1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,840 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,880 WOMAN: Douglas. Douglas. Douglas, I need to say something. 3 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,520 Douglas, I've been thinking about leaving. 4 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:23,880 I think our marriage might be over. 5 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:30,040 When you say "leaving"...? Starting again. 6 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:34,560 A new life, but not together. So divorce? 7 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,760 That... That's not the most important thing at the moment. 8 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,320 Ah, so a trial separation? 9 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,760 Except not a trial. 10 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,840 I mean breaking up. 11 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,560 Don't say "breaking up". 16-year-olds break up. 12 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:50,640 What you're saying is, you'd rather be alone? 13 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,520 We're going to be alone, Connie. 14 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,840 Yes, I know. 15 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,640 Well, tell me, tell me clearly. 16 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,480 I just feel that things between us might have run their course. 17 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,640 I don't agree. 18 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,000 Oh, well, if you don't agree... 19 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,480 We don't talk! We talk! 20 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,720 About the boiler, about holidays and insurance - 21 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,240 we don't have conversations. 22 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,040 So what do you want to tell me? 23 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,680 It's not you. Oh, don't say, "It's not you, it's me." 24 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,280 It's not me either, it's us. 25 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,840 No, it's not "us", because I don't want to leave! 26 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:23,960 I just feel... 27 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,280 Don't say, "I just feel, I just feel." 28 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,400 Say what you want. I want...change! 29 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,120 Right. OK, well... 30 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,320 ...what can I do? 31 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:38,480 What do you mean? 32 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:42,000 Well, this is obviously, erm, a catalyst thing, 33 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,120 what-d'you-call-it, a wake-up call. 34 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,800 So what can I change about myself? 35 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,280 I don't want you to be someone else. 36 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:49,880 Because I'm quite capable of change. 37 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,400 You're great! I just don't think I can spend my whole life with you. 38 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,520 CONNIE SIGHS 39 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,640 I'm sorry I'm not able to be more articulate. 40 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,200 No, no. 41 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,680 That bit was quite clear. 42 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:10,160 All those years as a parent, being called Mum 43 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,400 until it's like my name, and then suddenly it stops. 44 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:19,680 I... I think of how empty it's going to be, every evening, 45 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,880 for the rest of our lives, just the two of us rattling around. 46 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,120 Doesn't that frighten you? 47 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:29,080 No! We wouldn't rattle, we'd do things, we'd work, we'd travel... 48 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,760 And then we'd come home. 49 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,600 I have this word in my head - "box sets". 50 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,320 Every time I hear it, I can feel my heart racing. 51 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:38,720 SHE SIGHS 52 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,360 I don't know what it is yet... 53 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,560 ...but I need to find something else. 54 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,760 Great. Then...let's find it together. 55 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,080 Have you only stayed because of Albie? No! 56 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,560 We've been through a lot. 57 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,000 I think we've been happy. 58 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,960 But now... 59 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,560 ..don't you ever think our work is done? 60 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,160 It was never work to me. 61 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,480 Well, it was for me... 62 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:15,760 ..sometimes. 63 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,680 BIRDSONG 64 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,680 Do you think we could get a little sleep now? 65 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,400 I do feel quite relaxed. 66 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,600 SHE CHUCKLES 67 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,840 Let's try. Hmm? 68 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,080 CONNIE SIGHS 69 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,440 DOORBELL RINGS 70 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,520 DOG BARKS 71 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,280 Why do you always do this? 72 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,040 It's very hard to get a slot. 73 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:46,400 On a Sunday too! 74 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,800 If I'd known you were leaving me, I'd have pushed it to nine. 75 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,000 Do you want to accept the substitutes? 76 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,480 I don't know, Connie, do you want to accept the substitutes? 77 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,000 I'm sure the substitutes are fine. 78 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,920 Is there someone else? No! I told you... 79 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,360 Oh, you check the eggs? 80 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,440 No, I'm sure the eggs are fine. I'll check the eggs. 81 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,320 Yes, the eggs are fine. 82 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,640 So, er, who wants to do the honours? 83 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:19,960 Thanks. 84 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,400 Brilliant. Erm, have...have a great weekend. 85 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,520 Of course, we're going to have to cancel the holiday. You think so? 86 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,520 Well, we don't want it to be the trip of a lifetime 87 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,760 for all the wrong reasons, do we? 88 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,040 No. I can see that... 89 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,480 Three whole weeks is a long time to fix a smile, don't you think? 90 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,480 I like mine darker. I know that. 91 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,440 And of course we're going to lose all the deposits, 92 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,480 which is hundreds of pounds. Thousands, actually. 93 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,440 The train tickets, the hotel rooms... 94 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:35,600 Isn't it all insured? 95 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,040 Not against despair, no! Sh! Albie can hear you... 96 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,280 Clearly, I should have thought of that. I never said... 97 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,000 If my wife feels suffocated all of a sudden, are we covered?! 98 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,120 Well, if you're so concerned about the money... 99 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:50,040 Oh, Connie, do you really believe the money is my main concern here? 100 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,880 TOAST RATTLES 101 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,080 MUSIC SEEPS FROM HEADPHONES 102 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,880 FOOTSTEPS APPROACH 103 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,040 Afternoon! 104 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:07,320 Please don't bring food in here, it's like a petri dish. 105 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,480 And open the window. 106 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,000 Ah! 107 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,080 Birds have been smoking on the windowsill again, I see. 108 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,840 Swallows rolling their own little cigarettes. 109 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,960 You can't hear anything I say, can you? 110 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,120 Little bit of news. 111 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,200 Mum's leaving me. 112 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,560 I'm going to the dump. 113 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,640 Got anything for the dump? 114 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:39,720 No? 115 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,400 OK, fine, you stay there... 116 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,840 ..all day. 117 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,440 What's up with him? 118 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:12,240 Nothing. Just fancied going to the dump - his fortress of solitude. 119 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,200 MUSIC: Cosi Fan Tutte K.588 by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 120 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,360 MUSIC QUIETENS, KNOCK ON GLASS 121 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:24,560 Come on. Come on. 122 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,560 MUSIC STOPS 123 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,880 MUSIC RECOMMENCES 124 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,360 That's better. 