1 00:00:03,147 --> 00:00:05,447 Who keeps putting half-eaten apples in the fridge? 2 00:00:05,516 --> 00:00:10,552 Felix? Viv? Andrew doesn't have teeth, but he's still a suspect. 3 00:00:10,621 --> 00:00:14,189 Hey, ding-dongs. I said two episodes, and then that's it. 4 00:00:14,258 --> 00:00:16,124 I don't know when they end. 5 00:00:16,193 --> 00:00:18,794 Well, I said said you could watch two episodes an hour ago, 6 00:00:18,862 --> 00:00:20,462 so you've watched at least four now. 7 00:00:20,531 --> 00:00:22,597 I watched my two and then Viv watched her two. 8 00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:25,767 [Astrid] Screen time. Like Tummy Time or Time Out. 9 00:00:25,836 --> 00:00:28,070 The kind of time we never knew about until we had kids. 10 00:00:28,138 --> 00:00:29,504 Can I watch the iPad now? 11 00:00:29,573 --> 00:00:30,772 [James] Yeah. When I was growing up, 12 00:00:30,841 --> 00:00:33,341 we rotted our brains with TVs and computers, 13 00:00:33,410 --> 00:00:35,077 and we were fine. 14 00:00:35,145 --> 00:00:36,778 [Astrid] Or so we thought. 15 00:00:36,847 --> 00:00:39,114 But apparently it's actually bad for kids' brains. 16 00:00:39,183 --> 00:00:41,950 [James] And now there are so many screens in so many places, 17 00:00:42,019 --> 00:00:43,919 it's like their brains can't escape. 18 00:00:43,987 --> 00:00:46,254 Where's the clicker? Hello. Hello? 19 00:00:46,323 --> 00:00:48,490 [James] You can't cut them off screens completely. 20 00:00:48,559 --> 00:00:49,891 Let me see. I know, it's-- ha ha ha. Where's the--? 21 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,460 [Felix exclaims] 22 00:00:51,528 --> 00:00:52,861 - Oh, fine. I'll do it myself. - [Viv] No! Watching TV! 23 00:00:52,930 --> 00:00:55,964 [James] Here we go. Watch this. Okay, wait. Watch this. 24 00:00:56,033 --> 00:00:58,667 [Astrid] Because eventually, technology will pass you by 25 00:00:58,735 --> 00:01:00,602 and you'll need their help with your screen time. 26 00:01:00,671 --> 00:01:01,803 Right now, 'cause Daddy's gonna-- 27 00:01:01,872 --> 00:01:03,839 - [Felix and Viv laughing] - Is that-- Ho--! 28 00:01:03,907 --> 00:01:05,440 Hey! Wh-- How--? Give me that. 29 00:01:05,509 --> 00:01:07,976 Would you like me to turn off the TV, Daddy? 30 00:01:09,079 --> 00:01:10,745 Yes, I would. 31 00:01:10,814 --> 00:01:13,682 [James] And then they will have their revenge. 32 00:01:20,023 --> 00:01:23,291 Yeah, I-I'll be back in front of my computer in, like, a minute. 33 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,127 Can I use your phone to show Felix 34 00:01:25,195 --> 00:01:26,895 the goat screaming like a person? 35 00:01:26,964 --> 00:01:28,330 No, no, because I'm using my phone 36 00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:29,865 to make a phone call with my boss. 37 00:01:29,933 --> 00:01:31,600 Whoa, the "B word!" 38 00:01:31,668 --> 00:01:34,102 Yeah, but that goat thing is funny. 39 00:01:34,171 --> 00:01:35,904 Anything that screams like a person, I laugh. 40 00:01:35,973 --> 00:01:37,639 Except a person. 41 00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,274 Jean-Luc, I'm really gonna need you to keep this call focused 42 00:01:39,343 --> 00:01:40,442 because we've already spent way 43 00:01:40,511 --> 00:01:41,843 too much time talking about Kirsten Dunst. 44 00:01:41,912 --> 00:01:43,145 She deserves an Oscar. 45 00:01:43,213 --> 00:01:46,448 Okay, I know that people are worried that the World Cup 46 00:01:46,517 --> 00:01:48,517 means more trash in the city, but I'm not worried. 47 00:01:48,585 --> 00:01:51,019 We've been specifically hired to worry about it. 48 00:01:51,088 --> 00:01:52,254 Okay, this is not good for my mental health. 49 00:01:52,322 --> 00:01:53,922 I already got a lot on my plate. 50 00:01:53,991 --> 00:01:55,924 Yes, I already know about running your mother's Airbnb 51 00:01:55,993 --> 00:01:57,292 and the thing with your girlfriend's foot. 52 00:01:57,361 --> 00:01:59,060 Can we watch Cake Idiots? 53 00:01:59,129 --> 00:02:01,263 Uh, no. Felix, you guys are supposed to be taking a break 54 00:02:01,331 --> 00:02:02,430 from screen time for the next two days. 55 00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:03,865 Can you go play in the backyard? 56 00:02:03,934 --> 00:02:06,067 Oh, we can pretend it's a giant VR room. 57 00:02:06,136 --> 00:02:07,836 - Yes! - Come on, let's go, Viv! 58 00:02:07,905 --> 00:02:10,939 Okay. Um, one thing that we can do that's job-related is, um, 59 00:02:11,008 --> 00:02:14,943 I can chart how other cities boosted their waste management. 60 00:02:15,012 --> 00:02:17,345 Are--are you playing video games? 61 00:02:17,414 --> 00:02:18,680 No. Are you? 62 00:02:18,749 --> 00:02:20,815 What were you saying? 63 00:02:20,884 --> 00:02:22,984 I'm going to make a pretty graph and show the garbage people 64 00:02:23,053 --> 00:02:24,686 where to add more garbage trucks. 65 00:02:24,755 --> 00:02:26,388 That would make me feel so much better. 