1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:40,767 This film is a work of fiction. 4 00:00:40,934 --> 00:00:43,726 Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental. 5 00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:48,142 Except regarding you, Marie-Claire Koevermans. 6 00:00:48,684 --> 00:00:51,600 Remember that name, Marie-Claire Koevermans. 7 00:00:51,767 --> 00:00:54,100 Whore. 8 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,642 Mr Bosboom, two minutes to showtime. 9 00:01:38,309 --> 00:01:40,892 Everything's arranged as regards your rider. 10 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:45,350 Let's see. One ridiculously expensive bottle of red wine. 11 00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:47,517 One ridiculously expensive cigar. 12 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,851 And of course the assistant with a string, 13 00:01:52,018 --> 00:01:55,809 to let everyone know who's the boss here. 14 00:01:56,434 --> 00:02:00,600 And does the big, small star also need something? 15 00:02:03,475 --> 00:02:05,976 I'm practically puking from excitement. 16 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:10,392 I've made him a small gift. 17 00:02:11,684 --> 00:02:13,434 Could you give it him? 18 00:02:15,018 --> 00:02:17,976 My child doesn't cuddle, my child sings. 19 00:02:26,892 --> 00:02:28,309 Time to earn some money. 20 00:02:46,183 --> 00:02:49,517 20 YEARS LATER 21 00:03:32,934 --> 00:03:36,934 Before I have to leave for my job, 22 00:03:37,142 --> 00:03:41,350 first I have to finish all the jobs at home, 23 00:03:41,517 --> 00:03:45,392 and having done a whole day's work, 24 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:49,267 I can start all over again back at home... 25 00:03:49,726 --> 00:03:53,559 Good morning lovely camping, we're going to have a splendid.... 26 00:03:53,726 --> 00:03:57,976 Shut your mouth, I'm trying to sleep. 27 00:03:58,183 --> 00:04:02,559 Oh, sorry, I thought that the music... -Shut your face! 28 00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:05,559 I'm trying to listen to the music. 29 00:04:11,559 --> 00:04:13,392 Repair the fence. 30 00:04:17,183 --> 00:04:19,142 Forest overseer. 31 00:04:21,309 --> 00:04:25,517 Working before I go to work, working when I'm back from work, 32 00:04:25,684 --> 00:04:29,726 slaving away, the daily slog, getting worse day by day, 33 00:04:29,892 --> 00:04:31,976 working before I go to work... 34 00:04:32,517 --> 00:04:34,267 Game ranger. 35 00:04:34,434 --> 00:04:37,059 You'll never see the stress I'm under 36 00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:38,809 Jonas. 37 00:04:42,851 --> 00:04:45,350 Why don't you let me give him some mouth to mouth? 38 00:04:48,434 --> 00:04:49,809 Supervisor ranger. 39 00:04:49,976 --> 00:04:51,767 Superintendent ranger. 40 00:04:58,142 --> 00:05:00,475 Chief ranger. 41 00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:08,851 Chief ranger. 42 00:05:12,183 --> 00:05:13,809 Master ranger. 43 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:38,100 Good morning, 'afternoon, 'evening and good night in the meantime. 44 00:05:38,309 --> 00:05:41,976 Sorry you had to wait, welcome to Camping HIVO, where harmony rules. 45 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,642 How can I help you? 46 00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:45,684 When we wanted to check in, 47 00:05:46,684 --> 00:05:50,183 that was when you could have been of help to us. 48 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:54,059 But that was fifty-eight hours ago. 49 00:05:55,350 --> 00:06:01,183 I only wanted to check in. -Quiet, daddy, eat some crap. 50 00:06:01,350 --> 00:06:04,892 I hate you so much, 51 00:06:05,059 --> 00:06:07,475 that I took my middle finger 52 00:06:07,642 --> 00:06:11,976 and had my very own children gnaw it off. 53 00:06:12,309 --> 00:06:16,392 To be able to personally hand it over to you. 54 00:06:16,559 --> 00:06:18,309 How annoying. 55 00:06:18,684 --> 00:06:22,183 I've been working non-stop for three days and I'm the only... 56 00:06:24,809 --> 00:06:28,267 Come children, let's find a quiet spot where daddy can die in peace. 57 00:06:28,434 --> 00:06:30,892 How about some complimentary shower tokens? 58 00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:32,392 Father figure. -My dear boy. 59 00:07:33,434 --> 00:07:37,475 Look, here's your breakfast. 60 00:07:41,309 --> 00:07:44,809 And look what I've found for you. 61 00:07:45,642 --> 00:07:48,225 For whenever you've got a moment to sunbathe. 62 00:07:48,392 --> 00:07:50,018 That's great. 63 00:07:50,183 --> 00:07:53,726 I'm so happy with what you do for me and the camping, 64 00:07:53,892 --> 00:07:57,642 even though we never make a penny out of it. 65 00:08:02,183 --> 00:08:05,267 Look how well the camping is maintained, 66 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,934 and plot 588 is looking pretty good too. 67 00:08:09,475 --> 00:08:12,475 There'll come a day when all this will be yours. 68 00:08:12,642 --> 00:08:14,475 I'm not getting any younger. 69 00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:23,976 I'm sorry that I'm so little help to you. 70 00:08:25,142 --> 00:08:28,392 A gust of wind and I turn to dust. 71 00:08:29,350 --> 00:08:32,267 Being so kind to me is more than help enough. 72 00:08:32,434 --> 00:08:36,976 It doesn't matter how busy I am as long as I can drink my milk with you. 73 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,767 Sometimes those bloody campers really make me mad. 74 00:08:41,934 --> 00:08:45,434 I do my very best but it never seems to make any difference. 75 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:51,183 Listen son. Your dedication and your kindness are your greatest strength. 76 00:08:51,350 --> 00:08:55,309 Stay your mild and pleasant self and you'll see, 77 00:08:55,475 --> 00:08:58,976 that there's something good in each and every one of us. 78 00:08:59,851 --> 00:09:01,559 Even in a German. 79 00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,559 Preferably a tumour. 80 00:09:06,392 --> 00:09:10,767 But now and again you have to stand up for yourself, 81 00:09:11,059 --> 00:09:13,517 and then say: Enough is enough. -Right. 82 00:09:13,684 --> 00:09:18,183 Stand up for yourself. -Shut up, you old fool. 83 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:22,183 That's right, my boy. I love you. 84 00:09:23,142 --> 00:09:27,142 Get some sleep, the day's about to begin. 85 00:09:40,183 --> 00:09:41,934 Chief ranger 86 00:09:43,976 --> 00:09:46,059 It's too hot outside. 87 00:09:48,309 --> 00:09:49,976 It's a nice day, isn't it? 88 00:09:51,517 --> 00:09:53,726 It's too nice. 89 00:09:54,851 --> 00:09:57,517 Yeah, sorry, there's nothing I can do about that. 90 00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:01,183 It would be great if you had a swimming pool. 91 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,018 It's not for me, I don't like to swim. 92 00:10:04,183 --> 00:10:06,018 Enough is enough. -But... 93 00:10:06,225 --> 00:10:09,018 Sorry, but in the last three nights I've slept... 94 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:12,018 Exactly 7 seconds. Let's talk about it another time. 95 00:10:12,183 --> 00:10:16,434 It saysAlways welcome on your doormat, so I'm always welcome, right? 96 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,726 Yes. But at this moment you're not. 97 00:10:18,892 --> 00:10:23,684 No, actually you're either always welcome or never welcome. 98 00:10:23,851 --> 00:10:27,809 Enough. -You can't be not welcome for a moment. 99 00:10:27,976 --> 00:10:32,392 Listen, enough is enough and it's time I stood up for myself, 100 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:34,475 and I'd like you to leave right now. 101 00:10:36,726 --> 00:10:38,600 But it's still too hot outside. 102 00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:44,892 That better? 