1
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,376
‪去你妈的 拉斯维加斯

2
00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:46,876
‪片名:特务猫王

3
00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:53,959
‪(欢迎来到
‪绚丽的内华达州拉斯维加斯)

4
00:00:53,959 --> 00:00:56,543
‪天啊 我特爱拉斯维加斯

5
00:00:57,293 --> 00:00:58,876
‪(电视特辑 天王归来)

6
00:00:58,876 --> 00:01:01,751
‪(国际酒店 比尔·米勒呈现
‪猫王演唱会)

7
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:11,334
‪(猫王本尊)

8
00:01:59,709 --> 00:02:01,126
‪你是个杀人机器

9
00:02:01,126 --> 00:02:03,334
‪动手吧 这就是你受训的目的

10
00:02:04,418 --> 00:02:08,126
‪你是杀人机器
‪动手吧 这就是你受训的目的

11
00:02:19,709 --> 00:02:22,626
‪-太精彩了!
‪-天啊 好精彩 埃尔维斯!

12
00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:26,709
‪以一个白人小子来说
‪你唱得算不错了

13
00:02:26,709 --> 00:02:28,043
‪承你贵言 瑞德

14
00:02:28,043 --> 00:02:29,334
‪太帅了 小子

15
00:02:29,834 --> 00:02:31,334
‪特喜欢你的功夫演出

16
00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:32,668
‪谢谢 萨米

17
00:02:32,668 --> 00:02:34,376
‪猫王 扭腰摆臀要小心

18
00:02:34,376 --> 00:02:36,959
‪担心眼睛被戳伤
‪老萨米只剩一只眼睛了

19
00:02:36,959 --> 00:02:39,293
‪谢谢你们 多谢你们前来捧场

20
00:02:40,709 --> 00:02:42,834
‪希拉 很高兴你来了

21
00:02:42,834 --> 00:02:45,043
‪演出太精彩了 小宝贝 我好喜欢

22
00:02:45,043 --> 00:02:46,626
‪我也好爱你

23
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,626
‪没想到会有一段空手道演出

24
00:02:50,251 --> 00:02:52,334
‪是啊 对不起 罗尼

25
00:02:52,334 --> 00:02:53,709
‪没事的

26
00:02:53,709 --> 00:02:55,084
‪你可以的 大块头

27
00:02:55,084 --> 00:02:56,376
‪他不会有事吧?

28
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:58,209
‪他当然不会有事 罗尼可是高手

29
00:03:07,459 --> 00:03:10,709
{\an8}‪你当时到底在想什么?

30
00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:16,126
{\an8}‪实不相瞒 我从头到尾都在睡觉

31
00:03:16,126 --> 00:03:18,084
{\an8}‪但我特喜欢你那段脱序的演出

32
00:03:18,084 --> 00:03:19,709
{\an8}‪天啊 又是你?

33
00:03:19,709 --> 00:03:21,626
{\an8}‪你是怎么通过保安的?

34
00:03:21,626 --> 00:03:23,043
{\an8}‪他们是你的保安?

35
00:03:23,626 --> 00:03:24,501
{\an8}‪真可爱

36
00:03:26,334 --> 00:03:29,043
{\an8}‪别紧张 他们还活着 其实我也不确定

37
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,251
{\an8}‪来找我干吗?

38
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:33,084
{\an8}‪我在执行史上最没劲的任务
‪也就是当工具人

39
00:03:33,084 --> 00:03:34,584
{\an8}‪我来带你去见我头儿

40
00:03:36,084 --> 00:03:36,918
{\an8}‪你头儿?

41
00:03:36,918 --> 00:03:39,626
{\an8}‪为什么要听你的?
‪你到底在替谁办事?

42
00:03:39,626 --> 00:03:43,209
{\an8}‪恕我无可奉告
‪但我头儿很想会一会你本尊

43
00:03:43,209 --> 00:03:45,709
{\an8}‪很多人都很想会一会我本尊
‪我对你头儿不感兴趣

44
00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:48,418
{\an8}‪是我从曼森的老巢里把你救出来的
‪你欠我一个人情

45
00:03:48,918 --> 00:03:51,001
{\an8}‪老朋友 你说反了吧

46
00:03:52,168 --> 00:03:53,334
{\an8}‪小姐 你不能...

47
00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:55,668
{\an8}‪我的妈啊

48
00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:59,293
{\an8}‪给我弄一把一模一样的电击枪
‪我就去见你头儿

49
00:03:59,293 --> 00:04:01,918
{\an8}‪-成交
‪-话说我还不知道你的名字呢

50
00:04:01,918 --> 00:04:03,918
{\an8}‪-我叫茜茜 “茜草”的“茜”
‪-要不然呢?

