1 00:00:05,749 --> 00:00:07,983 ASTRID: Oh, crap, I forgot Viv's sun hat. 2 00:00:08,052 --> 00:00:10,352 Viv, come over here. 3 00:00:15,292 --> 00:00:17,159 Here you go. - That's the baby's hat. 4 00:00:18,529 --> 00:00:19,928 ASTRID: When you're out in the world, 5 00:00:19,997 --> 00:00:21,129 interacting with your kids, 6 00:00:21,198 --> 00:00:23,598 your parenting is being judged. 7 00:00:23,667 --> 00:00:26,101 - Momma, I'm hungry. 8 00:00:26,170 --> 00:00:27,235 - Um... 9 00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:30,972 Well, I have some of this latte for you. 10 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:32,307 There's some caramel in it. 11 00:00:32,376 --> 00:00:33,809 JAMES: Everyone has an opinion. 12 00:00:33,877 --> 00:00:35,744 Other parents, your parents, Twitter, 13 00:00:35,813 --> 00:00:38,080 people who will never have kids but still think they know best. 14 00:00:38,148 --> 00:00:39,714 - Mmm. Yummy. 15 00:00:39,783 --> 00:00:41,583 ASTRID: And you can't help but judge yourself. 16 00:00:41,652 --> 00:00:42,918 Are you a good mother? 17 00:00:42,986 --> 00:00:45,053 Are other dumb, perfect little goody goodies 18 00:00:45,122 --> 00:00:46,655 better at raising kids than you? 19 00:00:46,723 --> 00:00:48,623 Well, maybe. 20 00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:55,063 - I need to blow my nose. 21 00:00:55,132 --> 00:00:58,733 - Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm just gonna... 22 00:00:58,802 --> 00:01:00,569 All that judgment can make you feel unworthy, 23 00:01:00,637 --> 00:01:02,003 especially if you're having an off day. 24 00:01:02,072 --> 00:01:04,372 - A sock? - Hundred percent cotton. 25 00:01:07,077 --> 00:01:09,845 Pretty soon you start second-guessing yourself. 26 00:01:11,381 --> 00:01:13,815 - Ever use a maxi pad for a diaper? 27 00:01:13,884 --> 00:01:15,117 I have. 28 00:01:15,185 --> 00:01:16,485 - Oh, my God. 29 00:01:16,553 --> 00:01:18,420 I don't think I've changed Andrew all day. 30 00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:23,358 Do you have another maxi pad? 31 00:01:23,427 --> 00:01:24,759 - I do. Yeah. 32 00:01:24,828 --> 00:01:27,195 Let me check here. Okay. 33 00:01:27,264 --> 00:01:28,463 I got a corkscrew. 34 00:01:28,532 --> 00:01:30,232 Pregnancy test-- oh, there it is. 35 00:01:32,369 --> 00:01:34,970 - There he is, Mr. Fix It. 36 00:01:35,038 --> 00:01:38,974 - How's it going there, Mr. Shirt and Tie? 37 00:01:39,042 --> 00:01:40,876 - Yeah, well, that's... 38 00:01:43,814 --> 00:01:45,113 Do you need a hand or... 39 00:01:45,182 --> 00:01:48,016 - No, I'm good. I'm used to doing this alone. 40 00:01:48,952 --> 00:01:50,252 - Okay. Yeah. 41 00:01:53,590 --> 00:01:55,657 Cool. 42 00:01:55,726 --> 00:01:58,226 You speak to Mom? - No, no. 43 00:01:58,295 --> 00:01:59,528 You? - No. 44 00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:03,798 Yeah. 45 00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:05,233 Who's that? Hey. Oh, look at that. 46 00:02:05,302 --> 00:02:06,835 It's Viv. 47 00:02:06,904 --> 00:02:09,271 - Mommy says it's Morris' bedtime. 48 00:02:09,339 --> 00:02:10,438 - Tell her I'll be up in a second. 49 00:02:10,507 --> 00:02:13,074 And stop calling Andrew Morris, you crazy nut. 50 00:02:13,143 --> 00:02:14,576 - I'm not a nut. 51 00:02:14,645 --> 00:02:17,078 - No, I, I, I know, baby. I know... 52 00:02:17,147 --> 00:02:18,380 I didn't mean it. I don't know. 53 00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:19,381 - I was just a bit surprised 54 00:02:19,449 --> 00:02:20,682 that you called the new one Andrew, 55 00:02:20,751 --> 00:02:21,917 what with Sketchy Andy. 56 00:02:21,985 --> 00:02:22,918 [chuckles] 57 00:02:22,986 --> 00:02:24,119 - Who's Sketchy Andy? 58 00:02:24,188 --> 00:02:26,254 - Well, Sketchy Andy was this, 59 00:02:26,323 --> 00:02:28,723 this real weirdo that-- 60 00:02:28,792 --> 00:02:30,025 - He sold hash. 61 00:02:30,093 --> 00:02:31,826 - Browns by the seashore. 62 00:02:31,895 --> 00:02:33,762 - Yeah. Your dad was basically hooked on potatoes. 63 00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:36,665 - No, no, that's no more than anybody else in high school. 64 00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:37,632 - Mm-hmm. 65 00:02:37,701 --> 00:02:39,201 - How come Uncle Taylor never came 66 00:02:39,269 --> 00:02:41,903 to my birthdays or dinner or anything? 67 00:02:45,742 --> 00:02:46,875 [timer chiming in other room] 68 00:02:46,944 --> 00:02:49,578 My turn to use the iPad. Bye. 69 00:02:50,647 --> 00:02:52,080 TAYLOR: All right. 70 00:02:54,251 --> 00:02:55,217 - The bell rang. 71 00:02:55,285 --> 00:02:58,320 It is my turn. 72 00:02:58,388 --> 00:03:00,855 - I didn't hear it ring. - It's still ringing. 73 00:03:00,924 --> 00:03:02,591 - I just need a few more minutes. 