- [upbeat music playing on laptop] - Ooh.
Oh! [laughs]
Hi! I didn't see you there.
I'm Cassy Wight, and I specialize in distressed properties.
I can sell your house no matter what problems it has.
- [smile dings] - [audience laughs]
I think my house is haunted by Civil War ghosts.
From the wrong side.
I can sell that house!
[audience laughs]
My house has a family of raccoons squatting in it,
and they know their rights.
I can sell that house!
[audience laughs]
I blew up my garage trying to deep fry a turkey.
I can sell that house!
[audience laughs]
I can sell your house if it used to be a Chili's To Go
or if it was built over a coyote cemetery,
or any of the following:
[audience laughs]
♪ Make it classy And call Cassy ♪
♪ Cassy Wight sellz properties Serving all of Tampa Bay ♪
Will travel outside of Tampa Bay.
- [smile dings] - [audience laughs]
So, what did you think of my commercial?
Really great, Mom. I can't believe you made it yourself.
You're even better than my favorite actress,
Flo from Progressive.
[audience laughs]
I have a couple of notes.
Is it too late to change your outfit?
- Yes? - Then I love that outfit.
- Awesome job, Mom. - [audience laughs]
[bells ding]
[upbeat pop opening credits playing]
[music fades]
[Mandy] Mom, I really liked your ad.
It's awesome you're giving visibility
to a woman-run business.
Yeah, it's kinda like when KFC let Reba McEntire play The Colonel.
- [audience laughs] - Oh, my God,
Mandy, do you want me to make an ad for your presidential campaign?
- No. - [audience laughs]
Okay, little miss Rotten Tomatoes over here.
- [audience laughs] - No, it's great.
It's just Taylor and I decided this is gonna be a friendly election.
No campaigning, no mudslinging.
[scoffs] Cable news is gonna hate you guys.
[audience laughs]
Wow, check out these headshots.
Cass, now I know why you married me.
'Cause I look good.
[audience laughs]
Are you sure you're gonna have enough to sign at Terry's charity event?
There might be a lot of people there.
I doubt it. Terry's terrible at organizing things.
Like that one time he threw me a surprise party,
but I was the first one he invited.
- [audience laughs] - This sounds like the best birthday yet.
I can't believe I missed it.
We all missed you.
It was the best day.
Who is she talking to?
Alex, her best friend from Minnesota.
[scoffs] One of those coat-wearing northerners.
- [audience laughs] - [doorbells rings]
Lola, get the door.
- I'm on the phone with Alex. - Lola, get the door.
Dad, you're closer.
Hey, unless you got a forklift handy, I'm not getting off this couch.
Get the door.
- [audience laughs] - [scoffs] I gotta get the door. Hang on.
- Alex! - Lola!
- [audience laughs] - [Lola and Alex scream hysterically]
- [continued screaming] - You can hang up now.
- [audience laughs] - [Lola and Alex giggle]
- What are you doing here? - [sighs] Your amazing dad flew me out.
You heard her.
From now on, I'm known as "Amazing Dad."
[audience laughs]
Oh. We changing names?
From now on, I want to be called "Frank Thunderbutt."
[audience laughs]
Look, I know you've been feeling a little homesick lately,
so I thought it'd be kinda nice if Alex was around for a while.
- Come to the roof! - Oh, my God...
- [both talking over each other] - [audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
- [music fades] - Wow!
This is a pretty good turnout for an autograph signing.
"Make it one round with the Big Show and win a free lifetime gym membership."
What's going on?
Hey!
What do you guys think of the changes I made to the gym?
[inhales] You check out my Peloton bike?
You mean that rusted, '80s exercise bike
with the iPod Shuffle taped to it?
[audience laughs]
Yeah, baby!
Couple things, Terry.
One, you spelled "ring" wrong.
- [audience laughs] - [Big Show] Also,
I am absolutely not doing this.
Oh, come on.
We came up with another way to raise money for the Boys and Girls Club.
What do you mean "we" came up with another way?
Well, "we" as in me and...
