1
00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:08,120
[brooding music playing]
2
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,800
I think you're gonna need a bath, huh?
3
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,080
Hey, come here. Very messy.
4
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:26,200
I've still got a couple of hours
before I see him.
5
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:31,240
It's a long drive, and Charlie wants
to get home and unpacked and stuff.
6
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,680
I'm so excited to see him.
7
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,240
- I can't believe it's been two months.
- Yeah, same.
8
00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:39,360
How are you feeling?
9
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,240
[sighs] I don't know.
10
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:43,840
It's been a long two months.
11
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,920
- Have you done any journaling?
- [chuckles softly]
12
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,840
Uh, still don't really think
I'm a journaling sort of person.
13
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:55,160
[chuckles] Everyone can journal, Nicholas.
It helps you process your emotions.
14
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,480
If I didn't journal every day,
I'd have a breakdown.
15
00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,840
You don't have to give me
the whole pitch again.
16
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,360
Have you even tried it?
17
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,280
Right, if I try it,
will you stop pressuring me?
18
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,280
[chuckles] Yes. I promise.
19
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,040
[Nick] You know that saying,
"Things get worse before they get better"?
20
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,880
I think I understand that now.
21
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,320
{\an8}[Nick] Back in September,
Charlie had a GP appointment.
22
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,440
Uh, yes. Thursday, 9:45.
23
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:41,720
Yes, that's great. Thank you.
24
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:43,760
[Nick] He said
he hates going to the doctor's.
25
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,040
I mean, who enjoys going to the doctor's?
26
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,440
Especially for something like this.
27
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,040
It must've gone okay because he got
referred to an eating-disorder service.
28
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,160
But the first appointment
wasn't until January.
29
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,440
Things started to get
really bad after that.
30
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His eating disorder got worse.
31
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,400
Can you just stop trying?
32
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,120
- [Isaac] You can talk to us.
- We're just worried about you.
33
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,560
Well, can you stop?
I don't have to tell you everything.
34
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,320
[Nick] Then he started
getting really angry.
35
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,160
Then he stopped talking to me about it.
36
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,320
["Black Friday" by Tom Odell playing]
37
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,440
He started skipping school a lot.
38
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,280
It was a spinning wheel
that was just getting faster,
39
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,480
and it was becoming unbearable for him.
40
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:39,680
I'm sorry.
41
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:41,920
I... I didn't mean to.
42
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,000
[Nick] And you know he told me
he used to self-harm?
43
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,040
It's okay.
44
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,080
I just feel so shit all the time.
45
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,000
[sniffles]
46
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,520
I've been so horrible to you
and everyone else, and...
47
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,120
I hate feeling like this.
48
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,240
I'm sorry.
49
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,720
- [sniffles]
- It's okay. It's okay.
50
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,520
I read up about it online as well,
51
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:10,720
and it said you had to make them
feel cared for and not judge them.
52
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,040
It didn't feel like enough...
but I guess I tried.
53
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,480
- I tried to just be there.
- ♪ I wanna go party... ♪
54
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:20,560
I love you.
55
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:21,720
♪ I wanna have fun... ♪
56
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,320
- [Nick] You're too good at this game.
- [Tori] What?
57
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,120
- No! Tori!
- This is amazing.
58
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,280
Tori!
59
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,760
See how the hair flicks. Those crazy... Oh!
60
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,440
- Charlie! You can't do that.
- [laughing]
61
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,400
[all chanting] Darcy! Darcy! Darcy! Darcy!
62
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,880
Darcy! Darcy!
63
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,400
- [all cheering]
- [squealing]
64
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,240
Oh my God, is it... [chuckles]
65
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,280
[indistinct chattering]
66
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,040
♪ ...black taxi ♪
67
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,120
♪ You take my hand... ♪
68
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,040
[Nick] He knew
the compulsions made no sense.
69
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:53,440
But he didn't know how to stop them.
