1
00:00:21,084 --> 00:00:25,459
‪每隔一阵时日
‪人总会成就不可思议的事

2
00:00:26,209 --> 00:00:29,168
‪确认航道 起落架已放下

3
00:00:29,876 --> 00:00:32,293
‪收到 哥伦比亚号 雄鹰展翅高飞

4
00:00:33,084 --> 00:00:35,668
‪仅仅需要一个有梦想的人

5
00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,293
‪鹰号 一路顺风

6
00:00:38,293 --> 00:00:39,709
‪因为只要人有梦想

7
00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:44,418
‪你懂的 他就能改变全世界

8
00:00:45,126 --> 00:00:46,209
‪好了 暂停

9
00:00:47,626 --> 00:00:48,501
‪(修女变身)

10
00:00:48,501 --> 00:00:50,584
‪听好 我不是有意要妨碍你表演

11
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,501
‪但我在读这个剧本时 我很确定...没错

12
00:00:53,501 --> 00:00:56,543
‪这些台词都在不在剧本中

13
00:00:56,543 --> 00:00:59,626
‪没错
‪那是因为剧本上的台词都是狗屎

14
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,376
‪我懂 你听我说
‪别管台词是不是狗屎

15
00:01:02,376 --> 00:01:03,793
‪你要入戏 老兄

16
00:01:03,793 --> 00:01:06,709
‪你是约翰·卡朋特医生
‪在贫民区服务 仁心仁术

17
00:01:06,709 --> 00:01:10,459
‪你乐于助人 失常帮助穷人
‪病人和三餐不饱的人什么的

18
00:01:10,459 --> 00:01:12,418
‪你就是耶稣再世 到处行医救人

19
00:01:12,418 --> 00:01:15,251
‪这次你来到美国行医救人

20
00:01:15,251 --> 00:01:17,834
‪后来跟一个修女好上了

21
00:01:17,834 --> 00:01:19,001
‪这有多牛啊!

22
00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:21,043
‪是吗?你这个菜鸟给我听好

23
00:01:21,043 --> 00:01:24,209
‪美国是从不跟修女厮混的

24
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,168
‪是吗?那就是美国的损失 不是吗?

25
00:01:26,168 --> 00:01:29,626
‪够了 听好 我们再来一遍 开拍

26
00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:33,501
‪搞什么鬼?

27
00:01:33,501 --> 00:01:35,418
‪哥们 哪件事比较重要?

28
00:01:35,418 --> 00:01:36,793
‪(人类登月)

29
00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:40,084
‪某个寸头哥骑着烟火登陆一块石头

30
00:01:40,084 --> 00:01:44,084
‪还是我们在地球上创造的生活艺术?

31
00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:48,418
‪当我没说过 重拍第五次

32
00:01:48,418 --> 00:01:51,126
‪片名:特务猫王

33
00:01:56,501 --> 00:01:58,543
{\an8}‪这是在纽约新闻室为您现场直播

34
00:01:58,543 --> 00:02:02,084
{\an8}‪我是沃尔特·克朗凯特
‪欢迎收看CBS晚间新闻

35
00:02:02,084 --> 00:02:06,793
{\an8}‪几个小时后
‪登月舱就会登陆月球表面

36
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:10,209
{\an8}‪这些人的英勇行为
‪将永远为世人铭记于心

37
00:02:10,209 --> 00:02:12,001
{\an8}‪瞧瞧

38
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:13,043
‪(蓝色夏威夷)

39
00:02:13,043 --> 00:02:16,584
{\an8}‪你有没有想过
‪我们其实可以成就更伟大的创举?

40
00:02:16,584 --> 00:02:20,376
{\an8}‪-更伟大的创举?
‪-对啊 你懂的 成就更伟大的事

41
00:02:20,376 --> 00:02:22,043
{\an8}‪还有比身为猫王更伟大的事吗?

42
00:02:22,043 --> 00:02:24,334
{\an8}‪你瞧 这是发生在我们眼前的大事

43
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:29,293
{\an8}‪人类即将登陆那个他妈的月球

44
00:02:29,293 --> 00:02:30,376
{\an8}‪我在干什么来着?

45
00:02:30,376 --> 00:02:33,876
{\an8}‪下一场戏讲述你通过音乐的力量
‪教导小朋友如何坚持不懈

46
00:02:33,876 --> 00:02:36,126
{\an8}‪还让某个修女听了春心荡漾

47
00:02:36,126 --> 00:02:38,334
{\an8}‪算伟大吧 但还不够

48
00:02:38,334 --> 00:02:39,793
{\an8}‪头儿 你还好吧?

