- [Narrator] Previously, on "The Real Fans of the Saga".
- So I re-upped to my reverend license
with the Church of Universal Light,
so I can perform weddings again,
and right now I'm spending a lot of time online
looking at real estate
that I have absolutely no money to buy.
- [Michelle] How old are we gonna be?
- [Cris] We're gonna be 40!
- I can't believe all the booze
he got as birthday presents.
He's got a problem.
- Sean should really make like Lando,
and worry about his own problems.
And not point the finger at me.
- [Woman] I just got off of work, and now this mess.
- We got Cris's birthday coming up.
I started working on his Tampa Bay Ray's helmet.
- What's this other (beep) now?
- Well, I mean, we got the Joliet days coming up
and I wanted to make sure that I had everything ready
on the Blackhawks, as well.
- I know, but you're killing me.
It's just like (sigh)
one mess on top of another mess.
(upbeat music)
- [Cris] My love for Star Wars is big.
And so is my collection.
- [Beau] Some people lean towards the light side,
others the dark side.
I'm somewhere in the middle.
(upbeat music)
- [Alphie] I know kung fu
and the force is strong in my family.
(upbeat music)
- [Sean] Star Wars is everywhere
and so am I.
(upbeat music)
- Today we are going to Star Wars Days in Joliet, Illinois.
A very, very cool family event.
It will be Dani's first time.
Are we ready to go? - We are.
- I'm super excited to see how Dani takes
all of this in.
- [Man] Let's give them all a big hand, everybody.
Bill Foster!
(applause)
- Thank you, sir.
Welcome, thank you all.
Thank you all.
Good morning, everyone.
I understand that these days Congress is about
as popular as the Imperial Senate under Lord Palpatine
or, maybe, Jar Jar Binks.
- That's kind of odd for a politician
with a sense of humor.
He mentioned Jar Jar.
He hated Jar Jar.
- Mm-hmm.
- Since the movies first came out in the 1970s
thousands of young men and women have been inspired
by the images they saw on the screen
and decided to make something real in the world.
And although we do not yet have lightsabers
and hyperspace travel,
as long as future generations are inspired to
dream and to create,
the future is as bright as the two suns of Tatooine.
I thank you all, and may the force be with you.
(applause)
- The place is pretty cool,
but it is a little overwhelming and scary.
Some of the costumes are a little frightening for the kids.
Or for me.
But it was, it's a fun family event for sure.
- You should see Star Wars celebration.
- I don't know if I want to.
Look at that crazy guy over there.
What is that?
(upbeat music)
- Gonna make an attempt to crash the parade.
I wasn't invited to be a part of it,
but I'm gonna sneak in.
(whistle blowing)
(marching band music)
- This was my first parade in one of my costumes,
so it was cool.
There was no way they were not gonna let me in.
(marching band music)
- Okay.
Will you believe I have a Wookiee
that can sing in Punjabi?
And now you can, too.
- The Klingon Band is very, very interesting.
♪ In my face ♪
♪ Gonna put you in my belly ♪
♪ In the hut ♪
- It's very interesting when Star Wars and Star Trek kinda
collide like that.
♪ Gonna put you in the hut ♪
♪ Put you in the hut ♪
(vocalizing)
♪ I'm gonna eat you up ♪
- So there's a band with a Klingon and a Wookiee
and I'm very impressed.
It was really cool.
♪ Gonna put you in my face ♪
♪ Gonna put you in my belly ♪
♪ In the hut ♪
♪ Gonna put you in my hut ♪
♪ Put you in the hut ♪
- Get you in my belly, get you--
- In my hut
- [Both] Get you in my belly.
- Yeah, gotta do it that way.
Gotta get the uh.
And then they go, huh!
(vocalizing)
♪ Put you in my face ♪
♪ Gonna put you in my belly ♪
♪ In the hut ♪
♪ Gonna put you in my hut ♪
♪ Put you in the hut ♪
(vocalizing)
(applause)
- Thank you.
We are the Klingon Music Project.
Unfortunately, we had a Klingon drummer,
but he had a gig in Nashville,
so we've got Ron Solo on the drums.
(applause)
Our Klingon cellist had a bad case of Tark fever,
so we have a Wookiee cellist standing in.
(applause)
- Dani's taking it all in pretty well
and she seems to really enjoy herself.
- It's actually her first photo with a Star Wars character.
It's kinda strange that her first photo with a
Star Wars character is a Tusken Raider.
It's kinda cool.
That was the first character that I remember seeing
from the original Star Wars trailer.
- I thought it was neat to see that she wasn't afraid.
At all.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Not at all.
- [Cris] That was cool.
- She is not afraid of any of the costumes.