74 00:03:02,659 --> 00:03:05,760 - It's my turn now, we said. 75 00:03:05,829 --> 00:03:07,562 [primal snarling] - Viv, stop growling. 76 00:03:07,631 --> 00:03:09,331 Felix, give the iPad to your sister. 77 00:03:09,399 --> 00:03:11,700 - [laughing] 78 00:03:11,768 --> 00:03:12,701 - Give it! 79 00:03:12,769 --> 00:03:15,770 - Hey. Hey. Absolutely not. No. 80 00:03:15,839 --> 00:03:17,138 - But it was my turn. 81 00:03:17,207 --> 00:03:18,607 - I don't care whose turn it is, we don't push. 82 00:03:18,675 --> 00:03:20,308 Apologize right now. - No. 83 00:03:20,377 --> 00:03:23,478 - My baby dinosaur is dead because of you. 84 00:03:23,547 --> 00:03:24,846 - Felix. All the dinosaurs are dead. 85 00:03:24,915 --> 00:03:26,815 Viv, apologize now. 86 00:03:26,883 --> 00:03:29,217 - [roars] - Hey. Whoa. What is going on? 87 00:03:29,286 --> 00:03:30,418 Why is Viv roaring? 88 00:03:30,487 --> 00:03:32,187 What? What? It's okay. Hey. 89 00:03:32,256 --> 00:03:34,222 - Felix and Mommy are being mean to me. 90 00:03:34,291 --> 00:03:36,091 - What? Okay. What did they do? 91 00:03:36,159 --> 00:03:39,961 - She shoved Felix and I asked her to apologize. 92 00:03:40,030 --> 00:03:40,862 - Okay. Why did you do that? 93 00:03:40,931 --> 00:03:43,064 - James? Doesn't matter why. 94 00:03:43,133 --> 00:03:46,835 - Yes, it does! [roars] 95 00:03:46,903 --> 00:03:49,304 - Hey. - Yeah. Yeah. 96 00:03:49,373 --> 00:03:51,239 You're heading out? 97 00:03:51,308 --> 00:03:53,275 - Hardware store. 98 00:03:53,343 --> 00:03:54,709 - Right on. 99 00:03:54,778 --> 00:03:57,012 [baby Andrew wailing] 100 00:04:06,556 --> 00:04:07,622 - Hi. 101 00:04:07,691 --> 00:04:09,524 - Hi. - Awww... 102 00:04:09,593 --> 00:04:11,826 Don't you wish they could sleep like that forever? 103 00:04:11,895 --> 00:04:13,895 - Do I wish our children were in comas? 104 00:04:13,964 --> 00:04:15,630 Sometimes, yes. 105 00:04:15,699 --> 00:04:17,499 I think Viv was just tired, that's all that was. 106 00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:18,800 - She's testing her limits. 107 00:04:18,869 --> 00:04:19,968 We have to be firmer with her. 108 00:04:20,037 --> 00:04:22,103 - I think we have to diffuse the situation 109 00:04:22,172 --> 00:04:23,705 when things get crazy like that. 110 00:04:23,774 --> 00:04:25,540 Like with support or a hug. 111 00:04:25,609 --> 00:04:27,309 - How's hugging it out with your brother going? 112 00:04:27,377 --> 00:04:28,510 - Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good, good, good. 113 00:04:28,578 --> 00:04:29,778 - Yeah? Is it good? - Yeah. 114 00:04:29,846 --> 00:04:31,346 - What's he been doing the last ten years? 115 00:04:31,415 --> 00:04:32,380 Still mad at you? - Oh, no. 116 00:04:32,449 --> 00:04:34,182 - Is he seeing anyone? Is he happy? 117 00:04:34,251 --> 00:04:36,818 - Yeah. We don't really cover that part of it. 118 00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:37,952 - Right on. 119 00:04:38,021 --> 00:04:39,921 - Look, Taylor and I are never gonna have 120 00:04:39,990 --> 00:04:41,389 some sort of heart to heart. 121 00:04:41,458 --> 00:04:43,058 We're just too different. 122 00:04:43,126 --> 00:04:46,027 Like in blood from a stone. - That's sad and dumb. 123 00:04:46,096 --> 00:04:47,996 And I don't want that to happen to our kids. 124 00:04:48,065 --> 00:04:49,431 - No and never. 125 00:04:49,499 --> 00:04:51,766 I mean, they're just gonna sleep it off. 126 00:04:55,706 --> 00:04:57,772 - Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop! 127 00:04:57,841 --> 00:05:00,308 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! - I'm not doing anything. 128 00:05:00,377 --> 00:05:02,510 - What a nice breeze. - Stop! I'm not the wind! 129 00:05:02,579 --> 00:05:03,878 - Hey, Viv. Get off your brother. 130 00:05:03,947 --> 00:05:06,514 - He's saying I'm the wind when I'm Viv. 131 00:05:06,583 --> 00:05:08,016 - Okay. Yesterday was an angry, yelly day. 132 00:05:08,085 --> 00:05:10,285 Let's make today a calm, loving day. 133 00:05:10,354 --> 00:05:11,753 - And making kites fly day. 134 00:05:11,822 --> 00:05:13,955 - Stop it! I'm not the wind! 135 00:05:14,024 --> 00:05:15,790 - Hey! Look at this. 136 00:05:15,859 --> 00:05:17,692 If I press this button, 137 00:05:17,761 --> 00:05:19,060 everything on this iPad gets erased. 138 00:05:19,129 --> 00:05:20,228 - No! - No, no. 139 00:05:20,297 --> 00:05:22,097 - Stop yelling and apologize to each other 140 00:05:22,165 --> 00:05:24,399 or say goodbye to Candy Crush, the baby dinosaur game, 141 00:05:24,468 --> 00:05:25,533 the one where you give a cat a shower. 142 00:05:25,602 --> 00:05:26,835 - No! - No! 143 00:05:26,903 --> 00:05:28,370 - I was gonna flag that our income spreadsheets are... 144 00:05:28,438 --> 00:05:29,671 - Right now. 145 00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:30,739 - I'm sorry, Viv. - I'm sorry, Felix. 