1 00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:04,047 . 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:05,440 - Morning, Titi Bears. 3 00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:06,441 I gotta be real right now, 4 00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:08,443 and this is not a paid ad. 5 00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:11,576 If you wanna be like me, you gotta be cool, real, 6 00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:13,578 and you need... 7 00:00:13,622 --> 00:00:16,190 an Arby's Brisket Bacon Beef 'n Cheddar. 8 00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,888 I high-key live on these. 9 00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:21,064 Hashtag paid ad. 10 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,197 Mmm! Yum-yum-yum-gulp-swallow. 11 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,634 I'm loving your guys' comments. 12 00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:28,158 "Heart, heart, heart." "Your fit is fire." 13 00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,551 "How are you steering?" 14 00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,988 [screams] 15 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,077 Now I gotta go back to the car store. 16 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,079 Okay, I know all you bears wanna know 17 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,602 what I hit this time. 18 00:00:37,646 --> 00:00:39,822 So... 19 00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:40,997 oh, no! 20 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,217 It's the tall mom from "Knives Out." 21 00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:46,046 Is that guy, like, dying? 22 00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:47,395 - I told you, 23 00:00:47,438 --> 00:00:49,832 spaghetti is not car food! 24 00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:51,747 - Hey, last time I checked, you were the mayor, 25 00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:53,314 not a spaghetti expert. 26 00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:56,534 [bright music] 27 00:00:56,578 --> 00:01:03,237 ♪ 28 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,890 - Sir, do you want us to clear your calendar 29 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:05,935 to see a chiropractor? 30 00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:07,328 - No, no. We clear nothing. 31 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,852 Today is the day I announce my space elevator. 32 00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,810 - The accident's already up to 3 million views, 33 00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:13,899 and the hashtag "spaghetti guy" is trending. 34 00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,205 - Spaghetti guy? 35 00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:16,946 I am so much more than that. 36 00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:19,079 I am a son. I am a grandson. 37 00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:21,385 I am a father to a virtual dolphin. 38 00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,083 - Jayden, you got an extra shirt? 39 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,910 - No, but this one is reversible. 40 00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,173 - Okay. 41 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,218 - Sir, the young woman who hit you... 42 00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:29,567 - Yeah. Do you know that 43 00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:31,917 she was doing a YouTube while driving? 44 00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,658 - Well, her name is Titi B. 45 00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:37,140 - She has 102 million Instagram followers, even more on TikTok. 46 00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:38,576 - Why? 47 00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,883 So they can watch her eat a sandwich in a car? 48 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,058 - Or next to a pool. 49 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,148 - And she wants to apologize in person. 50 00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:46,802 - Hey, bear cubs. 51 00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:49,457 So I feel like v remorseful about hitting that grandpa. 52 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:50,936 I think he hurt his neck, 53 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,417 and you know, both of my grandfathers died, I think. 54 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,332 So this is personal for me. 55 00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:57,291 Well, later today, I'm gonna be unveiling 56 00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:59,989 a new Instagram mural in West Hollywood. 57 00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:02,426 Grampy, please come so I can say hashtag so sorry, 58 00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:04,646 hashtag lawyer's advice, hashtag Arby's. 59 00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:05,690 - Perfect. 60 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,127 Free press for the space elevator 61 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,650 and maybe free Arby's. 62 00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:11,696 - Wait, wait, wait, wait. I go to her? She hit me. 63 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,611 And I'm not a Grampy. I'm a daddy. 64 00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:15,178 - Preaching to the gay men's choir, sir. 65 00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,788 But I think we should make time for her. 66 00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,225 - A photo with Titi B 67 00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:19,835 could really help with the youth vote. 68 00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,184 - Oh, give me a break. 69 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:23,012 The election is two years away. [phone buzzes] 70 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:25,275 Hang on. It's Orly. 71 00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,581 Hey, kiddo. 72 00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,583 - Oh, my God, daddy, were you in an accident? 73 00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,628 - Yes, but I'm okay. - With Titi B? 74 00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:33,327 What's her phone case? We never get to see it. 75 00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:34,763 - Um, pink, 76 00:02:34,806 --> 00:02:36,330 but also diamonds. 