1 00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:03,462 Who keeps putting half-eaten apples in the fridge? 2 00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:07,090 Felix? Viv? Andrew doesn't have teeth, but he's still a suspect. 3 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:12,054 Hey, ding-dongs. I said two episodes, and then that's it. 4 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,139 I don't know when they end. 5 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,725 Well, I said said you could watch two episodes an hour ago, 6 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,393 so you've watched at least four now. 7 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,604 I watched my two and then Viv watched her two. 8 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,815 [Astrid] Screen time. Like Tummy Time or Time Out. 9 00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:25,901 The kind of time we never knew about until we had kids. 10 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,778 Can I watch the iPad now? 11 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,071 [James] Yeah. When I was growing up, 12 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:32,950 we rotted our brains with TVs and computers, and we were fine. 13 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,159 [Astrid] Or so we thought. 14 00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:37,162 But apparently it's actually bad for kids' brains. 15 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,873 [James] And now there are so many screens in so many places, 16 00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,834 it's like their brains can't escape. 17 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,253 Where's the clicker? Hello. Hello? 18 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:46,463 [James] You can't cut them off screens completely. 19 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,798 Let me see. I know, it's-- ha ha ha. Where's the--? 20 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,424 [Felix exclaims] 21 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:50,801 - Oh, fine. I'll do it myself. - [Viv] No! Watching TV! 22 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,012 [James] Here we go. Watch this. Okay, wait. Watch this. 23 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,640 [Astrid] Because eventually, technology will pass you by 24 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,517 and you'll need their help with your screen time. 25 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,060 Right now, 'cause Daddy's gonna-- 26 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,687 - [Felix and Viv laughing] - Is that-- Ho--! 27 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,397 Hey! Wh-- How--? Give me that. 28 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,649 Would you like me to turn off the TV, Daddy? 29 00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,735 Yes, I would. 30 00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:11,363 [James] And then they will have their revenge. 31 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:21,206 Yeah, I-I'll be back in front of my computer in, like, a minute. 32 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,041 Can I use your phone to show Felix 33 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,793 the goat screaming like a person? 34 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:26,253 No, no, because I'm using my phone 35 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:27,671 to make a phone call with my boss. 36 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,506 Whoa, the "B word!" 37 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,050 Yeah, but that goat thing is funny. 38 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,219 Anything that screams like a person, I laugh. 39 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:35,304 Except a person. 40 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,389 Jean-Luc, I'm really gonna need you to keep this call focused 41 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:38,640 because we've already spent way 42 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,058 too much time talking about Kirsten Dunst. 43 00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,351 She deserves an Oscar. 44 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,438 Okay, I know that people are worried that the World Cup 45 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,481 means more trash in the city, but I'm not worried. 46 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:48,984 We've been specifically hired to worry about it. 47 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,611 Okay, this is not good for my mental health. 48 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:51,904 I already got a lot on my plate. 49 00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,864 Yes, I already know about running your mother's Airbnb 50 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,157 and the thing with your girlfriend's foot. 51 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,075 Can we watch Cake Idiots? 52 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,161 Uh, no. Felix, you guys are supposed to be taking a break 53 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,454 from screen time for the next two days. 54 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:01,788 Can you go play in the backyard? 55 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:04,625 Oh, we can pretend it's a giant VR room. 56 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:05,834 - Yes! - Come on, let's go, Viv! 57 00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:08,962 Okay. Um, one thing that we can do that's job-related is, um, 58 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,965 I can chart how other cities boosted their waste management. 59 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,135 Are--are you playing video games? 60 00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:16,512 No. Are you? 61 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:18,805 What were you saying? 62 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,891 I'm going to make a pretty graph and show the garbage people 63 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,601 where to add more garbage trucks. 64 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,353 That would make me feel so much better. 65 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,897 Okay, I'll have it for you on Monday. Goodbye. 66 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,023 Bye! 67 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,068 - Ha! - Hi-yah! 68 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,903 - [grunts] Yah! - Hyah! 69 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,908 James. At your desk. I love it. 70 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,452 Ah, well, you took the chairs out of the break room. 71 00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:45,749 Wheel of Time stops for no one. Do you watch the Wheel of Time? 72 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,209 Uh, I watch a show called Cake Idiots, 73 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,710 about people who make cake. 74 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:50,838 They try to make cake, but they--they can't make a cake. 75 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:53,340 Good news, James. I have decided to put you 76 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:56,802 in charge of Gero's social media accounts. 