51
00:04:03,918 --> 00:04:07,251
{\an8}‪也可能是“熙攘”的“熙”
‪我那个毒虫老妈就会以为是这个“熙”

52
00:04:07,251 --> 00:04:09,626
{\an8}‪我不是“熙攘”的“熙”
‪而是“茜草”的“茜” 谢谢

53
00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:10,668
{\an8}‪没劲儿

54
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:16,918
‪这是要去哪里来着?

55
00:04:16,918 --> 00:04:18,959
‪-少操心
‪-去见谁来着?

56
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,043
‪少操心

57
00:04:20,043 --> 00:04:22,793
‪真要把斯盖特单独留在这里吗?

58
00:04:22,793 --> 00:04:24,293
‪这点我们可能就要操心了

59
00:04:24,876 --> 00:04:26,418
‪斯盖特 我们去去就回来

60
00:04:26,418 --> 00:04:27,501
‪待在房里

61
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:30,251
‪不能叫妹子 不能喝酒
‪不能搞有的没的 听见了吗?

62
00:04:48,126 --> 00:04:50,793
‪亲爱的 怎么这么久才来?

63
00:04:57,793 --> 00:05:00,459
‪赶紧关掉 好难听的迷幻摇滚

64
00:05:01,584 --> 00:05:03,043
‪先干掉我才行

65
00:05:03,043 --> 00:05:04,459
‪当然我死了 你也活不了

66
00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:06,459
‪吉姆·莫里森是真正的神

67
00:05:07,251 --> 00:05:08,668
‪就像那种性感的希腊男神

68
00:05:18,293 --> 00:05:19,293
‪天啊

69
00:05:20,168 --> 00:05:21,751
‪这位女士 抱歉 不准携带宠物

70
00:05:21,751 --> 00:05:23,084
‪麻烦把这只猴子带走

71
00:05:23,084 --> 00:05:25,501
‪严格说来 猩猩其实是猿类

72
00:05:27,418 --> 00:05:28,251
‪看见了吗?

73
00:05:28,251 --> 00:05:30,501
‪我才不管它是什么东西
‪赶紧把它撵出去

74
00:05:30,501 --> 00:05:33,209
‪冷静点 它不是普通的猴子

75
00:05:33,209 --> 00:05:35,168
‪他可是普雷斯利先生养的猴子

76
00:05:37,293 --> 00:05:40,126
‪十分抱歉 有什么需要尽管说

77
00:05:40,126 --> 00:05:42,043
‪账算普雷斯利先生的

78
00:05:48,501 --> 00:05:50,584
‪我的妈啊

79
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,334
‪埃尔维斯 你瞧瞧

80
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:55,793
‪这是什么地方?

81
00:05:55,793 --> 00:05:58,168
‪这地方没有名字
‪严格说来是不存在的

82
00:05:58,168 --> 00:06:01,668
‪懂了 类似你整天挂在嘴上的机密

83
00:06:01,668 --> 00:06:04,418
‪赶紧给我那把电击枪

84
00:06:04,418 --> 00:06:06,834
‪这玩意要小心使用
‪我先教你怎么操作

85
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,543
‪关闭保险装置 开始充电 然后...

86
00:06:12,043 --> 00:06:14,959
‪好的 我懂了 你头儿呢?

87
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:15,918
‪他很快就到了

88
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:18,918
‪他刚跟约翰·肯尼迪开过会
‪现在从蒙特卡罗飞过来

89
00:06:18,918 --> 00:06:22,251
‪约翰·肯尼迪已经死了
‪那是举国同悲的惨剧

90
00:06:23,334 --> 00:06:25,918
‪没错 他已经“死”了

91
00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,084
‪我老忘了

92
00:06:27,084 --> 00:06:28,543
‪难道你的意思是他没死?

93
00:06:28,543 --> 00:06:30,501
‪电视上看到的东西不能全信

94
00:06:31,126 --> 00:06:34,168
‪《檀岛警骑》是真人真事
‪别想破坏我的幻想 丫头!

95
00:06:34,168 --> 00:06:36,543
‪我等得有点不耐烦了 茜茜
‪“茜草”的“茜”

96
00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:37,584
‪我知道了 请留步

97
00:06:37,584 --> 00:06:40,501
‪起码上飞机看看嘛
‪我头儿相信你会喜欢的

98
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:41,709
‪真可以进去看看吗?

99
00:06:42,293 --> 00:06:44,459
‪天啊 早说嘛

100
00:06:45,293 --> 00:06:48,043
‪还没轮到你 瘦皮猴 这可是机密

101
00:06:48,043 --> 00:06:51,876
‪我的手提袋也是机密
‪别用你的小手去碰它

102
00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,084
‪去他妈的机密

103
00:06:59,876 --> 00:07:01,751
‪况且偷看也不算泄密吧

104
00:07:04,459 --> 00:07:07,668
‪我还以为我的专机“丽莎·玛丽号”
‪已经够豪华了

105
00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:11,834
‪谁是丽莎·玛丽?
‪听起来是个美女的名字

106
00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:13,168
‪是我女儿的名字

107
00:07:14,459 --> 00:07:17,251
‪这家伙竟然用专机的名字
‪来给女儿取名?