103 00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:51,559 Now it's fine in here, but I'd prefer to be outside. 104 00:10:51,726 --> 00:10:54,892 Then go outside. -No, I just said that... 105 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,309 Are you happy now? 106 00:11:02,059 --> 00:11:03,934 I just want to say... 107 00:11:08,684 --> 00:11:11,517 Father figure? Father figure. 108 00:11:13,892 --> 00:11:15,767 Yep, now he's dead. 109 00:11:16,183 --> 00:11:18,475 I did try to warn you. 110 00:11:21,059 --> 00:11:25,767 Ah yes, I was missing these. I'll take them along with me. 111 00:11:25,934 --> 00:11:28,350 Ideal for out there in the hot sun. 112 00:11:41,475 --> 00:11:46,142 Oh father figure, come back please. 113 00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:50,767 My dear boy. -Father figure? 114 00:11:50,934 --> 00:11:54,225 A gust of wind and I turn to dust. 115 00:11:54,392 --> 00:11:57,976 I told you that just a minute ago. 116 00:11:59,309 --> 00:12:03,100 Surely you're not such a bloody idiot as that. 117 00:12:08,475 --> 00:12:11,892 There's those with money, you can count me in. 118 00:12:12,059 --> 00:12:15,267 And if that counts for you, then I'll have your money too. 119 00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:18,559 I'm the exorbitant, the all dolled up, 120 00:12:18,726 --> 00:12:21,684 I don't save money, bitch, I save on expenses. 121 00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:26,225 And I'm sure you know that I don't live like a miser, 122 00:12:26,392 --> 00:12:29,684 you know I like to live well and money flows through my fingers. 123 00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:32,934 I love diamonds and wear made-to measure clothes. 124 00:12:33,059 --> 00:12:37,726 Whoever made these holes through which my money flows, 125 00:12:37,892 --> 00:12:42,350 fill the holes, stop the flow, where it goes, you'll never know... 126 00:12:42,851 --> 00:12:48,809 You saw the last recording from Ronnie Bosboom Senior who died this week. 127 00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:54,809 Noticeable by his absence at the funeral was Ronnie Bosboom Jr., 128 00:12:54,976 --> 00:13:00,559 to be seen here as a child star before he disappeared from public life. 129 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:10,434 Where Ronnie is at this time is a mystery. 130 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,600 But he's sadly missed by his fans. 131 00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:16,267 And now the other news. 132 00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:21,851 More and more often the TV news is interrupted half way through by... 133 00:13:28,059 --> 00:13:31,642 Good morning, welcome to Camping HIVO where harmony is king. 134 00:13:33,642 --> 00:13:35,559 I have a reservation for Mr and Mrs Tent. 135 00:13:35,726 --> 00:13:36,809 Present. 136 00:13:38,225 --> 00:13:40,892 Norma le Dame? -Present. 137 00:13:41,225 --> 00:13:42,809 Hans de Curve? -Yes. 138 00:13:42,976 --> 00:13:46,517 And I have a plot for the Campers. -Okay, but we have two campers. 139 00:13:46,684 --> 00:13:49,225 There are four Campers. -Four campers? 140 00:13:49,392 --> 00:13:52,851 Yes. One, two and our children are sitting in the sweltering car. 141 00:13:53,018 --> 00:13:56,934 No. For your campers I have... -We are the Campers. 142 00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:01,600 No, for the family Tent I've got two plots for the campers. 143 00:14:01,767 --> 00:14:04,976 Okay, wait a moment. We have a family tent, 144 00:14:05,142 --> 00:14:07,559 which has to be put in front of the Campers. 145 00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:09,684 No, in front of their campers. 146 00:14:09,851 --> 00:14:12,767 Okay, but the family tent doesn't need two plots. 147 00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:15,392 The family Tent certainly needs two plots. 148 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:17,934 Then I'll take two plots for the family tent. 149 00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,434 Fine, but then we'll need another plot. 150 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:25,392 So, one for the family tent, and two for the family Tent and the campers. 151 00:14:25,559 --> 00:14:27,642 No, just one for the Campers. 152 00:14:27,809 --> 00:14:32,392 No, one extra spot for the family tent to stand in front of the campers. 153 00:14:32,559 --> 00:14:36,309 Why do you have to stand in front of us, we're not harming anyone? 154 00:14:36,684 --> 00:14:39,183 We always sit outside in front of the caravan. 155 00:14:39,350 --> 00:14:42,018 For Christ's sake why? -Because we're on holiday. 156 00:14:42,183 --> 00:14:47,600 No, listen. You came with a van and they have their caravan with them. 157 00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:53,018 Excuse me. I also have a reservation under the name of Paul Summerhouse. 158 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:57,309 Oh, okay. And what did you reserve? 159 00:14:57,517 --> 00:14:59,059 The summer house. 160 00:15:02,350 --> 00:15:03,559 Thank you. 161 00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,517 What were you doing in the play pool, Jonas? 162 00:15:27,684 --> 00:15:31,517 I was on a super-secret mission with my robot plane 163 00:15:31,684 --> 00:15:34,851 when we had to dive to Atlantis. -Wow, really? 164 00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,684 No moron, I just fell in. 165 00:15:39,475 --> 00:15:41,976 You could have stood up, you're 7 years old. 166 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:45,183 7 centimetres deep in your mother, matey. 167 00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:50,392 Well, it's just nice sitting here chatting with my best friend. 168 00:15:53,809 --> 00:15:57,350 Weren't your parents somewhere around? 169 00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:01,100 Your father goes fishing all day and your mother... 170 00:16:05,642 --> 00:16:09,018 She's being fisted all day long. -Yeah. 171 00:16:10,809 --> 00:16:15,892 So, I suppose that your mother didn't see me saving you? 172 00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,434 Pity. 173 00:16:19,059 --> 00:16:20,851 I mean, for you. 174 00:16:21,642 --> 00:16:23,726 I grew up largely without parents, 175 00:16:23,892 --> 00:16:27,684 but if you work hard and stay positive, everything'll turn out fine. 176 00:16:27,851 --> 00:16:32,142 Man, you really are a success. -Ah... thank you. 177 00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:35,059 That was sarcastic, little willy. 178 00:16:35,225 --> 00:16:38,100 This fucked up camping's just one big dump. 179 00:16:38,267 --> 00:16:42,350 Yeah, sorry. I was just feeling a bit sad. 180 00:16:43,809 --> 00:16:46,809 I could have done with some help from you, my best friend. 181 00:16:46,976 --> 00:16:50,726 So, you think that I can help you. I'm on holiday, man. 182 00:16:50,892 --> 00:16:55,350 Yes, and no, but if one of the two best friends never has a day off, 183 00:16:55,517 --> 00:16:58,851 because he always has to work on his own, then it can happen... 184 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,684 Maybe I've got a tip for you. 185 00:17:01,183 --> 00:17:02,517 Oh, what sort of tip? 186 00:17:02,684 --> 00:17:05,350 The camping's called HIVO, right? -Yeah. 187 00:17:05,517 --> 00:17:11,684 If you change the H and I to 'fucking' and then the V and the O for 'moron', 188 00:17:11,851 --> 00:17:14,642 it would be Camping Fucking Moron. 189 00:17:19,142 --> 00:17:24,309 Well, what the fuck? Where are those spindly legs off to? 190 00:17:28,309 --> 00:17:31,600 I'm so horribly alone 191 00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:34,517 yet nobody seems to realise 192 00:17:34,684 --> 00:17:37,726 that I've been left behind. 193 00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:41,976 Where is everybody? 194 00:17:43,059 --> 00:17:49,684 I'm so all alone, I have no friends... 