66 00:02:26,456 --> 00:02:29,157 Okay, I'll have it for you on Monday. Goodbye. 67 00:02:29,226 --> 00:02:30,325 Bye! 68 00:02:31,862 --> 00:02:33,228 - Ha! - Hi-yah! 69 00:02:33,297 --> 00:02:35,230 - [grunts] Yah! - Hyah! 70 00:02:37,568 --> 00:02:39,935 James. At your desk. I love it. 71 00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:42,437 Ah, well, you took the chairs out of the break room. 72 00:02:42,506 --> 00:02:47,809 Wheel of Time stops for no one. Do you watch the Wheel of Time? 73 00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:49,010 Uh, I watch a show called Cake Idiots, 74 00:02:49,079 --> 00:02:50,712 about people who make cake. 75 00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:52,881 They try to make cake, but they--they can't make a cake. 76 00:02:52,950 --> 00:02:55,383 Good news, James. I have decided to put you 77 00:02:55,452 --> 00:02:58,853 in charge of Gero's social media accounts. 78 00:02:58,922 --> 00:03:02,157 Okay. And not someone who's good at that. 79 00:03:02,226 --> 00:03:03,158 Oh, we had a social media manager, 80 00:03:03,227 --> 00:03:05,660 but we fired her for using the "F" word. 81 00:03:05,729 --> 00:03:07,128 Ah! You know, generally, 82 00:03:07,197 --> 00:03:09,397 the only "F" word I like to use is effort. I use-- 83 00:03:09,466 --> 00:03:13,602 James. I loved that joke. 84 00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:15,036 Ha ha. But here's the thing. 85 00:03:15,105 --> 00:03:16,805 I don't think I'm the best person 86 00:03:16,873 --> 00:03:19,174 to necessarily be tweeting and TikTokking. 87 00:03:19,243 --> 00:03:21,309 You are punctual, well informed, 88 00:03:21,378 --> 00:03:23,745 and unwilling to speak out against authority-- 89 00:03:23,814 --> 00:03:26,848 all things people love in a social media manager. 90 00:03:26,917 --> 00:03:28,984 I call hashtags pound signs. 91 00:03:29,052 --> 00:03:31,419 You'll be typing, so no one will know how out of touch you are. 92 00:03:31,488 --> 00:03:33,355 All you have to do is tweet the deals 93 00:03:33,423 --> 00:03:35,090 from the web page as they come up. 94 00:03:35,158 --> 00:03:37,626 Okay? And I do that in addition to my other job? 95 00:03:37,694 --> 00:03:41,162 Yes. Now, Twitter traffic is huge on weekends, 96 00:03:41,231 --> 00:03:42,964 so respond to the apps. 97 00:03:43,033 --> 00:03:44,366 All of them. 98 00:03:46,670 --> 00:03:49,137 Cool, cool, cool, cool. Just eat, sleep, tweet. 99 00:03:49,206 --> 00:03:51,973 That's it. That's--that's-- that's all there is to it. 100 00:04:00,384 --> 00:04:02,584 Mommy, look at my drawing. 101 00:04:02,653 --> 00:04:05,253 That's fantastic. 102 00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:08,123 - Mom. Mom. Mom? - Yes? Yes? Yes? 103 00:04:08,191 --> 00:04:09,591 Can you get my Legos? 104 00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:11,259 Um, the Legos we put in the attic 105 00:04:11,328 --> 00:04:13,695 because you said you didn't like Legos anymore. 106 00:04:13,764 --> 00:04:15,330 Yeah. 107 00:04:15,399 --> 00:04:17,098 - What is happening? - Drawing my name. 108 00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:19,167 Okay, um, Mommy has a lot of work to do. 109 00:04:19,236 --> 00:04:20,502 Do you think you guys could just play a game 110 00:04:20,570 --> 00:04:21,836 of Snakes and Ladders? 111 00:04:21,905 --> 00:04:22,971 That game is dumb. 112 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,906 Yes, correct. The person who invented it 113 00:04:24,975 --> 00:04:27,108 understood ladders, but not snakes. 114 00:04:27,177 --> 00:04:30,578 Um, okay, okay, why don't we just-- 115 00:04:30,647 --> 00:04:32,247 let's watch a little bit of TV. 116 00:04:32,316 --> 00:04:33,615 I thought we were taking a break. 117 00:04:33,684 --> 00:04:35,216 This is like a break from the break. 118 00:04:35,285 --> 00:04:36,851 Good. I'm exhausted. 119 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,520 Great. Come on, let's go. 120 00:04:38,588 --> 00:04:39,888 Let's do it. 121 00:04:39,956 --> 00:04:43,725 Okay, I'm going to be right over there. 122 00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:47,329 So, you know, if you yell, I'll hear you like, instantly. 123 00:04:47,397 --> 00:04:51,032 - Sure. - Cool. Viv? Viv? 124 00:04:51,101 --> 00:04:53,168 [woman on television] You may be the professor of archeology 125 00:04:53,236 --> 00:04:57,272 at the University of Alberta, but you're also a Cake Idiot. 126 00:04:57,341 --> 00:04:58,540 [brutal buzzer] 127 00:04:59,443 --> 00:05:01,309 Right. Okay. I'll be over here. 128 00:05:07,484 --> 00:05:09,884 - Ugh. Hey, question for you. - Mm? 129 00:05:09,953 --> 00:05:11,286 We work for a grocery chain. 130 00:05:11,355 --> 00:05:12,954 You'd think they could provide lunch. 131 00:05:13,023 --> 00:05:15,457 Then stop eating your lunch when you first get here. 132 00:05:15,525 --> 00:05:17,292 I skip breakfast. That's my thing. 