1
00:00:06,733 --> 00:00:09,633
(engine rumbling)
2
00:00:17,966 --> 00:00:20,866
(electronic music)
3
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:27,433
♪♪ ♪♪
4
00:00:29,766 --> 00:00:30,866
(jazz music playing)
5
00:00:30,933 --> 00:00:34,603
MIKE: Boy, Richardsville
sure has changed.
6
00:00:34,666 --> 00:00:36,296
Remember when
our fanciest restaurant
7
00:00:36,366 --> 00:00:38,966
was Dr. Giuseppe's
Meatball Hospital?
8
00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:40,533
Look at us now.
9
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,400
This isn't even Richardsville,
Dad.
10
00:00:42,466 --> 00:00:44,526
Sure, it is.
It's New Downtown.
11
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,500
It's not even
in the same county.
12
00:00:46,566 --> 00:00:49,426
New Downtown
is just offices for bankers
13
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:50,830
in the middle
of old tobacco fields.
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You're just being disagreeable.
15
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:53,570
No, I'm not.
16
00:00:53,633 --> 00:00:56,003
I read this is what
it's like in Brooklyn.
17
00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:57,696
Have you ever been to Brooklyn?
18
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:58,826
No.
19
00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,300
Well, who needs Brooklyn
20
00:01:00,366 --> 00:01:02,166
when you can get authentic,
Brooklyn‐style barbecue
21
00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:05,003
right here in North Carolina?
22
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,796
Hello again, Jen.
23
00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:08,126
Say, do you know my son, John?
24
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,430
Oh, of course.
25
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:12,070
He solves crimes
for teenagers.
26
00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:14,203
I work at the Lunch Hut.
He's in there every day.
27
00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:17,596
Oh, yes, of course.
Uh, I remember you, yes.
28
00:01:17,666 --> 00:01:20,296
I bet you do.
You got the lamb burger.
29
00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:21,866
Did it turn out
the way you wanted?
30
00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:23,803
Yes, it did.
Thank you, Jen.
31
00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:25,196
Oh, good.
32
00:01:25,266 --> 00:01:27,296
But, Jen, he's running low
on that patchouli.
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00:01:27,366 --> 00:01:28,866
Aioli, Dad.
And it's fine, I don't‐‐
34
00:01:28,933 --> 00:01:32,133
No, let's get him another
little cup of aioli
35
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,970
for his fries, okay, Jen?
36
00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:37,033
More of our famous aioli
coming right up.
37
00:01:38,433 --> 00:01:40,073
I think she's pregnant.
38
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:42,103
Mm, keen eye, Dad.
39
00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:45,226
So I have some news.
40
00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:47,870
Remember how the latch
on my front gate was squeaky?
41
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,273
You've mentioned it
a few times.
42
00:01:49,333 --> 00:01:51,473
Well, I decided to fix it.
43
00:01:51,533 --> 00:01:53,533
Pardon my reach.
Here's your aioli.
44
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:54,830
Thanks, Jen.
45
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,800
Say, we were just talking
about how you're pregnant.
46
00:01:57,866 --> 00:01:58,866
Oh, my God.
47
00:01:58,933 --> 00:02:00,833
Your folks must be excited.
48
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,370
‐(sighs) I wish.
‐Oh, no.
49
00:02:02,433 --> 00:02:04,103
‐What's the issue?
‐Dad.
50
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,196
Oh, no, it's okay.
51
00:02:06,266 --> 00:02:08,626
Have you ever dated someone
your parents didn't like?
52
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:10,570
Oh, he's never dated anyone.
(chuckles)
53
00:02:10,633 --> 00:02:12,903
I have.
I've totally dated someone.
54
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,166
When I got pregnant,
my folks said
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00:02:14,233 --> 00:02:16,503
I had to move out
when the baby was born
56
00:02:16,566 --> 00:02:18,166
because they didn't like
the father.
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00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:20,733
(sighs)
So the clock is ticking.
58
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,000
I work at Mr. Moisley's
Lunch Hut, as you know.
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00:02:23,066 --> 00:02:24,396
Of course I know that.
60
00:02:24,466 --> 00:02:27,326
But it's not enough,
so I've been working here, too,
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00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,400
trying to save enough money
to move to Ottawa.
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00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:30,466
Ottawa?
63
00:02:30,533 --> 00:02:31,633
That's exotic.
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00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,270
Mm‐hmm.
Canada.
65
00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:36,633
They've got a super‐duper
neonatal health care system.
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00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:39,370
And before you ask,
"Where's the father?"
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00:02:39,433 --> 00:02:42,603
He died in a boating accident
in Pamlico Sound.
68
00:02:42,666 --> 00:02:45,566
Yikes, that was a bit
of a purse dump.
69
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,003
‐I'm really sorry.
‐Nonsense.
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00:02:48,066 --> 00:02:49,496
Hang in there, Jen.
