DISTANT CLUB MUSIC POUNDS CHUCKLES
I only smoke at the stag dos.
And bank holidays.
Can I have a drag? No.
Sorry, but no.
I need to smoke it all.
Sorry. Can I just... Fine.
THEY CHUCKLE Hey! The bachelor himself.
How's it going, buddy?
The best.
I love you guys.
Oh, my God. I love you. We love you.
And I love Jessie.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. She's all right.
No, I mean I still love Jessie.
Yeah. That's cool.
Nice one.
It's a cool thing.
You guys want a drink?
Nah, nah, I'm not... No, thank you. Yeah. Go party.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Man, we have got to find some food.
Hm. Ooh, they've got kebabs.
OFFBEAT RHYTHMIC PIANO CHORDS PLAY HIGH-PITCHED SYNTH PIPES PLAY
Oh, shit. SIGHS
Oh, God, I can't take Liam.
Steve, you've got to make sure she can text her new boyfriend.
Oh, shut up. There we go. Stop it. CHUCKLING
Well, I just think you should have run it by the group first
before you decided to invite some guy.
You invited your hairdresser to Cornwall last year.
Yeah, but she was great, right?
She was. Aw, she was... How's she doing? Is she well?
I loved her... Really well. Well, Liam is cool and good,
great too, OK?
And also, I definitely put it on the group chat.
Well, I didn't realise I was coming on a couples holiday, Jessie.
It's not a couples holiday, Shivani.
And also, I mean, like, Joe doesn't have anyone.
Sorry, Joe. I didn't mean it like that.
Oh, I'm fine with it. Honestly.
Bridget would have eaten all the crisps.
All the more for me. DOOR CLICKS SHUT
Well, well, well. We're entering our post-Tom era.
We're not entering a post-Tom era, OK?
Also, actually, Steve and Ian,
they went on a stag do, so that's actually the real betrayal.
J'accuse. J'accuse!
I wish I hadn't gone.
What? I had a great time.
SCOFFS All right. Do I just, what do we do?
Do I text him and cancel or something?
Absolutely not. He's coming.
Well, Jessie, shall we put your stuff in your room?
Hey? Come on.
Hey, maybe we should try and keep the communal spaces
a little tidy this weekend.
What do we reckon?
All right. Well, then, also, maybe we can all just try
and be like normal people as well
because you are representing me in front of this guy, right?
Absolutely. Right. You are at the top...
Ooh!
I can't eat any of that.
Right.
So it's actually a lot warmer at the top of the house.
And this is it.
Home, sweet home.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Ben? Uh, what?
First come, first served.
Why did you book this place?
Are you kidding me?!
I checked multiple times with everyone in the group chat
and you all said you were happy with that...
Oh, my God! Shout loud, Steve! It's not my fault if you don't like it!
Jesus!
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Please, please, please, please swap rooms with me.
I've already plugged my charger in.
But it's like, it's a kid's room.
I don't feel right.
So you want me to sleep in a child's bed
and listen to you bang all night?
No, no, no.
I'll be so, you won't hear me.
I'm as quiet as a mouse.
I know for a fact you're not.
Oh...
JESSIE SIGHS
JESSIE GRUNTS Stop. Stop, Jessie! No...
Stop it! Just be a good friend.
Oh! Leave it!
Argh! Leave it!
STRAINS All your stuff is already there, it's already there, come on.
Stop... Please.
Really? Yes.
Yes. DISTANT ARGUING
God, I don't remember.
Was I there? Yes.
Yes, you were. Tom said he still loved Jessie.
Well, he was wasted. Maybe he was talking about
a different Jessie. I'm not good at keeping secrets.
OK? I have been burdened with knowledge that I do not want.
Just forget about it.
I have a photographic memory.
Oh, no, I'm so sorry.
I like Bridget.
I think you were sort of born to get divorced. KNOCKING ON DOOR
Jessie!
Liam's here!
Oh, my God.
Steve! Get the door!
STEVE SIGHS What do you think I should do?
Just relax, man.
Just try not to think about it, OK? Yeah, OK. OK.
SIGHS Hey, mate.
Yeah?
