1
00:00:10,251 --> 00:00:12,251
[bells jingling]

2
00:00:13,543 --> 00:00:15,876
["Little Saint Nick"
by The Beach Boys playing]

3
00:00:17,709 --> 00:00:21,418
♪ Ooh
Merry Christmas Saint Nick ♪

4
00:00:21,501 --> 00:00:24,709
♪ Christmas comes this time each year ♪

5
00:00:24,793 --> 00:00:28,043
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

6
00:00:28,126 --> 00:00:31,418
♪ Well way up North
Where the air gets cold ♪

7
00:00:31,501 --> 00:00:35,084
♪ There's a tale about Christmas
That you've all been told ♪

8
00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:36,001
♪ And a real… ♪

9
00:00:36,084 --> 00:00:38,959
[woman] It's been said that,
according to Greek mythology,

10
00:00:39,043 --> 00:00:42,834
humans were originally created
with four arms, four legs,

11
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and a head with two faces.

12
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But fearing their power,
Zeus split them into two separate parts,

13
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condemning humans
to spend the rest of their lives

14
00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:56,501
searching for their other half,
their soul's equal.

15
00:00:57,251 --> 00:01:00,334
♪ She's candy apple red
With a ski for a wheel ♪

16
00:01:00,418 --> 00:01:03,876
♪ And when Santa hits the gas
Man, just watch her peel ♪

17
00:01:03,959 --> 00:01:05,751
♪ It's the little Saint Nick… ♪

18
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[woman] And if that's true,

19
00:01:08,418 --> 00:01:10,043
then Zeus is an asshole.

20
00:01:10,126 --> 00:01:11,834
♪ Little Saint Nick ♪

21
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♪ Run run reindeer ♪

22
00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:17,543
[woman] Sure, dating has
never really been easy,

23
00:01:17,626 --> 00:01:20,084
but modern dating online is even harder.

24
00:01:21,001 --> 00:01:24,834
I keep thinking my perfect match
has to be out there, just one click away.

25
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:28,584
-Someone kind, and honest, and ideally…
-[man] Honey?

26
00:01:28,668 --> 00:01:32,293
[woman] …someone that doesn't already
have a wife. Am I right?

27
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♪ …with Rudy to lead ♪

28
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♪ He's got to wear his goggles… ♪

29
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[woman] Despite my gut telling me
that maybe I should give up altogether,

30
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along comes Ted, a Libra who likes puppies

31
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and offers to take me on a sunset sail

32
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until he ghosts me.

33
00:01:50,126 --> 00:01:51,918
But on a positive note,

34
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I've turned my horrible love life
into a successful online writing career.

35
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For years,
I've been chronicling my disaster dates

36
00:01:59,668 --> 00:02:02,251
under the pseudonym "Always a Bridesmaid."

37
00:02:02,334 --> 00:02:05,251
And people seem to love
that I can't find love.

38
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But honestly, I'm not sure
how much longer I can do this.

39
00:02:09,668 --> 00:02:13,084
How is it that everyone
has found the one, and I haven't?

40
00:02:13,168 --> 00:02:15,501
Either I'm the unluckiest woman
in the world,

41
00:02:15,584 --> 00:02:18,293
or my picker is broken.

42
00:02:19,126 --> 00:02:20,043
It's both.

43
00:02:20,668 --> 00:02:23,959
What's the one common denominator
in all of these dates?

44
00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:24,876
It's you.

45
00:02:25,543 --> 00:02:26,876
I beg your pardon?

46
00:02:26,959 --> 00:02:30,001
The common denominator
is that it's a bunch of LA assholes.

47
00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:32,459
That's your other problem.
You're only looking local.

48
00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:35,001
I had to import Mark from Ohio,
for God's sakes.

49
00:02:35,084 --> 00:02:36,793
You gotta think bigger.

50
00:02:36,876 --> 00:02:40,126
Jesus, Nat! You only have
your dating radius set to five miles.

51
00:02:40,209 --> 00:02:41,834
You gotta look outside West Hollywood.

52
00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:43,834
Gas is so expensive.

53
00:02:43,918 --> 00:02:47,918
I mean, it'd be 40 bucks to get
to Glendale, and that's only one way.

54
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:51,126
It's cheaper to do cocaine
and then run everywhere.

55
00:02:51,209 --> 00:02:52,626
-[chuckles]
-Okay. Fixed it.

56
00:02:52,709 --> 00:02:54,209
I'm gonna get a juice. Want something?

57
00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:57,876
Ooh yeah, uh, grab me a Green Latifah
with an extra shot of wheatgrass.

58
00:02:57,959 --> 00:03:00,751
-Oh, but no kiwi because I'm--
-I… I know, you're allergic. No kiwi.

59
00:03:00,834 --> 00:03:02,543
Sorry. Habit.

60
00:03:02,626 --> 00:03:05,709
The last time an intern forgot,
I almost died.

61
00:03:06,793 --> 00:03:10,918
Natalie, where's my next story?
I'm assuming your next date is lined up.

62
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I was thinking for the next one,
maybe we'll try something different. Like…

63
00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:16,709
Something a little bit more upbeat?

64
00:03:17,209 --> 00:03:18,543
Why the hell would you do that?

65
00:03:18,626 --> 00:03:20,251
So I don't spend another evening

66
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,834
with a guy who was featured
on an episode of Hoarders.

67
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-It's making me miserable.
-Oh, I'm sorry. [sucks in air]

68
00:03:26,501 --> 00:03:27,834
Everyone's miserable, though.

69
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But that's why Soash Media exists

70
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,459
to either distract people
from their own lives,

71
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or to show them that things could be,
you know, so, so much worse.

72
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Remember, a disaster for you
is a hit for me. Okay?

73
00:03:40,543 --> 00:03:42,668
Got food in your teeth.
You might wanna… [clicks tongue]

74
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Get it to me!

75
00:03:44,834 --> 00:03:46,834
[traffic rumbling]

76
00:03:47,918 --> 00:03:50,543
[Natalie grunting]

77
00:03:52,209 --> 00:03:53,043
[grunts]

78
00:03:58,293 --> 00:03:59,959
[sighs deeply]

79
00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:04,418
[phone chimes]

80
00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:06,501
[upbeat instrumental music playing]

81
00:04:09,793 --> 00:04:13,126
[Roy] I'm a nude yoga instructor. Namaste.

82
00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:16,168
[Rick] Semi-finalist
on Dancing with the Stars.

83
00:04:16,251 --> 00:04:19,168
[Vinny] Devoted feminist.
Favorite movie: The Noteb--

84
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,459
[Greg] This could be yours, girl.

85
00:04:21,543 --> 00:04:23,501
Why don't you come over and play with--

86
00:04:23,584 --> 00:04:26,834
[Josh] Passionate about life
and all things outdoors.

87
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:28,584
When I'm not traveling for work,

88
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you'll find me at home in Lake Placid,
New York, planning my next move.

89
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Wow!

90
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[Josh] Looking for a woman
who's spontaneous and drama-free.

91
00:04:40,043 --> 00:04:40,876
Ugh.

92
00:04:43,168 --> 00:04:45,168
[ethereal tinkling]

93
00:04:48,251 --> 00:04:52,584
[Natalie] Love Actually?
Worst Christmas movie ever!

94
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,334
[Josh] Hey, Natalie.

95
00:04:54,418 --> 00:04:57,418
So how do you really feel about
my favorite Christmas movie?

96
00:04:57,918 --> 00:05:01,459
[Natalie] It's a movie about people
falling in love based on how they look.

97
00:05:01,543 --> 00:05:05,418
[Josh] I like to think it's a story
about the triumph of love over reality.

98
00:05:06,293 --> 00:05:07,626
I can work with that.

99
00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:10,001
["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak playing]

100
00:05:10,084 --> 00:05:12,168
[Josh] So, what's your
favorite Christmas movie?

101
00:05:12,251 --> 00:05:16,084
[Natalie] That's easy.
Hands down, Die Hard.

102
00:05:16,168 --> 00:05:18,876
[Josh] You really think
Die Hard is a Christmas movie?

103
00:05:20,334 --> 00:05:22,168
[Natalie] Yippee Ki Yay, I do!

104
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[Josh] Okay. Convince me.

105
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Okay.

106
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[Natalie] Fine. I can give you
seven reasons, to be exact.

107
00:05:30,584 --> 00:05:32,459
[Josh] You've studied this in depth.

108
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[Natalie] One, it takes place
during a Christmas party.

109
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-[Josh] Doesn't make it a Christmas movie!
-[Natalie] I have more evidence.

110
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Two, it snows at the end.
Number three, there are presents involved.

111
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[Josh] There are presents involved
in most movies ever made!

112
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You know what? I'm willing
to reconsider this. I might actually--

113
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["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak continues]

114
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Holy shit!
I mean, this guy is, like, friggin' hot.

115
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He knows the difference between there
and they are, which you'd be surprised by.

116
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He's Asian-American
and speaks three languages.

117
00:06:02,376 --> 00:06:05,959
He's a world traveler but hasn't been
to any places on the watch list.

118
00:06:06,043 --> 00:06:08,459
-So really there's only one con.
-What?

119
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You've never seen him.

120
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Come on. [chuckles]
There's six pictures on his profile.

121
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That means nothing. Remember the last guy
you met up with in public?

122
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,376
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

123
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He ended up being
20 years older than his photos.

124
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This guy could be old.
He could be a waiter from the Last Supper.

125
00:06:22,543 --> 00:06:23,751
-What?
-Look at me. Look at me.

126
00:06:23,834 --> 00:06:26,793
You do not trust anybody
unless he sends you a photo

127
00:06:26,876 --> 00:06:30,543
holding today's newspaper
with the date on it. Okay? Yeah.

128
00:06:30,626 --> 00:06:33,501
Oh yeah, that's what we're gonna do.
I'm calling him to get a photo.

129
00:06:33,584 --> 00:06:34,626
-No! No.
-Yeah. What?

130
00:06:34,709 --> 00:06:36,209
-I'm… I'm sorry.
-[phone ringing]

131
00:06:36,293 --> 00:06:37,251
-I'm a large woman.
-No.

132
00:06:37,334 --> 00:06:38,626
-You cannot get this phone.
-No.

133
00:06:38,709 --> 00:06:40,918
-Yeah, try me. Oh! Okay, fine!
-No. Oh!

134
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,709
[Josh] Sounds like I'm missing
a fun party.

135
00:06:43,876 --> 00:06:44,876
-[both gasp]
-[Josh] Hello?

136
00:06:44,959 --> 00:06:46,501
-[woman laughing]
-[Josh] Hello?

137
00:06:47,376 --> 00:06:48,834
-Josh!
-[Josh] Hey, Natalie.

138
00:06:48,918 --> 00:06:50,043
-[mouthing] I'm sorry.
-Hi!

139
00:06:50,126 --> 00:06:51,418
-Hey.
-[woman] Mm-hmm.

140
00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:55,584
I… I actually didn't mean to call you.
I was, um, hiking and…

141
00:06:56,543 --> 00:07:00,459
-I tripped and accidentally hit "Call."
-What the fuck are you saying?

142
00:07:00,543 --> 00:07:02,459
-[Josh] Glad you're still alive.
-What?

143
00:07:02,543 --> 00:07:04,876
[Josh] I'm happy to be
your emergency contact,

144
00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:07,043
even with the three-hour time difference.

145
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:09,293
-[whispering] I'm sorry.
-Nope. Nope. I'm still alive.

146
00:07:09,376 --> 00:07:11,293
So anyway, I… I better get back to it.

147
00:07:11,376 --> 00:07:13,043
-Sorry to bother you. Bye.
-[disconnects]

148
00:07:13,626 --> 00:07:14,459
I'm gonna kill you.

149
00:07:14,543 --> 00:07:16,084
-[laughing] I'm sorry!
-[text tone]

150
00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:18,251
What?

151
00:07:18,959 --> 00:07:20,543
-What?
-Are you satisfied?

152
00:07:20,626 --> 00:07:21,793
[gasps] Oh!

153
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:24,959
Yeah, she's satisfied. Oh my God.

154
00:07:25,043 --> 00:07:27,251
-[squeals]
-He is so cute!

155
00:07:27,334 --> 00:07:29,501
-[sighs] Oh.
-What is… like… what is this?

156
00:07:30,293 --> 00:07:31,168
I mean…

157
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:34,793
[Josh] …but when you start making toast
in the tub, that's when we'll worry.

158
00:07:34,876 --> 00:07:36,418
[giggling]

159
00:07:36,501 --> 00:07:41,043
You know, when I first saw your profile,
I thought you'd just be another guy

160
00:07:41,126 --> 00:07:43,626
who's really hot
and has a dick pic on standby.

161
00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:46,334
-Well, what makes you think I'm not?
-[text tone]

162
00:07:46,418 --> 00:07:47,418
[scoffs]

163
00:07:50,293 --> 00:07:51,126
[text tone]

164
00:07:53,626 --> 00:07:56,334
-Ah.
-Your turn! Tit for tat, Nat.

165
00:07:56,418 --> 00:07:58,418
["Roll on Babe" by Vetiver playing]

166
00:08:00,043 --> 00:08:02,334
-[laughing] Oh! That's a weird Dick!
-[chuckles]

167
00:08:02,418 --> 00:08:03,834
At least mine's not crooked.

168
00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:06,334
♪ Roll on babe ♪

169
00:08:06,418 --> 00:08:08,334
[Josh] My parents got divorced
when I was three,

170
00:08:08,418 --> 00:08:11,168
but I got a pretty great stepmom now, so…

171
00:08:11,251 --> 00:08:14,376
[Natalie] My mom passed away last year.
You would've loved her.

172
00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:15,668
[chuckles] Everyone did.

173
00:08:15,751 --> 00:08:19,043
♪ You don't roll no more ♪

174
00:08:19,876 --> 00:08:21,626
♪ I dreamt last night ♪

175
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:27,251
Honestly, I'm so over eating out.
I prefer to just stay in and cook.

176
00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:30,251
-[Josh] Oh! You cook?
-Oh yeah. All the time.

177
00:08:30,334 --> 00:08:32,293
Tonight I'll be assisted in the kitchen

178
00:08:32,376 --> 00:08:35,418
by Chef Boyardee
and my good friends Ben and Jerry.

179
00:08:35,501 --> 00:08:37,793
♪ Roll on babe ♪

180
00:08:38,543 --> 00:08:41,043
[Natalie] No way.
You were chubby as a kid too?

181
00:08:41,126 --> 00:08:42,293
[Josh] I swear to you.

182
00:08:42,376 --> 00:08:45,251
Kids in middle school
used to ask me which chin I really used.

183
00:08:45,334 --> 00:08:47,209
Ugh, kids can be so cruel.

184
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:50,293
♪ …don't roll no more ♪

185
00:08:53,709 --> 00:08:56,959
[Natalie] You're telling me it's really
Tom Cruise flying these planes?

186
00:08:57,043 --> 00:08:59,251
[Josh] That was him driving the car
in Days of Thunder,

187
00:08:59,334 --> 00:09:02,168
him hanging from the ceiling
in Mission Impossible-- Oh, drink!

188
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:06,793
Ugh. I had no idea
that this movie was so homoerotic.

189
00:09:06,876 --> 00:09:10,209
[Josh] Yeah, actually I think Maverick
and Iceman get married in the sequel.

190
00:09:10,293 --> 00:09:12,668
Ugh. "Bottom Gun"?

191
00:09:12,751 --> 00:09:13,834
I'd watch that.

192
00:09:13,918 --> 00:09:16,251
Ooh! Maverick just disobeyed an order!
Chug!

193
00:09:18,376 --> 00:09:20,376
[Josh] What was your favorite book
as a kid?

194
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:24,168
[Natalie] It was a book of poems
called Where The Sidewalk Ends.

195
00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:27,751
[Josh] "I cannot go to school today,
said little Peggy Ann McKay."

196
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,793
[Natalie] I can't believe
that you know that.

197
00:09:30,293 --> 00:09:33,709
[Josh] Before there was Ferris Bueller,
there was Peggy Ann McKay.

198
00:09:35,251 --> 00:09:36,376
You know,

199
00:09:37,084 --> 00:09:41,959
my, um, my mom, she used to read
that to me when I was little.

200
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:48,001
It used to help me sleep,
but I honestly can't

201
00:09:48,876 --> 00:09:51,834
think of a single thing
that's more comforting than

202
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:53,876
being read to.

203
00:09:55,584 --> 00:09:58,209
[Josh] "This bridge
will only take you halfway there

204
00:09:59,376 --> 00:10:02,168
to those mysterious lands
you long to see."

205
00:10:02,251 --> 00:10:04,584
[gentle music playing]

206
00:10:04,668 --> 00:10:07,668
"Through gypsy camps
and swirling Arab fairs."

207
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:12,459
"And moonlit woods
where unicorns run free."

208
00:10:13,626 --> 00:10:15,501
"So, come and walk awhile with me

209
00:10:16,251 --> 00:10:19,293
and share the twisting trails

210
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,459
and wondrous worlds I've known."

211
00:10:22,876 --> 00:10:25,376
"But this bridge
will only take you halfway there."

212
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,709
"The last few steps
you will have to walk alone."

213
00:10:39,543 --> 00:10:43,293
[Natalie groaning]

214
00:10:46,918 --> 00:10:47,959
Josh?

215
00:10:50,209 --> 00:10:51,959
-[Josh] Good morning.
-[chuckles]

216
00:10:53,501 --> 00:10:57,251
[Josh] Oh, I guess I really should have
gotten the Verizon Unlimited plan.

217
00:11:00,626 --> 00:11:01,668
[Natalie sighs]

218
00:11:02,626 --> 00:11:04,626
["Vagabond" by Wolfmother playing]

219
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,209
[text tone]

220
00:11:11,959 --> 00:11:16,584
♪ Oh girl
I don't know all the reasons why ♪

221
00:11:19,459 --> 00:11:20,626
[sighs deeply]

222
00:11:21,334 --> 00:11:23,959
Natalie. My office, now.

223
00:11:27,876 --> 00:11:31,001
[man] It's been two weeks.
Where's my next Disaster Date story?

224
00:11:31,084 --> 00:11:35,793
Um… Could you just pause for a second?
It's a little distracting.

225
00:11:35,876 --> 00:11:39,584
[panting] No. I can't stop. I won't stop.
Now, where's my next story?

226
00:11:39,668 --> 00:11:40,834
Here's the thing.

227
00:11:42,126 --> 00:11:44,418
-I met someone. [exhales]
-Mm-hmm.

228
00:11:44,501 --> 00:11:46,876
I think this might be the real deal.

229
00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:50,251
-[man] Oh boy. Here we go.
-I'd like to write about that instead.

230
00:11:50,834 --> 00:11:52,293
I'm not buying it.

231
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:55,334
Just go out with some Tinder tool
and complain about him, please.

232
00:11:55,418 --> 00:11:56,501
I don't complain.

233
00:11:56,584 --> 00:11:58,334
Why'd you dump the guy
with the guinea pigs?

234
00:11:58,418 --> 00:11:59,501
They freaked me out.

235
00:11:59,584 --> 00:12:01,126
And the guy who smiled all the time?

236
00:12:01,209 --> 00:12:03,501
You could never tell
if he was actually happy.

237
00:12:03,584 --> 00:12:06,251
How about the guy who kept calling
your relationship a collab?

238
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:07,751
Do I really need to explain?

239
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:09,084
[grunts]

240
00:12:09,168 --> 00:12:12,959
[breathing heavily] Natalie,
here's the deal, okay?

241
00:12:13,043 --> 00:12:15,418
Your dating life is a disaster.

242
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:19,918
But you should be thankful
because it's why you have a job.

243
00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:21,168
[weights rattling]

244
00:12:21,834 --> 00:12:23,293
What if I write a piece

245
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:26,876
about a girl on the verge
of completely giving up on love

246
00:12:26,959 --> 00:12:31,126
when she comes to find
that the perfect guy might actually exist?

247
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,834
So she risks it all.

248
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,584
Her sanity, her common sense,

249
00:12:35,668 --> 00:12:38,168
her ability to ever be on The Bachelor,

250
00:12:38,251 --> 00:12:40,626
and it's worth it
because they fall in love

251
00:12:40,709 --> 00:12:43,001
just in time for Christmas.

252
00:12:43,084 --> 00:12:44,709
-[man] Ooh, I like it.
-[chuckles]

253
00:12:44,793 --> 00:12:46,959
I just don't think
you're the one to write it.

254
00:12:47,043 --> 00:12:49,793
You gotta leave the serious stuff
to the real journalists, like Steve.

255
00:12:49,876 --> 00:12:50,918
Screw Steve.

256
00:12:51,001 --> 00:12:54,251
I did. Hastag don't tell HR. Low-key.

257
00:12:54,334 --> 00:12:55,209
You know what?

258
00:12:55,293 --> 00:12:59,709
As of this moment right now,
my disaster dating days are over.

259
00:12:59,793 --> 00:13:02,126
I'm gonna fly to Lake Placid, New York.

260
00:13:02,209 --> 00:13:05,709
I'm gonna surprise Josh,
and I'm gonna get my happy ending.

261
00:13:05,793 --> 00:13:08,751
I'm sorry.
So, you haven't even met this dude yet?

262
00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:12,334
-Well, not… not in person, but--
-Oh, I take it all back.

263
00:13:12,418 --> 00:13:14,584
No, I take everything back.
You should write about this.

264
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:16,084
You should fly across the country

265
00:13:16,168 --> 00:13:18,126
and surprise a virtual stranger
for the holidays.

266
00:13:18,209 --> 00:13:21,459
This is gonna be
your most epic Disaster Date yet.

267
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:23,834
Uh-oh. Who's doing the dance?

268
00:13:23,918 --> 00:13:26,043
You're wrong, Lee, and I'm gonna show you.

269
00:13:26,126 --> 00:13:29,459
Because this is going to be
the most epic love story

270
00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:31,334
that you have ever read.

271
00:13:31,834 --> 00:13:35,001
Now, if you'll please excuse me,
I have bags to pack.

272
00:13:35,084 --> 00:13:37,834
-♪ Keep on, keep moving on ♪
-[exhales] Okay.

273
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:38,918
♪ You will not be happy… ♪

274
00:13:39,001 --> 00:13:41,209
Is this insane? It's kind of insane.

275
00:13:41,293 --> 00:13:43,543
-Am I insane? I'm insane. What am I doing?
-No, no, no, no.

