[The Association's "Never My Love"]
[indistinct chatter]
[mellow rock music]
- Oh, should we get married? - No.
- No, no, no. No, no, we--no.
[alarm beeping]
So loud. [alarm clock clatters]
Oh, shit, sorry.
- ♪ When I grow tired of you ♪
♪ ♪
- Hello, darling.
- If I killed someone, would you hide the body?
- You've already asked me this one.
- No, but you see--it's fine.
- Also, I'd have to turn you in.
- No! - Yeah.
- Hi! - Hi!
[all chattering]
- ♪ Will lose its desire for you ♪
- Oh! No!
Ow! Just kidding.
[both laugh]
Hang on! Don't fall.
Tom!
- ♪ What makes you think love will end ♪
♪ When you know that my whole life ♪
♪ Depends ♪
all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[cheering]
- [grunts] - So loud.
- Remind me never to have kids?
- What?
- Hey, it's Jessie.
Please don't leave a message because I never check them.
Thanks.
- Hey, it's Tom. Leave a message.
I just don't understand why you wouldn't at least try--
- ♪ And I won't require you ♪
[both arguing indistinctly]
♪ Never, my love ♪
♪ ♪
♪ How can you think love will end ♪
♪ When I've asked you to spend ♪
♪ Your whole life ♪
♪ With me, with me ♪
♪ With me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Never, my love ♪
♪ ♪
- [laughing]
- Lovely, ladies! Keep those smiles on!
They look beautiful!
- Can I get behind? I want to cover it up.
I d--I don't think that would work.
- Please.
- Looking at me! There we go.
- The most beautiful woman in the world.
And Jessie.
- So I have something to tell you.
- I already know the baby's mine.
- Tom's coming to the reception.
- What?
- I didn't want to tell you in case you ruined the wedding.
- I would never ruin your wedding.
- Uh, you were 20 minutes late this morning.
- Yeah, because I was tired.
- Okay, last one. Big smiles, ladies!
- Look, Tom is Ian's friend. I'm married to Ian.
Be a grown-up. - I am a grown-up.
- Great, that's amazing. - Yeah, well, great.
Awesome, we're both grown-ups. - Okay.
[laughing]
I'm so happy!
Happy!
- Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're done. - Okay.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Yeah, I just don't like being told what to wear,
where to go, when to eat.
- How are you a bridesmaid?
- She was one of mine.
- What, like a prisoner exchange?
- Yeah. - Do you think people
will laugh if I call Kate a bitch
but in, like, a funny way?
- Let me see.
- Jessie! - Hello, you!
Ooh! - What do you want?
- Can I have some water?
- You can't say this word. - What?
- It doesn't make sense in your accent.
I don't think you understand how thick it is.
Most of the time, I'm just connecting the dots
when you say things.
- Can we go home? - Not yet.
Why don't you go play hide and seek with your dad?
Love you.
Love you too!
Daddy!
- [gasps] Oh, shit.
- Don't look up. - What?
- Don't look up. - Oh, my--ow! What?
- Do you think he brought his girlfriend?
- Are they still together? - Uh, yeah, they are.
- God, what a power couple. - Yeah, she's so hot.
No offense.
- Stop making it weird.
I'm gonna wave.
- No, don't wave. - Don't--don't wave.
- Hmm.
- You're a fucking psycho. - Yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
- Tom! Tom!
- Hey! - ♪ Happy wedding to me ♪
[laughing] ♪ Happy wedding... ♪ - Congratulations, mate.
- Best day of my life.
- Hey, I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony.
- No, no, no, no, it's fine, you know?
Pity you weren't there to pull focus.
Now, look, if anyone tries to bother you, let me know.
- Oh, don't be silly.
- Although my Aunt Bernadette
would love to meet you.
- Right. Okay. Yeah. - Yeah?
Be, like, 25 minutes tops, honestly.
She fancies you so much. - All right.
- Thank you so much. Bernadette!
He said yes!
Dream come true!
- I think that's sort of funny. - I--I think it's sad.
- Really? - Yeah.
I think people won't like it. - Thank you.
- Sorry, sorry, that's actually for me.
- What are you doing? - I have a wife to think about.
- Oh, my God.
Hello.
- Hey. - Hey!
- Hey. - How are you?
- Yeah.
- Wow. [laughs] - You look--oh.
- Are you--sorry, could I get two of the--
do you want another-- - No, no, no. I'm--I'm good.
Yeah. - Great. Um.
[chuckles] How you been?
- Yeah, really good. You? - Awesome.
- How's the speech? Are you gonna go for--
- No, no, not a-- I'm not professional like you.
- [chuckles] - So.
No, I'll, um, be sticking to the notes and...
- Nice.
- Clem's not here.
- Uh, she's at a shoot. - Right. Yeah.
It'd be so good to meet her.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Like, yeah.
She's so good in all the movies she's in.
- Oh, thanks, yeah. Um.
Another time. - Another time.
- Yeah. - Definitely.
- Oh, yes. Thank you.
I've gotta get these to Ian. - Yes.