77 00:02:56,885 --> 00:03:00,055 Okay. And not someone who's good at that. 78 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:01,348 Oh, we had a social media manager, 79 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,475 but we fired her for using the "F" word. 80 00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,102 Ah! You know, generally, 81 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,229 the only "F" word I like to use is effort. I use-- 82 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:11,441 James. I loved that joke. 83 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,943 Ha ha. But here's the thing. 84 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,736 I don't think I'm the best person 85 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:17,030 to necessarily be tweeting and TikTokking. 86 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,283 You are punctual, well informed, 87 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,702 and unwilling to speak out against authority-- 88 00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:24,705 all things people love in a social media manager. 89 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,999 I call hashtags pound signs. 90 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:29,334 You'll be typing, so no one will know how out of touch you are. 91 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,253 All you have to do is tweet the deals 92 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,046 from the web page as they come up. 93 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:35,591 Okay? And I do that in addition to my other job? 94 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:38,969 Yes. Now, Twitter traffic is huge on weekends, 95 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,762 so respond to the apps. 96 00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,055 All of them. 97 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,144 Cool, cool, cool, cool. Just eat, sleep, tweet. 98 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,646 That's it. That's--that's-- that's all there is to it. 99 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,407 Mommy, look at my drawing. 100 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,118 That's fantastic. 101 00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:05,954 - Mom. Mom. Mom? - Yes? Yes? Yes? 102 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,497 Can you get my Legos? 103 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,208 Um, the Legos we put in the attic 104 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:11,460 because you said you didn't like Legos anymore. 105 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,253 Yeah. 106 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,005 - What is happening? - Drawing my name. 107 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,132 Okay, um, Mommy has a lot of work to do. 108 00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,342 Do you think you guys could just play a game 109 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:19,635 of Snakes and Ladders? 110 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,094 That game is dumb. 111 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,804 Yes, correct. The person who invented it 112 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,015 understood ladders, but not snakes. 113 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,435 Um, okay, okay, why don't we just-- 114 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,145 let's watch a little bit of TV. 115 00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:31,522 I thought we were taking a break. 116 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,023 This is like a break from the break. 117 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,691 Good. I'm exhausted. 118 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,360 Great. Come on, let's go. 119 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,819 Let's do it. 120 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:41,740 Okay, I'm going to be right over there. 121 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:45,202 So, you know, if you yell, I'll hear you like, instantly. 122 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:49,581 - Sure. - Cool. Viv? Viv? 123 00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:51,208 [woman on television] You may be the professor of archeology 124 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:55,045 at the University of Alberta, but you're also a Cake Idiot. 125 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,213 [brutal buzzer] 126 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,007 Right. Okay. I'll be over here. 127 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:07,724 - Ugh. Hey, question for you. - Mm? 128 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,226 We work for a grocery chain. 129 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,936 You'd think they could provide lunch. 130 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,605 Then stop eating your lunch when you first get here. 131 00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,274 I skip breakfast. That's my thing. 132 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:19,069 'Kay. Hey, I got a question for you. What's a "simp"? 133 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,071 What's a phone? What's the Internet? 134 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:24,324 Nobody asks other people questions anymore. Uh, d'uh! 135 00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,201 Marla's got me in charge of the Gero's social media account. 136 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,911 I'm trying to learn the lingo. 137 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,329 You're in charge of the social media account? 138 00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:31,415 That's like--that's like having a brush fire 139 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,458 then they get the guy who doesn't know where the water is 140 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,252 to put out the-- the brush fire. 141 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,629 That's what-- that's you. You're the-- You understand? 142 00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,506 - I get it. - I have a question for you. 143 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:40,883 I read this article, 144 00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:42,885 36 questions that if you ask somebody 145 00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:46,096 and they answer truthfully, you fall in love with them. 146 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,098 Falling in love just from talking to somebody? 147 00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:50,142 Mm-mm. Some people call that a conversation. 