276
00:13:43,626 --> 00:13:46,668
Hey. Insanity is doing the same thing
over and over again

277
00:13:46,751 --> 00:13:48,793
and expecting different results.

278
00:13:48,876 --> 00:13:50,793
You, my friend,
are about to fly 3,000 miles

279
00:13:50,876 --> 00:13:53,126
to meet up with a guy
who is literally the polar opposite

280
00:13:53,209 --> 00:13:55,834
of anybody you've ever dated before, so--

281
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,251
Oh my God. The mother of all ironies is

282
00:13:58,334 --> 00:14:00,709
this might be
the most sane thing you've ever done.

283
00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:06,001
[plane departing]

284
00:14:09,834 --> 00:14:12,209
[truck beeping]

285
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,709
[wind howling]

286
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:23,001
-[truck beeping]
-Oh. Sir, excuse me. Um…

287
00:14:23,501 --> 00:14:24,751
-My bags--
-[horn honking]

288
00:14:27,043 --> 00:14:29,043
Ooh. Hi.

289
00:14:29,126 --> 00:14:31,959
-I just landed, but my bag didn't arrive.
-[game playing]

290
00:14:32,043 --> 00:14:36,001
Fill out the form to your left and drop it
in the after-hours slot when you're done.

291
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:40,251
[scoffs] Why would I drop it
in the after-hours slot?

292
00:14:40,334 --> 00:14:42,709
You're here. This office is open.

293
00:14:42,793 --> 00:14:44,751
It's literally hours.

294
00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:48,084
Just fill out the form,
and someone will contact you.

295
00:14:51,084 --> 00:14:51,959
Okay.

296
00:14:54,418 --> 00:14:55,376
[text tone]

297
00:15:01,209 --> 00:15:03,209
-[exhales deeply]
-[text tones]

298
00:15:08,918 --> 00:15:10,543
[Natalie sighs]

299
00:15:12,418 --> 00:15:13,334
Is this a joke?

300
00:15:14,084 --> 00:15:15,918
Oh, the gig economy's no joke.

301
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,876
I'll get a different Uber. Thanks.

302
00:15:20,751 --> 00:15:22,501
[driver] I'm the only Uber in town.

303
00:15:22,584 --> 00:15:24,793
Fine. I'll get a Lyft.

304
00:15:24,876 --> 00:15:25,793
[text tone]

305
00:15:30,751 --> 00:15:33,918
[driver] 4.9 stars, and I offer snacks.

306
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:36,876
Nacho cheese?

307
00:15:37,626 --> 00:15:40,501
Baked potato? I've got baked potatoes.

308
00:15:45,126 --> 00:15:47,001
[driver] You want some papaya? Kiwi?

309
00:15:47,543 --> 00:15:50,543
[Natalie] No kiwi.
I would swell up like a blowfish.

310
00:15:50,626 --> 00:15:53,668
-Where am I taking you, again?
-420 Holt Street.

311
00:15:53,751 --> 00:15:54,876
The Lin household?

312
00:15:54,959 --> 00:15:55,793
-Mm-hmm.
-Nice.

313
00:15:55,876 --> 00:15:58,209
-[radio chatter]
-How could you possibly know that?

314
00:15:58,293 --> 00:16:00,501
Josh Lin is an old buddy of mine,

315
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:03,918
and given the stuff we used to smoke
in his basement after school,

316
00:16:04,543 --> 00:16:06,959
that's not exactly an address you forget.

317
00:16:07,668 --> 00:16:09,918
Okay. Can you please
just turn the radio off? [scoffs]

318
00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:12,918
-It's a great song and a classic.
-["Baby, It's Cold Outside" playing]

319
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:18,168
Yeah. It's been putting the hip
in Rohypnol since 1944.

320
00:16:18,251 --> 00:16:23,126
[scoffs] What are you talking about?
It's a cute and flirty Christmas duet.

321
00:16:23,209 --> 00:16:25,084
Maybe if you're Bill Cosby.

322
00:16:25,668 --> 00:16:27,626
[Natalie] If you could
please change the station?

323
00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:28,751
[driver] You're the boss.

324
00:16:30,209 --> 00:16:34,376
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪

325
00:16:34,459 --> 00:16:35,293
[Natalie] Wow.

326
00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:39,793
They really love Christmas, huh?

327
00:16:39,876 --> 00:16:41,418
You should see this place at Halloween.

328
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:44,209
Stephen King is too afraid
to trick-or-treat here.

329
00:16:44,293 --> 00:16:48,834
Hey, can you do me a favor?
Can you give this to Josh

330
00:16:48,918 --> 00:16:53,293
and tell him
E-Rock says to pass the Dutch? [chuckles]

331
00:16:54,334 --> 00:16:56,209
-Okay, Snoop. [exhales]
-Oh yeah.

332
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,626
Thank you for the ride.

333
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:01,418
[door closes]

334
00:17:02,168 --> 00:17:05,334
♪ When friends come to call ♪

335
00:17:05,418 --> 00:17:11,876
♪ It's the hap-happiest season of all ♪

336
00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:14,459
♪ There'll be parties for hosting ♪

337
00:17:14,543 --> 00:17:16,001
♪ Marshmallows for toasting ♪

338
00:17:16,084 --> 00:17:20,209
♪ And Christmases long, long ago ♪

339
00:17:21,709 --> 00:17:23,834
♪ Oh, the most wonderful time… ♪

340
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,376
-Oh. Hi.
-Hi.

341
00:17:25,459 --> 00:17:27,543
[woman] Merry Christmas. Can I help you?

342
00:17:27,626 --> 00:17:31,209
Hi. Yeah. I'm, um, Natalie Bauer.
I'm here to see Josh Lin.

343
00:17:31,293 --> 00:17:32,293
Is he home?

344
00:17:33,334 --> 00:17:36,751
Uh. He's not here right now,
but I expect him any minute.

345
00:17:36,834 --> 00:17:38,626
Uh, why don't you come inside and wait?

346
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,668
Oh. Um. Sure.

347
00:17:40,751 --> 00:17:42,001
Oh my goodness. Um.

348
00:17:42,084 --> 00:17:47,584
I wasn't expecting company, uh, tonight.
I'm Barb. I'm Josh's mom.

349
00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:49,251
-Nice to meet you.
-Hi. You too.

350
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:52,251
So, you and Josh are friends?

351
00:17:53,001 --> 00:17:56,001
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess you could say that. [chuckles]

352
00:17:56,084 --> 00:17:59,418
[man] Is that the Mormons again?
For the last time, we're not converting!

353
00:17:59,501 --> 00:18:01,376
[yelling] It's not the Mormons, Bob!

354
00:18:01,459 --> 00:18:03,876
It's a friend of Josh's!

355
00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:06,334
He does that every single, solitary time,
even Halloween.

356
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:09,001
Every time it rang one year,
he was like, "Is that the Mormons?"

357
00:18:09,084 --> 00:18:10,626
Here is Bob.

358
00:18:10,709 --> 00:18:13,751
This is Josh's Dad.
And this is his Grandmother, June.

359
00:18:13,834 --> 00:18:15,543
-Hello, dear!
-Hi. Oh.

360
00:18:15,626 --> 00:18:17,418
[Barb] Okay, that's good. That's good.

361
00:18:17,501 --> 00:18:20,793
-How do you know Josh?
-Ah, they're friends, Grandma June.

362
00:18:20,876 --> 00:18:24,626
We're maybe
just a little bit more than just friends.

363
00:18:26,084 --> 00:18:29,001
Oh my God. Are you… are you his "G Word"?

364
00:18:29,751 --> 00:18:31,209
-Geisha?
-No.

365
00:18:31,293 --> 00:18:32,918
Oh, you're his girlfriend?

366
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:35,001
I mean maybe. There's no titles yet.

367
00:18:35,084 --> 00:18:39,376
Oh my! This… this is just off the charts.
Look at you!

368
00:18:39,459 --> 00:18:42,626
-[Natalie] Thanks. It's a new lip gloss.
-Josh has a girlfriend?

369
00:18:42,709 --> 00:18:45,001
Well, I mean… no…

370
00:18:45,084 --> 00:18:47,626
Do we have something special? Yes.

371
00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,251
Did I fly from LA
to surprise him for Christmas?

372
00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:54,168
-Mm-hmm. Sure did. Here I am. Am I crazy?
-A little.

373
00:18:54,251 --> 00:18:57,084
-Uh, yeah, maybe a little.
-You are-- This is just so romantic.

374
00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:58,501
[Natalie] Oh God, I hope so.

375
00:18:58,584 --> 00:19:00,251
[Barb] Oh, Natalie, we are so--

376
00:19:00,334 --> 00:19:01,168
[gasps]

377
00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:03,626
That's him. Josh!

378
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,709
Someone's here to see you!

379
00:19:06,251 --> 00:19:09,209
The UPS guy's not here to see me.
Just sign for the package!

380
00:19:09,293 --> 00:19:11,584
It's not UPS! [laughing]

381
00:19:11,668 --> 00:19:13,001
Just come up!

382
00:19:13,793 --> 00:19:16,001
["(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight"
by Cutting Crew playing]

383
00:19:16,084 --> 00:19:20,834
♪ Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight ♪

384
00:19:21,959 --> 00:19:25,209
♪ It must have been something you said ♪

385
00:19:25,293 --> 00:19:30,293
-♪ I just died in your arms tonight ♪
-[music distorts, stops]

386
00:19:30,376 --> 00:19:32,251
[Barb, Bob, Grandma] Surprise!

387
00:19:32,918 --> 00:19:33,959
Natalie?

388
00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:37,626
[nervously] What are you doing here?

389
00:19:37,709 --> 00:19:39,793
Surprising you for Christmas!

390
00:19:40,376 --> 00:19:41,584
Uh…

391
00:19:42,543 --> 00:19:43,376
I…

392
00:19:45,543 --> 00:19:47,876
[chuckles nervously] Um…

393
00:19:50,459 --> 00:19:52,668
Forgot my luggage. So I'm gonna…

394
00:19:53,251 --> 00:19:54,168
[footsteps receding]

395
00:19:54,251 --> 00:19:56,293
-[door opens]
-Josh, go help her with her luggage.

396
00:19:56,376 --> 00:19:57,584
[Josh] Natalie!

397
00:19:57,668 --> 00:19:59,043
Good work, Josh.

398
00:19:59,126 --> 00:20:01,376
No, no, no, no, no.
This cannot be happening.

399
00:20:01,459 --> 00:20:04,751
-Look. I… I can explain!
-[breathing heavily] I don't understand.

400
00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:08,918
We talked. [gulps]
I made sure-- The… the photo!

401
00:20:09,001 --> 00:20:12,084
It had my name on it.
You wrote, "Bye, Natalie!"

402
00:20:12,668 --> 00:20:14,293
I'm pretty good at Photoshop.

403
00:20:14,376 --> 00:20:18,376
[breathing heavily] Oh my God!

404
00:20:18,459 --> 00:20:20,084
[Josh] Okay, let's take a deep breath.

405
00:20:20,168 --> 00:20:22,084
Not the baby Jesus.
Don't. Don't. No, no, no, no.

406
00:20:22,168 --> 00:20:24,293
What kind of psychopath
creates a fake profile

407
00:20:24,376 --> 00:20:27,126
and then starts a fake
relationship online?

408
00:20:27,209 --> 00:20:28,334
[grunts] What kind of psycho

409
00:20:28,418 --> 00:20:31,251
flies across the country
and shows up on somebody's front lawn?

410
00:20:31,334 --> 00:20:35,168
You said, and I quote, "I wish
you were here with me for Christmas."

411
00:20:35,251 --> 00:20:38,293
That's just something people say.
Like, "Your baby's so cute"

412
00:20:38,376 --> 00:20:40,376
or "My diet starts tomorrow."

413
00:20:40,459 --> 00:20:41,918
-Everybody knows that.
-[groans]

414
00:20:42,001 --> 00:20:44,918
[Josh] Well, apparently not everybody. Mm.

415
00:20:46,084 --> 00:20:49,001
Are you implying that this is my fault?

416
00:20:49,084 --> 00:20:52,293
-Nobody is blaming anybody, okay?
-[Natalie] Oh!

417
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:56,584
Maybe, maybe I get it, you never dated
a Chinese guy before, and you're in shock!

418
00:20:56,668 --> 00:21:01,126
Yes, I have. He was born in Beijing,
and he was amazing in bed.

419
00:21:01,209 --> 00:21:04,084
How could you lie to me?
I really liked you.

420
00:21:04,168 --> 00:21:07,459
I'm sorry. I… I never meant
for it to go this far. Okay?

421
00:21:07,543 --> 00:21:10,876
-Can we… can we go back inside and--
-No, I'm not going inside!

422
00:21:10,959 --> 00:21:12,584
I'm not going anywhere with you.

423
00:21:12,668 --> 00:21:15,501
I never want to see you again. Okay?

424
00:21:15,584 --> 00:21:16,876
[footsteps receding]

425
00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:20,251
-[Josh] You don't know where you're going!
-Baby Jesus will take the wheel.

426
00:21:20,334 --> 00:21:22,501
["Jingle Bell Rock" playing]

427
00:21:24,626 --> 00:21:25,584
[sighs deeply]

428
00:21:25,668 --> 00:21:27,043
[male patron] Yeah!

429
00:21:27,126 --> 00:21:30,626
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell
Jingle bell rock ♪

430
00:21:30,709 --> 00:21:34,084
♪ Jingle bells swing
And jingle bells ring… ♪

431
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,459
Hey, um, grab me another one
of these green apple thingies.

432
00:21:37,543 --> 00:21:38,918
I got you. One sec, baby girl.

433
00:21:39,001 --> 00:21:43,793
And so, Sarah asked me, "Would you rather
have a better memory or a bigger penis?"

434
00:21:43,876 --> 00:21:45,084
Okay. What'd you say?

435
00:21:45,584 --> 00:21:46,584
I don't remember.

436
00:21:46,668 --> 00:21:48,918
[both men laughing]

437
00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:50,001
Cali Asskicker.

438
00:21:50,084 --> 00:21:51,168
[man] Cali Asskicker!

439
00:21:51,251 --> 00:21:53,418
[man 2] Cali Asskicker!

440
00:21:53,501 --> 00:21:55,126
[man 3] Merry Christmas, everybody!

441
00:21:55,209 --> 00:21:58,793
♪ What a bright time
It's the right time ♪

442
00:21:58,876 --> 00:22:00,834
[sound muffles]

443
00:22:02,251 --> 00:22:03,668
[ethereal tinkling]

444
00:22:08,293 --> 00:22:10,751
-[man 2] Get over here!
-[man 3] Put 'em up, put 'em up!

445
00:22:10,834 --> 00:22:12,876
-[bartender] Triple Sec. Rum juice.
-Okay. Talk to me.

446
00:22:12,959 --> 00:22:14,959
-[bartender] Orange juice. Kiwi.
-Say what?

447
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:16,376
-[bartender] Great.
-You know me.

448
00:22:17,626 --> 00:22:20,168
Come on, Kerry, answer the phone.

449
00:22:22,459 --> 00:22:24,709
Tell me you are calling me
from his bathroom

450
00:22:24,793 --> 00:22:27,209
after the most intense orgasm
of your life.

451
00:22:27,293 --> 00:22:30,501
[inhales] Hard to have an orgasm
when you've been catfished!

452
00:22:30,584 --> 00:22:31,959
Shut up. Are you joking?

453
00:22:32,584 --> 00:22:33,751
[exhales deeply]

454
00:22:35,584 --> 00:22:36,793
[Josh] Oh Jesus.

455
00:22:40,251 --> 00:22:42,209
You're telling me the guy exists,
and he's there?

456
00:22:42,293 --> 00:22:43,126
Yup.

457
00:22:43,209 --> 00:22:46,043
[Kerry] That is not a coincidence, bitch.
That is a sign from God.

458
00:22:46,126 --> 00:22:47,334
You should totally go for it.

459
00:22:47,418 --> 00:22:50,959
What are you, an LA six,
which makes you a Lake Placid ten?

460
00:22:51,043 --> 00:22:52,251
You owe it to yourself

461
00:22:52,334 --> 00:22:54,959
and your 50,000 frequent-flier miles
to go for it.

462
00:22:55,043 --> 00:22:57,043
Besides, what do you have to lose? Huh?

463
00:22:57,126 --> 00:23:00,084
The last remaining microscopic shred
of my pride and self-respect?

464
00:23:00,168 --> 00:23:02,793
[Kerry] Long gone, Nat.
Besides, think of the story you'll write.

465
00:23:02,876 --> 00:23:05,501
Oh my God,
Lee would be eating his freakin' words.

466
00:23:05,584 --> 00:23:08,043
You know what, you're gonna go,
and you're gonna do this,

467
00:23:08,126 --> 00:23:11,376
and I… I want you to make
that rugged unicorn notice you, okay?

468
00:23:11,459 --> 00:23:14,459
You got this. Go, go, go, go.
I love you. Call me later.

469
00:23:16,501 --> 00:23:17,918
[sighs]

470
00:23:18,001 --> 00:23:21,418
♪ Jingle around the clock ♪

471
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:23,918
♪ Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet ♪

472
00:23:24,001 --> 00:23:26,459
-Here are your drinks, guys. Get involved.
-[woman] Thanks.

473
00:23:26,543 --> 00:23:28,376
[Natalie] Sorry, I need these more
than you do.

474
00:23:28,459 --> 00:23:29,376
[woman] Hey!

475
00:23:30,043 --> 00:23:31,626
The roof might not be my child…

476
00:23:32,626 --> 00:23:35,001
[gulps] but I'm still gonna raise it.

477
00:23:35,084 --> 00:23:36,418
[crowd cheering]

478
00:23:37,793 --> 00:23:40,126
[coughs, clears throat]

479
00:23:40,209 --> 00:23:42,084
[singer laughing] Hey!

480
00:23:42,168 --> 00:23:44,251
Where's my drink? Who has my drink?

481
00:23:44,751 --> 00:23:48,168
-[clears throat, coughs]
-Okay, what do we got?

482
00:23:48,668 --> 00:23:50,334
This is Christmas karaoke.

483
00:23:50,418 --> 00:23:52,209
[Natalie] Just play it, please.

484
00:23:52,293 --> 00:23:54,543
[continues coughing]

485
00:23:55,584 --> 00:23:58,959
Okay, up next, we have Natalie doing

486
00:23:59,043 --> 00:24:02,001
[sighs] her idea of a Christmas song.

487
00:24:02,084 --> 00:24:04,126
Sweet baby Jesus.

488
00:24:04,209 --> 00:24:06,918
["I Would Do Anything For Love"
by Nina Dobrev playing]

489
00:24:19,334 --> 00:24:24,543
[Natalie] ♪ And I would do anything
For love ♪

490
00:24:25,459 --> 00:24:28,376
-Yes! Whoo!
-[Natalie] ♪ I would do anything ♪

491
00:24:28,459 --> 00:24:29,876
♪ For love ♪

492
00:24:29,959 --> 00:24:32,626
♪ But I won't do that ♪

493
00:24:33,626 --> 00:24:34,543
Huh!

494
00:24:35,126 --> 00:24:38,126
♪ No I won't do that ♪

495
00:24:38,209 --> 00:24:39,209
[crowd gasps]

496
00:24:44,168 --> 00:24:45,126
[sputtering]

497
00:24:45,209 --> 00:24:47,501
[man laughing]

498
00:24:47,584 --> 00:24:49,918
♪ Some days it don't come easy ♪

499
00:24:50,501 --> 00:24:52,834
-♪ And some days it don't come hard ♪
-Be respectful.

500
00:24:52,918 --> 00:24:54,376
-She has a condition.
-Um.

501
00:24:54,459 --> 00:24:55,668
♪ …come at all ♪

502
00:24:55,751 --> 00:24:59,084
♪ And these are the days that never end ♪

503
00:24:59,959 --> 00:25:02,459
♪ And some nights you're breathing fire ♪

504
00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:05,584
♪ And some nights you're carved in ice ♪

505
00:25:06,209 --> 00:25:12,001
♪ Some nights you're like nothing
I've ever seen before or will again ♪

506
00:25:12,626 --> 00:25:14,459
-♪ And maybe I'm crazy ♪
-Okay.

507
00:25:15,043 --> 00:25:17,251
-♪ But it's crazy and it's true ♪
-[man] I am a Christian!

508
00:25:17,334 --> 00:25:18,876
-Oh! Careful. Careful.
-Okay.

509
00:25:18,959 --> 00:25:21,043
♪ I know you can save me ♪

510
00:25:21,126 --> 00:25:24,209
-♪ No one else can save me know but you ♪
-Mm.

511
00:25:25,001 --> 00:25:27,959
♪ As long as the planets are turning ♪

512
00:25:28,543 --> 00:25:31,126
♪ As long as the stars are burning ♪

513
00:25:32,168 --> 00:25:35,126
[screaming]

514
00:25:35,209 --> 00:25:38,959
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

515
00:25:39,043 --> 00:25:40,626
-[door slams shut]
-[Josh gasps]

516
00:25:41,459 --> 00:25:42,293
[patron] Whoo.

517
00:25:43,751 --> 00:25:47,376
-Yeah! Very solid.
-[crowd cheering]

518
00:25:47,459 --> 00:25:49,376
Here. You left these inside.

519
00:25:49,876 --> 00:25:54,043
[gasping] Shit. There must've been kiwi
in those shots.

520
00:25:54,126 --> 00:25:55,584
-What?
-[coughing]

521
00:25:55,668 --> 00:25:57,751
[straining] Where is it? Where is it?

522
00:25:57,834 --> 00:26:00,168
-Wha-- Where's what?
-[gasping]

523
00:26:01,959 --> 00:26:03,376
[breathlessly] My EpiPen!

524
00:26:05,418 --> 00:26:06,709
Oh shit!

525
00:26:08,626 --> 00:26:10,626
[light buzzing]

526
00:26:12,418 --> 00:26:13,293
[exhales]

527
00:26:13,876 --> 00:26:16,459
Oh! Thank God you're not dead.

528
00:26:16,959 --> 00:26:18,751
[Natalie coughs] Where am I?

529
00:26:18,834 --> 00:26:20,001
A hospital.

530
00:26:21,001 --> 00:26:22,793
[dogs barking]

531
00:26:22,876 --> 00:26:24,293
[cats meowing]

532
00:26:26,043 --> 00:26:27,834
You took me to a vet?