71
00:02:49,566 --> 00:02:52,896
You work at a fancy restaurant
in New Downtown.
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00:02:52,966 --> 00:02:54,626
The world is your oyster.
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00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:58,970
Aww, bless your heart.
Enjoy your aioli.
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00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:00,433
‐Nice gal.
‐Uh‐huh.
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00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,370
She seems sad.
76
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:05,673
Anyway, I found the exact same
latch for my gate
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00:03:05,733 --> 00:03:07,003
and installed it.
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00:03:07,066 --> 00:03:08,396
‐(woman screams)
‐What?
79
00:03:08,466 --> 00:03:09,496
‐(patrons gasping)
‐What's going on?
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00:03:09,566 --> 00:03:12,526
And so my gate is smooth
and quiet now.
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00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:13,830
Excuse me, Dad.
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00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,100
Where you going, bud?
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00:03:15,166 --> 00:03:18,096
(dramatic music)
84
00:03:18,166 --> 00:03:21,866
♪♪ ♪♪
85
00:03:21,933 --> 00:03:24,103
Where is it?
It was just here.
86
00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:26,826
‐What are you looking for?
‐My favorite ring.
87
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:28,500
I'm sorry, who are you?
88
00:03:28,566 --> 00:03:30,726
I'm John Hunchman,
private investigator.
89
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,300
I'm Emma Bauers.
90
00:03:32,366 --> 00:03:34,796
This is my fiancé,
Loafer Toeknuckle.
91
00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:36,596
He's an investor
in this restaurant.
92
00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:37,896
Loafer Toeknuckle.
93
00:03:37,966 --> 00:03:39,466
As in son of Gary Toeknuckle,
94
00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:41,433
founder of First Toeknuckle
Financial in Charlotte?
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00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,470
Dad.
96
00:03:42,533 --> 00:03:44,103
Wowee‐magowee.
97
00:03:44,166 --> 00:03:45,926
Your dad is a legend.
98
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,530
Mike Hunchman, Richardsville
Savings and Loan, retired.
99
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,870
Whatever.
100
00:03:50,933 --> 00:03:53,033
Listen, I can't have thieves
running wild in my restaurants.
101
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,230
It'll kill my Yelp rating
and my SEO.
102
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:57,370
Right, so you wouldn't
want the police here,
103
00:03:57,433 --> 00:03:59,573
just a private investigator.
104
00:03:59,633 --> 00:04:01,733
John Hunchman,
private investigator.
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00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,200
The ring's important to me.
106
00:04:03,266 --> 00:04:05,166
It has cleansing energy.
107
00:04:05,233 --> 00:04:08,303
If you find it,
I'll pay you $500.
108
00:04:08,366 --> 00:04:10,866
(chuckles)
Well, no problem.
109
00:04:10,933 --> 00:04:12,603
Nobody leave.
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00:04:12,666 --> 00:04:14,426
I'll be right back.
I have to leave.
111
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:18,030
♪♪ ♪♪
112
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SINGER:
♪♪ Uh, sports, sports ♪♪
113
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♪♪ Sports ♪♪
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(harsh electronic music)
115
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,600
PARAMEDIC:
That Karate Snuppy guy
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00:04:29,666 --> 00:04:31,426
sure loves sending
motherfuckers to the hospital.
117
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,170
Damn.
118
00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:34,603
KARATE SNUPPY:
Did you miss me?
119
00:04:34,666 --> 00:04:37,466
I feel like I am coming out
of retirement.
120
00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:39,603
My favorite niece graduated
from high school
121
00:04:39,666 --> 00:04:40,966
and I am pumped.
122
00:04:41,033 --> 00:04:44,433
The best thing about being
a Karate Snuppy is everything.
123
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:48,470
I am so sick and tired of
the Karate Snuppy's arrogance.
124
00:04:48,533 --> 00:04:50,003
I could spit tacks.
125
00:04:50,066 --> 00:04:51,426
You know what?
We could beat him.
126
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,070
You just got out
of the hospital
127
00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:55,303
for fighting
a circulatory system
128
00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:58,526
and now you want to go
up against a Karate Snuppy?
129
00:04:58,600 --> 00:04:59,430
(groans)
130
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,570
Nobody in the history of karate
131
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,403
has ever defeated
a Karate Snuppy
132
00:05:02,466 --> 00:05:04,626
without having
an extreme karate technique.
133
00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:07,270
Do you have an extreme
karate technique, yes or no?
134
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:09,073
BLUE KARATE MAN: If the four
of us go after him,
135
00:05:09,133 --> 00:05:10,973
that'll be a total
of eight hands
136
00:05:11,033 --> 00:05:13,373
and eight feet
137
00:05:13,433 --> 00:05:15,233
attacking him all at once.
138
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:16,830
Plus, we could all
yell and scream
139
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,030
at the same time too.
140
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,330
I mean, that's gotta be
141
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:20,800
an extreme karate technique,
right?