146 00:05:30,807 --> 00:05:32,841 - I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. 147 00:05:34,077 --> 00:05:36,778 - Now start tidying up. 148 00:05:36,847 --> 00:05:37,979 Pronto. 149 00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:44,619 Mom, you should have seen them. 150 00:05:44,688 --> 00:05:47,655 My poor little babies were so scared 151 00:05:47,724 --> 00:05:51,059 and I felt so bad, but I also felt powerful. 152 00:05:51,128 --> 00:05:52,527 - Channeling your dad? That's fun. 153 00:05:52,596 --> 00:05:54,396 - No, I, I didn't like it, 154 00:05:54,464 --> 00:05:56,297 but I really think these kids need discipline. 155 00:05:56,366 --> 00:05:58,800 You know, like, James is such a great dad, but he's a softy. 156 00:05:58,869 --> 00:06:01,336 And with Felix, it worked fine because he's so easygoing. 157 00:06:01,405 --> 00:06:03,705 But, but Viv needs boundaries. 158 00:06:03,774 --> 00:06:04,839 - Do you remember my friend Kathleen 159 00:06:04,908 --> 00:06:06,541 who burned your foot on the curling iron? 160 00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:07,809 - No. - Her son 161 00:06:07,878 --> 00:06:09,244 used to steal car radios, 162 00:06:09,312 --> 00:06:11,513 but now he's a DJ on the radio. 163 00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:13,615 Sometimes you just have to do nothing 164 00:06:13,683 --> 00:06:16,117 and wait for the storm to pass. 165 00:06:16,186 --> 00:06:18,820 Okay. I think the smoker's all set. 166 00:06:18,889 --> 00:06:20,555 - Why are you having your party at Dawn's place? 167 00:06:20,624 --> 00:06:22,390 - Well, we can't have a party for Graham at my house. 168 00:06:22,459 --> 00:06:24,225 It will give it away. - Oh, it's a surprise? 169 00:06:24,294 --> 00:06:27,962 - Yes, but he knows about it. He hates being startled. 170 00:06:28,031 --> 00:06:29,631 I hope the kids like bison. 171 00:06:29,699 --> 00:06:31,332 - I hope I like bison. 172 00:06:33,103 --> 00:06:35,236 - Damn it. This is the big one, people. 173 00:06:35,305 --> 00:06:37,071 The cananas du Quebec situation 174 00:06:37,140 --> 00:06:38,873 has officially gone sideways on us. 175 00:06:38,942 --> 00:06:41,910 - Oh, a problem at the L'Oncle Gero? 176 00:06:41,978 --> 00:06:43,478 - Are you taking French now or-- 177 00:06:43,547 --> 00:06:45,280 - Someone should because then maybe 178 00:06:45,348 --> 00:06:46,681 we would know what the French word is 179 00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,650 for "pineapple." - "Ananas." 180 00:06:48,718 --> 00:06:51,486 - Yes, "ananas" as in "cananas" 181 00:06:51,555 --> 00:06:54,889 except for at Gero's, "cananas" are canned bananas, 182 00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:55,957 not ananas. 183 00:06:56,026 --> 00:06:57,425 I promise you one thing. 184 00:06:57,494 --> 00:06:58,426 If I go down, 185 00:06:58,495 --> 00:07:00,495 I am taking every one of you with me. 186 00:07:00,564 --> 00:07:01,629 Scorched earth. - Okay. Okay. 187 00:07:01,698 --> 00:07:05,900 But Marla, instead of "fananing" the flames, 188 00:07:05,969 --> 00:07:07,035 perhaps we just... 189 00:07:07,103 --> 00:07:09,671 calmly communicate the misunderstanding. 190 00:07:09,739 --> 00:07:10,672 - Oh, we will respond. 191 00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:12,740 And we will be firm and categorical. 192 00:07:12,809 --> 00:07:14,142 They're swinging their swords at us. 193 00:07:14,211 --> 00:07:17,045 And, baby, we are gonna batter, batter, batter, swing back. 194 00:07:17,113 --> 00:07:18,980 - I'm sorry. This is the third time Astrid's called, 195 00:07:19,049 --> 00:07:21,282 I have to take this. But I implore everyone to adopt 196 00:07:21,351 --> 00:07:22,450 a soft approach on this. 197 00:07:22,519 --> 00:07:24,385 Remember: We're all in this together. 198 00:07:24,454 --> 00:07:26,020 Hello? 199 00:07:26,089 --> 00:07:26,988 Wh--? 200 00:07:27,057 --> 00:07:27,989 [school bell rings] 201 00:07:28,058 --> 00:07:29,157 What else did she say? 202 00:07:29,226 --> 00:07:31,226 - Just that Viv got mad and got into some kind 203 00:07:31,294 --> 00:07:33,261 of physical altercation. 204 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:39,400 Oh, my God. Did Viv... 205 00:07:39,469 --> 00:07:40,802 - Oh, no. 206 00:07:40,871 --> 00:07:42,637 No, no, no, no. Can you imagine? 207 00:07:42,706 --> 00:07:45,640 No. I was free soloing at my climbing gym. 208 00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:46,808 JAMES: Oh... 209 00:07:46,877 --> 00:07:48,376 - [both laughing] - Okay. 210 00:07:48,445 --> 00:07:50,211 - So I asked to meet with you today 211 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,614 because Viv painted one of her classmates. 212 00:07:52,682 --> 00:07:54,349 - And it was unflattering? 213 00:07:54,417 --> 00:07:56,084 - She didn't paint a picture of her classmate. 