Um, Sarah's pregnant again, by the way.
Just don't tell anyone.
STEVE CLEARS THROAT
What did I just say?
Go and get the door and shut up! Everyone, shut up! Shut up!
I didn't say anything.
Hi. Hello. Hi!
You made it.
I did.
You should save yourself, though,
right now because they are animals in there.
Oh. Yeah. Well, it was nice knowing you.
Yeah. Goodbye. Bye.
JESSIE CHUCKLES I'll open the door.
GASPS Hello! Hello.
No. A man! A man.
Oh, no. What are you doing?
Sorry. Well, I'm sorry for trying to create some memories.
Welcome. Heya. Ian.
Hi. Hi. This is everyone... OVERLAPPING CHATTER
Yeah, I'm actually having a really nice time.
Oh, that's great. Yeah.
Afternoon. Hello there.
What was that? I thought people in the country
were supposed to be friendly.
Piece of shit.
So, Liam, what's it like having a real job?
Shivani. What? I'm just surprised to meet competent men our age.
We're a rare breed.
Sorry about that. Are you taking the piss?
Don't worry, honestly... THEY CHAT INDISTINCTLY
Oh, sorry. Oop. Whoo!
You all right? Yeah, I'm fine.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Next time you're falling on your arse.
Really? Yeah.
How you doing back there?
Oh, yeah, yeah! Go ahead!
No, I don't want any special treatment!
OK.
GRUNTS EFFORTFULLY PANTS
Do you think Jessie knows what she wants?
What are you on about?
Just a general question.
Do any of us know what we want?
Right. You're weirding me out.
Don't ask anyone weird questions like that this weekend.
Oh! Shit.
I think I found magic mushrooms!
Oh, shit. Probably shouldn't yell that.
Hey, you be careful on those.
You know what you're like.
I'm pretty good on magic... Uh, remember Brussels?
Is this your card?
No.
Ugh! I don't know...
Hm?
I don't feel anything.
Maybe we were supposed to saute them or something.
No, we've just got to eat some more. Got to eat a lot.
I'm going to try one. Ah, ah! No, definitely not.
Why? That's really controlling behaviour, Steve.
Yeah, Steve. Why not?
Because these, these things can really fuck you up.
IAN COUGHS
No. None for me.
That's disgusting. It is disgusting.
How are you doing, Ian?
Yeah. Great. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, not, not feeling anything yet.
Just feeling a little bit queasy.
It is me speaking now, isn't it?
Yeah, man. Yeah.
Hi.
Kate.
Oh, no, I fell asleep.
Let's get you to bed, OK?
Oh... Ugh! Why can't I get up?
Cos you're eight months pregnant, I think.
Oh, you remembered.
Oh... Get her under the arms.
THEY STRAIN Everyone say goodnight to Kate.
Night. Night-night. Goodnight, Kate. Sleep well.
Goodnight, guys. Goodnight.
Are you all right? Yep.
Oh, my God.
Everyone goes crazy on mushrooms.
I can't believe...
SHIVANI LAUGHS
What are you laughing at?
You wouldn't get it.
JESSIE STRAINS Hmm. There you go.
Jessie?
Yeah.
Did we have a good time?
Yeah, we had a great time.
Hm.
Ugh, I'm having a baby soon.
I know. You won't shut up about it.
Jessie.
Yes.
Will you still tell me all your secrets when the baby's born?
Of course.
Can I tell the baby all your secrets?
I don't have much of a choice, do I? Hm.
KATE BREATHES DEEPLY
And the last time I did mushrooms,
I had a conversation with what turned out
to be a very tall lamp.
JESSIE LAUGHS Are you high right now?
No, I didn't take any.
Wait. What?
Sorry. Didn't you hear what I just said about the lamp thing?
JESSIE CHUCKLES No, I actually wasn't listening
to anything you were saying.
That's fair. Yeah.
Also, I didn't want to, er, do anything embarrassing
in front of your friends.
Hm.
I didn't take any mushrooms either.
Oh. Yeah.
So I suppose we're both...
...of sound and sober mind.
LIAM CHUCKLES
We are.
SLOW PIANO MUSIC
QUIET JAZZ DRUMS PLAY Oh...