- You are, but she's not. - I am, but she's not.
- [Cris] No, that's not a bong, that's a vase.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.
That vase does look like a bong,
but it's not what...
Sigma was the name of the company
that made that stuff in 1982, 83?
- They made bongs back then.
- Yeah, but the bong was not part of the
Sigma Star Wars line, I'm afraid.
- Okay, well, it looked like a bong.
- I had that game when...
God, they want $100 for that game.
I used to play that with my dad, that one there.
When I sell my stuff,
I don't charge these crazy, ridiculous dealer prices.
Everything is so overpriced here.
It boggles my mind.
I mean, this is a family event.
The kids aren't gonna spend that kind of money on stuff.
I know I wouldn't buy my kid all that stuff.
- But you know the prices.
These people don't.
(upbeat music)
- This is the kinda thing that is so much more fun
that I have Cora with me.
I am so glad to have her with me.
It's a family event to begin with.
Cora's having such a great time.
The Star Wars parade is her favorite thing.
I have a funny feeling we'll have to come every year.
So I just add a little intensity to the stroller.
I added my R2-D2 cassette deck.
(howling)
Sounds a little bit more like an owl, doesn't it?
Some of the effects on this cheap cassette deck
sound more like an owl
or a bird hooting or something than R2-D2.
But, you know,
made in Taiwan, what are you gonna do?
Alright, you be in charge of R2.
(R2-D2 beeping)
- Beau is totally the Watto of the bunch.
He is pedaling his
ouija board artwork out of the stroller.
- I lost my oija board.
That's all right, it's alright.
People are a little creeped out by it.
- He's scaring everybody.
- He was.
(laughs)
- I have been trying to sell the ouija boards
from the stroller, but people are like,
"No, that's okay."
(laughs)
I brought some copies of my Star Wars ouija board out
to see if anyone wanted to buy it.
I was just selling them to see if anyone wanted one,
but mostly people were kinda freaked out by it.
- Can I marry you?
Do you want a ouija board?
Just go see Beau Glazar.
- Yeah.
- And all your troubles will go away.
- It's a hot day.
It's always hot wearing these costumes,
but at this point, I'm used to it.
- [Passerby] Can we get a picture?
- Yeah.
After the parade, I got stuck on this one street corner
and there was a line of people waiting to get their picture
with Black Hawk.
Boba Fett, Boba Black Hawk.
(upbeat music)
It was really cool.
I actually felt like one of those characters
you see at Disney World getting their pictures
where you got a line of people.
- [Man] One, two, three.
- Go Hawks!
- I felt like I must've been standing there for
close to two-and-a-half hours.
I mean, I kept trying to move to different spots,
but the line was so long with people
and you know, I'd hate to have
anybody walk away disappointed
that they didn't get a picture with me.
- Hey, man, what is this?
- [Beau] R2-D2 tape deck.
Some old live Deep Purple.
- [Cris] I was gonna say, it sounds like Deep Purple, man.
(laughing)
That's awesome.
- I just grabbed a handful of cassettes,
like look, there's a Deep Purple in there and--
- [Cris] That's awesome.
- Think we got some Celtic Frost.
- [Cris] Nice!
- White Zombie.
- I still think, you know,
we need to start a Star Wars band together.
That would be fun.
- Get you in my hut,
I get you in my belly.
- We can cover that song.
- Get you in my hut.
- [Both] Get you in my belly.
- This is the mission statement about the church.
Remember I told you about the church?
- So I've got this idea on
having a Jedi church
or a Jedi temple here in Illinois.
And I think it could be a wedding facility,
all around
library of science fiction and fun.
Four lots.
One hundred and ninety thousand.
And it was like, finance now, must go.
And it had a little button, click here to finance.
It was probably last minute
- One hundred and ninety thousand?
- Yeah, but it's in the hood.
I wrote up a mission statement
to kind of explain my idea to Cris
about having the first Jedi temple in Illinois.
Cris would be the first person I would talk to about this
because he seems like someone that could help me get it done
or would be into the idea.
- Beau still wants me to be a part of this
Jedi temple church and I just,
I don't want to be responsible for leading a...
I don't want to be responsible for leading
a Star Wars religious cult.
He doesn't mind,
But I don't want to be part of that.
- Of course he doesn't mind.
- [Cris] This one almost looks very Mayan, you know.
- [Beau] Well, it's Egyptian.
- Egyptian, okay.
- I don't know how I would feel about you being
a part of that really.
I don't know.
I would not...
I don't think you would make a very good church person.
(laughs)
I just don't.
- I wouldn't make a good church person, but Beau would.
I would be like the angry reverend.
- Yeah.
- Everybody would be afraid of me.