195 00:17:57,559 --> 00:17:59,434 Can't someone turn that off? 196 00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:04,309 Where is our singing friend? 197 00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:12,934 Where is Ronnie? 198 00:19:30,142 --> 00:19:34,809 Where is Ronnie Bosboom Jr.? 199 00:19:35,183 --> 00:19:37,059 Doesn't work on a beating heart... 200 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,350 Oh, how stupid of me. 201 00:19:40,517 --> 00:19:43,059 They have been developed in such a way that... 202 00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,767 That... -See you in a minute. 203 00:19:55,684 --> 00:19:58,517 Welcome back. Want another ride? 204 00:20:17,809 --> 00:20:20,309 Find him. 205 00:20:21,434 --> 00:20:23,309 Shit. How does it go? 206 00:20:23,475 --> 00:20:26,600 And that's how I got this sword in my body. 207 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,809 God almighty, man. -Incredible. 208 00:20:31,018 --> 00:20:34,309 And I can't pull it out, otherwise I'd lose an awful lot of blood. 209 00:20:34,475 --> 00:20:37,600 And then I'd be dead within a half an hour. 210 00:20:37,892 --> 00:20:41,225 The downside is I can't take a plane, so I go camping. 211 00:20:41,392 --> 00:20:43,309 But for the rest I can do anything. 212 00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:45,225 Right, so you have a job? 213 00:20:45,392 --> 00:20:48,350 No, that didn't work. -What about a relationship? 214 00:20:49,183 --> 00:20:52,100 Well, it was a bit of a turn off for her. -Sports? 215 00:20:53,475 --> 00:20:54,851 No. -Sleeping? 216 00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:56,976 Hardly. -And good food? 217 00:20:58,976 --> 00:21:01,767 I see you have a daughter, tell me about her. 218 00:21:01,934 --> 00:21:07,183 Yes, that's our Kylie, lovely girl. She's had a rather difficult year. 219 00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,392 Difficult? 220 00:21:09,892 --> 00:21:13,767 Meanwhile she's eating again. She's put on 30 kilos. 221 00:21:15,142 --> 00:21:18,726 You're a beautiful girl, darling, spitting image of your mother. 222 00:21:30,350 --> 00:21:33,600 HELP NEEDED. I'M DESPERATE. I'M SO ALONE. FREE LODGINGS. 223 00:21:58,100 --> 00:21:59,225 I'm your man. 224 00:22:02,100 --> 00:22:06,142 I swear I know you from somewhere. -Wouldn't know from where. 225 00:22:06,309 --> 00:22:09,684 So it's written with an 'fw' at the end. Your name is Bertolfw? 226 00:22:09,851 --> 00:22:12,684 Yes, I'm probably the only one, so... 227 00:22:12,851 --> 00:22:16,225 But you have been here before, and you must be the Bertolfw 228 00:22:16,392 --> 00:22:18,726 who was my best friend some thirteen years ago. 229 00:22:18,892 --> 00:22:21,642 No, that must be someone else. -Another Bertolfw? 230 00:22:21,809 --> 00:22:24,559 I repaired your knot and we became best of friends. 231 00:22:24,726 --> 00:22:26,559 No, no. -Then which Bertolfw...? 232 00:22:26,684 --> 00:22:28,517 No really, you don't know me. 233 00:22:28,684 --> 00:22:33,225 In fact it's Bertolfw with actually three 'h's. 234 00:22:33,934 --> 00:22:36,726 Berthhholfw? You can walk again? 235 00:22:36,892 --> 00:22:39,225 No, not him. I've never been here before. 236 00:22:39,392 --> 00:22:44,642 Strange. Anyway, who cares, it's just great that you've come to help me. 237 00:22:44,809 --> 00:22:48,851 I've been through this incredibly hard and lonely period. 238 00:22:49,517 --> 00:22:51,809 You realise I can't pay you. -Snap. 239 00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:56,183 As long as I've got a roof over my head. 240 00:22:56,350 --> 00:23:00,225 I'll take that nice spot over there. -No can do, it's reserved. 241 00:23:00,392 --> 00:23:04,350 I've got a caravan for you, Berthhholfw. Come on, I'll show you around. 242 00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:06,100 There's your caravan. 243 00:23:15,809 --> 00:23:19,767 There's room at the showers. 244 00:23:25,142 --> 00:23:28,183 Forget it, it's already busy again. 245 00:23:29,434 --> 00:23:34,475 What an incredibly fucked up camping. 246 00:23:39,183 --> 00:23:40,934 And this is the playground. 247 00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:46,059 I work here harder than you're probably used to, always 26-hour days, 248 00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:49,767 but your first job of the day is to straighten this bent tent pin, 249 00:23:49,934 --> 00:23:52,350 and more responsibilities will follow. 250 00:23:52,726 --> 00:23:55,809 Do you hear that? Duty calls. Come along Berthhholfw. 251 00:24:12,392 --> 00:24:14,809 If a bell rings, you know it's time for action. 252 00:24:14,976 --> 00:24:17,100 It's a fun way to get my attention. 253 00:24:17,267 --> 00:24:21,559 People get a little annoyed but I stay smiling because everyone's on holiday. 254 00:24:21,726 --> 00:24:24,809 Hello, welcome to Camping HIVO, how can I help you? 255 00:24:45,392 --> 00:24:46,892 Chief ranger? 256 00:25:09,642 --> 00:25:13,350 Did you think that I wouldn't find you, Ronnie? 257 00:25:34,183 --> 00:25:36,225 Where is the record, mate? 258 00:25:37,642 --> 00:25:38,767 The record? 259 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:46,642 Where is the record? 260 00:25:54,059 --> 00:25:57,309 The record your dead father promised me. 261 00:25:57,475 --> 00:26:01,183 Is my father dead? Gosh. 262 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:14,851 You will bring me to the record. 263 00:26:15,018 --> 00:26:19,100 And if you take me somewhere where the record isn't, 264 00:26:19,267 --> 00:26:21,059 then I'll tie you up, 265 00:26:21,434 --> 00:26:23,018 then I'll go into the camping, 266 00:26:24,267 --> 00:26:27,059 and then I'll fuck a child. 267 00:26:28,059 --> 00:26:30,600 What? -And if you try to escape again, 268 00:26:31,851 --> 00:26:36,475 I'll search for you, I'll find you, and then I'll fuck a child. 269 00:26:37,434 --> 00:26:41,475 And if you try to be clever and try to warn the police, 270 00:26:43,851 --> 00:26:47,600 then I'll fuck another child. Is that clear? 271 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,809 Time to roll up your sleeves, friend. 272 00:27:27,475 --> 00:27:30,600 What have you done? -Well, he hit me. 273 00:27:30,767 --> 00:27:32,309 Who is he? 274 00:27:39,100 --> 00:27:42,517 Who are you? What's all this about a record? 275 00:27:54,434 --> 00:27:58,267 Ronnie Bosboom Jr., you're here... 276 00:27:58,434 --> 00:28:01,559 in good old camping HIVO, how is that possible? 277 00:28:01,726 --> 00:28:03,892 Be quiet, someone's bound to hear you. 278 00:28:04,059 --> 00:28:07,392 Yeah, but you're Ronnie Bosboom, all those great songs... 279 00:28:07,559 --> 00:28:11,309 like 'The show must go on'... This is too much. Ronnie Bosboom Jr.. 280 00:28:11,475 --> 00:28:15,475 Here in my camping. And a body. We have to call the police. 281 00:28:15,642 --> 00:28:19,142 But then he'll fuck a child... no, he's dead... we have to call the police. 282 00:28:19,309 --> 00:28:21,809 No, you don't have to at all. -Why not? 283 00:28:21,976 --> 00:28:24,809 Because he died here and we're the only suspects. 284 00:28:24,976 --> 00:28:28,851 As soon as they find a body they'll close your... 285 00:28:29,018 --> 00:28:33,018 ...magnificent camping and we'll both go to prison. 286 00:28:33,183 --> 00:28:37,642 Me too? -Yes, you gave me the murder weapon. 287 00:28:37,809 --> 00:28:39,892 That is possibly even worse. 288 00:28:41,059 --> 00:28:43,309 Anyway, my father always said: 289 00:28:43,475 --> 00:28:46,475 There are no beatings as long as you don't tell anyone. 290 00:28:46,642 --> 00:28:48,475 You've done this before? 291 00:28:48,642 --> 00:28:52,976 I've had 7 psychoses, 8 serious depressions, 292 00:28:54,018 --> 00:28:57,475 4 attempted suicides and all before I was twelve. 293 00:29:01,976 --> 00:29:04,726 But no, I've never killed someone. 294 00:29:21,183 --> 00:29:22,684 Got you. 295 00:29:24,018 --> 00:29:30,559 The Goldstein's are at the neighbour's, hiding in the crawl space, Oberführer. 