- [yells] Me! - [audience laughs]
I brought your wrestling onesie.
[audience laughs]
It's called a singlet.
Aw, cute.
- [audience laughs] - Isn't it, though?
Hold onto this.
Terry, come here a sec.
I'm not doing this.
I am not in wrestling shape.
What if I lose? You know how embarrassing that would be?
It'd be like that time I accidentally ate a piñata.
I thought it was a confetti cake.
It wasn't.
- It was cardboard. - [audience laughs]
I ate a cardboard horse.
- [audience laughs] - Come on, Dad. It's for the kids.
And for this kid.
- [audience laughs] - And this kid.
[Big Show] Hmm.
Okay, for the kids, I'll do it.
[Terry and JJ scream] Yay!
- [audience laughs] - But for the record,
I'm not wrestling your cousin Todd. He has a wooden leg.
[audience laughs]
Todd, you're out! Hop home!
[audience laughs]
[Terry] All right.
First up, we have Bob from Tampa.
Okay, let's just assume that everyone's from Tampa
and signed a consent waiver.
I hate paperwork.
Oh, hey.
You must be the Big Show's assistant. Can you send him a message?
Tell him it's his last day on Earth.
[audience laughs]
Take care of that.
[audience laughs]
You look like a man that stopped downloading at 40%.
[audience laughs]
Hey, Big Show,
people will call you the Big Escrow,
'cause you're gonna be stuck in the same position for 30 days.
[audience laughs]
You're awful confident for a man who got dropped off by his mom.
[audience laughs]
- [bell dings] - [Bob grunts]
[struggling] I gotcha. This is all part of it.
[audience laughs]
- [Bob groans] - [Big Show huffs]
- [Big Show roars] - [Bob thuds]
[crowd oohs]
[dings bell]
Winner!
- [crowd applauds and cheers] - [yells] Yeah, Bob!
The Big Escrow just put you in foreclosure, baby!
[audience laughs]
[gruff] Who's next? I'm hungry! I'm ready to eat!
Feed me!
- [audience laughs] - Next up, Doug from Tampa.
- [Terry] Doug! - [audience laughs]
Doug! Where you going, Doug? This is your moment!
[upbeat pop music playing]
[music fades]
Principal Crowley, I know exactly why we're here.
You heard about our relationship and you want us to serve as co-presidents.
We accept.
- [audience laughs] - No, I don't follow school gossip.
I get my fix with The Real Housewives of Dallas.
What I wouldn't give
to throw a dirty peach martini in one of those plastic faces.
[audience laughs]
So, why are we here?
I rescheduled your debate that was canceled due to the sinkhole.
It'll be held after school hours.
- Parents and quiet siblings welcome. - [audience laughs]
No, thank you.
We're running a modern campaign that avoids conflict
of any sort, so we can't debate.
Well, I can't debate with that.
[audience laughs]
JK, I absolutely can. This is mandatory.
- [audience laughs] - But I don't want to debate my girl.
That'd be like making Barack debate Michelle.
- Michelle would crush him. - Michelle would win.
- [audience laughs] - Don't worry, Taylor. I've got a plan.
And thanks to Weight Watchers,
I've got seven almonds to snack on in the break room. Points!
[audience laughs]
- [door closes] - Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
Instead of disagreeing onstage,
we'll simply compliment each other.
What an amazing idea!
How'd I do?
- [audience laughs] - Perfect. We're gonna show the students,
the parents, no, the world...
how to have a healthy political discourse.
Sweet.
Then I'll show the whole world how I can fly.
Taylor, for the last time, you can't fly.
Yet.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
[music fades]
[giggles] And when Jess got her license, we finally did it. We...
[both]...road tripped to the Iowa State Fair!
- Tell me every deep-fried thing you ate. - [scoffs]
Butter, Oreos, pickles... [gasps]
a funnel cake in the shape of Bruno Mars.
- [audience laughs] - [sighs] I'm so jelly!
We also had deep-fried jelly!
- [audience laughs] - Modern deep fry technology
is just getting better and better every year.
- [audience laughs] - Oh, and peep this.