125 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,240 Better e-mail those hotels, see what I can salvage... 126 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:12,600 Douglas, let's go for a walk. 127 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:16,720 Come on, come on. 128 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:24,160 Should one of us...move out or check into a hotel? 129 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,040 That's what you're meant to do, isn't it? 130 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:27,680 Do you want me to? 131 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,480 Well, I don't think that's necessary. 132 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,560 Not while Albie's at home. 133 00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,880 Can you stand it until the autumn? I think so. 134 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,160 Look, here's the thing, though. Bear with me. 135 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,840 I think we should still go. 136 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,080 On holiday? For Albie's sake. 137 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,800 We're going on holiday for the sake of the kid? Why not? 138 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,120 You've done all that planning, 139 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,760 and it'd be good for you and Albie to spend some time together, 140 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,360 be a nice memory, before he goes to college. 141 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,840 And maybe if he flunks his art exam, 142 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,520 we could have another year of marriage. 143 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,960 But then maybe you can't flunk art. What is there to get wrong? 144 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,600 You see, this is exactly why you and I... 145 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,920 And when we come back, you don't even have to unpack. 146 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,080 You and Albie can just chuck your suitcases into the taxi. 147 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,400 Let's have this one last summer...as a family. 148 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,960 No. I'm sorry. I don't think I can. 149 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:41,360 DISTORTED RINGING 150 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,680 Douglas, you're late! 151 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,200 I came straight from the lab! 152 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,400 It looks like it. Cords and checks. 153 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,000 What is this shirt? Is it graph paper? 154 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,120 You look like something out of Millets' catalogue. 155 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:56,760 You're going to have to go home and change. 156 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,280 If I go home, I won't come back. Fine! 157 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,800 Oh, who knits a tie? 158 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,120 Honestly, Douglas, I love you, but you're a liability. 159 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,160 Come here. 160 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,920 Connie Moore. What? 161 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,080 Connie Moore. Connie. Who's Connie? 162 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,080 That's who you're sitting next to. 163 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:18,120 She's newly single, she's smart, she's funny, she's intelligent... 164 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,800 You promised you wouldn't do this again. 165 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,040 And the best thing is, she's not a snob about how people look. 166 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:26,400 No, no, I'm off. OK, too late! 167 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:31,400 Everyone... Everyone! This is my brother Douglas. 168 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,480 GUESTS: Hey! 169 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,120 Be nice to him, he's very shy. I'm not shy! Connie! 170 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,920 No. Can you just make room? 171 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,480 INDISTINCT CHATTER 172 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:49,840 Hello. Hello! 173 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,720 GUESTS APPLAUD AND CHEER 174 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,760 So, you're a, er, scientist? Er, yeah, that's right. 175 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:02,760 An evil scientist or mad scientist? I alternate. 176 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:04,240 Oh. 177 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:05,960 WHISPERS: I can't really talk about it. 178 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,120 WHISPERS: Oh, is it a military-industrial thing. 179 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,480 Too dull. My sister's torn up my list. 180 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,520 List? Conversational gambits. 181 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,120 An actual written-down list? 182 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,880 In my head. "Where do you live? How do you know Karen? 183 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:20,160 "What do you do for a living?" 184 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,600 Let's skip that part. Well, now you have to tell me. 185 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:29,440 Well, it's not a living, but I trained as an artist. 186 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,520 I still do it, I just always feel stupid saying it. 187 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,960 Oh, is that watercolours or oils or...? 188 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,720 CHUCKLING "Watercolours and..."? 189 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,760 It's a bit more complicated than that, mate. 190 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,400 Jake's a kind of artist too. Yeah. 191 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,720 Trapeze artist, yeah. In a circus. 192 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,040 How do you join a circus? 193 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,840 Is it... Is it just a question of running away to it or...? 194 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,120 Well, I mean, do you...do you want the long version or the.... 195 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,800 Short version. Short version. Yeah. 196 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,880 LAUGHTER The scientific name is 197 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:04,560 Drosophila melanogaster, aka the common fruit fly. 198 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,040 Oh. 199 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,880 Flies. 200 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,400 Want to move seats? 201 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,040 No. Keep going. 202 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,440 OK, er, well, we're investigating mutagens. 203 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,600 So we're using chemical agents to induce genetic mutation... 204 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,000 Why would you mutate a fruit fly? That's not natural. 205 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,040 Well, there's nothing inherently unnatural about mutation. 206 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,880 It's just another word for evolution... 207 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,960 It's... It's like fungicides, pesticides. 208 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,440 You know, it's...it's wicked. 209 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:33,000 LAUGHS: I don't think a chemical compound can be wicked in itself. 210 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,200 It can be used irresponsibly or foolishly. 211 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,640 We've all lost touch with, you know, our...our roots. 212 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,360 Nobody knows what a carrot tastes like any more. 213 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,480 Erm, sorry, I've lost track... Everything's chemical. 214 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,320 Everything IS a chemical. 215 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,840 Mm. Carrots are chemicals. 216 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,600 Hmm. Karen's pasta bake is a chemical. Er... 217 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,840 You're chemical. Oh, I'm not. 218 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,520 You're 65% oxygen, 18% carbon... 219 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,880 Don't try and limit me... But it's literally true! 220 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,600 But still, I think we'd all be better off if scientists, 221 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,720 or you lot, stop mucking about with all this stuff. 222 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,400 DOUGLAS EXHALES 223 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:13,400 OK, let's say, one day, you're up there, on your trapeze. 224 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:17,880 God forbid, something goes wrong and you break your legs. 225 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,120 And you're in hospital and you're in chronic pain 226 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,440 and you pick up an infection 227 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:26,720 and the only solution is to amputate. 228 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:30,160 And let's say you refuse any kind of so-called "chemical intervention", 229 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,320 that's antibiotics, pain relief, anaesthetic. 230 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,880 And let's say you die. 231 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,280 You die in AGONY. 232 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,240 And your family and friends are rightly distraught, 233 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:47,440 but, "Thank God," they'll say, "he may be dead, 234 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:52,040 "but thank God there was no mucking about with stuff." 235 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,440 COUGHING, CLEARING OF THROAT 236 00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,800 Let's sit soft. 237 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,440 I wish I knew about science. 238 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,960 I don't know why the sky is blue 239 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,160 or the difference between an atom and a molecule. 240 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,520 My niece asked me why the sea comes in and out, 241 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,800 and I told her it was something to do with magnets. 