148 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,602 Well, my parents haven't spoken in years. 149 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,604 They've never been stronger. My mother could be nicer. 150 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,355 Okay. For example, 151 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,524 if--if a crystal ball could reveal one truth about yourself, 152 00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,234 what would you want to know? 153 00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:03,864 Mm... I guess I'd want to know if I've been as true to myself 154 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,908 as I've been to the people I love. 155 00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:10,871 [laughter builds] 156 00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:13,498 See, that's stupid. That... 157 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,792 Actually, I-- [stammers] I hope you have, too. 158 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,085 You deserve it. 159 00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:19,505 Don't fall in love with me, Ennis. 160 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:20,923 But see, that's the point. I wouldn't. 161 00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,716 They were implying that I could fall in love with you 162 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,301 just from one beautiful, 163 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,637 heartbreakingly evocative answer. 164 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:31,642 Oh, here we go. A "simp" is a silly or foolish person. 165 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,937 Okay, I'm gonna tweet that I'm "a simp for asparagus." 166 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,856 [laughs] That's funny. 167 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:41,652 You're funny, James. [sighs] 168 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,328 [Astrid clears throat] 169 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,998 [indistinct television audio] 170 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,251 Um, hi. 171 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,127 Hi. I didn't hear you come in. 172 00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:01,380 I have small feet. Uh, what are you working on? 173 00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,882 [sighs] I'm just researching how the Greek government 174 00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,468 got rid of trash during the 2004 Olympics. 175 00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:08,595 - Lot of landfills. - Great. 176 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,347 Um, but when you're done with that, 177 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,016 I think the kids might be going cross-eyed. 178 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,394 Hey! Break from the break is over. 179 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,104 Everybody upstairs. Go read. 180 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,480 Felix, no picture books. 181 00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:20,732 Viv, only those boring nature books that you hate. 182 00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:24,069 Fine! But I'm going to read them in a mean voice. 183 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,571 [Viv growls] 184 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,864 That's right, get mad. 185 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,325 It's so hard to keep kids off screens. 186 00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:32,494 Corey is always on his calculator, 187 00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:34,204 but he's not allowed on the Internet. 188 00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:35,497 Isn't he learning to code? 189 00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,541 He writes out his code longhand on recycled paper. 190 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,210 He just finished the website for Bo's Crocheting service. 191 00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:41,545 It fills a whole banker's box. 192 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,714 You're only young once. 193 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,049 Did I forget we were having coffee or something? I-- 194 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,342 Many times. But today, 195 00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:49,303 I'm here to get Corey's marble set. 196 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,138 Dawn, I don't know where that is. 197 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,348 Well, when I lent it to you guys, I put it right... 198 00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,309 there, where it still is. 199 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:56,643 Oh, yeah, that's where I put it, there. 200 00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:59,021 We keep it there in case the urge to play marble strikes. 201 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:01,398 - Bye. - Bye. 202 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,530 Aw, Andrew's first family meeting. 203 00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:09,865 Where's Viv? 204 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,534 She's on the iPad like Mommy does. 205 00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,953 Aw, Viv's first online meeting. 206 00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:18,081 How is everyone doing today? How's Morris? 207 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,833 No, his name's not Morris, Viv. 208 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,001 It's Andrew. Please stop doing that. 209 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,504 Viv. Viv, this is, uh, what it's going to be like 210 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,714 when you're away at college, and it's very emotional for me. 211 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,424 Can you please join us downstairs? 212 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,010 It's easier to focus with the iPad. 213 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,308 - Okay, is everybody ready--? - [shrill electronic feedback] 214 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,560 That's-- look at that. We're all within earshot. 215 00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:40,437 Can everybody just mute their screens real quick? 216 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:43,857 Your father and I-- 217 00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,984 Ugh. "Your father and I." 218 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:49,363 Me and Papa Nerd want to cut back on screentime. 219 00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:51,156 It's bad for your eyes and brains. 220 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,867 And bodies. We should be moving our bodies constantly. 221 00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:57,287 That's-- but not literally constantly. 222 00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,873 That would be impractical and probably unhealthy. 