142
00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:23,066
‐Man, I'll say one thing.
‐(dramatic music)
143
00:05:23,133 --> 00:05:25,303
You do have
a go‐get‐'em attitude.
144
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:26,666
You know what?
Fuck a duck.
145
00:05:26,733 --> 00:05:27,733
Let's go for it.
146
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,070
Yes!
147
00:05:29,133 --> 00:05:30,673
Let's become legends of karate,
please?
148
00:05:30,733 --> 00:05:32,533
Damn it, man.
Yeah, let's go for it, fuck.
149
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,600
Albert, are you in?
150
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,966
(groans)
Okay, fine.
151
00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:37,973
Let's fight.
152
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:40,473
Okay, we attack on the count
of two or three.
153
00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:41,833
One, two,
154
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:43,830
and here we go, three!
155
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,170
(battle cries)
156
00:05:45,233 --> 00:05:46,473
(distorted video game sounds)
157
00:05:46,533 --> 00:05:48,633
KARATE SNUPPY:
I'll fight everyone, forever.
158
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:52,070
My body is normal,
but my mind is on fire.
159
00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:53,203
PARAMEDIC:
Damn, Snuppy!
160
00:05:53,266 --> 00:05:54,926
You love to send
these karate motherfuckers
161
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,330
to the hospital,
don't you, huh?
162
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,370
You're the best.
Keep this‐‐
163
00:05:57,433 --> 00:05:58,573
keep this ambulance
in business right here.
164
00:05:58,633 --> 00:06:00,303
Keep paying my‐‐
keep paying my check.
165
00:06:00,366 --> 00:06:02,296
Haulin' away
these motherfuckers, goddamn!
166
00:06:02,366 --> 00:06:04,566
You sick, Karate Snuppy.
You sick motherfucker.
167
00:06:04,633 --> 00:06:07,573
(upbeat music)
168
00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:09,573
♪♪ ♪♪
169
00:06:09,633 --> 00:06:11,703
(phone rings)
170
00:06:11,766 --> 00:06:14,466
Butt Cheeks Incorporated,
how may I help you?
171
00:06:14,533 --> 00:06:16,003
JOHN: It's John.
What are you doing?
172
00:06:16,066 --> 00:06:17,066
I'm sippin' and grippin', bruh.
173
00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:18,033
JOHN:
What?
174
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:19,930
I'm sippin' and grippin'.
175
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,630
Ugh, well, I'm
at the President's Physician.
176
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,630
Oh, my God.
You pretentious dick.
177
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:25,600
(shushes)
Just how soon can you get here?
178
00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:26,596
I got us a case.
179
00:06:26,666 --> 00:06:27,766
‐Working for a grown‐up.
‐Seriously?
180
00:06:27,833 --> 00:06:29,333
Yes, they'll pay us $500.
181
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,000
‐Okay, give me five minutes.
‐Great.
182
00:06:31,066 --> 00:06:32,726
To finish up with my little
thing here.
183
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:33,900
Ew.
184
00:06:33,966 --> 00:06:34,866
And then another ten
to drive over.
185
00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:36,003
‐No.
‐And I'll be there.
186
00:06:36,066 --> 00:06:37,826
Please hurry, David.
187
00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:39,230
No.
188
00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:40,370
EMMA:
Here's a photo, if that helps.
189
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:41,433
JOHN:
Oh, wow.
190
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,800
"Day six of my paleo cleanse.
191
00:06:43,866 --> 00:06:46,366
"Date night with Loafer
getting my bling on.
192
00:06:46,433 --> 00:06:49,833
#ThugLife, #Blessed,
#NewDowntown."
193
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:51,770
I'm a personal branding
consultant,
194
00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:53,373
so my sosh is everything.
195
00:06:53,433 --> 00:06:55,573
Well, I get it.
I'm active on Goodreads.
196
00:06:55,633 --> 00:06:57,473
But this is a lot of rings.
Which one is missing?
197
00:06:57,533 --> 00:06:58,603
This one.
198
00:06:58,666 --> 00:06:59,926
Sapphire and diamonds.
199
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,430
Wowee‐zowee.
200
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:06,900
These folks don't need to know,
but it's a $20,000 ring.
201
00:07:06,966 --> 00:07:09,026
(gasps)
Oh, sorry.
202
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,900
‐MIKE: I found it!
‐Where?
203
00:07:10,966 --> 00:07:13,266
Dagnabbit, false alarm.
204
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,233
‐Crouton.
‐(groans)
205
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,400
Admit it, you stole the ring.
206
00:07:17,466 --> 00:07:18,896
You're poor.
That's a motive.
207
00:07:18,966 --> 00:07:20,066
Come on, man.
I just got here.
208
00:07:20,133 --> 00:07:21,233
Wait, wait.
209
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:22,800
Before we jump
to any conclusions,
210
00:07:22,866 --> 00:07:24,826
why don't we just look around
for a second?