Neither did I.
70
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,720
- [Charlie sniffles] It was an accident.
- I know.
71
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:57,520
[Charlie] I just feel so stupid.
72
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,480
I know. It... it's not your fault.
73
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,160
[Charlie] But I can't stop it. [sobs]
74
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,560
[Charlie sobbing]
75
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,640
Do you think...
76
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,880
maybe you should tell your parents?
77
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,920
[Charlie] Dad said
it had to be my decision.
78
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,040
Do you think it'd help?
79
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,200
Not really.
80
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,200
But I'd get to skip school for a bit, so...
81
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,440
["Black Friday" continues]
82
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,480
♪ I want a better body ♪
83
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,280
♪ I want better skin ♪
84
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,480
♪ I wanna be perfect ♪
85
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,880
- ♪ Like all your other friends... ♪
- Don't cry.
86
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,240
If you cry, I'll cry.
87
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,040
Not sure I can help it.
88
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,440
♪ Every time you touch me ♪
89
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,920
♪ I feel adrenaline ♪
90
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,440
♪ It's Black Friday ♪
91
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,280
♪ The end of the week ♪
92
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:57,960
♪ You take my hand ♪
93
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,720
♪ And hold it gently
Up against your cheek... ♪
94
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,800
[Nick] It was weird
being at school without Charlie.
95
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,800
He wasn't allowed his phone in there,
so I couldn't even ask how he was.
96
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,760
{\an8}["Black Friday" fades out]
97
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,800
[Nick] I guess I tried to keep myself busy
or distracted or both.
98
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:24,960
[tires screech]
99
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,440
[Nick] I wasn't very good at it though.
100
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,160
Do you think he's okay? Yeah. Me too.
101
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,840
At least he doesn't
have to wait until January.
102
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,720
He's probably made friends as well.
103
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:38,720
Yeah, I think so.
104
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,040
[Nick] Sai,
how much do you play this game?
105
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,040
Where's Charlie been?
He's missed the last four practices.
106
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:50,000
He's, uh...
he's just off sick at the moment.
107
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,200
Shit. Must be bad
if he's been off this long.
108
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:54,920
Yeah, he's
109
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:57,360
pretty bad.
110
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,360
- [Christian] Seriously?
- What's going on with him?
111
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,640
I... I can't, um...
112
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,520
- I just can't really talk about it.
- All good, mate.
113
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,040
Yeah. We're here for you.
114
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:14,520
[game music resumes]
115
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,760
- [Sai] Charge lightning.
- [Christian] You have a sword?
116
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:17,680
[Otis] He's here.
117
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,600
[Nick] Charlie said I could
tell our friends what was going on.
118
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:24,480
He didn't want them all visiting, but
they found a way to show their support.
119
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,760
[Imogen] Pretty box.
120
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,840
[Sahar] Maybe we could put
self-care stuff, like face masks.
121
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,720
- Love it.
- What about board games?
122
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,480
- No, wait, Top Trumps.
- [chuckling]
123
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,160
- Do you think they make gay Top Trumps?
- [chuckles] I dunno.
124
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,040
I'll make a book list for him.
125
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,160
What about movies?
Does he have access to a Blu-ray player?
126
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,880
- Yeah, probably.
- [Imogen] What's a Blu-ray player?
127
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,000
- [chuckling]
- [Tao] You don't know what Blu-ray is?
128
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,800
Did Sahar tell you
she's having a massive Halloween party?
129
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:55,120
Yeah. Imogen keeps on sending me
couples' costume ideas.
130
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,880
- [laughs] So you're gonna come, then?
- I don't know.
131
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,440
You could use a night out. I know I could.
132
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,560
- [melancholy music playing]
- Yeah, it just... it just feels weird.
133
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,680
Without him?
134
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:11,040
Yeah.
