1
00:00:14,334 --> 00:00:15,876
[police siren wails]
2
00:00:15,876 --> 00:00:17,834
[engine revs]
3
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:19,126
[tires squeal]
4
00:00:19,126 --> 00:00:21,043
[dramatic music]
5
00:00:21,043 --> 00:00:22,668
[gunfire]
6
00:00:24,209 --> 00:00:25,584
[engine revving]
7
00:00:30,751 --> 00:00:31,918
[gunshot]
8
00:00:37,834 --> 00:00:39,209
[tires squeal]
9
00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:43,001
[tires screeching]
10
00:00:51,709 --> 00:00:53,126
{\an8}[feedback squeals]
11
00:00:53,793 --> 00:00:55,418
{\an8}[producer] Oh! Love it!
12
00:00:55,418 --> 00:00:58,251
"Trouble"! One of the greatest
Elvis songs of all time.
13
00:00:58,251 --> 00:00:59,168
How was the sound?
14
00:00:59,168 --> 00:01:01,084
Hell yeah. Felt great.
15
00:01:01,084 --> 00:01:03,501
But since that song's about
beating the shit out of somebody,
16
00:01:03,501 --> 00:01:05,501
which is great in its own way,
17
00:01:05,501 --> 00:01:07,626
maybe we try something more...
18
00:01:08,751 --> 00:01:09,834
Christmassy?
19
00:01:10,334 --> 00:01:14,709
Yeah. I'm having kinda second thoughts
about the whole Christmas angle.
20
00:01:14,709 --> 00:01:16,418
[producer]
I hear you. Great. Good thought.
21
00:01:16,418 --> 00:01:19,459
So, let's try one
with Tiny Tim and the Elvis Elves.
22
00:01:19,459 --> 00:01:20,834
[man coughs]
23
00:01:22,501 --> 00:01:23,334
Thoughts?
24
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,251
[jazzy blues music]
25
00:01:31,251 --> 00:01:33,001
[giggling]
26
00:01:34,584 --> 00:01:35,459
Ladies.
27
00:01:36,251 --> 00:01:38,959
Oh, for fuck's sake, Scatter.
28
00:01:39,501 --> 00:01:42,459
I guess "Wait in the limo"
is a little too open-ended, huh?
29
00:01:42,459 --> 00:01:43,584
What the hell?
30
00:01:43,584 --> 00:01:45,876
You said we'd get to hang out with Elvis.
31
00:01:45,876 --> 00:01:47,084
[cackles]
32
00:01:47,084 --> 00:01:48,584
[cheeks squelching on window]
33
00:01:48,584 --> 00:01:51,001
Now, you realize
that vest has pockets, right?
34
00:01:51,001 --> 00:01:53,084
[crowd shouting indistinctly]
35
00:01:57,168 --> 00:01:58,543
[speed-dialing]
36
00:01:58,543 --> 00:01:59,876
[Priscilla, on phone] Hello?
37
00:01:59,876 --> 00:02:01,751
Oh hey, baby. Did I call too late?
38
00:02:01,751 --> 00:02:04,876
Only for one of us,
and she's sound asleep.
39
00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:06,459
Well, give her a kiss for me, will you?
40
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,543
You sound tired, baby. You doing okay?
41
00:02:08,543 --> 00:02:10,376
I don't know, 'Cilla.
42
00:02:10,376 --> 00:02:13,584
Feels like the world out there
is going insane, and I'm stuck here
43
00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:16,418
doing a shitty Christmas show
the Colonel locked me into.
44
00:02:16,418 --> 00:02:19,251
Aw, I'm sure the show will be great.
45
00:02:19,251 --> 00:02:21,459
Yeah. You mean
the one with the Elvis Elves?
46
00:02:21,459 --> 00:02:22,709
Come on. "Elvis Elves"?
47
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,043
Trust me,
it's actually worse than it sounds.
48
00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:26,001
No way.
49
00:02:27,793 --> 00:02:29,543
Hello? 'Cilla?
50
00:02:29,543 --> 00:02:31,168
Hey, ace, what happened to the phone?
51
00:02:31,168 --> 00:02:33,334
[driver]
Sorry, just trying to speed things up.
52
00:02:33,334 --> 00:02:34,293
[Elvis] Speed what up?
53
00:02:36,001 --> 00:02:37,501
[driver] My job. Killing you.
54
00:02:38,084 --> 00:02:39,793
Oh, and for whatever reason,
55
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:43,084
they wanted you to hear this
while you, you know, die.
56
00:02:43,084 --> 00:02:44,668
Did he just say, "Killing me"?
57
00:02:45,251 --> 00:02:46,918
[music plays]
58
00:02:46,918 --> 00:02:47,876
Goulet?
59
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:52,001
Well, this fucking day
just keeps getting better and better.
60
00:02:53,834 --> 00:02:55,334
[gibbering]
61
00:02:57,418 --> 00:02:59,834
Damn it, Scatter! You shot me!
62
00:02:59,834 --> 00:03:01,418
[Scatter coughing]
63
00:03:03,376 --> 00:03:06,834
I swear to God, I should have
never gotten out of bed this morning.
64
00:03:06,834 --> 00:03:08,709
- [Scatter screeches]
- Oh what, huh?
65
00:03:08,709 --> 00:03:10,501
I'm not allowed to have a bad day?
66
00:03:13,668 --> 00:03:14,584
[driver] Aw, shit!