211
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:25,800
MIKE:
Good thinking, bud.
212
00:07:25,866 --> 00:07:26,866
Stop being wishy‐washy.
213
00:07:26,933 --> 00:07:28,373
Everyone who works here,
214
00:07:28,433 --> 00:07:32,333
get down on your knees
and crawl around on the floor!
215
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,330
This is not optional.
I expect total compliance.
216
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,470
God damn,
it sounds fun in here.
217
00:07:37,533 --> 00:07:38,903
Hey, I came as soon as I could.
218
00:07:38,966 --> 00:07:39,996
Guys, this is my associate‐‐
219
00:07:40,066 --> 00:07:42,466
I came just as soon as I could.
220
00:07:42,533 --> 00:07:43,633
Okay, I‐‐I get it.
221
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,930
This is David Purefoy.
David, this is Emma Bauers.
222
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:46,970
Her ring is missing.
223
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,503
That's Loafer Toeknuckle
224
00:07:48,566 --> 00:07:50,996
as in the son
of Gary Toeknuckle.
225
00:07:51,066 --> 00:07:52,266
Uh‐huh.
226
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:53,873
And he's an investor
in this restaurant.
227
00:07:53,933 --> 00:07:55,533
And, uh, why is Jen,
228
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,970
who's, like,
a thousand months pregnant,
229
00:07:58,033 --> 00:08:00,073
crawling around
on the fucking floor?
230
00:08:00,133 --> 00:08:02,733
Uh, she works for me?
She's looking for Emma's ring.
231
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,070
Dude, seriously?
232
00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:06,573
It's my favorite ring.
It has cleansing energy.
233
00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:07,703
What, like an enema?
234
00:08:07,766 --> 00:08:09,296
Exactly like that.
235
00:08:09,366 --> 00:08:10,426
Has anyone looked up her butt?
236
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,300
You making fun
of my girl's ring, bro?
237
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:15,026
'Cause I can be your best
friend or your worst nightmare.
238
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:16,500
Homie,
you are my worst nightmare.
239
00:08:16,566 --> 00:08:18,496
You smell like garlic
and mayonnaise.
240
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:21,466
It's called aioli.
We're kind of famous for it.
241
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:23,603
David, can I talk to you
for a minute, please?
242
00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:26,126
♪♪ ♪♪
243
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,270
Why are you acting so weird?
244
00:08:27,333 --> 00:08:30,173
Why are you helping
these New Downtown douchebags?
245
00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:31,703
Because they're grown‐ups.
246
00:08:31,766 --> 00:08:33,966
How long have we talked about
getting grown‐up clients?
247
00:08:34,033 --> 00:08:35,273
I don't know, man.
I don't think it's worth it.
248
00:08:35,333 --> 00:08:38,803
Well, if we find this ring,
she'll give us $500.
249
00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:41,426
And she'll refer us to her
adult friends in New Downtown.
250
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:43,170
So basically,
you're selling out.
251
00:08:43,233 --> 00:08:44,973
Just because I want to stop
working for children,
252
00:08:45,033 --> 00:08:45,903
that's selling out?
253
00:08:45,966 --> 00:08:46,996
Yeah, man.
254
00:08:47,066 --> 00:08:47,896
I mean,
what about your dignity?
255
00:08:47,966 --> 00:08:49,096
(chuckles)
Dignity.
256
00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:50,566
David,
you live with your parents.
257
00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:52,533
I'm not ashamed
of wanting to grow up.
258
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:53,770
Who knows?
259
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,603
Maybe I'll actually leave
this piece of shit town.
260
00:08:55,666 --> 00:08:56,596
‐Whoa.
‐Yeah.
261
00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,066
And maybe I can start fresh.
262
00:08:58,133 --> 00:08:59,473
‐Maybe with Heather.
‐Yeah, right.
263
00:08:59,533 --> 00:09:01,403
‐Keep dreaming, come on.
‐Oh, well, thanks a lot, David.
264
00:09:01,466 --> 00:09:03,726
Face it, we're both stuck here.
265
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,530
Finding this ring is a way out.
266
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,470
If I find the ring,
267
00:09:06,533 --> 00:09:09,833
I'm flushing it down
the fucking toilet.
268
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:10,830
(shoe squeaks)
269
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,400
♪♪ ♪♪
270
00:09:15,766 --> 00:09:18,726
(humming)
271
00:09:19,666 --> 00:09:22,896
(choral music)
272
00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:27,896
(snoring)
273
00:09:27,966 --> 00:09:34,996
♪♪ ♪♪
274
00:09:43,766 --> 00:09:47,196
(upbeat music)
275
00:09:47,266 --> 00:09:49,796
(low music)
276
00:09:49,866 --> 00:09:51,596
(melodic chimes)
277
00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:53,996
MAN: I never understood
why they built it here.