77 00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,419 - Oh, my God. That's so cool. - What is happening here? 78 00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:39,898 - You have to take me and Ceviche with you 79 00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:40,943 when you go meet her. 80 00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:42,771 - Well, hang on. What about school? 81 00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:44,425 - We get 51 self-care days a year. 82 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:47,210 And my father was just in a car accident. I need this. 83 00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:48,733 - Wait, what did he say about the case? 84 00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:51,083 Is it a panda like I thought? - Please take us, please. 85 00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:52,998 'Cause you're the best dad, please, please, please. 86 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,914 - She wants to meet Titi B. both: Yes, please. 87 00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:57,307 - 'Cause you're the best mayor. - Please, for the youth vote, 88 00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:58,308 but also I want to know if I'm taller than her. 89 00:02:58,352 --> 00:02:59,527 both: Please? - Okay. All right. 90 00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:02,225 Fine. Fine. Fine. We'll all go meet Titi B. 91 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,966 [all screaming] 92 00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:06,186 - You need to fix your eyebrows. - I have to fix my eyebrows. 93 00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,013 ♪ 94 00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:10,015 - Kwapis! 95 00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,408 Amazing news. 96 00:03:11,452 --> 00:03:14,498 There was a massive offshore oil spill in Long Beach. 97 00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:15,934 It's an absolute tragedy. 98 00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:18,502 - Okay, I know what's funny keeps changing, 99 00:03:18,546 --> 00:03:20,025 but I'm pretty sure that smiling 100 00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,679 about that is incorrect. 101 00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:25,248 - Environmental disasters are the only way we make progress. 102 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:27,337 Calamity leads to outrage, 103 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,817 which leads to calls for action. 104 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,471 Flash-forward a month, 105 00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:32,777 and the governor is signing an anti-offshore drilling bill. 106 00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,518 And if we can do that, we might have a shot 107 00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:35,867 at getting Maintenance to replace 108 00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:38,305 these crap halogen lights with LEDs. 109 00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:41,351 I see you, jumpsuit, and I know you hear me. 110 00:03:41,395 --> 00:03:44,528 - This is awful! This seagull is covered in oil. 111 00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:45,877 His family won't recognize him, 112 00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:47,618 and then he'll have to go live with crows. 113 00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,533 - Send me link. We'll use it. 114 00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:51,361 And then book me on all the morning shows. 115 00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:52,667 It's a blitz, Kwapis! 116 00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:54,408 - Arpi, just a reminder, the mayor wants everyone 117 00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,888 to stay on message. Today is all space elevator. 118 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:59,195 - Just a reminder, the deputy mayor's a grown butt woman 119 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,066 who's trying to make sure the mayor has an Earth left 120 00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,025 to attach his dumb elevator to. 121 00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:04,026 Let's do this, Jayden. 122 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,246 - [chuckles] Up top. 123 00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:08,117 ♪ Mountain 124 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,814 ♪ Up top mountain 125 00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:12,774 ♪ The up-toppiest mountain 126 00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:16,299 ♪ Where the bears are in charge ♪ 127 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,562 ♪ Up top mountain 128 00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:22,174 - No, you guys are the real wings. 129 00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:23,915 - Oh, my God. There she is. 130 00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:26,614 Why didn't I bring Arby's for her to sign? I'm so stupid. 131 00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:28,659 - She's even prettier in person? 132 00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:31,053 - She must use the relatable filter on her Instagram. 133 00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:32,750 - Hey, I'm Mayor Bremer. 134 00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,578 - How many followers do you have? 135 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,841 - Uh, today there are five of us. 136 00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:39,279 - This mural for verified Insta-influences 137 00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:40,976 with a million followers or more. 138 00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:43,457 - Uh, sir, you have 3,251. 