67
00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:17,543
[tires squealing]
68
00:03:19,168 --> 00:03:20,626
- [truck horn blares]
- [screams]
69
00:03:21,876 --> 00:03:22,918
[tires screech]
70
00:03:28,168 --> 00:03:30,168
[screams]
71
00:03:35,543 --> 00:03:39,751
Look here, pal. I've had a shit day,
so I'm gonna go ahead and kick your ass.
72
00:03:39,751 --> 00:03:40,751
Hyah!
73
00:03:43,751 --> 00:03:45,709
[woman] Huh? What in the hell?
74
00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:47,293
[man] Holy shit. Is that Elvis?
75
00:03:49,334 --> 00:03:51,543
♪ For the next three weeks
I went hunting them nights ♪
76
00:03:51,543 --> 00:03:53,084
♪ Just looking for a place to play... ♪
77
00:03:53,626 --> 00:03:54,959
[yells]
78
00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:57,751
♪ But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man ♪
79
00:03:57,751 --> 00:03:59,209
[grunting]
80
00:04:01,126 --> 00:04:02,084
[gun hammer cocks]
81
00:04:04,334 --> 00:04:06,834
[shouts and shrieks]
82
00:04:07,918 --> 00:04:09,501
[grunting]
83
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,918
♪ I run out of money and luck
So I bought me a ride ♪
84
00:04:12,918 --> 00:04:14,709
♪ Down to Macon, Georgia... ♪
85
00:04:17,584 --> 00:04:20,043
♪ Started picking out
Some of them all-night bars ♪
86
00:04:20,043 --> 00:04:23,501
♪ Hoping I could make myself a dollar
Making music on my guitar ♪
87
00:04:24,168 --> 00:04:26,418
♪ I got the same old story
At them all-night piers ♪
88
00:04:26,418 --> 00:04:28,876
♪ You know there ain't no room around here
For a guitar man ♪
89
00:04:28,876 --> 00:04:29,876
Sorry about that.
90
00:04:30,793 --> 00:04:33,043
Oh my God, Elvis. That was amazing.
91
00:04:33,043 --> 00:04:34,293
What was all that?
92
00:04:34,876 --> 00:04:36,001
[Elvis] Oh that? Yeah.
93
00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:38,168
You know, that... That was a rehearsal.
94
00:04:38,168 --> 00:04:40,376
It's what I'm doing for my new TV show.
95
00:04:40,376 --> 00:04:42,293
Jesus, is that guy okay?
96
00:04:42,293 --> 00:04:44,334
[Elvis] Oh yeah,
that's just fake blood, everybody.
97
00:04:44,334 --> 00:04:45,751
And that there is fake, uh...
98
00:04:45,751 --> 00:04:47,543
Well, whatever that is. And--
99
00:04:47,543 --> 00:04:49,001
What's the new show called?
100
00:04:50,959 --> 00:04:53,293
[intense music]
101
00:04:57,126 --> 00:04:59,126
{\an8}[feedback drones]
102
00:04:59,626 --> 00:05:01,418
[Elvis] Rise and shine, asshole.
103
00:05:01,418 --> 00:05:03,418
[driver] Oh, where am I?
104
00:05:04,084 --> 00:05:06,793
Oh, you are fucking dead. I'll fucking--
105
00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:08,584
{\an8}Jesus Christ.
106
00:05:08,584 --> 00:05:11,793
{\an8}You gotta be dumber
than a mud fence to be talking right now.
107
00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:14,168
{\an8}That's my friend, Bobby Ray.
108
00:05:14,168 --> 00:05:15,709
{\an8}You might want to listen to him.
109
00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:20,709
{\an8}Which house rule
am I thinking about right now?
110
00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:23,084
{\an8}Definitely not the one
about personal space.
111
00:05:23,084 --> 00:05:27,584
{\an8}You promised none of your vigilante
nonsense in this house, remember?
112
00:05:27,584 --> 00:05:29,459
{\an8}Won't even know we're here,
Miss Bertie.
113
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:32,876
{\an8}Hey, when I get out of this,
I'm gonna fucking--
114
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:34,376
{\an8}More or less.
115
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:35,834
{\an8}Mm.
116
00:05:36,584 --> 00:05:38,459
{\an8}That was Bertie, my rock.
117
00:05:38,459 --> 00:05:41,418
{\an8}Runs everything around here,
known me since I was in diapers.
118
00:05:41,418 --> 00:05:45,751
{\an8}And speaking of diapers, you see my chimp,
Scatter, over there with the hand cannon?
119
00:05:46,376 --> 00:05:47,793
{\an8}[growls]
120
00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:50,001
{\an8}That is a problem for you, friend.
121
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,668
{\an8}You see, I decided a while ago,
122
00:05:51,668 --> 00:05:54,834
{\an8}I wasn't gonna just sit around
while this country's torn apart
123
00:05:54,834 --> 00:05:59,626
{\an8}by all the chaos, the dirtbag hippies,
the drugs, the crime.
124
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,834
{\an8}No, no, no, not on my watch.
125
00:06:01,834 --> 00:06:02,751
{\an8}But Scatter here?
126
00:06:02,751 --> 00:06:05,626
{\an8}Hell, he just does it
because he gets off to it.
127
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,418
{\an8}Not where I was going with that.
128
00:06:07,418 --> 00:06:09,626
{\an8}- [gibbers]
- You know, here's an idea.