135
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,640
[upbeat dance music playing]
136
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,240
[indistinct chatter]
137
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,280
[laughter]
138
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:25,880
[dance music playing]
139
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,280
Nicholas! You were supposed to be my Ken!
140
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:31,640
This was all I could find.
141
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,720
But we agreed something.
What about the photos?
142
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:35,760
[laughter]
143
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,200
- [girl] Do you want more drink?
- [Tao moaning creepily]
144
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,200
[Tao chuckles]
145
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,240
I'm making a video for Charlie
so he knows how much we love him.
146
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,480
You should say something.
147
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:56,400
Nicholas Nelson, what do you have to say
to your boyfriend, Charlie Spring?
148
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,920
[poignant music playing]
149
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,520
- [music softens]
- [chuckles]
150
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,440
Hi, Charlie.
151
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:20,520
I love you.
152
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,240
- [music fades]
- [dance music resumes]
153
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,320
Well, you heard it here first, folks.
154
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:29,440
Nick Nelson loves Charlie Spring.
155
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:33,080
- Okay, that's great. Thank you.
- Oh, Tao! Cool rabbit costume.
156
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,120
- I'm clearly Frank from Donnie Darko.
- What?
157
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,120
We watched it last week.
158
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,320
- No, we didn't.
- Were you asleep again?
159
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,600
- Ooh!
- Were you asleep again?
160
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,240
- [Isaac] I might have been asleep!
- I swear! I will...
161
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,360
[dance music playing]
162
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:50,720
[glass shattering]
163
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,680
[up-tempo indie music playing]
164
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:58,520
[Isaac] Oh.
165
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,240
[dance music playing]
166
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,560
[edgy dance music playing]
167
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,880
[vomiting]
168
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,320
Everyone kisses everyone
when they're drunk.
169
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,640
I'm allowed to experiment.
170
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,080
This is literally like
when I got a boyfriend,
171
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,240
and she got mad at me
for literally no reason.
172
00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,280
- [pounding dance music playing]
- [squealing]
173
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,360
[dance music playing]
174
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,760
[drum and bass music playing]
175
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,520
[Tara] You came!
176
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:33,960
Oh, no. No.
177
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,040
[dance music playing]
178
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,240
[vomiting]
179
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:41,600
[dance music playing]
180
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,240
[excited whooping]
181
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,800
[dance music playing]
182
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,080
- [music ends]
- [Nick breathing heavily]
183
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:52,880
[dance music thumping in distance]
184
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:05,960
Mind if I join?
185
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,440
[pensive music playing]
186
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,200
Yeah, go on.
187
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,440
[playful yelling in distance]
188
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,000
[Tao sighs]
189
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,440
[Nick sighs emotionally]
190
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,440
[sobbing]
191
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,400
{\an8}[Nick] At the start of November,
192
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,440
{\an8}Charlie phoned from the clinic
for the first time.
193
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,320
{\an8}Well, next year,
I'm gonna make you go as Spider-Man.
194
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,960
[Charlie] Your Marvel agenda
is never gonna work on me.
195
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,240
Hmm. Even if I go as Mary Jane?
196
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,560
You know, do the upside-down kiss?
197
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,320
Okay, maybe I can be persuaded.
198
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:04,640
So I have anorexia and OCD.
199
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:07,600
Oh.
200
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,720
Yeah, there's not really
an un-awkward way to say that.
201
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,600
I... I guess that makes sense.
202
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:19,360
[hesitates] I mean,
I was a bit surprised by the OCD, but...
203
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,680
I have all these rules
in my head about food,
204
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:28,280
and if I don't follow them, I feel like
I'm gonna die. [chuckles awkwardly]
205
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:33,680
Sorry, I... have to laugh about it,
or I'll just cry.
206
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:38,400
{\an8}[Nick inhales shakily]
207
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:43,880
{\an8}Well, even if you do have anorexia
and OCD, the word "sorry" is still banned.
208
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,480
Aww. Can't I play
the mental-illness card now?