139 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,110 No, hang on. It keeps going down. 140 00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:47,635 - Oh. - [gasps] 141 00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:49,898 - Wait, she gets to go in? 142 00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,508 - That's @BabyZoey, 143 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,728 and until you've reviewed every Kinder Surprise, 144 00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:55,686 you'll put some respect on her name. 145 00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:57,949 - Oh, man, I don't wanna be here. 146 00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,647 This whole thing is so stupid. - Yeah. 147 00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,649 - If those are the wings of a dove angel, 148 00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:02,824 there should be four wings 149 00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:05,305 since it had two before it died. 150 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:08,873 - By that logic, human-angels should have four legs. 151 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,528 - O-M-B. 152 00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,400 I'm Buddhist now. 153 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,140 I'm so glad you came. 154 00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:17,795 Oh, the accident really messed up your neck. 155 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,406 - Oh. - It's all stretched out 156 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:20,668 and wrinkly. 157 00:05:20,711 --> 00:05:22,452 My doctor can totally fix that. 158 00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:23,801 - I totally could. 159 00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:25,542 I'll make it look like a shiny tube. 160 00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:29,459 - And my lawyer just told me you're like the mayor? 161 00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,331 - I did. I totally told her that. 162 00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,115 - Yes, I am the mayor, 163 00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:35,770 which means I call my followers voters. 164 00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:38,729 My daughter really wanted to meet you. 165 00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:40,470 - Then let's take an apology selfie. 166 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,167 - There you go. Fun. That's good. 167 00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:43,734 - Get in there, sir. 168 00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:46,998 - Let's start with a silly one. - Uh, okay. 169 00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,957 Say "cheese." 170 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,220 - Say what? - Cheese. Say cheese. 171 00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:53,831 - Dad, no! Stop. - Cheese? 172 00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:57,008 Why would you ask me to say "cheese"? 173 00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:59,402 [groaning] 174 00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,883 - Wh--what? What did I do? 175 00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:03,493 . 176 00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,626 - Why would you ask Titi B to say "cheese"? 177 00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:06,888 - Because that's what you do 178 00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:08,150 when you take a picture. 179 00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,847 - Yeah, maybe in 1930. 180 00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,414 How do you not that Ch33$e 181 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:13,416 is the rapper/cup stacking artist 182 00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:17,377 who was dating Titi B until he cheated on her? 183 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:21,468 - Boom! 184 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:22,469 New personal record. 185 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:23,905 - He's mostly just hot. 186 00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:25,428 - How do you not know any of that? 187 00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:28,300 - No, Ceviche. You don't get to yell at me. 188 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,215 I barely know you. - Oh, God. 189 00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:32,783 I was afraid of this. - Okay, Mayor Boomer. 190 00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:35,743 First, you hurt my car. Then you hurt my heart. 191 00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:39,094 Well, obviously LA's mayor is Team Yasmin. 192 00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,183 Oh, nuts. A street fair. [screaming, crashing] 193 00:06:41,226 --> 00:06:43,881 - I'm team what? - Yasmine Ciobanu. 194 00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:46,449 The girl Ch33$e cheated with. God, Dad! 195 00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,843 - She's a model. And a hologram. 196 00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,322 - Do you all hear yourselves? 197 00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,020 - Sir, you do not wanna be perceived 198 00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,804 as team Yasmine Ciobanu. 199 00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,284 People hate her now. 200 00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:56,894 Almost as much as they hate Slerv, 201 00:06:56,938 --> 00:06:59,114 the Moldovan programmer who created her. 202 00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:01,290 - You should probably apologize... 203 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,335 is the kind of thing Ceviche would say. 204 00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:04,641 You're not helping, Ceviche! 205 00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:08,428 - I'm not gonna apologize for saying "cheese." 206 00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:11,474 And I'm done talking about Titi B. 207 00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,041 - This is so unfair. 208 00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:16,174 I was this close to Titi B inviting me to her rage room. 209 00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:18,046 And now I'm going back to school. 210 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,482 Are you happy? 211 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:20,744 - Yes. 212 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:23,051 And now who's psyched for the real reason, 213 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:25,009 we all woke up this morning? 214 00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:27,795 The space elevator, baby! 215 00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:32,277 Going up, going up, going-- 216 00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:34,454 - Jayden, teeth check. 