddy's campaign." 316 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,159 "If you want to fuck up Freddy's campaign." 317 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,759 Okay, that's now making more sense. 318 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,399 But if you're horny, I could throw you a hump. 319 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:04,119 You don't have a bad body for an older broad. 320 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,680 To be clear, I would not fuck you if you were the last man on earth. 321 00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:10,880 You say that now, but wait till I'm the last man on earth. 322 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,640 I'd sew myself shut. 323 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,079 Why would you help me destroy Freddy's campaign? 324 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,359 Because he's a know-nothing who's out of control! 325 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,079 And Franklin... Franklin's being a dick to me. 326 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:22,480 Well, what about Dennis? 327 00:17:22,559 --> 00:17:25,960 I thought "that Nazi piece of shit will destroy freedom," 328 00:17:26,039 --> 00:17:27,759 "democracy, and humankind". 329 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:29,880 - Nobody's perfect. - You have a plan? 330 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,319 I have a plan. 331 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,440 Okay, the debate's tomorrow night... 332 00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:40,400 It's a basic human right. 333 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,720 Every San Franciscan should have... 334 00:17:42,799 --> 00:17:46,039 Should have safe, affordable housing! 335 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,039 This affordable housing. 336 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,480 How do you propose to pay for it? 337 00:17:52,559 --> 00:17:56,839 I will pay for it with a tax on rich jerks like you, Chang! 338 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,160 Say something, dipshit. 339 00:18:01,759 --> 00:18:04,880 - It's working, Phineas. - I don't know who that is. 340 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:09,960 I'll ask you again, sir. How will you pay for housing for all? 341 00:18:10,039 --> 00:18:13,000 Either you or your cat may answer. 342 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,640 Pay for it, pay for it... 343 00:18:16,079 --> 00:18:18,359 I'll pay for it with my phone! 344 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,640 Your phone? How would that work? 345 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:27,400 Well, I put my phone up to the thingy at the register, 346 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,279 and it pays for everything. Dummy. 347 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,000 It seems that left to his own devices, 348 00:18:35,079 --> 00:18:38,319 my opponent would rely on. his own devices. 349 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,559 I am Dennis Change. 350 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,640 It's not my fault. My earpiece didn't work. 351 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:49,160 It's 08:00 p.m. and voting has concluded in the race for mayor. 352 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,839 Exit polls have Freddy down by ten points. 353 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:55,480 When the results come in, no one will be more upset than I, 354 00:18:55,559 --> 00:18:58,880 Phineas T. Phreakers, your most loyal advisor! 355 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,799 I call all the yellow cube cheese. 356 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,559 Shoulda stuck with Tubby Time. 357 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,319 I'd been the next Andy Richter. 358 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,519 That chubby turd makes bank! 359 00:19:07,559 --> 00:19:09,880 My God, it is glum in here! 360 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,680 You know, if Gretch and I were still speaking, 361 00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:14,440 I would offer her these sisterly words, 362 00:19:14,519 --> 00:19:18,559 I win, you lose Bang-bang, Dennis Chang! 363 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,279 Like I told you in the car. It's not very good. 364 00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:25,279 If I were speaking to my sister, 365 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:27,519 I'd take the high road and congratulate her. 366 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:29,440 On her soon-to-be announced victory. 367 00:19:29,519 --> 00:19:33,200 Harper, you deserve credit. Y'all had some good luck, 368 00:19:33,279 --> 00:19:35,640 but like I said, you deserve all the credit. 369 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,839 Yeah, you said it twice. The deserve credit thing. To her. 370 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,720 - Yup, yup. - That's very gracious of you both. 371 00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:43,559 I appreciate it. 372 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:47,240 You appreciate it? It wasn't her, it was me! 373 00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,799 It was my idea to sabotage Freddy's earpiece! 374 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,200 We should get to Dennis's victory speech. 375 00:19:52,279 --> 00:19:55,079 - You're not going anywhere, cheater. - I'm the cheater? 376 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,799 You guys were feeding him the answers! 377 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,559 Phineas, what the hell? 378 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,000 You ratfucked Freddy and me. We're your brothers! 379 00:20:02,079 --> 00:20:04,200 Well, you weren't treating me like a brother. 380 00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:06,279 You were treating me like a crazy person. 381 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,880 - You are a crazy person. - Damn right, Freddy. 382 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,960 And he didn't need me to say it in his ear. 383 00:20:11,039 --> 00:20:13,240 I'm not crazy, I'm passionate! 384 00:20:13,319 --> 00:20:15,839 I was just a kid from the streets of Berkley. 385 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:20,119 People spat in my face and said, I'd never amount to a hill of beans. 386 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:24,559 Well, Mom? Dad? Mom's friend Jerry, who visits when Dad's away? 387 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,720 Look at me now! I'm making things better for the good guys. 388 00:20:27,799 --> 00:20:31,200 You abandoned the good guys for a capitalist psychopath. 389 00:20:31,279 --> 00:20:33,680 Because you abandoned me! Again! 390 00:20:33,759 --> 00:20:38,319 Just like 1968, when Bernie Sanders stole my political philosophy 391 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,720 and the love of my life! 392 00:20:39,799 --> 00:20:42,000 Bernie Sanders was the love of your life? 393 00:20:42,079 --> 00:20:44,200 Look! They're announcing the official results. 394 00:20:44,279 --> 00:20:46,000 A winner in the race for mayor. 395 00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,759 With 50.1 percent of the vote, 396 00:20:48,839 --> 00:20:52,359 Fat Freddy Freekowtskiwill now be called "His Honor". 397 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:53,720 You're shittin' me. 398 00:20:53,799 --> 00:20:56,119 People lie in exit polls. I know I did. 399 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,920 Freddy, you won! 400 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,119 They tried to hang you but the rope broke! 401 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,759 - Won what? - The election, ya furry freak! 402 00:21:03,079 --> 00:21:05,599 The good guy won, the bad guy lost. 403 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,599 We did it. Let's go. 404 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,400 We did it, brothers! And sister! 405 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,759 I mean, not sister, 'cause I'm tryin' to... 406 00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:22,920 Yeah, yeah! 407 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:28,559 Yes! You lose! You fucking lose! 408 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,359 I kicked your fucking ass, loser! 409 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,200 - I accept your apology. - Well, I don't apologize. 410 00:21:34,279 --> 00:21:35,680 I don't either. 411 00:21:36,319 --> 00:21:40,119 Kitty, I won! I gotta give my expectance speech! 412 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:53,519 I wanna say to my opponent Dennis Ching, Chang. 413 00:21:53,599 --> 00:21:56,799 Not Ching-Chang. Solly, swarrowed some bubbles. 414 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,279 Hey, he's wearing yellow face! 415 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,519 What? What, no, the bubble bath turned my skin yellow. 416 00:22:02,599 --> 00:22:05,559 And mocking Dennis Chang's accent even though he doesn't have one! 417 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:06,680 Freddy's a racist! 418 00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:11,359 I, Channel 7's Stephanie Olsen, am so done with him. He should be... 419 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,400 Cancelled! 420 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:20,000 So, with a face like scrambled eggs and a voice like Jackie Chan, 421 00:22:20,079 --> 00:22:23,400 Mayor Freddy got impeached before he got sworn in. 422 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,480 City council gave the gig to the third party candidate, 423 00:22:26,559 --> 00:22:28,839 that robot soundin' motherfucker, Bob Pimko. 424 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,759 That's it for this week's Kitty Time, y'all. 425 00:22:36,839 --> 00:22:40,680 Don't forget to hit like and subscribe. This shit don't pay for itself! 426 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,200 I am the mayor, bitches.