For prom, we're all getting
giant '80s prom dresses!
[squeals] Mine's the bright orange one.
[exhales] Shut the front door!
- [audience laughs] - Getting '80s prom dresses was my idea!
When I moved, I didn't think about everything I'd be missing out on.
Well, at least you have amazing weather here,
and you live in a magical paradise
where Ed Hardy hats never went out of style.
- [both giggle] - [audience laughs]
Wow,
there's a lot of laughter coming from here.
Are you guys watching Grace and Frankie?
[audience laughs]
Tomlin gets all the love, but don't sleep on Fonda.
- [audience laughs] - What's up? You need something?
Yes.
It's very important.
I want my face painted like a cat.
Why do you want a cat face?
Because I'm eight.
- [scoffs] This one. - [audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music plays, then fades]
- Man, isn't this great? - [exhales]
I'm having a blast.
I forgot how much fun it was to throw a full human man out of the ring.
- [audience laughs] - I feel reborn,
- like a beefy big bearded baby! - [audience laughs]
I can't believe how many people showed up.
There's so many people using the gym I might finally have to clean it.
You don't clean the gym?
No, I clean it with Roomba.
That's what I call my dog
when I tie wet wipes on his feet and lead him around the room.
[audience laughs]
[laughs] Hey, check this out.
I posted pictures of you to the gym's Insta.
Whoo, it is blowing up!
They're leaving comments.
"Big Show looks like when he first started wrestling."
[Terry] Mm-hmm.
"I miss the Big Show." Look at that one right there.
"I'm so proud of my Polly Pocket."
Oh... [sighs]
That's my mom.
- [audience laughs] - Oh?
She's new on Instagram.
She writes the word "like" under each and every one of my posts.
[audience laughs]
You know, It's a bummer this charity event has to end today.
It's been so much fun!
Well, maybe it doesn't have to end.
These people want the Big Show, let's give them the Big Show.
Aw... That's my Polly Pocket!
[audience laughs]
- I will never do that again. - [exhales]
[audience laughs]
[laughing] Call me!
If I can sell a haunted house, I can sell one with too many toilets
- and no windows. - [audience laughs]
Is that another client? That's like your seventh one today!
I know! This commercial is working too well.
They played it during Jeopardy!
[inhales sharply] Who is I am blowing up?
- It's me. I'm the one who's blowing up. - [audience laughs]
Hey, Show, we got a big line here. Wanna hop back in the ring?
Yeah. Look, I'm gonna have to meet you at Mandy's debate.
I have a line out the door and I don't wanna let my fans down.
Okay, sweetie, but don't be late.
- I won't. - [kisses]
- Hey, Terry. - Yeah?
We gotta hurry up, man.
- And we need to make it tougher. - Ooh.
We need to turn out the lights!
[audience laughs]
Yeah, I see you, Lucha Libre.
We gonna see what's under that mask.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
- [music fades] - Why are we indoors?
This is Florida.
- School should also be water parks. - [audience laughs]
That reminds me, do you want my parkas? I don't need them.
I got no place to parka them.
- [audience laughs] - [Alex laughs]
You get me, and I miss you for that.
Hey, maybe you will need those parkas soon.
Look, I was thinking about what you said
on the roof.
It's not fair that you're missing prom and so many other things.
Alex, stop.
You know I'm already FOMO-ing at the mouth.
- [audience laughs] - Okay, uh... I know this sounds crazy,
but...
maybe you can live with us for the rest of high school.
Wait, I don't understand. How would that even work?
We have an extra room in my house.
My brother finally moved out for his 30th birthday.
- [audience laughs] - Part of me would love that idea,
but wouldn't it be weird?
No! You've been sleeping over at my house since we were seven.
You should be home
doing all this stuff with us.
Do you want me to ask my mom?
Oh, my God, I love Fran!
[chuckles]
Okay. Yeah, ask your mom.
[squeals]
[indistinct chatter]
- [audience] Aw... - [Cassy] Okay.