217 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,847 - Yep. They're all there. Good luck. 218 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:39,023 - You don't need luck when you've got environmental horror 219 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,242 on your side. 220 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:41,548 This stuff gets in the water table, 221 00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,550 we're gonna start seeing babies that are nothing 222 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,073 but a bouquet of feet. 223 00:07:45,116 --> 00:07:46,248 And I haven't even mentioned 224 00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:48,511 how oil affects porpoise placentas. 225 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:52,036 Including crystalline silica, formaldehyde, 226 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,690 acetaldehyde--all the hydes. 227 00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:56,911 They permeate the microbiome of marine life 228 00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:59,653 and move up the food chain until even your farmers market 229 00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:02,394 moon pies are chock full of poison. 230 00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,658 - I wanna go back to Tampa! 231 00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:06,007 - So, Arpi, 232 00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:09,227 it says here you're against offshore drilling. 233 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:11,491 Me, I like to drill, 234 00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:13,754 all night long. 235 00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,103 - Do you? 236 00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:16,931 Good luck with that when benzene poisoning 237 00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:19,020 makes your testicles look like this. 238 00:08:19,063 --> 00:08:23,851 - Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick. 239 00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:25,983 - Man, I am killing it. 240 00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,245 What's our next stop? 241 00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:28,769 - Actually, that's it. We're done. 242 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,597 Yay! Let's go get Arby's. 243 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,425 - Nah, man, we gotta strike while the oil's slick. 244 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:34,775 We got six more interviews. 245 00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:36,211 - We did got. 246 00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:38,909 Their grandfathers died, so they had to go to Tampa. 247 00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,302 ♪ 248 00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:42,086 - I can hear your heartbeat. 249 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,566 You're lying to me. What's going on? 250 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,568 - Okay. Start with a compliment. 251 00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:46,917 I like your hands today. 252 00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:48,919 You suck at interviews. You're terrible at it. 253 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,747 ♪ 254 00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:55,186 - Today, we break ground on not just another office park 255 00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:56,318 or high rise. 256 00:08:56,361 --> 00:09:00,757 Today we break ground... 257 00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:03,804 on the sky. [chuckles] 258 00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,719 [light applause] 259 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:09,592 With the opening of the Felix Universal Transit Unit 260 00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,681 Research Organization, 261 00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:13,640 or FUTURO, 262 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:16,730 which is a nod to our thriving Latinx population 263 00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:19,297 and not because we couldn't get the E. 264 00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:23,171 Today, we are going to bring the city of Los Angeles 265 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,565 into the future. 266 00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:28,829 We're gonna build a space elevator! 267 00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:31,396 All right, now I wanna thank our corporate partners 268 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,617 who support the Mayor's Fund and made today possible. 269 00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:38,534 Especially my dear friend, Sebastian Felix. 270 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,580 Everybody, yeah. 271 00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:44,845 - I believe space travel shouldn't just be 272 00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:46,324 for the wealthy. 273 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:49,284 It should also be for tourists and high-risk prisoners. 274 00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:50,198 I think that-- - Okay. All right. 275 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,242 Thank you, Sebastian. 276 00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:52,504 - Okay. - Hey, well said, buddy. 277 00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:53,636 - Thank you. - Um... 278 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,160 All right. Any questions out there? 279 00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:59,424 - Mr. Mayor, how will you apologize to Titi B? 280 00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:02,253 Do you have the power to give her the Lakers? 281 00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:03,864 - Thank you, TMZ. 282 00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:06,867 You know, let's keep the questions to aerospace, okay? 283 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:09,391 - Sir, are you also hooking up with Yasmine Ciobanu? 284 00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:12,089 And if so, how? She's not real, Mr. Mayor. 285 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:15,136 - Oh, come on, today is about tomorrow. 