49
00:02:40,834 --> 00:02:43,209
{\an8}‪如果能坐在那个太空舱上
‪那就再好不过了

50
00:02:44,334 --> 00:02:46,501
{\an8}‪你说我扯谈?我没有扯谈

51
00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:48,876
{\an8}‪这可是历史中的重大时刻

52
00:02:48,876 --> 00:02:52,168
{\an8}‪没错 你的复出电视特辑
‪也是历史中的重大时刻

53
00:02:52,168 --> 00:02:53,293
{\an8}‪这点还有争议的空间

54
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,418
{\an8}‪你答应过我会戒掉那玩意的

55
00:02:59,209 --> 00:03:03,168
{\an8}‪它的确答应过要戒毒 但星期二除外

56
00:03:04,043 --> 00:03:05,001
‪(菓珍饮料)

57
00:03:05,001 --> 00:03:08,001
‪“周二嗑可卡因日”?不错嘛
‪就如同“周二吃塔可日”

58
00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:10,751
‪我的妈啊 你来干吗?

59
00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,334
‪填饱肚子 还用说吗?

60
00:03:13,334 --> 00:03:15,084
‪好吃得飞天了

61
00:03:15,084 --> 00:03:18,709
‪我不介意干掉一个人类宝宝
‪换十个热狗

62
00:03:19,293 --> 00:03:22,001
‪怎么?真以为我会这么做吗?真是的

63
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:24,126
‪这就是你的日常吗?

64
00:03:24,126 --> 00:03:26,501
‪想出来露脸就出来露脸
‪而且屡试不爽

65
00:03:26,501 --> 00:03:28,418
‪我就是这样进入耶鲁大学的
‪不骗你们

66
00:03:28,418 --> 00:03:29,418
‪你听我说 我想...

67
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,834
‪闭嘴 我压根不想知道你出现的原因

68
00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:33,626
‪怎么?我是铁粉

69
00:03:33,626 --> 00:03:35,668
‪你主演电影的铁粉
‪这些电影太搞笑了

70
00:03:35,668 --> 00:03:37,918
‪我绝对不是指那些喜剧片

71
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:41,459
‪-但有些部分还是值得赞赏的
‪-够了 马上给我滚出去

72
00:03:41,459 --> 00:03:42,543
‪好吧 真失礼

73
00:03:47,376 --> 00:03:49,584
‪这边漏了点 让我来吧

74
00:03:52,126 --> 00:03:53,043
‪扔掉

75
00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:55,209
‪你从哪弄来那么多可卡因的?

76
00:03:56,168 --> 00:03:57,043
‪嗨哥?

77
00:03:57,543 --> 00:04:01,334
‪就是那个在停车场
‪兜售明星家地图的家伙

78
00:04:01,334 --> 00:04:03,751
‪也卖一大堆可卡因
‪我搞错先后次序了

79
00:04:03,751 --> 00:04:05,626
‪-介绍给我认识 好吗?
‪-现在?

80
00:04:05,626 --> 00:04:06,918
‪下一场戏不拍了吗?

81
00:04:06,918 --> 00:04:10,584
‪好了 各位剧组成员
‪各位修女 赶紧穿上滑轮

82
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,626
‪下次再拍

83
00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:13,876
‪慢着

84
00:04:13,876 --> 00:04:18,043
‪片场在那边 但你却往这边走
‪这样说不通吧

85
00:04:18,043 --> 00:04:20,168
‪我只是想出去喘口气

86
00:04:20,168 --> 00:04:23,126
‪那有必要露出一脸正气的神情吗?

87
00:04:23,126 --> 00:04:24,376
‪一脸正气?

88
00:04:24,376 --> 00:04:30,168
‪这是你耍空手道、展开枪战
‪浴血奋战前会露出的神情

89
00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:33,959
‪这就是你所谓的“一脸正气”?

90
00:04:33,959 --> 00:04:36,334
‪别闹了 你是来拍戏的

91
00:04:36,334 --> 00:04:38,251
‪导演正在为下一场戏做准备

92
00:04:38,251 --> 00:04:42,376
‪贝蒂小姐 别紧张 不过是个过肩镜头

93
00:04:42,376 --> 00:04:44,376
‪鲍比·雷可以充当我的光替

94
00:04:44,376 --> 00:04:47,709
‪只有我还记得后果有多么不堪吗?

95
00:04:47,709 --> 00:04:48,626
‪(蓝色夏威夷)

96
00:04:49,209 --> 00:04:50,084
‪(停)

97
00:04:50,084 --> 00:04:51,293
‪等等 开拍了吗?

98
00:04:51,293 --> 00:04:53,084
‪等一下 那是我的啤酒吗?

99
00:04:55,584 --> 00:04:57,626
‪我们还在支付那个小男孩的医药费

100
00:04:57,626 --> 00:05:00,834
‪放心吧 这部电影中没有小孩
‪他可以的

101
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:04,418
‪波多黎各裔的穷孩子们
‪通通过来这边 快点!

