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(light music playing)

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John Wilson:
Hey, New York.

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The relationship
that you have with your toilet

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is unlike any other object
in your home.

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Much like a romantic partner,

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it's the one thing in your life
that's always there for you.

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You've shared countless
intimate moments together,

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and you're familiar
with all its beautiful curves.

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It's a reason to come home.

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And something to buy nice
things for when you go away.

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And you can't imagine it
with anyone else

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even though it may have had
many partners before you.

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But, when you leave the house,

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you're ripped out
of your comfort zone,

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and you have to use
whatever toilets
are available.

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You usually start
by asking a local business,

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but none of them
wanna let you in.

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John: Okay.

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No? Alright.

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And just when you start
to consider

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taking desperate measures
to relieve your pain,

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you start walking over
the Queensboro Bridge

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and notice a Porta-Potty
balancing on some two-by-fours,

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uh, over the guardrail.

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So, you scale the bridge
to see if it's open.

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And even though you eventually
found a place to go,

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you wish that it didn't
take so much effort.

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You know that the city
is full of toilets,

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but they're always slightly
out of reach,

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uh, when you need one.

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But, maybe if you did
a little research,

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you could finally
crack the code

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and hack into
the, uh, Restroom Matrix,

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and getting into any restroom
in the city

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will finally become easy.

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So, instead of worrying
about drinking too much water,

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(clears throat)
or getting too far from home,

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take a seat, friend,
and I'll show you

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the best way to find
a, a public restroom.

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The city actually has a ton
of public restrooms

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that were open around
the turn of the century.

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You used to be able
to go into any park
or subway station,

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uh, and, and use a bathroom
whenever you wanted.

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But then, in the 1970s,

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most of them started to close

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for budgetary reasons.

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And the problem has only
gotten worse since then.

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There's about eight million
residents in New York

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and another 60 million tourists
that come annually.

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But, there's only around
a thousand public restrooms

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to accommodate everyone.

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And only two of them
are open 24-7.

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There are somehow
no public restrooms

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in Times Square,

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or Rockefeller Center,

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and the Upper East Side

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is actually one of the biggest
public restroom deserts of all.

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But maybe the city
isn't opening more restrooms

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because our sewer system
is already overwhelmed.

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So you take a visit to the,
uh, waste treatment facility,

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uh, to see if they
can actually handle more.

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(upbeat music playing)

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Tour Guide:
Here, we can oversee, uh,

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basically everything
going on in the plant.

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John:
Is a scum pit, like,
a technical term,

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or is that something
that, like--

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Tour Guide:
No, we have a couple scum pits.

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-John: What's
"Special Tool number one?"
-(Plant Worker laughs)

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-That was a tool I developed
yesterday to do a specific task.
-John: Okay.

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♪ ♪

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-So what kind of material
comes out of this hole?
-(whirring)

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Tour Guide:
Wrappers, plastic bottles,
cardboard boxes.

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John:
And is this stuff that goes in,
like, to the sewer, too?

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Yeah, anything that hits
the sewer comes here.

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John:
What about, like, cat feces?
Can you flush that?

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-Kitty litter, no.
-John: Hm.

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♪ ♪

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Could our sewage system, like,
support more public restrooms

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if we built them?

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Oh, without doubt.

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John:
What would happen if all
of the sewage facilities

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were to stop operating
in New York City?

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We would have sewage
backing up into people's homes,

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restaurants...

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Essentially, everything
would probably collapse.

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♪ ♪

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John:
What, you just had
a baby shower?

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Uh, no, that was just left
on my desk today

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from, uh, somebody that didn't
leave their name on there,

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so I have to find out
who, who dropped it off.

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-John: Oh,
could we see what's in it?
-Sure.

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-John: Okay.
-It is a nice little outfit.

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John:
Oh, that's beautiful.

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My granddaughter
is going to be so happy

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-when she wears this.
Oh, my goodness!
-John: Oh, wow.

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It must be
a "Star Wars" person because--

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-John: Oh, a little Yoda.
-A little Yoda.

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♪ ♪

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John:
Because there aren't many
public toilets open anymore,

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a lot of places
have temporary solutions

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that sometimes
stay up for years.

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The handful of bathrooms
that are still open

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are in pitiful shape.

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The city usually takes
the doors off the stalls

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to discourage people from
do-doing bad stuff in there.

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So, you might need
to bring a blanket with you

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to give yourself a little
privacy, uh, in the bathroom.

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There's usually also
not any toilet paper

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because it seems like the city
has other, uh, uses for it.

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There's one public restroom
in Brighton Beach

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that's actually really nice,

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and that's because
the people that work there

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take really good care of it,

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and, and, uh,
decorate it with stuff.

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So, this is like the Christmas
tree stuff with the popcorn--

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No, but I changed it to--
I can't pronounce it.

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-The Jewish "par-oom. Per-im."
-John: Oh, Purim. Purim.

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-Yeah, I think.
-I went from that,

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-and then I went to
the next holiday, to "Per-oom."
-John: Oh.

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I learned from the Jewish
people that come in here.

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-I got Maya Angelou.
See? Maya Angelou.
-John: Oh, nice.

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Get my doggies. "Happy New Year.

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Please don't drink and drive."
I added "Pray."

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Maybe three years ago,
a lady came from Manhattan.

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-She was gonna go jump off
the Verrazzano Bridge.
-John: Oh, really?