286 00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:16,790 There's your clickbait for you. 287 00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:19,401 - Are you aware you made Titi B. cry the same month 288 00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:21,272 her cell phone fell in the pool? 289 00:10:21,316 --> 00:10:23,797 - Are you boycotting Titi B.'s shapewear line? 290 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,755 Your shape says you might be. 291 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:27,061 - Okay. Enough. 292 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,106 I don't wanna hear another word about Titi B. 293 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:31,239 What makes her so interesting anyway? 294 00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:33,937 She does nothing. - Nothing? 295 00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:38,202 During COVID, she made nachos with almost no help. 296 00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:41,205 - This city used to make things! 297 00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:43,425 Fighter jets, the Mars Rover. 298 00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:46,428 Today all we do is pump out these internet idiots 299 00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:47,908 so they can tell our daughters 300 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:51,215 how to show off their thigh brow at a roof party. 301 00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:53,435 When I build this space elevator, 302 00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:56,351 I am going to literally look down 303 00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:58,614 on all these influencers. 304 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,442 - Is that a veiled reference to Titi B's 305 00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:02,618 well-documented struggle with being 5'2"? 306 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,011 - No! 307 00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,753 Space elevator. Come on. 308 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,537 - I'm terrible, huh? 309 00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:11,322 Well, that's a hot load 'cause I impacted those folks today. 310 00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:13,455 - Yeah, negatively. 311 00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:16,327 You made Z101's Dr. Fart throw up. 312 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:18,373 And I don't know what you said to Sanchez Gomez. 313 00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:21,506 - [speaking Spanish] 314 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,689 - [sobbing, speaking Spanish] 315 00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:33,518 - You can't just scare people, Arpi. 316 00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:35,607 If devastating facts and figures made a difference, 317 00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:38,175 I would be eating a much different diet. 318 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,656 You need to help people understand. 319 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,745 It's like when you're supposed to read Hamlet for school, 320 00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:44,355 and your mom's like, "It's okay. 321 00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:47,184 It's not that complicated. It's basically "The Lion King." 322 00:11:47,228 --> 00:11:50,231 So you watch "The Lion King", you get a D, and you graduate. 323 00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:52,624 - Fine. You're so smart. 324 00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:56,890 Tell me how to turn this into "Hakuna Matata." 325 00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:59,544 - Okay, first of all, that song has a time jump in it. 326 00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:02,243 So Timon and Pumbaa had years to cheer up Simba. 327 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:03,505 Second of all, 328 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,942 you need to connect with people emotionally. 329 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:08,553 Do you remember that dish soap commercial with the ducks? 330 00:12:08,597 --> 00:12:11,774 People need a simple way to understand that if these 331 00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,690 oil spills keep happening, we become the ducks. 332 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,953 - Ducks? That's your professional opinion? 333 00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,912 I do ducks. - Those commercials worked. 334 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:21,349 I donated money to Proctor and Gamble. 335 00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:22,698 - Good God, Kwapis. 336 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,526 My only mistake today was bringing you with me. 337 00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,658 - You know what? No, I'm gonna say it. 338 00:12:26,702 --> 00:12:28,530 I can feel it coming out. Here it comes. 339 00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:30,053 No wonder you couldn't get on the ballot. 340 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:31,838 It's because you needed people's signatures, 341 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:34,710 and not even a person with 20 pens would waste ink on you. 342 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,234 Oh, my God. What have you done, Jayden? 343 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,373 - Hey, Titi Bears. 344 00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:48,419 So I'm not like political because I don't believe in war, 345 00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:50,247 but I just heard Mayor Boomer thinks 346 00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:52,597 I don't do anything. Yeah, me. 347 00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,556 The person who demonstrated winged eyeliner 348 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:56,036 while getting microbladed. 349 00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:58,908 Well, let's show him what your mama bear can do. 350 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:02,259 It's time for the mayor to see how big my flock is. 351 00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:03,565 - Wait, why would a bear have a flock? 352 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:05,436 A group of bears is a sleuth. 353 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,438 - Uh, she's kind of coming after you, sir. 354 00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:09,658 - So what? She's gonna have her bear flock 355 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,616 post mean things about me? 356 00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:14,228 "His golf game is all power, no finesse." 