209
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:47,520
Mm-mm-mm.
210
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,800
No. The S-word rule
still applies to the mentally ill.
211
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,240
- [Charlie chuckles]
- [chuckling]
212
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:55,600
[solemn music playing]
213
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,720
[Nick] I'd visit him with his family
a couple times a week after that.
214
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,080
Part of me wished
I could go every day, but
215
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:04,840
he needed space.
216
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,000
What?
217
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:09,720
Nothing.
218
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,480
I'm still not sure if Tori likes me.
219
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,160
- [man] Hello. Welcome back.
- Hi. Nice to see you.
220
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,240
Um... okay.
221
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,800
- [man] It's just there.
- [mum] Thank you.
222
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:32,600
Tori?
223
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,200
♪ I've been tryin' to tell ya ♪
224
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,640
♪ I've been dyin' to tell ya ♪
225
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,320
♪ Want you all to myself ♪
226
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,520
♪ I want you all to myself ♪
227
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,680
♪ And when we leave all the parties ♪
228
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,000
♪ When we're not in our bodies ♪
229
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,360
♪ When we're up in a spaceship ♪
230
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,280
♪ That's when I feel the greatest... ♪
231
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,200
[Nick] I knew he wasn't magically better
or anything like that.
232
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,920
♪ Made a wish on elevens
Made a wish... ♪
233
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,720
[Nick] I know it doesn't work like that.
234
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:07,120
And I knew
staying away from home was a risk.
235
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,680
It could've been horrible.
For some people, it doesn't help at all.
236
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,280
♪ I was lost till I found ya ♪
237
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,640
♪ I think angels surround ya ♪
238
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,240
[whimsical music playing]
239
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,920
Can you kiss me, please?
240
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,800
[romantic music playing]
241
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,920
[Nick] Maybe it's just me
hoping for the best.
242
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,920
But honestly?
243
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,880
I think it helped. I really do.
244
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,120
- [sighs]
- [doorbell rings]
245
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,080
[suspenseful music playing]
246
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,040
[tinkling]
247
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,680
[soaring romantic music playing]
248
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,000
[music fades]
249
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:15,840
[solemn music playing]
250
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,320
[Charlie] I guess a lot's happened
since I last wrote anything.
251
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,360
The past few months have not been great.
252
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,760
[Dr. Imran] Have you been
exercising excessively?
253
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,200
No.
254
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,440
- [Dr. Imran] Do you make yourself sick?
- No.
255
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:36,000
[Dr. Imran] Would you say you think
about food almost all of the time?
256
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,280
[mum] Yes. I think that's accurate.
257
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,000
I'd say that was accurate, wasn't it?
258
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,960
[Charlie] My therapist said
I should write about it in my journal.
259
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,720
[discordant music playing]
260
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:57,800
[cell phone vibrates]
261
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,520
[heartbeat thumping]
262
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,160
{\an8}- [distorted crackling]
- I've asked you three times.
263
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,200
{\an8}Come downstairs. Get out of bed.
264
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,840
{\an8}Charlie, get out of bed.
265
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:18,920
[crackling stops]
266
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,440
[Charlie] It's hard to talk about it.
267
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,800
["Serotonin" by Angie McMahon playing]
268
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,400
[Charlie] Staying in the clinic
for months was not my plan.
269
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:38,160
But I should count myself lucky
that my parents could afford it.
270
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,160
And that I went to one
that managed to help me.
271
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:43,840
From what I've read online,
272
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,400
some people come out
of these places even worse
273
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,640
'cause they get treated like shit.
274
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,120
I didn't get treated like shit.
275
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:52,640
I had Susan.
276
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:56,800
Anything with a camera in, I'm afraid.
It's for everyone's safety and wellbeing.
277
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,720
Okay, but how do I talk to my friends?
278
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,480
[Susan] Well, there is a landline
on the ward.