533
00:26:27,918 --> 00:26:30,543
Well, the real human hospital's
30 minutes away,

534
00:26:30,626 --> 00:26:32,084
and I didn't want to risk it.

535
00:26:32,168 --> 00:26:35,251
But relax, Dr. Foye is the best in town.

536
00:26:36,126 --> 00:26:40,584
[breathing heavily] Hello. I'm Dr. Foye.
Wow! You look a lot, uh, a lot better.

537
00:26:40,668 --> 00:26:43,834
Huh? Right? Good thing
Josh brought you in when he did, huh?

538
00:26:43,918 --> 00:26:45,293
'Cause you were like… Whoo!

539
00:26:45,376 --> 00:26:47,418
You're gonna be fine.
Stay as long as you like.

540
00:26:47,501 --> 00:26:49,876
Couple biscuits under the tree for you
if you like.

541
00:26:49,959 --> 00:26:51,668
-Thank you.
-Thanks, Doc.

542
00:26:52,168 --> 00:26:53,126
[door closes]

543
00:26:53,209 --> 00:26:54,334
[groans]

544
00:26:54,418 --> 00:26:58,209
-So, you met the real Tag tonight, huh?
-Mm-hmm.

545
00:26:58,293 --> 00:27:01,709
Did you really think
sexy karaoke was going to work?

546
00:27:01,793 --> 00:27:05,584
This is not LA, and Tag is not an LA guy.

547
00:27:05,668 --> 00:27:09,709
Hot girls hit on him here all the time,
and they're all the same.

548
00:27:09,793 --> 00:27:12,543
If you want him to notice you,
do something different.

549
00:27:12,626 --> 00:27:14,376
Oh, he noticed me tonight.

550
00:27:14,459 --> 00:27:18,376
Honestly, your face was so swollen,
you looked more like Chucky.

551
00:27:18,459 --> 00:27:20,293
I doubt he'll recognize you.

552
00:27:20,376 --> 00:27:23,876
-I don't know anything about this guy.
-But I do.

553
00:27:23,959 --> 00:27:27,251
Not only were Tag and I
best friends until 8th grade,

554
00:27:27,334 --> 00:27:30,376
I have been pretending to be him
for the last two weeks.

555
00:27:30,459 --> 00:27:31,293
So what?

556
00:27:31,376 --> 00:27:35,043
So, I know Tag
better than he knows himself.

557
00:27:35,126 --> 00:27:37,168
I can help you get him.

558
00:27:38,543 --> 00:27:39,918
Why would you do that?

559
00:27:40,001 --> 00:27:42,626
Well, maybe if I'm helping
you with something,

560
00:27:42,709 --> 00:27:44,876
maybe you can do
something for me in return.

561
00:27:46,584 --> 00:27:49,418
I am not having sex with you.

562
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:53,084
No! That's not what I'm saying at all.

563
00:27:53,709 --> 00:27:59,293
I was thinking maybe you can, um, pretend
to be my girlfriend until Christmas.

564
00:28:00,293 --> 00:28:01,168
Um.

565
00:28:01,876 --> 00:28:02,751
Why?

566
00:28:03,459 --> 00:28:06,334
Did you see how my parents
looked at me tonight

567
00:28:06,418 --> 00:28:08,501
when they thought you were my girlfriend?

568
00:28:08,584 --> 00:28:10,001
Okay, you're crazy.

569
00:28:11,126 --> 00:28:14,376
Being seen with you?
That would be a huge win.

570
00:28:14,459 --> 00:28:16,418
I mean, you know,

571
00:28:17,126 --> 00:28:18,251
look at you.

572
00:28:18,334 --> 00:28:20,709
All I'm asking for is a week.

573
00:28:20,793 --> 00:28:24,751
Then we'll stage a breakup,
and you'll be free from me forever.

574
00:28:24,834 --> 00:28:26,043
[text tone]

575
00:28:30,043 --> 00:28:31,209
[sighs deeply]

576
00:28:31,293 --> 00:28:33,084
[cats meowing]

577
00:28:35,751 --> 00:28:37,001
You're gonna set me up with Tag?

578
00:28:37,084 --> 00:28:40,501
Yes! You guys will be in love
by New Year's.

579
00:28:40,584 --> 00:28:42,709
Have a baby by next Thanksgiving.

580
00:28:43,543 --> 00:28:46,251
By the way, do you have insurance?
They were asking me.

581
00:28:46,334 --> 00:28:47,334
[dogs barking]

582
00:28:48,459 --> 00:28:50,376
Well, welcome to my crib.

583
00:28:50,459 --> 00:28:52,376
This is where the magic happens.

584
00:28:53,001 --> 00:28:57,168
That's just something people say.
Not a lot of magic has happened at all.

585
00:28:57,251 --> 00:29:00,293
Uh… but got a mini-fridge
with all kinds of soda.

586
00:29:00,376 --> 00:29:03,709
There's laundry, bathroom,
foosball table if you want to play.

587
00:29:04,543 --> 00:29:08,043
[insincerely] Oh. I love what you've done
with the place.

588
00:29:08,543 --> 00:29:11,251
Well, it's still,
you know, it's pretty much temporary.

589
00:29:11,334 --> 00:29:15,834
My apartment is still under renovation.
It sustained a little smoke damage, so…

590
00:29:17,751 --> 00:29:19,293
-[sighs]
-Well, good night.

591
00:29:19,376 --> 00:29:22,793
-Just make yourself comfortable.
-[clears throat, chuckles] Uh. No.

592
00:29:23,293 --> 00:29:25,459
You, on the floor. Now.

593
00:29:26,793 --> 00:29:29,876
This is the only Tempur-Pedic
in the house, and I have a bad back.

594
00:29:29,959 --> 00:29:34,709
I don't care if this bed is the only thing
keeping you from complete paralysis.

595
00:29:34,793 --> 00:29:35,876
We ain't sharing.

596
00:29:35,959 --> 00:29:39,001
-What if we put pillows in the middle?
-No.

597
00:29:39,084 --> 00:29:42,709
-Okay. What if we do like head to toe?
-Mm. It's always gonna be no. So, yeah.

598
00:29:45,209 --> 00:29:48,376
We should probably address
the, uh, catfish in the room.

599
00:29:48,459 --> 00:29:51,084
You do realize that at some point,
you were going to have to meet me.

600
00:29:51,584 --> 00:29:56,584
Well, I didn't set out to catfish you.
It just kind of happened.

601
00:29:56,668 --> 00:29:57,918
It kind of happened?

602
00:29:58,543 --> 00:30:01,793
I had my profile up for a year,
and guess how many matches I got.

603
00:30:02,668 --> 00:30:03,501
Three.

604
00:30:03,584 --> 00:30:06,376
And one of them
was my old English teacher.

605
00:30:06,459 --> 00:30:08,876
She's 70 now, and she has a pacemaker.

606
00:30:08,959 --> 00:30:11,584
Having sex with her
would literally kill her.

607
00:30:12,751 --> 00:30:14,126
So just as an experiment,

608
00:30:14,209 --> 00:30:17,668
I thought I could use a picture
of a standard hot guy

609
00:30:17,751 --> 00:30:21,043
and see what would happen.
I got 85 matches in five minutes.

610
00:30:21,126 --> 00:30:23,126
So, apparently, there's plenty
of girls out there.

611
00:30:23,209 --> 00:30:24,501
They just didn't want to date me.

612
00:30:24,584 --> 00:30:27,584
Are you seriously
looking for sympathy right now?

613
00:30:27,668 --> 00:30:30,251
There are no words for what you did.

614
00:30:30,334 --> 00:30:31,918
-Well, I would--
-No words!

615
00:30:32,834 --> 00:30:35,251
But a deal's a deal.
So let's just move on.

616
00:30:46,418 --> 00:30:47,293
Okay.

617
00:30:51,668 --> 00:30:53,626
[Barb] And you had
to write the words on your hand.

618
00:30:53,709 --> 00:30:55,626
-[Josh laughing]
-He keeps taking his glove off.

619
00:30:55,709 --> 00:30:56,876
His hands are freezing.

620
00:30:56,959 --> 00:30:59,834
I… I… I thought your finger
was gonna fall off, Dad, for sure!

621
00:30:59,918 --> 00:31:01,251
-Natalie!
-Oh.

622
00:31:01,334 --> 00:31:05,168
Come on in, come on.
Join us for breakfast. We just sat down.

623
00:31:05,251 --> 00:31:08,668
Um, I actually should probably go shower.

624
00:31:08,751 --> 00:31:11,293
Oh, I'm sure you look
absolutely beautiful.

625
00:31:11,376 --> 00:31:13,709
But full disclosure, I can't see shit.

626
00:31:13,793 --> 00:31:14,751
[all laughing]

627
00:31:14,834 --> 00:31:16,084
Please, sit.

628
00:31:16,668 --> 00:31:18,959
Wow, this all looks so delicious.

629
00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:21,168
Oh, please, help yourself to anything.

630
00:31:21,251 --> 00:31:22,418
Oh, bacon?

631
00:31:22,501 --> 00:31:24,584
-Oh, she's a vegetarian.
-I'm a vegetarian.

632
00:31:25,334 --> 00:31:26,709
But thank you, Mr. Lin.

633
00:31:26,793 --> 00:31:29,376
So where did you lovebirds
rush off to last night?

634
00:31:29,459 --> 00:31:32,251
-Oh, we went to McGregor's for karaoke.
-Mm-hmm.

635
00:31:32,334 --> 00:31:33,626
[Barb] Oh, how was that?

636
00:31:33,709 --> 00:31:35,459
-Oh.
-It was, uh…

637
00:31:36,584 --> 00:31:38,501
swell? Right, Natalie?

638
00:31:39,251 --> 00:31:42,334
Well, I want to hear
all about how you two met.

639
00:31:42,418 --> 00:31:44,626
Oh, it's just an online dating app.

640
00:31:44,709 --> 00:31:46,209
-Not much to it.
-[scoffs]

641
00:31:46,293 --> 00:31:47,584
Just text, text, send.

642
00:31:47,668 --> 00:31:49,334
Next thing you know,
she's right next to me.

643
00:31:49,418 --> 00:31:51,293
-Here I am.
-[Josh, Natalie chuckle]

644
00:31:51,793 --> 00:31:53,001
What nonsense.

645
00:31:53,084 --> 00:31:56,251
People used to fall in and out of love
based solely upon the written word.

646
00:31:56,334 --> 00:31:59,168
The pen is mightier than the penis.

647
00:31:59,251 --> 00:32:00,918
-[chokes]
-Grandma, let's-- We have company.

648
00:32:01,001 --> 00:32:02,959
Let's eat our eggs before they get cold.

649
00:32:03,043 --> 00:32:05,793
So, Natalie, what was it about Josh
that first caught your eye?

650
00:32:06,959 --> 00:32:08,293
Gee, I mean, um…

651
00:32:09,001 --> 00:32:10,334
I don't even know where to start.

652
00:32:10,418 --> 00:32:14,168
There was just so many
unbelievable things in his profile.

653
00:32:14,668 --> 00:32:19,126
His photos. I took one look at that hair,
that unique physique.

654
00:32:19,209 --> 00:32:21,876
Uh, I mean, that jawline. [scoffs]

655
00:32:21,959 --> 00:32:24,418
I thought to myself,
"It's too good to be true."

656
00:32:24,501 --> 00:32:25,459
Oh no, it's true.

657
00:32:25,543 --> 00:32:27,584
He's gotten more chiseled
in the last couple of years.

658
00:32:27,668 --> 00:32:31,209
Oh, but it wasn't just the photos
that ensnared me.

659
00:32:31,293 --> 00:32:33,918
His bio. He's passionate about life,

660
00:32:34,001 --> 00:32:35,751
loves all things outdoors.

661
00:32:35,834 --> 00:32:38,543
-Oh hey. He mentioned the store.
-[Josh chuckles]

662
00:32:38,626 --> 00:32:41,751
[sniffs] My father started it
50 years ago.

663
00:32:41,834 --> 00:32:44,418
I run it now,
but Josh is one of the salesmen.

664
00:32:44,501 --> 00:32:48,168
-We don't have to talk shop at breakfast.
-Oh, but it's so fascinating.

665
00:32:48,251 --> 00:32:50,543
And all the travel that it must involve.

666
00:32:50,626 --> 00:32:53,126
Well, if you count
lunch runs to Applebee's,

667
00:32:53,209 --> 00:32:54,793
then Josh travels every day.

668
00:32:57,501 --> 00:32:58,626
[Natalie] Applebee's!

669
00:32:59,959 --> 00:33:01,084
Applebee's!

670
00:33:01,168 --> 00:33:02,376
Applebee's.

671
00:33:02,459 --> 00:33:05,543
You know, I've been thinking about joining
one of those dating sites.

672
00:33:05,626 --> 00:33:06,918
My friend Darlene

673
00:33:07,001 --> 00:33:10,376
down at Shimmering Pines,
she joined one called Gray Play,

674
00:33:10,459 --> 00:33:13,959
and she has seen more ass
than a church pew.

675
00:33:14,043 --> 00:33:16,084
-Okay, June! Seriously.
-[Josh] Mom.

676
00:33:16,168 --> 00:33:17,459
[Barb] Let's just… [laughs]

677
00:33:17,543 --> 00:33:20,543
I could use your expertise
in setting up my profile.

678
00:33:20,626 --> 00:33:21,876
-Oh. Um…
-Yeah.

679
00:33:21,959 --> 00:33:22,793
-Okay.
-Sure.

680
00:33:22,876 --> 00:33:26,209
May I see yours?
And can you show me Josh's?

681
00:33:27,376 --> 00:33:29,834
-I didn't bring my phone. It's downstairs.
-Maybe later, Grams.

682
00:33:29,918 --> 00:33:31,793
Yeah. Natalie and I have to head out.

683
00:33:31,876 --> 00:33:35,251
Uh, I'm gonna show her a grand tour
of Lake Placid and the store.

684
00:33:35,334 --> 00:33:37,959
-Oh. That's a great idea. Fun.
-[Josh] Mm-hmm. Yeah.

685
00:33:38,043 --> 00:33:39,876
-[Barb] Take your toast.
-[Bob] Drive carefully.

686
00:33:39,959 --> 00:33:41,043
Oh. Yeah.

687
00:33:41,751 --> 00:33:43,293
-Mmm. So good!
-She loves her toast!

688
00:33:43,376 --> 00:33:46,334
["Counting the Days"
by the Crystalairs playing]

689
00:33:47,668 --> 00:33:50,918
♪ Counting the days
Been waiting since last year ♪

690
00:33:51,001 --> 00:33:53,126
Okay. The first thing
you need to know about Tag

691
00:33:53,209 --> 00:33:55,293
is he likes outdoorsy, adventurous women.

692
00:33:55,376 --> 00:33:58,168
Not Instagram models who count carbs.

693
00:33:58,251 --> 00:33:59,459
I don't count carbs.

694
00:33:59,543 --> 00:34:00,543
I monitor them.

695
00:34:00,626 --> 00:34:04,084
Sure. Whatever you say.
So, uh, what size are you?

696
00:34:04,168 --> 00:34:07,418
[scoffs] None of your business. Besides,
what's wrong with what I'm wearing?

697
00:34:07,501 --> 00:34:09,459
You wanna look relaxed,
like you don't care.

698
00:34:09,543 --> 00:34:13,251
So go put these on
because Tag is gonna be here any minute.

699
00:34:13,334 --> 00:34:14,168
What?

700
00:34:14,251 --> 00:34:16,876
Yeah, he's got an order come in.
I told him to swing by at 11:00.

701
00:34:16,959 --> 00:34:18,959
-Oh, also, take this.
-Uh. [sighs]

702
00:34:19,876 --> 00:34:23,418
Walden? Are you kidding me?
Thoreau was an asshole.

703
00:34:23,501 --> 00:34:26,459
Pretend you like it
because that's Tag's favorite book.

704
00:34:26,543 --> 00:34:30,209
Also! When you're talking to him,
throw in some rock climbing lingo.

705
00:34:30,293 --> 00:34:31,668
He loves that shit.

706
00:34:31,751 --> 00:34:33,209
[store patrons chattering]

707
00:34:33,293 --> 00:34:34,418
[sighs]

708
00:34:34,501 --> 00:34:37,751
♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪

709
00:34:37,834 --> 00:34:40,543
♪ It's the best time of the year ♪

710
00:34:40,626 --> 00:34:41,543
[door chimes]

711
00:34:41,626 --> 00:34:43,834
-[Josh] What's up, Tag?
-[Tag] Hey, buddy, how's it going?

712
00:34:43,918 --> 00:34:45,001
[Josh] Hey, man.

713
00:34:45,084 --> 00:34:48,084
-[Bob] Is that Tag? Captain America!
-How's it going?

714
00:34:48,168 --> 00:34:50,876
-♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪
-[Bob laughs]

715
00:34:51,584 --> 00:34:55,126
-Ooh! Solid as a rock!
-Thank you. It's good to see you, Mr. Lin.

716
00:34:55,209 --> 00:34:58,334
-I hear you got some carabiners for me?
-[Bob] Sure do. They're in the back.

717
00:34:59,334 --> 00:35:02,084
-I want you to meet someone today.
-[Tag] Oh? Okay.

718
00:35:02,168 --> 00:35:03,001
[Josh] Yeah.

719
00:35:04,001 --> 00:35:06,751
-[Tag] Nice stuff. Get some new duds in?
-[Josh] Always.

720
00:35:07,668 --> 00:35:10,543
Tag, I want you to meet my cousin Natalie.

721
00:35:10,626 --> 00:35:13,918
And Natalie, I want you to meet
my old friend Tag.

722
00:35:16,209 --> 00:35:17,418
You two are cousins?

723
00:35:18,751 --> 00:35:20,918
Yeah. Uh. We… Well--

724
00:35:21,001 --> 00:35:24,626
From my stepmom's side, so that would
technically make us step-cousins.

725
00:35:24,709 --> 00:35:25,543
Oh.

726
00:35:25,626 --> 00:35:29,334
A distinction that only really matters
if you're from Alabama.

727
00:35:32,084 --> 00:35:33,584
She's such a joker.

728
00:35:35,459 --> 00:35:36,293
Yeah.

729
00:35:37,751 --> 00:35:38,584
Walden?

730
00:35:39,334 --> 00:35:40,209
Oh.

731
00:35:41,209 --> 00:35:43,709
That's my favorite book.
I reread it every year.

732
00:35:43,793 --> 00:35:45,668
-Really? Wow.
-[Tag] Yeah.

733
00:35:45,751 --> 00:35:47,751
-No way!
-[chuckles] Yeah.

734
00:35:47,834 --> 00:35:49,043
Isn't Thoreau the best?

735
00:35:50,209 --> 00:35:53,501
Well, some people find him
a self-obsessed narcissist,

736
00:35:53,584 --> 00:35:56,709
fanatical about self-control,
not to mention a total hypocrite,

737
00:35:56,793 --> 00:35:59,793
but personally, I find him so inspiring.

738
00:36:02,126 --> 00:36:04,751
"Rather than love, than money,

739
00:36:04,834 --> 00:36:06,418
than fame,

740
00:36:07,168 --> 00:36:08,293
give me truth."

741
00:36:10,668 --> 00:36:14,834
[sighs] I'm sorry. It gets me every time.

742
00:36:14,918 --> 00:36:15,876
[chuckles]

743
00:36:16,376 --> 00:36:18,501
If anyone gets it, it's me.

744
00:36:18,584 --> 00:36:19,543
God.

745
00:36:20,293 --> 00:36:21,834
Have we met before?

746
00:36:21,918 --> 00:36:25,709
Because you look so familiar.
I… I just can't put my finger on it.

747
00:36:25,793 --> 00:36:28,918
Unlikely. Natalie just flew in
from California this morning.

748
00:36:29,001 --> 00:36:29,834
This morning.

749
00:36:29,918 --> 00:36:32,918
I actually teach a survival course
in Yosemite every summer.

750
00:36:33,001 --> 00:36:34,959
Savage! [clears throat]

751
00:36:35,709 --> 00:36:38,418
-I guess you could say that, yeah.
-I love Yosemite.

752
00:36:38,501 --> 00:36:43,418
It's, uh, I mean, there's some gnar--
like, gnarly climbing there.

753
00:36:43,501 --> 00:36:44,543
You climb?

754
00:36:45,209 --> 00:36:49,293
Me? [scoffs] Do I climb?
I'll climb anything that moves.

755
00:36:51,834 --> 00:36:53,209
I'm an aggro.

756
00:36:53,293 --> 00:36:56,834
-Aggro?
-Yeah, like aggressive. Aggro. [growls]

757
00:36:56,918 --> 00:37:00,793
An aggressive climber.
I climb all kinds of things like

758
00:37:01,418 --> 00:37:05,834
ladders, um, houses, um, trees,

759
00:37:05,918 --> 00:37:07,001
ladders…

760
00:37:08,709 --> 00:37:10,043
Mostly ladders. [chuckles]

761
00:37:10,126 --> 00:37:10,959
That's cool.

762
00:37:11,043 --> 00:37:13,918
Um, a few of us are climbing
at Rock Ventures tomorrow.

763
00:37:14,001 --> 00:37:14,834
Wanna join?

764
00:37:14,918 --> 00:37:17,001
Hell yeah! Let's do it.

765
00:37:17,084 --> 00:37:17,918
-Great.
-Mm-hmm.

766
00:37:18,001 --> 00:37:19,668
-10:00 a.m.?
-Perfect.

767
00:37:19,751 --> 00:37:22,376
Um. Well, hey, it was nice
to meet you, Natalie.

768
00:37:22,459 --> 00:37:24,626
-I'll see you guys at 10:00 a.m.
-See you, bro.

769
00:37:25,209 --> 00:37:27,001
Climb you later! [chuckles]

770
00:37:29,376 --> 00:37:30,293
Savage?

771
00:37:30,376 --> 00:37:31,751
Gnarly?

772
00:37:31,834 --> 00:37:33,168
Aggro?

773
00:37:33,251 --> 00:37:35,209
You're the one who told me
to look up the lingo!

774
00:37:35,293 --> 00:37:37,584
Yeah. Real words like
"rappel" and "harness."

775
00:37:37,668 --> 00:37:39,376
You sound like
you got Millennial Tourette's!