214 00:07:56,152 --> 00:07:59,487 She painted the actual child, covered him in paint. 215 00:07:59,556 --> 00:08:00,588 - Oh. - Oh... 216 00:08:00,657 --> 00:08:02,123 - Josh, the student that she attacked, 217 00:08:02,192 --> 00:08:04,292 apparently he wasn't-- - Well, I'm sorry. "Attacked"? 218 00:08:04,361 --> 00:08:06,561 Is that the right word? - She pounced on him 219 00:08:06,630 --> 00:08:10,131 and held him down while she covered his face in paint. 220 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,900 - We're listening. - Apparently Josh hadn't been 221 00:08:11,968 --> 00:08:13,468 rinsing his brush between paint colors, 222 00:08:13,537 --> 00:08:15,403 which more or less ruined some of the paints 223 00:08:15,472 --> 00:08:17,739 for the other students. - Well, that is annoying. 224 00:08:19,442 --> 00:08:21,042 - Viv reacts strongly 225 00:08:21,111 --> 00:08:23,244 when she feels that someone has acted unjustly. 226 00:08:23,313 --> 00:08:24,879 - Like a hero. But I mean, just basically 227 00:08:24,948 --> 00:08:26,314 what you're describing is Batman. 228 00:08:26,383 --> 00:08:29,817 - Nobody wants to send their kids to school with a Batman. 229 00:08:29,886 --> 00:08:31,452 She gets too upset 230 00:08:31,521 --> 00:08:33,955 and then she acts out sometimes aggressively. 231 00:08:34,024 --> 00:08:37,859 Viv is very bright, but she is unfocused and distracted. 232 00:08:37,928 --> 00:08:41,863 Have you considered getting her assessed? 233 00:08:41,932 --> 00:08:43,298 - That's just Viv being Viv. 234 00:08:43,366 --> 00:08:44,732 She's been going through a lot lately. 235 00:08:44,801 --> 00:08:45,800 A lot of big changes. 236 00:08:45,869 --> 00:08:47,035 We had another baby. 237 00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:48,937 - Mm-hmm. - I went back to work. 238 00:08:49,005 --> 00:08:50,038 We almost moved. 239 00:08:50,106 --> 00:08:52,307 And to be fair, I, I lose my temper, so... 240 00:08:52,375 --> 00:08:53,741 - Well... - It makes sense that Viv also-- 241 00:08:53,810 --> 00:08:57,211 - Also my estranged brother just moved into the basement. 242 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,313 Our parents were very hard on us, 243 00:08:58,381 --> 00:08:59,948 so I'm like too far the other way. 244 00:09:00,016 --> 00:09:01,015 - Absolutely. - I avoid conflict. 245 00:09:01,084 --> 00:09:02,750 I mean, that's like my whole thing, 246 00:09:02,819 --> 00:09:03,851 avoiding conflict. - This is his thing. 247 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,753 - I have two more meetings after this. 248 00:09:05,822 --> 00:09:08,656 There are several spirited children in this class. 249 00:09:08,725 --> 00:09:11,092 - Oh, with the other kids. 250 00:09:11,161 --> 00:09:13,528 Is, is it the parents' fault? 251 00:09:18,902 --> 00:09:20,768 It's a smart pot. 252 00:09:20,837 --> 00:09:23,871 It boils and brews all in one, adapts to any tea. 253 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:25,607 It's insulated and has an app, 254 00:09:25,675 --> 00:09:27,508 so I can control it from anywhere in the world. 255 00:09:27,577 --> 00:09:29,611 - I can see how that's useful. - Mm-hmm. 256 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:31,879 - So... have you talked to Viv yet? 257 00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:33,014 - Oh, yeah. - No. 258 00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:34,949 The teacher really rattled us. 259 00:09:35,018 --> 00:09:36,884 I just don't wanna do the wrong thing again, you know? 260 00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:38,052 But what's the right thing? 261 00:09:38,121 --> 00:09:40,154 It's not like kids come with manuals. 262 00:09:40,223 --> 00:09:41,789 - Actually-- - Actually-- 263 00:09:41,858 --> 00:09:44,192 - What? Corey came with instructions? 264 00:09:44,260 --> 00:09:46,761 Were they tucked into the, the, the velvet bag 265 00:09:46,830 --> 00:09:48,096 he was delivered in? 266 00:09:48,164 --> 00:09:50,198 - Corey did not have a velvet bag, Astrid. 267 00:09:50,266 --> 00:09:52,734 - Oh, that gorgeous sleep sack from Deiter and Pepe? 268 00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:55,103 - Oh, he did have a velvet bag, I'm sorry. 269 00:09:55,171 --> 00:09:57,905 What I mean is our parenting book library. 270 00:09:57,974 --> 00:10:00,141 - [beeps] - The beep means it's steeped. 271 00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:01,943 - We read them before Corey's birth 272 00:10:02,012 --> 00:10:04,145 to prepare for any hiccups in his development. 273 00:10:04,214 --> 00:10:06,114 - Okay. And did they help? 274 00:10:06,182 --> 00:10:08,016 - You know, we've never actually needed them. 275 00:10:08,084 --> 00:10:10,385 - Everything's going perfectly. You have the perfect child. 