108
00:07:17,251 --> 00:07:20,168
‪先后次序不对吧?但我喜欢

109
00:07:20,168 --> 00:07:23,209
‪别说我没警告你
‪你们这架机密飞机上

110
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,501
‪有个变态的流浪汉在玻璃罐里撒尿

111
00:07:25,501 --> 00:07:28,084
‪“变态”这个词用得对
‪但他绝对不是流浪汉

112
00:07:28,084 --> 00:07:30,251
‪霍华德是个亿万富翁兼天才发明家

113
00:07:30,251 --> 00:07:32,709
‪-他也是我们的手下
‪-我叫霍华德·休斯 幸会

114
00:07:32,709 --> 00:07:33,834
‪霍华德·休斯?

115
00:07:33,834 --> 00:07:35,543
‪天啊 外面传你疯了

116
00:07:35,543 --> 00:07:39,209
‪以你存了一墙的尿罐来判断
‪看来传言是对的

117
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:42,793
‪你说的话跟我所有医生说的一样

118
00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:46,418
‪说真的 我确实彻底疯了

119
00:07:46,418 --> 00:07:49,001
‪等一下 我已经彻底疯了

120
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,584
‪不对 这个说法不对

121
00:07:50,584 --> 00:07:53,334
‪我还没疯得彻底

122
00:07:53,959 --> 00:07:56,959
‪那你说那些罐子是怎么回事?
‪难道飞机上没有厕所吗?

123
00:07:56,959 --> 00:07:58,584
‪飞机上其实有六间厕所

124
00:07:58,584 --> 00:08:01,334
‪三间用来拉屎 两间用来尿尿

125
00:08:01,334 --> 00:08:03,626
‪只有一间用来存放尿罐

126
00:08:03,626 --> 00:08:05,293
‪这架飞机上应有尽有

127
00:08:05,293 --> 00:08:07,001
‪甚至是采用核能驱动的

128
00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:09,334
‪我在机尾建了一个反应堆
‪请自行脑补

129
00:08:09,334 --> 00:08:11,043
‪这架飞机是不用添油的

130
00:08:11,043 --> 00:08:15,876
‪附有六间厕所的永续性TCB空中总部

131
00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:16,793
‪“TCB”是什么?

132
00:08:16,793 --> 00:08:18,584
‪就当你没听见

133
00:08:19,126 --> 00:08:21,459
‪要不要到处参观一下?
‪先参观驾驶舱吧

134
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,334
‪是整架飞机最牛的地方

135
00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:25,543
‪因为驾驶舱也叫“鸡坑”

136
00:08:27,918 --> 00:08:32,168
‪有人说过你长得像猫王埃尔维斯吗?

137
00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:34,501
‪是防弹门

138
00:08:34,501 --> 00:08:38,418
‪白痴 看不出我在乱射一通吗?
‪这架飞机绝对不能被劫走

139
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:41,876
‪除非你有一支间谍专用唇膏
‪里面藏着小型发焰装置什么的

140
00:08:41,876 --> 00:08:43,543
‪-我的妈啊!
‪-怎么了?

141
00:08:43,543 --> 00:08:45,709
‪我把藏有发焰装置的香烟
‪留在手提袋里了

142
00:08:54,876 --> 00:08:56,584
‪他们要去哪里?

143
00:08:58,001 --> 00:08:59,501
‪你们知不知道...

144
00:09:00,001 --> 00:09:01,584
‪你们的脑袋瓜跑哪去了?

145
00:09:04,209 --> 00:09:05,626
‪这可不太妙

146
00:09:07,334 --> 00:09:09,001
‪嗨 小美女

147
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,084
‪我们好好估计一下

148
00:09:13,084 --> 00:09:16,834
‪携带灭火器的小丫头对战防盗钢门

149
00:09:17,334 --> 00:09:18,459
‪我赌小丫头毫无胜算

150
00:09:18,459 --> 00:09:21,418
‪好一个大男人
‪这话还真戳到要害了 人渣!

151
00:09:21,418 --> 00:09:23,043
‪机长报告

152
00:09:23,043 --> 00:09:28,251
‪穿着蓝靴子的猫王先生 真抱歉
‪让您担惊受怕了

153
00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:29,876
‪歌名叫《蓝鞋履》才对 傻逼

154
00:09:29,876 --> 00:09:32,584
‪这两个图谋不轨的家伙
‪竟然是你的铁粉

155
00:09:32,584 --> 00:09:36,209
‪我没必要感到愧疚
‪谁叫我的粉丝遍布全球呢

156
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:41,584
‪不好意思
‪但你们是时候回到“烧心”酒店了

157
00:09:41,584 --> 00:09:44,251
‪歌名叫《伤心酒店》才对
‪先不论语言隔阂的问题

158
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:50,418
‪总之我们现在知道
‪猫王的粉丝遍布全球!