776
00:37:39,459 --> 00:37:42,209
Well, you know what?
We've got bigger problems.

777
00:37:42,293 --> 00:37:46,459
I once broke my toe climbing out of bed.
How am I gonna climb a wall?

778
00:37:46,543 --> 00:37:50,168
I can teach you right here.
I mean, how bad could you possibly be?

779
00:37:50,668 --> 00:37:51,793
[screaming]

780
00:37:51,876 --> 00:37:54,168
-[Josh] All right. Come down!
-[panting] I can't hold on!

781
00:37:54,251 --> 00:37:57,126
-[laughing] Here. Here. Come on.
-[Natalie whimpering]

782
00:37:57,209 --> 00:37:59,751
[exhales deeply] Sweet baby Jesus.

783
00:38:00,293 --> 00:38:07,001
The key is to not focus on the wall,
but to focus on your first move.

784
00:38:07,084 --> 00:38:08,043
Here, look at this.

785
00:38:08,126 --> 00:38:11,209
And then, your second. Okay?

786
00:38:11,293 --> 00:38:13,251
Onto your third.

787
00:38:13,834 --> 00:38:18,126
See, great things are done by a series
of small things brought together.

788
00:38:19,751 --> 00:38:20,876
-[Natalie] Hmm?
-Whew.

789
00:38:20,959 --> 00:38:22,709
That's actually very insightful.

790
00:38:22,793 --> 00:38:25,918
Van Gogh.
Feel free to use it on Tag sometime.

791
00:38:26,001 --> 00:38:27,084
Any questions?

792
00:38:27,168 --> 00:38:28,834
What was he like in high school?

793
00:38:28,918 --> 00:38:30,251
Exactly what you'd expect.

794
00:38:30,334 --> 00:38:34,126
Class president, prom king,
star of the football team.

795
00:38:34,709 --> 00:38:36,501
Why did you stop being friends?

796
00:38:36,584 --> 00:38:38,709
[sighs] Because he got popular.

797
00:38:39,543 --> 00:38:40,626
And you?

798
00:38:41,251 --> 00:38:42,126
Didn't.

799
00:38:43,709 --> 00:38:44,793
[door chimes]

800
00:38:46,251 --> 00:38:48,001
-Go ahead, come on.
-[clears throat]

801
00:38:49,834 --> 00:38:51,751
[exhales] Full disclosure,

802
00:38:52,751 --> 00:38:54,959
I was kind of a late bloomer too. [grunts]

803
00:38:55,043 --> 00:38:56,834
I find that very hard to believe.

804
00:38:57,501 --> 00:39:00,584
Yeah, well,
If it wasn't for Invisalign and Accutane,

805
00:39:00,668 --> 00:39:02,834
you would not have swiped on me. [grunts]

806
00:39:02,918 --> 00:39:06,501
Well, if it wasn't for Tag's photos,
you wouldn't have swiped on me.

807
00:39:06,584 --> 00:39:08,876
[grunts] How am I doing so far?

808
00:39:08,959 --> 00:39:10,709
-You're actually doing great.
-Yeah?

809
00:39:10,793 --> 00:39:11,959
-Yeah.
-[gasps, screams]

810
00:39:12,043 --> 00:39:13,334
[up-beat pop playing]

811
00:39:13,418 --> 00:39:15,959
-[Natalie] Do you have a hamper?
-[Josh] It's over by the closet.

812
00:39:16,043 --> 00:39:17,001
[clears throat]

813
00:39:25,459 --> 00:39:27,918
Is this how you boil your victims?

814
00:39:28,001 --> 00:39:31,209
Careful! Careful! Careful!
That's a wax warmer for candle-making.

815
00:39:31,293 --> 00:39:32,793
It's very expensive.

816
00:39:32,876 --> 00:39:33,793
Okay.

817
00:39:34,459 --> 00:39:36,668
Grandma June makes candles?

818
00:39:36,751 --> 00:39:38,501
Yes, it's one of her hobbies.

819
00:39:40,126 --> 00:39:41,668
Josh Lin?

820
00:39:41,751 --> 00:39:43,376
All right, fine, they're mine.

821
00:39:43,459 --> 00:39:47,168
Guys can do things
besides hunt and pay for everything, okay?

822
00:39:47,251 --> 00:39:50,501
Plus, I see this more
as a business than a hobby.

823
00:39:51,084 --> 00:39:52,668
-All right.
-Wait, hey, hey, whoa, whoa!

824
00:39:52,751 --> 00:39:54,918
-Let's see what you got. [grunts]
-Come on!

825
00:39:55,001 --> 00:39:55,959
[straining] Okay.

826
00:39:58,543 --> 00:39:59,376
Oh.

827
00:39:59,459 --> 00:40:02,501
You see, candles
are solely marketed to women.

828
00:40:02,584 --> 00:40:05,043
They all smell like flowers and candy

829
00:40:05,126 --> 00:40:08,876
with names like "Sweet Caresses"
or "Shooting Star."

830
00:40:08,959 --> 00:40:11,376
No self-respecting man's gonna buy those,

831
00:40:11,459 --> 00:40:14,001
even if his apartment
smells like bong water.

832
00:40:14,084 --> 00:40:18,959
So, I created my own line
of masculine candles

833
00:40:19,043 --> 00:40:21,293
that captures the essence of a dude.

834
00:40:21,376 --> 00:40:24,459
Yeah, I don't see "Compulsive Liar,"

835
00:40:24,543 --> 00:40:27,251
"Left The Toilet Seat Up,"
or "Won't Ask For Directions" in here.

836
00:40:27,334 --> 00:40:29,043
Make all the jokes you want,

837
00:40:29,126 --> 00:40:32,418
but 50 percent of the US candle market
is underserved.

838
00:40:32,501 --> 00:40:34,293
So, then why don't you serve them?

839
00:40:34,376 --> 00:40:36,084
Because a business costs money.

840
00:40:36,168 --> 00:40:39,293
Then ask your dad for a loan.
I feel like he's the target customer.

841
00:40:39,376 --> 00:40:40,668
-Have you met him?
-Yeah.

842
00:40:40,751 --> 00:40:42,876
-The old Asian man upstairs?
-Oh yeah.

843
00:40:42,959 --> 00:40:46,126
[Josh] He's only interested in sporty,
manly things.

844
00:40:46,209 --> 00:40:50,168
Plus, he and my brother
would just tease me about it.

845
00:40:50,918 --> 00:40:53,834
-[Natalie] You have a brother?
-[man] Prodigal son has returned!

846
00:40:54,334 --> 00:40:56,543
-["Macho Man" playing]
-Christmas may now commence!

847
00:40:56,626 --> 00:40:58,709
[sighs] Speak of the devil.

848
00:40:58,793 --> 00:41:02,168
Owen's here! Now it's Christmas!

849
00:41:02,251 --> 00:41:04,168
Is that my baby?

850
00:41:05,209 --> 00:41:07,501
-[Barb] Owen! [laughing]
-Mom! Mm!

851
00:41:07,584 --> 00:41:09,584
-[Bob] Hi, Chelsea!
-[Barb] Merry Christmas, honey.

852
00:41:09,668 --> 00:41:11,501
Merry Christmas. Look at what I got you.

853
00:41:12,084 --> 00:41:14,793
-[Barb] It's so good to see you!
-[Bob] Honey! Wow!

854
00:41:14,876 --> 00:41:16,876
-Wow! Look at you!
-[Chelsea] Merry Christmas!

855
00:41:16,959 --> 00:41:19,834
You've been lifting those weights
I bought you. Huh? Yeah!

856
00:41:19,918 --> 00:41:23,334
-You've been so busy with the new house!
-Okay. Game face.

857
00:41:23,418 --> 00:41:26,334
[indistinct chattering]

858
00:41:26,418 --> 00:41:27,376
[clears throat]

859
00:41:28,501 --> 00:41:30,001
Hey, Joshy!

860
00:41:30,084 --> 00:41:32,043
-What's going on, bro?
-What's up, Owen?

861
00:41:32,126 --> 00:41:34,584
-Merry Christmas, man. [winces]
-[Owen laughing]

862
00:41:34,668 --> 00:41:36,418
-[Josh laughing]
-[Bob] Wow!

863
00:41:36,501 --> 00:41:38,918
Oh, and, uh, who do we have here?

864
00:41:39,626 --> 00:41:42,168
Oh, this is Natalie.

865
00:41:43,001 --> 00:41:44,751
Oh, is she Grandma's new nurse?

866
00:41:45,334 --> 00:41:48,084
-No.
-Ah! She must be in Mom's new book club.

867
00:41:48,168 --> 00:41:50,959
-No, she is--
-[Owen] Oh shit. Shit. Uh…

868
00:41:51,709 --> 00:41:53,168
Is this another intervention?

869
00:41:53,251 --> 00:41:56,793
No, honey.
Natalie is your brother's girlfriend.

870
00:41:58,459 --> 00:41:59,418
[laughs]

871
00:42:01,334 --> 00:42:03,084
Oh, you're… you're… you're serious.

872
00:42:03,168 --> 00:42:04,126
Really?

873
00:42:04,209 --> 00:42:05,834
-Really.
-[Josh] Mm-hmm.

874
00:42:05,918 --> 00:42:10,168
Oh! Well, that is awesome.

875
00:42:10,959 --> 00:42:13,793
Yeah, we-- You know,
we were just saying in the car, right?

876
00:42:13,876 --> 00:42:16,751
-We were just talking about it.
-We talked about this for hours.

877
00:42:16,834 --> 00:42:19,668
-[Chelsea] Yeah. Yeah.
-[Owen] How is Joshy still single?

878
00:42:19,751 --> 00:42:21,876
Yeah, I mean, granted,
he still lives at home,

879
00:42:21,959 --> 00:42:24,376
and the glasses
aren't doing him any favors.

880
00:42:24,459 --> 00:42:25,626
No, they're not.

881
00:42:25,709 --> 00:42:28,626
-I am so pumped about this. Aren't you?
-I'm so pumped.

882
00:42:28,709 --> 00:42:30,959
Oh, we-- This is a Christmas miracle.

883
00:42:31,793 --> 00:42:33,834
Thank you so much, Natasha.

884
00:42:34,501 --> 00:42:35,543
[scoffs]

885
00:42:35,626 --> 00:42:39,293
You know what?
The pleasure's all mine, Oren.

886
00:42:41,876 --> 00:42:44,793
["O Christmas Tree" by Stuart Roslyn
& Matthew Foundling playing]

887
00:42:44,876 --> 00:42:46,584
♪ O Christmas tree ♪

888
00:42:46,668 --> 00:42:48,209
♪ O Christmas tree… ♪

889
00:42:48,293 --> 00:42:50,209
-[Owen] Yeah, I made this!
-[Bob] Yeah.

890
00:42:50,293 --> 00:42:52,126
[Owen] It's still in good condition.

891
00:42:52,209 --> 00:42:54,001
♪ O Christmas tree ♪

892
00:42:54,084 --> 00:42:55,459
♪ O Christmas tree ♪

893
00:42:55,543 --> 00:42:58,793
Speaking of stocks,
uh, the market has been crazy this year.

894
00:42:58,876 --> 00:42:59,876
-So crazy.
-Yeah.

895
00:42:59,959 --> 00:43:01,793
A lot of guys bet big on China Tire.

896
00:43:01,876 --> 00:43:04,418
They lost everything
except their virginity. [laughing]

897
00:43:04,501 --> 00:43:06,084
[Bob laughing] Hey!

898
00:43:06,168 --> 00:43:09,168
Oh my God.

899
00:43:09,251 --> 00:43:12,876
-[laughing] Look at this. Look at this.
-[Barb gasps] Oh, look at my little guy.

900
00:43:12,959 --> 00:43:14,793
-[Owen] Look at junior jumbo Josh.
-Oh no.

901
00:43:14,876 --> 00:43:17,043
-We don't have to--
-[Owen] Yes! You remember this one?

902
00:43:17,126 --> 00:43:19,543
That is my favorite ornament of all time.

903
00:43:20,126 --> 00:43:24,001
God, you were such a cutie, Josh.
Look at that rat tail. Do you see that?

904
00:43:24,084 --> 00:43:25,459
He was such a cutie!

905
00:43:25,543 --> 00:43:29,084
-Those chubby little cheekies! [chuckles]
-He was eight.

906
00:43:29,168 --> 00:43:33,001
You know, I'm actually super grateful
for my awkward teenage years.

907
00:43:33,084 --> 00:43:36,001
They helped me develop
resilience, empathy.

908
00:43:36,084 --> 00:43:38,793
If it wasn't for that, I'd be,
[pfft] I don't know, uh,

909
00:43:38,876 --> 00:43:42,334
an insensitive,
attention-seeking [inhales deeply] jerk?

910
00:43:42,418 --> 00:43:43,543
[chuckles]

911
00:43:45,834 --> 00:43:46,918
Former chubster, huh?

912
00:43:47,584 --> 00:43:49,459
♪ O Christmas tree ♪

913
00:43:49,543 --> 00:43:51,084
[Chelsea] Tsk. Aw!

914
00:43:52,459 --> 00:43:53,584
Mm!

915
00:43:55,168 --> 00:43:56,876
-Where does this one go?
-Oh!

916
00:43:56,959 --> 00:44:00,293
That one goes on top of the… the tree.

917
00:44:00,376 --> 00:44:01,793
Um. [chuckles]

918
00:44:02,334 --> 00:44:03,501
I put it up every year.

919
00:44:03,584 --> 00:44:05,876
It's, like, a tradition sort of thing.
It's no big deal.

920
00:44:05,959 --> 00:44:09,126
Actually, I was thinking maybe
Natalie could put it up this year

921
00:44:09,209 --> 00:44:12,543
since it's her first time here,
and she's our guest and all.

922
00:44:12,626 --> 00:44:14,751
Uh, yeah, well, sure. Sure.

923
00:44:14,834 --> 00:44:15,793
[smacks lips]

924
00:44:20,668 --> 00:44:21,959
-Thanks.
-Yeah.

925
00:44:23,084 --> 00:44:25,543
-I think she cut me.
-It's okay, baby. I think she did too.

926
00:44:25,626 --> 00:44:27,584
-[Barb] Hold on to her tight, Josh.
-Oh, I got her.

927
00:44:27,668 --> 00:44:29,584
-[Bob] Careful.
-[Josh] Just right on top there.

928
00:44:29,668 --> 00:44:31,626
-I'm gonna help her.
-It's okay. Focus on--

929
00:44:31,709 --> 00:44:34,126
-I got it. Oh, look at that.
-[Josh] Perfect!

930
00:44:34,209 --> 00:44:36,084
-It's so crooked.
-It's very crooked.

931
00:44:36,168 --> 00:44:37,584
-Here we go.
-[Barb] Light her up.

932
00:44:37,668 --> 00:44:39,126
I'll come back and fix it.

933
00:44:39,834 --> 00:44:42,251
-[Josh] Whoo!
-[Bob] Merry Christmas!

934
00:44:42,334 --> 00:44:43,501
-[text tone]
-Merry Christmas.

935
00:44:43,584 --> 00:44:44,543
[Owen] Great!

936
00:44:45,501 --> 00:44:48,168
[Barb] Everyone did a great job
on it this year.

937
00:44:48,251 --> 00:44:49,626
[Owen] Except for the star.

938
00:44:49,709 --> 00:44:51,459
-[Josh] Well, especially Natalie.
-[Bob] Yeah.

939
00:44:56,334 --> 00:44:59,584
[Natalie] Owen really likes
being the center of attention, huh?

940
00:44:59,668 --> 00:45:03,293
Likes to be? He has to be. He's a Pisces.

941
00:45:04,209 --> 00:45:07,918
The next time he tries to steal
the spotlight, steal it back.

942
00:45:08,501 --> 00:45:11,584
-Easier said than done.
-No, I'm serious. Steal it back.

943
00:45:13,584 --> 00:45:16,626
All right. Come on. [exhales]
We gotta go. Don't want to be late.

944
00:45:16,709 --> 00:45:18,418
Tag is fanatically punctual.

945
00:45:18,501 --> 00:45:22,334
So, is the, uh, wall that we're climbing
like the one we climbed at your store?

946
00:45:22,834 --> 00:45:24,459
-Yeah. Pretty much.
-Okay.

947
00:45:29,668 --> 00:45:31,959
Natalie! You coming or what?

948
00:45:32,043 --> 00:45:34,626
Yup. Definitely. Be right there.

949
00:45:35,209 --> 00:45:38,959
-You didn't tell me he was Tom Cruise.
-Oh, I thought you were an aggro.

950
00:45:39,043 --> 00:45:39,959
I can't do this.

951
00:45:40,043 --> 00:45:41,626
-Yes, you can.
-Get this off me.

952
00:45:41,709 --> 00:45:43,251
-Get this off.
-Don't undo that, come on.

953
00:45:43,334 --> 00:45:46,459
-Off! Off! Off! Off! Get this off me. No!
-Just stop. Stop.

954
00:45:46,543 --> 00:45:49,084
Stop. You got this, okay?

955
00:45:49,168 --> 00:45:50,084
Here, look.

956
00:45:51,418 --> 00:45:52,293
Put these in.

957
00:45:52,376 --> 00:45:53,459
What? Why?

958
00:45:54,043 --> 00:45:56,584
It'll help you relax.
And it's your favorite song.

959
00:45:57,334 --> 00:45:59,751
It's gonna help me relax.
Gonna help me relax.

960
00:45:59,834 --> 00:46:02,168
Yeah, it's gonna help me rel-- Oh.

961
00:46:02,251 --> 00:46:04,709
["Don't You (Forget About Me)"
by Simple Minds playing]

962
00:46:04,793 --> 00:46:07,418
Remember, one move at a time.

963
00:46:07,501 --> 00:46:10,626
-What?
-One move at a time!

964
00:46:10,709 --> 00:46:14,251
[chuckles] Thanks, Joshy-poo.
Not my first climb, though, man.

965
00:46:14,334 --> 00:46:15,668
We know, bro!

966
00:46:18,543 --> 00:46:22,168
♪ Won't you come see about me? ♪

967
00:46:22,251 --> 00:46:24,376
♪ I'll be alone ♪

968
00:46:24,459 --> 00:46:26,584
-♪ Dancing, you know it, baby ♪
-Go get him!

969
00:46:27,168 --> 00:46:30,876
♪ Tell me your troubles and doubts ♪

970
00:46:30,959 --> 00:46:34,834
-♪ Giving everything inside and out and ♪
-[grunting]

971
00:46:35,918 --> 00:46:40,168
-♪ Don't you forget about me ♪
-[grunting] Oh.

972
00:46:41,793 --> 00:46:43,501
♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪

973
00:46:44,668 --> 00:46:48,209
-♪ Don't you forget about me… ♪
-[grunting] Okay.

974
00:46:48,293 --> 00:46:50,959
[man] Yeah, snap!
[laughing] Hug those jugs!

975
00:46:51,043 --> 00:46:52,709
[Tag] Natalie, kill it! Whoo!

976
00:46:52,793 --> 00:46:54,626
[breathing heavily]

977
00:46:57,001 --> 00:47:03,043
♪ I say
La, la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

978
00:47:03,126 --> 00:47:06,834
-♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪
-Hah!

979
00:47:06,918 --> 00:47:09,959
-Whoo!
-♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

980
00:47:10,043 --> 00:47:12,168
Yes! [breathing heavily]

981
00:47:12,251 --> 00:47:15,751
I thought you guys said
this was hard… [gasps]

982
00:47:15,834 --> 00:47:18,043
Not bad. Come on down.

983
00:47:19,126 --> 00:47:21,168
[panicking] Um…

984
00:47:21,251 --> 00:47:22,376
Actually, I think, um…

985
00:47:23,293 --> 00:47:26,293
I'm gonna stay up here
and enjoy the view for a little while.

986
00:47:26,376 --> 00:47:27,251
[loud thud]

987
00:47:29,209 --> 00:47:30,126
My turn.

988
00:47:30,209 --> 00:47:31,793
Natalie, what're you doing?

989
00:47:31,876 --> 00:47:33,918
-[man 1] Go get it.
-Watch, you might learn something.

990
00:47:34,001 --> 00:47:34,834
[man 1] Okay, Joshy.

991
00:47:34,918 --> 00:47:36,418
-[man 2] Go hard.
-[Tag] Get it, Joshy!

992
00:47:36,501 --> 00:47:37,626
[man 1] I see you.

993
00:47:37,709 --> 00:47:38,543
[Josh grunting]

994
00:47:40,626 --> 00:47:42,501
-[Josh grunts]
-[Tag] All right, Josh.

995
00:47:43,209 --> 00:47:45,251
[Josh grunting]

996
00:47:45,334 --> 00:47:47,751
Hey. What are you doing?

997
00:47:47,834 --> 00:47:50,668
-The hard part is over. Just rappel down.
-Uh-uh.

998
00:47:50,751 --> 00:47:53,001
You got through the tough part.
It's nothing.

999
00:47:53,084 --> 00:47:56,418
Oh God, this is how I die. I'm gonna die.
This is… this is it. This is it for me.

1000
00:47:56,501 --> 00:47:59,501
Okay. Okay. I think I actually know
a trick to get you down,

1001
00:47:59,584 --> 00:48:00,626
but you gotta trust me.

1002
00:48:00,709 --> 00:48:02,209
Trust the guy who catfished me?

1003
00:48:02,293 --> 00:48:05,001
No, trust the guy who got you up here
in the first place.

1004
00:48:05,084 --> 00:48:08,293
Look, I know you're scared,
but you've got this.

1005
00:48:08,376 --> 00:48:09,793
And I've got you.

1006
00:48:10,293 --> 00:48:12,543
Okay? I promise.

1007
00:48:12,626 --> 00:48:14,584
[gentle music playing]

1008
00:48:15,084 --> 00:48:16,043
Come on.

1009
00:48:17,584 --> 00:48:19,459
-Breathe. Breathe.
-[breath trembling]

1010
00:48:20,793 --> 00:48:23,793
That was so awesome.
You got all the way up here by yourself.

1011
00:48:25,751 --> 00:48:29,168
-Good. Okay. Stand up.
-[breathing heavily]

1012
00:48:30,418 --> 00:48:31,584
Okay, great.

1013
00:48:34,376 --> 00:48:35,418
[gasps] Oh my God.

1014
00:48:35,501 --> 00:48:38,168
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Don't look backwards.