102
00:05:05,543 --> 00:05:07,293
‪我不是波多黎各裔

103
00:05:07,293 --> 00:05:10,793
‪你们都不是
‪所以上帝创造了化妆这门艺术

104
00:05:10,793 --> 00:05:12,709
‪你到底有没有读过剧本?

105
00:05:12,709 --> 00:05:14,668
‪我尽可能不去读剧本

106
00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:19,293
‪(明星家的地图)

107
00:05:19,709 --> 00:05:22,334
‪我的妈啊 这不是猫王吗?

108
00:05:22,334 --> 00:05:24,293
‪天啊 我的妈啊

109
00:05:24,293 --> 00:05:26,251
‪你在扮演医生吗?

110
00:05:27,084 --> 00:05:29,959
‪我猜猜看 你就是那个嗨哥 对吗?

111
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:37,668
‪这还看不出来吗?

112
00:05:37,668 --> 00:05:38,584
‪完全看不出来

113
00:05:38,584 --> 00:05:41,751
‪那你是不是想买明星私宅的地图?

114
00:05:41,751 --> 00:05:45,126
‪多付五块钱就给你
‪保罗·纽曼家的大门密码

115
00:05:45,126 --> 00:05:47,251
‪嗨哥 你给我听好

116
00:05:47,251 --> 00:05:50,334
‪你对你卖的另一种商品更感兴趣

117
00:05:50,334 --> 00:05:51,418
‪懂我的意思吧?

118
00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:54,001
‪当然懂

119
00:05:54,918 --> 00:05:55,751
‪瞧瞧

120
00:05:55,751 --> 00:05:57,626
{\an8}‪嗨哥 说说看

121
00:05:57,626 --> 00:06:00,459
{\an8}‪你是毒贩 怎么穿得像个皮条客?

122
00:06:00,459 --> 00:06:03,334
‪毒贩和皮条客之间还是有些共同点的

123
00:06:03,334 --> 00:06:05,543
‪说真的 你到底买不买可卡因?

124
00:06:05,543 --> 00:06:07,501
‪全部买下

125
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,418
‪全部?

126
00:06:11,084 --> 00:06:14,293
‪搞得我都变成名副其实的猫王粉了

127
00:06:14,293 --> 00:06:15,751
‪好样的 老兄!

128
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:19,084
‪我很少做大笔交易的 不过...

129
00:06:19,084 --> 00:06:20,834
‪-废话少说
‪-成交

130
00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:24,459
‪一般情况下
‪看到一个穿得像皮条客的毒渣

131
00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:27,001
‪我会想都不想地把对方痛扁一顿
‪然后拍拍屁股走开

132
00:06:27,001 --> 00:06:29,834
‪好在我今早心情不上不下的
‪所以决定放过你

133
00:06:31,043 --> 00:06:32,501
‪说真的 我也是心情怪怪的

134
00:06:32,501 --> 00:06:35,168
‪-我今天要钓的鱼比你还大条
‪-我知道了

135
00:06:35,168 --> 00:06:39,084
‪长话短说 我对自己没有登上太空
‪感到有点浮躁

136
00:06:39,084 --> 00:06:41,959
‪理解 我也有同感

137
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:45,209
‪但我不能光明正大地到处走动

138
00:06:45,209 --> 00:06:47,751
‪所以我要跟你借点东西

139
00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:55,293
‪说真的
‪这身装扮你穿起来比我好看多了

140
00:06:55,293 --> 00:06:57,793
‪是吗?想也想得到吧

141
00:07:01,918 --> 00:07:03,584
‪(严禁入内)

142
00:07:03,584 --> 00:07:06,918
‪控制中心正在等待消息 登月...

143
00:07:07,834 --> 00:07:09,668
‪莱德特务 你搞什么?

144
00:07:09,668 --> 00:07:10,876
‪没什么

145
00:07:10,876 --> 00:07:11,918
‪很好

146
00:07:11,918 --> 00:07:16,334
‪那你应该有很多时间告诉我
‪埃尔维斯为什么没待在片场了吧

147
00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:20,834
‪这点对我来说十分重要

148
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:24,126
‪我的妈啊 他到底跑哪去了?

149
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:27,959
‪目的地在哪里?

150
00:07:27,959 --> 00:07:30,751
‪别闹了 老兄 你明知道我不能说的

151
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,876
‪有句老话说“告密者都会被打到缝针”

152
00:07:33,876 --> 00:07:35,834
‪这句话我听某人说过

153
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:38,168
‪知道比被打到缝针更惨的下场
‪是什么吗?

154
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,459
‪现在知道了

155
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:44,709
‪亲爱的埃尔维斯 你想怎样都可以
‪但千万不要弄坏这件外套

156
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:47,168
‪明白

157
00:07:55,334 --> 00:07:57,209
‪呼叫约翰·卡朋特医生

158
00:07:58,209 --> 00:08:00,751
‪-真他妈的
‪-你不是应该在拍戏吗?