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But then, she read
one of these sign-- signs,

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and she just started
hysterical crying.

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-John: So you saved a woman
from potential suicide?
-Yes.

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John:
What would it take for
other New York restrooms

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to, to look like this?

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-Well, first of all,
I'm not supposed to brag.
-(toilet flushes)

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We, me and Sebesta, we use
our own funds, our own money.

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-Everything in here,
we use our money, so...
-John: Really?

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Yes. Everything in here,
we use our own money.

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-John: Oh, okay.
-Yes, honey?

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Oh, okay.

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♪ ♪

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John:
The city's only effort
to solve the restroom problem

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was in 2008,
when they installed

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five self-cleaning
restrooms, uh,

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to service the whole,
all five boroughs.

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It cost 25 cents to get in,

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and there's
a 15-minute time limit.

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(door whirs)

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John:
You're curious how
it cleans itself,

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and you-you realize the floor

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is actually a button,

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and if you sit on the sink,

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you can trick the bathroom
into thinking that you're gone.

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-(machinery groaning)
-(clanging)

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(surprised shout)

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(majestic music playing)

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-John: Wow!
-(clanging)

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-(hissing)
-(music stops)

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(door whirs)

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(ambient street noise)

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John:
Because there aren't
many public options,

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most bathroom activity
just ends up happening outside.

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So many people urinate
on certain areas of New York

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that every morning,
the shop owners

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will cover the sidewalk
in bleach

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in order to
eliminate the odor.

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They also started
screwing down the toilet lids,

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uh, in the showroom at IKEA,

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to prevent people
from using them.

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But as you were
checking them out,

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the only one that wasn't secure

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was actually filled with pee.

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You could smell it.

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And every few blocks
in New York,

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you'll usually see
one of these bottles,

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which are typically
filled with urine

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from someone who couldn't find
a bathroom in time.

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Hey. How's it going?

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-Good.
-John: Uh, do you have a second?

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For the day drivers,

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it's harder for the people in
the daytime to use the bathroom,

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so they use a bottle.

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And I see the bottles of piss
all over the floor sometimes.

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John:
Everyone has different ways
of holding it in

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when they can't
find a bathroom.

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But if you have enough money,

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you actually might not need
to worry about that.

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So, there is a condition, um,

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that I dubbed
"Hampton's bladder,"

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which is a condition,

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um, based on the idea
that a drive

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from New York City
to the Hamptons

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takes anywhere
from three to six hours.

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Injecting the bladder with Botox

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relaxes the muscle
of your bladder.

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That should be able to get you
out to the Hamptons

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without you having to stop.

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John:
How has Hampton's bladder
affected your life?

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Yeah, you know, I think
I've lost a couple of friends

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just by having difficulty
finding bathrooms and--

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-John: Wait, like they died?
-No, not that they died.

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-Just that they--
-John: Oh.

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You know,
they wanted to be, um...

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uh, they wanted me to find
a bathroom where,

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you know, none existed.

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The interesting thing
is, uh, one of, uh--

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Peter the Great, in Russia,

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actually died of urinary
retention in his 50s.

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You know,
back in the 16th century

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-or whenever that happened.
-John: Wow.

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Did you guys know that?

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I wasn't aware of it, no.

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♪ ♪

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John:
According to
the official city website,

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they actually recommend
going into private businesses

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to relieve yourself.

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But, you often need
to buy something, so

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you can always
just get a receipt
from the trash outside, uh,

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(clears throat)
with the bathroom code on it

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and just go in afterwards

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like a normal customer.

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(handle clicks)

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John:
You went to go visit
Hudson Yards recently,

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which is a new development
on the west side of Manhattan.

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You really had to pee,

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but when you asked
where the restroom was,

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it turns out you have to walk
through a mall

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filled with security guards
in tuxedos,

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then up an escalator,

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and, and down a long hallway,

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then another hallway,

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and then right before
you collapse in front of Muji,

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the bathrooms should be
on your left.

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And when you're
finally done in there,

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you can go check out
their new attraction,

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which is a shiny staircase
to nowhere

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that you have
to pay to climb.

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But it was
actually closed, uh,

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because they couldn't
stop people

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from killing
themselves on it.

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It seems like
you're also not allowed
to film this thing,

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so you might be approached

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by the cops after a while.

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00:11:14,971 --> 00:11:17,071
I'm done. I'm gonna walk away.
You'll never see me again.

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(police officer 1 speaking)

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John:
I'm not gonna give you my ID.

243
00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:23,671
I'm not gonna give you my ID.
There's no reason for that.

244
00:11:23,738 --> 00:11:27,338
(police officer 2 speaking)

245
00:11:27,405 --> 00:11:29,171
John:
I completely understand.

246
00:11:29,238 --> 00:11:31,571
This place was already
inhospitable enough,
and I'll never return.

247
00:11:33,705 --> 00:11:35,971
John:
It's getting harder
to tell in New York

248
00:11:36,038 --> 00:11:38,438
where public spaces end

249
00:11:38,505 --> 00:11:40,805
and private spaces begin.

250
00:11:41,105 --> 00:11:43,338
Businesses often
have weird rules

251
00:11:43,405 --> 00:11:45,938
that try to keep
certain people out.

252
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:49,738
And you can't always tell if
you're doing something wrong.

253
00:11:50,271 --> 00:11:51,838
Employee 1:
Can you call the police, please?