279
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,040
Much nicer than DMing
your friends on Snapchat
280
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,680
or whatever it is
you kids are using these days.
281
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,440
♪ And things were changing
Like I hoped they would ♪
282
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,160
♪ Changing like I hoped
They would change... ♪
283
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:17,720
[knocking on door]
284
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,720
[Susan] Rise and shine, Mr. Spring.
It's a beautiful new day!
285
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,200
♪ I had to change... ♪
286
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,360
[sighs] Mine's bad.
287
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,000
Well, we can't all be artists.
288
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,480
[Charlie chuckles softly]
289
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:33,480
[chuckling]
290
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,080
[Charlie] It's also where I met Geoff.
291
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:40,120
♪ Start to wean off medication... ♪
292
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,800
Hi, Charlie. I'm Geoff.
293
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,560
- Hi.
- [Geoff] I'm gonna be your therapist here.
294
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:49,160
Shall we sit down and get to know
each other? Have a little chat?
295
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,080
Okay.
296
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:56,720
♪ When you halt antidepressants... ♪
297
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,080
[indistinct chattering]
298
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,880
[Charlie] I still had to do schoolwork,
which actually made me feel better,
299
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,800
knowing I wasn't gonna be behind
when I got out of there.
300
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,000
- [girl] What are you studying?
- It's just chemistry.
301
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,880
- I hate chemistry. Never understood it.
- Same. It doesn't make sense to me.
302
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,600
And I met a few nice people.
303
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,720
Probably not, like, lifelong friends,
but I wasn't alone.
304
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,560
[Susan] I know you can do it, Charlie.
305
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:25,160
Come on.
306
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,760
[Charlie] I think a part of me
didn't even want to get better
307
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,400
because putting in the effort to change
seemed too hard.
308
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,040
I can't.
309
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,600
I know you can.
310
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,480
[Charlie] I thought food
was something I could control,
311
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,800
but it was the other way around.
312
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:46,400
♪ I keep moving through the cycle... ♪
313
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,560
[Charlie] I could've called Nick
whenever I wanted,
314
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,440
but I was still feeling so horrible,
and I didn't want him to worry.
315
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,200
[sighs] I don't even know
what I would have said.
316
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,160
"I hate it here, and I can't stop crying"?
317
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,280
I don't really get it.
318
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:07,480
For some people,
319
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,160
an eating disorder is about body image.
320
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,040
Losing weight, calorie counting.
321
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,360
But from my perspective,
322
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,840
your eating disorder is connected
to obsessions and compulsions.
323
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:21,120
Eating the right thing at the right time
and in the right circumstances.
324
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,800
Charlie, does that sound accurate?
325
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,520
Yeah.
326
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,280
[Geoff] And when those obsessions
become particularly intense,
327
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,960
that can trigger the urge to self-harm?
328
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:37,600
Yeah.
329
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,120
Okay.
330
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:42,760
So let's unpack that.
331
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,680
[Charlie] The actual eating-disorder
treatment stuff was not very fun.
332
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,200
- ♪ Hey, I get real low... ♪
- [knocking on door]
333
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,200
♪ On serotonin ♪
334
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,480
♪ Everything was thrown into shadow ♪
335
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,920
♪ Wait, I got real low ♪
336
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,360
♪ On serotonin... ♪
337
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,440
[knocking on door]
338
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,720
♪ It's just something I am trying... ♪
339
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,200
[inaudible]
340
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:16,440
♪ Have to change it up a while ♪
341
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,480
♪ Might be futile ♪
342
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,920
- ♪ I don't mind them... ♪
- [inaudible]
343
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,720
Nick really wants to talk to you.
344
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:31,440
Yeah, I...
345
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,560
I wanna talk to him too.
346
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,040
He's my favorite.
347
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,160
Your friends are quite annoying,
but I like him.
