1 00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:07,009 (xylophone tinkering) 2 00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:08,913 Uh, would‐‐ would you like some more wine? 3 00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:11,575 Ooh. (giggles) You read my mind. 4 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:13,475 (birds chirping) 5 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,447 Gosh, Sarah. 6 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,576 I just wanna stay like this forever! 7 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:20,751 Oh, Charlie, I feel the same way. 8 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,791 Well, cheers to forever. 9 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,356 (robotic stuttering) Chee... 10 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:33,131 (spacey music) 11 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:40,069 ♪♪ ♪♪ 12 00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:45,105 (gentle music) 13 00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:51,048 ♪♪ ♪♪ 14 00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:54,717 LOIS: Robert. (laughs) 15 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,018 Robert. 16 00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:59,260 Oh, is that you? 17 00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:00,255 Long time no see. 18 00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:02,496 ROBERT: Lois. (laughs) 19 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,563 What a surprise. 20 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,470 LOIS: So what are you up to these days? 21 00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,702 Hey, how's the music career going? 22 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:12,938 ROBERT: Well, I'm not really doing that anymore. 23 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:16,476 Now I'm mostly just, uh, well, 24 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:18,853 I'm leeching off the guts of this crab. 25 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,321 LOIS: Oh, you were so talented. 26 00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:23,982 We were all sure you would become a star. 27 00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:25,490 Yeah, well, I'm sort of focusing 28 00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:26,892 on the gut‐leeching now, to be honest. 29 00:01:26,953 --> 00:01:31,733 Um, the whole music thing, uh... 30 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:35,202 and, you know, leeching is‐‐ is quite easy, though. 31 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,631 Well, I guess it depends 32 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,297 on what the crab's been eating, but... 33 00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:41,234 So‐‐so yeah, it seems like a pretty cool crab, Rob. 34 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:44,001 It's a shame you're not playing anymore, though. 35 00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,410 Yeah, okay, um, yeah, I probably‐‐ 36 00:01:46,472 --> 00:01:47,842 I've got to get back now. 37 00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:49,408 LOIS: All right. 38 00:01:49,475 --> 00:01:51,645 Bye, Rob. 39 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,652 Good seeing you. 40 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,624 ROBERT: Yeah. 41 00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:01,958 (sobbing) 42 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:06,532 Oh, God. 43 00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:09,533 (sobbing) 44 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:16,095 (gentle music) 45 00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:19,869 (spacey music) 46 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,340 (upbeat music) 47 00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:23,877 I'm so sorry, but could you please 48 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,214 stop taking selfies in here? 49 00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:29,979 It's making people uncomfortable. 50 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,690 No, I'm not taking selfies. 51 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:35,362 I'm using my phone to spy on that guy in the corner. 52 00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:37,461 Mm. That seems worse. 53 00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:40,134 I'm totally taking selfies, 'cause I'm proud of my face 54 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,563 and I want my phone to see it. 55 00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,198 It's a stakeout. The man's a thief. 56 00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:44,633 And I have to prove it before he finishes 57 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,568 his pulled pork platter and leaves town forever. 58 00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:48,473 Oh, okay. 59 00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:50,895 Just please be subtle. 60 00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:51,911 Sure, no problem. Subtle. 61 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,312 ‐(camera clicks) ‐(shouts) 62 00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,913 Oh. (groans) 63 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,906 (dramatic music) 64 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,353 ‐Okay. (exhales) ‐(bell jingles) 65 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:03,945 ‐Oh, shit. ‐What? 66 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,247 Guess who just walked in. 67 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,488 Heather Culbreth from Lake Patrol. 68 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,624 ‐Oh, wow. ‐Location is clear, over. 69 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,761 (laughs) She says "over" into her walkie‐talkie. 70 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,226 ‐Can I ask you a question? ‐What? Sure. 71 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,534 ‐It's a personal question. ‐Oh. 72 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,926 What is going on with you guys? 73 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:17,927 ‐What? ‐You and Heather. 74 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,468 Nothing. Obviously nothing. 75 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,503 Uh, well, then why are we taking all these cases 76 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:22,868 down by the lake, huh? 77 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,806 The Mystery of the Capsized Canoe 78 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,471 and the Mystery of the Moldy Towels 79 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,470 and the Mystery of the so‐called Sunken Treasure. 80 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,982 Yeah, uh, a city's waterfront is always a nexus of crime. 81 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,414 Come on, man, the last one 82 00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:35,178 was you snorkeling down to get some kid's quarter 83 00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:36,718 out of the mud‐‐ a quarter. 84 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,953 Just admit it, that you've been hoping to see her again 85 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,089 because you love her. 86 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,393 David, David, shh! 87 00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:43,524 (sighs) Fine. You're right. 88 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:44,730 I have a thing for her. 89 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,391 So tell her, man. She's right there. 90 00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:47,859 It wouldn't be appropriate. 