1015
00:48:38,251 --> 00:48:39,751
-[breath trembling]
-Okay.

1016
00:48:39,834 --> 00:48:42,168
-I can't do this, Josh. I can't do this.
-Yes, you can.

1017
00:48:42,251 --> 00:48:45,501
Slowly walk backwards
towards the edge of the wall.

1018
00:48:45,584 --> 00:48:49,501
-What? No. [whimpering] No, Josh.
-Yeah. Come on. You're doing great.

1019
00:48:49,584 --> 00:48:51,334
[panicking] I don't like this.

1020
00:48:51,418 --> 00:48:53,001
-Oh God!
-It's okay. It's okay.

1021
00:48:54,043 --> 00:48:56,043
-[Natalie whimpers]
-Now, close your eyes.

1022
00:48:56,126 --> 00:48:57,834
[breathing heavily]

1023
00:48:57,918 --> 00:48:59,293
[Josh] Take a deep breath.

1024
00:49:01,376 --> 00:49:04,293
-[Natalie exhales deeply]
-And release.

1025
00:49:04,918 --> 00:49:06,001
[gasps] Oh!

1026
00:49:08,209 --> 00:49:09,793
[breath trembling]

1027
00:49:11,543 --> 00:49:12,626
Whoa!

1028
00:49:12,709 --> 00:49:16,084
Did you just jump?
You really stuck the landing.

1029
00:49:17,584 --> 00:49:19,543
-What, that?
-[Tag chuckles]

1030
00:49:19,626 --> 00:49:21,751
Yeah, you should see me
on a real mountain.

1031
00:49:21,834 --> 00:49:23,459
-[Tag] Well, I'd like that.
-Mm.

1032
00:49:24,418 --> 00:49:27,876
If you're not busy tomorrow morning,
come meet me at Corbin Glen Park.

1033
00:49:27,959 --> 00:49:30,918
9:00 a.m.? And wear something comfortable.

1034
00:49:31,501 --> 00:49:32,418
It's a date.

1035
00:49:32,501 --> 00:49:33,334
All right.

1036
00:49:36,168 --> 00:49:40,834
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪

1037
00:49:40,918 --> 00:49:42,709
[Owen] Lin family, let's go!

1038
00:49:42,793 --> 00:49:43,793
♪ Peace on Earth ♪

1039
00:49:43,876 --> 00:49:45,584
♪ And mercy… ♪

1040
00:49:45,668 --> 00:49:49,043
Owen seems psychotically into this.

1041
00:49:49,626 --> 00:49:51,959
-♪ Pray for your mercy! ♪
-♪ Reconcile ♪

1042
00:49:52,043 --> 00:49:53,834
-♪ Yeah! ♪
-♪ Reconcile ♪

1043
00:49:53,918 --> 00:49:54,751
♪ Yeah! ♪

1044
00:49:54,834 --> 00:49:57,918
-You have no idea.
-Proud voices! Loud voices! Come on!

1045
00:49:58,584 --> 00:50:03,251
-♪ Late in time behold him come ♪
-♪ Behold him come ♪

1046
00:50:03,334 --> 00:50:06,626
♪ Offspring of a virgin's womb! ♪

1047
00:50:06,709 --> 00:50:10,793
♪ Hark the highest, angels sing ♪

1048
00:50:10,876 --> 00:50:13,876
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪

1049
00:50:13,959 --> 00:50:15,209
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa! ♪

1050
00:50:15,918 --> 00:50:17,959
-Did he just…?
-Yup.

1051
00:50:18,043 --> 00:50:19,543
♪ Ooh, yeah! ♪

1052
00:50:19,626 --> 00:50:21,668
-♪ Christ the everlasting Lord ♪
-You're off-key, Dad.

1053
00:50:21,751 --> 00:50:22,918
♪ Everlasting Lord! ♪

1054
00:50:23,001 --> 00:50:24,251
How much is too much?

1055
00:50:24,334 --> 00:50:26,043
♪ …the herald angels sing ♪

1056
00:50:26,126 --> 00:50:27,876
Other side, baby. It's your mark.

1057
00:50:27,959 --> 00:50:34,293
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
♪ Oh, Jesus, you're the king ♪

1058
00:50:34,376 --> 00:50:37,209
♪ …angels sing
Hark the herald angels sing ♪

1059
00:50:37,293 --> 00:50:39,418
[Owen] Quick finish, Grandma,
don't mess it up!

1060
00:50:39,501 --> 00:50:42,751
♪ Glory! Son of God! Oh, Jesus! ♪

1061
00:50:42,834 --> 00:50:43,959
Jesus!

1062
00:50:46,001 --> 00:50:50,001
[Owen] Back by popular demand.
Lin family carolers!

1063
00:50:50,084 --> 00:50:53,168
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Do we have any more requests?

1064
00:50:53,251 --> 00:50:56,293
-"Baby, It's Cold Outside"!
-Yes!

1065
00:50:56,376 --> 00:50:59,709
[Bob] I think we can make that happen.
Who wants to take the duet?

1066
00:50:59,793 --> 00:51:01,584
[Natalie] Big mystery there, Bob.

1067
00:51:04,501 --> 00:51:06,543
Natalie and I got this one, Dad.

1068
00:51:06,626 --> 00:51:07,793
[Bob] Huh?

1069
00:51:07,876 --> 00:51:09,584
-Wait, what?
-Yup.

1070
00:51:09,668 --> 00:51:12,918
Uh. [laughing nervously]

1071
00:51:13,001 --> 00:51:16,251
Over my cold, dead, lifeless body.
I'm not singing that.

1072
00:51:16,334 --> 00:51:18,584
That is, like,
the sexual assault theme song.

1073
00:51:19,126 --> 00:51:21,709
Hey, bro, why don't you let me
and Chels take this?

1074
00:51:21,793 --> 00:51:23,626
-Yeah.
-[Owen] Don't think she knows the lyrics.

1075
00:51:23,709 --> 00:51:26,334
-I do know them. I just don't--
-She knows the lyrics.

1076
00:51:26,418 --> 00:51:27,459
We're good.

1077
00:51:27,543 --> 00:51:29,626
Josh, I-- [laughing nervously]

1078
00:51:29,709 --> 00:51:31,918
-This is what we're gonna do.
-[Natalie] No!

1079
00:51:32,001 --> 00:51:33,334
You just do your part.

1080
00:51:33,418 --> 00:51:37,751
I will change my lyrics
so the song doesn't sound so, uh, rape-y.

1081
00:51:38,459 --> 00:51:41,293
-[Owen throwing tantrum]
-Fine, let's just get this over with.

1082
00:51:41,376 --> 00:51:43,334
Dad? Hit it.

1083
00:51:44,584 --> 00:51:46,501
["Baby, It's Cold Outside" playing]

1084
00:51:46,584 --> 00:51:48,209
-[Owen grunts]
-[Chelsea screams]

1085
00:51:49,001 --> 00:51:50,293
[Owen] I'm okay. Okay.

1086
00:51:51,001 --> 00:51:52,918
♪ I really can't stay ♪

1087
00:51:53,001 --> 00:51:56,168
♪ No problem there's the door ♪

1088
00:51:56,251 --> 00:52:00,918
-♪ I've got to go away ♪
-♪ I hear ya, say no more ♪

1089
00:52:01,001 --> 00:52:05,584
-♪ This evening has been… ♪
-Totally consensual.

1090
00:52:05,668 --> 00:52:07,751
♪ …so very nice ♪

1091
00:52:07,834 --> 00:52:12,168
♪ I hope you get home safe tonight ♪

1092
00:52:12,251 --> 00:52:17,418
-♪ My mother will start to worry ♪
-♪ Here's my phone, give her a call ♪

1093
00:52:17,501 --> 00:52:22,293
-♪ My father will be pacing the floor ♪
-♪ Adíos, say no more ♪

1094
00:52:22,376 --> 00:52:25,043
♪ So really I'd better scurry ♪

1095
00:52:25,126 --> 00:52:30,001
-♪ I've been saying that for a while ♪
-♪ Well, maybe just a half a drink more ♪

1096
00:52:30,084 --> 00:52:32,293
♪ Slow down, that's quite a pour ♪

1097
00:52:32,376 --> 00:52:36,626
-♪ The neighbors might think ♪
-♪ It's just my old friend Troy ♪

1098
00:52:36,709 --> 00:52:41,793
-♪ Say, what's in this drink? ♪
-♪ It's just lemon LaCroix ♪

1099
00:52:41,876 --> 00:52:44,001
♪ I wish I knew how ♪

1100
00:52:44,084 --> 00:52:47,584
-To take a hint?
-♪ To break the spell ♪

1101
00:52:47,668 --> 00:52:51,418
♪ Do you know how to spell "farewell"? ♪

1102
00:52:51,501 --> 00:52:56,376
-♪ I ought to say no, no, no ♪
-♪ I'll call you an Uber, they're close ♪

1103
00:52:56,459 --> 00:53:01,126
-♪ At least, I'm gonna say that I tried ♪
-♪ I feel like you're not trying at all ♪

1104
00:53:01,209 --> 00:53:04,709
-♪ I really can't stay ♪
-♪ Well, maybe just go out ♪

1105
00:53:04,793 --> 00:53:11,793
-♪ 'Cause baby, it's cold outside ♪
-♪ Maybe just go outside ♪

1106
00:53:15,709 --> 00:53:17,543
[all cheering, clapping]

1107
00:53:19,876 --> 00:53:23,209
-[Bob] Aw! What a duet! Terrific!
-[Barb] What a beautiful voice, Natalie!

1108
00:53:23,293 --> 00:53:25,751
-Oh no. No, I don't.
-It was wonderful! [laughing]

1109
00:53:25,834 --> 00:53:28,043
Okay, okay.
I think… I think we should tell them.

1110
00:53:28,126 --> 00:53:30,709
-It's time to tell them. Let's tell them.
-I think it's time. Okay.

1111
00:53:30,793 --> 00:53:33,501
-Can I have your attention? Please?
-[Barb] So clever--

1112
00:53:34,959 --> 00:53:39,543
Uh. You know, we… we were gonna wait
to tell everyone the great news, but…

1113
00:53:39,626 --> 00:53:43,543
[chuckles] after hearing all this singing
about babies,

1114
00:53:43,626 --> 00:53:46,501
we just got so darn excited, and, uh,

1115
00:53:46,584 --> 00:53:50,793
[inhales] uh, we just couldn't
keep it to ourselves anymore. Um…

1116
00:53:51,834 --> 00:53:53,293
Mom? Dad?

1117
00:53:54,793 --> 00:53:57,376
-You're gonna be grandparents.
-We're pregnant.

1118
00:53:58,084 --> 00:54:00,293
-[squealing]
-Oh wow!

1119
00:54:00,376 --> 00:54:02,168
Oh, son!

1120
00:54:02,251 --> 00:54:05,834
Oh, come here, come here.
Come on, come on, Grandma.

1121
00:54:05,918 --> 00:54:07,918
[indistinct chattering]

1122
00:54:11,168 --> 00:54:14,584
-[Barb] I'm so proud of you.
-We gotta come up with some names.

1123
00:54:14,668 --> 00:54:15,668
[Owen] Mom!

1124
00:54:15,751 --> 00:54:17,418
This is gonna be so much fun.

1125
00:54:17,501 --> 00:54:20,459
We're gonna do the bedroom,
we're gonna do the nursery room.

1126
00:54:20,543 --> 00:54:23,001
-[indistinct chatter]
-[Barb] Oh my--

1127
00:54:23,084 --> 00:54:25,293
May I have everyone's attention, please?

1128
00:54:25,376 --> 00:54:28,168
May I… may I have
everyone's attention, please?

1129
00:54:29,168 --> 00:54:33,084
Owen and Chelsea,
I just wanna say congratulations.

1130
00:54:33,584 --> 00:54:39,168
Seeing you guys so happy in love
and now pregnant. [chuckles]

1131
00:54:39,251 --> 00:54:41,793
I mean, it's a… it's a dream come true.

1132
00:54:42,376 --> 00:54:44,918
It's a dream
I never dared to have for myself.

1133
00:54:45,001 --> 00:54:47,501
Finding someone
to spend the rest of my life with.

1134
00:54:48,001 --> 00:54:50,334
It just didn't really seem
to be in the cards…

1135
00:54:52,126 --> 00:54:53,334
until I met Natalie.

1136
00:54:53,834 --> 00:54:54,709
Hmm?

1137
00:54:57,168 --> 00:54:58,418
-[Barb gasps]
-[Owen] Oh no.

1138
00:54:58,501 --> 00:54:59,334
[neighbors gasp]

1139
00:54:59,418 --> 00:55:00,584
What are you doing?

1140
00:55:01,626 --> 00:55:02,459
Get up.

1141
00:55:02,543 --> 00:55:06,668
Natalie. I… I know we haven't known
each other for that long--

1142
00:55:06,751 --> 00:55:08,334
No, we haven't. We really haven't.

1143
00:55:08,418 --> 00:55:12,876
But you know what they say.
When you know, you know.

1144
00:55:12,959 --> 00:55:16,668
[laughing nervously] I'm serious.
[straining] This is not funny.

1145
00:55:17,459 --> 00:55:18,293
Natalie Bauer.

1146
00:55:18,376 --> 00:55:19,876
Stop it. Get up.

1147
00:55:19,959 --> 00:55:21,376
-Will you marry me?
-[Barb gasps]

1148
00:55:21,459 --> 00:55:22,584
Stop--

1149
00:55:22,668 --> 00:55:24,084
He doesn't even have a ring.

1150
00:55:24,168 --> 00:55:25,876
Yeah, you don't have a ring.

1151
00:55:25,959 --> 00:55:29,376
[whispering] Say yes.
Just say yes. Just say it.

1152
00:55:29,959 --> 00:55:30,793
Jesus Christ.

1153
00:55:30,876 --> 00:55:33,709
You can take mine.
I don't have to be buried with it.

1154
00:55:33,793 --> 00:55:35,293
Oh, thank you, Grandma.

1155
00:55:35,376 --> 00:55:37,168
You're the best!

1156
00:55:37,251 --> 00:55:38,501
[chuckles nervously]

1157
00:55:38,584 --> 00:55:39,626
Natalie.

1158
00:55:40,501 --> 00:55:41,418
Will you?

1159
00:55:41,501 --> 00:55:43,668
[whispering] Come on.
Everybody's looking at us.

1160
00:55:43,751 --> 00:55:45,334
-Say yes!
-Yes! Yes!

1161
00:55:46,959 --> 00:55:49,043
[Josh whispering] Everyone's looking.
Just say yes.

1162
00:55:49,126 --> 00:55:51,209
We're not getting any younger, dear.

1163
00:55:52,793 --> 00:55:53,626
Yes.

1164
00:55:53,709 --> 00:55:55,084
-[all cheering]
-She said yes!

1165
00:55:55,168 --> 00:55:56,668
[Bob] Oh my God!

1166
00:55:58,668 --> 00:56:01,501
-Oh my God.
-[Barb] Oh my goodness!

1167
00:56:01,584 --> 00:56:03,126
Oh, it fits perfect!

1168
00:56:03,209 --> 00:56:04,584
-[Bob] Oh!
-Oh!

1169
00:56:04,668 --> 00:56:09,084
You're making me the happiest boy--
We're the happiest family in town!

1170
00:56:09,168 --> 00:56:11,876
-[Barb] Welcome to the family, Natalie.
-[Josh] Oh, thank you, Grandma.

1171
00:56:11,959 --> 00:56:14,334
-Oh!
-[Owen] It's crazy!

1172
00:56:14,418 --> 00:56:17,168
[Josh] I'm the happiest man in town.
Thank you. Thank you, everyone.

1173
00:56:17,751 --> 00:56:20,334
-[door closes]
-Okay. I… I know you're mad,

1174
00:56:20,418 --> 00:56:22,959
but you told me to stand up for myself,
and… and it worked!

1175
00:56:23,043 --> 00:56:25,751
I told you to stand up,
not get down on one knee!

1176
00:56:25,834 --> 00:56:27,876
This was not part of the plan.

1177
00:56:27,959 --> 00:56:29,918
I'm… I'm sorry.
I got carried away in the moment.

1178
00:56:30,001 --> 00:56:32,501
But if you think about it,
nothing's changed.

1179
00:56:32,584 --> 00:56:34,209
Nothing's changed?

1180
00:56:34,293 --> 00:56:36,001
Your grandma gave me her ring

1181
00:56:36,084 --> 00:56:37,584
[shouting] off of her finger!

1182
00:56:37,668 --> 00:56:39,501
Still, we just gotta
make it through Christmas.

1183
00:56:39,584 --> 00:56:42,209
When you get back to LA,
I just tell them we didn't work out.

1184
00:56:42,293 --> 00:56:45,876
And then I look like the asshole?
Your family is gonna be crushed.

1185
00:56:45,959 --> 00:56:48,543
Don't worry. They're very used
to me disappointing them.

1186
00:56:48,626 --> 00:56:51,251
What about Tag?
I have a date with him tomorrow.

1187
00:56:51,334 --> 00:56:53,418
What if he finds out
I'm engaged to my cousin?

1188
00:56:53,501 --> 00:56:56,209
He won't. I promise you that. Okay?

1189
00:56:56,293 --> 00:56:58,959
Everything will be fine. Just trust me.

1190
00:56:59,876 --> 00:57:01,709
Tr… trust you? [scoffs]

1191
00:57:01,793 --> 00:57:04,751
That is literally
the one thing that I cannot do!

1192
00:57:05,834 --> 00:57:07,543
[Natalie] I even wore this stupid hat!

1193
00:57:07,626 --> 00:57:10,126
You wanted me to wear a hat.
You're like, "It's cute." It's dumb!

1194
00:57:10,209 --> 00:57:12,709
[door opens] Now I'm apparently
getting married! [door slams]

1195
00:57:12,793 --> 00:57:15,084
-[sighs deeply]
-[Owen] I don't know about this Natalie.

1196
00:57:15,168 --> 00:57:17,918
If she wants to be in our family,
I need to know who she is.

1197
00:57:18,001 --> 00:57:18,876
And I've been,

1198
00:57:18,959 --> 00:57:22,043
[chuckles] I've been searching
for like an hour and nothing.

1199
00:57:22,543 --> 00:57:25,501
[clicks tongue] Not being Google-able
is the modern equivalent

1200
00:57:25,584 --> 00:57:28,168
of driving a white,
windowless van by a playground.

1201
00:57:28,918 --> 00:57:31,459
I went to prom in a white windowless van.

1202
00:57:32,376 --> 00:57:33,209
Huh?

1203
00:57:33,834 --> 00:57:35,668
I think you should just let it go.

1204
00:57:35,751 --> 00:57:39,126
I mean, she's not that bad,
and Josh seems really into her.

1205
00:57:39,959 --> 00:57:43,834
Chels, the baby barely has a heartbeat,
let alone ears.

1206
00:57:43,918 --> 00:57:46,334
Music prevents stretch marks, Owen.

1207
00:57:46,418 --> 00:57:47,751
[Kerry] Let me get this straight.

1208
00:57:47,834 --> 00:57:51,084
You're dating the real Tag,
and you're engaged to the fake Tag?

1209
00:57:51,168 --> 00:57:52,001
Correct.

1210
00:57:52,084 --> 00:57:55,001
My God, honey, you are gonna make
a therapist very wealthy one day.

1211
00:57:55,084 --> 00:57:56,709
[Natalie] This isn't funny, Ker!

1212
00:57:56,793 --> 00:57:58,584
I am so screwed!

1213
00:57:58,668 --> 00:58:01,043
[Kerry] All you have to do
is make sure Tag and the Lins

1214
00:58:01,126 --> 00:58:03,584
don't find out anything before Christmas,
and you're golden.

1215
00:58:03,668 --> 00:58:05,459
Just sit back, enjoy it.

1216
00:58:05,543 --> 00:58:06,918
[Natalie] I don't know, Ker.

1217
00:58:07,001 --> 00:58:09,251
I feel like this
is gonna blow up in my face.

1218
00:58:09,334 --> 00:58:11,584
[Kerry] Honey, sometimes blow-ups
can be a good thing.

1219
00:58:11,668 --> 00:58:13,709
You might not always
get the ending you want,

1220
00:58:13,793 --> 00:58:15,459
but you'll get the ending you need.

1221
00:58:15,543 --> 00:58:18,709
-Worst case, you get a free diamond ring.
-[call waiting beeps]

1222
00:58:19,668 --> 00:58:23,626
Oh. Hey… hey, Nat. Sweetie, I love you,
but I gotta go. My sponsor's calling.

1223
00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:25,543
Bye, sweetie. Love you.

1224
00:58:25,626 --> 00:58:26,459
Hey.

1225
00:58:27,668 --> 00:58:28,501
Kerry?

1226
00:58:30,168 --> 00:58:31,001
[scoffs]

1227
00:58:32,668 --> 00:58:33,751
[shivering]

1228
00:58:35,001 --> 00:58:36,043
[Bob grunts]

1229
00:58:38,334 --> 00:58:39,501
Is everything okay?

1230
00:58:40,168 --> 00:58:44,126
Oh, uh, Natalie,
can you please hand me my… my wrench?

1231
00:58:44,668 --> 00:58:45,959
[clicks tongue] Uh, yeah.

1232
00:58:46,793 --> 00:58:47,876
-Here.
-[Bob] Thanks.

1233
00:58:48,376 --> 00:58:49,209
No problem.

1234
00:58:49,918 --> 00:58:51,543
[grunts] Got it.

1235
00:58:52,376 --> 00:58:53,376
Whew.

1236
00:58:54,334 --> 00:58:56,251
Damn flue always gets stuck.

1237
00:58:57,084 --> 00:58:58,001
[Bob exhales]

1238
00:58:59,168 --> 00:59:01,668
Oh, would you like
to help me with kindling?

1239
00:59:02,459 --> 00:59:03,293
Sure.

1240
00:59:03,793 --> 00:59:05,376
[Bob grunts]

1241
00:59:10,709 --> 00:59:15,334
Just roll it lightly and scrunch.

1242
00:59:16,168 --> 00:59:17,001
[Bob chuckles]

1243
00:59:17,084 --> 00:59:21,084
Yeah, my dad didn't set fires unless
there was an insurance claim involved.

1244
00:59:22,001 --> 00:59:23,251
Who's that?

1245
00:59:24,001 --> 00:59:24,918
Oh.