348
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,960
[Susan] If I let you call your boyfriend,
do you solemnly swear
349
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,960
that you'll stop telling me
how amazing and wonderful he is
350
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,800
and making me feel forever alone?
351
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,160
- I don't know if I can promise that.
- [scoffs]
352
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,520
Well, I tried to stand up for myself.
353
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,560
[both chuckle]
354
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:58,560
[Susan] Go on.
355
00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,720
[Charlie] Sorry. I...
356
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,360
I have to laugh about it,
or I'll just cry.
357
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:07,840
[Nick] Well, even if you do have anorexia
and OCD, the word "sorry" is still banned.
358
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,320
Aww. Can't I play
the mental-illness card now?
359
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,360
[Nick] Mm-mm-mm.
360
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:17,360
No. The S-word rule still applies
to the mentally ill. [chuckles]
361
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,680
- Could you do me a favor before I go?
- Yeah, of course.
362
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,760
Could you look up Tao's number?
363
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,880
- I've been making you a present.
- You don't have to.
364
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,280
Shut up. Yes I do.
365
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,920
Okay. What is it?
366
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,320
[Tao] Uh, it's a surprise.
367
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,360
- Then why mention it?
- Fine, I won't say anything next time.
368
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:35,400
[chuckles softly]
369
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,240
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
about all of this.
370
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:45,240
Well, I didn't exactly
make it easy for you.
371
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:46,960
You were having your summer of love.
372
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,040
- It's not a crime.
- Yeah. Well, I love you too.
373
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:51,680
So...
374
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,040
Can I ask you how you are?
375
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,160
Or is that kind of a shit question
right now?
376
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,280
Yeah, it's kind of a shit question
right now.
377
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,640
Is it horrible there?
378
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,600
No. It's not horrible.
379
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,440
It's hard, and I wish I was at home,
380
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,480
but I think it was a good decision.
381
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,120
Well, that makes me feel better. Not that
382
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,480
how I feel matters at all, but, you know.
383
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:20,760
It does matter.
384
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,720
I hate that you were so...
385
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,440
And I had no idea.
386
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:31,440
I was good at hiding it.
387
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:33,400
But I missed it.
388
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:36,760
I totally missed it.
389
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,480
Can you explain what happened
with Imogen and Sahar?
390
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,720
Nick was being way too empathetic,
and I don't really know what happened.
391
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:51,000
Oh! Oh my God. Yes, okay, so,
Imogen was doing shots, like, all night.
392
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,400
I mean, a whole bottle of tequila.
393
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,840
A whole bottle, and, um...
394
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,400
- [gently uplifting music playing]
- [mum] Um... okay.
395
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,520
[chuckles softly]
396
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:06,840
[chuckles softly]
397
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:13,720
Yeah. No, I signed...
398
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,920
He's got this vintage video camera,
399
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:20,560
and he's made this film or documentary.
400
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,480
- I'm not actually sure.
- Okay. I'm intrigued.
401
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:27,520
[Tao] Okay.
402
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:28,720
This is take four.
403
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:31,400
Marker.
404
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,400
[clears throat]
405
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,600
Hi, my name is Tao Xu,
406
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,920
and this is my short film about
the everyday lives of my friends group.
407
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,200
Well, my friends group minus one
who we all love very much.
408
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,480
I hope that by watching this video,
409
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,520
he'll feel like
he's been here the whole time
410
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,080
because, in a metaphorical way, he has.
411
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:57,200
- [Isaac] Tao, that doesn't make any sense.
- Yeah. It does.
412
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,240
- [Isaac] Uh, okay.
- Here beginneth the film.
413
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:06,600
Hey, Charlie, so, um, I read
The Song of Achilles like you suggested.
414
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,840
And I know you said
it was gonna have a sad ending,
415
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,680
but, um, I wasn't prepared,
and I cried for about four hours,
416
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,280
so thank you for that,
Really appreciate that.
417
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:20,240
{\an8}Uh, I'm... I'm kind of mad at you,
actually, 'cause, um... uh, well...