278
00:09:54,066 --> 00:09:57,196
I never understood what it was
or who it was for.
279
00:09:57,266 --> 00:09:58,826
It always seemed so random.
280
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:02,470
And every time I stopped by,
it always seemed so empty.
281
00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:04,603
So it never made any sense
to me.
282
00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:05,926
This beautiful temple
of worship
283
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,870
built in the middle
of Wilmette, Illinois.
284
00:10:07,933 --> 00:10:09,303
(engine rumbles)
285
00:10:09,366 --> 00:10:10,966
Is it a Muslim thing?
286
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:13,903
No, I don't think so.
It's Baha'i.
287
00:10:13,966 --> 00:10:15,696
WOMAN:
What's that?
288
00:10:15,766 --> 00:10:18,126
I'm not sure.
289
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,200
MAN: This was our first
time hanging out
290
00:10:19,266 --> 00:10:20,496
just the two of us.
291
00:10:20,566 --> 00:10:22,096
At that point,
she was still just
292
00:10:22,166 --> 00:10:24,026
some sophomore
from my music class.
293
00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:25,530
Hi.
294
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,400
MAN: She said
she was from the West Coast
295
00:10:27,466 --> 00:10:28,826
and I guess I decided
to show her the temple
296
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,970
out of some strange feeling
of hometown pride.
297
00:10:31,033 --> 00:10:32,273
(camera shutter clicks)
298
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:33,233
MAN:
I always liked being the one
299
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,830
to introduce people to things
300
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,670
and the subtle power that
comes with that.
301
00:10:36,733 --> 00:10:37,833
(shutter clicks)
302
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:40,200
MAN: Took them, like,
50 years to build it.
303
00:10:40,266 --> 00:10:41,666
Wow.
304
00:10:41,733 --> 00:10:43,203
MAN: Little did I know
we'd actually end up back here
305
00:10:43,266 --> 00:10:44,726
six months later
306
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,800
on some desperate attempt
to recreate the past,
307
00:10:47,866 --> 00:10:49,466
trying to remind ourselves
of a time
308
00:10:49,533 --> 00:10:51,203
when we were still just
getting to know each other,
309
00:10:51,266 --> 00:10:53,496
back when it still felt easy
and natural,
310
00:10:53,566 --> 00:10:55,696
back before
we started wondering,
311
00:10:55,766 --> 00:10:57,626
"Is this really the person
I want to be with?"
312
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,530
‐You want to go inside?
‐Yeah, definitely.
313
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:01,830
(latch squeaks)
314
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:03,970
MAN: It wasn't that
the relationship was bad,
315
00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:05,203
it's just that
it wasn't great,
316
00:11:05,266 --> 00:11:06,796
that it felt like work,
317
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,996
and that the more days
went by, the more we realized
318
00:11:09,066 --> 00:11:10,696
we didn't really
have anything in common
319
00:11:10,766 --> 00:11:12,326
other than music...
(piano note plays)
320
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:13,530
And attending Northwestern.
321
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:14,800
(wildcat snarls)
322
00:11:15,666 --> 00:11:16,996
MAN: She didn't even
like the Bulls.
323
00:11:17,066 --> 00:11:17,926
(shoes squeaking,
players shouting)
324
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,430
(buzzer blares)
325
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:20,430
MAN: And I can't remember
what it was
326
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,930
we liked about each other.
327
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,970
(coin pings and plops)
328
00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:25,473
MAN:
At some point
329
00:11:25,533 --> 00:11:27,103
between that first trip
to the temple and this one,
330
00:11:27,166 --> 00:11:28,296
something had changed.
331
00:11:28,366 --> 00:11:30,166
While the building
stayed the same,
332
00:11:30,233 --> 00:11:31,703
whatever it was we had
drained away
333
00:11:31,766 --> 00:11:34,666
and there was no real way
to recapture it,
334
00:11:34,733 --> 00:11:36,773
if we ever even had it
to begin with.
335
00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:37,733
(latch clicks)
336
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:39,503
(chair squeaks)
337
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,770
MAN: She used to bite her lip
before she played,
338
00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:44,133
and it made my heart melt.
339
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,100
Now she does it,
and it makes my skin crawl.
340
00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:48,126
I look at her
and I think about
341
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,300
all the uncomfortable thoughts
342
00:11:49,366 --> 00:11:51,026
she probably keeps
in her head,
343
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:55,130
all the harsh truths she hides
behind that bit‐lip smile,
344
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,330
and I wonder why it is
we keep going.
345
00:11:59,033 --> 00:12:04,903
(slow classical music playing)
346
00:12:04,966 --> 00:12:06,326
MAN:
They started planning
347
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,900
the construction of the temple
sometime in 1903,
348
00:12:08,966 --> 00:12:11,496
but they wouldn't finish it
until 50 years later.