129
00:06:09,626 --> 00:06:12,209
{\an8}Maybe try not
being disgusting all the time,
130
00:06:12,209 --> 00:06:16,293
{\an8}including in the hot tub that you clogged
with your damn monkey spunk.
131
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,293
{\an8}That filter looked like a war crime!
132
00:06:19,001 --> 00:06:22,751
{\an8}Look at me. Here and now is
where you tell me who sent you to kill me.
133
00:06:22,751 --> 00:06:24,668
{\an8}Fuck you, singer boy.
134
00:06:24,668 --> 00:06:26,209
{\an8}They're not paying me to talk.
135
00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:28,293
{\an8}They? Well, who the hell's "they"?
136
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:33,584
{\an8}Now you listen to me, scumbag. I promise
you Scatter's going to pull that trigger...
137
00:06:33,584 --> 00:06:35,626
{\an8}- [gunshot]
- [Bobby Ray] Oh fuck!
138
00:06:36,126 --> 00:06:37,334
{\an8}"If"!
139
00:06:37,334 --> 00:06:40,543
{\an8}Goddamn it, Scatter.
I was gonna say, "If" he didn't talk!
140
00:06:40,543 --> 00:06:41,751
{\an8}[chatters]
141
00:06:42,251 --> 00:06:45,501
{\an8}Not sticking up for the chimp here,
boss, but it was a little confusing.
142
00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:46,668
{\an8}[Bertie] So...
143
00:06:46,668 --> 00:06:49,543
{\an8}is this me not knowing you're here?
144
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,126
Just a little hiccup, Miss Bertie.
145
00:06:51,126 --> 00:06:53,043
{\an8}Just a little hiccup. Everything's fine.
146
00:06:53,918 --> 00:06:56,334
Though technically
the living room has seen better days.
147
00:06:56,334 --> 00:06:58,959
{\an8}You know, there are ways
148
00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:01,959
{\an8}to turn you into
a quarter-sleeve cardigan.
149
00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:04,501
You need to clean this up, now.
150
00:07:04,501 --> 00:07:06,793
Because that sweater thing
sounded real specific.
151
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,418
[gibbering]
152
00:07:09,376 --> 00:07:11,834
- Yeah. Like I know where the mop is.
- [door closes]
153
00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:13,376
- Pull!
- [Scatter coos]
154
00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:15,459
[gunshot]
155
00:07:15,459 --> 00:07:19,251
I swear this crime-fighting crap's
gonna get you killed one day.
156
00:07:19,251 --> 00:07:21,418
Yeah, but this one wasn't my fault.
157
00:07:21,418 --> 00:07:24,293
The guy with the exploded head
started the whole damn thing.
158
00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:26,084
[Bertie] Just like that, huh?
159
00:07:26,084 --> 00:07:28,793
[Elvis]
All I know is somebody wants me dead.
160
00:07:28,793 --> 00:07:29,751
Pull!
161
00:07:29,751 --> 00:07:31,293
- [Scatter shouts]
- [gunshot]
162
00:07:31,293 --> 00:07:33,793
You know, my money's on them Bolivians.
163
00:07:33,793 --> 00:07:35,334
Negatory.
164
00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:38,584
All those guys
are not really around anymore.
165
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:40,626
What is that? A to-go bag?
166
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:41,876
Put that shit back.
167
00:07:42,668 --> 00:07:45,168
Hey! What about that mob guy
you ran into in Miami
168
00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:46,793
when you were doing that Sinatra show?
169
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,168
[Elvis] Definitely not him.
170
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,209
There's that biker gang from last month.
171
00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:57,793
Not after that explosion, there isn't.
172
00:07:57,793 --> 00:08:00,001
Or maybe just another jealous husband
173
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:03,959
sick of his wife flooding her basement
every time you're on the TV... Ow!
174
00:08:03,959 --> 00:08:05,876
Doesn't really narrow it down, does it?
175
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:08,793
Besides, though, this felt different.
This guy... This guy was a pro.
176
00:08:08,793 --> 00:08:10,668
You even hear yourself?
177
00:08:10,668 --> 00:08:13,334
I promised your mama
I was gonna look after you,
178
00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:15,209
but if she was alive today, she'd--
179
00:08:15,209 --> 00:08:19,001
Say, "Thank you, Elvis, for trying
to make the world a better place."
180
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:22,209
"You're such a good boy, Elvis.
How about a snack?"
181
00:08:22,209 --> 00:08:24,501
Oh, and then Mom would
probably cover her ears,
182
00:08:24,501 --> 00:08:26,459
because this is going to get real loud.
183
00:08:26,459 --> 00:08:28,209
Wait, wait, wait! Check it out, E.
184
00:08:28,209 --> 00:08:30,876
Got bored and souped up
a pair of your sunglasses for you.
185
00:08:32,459 --> 00:08:34,168
[Elvis, chuckling] Yeah.
186
00:08:34,959 --> 00:08:35,918
Watch this.
187
00:08:36,418 --> 00:08:38,418
[mellow music playing]
188
00:08:40,459 --> 00:08:42,293
[gunshots]
189
00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:46,084
[Bobby Ray] Hang on.
190
00:08:46,084 --> 00:08:49,709
What happened to all the Christmas stuff?
There was a bunch of tinsel and shit.
191
00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:51,209
I'm taking this thing over.