1246
00:59:25,668 --> 00:59:27,084
Oh, that's my dad.

1247
00:59:27,793 --> 00:59:29,751
Yeah. He passed a few years ago.

1248
00:59:29,834 --> 00:59:30,959
Oh, I'm…

1249
00:59:31,834 --> 00:59:33,168
-[Bob] Oh.
-I'm sorry.

1250
00:59:34,126 --> 00:59:37,376
You know,
that man loved two things in this world,

1251
00:59:37,459 --> 00:59:39,751
his family and Christmas.

1252
00:59:39,834 --> 00:59:43,209
He used to climb up on the roof
every Christmas Eve and stomp around

1253
00:59:43,293 --> 00:59:45,334
so the boys knew Santa had arrived.

1254
00:59:45,418 --> 00:59:47,834
-He fell off one year and broke his arm.
-[gasps]

1255
00:59:47,918 --> 00:59:52,251
But he told the boys he broke it,
protecting their presents from the Grinch.

1256
00:59:52,334 --> 00:59:53,793
[both laugh]

1257
00:59:56,126 --> 00:59:58,209
He sounds like a great guy.

1258
00:59:58,293 --> 00:59:59,168
Yeah.

1259
01:00:00,418 --> 01:00:01,709
Hey, listen, um…

1260
01:00:01,793 --> 01:00:03,584
I just wanted you to know that

1261
01:00:04,709 --> 01:00:08,043
we're really happy
to have you joining the family.

1262
01:00:12,834 --> 01:00:13,834
[exhales deeply]

1263
01:00:15,293 --> 01:00:17,876
Okay. Well, enough of that. [chuckles]

1264
01:00:17,959 --> 01:00:19,918
Ready to give this bad boy a go?

1265
01:00:20,709 --> 01:00:21,543
Sure.

1266
01:00:21,626 --> 01:00:22,751
[Bob chuckles]

1267
01:00:25,834 --> 01:00:27,668
Oh. Okay. All right.

1268
01:00:28,251 --> 01:00:29,126
[birds squawking]

1269
01:00:29,209 --> 01:00:32,043
[Natalie] This is the most beautiful hike
I've ever been on.

1270
01:00:32,126 --> 01:00:33,501
[Tag] I'm glad you like it.

1271
01:00:34,001 --> 01:00:36,918
I used to come here every day
with my golden retriever, Chewy.

1272
01:00:37,001 --> 01:00:38,709
He passed away last year, actually.

1273
01:00:38,793 --> 01:00:41,043
-I miss him every day.
-Mm.

1274
01:00:41,626 --> 01:00:43,209
He would've liked this hike a lot…

1275
01:00:43,293 --> 01:00:44,168
Mm.

1276
01:00:45,668 --> 01:00:46,668
…and you.

1277
01:00:54,126 --> 01:00:55,001
[chuckles]

1278
01:00:55,668 --> 01:00:58,959
This has been nice.
I haven't been on a hike date in years.

1279
01:00:59,043 --> 01:01:01,876
Oh, this is not the date.
It's just a warm-up.

1280
01:01:03,084 --> 01:01:05,918
-You ever been bobsledding before?
-[rumbling]

1281
01:01:07,168 --> 01:01:09,043
I'm not good at this kind of stuff, Josh.

1282
01:01:09,126 --> 01:01:11,376
Okay. You just have to relax.

1283
01:01:11,459 --> 01:01:15,459
Relax? I can't relax. The tension
is the only thing holding me together.

1284
01:01:15,543 --> 01:01:18,084
Put in your AirPods,
and put on some music.

1285
01:01:18,168 --> 01:01:20,084
I don't know if I have them.

1286
01:01:22,334 --> 01:01:25,751
Actually, I think I have
something even better.

1287
01:01:28,001 --> 01:01:31,001
Oh, um, E-Rock says "pass the dutch."

1288
01:01:31,084 --> 01:01:32,334
E-Rock?

1289
01:01:33,376 --> 01:01:34,709
When did he get out of jail?

1290
01:01:34,793 --> 01:01:37,501
[Tag whooping]

1291
01:01:39,043 --> 01:01:40,376
[screaming] Yeah!

1292
01:01:40,459 --> 01:01:43,501
[continues whooping]

1293
01:01:43,584 --> 01:01:46,126
How are you feeling back there, Natalie?

1294
01:01:46,209 --> 01:01:48,334
[Natalie spacey] Flying high back here.

1295
01:01:49,459 --> 01:01:51,459
[Tag whooping]

1296
01:01:53,876 --> 01:01:54,793
[door closes]

1297
01:01:54,876 --> 01:01:57,418
-[footsteps approaching]
-[Natalie humming]

1298
01:01:58,918 --> 01:02:00,084
[Natalie sighs happily]

1299
01:02:00,168 --> 01:02:02,293
[scoffs] Glad you're not dead.

1300
01:02:02,376 --> 01:02:05,168
Oh! I've never felt more alive!

1301
01:02:06,668 --> 01:02:10,001
Not only did Tag ask me to dinner
tomorrow night,

1302
01:02:10,501 --> 01:02:14,168
but I'm pretty sure I qualified for
the winter Olympics in Beijing. [chuckles]

1303
01:02:14,251 --> 01:02:15,793
Oh!

1304
01:02:15,876 --> 01:02:17,376
[squeals]

1305
01:02:17,459 --> 01:02:19,001
For the first time,

1306
01:02:19,084 --> 01:02:21,834
I met someone who's as perfect in person

1307
01:02:21,918 --> 01:02:25,209
as they are on paper. [chuckles, moans]

1308
01:02:25,293 --> 01:02:28,834
I hate to break it to you, but Tag
is actually far from being perfect.

1309
01:02:28,918 --> 01:02:32,501
In first grade, he had a lazy eye
and needed to wear an eye patch.

1310
01:02:32,584 --> 01:02:35,168
[scoffs] Why are you being all weird?

1311
01:02:35,959 --> 01:02:38,459
I'm just trying to point out
that in some cultures,

1312
01:02:38,543 --> 01:02:41,501
height and facial symmetry are repulsive.

1313
01:02:42,501 --> 01:02:45,751
[smacks lips] It's a good thing
I'm not part of those cultures.

1314
01:02:45,834 --> 01:02:47,543
Whatcha doin' over here?

1315
01:02:47,626 --> 01:02:49,584
Just mixing some new scents.

1316
01:02:49,668 --> 01:02:51,209
[sniffing] Mmm.

1317
01:02:51,293 --> 01:02:54,043
Smells like freshly cut grass.

1318
01:02:54,626 --> 01:02:57,501
-Well, that one's called Lawn Mower.
-[Natalie] Mm.

1319
01:02:58,168 --> 01:02:59,584
[inhales deeply]

1320
01:03:01,751 --> 01:03:04,251
Mmm.

1321
01:03:04,334 --> 01:03:05,459
Getting a feeling.

1322
01:03:05,543 --> 01:03:07,876
Bear with me. Um… [sniffs]

1323
01:03:07,959 --> 01:03:12,459
It's like a-- You know those [chuckles]
blue-collar mechanics guys

1324
01:03:12,543 --> 01:03:16,126
with the tight shirts,
that put in a hard day's work?

1325
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:17,918
Jiffy Lube is what I'm calling it.

1326
01:03:18,793 --> 01:03:22,251
[smacks lips] You might want to rethink
the names, but you did nail the scents.

1327
01:03:22,334 --> 01:03:23,918
Oh, sorry, that's just for me.

1328
01:03:24,001 --> 01:03:27,043
Ooh. Yeah, well, looks like now
it's just for me.

1329
01:03:27,126 --> 01:03:28,418
[sniffing] Mmm!

1330
01:03:28,501 --> 01:03:31,168
Eucalyptus. I love eucalyptus.

1331
01:03:31,668 --> 01:03:33,543
And Old Spice.

1332
01:03:33,626 --> 01:03:37,834
And there's, like,
a tiny little tinge of, hmm… gasoline?

1333
01:03:37,918 --> 01:03:39,251
What is this one?

1334
01:03:40,834 --> 01:03:41,834
Grandpa.

1335
01:03:43,584 --> 01:03:46,668
I started making candles
because of him in the first place.

1336
01:03:47,293 --> 01:03:50,168
You know they say a scent
can make a memory come alive.

1337
01:03:51,209 --> 01:03:52,376
So I made one of him.

1338
01:03:53,334 --> 01:03:54,251
It's lame, I know.

1339
01:03:55,668 --> 01:03:56,584
No.

1340
01:03:57,626 --> 01:03:58,751
It's not lame.

1341
01:04:00,084 --> 01:04:02,084
[soft piano music playing]

1342
01:04:04,084 --> 01:04:06,543
It's actually really sweet.

1343
01:04:12,418 --> 01:04:14,626
[Barb] Hey, guys,
the movie's about to start!

1344
01:04:14,709 --> 01:04:16,084
[exhales] What movie?

1345
01:04:16,709 --> 01:04:18,834
The greatest Christmas movie of all time.

1346
01:04:20,209 --> 01:04:22,668
["Silent Night" playing]

1347
01:04:23,543 --> 01:04:24,876
It's carol singers.

1348
01:04:24,959 --> 01:04:27,126
♪ Holy night ♪

1349
01:04:29,626 --> 01:04:31,168
[Grandma] I've seen him in something.

1350
01:04:31,251 --> 01:04:33,376
He's from Game of Thrones.

1351
01:04:35,251 --> 01:04:37,168
No, he's from that zombie show.

1352
01:04:37,251 --> 01:04:38,626
Walking Dead.

1353
01:04:38,709 --> 01:04:40,793
Ew. I hated that documentary.

1354
01:04:40,876 --> 01:04:42,876
Guys, come on. This is my favorite part.

1355
01:04:42,959 --> 01:04:46,543
♪ …Mother and Child ♪

1356
01:04:46,626 --> 01:04:47,709
Oh shoot.

1357
01:04:47,793 --> 01:04:51,376
-♪ Holy infant so… ♪
-[gasps] Oh!

1358
01:04:51,459 --> 01:04:55,418
Oh, look! It's going to print!
Little lovebirds.

1359
01:04:55,501 --> 01:04:58,918
Your engagement announcement.
It's gonna be in the Gazette tomorrow.

1360
01:05:00,126 --> 01:05:01,626
["Blood On My Hands" playing]

1361
01:05:01,709 --> 01:05:05,334
♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪

1362
01:05:07,084 --> 01:05:10,459
♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪

1363
01:05:11,126 --> 01:05:12,584
-[dog barking]
-[Natalie laughing]

1364
01:05:12,668 --> 01:05:16,001
-♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪
-[car remote beeping]

1365
01:05:16,084 --> 01:05:18,168
♪ Say you wanna ride, better buckle up ♪

1366
01:05:18,251 --> 01:05:20,543
-♪ Yeah, you say you ride or die… ♪
-[Josh] Get in! Get in!

1367
01:05:20,626 --> 01:05:23,584
♪ Yeah, you really 'bouta lie
Pump, pump it up ♪

1368
01:05:23,668 --> 01:05:24,626
♪ Cuz we been… ♪

1369
01:05:24,709 --> 01:05:26,584
You can run, but you can't hide!

1370
01:05:26,668 --> 01:05:27,834
♪ Say you wanna ride… ♪

1371
01:05:27,918 --> 01:05:29,918
Oh shit. Stay down. Stay down.

1372
01:05:30,001 --> 01:05:32,876
♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪

1373
01:05:32,959 --> 01:05:35,084
-[panting] He's gone.
-Are you sure?

1374
01:05:38,668 --> 01:05:42,126
I'm pretty sure that paperboy
is gonna get fired over this.

1375
01:05:42,209 --> 01:05:45,376
-I'll give him a job at the store.
-Oh, well, I hope he likes to travel.

1376
01:05:45,459 --> 01:05:47,543
-That's an upgrade, I'd say.
-[chuckles]

1377
01:05:47,626 --> 01:05:50,709
[Josh] Okay. This is the last street.
I think we got all of it.

1378
01:05:50,793 --> 01:05:52,668
Oh my God. [laughing]

1379
01:05:52,751 --> 01:05:55,459
I mean, I… I look like a deer
in the headlights in this photo.

1380
01:05:55,543 --> 01:05:58,668
-[Josh] No, you don't. [breathing heavily]
-Yes, I do.

1381
01:05:58,751 --> 01:06:00,668
It's a pretty decent photo of you, though.

1382
01:06:00,751 --> 01:06:02,168
Look at that.

1383
01:06:02,251 --> 01:06:04,084
Probably the only one in existence.

1384
01:06:04,168 --> 01:06:06,126
[scoffs] Come on, Josh.

1385
01:06:06,209 --> 01:06:08,584
I know a lot of girls
who'd be very into you.

1386
01:06:09,584 --> 01:06:11,751
Well, they're definitely not
on FlirtAlert.

1387
01:06:15,418 --> 01:06:18,084
Do you still have
your original profile photos?

1388
01:06:19,918 --> 01:06:21,459
-Oh my God, you do.
-No.

1389
01:06:21,543 --> 01:06:22,459
Come on, show me.

1390
01:06:22,543 --> 01:06:24,668
-I deleted the whole thing.
-[Natalie] No, you didn't.

1391
01:06:24,751 --> 01:06:25,668
Please?

1392
01:06:25,751 --> 01:06:27,168
-No. No.
-I know you. I know you.

1393
01:06:27,251 --> 01:06:29,084
-Okay. Okay.
-Show me the photos!

1394
01:06:29,168 --> 01:06:31,334
[Josh exhales, sighs]

1395
01:06:34,001 --> 01:06:35,126
[giggles]

1396
01:06:36,043 --> 01:06:40,459
Dude. You're holding an ax.
You literally look like an ax murderer.

1397
01:06:40,543 --> 01:06:42,959
I was going for, like, a rugged look.

1398
01:06:43,043 --> 01:06:43,876
Okay.

1399
01:06:44,584 --> 01:06:45,418
[Natalie chuckles]

1400
01:06:45,501 --> 01:06:49,501
What? Who doesn't like a bathroom selfie?
I looked kind of cut that day. Look.

1401
01:06:49,584 --> 01:06:52,876
No one loves a bathroom selfie!
Also, why are you holding a wrench?

1402
01:06:52,959 --> 01:06:56,626
I was fixing the toilet downstairs.
Girls like guys who fix things.

1403
01:06:58,209 --> 01:06:59,168
[Natalie snickers]

1404
01:06:59,668 --> 01:07:00,501
[Josh] What?

1405
01:07:00,584 --> 01:07:02,709
Okay, okay. Come here. Come here.

1406
01:07:02,793 --> 01:07:07,293
Let's recap for a second. You're holding
a wrench, an ax, and some rope.

1407
01:07:07,376 --> 01:07:09,168
Were you actually trying
to find a girlfriend

1408
01:07:09,251 --> 01:07:11,501
or the person who murdered Colonel Mustard
in the library?

1409
01:07:13,876 --> 01:07:18,168
No wonder you only got three matches.
You were hiding your strengths.

1410
01:07:18,793 --> 01:07:20,709
And what strengths are those?

1411
01:07:22,418 --> 01:07:23,918
Well. [clears throat]

1412
01:07:24,751 --> 01:07:27,918
For one, you have very nice eyes.

1413
01:07:29,459 --> 01:07:31,293
You gotta show those puppies off.

1414
01:07:34,626 --> 01:07:35,918
And those teeth.

1415
01:07:37,543 --> 01:07:39,293
You have really straight teeth.

1416
01:07:40,293 --> 01:07:42,126
They're freakishly straight.

1417
01:07:42,209 --> 01:07:43,626
Well, five years of braces.

1418
01:07:43,709 --> 01:07:45,918
-So then smile more!
-[touching music playing]

1419
01:07:46,001 --> 01:07:47,084
[sighs]

1420
01:07:47,168 --> 01:07:48,918
There you go. [chuckles]

1421
01:07:49,001 --> 01:07:50,543
-[laughing]
-There it is.

1422
01:07:51,584 --> 01:07:53,709
I'm kidding. [giggles]

1423
01:07:54,584 --> 01:07:58,584
But more importantly,
you're a good guy, Josh.

1424
01:08:00,918 --> 01:08:03,251
Well, I don't know how
to show that in a photo.

1425
01:08:04,959 --> 01:08:08,501
Well, for starters,
you have to believe that it's true.

1426
01:08:09,501 --> 01:08:10,709
And then, once you do,

1427
01:08:11,584 --> 01:08:12,834
trust me,

1428
01:08:13,709 --> 01:08:14,668
it'll show.

1429
01:08:16,376 --> 01:08:18,376
[touching music continues]

1430
01:08:21,834 --> 01:08:23,918
Promise me that when this is all over,

1431
01:08:25,126 --> 01:08:28,084
you'll put up an honest profile
with real photos

1432
01:08:28,168 --> 01:08:29,376
that show the real you.

1433
01:08:32,668 --> 01:08:33,668
I promise.

1434
01:08:38,293 --> 01:08:40,501
-[knocking on window]
-I know you're in there, you mofos.

1435
01:08:40,584 --> 01:08:41,584
I can see the steam!

1436
01:08:41,668 --> 01:08:43,168
Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go!

1437
01:08:44,834 --> 01:08:48,168
Sure you don't want to stay the night?
We're making a gingerbread house.

1438
01:08:48,251 --> 01:08:50,209
[Natalie] I told Tag
I'd meet him at eight.

1439
01:08:50,793 --> 01:08:51,668
Hmm.

1440
01:08:51,751 --> 01:08:53,584
[Natalie] Okay. So?

1441
01:08:54,959 --> 01:08:55,918
What do you think?

1442
01:08:58,251 --> 01:08:59,209
Wow.

1443
01:08:59,293 --> 01:09:02,668
I know. I-- It's the best
I could find in your mom's closet.

1444
01:09:02,751 --> 01:09:06,334
But I did have to make a couple
of alterations. I hope she doesn't mind.

1445
01:09:06,959 --> 01:09:08,626
No. You look…

1446
01:09:11,251 --> 01:09:12,126
perfect.

1447
01:09:12,209 --> 01:09:13,709
[scoffs] Okay.

1448
01:09:13,793 --> 01:09:15,293
No need to oversell it.

1449
01:09:20,751 --> 01:09:24,918
-So, where are you guys going tonight?
-[smacks lips] Um… Abbott's, I think.

1450
01:09:25,001 --> 01:09:28,251
-You know that's a steakhouse, right?
-Yeah. His parents own it.

1451
01:09:28,334 --> 01:09:30,126
Right, and you're vegetarian,

1452
01:09:30,209 --> 01:09:32,293
but Tag's a real
meat-and-potatoes type of guy,

1453
01:09:32,376 --> 01:09:34,209
and he likes his girls the same way.

1454
01:09:34,793 --> 01:09:37,293
Okay, so I'll eat a potato.

1455
01:09:38,668 --> 01:09:41,043
Worst case, maybe I'll have a little meat.

1456
01:09:41,709 --> 01:09:44,376
Yeah, don't you think
this is going a little too far?

1457
01:09:45,709 --> 01:09:46,584
No.

1458
01:09:46,668 --> 01:09:50,168
Okay. Pretending to like rock climbing
or a book, that's one thing.

1459
01:09:50,251 --> 01:09:52,126
But now you're compromising your beliefs.

1460
01:09:52,209 --> 01:09:56,251
Okay, relax. It's not like
I'm opening up a slaughterhouse.

1461
01:09:56,334 --> 01:10:01,293
Well, it's meat today, but then
what are you going to lie about tomorrow?

1462
01:10:02,168 --> 01:10:04,418
I'm… I'm sorry. [scoffs] Lie?

1463
01:10:05,334 --> 01:10:09,293
Let's not forget the only reason I'm here
is because you lied.

1464
01:10:09,376 --> 01:10:11,418
-I lied about a photo.
-[Natalie] No.

1465
01:10:11,501 --> 01:10:15,126
You hid behind a photo.
You lied about your identity.

1466
01:10:15,876 --> 01:10:17,043
But it was still me.

1467
01:10:17,793 --> 01:10:20,793
Every conversation we had,
every text we exchanged,

1468
01:10:20,876 --> 01:10:22,251
every laugh we shared.

1469
01:10:22,918 --> 01:10:24,043
It was me.

1470
01:10:24,709 --> 01:10:26,084
You liked me.

1471
01:10:26,709 --> 01:10:28,001
And you like me so much,

1472
01:10:28,084 --> 01:10:31,751
you flew across the country
to surprise me for Christmas.

1473
01:10:31,834 --> 01:10:33,626
You're right. I liked you.

1474
01:10:34,293 --> 01:10:35,626
But you were a lie.

1475
01:10:35,709 --> 01:10:37,251
A piece of fiction.

1476
01:10:49,209 --> 01:10:50,376
[inhales]

1477
01:10:52,959 --> 01:10:54,876
[soft music playing]

1478
01:11:05,376 --> 01:11:07,793
Good evening. Any questions on the menu?

1479
01:11:07,876 --> 01:11:09,626
I will have the porterhouse.

1480
01:11:09,709 --> 01:11:11,709
And how would you like that cooked?

1481
01:11:11,793 --> 01:11:15,251
You know me. So rare,
a good vet could bring it back to life.

1482
01:11:15,334 --> 01:11:18,043
[laughing uncomfortably]

1483
01:11:18,834 --> 01:11:22,084
[Barb] Josh, I'm sorry that Natalie
couldn't be with us tonight.

1484
01:11:22,168 --> 01:11:23,084
Where is she?

1485
01:11:23,876 --> 01:11:25,043
Uh, Abbott's.

1486
01:11:26,168 --> 01:11:27,543
[Grandma] What's she doing there?

1487
01:11:28,376 --> 01:11:32,876
Uh, she's just… uh… uh… sampling
the menu, uh, for the wedding meal.

1488
01:11:32,959 --> 01:11:34,209
[Grandma, Barb] Mm.

1489
01:11:34,293 --> 01:11:36,418
Isn't that something you do together?

1490
01:11:37,043 --> 01:11:39,668
No, it doesn't matter what I like.

1491
01:11:39,751 --> 01:11:42,459
You know,
as long as she's happy, I'm happy.

1492
01:11:44,918 --> 01:11:46,918
Ah crap. I'm out of Twizzlers.

1493
01:11:47,001 --> 01:11:50,001
How can I build my beautiful roof
without Twizzlers?