276 00:10:10,453 --> 00:10:11,619 - Thank you. 277 00:10:11,688 --> 00:10:14,222 But no, you can't have our child, Astrid. 278 00:10:14,290 --> 00:10:15,823 But you can have our parenting books. 279 00:10:15,892 --> 00:10:18,926 - And you can have a perfectly brewed cup of tea. 280 00:10:21,364 --> 00:10:24,332 - Christ, stick, my lips! 281 00:10:30,006 --> 00:10:31,172 - Need a hand? 282 00:10:33,243 --> 00:10:35,910 - Blueprints for my new room. - Uh-huh. 283 00:10:35,979 --> 00:10:37,045 What's wrong with your old room? 284 00:10:37,113 --> 00:10:38,880 - [sighs] My sister. 285 00:10:38,948 --> 00:10:40,648 I'm trying to get enough egg points 286 00:10:40,717 --> 00:10:42,383 to earn this rare dinosaur. 287 00:10:42,452 --> 00:10:44,852 But she wants to freak out all the time. 288 00:10:44,921 --> 00:10:47,188 It's not working. - Siblings are tricky. 289 00:10:47,257 --> 00:10:49,223 Some days you hate each other's guts. 290 00:10:49,292 --> 00:10:50,825 Some days you're the best of friends. 291 00:10:50,894 --> 00:10:51,726 Maybe give it a minute. 292 00:10:51,795 --> 00:10:53,861 - Nah. We're too different. 293 00:10:53,930 --> 00:10:55,697 Like you and Dad. 294 00:10:55,765 --> 00:10:58,933 Can we put a trap door in here for intruders? 295 00:10:59,002 --> 00:11:00,568 - We're already in the basement, kid. 296 00:11:02,672 --> 00:11:04,639 Who said that your dad and I are too different? 297 00:11:04,708 --> 00:11:06,007 - That's what he said. 298 00:11:06,076 --> 00:11:10,678 "You can't make rocks squirt blood" or something. 299 00:11:10,747 --> 00:11:12,313 - Yeah. Well, you might wanna reconsider moving 300 00:11:12,382 --> 00:11:14,048 to the basement, could get lonely. 301 00:11:14,117 --> 00:11:15,817 - You can hang out sometimes. 302 00:11:15,885 --> 00:11:17,885 - Yeah? - If you get lonely, 303 00:11:17,954 --> 00:11:19,087 you should buy an iPad. 304 00:11:19,155 --> 00:11:21,723 - If I get lonely, we're talking about you. 305 00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,091 - You sound pretty lonely. 306 00:11:23,159 --> 00:11:25,326 - Get out of here. 307 00:11:25,395 --> 00:11:26,661 "Sound lonely." 308 00:11:28,998 --> 00:11:30,765 ASTRID: Children may not be born with manuals, 309 00:11:30,834 --> 00:11:32,600 but that's all right, because every vegan chef 310 00:11:32,669 --> 00:11:34,936 and out of work celebrity has written one for you. 311 00:11:35,004 --> 00:11:36,304 JAMES: The catch is, 312 00:11:36,372 --> 00:11:37,472 while you're buried in a parenting book, 313 00:11:37,540 --> 00:11:38,773 your problem child is running amok 314 00:11:38,842 --> 00:11:40,174 and dinner isn't making itself, so... 315 00:11:40,243 --> 00:11:42,810 ASTRID: You turn to mother's little helper. 316 00:11:42,879 --> 00:11:44,212 JAMES: Valium? 317 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,013 ASTRID: No, not your mother's little helper. 318 00:11:46,082 --> 00:11:47,115 I mean the internet. 319 00:11:47,183 --> 00:11:48,583 JAMES: But with so much information 320 00:11:48,651 --> 00:11:51,119 to wade through, it's easy to get overwhelmed, 321 00:11:51,187 --> 00:11:54,622 veer off course,and wind up more lost than you started. 322 00:11:54,691 --> 00:11:56,858 - I'm learning about fundamental mistakes that I've made. 323 00:11:56,926 --> 00:11:58,192 How about you? 324 00:11:58,261 --> 00:12:00,361 - Yeah, I'm learning about what a bad parent I am. 325 00:12:00,430 --> 00:12:02,396 Also about a bunch of urban legends 326 00:12:02,465 --> 00:12:04,398 where the children ends up being a ghost. 327 00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:06,534 - Oh, send me those links. - Okay. 328 00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:08,836 - Ready to talk to the kids? - No. 329 00:12:08,905 --> 00:12:11,072 But that's never stopped us before. 330 00:12:12,842 --> 00:12:13,975 Wow. - Ooh. 331 00:12:14,043 --> 00:12:15,042 - Look at that. 332 00:12:15,111 --> 00:12:16,711 It's a nice castle. - Real nice. 333 00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:19,180 - It's more of a jail, but thanks. 334 00:12:19,249 --> 00:12:20,948 - Felix, we have to have a chat with Viv. 335 00:12:21,017 --> 00:12:22,183 Would you mind giving us some privacy? 336 00:12:22,252 --> 00:12:24,085 - I won't listen to her getting in trouble. 337 00:12:24,154 --> 00:12:25,686 I'm busy with the move. 338 00:12:25,755 --> 00:12:28,556 - Nobody's getting in trouble. Also, what move? 339 00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:31,225 - Uncle Taylor is building me a condo in the basement. 340 00:12:31,294 --> 00:12:32,493 - Hm. Condos going in everywhere. 