133 00:05:17,361 --> 00:05:21,162 'Kay. Hey, I got a question for you. What's a "simp"? 134 00:05:21,231 --> 00:05:23,098 What's a phone? What's the Internet? 135 00:05:23,166 --> 00:05:26,334 Nobody asks other people questions anymore. Uh, d'uh! 136 00:05:26,403 --> 00:05:28,103 Marla's got me in charge of the Gero's social media account. 137 00:05:28,171 --> 00:05:29,704 I'm trying to learn the lingo. 138 00:05:29,773 --> 00:05:31,406 You're in charge of the social media account? 139 00:05:31,475 --> 00:05:33,408 That's like--that's like having a brush fire 140 00:05:33,477 --> 00:05:35,343 then they get the guy who doesn't know where the water is 141 00:05:35,412 --> 00:05:37,245 to put out the-- the brush fire. 142 00:05:37,314 --> 00:05:39,681 That's what-- that's you. You're the-- You understand? 143 00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:41,683 - I get it. - I have a question for you. 144 00:05:41,752 --> 00:05:42,984 I read this article, 145 00:05:43,053 --> 00:05:44,886 36 questions that if you ask somebody 146 00:05:44,955 --> 00:05:48,123 and they answer truthfully, you fall in love with them. 147 00:05:48,191 --> 00:05:50,158 Falling in love just from talking to somebody? 148 00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:51,860 Mm-mm. Some people call that a conversation. 149 00:05:51,928 --> 00:05:53,595 Well, my parents haven't spoken in years. 150 00:05:53,663 --> 00:05:55,797 They've never been stronger. My mother could be nicer. 151 00:05:55,866 --> 00:05:57,198 Okay. For example, 152 00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:59,334 if--if a crystal ball could reveal one truth about yourself, 153 00:05:59,403 --> 00:06:01,202 what would you want to know? 154 00:06:01,271 --> 00:06:05,974 Mm... I guess I'd want to know if I've been as true to myself 155 00:06:06,042 --> 00:06:08,209 as I've been to the people I love. 156 00:06:09,646 --> 00:06:13,014 [laughter builds] 157 00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:15,550 See, that's stupid. That... 158 00:06:15,619 --> 00:06:18,019 Actually, I-- [stammers] I hope you have, too. 159 00:06:18,088 --> 00:06:20,054 You deserve it. 160 00:06:20,123 --> 00:06:21,589 Don't fall in love with me, Ennis. 161 00:06:21,658 --> 00:06:22,891 But see, that's the point. I wouldn't. 162 00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:24,893 They were implying that I could fall in love with you 163 00:06:24,961 --> 00:06:26,394 just from one beautiful, 164 00:06:26,463 --> 00:06:29,898 heartbreakingly evocative answer. 165 00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:33,668 Oh, here we go. A "simp" is a silly or foolish person. 166 00:06:33,737 --> 00:06:37,105 Okay, I'm gonna tweet that I'm "a simp for asparagus." 167 00:06:37,174 --> 00:06:40,675 [laughs] That's funny. 168 00:06:40,744 --> 00:06:43,978 You're funny, James. [sighs] 169 00:06:51,888 --> 00:06:53,455 [Astrid clears throat] 170 00:06:53,523 --> 00:06:57,258 [indistinct television audio] 171 00:06:57,327 --> 00:06:59,394 Um, hi. 172 00:06:59,463 --> 00:07:01,162 Hi. I didn't hear you come in. 173 00:07:01,231 --> 00:07:03,398 I have small feet. Uh, what are you working on? 174 00:07:03,467 --> 00:07:05,967 [sighs] I'm just researching how the Greek government 175 00:07:06,036 --> 00:07:08,603 got rid of trash during the 2004 Olympics. 176 00:07:08,672 --> 00:07:10,705 - Lot of landfills. - Great. 177 00:07:10,774 --> 00:07:12,407 Um, but when you're done with that, 178 00:07:12,476 --> 00:07:15,777 I think the kids might be going cross-eyed. 179 00:07:15,846 --> 00:07:17,545 Hey! Break from the break is over. 180 00:07:17,614 --> 00:07:19,047 Everybody upstairs. Go read. 181 00:07:19,115 --> 00:07:20,348 Felix, no picture books. 182 00:07:20,417 --> 00:07:22,784 Viv, only those boring nature books that you hate. 183 00:07:22,853 --> 00:07:26,287 Fine! But I'm going to read them in a mean voice. 184 00:07:26,356 --> 00:07:27,755 [Viv growls] 185 00:07:27,824 --> 00:07:29,123 That's right, get mad. 186 00:07:30,393 --> 00:07:32,427 It's so hard to keep kids off screens. 187 00:07:32,496 --> 00:07:34,596 Corey is always on his calculator, 188 00:07:34,664 --> 00:07:36,364 but he's not allowed on the Internet. 189 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:37,665 Isn't he learning to code? 190 00:07:37,734 --> 00:07:39,734 He writes out his code longhand on recycled paper. 191 00:07:39,803 --> 00:07:42,337 He just finished the website for Bo's Crocheting service. 192 00:07:42,405 --> 00:07:44,272 It fills a whole banker's box. 193 00:07:44,341 --> 00:07:45,540 You're only young once. 194 00:07:45,609 --> 00:07:48,109 Did I forget we were having coffee or something? I-- 195 00:07:48,178 --> 00:07:49,444 Many times. But today, 196 00:07:49,513 --> 00:07:51,412 I'm here to get Corey's marble set. 197 00:07:51,481 --> 00:07:53,147 Dawn, I don't know where that is. 198 00:07:53,216 --> 00:07:55,517 Well, when I lent it to you guys, I put it right... 