223 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:00,999 Rest is very important. 224 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,293 And you should exercise, though, once a day. 225 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,629 I-- Basically, what I'm saying is that, um, 226 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,714 we're spending too much time not exercising. 227 00:09:07,798 --> 00:09:09,883 Sorry, I missed that. Can you start again? 228 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,970 God, no. You're taking a break from screens till next week, 229 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,638 and that is final. 230 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,349 But you get to be on your screens all the time. 231 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,434 That's different, buddy. We use our screens for work. 232 00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:23,272 Is your work watching videos of dogs protecting babies? 233 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,358 Well-- 234 00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,235 Daddy got the glitch. 235 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:29,653 James, you're frozen. 236 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,489 Uh-- Okay, hold on. I'm coming. 237 00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,908 Anyway, point taken, Felix. We use screens a lot, too. 238 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:37,411 We will also take a break. Meeting adjourned. 239 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,834 Eh, did you just volunteer to give up our screens? 240 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,794 Yes, to their faces. But obviously we're not doing that. 241 00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:48,380 We just have to lie about it and do it secretly, like addicts. 242 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:49,715 Oh! Nice. 243 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,265 See? It's working. We're great parents. 244 00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,683 Totally. The best. 245 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,102 I'm really enjoying the screen break as well, I would say. 246 00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:03,645 - Yes. - [chuckles] Right? 247 00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:07,024 I did send you a video of penguins and their babies. 248 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,817 Just don't-- don't look at it right now. 249 00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:10,027 - Yeah. - Later. 250 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,570 We should go out if it's nice. 251 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,239 - Uh-huh. - I can check if it's nice. 252 00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:17,159 Mmm... Don't--don't-- I don't think you should do that. 253 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,660 But I will have to check my phone 254 00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:20,370 to see if any work emails came in 255 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:21,580 to tell me to tweet. 256 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,290 And actually, I have to do that by 10:00. What time is it? 257 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,542 - I could check the time. - I could also check the time. 258 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,586 I'll just hop on here real quick. Just real quick. 259 00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:29,213 Yeah. 260 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,756 Look what I colored! 261 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,591 - Ah! Hey! - Hey, wonder girl. 262 00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:33,675 What? 263 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,552 - Oh! - That has a lot of detail. 264 00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,971 Like you've been really looking at that for a long time. 265 00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:40,349 Mm-hmm. So, great colors, first note. 266 00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:44,895 But, like, so the half-human, half-cat is a little adult, no? 267 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,855 - It's from the iPad. - What? 268 00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:49,233 You're not supposed to be on screens this weekend. 269 00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,527 I wasn't. Felix printed it for me. 270 00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:53,195 Oh, no, no, no. 271 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,279 [stammers] You gotta-- 272 00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,572 Hey, what are you doing? 273 00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:57,074 Ahh... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 274 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,659 Both of you get dressed while we figure out your punishment. 275 00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,244 - [Felix groans] - [James] Ooh! 276 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,328 Come on! 277 00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:03,747 - Hey. Sorry. - So, new plan. 278 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,290 I'm gonna take the kids to the park 279 00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:06,792 while Andrew has his nap time. 280 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,002 That will give you a chance to get some work done, a bit of it. 281 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:11,046 And then when I come back, we switch swap. 282 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,130 What about your Twitter thing? 283 00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:13,215 Aren't you supposed to be doing that all day? 284 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,800 Yeah, uh, well, I got a solution. 285 00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,844 Voice-to-text tweeting. 286 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:20,305 "Running low on Sriracha? Gero's has gotcha. 287 00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:24,601 Two-for-one bottles only at Gero's." 288 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,022 - Slick! - Mm! 289 00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,732 And I rhymed "Sriracha" with "gotcha." 290 00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:31,984 - That I did not care for. - Okay. 291 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,027 Oh. Getting a lot of engagement. 292 00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:37,239 So, thank you. Stand... corrected... 293 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,283 I'll-- um, I'll finish the laundry. 294 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,750 - I'm the ice dragon! - I want to be the ice dragon! 295 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:51,170 Hey, hey, hey, you're both ice dragons. 296 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:54,339 But I'm an ice and fire and lightning dragon. 