- It's great to see you. - Great to see you.
Good to see you.
- And then he said,
"I've never seen such an ugly baby!"
[laughter]
But really, it's nothing less than a privilege
to have you all here for the weaving together
of our two families.
Who knew it would only take Kate
getting knocked up to do it?
[laughter]
- He'd already proposed before the baby,
so that doesn't make any sense.
- Sure, darling.
- Okay, so I have an email
from this venue from a year ago.
I just need to find my phone. Where's my phone?
- [chuckles] We'll show them later.
We'll show them-- - Thank you very much!
See you on the dance floor!
all: Cheers!
- That was just his nickname in school.
[laughing]
I'm kidding. Okay, I'm just kidding.
No, but, you know, seriously, he truly is the greatest.
Yeah, Kate, you've got yourself
some A-plus stock there. [chuckles]
Even though, no doubt, it's probably been collateralized!
[laughing]
- Try and tell that to a bank.
[both laughing]
- [sighs]
No Clem.
I would have loved to have met her 'cause she's so--
she's beautiful.
She's--yeah. Ugh.
Such a shame Clem couldn't make it, right?
You're just--I just--
We should all hang out...
at some point.
No, we shouldn't.
- "We'll be friends forever, won't we, Pooh?" asked Piglet.
"Even longer," said Pooh.
"For a day without a friend is like a pot of honey
without a drop left inside."
[sniffs] I love you guys.
Thank you.
[applause]
- So I guess I'm not saying she's a bitch,
but I'm not saying she's not one, either.
[chuckles]
Okay.
Not that one, no.
Er--okay, so...
as Ben Affleck once said--
the actor Ben Affleck--
"Marriage is work,
"but it's the best kind of work,
and there's no one I'd rather go to work with."
It's from his "Argo," um, acceptance speech
from the O--Oscars.
Oh, a standing ovation over there for me?
- Oh, no, I was just coming back from the loo.
- Okay, you don't need to yell. - [claps]
- No, not finished.
Er...
[chuckles]
Yeah.
I guess I just wanna say that I couldn't think of two people
more well-suited to each other
who are going to put the work in.
So yeah.
I love you both.
Ian a little less than Kate,
but it's still love.
To Kate and Ian.
all: To Kate and Ian!
- [clears throat] Sorry.
Do I need to return that mic, or...?
[romantic music playing]
♪ ♪
- You didn't come and find me.
- Oh, you beat us again. - Oh, no!
Hey, why don't you go hide again,
and I'll come find you this time, okay?
Ready? Ten, nine, eight...
- Did you know it would be this hard?
- Well, yeah.
- Did you? - What?
- And you didn't think to tell me?
Jesus Christ. - What--
I assumed you knew!
- Do you think people are having a good time?
- Yeah. - How do you know?
Who have you spoken to?
- I asked around, yeah.
- Did you talk to Tom?
- [sighs] Uh, yeah.
- How'd it go? Are you okay?
Oh, my God, incredible of me to ask that on my wedding day.
- Okay, you are the one who invited him.
- He's famous. He's good for morale.
So what do you think?
Do you still fancy him a bit?
- Of course I fancy him a bit.
Everyone fancies him a bit.
- Ah, yeah. - [sighs]
- You don't think he thinks it's a shotgun wedding, do you?
- Yeah, he did ask that.
- Really? - No.
- Be nice to me! - Oh, my gosh.
- [sighs] - Just breathe!
- Okay. - Just--just--seriously.
- But you can understand my stress.
- Of course I can! - Thank you.
[upbeat music playing]
- Okay, could everybody please clear the dance floor?
'Cause it's time to party!
[upbeat rock music playing]
♪ ♪
- No! No, no! No, no, no. Absolutely not. No.
- No, no, please, please. I promise you you'd like it.
Please. - Do it at your next wedding.
Play something else, please.
[The Whispers' "It's a Love Thing" playing]
- Hat. Hat.
Hat.
Hat. Hat.
[upbeat R&B music]
♪ ♪
- Great speech, by the way. Before. Great speech.
- Oh. Thanks. - Really good. Really funny.
Honestly, really good.
Sorry, weren't--are you--
you were in the bathroom for most of it, weren't you?
- Uh...yeah.
- Okay.
- Do you want a drink, by the way?
My treat.
- Oh, it's an open bar.
- Oh, right, uh...
who have I been paying then?
- [chuckles]
Sorry, what's your name? I'm Jessie.
- Oh, uh, Liam. - Nice to meet you, Liam.
- Nice to meet you. - How do you know the couple?
- Uh, I don't know anyone, actually.
I'm mates with Brian.
- Oh. You a finance guy?
- Fuck, no. No, no, no, no.
I'm--I'm his electrician.
- He brought his electrician to a wedding?
- You didn't bring yours?
- [laughs] - Uh, excuse me, sorry.
Um, we have an emergency.
Uh, we've lost a child.
Uh, a small, white child is missing.
- Attention: the wedding is over.
- No, no, the wedding is not over.