349
00:12:11,566 --> 00:12:14,366
And at some point, I imagine
they had that same thought,
350
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:15,673
because they must've known
351
00:12:15,733 --> 00:12:17,833
somewhere in the back
of their heads
352
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:19,170
that this temple and Wilmette
353
00:12:19,233 --> 00:12:21,203
never really made any sense
together.
354
00:12:21,266 --> 00:12:22,896
They must've known
355
00:12:22,966 --> 00:12:26,666
when they looked around at all
the commuters and teenagers
356
00:12:26,733 --> 00:12:28,673
that this town
of upper‐middle‐class homes
357
00:12:28,733 --> 00:12:29,833
and youth soccer leagues
358
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:32,730
would never make
for an ideal holy site...
359
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,630
because the suburbs aren't
a place for introspection.
360
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:38,870
They're a place
for casual recreation.
361
00:12:38,933 --> 00:12:40,133
And eventually,
they can't help
362
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,430
but swallow up
everything around it,
363
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:43,770
turning even this temple,
364
00:12:43,833 --> 00:12:45,303
the oldest of only seven
Baha'i temples
365
00:12:45,366 --> 00:12:47,496
in the entire world,
into nothing more
366
00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:49,496
than a pretty building
with a nice garden.
367
00:12:49,566 --> 00:12:51,426
♪♪ ♪♪
368
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,200
MAN: Just a casual place
for the first date
369
00:12:53,266 --> 00:12:54,826
of two Northwestern
music students.
370
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,330
(piano‐cello duet playing)
371
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,630
But still, despite
all the nagging thoughts,
372
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:03,900
they kept going...
373
00:13:03,966 --> 00:13:07,326
for no real reason other than
they had already started,
374
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,100
for no real reason
other than the fact
375
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:12,226
that some person
had already decided,
376
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:15,630
"Yeah, here.
Why not?
377
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:16,670
Let's do it."
378
00:13:16,733 --> 00:13:18,303
♪♪ ♪♪
379
00:13:18,366 --> 00:13:21,066
You sure?
380
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,403
Yeah.
Let's go.
381
00:13:23,466 --> 00:13:26,166
MAN:
The sun sets quickly in March,
382
00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:28,973
and so we get back
into my car.
383
00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:31,033
And we don't really say much,
384
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,800
even though I think
we both have the same feeling,
385
00:13:33,866 --> 00:13:35,226
that this is probably
not something
386
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,370
that's going to last,
387
00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:40,703
especially after I graduate
in two months,
388
00:13:40,766 --> 00:13:43,396
but neither of us wants
to say anything out loud.
389
00:13:43,466 --> 00:13:45,766
So instead,
we just bide our time,
390
00:13:45,833 --> 00:13:47,033
placing bricks upon bricks
391
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:48,330
and blocking
those nagging thoughts
392
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,900
in the back of our heads
393
00:13:50,966 --> 00:13:53,496
until finally, life gives us
a good enough opportunity
394
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:54,426
to say...
395
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,970
"Oh, well.
We tried our best."
396
00:13:58,033 --> 00:13:59,503
(cheers and applause)
397
00:13:59,566 --> 00:14:03,526
♪♪ ♪♪
398
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,300
MAN: And all the relics
of the relationship
399
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:08,426
will seem like distant objects
from a foreign land,
400
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:10,470
and no archaeologist
or anthropologist
401
00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:11,503
will ever be able
to understand
402
00:14:11,566 --> 00:14:13,496
quite how it all
came together
403
00:14:13,566 --> 00:14:16,296
and just
who these people were
404
00:14:16,366 --> 00:14:18,796
and if they ever even
really did love each other.
405
00:14:18,866 --> 00:14:21,766
(soft music)
406
00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:27,133
♪♪ ♪♪
407
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,970
MAN:
Let's keep in touch.
408
00:14:31,033 --> 00:14:34,173
For sure.
409
00:14:34,233 --> 00:14:41,203
♪♪ ♪♪
410
00:14:42,266 --> 00:14:47,096
(light piano music)
411
00:14:47,166 --> 00:14:49,126
MAN:
Was there a reason?
412
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,630
Was there some great,
unforeseen force
413
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:53,400
that put you
in that music class?
414
00:14:53,466 --> 00:14:57,896
That put that temple
in Wilmette?
415
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,770
MAN: Or was it all just
as simple and pointless
416
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,433
as it appeared to be?
417
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:06,230
Just two people who one day
randomly decided,
418
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:09,400
"Yeah, here.
Why not?"
419
00:15:09,466 --> 00:15:10,766
Let's do it.
420
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:15,530
MAN:
And it never made much sense.
421
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,170
And it never quite
fit together.
422
00:15:18,233 --> 00:15:23,573
♪♪ ♪♪
423
00:15:23,633 --> 00:15:26,203
(slurping)
424
00:15:29,633 --> 00:15:33,573
(harsh music)
425
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:36,833
(telephone rings)
426
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:39,000
Uh, well, I‐‐I‐‐
I kept the receipts.