159
00:08:00,751 --> 00:08:03,543
‪废话少说 你来干吗?

160
00:08:03,543 --> 00:08:06,168
‪天啊 别疑神疑鬼
‪没什么 你对我的信任到哪去了?

161
00:08:06,168 --> 00:08:07,251
‪没了

162
00:08:07,251 --> 00:08:09,918
‪在拉斯维加斯
‪随核炸弹引起的蘑菇云消失殆尽

163
00:08:09,918 --> 00:08:13,709
‪好吧 这是什么情况?
‪又悄悄跑出来替民除害吗?

164
00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:16,168
‪我只是个想要单独对抗恶势力的男人

165
00:08:16,168 --> 00:08:19,834
‪是吗?还真行啊
‪难怪世界上再也没有恶势力了

166
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:21,626
‪这种行为叫“改变世界”

167
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,793
‪不是 是叫“简直是在浪费时间”

168
00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:27,001
‪我知道你在想什么
‪让我

169
00:08:27,001 --> 00:08:29,709
‪无论你拿下多少小毒贩

170
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,126
‪你还是不可能登上月球的

171
00:08:31,126 --> 00:08:33,251
‪-你脸上沾着芥末酱
‪-我知道

172
00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:36,168
‪你不介意脸上沾着芥末酱
‪走来走去吗?

173
00:08:36,168 --> 00:08:38,834
‪我的妈啊
‪卡朋特医生竟然握着一把枪?

174
00:08:39,501 --> 00:08:40,584
‪剧情大转折!

175
00:08:40,584 --> 00:08:42,293
‪等一下 台词是什么来着?

176
00:08:42,293 --> 00:08:45,251
‪你的台词是“没错” 真他妈的蠢货

177
00:08:48,584 --> 00:08:49,543
‪开启夜视模式

178
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:53,168
‪该死的 真他妈的

179
00:08:53,918 --> 00:08:59,418
‪这副起火的眼镜我喜欢
‪但没我这个具有透视能力的玩意牛逼

180
00:08:59,418 --> 00:09:00,751
‪-不会吧?
‪-比珍珠还真

181
00:09:00,751 --> 00:09:03,543
‪将镜片极性掉转过来
‪足以烧坏人的眼珠

182
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,876
‪这可是很牛逼的武器

183
00:09:04,876 --> 00:09:06,584
‪-胡扯
‪-不信去问问我的室友

184
00:09:06,584 --> 00:09:10,126
‪但千万别看她的眼睛
‪因为她的眼珠变得怪怪的

185
00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:12,501
‪这个我可以

186
00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:16,501
‪天啊 我好感动

187
00:09:17,418 --> 00:09:18,834
‪等他们搬走后我才加入吧

188
00:09:18,834 --> 00:09:21,001
‪不错 这副眼镜多少钱?

189
00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:24,001
‪你买不起的 披头士乐队可能买得起
‪但你就买不起了

190
00:09:24,001 --> 00:09:27,043
‪你的“魔法眼镜”能不能告诉我

191
00:09:27,043 --> 00:09:29,459
‪门的另一端有什么等着我们吗?

192
00:09:29,459 --> 00:09:32,209
‪告诉你还有什么乐趣呢?
‪速战速决 好吗?

193
00:09:32,209 --> 00:09:34,834
‪卡朋特医生
‪还要赶去给一个孤儿信心喊话

194
00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:36,501
‪借此治好他的结核病呢

195
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:38,876
‪天啊 那个剧本烂透了

196
00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:40,126
‪收到 控制中心

197
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:47,668
‪现在只能等待了

198
00:09:48,418 --> 00:09:52,459
‪随着月球舱开始降落...

199
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,918
‪嗨哥 这么快就来补货了?

200
00:09:58,876 --> 00:10:00,043
‪这是...

201
00:10:01,626 --> 00:10:02,459
‪天啊

202
00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:09,459
‪生意做得挺大的嘛
‪说吧 你的老大是谁?

203
00:10:09,459 --> 00:10:10,876
‪去你妈的

204
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:11,959
‪再试试看

205
00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:18,001
‪我本来想吹口哨的
‪可惜牙齿被你打断了

206
00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:19,293
‪伙计们 进来!

207
00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:45,834
‪该死的!

208
00:10:48,626 --> 00:10:51,501
‪你知道这么做并不会让你好受点吧?