- They would be like, here, take a Xanax, relax.
(laughing)
(upbeat music)
- It's a short day at the office and my friend Cris
wants to have lunch with me and it's always
a short day when someone wants to talk Star Wars.
I have choice, do I stay at the office
or have lunch with Cris?
And I'll always have lunch with Cris.
(upbeat music)
- I'm starting to worry about Alphie.
I've been here for a long time.
A long time.
Thank you very much. - You're welcome.
- I don't feel bad that Cris is waiting for me
because we're always waiting for him.
(phone ringing)
- [Alphie] Hello?
- Hey, man, where are you?
- [Alphie] Dude, I'm about five minutes away.
I got stuck at the bank, so I'll be there really soon, okay?
- Yeah, you said that like 20 minutes ago.
- I know, I know, I know, I know.
I'll be there, I'll be there, I'm on my way.
I'll be there, like seriously I'm on Riando Road.
I'll be there like in five minutes.
- Okay, man.
I'm on my third beer already.
- Okay. - Alright, see ya.
- [Waitress] This is two hearted ale, so.
- Okay, thank you very much.
Thank you.
Okay, good, thank you.
- Cris is drinking, he'll be fine.
(lawnmower whirring)
- [Phone] Please wait for your conference to begin.
- I hate conference calls.
- Alphie? - Yeah, I'm here.
I'm going on mute.
Cris is calling me.
He's already had three beers.
I cannot get off this conference call.
- [Man Over Phone] Lot of things to cover.
Should take about 30 minutes.
It's being discussed, but it'll be--
- [Alphie] What's up man, what's going on man?
Sorry, I'm on a conference call.
I'm on mute though, so you can (yells).
(laughing)
- La, la, la, la, la.
He finally shows up.
Now he's on a conference call.
How rude.
Who meets a friend for lunch and sits on the phone
while doing a business call?
Seriously?
(upbeat music)
- I hate being on conference calls when I'm in a hurry
and I have to go meet somebody else to do something
because they don't know that I'm actually going somewhere.
Man, these conference calls are killing me, man.
- Thank you very much,
and can you please bring me some ketchup?
- Ketchup, you got it. - Yes, thank you.
You're still on a conference call, man?
- Yeah, I'm on a conference call.
They won't shut up.
Damn.
Is this good for diabetics?
(Cris laughs)
- This is right up Sean's alley, man.
Oh, this is good, man.
- It looks good. - That's Monte Cristo's.
- I thought it would be a sandwich.
It looks like a giant--
- Donut! - Donut or something.
(laughs)
Yeah.
- So I was at Sean's house yesterday.
- Oh, you were?
- He's got a lot of stuff, man.
He's got (laughs).
- Sean has more stuff than Cris and I combined
three times removed.
- He's got more than me and you combined.
- You know, you have a basement and I got a den,
couple boxes.
He has a trailer.
- Well, I do have a basement and a loft.
- Right, but, you don't have a trailer.
- Sean is a hoarder.
I'm a collector.
And he doesn't want to sell it.
At least me and you got a table for the toy show.
- [Alphie] Yeah.
- You know, he doesn't want to--
- They should do a new show called Star Wars Hoarders.
(Cris laughs)
- He would be a--
- He'll buy stuff and then sock it away and then
he'll forget that he even has it.
- Last time I bought something, yesterday.
(typing)
(upbeat music)
Sweet!
I paid $220 for a vintage Luke Skywalker stormtrooper
on a bad card, damaged card.
- For how much?
- 220.
- [Alphie] Ow, wow.
- And I'm gonna open it.
It's kinda weird that some collectors, they sell stuff,
but they'll lower the price when it's going to a good home.
- Yeah, if they think you're a chooch,
they may not want to sell it to you.
- Yeah, like if I was gonna turn that around
and sell it 500 bucks,
which it's probably worth, but not after I open it.
- [Alphie] Are you an opener?
- Well, with this, I can't find it mint.
You know, so I figured, I'd find it on a damaged card.
Have you ever opened a vintage card before?
- Let me tell you a story.
I was at the toy show,
and you know I collect those Micro Machines, you know.
The Star Wars Action Fleet Micro Machines.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And they have a droid set, okay.
Very hard to find
because there's two different layouts of the droids.
So I found the one that I needed
and I saw it and I saw the vendor and I went,
hey, can I buy this?
I said, how much?
About 20 bucks.
I'm like, okay, cool.
And you know I'm an opener, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- And they're like, you just see this...really?
Don't open that card.
- How come you don't like the prequels, man?
I got 101 reasons why I love them.
Give me three reasons why you don't like them.
- Okay.
Number one, it lacked emotional content.