199 00:07:55,585 --> 00:07:57,151 there, where it still is. 200 00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:58,419 Oh, yeah, that's where I put it, there. 201 00:07:58,488 --> 00:08:01,189 We keep it there in case the urge to play marble strikes. 202 00:08:01,258 --> 00:08:03,725 - Bye. - Bye. 203 00:08:08,331 --> 00:08:10,732 Aw, Andrew's first family meeting. 204 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:11,966 Where's Viv? 205 00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:14,669 She's on the iPad like Mommy does. 206 00:08:14,738 --> 00:08:16,971 Aw, Viv's first online meeting. 207 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:20,141 How is everyone doing today? How's Morris? 208 00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:22,377 No, his name's not Morris, Viv. It's Andrew. 209 00:08:22,445 --> 00:08:24,045 - Please stop doing that. - Viv. 210 00:08:24,114 --> 00:08:26,014 Viv, this is, uh, what it's going to be like 211 00:08:26,082 --> 00:08:27,815 when you're away at college, and it's very emotional for me. 212 00:08:27,884 --> 00:08:29,517 Can you please join us downstairs? 213 00:08:29,586 --> 00:08:32,320 It's easier to focus with the iPad. 214 00:08:35,992 --> 00:08:38,326 - Okay, is everybody ready--? - [shrill electronic feedback] 215 00:08:38,395 --> 00:08:40,595 That's-- look at that. We're all within earshot. 216 00:08:40,664 --> 00:08:42,764 Can everybody just mute their screens real quick? 217 00:08:45,035 --> 00:08:46,000 Your father and I-- 218 00:08:46,069 --> 00:08:48,036 Ugh. "Your father and I." 219 00:08:48,104 --> 00:08:51,539 Me and Papa Nerd want to cut back on screentime. 220 00:08:51,608 --> 00:08:53,174 It's bad for your eyes and brains. 221 00:08:53,243 --> 00:08:55,944 And bodies. We should be moving our bodies constantly. 222 00:08:56,012 --> 00:08:59,314 That's-- but not literally constantly. 223 00:08:59,382 --> 00:09:01,716 That would be impractical and probably unhealthy. 224 00:09:01,785 --> 00:09:02,850 Rest is very important. 225 00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:05,353 And you should exercise, though, once a day. 226 00:09:05,422 --> 00:09:07,689 I-- Basically, what I'm saying is that, um, 227 00:09:07,757 --> 00:09:09,757 we're spending too much time not exercising. 228 00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:11,859 Sorry, I missed that. Can you start again? 229 00:09:11,928 --> 00:09:15,163 God, no. You're taking a break from screens till next week, 230 00:09:15,231 --> 00:09:16,664 and that is final. 231 00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:19,367 But you get to be on your screens all the time. 232 00:09:19,436 --> 00:09:21,436 That's different, buddy. We use our screens for work. 233 00:09:21,504 --> 00:09:25,573 Is your work watching videos of dogs protecting babies? 234 00:09:27,377 --> 00:09:28,543 Well-- 235 00:09:28,612 --> 00:09:30,411 Daddy got the glitch. 236 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,813 James, you're frozen. 237 00:09:31,881 --> 00:09:34,482 Uh-- Okay, hold on. I'm coming. 238 00:09:34,551 --> 00:09:36,951 Anyway, point taken, Felix. We use screens a lot, too. 239 00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:39,721 We will also take a break. Meeting adjourned. 240 00:09:43,193 --> 00:09:45,860 Eh, did you just volunteer to give up our screens? 241 00:09:45,929 --> 00:09:47,795 Yes, to their faces. But obviously we're not doing that. 242 00:09:47,864 --> 00:09:50,598 We just have to lie about it and do it secretly, like addicts. 243 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,033 Oh! Nice. 244 00:09:57,540 --> 00:10:00,074 See? It's working. We're great parents. 245 00:10:00,143 --> 00:10:01,809 Totally. The best. 246 00:10:01,878 --> 00:10:04,345 I'm really enjoying the screen break as well, I would say. 247 00:10:04,414 --> 00:10:07,115 - Yes. - [chuckles] Right? 248 00:10:07,183 --> 00:10:09,217 I did send you a video of penguins and their babies. 249 00:10:09,285 --> 00:10:11,152 Just don't-- don't look at it right now. 250 00:10:11,221 --> 00:10:12,286 - Yeah. - Later. 251 00:10:12,355 --> 00:10:13,955 We should go out if it's nice. 252 00:10:14,024 --> 00:10:15,590 Uh-huh. 253 00:10:15,659 --> 00:10:17,525 - I can check if it's nice. - Mmm... 254 00:10:17,594 --> 00:10:19,160 Don't--don't-- I don't think you should do that. 255 00:10:19,229 --> 00:10:20,128 But I will have to check my phone 256 00:10:20,196 --> 00:10:22,130 to see if any work emails came in 257 00:10:22,198 --> 00:10:23,498 to tell me to tweet. 258 00:10:23,566 --> 00:10:24,899 And actually, I have to do that by 10:00. What time is it? 259 00:10:24,968 --> 00:10:27,702 - I could check the time. - I could also check the time. 260 00:10:27,771 --> 00:10:29,971 I'll just hop on here real quick. Just real quick. 261 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:31,539 Yeah. 262 00:10:31,608 --> 00:10:33,007 Look what I colored! 