297 00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:56,133 Why doesn't Felix just say he's the everything dragon? 298 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,301 No, then Viv says she's 299 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:58,552 an everything dragon times infinity. 300 00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,262 It becomes a whole thing. 301 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:01,972 Yeah, but then Felix can say he's a rubber dragon 302 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,016 and everything Viv says bounces off him, sticks to her. 303 00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:05,350 Kids don't know how to play anymore. 304 00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:06,685 I got a text the world about milk. 305 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,396 Oh, yeah, just keep it simple, like we said. 306 00:12:10,189 --> 00:12:15,068 "Gotta love fresh milk. On sale all weekend. 307 00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:18,614 Pound sign, great savings." 308 00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:21,617 That was perfect. You're perfect. 309 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,368 You know, I appreciate you coming out here, but you don't 310 00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:25,204 have to hold my hand through the whole social media thing. 311 00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:27,664 [laughs] "Hold your hand"? 312 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:31,335 That's-- Yeah. Imagine. I got a question for you. 313 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,879 - Eh? - What's the last song you sang? 314 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,923 By yourself or to another person? 315 00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,299 This-- another one of those love questions? 316 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,592 It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. It was stupid. 317 00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:39,968 But answer, though? 318 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:43,931 Uh... well, I sang "Wrecking Ball" to Viv. 319 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,975 - Oh, no. - [laughs] Yeah. 320 00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:49,019 - Ugh. - I don't know, but... 321 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,356 Viv did kind of come into my life like a wrecking ball. 322 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:55,526 When she was born, she just tore down all my preconceptions, 323 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,611 made me a better man. 324 00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:03,116 Hey, guys, guys. Hide and seek, okay? I'm counting. 325 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,201 - Let's hide, Felix. - Will you watch them? 326 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:08,497 - Viv, come on, let's go! - [Ennis] Oh. Okay. 327 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,375 "Only today at Gero's Grocery, 328 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,253 save 20 percent on all Greek yoga--" 329 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:17,923 [screams] Stop farting on my face! 330 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,758 Stop farting in your sister's face! 331 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:20,843 - This is stupid. - [tweet sound] 332 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,427 Look at me. Come here. Where's Viv? 333 00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:26,515 Hey. Start behaving or we're gonna go home, okay? Play nice. 334 00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:28,809 They don't deserve you. 335 00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,062 Thanks. 336 00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:36,733 [Astrid] It's worrying to think about the long-term effects 337 00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,861 your parenting could have on your kids. 338 00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:40,988 Not enough water could mean bad kidneys forever. 339 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,448 Not enough exercise is bad for their heart. 340 00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:45,409 Too much screen time turns them into jittery, 341 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,452 hunched-over little screen goblins. 342 00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:48,912 But not finishing work might mean 343 00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,873 that they don't have food or shelter. 344 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,082 Right? [chuckles] 345 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,168 So sometimes you have to make tough choices. 346 00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:56,420 [baby cries] 347 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:01,508 Are you planning on using the oven or not? 348 00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:03,427 [brutal buzzer] 349 00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:09,433 Today's contestants are a biochemical engineer, 350 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,018 an ancient language specialist, and... 351 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,102 Already? 352 00:14:12,186 --> 00:14:14,730 But-- Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing? What's all this? 353 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,023 No, no, don't "What's this?" What about you? 354 00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,941 Why are you home so early? Where our kids? 355 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,026 Did you leave them at the park? 356 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,819 My phone died, they're in the backyard. 357 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,154 Have you seen my stick? 358 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,323 Hey, there's plenty of sticks outside, buddy. 359 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,993 Andrew would not go down. I think he is toying with me. 360 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,329 Can you please, please make sure the kids stay outside? 361 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,997 I can't. I got to stay plugged in. 362 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,125 At MountainDewFlex says our kale salad slaps. 363 00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:36,251 Which I think is good, 364 00:14:36,335 --> 00:14:38,420 but I was very wrong about what "snatched" meant. 365 00:14:38,504 --> 00:14:40,839 Okay, remember when I said that we were great parents? 366 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:42,716 I was wrong. 367 00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:49,181 Okay. Yeah, there's some places we could improve. 368 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:50,933 What do you think? 