91 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,728 I mean, I used to be her employer. 92 00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,356 You were 13 years old back then, you dummy. 93 00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:53,331 ‐I just think ethically‐‐ ‐(groans) 94 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:54,399 Oh, my God. Hey, guys. 95 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:55,737 John, look who it is. 96 00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,072 Look, it's Heather Culbreth in the Lunch Hut. 97 00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:58,397 Yes, I can see that. 98 00:03:58,471 --> 00:03:59,811 You know what, this calls for a celebration. 99 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:00,873 Oh. 100 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,541 Shall we feast from my horn of plenty? 101 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:03,979 ‐(horn blares) ‐(yells) 102 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,414 ‐Why do you have that? ‐Really, David? 103 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:08,649 I love to have fun and celebrate my friends. 104 00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:09,875 ‐Hi, Heather. ‐Hey. 105 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,190 So the Lunch Hut's still your spot, huh? 106 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,822 Uh, yeah. So what, uh, brings you here? 107 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:18,158 Advanced security for the commish. 108 00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:19,264 ‐(radio squawks) ‐GLEN: Culbreth. 109 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,625 Are we still clear? Over. 110 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:23,464 Yes, Glen, we're still clear. Over. 111 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,200 Does seem a little intense for the commissioner 112 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,695 of the Water and Sewer Authority. 113 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,397 Oh, you think? 114 00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:31,238 (militaristic marching music) 115 00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:34,244 ♪♪ ♪♪ 116 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,237 Ugh, no. 117 00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:38,879 Take me to the President's Physician in New Downtown. 118 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,305 ♪♪ ♪♪ 119 00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,421 (sighs) Welcome to my life. 120 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:46,823 (upbeat music) 121 00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,693 (spacey music) 122 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:55,699 (wind whistling) 123 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:02,099 (pulsating electronic music) 124 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:03,998 ♪♪ ♪♪ 125 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,670 WOMAN: He always took the first group, 126 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:06,869 right at 10:00 a. m. 127 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,680 Howdy, folks. 128 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,342 WOMAN: And he started even before he got on the boat, 129 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,350 just telling them about the lakes in Winter Park 130 00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:13,652 and how this was technically 131 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,384 Florida's longest‐running attraction. 132 00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:17,078 Fixed location, at least. 133 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,690 WOMAN: But it wasn't until he got on the water 134 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,952 that he really started to shine. 135 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,361 It wasn't until then that he really felt at home. 136 00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,063 (reverent choral music) 137 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,726 Telling everyone all about the houses 138 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,664 and the mansions and all the fancy famous people 139 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,600 who lived there at some point, 140 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,225 like the founder of Panera Bread 141 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:34,769 or various Orlando Magic players. 142 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:35,935 Horace Grant. 143 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,772 WOMAN: He had been there for years 144 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,538 and everyone knew him, all the families 145 00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:41,166 and, of course, the other captains, 146 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,411 who all looked up to him 147 00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:43,435 because he told the best stories 148 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,510 and got the biggest tips. 149 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,879 (cash register chimes) 150 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,717 Tours left every 45 minutes to an hour, 151 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,592 always a dozen people, always from the same dock, 152 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,792 always the same three lakes 153 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,523 connected by the same two canals, 154 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,218 Osceola, Virginia, Maitland. 155 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:57,489 Always the same route. 156 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,388 Osceola, Virginia, Maitland, 157 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:00,929 over and over and over again. 158 00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,234 ♪♪ ♪♪ 159 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,326 And always the same facts. 160 00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:06,528 About the founder of Panera Bread 161 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,970 or the Rollins College campus 162 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,504 where the dean's residence is right next door 163 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,870 to the senior dorms. 164 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,767 So basically what you have here is "Animal House" 165 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,509 and they're living right next door to Dean Wormer. 166 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,005 (laughter) 167 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,506 WOMAN: It never changed because he never had to 168 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,079 because he had found the things that worked. 169 00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:22,446 He knew the best jokes and the most interesting facts 170 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,316 and he told them over and over again. 171 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,824 Horace Grant. 172 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,316 WOMAN: And when the day ended, 173 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,557 he would go to the bar with all the other captains 174 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,063 and keep telling all those same stories. 175 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,434 His entire life consisted of trivia and talk 176 00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:34,963 without ever a moment of thought, 177 00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,328 or quiet. 