209
00:10:51,501 --> 00:10:52,959
‪这只是你个人的想法

210
00:10:56,043 --> 00:10:58,751
‪真话总是令人难受 无论你怎么做

211
00:10:58,751 --> 00:11:00,751
‪还是无法成为宇航员的

212
00:11:00,751 --> 00:11:02,834
‪我不介意付钱让你闭嘴

213
00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:05,334
‪天啊 我小的时候 我妈也说过这句话

214
00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:06,876
‪你妈应该是个好女人

215
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,543
‪她还付钱给我买烟呢
‪确实是个难得的好女人

216
00:11:27,959 --> 00:11:29,793
‪臭小子 张大嘴巴

217
00:11:29,793 --> 00:11:32,376
‪因为你即将失去比牙齿更珍贵的东西

218
00:11:32,376 --> 00:11:36,584
‪说吧 你们绝对不是普通的小毒贩

219
00:11:37,459 --> 00:11:39,293
‪有一批货...

220
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:47,001
‪真他妈的 斯盖特!

221
00:11:57,459 --> 00:12:00,459
‪天啊 戴着这副眼镜看也太美了

222
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:07,584
‪下雪了!

223
00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:11,668
‪下雪了!

224
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,209
‪真他妈的 斯盖特 给我回来

225
00:12:18,626 --> 00:12:19,959
‪真他妈的星期二

226
00:12:19,959 --> 00:12:21,168
‪往好的方面想吧

227
00:12:21,168 --> 00:12:24,543
‪起码你把一大堆毒品
‪送给了一群小朋友

228
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:27,501
‪让他们认识到毒品的危害

229
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:30,626
‪你竟然抛下我?

230
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:31,751
‪没错!

231
00:12:32,709 --> 00:12:33,918
‪-什么?
‪-“没错”

232
00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:36,418
‪没错?我说的台词没错
‪还是“没错”是我的台词?

233
00:12:36,418 --> 00:12:39,168
‪老兄 你只要说一句“没错”就可以了

234
00:12:39,168 --> 00:12:41,626
‪好的 可以 真他妈的

235
00:12:41,626 --> 00:12:42,584
‪暂停!

236
00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:45,209
‪埃尔维斯呢?

237
00:12:45,209 --> 00:12:48,209
‪出去买烟了

238
00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:49,501
‪他从来不抽烟

239
00:12:50,793 --> 00:12:53,126
‪我说他去买烟吗?
‪我是说他去买凯迪拉克豪车了

240
00:12:53,126 --> 00:12:56,543
‪你知道你撒谎的技术很差劲吧?

241
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:57,751
‪其实我心知肚明

242
00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:00,168
‪搞什么鬼?

243
00:13:00,168 --> 00:13:02,834
‪真他妈的 我的外套到底怎么回事?

244
00:13:02,834 --> 00:13:03,918
‪它经历了很多事

245
00:13:03,918 --> 00:13:06,709
‪知道这件外套多少钱吗?

246
00:13:06,709 --> 00:13:09,834
‪这外套多少钱难道我不知道吗?

247
00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:12,334
‪菜鸟哥 听好 你最好告诉我

248
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,043
‪那批货在哪里

249
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,084
‪那个本来打算告诉我的家伙

250
00:13:17,084 --> 00:13:19,418
‪已经被爆得血肉模糊了

251
00:13:19,418 --> 00:13:22,626
‪有人炸开了?搞什么?什么货?

252
00:13:22,626 --> 00:13:25,293
‪他们什么也没跟我说过

253
00:13:25,293 --> 00:13:26,501
‪真的

254
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:30,459
‪看到了吗?这意味着斯盖特
‪对你的答复感到很不满意

255
00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:33,709
‪好吧 去找巨棒哥

256
00:13:33,709 --> 00:13:38,459
‪他一定会知道的
‪他经常在四号码头逗留 没骗你们

257
00:13:38,459 --> 00:13:40,876
‪我的鸡鸡应该淤青了

258
00:13:40,876 --> 00:13:44,334
‪很好 听好 嗨哥
‪抱歉弄坏了你的外套

259
00:13:46,168 --> 00:13:48,001
‪怎么穿得这么难看?

260
00:13:48,751 --> 00:13:49,584
‪说来话长

261
00:13:49,584 --> 00:13:52,001
‪好像偷了皮条客的衣服穿似的

262
00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:53,251
‪看来别人也有同感

263
00:13:53,251 --> 00:13:55,793
‪-你搞什么?
‪-回来取些东西

264
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,043
‪你是指一大堆枪弹吧?

265
00:13:58,918 --> 00:14:02,709
‪我看得出你脸上写着“枪弹用完了”

266
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:05,709
‪但当务之急是要你马上回到片场

267
00:14:05,709 --> 00:14:07,709
‪-鲍比·雷应付得来
‪-是吗?

268
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,043
‪开拍!

269
00:14:09,626 --> 00:14:10,876
‪等一下

270
00:14:11,876 --> 00:14:13,251
‪我的动机是什么来着?

271
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:15,209
‪蠢货 开门的动机是什么
‪也不知道吗?

272
00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:16,959
‪不就是为了走到门的另一端吗?