263 00:10:33,076 --> 00:10:34,742 - Ah! Hey! - Hey, wonder girl. 264 00:10:34,811 --> 00:10:35,777 What? 265 00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:37,712 - Oh! - That has a lot of detail. 266 00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:40,181 Like you've been really looking at that for a long time. 267 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,684 Mm-hmm. So, great colors, first note. 268 00:10:42,752 --> 00:10:47,155 But, like, so the half-human, half-cat is a little adult, no? 269 00:10:47,223 --> 00:10:49,023 - It's from the iPad. - What? 270 00:10:49,092 --> 00:10:51,459 You're not supposed to be on screens this weekend. 271 00:10:51,528 --> 00:10:54,328 I wasn't. Felix printed it for me. 272 00:10:54,397 --> 00:10:55,496 Oh, no, no, no. 273 00:10:55,565 --> 00:10:56,597 [stammers] You gotta-- 274 00:10:56,666 --> 00:10:57,899 Hey, what are you doing? 275 00:10:57,967 --> 00:10:59,367 Ahh... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 276 00:10:59,436 --> 00:11:00,902 Both of you get dressed while we figure out your punishment. 277 00:11:00,970 --> 00:11:02,637 - [Felix groans] - [James] Ooh! 278 00:11:02,706 --> 00:11:03,771 Come on! 279 00:11:04,741 --> 00:11:05,973 - Hey. Sorry. - So, new plan. 280 00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:06,941 I'm gonna take the kids to the park 281 00:11:07,010 --> 00:11:08,376 while Andrew has his nap time. 282 00:11:08,445 --> 00:11:10,712 That will give you a chance to get some work done, a bit of it. 283 00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:12,780 And then when I come back, we switch swap. 284 00:11:12,849 --> 00:11:14,315 What about your Twitter thing? 285 00:11:14,384 --> 00:11:15,283 Aren't you supposed to be doing that all day? 286 00:11:15,351 --> 00:11:17,118 Yeah, uh, well, I got a solution. 287 00:11:17,187 --> 00:11:19,020 Voice-to-text tweeting. 288 00:11:19,089 --> 00:11:22,523 "Running low on Sriracha? Gero's has gotcha. 289 00:11:22,592 --> 00:11:27,061 Two-for-one bottles only at Gero's." 290 00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:31,232 - Slick! - Mm! 291 00:11:31,301 --> 00:11:32,967 And I rhymed "Sriracha" with "gotcha." 292 00:11:33,036 --> 00:11:34,268 - That I did not care for. - Okay. 293 00:11:34,337 --> 00:11:36,237 Oh. Getting a lot of engagement. 294 00:11:36,306 --> 00:11:39,474 So, thank you. Stand... corrected... 295 00:11:39,542 --> 00:11:41,743 I'll-- um, I'll finish the laundry. 296 00:11:48,952 --> 00:11:50,985 - I'm the ice dragon! - I want to be the ice dragon! 297 00:11:51,054 --> 00:11:53,354 Hey, hey, hey, you're both ice dragons. 298 00:11:53,423 --> 00:11:56,491 But I'm an ice and fire and lightning dragon. 299 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:58,359 Why doesn't Felix just say he's the everything dragon? 300 00:11:58,428 --> 00:11:59,360 No, then Viv says she's 301 00:11:59,429 --> 00:12:00,828 an everything dragon times infinity. 302 00:12:00,897 --> 00:12:02,430 It becomes a whole thing. 303 00:12:02,499 --> 00:12:04,132 Yeah, but then Felix can say he's a rubber dragon 304 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,234 and everything Viv says bounces off him, sticks to her. 305 00:12:06,302 --> 00:12:07,268 Kids don't know how to play anymore. 306 00:12:07,337 --> 00:12:08,469 I got a text the world about milk. 307 00:12:08,538 --> 00:12:12,306 Oh, yeah, just keep it simple, like we said. 308 00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:17,345 "Gotta love fresh milk. On sale all weekend. 309 00:12:17,413 --> 00:12:20,848 Pound sign, great savings." 310 00:12:20,917 --> 00:12:23,751 That was perfect. You're perfect. 311 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:25,186 You know, I appreciate you coming out here, but you don't 312 00:12:25,255 --> 00:12:27,488 have to hold my hand through the whole social media thing. 313 00:12:27,557 --> 00:12:29,824 [laughs] "Hold your hand"? 314 00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:33,561 That's-- Yeah. Imagine. I got a question for you. 315 00:12:33,630 --> 00:12:36,097 - Eh? - What's the last song you sang? 316 00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:37,632 By yourself or to another person? 317 00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:39,400 This-- another one of those love questions? 318 00:12:39,469 --> 00:12:40,902 It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. It was stupid. 319 00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:42,003 But answer, though? 320 00:12:42,071 --> 00:12:46,374 Uh... well, I sang "Wrecking Ball" to Viv. 321 00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:49,210 - Oh, no. - [laughs] Yeah. 322 00:12:49,279 --> 00:12:52,013 - Ugh. - I don't know, but... 323 00:12:52,081 --> 00:12:54,482 Viv did kind of come into my life like a wrecking ball. 324 00:12:54,551 --> 00:12:57,819 When she was born, she just tore down all my preconceptions, 325 00:12:57,887 --> 00:13:00,054 made me a better man. 326 00:13:02,225 --> 00:13:04,759 Hey, guys, guys. Hide and seek, okay? I'm counting. 