341 00:12:32,562 --> 00:12:33,461 This city needs a plan. 342 00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,263 - James, can we just focus on this 343 00:12:35,331 --> 00:12:36,731 before all the parenting advice I crammed to my brain 344 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,299 escapes through my nose? - Okay. 345 00:12:38,368 --> 00:12:40,434 Viv, we spoke with your teacher about what happened 346 00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:41,235 at school with Josh. 347 00:12:41,304 --> 00:12:43,871 - He turned all the paint brown 348 00:12:43,940 --> 00:12:47,742 and I could not finish my unicorn. 349 00:12:47,811 --> 00:12:49,577 - It--it's okay to get mad, but-- 350 00:12:49,646 --> 00:12:51,179 you can't-- - Empathy first. 351 00:12:51,247 --> 00:12:52,013 - Yes. - Right. 352 00:12:52,081 --> 00:12:54,115 - Viv, I hear you. -Uh-huh. 353 00:12:54,184 --> 00:12:55,850 - And I understand 354 00:12:55,919 --> 00:12:58,352 that Josh has doo-doo brains. 355 00:12:58,421 --> 00:12:59,587 - Well, I don't think that's-- - I know. Yeah. 356 00:12:59,656 --> 00:13:03,224 - Okay. Listen. Viv, it's okay to be upset, 357 00:13:03,293 --> 00:13:05,092 but how--Viv? 358 00:13:05,161 --> 00:13:08,696 - She's not even listening. She's building her dumb thing. 359 00:13:08,765 --> 00:13:11,098 - It's a jail and you're going in it. 360 00:13:11,167 --> 00:13:12,333 ASTRID: Hey, guys-- - Me? 361 00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:13,801 You're the one who's bad all the time. 362 00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:15,403 - Hey. No. Felix. - Felix? 363 00:13:15,471 --> 00:13:17,171 Viv, you're not bad at all. 364 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,439 That's not what this is about. 365 00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:19,473 Oh. 366 00:13:19,542 --> 00:13:20,408 Sorry. 367 00:13:20,476 --> 00:13:22,143 - [primal screaming] 368 00:13:25,215 --> 00:13:26,547 - Okay. Well, we botched it. We botched it. 369 00:13:26,616 --> 00:13:29,116 - No, I think my mom was right. We should just stop trying. 370 00:13:29,185 --> 00:13:30,852 She's probably fine. - Yeah. 371 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,320 Hey. Who wants to watch a show? 372 00:13:32,388 --> 00:13:33,888 - Me! - Me! 373 00:13:33,957 --> 00:13:35,556 - I'll get-- I'll get Morris. Oh, God. 374 00:13:35,625 --> 00:13:36,891 I mean Andrew. - Just call him Morris. 375 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,159 Who cares? 376 00:13:41,698 --> 00:13:43,197 Hey. Sorry I had to bail yesterday, 377 00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:45,199 but I did come up with some great ideas. 378 00:13:45,268 --> 00:13:46,601 - Try this, James. 379 00:13:46,669 --> 00:13:48,202 - Uh... 380 00:13:48,271 --> 00:13:51,038 Oh, my God. What is-- am I drinking sunscreen? 381 00:13:51,107 --> 00:13:52,306 - Try it. 382 00:13:54,143 --> 00:13:56,577 - It's the canana colada. 383 00:13:56,646 --> 00:13:57,712 - Mm. Thick. 384 00:13:57,780 --> 00:13:58,913 - It's a pina colada, 385 00:13:58,982 --> 00:14:01,082 but made with cananas instead of pineapple. 386 00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:03,951 - We're gonna spin this fiasco like a dreidel on Hanukkah. 387 00:14:04,020 --> 00:14:06,754 - For one day only, Quebec consumers get a free canana. 388 00:14:06,823 --> 00:14:07,989 They fall in love with the taste, 389 00:14:08,057 --> 00:14:10,658 come back for more, and we jack up the prices. 390 00:14:10,727 --> 00:14:12,827 - Just like drug dealers. I invented it. 391 00:14:12,896 --> 00:14:14,729 - But you never do anything. 392 00:14:14,797 --> 00:14:16,564 - Yes, I do. I do things. 393 00:14:16,633 --> 00:14:18,065 I--I did this. - Mm-hmm. 394 00:14:18,134 --> 00:14:20,601 - I cleaned up all the crackers that I spilled. 395 00:14:21,804 --> 00:14:24,171 [smoker hissing] 396 00:14:26,542 --> 00:14:28,142 - Wow. 397 00:14:28,211 --> 00:14:30,945 So Felix tells me Taylor is coming. 398 00:14:31,014 --> 00:14:32,847 - He is? 399 00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:33,648 Oh. - Oh... 400 00:14:33,716 --> 00:14:35,082 Are you two still fighting? 401 00:14:35,151 --> 00:14:36,717 - It's unclear. 402 00:14:36,786 --> 00:14:39,687 Kind of a gray, unspoken aloofness right now. 403 00:14:40,990 --> 00:14:43,224 Which is fine. Totally fine. -Oh. 404 00:14:43,293 --> 00:14:44,425 - I think. 405 00:14:45,662 --> 00:14:46,994 Oh, oh, no. 406 00:14:47,063 --> 00:14:50,064 - You're over an hour late. 407 00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:52,500 - No one wanted to wear shoes or get in the car. 408 00:14:52,568 --> 00:14:54,268 James and I are sick of fighting with them. 409 00:14:54,337 --> 00:14:55,970 We're taking your approach and just giving up. 410 00:14:56,039 --> 00:14:58,005 - I never gave up on parenting you. 411 00:14:58,074 --> 00:15:00,174 There's a difference between picking your battles 412 00:15:00,243 --> 00:15:01,976 and throwing in the towel. 