296 00:29:31,809 --> 00:29:32,892 Alzheimer. 297 00:29:33,059 --> 00:29:37,350 Do I get my food coupons now? 298 00:29:39,434 --> 00:29:41,976 I told you, the place is crawling with krauts. 299 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:50,100 No, no, get out, now. Go back down. 300 00:29:52,059 --> 00:29:55,225 They're not welcome at the beach so they're headed inland. 301 00:29:55,392 --> 00:29:59,225 If they carry on like that, they'll find themselves back in Germany. 302 00:30:00,183 --> 00:30:02,892 So, what are you waiting for? 303 00:30:06,183 --> 00:30:11,934 It just seems so incredible... Ronnie Bosboom on my camping. 304 00:30:12,350 --> 00:30:17,559 When I tell them about this tomorrow... -No, you can't tell anyone I'm here. 305 00:30:18,142 --> 00:30:20,267 But of course I have to. 306 00:30:20,434 --> 00:30:25,059 When I tell them you're here they'll be so happy and even maybe nice to me... 307 00:30:25,225 --> 00:30:28,684 Listen. I do so want to live a normal life. 308 00:30:29,392 --> 00:30:32,267 You have to promise me that you'll tell no one, okay? 309 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,767 Okay. I promise to tell it to someone. 310 00:30:37,350 --> 00:30:39,892 You said 'someone', didn't you? -Yeah, sorry. 311 00:30:41,892 --> 00:30:46,018 Okay. I promise that I will tell it to no one. 312 00:30:54,642 --> 00:30:56,559 Sand over him, a tent on top... 313 00:30:56,726 --> 00:30:57,934 Hi girls. 314 00:30:59,350 --> 00:31:00,434 Jonas. 315 00:31:01,559 --> 00:31:05,059 No, don't look in, don't look in. Look over there... 316 00:31:07,267 --> 00:31:10,976 Ronnie Bosboom Jr. 317 00:31:17,392 --> 00:31:20,934 But you mustn't tell anyone that you've seen him, okay? 318 00:31:21,642 --> 00:31:26,142 Go to bed Jonas, and say hello to your mother from me. 319 00:31:30,726 --> 00:31:33,392 Thanks very much. He'll go and tell on me. 320 00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:38,018 No, he's my best friend. We never tell on one another. 321 00:31:57,183 --> 00:32:00,475 Have fun on your first day at work. 322 00:32:19,350 --> 00:32:23,018 Dear campers, leave the money in the saucer. I trust you. 323 00:33:34,183 --> 00:33:36,559 It's really him. 324 00:33:44,892 --> 00:33:47,059 Sing. Sing. Sing. 325 00:33:47,976 --> 00:33:52,851 That's right, spray my white child's body clean, coolie. 326 00:33:55,018 --> 00:33:57,100 Busy at the showers again? 327 00:33:57,267 --> 00:34:01,434 Thanks for not giving away our secret. That means we're really best friends. 328 00:34:02,392 --> 00:34:06,434 Maybe we can be bosom friends. The difference is best friends and bosom... 329 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:10,892 Of course I passed it on, I'm only seven, you stupid nutter. 330 00:34:31,434 --> 00:34:32,809 Hi, Ronnie Bosboom Jr.. 331 00:34:34,434 --> 00:34:38,726 I told you not to tell anyone. I just want to lead a normal life. 332 00:34:38,892 --> 00:34:42,642 Me too. Give'em a song, they'll calm down, life will return to normal. 333 00:34:42,809 --> 00:34:45,267 You have no idea what this will stir up. 334 00:34:45,434 --> 00:34:48,600 Ronnie, just think of any old song. -I don't want to sing. 335 00:34:48,767 --> 00:34:53,642 I don't want to sing, not any more. A golden oldie, but... 336 00:34:53,809 --> 00:34:54,600 Stop. 337 00:34:54,767 --> 00:34:57,350 Stop, don't make go back on stage . I like that one. 338 00:34:57,517 --> 00:34:59,642 I'd rather die than have to sing. 339 00:35:00,350 --> 00:35:04,142 I don't know that one. Is it a new one? Great, can't wait to tell them. 340 00:35:04,309 --> 00:35:08,851 No, no, no. I don't want this. 341 00:35:12,684 --> 00:35:14,892 Okay, you're not going to sing. 342 00:35:19,183 --> 00:35:20,559 Hello, folks. 343 00:35:21,350 --> 00:35:23,018 Is Ronnie going to sing for us? 344 00:35:23,183 --> 00:35:25,976 Unfortunately Ronnie isn't going to sing. 345 00:35:26,142 --> 00:35:30,851 He's working here at the camping, there's a lot to do, and as his boss... 346 00:35:44,642 --> 00:35:46,600 Stop it... you didn't let me finish. 347 00:35:46,767 --> 00:35:49,726 Sadly, Ronnie's not going to sing now... 348 00:35:54,434 --> 00:35:59,809 ...Until you've done all the odd jobs here at the camping. 349 00:35:59,976 --> 00:36:03,059 Then you'll see him again this evening, at Bingo. 350 00:36:12,934 --> 00:36:20,434 I never enjoyed a single song I sang, I was forced to sing by a terrible man, 351 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:28,517 I'm just a child, I'm only just eleven, perhaps my reward will be in heaven. 352 00:36:28,892 --> 00:36:36,392 It all seems like child's play to you, it's just a child singing, that's true, 353 00:36:36,559 --> 00:36:44,225 you never listen you don't see it's wrong, this is a shout for help not a silly song. 354 00:36:44,392 --> 00:36:52,350 This is my cry of pain on an LP, so it's not a singalong you see, 355 00:36:53,059 --> 00:37:00,309 Help, help, help, someone help me now, I can't stand this life any longer, 356 00:37:00,475 --> 00:37:08,475 help, help, help I can't carry on, I die a little every time I sing a song. 357 00:37:19,475 --> 00:37:25,018 FILLED TO OVERFLOWING! THIS CAMPING'S REALLY GETTING POPULAR! 358 00:37:25,475 --> 00:37:30,934 And while the burning sun shone through the blindfold on my battered face, 359 00:37:31,100 --> 00:37:34,350 my arms bound behind my back, 360 00:37:34,517 --> 00:37:38,976 and a dirty rag stuffed in my mouth, dry as tinder, 361 00:37:39,142 --> 00:37:41,767 my desperate cries for help were stifled 362 00:37:41,934 --> 00:37:46,392 in the cheering of the bearded enemy soldiers surrounding me. 363 00:37:47,892 --> 00:37:51,267 Suddenly, I felt my uniform trousers wrenched down, 364 00:37:51,434 --> 00:37:55,350 and while he forced himself into me 365 00:37:55,517 --> 00:38:01,517 and thrust ever harder and deeper into me. 366 00:38:01,684 --> 00:38:06,934 I became ever lonelier at every thrust. 367 00:38:07,267 --> 00:38:11,475 However much he disgusted me with what he was doing to me, 368 00:38:12,267 --> 00:38:18,600 I couldn't help but feel my muscles contracting and... 369 00:38:19,642 --> 00:38:24,225 in an explosion of emotion, 370 00:38:25,642 --> 00:38:28,059 I reached the dizzy heights... 371 00:38:30,183 --> 00:38:31,934 of an orgasm. 372 00:38:34,434 --> 00:38:37,100 But, why are you telling us this? 373 00:38:37,559 --> 00:38:42,809 Well, because you just said the first time you came was while you were at work, 374 00:38:42,976 --> 00:38:46,600 and that was the only time I came while I was at work. 375 00:38:49,475 --> 00:38:51,142 With what I was doing... 376 00:38:52,350 --> 00:38:57,059 No, I said that I finally came to the end of what I was doing. 377 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:02,018 Damn. 378 00:39:33,309 --> 00:39:37,434 Hey Ronnie, you haven't actually done a stroke of work all day, 379 00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:39,934 so you have to do something for me, right? 380 00:39:40,350 --> 00:39:42,642 We've got Bingo and it might be nice 381 00:39:42,809 --> 00:39:46,809 if you used your vocal chords in a musical manner? 382 00:39:47,100 --> 00:39:51,976 Saying your words or sounds in different keys, what do you think? 383 00:39:52,142 --> 00:39:55,309 Using one of your melodies? -You want me to sing. 384 00:39:55,475 --> 00:39:59,767 That would be fine too. I did promise everyone... 385 00:39:59,934 --> 00:40:02,892 You promised them a Ronnie Bosboom Jr. show? 386 00:40:03,475 --> 00:40:06,851 You don't realise what my presence does to people, do you? 387 00:40:37,309 --> 00:40:39,809 Mr Innkeeper? -Yes? 388 00:40:39,976 --> 00:40:43,142 Have you perhaps room in your inn? 389 00:40:43,309 --> 00:40:47,434 This is a camping sir, and alas, we are completely full. 390 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,934 Oh, mister innkeeper, it's already very late, 391 00:40:51,100 --> 00:40:54,350 we are worn out from our journey. 