242 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,120 It is magnets, isn't it? 243 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,960 Or...gravity acting on large bodies of water. 244 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,000 Er, are you...are you all right? 245 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,360 Yes, yeah, sorry. It's just, well... 246 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:24,880 ..chemicals. 247 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:29,520 OK, yes, I wondered why my sister kept touching my face. 248 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:30,720 Yeah, this is the answer. 249 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,840 I saw your pupils dilate and I thought, "Well, that's a first..." 250 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,080 Did you want to...? 251 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,400 No, I've had an indigestion tablet. 252 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,280 Cheeky half, for the pasta bake. 253 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,080 Has it kicked in yet? I think it was a dud! 254 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,440 Of course, the interesting fact about... 255 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,680 I think your sister's trying to fix us up. 256 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,440 I got that impression too. 257 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,200 She thinks I'd be good for you, or you'd be good for me, or... 258 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,600 Either way, nothing's going to happen. 259 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,360 No, I wasn't expecting it to. 260 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,960 No, I mean you're clearly brilliant, and it is such a relief 261 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,960 to talk to someone who actually knows something - a proper grown-up. 262 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:08,040 Grown-up sounds a bit dull. No, no, believe me, it isn't. 263 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,400 I'm on the rebound. 264 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:13,160 Bad break-up, you see. No, yeah, no, I understand. I do. 265 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,480 CONNIE CLEARS HER THROAT 266 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,040 Gosh, well, erm... 267 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,320 ..I should probably head off anyway... 268 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,480 Douglas... 269 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,800 ..would you, erm, walk home with me? 270 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,840 Of course, yeah. Where do you live? Whitechapel. That's eight miles. 271 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,880 I just want to walk, clear my head. Do you mind? 272 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,960 Not at all. Erm, I'll just tell Karen. 273 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,240 No, let's make a French exit. 274 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,000 What's a French exit? This. 275 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,760 THEY CHUCKLE 276 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,920 ALARM CLOCK RINGS 277 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,080 Hmm, hang on a sec. 278 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,280 Have a good day. 279 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:39,400 Bye. Bye. 280 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:42,640 So I'll see you... Yeah. 281 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,280 What time will you...? Usual. 282 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,520 OK, I'm off. 283 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,000 Room. 284 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,040 When I get back. 285 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,680 Dad? 286 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,800 What's wrong? 287 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,840 HE SCOFFS 288 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,600 ENGINE STARTS 289 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,400 DOG YELPS 290 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,360 YELPING CONTINUES 291 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:50,680 Connie! 292 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,680 SHE SIGHS 293 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:51,800 Douglas. 294 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,800 Connie! Connie! Connie! Connie, you're right. 295 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,880 We should still go on holiday. 296 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,640 Do the grand tour, for Albie's sake as much as anything... 297 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,080 But not just Albie's sake. 298 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,760 No, for all our sakes, like you said... 299 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,520 HORN BEEPS ..it is the last time and 300 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,520 maybe I haven't been paying attention. 301 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,680 BEEPING CONTINUES Can you give us one minute?! 302 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,480 But I'm noticing now, 303 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,120 and whatever happens in the autumn, 304 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,000 we'll have this last summer together. 305 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,760 I'm not wearing shoes. HORN BEEPS 306 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,600 There's probably glass. I should go back. 307 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,000 But I did just want to say that I... BEEPING CONTINUES 308 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,840 SHOUTS: Can you give us one moment, please?! 309 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,720 I just wanted to say... Let's not do this here. 310 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,680 I'm driving off now. Here I go. 311 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,920 Show you can change. 312 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:05,360 One - never be too tired or not in the mood. 313 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:07,840 Two... 314 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,000 Albie! 315 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,200 ..avoid conflict with Albie. 316 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,840 Be interested. Good humour at all times. 317 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,000 Albie, can you bring your stuff? 318 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,440 Three - try new things. 319 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:22,680 Unusual foods late at night. Be open-minded. 320 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,080 Ah, you're going to bring your guitar? Is that all right? 321 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,960 Yeah. Of course. That's great! 322 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:32,920 Four - it's not necessary to be right about everything, 323 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,560 even when clearly right. 324 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,960 You know who'll be carrying this across Europe, don't you? 325 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,360 You mustn't panic - he wants to busk. 326 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,360 Well, I suppose there are worse things he could do. 327 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,280 I'm sure he'll do those too. 328 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:47,880 Five - be organised but maintain a sense of fun 329 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,200 and spontaneity. 330 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:55,760 Six - at all times be aware of Connie. Talk and listen. 331 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,760 Look. It's our emotional baggage. Hmm! 332 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,000 It's exciting, isn't it? It is! 333 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,800 All those cities... Three whole weeks... 334 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,640 No, no, sorry, you say it. Oh, nothing. 335 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,920 Just I'm glad we're doing this. Me too. 336 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,600 We'll have fun. See the sights. 337 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,240 You can talk to Albie. 338 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,720 I do talk to Albie. A conversation in a calm voice. 339 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:37,560 OK. 340 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,080 So we're in France exactly... 341 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,640 ..now. 342 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,240 PHONE VIBRATES 343 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,320 ..or maybe the border's halfway through the tunnel. 344 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,080 They ought to have a sign, except no-one would see it. 345 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,720 Who designed the Channel Tunnel? Nobody knows, do they? 346 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,440 If it was a bridge we'd know. 347 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,960 Bridges are show-offs, but a good tunnel - underrated. 348 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,320 All that rock and water over your head 349 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,240 and yet you feel completely safe. 350 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:09,800 I don't feel safe. 351 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,880 DOUGLAS LAUGHS, CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS 352 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,160 HE DRUMS TABLE 353 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,520 Look at us, three weeks, six countries, 12 cities. 354 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,400 We're like, I don't know, U2! 355 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,720 I hope we get a copy of that - the coffee cup! 356 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,040 He's experimenting. It's what he's meant to do at his age. 357 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,800 Three years to study photography. Can't he just read the manual? 358 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,280 I know! It's not that sort of photography... 359 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,280 It's photography AND art. 360 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:49,520 And he's very talented. 