357 00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:15,707 I can take it. 358 00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:18,493 Yeah. I'm not scared of a teenager. 359 00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:22,105 - Uh, sir. - Oh, no. 360 00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,628 - What's going on? 361 00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:27,023 - It's Titi B, sir. She's showing you, her flock. 362 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:29,765 - A group of crows is a murder. Has she never done a crossword? 363 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,811 Still, this is a highly intimidating flex. 364 00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:35,466 - Okay, this is not safe. My daughter's in that house. 365 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:39,296 - Actually, sir, she's in the tree. 366 00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,690 - Frowny face emoji for Team Neil. 367 00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:44,127 - Caw! You're not my father. 368 00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:46,390 - Hashtag paid ads. 369 00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:49,089 . 370 00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:50,873 - Morning, sir. 371 00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,223 - Not one story about the space elevator, Arpi. 372 00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:55,225 I told myself I would never be this guy, 373 00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:58,228 but what is wrong with people these days? 374 00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:00,404 - I did four hours of interviews yesterday. 375 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:03,930 The only thing that got traction was a meme of Dr. Fart 376 00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:06,062 throwing up on his sidekick, Lenny the Butt. 377 00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:09,065 - My own daughter is Team Titi B. 378 00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:12,373 A fact she announced on a phone paid for by Team Neil. 379 00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:15,332 - Titi B.s, baby ducks clickbait, 380 00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,465 "Five Foods That Prove You're a Pedophile." 381 00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:20,120 The world is getting dumber and dumber, sir. 382 00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:22,470 And leading the charge is Jayden Kwapis. 383 00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:27,605 Are those LEDs? 384 00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:30,173 Yes. Everyone looks terrible. 385 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,219 So I finally wore you down, huh, jumpsuit? 386 00:14:32,262 --> 00:14:33,960 - I didn't do this for you. 387 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,919 I did it for Jayden and his lemon bars. 388 00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,225 - You did this? How? 389 00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:39,922 - Well, I made the lemon curd months ago so-- 390 00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:41,271 - I mean the light. 391 00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:43,099 I've been riding them about LEDs for ten years. 392 00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:46,189 - For starters, he didn't call me jumpsuit. 393 00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:47,321 - See? 394 00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,279 You catch more flies with honey, Arpi. 395 00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,629 That's why my car has so many flies. 396 00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:52,979 You can't just yell at people-- 397 00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:54,937 - You think I don't know that? 398 00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,939 I'm terrible at fly catching, okay? 399 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,549 I wanted yesterday to be different. 400 00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:01,552 I even took an improv class to prepare for it. 401 00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,032 I've gathered you all here 402 00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:05,252 'cause I'd like to talk about offshore oil drilling. 403 00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:07,080 - Okay. The suggestion was stapler. 404 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:09,212 - I can talk policy with wonks. 405 00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,649 I can work a bureaucracy like nobody's business. 406 00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:13,825 But... 407 00:15:13,869 --> 00:15:15,958 the whole common touch thing-- 408 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,525 you were right, Kwapis. 409 00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:20,484 It is why I couldn't get enough signatures last election. 410 00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:22,095 Help me get on the mayoral ballot 411 00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:24,010 in the upcoming special election? 412 00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,663 Help me get on the mayoral bal-- 413 00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:28,057 You just gonna sign without hearing what I stand for? 414 00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,233 What are you, an idiot? 415 00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:31,234 - Oof. 416 00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:33,367 How many did you get? - Two. 417 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:37,197 Mine and someone named Anita Mann-Tohugginkiss. 418 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,763 I hear it, not a real person. 419 00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:41,636 Oh, all these years, 420 00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:44,421 I've been breaking down doors, trying to get stuff done. 421 00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,423 As a woman, if I'm fun and laid-back, 422 00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:47,990 people will think I'm a lightweight. 423 00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:50,645 So instead, I'm tough and passionate and 424 00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:51,820 unlikable. 