178 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,127 Except for once every tour 179 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,469 when they had to go through the second canal, 180 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,065 the Venetian, 181 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,636 which was technically in people's private backyards, 182 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,976 so he always had to go slow and be quiet 183 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,212 and it was the only time all day 184 00:06:50,276 --> 00:06:51,506 where he really just had to sit there 185 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,048 with his own thoughts 186 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,053 and think about what he was actually doing, 187 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,715 think about this life he lived, 188 00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,023 which consisted of nothing 189 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,654 but driving a boat around in a circle 190 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,790 and telling people half‐true celebrity gossip. 191 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,316 But then the minute would be over 192 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:05,830 and the canal would let out and he would go right back 193 00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:07,432 to telling them about Tom Hanks' house 194 00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,463 while he was down here shooting 195 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:09,699 From the Earth to the Moon 196 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,933 or where Mr. Rogers lived 197 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,167 when he came up with the phrase... 198 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,332 It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood! 199 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,800 (laughter) 200 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,669 WOMAN: Trying so hard to suppress 201 00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,968 any real feelings and emotions he might have 202 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,140 because maybe if he stopped talking for too long, 203 00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:23,508 he would crack 204 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,107 and shatter 205 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,548 and realize just how pointless and futile it all was. 206 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,854 Howdy, folks. 207 00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:30,315 WOMAN: Or even worse, 208 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,723 maybe all those other people would see it too. 209 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,556 All the families and the tourists 210 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,321 and the other guides. 211 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:38,319 ‐How you doing? ‐Never better! 212 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,231 WOMAN: And I used to watch as he slowed down 213 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,503 and passed through the canal every tour. 214 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:45,573 I used to watch as he sat uncomfortably in that silence 215 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,872 and I used to always wonder, 216 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:50,804 "When would he actually break out of this monotony?" 217 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:53,141 When would he say something real for once? 218 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,706 Something genuine, something meaningful, 219 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,206 rather than just another trivia fact 220 00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,377 structured like a throwaway joke, 221 00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:00,845 rather than going on and on 222 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:04,254 like this wasn't all just some scripted formula. 223 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,887 But years would pass and he'd never change. 224 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:09,393 He just kept on going along with the same routine. 225 00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,215 (engine turns over) 226 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,861 Horace Grant. 227 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,796 WOMAN: To the point where I even began to wonder 228 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,801 if maybe there was actually something wrong with me, 229 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,474 that I couldn't allow this man to exist 230 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,273 as a simple tour guide, 231 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,604 that I had to make up some horrible backstory 232 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,040 when really I knew nothing about him 233 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,335 other than his job and his favorite bar. 234 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:29,437 (laughter and chatter) 235 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,240 And maybe that was all fine. 236 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:32,811 Maybe he was happy. 237 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,279 Why was it so hard for me to believe 238 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,917 that someone could actually enjoy this life? 239 00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,253 Why did I look at that person having fun 240 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:39,648 and think that they didn't understand 241 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,220 what living was all about, 242 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:42,617 as though there was something noble 243 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,789 about depression or existential dread, 244 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,488 when the truth is that my melancholy thoughts 245 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,960 were just as empty as his random trivia facts? 246 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,030 Just another thing to pass the time. 247 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,870 To fill in the silence. 248 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,414 As I stood there in my private backyard 249 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,542 facing that second canal, 250 00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,938 watching him pass by, 251 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:06,150 without ever saying anything, 252 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,682 without ever making a single sound. 253 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:11,689 (somber music) 254 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:16,962 ♪♪ ♪♪ 255 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:18,533 And if we ever did talk to each other, 256 00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:20,362 I wonder what we'd say. 257 00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:22,996 If we'd talk about life and our common struggles. 