361 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,440 I just don't think he's ever taken a single picture of me. 362 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:57,120 Sees an old fridge in a skip and he's snapping away, 363 00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:59,720 but his own father... Ask him, then. Hmm? 364 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,760 Well, if you'd like him to take your photograph, 365 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:02,960 all you have to do is ask him. 366 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,680 No, I don't want to be photographed. 367 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,000 Well, he thinks you're not interested. 368 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,360 Go on. 369 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:24,520 Sorry. 370 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,120 May I see? 371 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,720 Mmm! All in focus. 372 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,800 Just trying stuff out. It's sort of abstract, isn't it? 373 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,040 When we get to Paris, I want lots of the Eiffel Tower 374 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,560 with me sort of leaning against it. 375 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,400 Of course, as a career it's insane - art. 376 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,600 No-one makes a living. At least you get to do the thing you love. 377 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,800 Bio...? Biochemistry. 378 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,360 Yeah, literally the chemistry of life. 379 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:25,160 Every living thing. What's more interesting than that? 380 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,840 Even as a kid, I loved it. 381 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,640 I used to get these magazines, World Of Wonder and Amazing Science, 382 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,280 just fun facts about protein, how to make a battery out of a lemon. 383 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,120 You can do that? I can, if you ever need me to... 384 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,760 At that age it all goes in. I used... 385 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,040 Oh, God. I used to fantasise about 386 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,120 having some sudden beautiful realisation, 387 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:52,880 perpetual motion or clean, safe fission, time travel... 388 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,920 Are you all right? Er, yes, of course. 389 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,720 Sorry, it's... I'm just a bit buzzy. 390 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,480 Should I stop talking? 391 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,880 No, no, you're bringing me down, er, in a good way. 392 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,960 Do you actually have any idea where we're going? 393 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:14,840 The first stop is Paris - the food, the culture, the romance. 394 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,240 North to Amsterdam for the museums, overnight to Munich, 395 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,600 very exciting, then hop over the Alps to Venice, 396 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,720 Bologna, Siena and Florence. 397 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,280 And then down to the glory that is Rome, 398 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,160 south to Naples, and still there's more! 399 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:32,000 For the first time a flight - Madrid, Barcelona, 400 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,320 then across the border to Marseille and back to Paris. 401 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:41,960 Keep an eye on your bags. 402 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,440 Every station we've ever been to, 403 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,160 your father says, "Keep an eye on your bags." 404 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,400 Wallets too. It's... 405 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,480 CONNIE AND ALBIE: ...Pickpocket Central! Yeah. 406 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:53,840 Et voila! 407 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:56,640 Hotel Bontemps. 408 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,240 Literally Good-Times Hotel. 409 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:03,000 Technically two-stars, but with four-star reviews. 410 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:13,840 So...I thought I'd save some money and put us all in the same room. 411 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,160 You're kidding me! 412 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:19,040 There's bunk beds, or you can squeeze in with me and your mum. 413 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,560 I'm sorry, but I refuse to sleep in a... 414 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:23,800 We're next door. 415 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,840 OK. Thanks, Dad. 416 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,800 Don't touch the minibar, the mark-up's outrageous. 417 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,960 Remember, your father can hear a minibar open from three rooms away. 418 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,520 Exactly. Buy stuff outside and smuggle it in, like everyone else. 419 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,720 Bunk beds! Such a dad joke. 420 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:51,960 What do you think? It's very nice. 421 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:56,080 Eugh! A bit more pubic hair than I'd want in a hotel room. 422 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,000 All in all, I'd have preferred a chocolate on my pillow. 423 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,240 You're right. 424 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:02,360 Where are you going? 425 00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:05,040 I'm going to go to reception and ask them to clean the room. Hold on. 426 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,520 Let's rest a moment. 427 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:13,400 I just want everything to be perfect. I sense that. 428 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,160 But it won't be, not all the time. 429 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,320 I don't mind. 430 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,360 SHE SIGHS 431 00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:23,480 I caught myself napping the other day, 432 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,520 in the armchair, in the middle of the afternoon. 433 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:26,600 Never done that before. 434 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:32,480 I thought, "Oh, here we go. I'm becoming a woman who naps." 435 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:33,960 It's the death of the cell. 436 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,440 Slowing down, it's bound to happen. 437 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,840 Already? We're lucky to make it this far. 438 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,760 In the 15th century, we'd be a miracle. 439 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,280 Like ancient gods. 440 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,160 Well, that's OK, then. 441 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,800 I just mean it's not a surprise. 442 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,560 I expected you to get older. 443 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:51,880 It's still you. 444 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,120 I always thought, "Albie leaves home, we have time together, 445 00:27:57,120 --> 00:28:00,160 "travel, go for long walks... 446 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:07,160 "...and then eventually - slow down, get old, 447 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,160 "look after each other and die... 448 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,680 "...short illness or a fall." 449 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,360 I realise, as a vision of our future, 450 00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,600 I'm not necessarily selling the idea. 451 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,880 Let's not think too much about it. 452 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,520 Let's make it a rule. 453 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,880 Live in the moment! Yeah, yeah. 454 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,200 I'd better just check on Albie. 455 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:46,000 DOOR CLOSES 456 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,600 What do you mean, you're not coming? I want to do my own thing. 457 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,440 The reservation's for three people. 458 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,640 They can remove a chair. What are you going to do instead? 459 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,040 Walk around, explore. 460 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,120 Explore with us. Dad, I don't want to. 461 00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:00,320 The whole reason we're here is to spend time together as a family. 462 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,960 We spend plenty of time together... Not in Paris! Douglas... 463 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:04,360 What's different about Paris? 464 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,720 Money for one thing. Do you have any idea how much all this costs? 465 00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,800 Douglas! The... The money's not important! 466 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:10,960 Why bring it up, then? 467 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,560 Because I want it to be the three of us. 468 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:16,800 Dad, I've basically come backpacking with my parents. 469 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,640 You have to give me a bit of time to myself. Douglas... 470 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,680 ..please, take me out to dinner. 471 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,960 There you go. It's date night. 472 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,600 You can settle the whole tunnels-versus-bridges thing. 473 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,240 I'll see you at breakfast. 474 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:32,720 Up at eight sharp! 475 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:34,840 On the streets at 8:45. 476 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,600 We're beating the crowds! 477 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:21,160 Ready? 478 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,880 Has Albie got any friends in Paris? 