192
00:08:51,209 --> 00:08:53,168
It's not gonna be
a Christmas special anymore.
193
00:08:53,168 --> 00:08:54,084
Well, what then?
194
00:08:54,084 --> 00:08:55,459
Glad you asked, buddy.
195
00:08:55,459 --> 00:08:58,751
Because if I can dream,
this show's gonna make a statement.
196
00:08:58,751 --> 00:09:00,376
- A statement?
- Damn straight.
197
00:09:00,376 --> 00:09:02,334
Just full-tilt rock and roll, boys,
198
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:05,126
how we used to do it before
all the movies and all the bullshit.
199
00:09:05,126 --> 00:09:08,418
Now, that, my chiseled friend,
is what I'm talking about.
200
00:09:08,418 --> 00:09:10,293
Just you and the boys cranking it out.
201
00:09:10,293 --> 00:09:12,168
Already got Scotty and DJ on a plane.
202
00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,043
- Blowing the fucking doors off.
- Always.
203
00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:16,834
If we deck this place out
with, like, a shit-ton of balloons...
204
00:09:16,834 --> 00:09:18,543
- [Elvis] What?
- ...multicolored streamers,
205
00:09:18,543 --> 00:09:20,376
and... Ooh! Bunting.
206
00:09:21,209 --> 00:09:23,168
Absolutely not. Go get the car.
207
00:09:25,793 --> 00:09:27,334
- [door opens]
- [woman] Excuse me.
208
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,876
[Elvis] Well, well, well.
Lady One, Lady Two, Lady Three.
209
00:09:30,876 --> 00:09:34,334
Yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am, and yes, ma'am.
Now, how'd you get in here?
210
00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:36,168
Any chance we can get a picture?
211
00:09:36,168 --> 00:09:38,626
Well, sure thing, you bet. Come here now.
212
00:09:39,959 --> 00:09:41,043
[camera clicking]
213
00:09:41,043 --> 00:09:44,168
Okay, last one, I swear.
214
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:45,959
Sure, anything for the fans.
215
00:09:48,376 --> 00:09:50,751
Which you, apparently, are not.
216
00:09:50,751 --> 00:09:53,834
Okay, piggy, let's see those teeth.
217
00:09:54,459 --> 00:09:56,501
- Say--
- Wait. I think I know this one.
218
00:09:56,501 --> 00:09:57,793
Cheese, dipshits!
219
00:09:59,959 --> 00:10:01,084
Hyah!
220
00:10:03,959 --> 00:10:05,584
[electricity crackles]
221
00:10:07,084 --> 00:10:09,001
[Elvis]
Now that's what I'm talking about.
222
00:10:19,543 --> 00:10:20,501
[whistles]
223
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:25,418
That was fucking weird, huh?
224
00:10:25,418 --> 00:10:27,751
- What the hell was all that?
- Just doing my job.
225
00:10:27,751 --> 00:10:29,751
- Sorry?
- [CeCe] Don't be. Later, gator!
226
00:10:31,209 --> 00:10:33,209
[producer] Uh, okay.
227
00:10:33,209 --> 00:10:34,543
I have a few notes.
228
00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:38,293
You mind telling me
what the hell's going on?
229
00:10:38,293 --> 00:10:43,459
Okay, this is gonna sound
a little/extremely weird, but
230
00:10:43,459 --> 00:10:45,418
- you're on a kill list.
- [motorcycle engine revs]
231
00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:48,084
I know. Sucks, am I right?
232
00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:56,001
Hey, what's up, boss man?
233
00:10:56,001 --> 00:10:57,584
Think I might be on a kill list.
234
00:10:57,584 --> 00:10:59,668
Hmm. Well, that sucks.
235
00:10:59,668 --> 00:11:01,001
Scatter, you got her?
236
00:11:01,001 --> 00:11:02,418
[inhales]
237
00:11:02,418 --> 00:11:03,543
[yells]
238
00:11:03,543 --> 00:11:06,501
Oh, you sure this is a good idea, E?
239
00:11:06,501 --> 00:11:09,626
When someone says, "Kill list,"
I've got a few follow-up questions.
240
00:11:09,626 --> 00:11:14,376
No. I mean, trusting the chimp
to track some woman's... lady parts scents.
241
00:11:14,876 --> 00:11:15,793
Scatter's got it.
242
00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:17,584
Does he? Because last time we tried this,
243
00:11:17,584 --> 00:11:19,876
we ended up
at Gloria Steinem's crawfish boil.
244
00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:25,543
You boys stay with the car,
245
00:11:25,543 --> 00:11:30,834
which means not buying coked-up hookers,
he said really clearly this time.
246
00:11:31,751 --> 00:11:33,626
If I'm not back in five, come and get me.
247
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,709
[funky percussive music]
248
00:11:45,251 --> 00:11:46,126
[stammers]
249
00:11:46,126 --> 00:11:47,709
Mr. Presley?
250
00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:49,001
You got room for one more?
251
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,459
Of course, sir. Let me just check.
252
00:11:51,459 --> 00:11:53,709
[Elvis] At ease, ace.
Wasn't really asking.
253
00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:57,459
[rock music]
254
00:11:58,459 --> 00:12:00,918
Now, there she is. Never got your name.
255
00:12:00,918 --> 00:12:02,626
No. And there's a reason for that.
256
00:12:02,626 --> 00:12:03,918
I want some answers.