THEY MOAN
The beds are sliding. The beds are sliding.
I'm falling. THEY LAUGH
Oh. Hi. Oh, hi.
Sorry. There we go.
Er, Jessie?
It's, er...
I was sick.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
In the sink.
Oh, OK.
Tom still loves you.
OK.
Tom's still in love with you.
He told me about it in confidence on the stag do.
Hang on. Sorry. What are you...
But you're in love with Liam now, so everything's fine.
I didn't say I love Liam.
Well, I don't...
Maybe you should be with Tom, then.
Goodnight.
Ian...
FOOTSTEPS RECEDE
MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
What the hell?
Jessie?
Yeah?
I would spoon you, but I'm afraid I'll fall down the gap again.
That's OK.
Goodnight.
Someone needs to swap beds with me.
My mattress feels like it's filled with coins.
Well, I had an amazing sleep,
so I don't know what you're talking about.
How are my little druggos this morning?
Morning. Er... Also, was I dreaming
or did someone get into bed with me for a bit last night?
Oh, no, that was me. I got the wrong room. Sorry.
No, no.
It was nice.
Nothing happened or anything. Good.
Um, do you want some milk? No, thanks.
I'm not even attracted to Sarah.
That's so rude. I didn't mean it like that, Sarah.
Hey, um, can I borrow some of your dandruff shampoo?
It's quite expensive.
Yeah.
No, cool. Yeah, yeah. STEVE CLEARS THROAT
Morning.
Oh, morning.
There you go. Thank you.
That's all right.
JESSIE EXHALES SHARPLY
You all right? Mm-hmm.
Hm. It's just a lot of people downstairs.
Yeah. My friends, but they're just a lot of people. Hm.
PERSON CLEARS THROAT Hello.
Did you make relationship coffee?
I only have two hands.
And this is how you treat me?
No. Take mine, then.
Couples holiday.
Yeah.
Shivani!
Guys, Jessie made relationship tea...
See what I mean?
...and she's gone back to bed! I quite like her. No, you don't.
STEVE WINCES
Hey, where's Liam?
He's having a shower. Why?
OK, well, we need some more firewood and
he looks like he knows how to chop firewood.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, Liam's great.
Absolutely no problem with him whatsoever.
Amazing guy.
Yeah. OK. I can do it.
Do you know how to chop firewood?
I've seen it in movies. I don't know.
Don't hurt yourself.
Yeah. All right.
Ow.
JESSIE BREATHES HEAVILY
OK.
Wow.
Rustic vibes.
What are you doing out here?
I'm providing for my family.
JESSIE GRUNTS What the hell?
JESSIE GROANS
Hey. Liam seems lovely.
Yeah. Liam's great.
Yeah?
Are you all right?
Ian said you stormed off.
What else did he say to you?
Nothing.
Why is everyone being so crazy?
I'm the pregnant one. I should be the crazy one.
I'm acting normal and I'm feeling fine.
Right.
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!
Oh, my God. Get a grip.
Motherfu...
Your energy is all off. Why is this so hard? It's all off.
INDISTINCT CHATTER No, I did, I put money in the account for the land.
STEVE CLEARS THROAT I was the one that wanted to bag the land, Joe.
STEVE CLEARS THROAT CHATTERING STOPS
Darkness falls on the village.
Villagers...
...close your eyes.
Just realised I didn't check on the lamb.
Villagers, close your eyes and shut up.
Because while you slumber,
a deadly threat stalks the streets.
Werewolves, open your eyes.
Quietly choose who you want to kill.
Werewolves, please make a decision.
OK, werewolves!
Close your eyes.
Detective, open your eyes.
Detective, who would you like to know about?
Detective, close your eyes.
Doctor, please open your eyes
and choose who they want to save from death.
I hope the doctor knows they can save anyone in the group.
Fine. Doctor, close your eyes.
Village, awaken.
THEY FAKE YAWN THEY GRUNT
Good morning, village.
Except it's not a good morning
because unfortunately, late last night,
while taking a stroll with his beloved,
one of your villagers was...
Babe, hurry up. We don't need the backstory.