258 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,203 If we would tell each other 259 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,334 about what it was like growing up 260 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:29,769 or how hard it is to maintain a relationship, 261 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,836 or if we'd go to the bar and relax, 262 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,165 drink beers and talk about random famous people 263 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,440 who've passed through Winter Park. 264 00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:36,879 Horace Grant. 265 00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,913 WOMAN: Maybe we'd get along. 266 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:41,379 Maybe we'd even like each other. 267 00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:45,187 Maybe we'd recognize something brand‐new in ourselves. 268 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,821 If only we stepped outside those lines, 269 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,518 outside that predetermined route 270 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,160 that took him through Osceola, Virginia, and Maitland 271 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,825 and left me here working from home. 272 00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,925 If we only we broke out of that worn‐out script 273 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,797 that only gave us the most superficial lines, 274 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,796 like the one about Tom Hanks or Horace Grant 275 00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,338 or the founder of Panera Bread. 276 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:06,673 Or the one about time and the meaning of life. 277 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,310 If only we had the courage 278 00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:11,084 to actually do something different 279 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,514 instead of sitting in that silence 280 00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,519 and repeating the same thoughts and phrases 281 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,951 until the end of existence. 282 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:20,887 Until they've lost any meaning they once had. 283 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,394 Until the day someone comes along 284 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,155 and turns our lives into just another trivia fact. 285 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:30,627 And did you know about the people who lived here? 286 00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:32,497 There was a tour guide 287 00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:34,636 who always told the same jokes 288 00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,371 and a woman 289 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:39,036 who lived all alone and worked from home. 290 00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:41,935 And there was a canal, the Venetian, 291 00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,378 except you always had to go slow 292 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,354 and be quiet 293 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,222 because you were technically in people's private backyards. 294 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:54,692 ♪♪ ♪♪ 295 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,185 Hey. 296 00:10:58,559 --> 00:10:59,929 Hey. 297 00:11:02,596 --> 00:11:05,596 (reverent choral music) 298 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:11,536 ♪♪ ♪♪ 299 00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,335 (electronic music) 300 00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:19,453 (gentle music) 301 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,283 (chime, whirring) 302 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,753 MAN: Helen, we're so glad you could come in. 303 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,448 HELEN: I love the script. 304 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,860 MAN: Me too, it is so heartbreaking, isn't it? 305 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,693 Is it okay if I take a moment 306 00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:34,028 to get myself ready emotionally? 307 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,934 MAN: Of course. Take whatever you need. 308 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:47,166 I gave you all of me. Every part. 309 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,480 MAN: Okay, I'm sorry, Helen. We need you to slate first. 310 00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:51,514 What? 311 00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,648 MAN: You have to slate. 312 00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:57,824 Helen Slayton‐Hughes reading for Marjorie Highland. 313 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,487 ‐MAN: And height. ‐I gave you‐‐ 314 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,729 MAN: We also need your height. 315 00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,103 Why‐‐why am I‐‐why? 316 00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:12,232 Helen Slayton‐Hughes reading for Marjorie Highland. 317 00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,368 I'm 5'1". 318 00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,168 I gave you all of me. Every‐‐ 319 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,569 MAN: Okay, before we start, 320 00:12:20,641 --> 00:12:22,841 the director just wants a shot of you dancing 321 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:23,739 for a few seconds. 322 00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,810 Dancing? 323 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,149 MAN: Yeah, dancing. 324 00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:31,184 What the fuck are you talking about? 325 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,551 MAN: So let's get up here and just dance 326 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,660 like you're at a wedding, okay? 327 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:36,962 Okay, there. 328 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,958 Make it more like you're dancing. 329 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,967 That looks like you're doing a spell over a cauldron. 330 00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,636 Get back in your seat. 331 00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:54,735 And action. 332 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:59,378 I gave you all of myself, every part. 333 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,045 ‐I wasted my whole life‐‐ ‐MAN: Okay, Helen. 334 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,975 I'm just reading my emails, 335 00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,820 and apparently, this character actually got cut. 336 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:09,817 Um... 337 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,760 We'll get you next time. 338 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:14,325 Oh, you motherfucker. 339 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,834 MAN: What'd you say? 340 00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:18,056 I said you motherfucker. 341 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,001 ‐MAN: You motherfucker! ‐If the shoe fits, wear it. 342 00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:21,566 You get the fuck out of here with that language. 343 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,165 Don't you talk to me. I am a professional. 