273
00:14:21,001 --> 00:14:24,584
‪这一刻让我们由衷地感到

274
00:14:24,584 --> 00:14:26,584
‪我们是历史的一部分

275
00:14:37,584 --> 00:14:39,126
‪别喝了 好吗?

276
00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:42,168
‪我知道你是
‪被美国宇航局淘汰的试验品

277
00:14:42,918 --> 00:14:45,543
‪你说尼尔·阿姆斯特朗在鬼扯?

278
00:14:45,543 --> 00:14:48,501
‪他们都是美国的英雄

279
00:14:48,501 --> 00:14:53,334
‪背负着整个国家的希望和梦想

280
00:14:53,334 --> 00:14:57,793
‪茜茜 我发现埃尔维斯还没回到片场

281
00:14:57,793 --> 00:15:00,251
‪我要用很恶劣的语气
‪强调“还没”这两个大字

282
00:15:00,251 --> 00:15:01,793
‪我知道 我还在找他

283
00:15:01,793 --> 00:15:03,001
‪动作最好快点

284
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:04,293
‪遵命 头儿 知道了

285
00:15:06,501 --> 00:15:08,084
‪这让我想到一个毫不相干的往事

286
00:15:08,084 --> 00:15:11,543
‪有一次开胃菜久久还没端出来

287
00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:15,459
‪于是我把服务生的股骨
‪雕刻成吃沙拉用的叉子

288
00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:19,626
‪天啊 你应该瞧瞧他孙子女的表情

289
00:15:19,626 --> 00:15:22,668
‪话说他的孙子女怎么会在场呢?
‪有很多疑问吧?

290
00:15:23,959 --> 00:15:25,459
‪很好 你回来了

291
00:15:25,459 --> 00:15:29,084
‪区区为了弥补无法登月的遗憾
‪这个动作也太大了吧?

292
00:15:29,084 --> 00:15:30,459
‪别再扯谈了

293
00:15:30,459 --> 00:15:31,876
‪你听我说 我理解你的心情

294
00:15:31,876 --> 00:15:34,168
‪当年我妈在湿身T恤比赛上打败我后

295
00:15:34,168 --> 00:15:36,834
‪我绝食了三个月
‪然后跑去烧掉那间酒吧

296
00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:41,668
‪-我们要上哪儿去?
‪-没有“我们”这回事

297
00:15:41,668 --> 00:15:44,459
‪你脸上的芥末酱还在

298
00:15:44,459 --> 00:15:47,459
‪-谢谢 我感到自己被重视了
‪-少自作多情了

299
00:15:47,459 --> 00:15:49,584
‪-起码让我载你一程吧
‪-谢了 不用

300
00:15:49,584 --> 00:15:52,084
‪是吗?你确定吗 大块头?

301
00:15:58,168 --> 00:15:59,334
‪(汽油)

302
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:02,876
‪我们应该很快就能等到
‪阿波罗11号上的英勇宇航团队

303
00:16:02,876 --> 00:16:04,334
‪传来着陆的消息了

304
00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:06,084
‪哥们 加把劲 一定要完成任务

305
00:16:06,084 --> 00:16:09,251
‪话说我们搞定这批货后
‪就回去片场 好吗?

306
00:16:09,251 --> 00:16:10,584
‪不要 拍戏可以等

307
00:16:10,584 --> 00:16:12,876
‪我们这是要去阻止
‪一大批毒品流入市场

308
00:16:12,876 --> 00:16:16,293
‪我知道 问题是每天都有
‪数之不尽的毒品流入市场

309
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:19,043
‪话说这辆车哪里买的?

310
00:16:19,043 --> 00:16:20,626
‪不错吧?这是公司的车

311
00:16:20,626 --> 00:16:22,376
‪-介意我按这些按钮吗?
‪-没问题

312
00:16:22,376 --> 00:16:28,209
‪等一下 我可不想触电
‪或是被原地弹飞什么的

313
00:16:28,209 --> 00:16:31,334
‪那还是别碰好了 换成我可不会乱碰

314
00:16:32,668 --> 00:16:33,751
‪我该感谢你帮腔吗?

315
00:16:33,751 --> 00:16:35,751
‪他想知道车上有没有酒

316
00:16:35,751 --> 00:16:39,043
‪这可是一辆高性能、高科技
‪且用来收集情报的车

317
00:16:39,043 --> 00:16:40,751
‪右边第三个按钮

318
00:16:45,918 --> 00:16:48,751
‪应该是右边第四个按钮才对

319
00:16:52,751 --> 00:16:55,126
‪天啊 我们是不可能知道他的

320
00:16:55,126 --> 00:16:58,584
‪没错 所以上帝给脑袋进水的人
‪发明了“自选车牌”

321
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,168
‪(巨棒哥)

322
00:17:02,793 --> 00:17:03,626
‪嗨 伙计

323
00:17:04,209 --> 00:17:05,418
‪有事想跟你谈谈

324
00:17:09,418 --> 00:17:10,418
‪他妈的 斯盖特!