427
00:15:39,066 --> 00:15:40,726
It's my weekend car.
428
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,970
(screams)
429
00:15:45,033 --> 00:15:47,203
(rapid footsteps)
430
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,170
‐(clunk)
‐(high‐pitched screams)
431
00:15:54,233 --> 00:15:56,003
(soft dramatic music)
432
00:15:56,066 --> 00:15:57,426
(laughs loudly)
433
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:59,170
(baby crying)
434
00:15:59,233 --> 00:16:02,773
(laughing loudly)
435
00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:06,433
♪♪ ♪♪
436
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:10,830
(indistinct chatter on TV)
437
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,130
(sizzling)
438
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,200
‐(clicks)
‐(error chime)
439
00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:15,896
‐(double clicks)
‐(error chimes)
440
00:16:15,966 --> 00:16:17,466
♪♪ ♪♪
441
00:16:17,533 --> 00:16:18,573
(glass shatters)
442
00:16:18,633 --> 00:16:20,733
(indistinct chatter)
443
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:21,900
(flames whoosh and crackle)
444
00:16:21,966 --> 00:16:23,096
♪♪ ♪♪
445
00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:24,466
(baby babbles)
446
00:16:24,533 --> 00:16:25,733
(squeals)
447
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:30,900
♪♪ ♪♪
448
00:16:30,966 --> 00:16:32,026
‐(grunts)
‐(thumping)
449
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:33,170
‐(gasps)
‐(screaming)
450
00:16:33,233 --> 00:16:36,833
(grunting, siren wailing)
451
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:43,270
♪♪ ♪♪
452
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:58,596
(siren wailing)
453
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:16,103
(relaxed music)
454
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:19,596
♪♪ ♪♪
455
00:17:19,666 --> 00:17:20,966
Okay, good news.
456
00:17:21,033 --> 00:17:24,303
We're going to employ
two separate search strategies,
457
00:17:24,366 --> 00:17:25,766
and that will double
our chances
458
00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:27,033
of returning your ring to you.
459
00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:28,700
‐Actually, it will not.
‐(groans)
460
00:17:28,766 --> 00:17:30,596
Now she's refusing to help
461
00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:32,526
because she's "pregnant."
462
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,300
‐I am pregnant, and I did help.
‐Not enough!
463
00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:39,296
Jen, pack your bags and go.
You're fired.
464
00:17:39,366 --> 00:17:41,166
‐What?
‐Whoa, what?
465
00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:43,533
I think that's a mistake
both morally and legally.
466
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,170
Oh, really?
467
00:17:45,233 --> 00:17:48,033
Uh, what do you know about
running a successful business?
468
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,900
Well, I've had my own
investiga‐‐
469
00:17:49,966 --> 00:17:51,566
And how much do you even make?
470
00:17:51,633 --> 00:17:53,973
‐Do you mean in‐‐in money?
‐Uh, duh.
471
00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:55,203
What else is worth making?
472
00:17:55,266 --> 00:17:56,596
I make pee‐pee and poo‐poo
sometimes.
473
00:17:56,666 --> 00:17:57,666
See, this is why
474
00:17:57,733 --> 00:18:00,573
the President's Physician
is in New Downtown,
475
00:18:00,633 --> 00:18:04,473
because New Downtown
is for winners and innovators.
476
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:05,803
(bell rings)
477
00:18:05,866 --> 00:18:08,566
Face it, you are betas trying
to make it in an alpha world.
478
00:18:08,633 --> 00:18:10,633
Uh, but if I find the ring,
you'll still refer me
479
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:11,730
to some of your
grown‐up friends, right?
480
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,100
Okay, that's it.
481
00:18:13,166 --> 00:18:14,196
I'm not helping this
aioli‐smelling motherfucker
482
00:18:14,266 --> 00:18:15,466
for one more second.
483
00:18:15,533 --> 00:18:18,003
Oh, and by the way,
before I leave,
484
00:18:18,066 --> 00:18:20,666
those light bulbs
are goddamn ridiculous
485
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,503
and those French fries
are too greasy, even for me.
486
00:18:23,566 --> 00:18:26,696
That's my Yelp review.
Zero stars on deez nuts.
487
00:18:26,766 --> 00:18:28,166
Wait a minute, that's it.
488
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,273
(dramatic guitar music)
489
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,173
‐(inaudible)
‐(gasps)
490
00:18:32,233 --> 00:18:35,333
And those French fries
are too greasy even for me.
491
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,600
(echoing)
It's called aioli.
492
00:18:37,666 --> 00:18:40,696
Miss Bauers,
I have one question for you.
493
00:18:40,766 --> 00:18:42,896
Did you eat any of Loafer's
French fries tonight?
494
00:18:42,966 --> 00:18:45,296
‐(gasps)
‐LOAFER: Of course she didn't.
495
00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:47,166
I put her on a paleo cleanse.