159
00:09:52,751 --> 00:09:54,543
‪-多尔
‪-是 长官

160
00:09:56,626 --> 00:09:58,793
‪多尔 我的手表是不是跑快了?

161
00:09:58,793 --> 00:10:00,418
‪-不是的 长官
‪-想也知道

162
00:10:00,418 --> 00:10:06,584
‪茜茜说好会在凌晨3点
‪带着埃尔维斯在机场等我的 对吗?

163
00:10:06,584 --> 00:10:09,626
‪-没错 长官
‪-但他们却不见踪影

164
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:13,209
‪他们是不是使用了隐形装置?

165
00:10:13,751 --> 00:10:14,584
‪什么?

166
00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:16,418
‪我说“隐形装置” 你懂的

167
00:10:16,418 --> 00:10:18,959
‪他们有没有可能在场
‪只是我们的肉眼看不见?

168
00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:22,668
‪因为他们使用的实验性隐形装置
‪刚好失灵了

169
00:10:22,668 --> 00:10:24,751
‪导致他们无法现身?

170
00:10:24,751 --> 00:10:27,959
‪这是我唯一想得到的解释

171
00:10:28,793 --> 00:10:32,293
‪-我们还没发明出隐形装置
‪-我想也是

172
00:10:32,293 --> 00:10:35,334
‪如果已经发明了
‪那人生就不再一样了 不是吗?

173
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:38,459
‪我大可跑到厕所里
‪站在一个大帅哥身边

174
00:10:38,459 --> 00:10:41,418
‪看着他尿尿
‪而他对我的存在毫不知情

175
00:10:41,418 --> 00:10:43,459
‪我只是随便举个例子

176
00:10:43,459 --> 00:10:45,543
‪总之隐形装置可以带来无穷的可能性

177
00:10:45,543 --> 00:10:49,251
‪如今我有两个发火的理由

178
00:10:49,251 --> 00:10:50,543
‪第一 埃尔维斯不在

179
00:10:50,543 --> 00:10:54,709
‪第二 我们还没发明隐形装置!

180
00:10:54,709 --> 00:10:57,709
‪提醒我让茜茜知道 她这下...

181
00:10:58,293 --> 00:11:01,418
‪麻烦大了!

182
00:11:01,418 --> 00:11:04,293
‪我们是去同一个目的地吗?

183
00:11:04,293 --> 00:11:07,043
‪如果你在往摔成肉酱的方向前进

184
00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:08,876
‪没错 我也是

185
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:10,834
‪没有人会摔成肉酱的

186
00:11:10,834 --> 00:11:14,293
‪不得不说你的披风帅气十足
‪还有点女人味

187
00:11:14,293 --> 00:11:15,626
‪但不足以让坠势缓慢下来

188
00:11:15,626 --> 00:11:18,501
‪-没错 但他可以
‪-谁啊?

189
00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:19,459
‪我的好小子

190
00:11:30,709 --> 00:11:32,293
‪你是我的新宠!

191
00:11:33,709 --> 00:11:34,834
‪这飞机不错嘛 鲍比

192
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:38,126
‪-是啊 还有个杯托呢
‪-你在哪里学开飞机的?

193
00:11:38,126 --> 00:11:41,084
‪我们家鲍比开车、开飞机
‪骑什么都难不倒他

194
00:11:41,084 --> 00:11:44,584
‪看来你的“孟菲斯黑手党”
‪总能及时派上用场嘛

195
00:11:44,584 --> 00:11:45,876
‪这话说得不对

196
00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:48,209
‪鲍比·雷不是孟菲斯黑手党的人

197
00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:50,959
‪-希望总有一天能够加入
‪-好吧

198
00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:52,959
‪我们还是走一步算一步好了

199
00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:53,876
‪好的 很好

200
00:11:53,876 --> 00:11:56,501
‪与此同时
‪可以跟踪那架被劫持的飞机吗?

201
00:11:56,501 --> 00:11:57,459
‪没问题

202
00:11:58,001 --> 00:11:59,376
‪这声音听起来可不妙啊

203
00:11:59,376 --> 00:12:01,376
‪放心吧 没什么是鲍比·雷修不好的

204
00:12:01,376 --> 00:12:02,543
‪谁有汽油?

205
00:12:02,543 --> 00:12:03,668
‪(燃料量)

206
00:12:03,668 --> 00:12:04,918
‪有个朋友托我问的

207
00:12:09,751 --> 00:12:11,668
‪贝蒂 很好 真好

208
00:12:11,668 --> 00:12:13,626
‪不知道你有没有意识到

209
00:12:13,626 --> 00:12:16,459
‪我是第一个在拉斯维加斯
‪登台的黑人男星之一

210
00:12:16,459 --> 00:12:19,293
‪我很喜欢这座城市
‪白人满足了我想要的一切

211
00:12:19,293 --> 00:12:21,918
‪很大可能是因为
‪他们以为黑人手上都带刀

212
00:12:21,918 --> 00:12:23,001
‪但他们错了

213
00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:24,084
‪我带的是枪

214
00:12:27,501 --> 00:12:28,876
‪嗨 不好意思

215
00:12:28,876 --> 00:12:34,918
‪可以给我来一杯纯台克利酒吗?
‪上面插一把可爱小伞的那种

216
00:12:35,918 --> 00:12:39,459
‪再来三小杯龙舌兰酒
‪福克斯先生想点什么?