413 00:15:02,045 --> 00:15:04,178 - Mom, we're not really giving up. 414 00:15:04,247 --> 00:15:05,813 - You were supposed to bring a side dish. 415 00:15:05,882 --> 00:15:07,281 You brought mayonnaise. 416 00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:08,783 And your fly is undone. 417 00:15:09,852 --> 00:15:10,985 - Wait, Mom. 418 00:15:11,054 --> 00:15:12,920 What, what is the big deal? 419 00:15:15,825 --> 00:15:16,991 - Graham and I broke up. 420 00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:18,159 - You did? 421 00:15:18,227 --> 00:15:21,963 - [sighs] He wanted me to move into a compound. 422 00:15:22,031 --> 00:15:24,632 I wanted him to move in with me. 423 00:15:24,701 --> 00:15:27,134 Bottom line is, he is not ready for kids. 424 00:15:28,504 --> 00:15:29,503 - Are you talking about me and Dawn? 425 00:15:29,572 --> 00:15:30,838 - Well, sure, you can be a handful. 426 00:15:30,907 --> 00:15:33,874 - Mom, we're adults who live in our own homes. 427 00:15:33,943 --> 00:15:36,277 - [screeching] Stop! - Boys only, Viv. 428 00:15:36,346 --> 00:15:37,478 - That's not fair! 429 00:15:37,547 --> 00:15:40,181 - Or what, you're gonna freak out about it? 430 00:15:40,249 --> 00:15:41,983 - Oh. - Hey, Viv, stop it! 431 00:15:42,051 --> 00:15:43,584 JAMES: Viv. Viv, stop-- 432 00:15:43,653 --> 00:15:46,087 - Viv, stop it! - Viv, stop, stop. 433 00:15:46,155 --> 00:15:47,321 - Oh! 434 00:15:47,390 --> 00:15:48,489 JAMES: Viv. Stop, stop. 435 00:15:48,558 --> 00:15:49,623 Viv, stop it. - Viv! 436 00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:50,391 JAMES: Don't do that. Come on now. 437 00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:51,392 Viv, listen. - Viv. 438 00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:55,262 - Oh, put that down. - Viv. Viv. Viv. 439 00:15:55,331 --> 00:15:56,263 - The bison! 440 00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:58,299 - No. No, no, no. - No, no, no. 441 00:16:03,639 --> 00:16:04,572 - Get over-- 442 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:05,840 - Get away from me. 443 00:16:11,114 --> 00:16:14,048 - [clears throat] Sorry I'm late. I... 444 00:16:15,752 --> 00:16:17,718 I'm James' brother. 445 00:16:21,591 --> 00:16:22,656 What the hell was that? 446 00:16:22,725 --> 00:16:24,258 - They weren't letting me play! 447 00:16:24,327 --> 00:16:25,359 - Viv, I don't care! 448 00:16:25,428 --> 00:16:26,827 You don't throw things at people. 449 00:16:26,896 --> 00:16:27,928 You don't hurt people. 450 00:16:27,997 --> 00:16:29,063 There could have been a fire 451 00:16:29,132 --> 00:16:30,331 and somebody could have been seriously hurt. 452 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,499 You don't do that, Viv. 453 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:34,268 - I didn't mean to. It just happened. 454 00:16:34,337 --> 00:16:37,805 I can't stop. I hate--I hate how I am! 455 00:16:48,484 --> 00:16:50,451 - Look at me. 456 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,220 Hey. Look at me, Viv. 457 00:16:53,289 --> 00:16:55,656 Everybody loves you, okay? - Okay. 458 00:16:55,725 --> 00:16:58,325 - You're so smart and you're funny. 459 00:16:58,394 --> 00:16:59,693 You have a great throwing arm. 460 00:16:59,762 --> 00:17:02,830 And you have a lot of big feelings, right? 461 00:17:02,899 --> 00:17:05,199 I have big feelings too. 462 00:17:05,268 --> 00:17:07,435 And if you let them take over, it can make your life 463 00:17:07,503 --> 00:17:09,470 very, very hard. 464 00:17:09,539 --> 00:17:10,504 But if you learn to control them, 465 00:17:10,573 --> 00:17:12,706 it could also be your superpower. 466 00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:13,908 - How? 467 00:17:15,778 --> 00:17:17,311 - I'll help you. 468 00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:19,613 We'll figure it out. 469 00:17:19,682 --> 00:17:21,816 No matter how many mistakes you make, how angry you get, 470 00:17:21,884 --> 00:17:24,718 Mommy and Daddy are always gonna love you, okay? 471 00:17:25,721 --> 00:17:27,021 Yeah? 472 00:17:30,726 --> 00:17:33,427 - Mommy? - Yes. 473 00:17:33,496 --> 00:17:35,162 - Your zipper is down. 474 00:17:35,231 --> 00:17:37,431 - What? Ugh, these jeans. 475 00:17:39,168 --> 00:17:41,735 JAMES: I don't know what to do with all this anger. [grunts] 476 00:17:41,804 --> 00:17:44,972 - There you go. Well, she got good aim. 477 00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:46,540 Slam right in the gooch. 478 00:17:46,609 --> 00:17:47,708 [laughs] - Yeah. 479 00:17:47,777 --> 00:17:50,044 I guess we sign her up for javelin lessons. 480 00:17:50,113 --> 00:17:53,214 - Oh, look at you. You don't gotta worry. 481 00:17:53,282 --> 00:17:55,216 You and Astrid are good parents. 482 00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:58,152 I hear you talking to each other, to the kids. 483 00:17:58,221 --> 00:18:00,621 I hear everything. Your house is made of cardboard. 