257
00:12:03,918 --> 00:12:08,501
No, I think what you really want
is the scallops mimosa. Oh!
258
00:12:08,501 --> 00:12:10,626
- Sorry?
- Oh God, you won't be. Trust me.
259
00:12:10,626 --> 00:12:14,251
First time I tried some,
so good I literally shit my pants.
260
00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:16,918
You know, hearing that out loud,
they may have been undercooked--
261
00:12:16,918 --> 00:12:19,418
- Skip to the kill list.
- Oh, that.
262
00:12:19,418 --> 00:12:21,459
- Yeah, somebody wants you dead.
- Who?
263
00:12:21,459 --> 00:12:23,751
The name Charlie Manson
mean anything to you?
264
00:12:24,334 --> 00:12:25,834
[woman giggling]
265
00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:28,793
[woman] Ooh. Oh, you are bad!
266
00:12:29,293 --> 00:12:31,918
Oh no. Don't you fucking do it, Jughead!
267
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:34,459
Hey there, daddy-o. Borrow a light?
268
00:12:34,459 --> 00:12:38,293
{\an8}Ooh! Yes, ma'am.
You can borrow whatever the hell you want:
269
00:12:38,293 --> 00:12:40,584
{\an8}a light, my car keys, my spleen.
270
00:12:41,084 --> 00:12:43,376
We'll borrow you too,
while we're at it, Jack.
271
00:12:43,376 --> 00:12:45,543
Don't just stand there, pick him up!
272
00:12:45,543 --> 00:12:47,418
Am I talking to myself here?
273
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:51,459
That wasn't rhetorical. I'm really asking.
I've got six voices in my head right now.
274
00:12:52,168 --> 00:12:53,251
Absolute psychopath...
275
00:12:53,251 --> 00:12:54,918
[whispers inaudibly]
276
00:12:54,918 --> 00:12:59,709
...who, small side note,
technically just kidnapped your friend.
277
00:12:59,709 --> 00:13:02,459
- What?
- The one not wearing a diaper. Bobby Ray.
278
00:13:02,459 --> 00:13:04,168
Oh, the fucking waiter just tell you that?
279
00:13:04,168 --> 00:13:08,043
"Oh, did the fucking waiter..." Yeah.
We've got eyes everywhere. Creepy, right?
280
00:13:08,043 --> 00:13:09,876
You're not kidding. Where'd they take him?
281
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,668
- Can't tell you that.
- You're coming with me.
282
00:13:11,668 --> 00:13:14,501
And cancel dinner
with a not-too-clingy radiologist
283
00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:16,834
with size 13 shoes and a beach house?
284
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:18,418
[laughs] I don't think so.
285
00:13:18,418 --> 00:13:19,376
Try again.
286
00:13:19,918 --> 00:13:21,209
[guns cock]
287
00:13:21,209 --> 00:13:23,126
Mm. Careful.
288
00:13:26,459 --> 00:13:29,918
You don't look like an honorary
Shelby County deputy to me.
289
00:13:30,584 --> 00:13:33,959
You mind telling me why
Dean Martin has a .38 aimed at my head?
290
00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:35,834
That feels like a you problem.
291
00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:37,918
Well, speaking of "you problems,"
292
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,834
if this Manson guy
really did take Bobby Ray...
293
00:13:42,084 --> 00:13:43,376
[rings]
294
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:45,376
[growls]
295
00:13:45,376 --> 00:13:49,293
...then you're about to see
why we don't let Scatter drive. Ever.
296
00:13:50,084 --> 00:13:51,001
[all gasp]
297
00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:54,876
[steam hissing]
298
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:56,709
[dirt sifting]
299
00:13:58,543 --> 00:13:59,793
Let's take a ride.
300
00:14:00,376 --> 00:14:02,793
[upbeat rockabilly music playing]
301
00:14:05,376 --> 00:14:06,959
- Hey!
- [tires squeal]
302
00:14:10,751 --> 00:14:12,334
[CeCe] It's called Spahn Ranch.
303
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:14,501
It used to be
a movie set for old westerns.
304
00:14:14,501 --> 00:14:16,168
Huh. Looks like nobody's home.
305
00:14:16,168 --> 00:14:18,668
[CeCe] No?
Well, "nobody" sure has a lot of horses.
306
00:14:18,668 --> 00:14:19,584
[Elvis] Good point.
307
00:14:19,584 --> 00:14:22,501
No shit. Trust me. This is home base
for Manson and his people.
308
00:14:22,501 --> 00:14:25,668
So, now can we cool it
with whatever the fuck this is?
309
00:14:25,668 --> 00:14:26,751
[snaps fingers]
310
00:14:28,418 --> 00:14:30,376
Oh. Don't mind if I do.
311
00:14:30,959 --> 00:14:32,584
[whispers] You're my new favorite.
312
00:14:33,126 --> 00:14:34,418
[gibbers]
313
00:14:34,418 --> 00:14:36,001
Only one way to find out.
314
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,126
You can get out now.
315
00:14:38,126 --> 00:14:39,751
Hey, what do you think you're do...
316
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,084
[thunder rumbling]
317
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,293
[yelling]
318
00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:56,334
Uh, what am I doing? My job,
which is keeping you unmurdered.
319
00:14:56,334 --> 00:14:58,418
And more importantly,
getting high with a monkey.
320
00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:00,293
Either way, can we hurry this up?