254
00:11:51,905 --> 00:11:53,205
Employee 2:
Well, this is a private space,

255
00:11:53,271 --> 00:11:55,105
and we don't know
what you're filming,

256
00:11:55,205 --> 00:11:56,871
and you're not telling us
what you're filming.

257
00:11:56,938 --> 00:11:58,271
John:
I'm just trying
to find a bathroom.

258
00:11:58,338 --> 00:12:00,871
-Employee 1: Can you just go?
-John: Okay, I'll go.

259
00:12:03,138 --> 00:12:05,671
Maybe one day,
the only public place left

260
00:12:05,738 --> 00:12:08,271
will be the sidewalk.

261
00:12:08,338 --> 00:12:11,371
But, who knows for how long?

262
00:12:12,438 --> 00:12:16,205
There's one neighborhood
in New York called The Hole

263
00:12:16,271 --> 00:12:18,371
that you usually pass, um,

264
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,605
on, on the way to get to JFK.

265
00:12:21,071 --> 00:12:23,371
It's actually
below sea level,

266
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:26,771
so it's not connected
to the city's sewage system.

267
00:12:26,838 --> 00:12:30,638
So, a lot of the sewage
just ends up in the street.

268
00:12:30,705 --> 00:12:32,905
This water here,
if it touched you,

269
00:12:32,971 --> 00:12:35,471
you could get cooties.

270
00:12:35,538 --> 00:12:37,005
Those are cootie waters.

271
00:12:37,071 --> 00:12:38,871
Right there,
the shit come out of.

272
00:12:38,938 --> 00:12:41,405
-John: Oh, th-that's where
it comes out of?
-Local: Yeah, right there.

273
00:12:41,471 --> 00:12:43,738
Filthy fuckin' sewage water.

274
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:47,338
I'm not polluting this
motherfucker with no shit water.

275
00:12:47,405 --> 00:12:48,805
I'm living in that grid there.

276
00:12:48,871 --> 00:12:50,738
When I want to use the bathroom,

277
00:12:50,805 --> 00:12:53,838
I gotta use the bathroom
inside of my place,

278
00:12:53,905 --> 00:12:57,371
wrap up my stuff,
and carry it one block away.

279
00:12:57,438 --> 00:12:58,971
-Look, see?
-John: Yeah.

280
00:13:00,205 --> 00:13:02,738
And every Thursday,
the guy come with the truck

281
00:13:02,838 --> 00:13:04,771
and he pick them up,
and he take them with him.

282
00:13:05,438 --> 00:13:07,671
I've been in this neighborhood
eight years,

283
00:13:07,738 --> 00:13:09,571
but I've been living
on the side of the road here

284
00:13:09,638 --> 00:13:10,971
for three years now.

285
00:13:11,038 --> 00:13:13,971
Yeah, we got bed,
we got TV, everything.

286
00:13:14,038 --> 00:13:15,271
John:
What are you watching here?

287
00:13:15,338 --> 00:13:17,705
Local:
I'm watching
"Ice Road Truckers."

288
00:13:17,771 --> 00:13:19,338
John:
Oh, okay.

289
00:13:19,405 --> 00:13:21,005
What is all this stuff
on your bed?

290
00:13:21,071 --> 00:13:23,105
-Local: That's some condoms.
-John: Those are condoms?

291
00:13:23,171 --> 00:13:25,071
-Local: The girl gave me those.
-John (laughing): Oh.

292
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,538
Local:
She gave me
a whole bag of condoms.

293
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:27,705
I don't use them, though,

294
00:13:27,771 --> 00:13:29,405
'cause I ain't got
no girlfriend now.

295
00:13:29,471 --> 00:13:31,305
John:
Oh, okay.
That's a lot of condoms.

296
00:13:31,371 --> 00:13:33,305
Local:
Yeah, she gave me, like,
a thousand condoms.

297
00:13:33,371 --> 00:13:35,138
-John: Okay.
-(Local laughs)

298
00:13:35,238 --> 00:13:37,670
People who living off the grid,

299
00:13:37,738 --> 00:13:40,471
it's, it's, it's much harder
to live off the grid.

300
00:13:40,538 --> 00:13:41,871
Oh, big time. You know that.

301
00:13:41,938 --> 00:13:43,271
Local:
But, it's like a preparation

302
00:13:43,338 --> 00:13:45,871
in case the place
is in a disarray.

303
00:13:46,305 --> 00:13:48,938
I will be the one who gonna
have to help the people,

304
00:13:49,005 --> 00:13:50,805
them who don't know about
this type of living.

305
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,905
You know what they're talking
about now, right? What if...

306
00:13:54,670 --> 00:13:56,205
New York were to go through

307
00:13:56,271 --> 00:13:58,838
a nuclear explosion?

308
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:00,238
And I was just
saying to myself--

309
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:01,805
-Local: We living
outside already.
-Yeah.

310
00:14:01,871 --> 00:14:05,405
I was saying to myself,
if we were to decide to hook up

311
00:14:05,471 --> 00:14:08,171
our trailers to our trucks
and head for the hills?

312
00:14:08,271 --> 00:14:09,871
-We would live!
-Local: We will make it.

313
00:14:09,938 --> 00:14:11,205
-We would make it!
-Yeah.