I mean, obviously, I'm gonna shoot this whole debate. [chuckles]
You know, once you're a filmmaker like me, stuff just looks clearer through a lens.
[audience laughs]
Welcome, children and parents.
- [crowd cheers] - Not yet.
- [audience laughs] - Not yet.
First candidates up
are running for Lower School President.
- [crowd cheering] - Not yet.
- [audience laughs] - Not yet.
Reminder, no gum allowed.
It's gross, and why chew something you have to remove from your mouth
- with your fingers? - [audience laughs]
Glad I got that off my chest.
[chuckles] Okay, please welcome Taylor Swift and Mandy Wight!
This is your time, people.
- [audience laughs] - [crowd applauds]
First question to Mandy: What are your plans for Spirit Days?
I'll use the Spirit Day budget to take the school picture with a drone.
That way, we don't leave anyone out.
- I've got your back, Janitor Lance. - [audience laughs]
Your rebuttal, Taylor?
Don't have one.
I think that's a great plan. Janitor Lance knows what's up.
[crowd applauds softly]
- Wow, riveting start. - [audience laughs]
My Spirit Day plan is to spell "Garvey Prep" in gasoline
in front of the school
and light it on fire.
That way it'll be burned into the grass, and it will be Spirit Day every day.
- [audience laughs] - Mandy, do you have a rebuttal?
This should be easy because Taylor is basically just pitching arson.
- [audience laughs] - I think that idea is straight fire.
Okay, this is boring.
[audience laughs]
Okay, next question. How do both of you plan...
Sorry. Excuse me, If I could slide in here... Oh...
Sorry about your phone. [stammers] I'll buy you a new one, sir.
- [audience laughs] - Pardon me.
- [chairs thudding] - Oh. Hi. Nice bag.
- [audience laughs] - All right. [sighs]
- Sorry, [strained] excuse me. Thank you. - [audience laughs]
- [exhales deeply] - Oh!
- [audience laughs] - What did I miss?
So far, it's been a very boring, polite debate.
- [Big Show] Mm. - [Crowley scoffs]
So much agreeing.
This is like when my sister dragged me to the Unitarian church.
- [audience laughs] - Let's skip to closing statements. Taylor.
In closing,
I'd like to announce a new cafeteria initiative.
[hushed] Uh, Taylor, we didn't discuss this.
I know. I just came up with it.
We should replace the salad bar
in the cafeteria with a candy bar.
- [audience laughs] - Instead of lettuce, Twizzlers.
Instead of carrots, M&Ms.
And instead of tomatoes, [shouting] full size Snickers!
[crowd cheering]
Mandy, do you agree with this plan?
Uh... You know, that sounds fun, though it might be a little unhealthy.
Thank you, Mandy.
Wait, what?
[stammers] Are you shooting down my idea?
[crowd oohs]
Ooh... Drama.
Someone make me a dirty peach martini, stat.
- [audience laughs] - You're embarrassing me in public.
- Taylor, I didn't mean to. - Okay, then take it back.
I... [sighs]
I can't.
The job of Lower School President
is to consider the well-being
of all the students,
and that is exactly what I intend to do.
[crowd cheers and applauds]
Wow.
I guess if you're not with me, then I'm not with you.
Taylor, what are you saying?
[stammers] I'm saying we're breaking up.
[Crowley] Taylor Swift,
not the time or place.
And we're never ever getting back together.
[crowd gasps]
Wow.
He really stuck the landing.
[audience laughs]
[mellow music playing]
[music fades]
Hey, JJ, can you hand me the... Oh, God,
- your face! - [audience laughs]
It's a cat face.
- Where? - [audience laughs]
I figured I have to learn how to do my own face painting, since...
my friend who usually does it is moving away.
Oh. Why is your friend moving away?
She thinks her life is better
with her other friends,
but I really need her here.
Mom, would you make me one of your videos to convince her to stay?
Okay, well, first of all, they're films.
[audience laughs]
And secondly,
I don't think they work like that.
But they're so awesome! I really think it could make a difference.
It is kinda the purpose of art, isn't it?
- [audience laughs] - Okay, let's do it.