It's just a short break for the missing child.
- Uh, I probably should help out here.
I, um--nice to meet you, Liam. - Yeah.
- Where are you going? - Nice to meet you.
- It happened again! - Fine.
- [sweetly] Olive! Olive.
[yells] Olive!
- Do you think people are having a good time?
- Stop asking people that. - What?
- Oh, my God, it's so needy.
- Is this 'cause you didn't get a plus-one?
- Well, Olive got to come.
- Olive doesn't drink! - Whatever.
- Olive!
- I can't believe you let this happen.
- Well, you were watching her. - No, I wasn't watching her.
I grew her in my body. I've done enough.
- Oh, my God, you cannot keep using that.
- Yes, I can, actually.
- If I could have carried her, I would have.
- Oh, for God's sake. [sighs]
Olive!
- She gets her craftiness from you.
- Olive!
Olive!
Olive, they're cutting the cake!
Come her, girl! Here, girl! Come here, girl!
- Olive?
Olive! [taps window]
Olive! Olive!
- Olive. [chuckles]
Hi. Hey. - Hey.
- Olive! - No luck?
- Oh, no, but she can't drive, so she can't have got far.
[chuckles]
I, um, feel like I was weird before.
I'm sorry about that. I, um...
just feel like I was nervous about the speech.
- No, no, no. It's cool. - Yeah.
And I really-- I would love to meet Clem.
I think it'd be great, and I think it would be also,
you know, great to learn
how to have a normal conversation with you again.
[both chuckle] - Yeah. Me too.
[whistles] Here, girl!
Come here, girl! - Come here, girl!
[laughs] This usually works.
- With dogs or children? - Is there a difference?
- Well, you actually wanted a dog, didn't you?
I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that.
- [laughs] Yeah, kinda weird.
Oh! Found you!
- You found me! - Ah! Ah!
- Found me! - Found you!
- [giggles] - Come back here!
Where are you going?
[cheers and applause]
[soft romantic music]
♪ ♪
- The bouquet!
Jessie! Go long!
- Oh!
- Bye!
- This kid is ruining my life. - Yeah.
- If anything happens to her, I'll kill you and myself.
- Aw, at least we'd be together.
Hey, we're off.
- You need to put her on a leash.
- She's so rude. I'm sorry, we'll just leave.
[upbeat music playing]
♪ ♪
- Sure, sure. - Thank you.
- Yeah. - Cheers.
No, no, it's your last one. I can't take that.
- Oh, no, no, no, no. Honestly.
I'm quitting after this one, so.
- Are you sure? - Take it.
- All right.
Well, congratulations.
- Oh, thank you. [both laugh]
- You're alive. - Yeah.
Oh, so you, uh, you found the, uh, the kid?
The kid? - Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, she's fine. - Ah, good.
- Whatever.
How's your night been?
- Great. Yeah, great. You?
- Yeah... - Okay.
- [chuckles]
I've been sort of-- I've been...
dodging my ex-boyfriend for, like, the entire wedding.
- Oh, fuck. - Yeah.
- Is it the priest?
- No.
- Is it Ian?
- Yes.
Yeah, don't tell Kate. - Yeah. I won't.
Well, you need to find someone to kiss.
- Excuse me?
- Yeah, weddings are the perfect place
to find someone totally random to get off with
and never see them again. - Ah.
- I know if I say my ex at a wedding,
I'd need a palate cleanser.
- Palate cleanser kiss?
- Yeah. Shock to the system, you know?
- [chuckles]
- Well, something to think about.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
- Sorry?
- Yes.
- Oh--you mean me.
- Is that not what you meant? - You mean--oh--well, I--
I just meant in general. - Oh!
- But, uh... - Right, sorry.
- Yeah. - Okay.
But you're here.
- Yeah. Technically, I am here, yeah.
- So...
- Hmm.
Okay.
Uh...
- All right. - All right.
- What--sorry, are you gonna lean?
It looked like you were gonna lean.
You're gonna lean-- - Uh, I was.
- You're gonna lean... - Uh--I'll go right.
- Sure. And I'll go left. Your left, my right.
- Great. - Okay.
- That's all the head movement out the way.
- Fantastic. Okay.
- So, uh, how do you feel?
- [sighs] Not too bad.
Great. [laughs]
[Roxy Music's "More Than This" playing]
- ♪ Hopefully learning ♪
♪ Why the sea on the tide ♪
♪ Has no way of turning ♪
♪ ♪
♪ More than this ♪
♪ You know there's nothing ♪
♪ More than this ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Tell me one thing ♪
♪ More than this ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ooh, there's nothing ♪
♪ ♪
- Hey. - Hey.
- Good night? - Yeah. It's great.
- I've got a car if you want a lift.
- Oh, no, that's fine. I'm two minutes away, so.
- Sure. - Yeah. It's fine.
- Okay.
Well, um, it was really good to see you.
- It was good to see you too.
- I'm engaged.
- Congratulations. - Thanks.
Er--good night. - Good night.
[soft jazz music]
♪ ♪