418
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,040
{\an8}'cause I asked you if you were okay,
and I guess you just lied.
419
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,080
I mean, I sort of knew that. Uh...
420
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:31,200
It's not your fault though, Charlie,
I know. I just, um...
421
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,560
I hope when you get back,
you don't feel like you have to lie to us.
422
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,480
'Cause you don't.
We're never gonna judge you.
423
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,240
Um...
424
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,760
We love you, so... yeah.
425
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,000
- [yells creepily]
- [yelps] Oh my God.
426
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,160
[Tao] Come on, Isaac, we need
to do the tour. Take the camera.
427
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,160
[Isaac] Oh! Hot off the press, guys.
428
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,240
Barbie and Dracula seen
making out at a house party.
429
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,800
[chuckles] What is going on here?
430
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,480
Oh! [chuckles]
431
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,200
Whoo! [giggling]
432
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:07,120
- Lol.
- Get... Is this just a joke to you?
433
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:14,440
[Tao] Cut. Cut the camera. It's breaking
my documentary code of ethics! Cut!
434
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:15,960
- [Isaac] Uh-oh.
- [Tao] Isaac!
435
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:19,560
I'm just documenting reality
like you wanted, Tao. This is your vision.
436
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,880
- Okay. Come on. Let's go.
- [chuckles]
437
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,520
[eerily] Ooh! Ooh.
438
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,720
- Wait, I want to talk to Charlie.
- Hello!
439
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:34,640
Hi, Charlie, I just wanted to let you know
that I'm trying out "they/them" pronouns.
440
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,200
I'm just seeing how I feel. I don't know.
441
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:38,840
But I feel like you'd get it.
442
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,520
- He gets it.
- Yeah.
443
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,040
- Really?
- Yeah.
444
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,000
- [Elle] Aww, Darcy.
- [Tao] Come here.
445
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:45,840
[Elle] Come here, you.
446
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,400
- [all] Aww!
- [Elle] There we are, all together.
447
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:49,360
[Tao] Psst.
448
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,160
- Tell him. Tell him.
- [chuckles softly]
449
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,720
- So I posted a new painting on Instagram...
- [Tao] Yeah?
450
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:58,800
And now I have over 10,000 followers.
451
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,600
[Tao] Wow!
My girlfriend is a famous artist.
452
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:05,200
10,000's not that many. Go talk
to Tara about her new prefect thing.
453
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:08,920
[Tao] Oh, yeah. Let me introduce you
to Higgs' newest school prefect.
454
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,920
- Tao, it's not a big deal.
- It's the biggest deal!
455
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,920
My girlfriend is the smartest person
in the entire world.
456
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,040
She's a prefect.
457
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,000
She goes to Oxbridge prep group.
458
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,840
- She dances. She plays the clarinet.
- Darcy, stop!
459
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,360
Tao, give me that.
460
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:27,480
[Tara] I don't know
if you have a phone in there, Charlie,
461
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,800
but I think he'd like to hear your voice.
462
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,080
- [Ajayi] It's lovely.
- [Farouk] Look, it's identical.
463
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,600
- [Ajayi] They are from a packet.
- In what universe have you ever had--
464
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,160
- I can't cook.
- You make noodles from scratch?
465
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,760
- [Tao] Say hi to Charlie, sir.
- [clears throat] Hi, Charlie.
466
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:47,960
Hi, Charlie.
467
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,200
Uh, there's a spare seat
waiting for you for when you get back.
468
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,080
Okay, thanks, Tao.
469
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:55,960
Bye, Charlie.
470
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:58,520
Thank you, Tao, for...
471
00:25:58,520 --> 00:25:59,920
- Bye, Tao.
- Okay.
472
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:02,600
[Elle] I know
this looks like a painting for you,
473
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,920
but if this turns out really good,
then I'm keeping it.