314
00:14:11,271 --> 00:14:14,038
But you take somebody from
one of those buildings up there,

315
00:14:14,105 --> 00:14:16,038
-to try to come--
They wouldn't survive.
-Local: I know.

316
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,605
-'Cause they don't know
how to survive.
-Local: Right.

317
00:14:18,671 --> 00:14:21,571
-Water, light, gas.
-All this stuff.

318
00:14:21,638 --> 00:14:24,438
-You know, those essentials...
-(truck rumbling)

319
00:14:24,505 --> 00:14:27,138
...are, like, the basic things
that you need,

320
00:14:27,205 --> 00:14:29,405
-you know, to, to, to survive.
-Exactly.

321
00:14:29,471 --> 00:14:32,038
But you take those
three things away,

322
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,305
-they wouldn't know what to do!
-They're in total disarray.

323
00:14:34,371 --> 00:14:36,170
-They wouldn't know what to do.
-Total disarray.

324
00:14:36,238 --> 00:14:39,271
-Makes you very resourceful,
living off the grid.
-Oh, yeah.

325
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:44,271
John:
Recently, these strange
"Ghostbusters"-themed posters

326
00:14:44,338 --> 00:14:47,538
started to pop up
all over New York,

327
00:14:47,605 --> 00:14:50,670
telling residents to prepare
for something bad

328
00:14:50,738 --> 00:14:52,605
that's about to happen.

329
00:14:52,670 --> 00:14:56,571
And around the same time,
the city released a weird PSA

330
00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:58,605
asking you to prepare

331
00:14:58,670 --> 00:15:01,338
for some other
unspecified disaster.

332
00:15:10,505 --> 00:15:11,638
John:
If the big one were to come,

333
00:15:11,705 --> 00:15:13,738
you would be
totally vulnerable

334
00:15:13,805 --> 00:15:17,605
and wouldn't have anything
you'd need to survive.

335
00:15:17,671 --> 00:15:19,338
You'd only have enough
blue cheese

336
00:15:19,405 --> 00:15:21,438
for about a day and a half.

337
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,805
You'd have to make
your own milk somehow.

338
00:15:25,871 --> 00:15:27,271
♪ ♪

339
00:15:27,338 --> 00:15:28,771
But when you walk outside,

340
00:15:28,838 --> 00:15:31,938
you don't really see any
immediate signs of Armageddon.

341
00:15:32,005 --> 00:15:33,438
Uh, but, but,

342
00:15:33,505 --> 00:15:35,505
you go to the store
and buy a pocket knife

343
00:15:35,571 --> 00:15:38,038
and a gallon of water
just in case.

344
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:41,670
And then at
the worst possible time,

345
00:15:41,738 --> 00:15:43,305
your toilet breaks.

346
00:15:43,371 --> 00:15:45,805
So, you call the plumber,
and he says

347
00:15:45,871 --> 00:15:48,971
there's something really dense
causing the blockage.

348
00:15:49,605 --> 00:15:51,538
You said you didn't have
the faintest idea

349
00:15:51,605 --> 00:15:53,505
of what it could be.

350
00:15:53,571 --> 00:15:54,805
No idea.

351
00:15:55,805 --> 00:15:57,305
He said they would need
a few days

352
00:15:57,371 --> 00:15:59,405
to get into the walls
and replace something.

353
00:16:00,338 --> 00:16:02,505
So, until it's fixed,
you're just gonna have to

354
00:16:02,571 --> 00:16:04,871
become more resourceful

355
00:16:04,938 --> 00:16:06,805
and find bathrooms in places

356
00:16:06,871 --> 00:16:09,971
you hadn't
really considered before.

357
00:16:10,038 --> 00:16:11,638
Very nice.

358
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:14,671
-How long has this been
on the market?
-Realtor: About a week.

359
00:16:14,738 --> 00:16:16,271
(doorknob clicking)

360
00:16:16,338 --> 00:16:19,505
♪ ♪

361
00:16:19,571 --> 00:16:21,538
-(rattling)
-John: Oh, shit.

362
00:16:21,638 --> 00:16:24,705
(quiet chatter)

363
00:16:24,771 --> 00:16:26,671
John:
Hey, what are you guys doing?

364
00:16:26,738 --> 00:16:29,738
Is this-- Is this a--
Is this a party bus?

365
00:16:29,805 --> 00:16:32,571
-Yeah. Kind of looks like it.
-(group chattering)

366
00:16:32,638 --> 00:16:34,170
We're getting ready
for the show.

367
00:16:34,238 --> 00:16:37,505
-John: So, where's the show?
-Uh, Forest Hills, New York.

368
00:16:37,571 --> 00:16:38,738
Going to see Odesza.

369
00:16:38,805 --> 00:16:40,871
Some of these guys
six times, so...

370
00:16:40,938 --> 00:16:42,670
John:
Oh, really? Can I come?

371
00:16:42,738 --> 00:16:44,571
(muffled music playing)

372
00:16:44,638 --> 00:16:47,670
-(party bus chatter)
-(electronic music blasting)

373
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:56,170
(chatter, music continue)

374
00:16:57,038 --> 00:16:59,305
John (yelling):
How much longer until we, uh...

375
00:16:59,371 --> 00:17:01,505
20 minutes? Okay.

376
00:17:01,571 --> 00:17:03,605
How old are you turning?

377
00:17:04,771 --> 00:17:07,905
-H-How old are you turning?
-I'm turning 28!