425 00:15:51,863 --> 00:15:53,213 - But you are likable. 426 00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:54,997 You just need to let other people in. 427 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:57,347 You can be likable and still kick down doors. 428 00:15:57,391 --> 00:15:59,045 I mean, look at the Kool-Aid Man. 429 00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:00,785 Sure, some people get mad that he ruined their house, 430 00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:02,004 but once they see he has Kool-Aid, 431 00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,919 they're like, "What wall?" 432 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,877 - My way obviously doesn't work. 433 00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:08,750 So you're in charge. 434 00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:12,014 - First rule is don't talk about "Fight Club" 435 00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,407 'cause I haven't seen it yet. 436 00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:15,365 [lively music] 437 00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:18,934 - Ah. [chuckles] Come here, you old fat ass. 438 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,327 Sorry. 439 00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:23,330 Playful tone only goes so far. How you been? 440 00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:24,635 - Look, buddy, I'll make this quick. 441 00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:26,986 I need you to end this beef with Titi B. 442 00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:30,119 - You're kidding me. 443 00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:34,036 Sebastian Felix should not even know who Titi B. is, 444 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,518 let alone the status of her various beeves. 445 00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:40,564 - Neil, I'm in talks to acquire Inspire Brands 446 00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,262 and Inspire owns Arby's. 447 00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,655 Ever since they made Titi B. their brand ambassador, 448 00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:47,702 Brisket Bacon Beef 'n Cheddar sales are up 1200%. 449 00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:50,966 They can't kill cows, pigs, and more cows fast enough. 450 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,577 - What does that have to do with me? 451 00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,058 - If you can't make nice with her, 452 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:59,540 we can't support the Mayor's Fund. 453 00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:02,760 - I already announced our space elevator. 454 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:07,156 You would choose her over the mayor of Los Angeles? 455 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,158 That's amazing. 456 00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:12,074 - Good news is, my board convinced Inspires board 457 00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:13,423 to convince Arby's board 458 00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:17,079 to convince Titi B. to let you apologize. 459 00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,689 - What choice do I have? 460 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:19,864 She has all the power. 461 00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:22,084 Boy, capitalism so unfair. 462 00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:24,782 - I think capitalism's working. 463 00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:26,349 - Huh. 464 00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:28,438 - Okay, man, I'm trusting you here. 465 00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:31,528 - Arpi, if I know how to do anything, 466 00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:34,749 it's how to keep it stupid simple. 467 00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,968 Now go get the chocolate syrup. 468 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:39,493 I've got a bird to be. 469 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:41,103 ♪ 470 00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:42,757 . 471 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,802 - Wow. 472 00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:47,240 When I was 19, I was living in a car 473 00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:49,894 and heading for Canada because of Vietnam. 474 00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:51,853 - Oh, my God. I love Vietnam. 475 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,420 I was, like, so tall there. 476 00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:56,118 [dog yelps] - I am so sorry. 477 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:58,773 The--these little white dogs are hard to see in here. 478 00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:01,819 - So, like, what do you want? 479 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,386 - Well, I want to apologize. 480 00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,519 Sorry I insulted you. 481 00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:07,347 I didn't understand what it is you do, 482 00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,349 so I assumed you do nothing. 483 00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:11,394 - Mm. - And I was wrong. 484 00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:12,700 - Yeah. 485 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,963 'Cause I do, like, lots 486 00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:17,966 - And--and I-- and I get that now. 487 00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:19,185 See, uh, 488 00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:20,621 See, Titi, I'm-- 489 00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:22,579 well, I made my money in billboards, 490 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,494 so we're actually a lot alike. 491 00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:29,717 You and I both made a fortune telling people what to buy. 492 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,241 You're like a 21st-century billboard. 493 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:33,460 - [chuckles] 494 00:18:33,503 --> 00:18:35,462 I'm almost a billionaire. 495 00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:38,900 I was the first woman to pose naked on the cover of "Forbes." 