217
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:42,334
‪这位女士 不好意思
‪您的账户已经透支了

218
00:12:42,334 --> 00:12:45,126
‪我用的是埃尔维斯·普雷斯利的账户

219
00:12:45,126 --> 00:12:48,168
‪这也意味着授信额度是无限的

220
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,793
‪其实是有限的

221
00:12:51,793 --> 00:12:53,501
‪搞什么鬼?

222
00:12:53,501 --> 00:12:55,918
‪上校把钱都输光了吗?

223
00:12:55,918 --> 00:12:59,376
‪好像是另一个
‪叫斯盖特的人把钱输光了

224
00:13:01,126 --> 00:13:03,376
‪你是指那个
‪即将死在我手上的猩猩吧?

225
00:13:03,376 --> 00:13:04,459
‪没事的

226
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:15,084
‪没事的

227
00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:21,209
‪没事的

228
00:13:27,126 --> 00:13:29,959
‪-都说没事...
‪-再说一次“没事”看看

229
00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:32,209
‪没事的 茜茜 “茜草”的“茜”

230
00:13:32,793 --> 00:13:34,376
‪好了 这是什么鬼地方?

231
00:13:40,251 --> 00:13:42,376
‪你在干吗?

232
00:13:42,376 --> 00:13:46,293
‪修好这玩意
‪它可以探测到我留在机上的追踪器

233
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,834
‪-你一直都随身携带吗?
‪-我习惯掌握行踪

234
00:13:48,834 --> 00:13:50,418
‪像是被劫走的飞机、前男友

235
00:13:50,418 --> 00:13:53,209
‪我家那只没用的狗
‪以及前男友家那只更没用的狗

236
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:58,126
‪听听看 荒郊野外还是听得到我的歌

237
00:13:58,126 --> 00:14:01,043
‪很适合这里的氛围
‪毕竟这里尽是积尘的古董和老爷爷

238
00:14:01,043 --> 00:14:02,209
‪我才33岁

239
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,293
‪恶心

240
00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:06,418
‪不好意思
‪你的音乐就是不合我的口味

241
00:14:06,418 --> 00:14:08,418
‪-怎么可能?
‪-给我

242
00:14:10,251 --> 00:14:11,626
‪这才像话嘛

243
00:14:11,626 --> 00:14:13,334
‪横竖都摆脱不了这首难听的歌

244
00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:15,459
‪因为人人都爱听嘛

245
00:14:15,459 --> 00:14:19,376
‪有点像你以前当红时期流行的歌
‪当时正值“咆哮的二十年代” 对吧?

246
00:14:20,043 --> 00:14:21,751
‪等一下 那个年代有收音机吗?

247
00:14:27,626 --> 00:14:29,251
‪果然如我所料

248
00:14:31,126 --> 00:14:33,293
{\an8}‪斯盖特 你这个白痴

249
00:14:33,293 --> 00:14:34,876
‪你到底喝得多醉啊?

250
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:40,043
‪敢在我面前晕过去!

251
00:14:40,043 --> 00:14:41,793
‪你在美国宇航局受训过

252
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,126
‪但你压根没有天才科学家的风范

253
00:14:44,126 --> 00:14:46,293
‪充其量只是一只毛茸茸的傻逼

254
00:14:46,293 --> 00:14:48,459
‪滚出我的视野

255
00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:52,668
‪马上把埃尔维斯的钱给赢回来

256
00:14:53,251 --> 00:14:56,001
‪这下好了 整个小区没救了

257
00:14:56,543 --> 00:14:58,418
‪天啊

258
00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:00,251
‪打种族主义牌 是吗?

259
00:15:00,251 --> 00:15:02,001
‪你到底是来玩的还是来聊天的?

260
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:05,418
‪我一定要让你好看

261
00:15:05,418 --> 00:15:06,459
‪发牌吧

262
00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:17,959
‪看来鲍比·雷恢复电源了

263
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:21,126
‪看来追踪器也被我修好了

264
00:15:22,709 --> 00:15:23,543
‪这车不错嘛

265
00:15:23,543 --> 00:15:27,251
‪你还没看到厉害的地方
‪这车被我改造过了

266
00:15:29,668 --> 00:15:32,334
‪-虽然不足以加快车速 但是...
‪-两位!