325
00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:13,418
‪那些按钮不是玩具!

326
00:17:38,126 --> 00:17:41,084
‪看来你追逐戏的招数都用完了

327
00:17:41,709 --> 00:17:43,334
‪你们到底想怎么样?

328
00:17:43,334 --> 00:17:44,876
‪我想知道那批货的消息

329
00:17:44,876 --> 00:17:47,668
‪我的妈啊
‪克里奥佩特拉昨晚就把货运出去了

330
00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:48,709
‪克里奥佩特拉?

331
00:17:51,584 --> 00:17:53,709
‪别再把我抛下了

332
00:17:53,709 --> 00:17:56,126
‪话说那一大批货呢?

333
00:17:57,584 --> 00:17:58,793
‪已经没了

334
00:17:58,793 --> 00:18:02,543
‪很好 套我说的那句老话

335
00:18:02,543 --> 00:18:04,334
‪“简直是在浪费...

336
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,418
{\an8}‪(克里奥佩特拉号)

337
00:18:07,418 --> 00:18:08,626
‪...时间” 真他妈的

338
00:18:08,626 --> 00:18:10,834
‪不好意思 你刚刚说什么来着?

339
00:18:10,834 --> 00:18:14,168
‪你是不是完全搞错了?

340
00:18:15,626 --> 00:18:16,751
‪外套不错嘛

341
00:18:20,876 --> 00:18:22,168
‪你要我掩护你?等一下

342
00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:37,418
‪真他妈的星期二

343
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,501
‪我们要从长计议 他们要逃跑了

344
00:18:40,501 --> 00:18:42,168
‪听好我的计划 我才懒得管呢!

345
00:18:42,168 --> 00:18:43,793
‪-掩护我!
‪-真他妈的

346
00:18:43,793 --> 00:18:45,168
‪最讨厌有人行侠仗义了

347
00:18:45,168 --> 00:18:48,209
‪听好 我那个“懒得管”计划容易多了

348
00:19:00,251 --> 00:19:02,418
‪往下倾斜三度 十英尺

349
00:19:06,793 --> 00:19:10,168
‪控制中心 这里是静海基地
‪鹰号成功着陆

350
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:16,668
‪等着看好戏

351
00:19:16,668 --> 00:19:17,668
‪看什么好戏?

352
00:19:17,668 --> 00:19:20,501
‪看你把我的车送给毒枭吗?
‪早就演完了

353
00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:24,334
‪我跳进海底前
‪把车上的按钮都按了一遍

354
00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:26,793
‪那辆车肯定会炸得一塌糊涂

355
00:19:26,793 --> 00:19:29,084
‪等等 你把所有按钮都按了一遍?

356
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,626
‪-对啊
‪-糟糕

357
00:19:30,626 --> 00:19:32,584
‪-什么?
‪-你只是把车门都上锁而已

358
00:19:33,876 --> 00:19:36,501
‪但那辆车还附有这个小玩意

359
00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:38,126
‪这是费城办事处发明的

360
00:19:43,751 --> 00:19:45,501
‪-我的妈啊
‪-很牛吧

361
00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:46,418
‪船跑哪儿去了?

362
00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:48,626
‪不知道 我们还没搞清楚

363
00:19:49,626 --> 00:19:50,876
‪怎么板着脸呢?

364
00:19:50,876 --> 00:19:52,459
‪我错过了登月的那一刻

365
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:54,959
‪也没必要撅嘴吧
‪我们大可叫他们再来一遍

366
00:19:54,959 --> 00:19:57,251
‪-什么?
‪-跟着我就对了

367
00:19:57,834 --> 00:19:59,709
‪来人啊 有人在外面吗?

368
00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:03,376
‪那只拿枪按着我老二的猴子去死吧

369
00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:05,668
‪今天够倒霉了
‪还会再发生更倒霉的事吗?

370
00:20:13,334 --> 00:20:15,751
‪-给我台词
‪-你没有台词!

371
00:20:15,751 --> 00:20:17,084
‪只要站在原地就好了!

372
00:20:17,709 --> 00:20:22,834
‪听好 我花了整整12年
‪考取电影理论博士学位

373
00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:25,334
‪不是为了让一个脑残
‪来拖垮我的事业 老兄!

374
00:20:25,334 --> 00:20:28,459
‪真替你感到难过 你应该很难受吧

375
00:20:28,459 --> 00:20:29,793
‪你说的那个脑残是谁啊?

376
00:20:30,334 --> 00:20:32,293
‪真他妈的 我不拍了

377
00:20:32,293 --> 00:20:35,001
‪天啊 玛丽·泰勒·摩尔
‪刚刚爆粗口 对吗?