344 00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:26,306 MAN: Get the fuck out of here! I will ruin you! 345 00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:27,672 Out, out, out! 346 00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:28,881 MAN: You move back to Fuckville 347 00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,442 or wherever the fuck you're from. 348 00:13:30,511 --> 00:13:31,711 (whirring, chime) 349 00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:34,718 (upbeat music) 350 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:35,821 ♪♪ ♪♪ 351 00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,022 ‐(radio squawks) ‐GLEN: Culbreth. 352 00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,953 We're wheels up for New Downtown. Over. 353 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,019 I'm gonna stay here 354 00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,386 and do a post‐op sweep for bugs. Over. 355 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,115 GLEN: Copy that. Over and out. 356 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,660 Boom! I just bought myself two hours 357 00:13:46,727 --> 00:13:48,857 of fucking‐around time. 358 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,099 ‐Can I join you? ‐Um‐‐ 359 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,903 ‐Totally. ‐Sure. 360 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,525 See, look at this. Isn't this nice? 361 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,840 Three old friends, laughing and loving life 362 00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,172 as only friends can. 363 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,397 ‐Okay. ‐Sure, David. 364 00:13:58,471 --> 00:13:59,811 They should make a show about friends. 365 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,543 Hey, Hunch, I saw you snorkeling 366 00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:02,378 at the lake the other day. 367 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,882 You saw‐‐I‐‐ well, I didn't see you. 368 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,975 Well, actually, I only saw your calves 369 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,777 flopping above the surface. 370 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,779 They're unmistakable. 371 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,591 Well, I've gotten some compliments. 372 00:14:12,653 --> 00:14:15,123 You know what, John? Here comes another compliment 373 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,458 because your calves are delectable, 374 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,794 and Heather, you are a good judge of sexy legs. 375 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:21,901 Thank you, David. That's enough. 376 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:24,432 Uh, I was on a case at the time, so yeah. 377 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,497 Just like we are on a case right now. 378 00:14:26,567 --> 00:14:27,727 ‐All right, David. ‐Wait, really? 379 00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:28,801 Well, all right, let's not get into‐‐ 380 00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,469 ‐It's a stakeout, Heather. ‐Ugh. 381 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:35,477 We're staking out Dr. Neckbeard McBeef Jerky Breath over there. 382 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:39,712 HEATHER: Mm. He is a jerk, and he's from South Carolina. 383 00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:42,050 Well, obviously. ‐Uh, not‐viously. 384 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,415 What are you talking about? 385 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,923 HEATHER: First, he brings his own barbecue sauce 386 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:48,516 to the Lunch Hut, so he's an asshole. 387 00:14:48,589 --> 00:14:50,859 Two, it's mustard‐based. 388 00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,634 That's some South Carolina shit. 389 00:14:52,693 --> 00:14:53,893 Damn, you're smart. 390 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,000 So what's the case? 391 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,301 Oh, well, my client‐‐ 392 00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:57,962 Our client. Let's remember. 393 00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,271 It's our client. 394 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:03,042 The client has a collection of, um, vintage cars. 395 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,643 Ooh, fancy client. 396 00:15:04,705 --> 00:15:05,835 ‐Uh‐‐ ‐Congratulations. 397 00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,166 Not really. The client is actually‐‐ 398 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,710 It's confidential, David. That's‐‐ 399 00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,435 ‐Oh, really? ‐Identity's confidential, yes. 400 00:15:10,511 --> 00:15:12,811 Anyway, the prize of our client's collection 401 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:14,849 is a 1968 Dodge Custom Charger. 402 00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:18,985 Wait, '68 Custom‐‐it better not be the General Lee. 403 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,252 No, no, no, no. This is a hot pink car. 404 00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,661 Oh, that's actually quite rare. 405 00:15:22,723 --> 00:15:23,923 Exactly. 406 00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:26,230 The man in the corner is Ronald Pronk, 407 00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:28,392 a car collector passing through town. 408 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,231 When he saw my client's Charger, 409 00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:32,066 he noted a crack in the windshield, 410 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,802 and offered to restore it at his shop 411 00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,737 in Charleston, for free. 412 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,272 That doesn't sound shady at all. 413 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,567 Yeah, well, my client is somewhat naive. 414 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,370 You might say he requires some schooling. 415 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,481 ‐Okay, David. ‐You could say that. 416 00:15:42,543 --> 00:15:44,553 Like additional grades of schooling‐‐ 417 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,411 ‐All right, David, enough. ‐Are required. 418 00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,209 So Pronk took possession of the car, 419 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,621 and then let me guess, claimed someone stole it. 420 00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:52,354 Sound familiar? 421 00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:54,588 Amber Pulman's Pog collection, seventh grade. 422 00:15:54,655 --> 00:15:56,885 (laughs) Oh, yeah! 423 00:15:56,957 --> 00:16:00,157 I borrowed Amber's Pogs! 424 00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,756 And then I sold them to Bucky Rindfuss. 425 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:06,669 And when Amber confronted me, I said they were stolen‐‐ 426 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,143 ‐BOTH: By a werewolf. ‐By a werewolf. 427 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:10,972 ‐JOHN: Right. ‐"The perfect crime." 428 00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,937 And it was, because it turns out 429 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,636 Amber was totally into werewolves, 430 00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:17,439 and they turned her on. 431 00:16:17,511 --> 00:16:19,751 So we went to Umstead Park on a werewolf hunt, 432 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:22,083 and we wound up making out by the light of a full moon. 433 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,978 ‐(howls) ‐(clears throat) 434 00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,820 But then she dumped me for Trip Kowalski 435 00:16:25,886 --> 00:16:28,046 'cause he had a full beard in seventh grade, 436 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,191 and I was so pissed off, 437 00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:31,926 I think that's why I beat both of you up 438 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:34,192 in Spanish class that one time. 439 00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,300 (exhales) Friendship, nothing beats it. 440 00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:37,932 Seventh grade was fun, right? 