378
00:17:07,970 --> 00:17:10,604
John:
Oh, really? That's a good year!

379
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,371
Partygoer:
We are three minutes away!

380
00:17:13,438 --> 00:17:15,805
-John: Are we here? Okay!
-Yeah!

381
00:17:15,871 --> 00:17:19,005
(music becomes quieter)

382
00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:21,438
John:
Alright. Well, have fun
at the concert, guys.

383
00:17:21,505 --> 00:17:22,905
♪ ♪

384
00:17:22,970 --> 00:17:26,338
It was definitely taking
a lot more effort this way.

385
00:17:26,405 --> 00:17:28,170
But looking for a bathroom

386
00:17:28,271 --> 00:17:31,271
opened doors you-you may have
never entered before.

387
00:17:31,338 --> 00:17:33,071
McNally Employee:
Lou Reed was here once.

388
00:17:33,138 --> 00:17:35,871
Mason:
And of course, in the center,
you'll find a, uh,...

389
00:17:36,771 --> 00:17:39,338
an altar, um, with,

390
00:17:39,405 --> 00:17:41,205
sorry to disappoint,
no blood stains.

391
00:17:41,271 --> 00:17:42,971
(laughs)

392
00:17:43,038 --> 00:17:44,471
(John laughs weakly)

393
00:17:44,538 --> 00:17:46,038
John:
And this is the men's room?

394
00:17:46,105 --> 00:17:47,571
Mason:
Oh, it's just a men's room.
Yeah.

395
00:17:48,138 --> 00:17:50,338
John:
Finding the rarest bathroom

396
00:17:50,405 --> 00:17:53,071
became an exciting pursuit,

397
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:56,205
and you became determined to
see how far you could take it.

398
00:17:56,905 --> 00:17:59,205
Camper:
You have to have water, and
then you have to have a pump,

399
00:17:59,271 --> 00:18:00,338
-so...
-John: Okay.

400
00:18:05,705 --> 00:18:08,238
So what do you--
So where are you
going with this?

401
00:18:08,971 --> 00:18:11,238
-I'm going to Burning Man.
-John: Cool.

402
00:18:13,271 --> 00:18:15,071
-(rips tape)
-Uh...

403
00:18:15,138 --> 00:18:17,571
can I come? (laughs)

404
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,638
(laughs) I mean...

405
00:18:19,705 --> 00:18:22,738
♪ ♪

406
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:28,905
-John: Do people try to sneak
into Burning Man?
-Camper: Of course.

407
00:18:28,971 --> 00:18:30,805
People try to sneak in in RVs.

408
00:18:30,871 --> 00:18:32,338
It's really difficult these days

409
00:18:32,405 --> 00:18:34,471
'cause they're kinda
on to the whole experience.

410
00:18:34,538 --> 00:18:36,871
But, like, you could run in.

411
00:18:37,305 --> 00:18:39,705
John:
What's the bathroom situation
like in there?

412
00:18:39,771 --> 00:18:41,905
Camper:
There is...

413
00:18:41,971 --> 00:18:44,471
a plethora of porta-potties.

414
00:18:44,538 --> 00:18:47,471
Like, you can find
a bathroom everywhere.

415
00:18:47,538 --> 00:18:51,638
-So that's nice. Yeah.
-John: Oh, awesome.

416
00:18:51,705 --> 00:18:54,605
She said it was a place that
encouraged free expression,

417
00:18:55,505 --> 00:18:58,838
a society of people
who give each other gifts

418
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:01,205
and build big sculptures
everywhere.

419
00:19:01,271 --> 00:19:03,538
-Are you waiting for ice?
-Yeah. She's pumping--

420
00:19:03,605 --> 00:19:05,538
-She's making the bags for me.
-John: Oh.

421
00:19:06,305 --> 00:19:10,105
You actually did manage to,
uh, get a last-minute ticket

422
00:19:10,705 --> 00:19:13,738
and spent an entire week
filming there.

423
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:17,571
It was the hardest thing
you've ever done,

424
00:19:17,638 --> 00:19:20,971
and you were really proud
of what you shot,

425
00:19:21,038 --> 00:19:23,971
but you were eventually told
that you couldn't use

426
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:27,171
any of the footage because
another documentary crew

427
00:19:27,238 --> 00:19:29,905
negotiated
for exclusive rights

428
00:19:29,971 --> 00:19:32,205
to film that year.

429
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:34,571
It turns out,
some of the film crew,

430
00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:37,605
uh, were actually former
NXIVM members

431
00:19:37,671 --> 00:19:40,238
who made that TV show
"The Vow."

432
00:19:41,038 --> 00:19:43,871
You sat in a hotel room
for two days

433
00:19:43,938 --> 00:19:45,738
trying to negotiate,

434
00:19:45,805 --> 00:19:47,838
but they still refused

435
00:19:47,905 --> 00:19:50,571
to let you use what you shot.

436
00:19:50,638 --> 00:19:52,138
♪ ♪

437
00:19:52,205 --> 00:19:54,638
You were crushed.

438
00:19:55,138 --> 00:19:58,405
It was the most creatively
constipated you've ever felt

439
00:19:59,438 --> 00:20:01,938
and you resented the whole
Burning Man organization

440
00:20:02,005 --> 00:20:04,538
for being such hypocrites.