327 00:13:04,828 --> 00:13:06,360 - Let's hide, Felix. - Will you watch them? 328 00:13:06,429 --> 00:13:10,765 - Viv, come on, let's go! - [Ennis] Oh. Okay. 329 00:13:10,834 --> 00:13:13,601 "Only today at Gero's Grocery, 330 00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:16,504 save 20 percent on all Greek yoga--" 331 00:13:16,573 --> 00:13:20,141 [screams] Stop farting on my face! 332 00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:21,742 Stop farting in your sister's face! 333 00:13:21,811 --> 00:13:23,077 - This is stupid. - [tweet sound] 334 00:13:23,146 --> 00:13:24,812 Look at me. Come here. Where's Viv? 335 00:13:24,881 --> 00:13:28,950 Hey. Start behaving or we're gonna go home, okay? Play nice. 336 00:13:29,886 --> 00:13:31,252 They don't deserve you. 337 00:13:33,223 --> 00:13:34,522 Thanks. 338 00:13:36,392 --> 00:13:38,926 [Astrid] It's worrying to think about the long-term effects 339 00:13:38,995 --> 00:13:40,995 your parenting could have on your kids. 340 00:13:41,064 --> 00:13:43,164 Not enough water could mean bad kidneys forever. 341 00:13:43,233 --> 00:13:45,600 Not enough exercise is bad for their heart. 342 00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:47,602 Too much screen time turns them into jittery, 343 00:13:47,670 --> 00:13:49,537 hunched-over little screen goblins. 344 00:13:49,606 --> 00:13:51,105 But not finishing work might mean 345 00:13:51,174 --> 00:13:52,807 that they don't have food or shelter. 346 00:13:52,876 --> 00:13:54,075 Right? [chuckles] 347 00:13:54,143 --> 00:13:56,510 So sometimes you have to make tough choices. 348 00:13:56,579 --> 00:13:58,880 [baby cries] 349 00:14:01,351 --> 00:14:03,851 Are you planning on using the oven or not? 350 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,887 [brutal buzzer] 351 00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:11,659 Today's contestants are a biochemical engineer, 352 00:14:11,728 --> 00:14:12,860 an ancient language specialist, and... 353 00:14:12,929 --> 00:14:14,295 Already? 354 00:14:14,364 --> 00:14:16,297 But-- Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing? 355 00:14:16,366 --> 00:14:17,398 - What's all this? - No, don't "What's this?" 356 00:14:17,467 --> 00:14:19,233 What about you? Why are you home so early? 357 00:14:19,302 --> 00:14:21,235 Where our kids? Did you leave them at the park? 358 00:14:21,304 --> 00:14:22,870 My phone died, they're in the backyard. 359 00:14:22,939 --> 00:14:24,338 Have you seen my stick? 360 00:14:24,407 --> 00:14:27,408 Hey, there's plenty of sticks outside, buddy. 361 00:14:27,477 --> 00:14:30,144 Andrew would not go down. I think he is toying with me. 362 00:14:30,213 --> 00:14:32,580 Can you please, please make sure the kids stay outside? 363 00:14:32,649 --> 00:14:34,181 I can't. I got to stay plugged in. 364 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:37,418 At MountainDewFlex says our kale salad slaps. 365 00:14:37,487 --> 00:14:38,686 Which I think is good, 366 00:14:38,755 --> 00:14:40,588 but I was very wrong about what "snatched" meant. 367 00:14:40,657 --> 00:14:43,925 Okay, remember when I said that we were great parents? 368 00:14:43,993 --> 00:14:45,159 I was wrong. 369 00:14:48,798 --> 00:14:51,499 Okay. Yeah, there's some places we could improve. 370 00:14:51,567 --> 00:14:53,134 What do you think? 371 00:14:53,202 --> 00:14:55,970 - Something drastic? - Yeah, that's it. 372 00:14:56,039 --> 00:14:57,638 - Oh! - Screen jail. 373 00:14:57,707 --> 00:14:59,640 Felix, go get Viv. 374 00:14:59,709 --> 00:15:01,542 Go get Viv. We are going to do something as a family, 375 00:15:01,611 --> 00:15:04,278 and we are going to like it, whether we like it or not. 376 00:15:12,355 --> 00:15:14,255 Okay, Felix, you are up. 377 00:15:14,324 --> 00:15:16,657 I don't understand why I had to go to jail. 378 00:15:16,726 --> 00:15:18,059 Because you landed on "Go to Jail." 379 00:15:18,127 --> 00:15:19,660 But I didn't want to land there. 380 00:15:19,729 --> 00:15:22,430 - It's just a game, sweetie. - A super fun game. 381 00:15:22,498 --> 00:15:23,698 Just stop. 382 00:15:23,766 --> 00:15:26,567 Do people go to jail for no reason in real life? 383 00:15:26,636 --> 00:15:27,568 No! 384 00:15:27,637 --> 00:15:29,236 Actually, honestly, yes. 385 00:15:29,305 --> 00:15:31,672 There's complex systemic problems in place, 386 00:15:31,741 --> 00:15:34,976 made worse by the fact that you, Viv, are poor... 387 00:15:35,044 --> 00:15:36,110 in the game. 388 00:15:36,179 --> 00:15:37,678 Felix, roll the dice. 389 00:15:37,747 --> 00:15:41,248 Why doesn't Mom just lend Viv the money? She has tons. 390 00:15:41,317 --> 00:15:43,818 Because Mommy is not an empathy bank. 391 00:15:43,886 --> 00:15:45,453 Mommy's a money bank. 392 00:15:45,521 --> 00:15:47,955 She can't just give out free money to anyone who asks. 393 00:15:48,024 --> 00:15:49,724 - Why not? - Well, I'm gonna refer you 394 00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:51,559 back to those systemic problems I mentioned earlier. 