1494
01:11:50,084 --> 01:11:51,626
I'm gonna head to the store real quick.

1495
01:11:51,709 --> 01:11:55,001
Uh, and I'll be right back.
Anyone need anything? No? No? Okay.

1496
01:11:58,918 --> 01:12:00,959
So, um, what do you think of the place?

1497
01:12:01,043 --> 01:12:03,209
[smacks lips, sighs]
It's really something.

1498
01:12:03,834 --> 01:12:06,793
You can see Bambi
without actually going to Disney World.

1499
01:12:06,876 --> 01:12:08,418
You know, I shot that one, actually.

1500
01:12:10,209 --> 01:12:11,959
-Wow.
-Yeah.

1501
01:12:12,043 --> 01:12:14,001
["Santa Knows Your Secrets"
by Night Heart playing]

1502
01:12:14,084 --> 01:12:16,626
♪ Santa knows your secrets ♪

1503
01:12:19,876 --> 01:12:22,376
♪ Santa knows your secrets ♪

1504
01:12:24,668 --> 01:12:29,251
[Tag] Okay, so you like pizza,
rock climbing, and Thoreau.

1505
01:12:29,334 --> 01:12:30,918
-Mm-hmm.
-[Tag] What else do you like?

1506
01:12:31,001 --> 01:12:33,126
[smacks lips] Movies.

1507
01:12:33,209 --> 01:12:34,751
Specifically, Die Hard.

1508
01:12:34,834 --> 01:12:38,168
It is the greatest Christmas movie
of all time.

1509
01:12:41,168 --> 01:12:42,459
Well, cheers to that.

1510
01:12:47,001 --> 01:12:48,418
[Natalie] I totally love Christmas,

1511
01:12:48,501 --> 01:12:50,918
but Santa's actually kind of creepy
when you think about it.

1512
01:12:51,001 --> 01:12:53,334
He sees you when you're sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.

1513
01:12:53,418 --> 01:12:56,001
He always makes you sit on his lap.

1514
01:12:56,084 --> 01:12:58,001
Yep. Totally agree.

1515
01:12:58,084 --> 01:13:01,001
I mean, that guy is everything
that's wrong with Christmas.

1516
01:13:01,084 --> 01:13:02,876
It's pretty much why I don't celebrate it.

1517
01:13:02,959 --> 01:13:05,126
[laughing]

1518
01:13:06,668 --> 01:13:09,501
Oh, you're serious?
You don't celebrate Christmas?

1519
01:13:09,584 --> 01:13:10,418
No.

1520
01:13:10,959 --> 01:13:12,168
Stopped three years ago.

1521
01:13:13,168 --> 01:13:16,376
-Why?
-Because it's a total scam.

1522
01:13:16,959 --> 01:13:17,918
Okay.

1523
01:13:18,626 --> 01:13:20,084
Really? [softly] Okay.

1524
01:13:20,918 --> 01:13:22,793
[Natalie] Oh, uh, don't pull up
to the house.

1525
01:13:22,876 --> 01:13:24,334
-Everyone's sleeping.
-[Tag] Okay.

1526
01:13:24,418 --> 01:13:27,001
[Natalie] No offense,
but your car is a little loud.

1527
01:13:27,918 --> 01:13:29,043
[Tag scoffs]

1528
01:13:30,084 --> 01:13:30,959
Okay.

1529
01:13:31,543 --> 01:13:33,626
Well, I had a really nice evening.

1530
01:13:34,793 --> 01:13:35,793
I did too.

1531
01:13:36,751 --> 01:13:37,876
Thank you.

1532
01:13:55,376 --> 01:13:57,543
Thank you. Um…

1533
01:13:58,876 --> 01:13:59,709
Good night.

1534
01:14:00,751 --> 01:14:01,709
Good night.

1535
01:14:04,459 --> 01:14:05,543
[door closes]

1536
01:14:06,668 --> 01:14:08,959
[engine revving]

1537
01:14:14,459 --> 01:14:15,543
[sighs]

1538
01:14:17,168 --> 01:14:18,959
[soft guitar strumming]

1539
01:14:39,418 --> 01:14:40,668
[Natalie groaning]

1540
01:14:41,876 --> 01:14:43,293
There's cereal in there.

1541
01:14:48,168 --> 01:14:51,293
Hey, Josh, listen.
About what I said last night, I--

1542
01:14:51,376 --> 01:14:53,168
Look, you don't have to say anything.

1543
01:14:53,251 --> 01:14:54,584
No, I want to.

1544
01:14:55,418 --> 01:14:56,959
-[Grandma] Hey, kids.
-I shouldn't have--

1545
01:14:57,043 --> 01:15:00,209
I need your help.
Go get dressed, and meet me at the car.

1546
01:15:00,293 --> 01:15:01,251
Where are we going?

1547
01:15:01,793 --> 01:15:03,084
Shimmering Pines.

1548
01:15:03,793 --> 01:15:07,418
Come on, Grandma. Just ask Mom to help.
Okay? She loves that place.

1549
01:15:07,501 --> 01:15:09,751
I don't need your mom. I need you.

1550
01:15:09,834 --> 01:15:11,001
[chattering]

1551
01:15:11,084 --> 01:15:14,543
We're starting now.
We're going to start now, everyone.

1552
01:15:14,626 --> 01:15:16,793
We're going to be starting now.

1553
01:15:18,043 --> 01:15:20,709
Many of you've expressed
interest in online dating.

1554
01:15:21,293 --> 01:15:23,251
Well, I've brought you two experts.

1555
01:15:23,334 --> 01:15:28,168
My grandson, Josh,
and his fiancée Natalie.

1556
01:15:28,251 --> 01:15:29,501
[woman] Oh.

1557
01:15:29,584 --> 01:15:33,209
They actually met online
and now are engaged.

1558
01:15:33,293 --> 01:15:34,293
[group exclaiming]

1559
01:15:34,376 --> 01:15:37,043
[Grandma] So, who better to come
and talk to you about

1560
01:15:37,126 --> 01:15:39,376
the dos and don'ts of online dating?

1561
01:15:40,459 --> 01:15:41,959
Any questions?

1562
01:15:42,543 --> 01:15:43,876
How do I make it clear

1563
01:15:43,959 --> 01:15:46,584
that I'm not looking
for anything long-term?

1564
01:15:46,668 --> 01:15:47,626
[group] Yeah.

1565
01:15:47,709 --> 01:15:50,043
Um… I… I think that might be implied.

1566
01:15:50,126 --> 01:15:54,251
Do I have to mention my Parkinson's?

1567
01:15:54,334 --> 01:15:57,376
I think being honest
is always a good idea.

1568
01:15:57,459 --> 01:16:01,459
-[woman] Oh.
-What if I spruce it up just a little bit?

1569
01:16:01,543 --> 01:16:04,501
Instead of "has Parkinson's,"

1570
01:16:04,584 --> 01:16:06,334
I go with, uh,

1571
01:16:07,334 --> 01:16:08,876
"Always on the move."

1572
01:16:08,959 --> 01:16:11,376
-[group chuckling]
-Ooh, that's a good idea! I like that.

1573
01:16:11,459 --> 01:16:14,209
I want to avoid mentioning
that I'm in a wheelchair.

1574
01:16:14,293 --> 01:16:18,001
Then just change it.
Say, "I enjoy rolling with my homies."

1575
01:16:18,084 --> 01:16:20,126
-Yeah! That's good.
-Oh, that sounds really good!

1576
01:16:20,209 --> 01:16:22,626
Guys, I… I think you guys
got the wrong idea.

1577
01:16:22,709 --> 01:16:26,918
And will the fact that I live
in a nursing home turn off a lot of men?

1578
01:16:27,001 --> 01:16:29,043
-[Josh] Uh.
-Not necessarily.

1579
01:16:29,126 --> 01:16:32,084
Just say, "Into the group thing."

1580
01:16:32,168 --> 01:16:33,626
[group exclaiming]

1581
01:16:33,709 --> 01:16:38,626
And then Hank there
would prefer staying in over going out.

1582
01:16:38,709 --> 01:16:41,543
[group laughing, chattering]

1583
01:16:44,376 --> 01:16:46,751
Stop. Stop.
[spluttering] Everyone just stop.

1584
01:16:46,834 --> 01:16:48,084
[group quiets]

1585
01:16:49,543 --> 01:16:50,626
[Josh] I… I get it.

1586
01:16:50,709 --> 01:16:53,168
I… I really, really do.

1587
01:16:54,209 --> 01:16:56,168
You wanna put your best foot forward.

1588
01:16:57,251 --> 01:17:01,126
You lived a full, vibrant life,
and you're a good person.

1589
01:17:01,709 --> 01:17:04,543
Traveled the world, fought in a war.

1590
01:17:05,126 --> 01:17:07,126
And Gladys, you met Sinatra.

1591
01:17:07,209 --> 01:17:09,543
I heard about your night at the Flamingo.

1592
01:17:09,626 --> 01:17:10,459
[sighs]

1593
01:17:11,376 --> 01:17:16,876
But then the insecurities creep in,
and you start with a slight exaggeration.

1594
01:17:18,084 --> 01:17:20,709
Still you, just a shinier version.

1595
01:17:21,626 --> 01:17:23,501
But… you like it.

1596
01:17:24,709 --> 01:17:26,876
So you tweak it just a little more

1597
01:17:28,418 --> 01:17:32,334
until the real you, which was probably
pretty great to begin with,

1598
01:17:33,334 --> 01:17:35,376
is unrecognizable.

1599
01:17:35,876 --> 01:17:37,376
[somber music playing]

1600
01:17:38,209 --> 01:17:39,293
But here's the thing.

1601
01:17:40,876 --> 01:17:42,543
You're not just fooling yourself.

1602
01:17:43,709 --> 01:17:46,709
There's someone else
on the other side of that lie

1603
01:17:47,459 --> 01:17:51,043
falling in love with a version of you
that doesn't exist.

1604
01:17:52,918 --> 01:17:54,793
And that's not fair

1605
01:17:55,584 --> 01:17:58,876
because the only way it ends for them
is disappointment.

1606
01:17:59,876 --> 01:18:01,501
And the only way it ends for you

1607
01:18:02,959 --> 01:18:03,876
is heartbreak.

1608
01:18:07,918 --> 01:18:09,876
If I've learned anything,

1609
01:18:09,959 --> 01:18:12,834
it's that love doesn't have to be perfect.

1610
01:18:14,418 --> 01:18:16,001
It just has to be honest.

1611
01:18:23,626 --> 01:18:27,668
-Is "curvy" spelled with a Y or an EY?
-[man] There's no E.

1612
01:18:29,543 --> 01:18:32,168
[indistinct chattering]

1613
01:18:36,043 --> 01:18:40,543
I guess I never realized.
I was so busy being mad at you

1614
01:18:40,626 --> 01:18:44,376
that I… I never stopped to think
about why you actually did it.

1615
01:18:44,459 --> 01:18:45,876
Look. Natalie,

1616
01:18:45,959 --> 01:18:48,501
the… the why doesn't even matter anymore.

1617
01:18:48,584 --> 01:18:51,751
It was wrong. I shouldn't have asked you
to lie in the first place.

1618
01:18:51,834 --> 01:18:55,376
And I'm just gonna go to my family
and come clean with everything.

1619
01:18:55,459 --> 01:18:58,126
Wait, what? No.
No, no, no, no. You can't do that.

1620
01:18:58,209 --> 01:19:00,584
Josh, this isn't all your fault. I mean…

1621
01:19:02,001 --> 01:19:04,293
Besides, a deal's a deal.
We've made it this far.

1622
01:19:04,376 --> 01:19:08,334
It's only two days till Christmas.
Let's stage a breakup like we planned.

1623
01:19:09,001 --> 01:19:10,543
Don't worry, I'll sell it.

1624
01:19:11,126 --> 01:19:13,043
I don't know. It… it doesn't feel right.

1625
01:19:14,418 --> 01:19:16,209
Grandma, the car's that way!

1626
01:19:16,834 --> 01:19:18,793
Grandma! That's the wrong way!

1627
01:19:19,293 --> 01:19:20,168
Wait up!

1628
01:19:20,918 --> 01:19:23,126
Grandma, where are you going?

1629
01:19:24,709 --> 01:19:28,459
-[woman whispers] Here they come.
-[all] Surprise!

1630
01:19:30,209 --> 01:19:31,334
[Owen] Hey, guys!

1631
01:19:32,709 --> 01:19:36,959
Oh, we are so excited
to have you join the family!

1632
01:19:37,584 --> 01:19:38,501
[exhales]

1633
01:19:39,209 --> 01:19:43,668
Your parents threw us
a surprise engagement party? Here?

1634
01:19:43,751 --> 01:19:45,793
Yeah. Not ideal.

1635
01:19:47,376 --> 01:19:48,668
[Bob] Let's party!

1636
01:19:51,459 --> 01:19:52,834
-Hi.
-Hey.

1637
01:19:52,918 --> 01:19:54,168
What are you doing here?

1638
01:19:54,251 --> 01:19:57,876
Your aunt asked if we could throw
a surprise engagement party for Josh here.

1639
01:19:57,959 --> 01:19:59,918
-I figured it's the least I could do.
-Oh.

1640
01:20:00,001 --> 01:20:02,084
Where's the bride-to-be anyway?
I haven't met her yet.

1641
01:20:02,168 --> 01:20:03,501
She's doing the rounds.

1642
01:20:03,584 --> 01:20:06,626
-Congratulations, dear.
-Thank you. You look hungry.

1643
01:20:06,709 --> 01:20:08,543
Why did he just congratulate you?

1644
01:20:08,626 --> 01:20:11,543
-Oh. You didn't hear?
-Uh-uh.

1645
01:20:11,626 --> 01:20:14,584
I was the millionth customer
at the Supermart. Hmm.

1646
01:20:14,668 --> 01:20:16,501
-Huh?
-Free non-perishables for life.

1647
01:20:16,584 --> 01:20:17,668
-Wow!
-Yeah, lucky me!

1648
01:20:17,751 --> 01:20:20,334
-I know a great charity that--
-Do you know where the coat check is?

1649
01:20:20,418 --> 01:20:22,709
-Yeah. Oh, okay. Uh-huh.
-Do you mind taking that for me?

1650
01:20:22,793 --> 01:20:25,001
-Thank you so much.
-You… you look great, by the way.

1651
01:20:25,084 --> 01:20:27,293
Thanks. [sighs]

1652
01:20:29,043 --> 01:20:30,251
Hors d'oeuvres?

1653
01:20:30,334 --> 01:20:32,793
[Eric] J-Dog! Congrats, my man!

1654
01:20:32,876 --> 01:20:37,043
E-Rock! My mom really did invite
everybody in town. Huh?

1655
01:20:37,126 --> 01:20:41,168
Well, actually, I was just dropping off
your, uh, your lady's suitcase.

1656
01:20:41,251 --> 01:20:44,293
There's so much nice underwear in there.
You're a lucky guy.

1657
01:20:46,584 --> 01:20:48,709
I gotta say I'm surprised. [clears throat]

1658
01:20:48,793 --> 01:20:49,834
Lee?

1659
01:20:49,918 --> 01:20:53,668
-I didn't think it was gonna work out.
-How… how… are you here?

1660
01:20:53,751 --> 01:20:56,251
Duh, first class, honey.
I'm not a peasant.

1661
01:20:56,334 --> 01:20:57,543
No, I… I mean, um--

1662
01:20:57,626 --> 01:21:00,459
Listen, you're not the only one
that can stalk people on the internet.

1663
01:21:00,543 --> 01:21:05,043
I found out about this little soirée
courtesy of Barb's Facebook page. Hello!

1664
01:21:05,126 --> 01:21:07,543
[breathing heavily]

1665
01:21:09,001 --> 01:21:10,626
Hey, how's it going?

1666
01:21:11,376 --> 01:21:13,251
So, Tag and Lee are here.

1667
01:21:13,334 --> 01:21:16,501
-Lee? Are you dating two guys now?
-No, he's my boss.

1668
01:21:16,584 --> 01:21:18,293
What? Why is he here?

1669
01:21:18,376 --> 01:21:19,626
Because God hates me.

1670
01:21:21,626 --> 01:21:23,126
Glenlivet 12, neat.

1671
01:21:24,043 --> 01:21:25,709
That's a man who knows how to drink.

1672
01:21:26,293 --> 01:21:29,834
Just act natural. We'll figure a way out.
We just got to stick together. Okay?

1673
01:21:29,918 --> 01:21:32,793
Hey, babe.
I want to introduce you to my parents.

1674
01:21:32,876 --> 01:21:33,876
I'm out.

1675
01:21:33,959 --> 01:21:35,501
What brings you here?

1676
01:21:35,584 --> 01:21:36,918
I'm Natalie's boss.

1677
01:21:38,418 --> 01:21:39,709
-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

1678
01:21:40,334 --> 01:21:41,209
Tell me more.

1679
01:21:41,293 --> 01:21:43,459
Mom, Dad, this is Natalie.

1680
01:21:43,543 --> 01:21:44,459
-Hello.
-Hi.

1681
01:21:44,543 --> 01:21:46,251
-Hi.
-Tag's told us so much about you.

1682
01:21:46,334 --> 01:21:48,709
He never says anything
about his girlfriends, so…

1683
01:21:48,793 --> 01:21:49,876
Dad, come on.

1684
01:21:49,959 --> 01:21:53,001
Girlfriend. Wow.
It's… it's so, so nice to meet you.

1685
01:21:53,084 --> 01:21:56,209
[breathlessly] I think I'm just gonna
go use the ladies' room.

1686
01:21:57,501 --> 01:21:59,334
Hey, not so fast. We need to talk.

1687
01:21:59,418 --> 01:22:02,376
-I'm kind of busy, Owen.
-Oh, talking to your lover, Tag?

1688
01:22:02,459 --> 01:22:06,459
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw you two
here last night looking pretty damn cozy.

1689
01:22:06,543 --> 01:22:08,918
Okay, it's not… it's not what you think.

1690
01:22:09,001 --> 01:22:11,751
Ah, that's funny,
because I didn't know what to think

1691
01:22:11,834 --> 01:22:14,126
until I spoke to your boss
a few seconds ago,

1692
01:22:14,209 --> 01:22:15,959
and now it all makes sense.

1693
01:22:16,043 --> 01:22:17,501
Okay, look, I… I can explain.

1694
01:22:17,584 --> 01:22:19,084
-So the thing is--
-La-la-la-la…

1695
01:22:19,168 --> 01:22:23,209
I don't want to hear it. I just want you
to stop this charade with my brother.

1696
01:22:25,793 --> 01:22:27,376
Two glasses of Veuve, please.

1697
01:22:27,459 --> 01:22:29,959
-Tag, [burps] what's going on, bro?
-What's up, E?

1698
01:22:30,043 --> 01:22:32,334
Can you believe
that J-Dog is getting married?

1699
01:22:32,418 --> 01:22:34,709
-Chick's pretty cool too.
-I haven't met her yet.

1700
01:22:34,793 --> 01:22:36,001
Well, she's right there.

1701
01:22:36,501 --> 01:22:37,876
Dude, that's his cousin.

1702
01:22:37,959 --> 01:22:41,584
I don't judge. You love who you love.

1703
01:22:41,668 --> 01:22:42,543
No. You know wh--

1704
01:22:42,626 --> 01:22:44,584
Why should I believe
what comes out of your mouth?

1705
01:22:44,668 --> 01:22:46,959
-Are you serious--
-Hey! Everything okay here?

1706
01:22:47,043 --> 01:22:48,084
-No!
-Yes.

1707
01:22:49,043 --> 01:22:53,126
Natalie, she didn't come to New York
for love. She came here for a story.

1708
01:22:53,209 --> 01:22:55,126
She's been playing you since day one, bro.

1709
01:22:55,209 --> 01:22:58,709
She's a writer for a Disaster Date column,
and you're not her fiancé.

1710
01:22:58,793 --> 01:23:00,209
You are her subject.

1711
01:23:00,293 --> 01:23:02,418
-Don't--
-Wait. What? Nat.

1712
01:23:02,501 --> 01:23:03,668
What is he talking about?

1713
01:23:05,876 --> 01:23:07,709
[Bob] Could I have everyone's attention?

1714
01:23:07,793 --> 01:23:09,043
[sighs]

1715
01:23:09,834 --> 01:23:12,501
I'm not one for speeches,
so I'll keep this quick.

1716
01:23:13,126 --> 01:23:13,959
Uh…

1717
01:23:14,459 --> 01:23:15,501
Josh.

1718
01:23:16,293 --> 01:23:19,709
I know we haven't always seen
eye-to-eye on things,

1719
01:23:19,793 --> 01:23:22,376
but you're a good kid with a big heart,

1720
01:23:22,459 --> 01:23:27,751
and after spending, uh, the last week
with your beautiful bride-to-be,

1721
01:23:28,543 --> 01:23:32,001
I think the whole family agrees
that you've picked a winner!

1722
01:23:32,084 --> 01:23:34,126
I couldn't be happier for you, son.

1723
01:23:34,209 --> 01:23:38,001
So let's all raise a glass
to future Mr. and Mrs. Lin,

1724
01:23:38,084 --> 01:23:39,876
-Josh and--
-No!

1725
01:23:43,584 --> 01:23:45,043
Not yet. Um…

1726
01:23:45,126 --> 01:23:46,251
Uh…

1727
01:23:46,876 --> 01:23:50,293
[Natalie] We can't cheers
before all the speeches are done.

1728
01:23:50,376 --> 01:23:56,001
I mean, I'd like to add
to your beautiful, beautiful speech

1729
01:23:56,084 --> 01:23:59,209
with my own speech.

1730
01:23:59,793 --> 01:24:01,293
A speech sequel, per se,

1731
01:24:02,876 --> 01:24:06,209
about, um, love, and, uh, Josh,

1732
01:24:06,293 --> 01:24:07,209
and…

1733
01:24:09,209 --> 01:24:10,876
[breathing heavily]

1734
01:24:11,584 --> 01:24:13,293
-[man] And?
-[crowd murmuring]

1735
01:24:15,168 --> 01:24:16,418
…dishonesty.