441
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,838
So, you finally just
threw in the towel

442
00:20:08,905 --> 00:20:10,871
and gave up.

443
00:20:10,938 --> 00:20:13,538
(curtain rattling)

444
00:20:13,938 --> 00:20:17,105
John:
You didn't want your trip
out west to be a net loss,

445
00:20:17,171 --> 00:20:20,171
so you set up an interview
on the way back

446
00:20:20,238 --> 00:20:24,138
with someone you thought, uh,
might be good for the episode.

447
00:20:24,538 --> 00:20:27,138
I'm Steve Savage,
otherwise known as Stinky Steve,

448
00:20:27,205 --> 00:20:29,105
and, uh, I'm in
the septic business

449
00:20:29,171 --> 00:20:31,105
here in central West Texas.

450
00:20:31,171 --> 00:20:32,905
John:
How's business here?

451
00:20:32,971 --> 00:20:36,571
Steve Savage:
I mean, I've got some repeat
customers just south of Abilene.

452
00:20:36,638 --> 00:20:37,971
That's where a lot
of the subdivisions

453
00:20:38,038 --> 00:20:39,938
are kinda being built.

454
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:42,471
-John: Oh, there's a dog
in your bathroom.
-Steve: Yeah, that's Lola.

455
00:20:42,538 --> 00:20:44,205
-John: Oh, wow.
-Steve: Lola!

456
00:20:44,271 --> 00:20:46,305
John:
Do you have a septic tank here?

457
00:20:47,171 --> 00:20:50,938
-At this house? I do not,
but I do at the silo. Yeah.
-John: Yeah.

458
00:20:51,005 --> 00:20:53,871
-At the silo?
-Yeah, the, the silo,
the silo has a septic.

459
00:20:53,938 --> 00:20:57,871
I don't have it functioning yet
as far as that goes, uh,

460
00:20:57,938 --> 00:21:00,171
because I don't have
the pump, the pump installed yet

461
00:21:00,238 --> 00:21:02,471
in the silo
to pump the sewage to the deal.

462
00:21:02,538 --> 00:21:05,271
But, I, I don't even
have the bathroom
hooked up in there yet.

463
00:21:05,338 --> 00:21:07,371
-John: What's the silo?
-Huh?

464
00:21:07,438 --> 00:21:09,971
-John: What's the silo?
-The missile silo.

465
00:21:11,605 --> 00:21:15,538
-So, this part right here,
like where that missile is...
-John: Uh-huh.

466
00:21:15,605 --> 00:21:17,305
...the, that structure
that's underground

467
00:21:17,371 --> 00:21:18,738
is where I'm building my house,

468
00:21:18,805 --> 00:21:21,005
or my future residence,
to live in that.

469
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:23,105
-John: Oh, really?
-And, and so that has--

470
00:21:23,205 --> 00:21:26,238
-that actually has a septic tank
on the property.
-John: What?

471
00:21:27,038 --> 00:21:30,971
Right here is the entry
to an Atlas-F missile silo,

472
00:21:31,038 --> 00:21:32,705
the launch control center.

473
00:21:32,771 --> 00:21:35,305
It was designed
as a retaliation weapon,

474
00:21:35,371 --> 00:21:38,038
like an insurance policy
against the Soviet Union

475
00:21:38,105 --> 00:21:40,471
to kinda prevent World War III.

476
00:21:40,805 --> 00:21:43,338
We are probably
about a hundred...

477
00:21:44,438 --> 00:21:47,471
and fifty to 160 foot

478
00:21:47,538 --> 00:21:49,105
above the bottom of this.

479
00:21:49,171 --> 00:21:50,838
John:
So, I could fall
18 stories down there?

480
00:21:50,905 --> 00:21:52,038
Steve:
And hang on to that rail.

481
00:21:52,105 --> 00:21:54,038
Just make sure you're always
holding on to something.

482
00:21:54,105 --> 00:21:56,871
If you fall down, there's no way
of getting you out of there.

483
00:21:56,938 --> 00:21:59,138
This is gonna be
the master bedroom

484
00:21:59,205 --> 00:22:01,238
with the master bath
right there.

485
00:22:01,305 --> 00:22:03,005
So, somewhere a bed
will end up in here.

486
00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:05,505
But, in the meantime,
I had that air mattress.

487
00:22:05,571 --> 00:22:07,238
John:
You got MREs here.

488
00:22:07,305 --> 00:22:09,638
Steve:
Yeah, you know,
I did that for shits and grins.

489
00:22:09,705 --> 00:22:12,071
You're gonna love this.
This is my fun room.

490
00:22:12,138 --> 00:22:13,671
John:
What? (laughs)

491
00:22:14,438 --> 00:22:16,338
Steve:
This is where they launched
the missile from,

492
00:22:16,405 --> 00:22:19,538
and right now, it's just
kind of a temporary game room.

493
00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:23,071
♪ ♪

494
00:22:23,138 --> 00:22:25,571
There was a point where I was
out here working on it so much,

495
00:22:25,638 --> 00:22:28,871
trying to get it
all done, um, that it did--

496
00:22:28,971 --> 00:22:30,771
it put a little bit of a strain
on the marriage,

497
00:22:30,838 --> 00:22:32,338
it caused us some conflict.

498
00:22:33,138 --> 00:22:35,271
We were split up
for about six months, so...