479 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,400 I think friends means something different now. 480 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,160 I mean, he goes online and writes, "I'm in Paris," 481 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:41,760 and someone says, "My friend's in Paris, you should meet," so he does. 482 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,240 Sounds terrifying. I don't know. 483 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:48,840 All those new people. Maybe it's easier when you're young. 484 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,320 I found it terrifying when I was young as well. 485 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,640 Yes, me too. Really? 486 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:55,880 You always seemed like you could talk to anyone. 487 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,920 Well, most of the time I was drunk... 488 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,600 ..or off my face on something. 489 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:03,480 But I'm sober now. 490 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,000 Sorry about that. 491 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,360 Bit embarrassing. Oh, I don't mind. 492 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,640 My friends always say, "Take this pill, 493 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:15,240 "have one more drink, lose those inhibitions." 494 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,920 I want something that'll give them back. 495 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,080 Imagine waking up, nice clear head, thinking, 496 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:23,360 "God, I was so inhibited last night." 497 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,320 Actually, that's how I do wake up. SHE LAUGHS 498 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:31,280 And doesn't that feel incredible? 499 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,760 Not always. 500 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,040 I think it sounds like bliss. 501 00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,960 This walk is ridiculous. You OK to keep going? 502 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:44,400 Of course. 503 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,280 How far is that now? 504 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,840 8,459, just under. 505 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,520 What I don't understand is... Oh, no. 506 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:56,840 Go on. 507 00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:00,200 Surely you know how far you've walked 508 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,000 because you've walked that far. 509 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,680 It's about goals, measurable data. 510 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,120 Maybe we'll cross 10K on the way home. 511 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:13,760 You look very beautiful, by the way. 512 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,280 That's the candles. 513 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:18,960 In the 15th century, I'm a miracle. 514 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:23,040 Look, they've got an Edith Piaf burger. 515 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:24,560 Probably the only thing... 516 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:25,840 BOTH: ..she regrets. 517 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:29,800 All dad jokes from now on. 518 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,400 I like dad jokes. 519 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:32,760 You look nice too, by the way. 520 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,160 Tie too much? Not at all. 521 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,000 You've got the job! 522 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:41,640 C'est possible avoir deux verres de Champagne aussi peut etre? 523 00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,800 FRENCH ACCENT: I'll, er, bring them straight away. 524 00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,440 How do they know I'm English? 525 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,000 C'est un mystere! 526 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,280 Maybe if I'd had lessons, like you. 527 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,880 I didn't have lessons - I learnt it from French people. 528 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:58,600 French boys. 20-year-old French boys with skinny chests and Gauloises. 529 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,840 Not at all. It really wasn't like that, 530 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:02,600 and they weren't boyfriends. 531 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,720 It was more, "Je t'aime mais comme un ami." 532 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:09,160 What's that? "I love you but as a friend." 533 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:13,280 Long time ago now. 534 00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:17,000 It was all a bit of a waste of time, all that travelling around, 535 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:18,680 instead of getting on with stuff. 536 00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:20,720 At least you were doing something useful. 537 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,760 Me and my fruit-fly friends? Not that useful in the end. 538 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:26,520 Bit of a plodder, really. 539 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,160 Douglas! I know. In the moment. 540 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:30,720 So, tell me something new. 541 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,560 Merci. Thank you. 542 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:40,400 Let's get hammered, shall we? 543 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,200 Are you sure? 544 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:48,600 Of course, why not? 545 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,840 Doesn't seem very dignified. 546 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:02,760 CONNIE LAUGHS 547 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:17,520 What about my 10,000 steps? Oh, forget about the steps! 548 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,560 This is me, as they say. 549 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,040 Thanks for walking me home. 550 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,600 Feel more sober. Saner. 551 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,160 If you hadn't been around, I'd have just called my ex, so... 552 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,520 It's only four, you could still catch him. 553 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,840 I think I'll leave it. 554 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:40,840 Well, I had a nice time. I didn't refer to my list once. 555 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:43,880 Throw the list away, Douglas. 556 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:48,320 There's a night bus, isn't there? 557 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,200 What, back to Balham? Yes. 558 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,760 I'm working tomorrow, so school night. 559 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:57,120 The Trafalgar Square and then N77. Douglas... 560 00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:01,200 ..I am literally inviting you up to see my etchings. 561 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:08,320 Oh. 562 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,920 No. Oh. 563 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,960 Really? 564 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,240 Oh, that turns the bathroom light on. 565 00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:18,640 This wiring's the work of a maniac. What happens if...? 566 00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:19,760 Why don't you just...? 567 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,040 Oh, hello. 568 00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:24,680 SHE CHUCKLES 569 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,440 All right! 570 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:32,720 DOUGLAS MOANS 571 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,520 What? Stop a second. You OK? 572 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:40,960 Yes. It's... 573 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,240 What? Complimentary chocolate. 574 00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:47,480 Oh. Thanks. Later. 575 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,040 SHE LAUGHS 576 00:35:58,200 --> 00:35:59,960 HE GRUNTS 577 00:36:04,720 --> 00:36:06,360 Bit waxy. 578 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,800 Really is the worst thing you can eat before you go to sleep. 579 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,160 We don't have to eat it. Yes, we do - it's free. 580 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:15,920 Anyway, it's too late now. 581 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:19,840 I'm going to walk it off. 9,973. 582 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,120 So near! 583 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:24,120 Hmm, I should walk up and down the corridor. 584 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:26,800 You can, but I won't let you back in. 585 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:29,480 Fair enough. 586 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:43,880 I'm sorry this is confusing. I'm confused too. 587 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,160 The great thing is, we're talking. 588 00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:50,520 Though let's stop now. 589 00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:54,880 SIREN IN DISTANCE 590 00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:21,200 GUITAR STRUMMING NEXT DOOR, CONNIE SIGHS 591 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,000 For Christ's sake, Albie. 592 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:31,640 It's two in the morning. Should I go in there? 593 00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:33,760 Not yet, not if he's with people. 594 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,920 How many's he got in there? I'm going to call reception. 595 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,680 No! Don't inform on your own son. Just text him. 596 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,000 GUITAR STRUMMING STOPS Shh, shh, shh, shh. 597 00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,280 It's stopped. 598 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,400 DOUGLAS GRUNTS Yeah. 599 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:02,480 RHYTHMIC CREAKING 600 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,880 Oh, no. CREAKING CONTINUES 601 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:09,240 Is that what I think it is? I hope it is just two of them. 602 00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:11,520 Oh, I'm going to text him. 603 00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,760 What do you text in this situation? 