392 00:40:54,934 --> 00:40:57,183 My wife is namely heavy with child. 393 00:40:57,892 --> 00:40:59,018 Oh, that's gross. 394 00:40:59,183 --> 00:41:03,309 Don't you have anywhere, however small, for us? 395 00:41:07,976 --> 00:41:10,475 Sand over him, tent on top... 396 00:41:42,934 --> 00:41:46,809 Oh God, there's no way out. 397 00:42:23,267 --> 00:42:24,934 A12. 398 00:42:28,684 --> 00:42:31,684 K3. -Heil Hitler. 399 00:42:34,642 --> 00:42:38,642 No one has K3. Tension mounts. Well, let's carry on. 400 00:42:42,726 --> 00:42:47,225 I've got C1000. -I need F16. 401 00:42:49,892 --> 00:42:51,183 F16. 402 00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:56,600 F16? 403 00:42:58,684 --> 00:43:01,600 Bingo. -Someone has Bingo. 404 00:43:03,684 --> 00:43:07,726 And terminally ill Jip also has Bingo, but Mrs Campers was first, 405 00:43:07,892 --> 00:43:10,767 and can choose a prize from the table. 406 00:43:11,475 --> 00:43:14,142 We have the choice between two splendid prizes. 407 00:43:14,309 --> 00:43:17,434 Namely, a pot of extra strong tobacco, 408 00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:21,684 or the only cure for pusgargling choking typhus. 409 00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:24,475 Well, I'll take this one. 410 00:43:25,684 --> 00:43:30,267 So, terminally ill Jip, that leaves you with the pot of extra strong tobacco. 411 00:43:30,684 --> 00:43:33,183 Where's Ronnie, you waste of space? 412 00:43:33,350 --> 00:43:36,851 Okay, we've come to the 14th bonus card. 413 00:43:37,018 --> 00:43:41,142 We're still playing for this wonderful wireless whistling kettle... 414 00:43:46,309 --> 00:43:51,600 And we've got B100. -Bingo. 415 00:43:52,892 --> 00:43:53,976 Ronnie? 416 00:44:20,059 --> 00:44:24,559 Where are Ronnie and the Man with the Raven? 417 00:44:24,726 --> 00:44:29,392 He hasn't got a bingo at all. Then you'll have to sing a song. 418 00:44:29,559 --> 00:44:32,851 Sing. Sing. Sing. 419 00:44:50,767 --> 00:44:53,475 If you cheat at bingo, you have to sing. 420 00:44:53,642 --> 00:44:59,434 Rules are rules, damn it. -Sing. Sing. Sing. 421 00:45:17,434 --> 00:45:19,183 Ronnie? 422 00:45:22,684 --> 00:45:24,267 That's where he is. 423 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:26,892 Over there. 424 00:46:05,183 --> 00:46:10,559 Why did you have to shout bloody bingo? 425 00:46:10,934 --> 00:46:14,350 You know that you had to sing a song. 426 00:46:35,142 --> 00:46:38,600 Hey, where is Ronnie? 427 00:46:41,934 --> 00:46:44,018 What were you doing in the caravan? 428 00:46:44,726 --> 00:46:46,559 I was looking for Ronnie. 429 00:46:49,559 --> 00:46:52,684 Where is Ronnie? -I don't know. 430 00:46:52,851 --> 00:46:57,350 Is he with the Man with the Raven? 431 00:46:59,142 --> 00:47:01,684 I've never seen him, so I don't know. 432 00:47:03,809 --> 00:47:07,100 That's strange, because the Man with the Raven 433 00:47:07,934 --> 00:47:11,018 sent me three photos yesterday saying he was here. 434 00:47:11,183 --> 00:47:13,434 Where are they? -I don't know. 435 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:17,018 Have some shower tokens, compliments of the camping. 436 00:47:17,517 --> 00:47:22,809 Your camping is surrounded by a raving gang of Ronnie fans. 437 00:47:22,976 --> 00:47:28,767 And they have assured me no one left the camp site in the last 24 hours. 438 00:47:28,934 --> 00:47:33,851 So Ronnie, and the Man with the Raven, are still here on this site. 439 00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:37,183 And you are going to help me find them, right? 440 00:47:38,059 --> 00:47:41,934 And because I don't like the way you tried to deceive me, 441 00:47:42,100 --> 00:47:45,892 I will now take my revenge... on the violinist. 442 00:47:48,018 --> 00:47:49,183 What? 443 00:47:56,183 --> 00:47:57,684 Why are you doing that? 444 00:47:57,851 --> 00:48:03,059 My violin was all that I had. Well, excepting my dog of course. 445 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,642 I'm going to look for them now. 446 00:48:21,018 --> 00:48:26,434 If I haven't found them in an hour, I'll feed you to my vulture. 447 00:48:40,684 --> 00:48:43,018 Ronnie, will you please come and help me? 448 00:48:45,350 --> 00:48:46,517 Ronnie? 449 00:49:05,475 --> 00:49:06,934 I'm not going to sing. 450 00:49:07,100 --> 00:49:09,726 A creepy guy's looking for the Man with the Raven. 451 00:49:09,892 --> 00:49:11,475 You betrayed me, piss off. 452 00:49:11,642 --> 00:49:15,934 I promise to help you lead a normal life, but first let's deal with this guy. 453 00:49:18,018 --> 00:49:20,434 Ronnie, you've got to get up. 454 00:49:32,517 --> 00:49:33,642 What's this? 455 00:49:33,809 --> 00:49:36,559 It's a teddy bear to cuddle and play with. Let's go. 456 00:49:36,726 --> 00:49:39,517 To cuddle? Play with? 457 00:49:39,684 --> 00:49:41,934 That's right. Never done that? 458 00:49:45,851 --> 00:49:47,225 Have a look through this. 459 00:49:50,559 --> 00:49:55,267 Wow, I never knew that something so beautiful ever existed. 460 00:49:55,434 --> 00:50:00,392 There's so much beauty in the world, especially when you can share it. 461 00:50:01,183 --> 00:50:06,142 I don't want you to give up. I want to be your friend and show you the world. 462 00:50:06,309 --> 00:50:10,642 But that'll only work if you help me, because the Man with the Vulture's coming. 463 00:50:10,851 --> 00:50:12,726 The body under the tent has to go. 464 00:50:12,976 --> 00:50:15,267 Just try to relax, Ria. 465 00:50:16,392 --> 00:50:17,517 Sorry. 466 00:50:17,642 --> 00:50:20,059 Yes, sorry for that, didn't hear you. 467 00:50:20,225 --> 00:50:23,976 We're just oiling Ria's anal cleft. 468 00:50:24,142 --> 00:50:26,225 It could tear during the delivery. 469 00:50:26,475 --> 00:50:29,559 You have to leave this spot. You can sleep in the stable. 470 00:50:29,726 --> 00:50:35,434 Okay, but wait until my erection's gone. I'm a man after all. 471 00:50:35,726 --> 00:50:39,684 Well, what I always do is I think of an old, naked grandmother. 472 00:50:42,267 --> 00:50:45,767 Oh yes, I'm in heaven... that works. 473 00:50:53,976 --> 00:50:57,350 Where is Ronnie? 474 00:50:59,267 --> 00:51:01,684 Where is the Man with the Raven? 475 00:51:10,976 --> 00:51:12,392 Coast clear? -Yes. 476 00:51:12,559 --> 00:51:15,600 I've nearly finished, then we'll drag him to the wood, 477 00:51:15,767 --> 00:51:19,059 cut down a tree, let it fall on him, it'll look like an accident. 478 00:51:19,225 --> 00:51:21,018 Are you keeping watch? -What? 479 00:51:31,059 --> 00:51:32,976 Oh shit, the Man with the Vulture. 480 00:52:10,934 --> 00:52:13,018 Hi, Ronnie. 481 00:52:19,392 --> 00:52:21,559 No one touches my best friend. 482 00:52:21,726 --> 00:52:23,892 I thought you didn't know where Ronnie was? 483 00:52:35,434 --> 00:52:37,475 Ronnie, help me. 484 00:53:16,809 --> 00:53:18,517 Why didn't you do anything? 485 00:53:23,976 --> 00:53:26,309 I thought we were best friends? 486 00:53:43,350 --> 00:53:47,267 We all know that you're going for a shit. 487 00:53:54,642 --> 00:53:59,934 Well sing, you stupid wanker. You are ours. 488 00:54:01,934 --> 00:54:06,142 You have no idea what it would mean for us if you were to sing. 489 00:54:07,559 --> 00:54:09,726 I don't believe in you anymore. 490 00:54:21,434 --> 00:54:25,309 Good morning. Sleep well? 491 00:54:28,100 --> 00:54:31,642 No, me neither. Last night I kept having 492 00:54:32,018 --> 00:54:36,225 this strange itching feeling under my skin. 493 00:54:36,392 --> 00:54:38,225 That's a guilty conscience, Ronnie. 494 00:54:40,934 --> 00:54:45,642 You look a bit off colour, why not take a day off? 495 00:54:49,851 --> 00:54:54,267 I can't, because I'm the only one that does anything around here, Ronnie. 496 00:54:54,434 --> 00:54:57,142 You've got no idea what hard work is. 497 00:54:57,309 --> 00:55:00,684 I've had to take care of myself, you and this great camping. 498 00:55:00,851 --> 00:55:02,183 Great camping? 499 00:55:02,350 --> 00:55:04,892 Yes, and now the plants need watering, twerp. 