267
00:15:32,334 --> 00:15:34,709
‪但也值了 因为车看起来牛气十足

268
00:15:34,709 --> 00:15:36,376
‪-我也有同感
‪-两位!

269
00:15:36,376 --> 00:15:38,126
‪奇怪了 我的追踪器显示

270
00:15:38,126 --> 00:15:40,418
‪飞机已经着陆了 位置就在...

271
00:15:40,418 --> 00:15:41,876
‪真他妈的

272
00:15:50,001 --> 00:15:51,251
{\an8}‪(喷火开关)

273
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,293
‪有人中招吗?

274
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,376
‪有

275
00:16:05,584 --> 00:16:06,543
‪醒醒

276
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,376
‪你们还好吗?

277
00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:09,626
‪快醒醒!

278
00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:12,168
‪这是什么地方?

279
00:16:12,709 --> 00:16:14,626
‪真他妈的共产党分子

280
00:16:14,626 --> 00:16:16,543
‪可能在飞往俄罗斯途中吧

281
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:19,668
‪不是俄罗斯 而是拉斯维加斯
‪我在你们昏迷期间听到的

282
00:16:19,668 --> 00:16:22,334
‪还有你们的打鼾声
‪堪比有气喘病的巴色特猎犬

283
00:16:22,334 --> 00:16:23,918
‪等等 你懂俄语?

284
00:16:23,918 --> 00:16:25,126
‪我还懂另外八种语言

285
00:16:25,126 --> 00:16:27,376
‪把葡语安全词也算在内
‪那我等于懂九种语言

286
00:16:27,376 --> 00:16:29,918
‪他们发现我在听后 马上转换成法语

287
00:16:29,918 --> 00:16:33,251
‪我看他们压根不是俄罗斯间谍
‪他们都是某个组织的人

288
00:16:33,251 --> 00:16:37,084
‪为什么要劳师动众地劫机
‪飞往拉斯维加斯呢?

289
00:16:37,584 --> 00:16:39,668
‪不难理解 他们要消灭整座城市

290
00:16:39,668 --> 00:16:41,084
‪好吧

291
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:44,043
‪难怪你们一脸胡涂 我忘了告诉你们

292
00:16:44,043 --> 00:16:48,001
‪他们刚才逼我
‪把飞机上的核反应堆改造成核炸弹

293
00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:49,709
‪-什么?
‪-什么?

294
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,293
‪他们用枪指着我 好吗?

295
00:16:51,293 --> 00:16:53,251
‪用核炸弹炸掉拉斯维加斯?为什么?

296
00:16:53,251 --> 00:16:56,626
‪我猜他们是要么是为了
‪干掉那个该死的韦恩·牛顿

297
00:16:56,626 --> 00:16:58,543
‪要么是因为他们知道

298
00:16:58,543 --> 00:17:03,418
‪TCB是拉斯维加斯的幕后金主

299
00:17:03,418 --> 00:17:05,084
‪就当你们没听见

300
00:17:05,584 --> 00:17:07,084
‪天啊

301
00:17:07,084 --> 00:17:09,251
‪普瑞希拉还在拉斯维加斯

302
00:17:10,584 --> 00:17:14,459
‪不好意思 严格说来
‪她很快就会从拉斯维加斯消失了

303
00:17:14,459 --> 00:17:18,376
‪别说我没告诉过你
‪打造核能飞机是个馊主意

304
00:17:18,376 --> 00:17:21,084
‪那又如何?大家都这么说!

305
00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:22,876
‪你没有那么牛!

306
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:23,918
‪闭嘴!

307
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:26,918
‪当务之急是挣脱这些束缚

308
00:17:26,918 --> 00:17:28,334
‪这点我做得到

309
00:17:28,834 --> 00:17:31,834
‪只是需要有人帮忙把我的鸡鸡掏出来

310
00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:34,376
‪把什么掏出来?

311
00:17:34,376 --> 00:17:37,709
‪好吧 看来我要说出事发经过才行

312
00:17:37,709 --> 00:17:42,043
‪几年前 我给自己注射了辐射

313
00:17:42,043 --> 00:17:43,918
‪-为什么?
‪-我只想说

314
00:17:43,918 --> 00:17:48,293
‪原来蜘蛛侠的由来完全是虚构的

315
00:17:48,293 --> 00:17:50,668
‪你当时不知道吗?

316
00:17:50,668 --> 00:17:51,709
‪我怎么可能知道?

317
00:17:51,709 --> 00:17:53,626
‪从头到尾都是个骗局

318
00:17:53,626 --> 00:17:56,793
‪不能射出牛逼的蜘蛛网
‪也不能飞檐走壁

319
00:17:56,793 --> 00:18:00,084
‪结果我只会长出
‪锋利如刀、坚不可摧的指甲

320
00:18:00,084 --> 00:18:02,459
‪以及尿出硫磺酸

321
00:18:02,459 --> 00:18:05,709
‪为了避免管道堵塞
‪我才决定用罐子来装尿液

322
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:08,751
‪谁愿意帮我瞄准一下?