496
00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:49,903
(suspenseful music)
497
00:18:49,966 --> 00:18:52,466
Sorry, babe.
I've been bad.
498
00:18:52,533 --> 00:18:54,873
(scoffs) I knew
you had a fat person in you.
499
00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:56,503
A‐ha.
500
00:18:56,566 --> 00:18:58,626
Thank you.
501
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:01,733
Jen, where's
Loafer Toeknuckle's aioli?
502
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,100
(sighs)
503
00:19:03,166 --> 00:19:04,926
It's already been uploaded
back into the cloud.
504
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,330
What does that mean?
505
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,070
Loafer has us dump leftovers
back in the vat.
506
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:11,273
(shudders)
That is profoundly unhygienic.
507
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,803
He calls it
"condiment cloud storage."
508
00:19:13,866 --> 00:19:16,066
He says he's a disruptor.
509
00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:18,203
Jen, close your eyes.
I'm going in.
510
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,500
‐(soft dramatic music)
‐JOHN: (gasps)
511
00:19:21,566 --> 00:19:24,026
♪♪ ♪♪
512
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,930
It was simple, really.
513
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,370
Emma was on a paleo cleanse,
514
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,103
which would've withered
her fingers to sticks.
515
00:19:29,166 --> 00:19:30,566
Couple that
with the greasy fries
516
00:19:30,633 --> 00:19:33,103
and you've got a recipe
for a classic ring slide‐off.
517
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:37,026
Bloop into the aioli ramekin
and back into the vat.
518
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,500
Well, I hope you're
proud of yourself,
519
00:19:38,566 --> 00:19:41,266
because you sold out
for some New Downtown assholes
520
00:19:41,333 --> 00:19:42,673
JOHN:
Mm‐hmm?
521
00:19:42,733 --> 00:19:46,233
And you got a pregnant lady
fired, and your arm smells.
522
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,400
Huh.
523
00:19:47,466 --> 00:19:49,026
Well, what did they say
when you returned the ring?
524
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:50,330
I didn't.
525
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,700
I thought you said
it was in the vat.
526
00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:54,226
I'm sure it was in the vat,
but I didn't find it.
527
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:55,700
Okay, now I don't know what
the hell you're talking about.
528
00:19:55,766 --> 00:19:56,996
What?
529
00:19:57,066 --> 00:19:59,026
However, I did suggest
Jen search the vat
530
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,770
while I called
the health inspector
531
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,303
to get that place shut down.
532
00:20:02,366 --> 00:20:04,896
‐DAVID: Whoa.
‐So who's the alpha now?
533
00:20:04,966 --> 00:20:07,166
Damn, respect.
534
00:20:07,233 --> 00:20:08,603
DAVID:
So did Jen find it?
535
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:10,166
JOHN:
I'm really not sure.
536
00:20:10,233 --> 00:20:12,333
‐Was Loafer Cockknuckle pissed?
‐Yes.
537
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,430
Did that bring you immense joy?
538
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:17,070
Well, that would be
unprofessional to say,
539
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,673
but yes...
(laughing)
540
00:20:18,733 --> 00:20:20,033
It really made me happy.
541
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:21,930
That guy sucked hard.
542
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,000
JOHN:
David, to justice.
543
00:20:24,066 --> 00:20:26,266
DAVID:
John, to sippin' and grippin'.
544
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:27,673
You know what?
I'll go along with that
545
00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:30,233
to the cleansing energy
of sippin' and grippin'.
546
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:31,970
Damn, you're a pervert!
547
00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:33,533
‐Here, smell my arm.
‐No, ugh!
548
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,270
‐Smell my aioli arm, smell it!
‐No, stop!
549
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:37,333
‐Seriously, stop bullying me.
‐Smell it, David!
550
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,500
‐I don't like this.
‐I'm the alpha male now.
551
00:20:39,566 --> 00:20:41,026
DAVID:
This is not natural.
552
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:44,030
(upbeat music)
553
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:47,070
♪♪ ♪♪
554
00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:52,033
SINGER: ♪♪ Well, I hope she
knows I miss her ♪♪
555
00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:55,930
♪♪ Think about her every day ♪♪
556
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,970
♪♪ I just wanna kiss her ♪♪
557
00:20:59,033 --> 00:21:01,803
♪♪ And show her everything ♪♪
558
00:21:01,866 --> 00:21:08,426
♪♪ I got a Chinese flower
vacation ♪♪
559
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:12,000
♪♪ No expectations ♪♪
560
00:21:12,066 --> 00:21:15,266
♪♪ Don't bring a bag ♪♪
561
00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:19,603
♪♪ Just bring yourself ♪♪
562
00:21:19,666 --> 00:21:21,226
♪♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪
563
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:23,700
♪♪ Ah‐ah‐ah‐ah ♪♪
564
00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:27,433
‐(clear music)
‐CHORUS: ♪♪ Yes ♪♪