484 00:18:02,091 --> 00:18:04,158 - One more thing that needs fixing, then, I guess. 485 00:18:04,227 --> 00:18:05,793 - Well, it's... 486 00:18:05,862 --> 00:18:08,229 Mom and Dad never talked like that. 487 00:18:09,265 --> 00:18:10,464 Not with all the yelling. 488 00:18:12,034 --> 00:18:14,935 - Yeah. Yeah. Mostly at you. 489 00:18:17,473 --> 00:18:19,206 - Yeah. - Yeah. 490 00:18:19,275 --> 00:18:21,709 - Where did you pick that up? How did you learn how to-- 491 00:18:21,777 --> 00:18:24,278 - Well, Astrid. - Ah... 492 00:18:24,347 --> 00:18:26,180 - Also podcast, but mostly Astrid. 493 00:18:26,249 --> 00:18:27,348 - Astrid. - Yeah. 494 00:18:27,416 --> 00:18:30,551 - I'll never get used to that name. 495 00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:32,653 - Okay. - She's a good one. 496 00:18:36,058 --> 00:18:37,424 I probably should have called. 497 00:18:37,493 --> 00:18:39,460 - No. I, I should have called. 498 00:18:39,529 --> 00:18:41,428 I'm... 499 00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,497 I'm the one who does the talking, right? 500 00:18:52,675 --> 00:18:55,176 - All right. - Yeah. Okay. 501 00:18:55,244 --> 00:18:58,078 - Viv has something she would like to say to everyone. 502 00:19:00,650 --> 00:19:01,815 - Sorry. 503 00:19:04,687 --> 00:19:07,021 Sorry, Felix. 504 00:19:07,089 --> 00:19:09,323 - It's okay. I'm sorry, too. 505 00:19:09,392 --> 00:19:11,592 - Want to play wolf and cheetah? 506 00:19:11,661 --> 00:19:12,760 - Yes! 507 00:19:12,828 --> 00:19:17,464 - [both make animal noises] 508 00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:20,434 - Can you believe Graham didn't wanna be a part of this family? 509 00:19:20,503 --> 00:19:22,403 - What a loser. 510 00:19:22,471 --> 00:19:23,704 Being a parent is like... 511 00:19:23,773 --> 00:19:26,207 riding a rollercoaster that lasts decades. 512 00:19:26,275 --> 00:19:27,675 There's ups and downs. 513 00:19:27,743 --> 00:19:29,743 JAMES: Mm. Parts that terrify you, 514 00:19:29,812 --> 00:19:31,278 make you giddy, make you puke. 515 00:19:31,347 --> 00:19:32,947 Sometimes you wish you never got on. 516 00:19:33,015 --> 00:19:34,815 ASTRID: Sometimes you wish it would slow down 517 00:19:34,884 --> 00:19:36,550 so that it can last forever. 518 00:19:36,619 --> 00:19:37,451 - Mommy! 519 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:38,719 - No. Daddy. - Look, look, 520 00:19:38,788 --> 00:19:40,688 I can't--I can't stop it. - [laughing] 521 00:19:40,756 --> 00:19:42,256 JAMES: You won't always do the best job. 522 00:19:42,325 --> 00:19:43,457 You just won't. 523 00:19:43,526 --> 00:19:46,627 But if your kids are fed, safe, clothed, 524 00:19:46,696 --> 00:19:49,930 and most importantly, surrounded by love... 525 00:19:49,999 --> 00:19:51,632 - [kids laughing] 526 00:19:51,701 --> 00:19:53,234 ASTRID: ...you're doing pretty damn good. 527 00:20:02,245 --> 00:20:04,211 ning to Baby Morris. 528 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,479 - Good morning, Baby Morris. 529 00:20:05,548 --> 00:20:08,749 You're supposed to be asleep for another hour. 530 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,086 - Yeah. 531 00:20:16,025 --> 00:20:17,591 - Is our baby named Morris now? 532 00:20:17,660 --> 00:20:19,126 - No. No, no. It's Andrew. 533 00:20:19,195 --> 00:20:22,963 It's just Morris is the word we use when referring to him. 534 00:20:23,032 --> 00:20:25,099 - Literally what a name is. 535 00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:27,268 - Doesn't look like a Morris. 536 00:20:27,336 --> 00:20:29,603 - Yeah. Andrew works too. 537 00:20:29,672 --> 00:20:31,505 - Uh-huh. Uh-huh. - Andrew. 538 00:20:31,574 --> 00:20:33,741 - Andrew? [whistles] 539 00:20:33,809 --> 00:20:35,576 Andrew? Hmm... 540 00:20:36,679 --> 00:20:38,445 - Rock, paper, scissors? - Yeah. 541 00:20:38,514 --> 00:20:39,680 - You're Andrew. I'm Morris. 542 00:20:39,749 --> 00:20:41,915 - Okay. Once and for all. 543 00:20:47,423 --> 00:20:50,991 Oh, my God. - [Astrid laughs] 544 00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:53,861 SINGER: ♪ I love my kids but kids ruin everything ♪ 545 00:20:53,929 --> 00:20:56,697 ♪ Everything kids ruin everything ♪ 546 00:20:56,766 --> 00:20:59,233 ♪ I love my kids but kids ruin everything ♪ 547 00:20:59,302 --> 00:21:01,302 ♪ Everything kids ruin everything... ♪ 548 00:21:01,370 --> 00:21:03,637 ♪ No more sleeping in ♪ 549 00:21:03,706 --> 00:21:06,740 ♪ I got kids in my face ♪ 550 00:21:06,809 --> 00:21:09,510 ♪ I never knew but now I see ♪ 551 00:21:09,578 --> 00:21:13,280 ♪ That children ruin everything ♪ 552 00:21:13,349 --> 00:21:15,949 ♪ Na, na, na na, na, na, na, thing ♪ 553 00:21:16,018 --> 00:21:17,384 ♪ Na, na, na, na, na ♪ 554 00:21:17,453 --> 00:21:20,187 ♪ I never knew but now I see ♪ 555 00:21:20,256 --> 00:21:22,756 ♪ I really hate this... ♪