604 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:15,440 It's not something I've thought about. 605 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:16,880 Or e-mail? GROANING FROM NEXT DOOR 606 00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:18,680 He's not checking his e-mails! 607 00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:22,920 Ah, OK, I'm going to text just, "No." 608 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:24,040 All caps! 609 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,600 GROANING CONTINUES I don't want to be a killjoy. 610 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:28,640 "No" and then a smiley face. 611 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:32,000 "Precautions" exclamation mark. LAUGHS: Yeah. 612 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,080 Ahh, no. 613 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,200 SHE SIGHS 614 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:39,640 Let's just... 615 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:49,240 GROANING INTENSIFIES NEXT DOOR 616 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:01,920 Should we have that talk? 617 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:04,880 What talk? The sex talk. 618 00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:06,440 OK. 619 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,120 Well, my feeling is that while you and I 620 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:10,840 are still together and sharing a bed, there's no reason why... 621 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,280 I meant with Albie. Oh. 622 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,680 Well, if last night taught us anything, 623 00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:17,280 it's that it's a little late for that. 624 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:20,520 Even so, I'm going to talk to him later. Really? OK. 625 00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,800 Do we need to talk? Mum? Dad? 626 00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:28,640 This is my friend. Hi! I'm Kat, pleased to meet you. 627 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:30,040 Kat, as in Katherine? 628 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:33,200 Er, no-one's called me that since I was five. 629 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:34,840 You're Connie, yeah? 630 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:37,280 Oh! CONNIE LAUGHS 631 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,920 Albie's right, you are gorgeous. Well... 632 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,280 As for you, Douglas... 633 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:46,000 SHE GROWLS, AWKWARD LAUGHTER 634 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,560 So, erm, I hear talk of a breakfast buffet? 635 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,480 It's so cool how you guys can do this. 636 00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:57,040 Inter-railing, but with your mum and dad. 637 00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:58,720 It's more of a grand tour, really. 638 00:39:58,720 --> 00:40:00,960 Yeah, so Albie can see some art, some architecture. 639 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:03,960 Oh, I don't know how you don't all kill each other. 640 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:05,600 It's the first day, so... 641 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,680 What brings you to Paris, Kat? 642 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,880 Well, Connie, music - music brings me to Paris. 643 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,520 All this free stuff, it just goes on and on! 644 00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:16,480 It's not free, exactly. 645 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:18,760 Kat's in a band. 646 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:20,400 Yes, we heard you last night. 647 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,040 Ah, thank you! 648 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:24,920 Oh, you didn't like it. 649 00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,360 You play very well, it was just a little late. 650 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:30,880 Why do they only have these tiny glasses? 651 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:32,480 Yeah, you've got to keep filling them up. 652 00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:35,000 Hmm. You could just lie underneath and open the tap. 653 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,240 So where are the band? 654 00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:38,040 Oh, they've all gone back home. 655 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:41,360 I thought I'd stay on, bum my way round Europe. 656 00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:42,840 That's how I met Albie. 657 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:46,160 He was on my spot, so, er, I set him straight, 658 00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:49,960 we had a chat and one thing led to another, as they say. 659 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:53,000 So you're a busker, then? I prefer a "street musician". 660 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,800 Busking suggests a lack of, er, professionalism. 661 00:40:56,800 --> 00:41:00,520 Oh! Breakfast and lunch. 662 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,000 Oh, look at this ham! 663 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,040 I'm essentially a vegan, with the exception of cured meats. 664 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:14,160 Sorry, Kat. Can you put some of that back? Hm? 665 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,240 Just maybe don't put stuff in your pockets. 666 00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:17,400 WHISPERS: Jesus! 667 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,040 Are you accusing me of stealing? He didn't say stealing. 668 00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,720 It's meant to be eaten on the premises, otherwise it's anarchy. 669 00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:23,760 I'm a thief? 670 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,560 No, you're just getting carried away. 671 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:28,240 It's not how buffets work. It's a system of mutual trust. 672 00:41:28,240 --> 00:41:30,000 It only gets stale and thrown away. 673 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:33,120 Not these, not the preserves, that's why they're called preserves! 674 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:36,200 Take one by all means, the honey or the jam. 675 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:38,480 OK. 676 00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:45,320 I'm so embarrassed. 677 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,280 Let's... Let's just all go and sit down, shall we? 678 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,480 How do your parents feel about you travelling, Kat? 679 00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:55,600 Dad! What? 680 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,040 Search me, Douglas, haven't seen them for three years. 681 00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:01,400 What, you haven't seen your parents for three years? That's terrible. 682 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,040 Not for me it isn't. For me it's great. 683 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:05,160 Do you call them? 684 00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:08,160 Mm-hm. My mum, twice a year, Christmas and birthday. 685 00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,160 Yours or hers? What? 686 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,880 Well, do you speak to your mother on your birthday or her birthday? 687 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,000 Oh. Hers. It's her treat. 688 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:20,400 Connie, Albie says that you used to be an artist but you gave it all up. 689 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,280 Oh, well, I was never really an artist. 690 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,480 You sold paintings. A few. To friends, to my parents. 691 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,160 But I didn't really make a living. 692 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:28,640 You're still artistic, Connie. 693 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:31,160 I work in community arts. 694 00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:35,280 I, erm... I don't create anything myself, just facilitate. 695 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:38,480 Yes, that's the word. I facilitate others. Hmm. 696 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:45,200 Dougie, so you're an evil scientist. 697 00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,000 Big pharma, yeah? 698 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,240 I work in the pharmaceutical industry, yes, 699 00:42:49,240 --> 00:42:50,480 in research and development. 700 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,960 I know some of Albie's concerns about the ethics of this... 701 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:54,560 I didn't say anything! 702 00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,640 Don't get at me. I just said what you do. 703 00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:59,120 All I can say is, let's just imagine if, God forbid, 704 00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:00,920 you should require some new medicine, 705 00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,200 developed by the evil corporation, let's just, er... 706 00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:04,600 ALBIE SIGHS 707 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,200 Let's just say, I think it's important work, 708 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,320 but there's always room for improvement. 709 00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:15,480 Shall we go? 710 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:17,920 OK. 711 00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:21,600 I liked her. 712 00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,440 Is that why you asked her to put her breakfast back? 713 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:25,520 Not all of it. 714 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,360 "The buffet system is a system of trust." 715 00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,040 Was that too much? 716 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,280 Oh, God, look at him. Our boy's all grown up. 717 00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:35,800 Bye, guys! See you around, maybe. 718 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,640 Douglas, check it out. 719 00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:40,880 Stop! Thief! 720 00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:44,480 Bye. 721 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,600 We liked her. She's got a very quirky view of the world. 722 00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:56,520 So will you see each other again, do you think? 