441 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:38,968 BOTH: No, it wasn't. 442 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,132 ‐Yes, it was. ‐No. 443 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,400 ‐I don't get it. ‐Yes, it was. 444 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,037 HEATHER: A stolen Charger isn't easy to hide. 445 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,673 Why is he still in town? 446 00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:45,668 Pronk's arrogant. 447 00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:47,269 He even offered to call the police himself, 448 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,710 but my client wants to keep things quiet 449 00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:52,146 till I can prove that Pronk's story is bogus. 450 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:55,382 Got it. So what's his story? 451 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,448 JOHN: Pronk says he brought the Charger 452 00:16:57,518 --> 00:16:59,188 back to his motel parking lot. 453 00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,562 That's where he kept his own car, a Ford Focus. 454 00:17:01,622 --> 00:17:03,192 Otherwise, the lot was empty. 455 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:04,256 No witnesses. 456 00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,894 ‐When was this? ‐5:20 p. m. yesterday. 457 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,730 Pronk was making his way to the lobby 458 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,655 when an unknown robber supposedly jumped out 459 00:17:10,731 --> 00:17:12,231 from behind a bush. 460 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:13,668 Pronk says the guy pulled a gun, 461 00:17:13,734 --> 00:17:15,344 grabbed the Charger, and took off. 462 00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:17,701 DAVID: And then a giant serpent appeared. 463 00:17:17,771 --> 00:17:19,971 ‐JOHN: David, come on. ‐DAVID: And writhed around. 464 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,510 Did Pronk describe the carjacker? 465 00:17:21,575 --> 00:17:23,105 Well, he... 466 00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,976 Right. Big surprise. 467 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,245 What, he was wearing a little silver hat? 468 00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:27,412 JOHN: Ugh. David. 469 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,880 Tell me about lighting conditions. 470 00:17:30,951 --> 00:17:33,151 JOHN: Pronk says he couldn't see which way the robber went 471 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,219 because he was blinded by the evening sun 472 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:36,758 focused through the motel's glass bricks. 473 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,433 At 5:20 p. m.? This angle isn't right. 474 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,492 David, could you, uh, could you take a step back, please? 475 00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:43,402 ‐Ah, like this? ‐No, further, please. 476 00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,573 ‐Really? ‐Yeah. Go further away. 477 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,002 DAVID: All right. 478 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,237 JOHN: There it is, precisely. 479 00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,972 DAVID: Um, I can't reach my disco fries now 480 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,137 because of this distance. 481 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,805 Okay, the light tracks, 482 00:17:53,874 --> 00:17:55,484 but how do we know Pronk's telling the truth 483 00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,642 about being in the lot at 5:20 p. m.? 484 00:17:57,711 --> 00:17:59,851 Ah, because, according to the Richardsville 485 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,053 Birding Society, 486 00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,454 that's when a large flock of starlings 487 00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,446 was spotted flying directly over the motel. 488 00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,318 They defecated everywhere. 489 00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:09,924 Oh, shit. My phone. 490 00:18:09,990 --> 00:18:11,530 And I can't reach my disco fries. 491 00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:13,362 Does Pronk's car have bird crap on it? 492 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,296 Yes, it does. His Ford Focus is outside. 493 00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:16,461 ‐You can see for yourself. ‐HEATHER: Hmm. 494 00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:18,130 And the splatter pattern is consistent 495 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:19,368 with an overhead bombing, 496 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,172 just like every space in motel parking lot. 497 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,374 ‐I checked myself. ‐Okay, okay. 498 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,806 ‐We'll get there. ‐DAVID: Alert! 499 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:27,871 Access to disco fries has been compromised. 500 00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,011 Abort mission. 501 00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,606 As you can see, he has matured a lot. 502 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,409 Be honest... how many times 503 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,420 have you stolen fries in your shorts, 504 00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:38,252 or are you suddenly mad that you never thought of it? 505 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,788 ‐Oh, zing! ‐Okay, this dynamic sucks. 506 00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:43,424 Hey, David, instead of living with your parents, 507 00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:45,189 why don't you just sleep in one of your shorts pockets? 508 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:46,428 (both laughing) 509 00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:48,132 You know what, John? 510 00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:49,534 ‐You know what, buddy? ‐What? 511 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:51,056 Maybe Heather would be interested to know 512 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:53,231 some more facts about our client. 513 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,229 ‐David, no. ‐Huh? 514 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,240 ‐What facts? ‐You think? 515 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,401 David, please. 516 00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:02,310 Heather, there is something I could tell you right now, 517 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,175 but because I have matured 518 00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,314 and I actually am a very good friend, 519 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,649 I'm not going to. 520 00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:09,915 (horn blares) 521 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,123 (customers groan) 522 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,094 CUSTOMER: Stop doing that! 523 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,593 What was that about? 