499
00:22:35,338 --> 00:22:37,105
John:
So, you were, you were
living down here

500
00:22:37,171 --> 00:22:38,671
for six months by yourself?

501
00:22:38,738 --> 00:22:40,705
Steve:
Yeah, about six months. Yeah.

502
00:22:40,771 --> 00:22:42,571
These, these guys
are with HBO.

503
00:22:42,638 --> 00:22:46,571
They're makin' a,
a little short documentary.

504
00:22:46,638 --> 00:22:48,571
-I'ma be on HBO.
-Oh.

505
00:22:48,638 --> 00:22:49,838
-John: Yeah.
-Now, you might be.

506
00:22:49,905 --> 00:22:51,971
So, I don't know.

507
00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:53,805
I mean, with the silo...

508
00:22:53,871 --> 00:22:56,605
I mean, sometimes I wonder
if we will move out there,

509
00:22:56,671 --> 00:22:58,671
you know?
I just don't know. Um...

510
00:22:58,738 --> 00:23:00,405
We did hit a rough patch.

511
00:23:00,471 --> 00:23:04,405
Me and Steve did hit
a rough patch, um,
this past year,

512
00:23:04,471 --> 00:23:07,438
but we are working on it,
you know, to move past it.

513
00:23:07,505 --> 00:23:10,871
And so some of the things
we're working on is,

514
00:23:10,938 --> 00:23:13,271
you know, him spending
more time with us.

515
00:23:13,338 --> 00:23:15,638
-John: Hm.
-And, um, you know,

516
00:23:15,705 --> 00:23:19,005
he's not pushing us
to go out there so much.

517
00:23:19,705 --> 00:23:20,971
'Cause it's pretty quiet
down there.

518
00:23:21,038 --> 00:23:23,005
You don't really know
even the weather,

519
00:23:23,071 --> 00:23:24,138
what's going on
with the weather.

520
00:23:24,205 --> 00:23:25,438
Steve:
You can hear thunder.

521
00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:27,271
-I, I can hear it.
-That's, that's the one thing
I will miss.

522
00:23:27,338 --> 00:23:28,571
You know,
if we do move in there,

523
00:23:28,638 --> 00:23:30,705
it's just not being able
to hear the rain.

524
00:23:30,771 --> 00:23:31,871
-John: Hm.
-Um...

525
00:23:31,938 --> 00:23:34,238
just look out and see
if the snow, you know,

526
00:23:34,338 --> 00:23:37,271
did it snow the one time
of year that it snows here?

527
00:23:37,338 --> 00:23:40,538
Or, you know,
what it looks like outside.

528
00:23:40,605 --> 00:23:42,638
Steve:
Well, you just put
cameras out there.

529
00:23:43,238 --> 00:23:46,638
John:
Seems like even if you are
prepared for a disaster,

530
00:23:47,671 --> 00:23:49,271
the reality
of your new environment

531
00:23:49,338 --> 00:23:51,805
would take some
getting used to.

532
00:23:51,871 --> 00:23:54,205
And if the big one
were to come,

533
00:23:54,271 --> 00:23:57,838
it's unclear who, who else
would still be around.

534
00:23:57,905 --> 00:24:00,371
You asked if there were
any other places like this,

535
00:24:00,438 --> 00:24:03,838
and he told you about
another bunker he knew about.

536
00:24:04,738 --> 00:24:08,505
It, it was underneath a hotel
near Washington DC

537
00:24:08,605 --> 00:24:11,538
that was built as
a secure place for Congress

538
00:24:11,605 --> 00:24:14,138
in, in the event of
a nuclear attack.

539
00:24:14,871 --> 00:24:18,805
Employee:
The Cameo Ballroom is where
you would find large parties,

540
00:24:18,871 --> 00:24:21,238
wonderful dances, balls,

541
00:24:21,305 --> 00:24:22,971
beautiful crystal chandelier.

542
00:24:23,038 --> 00:24:25,738
Brad Paisley was here
this summer.

543
00:24:25,805 --> 00:24:28,638
Alfonso Ribeiro was here
a couple summers ago

544
00:24:28,705 --> 00:24:30,005
with his family.

545
00:24:30,071 --> 00:24:33,471
So during the Cold War,
in case of a nuclear disaster,

546
00:24:34,238 --> 00:24:38,871
this is where
our House and Senate
would have relocated to,

547
00:24:38,938 --> 00:24:40,971
to continue doing their job.

548
00:24:41,471 --> 00:24:43,638
John:
Wow. How heavy is this door?

549
00:24:43,705 --> 00:24:46,771
-Employee: This door
is actually 18 tons.
-John: Wow.

550
00:24:46,838 --> 00:24:49,105
So, this is the start

551
00:24:49,171 --> 00:24:51,338
of the decontamination process.

552
00:24:51,405 --> 00:24:53,571
They're going to have
to take everything off,

553
00:24:53,638 --> 00:24:56,705
and everything would be
immediately incinerated.

554
00:24:56,771 --> 00:25:00,438
This was a dormitory
with 60 to 65 beds.

555
00:25:00,505 --> 00:25:02,971
And there would also
be riot gear.

556
00:25:03,038 --> 00:25:06,605
John:
The riot gear is to protect
the people in here

557
00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:08,705
-from each other?
-From each other.

558
00:25:08,771 --> 00:25:10,871
So, they had to make sure

559
00:25:10,938 --> 00:25:14,105
that they survived
and that our government

560
00:25:14,171 --> 00:25:16,971
would continue
running our country.