496 00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:42,077 - Ah. - So apology accepted, 497 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,035 and I'm sorry for leaking those photos of you 498 00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,646 wearing a t-shirt in the ocean. 499 00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:48,257 - Oh, water under the bridge, Titi. 500 00:18:48,301 --> 00:18:50,346 You know, on the way over here, 501 00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:51,565 it occurred to me 502 00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:55,221 that you could be a real force for good. 503 00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,005 - Ah! Go off, king. 504 00:18:57,048 --> 00:19:00,182 - Just imagine what we could do together. 505 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:03,707 With your endorsement, we get out the youth vote, 506 00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:06,145 I get reelected for another term, 507 00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:08,321 and LA is coco slammin'. 508 00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:09,844 - Hmm. 509 00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:13,456 - Sorry, I must have misheard Orly in the car today. 510 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,676 Uh, it could be good. 511 00:19:15,719 --> 00:19:17,765 We could have a good city. 512 00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:20,420 - You want me to endorse you? 513 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,335 Okay. 514 00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:23,640 How much? - I'm sorry? 515 00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:25,642 - Like, I'm just spitballing without lawyers, 516 00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,818 but say I tweet, "Vote Boomer Bremer." 517 00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:30,256 That's probably, like, five-hundo-K, 518 00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,345 but if you want me to get nail art of your face, 519 00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:33,868 it's more like a mil. 520 00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,957 - You want me to buy your vote? 521 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,525 Oh, no, no, no, no. That's not how this works. 522 00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:40,483 - That's how everything works. 523 00:19:40,527 --> 00:19:42,746 Everything I do has a price tag. 524 00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:44,531 Me and Ch33$e got a million each 525 00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:47,273 to break up over Cricket Wireless. 526 00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:48,883 - So you're not... 527 00:19:48,926 --> 00:19:51,320 actually interested in doing good. 528 00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:52,452 - Good? 529 00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:55,106 I'm doing great. 530 00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:57,021 - Okay. 531 00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:58,980 Forget it. We're done here. 532 00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:03,071 - Or I keep this feud going. 533 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:05,247 I mean, the Yasmin thing is losing steam, 534 00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:06,944 and you're, like, the perfect villain 535 00:20:06,988 --> 00:20:08,119 'cause no one's ever on the side 536 00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:10,209 of the old straight white guy. 537 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,427 I mean, the most clicks I ever got 538 00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:13,777 is when James Corden hairline-shamed me. 539 00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:15,214 - It isn't happening. 540 00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,433 [dog yelps] 541 00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:19,740 And get some brown dogs. 542 00:20:19,783 --> 00:20:21,698 ♪ 543 00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:22,743 - [huffs] 544 00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:24,092 - Have you seen this? 545 00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:26,312 Yasmin Ciobanu liked your TikTok. 546 00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:29,097 - Angelenos covered in oil? Duck that. 547 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:31,621 Sign our petition to stop offshore drilling. 548 00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:32,796 Link in bio. 549 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,407 - Hashtag quack. 550 00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:37,148 - End offshore oil and spaghetti duck are trending, 551 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,107 but I lip-sync the whole opening of 552 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:42,284 "Emperor's New Groove" and only get four likes? 553 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:43,938 - You did it, Kwapis. 554 00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:45,722 You're like a dating coach who makes me feel like 555 00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:47,681 I have a shot with the city of LA. 556 00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,813 - LA is the Michael B. Jordan of cities. 557 00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,337 An absolute ten. 558 00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:54,557 - You're the secret weapon I didn't have last election. 559 00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:57,081 Jayden, I'm running for mayor. 560 00:20:57,125 --> 00:20:59,214 There's nothing holding me back now. 561 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,651 And thanks to you, I'm the Kool-Aid Man. 562 00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:03,914 And there's no wall on earth 563 00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:06,177 that can stop this cherry water. 564 00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:09,180 - Oh, yeah! 565 00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:11,792 - And I want you to be my campaign manager. 566 00:21:11,835 --> 00:21:14,447 - Yes. Yes, a thousand times, yes. 567 00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:18,320 [inspiring music] 568 00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:20,453 [ominous notes] 569 00:21:20,496 --> 00:21:23,238 Oh, but what about Daddy? 570 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,284 - Good night, everybody! - Good night!