395 00:15:51,627 --> 00:15:53,461 In fact, I bet there's some great movements about it. 396 00:15:53,529 --> 00:15:56,564 - I'm just going to pop out... - No phones! 397 00:15:56,632 --> 00:15:58,466 Just roll the dice. Please. 398 00:15:58,534 --> 00:15:59,633 Please, I beg you, roll the dice. 399 00:15:59,702 --> 00:16:00,768 [James] That's...! 400 00:16:00,837 --> 00:16:02,003 - Oh, my God. - [Felix] Yay! Got a six. 401 00:16:02,071 --> 00:16:04,171 - [doorbell rings] - One on the floor every time... 402 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,539 - Can you get that? - Oh, yep. 403 00:16:05,608 --> 00:16:07,008 [knocking on door] 404 00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:08,542 Hello? 405 00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:10,511 - Yeah, what? Hey. - [Astrid] Ennis. 406 00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:14,148 James, you're okay? Jeez, man, I'm not going to sing to you. 407 00:16:14,217 --> 00:16:15,616 - What? - Nothing! 408 00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:17,251 I've been trying to reach you for hours. 409 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,853 What's going on? No calls are getting through, 410 00:16:18,921 --> 00:16:20,588 - my texts... - My phone's dead and in jail. 411 00:16:20,656 --> 00:16:21,889 Yeah, well, your last tweet is blowing up, 412 00:16:21,958 --> 00:16:23,457 and not in the good way. 413 00:16:23,526 --> 00:16:25,426 [automated voice] Only today at Gero's Grocery, 414 00:16:25,495 --> 00:16:27,528 save 20 percent on all Greek yoga. 415 00:16:27,597 --> 00:16:30,131 Stop farting on your sister's face. This is stupid. 416 00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:33,634 Yeah. On the bright side, Greek yoga is trending. 417 00:16:33,703 --> 00:16:35,002 - This is bad. - No, I looked it up. 418 00:16:35,071 --> 00:16:36,470 It's apparently just like regular yoga. 419 00:16:36,539 --> 00:16:37,772 It can't keep blowing it forever, right? 420 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,440 Like, people have other things to do with their life... 421 00:16:39,509 --> 00:16:40,808 - Yeah. Yeah. - Okay. 422 00:16:40,877 --> 00:16:42,376 I'm just gonna-- I'm gonna delete it. 423 00:16:42,445 --> 00:16:44,211 One of the Property Brothers just retweeted it. 424 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,013 Huh? Okay, uh, uh, screen jail is over. 425 00:16:46,082 --> 00:16:48,115 - Yes! - All screens on deck. 426 00:16:48,184 --> 00:16:50,051 Everybody grab a screen. 427 00:16:55,291 --> 00:16:57,158 "Gero's wants you to have loose bowels 428 00:16:57,226 --> 00:16:59,760 so you'll buy more adult diapers." 429 00:16:59,829 --> 00:17:01,462 - You okay, buddy? - No, I'm not. 430 00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:04,598 This viral sister fart dance is harder than it looks. 431 00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:06,534 Oh, dear God. Need updates, people. 432 00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:08,769 I got something. BuzzFeed just put out an article. 433 00:17:08,838 --> 00:17:10,471 "Normalize not farting on women." 434 00:17:10,540 --> 00:17:12,773 - Farting's been canceled. - [Viv groans sharply] 435 00:17:12,842 --> 00:17:14,475 Okay, we're on four subreddits. 436 00:17:14,544 --> 00:17:18,279 I am downloading as fast as I can. But, uh, doesn't... 437 00:17:19,449 --> 00:17:20,448 Oh, God. 438 00:17:20,516 --> 00:17:22,616 Bad news. We're out of cereal. 439 00:17:22,685 --> 00:17:24,652 Okay. Look, I need your help crafting a response. 440 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,053 I can't. I'm in the middle of a flame war 441 00:17:26,122 --> 00:17:27,721 with this guy on Facebook. 442 00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:29,523 It's not entirely related to what we're doing here, 443 00:17:29,592 --> 00:17:31,225 but I'm gonna nail him if he ever responds. 444 00:17:31,294 --> 00:17:32,626 That's okay. I can do it. 445 00:17:32,695 --> 00:17:34,995 "Farting, like breastfeeding, is a natural occurrence." 446 00:17:35,064 --> 00:17:37,498 - [Astrid] No. - "Farting is just burping 447 00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:39,800 - that took the down elevator. - [Astrid] Stop. 448 00:17:39,869 --> 00:17:42,736 "If my tweet traumatized you in any way, I'm sorry." 449 00:17:42,805 --> 00:17:45,172 - [Astrid] "If." Not an apology. - I know. 450 00:17:45,241 --> 00:17:47,975 [phone ringtone plays] 451 00:17:48,044 --> 00:17:49,977 - I know what you're gonna say. - What? 452 00:17:50,046 --> 00:17:52,046 That Gero's farts has its own Twitter account? 453 00:17:52,115 --> 00:17:53,647 You knew I was going to say that? 454 00:17:53,716 --> 00:17:55,316 Uh, I can't say I did know. 455 00:17:55,384 --> 00:17:56,984 It has almost as many followers 456 00:17:57,053 --> 00:17:58,152 as Gero's actual Twitter account. 