474
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:08,440
[sighs]
475
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:10,760
I miss you, Charlie.
476
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,120
I love you.
477
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,200
[Isaac giggling]
478
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,280
[Tao] Okay, okay.
479
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:18,680
[Tao clears throat]
480
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:20,720
- Hi, Charlie.
- Hi, Charlie.
481
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:24,240
I think this is the end
of the video now. Maybe.
482
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,200
We just wanna say, when you get home,
we've got a lot planned.
483
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,160
- Do we? Oh God.
- Yeah.
484
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,840
I mean, no. There's just a lot
to look forward to. That's what I mean.
485
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:35,920
Yeah. Definitely.
486
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,240
And we love you, and we miss you.
487
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,800
Our friends group really isn't the same
without you.
488
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:43,720
[Isaac] Mm.
489
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,280
But we know you're doing
what you need to do right now.
490
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:47,200
Yeah.
491
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:52,120
And I hope that this video
makes you feel... loved.
492
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,240
Yeah, although I am still mad at you
about The Song of Achilles.
493
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,280
- What's that?
- It's a book thing. Don't worry about it.
494
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:00,400
Okay.
495
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:04,840
Nicholas Nelson, what do you have to say
to your boyfriend, Charlie Spring?
496
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,360
[poignant music playing]
497
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:07,360
Um...
498
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:11,600
Hi, Charlie.
499
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:15,600
I love you.
500
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,280
[poignant music intensifies]
501
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:29,560
[twinkling]
502
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,680
[Charlie] Being at the clinic didn't
magically cure me of mental illness.
503
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,560
[Geoff] I know it's scary,
but you're ready for this, Charlie,
504
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:45,760
and we can carry on our sessions
once a week for as long as you need.
505
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:49,520
So even if it's terrible out there,
506
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:51,760
I'll be here to help.
507
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,160
[Charlie] But it got me
out of the deep end.
508
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,040
[hopeful music playing]
509
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:58,400
[Susan chuckling]
510
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:00,760
Aww.
511
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,520
- You are gonna be all right.
- [chuckles softly]
512
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,520
- Thank you.
- Just trust yourself. Yeah?
513
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:10,440
Aw, come here.
514
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,440
- Right. Kicking you out now.
- Okay.
515
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:19,920
[dad sighs]
516
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:21,400
Ready?
517
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:23,720
Yeah.
518
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:25,600
[hopeful music continues]
519
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,320
[car engine starts]
520
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:37,080
[Charlie] Maybe I won't ever
get back to normal, whatever that is.
521
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:38,720
I think that's okay though.
522
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,520
It's not gonna be
a straightforward journey.
523
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:45,680
It's probably just the beginning.
524
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:47,280
[sighs softly]
525
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:49,920
[knocking on door]
526
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:52,880
Hey.
527
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:55,200
Um, dinner at seven?
528
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:57,600
Yeah.
529
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:01,040
It says lasagna on your meal plan
for today. Is... is that all right?
530
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:03,000
Yeah.
531
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,280
- [mum chuckles softly]
- [Charlie] Mum?
532
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:08,880
- Yeah?
- [music stops]
533
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:14,160
Do I have time to go and say hi to Nick?
I'll be back for dinner. I promise.
534
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:15,760
[romantic music playing]
535
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:16,720
Okay.
536
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:18,720
[chuckles] Go on, then.
537
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,160
[Charlie chuckles softly]
538
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:22,360
[romantic music intensifies]
539
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:34,160
[chuckles]
540
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:36,040
[chuckles softly]
541
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:38,680
[Charlie chuckles]
542
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,160
[romantic music swells]
543
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,240
[gentle tinkling]
544
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:46,640
[leaves rustling]
545
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,520
[gentle tinkling]
546
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:05,120
[music fades]
547
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:08,720
[whimsical music pulses]
548
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:12,120
[music intensifies]
549
00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:58,920
[music fades out]