500 00:55:12,267 --> 00:55:15,851 You're not going to make amends by doing one small job. 501 00:55:18,100 --> 00:55:19,183 Ronnie? 502 00:55:20,142 --> 00:55:21,892 Why are you watering the plant? 503 00:55:23,767 --> 00:55:27,475 Yes, why am I watering the plant? 504 00:55:32,475 --> 00:55:34,267 Will you fix the lamp? 505 00:55:35,350 --> 00:55:36,517 No. 506 00:55:47,809 --> 00:55:51,018 Time to roll up your sleeves. 507 00:55:53,767 --> 00:55:55,225 Ronnie, you've got to get up. 508 00:55:55,642 --> 00:55:56,809 Earn some money. 509 00:55:56,934 --> 00:56:02,350 Of course, I only do what I have to do when someone slaps me. 510 00:56:02,517 --> 00:56:05,267 Ladies and gentlemen, viewers at home. 511 00:56:05,434 --> 00:56:10,183 Thank you for joining me for an evening of celebration in the life of a young star 512 00:56:10,350 --> 00:56:16,267 who has given us so much and doubtless will continue to amaze us with his talent. 513 00:56:16,434 --> 00:56:19,892 Please give a warm welcome to Ronnie Bosboom Jr. 514 00:56:26,892 --> 00:56:31,142 My next guest who will be awarding Ronnie his prize, 515 00:56:31,309 --> 00:56:32,767 is also very special. 516 00:56:32,934 --> 00:56:36,934 Born in Israel, already at a young age he had a multitude of fans. 517 00:56:37,100 --> 00:56:41,726 He died for our sins, yet a few days later he rose from the dead, 518 00:56:41,892 --> 00:56:45,183 Please give a warm welcome to Jesus of Nazareth. 519 00:57:00,100 --> 00:57:05,018 Oh wow, is it really Jesus? Wow, yeah, yeah, it really is. 520 00:57:05,183 --> 00:57:08,934 Hey Jesus, how come you didn't return earlier? 521 00:57:09,100 --> 00:57:11,559 I haven't been away that long. 522 00:57:11,726 --> 00:57:13,142 Two thousand years. 523 00:57:13,309 --> 00:57:17,517 I simply spent two thousand years having a great piss up. 524 00:57:18,350 --> 00:57:22,892 Actually Ronnie, we love to sing along to your music up there in heaven. 525 00:57:23,059 --> 00:57:28,600 This morning Father woke me to come here and award you a Diamond Record 526 00:57:28,767 --> 00:57:33,018 for your fantastic album, "I only sing for the money". 527 00:57:33,183 --> 00:57:35,100 Here you are. 528 00:57:38,309 --> 00:57:39,559 Smile, you bugger. 529 00:57:44,225 --> 00:57:50,018 People, I'm off now. The Bible is still on sale everywhere. Keep the party clean. 530 00:57:50,183 --> 00:57:55,642 Jesus, if you died for our sins, how come you're back among us, eh? 531 00:57:55,809 --> 00:57:59,267 You didn't really die, did you, eh? -Patsa. 532 00:58:01,767 --> 00:58:04,600 I can't feel my legs anymore. -Shut up. 533 00:58:04,767 --> 00:58:08,600 Daddy, surely I've achieved everything by now? 534 00:58:08,809 --> 00:58:11,809 Can I stop performing now? 535 00:58:15,934 --> 00:58:21,434 That day I lost the last scrap of motivation that I still had in my body. 536 00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:25,100 I always had to be pushed onto the stage, 537 00:58:25,267 --> 00:58:29,600 but from that day on my father had to slap me to get me on stage. 538 00:58:31,018 --> 00:58:34,892 To get me into the studio too, as well as to get me out of bed. 539 00:58:35,100 --> 00:58:38,225 It got worse by the day for five years. 540 00:58:38,934 --> 00:58:42,350 Until the day my voice broke, 541 00:58:42,517 --> 00:58:47,142 and I came home that evening to an empty house. 542 00:58:48,392 --> 00:58:50,309 I never saw my father again, 543 00:58:50,475 --> 00:58:53,517 and so never got slapped again, 544 00:58:53,684 --> 00:58:56,976 and so I never, ever did anything again. 545 00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:01,018 So that's why you stabbed the Man with the Raven, 546 00:59:01,892 --> 00:59:04,434 and didn't help me yesterday? -Apparently. 547 00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:08,684 So I am your best friend. What about the record? 548 00:59:09,809 --> 00:59:12,851 One evening I swallowed 2,000 milligrams Superzepam 549 00:59:13,018 --> 00:59:16,350 and flogged the record for a bag of sweets and a fizzy drink, 550 00:59:16,517 --> 00:59:20,392 and withdrew from the world for fifteen years in a clinic. 551 00:59:23,100 --> 00:59:24,851 That's quite a story... 552 00:59:26,684 --> 00:59:28,892 I've got one too. 553 00:59:29,309 --> 00:59:34,183 You're probably already wondering what I find so special about plot 588. 554 00:59:35,934 --> 00:59:38,392 I remember it as if it was yesterday. 555 00:59:38,559 --> 00:59:43,018 It was summer, I was five, and I was with my parents here at the camping. 556 00:59:43,183 --> 00:59:48,142 My father said: Go and get yourself a delicious Calippo ice lolly, son. 557 00:59:48,309 --> 00:59:51,726 Sorry, it's not the right moment, it's too soon after my story. 558 00:59:51,892 --> 00:59:53,684 Okay, another time then. 559 00:59:57,809 --> 01:00:01,267 And that empty plot is no longer an empty plot. 560 01:00:10,059 --> 01:00:14,726 Man with the Vulture, I've been holding this plot for more than 20 years, and... 561 01:00:16,142 --> 01:00:20,100 Sorry that I left without saying goodbye yesterday. Sorry. 562 01:00:20,267 --> 01:00:22,809 But while I was strangling you yesterday evening, 563 01:00:22,976 --> 01:00:25,726 I got a message from the Man with the Raven. 564 01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:28,600 Me and the Man with the Raven 565 01:00:29,018 --> 01:00:34,059 were to go to France and run a Bed and Breakfast together. 566 01:00:34,475 --> 01:00:39,059 Just the two of us, happy, leaving everything behind us. 567 01:00:41,018 --> 01:00:42,934 He sent me this message: 568 01:00:43,976 --> 01:00:47,934 Hey bitch, I'm at the camping, 569 01:00:48,100 --> 01:00:51,225 I'm going to threaten Ronnie, wish me luck. 570 01:00:51,392 --> 01:00:56,642 I didn't hear anything for a few days, and then I received this: 571 01:00:57,183 --> 01:00:59,434 I'm leaving, I've got the record. 572 01:01:00,100 --> 01:01:03,726 I sent that. -Seven years, all thrown away. 573 01:01:03,892 --> 01:01:07,475 And why? For a Diamond Record. 574 01:01:11,309 --> 01:01:16,976 We also saw your vulture fly away, so... -My Jack? 575 01:01:17,142 --> 01:01:19,809 Yes, so I guess you can go home. 576 01:01:22,809 --> 01:01:24,183 I'm alone. 577 01:01:24,350 --> 01:01:29,767 Don't worry, you are a good-looking guy, husky, sensitive, so... 578 01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:31,892 Think so? 579 01:01:32,517 --> 01:01:37,726 Yeah, there's bound to be another man around for you somewhere. 580 01:01:38,059 --> 01:01:42,642 Yeah, right... I abused that soldier yesterday evening, 581 01:01:42,809 --> 01:01:47,434 but he came a bit too quickly but maybe he'll do fine as a rebound. 582 01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:51,309 No, you shouldn't do that, it's all still a bit too fresh. 583 01:01:51,475 --> 01:01:55,434 Take all the time you need. -And distance yourself. 584 01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:57,934 Yeah, you're quite right. 585 01:01:58,892 --> 01:02:01,434 I'm loathsome. I'm going home. 586 01:02:10,726 --> 01:02:12,183 Have a nice holiday. 587 01:02:27,059 --> 01:02:30,309 I can give you some complimentary shower tokens. 588 01:02:35,059 --> 01:02:37,018 SHOWERS 589 01:02:53,434 --> 01:02:56,225 Hold on tightly... best friend. 590 01:03:05,183 --> 01:03:07,142 Stop, stop. 591 01:03:08,517 --> 01:03:10,892 I've got this queasy feeling in my stomach. 592 01:03:12,142 --> 01:03:14,684 Stop, stop, stop. I gotta get off. 593 01:03:14,851 --> 01:03:17,767 That was great. Can we go on the cable-lift now? 594 01:03:17,934 --> 01:03:21,726 No, it's broken. Some fatso must have fallen through it. 595 01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:30,642 Now that's what I call a beautiful woman. 596 01:03:47,059 --> 01:03:49,600 Are we really ready for this, Jos? 597 01:03:49,767 --> 01:03:53,434 Of course Ria, we've been waiting for this for sixty years. 598 01:03:54,642 --> 01:04:00,475 But suddenly it's gone so incredibly fast, though it's actually very exciting. 