369 00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:53,685 - Something drastic? - Yeah, that's it. 370 00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:55,312 - Oh! - Screen jail. 371 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,481 Felix, go get Viv. 372 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,399 Go get Viv. We are going to do something as a family, 373 00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:01,818 and we are going to like it, whether we like it or not. 374 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,037 Okay, Felix, you are up. 375 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,456 I don't understand why I had to go to jail. 376 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:15,791 Because you landed on "Go to Jail." 377 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,501 But I didn't want to land there. 378 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,087 - It's just a game, sweetie. - A super fun game. 379 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,713 Just stop. 380 00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:24,174 Do people go to jail for no reason in real life? 381 00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:25,259 No! 382 00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:27,052 Actually, honestly, yes. 383 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,471 There's complex systemic problems in place, 384 00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,890 made worse by the fact that you, Viv, are poor... 385 00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,184 in the game. 386 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:35,519 Felix, roll the dice. 387 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:39,523 Why doesn't Mom just lend Viv the money? She has tons. 388 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,150 Because Mommy is not an empathy bank. 389 00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:43,318 Mommy's a money bank. 390 00:15:43,402 --> 00:15:45,737 She can't just give out free money to anyone who asks. 391 00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:47,573 - Why not? - Well, I'm gonna refer you 392 00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,408 back to those systemic problems I mentioned earlier. 393 00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,285 In fact, I bet there's some great movements about it. 394 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:54,288 - I'm just going to pop out... - No phones! 395 00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,248 Just roll the dice. Please. 396 00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:57,666 Please, I beg you, roll the dice. 397 00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,750 [James] That's...! 398 00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,294 - Oh, my God. - [Felix] Yay! Got a six. 399 00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:01,920 - [doorbell rings] - One on the floor every time... 400 00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,213 - Can you get that? - Oh, yep. 401 00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:04,631 [knocking on door] 402 00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:06,633 Hello? 403 00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:08,385 - Yeah, what? Hey. - [Astrid] Ennis. 404 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,847 James, you're okay? Jeez, man, I'm not going to sing to you. 405 00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,390 - What? - Nothing! 406 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,559 I've been trying to reach you for hours. What's going on? 407 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:16,977 No calls are getting through, my texts... 408 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,395 My phone's dead and in jail. 409 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,022 Yeah, well, your last tweet is blowing up, 410 00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,315 and not in the good way. 411 00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:23,233 [automated voice] Only today at Gero's Grocery, 412 00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:25,402 save 20 percent on all Greek yoga. 413 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,946 Stop farting on your sister's face. This is stupid. 414 00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:31,658 Yeah. On the bright side, Greek yoga is trending. 415 00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:33,035 - This is bad. - No, I looked it up. 416 00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,786 It's apparently just like regular yoga. 417 00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:35,871 It can't keep blowing it forever, right? 418 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,164 Like, people have other things to do with their life... 419 00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:38,290 - Yeah. Yeah. - Okay, I'm just gonna-- 420 00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,458 I'm gonna delete it. 421 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,959 Oh, one of the Property Brothers just retweeted it. 422 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,754 Huh? Okay, uh, uh, screen jail is over. 423 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,005 Yes! 424 00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,591 All screens on deck. Everybody grab a screen. 425 00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,930 Conspiracy Twitter is on board now. 426 00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,765 "Gero's wants you to have loose bowels 427 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:57,351 so you'll buy more adult diapers." 428 00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,144 - You okay, buddy? - No, I'm not. 429 00:16:59,228 --> 00:17:02,231 This viral sister fart dance is harder than it looks. 430 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,191 Oh, dear God. Need updates, people. 431 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,360 I got something. BuzzFeed just put out an article. 432 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,153 "Normalize not farting on women." 433 00:17:08,237 --> 00:17:10,322 - Farting's been canceled. - [Viv groans sharply] 434 00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:12,157 Okay, we're on four subreddits. 435 00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:15,661 I am downloading as fast as I can. But, uh, doesn't... 436 00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:17,996 Oh, God. 437 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,290 Bad news. We're out of cereal. 438 00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:22,709 Okay. Look, I need your help crafting a response. 439 00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:24,086 I can't. I'm in the middle of a flame war 440 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:25,170 with this guy on Facebook. 441 00:17:25,254 --> 00:17:27,172 It's not entirely related to what we're doing here, 442 00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:28,757 but I'm gonna nail him if he ever responds. 443 00:17:28,841 --> 00:17:29,967 That's okay. I'll-- I can do it. 444 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,636 "Farting, like breastfeeding, is a natural occurrence." 