323
00:18:09,751 --> 00:18:11,834
‪真他妈的 倒霉透了

324
00:18:12,418 --> 00:18:16,751
‪我都说我以前常在教堂的地下室
‪跟教友们打牌了

325
00:18:16,751 --> 00:18:18,334
‪起初只是拿牙签当赌注

326
00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:22,501
‪后来我成功说服他们赌钱

327
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:25,001
‪如今那座教堂归我所有了

328
00:18:32,334 --> 00:18:33,168
‪庄家爆牌

329
00:18:34,709 --> 00:18:37,876
‪就像从宝宝手上抢走糖果一样容易

330
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:43,126
‪前提是宝宝
‪是个种族主义的烂俗21点庄家

331
00:18:44,001 --> 00:18:46,626
‪很好 最好滚得远远的!

332
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,876
‪我都从他手上赢钱赢到手软了

333
00:18:51,209 --> 00:18:52,084
‪别闹了

334
00:18:52,584 --> 00:18:55,668
‪又不是叫从他背后为他按摩老二
‪只是叫你拿起来瞄准

335
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,126
‪你们不是同事吗?

336
00:18:57,126 --> 00:18:59,584
‪没错
‪这就是职场不当行为的最佳案例

337
00:18:59,584 --> 00:19:00,959
‪好吧 鲍比·雷 你去吧

338
00:19:00,959 --> 00:19:02,668
‪你可以的 等等 干什么来着?

339
00:19:02,668 --> 00:19:07,751
‪老兄 是时候拿出勇气好好表现了
‪记住 你是为这一刻而生的

340
00:19:07,751 --> 00:19:10,543
‪但更重要的是
‪你动手后 我就不用动手了

341
00:19:14,626 --> 00:19:17,043
‪可以快点吗?有人来了

342
00:19:17,626 --> 00:19:18,959
‪手好冷!

343
00:19:20,043 --> 00:19:21,709
‪别乱动 真他妈的!

344
00:19:21,709 --> 00:19:23,543
‪把阴茎放下!

345
00:19:30,209 --> 00:19:32,293
‪那要你们解除核炸弹装置
‪应该没问题吧?

346
00:19:32,293 --> 00:19:33,876
‪-没问题
‪-不太可能

347
00:19:35,418 --> 00:19:36,584
‪那你的意思是

348
00:19:36,584 --> 00:19:39,543
‪如果我们同时剪断引火线
‪将底火导向其他地方

349
00:19:39,543 --> 00:19:40,834
‪就能解除引爆装置

350
00:19:40,834 --> 00:19:44,084
‪你还真是个山寨小天才

351
00:19:44,084 --> 00:19:45,168
‪可以这么说吧

352
00:19:45,168 --> 00:19:47,751
‪-哪一条是绝对不能剪断的电线?
‪-什么?

353
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:50,751
‪所有炸弹都有一条绝对碰不得的电线

354
00:19:50,751 --> 00:19:52,501
‪兰迪叔叔教我的

355
00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:55,209
‪那也是他死前最后一句话

356
00:19:55,209 --> 00:19:57,918
‪你们的动作再不快点
‪搞不好也是你死前最后一句话

357
00:19:57,918 --> 00:19:59,626
‪我们快没时间了

358
00:20:18,709 --> 00:20:21,293
‪我的妈啊 把你老二从我脸上拿开!

359
00:20:21,293 --> 00:20:22,251
‪天啊

360
00:20:22,251 --> 00:20:25,501
‪如果丽塔·海华丝每说一次这句话
‪我就可以收获一个五美分硬币

361
00:20:25,501 --> 00:20:27,126
‪那我已经有18个五美分硬币了

362
00:20:31,293 --> 00:20:32,501
‪赶紧找个东西抓紧!

363
00:20:48,501 --> 00:20:51,251
‪亏你刚才还说
‪我这个拿着灭火器的小丫头不争气呢

364
00:20:58,501 --> 00:21:01,209
‪断的偏偏是那条不能碰的电线吗?

365
00:21:03,709 --> 00:21:05,626
‪不错嘛 两位朋友

366
00:21:05,626 --> 00:21:10,334
‪可惜我已经将自驾系统的目的地
‪设定在拉斯维加斯了

367
00:21:10,334 --> 00:21:12,709
‪看来是时候告别了

368
00:21:12,709 --> 00:21:16,126
‪此刻道别 就如你那首名曲
‪《一切尽在不言中》

369
00:21:17,626 --> 00:21:19,876
‪盼君死于辐射中

370
00:21:19,876 --> 00:21:22,084
‪不错嘛 还真有你的

371
00:21:22,084 --> 00:21:23,418
‪这段子说得挺好的

372
00:21:23,418 --> 00:21:28,626
‪三十万两千美元正式入袋

373
00:21:28,626 --> 00:21:29,626
‪爽!