- [chuckles] - Yay!
So, I can't pay you in cash,
but I can give you coupons for hugs and kisses.
Aw. Can I get one of those hugs and kisses right now?
Let's shoot a couple of pages and see how it goes.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
[music fades]
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh. What's all this? Wait.
Are you going through all your ideas for merchandise the WWE rejected again?
- [audience laughs] - No.
This is merchandise the WWE wouldn't let me sell
because they didn't see my vision.
- [audience laughs] - Oh, yes, your vision.
Okay. [clear throat]
[clicks tongue] My hair dryer, the Big Blow.
[audience laughs]
My socks with my face on it, the Big Toe.
[audience laughs]
Okay, let's not forget...
my night light,
- the Big Glow. - [audience laughs]
You know, I haven't seen you this happy since you realized
there was a calculator on your phone.
So convenient.
[audience laughs]
- Hey, guys. Do you have a minute? - [Cassy] Hey.
Oh... Are we going through the merch
that the WWE rejected?
- Didn't see my vision. - [audience laughs]
I was hoping I could talk to you guys about something Alex had brought up.
[breathless] The election results are in!
Can someone look at the email? I can't look!
Okay. Uh... Let's see.
- "This year's Lower School President..." - No, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.
- Okay. - No, no, no! Tell me!
- "This year's president is..." - No, no, no, don't do it!
[audience laughs]
Okay.
- You just read it, but don't tell me. - [audience laughs]
Oh, my God! What does it say?
The winner is...
- Oh! - Sorry!
[audience laughs]
[frantic] Oh, my God, I won!
Yay!
- I'm so proud of you! - Oh, my gosh!
Wow! This is...
This is great.
Really great.
[stammers] I'm gonna go celebrate upstairs by myself.
Yeah, I'm gonna go check on her.
Wait, you wanted to talk to us?
Oh, I can do it later. I should go with you to talk to Mandy.
[mellow music playing]
Hey, Madam President.
How you doing?
He broke up with me in front of the whole school.
I'm so embarrassed.
No, honey, don't be.
The most important thing is that you stood up for yourself,
and you didn't make yourself small for somebody.
You should have seen yourself at that debate.
- You didn't back down. - Nope.
You were fierce and inspirational.
That does make me feel better.
I'm almost ready
to change into my Kerry Washington celebratory pantsuit.
- [audience laughs] - The only scandal
is how stylish I look.
- Ooh... - Good!
You're Lower School President.
I'm so proud of you.
You should be proud, too.
I am.
This whole Taylor thing made me forget what I've always wanted.
Yep, you have wanted to be president way before you ever met Mr. Taylor Swift.
- Still sounds weird. - [audience laughs]
You know what?
I'm not gonna stop at president.
Next year, I am going to run for School Ambassador.
They get to represent the school in Tallahassee.
Our current ambassador is Kevin David Perry,
and I can crush him.
His name is Kevin David?
Yeah, but he goes by KD.
Wait, KD Perry?
- [audience laughs] - Excuse me one second.
[screams]
[audience laughs]
[exhales] That was some good work up there.
Just following your lead.
[chuckles] You know, Mandy is so lucky to have her big sister here.
In fact, we all are.
Uh...
- Thanks. - Oh!
Hey, since you're here, can you check something out for me?
JJ asked me to make a film for her friend who's thinking of moving.
- She did? - Yeah.
Why don't you check it out? I think you might like it.
[clicks]
- [soft music plays] - Since you're going away,
I'll miss all the big events in your life,
so I made you a video that you can play
during all those times.
[blows horn]
Happy 21st birthday!
I'm so jealous you get to gamble in every state.
- [audience laughs] - [blows horn]
Wow!
You graduated from Harvard!
I can't believe
- you majored in robot time travel. - [audience laughs]
Lady, I love your house on Mars.
Or as you say,
- "Beep boop bop beep beep!" - [audience laughs]
Congratulations on the birth of your new child, JJ Junior!
I'm gonna call her "Triple J"!
[Cassy on tape] Anything else you wanna say?