321
00:15:05,418 --> 00:15:06,876
[CeCe groaning]
322
00:15:06,876 --> 00:15:09,918
So boring.
You know your friend's already dead--
323
00:15:09,918 --> 00:15:11,584
Hey, let me tell you something.
324
00:15:11,584 --> 00:15:13,334
Bobby Ray grew up in the backwoods,
325
00:15:13,334 --> 00:15:16,293
where the only things to do were
making moonshine and catching rabies.
326
00:15:16,293 --> 00:15:17,334
Uh-huh.
327
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:20,251
And what is your insanely grim point here?
328
00:15:20,251 --> 00:15:21,834
Bobby Ray is a survivor.
329
00:15:23,959 --> 00:15:25,209
- Stay here.
- [inhales sharply]
330
00:15:25,209 --> 00:15:26,334
Done.
331
00:15:26,334 --> 00:15:27,584
[cocks gun]
332
00:15:30,959 --> 00:15:32,876
[static crackling]
333
00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:34,793
[Elvis] Goddamn it, Bobby Ray.
334
00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:38,168
[floorboards creaking]
335
00:15:40,209 --> 00:15:41,293
[thudding]
336
00:15:50,543 --> 00:15:52,543
[thudding continues]
337
00:15:57,126 --> 00:15:59,543
- [muffled screaming]
- [Elvis] Sweet mother of God.
338
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,418
Hey! Hey, they may be coming back soon.
339
00:16:03,418 --> 00:16:05,376
So let's get you out of here.
340
00:16:05,376 --> 00:16:07,584
What? No, I mean to fuck me again.
341
00:16:07,584 --> 00:16:11,418
Seriously, E, these batshit-crazy
free-love chicks are on fire.
342
00:16:11,418 --> 00:16:13,126
[Elvis] Uh, is that blood?
343
00:16:13,126 --> 00:16:17,084
Okay, yeah, the sex got a little dark.
Not proud of it, but I'd do it again.
344
00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:18,626
[discordant strumming]
345
00:16:18,626 --> 00:16:20,209
What in the hell is that?
346
00:16:23,584 --> 00:16:26,043
Whoa, whoa, easy with the gun, man.
347
00:16:26,626 --> 00:16:28,376
What's with all the hostility?
348
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:31,043
You assholes kidnapped my friend.
349
00:16:31,043 --> 00:16:32,043
Kidnapped?
350
00:16:32,043 --> 00:16:33,084
[all laugh]
351
00:16:33,876 --> 00:16:36,834
Who are you,
the charred remains of my last lawyer?
352
00:16:37,459 --> 00:16:40,751
No, we just borrowed your friend
to get you here.
353
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:43,959
Now, relax, grab a seat.
354
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:46,834
We're all friendly here.
355
00:16:47,793 --> 00:16:50,001
- [man] Join us.
- [woman] Come join us, man.
356
00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:51,459
- Right.
- Hey, E?
357
00:16:51,459 --> 00:16:53,043
Maybe let's get the hell out of here.
358
00:16:55,001 --> 00:16:58,876
So, you gonna introduce us
to your fun new friends?
359
00:16:58,876 --> 00:17:01,001
- Just fucking drive, Bobby Ray.
- Yep!
360
00:17:01,001 --> 00:17:02,376
[tires squeal]
361
00:17:03,418 --> 00:17:06,918
Step on it. Maybe I can still make dinner
with Dr. Timmy and his insanely big...
362
00:17:17,376 --> 00:17:18,709
[moans softly]
363
00:17:19,834 --> 00:17:20,751
[Elvis] What?
364
00:17:22,251 --> 00:17:23,459
Nice nap?
365
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:24,793
What the hell is this?
366
00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,126
Oh, this? [snickers]
367
00:17:26,126 --> 00:17:29,418
This is the gallows they used
filming Linda and Abilene,
368
00:17:29,418 --> 00:17:32,418
an underappreciated psychosexual western.
369
00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:33,959
And these folks here?
370
00:17:33,959 --> 00:17:36,543
These are my people, man!
371
00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:38,751
- [all cheer]
- Thank you, yes!
372
00:17:38,751 --> 00:17:39,668
[laughs]
373
00:17:39,668 --> 00:17:43,293
So are they here to just fuck around in
the dirt or to watch you try and kill me?
374
00:17:43,293 --> 00:17:46,668
Kill you? Oh no, brother.
What the hell are you talking about?
375
00:17:46,668 --> 00:17:47,959
- [Elvis] The kill list.
- Ugh.
376
00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:50,376
I told Bloodlust Charlie
not to call it that.
377
00:17:50,376 --> 00:17:52,543
But then Angry Charlie told me,
"Shut the fuck up!"
378
00:17:52,543 --> 00:17:53,834
- No, you shut up.
- You shut up!
379
00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:55,668
- Be quiet.
- Whose voice is that?
380
00:17:55,668 --> 00:17:56,751
Everyone be quiet.
381
00:17:56,751 --> 00:17:58,043
Shh.
382
00:17:58,043 --> 00:18:01,126
Nothing completely insane
about any of that.
383
00:18:01,126 --> 00:18:02,084
Can I go now?
384
00:18:02,084 --> 00:18:03,084
Sure.
385
00:18:03,084 --> 00:18:05,084
Well, assuming you want
to join the family.
386
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,959
Family? What fucking family?