524 00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:16,555 Uh, who knows with that guy, right? 525 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:17,863 Oh, wait, dammit. He's my ride. 526 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,234 (electronic music) 527 00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,203 (gentle music) 528 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:29,266 ‐(horn honking) ‐(traffic rumbling) 529 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:34,237 (gentle music) 530 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:37,077 ♪♪ ♪♪ 531 00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:38,613 JASON: 104.3 The Zone. 532 00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:40,349 ‐It's me, Jason the Hog. ‐(hog snorting) 533 00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:43,623 We got the‐‐ the 94.3 The Zone Summer Jam 534 00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:47,724 coming up down at Miller Park this summer, July 14th. 535 00:19:47,788 --> 00:19:49,718 We got Saliva, 3 Doors Down, 536 00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:52,060 Powerman 5000, Taproot, Sevendust, 537 00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:57,195 Mudvayne all headlining the 104.3 The Zone's stage. 538 00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:58,733 And, uh, we also are gonna have, uh, 539 00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:00,529 Ted Nugent's gonna give a speech for about 20 minutes. 540 00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:02,101 ‐(gunshot) ‐MAN: Yee‐haw! 541 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,538 JASON: So get your tickets. 542 00:20:03,604 --> 00:20:05,374 The first hundred callers get, uh, free tickets, 543 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,638 so get on the phones. 544 00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:10,878 Just want to talk a little bit about, uh, 545 00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:12,384 if you're not eating‐‐ if you're‐‐ 546 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:14,375 if you're not getting your fries from Checkers, 547 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,447 you're out of your mind. 548 00:20:15,516 --> 00:20:17,246 The fries at Checkers are incredible. 549 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,377 They're not even really fries. 550 00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,821 They're kind of‐‐ of a spicy potato, 551 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,416 if you ask me, deep‐fried spicy potato. 552 00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:24,558 I love 'em, and I tell you one other thing, 553 00:20:24,625 --> 00:20:27,025 they're forcing‐‐ they're forcing kids to eat 554 00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,563 all these tropical fruits in the‐‐ 555 00:20:28,629 --> 00:20:30,399 in the school lunches. 556 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,173 I say, "My son's not gay." 557 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,172 My son eat apple, grape. 558 00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:38,674 No mango, no peach, no cr‐‐no cream. 559 00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:41,309 You keep that out of my goddamn son's mouth. 560 00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:42,644 Because I don't want to live in a world‐‐ 561 00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,479 I‐‐I'm‐‐ I'm glad I'm almost dead. 562 00:20:44,545 --> 00:20:46,445 I'm glad I'm almost dead. 563 00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:48,353 I'm sick of this crap. 564 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,024 All this music‐‐oh, you know, rap is crap. 565 00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,323 Let me tell you that. 566 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:54,864 I miss‐‐I miss cool bands, you know? 567 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,491 Slipknot, Stone Sour, 568 00:20:56,557 --> 00:21:01,627 Powerman 5000, Marilyn Manson, you know? 569 00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:03,995 Whatever happened to metal? 570 00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:06,504 Ever since Metallica cut their hair it's been bad. 571 00:21:06,567 --> 00:21:08,637 And I know‐‐I'm‐‐I'm friends with James Hetfield. 572 00:21:08,702 --> 00:21:10,102 I'm friends with‐‐ he's one of my best friends. 573 00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:11,910 He's a close personal friend. 574 00:21:11,972 --> 00:21:14,582 And I suggest‐‐I‐‐I've gave‐‐ I've given him some lyrics. 575 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,341 I'll tell ya another thing. 576 00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:18,239 My wife passed away. 577 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,851 She died on a cruise ship. 578 00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:21,583 Not‐‐not much I can do about it, 579 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:22,618 international waters. 580 00:21:22,683 --> 00:21:24,283 She passed away in the shower. 581 00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:26,190 Yes, I completed the cruise. 582 00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:28,192 We had two‐‐two days at sea. 583 00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:29,764 What the hell you want me to do? 584 00:21:29,823 --> 00:21:33,193 So Billy Corgan's in the news. 585 00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:34,129 Billy's a personal friend of mine. 586 00:21:34,194 --> 00:21:35,504 I love Billy. 587 00:21:35,562 --> 00:21:37,202 Me and Billy have hung out plenty of times. 588 00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:40,373 Uh, Billy, uh, one of my‐‐ he was at my wedding. 589 00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:41,703 I remember one time me and Billy‐‐ 590 00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:43,038 Billy came over to my house. 591 00:21:43,103 --> 00:21:45,243 He said, "I'm‐‐I'm‐‐I'm low. 592 00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:46,465 I'm low." 593 00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:48,010 I said, "All right, well, you know what? 594 00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:49,114 "How about we do this? 595 00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:50,705 "How about we go out to the bowling alley? 596 00:21:50,777 --> 00:21:53,447 "I'll get us a couple 40s, and we can get, uh, 597 00:21:53,514 --> 00:21:55,654 "we can get all tanked up down at the bowling alley, 598 00:21:55,716 --> 00:21:57,246 have some fun, maybe find some girls?" 599 00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:58,887 He says, "That sounds really great." 600 00:21:58,952 --> 00:22:01,152 Billy was into the Dragon Ball Z. 601 00:22:01,221 --> 00:22:04,861 So, uh, we go down there, and we're having a blast. 602 00:22:04,925 --> 00:22:06,085 Billy says to me, 603 00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:08,429 "You know, I'm feeling‐‐ I'm feeling insane. 604 00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:09,734 I'm feeling insane." 605 00:22:09,796 --> 00:22:10,796 I said, "Billy, you know what you sound like?" 606 00:22:10,864 --> 00:22:11,834 He said, "What?" 607 00:22:11,898 --> 00:22:14,298 I said, "You sound like a rat in a cage." 608 00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:16,867 And he said, "That's a song." 609 00:22:16,937 --> 00:22:19,067 He wrote it down. 610 00:22:19,139 --> 00:22:21,369 I didn't get any credit. I don't want any credit. 611 00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:24,581 Because you know what I also said to him the same night? 612 00:22:24,645 --> 00:22:26,605 I said, "Hey, Billy, let me tell you something. 