374
00:21:30,751 --> 00:21:33,918
‪很好 最好回到你原来的地方

375
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:38,376
‪看来我还没让你输垮 对吧?

376
00:21:39,501 --> 00:21:42,626
‪正如我小侄子
‪韦斯利·斯奈普斯常说的

377
00:21:44,834 --> 00:21:46,709
‪赌就要赌黑的

378
00:21:48,293 --> 00:21:49,334
‪闪开!

379
00:21:55,418 --> 00:21:58,626
‪真他妈的 霍华德
‪我本来要活抓他问话的

380
00:21:58,626 --> 00:22:00,251
‪怎么不早说呢?

381
00:22:00,959 --> 00:22:02,001
‪说到这事

382
00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:04,293
‪你们交给我们的拆弹任务

383
00:22:04,293 --> 00:22:06,418
‪过程不顺利

384
00:22:06,418 --> 00:22:08,543
‪我们都死定了

385
00:22:08,543 --> 00:22:11,751
‪该死的
‪飞机正在自动往拉斯维加斯飞去

386
00:22:12,834 --> 00:22:14,418
‪现在不是了

387
00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:17,001
‪大家抱紧我

388
00:22:23,168 --> 00:22:25,709
‪好了 谁抓住我的屁股?

389
00:22:26,543 --> 00:22:28,584
‪好了 谁没抓住我的屁股?

390
00:22:28,584 --> 00:22:30,543
‪可能是那个死人吧

391
00:22:31,501 --> 00:22:33,168
‪其实我还活着

392
00:22:33,168 --> 00:22:34,584
‪只是严重烧伤罢了

393
00:22:34,584 --> 00:22:37,793
‪天啊 我好像在跟一团肉说话似的

394
00:22:37,793 --> 00:22:40,626
‪才不是呢 我可是猫王的铁粉

395
00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:42,334
‪所以我才用你的歌名来写段子

396
00:22:42,334 --> 00:22:43,918
‪你是我的灵感泉源

397
00:22:44,793 --> 00:22:47,001
‪-我该说谢谢吗?
‪-很好 那你是替谁办事的?

398
00:22:47,001 --> 00:22:48,793
‪这可能是个预兆

399
00:22:48,793 --> 00:22:51,543
‪告诉我应该改变人生轨道了

400
00:22:51,543 --> 00:22:54,626
‪加入通勤的行列
‪找份正常的工作 对吧?

401
00:22:55,126 --> 00:22:58,418
‪对啊 还要拍好看的照片
‪你到底替谁办事的?

402
00:22:58,418 --> 00:23:01,043
‪好吧 我知道太多黑料了

403
00:23:01,043 --> 00:23:03,376
‪但都无所谓了 我这就从实招来

404
00:23:03,959 --> 00:23:05,084
‪我替...

405
00:23:07,793 --> 00:23:09,918
‪还真够倒霉的

406
00:23:26,084 --> 00:23:29,001
‪感谢上帝发明了“隐喻”这种语法!

407
00:23:29,001 --> 00:23:31,418
‪(新婚)

408
00:23:34,918 --> 00:23:37,126
‪你这个窝囊废要去看医生了

409
00:23:37,126 --> 00:23:38,918
‪而且要去看好几个医生

410
00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:41,668
‪我被炒了吧?

411
00:23:41,668 --> 00:23:42,793
‪是的

412
00:23:48,876 --> 00:23:50,626
‪去你妈的 拉斯维加斯

413
00:24:04,543 --> 00:24:07,334
‪这是...霍华德 是你吗?

414
00:24:07,918 --> 00:24:09,418
‪你们两个蠢货认识的?

415
00:24:09,418 --> 00:24:10,626
‪是啊

416
00:24:10,626 --> 00:24:14,584
‪好几年前 马文在路上碰到我
‪顺路载我进城

417
00:24:14,584 --> 00:24:18,001
‪于是我决定死后把所有财产都留给他

418
00:24:18,001 --> 00:24:19,793
‪只因为他载过你一程?

419
00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:21,418
‪那我给你手淫算什么?

420
00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:23,876
‪可以送我到酒店吗?

421
00:24:23,876 --> 00:24:25,501
‪没问题

422
00:24:25,501 --> 00:24:27,918
‪可以顺路去见我头儿吗?

423
00:24:27,918 --> 00:24:29,459
‪不了 我受过你们了

424
00:24:29,459 --> 00:24:30,834
‪-可是...
‪-不要

425
00:24:32,626 --> 00:24:34,126
‪来点音乐吧

426
00:24:39,626 --> 00:24:40,959
‪真他妈的拉斯维加斯

427
00:24:42,001 --> 00:24:47,043
‪(欢迎来到
‪绚丽的内华达州拉斯维加斯)

428
00:24:47,626 --> 00:24:50,501
‪(谨以此片纪念罗尼·塔特)

429
00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:46,501
‪字幕翻译:张庆龄