387
00:18:06,959 --> 00:18:09,418
We're all brothers and sisters here, man.
388
00:18:09,418 --> 00:18:11,751
We're a family. Seriously.
389
00:18:11,751 --> 00:18:13,376
Jerry over there does the dishes.
390
00:18:13,376 --> 00:18:15,251
Martha's in charge of snacks.
391
00:18:15,251 --> 00:18:16,543
Frank gets the drugs.
392
00:18:16,543 --> 00:18:19,001
Betty over there,
well, she gets drugs too.
393
00:18:19,001 --> 00:18:21,834
Actually, pretty much
everybody else gets drugs.
394
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,876
Don't forget to get drugs, everybody!
395
00:18:23,876 --> 00:18:25,584
Now, I know what you're thinking.
396
00:18:25,584 --> 00:18:28,293
You're worried you might not fit in.
397
00:18:28,293 --> 00:18:29,668
[Elvis] Losing sleep over it.
398
00:18:29,668 --> 00:18:31,626
You just got to give it time, man.
399
00:18:31,626 --> 00:18:34,876
After we force-feed you LSD
for three straight months,
400
00:18:34,876 --> 00:18:38,709
I promise you, you're gonna feel the love.
401
00:18:38,709 --> 00:18:42,876
And by that, I mean
we fuck each other constantly, am I right?
402
00:18:42,876 --> 00:18:44,709
- [all cheer]
- [laughs]
403
00:18:44,709 --> 00:18:47,376
Yeah, bravo. Afraid I'm not your guy.
404
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,918
Of course you are. Don't you get it?
405
00:18:49,918 --> 00:18:50,834
Pretend I don't.
406
00:18:50,834 --> 00:18:52,668
You and me, we're the same.
407
00:18:52,668 --> 00:18:57,918
We're both electric personalities,
making music that'll change the world.
408
00:18:57,918 --> 00:18:59,418
- Music?
- With the help of you
409
00:18:59,418 --> 00:19:02,959
and everybody else on this list,
I'm going all the way to the top.
410
00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:03,959
What the hell are you--
411
00:19:03,959 --> 00:19:06,043
- [off-key chanting]
- [strums]
412
00:19:10,001 --> 00:19:11,126
Sweet mother of God.
413
00:19:11,126 --> 00:19:13,334
Does that answer your question?
414
00:19:13,334 --> 00:19:15,834
- Not the way I think you wanted.
- So what do you say?
415
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:17,459
[whispering] Yes. Say yes.
416
00:19:17,459 --> 00:19:20,543
I'd say, if I wanted to hang out
with a bunch of shitbag hippies,
417
00:19:20,543 --> 00:19:22,418
I'd return Dennis Hopper's phone calls.
418
00:19:22,418 --> 00:19:23,626
[gunshot]
419
00:19:25,334 --> 00:19:26,459
[crowd cheers]
420
00:19:26,459 --> 00:19:28,459
- E!
- Oh, goddamn it.
421
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:31,626
You know, I'm not so much angry
as I am disappointed.
422
00:19:31,626 --> 00:19:33,084
I blame myself, really.
423
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:35,334
The king piggy goes down, man.
424
00:19:35,334 --> 00:19:39,418
[crowd, chanting]
Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!
425
00:19:39,418 --> 00:19:40,334
[Elvis] Hey.
426
00:19:40,959 --> 00:19:43,293
You owe me a new badge, dickhead.
427
00:19:46,959 --> 00:19:49,209
Oh God. Oh Daddy, is anything broken?
428
00:19:50,126 --> 00:19:51,293
Get him.
429
00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:54,543
Okay, some of those
seem awfully big to keep in your pants.
430
00:19:54,543 --> 00:19:55,543
[shouts]
431
00:19:56,918 --> 00:19:59,043
[rousing rock music playing]
432
00:20:00,209 --> 00:20:02,293
[growls and shrieks]
433
00:20:02,293 --> 00:20:03,668
[all yell]
434
00:20:07,918 --> 00:20:09,293
[woman shrieks]
435
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:12,668
[screams]
436
00:20:16,293 --> 00:20:17,584
[panting]
437
00:20:20,459 --> 00:20:22,334
Huh. Well, that's new.
438
00:20:22,334 --> 00:20:23,834
They're not going down!
439
00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:26,293
They're like hippie zombies!
440
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:27,668
Even better.
441
00:20:27,668 --> 00:20:29,918
They're so high, they can't feel a thing.
442
00:20:29,918 --> 00:20:32,334
[laughing] It's beautiful, man!
443
00:20:32,334 --> 00:20:35,334
Blah, blah, blah!
God, it's nonstop with that guy.
444
00:20:36,584 --> 00:20:37,668
[gibbering]
445
00:20:37,668 --> 00:20:39,418
[man] No! Let go!
446
00:20:39,418 --> 00:20:40,334
[explosion]
447
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,126
[neighs]
448
00:20:47,751 --> 00:20:48,584
[blade rings]
449
00:20:58,459 --> 00:20:59,543
Shit.
450
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:04,168
[CeCe] Hey, jackass. This...
451
00:21:04,168 --> 00:21:05,751
This is why I didn't want to come here.
452
00:21:05,751 --> 00:21:07,376
No! [sobbing]
453
00:21:08,751 --> 00:21:10,209
Fucking animals!
454
00:21:10,209 --> 00:21:13,126
Look what you did to my beautiful family.