378
00:20:36,126 --> 00:20:37,959
‪我正式被她圈粉了

379
00:20:37,959 --> 00:20:41,126
‪做好脑袋瞬间炸开的心理准备

380
00:20:49,834 --> 00:20:51,209
‪天啊

381
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:52,918
‪也许斯盖特说的是对的

382
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,543
‪这是什么情况?

383
00:20:56,751 --> 00:20:59,168
‪这是在创造历史

384
00:20:59,834 --> 00:21:02,168
‪-你是谁啊?
‪-埃尔维斯 这位是我头儿

385
00:21:02,168 --> 00:21:04,251
‪一直很期待见到你本尊

386
00:21:04,251 --> 00:21:07,543
‪为了见你 我们出资拍摄
‪隔壁棚的那部狗屎电影呢

387
00:21:07,543 --> 00:21:09,251
‪整个见面会也都安排好了

388
00:21:09,251 --> 00:21:12,376
‪美酒美食、巧克力火山蛋糕

389
00:21:12,376 --> 00:21:14,709
‪抱抱、一起观赏人类登月

390
00:21:14,709 --> 00:21:17,918
‪可惜有人迟到了

391
00:21:17,918 --> 00:21:20,459
‪那是因为他要行侠仗义啊

392
00:21:20,459 --> 00:21:22,959
‪如果我知道有巧克力火山熔岩蛋糕
‪肯定飞奔过来

393
00:21:22,959 --> 00:21:25,126
‪等一下

394
00:21:25,126 --> 00:21:28,751
‪人类历史上最伟大的登月事迹

395
00:21:28,751 --> 00:21:29,834
‪是你们虚构的?

396
00:21:29,834 --> 00:21:32,584
‪当然也少不了某电影奇才的功劳

397
00:21:32,584 --> 00:21:34,459
‪跟斯坦利·库布里克打声招呼吧

398
00:21:35,668 --> 00:21:36,543
‪斯坦利 怎么了?

399
00:21:36,543 --> 00:21:39,584
‪我们的大明星好像有点不舒服

400
00:21:39,584 --> 00:21:40,959
‪他在厕所吗?

401
00:21:40,959 --> 00:21:45,168
‪他不小心喝下一罐
‪沾有可卡因的菓珍饮料

402
00:21:45,168 --> 00:21:46,793
‪如今整个人嗨爆了

403
00:21:46,793 --> 00:21:49,168
‪只想站在楼顶上 说什么都不下来

404
00:21:49,168 --> 00:21:50,084
‪该死的 斯盖特

405
00:21:50,084 --> 00:21:51,043
‪-什么?
‪-没什么

406
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:52,876
‪总得找个人穿上太空服吧

407
00:21:54,209 --> 00:21:55,584
‪埃尔维斯

408
00:21:55,584 --> 00:21:56,501
‪失陪一下

409
00:21:57,459 --> 00:21:58,751
‪别说话 别紧张

410
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:00,709
‪你的体形大小跟尼尔差不多

411
00:22:00,709 --> 00:22:03,293
‪台词都录好了
‪你只需要帅气登场就可以了

412
00:22:03,293 --> 00:22:05,959
‪等一下 你要我...

413
00:22:05,959 --> 00:22:08,334
‪没错 成为第一个登月的人

414
00:22:08,334 --> 00:22:11,459
‪我的一小步 人类...

415
00:22:11,459 --> 00:22:12,501
‪台词是什么?

416
00:22:12,501 --> 00:22:14,626
‪“人类的一大步”

417
00:22:14,626 --> 00:22:18,751
‪是“我迈出一小步”才对吧?
‪语法不能出错 不是吗?

418
00:22:18,751 --> 00:22:20,293
‪-不行
‪-算了

419
00:22:20,293 --> 00:22:23,918
‪迟早会被人发现是假的

420
00:22:23,918 --> 00:22:25,418
‪是真是假我们说了算

421
00:22:25,418 --> 00:22:26,793
‪但这明明是假的

422
00:22:26,793 --> 00:22:28,793
‪在世人眼里 是真的

423
00:22:28,793 --> 00:22:30,001
‪知道为什么吗?

424
00:22:30,001 --> 00:22:32,209
‪因为沃尔特·克朗凯特说是真的

425
00:22:32,209 --> 00:22:34,709
‪等等 里面有蛋黄酱 是吗?

426
00:22:34,709 --> 00:22:37,834
‪真有蛋黄酱 那就是全国的灾难了

427
00:22:37,834 --> 00:22:41,251
‪除非你想回去隔壁棚找那几个修女

428
00:22:46,293 --> 00:22:48,668
‪我的一小步...

429
00:22:51,709 --> 00:22:54,459
‪人类的一大步

430
00:23:08,793 --> 00:23:11,043
‪欢迎来到TCB

431
00:24:08,418 --> 00:24:11,793
‪字幕翻译:张庆龄