561
00:25:17,071 --> 00:25:18,238
John:
Like, is there any kind of world

562
00:25:18,305 --> 00:25:19,805
that you would not
want to reenter?

563
00:25:19,871 --> 00:25:23,071
Like, if, if there were
such... fallout?

564
00:25:23,138 --> 00:25:25,338
Well, if we have
complete devastation,

565
00:25:25,405 --> 00:25:29,205
and there's no vegetation,
there's no animals left,

566
00:25:29,271 --> 00:25:33,038
um, I don't want to be
a part of that world

567
00:25:33,105 --> 00:25:35,538
to try to figure out
how to sustain life.

568
00:25:36,238 --> 00:25:39,238
So, yes, I would not
want to be here

569
00:25:39,305 --> 00:25:40,938
in that situation.

570
00:25:41,005 --> 00:25:43,038
(beep, door clicks)

571
00:25:43,738 --> 00:25:46,405
-John: Oh, wow.
-This is the briefing room,

572
00:25:46,471 --> 00:25:48,938
and this is where
our representatives

573
00:25:49,038 --> 00:25:51,838
would have addressed
their constituents from.

574
00:25:51,905 --> 00:25:54,738
-John: And that would be the
background for the broadcast?
-Correct.

575
00:25:54,805 --> 00:25:58,771
If you have a photo of,
of devastation and destruction,

576
00:25:58,838 --> 00:26:00,171
you're going to be scared.

577
00:26:00,238 --> 00:26:02,438
You're going to want to flee.

578
00:26:02,505 --> 00:26:04,871
And this is going
to help calm everyone down.

579
00:26:04,938 --> 00:26:07,505
John:
Like, wouldn't it just be,
like, an illusion

580
00:26:07,571 --> 00:26:10,805
that the White House was intact,
even if it wasn't?

581
00:26:11,505 --> 00:26:15,105
It would, but it would be
an illusion that we would need.

582
00:26:15,171 --> 00:26:17,305
Us having this

583
00:26:17,371 --> 00:26:19,838
would really calm
everyone down and say,

584
00:26:19,905 --> 00:26:23,505
"Hey, just hold on a minute.
We can get through this.

585
00:26:23,605 --> 00:26:25,971
They're tryin' to find
a solution for us."

586
00:26:26,038 --> 00:26:28,505
♪ ♪

587
00:26:28,571 --> 00:26:31,071
John:
So, this is the bathroom
Congress would have used?

588
00:26:31,138 --> 00:26:33,871
Employee:
Yes. (laughs) Help yourself.

589
00:26:33,938 --> 00:26:35,905
(clicking)

590
00:26:39,538 --> 00:26:42,071
(toilet flushes)

591
00:26:42,771 --> 00:26:45,305
John:
So, it's good to know that

592
00:26:45,371 --> 00:26:48,238
if anything really bad
does happen,

593
00:26:48,305 --> 00:26:52,071
everything will still be able
to run the same way.

594
00:26:54,605 --> 00:26:58,171
And even if these old relics
don't function

595
00:26:58,238 --> 00:27:00,105
the way they should anymore,

596
00:27:00,171 --> 00:27:02,605
at least they provide us
with images

597
00:27:02,671 --> 00:27:04,738
that make us hopeful

598
00:27:04,805 --> 00:27:06,771
that things
will get better tomorrow.

599
00:27:06,838 --> 00:27:09,438
(water spraying)

600
00:27:11,205 --> 00:27:14,971
John:
And if you can't
film at Burning Man,

601
00:27:15,905 --> 00:27:19,505
you can always just make do
with what you have at home.

602
00:27:20,038 --> 00:27:21,638
Because if all
our public spaces

603
00:27:21,705 --> 00:27:23,738
are eventually gonna
become private,

604
00:27:24,638 --> 00:27:27,705
then we should all get used
to seeing our private stuff

605
00:27:28,871 --> 00:27:30,405
in public.

606
00:27:33,938 --> 00:27:36,105
This is John Wilson.

607
00:27:36,171 --> 00:27:38,171
Thanks for watching.

608
00:27:38,238 --> 00:27:40,138
(jaunty country jingle playing)

609
00:27:40,205 --> 00:27:42,238
♪ If your toilet
quits a-flushin' ♪

610
00:27:42,305 --> 00:27:44,538
♪ There ain't no point
in fussin' ♪

611
00:27:44,605 --> 00:27:48,905
♪ Pick up the telephone
and call Stinky Steve's ♪

612
00:27:48,971 --> 00:27:51,138
♪ If your septic tank
is smellin' ♪

613
00:27:51,205 --> 00:27:53,571
♪ And your spouse
just started yellin' ♪

614
00:27:53,638 --> 00:27:56,771
♪ Pick up the telephone
and call Stinky Steve's ♪

615
00:27:57,705 --> 00:28:00,171
♪ They're number one
with the number two ♪

616
00:28:00,271 --> 00:28:02,138
♪ You are sure to see ♪

617
00:28:02,238 --> 00:28:06,071
♪ Pick up the telephone
and call Stinky Steve's ♪

618
00:28:06,138 --> 00:28:07,738
(jingle ends)

619
00:28:08,105 --> 00:28:10,405
(majestic music playing)

620
00:28:25,438 --> 00:28:26,705
(music fades)