Because you know, the trilogy was all emotion
and it had a good story.
It wasn't great acting, but at least it had a great story.
And everything felt real.
The number two is the biggest one for me
is the fabric of the music.
You know, the trilogy music had so much fabric to it.
- Oh, I disagree, man!
But it's John Williams!
- I know, I know, I know, but--
- That's what saved the trilogy, the prequels, you know.
That's what saved the prequels.
- And then everyone was pining for trilogy stuff.
You ask a hard core Star Wars fan, at least for me,
the stuff that I like the most about the prequels
is anything that tied to the trilogy
because that's what people wanted.
- I think "Episode III" is better than "A New Hope"
and "Return of the Jedi".
I don't know, you think I'm crazy for that?
- I don't think so, but, you know,
people say I'm crazy.
I actually prefer "Episode I" over "Episode II".
- Oh, without a doubt!
"Episode I" is like wine.
- It is better.
- As it ages, it's better.
- There is more real sets,
and it was a little bit more innocent.
In "Episode III", I think they should emphasis more on
the last half because, you know,
they spent all that time on that fighting Grievous.
I'm like ugh, hurry up, you know?
- Yeah, right, right.
But Ewan McGregor was awesome as Obi-Wan.
- Ewan McGregor was a constant, so was Ian McDiarmid.
- Ian McDiarmid, Christopher Lee, too.
- [Alphie] Constant, right.
- I mean, it's sad that he passed away, you know.
It's really, really sad we lost him.
- And I think the third one for me,
there wasn't that...
that deep moment, like in "Return of the Jedi"
when Luke finally freaks out on Darth Vader
after he tells he's gonna go after his sister,
there wasn't that moment
that just defines the whole trilogy.
- The moment that defines the prequels
is when Obi-Wan goes to Padme's house
and tells Padme about her husband, Anakin,
and she looks at him and she believes Obi-Wan, right,
because Obi-Wan was very, very loyal
and she says, "You're gonna kill him, aren't you?"
And he just says--
- I must do what I must.
- Yeah, and then he goes, "You having a baby, I'm so sorry."
I mean, to me, that was really what the prequels was about.
That moment.
And he goes to kill his best friend,
practically his brother.
- For me, it's very subtle, but it's when Anakin goes,
you know, finally figures out he was the one, the dark guy,
and then he goes, "Are you going to kill me?
"I most certainly would like to."
And then he goes, "I know you would."
You start hearing that classic gargling.
- Yeah, right, right, right.
- Makes you stronger.
You know, I'm like, okay cool, alright.
Now we're gonna start seeing the emperor
and of course when he finally gets his face melted off
and he's like the emperor, that's when I said,
okay, this is that moment,
but it still was not Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker.
- I think the prequel still has
a very, very underrated substance.
Now you had said with the new movies coming out,
you think the new movies are gonna be so good
that the prequels are gonna be forgotten about?
- When it comes to fanfare and excitement,
I think it will.
Because when you see the stuff now, it's all on real sets,
they got the trilogy actors.
- It's more tangible.
We'll take the check, please.
- Got it.
- Sean and I, we have these disagreements
about the prequels.
He actually despises "Episode I".
Well, I don't.
I despise "Episode II".
Where he does not, you know why?
Because Jango Fett's in it.
Sean loves Mandalorians more than the ladies of Star Wars.
It bothers me.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
- No, no, I got this one man.
- Dude.
- Here, have your beer.
- (laughing) Have a beer, relax.
- Why you gotta twist my arm like that, man?
- He had too much sugar for a sandwich.
- See I'm a diabetic, not an alcoholic drinker.
- Hey cheers, man, cheers.
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Next time on The Real Fans of the Saga.
- Bai Ling was on in the cover of Playboy Magazine.
- [Beau] No.
- Hey, just for the record,
I didn't see the Star Wars porno, either.
I just knew about it.
- Well you seem to have a lot of detail.
And for some reason I know
that you can't find a lightsaber dildo.
- I still think you should get the Boba Fett tattoo.
- Oh no, you gonna get on about that again?
- [Alphie] Dude, I will pay for it.
- Man, Alphie keeps bugging me to get a bantha skull
on my shoulder.
He even offered to pay for it.
- Luke Skywalker, stormtrooper disguise.
The last figure that I needed.
- How much you pay for that?
- [Cris] $220.
- [Michelle] That's a lot of money for a doll.
- It's not a doll, it's an action figure.
- The Chicago Blackhawks are
in the Stanley Cup finals and we want to
mingle with the crowd and maybe possibly get on TV
because we know NBC's gonna be there.
- You hungry?
Dani?
I got the Yoda bowl.
Everything tastes better out of the Yoda bowl.