457 00:17:58,221 --> 00:17:59,553 I'm sorry, Marla. 458 00:17:59,622 --> 00:18:01,889 I did tell you that I was bad at the social media thing. 459 00:18:01,958 --> 00:18:04,325 I told him that, too, Marla. It's Ennis. 460 00:18:04,393 --> 00:18:06,894 Can you tell her it's Ennis. I'm here working. 461 00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:08,129 Well, thanks to your tweet, 462 00:18:08,197 --> 00:18:09,997 we have gained 10,000 followers 463 00:18:10,066 --> 00:18:12,366 and an exclusive distribution deal 464 00:18:12,435 --> 00:18:14,301 for a line of activated charcoal underwear. 465 00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:16,704 So I'd say you're damn good. 466 00:18:16,772 --> 00:18:19,039 - Really? - We've been trending all day. 467 00:18:19,108 --> 00:18:21,041 I mean, Gero's is a part of the conversation. 468 00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:22,610 You can't buy that kind of publicity. 469 00:18:22,678 --> 00:18:25,479 Which makes firing you feel weird. 470 00:18:25,548 --> 00:18:27,848 But not from your job, just from running Gero's Twitter account. 471 00:18:27,917 --> 00:18:31,452 Ah. That is a huge relief. 472 00:18:31,521 --> 00:18:32,686 No pun intended. 473 00:18:32,755 --> 00:18:34,355 [stammers] Can I ask why, Marla? 474 00:18:34,423 --> 00:18:37,525 This is a family company, and you used the "F" word. 475 00:18:37,593 --> 00:18:40,895 Fart? That's... not the "F" word. 476 00:18:42,565 --> 00:18:43,998 And--and that's-- 477 00:18:44,066 --> 00:18:47,434 Okay, we're done with that. Uh, crisis averted. 478 00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:48,702 Ooh, fantastic. I gotta bounce. 479 00:18:48,771 --> 00:18:50,938 You know those, uh, love questions I asked you? 480 00:18:51,007 --> 00:18:52,206 I've been stealing your answers, 481 00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:55,142 so now a bunch of women on apps are in love with me. 482 00:18:55,211 --> 00:18:56,744 You mean in love with me. 483 00:18:56,812 --> 00:18:59,580 I wish. You're taken. 484 00:18:59,649 --> 00:19:02,816 Be good to him, Astrid. You don't know what you have. 485 00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:04,885 Stay away from my man, Ennis. 486 00:19:06,856 --> 00:19:08,822 Not that it matters, but where are the children? 487 00:19:08,891 --> 00:19:10,057 Huh? 488 00:19:16,232 --> 00:19:17,831 [Astrid] Sure, screens have a bad reputation, 489 00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:19,800 but sometimes they're great. 490 00:19:19,869 --> 00:19:21,335 [James] It's easy to feel guilty about all the things 491 00:19:21,404 --> 00:19:23,137 we're supposed to do or not do. 492 00:19:23,206 --> 00:19:25,906 It's brutal. Sometimes you have to give yourself a break. 493 00:19:25,975 --> 00:19:28,242 [James] Screens are a part of the world, for good or evil. 494 00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:30,077 - Mostly evil. - [Astrid] James, don't. 495 00:19:30,146 --> 00:19:31,679 Sometimes those screens bring us 496 00:19:31,747 --> 00:19:33,113 together and create memories. 497 00:19:33,182 --> 00:19:34,748 [James] Yes, yes, yes. 498 00:19:34,817 --> 00:19:35,950 And also record memories 499 00:19:36,018 --> 00:19:37,184 that Big Tech has access to. 500 00:19:37,253 --> 00:19:38,519 - I said don't. - Sorry. 501 00:19:38,588 --> 00:19:40,287 Bedtime, unfortunately. Go get Susy. 502 00:19:40,356 --> 00:19:43,090 - Nope. Nope. Nope. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. 503 00:19:43,159 --> 00:19:44,358 - Go on, bedtime. - [Viv groans] 504 00:19:44,427 --> 00:19:45,559 [playful groan] 505 00:19:47,897 --> 00:19:50,331 Okay. 506 00:19:50,399 --> 00:19:52,666 Where is the remote button on this thing? 507 00:19:52,735 --> 00:19:55,836 Hi, Dad. You need to download the remote app on your phone. 508 00:19:55,905 --> 00:19:58,272 Uh, how do-- where's my phone? 509 00:19:58,341 --> 00:20:00,107 [Felix laughs] 510 00:20:00,176 --> 00:20:02,076 Felix, give me back my phone! 511 00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:07,881 what would you change about how you live and why?" 512 00:20:07,950 --> 00:20:09,416 Have you seen Eat, Pray, Love? 513 00:20:09,485 --> 00:20:10,784 Oh, like, a million times. 514 00:20:10,853 --> 00:20:12,620 I'd watch that. 515 00:20:12,688 --> 00:20:15,589 If you had a year to live, you'd watch a movie. 516 00:20:15,658 --> 00:20:17,124 I've heard good things. 517 00:20:17,193 --> 00:20:18,759 Yeah, but you have a whole year. 518 00:20:18,828 --> 00:20:21,262 I'd be working and sleeping. Not a lot of free time. 519 00:20:21,330 --> 00:20:23,597 If you only had a year to live, you'd still be working? 520 00:20:23,666 --> 00:20:28,602 I don't understand the question. Back to work. 521 00:20:28,671 --> 00:20:31,538 I mean, how do you not fall in love? 522 00:20:33,643 --> 00:20:36,010 [vocalists sing end theme song]