723 00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:59,760 You know it's not unnatural - 724 00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:01,960 two adults talking about relationships. 725 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,160 It is unnatural. I'm your son. 726 00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:05,640 You're a man now. 727 00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:07,480 Technically, you could fight in a war. 728 00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,040 Well, I would rather fight in a war than have this conversation! 729 00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:11,160 DOUGLAS LAUGHS 730 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,120 Your mother and you talk all the time! That's different! 731 00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:16,120 Well, it needn't be. 732 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:18,640 I'm trying to be more open. 733 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:21,040 Well, can you close it down, please? 734 00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:22,400 Let's just get there, shall we? 735 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,960 You see, this is why we got up early - to beat the crowds. 736 00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,440 This holiday, are we going to do anything spontaneous? 737 00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:31,960 Er, I hadn't planned to. 738 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:36,080 Now, Albie, if you're serious about art, this is the place. 739 00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,520 We're doing this for your sake. 740 00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,720 All our sakes. Let's start. 741 00:44:43,240 --> 00:44:44,720 Can't do the whole thing, 742 00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:48,160 so the trick is to focus on a few key paintings. 743 00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,200 Or...just see what happens. 744 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:54,440 MUSIC: King Arthur Z.628 Act 3 by Henry Purcell 745 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,800 Well, at least someone's having a worse holiday than us. 746 00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:09,120 No, I'm having a nice time. 747 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:11,240 Really. 748 00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:15,680 A lot going on, isn't there? 749 00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,360 A lot going on. 750 00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:23,200 Awful situation. 751 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:32,880 Nightmare to frame. ALBIE SIGHS 752 00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:52,120 I like this one. 753 00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:55,200 Look, all the different vegetables. It's very original. 754 00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:57,480 It's kitsch. 755 00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,840 But if you had to eat one of the four? 756 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:15,240 2,839 steps - feels like more. 757 00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:20,440 Why are art galleries so exhausting? Is it all the pondering? 758 00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,400 You could wait in the cafe, if you're bored. 759 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:23,680 No, I'm not bored, no. 760 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,000 Just wish I knew how long you're meant to look 761 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:28,400 and what you're meant to say. 762 00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,920 Don't say anything. Just look. 763 00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:33,160 Look around you. 764 00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:38,600 The Mona Lisa's back there. 765 00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:42,120 Oh, let's leave it. Too many people. You know what it looks like. 766 00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:43,160 OK. 767 00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,000 Seems strange, being in the Louvre and not seeing... 768 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,880 It's smaller than you think, and the eyes follow you round the room. 769 00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:52,880 Let's find something new. 770 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:56,240 OK. 771 00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:00,560 WHISPERS: I really want to tick it off. I know! 772 00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:04,840 Do we need to talk about last night? Hm? 773 00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:06,200 Mum? 774 00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:15,720 Uh-huh. 775 00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:18,400 TRAIN RATTLES PAST 776 00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:20,000 YOUNGER DOUGLAS: I like art. 777 00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,160 I just don't know anything about it. 778 00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:24,040 You don't have to know anything. 779 00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:27,480 The only thing hanging on my wall is a fire extinguisher. 780 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,240 Just a great blank wall of magnolia. 781 00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:35,400 I'll have to do something about that before you come round. 782 00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:43,640 What about those? Oh, er, no, we don't talk about those. 783 00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:47,080 Art school stuff, it's all rubbish, just ripped-off from other people. 784 00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:48,200 They're wonderful! 785 00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:50,440 Oh, well, like you said, you don't know anything about art. 786 00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,520 So... I can tell when someone's good. 787 00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,200 Can I buy one... 788 00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:57,640 ..for my wall? 789 00:47:57,640 --> 00:47:59,200 You're very nice. 790 00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:00,760 Not on a first date. 791 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:03,080 HE EXHALES 792 00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:05,880 Mmm. I should go. 793 00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:07,560 Oh. OK. 794 00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,920 Well, it's Saturday - can't you skive? 795 00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:12,840 No, have to go to the lab. 796 00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:19,280 But are you...? Silly idea. 797 00:48:22,240 --> 00:48:23,840 Are you busy? 798 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,600 60% of the genes responsible for human disease 799 00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:30,920 are found in Drosophila. 800 00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:35,640 So, er, we can investigate Parkinson's disease, Huntington's. 801 00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,720 Hmm. It's exciting stuff. 802 00:48:37,720 --> 00:48:39,280 So what am I looking for? 803 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:43,760 Wing shape, eye pigmentation, changes in genital architecture... 804 00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:45,320 Good name for a band. 805 00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:46,360 WHISPERS: Go away! 806 00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:52,040 And how do you examine their genital architecture? 807 00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:55,960 Usually knock them unconscious. What, with tiny truncheons? 808 00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,240 Carbon dioxide. 809 00:48:59,240 --> 00:49:02,160 Science, eh? It's amazing, isn't it? 810 00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:06,280 Least I've always thought so. Amazing. 811 00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,760 Best thing about them is they have this very short, 812 00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:13,960 straightforward reproductive cycle. 813 00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,520 Many generations in a matter of months. 814 00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:20,680 Well, they are...very sexy. 815 00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:25,520 Constantly at it, multiple partners, drunk on rotten fruit. 816 00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:28,440 It's like one of my sister's parties. 817 00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,520 FLIES BUZZ 818 00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:33,120 And this is...? 819 00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:35,000 The breeding room. 820 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:36,840 Oh. Mm. 821 00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:39,360 The breeding room. 822 00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:50,200 CLATTERING NEXT DOOR, CONNIE MOANS 823 00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:52,640 CONNIE LAUGHS 824 00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:55,440 CONNIE CHUCKLES SOFTLY 825 00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:57,000 ALBIE AND CONNIE CHAT 826 00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:22,280 DRINK POURS 827 00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:24,640 Here, this is for you. From the minibar! 828 00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,480 What's come over you? I know. I'm like some oligarch. 829 00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:28,520 Where's yours? 830 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,920 There's just one. I'm not insane. You have it. I've brushed my teeth. 831 00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:36,120 Is our son joining us tonight? 832 00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:38,280 I guess so. Ask him. 833 00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:39,520 He doesn't talk to me. 834 00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:53,080 Put your phone down, please. I'm reading. 835 00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:57,000 "While many of Paris's Sichuan restaurants turn down the heat 836 00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,960 "for the local palate, food here packs an intimidating punch." 837 00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:03,920 Why would you want to be intimidated by your food? 838 00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:06,240 I'm sorry, I just couldn't face any more steak or cheese. 839 00:51:06,240 --> 00:51:08,160 Intimidated then punched. 840 00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,240 It's exciting, eating out of your comfort zone. 841 00:51:10,240 --> 00:51:12,280 I don't see what's wrong with being comfortable. 842 00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:14,360 Oh, don't be like that. Is there a menu in English? 