445 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:33,720 [Astrid] No. 446 00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:36,390 "Farting is just burping that took the down elevator. 447 00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:37,474 [Astrid] Stop. 448 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:40,352 "If my tweet traumatized you in any way, I'm sorry." 449 00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,688 - [Astrid] "If." Not an apology. - I know. 450 00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:45,607 [phone ringtone plays] 451 00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:47,651 - I know what you're gonna say. - What? 452 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,611 That Gero's farts has its own Twitter account? 453 00:17:49,695 --> 00:17:51,196 You knew I was going to say that? 454 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:52,865 Uh, I can't say I did know. 455 00:17:52,948 --> 00:17:54,575 It has almost as many followers 456 00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:56,159 as Gero's actual Twitter account. 457 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,452 I'm sorry, Marla. 458 00:17:57,536 --> 00:17:59,538 I did tell you that I was bad at the social media thing. 459 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,999 I told him that, too, Marla. It's Ennis. 460 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,459 Can you tell her it's Ennis. I'm here working. 461 00:18:04,543 --> 00:18:05,669 Well, thanks to your tweet, 462 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,588 we have gained 10,000 followers 463 00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:10,007 and an exclusive distribution deal 464 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,842 for a line of activated charcoal underwear. 465 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,344 So I'd say you're damn good. 466 00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:16,680 - Really? - We've been trending all day. 467 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,640 I mean, Gero's is a part of the conversation. 468 00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:20,225 You can't buy that kind of publicity. 469 00:18:20,309 --> 00:18:21,935 Which makes firing you feel weird. 470 00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:23,187 Uh... 471 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,397 But not from your job, just from running Gero's Twitter account. 472 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:28,942 Ah. That is a huge relief. 473 00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:30,277 No pun intended. 474 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,029 [stammers] Can I ask why, Marla? 475 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:35,115 This is a family company, and you used the "F" word. 476 00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:38,285 Fart? That's... not the "F" word. 477 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:41,663 And--and that's-- 478 00:18:41,747 --> 00:18:45,083 Okay, we're done with that. Uh, crisis averted. 479 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,585 Ooh, fantastic. I gotta bounce. 480 00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:48,712 You know those, uh, love questions I asked you? 481 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,088 I've been stealing your answers, 482 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,674 so now a bunch of women on apps are in love with me. 483 00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:54,259 You mean in love with me. 484 00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:55,969 I wish. You're taken. 485 00:18:57,346 --> 00:19:00,390 Be good to him, Astrid. You don't know what you have. 486 00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:02,267 Stay away from my man, Ennis. 487 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,271 Not that it matters, but where are the children? 488 00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:07,439 Huh? 489 00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:15,906 [Astrid] Sure, screens have a bad reputation, 490 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,491 but sometimes they're great. 491 00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,909 [James] It's easy to feel guilty about all the things 492 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,369 we're supposed to do or not do. 493 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:22,538 It's brutal. Sometimes you have to give yourself a break. 494 00:19:22,621 --> 00:19:23,664 [laughter] 495 00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:25,874 [James] Screens are a part of the world, for good or evil. 496 00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:27,668 Mostly evil. 497 00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:28,752 [Astrid] James, don't. 498 00:19:28,836 --> 00:19:30,671 Sometimes those screens bring us together and create memories. 499 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:31,797 [James] Yes, yes, yes. 500 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,758 And also record memories that Big Tech has access to. 501 00:19:34,842 --> 00:19:36,134 - [Astrid] I said don't. - [James] Sorry. 502 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,970 Bedtime, unfortunately. Go get Susy. 503 00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,681 - Nope. Nope. Nope. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. 504 00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:41,849 - Go on, bedtime. - [Viv groans] 505 00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:42,933 [playful groan] 506 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:46,979 Okay. 507 00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:50,399 Where is the remote button on this thing? 508 00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:53,402 Hi, Dad. You need to download the remote app on your phone. 509 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,779 Uh, how do-- where's my phone? 510 00:19:55,863 --> 00:19:57,656 [Felix laughs] 511 00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,449 Felix, give me back my phone! 512 00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:02,077 "If you knew that you had one year to live, 513 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,289 what would you change about how you live and why?" 514 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,748 Have you seen Eat, Pray, Love? 515 00:20:06,832 --> 00:20:08,083 Oh, like, a million times. 516 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:10,085 I'd watch that. 517 00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:12,921 If you had a year to live, you'd watch a movie. 518 00:20:13,005 --> 00:20:14,715 I've heard good things. 519 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,216 Yeah, but you have a whole year. 520 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,719 I'd be working and sleeping. Not a lot of free time. 521 00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:21,054 If you only had a year to live, you'd still be working? 522 00:20:21,138 --> 00:20:26,018 I don't understand the question. Back to work. 523 00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:28,729 I mean, how do you not fall in love? 524 00:20:30,981 --> 00:20:33,192 [vocalists sing end theme song]