455
00:21:13,709 --> 00:21:15,668
Now you have to pay.
456
00:21:15,668 --> 00:21:17,459
- Huh. Okay.
- A grenade?
457
00:21:18,168 --> 00:21:19,293
- [horses whinny]
- Ah!
458
00:21:22,084 --> 00:21:23,084
[gibbering]
459
00:21:23,084 --> 00:21:25,876
Planet of the Apes.
God, he loves that movie.
460
00:21:26,501 --> 00:21:27,459
Aw, fuck.
461
00:21:28,251 --> 00:21:29,876
[Charles screams]
462
00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:32,376
[sobs]
463
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:37,376
You killed my sister/daughter-wife!
464
00:21:37,376 --> 00:21:38,876
You fucking ass--
465
00:21:39,709 --> 00:21:41,168
[bones crunch]
466
00:21:43,459 --> 00:21:47,293
Say, I've been meaning to ask you.
Nice outfit. What kind of leather's that?
467
00:21:47,293 --> 00:21:50,334
- Italian. I'm not an animal.
- Where do you get something like that?
468
00:21:50,334 --> 00:21:52,501
With your waistline? You don't.
469
00:21:54,793 --> 00:21:56,376
You sure we can't give you a ride?
470
00:21:56,376 --> 00:21:59,918
Nope, nope. Got some cleaning up to do.
Don't worry, we got people.
471
00:22:00,668 --> 00:22:02,293
[groaning]
472
00:22:04,668 --> 00:22:05,668
"We" being...?
473
00:22:05,668 --> 00:22:08,459
- Good luck with the show.
- Hey, speaking of... Bobby Ray!
474
00:22:08,459 --> 00:22:11,168
- Yo!
- Score our new friend here some tickets.
475
00:22:11,168 --> 00:22:13,459
Oh. Thanks, but no, thanks.
476
00:22:13,459 --> 00:22:15,251
Not a big rock and roll fan, huh?
477
00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:16,918
Sure, sure, let's go with that.
478
00:22:18,168 --> 00:22:19,876
[Scatter chattering]
479
00:22:21,418 --> 00:22:22,709
[chuckles]
480
00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:24,376
Definitely my favorite.
481
00:22:24,376 --> 00:22:26,584
[Elvis] ♪ ...of a better land ♪
482
00:22:26,584 --> 00:22:30,001
♪ Where all my brothers
Walk hand in hand ♪
483
00:22:30,001 --> 00:22:33,334
♪ Tell me why, oh why ♪
484
00:22:33,334 --> 00:22:39,126
♪ Oh why can't my dream come true? ♪
485
00:22:41,126 --> 00:22:43,168
♪ Oh why? ♪
486
00:22:44,459 --> 00:22:48,709
♪ There must be peace and understanding ♪
487
00:22:49,251 --> 00:22:50,793
♪ Sometime ♪
488
00:22:51,876 --> 00:22:54,376
♪ Strong winds of promise ♪
489
00:22:54,376 --> 00:22:56,293
♪ That will blow away ♪
490
00:22:56,293 --> 00:22:59,626
♪ All the doubt and fear ♪
491
00:22:59,626 --> 00:23:01,793
[song continues quietly over radio]
♪ If I can dream ♪
492
00:23:01,793 --> 00:23:03,584
♪ Of a warmer sun... ♪
493
00:23:04,751 --> 00:23:05,834
[The Commander] So,
494
00:23:05,834 --> 00:23:07,168
you think he's ready?
495
00:23:07,168 --> 00:23:10,168
You tell me, boss. How'd he do
on your little fake limo assassin test?
496
00:23:11,751 --> 00:23:15,126
[The Commander] Yeah, um, been meaning
to talk to you about that.
497
00:23:16,959 --> 00:23:19,043
- What?
- Were you and Doug... close?
498
00:23:19,043 --> 00:23:21,751
I don't know, we were kinda dating,
mostly over-the-pants stuff, why?
499
00:23:21,751 --> 00:23:22,668
Mm. Mm-hmm.
500
00:23:22,668 --> 00:23:26,459
Well, because I gave Doug
the limo assignment, and it didn't go...
501
00:23:26,959 --> 00:23:28,084
Gosh, what's the word?
502
00:23:28,084 --> 00:23:29,084
Uh, perfectly.
503
00:23:29,084 --> 00:23:30,876
Oh. He's a big boy. He'll be fine.
504
00:23:30,876 --> 00:23:33,709
Well... [chuckles]
...maybe I'm underselling this a bit.
505
00:23:33,709 --> 00:23:37,043
The monkey shot him in the face
and blew his head off.
506
00:23:37,043 --> 00:23:37,959
Seriously?
507
00:23:38,584 --> 00:23:40,084
Yes. I'm making my serious face.
508
00:23:40,918 --> 00:23:42,918
Meh. He was kind of a dick anyway.
509
00:23:43,418 --> 00:23:46,501
♪ Oh, let it come true right now ♪
510
00:23:47,043 --> 00:23:50,209
♪ Oh yeah ♪
511
00:23:51,334 --> 00:23:55,959
[chorus] ♪ Oh yeah ♪
512
00:23:55,959 --> 00:23:57,959
- [music ends]
- [audience cheers]
513
00:23:57,959 --> 00:23:59,959
Thank you, and good night.
514
00:24:03,251 --> 00:24:05,501
[upbeat rockabilly music]