599 01:04:00,642 --> 01:04:03,809 You've got to cling on to all the wonderful things 600 01:04:03,976 --> 01:04:07,142 that with a bit of luck we might be part of. 601 01:04:08,059 --> 01:04:13,267 Maybe I'll still be alive when his baby teeth come through. 602 01:04:13,434 --> 01:04:19,434 Of course, and just imagine that we recognise him when he recognises us. 603 01:04:20,934 --> 01:04:25,225 As long as we're there for him until he can stand on his own two feet, 604 01:04:25,392 --> 01:04:26,892 yes, I mean literally... 605 01:04:27,059 --> 01:04:30,183 Then I can meet my death with a clear conscience. 606 01:04:38,100 --> 01:04:42,809 Hey everybody, the contractions have started. 607 01:04:47,059 --> 01:04:51,559 Hey, everybody, she's got half a metre dilation. 608 01:04:58,392 --> 01:04:59,892 It's a boy. 609 01:05:12,892 --> 01:05:16,059 Isn't it fantastic that we could all experience this moment. 610 01:05:42,350 --> 01:05:43,392 Jack? 611 01:06:25,183 --> 01:06:30,684 The devil. Save the children. The white children. 612 01:06:34,309 --> 01:06:35,684 Chief ranger? 613 01:06:45,726 --> 01:06:46,767 Master ranger. 614 01:06:48,392 --> 01:06:50,350 Ronnie Bosboom. 615 01:06:51,684 --> 01:06:54,809 Long story, but the Man with the Vulture is really angry, 616 01:06:54,976 --> 01:06:56,892 so we all have to be very quiet. 617 01:06:57,059 --> 01:07:01,809 But I have a great plan. He probably doesn't even know where we are, so... 618 01:07:01,976 --> 01:07:04,892 They're in there, that's where they are. 619 01:07:05,059 --> 01:07:11,350 Ronnie Bosboom, Mr camping guy, show yourselves. 620 01:07:28,892 --> 01:07:34,100 Campers, if you give up those two cancer-ridden fairies 621 01:07:34,267 --> 01:07:38,183 I promise you that I won't touch you. 622 01:07:44,642 --> 01:07:48,684 Dear people, as far as I'm concerned it's clear to us all. 623 01:07:48,851 --> 01:07:52,183 This is an incredibly fucked up camping. 624 01:07:54,100 --> 01:07:58,309 But however fucked up as it is, it is our fucked up camping. 625 01:07:58,976 --> 01:08:04,559 This week I made friends for life, I laughed my head off with you all, 626 01:08:04,726 --> 01:08:09,225 I cried with you, and I met a very special woman. 627 01:08:10,059 --> 01:08:14,767 Norma, what a week we've had... 628 01:08:16,309 --> 01:08:20,100 Thank you so much for allowing me into your wonderful soul. 629 01:08:21,267 --> 01:08:24,225 One day you'll find your white prince on his horse, 630 01:08:24,726 --> 01:08:27,976 and it breaks my heart that it can't be me... 631 01:08:28,559 --> 01:08:30,183 I have another destiny. 632 01:08:32,100 --> 01:08:36,183 He's got just one ball left then he'll have to open a new set. 633 01:08:36,726 --> 01:08:41,183 I'll give you plenty of time to get yourselves to safety. 634 01:08:41,350 --> 01:08:46,183 I am willing to give my life for friendship, for love... 635 01:08:46,350 --> 01:08:50,809 For Camping HIV. For Camping HIV. 636 01:09:04,225 --> 01:09:10,183 I only spoke to the guy twice for about a minute. A real lonely man. 637 01:09:27,309 --> 01:09:30,434 Guys, I'm here. I'm here. 638 01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:35,726 I'm wearing my invisible suit. Follow right behind me and make war sounds. 639 01:09:35,892 --> 01:09:38,892 Bang, bang. Bang, bang... 640 01:09:41,350 --> 01:09:43,059 Jos and Ria... 641 01:09:44,726 --> 01:09:46,767 Aren't you coming? -No. 642 01:09:46,934 --> 01:09:51,059 We're too old. We're staying here. 643 01:09:51,225 --> 01:09:54,767 Take him, my boy and take good care of him. 644 01:10:16,976 --> 01:10:18,767 Jonas's mother. 645 01:10:33,684 --> 01:10:37,475 Jonas is still inside. -Jonas? 646 01:10:46,559 --> 01:10:51,517 Is that everyone? -Help, I can't open the door. 647 01:10:51,684 --> 01:10:54,684 That's the man who was always filming the sleeping child. 648 01:10:54,851 --> 01:10:57,809 Yeah, the guy with the black bar covering his eyes. 649 01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:04,559 Someone should go and save him. -Your alveoli will be burned in seconds. 650 01:11:04,726 --> 01:11:08,976 Quite right, and what about the carbon monoxide accumulation? 651 01:11:09,142 --> 01:11:11,392 But it was fun, right? -Yes. 652 01:11:11,559 --> 01:11:13,392 Oh sorry, I'm Hank. -Bald Ben. 653 01:11:13,559 --> 01:11:14,600 Nice to meet you. 654 01:11:15,767 --> 01:11:17,892 You are a hero. 655 01:11:20,642 --> 01:11:22,350 Ronnie. 656 01:11:24,100 --> 01:11:25,475 Ronnie, let's go. 657 01:11:47,767 --> 01:11:50,809 Ronnie, you can do without them, believe me. 658 01:11:54,976 --> 01:12:00,934 Okay. I'm sorry I brought all this trouble onto your camping. 659 01:12:01,559 --> 01:12:05,018 I'm sorry I didn't see you as a person and only as a name. 660 01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:12,434 What's your name, in fact? -Ronnie. 661 01:12:12,726 --> 01:12:15,142 The tent is standing. Yes. 662 01:12:15,309 --> 01:12:16,684 Oh no... this is it, I guess. 663 01:12:26,309 --> 01:12:30,100 I don't believe it. Goodbye world. 664 01:13:33,225 --> 01:13:36,350 Why don't you take your dirty paws off my face? 665 01:13:36,934 --> 01:13:38,892 Chief ranger? 666 01:13:43,434 --> 01:13:47,183 It's over. I've failed. 667 01:13:49,142 --> 01:13:53,225 This camping's finished, and I haven't got any money to build a new one. 668 01:13:57,809 --> 01:14:02,851 The only reason I'd preserved this lovely plot all these years 669 01:14:03,018 --> 01:14:05,642 was because I'd always hoped... 670 01:14:28,350 --> 01:14:31,976 I finished my ice lolly a long time ago, daddy. 671 01:14:47,600 --> 01:14:50,642 I'm going to perform. -What? 672 01:14:51,434 --> 01:14:53,309 Thanks to you I can face the world. 673 01:14:53,475 --> 01:14:58,059 I'm going to give a one-off Ultimate Ronnie Bosboom Jr. comeback show. 674 01:14:58,684 --> 01:15:01,225 With the profits you can rebuild the camping, 675 01:15:01,392 --> 01:15:04,434 and I can spend my old age in peace somewhere else. 676 01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:09,309 Your old age? You've just turned 28. -28 in artist years. 677 01:15:10,934 --> 01:15:14,851 Are you sure? -Of course, we're friends after all. 678 01:15:18,059 --> 01:15:22,183 Let the world know that Ronnie Bosboom Jr. is going to perform. 679 01:15:28,892 --> 01:15:32,600 Let the world know that Ronnie Bosboom Jr. is not going to perform. 680 01:15:35,475 --> 01:15:37,600 Are you sure? -No surprise. 681 01:15:38,225 --> 01:15:41,767 If I had my pills I'd perform, but you made me leave them there. 682 01:15:42,183 --> 01:15:48,059 Okay, I'll tell them the concert's not on and refund one and a half million tickets. 683 01:15:48,225 --> 01:15:50,726 I'd rather set fire to myself than sing. 684 01:15:50,892 --> 01:15:53,142 A great title for your new album. 685 01:15:56,100 --> 01:15:59,225 Dad? But you were... 686 01:15:59,392 --> 01:16:02,559 Oh, this is the moment I have to finish your sentence for you. 687 01:16:03,600 --> 01:16:05,892 'Dead' is the word you're looking for, right? 688 01:16:06,392 --> 01:16:08,183 What? -I needed money. 689 01:16:08,350 --> 01:16:12,183 I had a couple of bird-crazy fairies, I sold an imitation Diamond record, 690 01:16:12,350 --> 01:16:17,100 but those two were so weird that things got a bit too hot for your Dad. 691 01:16:17,600 --> 01:16:20,309 Why did you abandon me? 692 01:16:21,225 --> 01:16:22,892 Abandon you? 693 01:16:25,392 --> 01:16:28,517 Have you any idea what it was like, night after night, 694 01:16:28,684 --> 01:16:31,559 getting an unwilling child to perform, 695 01:16:31,726 --> 01:16:33,851 spending my life arranging everything 696 01:16:34,018 --> 01:16:37,309 for a rebellious, ungrateful, fucking kid? 697 01:16:37,726 --> 01:16:40,934 Asking the assistant if travel had been arranged, 698 01:16:41,100 --> 01:16:46,100 asking him if there was food, or if the castration had been successful. 