I miss you already.
Thank you for showing this to me.
Sure.
[takes breath] But, please, do not show this to anyone else, okay?
I mean, it's not the final cut.
As soon as I score it with some Beatles songs,
this baby's gonna pop.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat music playing]
- [music fades] - Wow!
This crowd looks very put together
for a mid-afternoon, non-sanctioned wrestling event.
- [audience laughs] - This is so great for Dad.
I've never seen him happier.
And I have seen him ride a Clydesdale at Busch Gardens.
[audience laughs]
I can't believe this is the last day. [sighs]
He's really gonna miss this.
- [phone chimes] - Oh.
- Another client? - Yeah, I'm getting so many people
wanting to talk to me, they're now just sliding into my DMs.
This is how Channing Tatum must feel.
- [audience laughs] - It's so great you're busy.
Honestly, it's a little stressful. It's a lot to juggle.
Girl, just focus on the work for right now.
Let Dad handle the home stuff.
He's retired.
It's time for the women in our house to shine.
No, the women in America to shine.
Wow, I do sound presidential.
[audience laughs]
Where's Alex?
She went home. Her flight left an hour ago.
Oh. And will you be seeing Alex or her stupid home anytime soon?
I'm not going back to Minnesota, JJers.
This is my home. You're my home.
- [audience] Aw... - But aren't you worried about your prom
where you dress up in clothes from the 1880s?
- I think you mean 1980s. - [JJ] Eh.
1880s, 1980s...
All sounds the same to me 'cause I'm so young.
[audience laughs]
It's more important to me that I don't miss any big events with you.
Or Mandy, or Cass, or Dad.
There's nowhere else I wanna be.
The video worked!
[Cassy exhales]
It's a film, sweetie.
[audience laughs]
Ladies and gentlemen!
[crowd applauds]
Put your hands together
and make it loud,
because we are live streaming this! Come on, make it loud!
[crowd cheers]
And here he is,
for his final match,
The Big Show!
- [steam hisses] - ["The Big Show" theme plays]
♪ It's The Big Show ♪
[continued cheering]
[gruff yelling] Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
This is the outfit he always wanted to wear,
but the WWE never let him because they...
- [audience laughs] - [all together] Didn't see his vision.
[roars]
[Cassy] Go, baby!
Okay, coming into the ring are two big dudes
whose names I was too scared to ask for.
[audience laughs]
- [bell dinging] - [crowd boos]
- [floor rattling] - [arm thudding]
Oh, no! Oh, no! Show's in trouble!
Oh no! He's fighting back!
- Oh, he's fighting back! - [crowd yells]
[head thuds]
[Terry] There he goes! He's coming back!
[Big Show grunts]
There he is! Oh, he's gonna do the move!
- The chokeslam! - [body thuds]
- [crowd cheering] - [screaming] Whoo!
- [yelling] That's my dad! Yeah! - [Cassy laughs]
[screams]
Show, we love you!
I love you!
We miss you, man!
I don't know you, so I don't miss you, but thanks!
- [audience laughs] - Show, will you autograph my back?
No, but thank you regardless!
- [audience laughs] - Show, will you come back to wrestling?
[crowd chanting] Come back!
Come back! Come back! Come back!
- Come back! Come back! - You know what? Yeah!
I'm gonna tell you before I tell anyone else!
The Big Show is going back to the WWE!
The Big Show is back, baby!
- [crowd cheers] - [Big Show] Yeah!
Hey!
Did you just say you're going back to the WWE?
Good point, it is loud in here. I need to get it on the livestream.
All right, you heard me!
- The Big Show's back, baby! Whoo! - [continued cheering]
So, what do you think? Celebrate? What do you say we go get a party sub?
Or party pizza. I mean, you know what? Any kind of party food's good for me.
Read the room, bruh.
- [audience laughs] - Wait, you guys did not just love that?
I mean, if you didn't like it, just tell me.
I mean, you can say something.
Say something 'cause I can hear my own heartbeat and it's freaking me out.
[audience laughs]
[mellow closing credits playing]
Subtitle translation by