613 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,550 The world is a vampire." 614 00:22:28,615 --> 00:22:30,275 And he said, "That's a song." 615 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,790 He wrote it down, number one hit. 616 00:22:32,853 --> 00:22:35,623 So, Billy, if you're listening, I miss you. 617 00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:38,389 Please, uh, um, um, you know, 618 00:22:38,458 --> 00:22:39,628 it's not looking good for me. 619 00:22:39,693 --> 00:22:40,993 It's not looking good for me. 620 00:22:41,061 --> 00:22:42,661 Uh, radio‐‐radio's, uh, 621 00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:45,469 you know. 622 00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:46,632 All right, thank you guys so much. 623 00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:50,440 (percussive electronic music) 624 00:22:50,504 --> 00:22:53,274 Wait a sec, look. Don't you see it? 625 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:54,509 Wait, what? See what? 626 00:22:54,575 --> 00:22:56,375 The motel parking lot was empty? 627 00:22:56,442 --> 00:22:59,152 Yeah, right, except for Pronk's Ford Focus. 628 00:22:59,212 --> 00:23:00,512 And the starlings defecated 629 00:23:00,581 --> 00:23:03,351 all over the lot in every space? 630 00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:04,586 Yeah, every single space. 631 00:23:04,651 --> 00:23:06,051 Looked like a bird poop Jackson Pollock. 632 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,349 Okay, think about the guano in the spaces 633 00:23:08,421 --> 00:23:10,161 and the guano on the Focus. 634 00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:11,963 Wait, the guano on the Focus. 635 00:23:12,025 --> 00:23:13,685 Focus, Hunch. 636 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,330 There was guano on the Focus, 637 00:23:16,396 --> 00:23:18,126 and in every space in the lot. 638 00:23:18,198 --> 00:23:19,968 ‐HEATHER: Mm‐hmm. ‐JOHN: Pronk's Ford Focus 639 00:23:20,033 --> 00:23:21,473 couldn't have been there at 5:20 p. m. 640 00:23:21,535 --> 00:23:22,795 HEATHER: Yeah. 641 00:23:22,869 --> 00:23:24,739 JOHN: It would've acted as a guano shield. 642 00:23:24,805 --> 00:23:27,765 We can't prove that birds didn't shit on Pronk's car. 643 00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:29,981 But we can prove it didn't happen at 5:20 644 00:23:30,043 --> 00:23:31,613 in the motel parking lot, which means... 645 00:23:31,678 --> 00:23:35,118 BOTH: He's lying! 646 00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:36,151 (exhales) 647 00:23:36,216 --> 00:23:38,016 That was amazing. 648 00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:40,424 Totally. (exhales) 649 00:23:40,486 --> 00:23:41,586 Look at him gloat. 650 00:23:41,655 --> 00:23:43,355 He doesn't even know we've got him. 651 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:44,993 It's good to see you at work again. 652 00:23:45,058 --> 00:23:46,658 Oh, thanks, yeah. 653 00:23:46,727 --> 00:23:48,457 Uh, you know, Heather, 654 00:23:48,529 --> 00:23:50,129 I've spent the last, uh, few weeks‐‐ 655 00:23:50,196 --> 00:23:53,296 Lurking around me at the lake but avoiding all eye contact? 656 00:23:53,366 --> 00:23:54,496 I hadn't noticed. 657 00:23:54,568 --> 00:23:56,638 Sorry. It's just, um... 658 00:23:56,703 --> 00:23:58,343 I'm‐‐I was embarrassed. 659 00:23:58,404 --> 00:23:59,644 Why? 660 00:23:59,706 --> 00:24:01,466 Well, you got out. 661 00:24:01,542 --> 00:24:03,012 You went out into the world, 662 00:24:03,076 --> 00:24:04,336 and I didn't. 663 00:24:04,410 --> 00:24:05,810 Hunch... 664 00:24:05,879 --> 00:24:08,009 I thought Dicktown was enough, you know? 665 00:24:08,081 --> 00:24:10,651 But then I realized it's barely anything. 666 00:24:10,717 --> 00:24:13,517 No, Hunch. Take it from me. 667 00:24:13,587 --> 00:24:16,087 The world is just different Dicktowns 668 00:24:16,156 --> 00:24:17,886 full of different dicks. 669 00:24:17,958 --> 00:24:20,058 Besides, how bad can this town be? 670 00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:22,756 ‐I came back. ‐Yeah. No, you did. 671 00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:26,099 Uh, okay, Heather, uh... 672 00:24:26,166 --> 00:24:28,566 I'm sort of in love with you. 673 00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:30,995 Never detected that? (laughs) 674 00:24:31,071 --> 00:24:32,041 Detected that. 675 00:24:32,105 --> 00:24:33,065 Target's on the move. 676 00:24:33,139 --> 00:24:34,269 JOHN: What? Oh. 677 00:24:34,340 --> 00:24:35,610 Should we confront him together, 678 00:24:35,676 --> 00:24:37,276 like in the old days? 679 00:24:37,343 --> 00:24:39,683 Um, why don't you go? 680 00:24:39,746 --> 00:24:41,846 I'll sit here and back you up. 681 00:24:41,915 --> 00:24:43,645 Copy that. 682 00:24:43,717 --> 00:24:47,047 But wait a minute, a 1968 Dodge Charger 683 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:48,090 in hot pink? 684 00:24:48,154 --> 00:24:49,594 RONALD: Hey, get away from me, brigand. 685 00:24:49,656 --> 00:24:53,226 Dodge didn't make a pink Charger till 1970. 686 00:24:53,293 --> 00:24:54,733 How do you steal a pink Charger 687 00:24:54,795 --> 00:24:56,455 that doesn't even exist unless‐‐ 688 00:24:56,530 --> 00:24:57,630 (gasps) 689 00:24:57,698 --> 00:25:00,968 Help! David, where are you? 690 00:25:01,034 --> 00:25:03,774 (grunting) 691 00:25:03,837 --> 00:25:06,667 Oh, wow, you found my car. 692 00:25:06,740 --> 00:25:09,410 It's about time, you old weirdo. 693 00:25:09,475 --> 00:25:12,105 Peace out. I'll cass‐ap you. 694 00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:15,478 HEATHER: (exhales) 1968 hot pink Charger, 695 00:25:15,549 --> 00:25:17,279 one of the rarest Hot Wheels on the market. 696 00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:18,690 Yeah, it's very valuable. 697 00:25:18,752 --> 00:25:20,092 That's why Pronk tried to steal it. 698 00:25:20,153 --> 00:25:22,463 The point is that it's a toy, Hunch. 699 00:25:22,523 --> 00:25:24,123 You're still working for children. 700 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:25,460 Well, mostly teenagers, 701 00:25:25,526 --> 00:25:27,526 and they are extremely mature. I mean‐‐ 702 00:25:27,594 --> 00:25:29,504 How have you not been arrested yet? 703 00:25:29,563 --> 00:25:31,033 (sighs) Honestly, I'm not sure. 704 00:25:31,097 --> 00:25:32,967 That's what you should be embarrassed about, Hunch, 705 00:25:33,033 --> 00:25:34,903 not that you haven't left home, 706 00:25:34,968 --> 00:25:36,298 that you haven't grown up. 707 00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:39,539 Well, now that's not true, I have business cards. 708 00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:42,776 ‐I have to go. ‐Wait! Heather. 709 00:25:42,843 --> 00:25:44,783 Can I still get a ride? 710 00:25:44,845 --> 00:25:47,745 (bittersweet music) 711 00:25:47,814 --> 00:25:54,824 ♪♪ ♪♪ 712 00:26:03,797 --> 00:26:06,427 (Eartheater's "Supersoaker") 713 00:26:06,499 --> 00:26:07,799 ♪♪ Don't make me wait ♪♪ 714 00:26:07,868 --> 00:26:11,838 ♪♪ You got me wet, come over ♪♪ 715 00:26:11,905 --> 00:26:14,505 ♪♪ You know I've got that ♪♪ 716 00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:17,935 ♪♪ Supersoaker ♪♪ 717 00:26:18,011 --> 00:26:20,381 ♪♪ Meet me in the deep side of the pool ♪♪ 718 00:26:20,446 --> 00:26:23,046 ♪♪ Better grow gills, bring a snorkel ♪♪ 719 00:26:23,116 --> 00:26:26,446 ♪♪ Chug a whole gallon to reload ♪♪ 720 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:33,360 ♪♪ ♪♪ 721 00:26:38,832 --> 00:26:41,702 ♪♪ Flash floods don't lie ♪♪ 722 00:26:41,768 --> 00:26:44,138 ♪♪ You know I'm not faking it ♪♪ 723 00:26:44,204 --> 00:26:47,444 ♪♪ Flash floods don't lie ♪♪ 724 00:26:47,508 --> 00:26:49,638 ♪♪ Gush don't lie ♪♪ 725 00:26:49,710 --> 00:26:52,610 ♪♪ Flash floods don't lie ♪♪ 726 00:26:52,679 --> 00:26:54,919 ♪♪ You know I'm not faking it ♪♪ 727 00:26:54,981 --> 00:26:57,681 ♪♪ Flash floods don't lie ♪♪ 728 00:26:57,751 --> 00:26:59,621 ♪♪ A gush don't lie ♪♪ 729 00:26:59,686 --> 00:27:02,156 ♪♪ ♪♪ 730 00:27:02,222 --> 00:27:03,322 ALL: Yes!