843 00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:17,160 ALBIE SIGHS No, I'm not being... 844 00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:20,800 I just don't see the point in pretending that we're not tourists. 845 00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:24,760 We are tourists, we're meant to see the Eiffel Tower and the Mona Lisa, 846 00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:26,360 that's why we're here. 847 00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:27,760 Douglas! 848 00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:29,520 I'll order for you. 849 00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:34,280 Fine...just order sensibly, please. 850 00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:40,160 Mmm! 851 00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:46,720 Mm, Albie, this red stuff. Tomato, I think. 852 00:51:46,720 --> 00:51:48,560 It's chilli, it's pure chilli. 853 00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:50,720 Here, try these. 854 00:51:50,720 --> 00:51:53,000 Careful with the fingers. It burns. 855 00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:56,320 Well, if it burns your fingers, why would you put it in your mouth?! 856 00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:58,600 Go on. Just take one. 857 00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:08,080 HE GASPS, ALBIE AND CONNIE LAUGH 858 00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:09,760 MUFFLED: I can't feel my face! 859 00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,920 It... Bit much? 860 00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:16,120 Here, take mine. It's completely numb. 861 00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,120 Mm. Ah... 862 00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:23,480 Well, Albie, it certainly does pack a punch. 863 00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:26,120 Personally, I'd prefer food that doesn't actually injure you... 864 00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:29,160 Douglas, you've not been injured by your soup. 865 00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,600 Don't use that! Why? It's got chilli sauce on it! 866 00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:36,960 Ow! 867 00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:41,880 Ow, ow, ow! 868 00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:45,000 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 869 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:48,120 HE GROANS Sorry. 870 00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:57,120 Ugh! Ow! 871 00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:09,920 RESTAURANT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER 872 00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,760 CONNIE AND ALBIE LAUGH 873 00:53:33,720 --> 00:53:35,840 PHONE RINGS 874 00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:38,960 Hello? CONNIE, ON PHONE: Where are you? 875 00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:41,680 Oh, just walking. 876 00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:43,800 Wasn't really my thing, so... 877 00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:45,400 But where exactly are you? 878 00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:48,160 Towards the river, I don't know. 879 00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:51,640 How far now? Hm? 880 00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:54,280 Steps? Oh... 881 00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:59,320 10,026. 882 00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:01,560 Well, stop walking. 883 00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:06,960 You disappeared. 884 00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,400 Yes, I thought I'd make a French exit. 885 00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:12,600 It's only a French exit if no-one notices. 886 00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:13,920 Did you think we wouldn't? 887 00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:16,760 Just don't think I can keep this up, Connie. 888 00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:19,280 No? 889 00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,800 Can't live in the moment when the moment's so hard. 890 00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:24,560 It's too confusing. 891 00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:27,800 I'm sorry if I confused you. Last night... 892 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:29,600 No, no, it's all right. 893 00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:33,240 I mean, rather we tried than didn't. I just... 894 00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:37,000 ..find the prospect of... 895 00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:41,680 I just feel like I'm losing you both. 896 00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:44,840 I know. 897 00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:52,960 YOUNGER CONNIE: Can I tell you a secret? 898 00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:54,800 You might not like it. 899 00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:58,880 Erm... Can I say no? 900 00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:00,240 'Fraid not. 901 00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:03,840 I was going to end it today. 902 00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:07,400 Oh. 903 00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:10,800 Just the usual thing, "Lovely to meet you, lots of fun, 904 00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:12,200 "let's stay friends." 905 00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:14,720 But now I find...the men I've known before, 906 00:55:14,720 --> 00:55:16,240 as soon as they open their mouths, 907 00:55:16,240 --> 00:55:18,800 I think, "Oh, here we go, one of those." 908 00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:22,480 But there's nothing familiar about you. 909 00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:27,200 And you know things, you ask questions, 910 00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:29,720 you're so passionate about it all... 911 00:55:29,720 --> 00:55:31,080 I'm sensing a "but". 912 00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:33,920 It's not you, it's... 913 00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:41,280 I'm not good at this. Relationships. 914 00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:45,640 Even the word makes me feel claustrophobic. 915 00:55:46,720 --> 00:55:48,200 I need to know there's a way out, 916 00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:50,320 and I don't want to get caught up in something 917 00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:53,920 that I can't leave without upsetting both of us. 918 00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:58,200 So, if we were to...carry on... 919 00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:02,240 ..you'd need to know that was a possibility. 920 00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:07,760 Am I making sense? I think... 921 00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,120 ..it will be worth the risk. 922 00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:17,520 Good. 923 00:56:21,720 --> 00:56:23,640 It's harder than I thought. 924 00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:25,960 Going on holiday for the sake of the kid? 925 00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:27,000 Yeah. 926 00:56:28,240 --> 00:56:30,440 Especially when the kid doesn't even want to be here. 927 00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:31,600 He does. 928 00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:33,680 He just doesn't want to show it. 929 00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:36,360 Maybe... 930 00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:40,040 ..maybe if there'd been four of us... 931 00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:42,920 ..perhaps it would be less fraught. 932 00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:45,960 There'd be more... 933 00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:50,400 Maybe. 934 00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:53,720 Do you think of her? 935 00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:57,160 You know I do. 936 00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:00,840 I think, "What would it be like, 937 00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:02,920 "what would we be like, if she were here?" 938 00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:04,320 We'll never know. 939 00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:09,680 It still sends you crazy, I'm sure. 940 00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,360 Probably. Would I? 941 00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:15,720 Now and then. 942 00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:18,400 Come back to the hotel. 943 00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:20,440 I think I might walk around a bit longer. 944 00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:24,120 Oh, you've walked far enough. Oh, I can't sleep without you. 945 00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,120 Or with me, apparently. 946 00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:27,880 No, it's a dilemma. 947 00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:32,480 Oh, come back and try, and tomorrow... 948 00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:34,960 Home... 949 00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:37,280 ..or Amsterdam? 950 00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:41,600 Well, I don't want us to go home. 951 00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:45,440 Amsterdam, then. 952 00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:49,480 Amsterdam. 953 00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:58,280 Doesn't have to be a party city. 954 00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:02,120 It's also a conference city, a perfectly civilised place. 955 00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:05,760 Are you going to spend the whole holiday walking 12 steps ahead? 956 00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:07,920 Seriously, though, we're due at the Anne Frank House at 5, 957 00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:09,320 so if you want to see the tuli... 958 00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:10,520 Hello, Petersens! 959 00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:11,720 Oh, Christ! 960 00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:12,800 Dad! 961 00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:16,080 Or...I could show you the real Amsterdam. 962 00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:18,400 Er, no, no, we don't have time for the real Amsterdam, 963 00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:19,480 we're seeing this one. 964 00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:22,280 Hey! Hey! Hey! Let's all calm... Just calm down. 965 00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:24,200 I am calm. He's the one who started it. 966 00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:27,080 The problem with this city is, there's too many fucking bikes. 967 00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:29,480 HE GRUNTS Oh, get off!