1736
01:24:18,001 --> 01:24:19,501
Because that's what I've been,

1737
01:24:20,459 --> 01:24:21,376
dishonest

1738
01:24:22,501 --> 01:24:25,084
with Josh, and the Lins,

1739
01:24:25,751 --> 01:24:26,918
Tag,

1740
01:24:27,001 --> 01:24:28,168
everyone, really. I--

1741
01:24:29,126 --> 01:24:29,959
[Natalie sighs]

1742
01:24:31,709 --> 01:24:32,918
[whispers] Here it goes.

1743
01:24:33,418 --> 01:24:35,959
[inhales] Four weeks ago,
I met a guy online.

1744
01:24:36,876 --> 01:24:40,959
He was smart, funny, sweet,
and he looked like him.

1745
01:24:42,459 --> 01:24:45,501
So, I decided to come here
and surprise him for Christmas.

1746
01:24:46,918 --> 01:24:49,001
But when I got here,
I realized that the guy

1747
01:24:49,084 --> 01:24:51,751
I was really talking to was him.

1748
01:24:53,459 --> 01:24:54,584
I got catfished,

1749
01:24:55,334 --> 01:24:56,501
and I was furious.

1750
01:24:57,918 --> 01:25:01,251
But Josh told me
that he would help get me Tag

1751
01:25:01,334 --> 01:25:04,209
if I pretended to be his girlfriend
for the holidays.

1752
01:25:04,293 --> 01:25:05,501
And I honestly just--

1753
01:25:05,584 --> 01:25:08,668
I… I thought
that my perfect match was here,

1754
01:25:08,751 --> 01:25:11,959
so I agreed, and I pretended
to be someone that I'm not, but…

1755
01:25:12,793 --> 01:25:15,126
[exhales] I just wanted my happy ending.

1756
01:25:16,918 --> 01:25:17,793
[scoffs]

1757
01:25:18,293 --> 01:25:21,126
[Natalie] But I can't do it anymore.
I… I… I can't lie.

1758
01:25:21,209 --> 01:25:22,959
I just can't, I'm sorry. I…

1759
01:25:25,209 --> 01:25:26,626
I'm so sorry.

1760
01:25:31,168 --> 01:25:32,459
Do you even climb?

1761
01:25:34,793 --> 01:25:35,751
What about Thoreau?

1762
01:25:36,751 --> 01:25:37,793
I hate him.

1763
01:25:38,543 --> 01:25:39,501
Bobsledding?

1764
01:25:40,084 --> 01:25:42,459
I literally had to get stoned
to get through it.

1765
01:25:42,543 --> 01:25:45,376
[chuckles] Yeah. Now, that's my girl.

1766
01:25:46,376 --> 01:25:51,126
[Tag] Okay, so… so you got mad at Josh
for catfishing you,

1767
01:25:51,209 --> 01:25:53,668
and then you go
and do the exact same thing to me.

1768
01:25:54,251 --> 01:25:56,001
[breath trembling]

1769
01:25:59,834 --> 01:26:01,043
Congratulations.

1770
01:26:05,376 --> 01:26:06,751
And… and by the way,

1771
01:26:07,334 --> 01:26:09,584
Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.

1772
01:26:09,668 --> 01:26:11,001
-[gasps]
-[Tag] Yeah.

1773
01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:14,501
[crowd murmuring]

1774
01:26:14,584 --> 01:26:15,459
[door opens]

1775
01:26:17,293 --> 01:26:20,501
Okay, all right, show's over.
Nothing to see here, all right?

1776
01:26:20,584 --> 01:26:21,668
Okay? All right?

1777
01:26:23,209 --> 01:26:25,918
All right. Time to go home.
Stop looking at my brother.

1778
01:26:26,751 --> 01:26:28,751
["Read My Mind" by Golda May playing]

1779
01:26:28,834 --> 01:26:33,126
♪ On the corner of Main Street ♪

1780
01:26:33,209 --> 01:26:37,334
♪ Just tryna keep it in line ♪

1781
01:26:38,001 --> 01:26:42,584
♪ You say you wanna move on and ♪

1782
01:26:42,668 --> 01:26:45,251
♪ You say I'm fallin' behind ♪

1783
01:26:45,334 --> 01:26:49,084
♪ Can you read my mind? ♪

1784
01:26:52,043 --> 01:26:53,168
[sighs]

1785
01:26:54,418 --> 01:26:59,959
♪ Can you read my mind? ♪

1786
01:27:06,168 --> 01:27:10,168
♪ I never really gave up on ♪

1787
01:27:11,126 --> 01:27:15,084
♪ Breakin' out of this two-star town ♪

1788
01:27:15,626 --> 01:27:20,001
♪ I got the green light
I got a little fight ♪

1789
01:27:20,084 --> 01:27:24,126
[Natalie] A passion whose flame fails
to be fanned eventually burns out.

1790
01:27:24,209 --> 01:27:26,876
Don't be afraid to be you. Natalie.

1791
01:27:26,959 --> 01:27:27,876
[door opens]

1792
01:27:27,959 --> 01:27:29,709
[Barb] I was happy with their meat.

1793
01:27:29,793 --> 01:27:33,251
[Bob] That's what they're known for.
Good old steak as always.

1794
01:27:33,334 --> 01:27:35,834
[footsteps approaching]

1795
01:27:43,334 --> 01:27:44,376
She's gone.

1796
01:27:45,793 --> 01:27:47,793
[somber music playing]

1797
01:27:51,001 --> 01:27:51,959
[Barb] Baby.

1798
01:27:52,751 --> 01:27:55,584
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

1799
01:28:01,043 --> 01:28:02,251
Thank you, Grandma.

1800
01:28:07,376 --> 01:28:08,918
Chin up, brother bear.

1801
01:28:14,293 --> 01:28:15,626
[softly] Sorry, Josh.

1802
01:28:16,501 --> 01:28:17,418
[Josh] It's okay.

1803
01:28:25,876 --> 01:28:26,751
[Bob sighs]

1804
01:28:27,834 --> 01:28:31,293
Here's the deal. Things happen for--

1805
01:28:42,001 --> 01:28:43,126
I'm sorry, son.

1806
01:28:47,709 --> 01:28:48,834
What are all these?

1807
01:28:49,751 --> 01:28:52,168
Oh, just candles I made.
It's… it's nothing.

1808
01:28:55,918 --> 01:28:56,876
You made this?

1809
01:28:57,709 --> 01:28:59,043
You make candles?

1810
01:29:00,168 --> 01:29:03,001
It's… it's no big deal.
It's just… it's just a hobby.

1811
01:29:07,293 --> 01:29:10,043
Wow! I don't know how you did it,
but… [sniffs]

1812
01:29:11,376 --> 01:29:13,418
this smells exactly like Grandpa.

1813
01:29:13,501 --> 01:29:15,793
It's as if he's here in the room with us.

1814
01:29:18,918 --> 01:29:20,668
I can smell his aftershave.

1815
01:29:23,418 --> 01:29:25,334
The wool of his sweater. [sniffs]

1816
01:29:28,418 --> 01:29:31,293
Wait, there's something else
that I just can't place.

1817
01:29:32,043 --> 01:29:33,918
-Eucalyptus?
-Bengay.

1818
01:29:34,001 --> 01:29:35,459
[both laughing]

1819
01:29:36,001 --> 01:29:37,126
[inhales] Well.

1820
01:29:37,876 --> 01:29:39,501
That's one hell of a hobby.

1821
01:29:42,418 --> 01:29:46,084
Actually, Dad, it's not just a hobby.

1822
01:29:46,793 --> 01:29:48,501
I… I think it could be a business.

1823
01:29:49,209 --> 01:29:50,126
A big one.

1824
01:29:51,043 --> 01:29:54,376
I know, it's not like helping
someone ascend Everest

1825
01:29:54,459 --> 01:29:57,959
or providing scuba gear
for the Great Barrier Reef,

1826
01:29:58,043 --> 01:30:01,293
but it's what I want to do with my life.

1827
01:30:04,043 --> 01:30:04,959
Wait. Uh…

1828
01:30:06,251 --> 01:30:08,668
Are you saying you don't want
to work at the store anymore?

1829
01:30:09,751 --> 01:30:11,501
[softly] No, I… I don't.

1830
01:30:11,584 --> 01:30:13,584
I'm… I'm sorry, Dad.

1831
01:30:14,918 --> 01:30:15,918
Oh. [chuckles]

1832
01:30:16,001 --> 01:30:17,001
Thank God.

1833
01:30:17,084 --> 01:30:19,126
[touching music playing]

1834
01:30:19,209 --> 01:30:23,459
I love you, son, but you're terrible
at selling sporting goods. [laughing]

1835
01:30:23,543 --> 01:30:24,918
I know!

1836
01:30:26,709 --> 01:30:27,584
So--

1837
01:30:28,251 --> 01:30:29,793
You're… you're not mad at me?

1838
01:30:29,876 --> 01:30:31,709
Ah, of course not.

1839
01:30:34,626 --> 01:30:36,793
My son wants to make candles,

1840
01:30:38,584 --> 01:30:41,001
so go make candles.

1841
01:30:44,876 --> 01:30:45,709
Yeah.

1842
01:30:45,793 --> 01:30:46,834
[exhales]

1843
01:30:47,834 --> 01:30:48,668
[chuckles]

1844
01:31:02,084 --> 01:31:03,126
[sighs]

1845
01:31:07,209 --> 01:31:10,501
♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪

1846
01:31:10,584 --> 01:31:13,459
♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪

1847
01:31:13,543 --> 01:31:16,418
♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪

1848
01:31:19,293 --> 01:31:21,834
You won't find my article
in the bottom of that glass.

1849
01:31:21,918 --> 01:31:25,126
[coughs] Jesus Christ, Lee.
You're everywhere.

1850
01:31:25,209 --> 01:31:26,709
[in Spanish] A beer, please.

1851
01:31:26,793 --> 01:31:27,959
[bartender] No problem.

1852
01:31:28,668 --> 01:31:32,209
[Lee] So, kiddo. That was one hell
of an engagement toast.

1853
01:31:32,293 --> 01:31:35,751
Seriously, though, that train wreck
was a little too much, even for me.

1854
01:31:36,501 --> 01:31:38,001
-Are you all right?
-[exhales]

1855
01:31:38,626 --> 01:31:42,334
Did you see the look on Josh's face?
I'm the furthest thing from all right.

1856
01:31:42,418 --> 01:31:45,293
Hmm. When you found out
you were getting catfished,

1857
01:31:45,376 --> 01:31:46,751
why didn't you just leave?

1858
01:31:47,459 --> 01:31:50,251
Because I owed you an article,
and I didn't want to get fired.

1859
01:31:50,334 --> 01:31:53,293
I fired you four times.
You just keep showing up.

1860
01:31:53,959 --> 01:31:55,501
Why did you really stay?

1861
01:31:57,084 --> 01:31:59,668
I… I… I don't know.

1862
01:31:59,751 --> 01:32:01,793
[Lee] Okay. I mean, I just find it odd

1863
01:32:01,876 --> 01:32:05,084
because you usually run
at the first sign of imperfection.

1864
01:32:05,168 --> 01:32:08,334
Josh is imperfect,
but yet you decided to stay?

1865
01:32:09,084 --> 01:32:10,876
It doesn't really matter.

1866
01:32:11,876 --> 01:32:13,876
Honey, it's the only thing that matters.

1867
01:32:21,751 --> 01:32:22,751
[sighs]

1868
01:32:23,543 --> 01:32:25,626
I think I'm gonna head back up to my room.

1869
01:32:26,126 --> 01:32:28,751
-This article isn't gonna write itself.
-[Lee] Good idea.

1870
01:32:28,834 --> 01:32:31,418
Just because we're girlfriends now
doesn't mean I won't fire you.

1871
01:32:31,501 --> 01:32:32,459
[exhales]

1872
01:32:37,209 --> 01:32:39,876
["Call It Dreaming"
by Iron & Wine playing]

1873
01:32:43,084 --> 01:32:44,001
[clears throat]

1874
01:32:45,168 --> 01:32:49,418
[Natalie] Webster's Dictionary
defines love as…

1875
01:32:51,126 --> 01:32:56,084
To paraphrase my girl Celine Dion,
"My heart, too, will go on."

1876
01:32:56,168 --> 01:33:01,584
♪ Any rain softly kisses us on the face ♪

1877
01:33:01,668 --> 01:33:03,918
♪ Anywhere means we're running ♪

1878
01:33:04,751 --> 01:33:07,168
♪ We can sleep and see 'em coming ♪

1879
01:33:07,251 --> 01:33:08,084
What?

1880
01:33:08,168 --> 01:33:10,876
-♪ Where we drift and call it dreaming ♪
-[growling]

1881
01:33:10,959 --> 01:33:15,293
♪ We can weep and call it singing ♪

1882
01:33:16,918 --> 01:33:21,918
♪ For all the love you've left behind ♪

1883
01:33:22,001 --> 01:33:23,834
♪ You can have mine… ♪

1884
01:33:23,918 --> 01:33:26,918
[Natalie] Half of you love
a great Disaster Date story.

1885
01:33:27,001 --> 01:33:29,501
The other half, a storybook romance.

1886
01:33:29,584 --> 01:33:32,959
Now, the first half of you
are going to be really, really happy.

1887
01:33:33,501 --> 01:33:35,334
Allow me to explain.

1888
01:33:35,418 --> 01:33:37,334
It all started with a swipe.

1889
01:33:38,709 --> 01:33:40,959
Tag Abbott, he may as well have been
Zeus's son…

1890
01:33:41,043 --> 01:33:41,918
Josh Lin…

1891
01:33:42,001 --> 01:33:46,293
His family took me in.
I have never felt worse in my entire life.

1892
01:33:46,376 --> 01:33:50,876
So, there you have it, folks.
Another disaster for the record books.

1893
01:33:50,959 --> 01:33:55,126
But this time, I realized
that in order to find true love,

1894
01:33:55,209 --> 01:33:58,126
I need to be honest about who I am too,

1895
01:33:58,209 --> 01:34:01,126
and maybe that's been the problem
all along. I mean--

1896
01:34:01,209 --> 01:34:04,209
I've been so focused
on other people's dishonesty

1897
01:34:04,293 --> 01:34:06,959
that I never really stopped
to look at my own.

1898
01:34:07,043 --> 01:34:11,168
And maybe if I did, I'd finally see
what's right in front of me,

1899
01:34:11,751 --> 01:34:14,126
and perhaps
the ending to my story could be…

1900
01:34:14,876 --> 01:34:15,709
Um…

1901
01:34:23,084 --> 01:34:24,293
[phone chimes]

1902
01:34:38,584 --> 01:34:40,584
[emotional music playing]

1903
01:34:58,334 --> 01:34:59,334
[softly inhales]

1904
01:35:06,543 --> 01:35:07,834
[knocking on door]

1905
01:35:09,751 --> 01:35:11,751
[emotional music continues]

1906
01:35:24,709 --> 01:35:25,584
[Barb] Who is it?

1907
01:35:32,584 --> 01:35:34,168
It's the Mormons.

1908
01:35:34,251 --> 01:35:37,209
[Bob] For the last time,
we're not converting!

1909
01:35:39,918 --> 01:35:41,543
["Curls" by Bibio playing]

1910
01:36:03,834 --> 01:36:08,543
♪ To see within
Is to feel without a light ♪

1911
01:36:09,793 --> 01:36:14,293
♪ Who'd have thought
That we'd break the things we like? ♪

1912
01:36:15,751 --> 01:36:20,043
♪ To find a stone
Just to bounce across the pond ♪

1913
01:36:21,126 --> 01:36:25,918
♪ Is the path it makes
That's a clue to other songs ♪

1914
01:36:27,043 --> 01:36:31,668
♪ Her hair, it curls
In the depth of the night ♪

1915
01:36:32,876 --> 01:36:37,543
♪ The scent recalls
Like a photograph with life ♪

1916
01:36:38,626 --> 01:36:43,376
♪ Her hair, it curls
In the depth of the night ♪

1917
01:36:44,459 --> 01:36:49,168
♪ The scent recalls
Like a photograph with life ♪

1918
01:37:02,043 --> 01:37:06,793
♪ To live without
Is to live under a spell ♪

1919
01:37:08,501 --> 01:37:12,418
♪ Who'd have thought
That we'd turn our home to hell? ♪

1920
01:37:13,751 --> 01:37:18,668
♪ To find a bone
And to float it down the stream ♪

1921
01:37:18,751 --> 01:37:20,543
So, what do we do now?

1922
01:37:22,751 --> 01:37:25,251
-Kiss her, you idiot!
-[Josh laughs]

1923
01:37:25,334 --> 01:37:29,876
♪ Her hair curls
In the damp of the night ♪

1924
01:37:31,209 --> 01:37:35,834
♪ The scent recalls
Like a photograph with life ♪

1925
01:37:37,043 --> 01:37:41,626
♪ Her woolen coat
Under yellow sodium lights ♪

1926
01:37:42,918 --> 01:37:47,501
♪ Records the air like a memory of night ♪

1927
01:37:49,043 --> 01:37:52,668
♪ Her hair, it curls
In the damp of the night ♪

1928
01:37:52,751 --> 01:37:57,668
[Natalie] So, yeah. I thought I'd flown
3,000 miles to see how my story ended.

1929
01:38:00,251 --> 01:38:04,126
And instead, I found out how it begins.

1930
01:38:06,251 --> 01:38:10,793
♪ Records the air like a memory of night ♪

1931
01:38:15,751 --> 01:38:18,876
-[Bob] Come over. Yeah, yeah.
-Okay, this is not mine. This is Josh.

1932
01:38:18,959 --> 01:38:19,793
Owen! Owen!

1933
01:38:19,876 --> 01:38:21,584
[indistinct chattering]

1934
01:38:21,668 --> 01:38:23,876
[Barb] You two, time for presents!

1935
01:38:24,626 --> 01:38:25,709
I gotta warn you,

1936
01:38:25,793 --> 01:38:28,668
my family is pretty intense
when it comes to Christmas presents.

1937
01:38:28,751 --> 01:38:29,584
[Natalie scoffs]

1938
01:38:30,501 --> 01:38:32,084
You don't say.

1939
01:38:32,168 --> 01:38:34,334
[Barb] 'Cause that wires kinda goofy.

1940
01:38:35,251 --> 01:38:36,584
Hey, you two.

1941
01:38:36,668 --> 01:38:38,834
Quick question. What's a dick pic?

1942
01:38:38,918 --> 01:38:40,001
-Um…
-[Chelsea] Ew!

1943
01:38:40,084 --> 01:38:41,168
[Owen] Grandma, why--

1944
01:38:41,251 --> 01:38:43,543
-[chuckles]
-You want to take this one maybe?

1945
01:38:46,876 --> 01:38:50,584
♪ Santa's bringing all the toys
In the dead of the night ♪

1946
01:38:52,668 --> 01:38:56,209
♪ The kids are sleeping
And mama's got a bottle of wine ♪

1947
01:38:58,418 --> 01:39:02,251
♪ Sleigh bells ringing
And Rudolph's running behind ♪

1948
01:39:03,959 --> 01:39:08,334
♪ But nothing's stopping Christmas
From coming this time ♪

1949
01:39:09,126 --> 01:39:10,876
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1950
01:39:10,959 --> 01:39:12,293
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1951
01:39:12,376 --> 01:39:14,584
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪

1952
01:39:14,668 --> 01:39:16,501
-♪ Make it a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1953
01:39:16,584 --> 01:39:17,876
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1954
01:39:17,959 --> 01:39:20,126
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪

1955
01:39:20,209 --> 01:39:22,126
-♪ I need a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1956
01:39:22,209 --> 01:39:23,543
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1957
01:39:23,626 --> 01:39:26,418
♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪

1958
01:39:26,501 --> 01:39:30,751
♪ Man, there's nothing like this
Time of the year ♪

1959
01:39:32,126 --> 01:39:35,459
♪ All this snow won't keep us
From painting the town ♪

1960
01:39:37,709 --> 01:39:41,251
♪ Stuck at home for too long
It's time to get out ♪

1961
01:39:43,293 --> 01:39:47,584
♪ Mistletoe up high
It's about to go down ♪

1962
01:39:48,834 --> 01:39:52,668
♪ A good ol' year, I think we earned
A little fooling around ♪

1963
01:39:52,751 --> 01:39:54,001
♪ Yeah ♪

1964
01:39:54,084 --> 01:39:55,793
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1965
01:39:55,876 --> 01:39:57,209
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1966
01:39:57,293 --> 01:39:59,459
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪

1967
01:39:59,543 --> 01:40:01,418
-♪ Make it a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1968
01:40:01,501 --> 01:40:02,793
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1969
01:40:02,876 --> 01:40:05,043
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪

1970
01:40:05,126 --> 01:40:06,959
-♪ I need a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1971
01:40:07,043 --> 01:40:08,418
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1972
01:40:08,501 --> 01:40:11,293
♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪

1973
01:40:11,376 --> 01:40:15,876
♪ No, there's nothing like this
Time of the year ♪

1974
01:40:26,751 --> 01:40:27,751
♪ One more time ♪

1975
01:40:27,834 --> 01:40:29,501
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1976
01:40:29,584 --> 01:40:30,876
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1977
01:40:30,959 --> 01:40:33,459
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪

1978
01:40:33,543 --> 01:40:35,084
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1979
01:40:35,168 --> 01:40:36,501
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1980
01:40:36,584 --> 01:40:38,918
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪

1981
01:40:39,001 --> 01:40:40,668
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1982
01:40:40,751 --> 01:40:42,126
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1983
01:40:42,209 --> 01:40:44,376
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪

1984
01:40:44,459 --> 01:40:46,334
-♪ Make it a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1985
01:40:46,418 --> 01:40:47,793
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1986
01:40:47,876 --> 01:40:50,043
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪

1987
01:40:50,126 --> 01:40:51,918
-♪ I need a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪

1988
01:40:52,001 --> 01:40:53,376
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪

1989
01:40:53,459 --> 01:40:56,209
♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪

1990
01:40:56,293 --> 01:40:59,001
♪ No, there's nothing like it ♪

1991
01:40:59,084 --> 01:41:01,418
♪ Nothing so exciting ♪

1992
01:41:01,918 --> 01:41:07,001
♪ No, there's nothing like
This time of the year ♪

1993
01:41:09,751 --> 01:41:11,751
[upbeat music playing]

1994
01:42:16,876 --> 01:42:18,876
[folk guitar music playing]

1995
01:43:27,626 --> 01:43:29,626
[holiday music playing]

1996
01:44:43,001 --> 01:44:45,001
[bells jingling]