699 01:16:46,267 --> 01:16:47,392 Sorry, what? 700 01:16:47,559 --> 01:16:52,642 At a certain moment your voice broke, and we had to do something about it. 701 01:16:52,809 --> 01:16:57,183 But I thought I'd had my tonsils out. -No, it was your balls. 702 01:16:57,809 --> 01:17:01,100 They're made of jelly. Give'em a squeeze. 703 01:17:02,642 --> 01:17:06,392 Joking. So, I'm here. I'm your father. 704 01:17:06,559 --> 01:17:08,350 But above all I'm your manager, 705 01:17:08,517 --> 01:17:12,392 and singing at this fucked up camping... -I'm not going to perform. 706 01:17:12,559 --> 01:17:14,059 That sounds like you. 707 01:17:40,517 --> 01:17:42,267 I'm not going to perform. 708 01:17:43,059 --> 01:17:47,018 And you're on longer my manager and no longer my father. 709 01:17:47,517 --> 01:17:50,976 And this isn't a fucked up camping. 710 01:17:51,892 --> 01:17:56,726 I'm not going to be dragged up onto a stage anymore... by you. 711 01:17:58,059 --> 01:17:59,767 He has to do it. 712 01:18:02,517 --> 01:18:06,183 And who the hell is he, then? -This is the chief ranger. 713 01:18:06,934 --> 01:18:09,309 And he is my manager and he... 714 01:18:10,100 --> 01:18:12,434 is my best friend. 715 01:18:13,059 --> 01:18:18,225 And from now on I will only let someone drag me on stage who loves me, 716 01:18:18,684 --> 01:18:21,559 and who I love too. 717 01:18:44,018 --> 01:18:47,142 Oh no, what I actually meant was... -And I thought that... 718 01:18:47,309 --> 01:18:50,475 Absolutely not, are you crazy? Okay, right. 719 01:18:50,642 --> 01:18:52,142 I love you too. 720 01:18:53,392 --> 01:18:57,892 Okay. I'm going to do it, for you. -You don't have to. 721 01:18:58,100 --> 01:19:00,517 This is all new for you, so listen carefully. 722 01:19:01,434 --> 01:19:04,183 You have to keep slapping me until I go up on stage. 723 01:19:04,350 --> 01:19:07,976 I'm going to beg you to stop. 724 01:19:08,142 --> 01:19:12,142 You have to promise me you'll keep on slapping me. Are you ready? 725 01:19:12,475 --> 01:19:13,684 No. 726 01:19:15,851 --> 01:19:17,018 Harder. 727 01:19:18,018 --> 01:19:19,183 Harder. 728 01:19:19,517 --> 01:19:20,851 Harder. 729 01:19:22,726 --> 01:19:23,600 Harder. 730 01:19:23,726 --> 01:19:27,434 Harder, harder, harder... 731 01:19:27,600 --> 01:19:32,559 No, stop, please stop, please stop. Carry on. 732 01:19:53,059 --> 01:19:58,434 The curtain opens and the whole world is happy, 733 01:19:58,767 --> 01:20:03,767 excepting one and he's the only one that counts, 734 01:20:04,559 --> 01:20:09,600 instead of a reward a punishment was all I ever got, 735 01:20:09,767 --> 01:20:15,267 sobbing softly, on an empty stomach sent to my room without a bed, 736 01:20:15,517 --> 01:20:21,267 I was kicked in the shins and my leg hurt like hell, 737 01:20:21,517 --> 01:20:26,600 I know the sting of the whip, and the treading on my toes, 738 01:20:26,892 --> 01:20:32,267 if perfection isn't enough and surrender not worth a try, 739 01:20:32,434 --> 01:20:37,350 you go so deep that from high above you see right down below, 740 01:20:37,851 --> 01:20:41,934 Too young, too old, 741 01:20:43,142 --> 01:20:46,976 too grown up, too quickly, 742 01:20:50,142 --> 01:20:55,767 I've shared too much, and now my race is run, 743 01:20:55,934 --> 01:20:58,475 Too young, too old. 744 01:21:01,018 --> 01:21:05,600 Too young, too old, 745 01:21:06,100 --> 01:21:10,267 too grown up, too quickly, 746 01:21:12,100 --> 01:21:16,851 we've emptied the barrel, we've had the last round, 747 01:21:17,018 --> 01:21:21,267 I'm worn out, penniless and I've had enough... 748 01:21:27,851 --> 01:21:29,018 Ronnie? 749 01:21:30,309 --> 01:21:33,600 Did you see me? I gave everything I had. 750 01:21:33,767 --> 01:21:35,059 You were great. 751 01:21:35,183 --> 01:21:39,475 I'm so happy that with my final deed that I was able... 752 01:21:39,642 --> 01:21:41,475 to save the camping. 753 01:21:41,642 --> 01:21:45,183 It's not your final deed, there's so much joy awaiting you. 754 01:21:45,350 --> 01:21:48,100 It's fine to end it all like this. 755 01:21:49,517 --> 01:21:55,517 Can I ask you just one favour? -Of course, I'll do anything for you. 756 01:21:55,684 --> 01:21:58,559 My life would be complete... 757 01:21:58,809 --> 01:22:01,392 If you would call the baby, Ronnie. 758 01:22:03,767 --> 01:22:05,934 Will you do that for me? 759 01:22:07,059 --> 01:22:08,517 Actually no. 760 01:22:10,142 --> 01:22:11,309 Why not? 761 01:22:11,809 --> 01:22:15,559 Well, I really wanted to name the baby Aruft. 762 01:22:15,726 --> 01:22:20,225 But I'm lying here dying in front of the whole camping. 763 01:22:20,392 --> 01:22:23,892 I understand that, but he'll simply be called Aruft, sorry. 764 01:22:25,642 --> 01:22:27,600 That's a pity. 765 01:22:31,309 --> 01:22:34,809 Okay, I promise to call him Ronnie. 766 01:22:36,809 --> 01:22:41,225 I wanted to call him Aruft because of that story I still had to tell you. 767 01:22:41,392 --> 01:22:44,434 I was five and here with my parents and my father said: 768 01:22:44,600 --> 01:22:46,892 Go and get yourself a Calippo ice lolly. 769 01:22:47,059 --> 01:22:48,100 Ronnie? 770 01:23:28,018 --> 01:23:29,517 What are you doing? 771 01:23:31,183 --> 01:23:33,809 What do you think? I'm leaving with the cash. 772 01:23:33,976 --> 01:23:37,183 That money's for the camping, it was Ronnie's final wish. 773 01:23:38,267 --> 01:23:42,183 What sort of a father are you? -What sort of a father am I? 774 01:23:43,018 --> 01:23:45,809 What's that? -What do you think it is? 775 01:23:50,934 --> 01:23:52,559 Have you... did you...? -Yes. 776 01:23:52,726 --> 01:23:55,309 I got it for a bag of sweets and a fizzy drink. 777 01:23:55,851 --> 01:23:58,183 You've taken everything from him, you bastard. 778 01:23:58,350 --> 01:24:00,018 Stay here. 779 01:24:10,183 --> 01:24:13,851 Enough is enough. 780 01:24:16,225 --> 01:24:20,684 That's right, I took everything away from my son. 781 01:24:20,851 --> 01:24:24,517 And what have I got for it? I've been beheaded. 782 01:24:24,934 --> 01:24:27,892 Hey, I've been beheaded and I can still talk, 783 01:24:28,059 --> 01:24:33,642 and I read that you can carry on talking for at least 10 seconds... 784 01:24:44,100 --> 01:24:47,225 9 MONTHS LATER 785 01:24:56,809 --> 01:25:01,559 That was a good shot, my dear son. -My name's Jonas, nutter. 786 01:25:02,434 --> 01:25:05,642 Boys, time to eat. -We're coming. 787 01:25:06,642 --> 01:25:08,392 Go and eat, old chap. 788 01:25:12,434 --> 01:25:14,851 Shall we go and have lunch, Aruft? 789 01:25:16,684 --> 01:25:18,892 Hey, Kaylie. -Hey, Chief ranger. 790 01:25:19,059 --> 01:25:22,267 You can't see I'm pregnant, can you? -No, not at all. 791 01:25:22,434 --> 01:25:26,142 Triplets. Ronnie's. I'm going to make a boy band out of them. 792 01:25:26,309 --> 01:25:29,018 I think he'd have liked that. -Well, I think... 793 01:25:29,183 --> 01:25:30,350 Bye. 794 01:25:32,726 --> 01:25:35,767 Right. Let's go and sit down. 795 01:25:36,183 --> 01:25:38,600 How come we can sit on your favourite spot now? 796 01:25:38,767 --> 01:25:41,475 Your father figure's going to tell you why. 797 01:25:41,642 --> 01:25:45,642 When I was about your age, I was also camping here with my parents. 798 01:25:46,018 --> 01:25:50,350 I'd heard my mother and father whispering and giggling, all wound up, 799 01:25:50,517 --> 01:25:54,267 and then my father said to me: Go and buy yourself a Calippo ice lolly. 800 01:25:54,434 --> 01:25:57,809 So, I went to get my Calippo and when I returned I saw... 801 01:25:57,976 --> 01:26:01,600 It's none of my business and I'll be off right away. 802 01:26:01,767 --> 01:26:04,684 I just want to say that I'm Marie-Claire Koevermans, 803 01:26:04,851 --> 01:26:08,434 and if I have a relationship with you then I'll tell you to change, 804 01:26:08,600 --> 01:26:12,183 and when you finally do, I'll go to bed with your best friend. 805 01:26:12,350 --> 01:26:17,434 Okay, give me call. 06-44019449, 806 01:26:17,600 --> 01:26:20,892 preferably in the middle of the night. That's it, see you, bye. 807 01:26:47,767 --> 01:26:50,600 And broken. Thanks a lot, fatty.