Let's just... I always create a nice sense of atmosphere.
Hurry up, Steve.
All right. Ian's dead. Talk amongst yourselves.
What? SORROWFUL MUTTERINGS
What? Gone before your time.
Aw! Wouldn't you agree?
Fit. Jessie... A-ba-ba-ba-ba.
The dead cannot speak.
You've got one minute to find a werewolf.
I vote Joe.
What the hell? Why Joe?
It's a necessary sacrifice.
I'm happy to... Oh, come on.
Look at that face.
He looks pretty innocent to me.
Sorry, this is so mean.
Bridget always said you were snakes.
Jessie, I really don't think it's Joe.
OK. Uh...
It's not personal, Joe.
It's just... It feels quite personal. Well, it's not.
Let's... Well, it just feels a bit personal
and I said it's not me. Don't worry, Joe. I've got your back.
I know... I take it personally cos it feels like a personal thing.
He knows it's not me. I vote Kate.
Excuse me?
Yeah, actually, this is a classic werewolf move.
You've killed Ian to throw us off the scent.
KATE SCOFFS Oh, yeah, that is what I would do.
OK, you're the fucking werewolf.
Ooh. I'm not the one getting defensive.
What's wrong with you? There's nothing wrong with me.
Just because I told you Tom still loves you.
You're not allowed to talk.
What? You're dead, so that's not...
Actually, you know what? Go ahead, Ian.
I... You can talk.
Why did you tell me that?
Well, I don't know, Jessie. Why did you kiss an engaged man, eh?
Ian! Fuck off. Jessie.
Whoa... Liam, d'you want to come in the kitchen? Yeah.
OVERLAPPING VOICES You don't need to hear any of this.
Why don't we, um... Wait, where are you going?
I'm just going to check on the lamb.
Jessie...
Not cool.
Liam...
JESSIE SIGHS I don't know why you're shaking YOUR head.
I just, I don't know what kind of bro chat you have with Tom
or whatever, but he is the one who invited me to the theatre.
He is the one who kissed ME.
Sorry.
You kissed him at the theatre?
Yes.
I meant the wedding. When you kissed him.
KATE SCOFFS You kissed him again?
JESSIE EXHALES
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I knew this would happen.
I knew, I knew you would judge me.
No. No, I wouldn't have.
Yes, you would have.
Well...
...maybe if you made one good decision in your life,
I wouldn't have to judge you.
How am I supposed to make any good decisions
under that kind of pressure?
I don't have to tell you everything.
Right. OK.
I'm going for a walk.
No, I'm going for a walk first!
KATE SNIFFS Kate.
Kate! DOOR SLAMS
SHIVANI BLOWS A RASPBERRY
Steve and I are having another fucking kid.
Nice.
Congratulations. BOTH: Cheers.
Thank you.
Are you happy?
Yeah. It's going to be great.
Yeah.
Hey, it's Tom. Leave a message.
JESSIE SIGHS ANSWERPHONE BEEPS Hey, man.
Er, I don't know if you've got your phone turned off
or you've blocked my number or something like that.
But I just wanted to reach out to you and say that
you're getting married, so maybe just go do that.
So, yes, please do not reach out to me ever again.
This is me reaching out to you to say
do not reach out.
Thank you.
JESSIE SIGHS
Hi.
I'm sorry.
No, no, it's...
It's, um...
It's... Yeah. LIAM SCOFFS SOFTLY
Listen, I might go home.
OK. JESSIE SCOFFS SOFTLY
Actually...
...is it OK if we break up?
You don't have to ask for permission for that. Um...
I don't really, I can't say no after that, so...
Yeah. I guess.
It seems like such a waste.
JESSIE SNIFFS
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I just think...
I think you've got some stuff to sort out.
You know?
Yeah.
JESSIE SNIFFS
Come here. JESSIE SOBS QUIETLY
I'm such a fucking idiot.
Yeah, maybe.
JESSIE CRY-LAUGHS
LIAM SIGHS
JESSIE EXHALES
JAZZ PIANO PLAYS
JESSIE SNIFFS QUIET JAZZ DRUMS PLAY
JAZZ MUSIC GROWS LOUDER